Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #592 | Corey B, Marcus Monroe, Matt Lopes | Free PENIStine

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

This week on YKWD Bobby tries the world's most sour candy, Bobby tries to help Matt Lopes lose weight, and things get heated with a debate on drag queens in schools Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and... UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.
Starting point is 00:00:21 This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, how are you I'm ruining this. Where's the barbana, man? I'm sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?
Starting point is 00:00:33 This is the original. Original. What's up, everybody? We're back. It's me, Robert Kelly, and we're doing the YKWD podcast here at the Comedy Cellar Studios. Let's do it again. Let's do it again, Danny. Thank you. Thank you so much. You got it. Hey, what's going on? One more time, Danny. All right, everybody. Nope. Not that one. Sorry, the vape smoke. It's okay. Is that what it is? It's not your chest. What's up everybody? It's Robert Kelly. We're back doing YKWD. You know what
Starting point is 00:01:17 dude? At the Comedy Cellar podcast studio above the world famous Comedy Cellar. Danny we got a great show. I'm very excited about this show because I got somebody I've never had on here. I got four guys on this show. What? There's two. There's three. Technically I think I'm three and a half. Danny, who do we got? Returning we have Marcus Monroe and Cory B and coming in for the first time We have Matt Lope from the boyfriend's pocket Yeah, your podcast is called the boyfriend boyfriends podcast. Yeah. Now, what's up with what is that boy space friend? Yeah Okay, yeah together. Well put that in there. It is in there. There is a space in there literally in there. It's literally a space
Starting point is 00:02:04 I'm not I'm sorry. The hard producer didn't put it in there. There is a space in there. Literally in there. It's a space. I'm sorry, your hard producer didn't put it in there. He did put it there. There's no need to attack Danny for his face. Oh, it's not his face, it's just his whole general aura. Kind of retarded. Remember how back when you were in school, people would be like, Oh, that's your girl who's a friend? Is it your girlfriend? We're like, no, it's our it's a girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:02:28 Yeah. Yeah, sometimes we share a hotel room together someone you know, what when it's too expensive. Yeah Just you you don't Bring it up already Have you kissed Cory? No Twink he's too alpha. Yeah. No, I would kiss him just to smell like donuts. Check this out. If your wallet is still looking like growth hidden in your back pocket, like a big lump on your butt, it's time to upgrade to Ridge Wallet. Look, every guy has one of these now. You gotta get rid of that fat old dad wallet from the 80s. The Ridge Wallet expands to hold up to 12 cards, plus room for cash, while remaining as slim as possible.
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Starting point is 00:03:30 It's just so much more convenient to have in your pocket or your bag than some big goofy leather wallet. I don't want to look like my stepfather. Hey, where's my wallet? I know where it is. It's right in my back pocket because it it's a it's a goddamn Ridge wallet It's nice and thin Look if that wasn't good enough
Starting point is 00:03:49 Never lose your wallet again with the Ridge air tag attachment. How great is that? You always know exactly where the wallet is before you panic and you go nuts You start kicking stuff. You know where it is for a limited time. Here's what you do. You know what dude? kicking stuff, you know where it is. For a limited time, here's what you do. You know what, dude? Fans get 10% off Ridge Wallet by using code DUDE at checkout. Just head over to ridge.com and use code DUDE and you're all set, that's it.
Starting point is 00:04:16 After you purchase, they will ask you, hey, where did you hear about them? Support the show, support me, support you, and tell them I sent you. I wanna say something, bro. I've never met you I know well. Yes, and that's okay. I don't Okay, I will you never met me. That's where where are you from bro? I'm from Connecticut initially and How long you been doing comedy about four years? No shit? Yeah, how old are you 26 26? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:04:41 Why I don't know dude because I like them already How can you not like no one just like man everyone loves Matt. He's the best 26. 26. Yeah, why? I don't know, dude. Because I like him already. You know what I mean? How can you not like him? He's a likable guy. No one dislikes Matt. Everyone loves Matt. He's the best. He is.
Starting point is 00:04:52 He's got a nice energy to him. The only people that don't like Matt are the people that got to clean up the sweets aisle when he's wrapping jeans through a real head. Sorry, Matt. I'm sorry. Do you not like him? Let me say something, because I'm an ex-fat guy too, bro. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Did you do a Zempik? I you I just got it on Zempik? No, I did the gastric sleeve and then a couple weeks later Zempik became popular. What's the gastric sleeve? It's what they make your stomach smaller Well, isn't that what was Zempik supposed to be doing? No, Zempik makes you not want to eat it makes by making your stomach small No, it makes no no Not really What are you talking about shots of Zempik that that something that's yeah fucking mine yeah, bro shouldn't have done this Hey, hey, I know you're fat anger right now Your fanger I thought it was gonna you're so fangry dude. Could be so fangry listen. No, I get what he's no it's it
Starting point is 00:05:41 Ozempic makes you not hungry by making you want to vomit. Yeah. You know what I mean? So what it does is it was for prediabetics. They would give it to them. They wouldn't eat as much. They wouldn't want to eat as much. Your stomach was still big. You just wouldn't want to. You'd get sick kind of you.
Starting point is 00:05:56 So same concept, though. You're right. Because having a baby stomach, having a small stomach, you can't eat as much. You'll get sick. Same thing. Right. But I had a four hour surgery and I could have just waited two months and injected myself once a week and become thin he just started it on on flash Friday he started it which well now what are you taking OZMP I'm picking I'm taking point five of a dosage because because I know some people
Starting point is 00:06:22 take OZMP again they get sick and they went to Monjourno, there's different ones. Yeah, I had monjaro first. My mom had a couple of extra sa- um extra vials of No, she got from her lady. I'm sorry you you're not supposed to do that. No, he's he's a bigger guy. He takes vials He actually drinks it It's like green gatorade It's like green Gatorade. It looks like what the turn the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into what they are. What's that a shell on your back?
Starting point is 00:06:55 I got it. That's calcium buildup. So dude, you Italian or what are you? Yeah, I'm Italian, Portuguese. So now have you been big your whole life? Yeah. Why are you laughing? What are you saying? Definitely. Yo, he got skinny and all of a sudden he's like, I'm not one of you. This definitely acquired over time, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh buddy, I've had so many fats. I've been fat six times. Right, I've lost weight, gained weight, gone back and forth. Yeah, these cocksuckers have never been fat. Oh, you don't know the strug. You don't know the strug. That's the worst. I'm in the in-between where I got the, you look at fat. Oh, you don't know the struggle. You know the worst I'm in the in between where I got you look at me on stage. I look like I'm pregnant
Starting point is 00:07:29 This is not the worst It's kind of endearing he has to do this fetish because if he didn't do the podcast he wouldn't make it back downstairs right away That's true. He's not girl. He's got he's got hot women that want to fuck him He they love it. They want my big daddy. All this. Yes. It is true. It is true.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Yeah, because he's got, I'll tell you why. Because he's got that guinea mistake. Yeah. It's like a mob boss. He's got that fucking little weird guinea nose. If you take my glasses off, it's like I was just looking at it the other day. Like if you just take this part of my face,
Starting point is 00:08:01 it's like a fucking penguin dude. You remember that mob movie, the cartoon? You look like the fucking Obey sign. Like the fucking movie, the cartoon? You look like the fucking obey sign, like the fucking hunter of the giant. You remember the cartoon with the mobsters and the mobsters were pigeons? You look like the big pigeon from that. I don't know that show. Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about. Put it up. Hang on. Yeah, you look like that guy
Starting point is 00:08:29 You gotta wait until we go. Yeah, do we know it? Yeah, you son of a bitch put the put the pigeon He's like no matter what my reference was solid Buddy I don't even know what the fuck it is What is the ref was the animatronics or something like that? Animaniacs. Oh, animaniacs. From television. From the 90s. You had those back then, right? I didn't watch silly shit. Look, there they were! The big pigeon!
Starting point is 00:08:54 To the top left. Come on, man. Don't, like, I'm not... Nobody wants that. The godfathers. The godfeathers? And he looks like one of those? I've never seen that. Is that what you're saying? Alright, I'm gonna see myself out. don't leave. Fuck you, Joe. How dare you? How dare you? All right, well, I was wrong. I don't remember it correctly. I've got a bad memory. I'm sorry. Buddy, you just take the hit. I bought us Ozempic. That should account for something. Yeah, before he paid for the whole thing. Wait a
Starting point is 00:09:18 minute. Yeah, wait a minute. I'm a good guy. Boyfriend. My mom's got three jobs. She ain't got time for Ozempic. Aw, come here, dude. Let me talk to you. Wait a minute. So you needed the Ozempic. Yeah. And you got the prescription. I got, I went to the doctor. I forced him to. But you could have told him I was paying out of pocket. What? Could you pay for my Ozempic? No, I want to, I'll get facial reconstruction surgery first. Danny got to fix that eye first. Yeah, dude, he's a good looking guy underneath all that. I'll get your head lopped off and put another head on. I'll give you stuff to handsome guy with five other guys. Yeah, dude, this kid's got, he's got that Italian.
Starting point is 00:10:00 He's got game, charisma, he's got the charisma, yeah. It's that Italian, you know, that thing. We did a show at the stand and after he got done? Yeah, five like five Jewish girls good look at Jewish girls surround. Yeah, really do the only thing that got me at that They had they made me admit that Israel is better doing better than Palestine right now like they're on the right and I was like I don't know if I could take a side like that and then they all got extra got fucking mad at me and they let that didn't school you couldn't take a side for pussy Yeah, I look good. I said same why these kids us kids were fucking so opinionated nowadays. I had to get it out I had what did you say you I said I think it's a complicated issue
Starting point is 00:10:47 complicated issue. You said you fool out of set and you're like no they're wrong. And she was like full on Jewish, she's like extra Jewish. And you could have just. And Jewish is the most beautiful way. She had like the wig on and everything. Buddy I would have dropped a bomb on a baby. What's wrong with you? At 26 years old, right? Why couldn't you say it? I don't really, I don't know why. I thought I could swindle my way out of that. I thought I'd be able to be like, maybe it's Palestine that's in the right, but I thought I'd be able to find a funny way to get out of it. No, they're so opinionated. They? Oh, that's good. We all are. Sorry. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:11:17 What a stance, dude. Matt Lopes, everybody. Why wouldn't you just be like, yeah, man, you know what? Yeah, you Jewish people, you deserve, you should take them down. Yeah, man, Hamas, it's a terrorist organization. Do you believe, do you have a real opinion on that? Yeah, don't get them started, book them. See, I do, but I'm not like,
Starting point is 00:11:38 I'm also not one of those guys that are like, educated. Yeah, but you're Italian, you're not supposed to have opinions on stupid shit like that. Yeah, yeah, you're right, dude, you're so right. You're 100% right. Don't you have any grandmother go, why you talk about the Jews? Yeah, dude. Don't talk about the Jews. Dude, it's so crazy. My uncle was super pro-drunk.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Most of them wipe their hands with their shit. They eat with their hands. They're garbage people. Stay away from them. You're right. I don't believe that I should have opinions on anything. You shouldn't. But the people that I like the most in my life Are like I just follow what they I meet people who I think are really well Educated and they have a good way of speaking about it, and I can't argue with their points Swindlers, who do you fucking my friends that I've met in college and shit like that the people I look up to these are your friends And they know we've never once had a conversation
Starting point is 00:12:21 I got in trouble. Why I have a thing going viral and I'm still getting to this day. If someone comes up to me, we're in LA on Beverly Hills eating lunch and some guy comes up and he's screaming at people and he's like, What do you think about Palestine and Israel and yelling at people's faces? Little old Italian grandma right next to me. She's getting screamed at. He looks at me. He goes, what do you think? And I was like, no, I'm lying glace. And that clip is, people comment my shit to this day. You can't say free Palestine. You can't be on this day. You can't say free Palestine You can't you can't be on a side. You can't pick a side. I'm like, yo Relax. He also was wearing really tight shorts where his dick was almost showing and I was like you couldn't do that in Palestine
Starting point is 00:12:54 Yeah, and like I get so much hate from that. I was like free Palestine down there penis time Take that sucker out. Let's see what you got young circumcised fucking so I'm still getting it Free penis time Good, let me tell you something Fuck I should have Can't wait to you lose weight and your hands fit your body He's big but he's got very good. He's got good wrists. He can see his
Starting point is 00:13:27 ankles. That's crazy with his size you would think the knees would have fat. You're not supposed to be big. No. You're supposed to be tall. Yeah. Yeah. You're not supposed to be big. Hell yeah. I was taller last year and then I found out that I'm so big that gravity is like pulling me down. It's your spine dude. You feel like a fucking planet. That's why people are attracted to him. He has He's like pulling me down just spine Fucking planet That's why people are attracted to him he has like a force around Well the thing is even if he loses weight he's still gonna be funny like you know what I mean like he's a funny guy Regardless, I see I don't know my entire life I was a part of the reason.
Starting point is 00:14:05 So many reasons where you want to lose weight or don't want to lose weight and shit like that. It's like one of my positives was always like, oh, at least I'm big and I'm funny, you know? I don't know if I lose weight if people are like, this guy's funny. Of course you are, Duffy. What the fuck's wrong with you? You don't know me. I know me. I was fat so many times. But he can tell me and you, you put off a good vibe. You're a goofy guy. Yeah, the vibes are cool. Don't you hate being out of breath when you walk up a flight of stairs?
Starting point is 00:14:27 Don't you hate that? Yeah, I do. Okay. Well, let's don't you hate not to be on the floor the food You gonna eat don't you hate having to have him on you? Listen dude, you lose the weight you're not gonna lose it all you're not gonna become fucking you know, right? We're at it. I get me and the nice to 250 be perfect You lose the weight, you're not gonna lose it all, you're not gonna become fucking shredded. I think me and a nice two, 250 would be perfect. Two, all right, 230, I mean let's get four. 450, can we, oh you're saying even bigger? You're saying like go to three?
Starting point is 00:14:54 No, go to like, not three, I mean 230 would be good. 230 pounds. That's heavy for you, it'd be good for you. That's between two and 250, what did I say that was wrong? Now is your family, is they like eatersers? Is that why oh they love it? Is it like Italian? They're not all huge like my mom My mom has had her struggles going on and off right now. She looks great Not like that mark. Why are you laughing?
Starting point is 00:15:17 right Yeah, what was that piece of shit was weird it says he was mom looks great and you laugh at him? The guy's opening up and my mom's looking at doing good right now and you start cracking up. I'm like, what, she's not? Tina? Fuck that. We love Tina. And then- Is her name Tina?
Starting point is 00:15:34 Yeah. That's hot. She's insane. She's the Italian one. Her side, it was all Italian. They raised me. Nice. And her, all of her family, they're all healthy now But after the results of like finding out oh like we have all these health problems because we were fat for so long right? But I've never experienced any of those health problems yet
Starting point is 00:15:53 So I'm like no let me live through some before I before I do something about it. I'm sorry You just really pissed him off. Sorry. What's your just other day? You're like yo is my heart supposed to be racing like this? Yo, am I what do you mean? Hey, can I ask question? Did my heart supposed to be racing like this? Yo, what do you mean? You know, but that's not like a heart problem. Hey, can I ask a question? Did he say it like a rapper like that? No, what he said was, hey yo, hey yo, why is my heart like this right now?
Starting point is 00:16:14 Badoom, badoom. So his- If you listen to this podcast, we have four white people on this podcast. His goal is to lose the weight and then get a company to sponsor the, the tummy tuck surgery for the skin. Can I tell you something? That surgery is hard.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Yeah. Yeah, because I never had to get it, thank God. And you won't have to get it if you work out. While I'm losing it. If you lift, I'm talking 20 pound doubles, just lift 20 pound doubles, do that shit four or five times a week and walk as you're doing it. You won't, you might not have to get that surgery.
Starting point is 00:16:48 You're, when you said walk as you do it, he's out. He's done. Why don't you just get a walking treadmill? Do you guys all live together? Oh, no. He's got a wife. I've got a kid. He's got a whole family. My house has seen treadmills come and go. You don't have to live together. You guys are called the Boyfriends. You guys don't live together.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Not the Husbands. This guys don't call the boyfriend. You guys don't live together. Not the husband's podcast. Not the trifecta. That's great. Where do you live? I'm from Connecticut. So I drive into the city. You drive? What part of Connecticut? It's Bridgeport, about an hour, hour and a half away. You live near Vinnie Brand's shitty ranch? That's his buddy. That's his best friend. Bro, he showed me the way he did
Starting point is 00:17:28 I'll show you how to piss off headliners before them and pretend to be better than them and then never he's never pretended to be better he's one of those guys like he's done so much for me that I can't like I see it. He look of course. What's good for you is good. Let's not say champion. Say it again.
Starting point is 00:17:52 I'll kick you out. When I started there as a receptionist. I already said it. I just want to let you know my little backstory. I'm worried about your front story. All right. Let's go back to that. My house is seen treadmills come and go.
Starting point is 00:18:06 You live with your mom? Yeah, and dad. You live with your mom and dad? Same house as the day I was born, 26. Wow. Listen. Is that bad? Yeah, 26 is the only thing. I would love to live with my parents. That would be so fun. Live with your parents? Yeah, it's an Italian thing. The mother's not gonna let you out until you're ready to go
Starting point is 00:18:26 She doesn't think you're ready though. What are you? I'm Italian Polish and like a little French, right? And you got you left early. They kicked me out. Yeah, fuck out. Yeah, that's the Polish right? Yeah Polish Yeah, probably I was like why are you talking fucking black beat it? Who you fucking paid get Get out of here. It's fucking kids style. He say, wait, Daddy-O. Daddy-O. How long have you been out of your house? For 21 years.
Starting point is 00:18:54 21 years? Yeah. They kicked him out for being gay. What? Were you gay? No. Oh, okay. What?
Starting point is 00:19:02 Why are you saying that? Because we had someone on our podcast that went to high school with him and said he was a twink. No. He also was in boy magazines, like little teenage boy magazines. Wait, wait, I was not in any magazines. What are you talking about? I said what?
Starting point is 00:19:12 I was in Tiger Beat. Oh, I was in Pop Star magazines. I said Pop Star. You said Little Boy magazines. That's Little Boy magazines. Let me say something. Big difference. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:19 Little Boy. It was in like a music magazine. Little Boy magazines are like dark web. Yeah. Oh, oh yeah. You can't get Little Boy magazines anymore. I moved down in 2000. Little boy magazines. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't, you can't get little boy magazine anymore. I moved down in 2000. I moved here in 2004 and you were in little, you were in pop beat magazine. Yeah. Did we talk about this? Maybe not. No. Why? I had a, is it on the internet? Yeah. I mean the, the photo of the man. Yes. Probably. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:40 I had a, I was in a couple couple times. I was in some pop magazines I did like I had a juggling career that was pretty successful before I got in So when did you go from adorable little pop star cute guy to mad scientist face? Maybe not my best day The guy that lives in the castle. What's the picture? Pull the picture. Maybe not my best day. Uh, I've had sleeping problems. No, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:11 What insomnia? Why he thought he almost died the other day too. I love it. Dominate overdose. Is he you dude? Yeah, that's me. Oh, how'd you get those? Don't see like what those seem like.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Is those the ones you're family photos? Is that you? Yeah. Oh, I guess I posted that though so that is that you which one is you they're all me what do you mean which one is him now that one show me the guitar one that wow that was for my that's my living room that was one I look at the little kid one yeah looking weird dude I mean you're adorable little guy pretty cute yeah yeah good-looking guy. Yeah, I got a bun it go to the ones me and the tutu What yeah? Why you do this? Why sure ass out with your parents?
Starting point is 00:20:54 This is nuts. This is gonna get us cancelled. I get to monetize your ass and a tutu. That's his wife Is that his wife or his mom? Which one is that? It's my dude. Let's not let's worry. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous She's well, yeah, we have a wife or his mom. I didn't know what you were gonna say Cory. I don't put it on me That's what you do. You switch it up fast. Yes It's annoying I Really like it. No, she's great. She is amazing. But yes, you can't make the jokes like that Only I can make jokes like that. Yeah, stop saying it like we said something you said something I don't know why you guys talked about her like that. That's Danny Jesus Christ. Well you got a girlfriend too. I got fiancee. Whoa. All right. Funny. Fiancee. Yeah I had a whole kid with
Starting point is 00:21:33 her. Yeah I know. What? A whole one? I had a whole kid. Yeah a whole one. I had all these little midget kids. Oh you didn't have an apple one? I had all these little Danny Braffs running around. I had a whole brain kid. Wow really. With Cory you could play fiancee or daughter. God damn it Danny. You do these? What the fuck? I don't know. I love you. Do you have, do you have, are you trying to get him? He did this with my, he did this with my Canon the other day. He made my Canon on our podcast. What is it? Don't eat it. And you know, I don't do drugs. It's not drugs. It's not drugs. It really isn't. It's a hundred percent. It's not. It's the most sour candy on the internet.
Starting point is 00:22:03 I've been, what is it? It's the most sour candy on the Internet. I've been. What is it? It's the most sour candy on the Internet. I OK. Listen to me. Whatever noise you're making is going to infuriate every listener. You think they hate when you. Why do you have those queers on the podcast? Yeah. You want me to put one of these in my mouth? It's not drugs. It's not. It isn't. It isn't.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Why can't you speak right now? Because it's so sour, dude. It's so bad. Did you're not going to know? You're not going to be able to do it. Listen to me. You're not going to enjoy it. Why? Because it's too sour. It's metallic. It's so sour that it's metallic. You know who I am? They used to call me the sour kid. Back in Boston.
Starting point is 00:22:38 Back in Boston! Back in Boston they called me the sour kid. Just sour. I want to take one of these for my kid take one take one you can have They yours no Ready There you go, there's no shot there's no shot you're gonna do it no reaction no reaction at all. Did you even put it in your mouth? Oh, look at the eyes. Did you even put it in your mouth? Look at his eyes, dude. I didn't know you were Asian, Bobby.
Starting point is 00:23:06 That's crazy. Yeah! Turn him into Bobby Carey real quick. What happened, dude? The drugs kicked in? Yeah, it's crazy. It's just not fun. It's not fun.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Ooh, ooh. He's so bad. It's horrible. Give me one. Is that bad? Is that bad? Is that bad in my life? Oh my God, you're drooling. Yeah. It's burning through my cup.
Starting point is 00:23:31 It's really, it's thick. I told you. It's metallic. Oh, they're so good. No, they're not. Chew it, chew it, chew it. Chew it. I'll buy your Ozempic for a year.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Put it back in your mouth and chew it, dude. That's the first thing you put in your mouth and you took out. So what we got to do is make every food eat sour. We have to cook everything in this. Citric acid. It's pretty good though. Now that it's sweet though, it's kind of good. I felt like I licked an old lady's asshole. You've done that. Yes. You like to lick butt? It made you black too huh? I will but I like my butt licked. Do you really? I don't want to lick butt. You'd rather lick butt than have your butt licked? I don't want to lick my butt. Yeah but would you rather lick? Because there's always a little something lingering in the butt, I feel like. I feel like there's always something there.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Not if you're my wife. Nah, because I take showers. My butt still smells like ass. Yeah, dude, same. I just, when you caught it, I can't reach everywhere else. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. I'm just, you gotta...
Starting point is 00:24:38 Wait, when I said I like my butt licked, you were nodding your head. You did. You were like, yeah. When I get in there, I don't even... See, I used to use the washcloth because I was like, that's the does the best job. But the mid something about the middle finger just feels the best. It's like right on the skin, like right on the right on the starfish boyfriend. I feel like he's his own cooking show. It feels the best. See how we did it. Your emerald. Agassi. Agassi. Is that his name? No. Agassi.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Andrew Akes. Legassi. Emeril Legassi. Legassi is the strip in Israel. So how did you guys, how did you, because I've had you on, I've had you on, I've never had you on. How did you guys get together? Are you guys, did you guys come up in the business together? We were produced, we were brought together by Lou Pearlman Lou Pearlman pull the picture who the fuck is Lou Pearlman did all the back the back three boys in sync Oh town He's you know, and he's just not playing into the fact that he's not Stop that's the problem
Starting point is 00:25:47 Roman is my uncle barely already is dead nevermind was my uncle uh... now we met uh... we did social media in the same social media network i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't get that joke about what a good joke thank you man was a great job rather than the fucking pigeon joke right that's true it's not a joke it was a statement that none of us got. And then he forced us down his fucking rabbit hole. That was a good one. I just got you back for the Gina. Come on guys, agree with me. Um, we met, we met at a New York comedy club and then I had him come feature my first ever, uh, headlining show in Stanford at that New York comedy club
Starting point is 00:26:21 and we hit it off. Yeah. My, my, my fans My fans loved him, it was great, we loved each other. And then we met Matt kind of the same way through different gigs. I met, he was working with Vinny Brand over at Stress Factor and he opened for me one night. Good comic. I had met Matt in... I gotta stop with Matt.
Starting point is 00:26:36 What did you just mumble in my head? I said good comic when he said... He said best. Did you say best? He did. I said good comic, he's a good comic. He's the best comic you said. He's one of my favorites.
Starting point is 00:26:45 You gotta see the way he does crowd work. He's a good comic. He's the best comic you said. He's one of my favorites. You gotta see the way he does crowd work. He's the best comic. He's the best comic. I met Matt in 2020 when I was featuring for Norman at the. I've never wanted to smash somebody in the face with a mic stand before. It's not gonna hurt. I wanted to just grab this little funk
Starting point is 00:26:59 just to see if he'd snap him out of it. No, dude, he's champion me. Shut up. Not be a champion. It, dude, he's champion. Shut up. He's champion. It's comedy. It's not gymnastics. It's fucking weird. He's brought me from host to headlining.
Starting point is 00:27:13 You brought you from host. You did that. He gave me the opportunity to work this club. Listen, can I have the napkin, please, you fucking piece of shit? Nobody championed you. You did it. He used you to do free shit for a long time. It's the same thing.
Starting point is 00:27:28 You think I like Danny's comedy? Is he still doing that fish bit? I love that. Is he doing one about the dead kids? That was on my fucking coffee. Oh God. Danny came with me one time. Danny, what show did you do for me?
Starting point is 00:27:36 Albany. Albany. And then the Dojo. Your Child's Rule. Danny recently canceled the headlining show. He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people.
Starting point is 00:27:44 He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people. He brought in a bunch of people. Oh God. Danny came with me one time. Danny, what show did you do for me? Albany. Albany. And then the Dojo. Your cloud's rule. Danny recently canceled the headline in his showy book for me. I'm gonna reschedule you for August. Thank you. Yeah, Danny came on the road with me one time for Albany. Good guy.
Starting point is 00:27:56 Why would you have that? Yeah, it's bad. These are good. I actually like these. I will eat these just like for funsies. Did you eat the other one? Dude, he eats candy like a fucking child. I don't know. Why do you stare me down when you do it, you weirdo? Just like for funsies. Did you eat the other one? Why do you stare me down when you do it you weirdo kiss him last time that's why you can't kiss him and expect I have to stare you down like that. I can't when he has I'm gonna get so much shit from you tell that fucking sissy to stop sucking on the mic All the comments I can read it now. Um, so you guys met and then what made you want to do the podcast together?
Starting point is 00:28:30 Oh, we were on the road so much and we were like He's broken Money no, I don't we haven't made any money you sign language I've spent like 80 grand on the podcast on the on the cameras and the setup and the Furniture and lights everything for the studio. We have our own studio. Isn't he championing you more than no shit Of course he does Hey Vinny brand you have to This show sponsored by Vinny
Starting point is 00:29:03 Welcome to this episode sponsored by Vinny? Welcome to this episode sponsored by Stress Factory. He's a great comic, very good comic. He really is. Did he give you a script to read? No, he's done so much for me and he's a talented man. But you keep saying the same thing. You keep bringing it up! I'm bringing it up!
Starting point is 00:29:22 I love that man. Listen, stop! You know what it He never his dad was a shit dad. Yeah, and daddy still lives with you Yeah, that's doesn't mean anything with him. Yes. Yeah, but okay was he the he's the Armenian the Portuguese same shit great English muffins Portuguese English muffins the Portuguese English muffin is the best English muffin on the planet So it's a if it was a great muffin, what would it be called? The Portuguese Muffin? It's the Port... It's not called the Portuguese English Muffin.
Starting point is 00:29:55 It's not called the Portuguese English Muffin. That's it. Oh, is it a Papoosa? What is that? The Port Muffin. Yeah, that's what it's... It's the English Muffin. Oh yeah, I love these things. Yeah, it's... Yeah, do it's the English Yeah, it's uh yeah Right, I'll be great. All right. Let me ask you a question really your dad that you still live with was not a good dad Um, I think he was very he did exactly what uh fathers are I think are supposed to do and then nothing more What do you mean like you feed you?
Starting point is 00:30:21 Shelter you exactly be give you clothes care about anything of interests or whatever. I feel like dad's, I think when you have a kid, that shit is bare minimum. You know? You know how you take your kid everywhere and you do cool things with him and you post about it and you're excited for him and shit and you're like, he's playing lacrosse in the backyard. His dad didn't, his dad hated him because his dad didn't want to go fishing. I like doing theater shit.
Starting point is 00:30:43 I was a big theater kid. Your dad didn't like you because you're a queer. Yeah, exactly. You're a fucking queer. You're a queer. And I understood that. You're a fanoque. I had a...
Starting point is 00:30:52 Fougues, dude. I had a fat fanoque for a second. He wants me to go see fucking Shakespeare in the park. I want to go see a hockey game and have a slice. This kid wants a hot dog and his eggs. I want a slice. This kid wants a hot dog and his eggs. I want a slice. This kid wants a piece of ass. He's hanging out with this queer deaf guy Vinny something.
Starting point is 00:31:11 He says he's championing him. I think that means he's fucking him. It all makes sense now. He does crowd work which I think he means sucking his cock. I wish I think it's bukaki. It's cock work. Crowd work and he means sucking his cock. Which I think is bukakie. It's cock work. It's cock work. Bukakie's crazy.
Starting point is 00:31:29 That is the porn crowd work. Are you friends? My dad? Yeah. We're OK now. We talk every day. The only thing that he says to me is check your oil in your car. And that's how I know we're OK.
Starting point is 00:31:41 That's love. That's it, though. That's the only words you'll say to him. But if he's being loud in his room, he yells at you for being loud. Yeah, because he's trying to sleep. And I'm trying to Twitch stream at 11 p.m. I get that. I get pissing him off.
Starting point is 00:31:53 You're Twitch streaming? I try. That's not good right now. It's 26. What else is he supposed to do? I don't know. Fucking walk on a treadmill. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Maybe I should do some treadmill streams. Do you have a gym near you? Probably, I wouldn't know. I mean, where do you live? What part of Connecticut? Shetland. Shetland? Shetland.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Shetland. Shetland. So is that near Bridgeport? Yeah, it's 15 or 15 away. What? 15 minutes away, yeah. Which is closer? What's the closest town to you?
Starting point is 00:32:24 The major town. Bridgeport. Bridgeport is? Dude, there's what's the closest town to you? The major town? Bridgeport. Bridgeport is. There's gotta be a gym. There is a gym. You know, there's a gym. Why are you getting mad at me? I'm working out. I know you bet your own gym. You had a whole, you have a whole gym. You're motivated and you're fucking, he's not. But I wasn't. We got to motivate him. What made you? Okay. Serious question. What got you to want to lose weight? The gym. You got an Equinox near you, dude.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Don't join that. That's too expensive. You're gonna pay for it. Get a cheap gym. What made you want to lose weight, though? What did you look at and you were finally like, fuck this. My son's face. Because I'm, there's no fat old people. And the doctor said that you're pre-diabetic, my blood pressure's high, and all that stuff leads to medication pills, which leads to fucking up the
Starting point is 00:33:16 rest of your body, which was, I wasn't going to be around. So my kid was going to be 20 and his dad's going to either have no feet and you know and I'm gonna be a tax taxing person to my family yeah and I was like I'm just going to I did a lot of research and I was like this surgery is the best one for me and you know I did it I went did it and it changed my fucking life so you would you would you would promote it you would would say that that, it's great. I think now there's Ozempic, there's Mon, what is the other one?
Starting point is 00:33:48 Onjaro. Onjaro. Those things, look, those things are crazy. You can't do that stuff without working out. Yeah. If you're gonna do Ozempic, you have to lift weights. Yeah, you gotta do something. Low weight, 20 pounds. I'm not saying become a fucking animal.
Starting point is 00:34:03 You have to do buys, tries, shoulders, backs, legs, and you have to walk five days a week. We do that on the road. For 20 pounds. I'm not saying become a fucking animal. You have to do buys, tries, shoulders, backs, legs, and you have to walk five days a week. We do that on the road. On the road we go, I kind of forced him to. Five years ago I tried a buy. I know he does buy. Ah shit, you got the buy joke up before me. Oh fuck. Fuck sake. Here's the problem with yours. You were too excited. He was looking for a tour. He was ready. You were too exci- you went, buys.
Starting point is 00:34:21 I was going for a hedge. Also I thought Manjaro was a ride in Six Flags. I didn't know what Manjaro was. Manjaro was Italian for two eat. Manjaro! Who the fuck is Manjaro? Crazy shit. Now that you're doing it, you got to work out. You gotta get... I just took it though. Give me a couple of weeks and we'll find something to work out.
Starting point is 00:34:41 No! If my weight's gonna come off, I'll feel better. That's his whole thing. He wants to lose weight first, So it makes it easier for working out and walking. Yeah, I get it I get it, but you're dumb to take advice from him. He was a former big guy. Hey He's fat dude. Oh, he was fat. He was so fat Here's the same thing. I'm telling you dude. Now that you're taking this shit you take it once a week or twice once Once you twice. this shit you take it once a week or twice once once or twice no you Listen to me they call it micro dosing mm-hmm so you can take a half of it here and half of it there
Starting point is 00:35:13 But do it once you only do okay? Like if you do testosterone or something you could do instead of one dose on Monday ready for that no he's not But dude here's what you strong heart ah how do you know he drinks a lot, but dude, here's what you do strong heart. Ah, how do you know? He drinks a lot of milk because you love I had no problems I've had no problems up to this point. He had no problems until he walked up here and said That's a lung thing No, it's all it's all a head shoulders knees and it's all related it's all connected It's a lung thing buddy. Here's what you do. you get a pair of 20 pounds to buy this yeah 20 pound dumb
Starting point is 00:35:49 Listen to me 20 20 pound dumbbells, and that's it do we give the ankle weights when he walks around he wears ankle weights No, you're fucking asshole You think he needs more weight around his ankle? Waited vest good ankles, huh? Yeah, look at my ankles. A weight for a weighted vest? Good ankles, huh? Yeah, I mean, that's it, but yes. I mean, that's it.
Starting point is 00:36:09 That's all that's good. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't say this enough. I thank you so much for helping me and buying Helping me buy those M pick and stuff with that. I really appreciate you
Starting point is 00:36:28 Championing me. I'm gonna fucking smash him with a ham Don't smash him near his mouth Yeah, I can't wait to your skinny we can't do any jokes anymore you really You were like what now bitch? No, you'll have all then you'll have all these loose skin jokes Don't worry. Listen, that's the thing with fat people They don't want to lose weight because they're always thinking way down the road loose skin because you see the videos in the pictures It's well that happens ugly that happens with That was with some people dude. I don't I think it's ugly fat. Yo, that Nick Avocado guy! What's his name? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Starting point is 00:37:08 What the fuck are you doing? What are you fucking doing, dude? Yeah, man. What did you say? What did you say? I don't know. What did you just say? Whoa! You said Nick.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Oh, okay. No, no, I said the other word. Oh! You said Nick. Okay. No, no, I said the other word. Look, that's how big he was. Listen. Look how big, look how giant he was. Look at, look at, look at, see? Dude, that's crazy, you're right. I was nothing, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:35 No, because when I did, but I, you know, look, it's not, there's a little. No, hardly any. But here's the thing. If you work out, right, because you're a big guy, if you work out and lift weights're a big guy if you work out Yeah, and lift weights. You'll be burning all that fat right and you'll have you'll have some over here, right? But it won't be that bad if you have to get the surgery. Yeah, you can you have insurance
Starting point is 00:37:56 No, I just turned 26 just off my parents insurance you I paid for full for the fucking Shit I was like I'm gonna pay out of pocket. I paid full price. Shit. I was like, I want to pay auto-pocket. I paid full price and this motherfucker's riding around in his car with it, fucking not in the refrigerator. He's been in my car for two days. I said, I just paid $900 for that. Put my fucking shit in the fridge. Yeah, dude. It's supposed to be in the fridge.
Starting point is 00:38:16 I went home, I put it right in the fridge. It's in there right now. It's supposed to be there. I hope it wasn't too late. No. Yeah, dude. It'd be funny if it makes him fatter. Oh, no. I just be funny if it makes them fatter They sell they sell if you need it if you go on the road with the you know, you know Not with that you take it with cooler like they sell up. It's like a thermos. It's a mini fridge
Starting point is 00:38:39 They call it see it's for diabetics like a cryo chamber. Yeah, exactly for your ooze Diabetics and It's like a cryo chamber. Yeah, exactly. For your ooze. Yeah. It's for diabetics. Uh, and you can put your stuff in it. Yeah, gosh. Holy shit. Like when people take peptides and stuff, that stuff has to be refrigerated too. And um, you can't just...
Starting point is 00:38:53 Peptides. Yeah. That's what you're taking when you got a stomach ache. The blue, the pink stuff. Exciting wave. No, it's not. Jesus Christ. That's not the pink stuff?
Starting point is 00:39:01 That makes your shit black? No. Oh. No, baby. That shit tastes good, I think. Pepto tastes good. Shut the fuck up Marcus. I don't like bubblegum flavor stuff, but Pepto's not bad. I bet you would love camel shit. We rolled it up into a ball and said,
Starting point is 00:39:13 this is the newest, sweetest, sourest candy in the world. You'd be like, I like it. I wouldn't get it, it's not vegan. How do you know? It's what? Not vegan. How do you know it's not vegan?
Starting point is 00:39:21 I'm just kidding. 100% vegan, I was eating his hay and shit. I'm kidding, I don't know. I wouldn't eat, why would I want it? Why would someone present me with camel? What he's saying is you ate that shit, so it's correlated to with you like eating shit. You like the taste of it. Sour candy is awesome. That is not sour candy. Yeah, it's the sourest candy.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Yeah, but it's not. You didn't eat it. I did eat it. No, you didn't. It's right there. It's literally right there. I don't want to have like two big balls in my mouth while I was on the podcast. Yeah, you do. tongue. I didn't want to have like two big balls in my mouth while I was on the podcast. Yeah, you do. Mm. No, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Can I ask, how is it hanging out with this generation of comics versus how it was with the last generation of comics? Good question. I think this generation of comics is this one. There's one in the middle that was, you know what I mean? Like, if you look at Joliss Soda, you know, Big J, that's a generation underneath me, right?
Starting point is 00:40:10 I'm like Steve Byrne, Godfrey, Pete Corielli, and then of course Billy, Jim, Norton, those are my friends, Colin, those are my friends. And then the other guys are kind of my age, my generation. And then there's the other guys. And then there was a thing of, I don't know, it was weird. It was a you walk in, they'd be philosophizing about comedy instead of making fun of each other or being funny.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah. They would talk about funny. Like psychology behind it and shit? Well, because there is no one really makes them laugh. Well, no, they would talk about jokes and you know, that was good I like when you did that. I mean look shit that we probably should have done. Yeah Oh, yeah, you know, we never did we never watched each other and helped each other out The only time the only time they would watch us is if like if Norton and Patrice or anybody would come down if I was bombing yeah, Bobby's bomb
Starting point is 00:41:04 Well, that's that's you know, you guys never give each other taglines or anything. No, we did here Yeah, yeah, yeah, just give me a couple and yeah once in a while when you but we would watch each other Yeah, like there was a generation of commerce that would really yeah Yeah, I think and they were a little woke, you know It was you know a little you can't say that type of shit but I think your generation we're getting that's coming out yeah and Danny and you know Joe and what's his name I forgot Zach oh yeah I was Zach he's over no Zach what is it I'm kidding with Zach but I think this new generation come up
Starting point is 00:41:39 as funny as yeah yeah we had all Danny's friends on, we had Dev and Colin and... Is that the gay ones? I did, I felt so bad last time I was here I made a gay comment I said something about this fucking ass and he goes yeah I'd like that and I was like haha and he really... Oh don't feel bad. He really does... Yeah he's gay but he's like you know... Alright cool gay so he wasn't like mad at me. No I promise you he loves you.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Is there a not cool gay? 100% Okay great. Yeah but I think this generation that's coming up is a not cool gay? Okay, great. Um, yeah, but I think this generation that's coming up is a full... You know, don't have to be. You fucking know that. What? What? You know, there's a, there's the gay out there like fucking, you know, there's cool gays like they get it. And then there's gays that don't get it. Like an uncle Tom gay. Do you feel like that? Do you buy? I hate when you force people to go along with you. Come on guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an Italian thing. Am I the only one getting canceled? No. No. Nah. No.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I think this generation is very funny. Everyone coming up doesn't give a fuck. Yeah. They're just being funny, and they're having a good time. I think so. I think people are looser now. I think people will get like, they went through that. They went through that too woke, everyone was too woke,
Starting point is 00:42:46 and now even liberal people do not like how woke things have gotten. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with that. I think so, I think but comedy itself filters itself. So, like, this is popular, so that's what we see. And that goes away. And if you are not truly funny, you go away with it. that goes away. Yeah, and if you are not truly funny you go away with it All right, you know just go away. Yeah, it just filters itself
Starting point is 00:43:09 It always has the funny people stay around and the ones who were in the moment in that thing they go away Yeah, that's why people know this guy's the next guy. It's like dude. I've heard 55 fucking next guy. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen it. Of course. I was one of them. It didn't happen You know, yeah, I would say you okay. I'm gonna suck your dick. Yeah. What do you say? It was like I'm not champion What would you say would be like the biggest but you're no Vinny but like you're doing something What do you mean by that? You own two clubs? What do you mean by that? You own one club and the other club in a fucking ghetto that nobody wants to park their car at?
Starting point is 00:43:52 I worked there for three, four years as a receptionist there. Fucking terrified. Yeah, there'd be a shooting every once in a while. It's coming back! They're going to get a Frank Pepes and it's all going to be good. You put Kevin Neal in that room though, the white people come out. They will come. Yeah, they come and they run as soon as it's over. Like there's two Rexes outside.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Is it ghetto there? Is it ghetto? There's some bad parts and some good parts. No, no, no, no. I have odds that live in Bridgeport. No, it's bad. I like the enthusiasm about it. where the club is is fucking a nightmare You'd pop yeah, there was a whole time. I'll take my watch off Going from the car one of those places. Yeah
Starting point is 00:44:35 The hotel closed yeah, bring up bring up bring up bring up dangerous places Places in Connecticut right now That fucking breach point is number one Bridgeport's number one, Bridgeport's number one, but it's also like New Haven's also like up there. It's like tied. Yeah You hear so many good things about New Haven. In a good school, they have Yale, don't they? Yeah, yeah, that's right. At least they have something. Yeah, dude. Yeah, what is it? New Haven and Bridgeport. What is it? New Haven? Harford? Yeah. I'm telling you
Starting point is 00:45:04 What are the biggest mistakes you see see our generation of comedians doing? I don't think any. You cannot make mistakes in comedy. Like I said before, comedy is the king. The laughs are the thing. And if you aren't getting them, you go. And if you figure it out, you stay. Simple as that. Yeah, it's just, it's showing up.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Mm-hmm. That's it. Yeah. Show the, find the place you wanna be on and go there every night until you get on stage and then get good and then keep going and that's it. If you live in the results, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Yeah. That's good advice. Yeah, I like that advice. You can't you know, you can't you gotta just do you can't you can't you can't be like when is this happening or when am I going to get that? You know, we never do. We never thought about any of that shit. We just we showed up. This went out. Yeah, we just showed up at the Boston every night to earn Boston. We go to Knicks every night just to do stand-up Mm-hmm. Well, I had five jobs Billy had a job everybody had a job Yeah, and we'd show up at the club at night and try to get five minutes just to get on stage And that was it and then we did that for years and then we moved and did it in New York and the same shit
Starting point is 00:46:20 Yeah, and you just keep doing it. What age you start? same shit. And you just keep doing it. What age did you start? Fuck, I don't know, 92, 93? No, what age were you? How old were you? I don't know, because I started with Billy and Dane. I started with Dane in a comedy sketch group that kind of blew up fast. Cook? Dane Cook? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:38 That's our guy, dude. He was going to fuck Dane Cook. He was going to fuck Dane Cook? No, we were going to do a video with Dane in LA We were gonna because he wanted to he wants to promote his shit and we do a video with us and when we got there He said he had stuff to do that day and he was like and he said What is this guy cuz he was talking about me Demarcus. He was this guy's deal is you have a big following and then what? I said he has like 30 million followers You'll like him and then he's like I'm not gonna do a video that only gets 20,000 views and I was like none of his Videos have gotten 20,000 views and ever
Starting point is 00:47:05 Then I took a screenshot of his last like 20 videos all had millions of views I sent that to him and then he never then I went on Dane's page and Dane's videos only get 15,000 views So I was like, what is this guy fucking? Like yo, that's fuck like dude super weird exchange then he unfollowed me Dang cooks the first person to ever um block me on Twitter Super weird exchange, then he unfollowed me. Really? Yeah. Can I tell you what? Dane Cook's the first person to ever block me on Twitter. Why'd he block you? Because I was in the radio and I was going through this phase where Twitter was a big
Starting point is 00:47:30 thing and I was just going after Kesha and Dane. I was just fucking with people. I was having fun one night and he had three of them he looked at and I guess he blocked me and I was the only person who ever blocked him. What did you say? Something about, I don't know, I maybe called him a hack. I don't know, I said something. I was just being- Like the worst thing you could say about his comments. I was just being a dickhead and I was young and I wanted attention and I was just saying shit to see if anyone would respond to me and he fucking blocked me.
Starting point is 00:47:53 As he should. Do you know how fast he would turn on you for Dane Cook? Oh, he's been opening up for Matt Reif. Really? Why are you giggling like that motherfucker? Why are you smiling like I just... Because it's fire. It's sick. I haven't done any of the arenas, but he does the comedy connection a lot in Rhode Island. I know that. I just drive there.
Starting point is 00:48:10 He lives in Rhode Island. I remember a couple times. Yeah. Hey, you know, he stayed at his house. Oh, you can't tell us though. He signed an NDA. Did you sign an NDA? Yeah. He makes you- Wait a minute, stop. Stop. Stop. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Shit. Stop. Yeah. Stop. Yeah. Wait a minute. 100%. Yeah. You have to sign an NDA to hang out with him? Uh-huh. No, not to hang out with him. Yeah. Stop. Yeah. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:48:25 100%. Yep. You have to sign an NDA to hang out with him? Uh-huh. No, not to hang out with him. Yeah. So do what? Probably, I think to be honest, property, I would assume.
Starting point is 00:48:31 I feel so bad for you. Why? Because you have to, you have to, I know. That's why. Because you have to. That's why I feel bad. Well, you think no one else would do that? I feel like when you get to a certain level of fame.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Ask me if I would. Well, yeah, but Bobby, come on. It's like it's too late for Bobby. I don't make you sound NDA. You know, should I say around you? He's famous. Yeah, but he's not that right. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:48:54 Oh! Oh! Tell me what I said wrong! Tell me why you're right. It's like when you get to a, when you get to like maybe even Adam Sandlin level, you don't know He goes back home. Maybe he has everybody, you know, we think he's got people in his basement What do you what for what for what reason? Okay, what reason would you make someone sign an NDA?
Starting point is 00:49:13 What do you got going on that you guys it's the farriest shit, dude Hey, can I ask you a question if you answer me honestly? Yeah, is Matt right from a listing you know, okay Would you let him and if you hold on, hold on. Can I even say no? I don't know. I don't know. Even if I said what's true. You should say I can't talk about it. Can I get sued if I sign the NDA even if I say you think that aren't true?
Starting point is 00:49:34 You know what? Should I talk about Jared Leto and I sign the NDA and I tell everything that happened that day? I did it on the news. You worked with Jared Leto? They hit me up to do a video with him one day. We did two videos together. Yeah. And I tell everyone about it. Let me tell you about it. The guy is great. Has he had accusations come out today? Yeah, recently. I'm not talking
Starting point is 00:49:54 about that. Are you kidding? I'm not talking about what happened with me in the hotel room. Did you have sex with Jared Leto? No. Should I though? Do you think that would advance my career? Of course. I mean, he's gay- I'd rather have sex like what he does with Matt Wright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flip it. Oh no, he was just- he like levitates. Like you know how when people- what people say that they get caught in a character? I feel like he's still Morbius.
Starting point is 00:50:16 Why, he levitates? He levitates. Like he don't walk. He like fucking glides through the room. Go to- type in Jared Leto, blue blue fishnet let's see if that comes up what blue fishnet is the shirt he was wearing we were together his nipples were out the whole time in the video that's so creepy so you made the video yeah there is that the one right there yeah we made the video together we got a whole video together no that's not the one why would you there it is that's the one his nipples were out the whole time when we were together why can't you
Starting point is 00:50:42 just search Cory B Jared Leto that That's probably you could do that. Is the video out? Yeah, let me see it. Go to Cory B Jared Leto. Blue fishnet? That's gonna be odd. Yeah, but we hung out. We hung out two different times. Oh, who do you have typing my mom? Not the second one. Which one is it? No, the one with me in it. What do you mean which one is it? The one first one and then just click it you fucking dummy. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't eat. He's vegan So it means he has to be fed by the people my allowed to say that all right here we go Well, okay, here we go. So he I can't hear it. Yeah, turn it up I'm kind of retards you have working this
Starting point is 00:51:21 Look at his nipples Gay milk Why is such a small cup? Look at his nipples. Doesn't matter, Jared. Hey, now you add a little bit of milk. No, no, no, no, no, no. What is this? No way, he's innocent. Gay milk. You can't milk it all. No, you can't. A little baby milk. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:51:31 No, no, no. No, no, a little more. No, a little more. What is this? It's a little bit of a... I look like Jazz Bono in this. What is that? That's bag of powder.
Starting point is 00:51:39 So they make it in the microwave. You microwave it. And then you make a brownie. It makes a cake. So I heard 30 Seconds to Mars has a new song called Seasonings. No, it's actually... Seasons. Seasons? Seasons. Microwave it and then you make a brownie. It makes a cake Yeah forgot about that he fucking put me in a headlock for real yeah, dude Yeah, he's strong playing the course. He's strong. He was Morpheus. I thought we were friends. He was Morpheus. Was that Morpheus? No. Morpheus.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Your album almost dropped. Oh God, this was so corny. I hate this. I hate that so much. So did he come to you? Yeah, they messaged me. So they're like, hey, this guy's big. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:19 We need you to promote the new album. Correct. And let's do one of your food videos. Correct. Make my food, because I'm vegan. Yeah. I'll teach you my little snacky poo and you did your thing. Yeah, all right Yeah, and whoo-hoo and have none that have no it's called collaboration You know you have to use that for life.
Starting point is 00:52:46 No, it will stop around, what, 200? You're not gonna see, but you've lost before, nevermind. You know how much 200 is? That's a lot. How long do you think that will take to lose? Six years. I'm at 450 right now. What was the last time you jumped on a scale? Hopefully never.
Starting point is 00:53:02 You don't jump. Jesus Christ. It just goes through the top? Because I wonder if you've even Oh, okay. So I wonder if it's even less now that you've been on it for almost a week. Do you lose weight that fast? Have you stopped? Have you ate less now? I don't know. Jay, Big Jay took it.
Starting point is 00:53:20 And he's lost a lot. Yeah, I heard he's getting into the back seat of cars now. Yeah, he's lost a lot. Yeah, I heard he's getting into the backseat of cars now. Yeah, he's that Okay, that's a big deal for them. No I for them. What are they a fucking breed? For the fats No, he yeah, he lost a lot of weight and he's starting to work out on it. He looks fantastic Mm-hmm that he lost weight so it works man. And here's the other thing it helps with all kinds of other shit They're saying that it's a miracle drug
Starting point is 00:53:53 They're saying that the what the that whatever that thing is that makes Ozempic work or whatever the fuck you're taking It helps with all kinds of other shit. Yeah, what about the thyroid cancer it causes though it? Mean you really get it, huh? It's worth it Trust me roll the dice kid. It's not would your your throat or your knee your thigh your thigh There's a adrenal gland. It's not it's not it's not It's not your father's duty does though. I do It's not your thought. It's not your thought. You know, he does though. I do.
Starting point is 00:54:26 He says it confidently and I just believe it. It's called fun. I have the same thing. I have the same thing. I did that in college. I used to, professors used to be like, what's the answer to this question? I would say the wrong answer on purpose and they'd be like, stop answering questions because all the other kids in the class are thinking that.
Starting point is 00:54:41 It's like Billy Madison, not Billy Madison, but what's the one where Adam Sandler's like, "'Cause they have all them tooth and no toothbrush." What was that? Waterboy. They're like, why are alligators so ornery? And he goes, "'Cause they have all their tooth and no toothbrush." What is it? Umblata, umblata?
Starting point is 00:54:56 Umblula oblongata. Yeah. It's not. It's because of their brain. It's the umblula oblongata. He's downstairs, by the way. Yeah, I know. He had a boner.
Starting point is 00:55:04 He had a boner. He had a boner. He had a boner. He had a boner. It's not, it's good to be a brain. You got mad? It's the Modula of Lingard! He's downstairs by the way. Yeah, I know. We had a boner, Danny had a boner with some. Yeah, he had a big boner. Yeah, just shining around. Mr. Sounders, nice to meet you. So sucks.
Starting point is 00:55:15 I'm up here, I'm here with you three, and you can be down there going, hey, what's up Adam? You know how close I was to ditching you and trying to get Adam to come up? Well, what I'm thinking is, he was championed by Vinny He might be the next Adam That's true. He has pull right my split With his fucking I'm sorry, dude. That's fat on So your mother you get along with yeah
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yeah, yeah, so does your mother and father get along? They do more now that their kids are grown up But when we were being raised that like what me and my sister what we we hoped the most was that they would divorce They never would why would always fight, but they would always stay together. Well gay son lesbian sister Well, no, but he's in theater so the dad probably thought in his sister's lesbian sister much box straight lesbian really Yeah, she made she made all the family get Subarus and he had no idea was a lesbian car didn't first night I met him. I was like dude. This is a lesbian car. He goes what I was like yes I mean are he goes that makes sense because my sister's lesbian and she had us all buy these cars
Starting point is 00:56:15 And I'm like that's great. Yeah, only in Alaska. You're not a lesbian It's nuts though because my dad was buying family cars his whole life. It was like Japanese works and American works or whatever. And then, but he always, the reason he didn't go Subaru is because he thought it was an Australian car. And then my sister was like, no, it's Japanese and it's cool. And therefore, just based off that, my dad bought one. And then we found out that it was a gay car. We're like, fuck.
Starting point is 00:56:42 He likes Japanese better than Australian. What's wrong with Australian people? No, not people. The car manufacturers. They make bad cars? Japanese. Australia? Oh yeah, they're known for their cars.
Starting point is 00:56:52 They're not even known for their shrimp anymore. They're fucking shit-sucking, stupid boomerang douchebags. They make good kangaroos. Kangaroos and didgeridoos. Well, that's, so that's's I feel sad about you, Dad. That makes me sad. Why? You think you'll ever be friends? I don't know, because I love my son and I love being with him. We can hang out like we we hung out on Sunday.
Starting point is 00:57:17 We just drove around, went to Wal-Mart, was fucking assholes. You have one kid or two kids. I have one one kid. I kept one. That's dope. So the other ones I murdered. People with abortions. Right? That's sick. How many murders you got?
Starting point is 00:57:33 I think two Plan B pills. Yeah, there you go. You got a couple murders on you. Does that equal one? I have them not tell me. I'd rather not know. I'm like, just fucking... Kill it?
Starting point is 00:57:41 You take care of it. Here's 200 just in case. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. I'm okay with yeah I'm okay with the religious by having them but that's why I feel like I have to be his father when we go on the road I like take him I take him that's good way I took him to his first football game you did I took him to the zoo and I take him took him to the zoo yeah cool did you have to fight to get
Starting point is 00:58:01 him out sir sir you can't. No, he's with us. Sir, put him back. I will say, last time I went to the zoo though, there was this kid who was making noises. Oh my god. I thought it was the rhino and then Cor was like, no dude, it's that kid. Oh my god. No, no, just making noises. We were looking at an ostrich and behind us it was going, uh, uh, uh.
Starting point is 00:58:23 And he's like, dude, that rhino's pissed. And I turned around, I was like, that's not a rhino. That's a boy in a wheelchair. It was a crazy situation. Trying to get up a stairs? No. Shrines. Stimming. You know how they stim?
Starting point is 00:58:34 What? You know how they stim? No, I don't. Oh. Danny never does that? You know what Danny does. Yelp. No, not anymore.
Starting point is 00:58:43 You fixed him? You championed him. We worked him out of that. He used to do that. I forgot to put the failure up. I forgot to put the add in the thing. Danny, what the fuck? So you're fine with your friendship with your father.
Starting point is 00:59:00 Yeah, I think I am. It's better than what it used to be, which it was like, it was, it was like just worse, you know? We get into fights a lot. Now we're just like, we're, we're calm. Can you take your dad? Yeah, we fought him once. Wait, what? I fist fought him once. I beat him. When?
Starting point is 00:59:14 Um, it was back when I was in college. No, we talked about, we talked about Mike Cannon fist fighting his dad. Why did you say that you fist fought your dad? I did. I did. You bonded over the fact that we both beat our dads. Yeah, we talked about that you first saw your dad. I think you bonded over the fact that we both beat our dad Yeah, we talked about your dad I we got into like a pushy match and then I shoved him and he got out I punched a hole through the door Why did you get into pushy match for you? I was on steroids and he was yeah, I why?
Starting point is 00:59:36 Cuz I wanted to look good. What the fuck do you mean? Why why'd you lose weight? Why number? Did it take yet? This was a long time. I'm 36. This is when I was 18 You were big I was jacked. Are you cock diesel? Do I was taking tests and androlyne deconate? I would fucking bring down the T right now I saw my dad abused my mom like verbally and physically a couple times in this winter He's smacked on the face one time before school. Yeah, like Yeah. Like how smacked though? Like, hey, look out. No, no. She slammed the door on him and he opened the door and fucking whacked.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Oh, well, she slammed the door. Smack my hand as hard as she smacked me. Kidding. That's not bad. Joking. As a kid. That's fucked up. It's not bad.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Do it again. Do it again. You can't endorse that. This podcast has been sponsored by Domestic Abolition. Just smack it again. Like how he really did it. So he opened it to social media. You fuck you, I'm never fucking... Wow, that was good. Yeah. That was better. Yeah. But did she deserve it? No, she didn't.
Starting point is 01:00:32 I know, no she didn't. I tell you don't slam the doors of my house. You go and slam a door. My dad, well dad did crack too. He was um... No, he sounds like a fun guy. He did crack. He was a functioning cracker. He owned a business and did like dental technician. What? But you could tell he was on crack because he looked like a raccoon that just stole. You know how raccoons steal things and like this he looked like that like all the time. Like when he was only when he was on the crack. Right. And I didn't know at the time until my friend told me that he sold my dad drugs and this was when I was in high school. Yeah. His name is Byron. He's still in jail. Fuck
Starting point is 01:01:04 you Byron. Byron sold my dad still in jail. Fuck you, Byron. Who the fuck's Byron? Byron sold my dad drugs. And then he turned into a little heathen. A little heathen. So you fought your dad, why? My hand still hurts. Yeah, it hurts mine too.
Starting point is 01:01:14 I feel bad for your mom's face. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. What's, so did you fight him when he hit her? No, this was later on the cumulation of thing. Cumulation of what? What?
Starting point is 01:01:29 What? Slow down. Cumulation of what? Go back to the white you. Go back to white you. It was accumulation of things. And one day he just did something that really pissed me off and I shoved him and Yeah, we got to basically shoving match. I didn't really punch him though. I don't I don't remember I got blacked out I've ever punched a hole in the door and that's that but like now he did that once
Starting point is 01:01:53 but he is the greatest grandfather to my son, which is crazy because he was a nut because they because because they They don't have to worry about it. It's not yeah It's not he's not worrying about whether you grow up and fucking take care of yourself. You know what I mean? He's not worried about grades, he's not worried about baseball grades.
Starting point is 01:02:12 I have to worry about all this shit. I have to let go. Look it, there's nothing more addictive than yelling at your kid. It's fun. I said put it down. Maximus! I named him Maximus so I could yell at him.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Because I would literally, I went Max. It wasn't, I go, it's not enough. I go Maximus. That's crazy. I named my son Lexington because I never met a homeless Lexington. Like you know what I mean? That's a prestigious name.
Starting point is 01:02:38 You're gonna get the job. Well, you'll see when your son gets older and he starts, you know, I mean my kid now is he's 12 He's my height. He's not you said a key was 20. I know sorry. Wow, you should be honest You should be in the front row. What's a homeless name? What is a homeless name? What is the homeless name George? He just Was like space, you know when they go to hyperspace when they hit the button It was like space. You know when they go to hyperspace,
Starting point is 01:03:03 when they hit the button, boom, that's how much shit just came out. I saw it. I know, but I hope he didn't, I wish he didn't see it, but he saw it. How could I not see it? It was an asteroid fucking belt just came out of your mouth. But no, it's because,
Starting point is 01:03:19 and I'm trying to let go. My kid actually, dad, you're yelling at me, it doesn't make me feel good. I gave him permission to tell me, hey, if you start to yell, like I was gonna yell at Danny the other day because he did something stupid, and Max was like, don't yell at Danny.
Starting point is 01:03:32 And I was like, yeah, but he's dumb. And he goes, I know, Dad, but, no, I'm kidding. He was like, ha ha ha. But he's able to talk you off that ledge. That's good. I gave him permission to talk, but it's also too, it's like, yo, if you don't want me to talk to you like that, remember you said, what you're doing right now is the thing that makes me go, I don't want to do it.
Starting point is 01:03:53 You know what I mean? But it's hard. My people are outside. What the fuck? That's Jews. What? That's Ashkenazis? That's Ashkenazis. That's Ashkenazi's. That's fucking Ashkenazi's. We can go outside right now.
Starting point is 01:04:09 I thought Ashkenazi was that vitamin that calms you down. We can go outside and get cakes right now if we fucking, if we read the Torah. Right, Danny? Exactly. Yeah, it's, man, this age is tough because he's becoming a man tough because he's becoming a man Mm-hmm, and he's becoming a little man and he's making his own thing and you know, like I have to really
Starting point is 01:04:32 Let go a lot. Yeah, cuz I want you know, I have my mother I have my evil stepfather in me Yeah, and I don't want to fuck you don't want to fucking not do something. Yeah, you could have done Yeah, and now he's an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, that's the part It's like fuck. Yeah, I see my enemy sometimes my dad and me sometimes I'm like I got to step back don't do that Don't do that, you know, you fucking hate that Yeah, and I fucking hate it too, but you do it and you just keep working on it right, you know I it's it's hard because I've yelled it he's done some stupid shit. He did some shit this weekend That's fucking outrageous.
Starting point is 01:05:06 Name it. Um, okay, he sexually assaulted an old woman. No, I'm kidding. Holy shit. I was like, oh, okay. I'll say this though, at 12 he can get away with it. He was at a birthday party or some shit, overnight, craziness, sleepover, 10 kids out in a backyard by themselves Lord of the Flies. Yeah, my kid is in there
Starting point is 01:05:30 No, I never know. It was fucking dude. I was drinking Seagram seven to ten. It wasn't fucking never took I never did a gay camp out Fuck I was homeless at 13. Oh, yeah, I was living on the streets. I didn't do it was camping I guess I was living on the streets. I didn't do it was camping I guess So he was he was he was out of the back thing and these kids kept fucking with him and they kept you know Throwing stuff at the tent. He was like he it was two in the morning I want to go to bed stop and there was another kid news, you know, he's a big kid So he just he got so mad at these kids. He went over and just took all the temples out of their tent and And he and then there was a kid who called his dad and was like, he was going home. He was just,
Starting point is 01:06:13 and he was like, hey, can you give me a ride too? And mind you, the kid lived around the corner. My kid lived 25 minutes away, four in the morning. And this guy didn't understand. He's like, I guess this poor guy drove my kid. So I woke up the next day and my kid was downstairs. I walked down and I'm like, what the, how did you get here? Like he never woke us up. Yeah. Came home, cooked fucking Greek food, like reheated some 12 cook Greek food. Watched. You should be proud of him I was very proud very responsible he's well dice on getting the fucking molestation yeah that's true yeah he doesn't you don't know this guy that took him home name Russian dude named Ivan you're getting sold a ring there's three choices you make it home or you're getting a fucking tattoo
Starting point is 01:07:05 on your knee and shoulders. Especially when you got him so mad for driving you 25 minutes out of the way. It's crazy. Can you drive me? I guess I can. It's like, you know, I was talking with him, I'm like, listen man, you can't, you can't react.
Starting point is 01:07:19 I'm like, they triggered you. I go, they triggered you to react and do a bad thing to those kids. Now they have no place. He's like, dad, don't use the word trigger. They didn't trigger me. And I went, what? So now we're off a trigger?
Starting point is 01:07:32 He goes, they didn't trigger me, dad, okay? You keep saying trigger, they didn't trigger me. And I'm like, you fucking triggered me. You're the one that yelled, you fucking, you know what I mean. And I was like, what word would you like me to use? They frustrated me. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:07:52 You can do as much as you want. And it doesn't matter. They are a totally different human being than you. You somehow think that, oh my God, yes, did I give him certain things? Yes. Did my wife give him certain things? Of course, but he's a whole different soul. And he is going to go down.
Starting point is 01:08:11 He's in a whole different time. He's gotta learn his own lessons. He goes to school, school's so much different nowadays. A present father's more important than a perfect father. You're doing fine. He's 12? You got one year to make him homeless, dude. What the shit you went through.
Starting point is 01:08:23 I remember on my 10th birthday, getting so fucked up. No shit, really? I drank a half a pint of Seagram 7. Jesus. With a 30-year-old man named Dicky. Yeah. I'm so surprised.
Starting point is 01:08:36 What went wrong next? No shit. And Dicky's life, and he's drinking with a 10-year-old. And how'd he get the name Dicky? Yeah. That's his name, Dick. Oh. That's a homeless person.
Starting point is 01:08:44 Yeah, there you go. You wouldn't hope, but Dicky's it, dude. Yeah, Dicky's his name. Dick. Oh, that's a homeless person. Yeah, you wouldn't hope it. Dicky's it, dude. Yeah, Dicky's definitely it. Are you, do you have a father? Yeah. Are you friends? Yeah, we're really close. He's got the best, we were upset at how amazing his relationship with his family. They're so close. Really close, yeah, yeah, that's true. I have a good relationship with my family. They're really cool. You love your dad? Oh yeah. That's great. Yeah, I. I mean look we were in the car yesterday and he started fucking through I was on the phone my friend. He starts throwing he I saw a Bug the you spoke Volkswagen. Fuck do you live you saw a punch bug? Oh, yeah, dude up in Westchester kid That's rich people. They got punch buggies up there. Yeah, dude convertibles
Starting point is 01:09:21 bunch of people, they got a bunch of buggies up there. Yeah, dude, convertibles. So, cause it makes it better. So we both saw it and I, you know, we both went for it and I hit him and then he hit me back. I'm like, dude, this is how it works. And then he hit me. So I hit him. Then he hit me.
Starting point is 01:09:39 He throws a punch. I was trying to show off my friend and he starts throwing punches. No, no, no. I'll call you back. And I was like, you want to fucking? And I and he starts throwing punches. So I go, I'll call you back. And I was like, you wanna fucking? And I was like, whack! And I was like, you fucking? And then he goes, he got serious.
Starting point is 01:09:52 He was like, he's done. I go, I punched him in his arm, I was like, whack! And I go, don't ever fucking get serious this shit. We're joking around, now you're getting carried away, and you're throwing real punches at your father. I will fucking destroy you Fuck you. I go you're not there yet. Yeah, you will be there someday and I go and then I will cower Have a moment with it will work this out the words When I said that he laughs, okay, you know what I mean? I'm trying to make him laugh
Starting point is 01:10:23 I don't want to get my ass people my kid. There's a guy another his friends in the car, too No, there's no reason the phone. Okay. There's listen. You're you're there's no way around it. Of course, dude My kid is my height. Yeah, he's 12 His hands are yes, I'm fucked but I will I will I told him I go dude, I'm from Boston. I'm not going to, we're not going to get the geez on and fight. I'm going to be like, Hey man, Max, whatever you want. And as soon as you turn around, I'm going to shovel the back of your head.
Starting point is 01:10:54 Yeah. He's got dog. I will bite your Achilles. I was homeless at 13. Yeah. Me and Dickie used to spar. I remember one time my, my step, my time my stepdad, my original dad I never really knew, I don't know if he would have hit me, he might have smacked me or something,
Starting point is 01:11:12 he was Italian. I don't know, he was funny dude, but we never, we stopped talking to each other years ago. But my second stepdad was abusive. From kindergarten to fifth grade would hit me and really, me and my sister just I Couldn't imagine hitting a second grader the way he hit. Oh, that's wild. Yeah, it's crazy, but my my Second stepdad Larry old Italian guy great guy. Yeah Never laid a hand on me, but he came in when I started drinking so he came in at the he got with the Yeah, yeah, well 10 that's why that's a why. How did you get your hands on that shit? Fucking Dickie.
Starting point is 01:11:50 Who is Dickie? Just he would get a guy who you get by. They call them buyers. Is he alive? I don't know. We got to take it on. Dickie, did you did Dickie molest you? No, no. Not that you remember.
Starting point is 01:12:02 No, I wouldn't remember. I tell you if Dickie fucking tried to get out No back then you would just get a buyer an older guy that would buy the booze for young people back then it was the 80s Dude, it was just the way it was you think eight-year-olds and then he got paid like you paid him a little extra What do you do? I think it's too young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Lexington drinking alcohol Marlboro when he was years old. Dude, I used to smoke on planes. Yeah, it's a whole damn. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 01:12:29 I remember asking. That's when planes landed. Flighted. It was before women fucking pilots. COVID happened. You can't do that anymore. No, no, no, because you, yeah, because I got on a plane. I can't say shit on airplanes.
Starting point is 01:12:39 I got one more airline gets banned. I'm fucked. I had a flight. I was going to take American. What? If I get banned from another airline, I'm fucked. Why are you banned? Because was gonna take America what like a van from another airline. I'm why you banned Steak in a toilet. Yeah, I remember that yeah That was stupid. It was great though content. Yeah. Yeah killer content
Starting point is 01:12:53 I was getting on a plane and it was like it was like a night 19 year old like they looked young and it was a Night 19 year old night 19. Is there a day? Is there a day 19 year old? I tell me streetwalker. So he was almost. Fuck you guys. I love that I switched. I don't even know why he's saying those things. I have to laugh because he's giving me Ozempic.
Starting point is 01:13:19 As soon as I get the thing I'm going to tell this cocksucker to beat it with his dumb jokes. So so nice to do that. I'm a fucking remember as I say now. Yeah, you had a night day 19. Oh, it was a young kid. What's that? It was a young kid and a woman as pilots. And I caught him and I get on the flight.
Starting point is 01:13:37 I left. Really? Yeah. This was just after she put it upside down. And the other female pilot flew the helicopter into the plane And they were they were on a roll and I was like not not today. Can they not handle the like the stick? shaking Did you watch the rehearsal? He hates this season 2 of the
Starting point is 01:13:57 Here's the thing why why statistically in the other one the other one's flying the plane I know one second. I didn't because they talk a lot about why these crashes occur. Why? It's miscommunication. A lot of times the pilot and the first officer, they don't want to, the first officer is a lot of times scared to talk to the pilot. Okay. Because they don't know, they don't have like a rapport with the pilot.
Starting point is 01:14:18 Yeah. So they need to work on communicating. So it's because of women. Women are bad communicators. Awful communicators. Irrational, they don't communicate well. They don't tell they expect you women expect you to know what I'm not a woman Don't look at me like why am I with your hair? No, Bobby no
Starting point is 01:14:36 We don't have the figure of one nice of you Bob. I'm a woman of the podcast We got like stickers and like t-shirts made so I gotta keep like the hair kind of. No dude I'm kidding. I know. I'm kidding too. I'm sorry you were still in it. I'm sorry. I know the women I have been with they all think that I know what they're thinking.
Starting point is 01:14:54 Yeah. Yeah right. Well they want you to, listen here's what they want you to do it. They don't want you to ask for it. I love women. They want you to say it. They don't want to have to ask you to say it. They want you to do all the lifting and then they can reject you when you do it.
Starting point is 01:15:06 100%. You know what I mean? The other night my fiance was like, why don't you come home and hug me? I was like, why don't you fucking hug me? Yeah, they don't know because you're the guy. It's not the same. Yeah, you're the guy. It's not the same. I think women are allowed to fly planes. Oh yeah, not saying they're not allowed. They can.
Starting point is 01:15:19 Cori's just not going to be on that plane. Hot take. Hot take. What do women pilots buying you dumbbells for you? Why? Dude, that's crazy too because he has like crazy like political takes I just don't agree with and I gotta be like, thank you daddy.
Starting point is 01:15:36 Wait, here's the thing that's so crazy! That's not like, every time, yo we What's a crazy take I have? Are you hungry? Why you holding that mic like a sandwich? What's the crazy take I had? We just had the- Are you hungry? Why you hold that mic like a sandwich? What's the crazy take I've had? Yeah. It's like a Jersey Mike sub.
Starting point is 01:15:50 Wait, what? We just had the, not trans, the drag, the drag queen. Derek. Yes, so what? You mean a gay clown? It was on our podcast, and Corey was asking a bunch of shit about,
Starting point is 01:16:04 you know, kids getting, kids in schools being read to and shit like that. And it was like stuff that we, I don't know, people I feel like already, we're past it already. Can I say something to you? You're not. Because you're not a parent. And if you, the thing with drag queens, and I've taken my son to a drag show in Montreal.
Starting point is 01:16:23 There's one outside. I go, let's go. You want to watch this? It's fine. I have no problem with it. But when you start bringing sexuality into kids that don't need to learn sexuality. But it's not sexuality. He said there is some, though.
Starting point is 01:16:37 No, he said there is some. Not for the child's greetings. No, no, no, no. Daria said that there are ones that parents will bring their kids to. And he said, fuck it. I'm going to do my set. He said Darius said that there are ones that parents will bring their kids to and he said fuck it I'm gonna do my set. He said there's people that do their set still Yeah, if for the parents all they let them know that if there's kids in the crowd this is not the show. Yeah
Starting point is 01:16:55 Sexuality happening in the kindergarten. Yeah in classroom. I first of all, you don't know that cuz you've never seen it You're assuming I do There has been I saw if you listen Because being a drag queen, right, your whole thing, your act, the whole essence of it is to go out and be sexy, and I'm a guy. Not sexy, no, no. And to do, and to sing the songs, and it's all,
Starting point is 01:17:20 most drag- Sexualized, usually. Most drag shows I've seen are sexual. So you're taking, that's like taking a stripper, okay take a stripper and let her read to the kids. Why can't we do that? I understand the word. But why can't we do that? That's a terrible analogy.
Starting point is 01:17:36 Why? Because that promotes sexual shit. It's not the same thing. But when you see a drag show, it's adult. It's adult. They ask for versions for kids. It's adult. They ask versions for kids. It's an adult show. You're taking adult performer, and you're
Starting point is 01:17:49 putting it in a kindergarten. No, you're not. No, the drag queens, you can be any age and be a drag queen. Drag queens are an adult show. Yes. No, no, no. When they do a burlesque version of a drag show, sure, that's an adult show.
Starting point is 01:18:01 That's sexual. But the pictures I've seen, where them were titties, the titties out. They were wearing very, very scandalous clothes. They were very, they're like a cat. Why the pictures I've seen were them were titties the titties out like they were very very They were very they're like a cat. Why? Like think a dolly part on a turtleneck dolly part and she's kind of like a female that dresses in drag, right? Well, okay. Let me ask you a question. What does having a drag queen? read to children do
Starting point is 01:18:21 The the kids get to hear stories told by a drag queen. What does that do? I understand what it is. But you're on it. It's fun. It's a fun character to see. You're just saying what they're doing. I'm asking you, what does it do?
Starting point is 01:18:32 What does it do? Let me say something. We're supposed to help these kids and add to their, uh, enrichment, math, English, history, science was supposed to set them up for real life. Okay. How is that? That is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very enrichment math, English, history, science was supposed to set them up for real life. Okay. How is that? That is a very, that is a small part of real life. I know you're acting like that is a huge part of what is a very small minority of life. And what is in politics and the news, But we're talking about it. No, we're talking about it because people like you.
Starting point is 01:19:08 Yeah. People like you. You people. You people. You people. I'm asking you seriously, what does it do, the children, what is it benefiting? Now, if you not.
Starting point is 01:19:19 It's just like going to a play. It's like it's scene theater, you know? It's being entertained. So you're saying the drag show so every drag show every drag show I've seen has sex in it It's about how so it's a what way well, it's about you know, they're not really fucking each other. No, dude It's not so a sexual eyes. It's a sexual eyes. I don't know this is sex I'll see sex it's about you know coming out talking about this and going up to a guy Rubbing their stuff and shaking the thing and talking about their junk, you know, uh, coming out, talking about this and going up to a guy, rubbing
Starting point is 01:19:45 their stuff and shaking that thing and talking about their junk and you know, I'm a blah, blah, blah. It's it's, and it's in a funny way. I've loved, I loved, I love drag shows, dude. I've been to a bunch of them. I think they're hilarious. Some of the funniest things ever. I've brought my kid to a drag show to them. That's like bringing me to a kindergarten. I don't belong there, right? But there I don't belong there are children there are it's like comedy shows for kids Right there Hang on cook those comics those comics are for kids I do you can bring them you can bring them to a show of yours juggling and blah blah blah and it's not sexualized.
Starting point is 01:20:30 If you're going to bring your kid to my show, I'm doing my show. It's adult. But I'm not going to accept the gig to go read to kids. I shouldn't. Yeah, that's great. Right. And I don't think I don't know. What are you making? I don't think that I don't think that drag queens at this young of age kids should be brought in and go, what, what is this? Well, why are you confusing? Why do they have to know about this stuff right then? Now maybe older, you want to bring them into a fucking high school with kids who are mature enough to know it and know about. I don't want my kid at that age knowing about sex. Okay. I don't want my kid knowing about boobs and dick and cock. I want them knowing about friendship. Yeah. Love. Yeah. How do you talk to people? Same.
Starting point is 01:21:22 How to deal with all that shit at a certain age. I don't think it matters Okay, but at a when at kindergarten. I don't think it's okay. Can we see a Can we see a picture? So what's his fucking problem No, Cory. I think at the core you also agree at the core I think it's fine But there there has been instances where it has the Cory B you would agree at the Cory B now listen can I say this yeah if my kid came on was like yo there was a drag queen at my thing I wouldn't
Starting point is 01:21:53 I wouldn't fucking yeah do you think that's confusing to a child no it's like a clown Santa you don't think that's terrifying to a kid though came on our podcast and said it's like dressing up as a clown for kids. What is the definition of a drag queen? Can you bring that up Danny? It's a person who dresses up as a woman. That's terrifying! It's the same thing as a clown bro, kids find clowns terrifying, it's the same shit.
Starting point is 01:22:15 They're not supposed to be sexy. They're gay clowns. They're gowns. You know, it's a whole different look. That's a sexy clown. I perform a typically- That's a clown, fuck dude. Who adopted a flamboyant and a par- what is that?
Starting point is 01:22:28 Like a parody. Parodic, feminine persona with glamorous and extravagant costumes and makeup. Okay. Is there- but it's- it is sexual. Not sexually, man. No, no. Have you been to a drag show? Of course.
Starting point is 01:22:41 Of course. Have you really? It is sexual. It is sexual. I want you to be honest with me it was very sexual yeah that that's it I went to a place knowing it was you think I've never been to a drag show where it wasn't sexual of course yeah you're going as an adult right you're not seeking out a library so these women are all not sex they're not doing sexual exactly for the kids yeah but they've that's where they're from hang on so at night they're talking about
Starting point is 01:23:13 they're talking about dick balls and cocks and wait wait wait wait I see yeah so the day they come in and they get to talk to your kids. Okay, so here's the thing. I'm a Catholic or a Christian. I believe, or say this, I'm a Muslim. Okay. Let's go that way because you won't fuck with Muslims because you're terrified of them. I'm a Muslim. I believe in... 9-11, why would I? Would it be okay to bring a drag queen into a Muslim school and have a read to them? Yes, always. Why? What? Are you out of your mind? I thought a drag queen would be murder.
Starting point is 01:23:51 I didn't say that. Drag queen for everybody. Why wouldn't you want that? Yeah, it's for everybody. You couldn't. They wouldn't be allowed. Okay, here's the deal. Drag queens...
Starting point is 01:23:59 That drag queen would be a little... First if there are Muslim drag queens, please. That drag queen would be a little drag queen cuz those drag her beyond the fucking car, so I think I think Drag queen should be allowed. Here's the deal. You're you're I think I think at first time He's really laughed and see Val Kate. Hey Say Manchester's premier Muslim drag queen. Oh shit. Yeah, she's she's she's yeah Al Qaeda that's fire! Val Kida is a funny name! Val Kida is hilarious!
Starting point is 01:24:28 Val Kida! But you have the drag queen which is known as being sexualized so the kids are now interested in what they saw. It's projected as being sexualized. Okay but so now they look it up because they're like oh I'm interested oh this girl came and read to me let me look more into it so now they're looking into it now they're seeing like all this other shit like what the fuck? Well one of the industry is sexualized at night and they can come in during the day and talk to your let me look more into it so now they're looking into it now they're seeing like all this other shit like what other industry is sexualized at night and they can come in during the day and talk to your kid none of common strippers that that's not the same thing why would you read a children's book you're really gonna have fucking dice come in hickory dickory doc you have my
Starting point is 01:24:57 chick was yeah totally Bob Saget Rob was clean comma exactly that's what I'm saying yeah but these women aren't yeah but Rob Williams could also totally Bob Saget. Rob Williams, clean comic. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. But these women aren't. Yeah, but Rob Williams could also, and Bob Saget also. That was progressive. He caught him women though. You know that. I would not have Bob Saget read anything to my kid. He was Danny Tanner. I would love for him to come to a school with me. That's awesome. Stephanie, that is not what you do. She's a dad. I didn't know you did impressions. He does. He does. He can do Frank Sinatra. Let me hear Frank Sinatra. Do Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra would hate you. For what is a man?
Starting point is 01:25:29 What has he got? That's it. Well, your father would love if you did that more. Yeah. He would hate it. Your mother would. If you guys had to get rid of one forever, drag queens or dairy queens, which would you pick?
Starting point is 01:25:40 Oh, wait, what? Wait, what was the question? Well, hopefully he says dairy queen. You gotta get rid of one forever, drag queens or Dairy Queen? Drag queens. Drag queens would stay. I would think Dairy Queen is not that great. Drag queens have to stay. The blizzard that goes upside down? I know drag queens also go upside down. They took out the nerds blizzard and that was the best one. The only correct answer is drag queens because it's not a necessity. Can I tell you something right now?
Starting point is 01:26:03 Your parents have a moral compass. The only correct answer is, because it's not a necessity. Can I tell you something right now? I can certainly hear your life story. Parents have a moral compass. They're religious, or they have certain things that they go by for their family. You're forcing them to, a lot of people don't believe in drag shows, strip clubs, rap that's rocked up. Stand-up comedy?
Starting point is 01:26:23 I don't want, yes, stand-up comedy. I won't let my kid watch certain things or hear certain stuff. And those are your rules in your house? And those are my rules. And those are my rules. And you, and you, and them are like, well, fuck you. We're gonna subject your kid to what we think is right. And that's not fair.
Starting point is 01:26:40 If you're gonna have a drag, it should be 100%- We shouldn't talk about Santa in school either. It should be 100%. Yeah, but that is a religious holiday. It's a religious holiday. Santa's not religious. He's consumer based. It was actually made up by... St. Nicholas?
Starting point is 01:26:56 No, it was actually made up by a company. It was actually Coca-Cola made up by Santa Claus. Oh, that's true. Yes. And the polar bear. Consumerism. Seriously, yeah. Did they really? Yeah, Coca-Cola made up Santa Claus. And they made up polar bears. To sell more Coke. They weren't selling, here's the thing,
Starting point is 01:27:09 they weren't selling Coke, and they were only selling it in the summer. They needed to sell it in the winter. Shut the fuck up. It's a true story. That's true. So they came up with this whole thing of Santa Claus, Coke, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 01:27:19 Get the fuck out of here. Sick. But here's the thing. They made them red. Fuck all that. It used to be green. It doesn't matter. What I'm saying is that you can have the, if you're gonna have it, it's gotta be optional. Yeah. And it's gotta be for, it can't be in the, it can be in the school, hey, drag queen, blah, blah, blah. If you don't want your kids in there, just let us know. Sure. We're gonna do something else. Yeah, that sounds good. Hell yeah. I like that. I don't know about that. Yeah, but I think problem was that they weren't doing it. They weren't! Parents were going into the school and being like, what the fuck? Walking in this, there's a gay man
Starting point is 01:27:50 in a fucking clown outfit talking to my kid and that fucked his dad or the mom. It's like, hey, I don't want that. That'd be kind of fun though. Because you're gay! No, I think it'd be a fun little excursion, like how cool. Not for the parents that don't believe in that stuff though.
Starting point is 01:28:07 It sucks, your home is sacred. I'm not saying to do mandatory gay checks. Don't do mandatory gay checks. I don't think that you should be bringing up sex to kids and do their hip puberty when they need to know. We agree. They're not doing that. No, I understand that, but when you bring something that's based, that whole thing is based in sexual stuff. You said it yourself. That the drag show is a sexual thing.
Starting point is 01:28:39 He just said he wants the option. He just said, he doesn't say that a ball show altogether, but give us the option of not- You talking about I brought his kid to a drag show and to an outdoor event at Just for Laughs There was this the most famous drag Queen ever I go dude you want to go see this This is a man that dresses up like a woman and she does all kinds of skits and it's it's kind of adult and funny And we got seats and me and my wife and my kid watch it kid watch it. I don't have a problem with my kid watching that. But I don't want my, if it's going to be in a school I would like a little heads up to say hey they're doing drag reading. Put it in the newsletter. I would say Max do you want to go this is what it is. But it's
Starting point is 01:29:21 the same thing as like if, that means you'd also want a heads up if they're bringing the clowns Into the school sure yeah You were fucking piece of fucking cocksucker motherfucker. Fuck. That's actually really good. You fucking motherfucker, you a fucking Jared Leto. This cocksucker I wanna make out with again. And you're a fucking piece of ham shit cocksucker. Fuck your fucking queer views. Go son of a. Have you ever done that to him?
Starting point is 01:29:55 I don't know him. I did meet him once. He was at my show at the Improv and I took a nice hot one. Queer views sounds like with the view on Bravo though. Like if they did the view on Bravo, Queer Views. No, I mean look, I look at, I respect people's religious beliefs. I respect people, family.
Starting point is 01:30:15 When you go to school, I think you should be taught school shit, not fucking ideology shit. I think I agree. I don't think them being there promotes a different kind of ideology. But that's like, if that was a, if a priest came in, if a priest came in, I'd be like, yo man, that's a problem too. I would be like, Hey, that's not, that's worse than if a rabbi came in, I'd be like, Hey, if a Muslim guy came in and was like, Allah, I'd be like, no, whoa, option. Option. Yeah, yeah. Option.
Starting point is 01:30:45 Definitely not, that motherfucker's gonna bomb. I just think it's optional. And they're doing it to fuck, I don't like the fact that they do it to go fuck you. We think this is good. Well, what about what I think? You have to have both, if you think it's good, it's not just that way.
Starting point is 01:31:03 You're gonna let me think my way too. And they don't want you to think your way. Your way is racist, discriminatory. No, it's not. It's just... Homophobic. It's not homophobic. It's a different set of values.
Starting point is 01:31:17 Sure. Like, I don't give a fuck what hole you put your shit in. I don't care. That's nice. My kid... Makes me feel good. we had a trans woman at four of his birthday parties. Six. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Oh, dope. And he knows about it. He doesn't care, but they're making them real good these days. Yeah. And I had Bailey J at his fucking
Starting point is 01:31:38 birthday party. Which was that one? The best one on the planet. For Yeah I tucked her chopped. No, why would she why would I have a chopped one at my friend? My son's birthday party just just losing no is she has a beautiful coffee. They're constantly bleeding from their dick I think they got think they got a plug them Jay, holy. Oh, wow. What'd you bring up quick Danny? Yeah, that's for himself. That's why It is a very it's a very it's a very small part. Trans and you know, there she is right there. She's beautiful. Oh, she's gorgeous. No, not her. The one right there in the blue shirt. Click on the blue shirt one, Danny.
Starting point is 01:32:17 Wow, beautiful. Wait, the fur left? No, not on that one. Go to the other one. This is a reminder of Zach doing the pull. Go to the other one. Oh, Zach, you fucking mook. Go back. Go back to the... What race is that? Down the bottom. Down the bottom.
Starting point is 01:32:30 Right there. That one, the light blue. Light blue. I shouldn't have said it. Right there. Right there. Look at that. Visit. That's him. That used to be a man? No, that's... I mean, she's a trans woman. Yeah, but I'm saying it used to be a man. Post-op? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:44 No, not post-op. He's post-op. She has a beautiful penis. You seen her penis? Can you bring it up with her penis? Is it gay that you've seen her penis? Why? She's a friend of mine. I'm friends with her husband. Did you know her pre-trans?
Starting point is 01:32:55 No, no. She's always been trans. I've always known her since trans. She's your husband's, she's your friend's wife? There you go. Nice piece. We're allowed to do this on your podcast. Yeah. Why not? Wait, what? That's a huge dick. What a waste of a dick. Why? It's not a waste. A lot of people suck it. I'm so attracted to this. I don't know. Wait, what? Shut up.
Starting point is 01:33:21 I don't want the, cause he's fat and he doesn't think he can get regular women. God damn it dude! That's a hog of a dick dude! That's a hog of a dick. Dude, look at her boobs. Yeah, there, there, there. Stop scrolling! That's a giant cock! Yeah, yeah I think it got bigger because of her hormones too.
Starting point is 01:33:39 What the fuck dude! Dude, borrow my cock, let me have that cock! Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy! So look up Cory that cock. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. So look up Corey's cock, Danny. Does she peg your buddy? It's not called peg, it's called making love when it's your husband. Does he? Do they? I don't, I never asked. Dude, you never asked that? It's none of my business. If that's your friend, he's my friend. If his wife had a dick, I'd be like, yo, does she fuck you? Yeah, but it's my friend, but he doesn't ask me. It is my wife. Cory. Coral scroll scroll. Who is that? None of these are Coria. That's, that's more like me right now.
Starting point is 01:34:12 That is Corey right there. I'm a throw. Can we get this off dude? I'm going to get an erection. Yeah, there's something different than, we tried. We tried. Um, where does this podcast live? I don't know. I mean, look it it I get where you're saying you guys are more You're a little more old school then they and they're there. They're this new generation of who cares That's why our podcast also works, but also have that every pot. They don't have kids. I have two grandkids bitch She's not a third old and 34 I'm not I I've been there. I've done it. You don't have grandkids. Step grandkids, yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:48 What? Yeah, but they're not yours. Oh, tell that to them. Say that to their faces. Cause they call him grandpa. No, they call him Mip. Mip. Look at this. But also, can I say something? They call him Mip. They're gorgeous. They drive me nuts sometimes. It's not gonna fuck the kids up as much as people think it's going to fuck them up.
Starting point is 01:35:05 No. You know what I mean? No. It's not going to rub off on them. No. Unless you rub it on them. No. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:13 Okay. Yeah. It's not, it's, it's uh. Unless you rub it on them. It's like having, it's like having uh, you know, like a stripper coming in and going, hey kids. I did learn something though. I asked the-
Starting point is 01:35:24 The stripper's not allowed to do anything sexual. Yeah. I asked the, I asked the no I asked the drag queen I was like is there a straight man that do drag and he said yes and they has a wife and I was like do you think she thinks differently of him and they were like wow like they were flabbergasted I'm asking these questions because I don't know what they like his face face goes like this, pfft. Cory. Yeah, I go like, cause that's a crazy question. Why is that a crazy question? I wonder if your fucking dad hates you. Fucking piece of shit. No we're more open minded, maybe liberal than Cory and a lot of the social things. That's good. I'm socialist left all the way.
Starting point is 01:35:58 Are you a socialist? I don't know what I am dude. You're a socialist because you need people to give you shit. I believe in not working and still being fed. I'll tell you when you become a fucking right-wing conservative is when you make it. Yeah, when you get money, when you hit something and you become big in the business. Pay $300,000 to someone. Pay 300 grand you're gonna be like your money you're gonna be you're gonna be a hundred percent of all about your own
Starting point is 01:36:30 I'm tax write-offs work. It's either that or he gets canceled So then he turns to that that Christian right like the Russell Brand pivot. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah He's Christian now that's crazy that's kind of crazy. Yeah, of course he's just spiritual. He's Christian now that's crazy. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, of course. He's just spiritual He's got to make money Allegations about a lot of people Jared Liddell's gonna turn a lot of people are turning back to God Yeah, well we were talking about in this other podcast I did be honest a lot of people if you look I try I don't know It's it's kind of freaking me out cuz I pray. Mm-hmm. I pray in the morning. I pray during the day
Starting point is 01:37:04 I have a pray you pray multiple times. pray during the day. I have a- You pray multiple times. I have a contact. I have a, no, not at certain times with a rug. I just do it in my closet. At a carpet. But I know- Aladdin's carpet.
Starting point is 01:37:15 I believe in the universe, spirituality. I believe in God. I believe in all that stuff. I don't care. I've always- Dude, I remember when I was with Corrielli on a gig up in upstate upstate New York We did a gig and was sleeping at our manager's father's house Okay, our agents father house or whatever it was Matt Frost and I remember all down in the basement on the couch and I'm on my knees and Coral is like Bob
Starting point is 01:37:39 Does he understand what I was doing? He's like Bob I go I'm fucking He's like, Bob, I go, I'm fucking You think more there's more people turning to God I think the like body especially his generation and lower I think this generation is fucked. I'm talking the people like me Like the older times almost up the people you got a latch to someone but if you but here's the thing if the parents It's because their parents Didn't give that to them or they gave him some tainted version of it, right? So they rebelled against it, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that plus logic you went to Catholic school The Catholic school for ten years church twice a week
Starting point is 01:38:25 Don't don't get him started. No because but he hasn't he you have listen you can't you you have to believe in something Yeah, you know what I mean? Oh, we're gonna do your plugs We have we have to believe in something if you just believe in yourself And where are you gonna go? God is real? Why would he give him such a shitty dad? You know, right? Yeah, but God gave but God gave him him So he survived through all this bullshit. He's finding shit out. You know, tell me they don't they don't believe in God They laugh at me. Sometimes I brought up very much I'll tell you I think I think about it all the time and a lot of the times
Starting point is 01:38:58 I'm I consider myself agnostic because I wish there was one and it would explain a lot But the whole you look at the basic argument that atheists use where it's like why do fucking kids get cancer don't even know about God yet like that shit's crazy yeah but you're blaming bad shit on God he knows everything what if don't think what if shit just happens to people but God's there hang on God's there to help you deal with it this free will I shouldn't let that happen there's God is yep what if that stuff happens? Maybe God's there to help people through things,
Starting point is 01:39:31 to give people trials and tribulations. And what is God to you? You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know. And what are those kids to you? You don't give a fuck. You've never helped a kid. That's true, I don't.
Starting point is 01:39:43 But neither does God. You don't care about them. But what are you doing? What do you care about? What do I care about? I think I'm very privileged. I think- What are you grateful for? I'm grateful that I don't have to pay rent because I live with my parents. Jesus Christ. I'm grateful that Cory Pinsroth is not going to get real skinny and fuck more bitches. And I want to do comedy. I want to gonna fuck more bitches, you know, and I wanna do comedy, I wanna do entertainment for the rest of my life.
Starting point is 01:40:06 I feel like I'm in a great spot to do that shit. There's gotta be, but that's all self-centered, narcissistic, ego, grateful shit. I agree. What the fuck are you grateful for? I would say life, living, breathing. What? What?
Starting point is 01:40:20 That's general, what? What? What are you grateful for? If I had, if you had to make a grateful list, what are you grateful for? My family, my family, love my family. Yeah, like who? My mom, love my mom. You love your mom, you're grateful for her.
Starting point is 01:40:33 Her whole side of the family, love her. Yeah, you're grateful for family. Yeah, I love them. You're grateful for a roof over your head. Absolutely, I already said that, yeah, like my parents, of course. Okay, great, and so these are things that, you know, you have that type of stuff in your heart.
Starting point is 01:40:46 Yes. And, okay, so. I don't think about it as day on day late because I'm focused more on my career path mostly. But yeah, every once in a while I take a breath, I stand back, I'm like yeah, I'm very grateful for my family. Yeah, and I think people who go into religion,
Starting point is 01:40:58 it's not a I believe in this fucking dude. I need a moral compass. I need to wake up and think about shit healthy, positive. You look at any religion, it's all about don't do bad shit to people. Don't do bad shit to yourself. So take the guy out of it and then take the words. It's all good shit.
Starting point is 01:41:22 And people are turning to that because they're sick of narcissistic fame, money, they reached it. And it's like, it wasn't there. It's here. And fucking being by yourself or talking to a friend and having these moments of spirituality. Yeah, a more, you know, what people are finding. And I think more people are going back to that
Starting point is 01:41:46 Yeah, because everybody wants to be famous now Everybody wants likes everybody wants fame everybody wants money and everybody wants what somebody else has right? Yeah, absolutely And I thought once I got to a million on tik-tok shit was gonna change. It's just nothing rolls over. No, it's crazy shit No, you really do and you think there's because of the attention that gets shown on those people no matter what the outcome is you still want to be one of the top 10 People who are like, oh my god, I'm so excited to be on the show I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show
Starting point is 01:42:19 I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show I'm so excited to be on the show. I'm so excited to be on the show He hit a million, there he is, everyone shoot him. Yeah, I think it's because of the attention that gets shown on those people, no matter what the outcome is, you still want to be one of the people that have that experience. Look man, I've seen a lot of people at the, you know, make it huge, and you know, some people- Oh yeah, you've seen a lot of it. Yeah, but some people, you know, it's all relative, it's all relative shit, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:42:43 Yeah. It's the same, it's just a bigger place to, your room is in. Right. You know, or... Some of the most famous people are the most lonely people too. They feel like they're alone. Yeah. And people just want to mooch off them.
Starting point is 01:42:54 Yeah. We're completely... Hahaha! Alright, listen you fucking woke losers. Hahaha! Whoa, whoa. Ayyy! Umm...
Starting point is 01:43:04 Hahaha! We're gonna do plugs right now. Ready? Whose is this? That's mine. Woke losers. Whoa, whoa. Ayy. We're going to do plugs right now. Ready? Whose is this? That's mine. All right, there you go. Tell people who you're going to be. Well, when is this coming out?
Starting point is 01:43:11 It's going to come out in two weeks. Two weeks. Yeah, like the paperboy money. So the, I'll tell you the dates. Sorry. Well, I think those dates are changing. August 23, you can see us at the Dojo of Comedy in Morris Plains, New Jersey. We're gonna be in Miami at the Fort Lauderdale Improv later this month at the end of June.
Starting point is 01:43:34 We have- Baltimore. Magoobies. Magoobies. Baltimore coming up next week. No, that's Fort Lauderdale's next week. When this comes out. Oh sure, god damn it man.
Starting point is 01:43:43 I don't fucking know. Should we just do your dates? Yeah, mark us bro.com Instagram mark is jayman row tick tock mark is jayman row the boyfriend's podcast on Spotify and YouTube This comes out June 22nd. All right, June 22nd. So yeah, that'll be the after for a lot of day We'll be going to mcgoobies this week So mcgoobies this week in Baltimore be more and then after that we're going to Columbus and all these other Hiles and those other Places I don't fucking find me on punch up. I'm on punch up punch up. Yeah punch up that life What's it? What's your name? Or a B?
Starting point is 01:44:12 Those are last year's know if you did some spoofy goober might you know you ever see your videos. They're pretty fucking silly Hey, he's bills. I just want to take one moment. You're gonna fucking make my Facebook famous I just want to take one moment. When are you gonna fucking make my Facebook famous? Come to our podcast when you get a reply to my messages. When did you when when what message? What's that laugh you heard you knew about it Danny? You know he replied to me buddy. What mess? I hate you. I was like yo. I'd love to have you my podcast and you just said red buddy. That's Danny Danny ruds my social media. That's why you laughed, that little fucking piece of shit! Next to Danny, I said Danny gets it. I read it, and then I talk to Bobby and go,
Starting point is 01:44:52 the podcast guy goes, yeah, and then nothing happens. Okay. No, that's not how it works. Dude, I have five podcasts and a radio show and my own comedy. I would love to do it. You've got to just be like, hey, man, we've got to work this out. Okay.
Starting point is 01:45:04 You'll do it? Yes. My name is Matt Lopes. If I'm ever at Matt Lopes and also wherever Corey is on show wise, I'm with him. He does just fucking slobber. It's the worst. Yeah, man. It's going to be a good time. Boyfriends. I'm going to be punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly. I got one date this summer. I take the summer off guys. So if you want to see me go to Portland Maine, and I'm there the 25th and 26th, and that's it Empire Yes Empire Comedy Club. I took the Thursday off because I just I can't I Can't do Thursday. Why I just can't I can't I can't I can't do it. Yeah, it's Thursday their heart. No, it's not. I just couldn't do it
Starting point is 01:45:42 I had to do drag something's coming up Is there anything that's hard? No, it's not. I just couldn't do it. It's when I do drag. Something's coming up. But, uh, yeah. Um, so anyways, go PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all my tour dates. Danny, what do you guys got?
Starting point is 01:45:52 Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. Hey, this is Joe Russell. Me and my wife, we got a show called The Cheese Show on YouTube. We eat a cheese, we learn about the cheese, we pair it with the stuff, we interview the comedian comedian ask them cheesy questions I love it all me on Instagram exactly unlimited and then come check out my show
Starting point is 01:46:15 June 20th at 930 mid-tongues the pair I'm interested in charcuterie one dude Why is he the last? I mean it really just goes downhill Hey, whoo ha Thank you for taking a chance on us Thank you for championing But you know fun we would have been if me and you're on the road together just dumpling it out Let's go. I was fat. I'll do any other weekends that that Cory won't have me Matt right won't have me now I mean dude, you're hooked. Let me tell you right now. You hooked up with this kid Yeah, and you hooked up with Matt right to good Matt right is a sweetheart. Yeah, he's very nice. Very nice
Starting point is 01:46:58 Dude, he's one of the nicest all bad and he came up with Dane Yeah, did he he's open for Ralphie? I think he said, too. Ralphie and Dane. In Ohio, huh? Yeah. So. Yeah. So. No, I'm not complaining.
Starting point is 01:47:11 I'm going to be silent. No, no. Every time Matt hits me, I'm like, yo, do Matt. Please do. That's such a big deal. That's so cool. Matt is, yeah, good. You're, you're, you don't.
Starting point is 01:47:19 Night. You guys are all night. You guys are both fucking fantastic. Thank you. Thank you so much. Plus I got Danny and Joe. I gotta take care of them. I guess. Dude, yes. And here's the thing, I gotta put Zach up on something, don't I Danny? Yes.
Starting point is 01:47:29 Wow, that was a very, that was a raging endorsement. That was very. All right, here's what we're gonna do. We've talked so long. We was supposed to do an hour. We did an hour 40. You guys are very funny. And I hope you guys come back on.
Starting point is 01:47:39 It's cause we got you riled up. Cause we got you riled up with the whole, with the stripper shit. No, dude, I'm with you guys. I'm the the whole, with the stripper shit. No, dude. I'm with you guys. I'm the same, and we're on the same page. Yeah, yeah. I agree.
Starting point is 01:47:49 We are on the same page. And I brought my kid to a fucking drag show. I don't care. I mean, it's this Trumpy over here. You take a photo? Can you send that to me? Yeah, fuck queers! No, don't send it.
Starting point is 01:47:57 I'm just kidding. I'm not lying. I'm just kidding. We'll take a group photo after the Patreon segment. We'll take it. All right. We're going to go to Patreon right now. Hey, guys, if you guys like the show, if you guys, we're gonna go to Patreon.
Starting point is 01:48:06 So you can go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and make sure you just sign up. You're gonna forget that you're paying the money. Yeah, you cheap fucks. Yeah, it's five bucks a month. Sign up right now and you get to ask the guest questions. You get the show early and you get an extra little show every week from me.
Starting point is 01:48:23 So make sure to patreon.com. So that's Robert Kelly. If you're on YouTube watching this for nothing, do me a favor, you're still nots. Click subscribe, like, comment, and all the stuff on social media. Please just do that for me. We're trying to get to 100,000 people on, I want a plaque before I die.
Starting point is 01:48:43 Nice. If five bucks isn't a lot, that's less than coffee these days That's that's cheap. That's nice. You do that. You can charge more. I mean I could but they fucking I mean no one You're gonna get that plaque dude Danny's gonna help you he's not helping he's waiting to leave Then he can't do it Yours says Dave calls him. He's fucking's fucking gone as anybody more any he's gone Yeah, Joe's the only one that's stuck with me forever, but Joe hanging out with him is like hanging out with a shoe
Starting point is 01:49:15 You guys are going to picture right now. See you next time. You know what dude?

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