Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #595 | Mike Vecchione | Lupus Kelly

Episode Date: July 13, 2025

This week Mike Vecchione joins the pod straight off of his new Special "Low Income White" Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. YKWD.

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Today, we got a very special show. Danny, who do we got? Straight off of his new YouTube special, Low Income White, we have Mike Fecchione. Mikey. Hey buddy, thank you for having me on. Can I say something about you? We were hanging out out front, yes. We were smoking bats.

We were smoking bats. We're, uh, you got another special out. You're probably one of the fucking hardest working dudes in the biz. Yeah, but I don't have, I'm a man without a podcast right now. First, dude, you're a man who's free. Yeah, I'm free.

I'm free, but people want content. People want content, so I've gotta get my game up and I have to think of an idea and then push it. You don't need an idea. I need an idea. You don't need a fucking idea. I need an idea. All right, let's brainstorm right now.

Well, I wanna do interviews with elderly people, but all of my ideas are not, you can't monetize them. No one cares. Well, why would, tell me why. Because they have interesting lives. Really? Yeah. You ever have a, be in Florida at like a Publix and there's an older white guy bagging the groceries.

Yeah. Like, I don't want to know about Brad Pitt. I want to know what happened to that guy. What happened to that guy where he's bagging groceries? Was it a gambling problem? Nope. Did a woman just obliterate? I'm going to tell you what happened.

I'll tell you what happened. It's a big word in the news right now. What is it? Obliterate? Obliterate. That's right. That's what we did to Iran. Here's the thing.

I'll say it. If you're not going to say it, I'll say it. You want to, you know, here's what happened, I'll tell you what happened to that guy, ready? Yeah. I'm the guy. Okay. Ready, I was mad, I had a job, I was kicking ass, okay? Smoking, had the kids, all that shit. I worked my ass off, but I let my wife pay the bills,

pay the insurance, do all that stuff. I don't know the passwords or the phone numbers or nothing. I don't know how much money we got. I was just making the money, giving it to her. She took care of everything, right? And then the kids went to college. They had kids and those kids. And then we moved to Florida because I'm going to retire. I came down here. I'm down in Florida. I'm doing my thing. Then this fucking knucklehead dies. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't know where the money is. There's no money. This bitch apparently loves bingo. It's all gone. Now I gotta go get a fucking one bedroom with a fucking friend of mine who's 92, who farts

and smells and shits his pants. And I gotta bag groceries because my fucking social security and all the bullshit that I thought I had is gone because I had to put her on life support for fucking three months before this broad kicked the bucket and there's nothing left. And I won't die. I should should die I can't wait to die but now I'm bagging groceries for you you piece of shit while I have nothing okay that's that's I don't need a podcast now you just explained what I just say that don't ever trust women that's the message for the listeners yeah yes and the viewers don't trust them I you know what I realized today my wife left okay

because you're married you're married Yes, I'm married now. You're the newly newly married not newlywed, but newly married I mean one of my favorite people in the business oldest newlywed your wife is funny and cool Yeah, awesome nice. I always love when you come up to something I've known it before you as a comic right Nice, cool, but now she's your wife. Still cool, like Sarah. Two of my favorite comedy wives. And they have a podcast together.

They're funny together. They're very funny. They're very funny. Here's the thing, my wife said to me today, scared the piss out of me. Scared the piss out of me. And what was it? I'm leaving, she's jumping in the car to go.

I go, I'll see you later. I go, a friend of mine just got separated. I go, you know, we'll never separate, right? She goes, you couldn't live without me. You don't know what the fuck to do. Wow. And I was like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You were looking for confirmation

and she countered that with a threat. Yes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Isn't that great how that works? You were looking for loving confirmation there. And she just, she gave you a nice threat and then just slowly drove away. Did she stare at you as she was driving away?

Didn't look at me. Didn't look at me. She just turned her head and left. Oh my God. There's a problem, dude. It's cold. Is she's right. I don't know what to do.

Like if something, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know how to pay. I don't know what to do. Like if something, you know what I mean? I don't know how to pay a bill. I don't know how to budget a checking book, something. I don't know the account numbers, I don't know any of it. I've given her all that stuff. The power, I think the word you're looking for is power. She has all the power. I've given her all the power,

and if something happens to her, I'm fucked. So I gotta keep this. You gotta keep her alive. If you die in your sleep for some mysterious Epstein-like death, then she's fine. She can go fuck a Mexican plumber. She's good. And why wouldn't she?

Why wouldn't anybody? I wish we had that option. We don't have the fucking option. Well, but do you ever feel insecure that you put yourself at such a disadvantage? And it's because you're not, it's not because you're not smart, it's because of laziness, basically.

It's because of laziness. It's because you didn't follow up. You didn't, you gave her all of the- It was trust. Yeah. It was slowly sucking things from me. Right. I'll take care of it.

I'll do that. Yeah. I'll do that. Right. I'll take care of this. I'll do that. I'll do that. I'll take care of this. I'll do that. I lived on my own. I did my own thing. I didn't need much. I needed one bowl, one fork, one spoon, one plate. And next thing you know, you're cornered. I lived with Billy Burr, with an African dude. I was fine. Two whites? Two whites and an African guy was the African guy white was it is there no Oh, I think I was we was he was dark as night He was he was stuck wasn't stand-up comedy different back then yeah, I mean it's a different world now

I don't know. I think it's coming back to being crazy, right? Don't you think I don't know I mean the industry's knocked out of the box, so that's pretty good Everybody can just kind of make their own way now We it's really like the real out of the fucking gate right now. I'm so happy for you first of all I love when guys that we came up with who became hot. Yeah, you know, there's a bike look I had Colin I Had Louie. Yeah, you know what I mean? Dane like I mean, I know we don't really talk about Dane, you know

Pickle up but now you got Nate you got Shane. Yeah, you know these fucking guys, right? Sending the elevator back down Yes, and Nate is is is is send is is he sending the elevator back down to the bottom floor? Yeah, where I am right And I'm taking it up and I'm not going back down and I'm not taking the stairs Are we done with this analogy? Should we keep going keep going? Okay? Ah, well, he's setting it down not as far. You can't send it down too far because you know Nate Yeah, I'm believing it but you got your new special that is on Nate land which is huge. Yeah, it's huge. It's great It's my second one with with

Nate and it's it's it's huge because you he doesn't just put anybody on the right and you have to be very funny number one and you can't be dirty right right what now you were never dirty now because I did a bunch of late nights so you can't be dirty for those as you know you've done a bunch of them too I've only done one okay I thought I thought you did Conan. You do Conan? No, I met him. Okay.

Well, you're the kind of guy if you wanted to do it, you could do it, but you don't want to. I remember, I'll tell you. Well, you're making a choice. My Conan audition was at Stand Up New York, and I got up there and I waited, and they of course put me up last, because I, you know, you don't want us to fuck. I go up last, as they introduce me,

all the people that book Conan stand up and walk out of the room. Now, you know how it is to come up with a clean seven minute set. I busted my twat for this set for two weeks, and they get up. You busted your twat for a clean set Yeah, of course I'm sorry, but no is it good

And as soon as I get up they they got up and walked out I lied on the ground and just talked to God at so about why is it hurt so bad at what point? While you were talking to God about why, because it hurts so bad. At what point while you were talking to God did they drop checks? Because that probably at that time. As soon as I said, God, show me a sign, and they dropped check. And it's funny, because they dropped one on my face.

They charged me for my drink. Yeah, dude, it was bad. But you know who did take care of me was Jimmy. Yes. We found him. He was great. I remember that. We watched it. Yes, we watched your tonight show me and Soder

Oh in Queens. All right. Fuck you. Good. Say it now. No, no Yeah, you could first now because you did I know I know how that came about you did comics come home Yeah, okay. Yeah Come Home. Yeah. Okay. With Kimmy. Yes. Yeah. So then it was like, let's get you on the show.

He was like, yeah. Yeah. Right. And then Michael. I know that happened yet. Right. But you have been on a bunch of things. Mm-hmm.

Which was, I mean, you're great at it. You murdered. Yeah, well, it's my style, though. It's what I'm doing. You murder. Yeah. You fucking murder at that style of comedy. Right. Now, do you find it hard going on the road? Does it? Well, you're doing an hour on the road at a club, but right fucking they're crazy. Blah blah

Is there any point where it's like I know I can always go to fucking what's up at your fucking dumb face? Nice shoes fat. Yeah, I can go there. You know what I mean? Not you I mean this guy's gonna fight me you fucking cuz well, I got my yeah, I got muscle here you get to it. Yeah, you and there I told him strict instructions. Do not smile Yeah, do not smile. I want you intimidating. Yeah, they're cutting edge. They're intimidating. Yeah, I mean Ohio guys really Yeah, they're fucking big kids. They're big. They're full of steroids. Yeah ready. Yeah, they're ready. Yeah cocks are red Anyway, I don't know what that means But They're ready. Their cocks are red. What? Anyway, I don't know what that means. But, like when I do it, I can fuck off and go in another place.

Right. But like, you are a joke, you're a joke guy. Yeah. You're a joke guy. Does that fuck you up sometimes? No, it doesn't because I do crowd work. I've been doing crowd work like at the end of the set now. Okay.

But I'll just, I can stick to the, I don't wanna do crowd work too early because it's like then they think that's what it is. And then I lose focus on what I'm trying to work on. But yeah, I'll do my material upfront. But like being a New York guy, it's like we have that style. So it's like, it's not too long before, you're not too far from a punch line.

We talk about this Nate, all on the road. You know what I mean? It's like, you're never too far from a punch line. We talk about this Nate all on the road You know what I mean? It's like you're never too far from a punch line It's like you're whatever you're talking about It's like we have the bits designed to where you're hitting a punch and because you don't want people live stand-up comedy I don't know if people are watching it or going to clubs or whatever, but You will bomb you will bomb if they don't know you if you're going to I imagine that people know you now when you go On the road. I mean, yeah That's very hard when they don't know you and they're're going to, I imagine that people know you now when you go on the road. I mean, yeah, but this place is-

That's very hard when they don't know you and they're just coming for a show or half the people know you and half the people don't know who you are. I have that. Sometimes I'll do like a bunch of people just show up at an improv or whatever and they got, you know, fucking one free tickets

for their birthday, all their office party, whatever the fuck they did. Yeah. That's why I hated that, but whatever. But isn't it hard when you go into the crowd, if you go into the crowd too early, they think that's what it is, and then you're going into a bit, and they're like, do her!

It's her birthday, do her now! Don't you love that? I don't love that. But I- That'd be great if you just turned, you're like, get him out, get him out! I saw Dice do that, I was used at the RIV. I went to see him with Norton and Rogan years ago,

and it's like he just got back into doing standup again. And he's at the RIV, and I'm like, all right, should we, he walks out, and the guy, the first literally minute and a half, get him out! Fucking goodbye! And the guy just said something like, Dice! Or something, poems or whatever, he's like, fucking B! And they just went, funk, dies or something, poems or whatever. He's like, fucking B.

And they just went, funk, funk. And he goes, whatever. And he just goes into his act. He's like, will you have a fucking chick and you kick your legs apart in an alley and then stick it in? You're like, what the fuck, he's the best. No, I don't, look, this is what happened to me recently.

People who come to see me, they're not there for me. And it's usually, I'll say it, fucking women. Usually chicks with me. They have some chip on their shoulder with me for some reason and they chose fuck him out of the gate. I leave him alone now. You can sit there and be quiet. You can sit there and look at me like you can smell shit,

but you don't know where it is. I'm fine with that. Younger, bobby ego, fuck something, you're a dumb face. Fuck you, you fucking twat. You know what I mean, I'd lose my mind. But now I just let it go. But if you say something to me, or you, whatever, if you're fucking with other people that are enjoying me,

even if they're with you, fuck you. I hate you. Yeah, no, that's very hard when they're going, they're doing that face, or they're doing, or my favorite is when you start a premise and they're doing this. They're just shaking their head back and forth. And it's like, no, no, I'm not even at the joke yet.

No, no, this isn't a town hall. These aren't facts. I'm doing a joke. How is it no? How are you doing no? What is that? Yeah, yeah. Or it's like I was doing a show.

It was up in Providence or something. It was Boston-esque. And I was doing a joke between the jokes. This guy was going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that. I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that. Oh, I've been there.

Uh-huh, I know that. And finally, it was right at the beginning too. So it's like, I got an hour of this and I said, you got to stop what you're doing, dude. You have to stop. I'm trying to have fun with the crowd. You have to stop. You said, what? What? What are you doing? Don't play that with me. You know what you're doing. You know what you're doing. I can bomb on my own, dude. I don't need you to try to throw me. I have a voice in my head. Then your voice is conflicting with my voice. I still got to perform. I don't know what your problem is. Stop doing it. Yeah, it's fun They don't understand how hard no end up is we're literally going up there

I don't know about you, but every time I go on stage, I'm nervous Yes, and this is like 35 years 40 years I mean, it's kind of insulting but yes 70 years not's 70 years. It's not 70, it's not 40. It's multiple sclerosis. I don't have that. Lupus. It's Lupus performing. It's not Lupus.

It's not? No. I thought that was your stage name. No, it was f**king Loll disease. Oh. It was from a tick and I got, I healed. I'm sorry. It's all right.

Jesus Christ. But, Lupus, Lupus Kelly. Lupus Kelly. Lupus Kelly. I want that to be my nickname. I think that's the name of the episode. Or at least a clip. It's over there. Oh, sorry.

No, I'm trying to think of the worst. I know that when the chick is looking at you and then she's shaking her head sucks, but I hate, yeah, no. Oh, when they answer the joke, and you're having it to the punchline, but this is what I hate, it always, when you get them, they go, fuck you.

It's like, come on, this is what you got? Fuck you? Like, we're 10? You piece of shit, you just fuck it. I just trashed you, I got you, and then fuck you. It's like, fuck it, son of a bitch. But everybody enjoyed it. Everybody enjoyed me trashing you.

Yes. Can't you have a sense of humor about it? Can't you have a sense of humor? How I made fun of your left tit being way small than your right tit. And how your husband wants nothing to do with you. Fucking dried up cooch. Can't you enjoy that?

You fucking mole hag. You fucking broom, you witch. Yeah, it's women not welcome at Bobby's shows. I think that's the. What is it. Women not welcome at Bobby's shows. I think that's the... What is it? Women not welcome. No, I love women at my show, but women with a sense of humor.

You know what it is? I had a guy in North, I don't know where the fuck I was, one, I don't do good in the South. Really? I don't. But it doesn't, see, that's weird because it works the opposite. Yeah, because Florida's all people from up here. But like, people from the south come up north and everybody thinks it's charming.

Right. But if people from north go down to the south, it's like you're harsh. Yeah. But they say it in that southern year. It's your horse. It's like this a little something off like they're a little I don't know. Yeah. I think that's why Nate is so good in that part of the country. Right. He's good everywhere. He's good in the Midwest too, but it's like it's like one thing when they expect you to be self-deprecating And you're not him. He's not good in Harlem Harlem hates him. I was talking to black people. They're like this motherfucker Yeah, it's just different don't you wish I'd just give you a mill? Just throw me a mill? I mean, dude, and it's not even for a project. It's like, here's

a million. Oh, how about here's a million. I think you should get out of the business. That's the age old question. It's like, how much money would I for you to get out of the business? Five million? Five. Because that you done that, you've budgeted that at least. I wish there was an eccentric comic like Nate or somebody who has that money, who has like a hundred million, he'll be like, I'm gonna do that just to fuck around. Yeah, it tells you to get out of the business though. It just, you can't do anything creative. No, no, no, nothing. You have to get a job doing something else. I'll go to fuck, I'll go up to New Hampshire, I'll get a job, I'll work at Home Depot. But they get, yeah, but they get to pick whatever job is.

No. You're a doorman. No, no, no, no. You're a doorman. No. You're Bobby the Doorman. No, I wanna do something, I wanna be a greeter at Walmart. Hello, how you doing? Pillows are down here,

and there's a sale on fucking kooky t-shirts. Look at this one. I don't want them to pick my job. No, fuck that. No. Five mil. want them to pick my job. No, fuck that. Five mil. They have to agree on whatever job you pick. Okay, they can agree, but I get to work the hours I want. And I get to quit when I want and get another one.

But it has to be an equally humiliating job. I can't be humiliating. I'm not the greeter at Walmart of humiliating, it's not. No, that's not. No, it's actually not. It's a nice thing. No, I think it is too. I think five million, if you give five million in the bank,

the interest alone, you'd be able to live off that, right? I think so, but it depends on the markets and tariffs and all that stuff now, and if there's a socialist mayor. Oh, what do you think about this dude? I don't know, I don't know enough about him. You love him. I don't know enough about him, but everybody's saying he's good, then you know you turn on other stations

And it's like it would socialist is just a term for communist so Well, he wants I just bought property too, so you did not good for me Where did you buy property in the city you bought a house a condo you bought a condo dude congratulations brother Welcome to the big boy well. Wow, it's a mortgage. Yeah, dude. Me and the bank own it. Yeah, but here's the thing. The bank could move in at any time.

I'm gonna, no they can't stop with that negative thinking. Alright. Here's the thing. Shout out Citibank! It'd be funny if they just paid off your, like we heard you on YKWD? We're big fans. We're gonna take it your mortgage is done I'm telling you the best thing I ever did the first money I made where I could buy so I bought my apartment on 47 Oh nice

and that was allowed me to get out of the city and buy a house and That house allowed me to buy my other house and that it's just owning it paying rent in Manhattan is the fucking dumbest thing in the world It's the dumbest thing but it's like you can't get out of it because I understand why you can't get out of it It's like the rent is so high like I saved money over the years Living with soda for a decade helped and it's like you live you live small for years And you just save money and then when you can buy something you it's that down payment. That's a killer. It's you just save money and then when you can buy something you it's that down payment that's a killer. It stinks. It's it's it's a killer because we're gonna pay the same amount every month that I was paying in rent basically. But you own

it. But I own it. And then when you sell it yeah you're gonna make a little money even if you sold it next year you'd still make money. Right that's if there's capitalist mayor and not... It's true you're gonna lose your power. I mean you should... I think it's gonna be a men's shelter now according to this guy's true. You're going to lose your part. I mean, you should you. I think it's going to be a men's shelter now, according to this guy's policies. I actually don't know. Actually, they might. But they're scaring me. They are scaring me. Oh, New York's falling apart. If he gets in, we're fucked. Well, Mayor Adams is the they're going to defund the police.

Right. So guys, we've got ascotts and fucking sweaters to show up on the scene when a guy in a fucking in a diaper with a knife is fucking going nuts. Some white dudes going to show up. What scene when a guy in a fucking in a diaper with a knife is fucking going nuts. Some white dudes gonna show up. What's wrong with you? Right. What happened? Relax everybody. People you can't. It's crazy. You need crazy to fight crazy. You need it's just like with dogs. An alpha dog. But you don't think social workers should now be cops? No, I don't. I think angry guys with mustaches should beat the shit out of people who act like I mean call me old school No, I think yeah, you think buddy you when the fuck are we gonna get it that the utopia doesn't exist, right?

You need to come in and go hey Knock it the fuck off. Yeah. Yeah, and that guy's gonna go Okay, and knock it the fuck right doesn't grab him and huck him into a fucking cell But I mean fuck them well not like them in the ass right I mean that's a little extreme no listen No, it's a little extreme for my for my taste, but a guy you're fucked in the ass. No straighten me out I'm been sober 39 years. Good. What are you gonna say? Because I just don't understand the argument like a guy screaming living in his own shit. It's like well, that's his freedom of assembly It's like that's not really what our forefathers. I think had in mind don't think so. It's not good for him

It's not good for us like you see that in Austin I'm not the pick on Austin, but like when we were there for like Moon Tower or whatever It's like you had a thing I think in Moon Tower. It's like we were about to go on stage and this guy this this Unhoused this homeless guy like got like whatever with you. No, no, it's like where you were about to go on stage and this guy, this, this, uh, unhoused, this homeless guy like got like whatever with you? No. No, that's not true. No, it's not me. Yes. Yeah, I was in Moon Tower. No. When? Something happened. No, Joe List got chased. Yeah, Joe List got chased, but it was something where you were about to go on stage and, and it wasn't, it was just like some kind of something. A aggressive those guys are super aggressive those guys are super

aggressive and Austin's policy was like oh we'll just let it happen and they're not hurting anybody it's like yeah that's not helping them it's not helping society I hope so yeah Rogan went it was like hey I don't like that and they're like okay he just sets the tone I swear to God I'm pretty sure he that's great if he was like that would be better You got to take care of these homeless fucking in candidates and they did they're gone, right? but the reason like like it was like They were giving out drugs or the prescription because the only it's a very liberal place in Texas

So they were giving drugs out to these psychiatric patients And so they would have to stay in that area in order to get their drugs after being released from whatever hospital they were from, because it was the only area in Texas that would do that. But then they had no plan for it, so they're just kind of roaming the streets, waiting for their drugs.

Yeah, with a knife and a scooter. Right. It's nuts. Yes. And in New York, even like, dude, I don't wanna go to the subway and just see a pair of pants with shit in them, and then little girl shoes. It's like, what happened here?

Does nobody care? What the fuck is that? And then you're on the train and these people, you know who the fuck they are, and there's no cops. If they defund the police, if they want to take away police from the city, we should add more police. Well, there is more of a police presence on the subways now. I will notice that. I don't know if they have any power to do anything, but there is more presence.

I'm worried if the only thing I care about is the police. If this guy gets in and gives away fucking free food to poor people, I give a fuck. You want to have a socialistic grocery store where people are waiting in line for some horseshit food? Have it! But have, I want the rich, it's like the airport. You wanna have the little Dunkin' Donuts and the little deli or the little store where the people go, I wanna go to the lounge. I'm a diamond. I'm a diamond, you understand?

I wanna go upstairs, I wanna get a little bagel, maybe a little risotto and a latte, and I wanna sit down, I want to have free wifi, and sit with Ray. Have that! Don't just take every, don't make everybody equal. We can't. I don't want to be equal.

I want to be better. You want to be clear. You want to skip the line. No, I don't want to be clear. I want to be fucking digital. I want to walk up and go good. I want to walk by clear. I want to walk by TSA.

I want to walk by every. You want to skip the pilots? I want to skip them all. I want to walk by TSA. I want to walk by every you want to skip the pilots I want to skip them all I want to fuck is I if there was if I could pay to just walk by everybody underneath Or float above you like I'm like strap something to me and I floated above everybody I would fucking do that in five seconds. Well, I think the cops thing is good You know bring back, you know, there needs to be cops in the city There needs to be a police presence. But also it's like, you need like mental hospitals, you need, you need facilities.

You can't just be like, yeah, let them live their lives. It's like, yeah, you got that. Come on, dude. It's like these people need mental help. Get them in hospitals. You need them in the hospital where you can light them on fire and get rid of them. I understand what you're saying. What they used to do. No, a hundred a percent they need places for the yeah for them to go right, but if this guy I don't care people

He's Muslim. All right, whatever whatever I don't give a fuck. I don't care either I mean, I don't care what you are. Whatever your policies are You got to run the city for it to work for average people It has to work for average people But I'm also saying like if this guy is gonna blow up the city, it's gonna for average people. It has to work for average people. But I'm also saying like, if this guy is going to blow up the city, it's going to fuck and fall apart and do it. Yeah, you don't care because you live upstate. Yeah, do it.

You live in a cabin with a, I'm sure you have a fallout shelter. I don't have a cabin. My cabin's in New Hampshire. I have a regular house, you piece of shit. Well, I bought something in the city, so I'm the one who's going to suffer. I hate that people, I bought a tiny house in the White Mounds in New Hampshire, but people have spread the rumor that that's where I live. Like I drive to New Hampshire every night to a small tiny house.

That's great. I have a regular house. I like to believe that. Okay. Now I believe that you live in New Hampshire in a small tiny house, and you ski ski into the city I gotta drive up there tonight I have a wood a woodcarving class tomorrow morning. I gotta hit No, I the one I don't care about that

I don't give a fuck I care about the cops and here's the thing about the cops 60 over 65% of the cops Minorities right about the 80s where it's a bunch of white guys with mustaches. It looks like the fucking village people. It's fucking Spanish, black, Asian, bunch of people. It's a great job from minorities, you fucking assholes. Don't take it, don't handcuff them and make it so they can't do their job.

The fact, when I see cops getting yelled at, or people, because they know they can't do shit, the cops can't do their job. The fact, when I see cops getting yelled at, or people, because they know they can't do shit, the cops can't do anything anymore, and they walk up and they did some rule check, with like, I know that I can say this, this, and this, and if they touch me, they're losing their job, fucking bothers me. Yeah, because you can't take authority from them.

They need to have authority. And then, and believe me, there's some of these cops who abuse it, I get it, but it's like, that can't be the policy. Weed the the bad ones out and then give them the power that they need to do their job Let them do their job leave leave the bad ones need a couple maybe they should have a special force Yes, the bad ones the bad ones. That's a good idea and then release them We'll get these two kids on these guys are made for that magic showing up these two, Ohio kids These fucking lugs were like hey give me your what's your name? I'm not have to give you my name this kid would hit you with his fucking his tits

He'd fucking smack and not get with his they can't wait for something like that to happen Aggressive kids like this from the Middle West. Yeah, they can't wait. Are you wrestling you wrestlers? Yeah. Yeah, you can tell That's the cop. Yeah. Yeah, I don tell they're fire. Oh, they'd like that's the cop Yeah, yeah, I don't want a little fat lady a little fat Indian lady They can't run the funniest thing is when you see these cops chasing after these criminals, right? And you hear the tingling a lingling the little keys and all this shit jingling and they can't run We need right Navy SEALS. Yeah back in the car. I think they should start the conversation with pepper spray. Shoot them in the eyes with pepper spray.

Have the conversation while they're rolling around. I think you're right. Taser immediately. Anybody have a question? You ask for directions. You're tasered. Is there anything funny when you see somebody getting lippy when they get out of control?

Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit. And you hear, and they just go. And they fall backwards. They tense up, they soil themselves. Then you're, okay, okay, okay. It makes me so happy. The taser gun is one of the fucking greatest things ever invented.

I don't want to see people get shot. I want the taser gun, but I want a more powerful one. I want one where they shit themselves, where literally piss and shit just shoots out. It's like, you fucking pig. And it just goes, and then they go, I just hit my pants. I want Keith Robinson.

Remember when he shit his pants? Piece of shit. Made me so happy when Keith Robinson got tasered by the cops. And no, he got pepper sprayed. He got pepper sprayed by the cops and he just shit. Oh my God. You ever heard that story? No.

Him and Little Kev were dropping Rachel off. How long ago was this? This was years ago. Oh yeah. They're dropping Rachel off. And Kevin Hart, you guys know him, we know him as Little Kev. But Kevin Hart, so the driver driver the cops fucking pulled him over because And this

Okay, because he's black, okay, okay, so they'll pull him over and Keith like fuck that mother I ain't get you ain't getting shit, you know Keith Yeah, getting shit fucking give me and they just pepper spray you. And he goes, he goes, we'll pepper spray you sir. He's getting like, he's like, I ate pepper spray for breakfast motherfucker. And they're like, okay, sit. And he went, ah!

And he fell to the ground and shit his pants. Ah! You mother, he's like, ah! It hurts, yeah. Oh my God. I remember Keith. That was ah, it hurts. Yeah. Oh my God. I remember Keith. That was today.

It would be videoed and it would just be a TikTok. It would be viral. He'd draw from that. That is the one thing. He would sell theaters. That is the one thing. Did you see the guy, the guy from Cobra Kai? Did you see him?

You know, what's his name? Brett Ernst? No, not... Danny, I've never wanted to cave your head in with a fucking hammer more than right now. No the main guy. The main guy the evil the evil karate guy. What's his name? If his fucking cousin gets it before you on his phone. What? Martin Cove. You fucking stink Danny. Is it Joe? Not you Danny, right?

Well, Joe's over there so I had to do it. Okay, Martin Cove, who is the original Cobra Kai guy. I guess he was fucking around at some Comic Con signing thing and one of the, I don't want to think, co-stars who's an Asian woman that he did the show with last season, they were like, they probably got carried away and he bit her.

But playful biting, right, some shit? And she kind of was like, that's not, you know, I don't think that's right. And she went to his son, who's a fucking monster, and he's like, can you please just tell him I don't like that and that's not right that he did that. And it's just can you please just tell him I don't like that? And that's not right that he did that. And it's just, you know, really, I don't want him to do that.

I don't want him to bite me. What does that say to somebody? And he was like, he said, all right, well, what the fuck? He started snapping at her. Like, why are you getting fucking mad? I just bit you, joking around. And she was like, oh really? Fuck you, went and got the cops. There's a whole big video

you gotta watch this video and she is all she's trying to do in front of the cops on camera is Get him to snap like he just met right right right he he she wants that 1982 go fuck yourself. You whore. You dumb broad. I'll fucking bite you when I want, you know what I mean? And she's close. And did he? He stayed calm? He was, dude, he was putting his hands in his pockets.

He's fucking looking down to the ground. He kept going, look, I apologize. And she's like, you know, I had an 80 year old man, an elderly, kept calling him elderly, 80, dude she kept trying to get him to snap. And he was like looking down, he's like no mercy, you can see, we strike fast hard, no mercy. You can see this guy, all he wanted to do was,

and so she's yelling and the cop was like, you're lucky, she could be, her husband could have been here too, and she's like, my husband's right there. And he's just this cuck actor and just letting his wife handle the business and all she wanted to do is you know grab her husband smash him in the chin and have her son Spartan kick her on the chest over a picnic table but you can't you can't do it anymore because of the now it's a setup it's all a setup now because we got this shit yeah we got this shit yeah yeah you can't you can't you can't well

that's gonna be obsolete it's gonna be AI soon so even if you don't do it it's gonna they can configure it so it looks like you did do it here here's what's gonna happen and then everybody's gonna get framed and you're gonna but then there's gonna be another technology comes in that decides whether is it was it real or was it fake and then another technology is gonna come in and be like the thing that was deciding whether it was real or fake was not real that's real or fake that's real if yes and it's a never-ending process and then once you can have an old guy who bags groceries

going you know I buddy here's what's crazy to be here it is right here we watch this on Bonfire today. Oh my, go to the end. Just go all the way to the end. And he already, see where the thing is. No, go back. See where most people are watching where it rises. Let me ask you this.

What's, they didn't have the playful bite. Like they didn't have a playful bite. They didn't film that. They didn't film that. So they're at Comic Con. They probably were on the set a bunch of times. You know, you flirt and do stupid stuff. You know what I mean?

You jerk somebody off, whatever. You know, joking around. Right, you know, set stuff, right? And I think he bit her, like, kidding. And she was like, I don't like that. Which, I don't know who would, right? You're getting bit with a gun. In his defense, her name was General Tau. I'm just kidding.

I'm just joking around. So he kind of got it like, ah, shut the fuck up. She wanted an apology, but just, you know, hey, can you not? And he was like, oh, what the fuck you getting mad for? You know what I mean? Right, right, right. He did And he was like, what the fuck you getting mad for? You know what I mean? He did what they probably did back on the set of Cobra Kai to Elizabeth Shoe.

Listen, you broad, nice tits, go get me an apple. You know what I mean? And they just don't do that anymore. And then watch this, she's trying to trigger and play this. I have to stand here with the policeman. I am so tired. I'm so sorry, darling, I really want you to know that I'm ashamed that I did something like that. And when you were going, telling me this, I got it. I really got it.

You got mad. You yelled at me. Motherfucker, you yelled at me. Oh, she's getting mad. See? Yeah. You got mad. The audacity. How dare you, sir. How dare you. You definitely should not have done that when you were in the wrong. Yes, you are in the wrong. I understand. You're the audacity Yes, you are in the wrong I'm yelling now and I'm stirring the pot and it sucks doesn't it? Oh see what she's doing? Yeah Yeah, she wants to get clocked right in the face. He's holding his look all those guys are holding their fist back from just

from just Indulging in something improper by doing that yeah and bit somebody your old coot Sorry Don't search, because you are a senior citizen, and I respect the outfit. Oh my god, that makes it worse. What a fuck. You are 50? She's, if you were 50, which is old, she said, if you were 50, I'd fight you. Her husband's not saying anything, by the way. She's trying.

Where's her husband? He's right over to the right. He's an actor, too. But he's just letting her just go off, rough shot. And this guy, all she wants to do is crack a skateboard over her head. He wants to knock that stupid cap off her head But he can't because it's not the good old days, right? Back in the day when you make a chick flinch

But I like that she cannot let up on the fact that instead of just letting it go or prosecute him like process whatever It's like anything. He's anything better. Anything is better than this. This is the worst. I would be like, you know what, hit me. I'd rather take the consequences of whatever it is you hitting me, internal bleeding, whatever. I know I'm elderly, that's fine. That's better than this whole scenario. This is cringe-worthy.

And this goes off at 25 minutes. She yells at him. What cops are letting this happen? Somebody should be tased. Electricity needs to be involved in this. He wants to, she wants him to flip out, the camera's going now, she wants that. Right? She didn't get that on camera. Right, right, right. She wants him to fucking do what he just did before the cameras are on. She wants him to go, listen, you fucking dumb,

just some slang for you. Hey, listen, slanty face. My grandfather didn't fucking fight you cocksuckers for no reason. Shut your face. That's what she wants. Right, right, right. Whatever he did before, off camera,

she wants to, she's trying to push him. Yeah. She wants revenge, she wants sweet revenge. She wants revenge. But it would have been better for her to punch him. Yeah. To get him. She wants revenge, she wants sweet revenge. She wants revenge. But it would have been better for her to punch him. Yeah, or for him to crank kick her. Do a wax on right on her face. Fuck.

Yeah, it's, that's the type of shit. We can't, we can't do anything anymore. No. You bat. No. You bet. No, but even without the camera, like take the camera out, just let it play out. Let it play out, but all this posturing for the camera,

however it plays out is fine with me. But the whole I'm posturing for the camera thing is terrible, in any scenario, it's just gross. Just let it play out. There's no consequences anymore. Like, you're not gonna, people aren't afraid of the cops because the cops can't do anything. I, look, my kid doesn't know how to run.

He doesn't? No. I gotta teach him how to run this year. He wants to play football. Right. And he's like, I'll be running back. I'm like, no you won't unless you want to. If the running, all the running backs run like the girl from Taken because you don't lift your knees up

and you don't use your arms. You run like you fucking have wet slippers on. And you know, so I gotta teach. I don't know if that's gonna build his confidence. Well, I don't know. You know what I mean? I know, but here's the thing. I learned how to run from the cops.

Okay. You understand? My generation. Yeah, because the cops. Okay, you understand? Yeah my generation Yeah, because the cops would beat you the cops will fuck you up. Yeah and take you to jail Yeah, we and your name is Kelly and the cops are Irish, right? Exactly, and they would love to beat you up But I mean we get our beers or whatever we got down the park and the car you'd see the cops would sneak up And we would fucking fly. I mean, dude, fly through a field.

You know what I mean? Just fly in there, ching ching ching ching ching. That sound would fucking panic. Pick my legs up, dude. I could run, I'd be in the Olympics, I was so fucking fast. I could do a 440 in fucking five minutes. I was, because I learned how to,

I was afraid of the cops. These kids don't give a fuck about the cops anymore. They've bitched the cops out so much on the, it's like, you can't, give me your license. No, I don't have to. It's America, the fucking global amendment. Just give the fucking cop your license. Yeah, but then it's like, what are the steps then?

When you go, let me have your license, and they go no. It's like, all right, well, is there another is there another, what's the next step that we can all agree on as a society that has to happen? It's like, well, we got, you got to get the ID at some point. It's like, am I arrested? It's like, well, you're detained. It becomes that like word game kind of a word game. Look, you got to talk to me.

It's like, do I have to talk to you? Am I under arrest? It's like, you're detained because we're doing it. It's an ongoing investigation. it's like well I'm not staying here I don't care and they start walking off and then it's like then you're grabbing them and then it looks like you're grabbing them but they have to be don't forget that the cops are two chubby chicks that really can't chase the person who is walking away briskly I say get rid of all the cops

everybody's an internet sleuth huh I like internet sleuths are cops now I like that how's this everybody gets a taser oh that's good but you only get one you only get one shot there's only one voltage in there it's only one shot and you gotta make a count you gotta make a count you make fucking count I actually like the rubber bullets thing oh I love you know what I mean because it's like you get to get that get the anger out by shooting, but no one has to die Well people do die there was somebody who died rubber bullets when the Red Sox won the World Series Oh my god, it always comes back to the Red Sox

You listen we won the fucking World Series in 2004 and this bitch got nuts and the cop shot her in the eye And she died you can't shoot somebody in the eye sure he wasn't aiming for the eye I mean you probably aiming for a fucking loudmouth. You've got to go in the eye sure he wasn't aiming for the eye. I mean you're probably aiming for a fucking loudmouth You've got to go to the rubber shooting range and You like guns. I don't have any experience with them to be honest with you No, no, no Italians are more bats for bat orientated You know, I don't look at these two fucking mooks you brought with it. Yeah, they're like, yeah, that's true They're ready to go. They're ready to fuck. They're ready to go.

They don't need nothing but my hands. What was the last fight you got into? That was a long time ago. Yeah? A physical, like a physical fight. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, you grabbed somebody and said,

I'm gonna fucking burn you. It was college. College? Yeah, yeah. Who was it? Yeah. It was, somebody said something to my girlfriend College? College? Yeah, yeah. Who was it? Yeah. It was somebody said something to my girlfriend at the time at a bar and I drove her home

because it was a bunch of them. I drove her home and then came back and then just waited for them to come out because I didn't want her, if I was going to have to to take a beating I didn't want her to see it. You keep saying them. Yeah. Them them? No, no, just guys, just it was just guys. I like the because did my joke he says is that they them?

I was getting to it. You talk Chaka. This asshole. It was a she they his her. It was his they them it. Yeah. Yuck. It was a y, they, his, her. It was his, they, them, it, yuck. It was a yucky, yucky, yuck. I know, dude, I remember, fuck, I haven't gotten

a fight in a long time. I'm so nervous of fighting now. That surprises me, because you do have, you have an aggression in you. I have aggression, but I also have a big heart. I hate. No, no doubt that you have a big heart, but you do have that edge to you.

Any fight that I've ever gotten into that I've won, I've cried. At the like after, yeah, like I felt terrible. Yeah, I mean, I was working at Grossman's Bargain Outlet. And I was, you know, whatever, doing flat stack in the yard and stacking shelves and shit. And I got this kid that was in my art class, this big oof, just a big, like a big kid like this,

but these guys are good looking guys. This guy was like a fucker, you know what I mean? But I got him a job there because he was kind of oofy, but he was a big guy. Get him the job. One day he starts fucking with me. I'm like, hey man, you gotta do this. And then he's like, nah.

I was like, what? He's like, nah. I go, buddy, we gotta do this or we gotta go, please. Just take the installation, stack it up. He's like, nah, I was like, what? He's like, nah. I go, buddy, we gotta do this, or we gotta go, please. Just take the installation, stack it up. He's like, nah, I'm not gonna do it, you do it. I was like, what? He goes, I don't wanna do it, you do it. I go, listen to me, I gotta do this fucking job.

Stack that fucking thing right now, I'm gonna fucking knock you the fuck out. And I'm walking away, and he slapped me in the back of the head. And there's one thing you don't do with me. I'm like, remember that fucking retarded kid in What About Mary? When you touched his ears and he lost his mind?

My stepfather used to hit me in the back of the head all the time, like a fucking idiot. I'm sure that guy didn't know that. I'm sure that guy did not know that. But that is, I'll let you finish the story, I'm sorry. But that's, he's asking, he must have come into work being like I'm gonna get into a fight You don't do that to somebody it was you know that it's gonna end up in a fight I think I think it's not a thing where you lost

I thought you were telling me like you lost your cool and then jacked the kid but it's like you went above and beyond Yeah, and he smacked you in the back of the head knowing knowing. Yes. So he wants to fight at that point. I said, I'm going to knock you the fuck out. And then he went fucking whack. Let's go, right. But I. That's great. I actually like that better. I actually like that better when the when the physical is immediate. The too much talking back and forth.

It throws me. I don't I don't like to get confused. And I'm like, are we going to fight now? Are we going to fight or is this still an argument? Fuck you your mom and and you suck my butt. It's like alright Okay, can we can we is this are we gonna fight? That's good Then if we've that's better is good better than name calling and this part back and dancing I hate the fucking yeah. Yeah, like it's like just let's get it over with get get it out I felt bad though because I fucking knocked him clean into the insulation. Well, that was good. And he woke up

and he was so he was like, what what what happened? And I was like, I was like, I'm so sorry. No, did you grab his face afterwards? Like and Bronx town said, look at me. I did this to you. Now move the insulation. No, you're going to be part of it. I tell you, I a year and a half ago, I got in a fight with a guy on the subway who was fucking yelling at me, call me a fag. Call me fag queer like 95 times. Right. You pussy fucking queer fag. And I was like, I just took it.

And then finally, I was like, you know, shut the fuck up. You fucking just enough. I want to know. Right. Like I was. And he went, what? Motherf, I was like, you know what, shut the fuck up. You fucking, just enough. I want enough. Like I was, and he went, what, motherfucking? I was like, shit. You know what I mean? I really, I have a joke in my acting board, but I went, hey, enough!

Shut the fuck up! And he went, what, I was like, fuck, I thought that was gonna work. I swear to God. That usually works. I was gonna back him down. A stern talking to? But it was like this, ready?

I'm like, hey, shut the fuck up! I'm not father you! That usually works. But that's pretty great. Yeah, because you know what? There's a father quality to it. There's a little bit of loving, tough love in there. It's like, hey, knock it off!

Buddy, not with this guy. He went, oh yeah, I love the fuck up. And we went, we're like, let's go. So I fucking, we squared off. And I remember I fucking, I pushed him real violent and he fell and he felt like, okay, I'm probably gonna lose this. And he just took a knife out

and he started trying to slice my face open. And I was running away like, he goes, he's trying to slice me, I'm running backwards. He goes, I knew you were a fucking pussy and I was like you have a knife! You have a knife? What are you doing? I'm not a pussy! That's cheating! He's cheating! That's cheating! Yeah and then he he probably knew the entire time that he had a knife. My guess is he knew. And he was white. No I'm kidding he was Puerto Rican. Okay. But the thing is-

That makes more sense. But a white with a knife is scarier, I think. You think so? Yeah. A white with a knife. Sailor coming off the- Sounds like a one-man show. Ryan Hamilton would do.

I'm white with a knife. I won't be taken advantage of anymore. All right, listen, dude. Let's plug this in one more time here. You got a new special. It's white on, what is it called? Low income white. Now what is this? Cause you're low income white?

I'm low income white but I'm talking about going to the south and I have like 12 minutes on the Waffle House. The first Waffle House in Mississippi and it's just like, it's so, it was so funny to me. Why is the Waffle House so bad and so gross? It's so funny. And when you go there late at night, it's terrifying. I love it. But it's great. It's the best. Yes. It's the best. And go home tonight. And after you watch my special Google Waffle House fights, it's the best, man. It's the best. I mean,

things just get crazy. But the people are just like, so and it's so cool and I'm just like kind of making fun of the South and doing it like a northern guy coming into a waffle house because we don't have waffle houses in New York. No. You know what I mean? We have Starbucks where everybody's pretentious. Yeah. And the waffle house, there's none of that.

Everybody's like, right? And that's what the joke is, but it's like, it's just great. I really genuinely love it, but it's filled with sarcasm and jokes and and and it's understated whatever and um, you know, I made the mistake of like reading the comments on uh, and and it's like many of most of them are very good. But it's like you just get people who just I'm like, all right, I you just don't understand what I'm doing at all. Yeah, why would you read the comments? I don't know. My wife is like, you're so disciplined in every other aspect of your life,

you can't not read the comments. Like, I need validation. I need validation. Why, you're one of the best in the business. Everybody loves you. Because I wanna see how it's resonating and all that stuff, but it's like, I always read the bad ones. You can't.

But there's many good ones. You know who can read comments? Lewis. That fucking mental patient. Yeah, because he has no, he has no, he's not connected. It fuels him. Yeah, he has no empathy. He's fucking shut off emotionally.

His mother was fucking killed and his father was stabbed. He has, you know what I mean? He'll read it and be like, fuck it. And he'll fight those people. He'll fuck you, fuck it. I'll murder you, you cocksucker. We, you can't do that. Like I can't, I can't read the comments

because I'll quit this business, I'll leave my family and I'll find you and I'll come murder your family and then I'll hold your daughter's head over your chest and say shit on it. And you know what I mean? That's what my brain goes. And I can't do that. We can't. I don't even get violent. I just get like, I get like, how do you not see what I'm doing here? Like, do you not get what I'm doing? And it's like, they clearly don't. The people who don't, you know, get it, whatever. But the vast majority of them are very nice.

Well, you're one of the funniest and it's doing good, right? So good. So far. That's another thing. It's like, I got to stop looking at how well it's doing. I just got to promote it. And then and And then I'm gonna get off all of it, you know what I mean? Like we all have people running our social media now anyway. So it's like, what's the point of being on? It's like, well, I need to learn. You tell yourself lies, you delude yourself. And no, I need to be on there.

No, I need to check. It's like, you don't need to check it every eight seconds, dude, to see how you're doing. You don't, you don't, trust me, you don't. And it's like, I just need to get off of it completely. Put the content out. See what's trending. Put the content out.

Be in the game, but be off of it. I'm just punishing myself. If you're gonna be on it and do it, you gotta do it and take the hits and kinda confront those things and deal with them. Just let it wash through you. But because we're comics we're sensitive we absorb everything right we're hypersensitive that's how you're able to tell a joke most people go into the Waffle House and be like oh

this is ghetto I don't want to come here yeah or this is awesome oh my we walk in and we observe every yes fucking feel like there's a thousand jokes here I'll be remember when you were in Florida and there was the bum and the wolf, we went to Waffle House with Max and there was the bum that was fucking with Max? What was his name? I don't know his name. Oh, that was the other bum.

There were two bums. Oh, what was the other bum? There was one with a really crazy name that I don't remember. Max would remember. He said it 40. My son was, yeah, we were at Waffle House and this guy was talking to my kid.

I'm with Mike Kalta and me and fucking Danny who's no, I mean, in that situation he's just, I could use his body to throw at something. Danny, would you have protected Max? No, you got mad at me because I didn't. Yeah, he's like, Max is sitting next to Danny and I'm just like, I'm gonna fucking, I go, Max, get over here. And he's like, dad, what next to Danny, and I'm just like, I'm gonna fuck him.

I go, Max, get over here. And he's like, Dad, what? I go, good to fuck with him right now. I was gonna fucking, I was gonna have a problem with this dude. But what was he doing, just making conversation? He was jerking Max off. In the Waffle House.

And he's only 11 at the time. I just don't think that's appropriate. I think that's part of the kids menu. At the Waffle House. Check out his new special. It's on YouTube right now, low income white on Nate Land. It's on Nate Bragasi's Nate Land, which is amazing. And check out Mike Vecchione.

Are you on PunchUp.live yet? No, I don't know how to do that. Dude, just get in touch with the guy. You should be. It's great because you get all the emails. So all the people that check out your shit, you get the emails. You get to email them when you're coming back. Oh, that's cool. It's easy to it's easy to set up It's easy. It's great. It's the best for comics because you want to be able to just say man. I'm coming back here Here's an e right right right target them. You can look and go. Oh shit. I'm actually popular here. Yeah, let me go here

I didn't know I was um Raleigh, North Carolina popular here. Let me go here. I didn't know I was. Raleigh, North Carolina. Charlie, was it Good Nights? Good Nights Comedy Club. Tempe, Arizona. Love the Tempe improv. Des Moines. Funny Bone. Hartford, Connecticut. Hartford Funny Bone. Zany's Lab, Nashville. Love that club. Yeah, it's great. That's where I shot. I shot at Zany's Lab. In the lab? Yeah. I shot at Zany's for the other one and then I shot at the lab, which the lab is lower ceilings, it's tighter.

Better, right? Yeah, it was very good. I love it. I love that new club they got there. Make sure you check me out in Portland, Maine at the Empire Comedy Club the 25th, 26th. That's it. I'm off for the summer. I have one show this summer. July. You always did that though, right? I've done it for the last four years. Yeah.

Because it's just, I gotta, I was like, I'm waiting. Because of your cottage in New Hampshire. It's a tiny house. I'm sorry. But thank you for calling a cottage. It's actually making it nicer. But no, I just, I've been doing it for more than that. I just like taking it off because I don't want to have to

fucking, I need to, I need to. Yeah, you need a break. Yeah, I need to look like. Plus your kid's out of school. Are you ever gonna have kids we're trying now you are yeah I mean yeah but you know we'll live and die with the consequences of it but I love because people ask like what's it like to be married to another comic and this is what it's like we're trying to have kids and she started doing an impression of my Italian sperm trying to fertilize her egg.

She would go, Marone the traffic! Because all the sperm and then uh and then and then uh the sperm trying to get over just scusy scusy I can't can't where the egg scusy scusy and that was funny for the first like 50 times that she did it, but she was just, she kept scusi, scusi. Have you seen the egg? I mean that's what it's hilarious. I'm looking for egg. I'm looking for the egg.

This is not the egg. You got any sopressada? I'm getting hungry. All right Danny Joe, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to Comedy of Irv in Summerville, New Jersey the third Thursday of every month. Make sure you check those guys out. Joe, what do you got? This is Joe Russell. Check out the Cheese Show on YouTube. Just type in the Cheese Show. I'm also headlining at Uncle Vinny's August 13th.

Kids headlining. He opened for me a couple years ago. Now he's doing his own headlining at Uncle Vinny's August 13th. Kids headlining. Wow. He opened for me a couple of years ago. Now he's doing his own headline spot. I like Uncle Vinny's. They've got knives as merch. Do they? Yes. I mean, when I was there, they had merch knives. It's the only club with a two-merch minimum.

It does it? It has a two-item minimum, but they don't have drinks. So the items are food or merch. Oh, you have to buy merch? Or food. That's great. That's fucking great. You're going to love the fucking Italians.

Listen, we couldn't get the liquor license pass. I got mouths to feed over here! You either buy a hoodie or you get a fucking steak. You get a Tartuffo or a fucking t-shirt. Steak and a hoodie is the best. You get a hoodie, you get a steak, you put put the stake in the hoodie whatever you ask you to go box Hey, let me do you fucking baby All right, we're gonna go to patreon.com

Slash Robert Kelly right now for all you fans who want to ask questions. That's how you do it We got some questions for you brother From the patreon fans so we're gonna be over there there. If you wanna do that, just go there. If not, maybe show you like, subscribe, and do all that stuff to the YouTube page. And when you see this stuff come out, make sure you get in there. Tell him how much you love his special.

It's up there right now on Nate Land on YouTube. Mike Vecchione, one of the best in the business, one of the best guys in the business. And thanks for coming on. So we'll be over there now. You'll see you guys next week. You know what?