Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #601 | Jackie Fabulous | Max's Finger

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

This week Jackie Fabulous comes on the pod and things get weird when Max calls In w/ a medical emergency Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/y0k6ofda#CashAppPodAs a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign upfor a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform,not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bankpartner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC.Visit https://www.cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast.

YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, to help you're ruining this. Where's the Bargana, man. I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast.

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app, a Block Inc brand. visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly, and this is, you know what, dude, podcast at the comedy seller studios above the world famous comedy seller. We have a fantastic guest right now. I just gave her my new gum that I'm into. Neuro energy and focus gum.

It's good? It's probably GHB. What does that mean? Date rape drug. What if you wake up? Pinnick and Gumb is like, that's a brilliant idea, actually. You're at my house. Danny's just standing over it.

Do you want a peanut butter sandwich? Your family is standing over me. We have a fabulous guest who, I mean, that's weird that I said that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Cool, you think. Guys, uh, I've known her for a while then of the cellars. She's one of the killers downstairs.

She's always on TV. I'm always seeing her on shit. And I always get excited when I see her. She's in commercial. She's in everything. Comic actress. I don't even know. No, we're going to get into it.

Maybe she sings. Who knows? Jackie Fabulous, everybody. What's not Robert? How are you doing, girl? We are popping the cherry on our new friendship. We are popping the cherry, and you're going to wake up in my house. It's just nuts.

You're waking up my house. I have not been emotionally allowed to have heterosexual male friends for a while. Why? My husband and I, we broke up. Oh, no. Because he's just not the guy. No. Yeah, a lot of issues.

I know. And he was together for a while. He biked me isolated. from the rest of the world and I'm a very sociable whatever the word I'm popular I like people Baba make up a word

I know what you meant I'm not though I hate those fucking nerd jockeys What is it? I hate it Go ahead of it social Bible So we're popping the cherry Because you're one of the first couple Once since my marriage ended Really?

Yeah and I've always wanted to get to know you Hang out with you laugh with you But you can't But we're always passing each other by We're always busy You're, well, we're always seeing you at the club downstairs. Yeah, that's it. You're coming in, I'm going out.

Exactly. You just go on stage. I'm following you. I'm following you. I schedule was never close to each other. No, but I do. I always see you. It's so weird because I saw you here, and we would see each other at the table once in a while.

But then I'm watching TV, and you're in like 900 commercials, right? Am I lying? They owe me money, God damn it. But yeah, there's one commercial, the foster care one that's been on for a while. But because it was a buyout, you all know what that means. It's goodbye, no more money. Right. They paid you once.

Yeah, they're like, have a good life. Right. So that one is on all the time. And back in the day, when I live in L.A., I live in L.A. for 20 years. I'm born and raised, Bronx, New York. Right. My time in L.A., when Hollywood was more normal than it is now, which one call it normal, I was an active commercial actress.

Right. Yeah, and trying to get a sitcom, all that kind of crap. But you are, you, I've seen you on other commercials other than that. Yeah, I was on a milk commercial. A few national. One progressive. That was the one. What was the one progressive? Progressive. I had very short hair.

I was standing next to a white guy who owned a home on the block. Yeah. And there's a moving truck moving in a new family. And Flo was there. Yeah. Yeah. That one paid me $9,000. That's it.

That's it. Yeah, I thought I was, I thought I was going to buy a castle when I booked that shit. And they were like, you're done. That was like a minute in time where if you were a commercial. There was a time. A minute in time when you were a commercial actor. Mm-hmm. You could be set for life.

You could be set for life if you got these commercials. And then they had a cut off and all that stopped. Why? I don't know. I have friends that are like the Bank of America commercial and he reminds me every now and they're like, Jack, you have no idea what I've made from that commercial. He made a lot. It been a lot. Right.

People have bought home, put their kids through school with the back in the day rules. Yeah. It's that, it's that big money. Yes. That company money. It's serious money. I did a, like an interstitial for a bank. Yeah.

where they were doing, it was me, Bobby Lee, and Beth Stelling. And we did like three days where it's like teaching them things. No one's going to see it except the people in the bank. Right? It's never going to be seen. And we got paid $65,000. Oh, my God. And we're just acting.

Because it was a corporate gig. Is that one? Corporate gig. Yes. It was for a bank. Damn. Like an interstitial or whatever the fuck. I don't know what, and the guy who directed it,

directed like, what was that famous sitcom? Patrice was in it. He played the ice cream guy. Oh, I don't remember. What was that sitcom Patrice was in? He's looking at him now. It started with a D or something like that. I was huge.

Uh-huh. He directed that or something like that. Anyways, yeah, there's money. It seems like that money is dried up. Corporate? Like, they're not giving you that. Every time I complain about my career, I have veteran comments like,

You got to do more corporate. And I've done a few, but they used to be in time where they were plentiful. Like, we had a lot of comic friends who did not do the road. It was arrested development. What? Arrested development.

Yeah, and it seemed like those days are gone. Well, all the cutbacks, you know. Well, it's, it's, um, if you think about, like, comedy, right? If you think about a sitcom, say you get a sitcom, you get, they don't do 23 episodes anymore. No. 10, maybe if you're lucky.

10, if you're lucky. Yeah. Not that many people are going to see it. And maybe you get 20,000. an episode. You can go and work as a comic and do way less work and enjoy yourself way more

and make that money fucking with less lifting. That's what I heard Gabriel Iglesias didn't want to, he wasn't really happy with being a sitcom actor. He can make four times the more money and go back home at night. Yeah.

Burr was like, dude, I make more money at comedy. I got to go work on a set for months and then be away from everybody I've been chasing that for probably 20 years but I tell you I do love being on a set I love being on a set I get so fulfilled on a set

what is that I don't know can I get you something you're like and they come around with little snacks and you have your trailer they tend to you like you're like this is what I deserve they treat you like a storm and there's something about and you become a family, like a little unit.

Yes, the makeup trailer. Everyone gets cool and close. Yeah. And it's perfect, too, because soon as the show's over for the season, you don't talk to each other. It's like the type of relationship I like. It's like it's temporary. And then, yeah, temporary.

I'll see you later. You get your own green room and food, endless food. Endless food. Your own green room. I mean, let's be honest. When you're filming, you're sleeping a lot of that day. Oh, it's, it's, um, wake up. No, hurry up and wait.

All the time. Hurry up and wait, yeah. Which people complain about. I've been dreaming for that. A job I can go and they go, just go in your trailer and sleep will come get you. We're not ready yet. Exactly. Take you a time.

And they're not ready. It'd be two hours. Take your time. Then it's lunchtime. Take your time. And then, yeah, exactly. We'll break it for lunch. Where is it?

Exactly. You want us to bring it to you? What would you like? We'll give you a menu. I'm like, why wouldn't I want this job permanently? And then, hey, go back, we're still shooting, we're still setting up the next shot. Take your time. I will fucking sleep all day.

Oh, you go, fuck. Acting is the, I love it. I fucking love it. I do, too. And when it's time for me to go home, I'm always, inside, I'm so sad. Yeah. Like the whole crew, but, okay, everybody's taking night. It's fabulous.

I'm like, I don't really want to go. What's up with the name? I changed it probably 15 years ago now. Is it your name? My real name is Jacqueline. Jeanette Champenny. My family's Jamaican. Hang on a second.

I'm going to stop it. Holy shit. Jacqueline. My father named me after Jackie O. Oh, he liked the case. Yeah. I don't know why, but this straight man. You know why?

I have no idea why. All the men love that fucking crazy. And Jamaicans, they worship royalty. So they're very like. That was Camelot. It was fake posh to them. Camelot. Yeah.

Yeah. So Jacqueline. Jacqueline Jeanette is the middle name. And the last thing, it's spelled like champagne, but instead of N-E is N-I-E. So it's Jacqueline, Jeanette. Champany. Yes, that's why I go by Jackie. That's cheap champagne.

Champany. And I got murdered in school, from the teachers to the students. The Champany? Yeah. Nobody would pronounce it properly. It was my whole life. Really? So I did a bunch of shows for a bunch of gays in Orange County, California when I first started

stand up. Didn't we all? And the gays gave me, they kept telling me, you're so fabulous. And I just wanted, I wanted something that would make me feel like I always had to do well. You really can't be mediocre. have that ridiculous name. No. And it worked.

People that thought it was cute. It's easy to market. Put on merch. I have not yet to use it to its potential. Do you have merch with it? I have like ski hats and, yeah, sweatshirts and stuff. I want a Jackie fabulous sweatshirt and men wear that shit too with my name on it. So it's a gender neutral, even a fabulous name.

Right. Yeah. So now you, you're from Jamaica? Oh, no, I'm born and raised Bronx. Born and raised, your family's from Jamaica. Yeah, they're all from Jamaica. Jamaica. Yeah.

Now what's up with this jerk chicken? No, I'm kidding. I can cook it. You can't. That's how I keep a man. I'm a really good cook. My son said this the other day because we drove by someplace we were trying to get lunch and said jerk chicken. He's like, let's get that.

My wife was like, you're not going to like it. Why? Because he is spicy? No, she's a racist. Oh. But the thing is. I'm sorry. No, she's spicy.

It's spicy, right? Yeah. And he's like, I don't. what is in it and we were all like we don't fucking know. I know. I just, I just went scotch bonnet peppers. Very good. Is it? Yeah, habaniero peppers. Was I right?

Yes. Scotch bonnet. Everybody says, Scotch bonnet is one of the hottest peppers in the world. Yes. Yeah. So I just yelled that out because I just associated it with Jamaican food. And but I'm going to take him for, I was like, dude, we'll go get it. Yeah. We won't get it with mom. Yeah. But me and you will go get

jerked chicken. Yeah. I go, it's it's, it's an acquired taste. Yeah. But it's good. You'll love it. But it's, you know, it's going to be, it's going to be a little spicy for you. Heavy on the seasoning. It's heavy on the season.

Right. Exactly. Yeah. I don't know if he's there yet, palate-wise. Okay. Right. How old is he? He's 12.

Oh, yeah. They're very picky at that age. Yeah. And he was raised by a Polack. You know what I mean? It's not like she's wrapping spice on shit. You know what I mean? It's salt, pepper and butter.

It's pretty much his palate of spice. Oh, and noodles? Buttered noodles? garlic. Yeah. How'd you know? I do know. I just recently have been having it, trying it.

So good. But when I babysat, they always love that. Just noodles and a little bit of butter and garlic. You know what I love? What? I love butter, salt pepper, rice. Wow. Little parmesan cheese on top.

Grated. You had to make it Italian. Come on now. My problem right now is shrimp petuccini Alfredo. In a restaurant near my house and I eat it too often. Oh, you give me a headache. It's fucking. It's amazing.

Oh, my God. You know what I do? What? I take French fries. I heat them up in the air fryer When I get them Yeah Because they're always

Heat them up again Yeah Put butter on them And then salt and pepper them Because the salt You want to die many different ways The salt pepper doesn't stick to them Unless you put butter on them

Extra butter They were fried in grease Oh look at this Hello Max Max Max He's going to call back 90 times I'll have I shut my phone off

Yeah That was my son by the way Speaking of fat conversations I saw some clip Where you were Come on Sorry Okay

Sorry I'm gonna hang up on him I was what You were some clip And you were talking about You were to guess about dieting and losing weight Then you were like Well no I had gastric sleeve

Yeah I wanted to talk to you by that because I just mentioned to my doctor that I wanted and they're giving me a hard time with it because they always give you advice I'm 53.

I know how to not be fat and they always want to be like well maybe if you tried so and so on so I'm like no shit I'm looking at you right now yes I was three I'm going to show you something you want to see something

I'm going to show you what I was dealing with I think that the surgery is a last a last ditch effort I don't want to try the medications I don't okay I understand what you're saying yeah I got some advice on that too

okay they offered me OZempic five years ago when nobody knew what it was yeah I was pre-diabetic I was really heavy and they were like

hey we got this new thing we want to put you on it you have to inject yourself blah blah and I was like I don't want to fucking inject myself I don't want to just give me one more shot Please just give me one more shot

And they did They gave me one more shot And it did not work at all And I actually gained 60 more pounds From that point So what I'm suggesting to you I'm trying to bring this up right here I want to show you the difference between

What I'm looking at right now with you And What here we go Okay, I'm going to show you something. Ready? I look at me right. Just look at me. Yes.

Cheapones, neck. Oh, my God. Wow. I've never seen you that heavy. You saw me that heavy. No, really? Yes, you had. You did.

You look different. You see, I look like a tub of shit. No. A lot of calls. But yeah. I know, I get calls up the ass. Yeah, this is my wife now. Hang on one second.

Ma. Mama. Dawn. fuck Don Dawn What's going on Don

I have a hook in my God damn finger How do you get it out I'm sorry I'm sorry what I have a hook in my finger I need you out How are you going to

You have to pinch the You have to pinch the bar Mom Mom you have to What I'm worried Did I take him up to Uncle Jimmy's. Yes, you should take them up to Uncle Jimmy's or urgent care, but you have to pinch

the bar with pliers, the barb, and then you, it will, you can, you can pull it out that way. How did it happen? I don't know. I'm going to get my bag. Listen, is he crying? Is he okay? Ah! Are you got, you got, he, Max, you got to chill out. Max? Max, you got to chill out. Max? Max. Mac You got to chill out And we'll get some jerk chicken Are you having a family emergency Like right now?

Well, no. He fucked that. Here's the deal, honey. What? He's fishing. Uh-huh. The hook went through his fingers now. It went through his finger and learned not to fuck around with hooks.

That's how you learn. That's how you learn. That's how you learn. That's how you fucking learn. Yeah. You got a hook through his finger. Now she's, you know, she's taking him up to Uncle Jimmy's who's up the street. And, you know, you pinch the barb off.

You got to pinch the barb and you pull it out. Here's the thing. Stop fucking around with hooks, Max. Oh, he's a 12-year-old. He's 12. So he shouldn't be managing holding those things. No, he's had a rifle hunting course today. Okay.

He has his own guns. He's fine. Okay. He messed around. He's screwing around with hooks. He's probably, you know, doing something silly. yeah and he got a hook in his hand and now he's freaking out and listen

yeah if the hook was rusty yeah she'll lose his arm but the thing is he has another one no he's got to go he's got to go she's taking urgent care right now but she's trying to do it herself and you hear your mom that's not my mom that's my wife I call him mama because

it's an Italian thing gotcha but yeah she's your wife friend she tells it like she's worried too she's worried too but you know she's annoyed my wife hates weakness she hates it she's mad that he's fucking crying right now oh really oh she's a polack from evitt i i pukes she's like just who can't are you gonna worry about me what what do you want me to do rub you back i'm like yeah oh she's like no oh she's hardcore she's hardcore yeah she's not i mean she treats him good

but i'm sorry about that so here's what i'm telling you yes oh we got interrupted by my son being almost having his hands severed off Jesus Christ now i'm worried no he's fine what am i going to do they're in the hampshire Did you hear him scream? Yeah, I did. They're in the Hamptons? No, no, yeah, the Hamptons. Okay.

If I had a house in the Hamptons, you think I'd be fucking here in this shit hole? Fucking with these three out there. The Hampton is going to be boring. I've been there a few times. Well, once, twice in my life. They're very boring. Yeah. So anyways, I showed you that photo, right?

Yeah. Okay. So that photo, Mike called the... You're like a big pun. I mean, bigger. I mean, I look disgusting. No, Big Pond was bigger. That's fat.

Pund was bigger. That's huge. It's around 360s. Oh, the threes. Okay. Now, I had no choice, man. I couldn't, you know. And I know people who got on OZempic or

Mojourno or actually. I call it a boo-boo-boo on stage. I know people who did it. Yeah. It's a miracle drug. Yeah. It's a miracle drug. It helps with all kinds of other things.

Yeah. Now, if you get on it and you don't work out, yeah, then you're screwed. Yeah, because you just turn into a bag of nothing. Well, because when you lose, so you have 100 pounds of fat you lose it right and then uh but you also lose muscle with that right so when you if you stop taking it you're going to put you're not putting muscle back on you're putting all that fat back on so now you're going to have all the 150 pounds of fat put it yeah so you have to do the trick to

it you have to work out with dumbbells you have to like just lift weight training yeah you have to do you have to do three or four times a week and take them on journal whatever you take yeah get a small dose. And you can stop, right? I know people who have taken it got through their goal weight. Yeah, stop, but you have to work out and you have to learn how to eat. But I would start there before I went into a lap band. It's not lap band. What they do with me is it's the most successful one. Okay. Because they make your stomach

smaller. Yes, that's what I want. Correct. Close it up. You're not that big, Mama. I don't. I'm not big enough to get it. You're not. I am. I've never, I don't tell anyone the number. Even though I'm body positive. If you ask me how much I'll say, fuck your whole family. I can't say the number. Really?

I didn't most of my boyfriends, whatever. I've always been either the same weight as them or more. What does it like to have a guy who weighs less than me? I just had a Spanish guy in here who weighs less than everybody. I don't know. I'm looking at you and I'm saying you don't. I just need discipline and the other way. No, it's not.

Look, you can't. discipline people say dude just do it you can't yeah we're we're eating for a reason in our life yes to to you're eat i i was eating because i i'm hypersensitive i am always fucking hurt i'm always sad and i want to feel good and in a piece of pizza or a cheese steak or chinese makes me comforts me it's like a hug to me yeah it makes me feel good because i got nobody right so i had to learn how to I do have things. I'm grateful.

Food is not my friend. Food is this evil thing that I will fucking kill myself with. I almost died. Yeah. Right? I would have been out of there from my kid and my wife.

Not that I'm there now. I mean, they need me and I'm fucking talking to you. He's in the ER, but they need me. But it's, you know, it's, I needed, I put it like this,

right? I say that, that I went to rehab 39 years ago for drugs and alcohol. Yes. For 14 months. Okay. When I was 15 to 16 or something, I was gone. Yeah.

And that's what got me sober is I got out of the world and I went. You can't do that with food. No. I can't. It's everywhere. But my stomach could. Yeah. My stomach could go to rehab.

Yeah. Go away. Uh-huh. I made, it couldn't eat. It limited the amount I ate. As you could take, yeah. So it's like my stomach was in rehab. for a couple years.

Oh, okay. While I learned how to eat, I learned how to, why I ate, what I did, how much to eat, when to eat, working out. So I went to rehab. Okay. You know, it's basically what it is. And the Mujerno is the same thing. You can't eat.

So your stomach gets to go at rehab while you learn how to, what foods to eat, when to eat, and work out and do these things. You have to do both at the same time. Yeah. You have to rehab yourself here, here, and this is here. while you're taking the fat juice. What do you call it the fubo doba? My girlfriend calls it the fat girl shot.

Fat girl shot. Right. Well, yeah. I mean, I say do it. I say do it. It's working for everybody I know. Yeah. Everybody I know is doing it.

I know. And they all have a success and feel great. Big Jay did it. Christine did it. So many people are doing. Oh, God, so many. Do it. Why go in for a four-hour surgery?

Because when I was taking the breath control pill, I would forget and take like five in one day. I would forget to take the shot. Why? I don't know. I don't want to rely on a medication. I rather to have a permanent solution. It's not permanent. Cut the stomach out.

It's not permanent, Mama. It's not? In two years, you can get a, your stomach can grow back. Grow. Are we done growing? It's bigger. How did you get that big in the first place? By jamming shitting it.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So now you get divorced. Yeah. That's sad. Yeah. I think the last time I saw you guys were... Yeah.

What did see you? In the elevator somewhere. Right? I forget where, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sad. I thought it was meant to be because I've known him since we were 18. Yeah.

And we had different lives, whatever. I mean, he came back together. But he's a miserable dude, and I don't deserve to be with that. He's mood, very moody. And you know how, like, a person's day is determined by his mood when he wakes up. Yeah. And I lived with that. And I'm like, I don't have a kid with this guy.

I can fucking leave. It hit me like out of nowhere. What a fucking crazy. I don't know where. It's like I had an epiphany. Right. And why are you so sad? Pack your shit.

And you packed your shit? And I went back to my mom's house. Yeah. Really? And he and I are cordial. Okay. Because first of all, when a woman does this, you got to be worried about number one. Is he a killer?

You know? Yeah. And can we do this amicably and avoid all. It may still happen, you know, emotions and stuff. But for now, for now. I'm moving out stuff and I have to go back over there so we're cool in that regard. And he's probably relieved because I was

making him have to be a man and clearly he didn't want to be. Not the one that I needed. So you probably guys sometimes when you leave they're like thank fucking God. Well I know a few people that have gotten divorced some recently and they've all said once you get

through it, it's great it's great. It's almost like once you get through the pain of it and all that bullshit here, this is yours, this is mine. Yeah. And the fighting, whatever, the little things that happened. Once you get on the other side of that, you're like, oh, my God, why did, what were we doing?

I had a horrible arthritis when I lived with him. My shoulder would be so sore. In the middle of night, it would wake me up. And I had a massage over and over. And when I moved back with my mom, all the pain is gone. I have not had a serious arthritic flare up since I moved back home. I have arthritis. You do?

Should I dump my wife? My blood pressure was really high I have high blood pressure Because of him Yeah I have high blood pressure You do? I'm gonna call my wife And stop it

Why I'm gonna fuck her No I shoulder hurts And I have high blood pressure No God damn it And my body was feeling it Really?

So yes Being away from him It's made me I guess the inflammation It's kind of gone down That's so weird Yeah That's I mean

I wasn't afraid of him I was just uncomfortable around him You know Yeah that's You shouldn't be together No No, we should. I thought we should, but.

Now, it's like, and I'm sure when this is all said and done, he's going to be like, we did the right thing. Oh, yeah. Right. Well, he'll kill you and murder you. You know what? This episode is to raise money. This is for Jackie Fabliss's GoFund me. But isn't that sad?

We all, all women have to ponder that upon leaving a man. But we have to ponder you cutting our dicks off while we sleep. True, but more likely. you'll murder me. Right, but there is a thing where you might cut my dick off and throw it off the fucking side of the road and I'm not going to go find it.

But we get reminded or I did how strong men are. Yeah. You know, when you play around, you're kind of, I'm like, he can snap my neck like right now. Yeah. Yeah, so shut the fuck up.

And be nice that it's one of the fuck when you move your shit out. It's always on my mind, trust me. Yeah, no, no. I don't think you would, but I can't be naive, you know? Yeah. It is a weird thing, because there is a, you know, a physical difference.

Except for, like, Danny and Russell, Joe Russell, the guys, my, these guys that work for me. Yeah. Their wives have, if, Joe's wife will kick this shit out of him. Joe's wife's grandmother will beat Joe up. Yeah. You seem more like I know a guy. Who me? Yeah.

What do you mean? If you had to take care of someone without using your own hands. No, I have to be careful. Okay. I have a temper. I suck. No. You don't suck?

I am 100% aware of my bullshit. Okay. That's the one thing. Anger issues? One thing I, yeah, but my anger issues come from my childhood, the way I was brought up. Okay. So the way I was abused. So, you know, I, when I raise my voice, I've given my son for permission to tell me to calm down.

Okay. You're overreacting. My son told me last week, I was like, Max, you know, you can't fucking. And he was like, dad, you're overreacting. He's 12. And I was like, cut them. All right, you're right.

I'm overreacting. Yeah. Yeah. And my wife, I mean, my wife, I mean, she. How long have you been married? I've been married for 18 years, going on 18 years. Oh, nice. And it is a, uh, it's hard, man.

Mm-hmm. It is. It's hard. And as you go along, it's not, you know, everybody's got something to say about fucking relationships. Oh, and not be in it. And not in. Or had not been in one in a long-ass time.

Yeah, maybe you should do this. Maybe you should dad. It's like, dude, look, I ain't doing shit. I made a commitment. I'm in it. Yeah. We have a child. You know, I love my wife.

She loves me. You know, we don't bang a lot. So what? I banged a lot. Yeah. I did a lot of banging. I don't, maybe we'll bang again. Who knows?

Yeah. But it's, you have to marry somebody that you are compatible with. And if you ain't compatible, if you can't sit on a couch and not talk. Yeah. But still fucking. I talk. my wife, I go, I'm a home alone, and you're not there, and it bugs me. But when you're there, it bugs me.

But that, but I like that. I like when you're home and I just know you're there. I know you're just in the house somewhere, doing something somewhere. Yeah. And I'm over here doing this. And I know at some point you're going to go, B, and I'm going to be like, what? And you're like, can you? Yeah.

Yeah. I'll go down fucking, you know what I mean? And I know at some point he's going to be, dad. Yeah, that's part of, that's my life. Yeah. So I'm fine with that. When she's not there, man, it's fucking sucks. Really?

Yeah, it sucks. She's a part of your DNA now. Yeah, so it's, you know, I mean, look. And I'm down to get married again. This is my second failed marriage. I keep getting married. Really? Who are you getting married to?

You need to marry a white dude. I have only, my, I have a pattern. Both ex-husband, six-four and former athlete, failed athletes. Right, don't say that. And they're fucking failures. All right. Can you say? I mean, they might be listening.

I mean, they're not a failure. I'm not saying any of this. One is dead. Okay, fuck him. He's a favorite. He was 41 years old had a heart attack while he was playing a basketball. Why? Had a heart attack?

Yeah. Man, that sucks. I did my, I take my hour this last Saturday. Oh, where? Uh, tri-eye theater. Oh, I love that theater. Isn't that theater fucking beautiful? Did you produce it?

Who produced it? No, sunrise, whatever. No, super nice guys. That's their name? Yeah. I asked the name of the production company. Oh, that's cool, all right. And I just did it.

Now they're going to try it and edit it and they'll sell it. But I love that theater so much. Thank you very much. That's awesome. Yes. And I don't remember anything. I know. I fucking blacked out, did the hour and afterwards everyone was happy.

And I'm like, I don't remember anything. No. No, I walked off on my second hour when I taped it and I don't, I don't understand what went down. I was just saying, I was just, I was just saying, yeah, I was just talking to people. Yeah, another world. Yeah, another world. Oh, God.

So much pressure and work goes into it. And then you get it, and it's over. And it's like, what do I do now? Exactly. I don't have any more pressure. I have no more. I took two days off to be just dead in the head. I was so fucking worried.

And memorizing, as I've gotten older, the memorization shit is not as easy. No. I have to memorize three pages of jokes in a while. Yeah. You know? And you have to say it like you're not memorized it. Yeah. And you have to perform it.

You have to perform it. So I was in my head like, is it the weed? Like, my age, but I'm like, you definitely, I'm like, I feel like I'm getting dumber. Another reason why I'm glad I'm going to get a new guy. But memorizing that stuff for the special, I'm like, this is a skill that you have to keep going, your brain, your memorization skills. What's the name of it? I don't have a name yet. I wanted to call it hung, don't mean husband, but that sounds too urban.

And then I'm thinking ex-wifey. How about that? Does that sound funny? I'm still on. Hung, don't mean husband? I'm still on. Black guys have big dicks. And white guys don't.

That's a myth. So was your last husband hug? He was, yes. He's well and down. Wow, shit. She said that quick. He's well and down. But that's a crapshoot with tall guys.

Right. Women always kind of assume, used to assume, that if he's tall, he must be guaranteed, hung. And that's not true at all. Do you see Connor McGregor's cock? No, why he was fighting? No, he said. He had flipped out. No, there was actually a...

The guy who had to flip out of the runner, he got a modeling contract. Have you ever seen that guy? No. There's a guy, M.MA, who actually was, he had, when they could wear just their own shorts, he wore these tight ones and his wang flipped out. When the guy took him to the ground, it's very funny. I have actually researched, I looked for that online as porn. Really?

Yeah, flopping out, athletes, whatever. What? Is that your thing? I like men's penises. I think they're beautiful. I get excited And I'm going to see a new one I think they're beautiful Really?

Yes All sizes? Yeah I do You said that You looked around the only Yeah Sure guys

I've had pretty much every size Really? My ex-husband The one who died Had a small one Really? Yeah Like how small

Oh god When he was hard He might be four inches Maybe Wow Yeah he was really short Black dude Yeah

And he was 6 4 And a baller And he had a small one Little tiny dingin, God doesn't give you everything. No, and so he compensated with a lot of oral. Do you think that God took him because he made a mistake? He went together when he died. I put the wrong dick on this guy.

Bring that one back. And I had a lot of years of every small penis. Were you divorced with him when he passed away? Yes, we weren't together at all. Right. Yeah. And you never made fun of his ding ding to your friends. No, I've never, because I feel like that emasculates a guy.

Yeah. That'll make you a dick with an ex-girl. I'm not evil like that. Now, good for you. And I would never do that. And then the next guy was just... Well, yeah, this is one they've known forever. Right.

First time we did it, we were... You stop. Fix his finger, a stop. I don't understand it. Fix his goddamn finger. I'm sorry. Hang on, Jeff. No, text them.

Is everybody alive and okay? Oh, they're leaving now. They're going to the fucking... Urgent care? Yeah, they're going to... They haven't gone already? No, they're leaving right now. Oh, my God.

She's panicking. She is fucking panicking, dude. This is kind of horrible, though What, he got a hook in his finger Don't get a hook in your finger How's that? Right, Danny? Right.

Is that what your father would say to you? That's what he taught me. His father didn't teach you shit. No, he taught me, don't get a hook in the finger And he taught me how to control the weather. Oh, yeah, you're Jewish. I forgot about that. Would you date a Jew?

I would date someone who had game. Really? Good game, yeah. You like game. Yeah, I like a slick dude. I like the slick dude. Keith Robinson. Keith don't like me.

He's never floated with me ever. Ever? Never, no. No shit. He's like an uncle to me. Oh, man, that makes me feel good. You just call him Uncle Keith? Yeah.

I don't. Because I know when a guy is having, is vibing off of me. I can tell. And Keith has never given me that feeling. No, no, no. Yeah. I'm vibing off you. I felt that.

Oh, shit. I've known it. I'm going to cheat on my wife. Yeah. Hey, do me a favor. I can tell the way you look at me. Shut up. Stop it.

I'm filling up right now, my little ding ding. No, your husband's probably watching. Please, he doesn't have the internet anymore. I moved out. Oh, my God. Does he have a job? He's broke, no. Really?

He didn't want to work. Oh, no. Yeah. I think he duped me into getting married because he wanted shelter and somebody to pay the bills. Yeah. And after we got married, he stopped doing all the fun things, cooking every now and then. oral sex he stopped all that so he all of it yeah so I love that cooking and oral sex is the fun yeah what else matters yeah Danny what else matters and shelter you know

Danny what else matters nothing else matters okay I feel like I figured out who he really is as a man yeah and that makes me sad I've known him for so long right yeah so now you're free yeah you got a special coming out yes you're single yeah I don't want to but I don't really like men right now I wouldn't be good company no not yet you got to do you have to do you to chill out a little bit. Do your thing. Make some money. Right.

Focus on the road. You going on the road now? Yeah, I'm currently touring. Nothing in July. But, yeah, for the rest of the summer. Where are the clubs you planned? Mike drop. I was going to ask you which mic drop that was on your shirt.

San Diego. I'm doing Mike Drop San Diego one night in August. Okay. I'm going, my whole, a lot of my career began in L.A. All right, let's see these. And I'm going, oh. There you go. Yes.

Just make it bigger, dude. I'm going to L.A. Ontario Improv one night. Comedy and Magic Club one night. Mike Drop one night. Laugh Factory Reno. Comedy Cellar. You're doing the Comedy Cellar in Vegas.

Vegas. Yeah. That's great. Then you go to Mike Drop, San Diego. Richmond, Virginia, the Funny Bone. Oh, God, I'm sorry. It's okay. My annual D.C. Comedy Loft.

I love that club. Isn't that club awesome? Hello? Max. I hear you. Max. Max. What's up, buddy?

Yeah, it's so deep. Why, I mean, I can't, it keeps getting worse. This is horrible. What's happening? What's happening? He's trying to explain to you how bad injury is. I would try FaceTime audioing him with the Wi-Fi and have you connected to Wi-Fi. I think there's bad service of you.

He's trying to tell you what's wrong. There's bad service in here. I'm on the studio too, correct? Yes, but then do FaceTime audio instead of a phone call. FaceTime audio. Because then it will go through Wi-Fi instead of. Okay. FaceTime.

audio. Okay. Okay. Is it me, you think? It's not them in the mountains of New Hampshire? It could be that. No, it's probably that. You're right. You don't think it's them in the... 100% it's them. In the fucking... On the Kangamangas Highway? I forgot where they were. Yeah, I'm in the biggest city in the world. It's me. No, it's me. It's not them in the fucking mountains. The presidential range. No, they get great service up there. I did. Fuck this. I can't. I can't do it. I love you, son, so much. But you're going to see this someday. Take care of it.

Man up, dude. Cowboy up, bitch. It's so deep. Now I'm scared. Oh, no, don't be scared. He called you and he sounded clear. Here's what they did. It didn't go through.

You said it was so deep just now. It's actually what he got a hook and it went in and the barb is in there. So you can't get it out. They're going to have to slice his finger open. Oh, my God. And give him stitches. They're going to have to slice it up and take it out, stitch it back up.

And they'll probably lose feeling. Oh my God, would you? Yeah. It's horrible. Yeah, it's horrible, but it's like, you know, it happens when you're fucking around with fishing stuff. Yeah. I've done it. I've gotten hooks in me and it sucks. Oh, my God.

You know, they might be able to pinch, like, numb his whole finger up and pinch the barb inside, and that way they could side it out. Or, no, they're going to have to cut it open. Oh, God. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I know. And I feel bad that my wife has to deal with her. She hates blood.

My wife's a tough broad But if you start bleeding She'll fucking pat she won't even throw up She'll just go Fucking pass out That's how I feel in hospitals I hate hospitals What did you do before this?

I went to law school in California What? Yeah That's why I went to California To get a law degree You have a law degree? Yeah And fuck you

Okay And then I wanted to And then the stand-up comedy That happened after work for fun I went to martini blues was a lounge in seal beach california i think and that was where i would do open mics for fun so you were you going you were putting yourself through law school how the fuck do you do that's so expensive i took out loans and i'm still paying now so you have a

law degree yes i'm thinking of taking the california state bar in a year because i went to school out there i haven't considering it because hollywood is slow i'm not auditioning much i have to write a new hour now really yes i'm trying to utilize my time now that i have all this three time. I'm going to take you my first solo vacation in September. Going to the Bahamas for a week alone. And you live with your mom? Yeah. Which is great. Yes. And I've been hearing

about New York rents. I would never pay $5,000. I'd rather live in outside. No. For what? $5,000 for rent? Six. Eight. I know people pay eight. Oh my God. I don't understand. Where's your mom live? Are your grandparents that bad? Where's your mom?

Uptown, near Kowahua, Pelham Parkway. Way uptown. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that. Oh, my God. No way. My mortgage is less than people's one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. Yeah. I don't even understand it.

It's like, what do you do? Where do you live? I live in Westchester. Okay. Oh, yeah, close to me. I moved up, I moved out of New York a while ago. Okay. So I live up there.

I love it up there. Oh, it's beautiful up there. It's so nice. Yeah, New Rochelle, too. Yeah, New Rochell, New Rock, all those little towns like that. I would drink my first, getting a condo in New Rochell. I would love that. That's my vision board.

That's great. You have a vision board. Yeah, well, you put all your goals and dreams on a... You're manifest stuff. Yeah, you manifest stuff. Yeah, you manifest. I'm into all that shit. I'm wearing fucking crystals right now.

I'm into manifest. I love all. It works. I love manifesting. Yep. I mean, it really... I believe in it. Yes.

Thoughts become things. If you see it, you can have it. Yes, that's why I've never called myself broke. I don't use any of those terminologies. I'm like, money is fluid. Yeah. I attract it. I use it.

I use it. I come back to me. I love it. You know? That's great. That's why I do the same thing. When men are cheap, I'm like, first turnoff, I keep an eye, I'm like, you know, I'm like, money comes and go, when guys are like that, that's a really big turnoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my husband was always broke.

Really? And that's why I didn't understand it, because every man prior to him would take me out. Yeah. So I learned the lesson. Well, it's funny, when I met my wife, she would always, she worked. Yeah. I'm doing comedy. Yeah.

I was working with, uh, I was working with mentally retarded people. I was. There are new words for it now. But. mentally retarded retarded If you have a accent If you have a accent

You can say it Okay I'm grandfathered in All right I was working With the retarded kids Right Have you done last Boston

That's a club I want to do Yes I this is This is a blessing I love it But I want to do more Of the B plus A clubs That's what I'm trying

To rise myself up to I would love to do Whatever the wise guys And what's the one in Utah Comedy Works Comedy Works is great I hear it's fantastic Yeah

I would like to do Comedy wise guys is Utah Comedy Works is Denver Yeah Comedy on State I hear is so good Comedy on State is one of the best Yes I want to get into those Yeah I've done side spliters

Size putters is the best It's so much fun, yes We just shot Lewis's Lewis Gomez's special Really? The guys who work there I love the staff, yeah Yeah, it's great They just, it's beautiful They changed everything now

Now it looks great Really? Yeah they changed everything for the special I hope he kept it I'm pretty sure he does But it looks fantastic now And yeah Well, you should.

You know, it's, it's, you know, I've gone, I, I've went from, you know, my career kind of popped off. I went from nothing opening for people, you know, playing the A rooms, but middling. Yeah. And then I went to the A rooms headlining and then went back to the B rooms, C rooms, because, you know, the career goes up and down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I kind of found these rooms, these people that are nice. and I do well at and that respect me and I like working with in the A rooms and it's good. Yeah.

I get to go there. Yeah. But it took a long time. My agent is good at getting me one-nighters in far away places, but door deal and the people come out. I've done it. I've done the same thing. Chicago never used me. Yeah.

Never. Really? I went to Cleveland. I used to work Cleveland, the club there. And then they stopped using me. Hilarities? Hilarities. I middled for Josh Blue and did a great job.

Not Josh Blue. Josh, he plays a guitar with that L.A. guy. I middled for him and I had a great time. I had to chase those guys down. I'm like, give me one night. Yeah. And they won't return my messages. It's hard.

It's hard. They loved me when I was there. Hard to do because they got every comment. I know. And there's, when I was coming up. Josh Wolf. Josh Wolf, yes, thank you. There's a couple comedians.

There was what? Maybe 100 comedians? yeah now there's so many they tell me they're like jack we only have 52 weekends it's it and we fill them up long before you even inquire about it a weekend it's a hard you have to so just go find a place yeah that's what i did i went and found a room in cleveland and i just worked that yeah and then there was like you know what the owner who i love nick he saw me he came down and saw me one night and we hung out and he's like why you i was like i don't know man i make more money doing he's like i we want to have you back and he did you know but it goes up and down

It goes back and forth, and it's not, I don't think it's personal at all. What do you think of governors? I work governors. I love governors. Yeah, the audience is, they get rowdy sometimes. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. It's good.

You need a rowdy. I mean, you fight with the women in the audience there. It's good. You need that. All of my training came up in bars. Yeah. In L.A. Sure.

It taught me to perform, and the audience does not give a fuck. Yeah. I mean, I used to host the seller. Mm-hmm. It was from 9 to 3 in the morning. Oh, my God. You know, so it was like hosting, hosting, hosting. So it's just, yeah, those rooms are great

Because I think you should have to learn How to make everybody laugh Oh, yeah So then when you get in front of a good crowd It's like, oh shit Yeah When you get in front of your fans It's cake

Yes And all the stuff just clicks into place And I get a very diverse audience I get a lot of blacks And then a lot of women A lot of menopausal women Yeah And those audiences

They are ready to have fun Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah so it's a blessing All this shit is a blessing Yeah it is And it's funny that you know Are you gonna try to sell this special like Netflix or something?

My, my team. Yes. That's their job. Yeah. They set out, they arrange this whole thing. Yeah. And what's the plan? The streamer? Yeah, they want it on a streamer.

And if it doesn't, if the streamers don't take it, you get, I would not be mad at YouTube only because that way the whole world can see it. I have international fan base. They don't have Hulu. They can't find them on Amazon. Punchup. Huh? Punchup.

Live. Oh, a website? Yeah. You don't know about Punch Up. No. Punch up. Well, the thing with the punchup, it's a new company in the last year or two. And the reason why I like them, they have no, you can say whatever you want.

They don't, they don't, what's the word I'm looking for? They don't censor. Okay. Anything. Yeah. If it's funny, they put it up. Yeah. And all those people have to do when you send them to go see your site is put their email in.

Okay. But what happens, you get an email list. Yeah. So all the thousands of people instead of YouTube. getting all that information. Oh, okay. And they can sell them stuff and contact them. You get it.

So then you can look at a map and say, oh, I have people in, I have people here. I should go to that. The pinpoint, yeah. And send them an email from the app. So you can be, hey, I'm coming, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's really great for comedians. Oh, okay. It's fucking great.

Punchup.com? Punchup.com. You should talk to them. Okay. You can do both. You can put it on Punchup and then throw it on YouTube. Yes. Oh.

You know what I mean? But get those emails. I wouldn't mind. I heard it was a good taping. Maybe Netflix might want it. Yeah. Well, hopefully. Yeah.

But I don't care where. See it, bitch. See it, bitch. Put it on your board. Right? You're right. Manifest it. Yeah.

I'm at the place where I need my career to, like, have one big jump. Like I... It's so funny. You know what I think we're all at that places. We all get there. Yeah. And then you see people that it just took one big jump and stayed there. You know what I mean?

It's like, shit. Mm-hmm. But. it's um it's it's all as it is it's just showing up yes and you know even when I don't want to

just get to keep creating shit yeah and it may not be stand up it may be stand up it may like you say I'm gonna go back and get my past the bar yeah you might meet somebody there who's like you pass it might be a show I was about to say a judge show I would love to do a judge show you never know

I had one pitched a couple years ago and clearly it didn't happen You know what I'm saying Yeah, yeah It's like that might be that path Like I, you know I used to I used to just go camping

I used to go camping all the time What the fuck you doing? Yeah I don't know man It's something different And it's calling me Yeah And then I filmed the TV show

About camping with comics in the woods Oh yeah You know what I mean Yamanika went Yeah So I mean It fell apart It horribly wrong

People almost died But it's okay And I always have to create something always it's all it is yeah it's all it is i mean just being grateful enough and everything else is relative you know you you look at this guy's house he has four walls in the door he gives a fuck he's he's warm in the winter he's cold in the summer but when i when i see like like russell peter's home yeah i'm like we have the same job kind of yeah where's my basketball cards yeah and i'm like i just gotta keep showing up you know because i my dream is the arena that's my dream is

manifest to look out and have the fucking stadium. Yeah, but you know what? What? You look out and have fucking 150 people is amazing too. Oh, yeah. That's money. Yes, that's true. And that's telling jokes. Yep. And that's crazy. And, you know, I mean, I look

at you and I'm like, you should be, I don't know why you're not on TV. Oh. I don't understand why you're not on a show at some point. Well, Hollywood is real slow right now. It's fucking weird. Isn't it? I mean, I haven't It's like it's shut down. I was on one audition this whole year.

Really? One. Yeah. One. I think I had three and I got pinned for one sitcom and clearly I didn't get it. You didn't get it because you're sitting with me. Clearly, I'm here with you, you're fucking Stonauts. But we've met enough people in our career that we can keep creating and have people to look at it.

Yeah. I'm trying to utilize everyone I've ever met. I'm very good at that. Yes, exactly. You've got to just keep creating and doing stuff and you got to do it for the love of the game. Yeah. You can't be looking over there. I know.

You can't live in the results. And don't compare. Now. No. And you're divorced now? Yeah. You get to fucking do what you want. You don't have to ask?

I'm going to do like three shows in Paris. Really? Just because when I went there the first time, I wouldn't go to the Eiffel Tower because I felt guilty that my husband wasn't there. I went to the top and called that bitch and said, look where I'm at, ho. She wasn't with you? No, she was like, I want to go. I'm like, we ain't coming now. Oh, my God.

Now I'm going to go see everything in Paris. I'm going to travel. For real now. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Have fun. Yeah.

How old are you now? Fifty-three. Holy shit. I'm old. You like Kevin Hart did, damn. This bitch is old. I'm 54. See?

We're old as fuck. We're old as fuck, but we're not. No, we're not. We still got little. We got funky glasses. We got, we got style. We got juicy lips, funky glasses, and we're ready to rock and roll. Exactly.

We can still attract young hoes if you want to do. Yeah, you get some young hoes. I got an old Polack somewhere fucking trying to get a fishing hook out of a kid's in. Your whole family is in the hospital right now. I'm a fucking kid. My poor guy, I don't know what this is that. That the fuck, man. Why didn't they send you a picture of it?

Because she's in the fucking mountains. I should turn the phone back on. I know. I should care. I will turn. At least, I'm like, I want to see a picture. I want to see a picture of what? His finger.

Oh, okay. See how bad it is. Like a divorce. You want to see a picture. He's 12. Relax. fabulous. Got a piece, though.

Oh, my God. Yeah. He's got a kid. My God. My God. He came out of the room the other day. I was like, dude, I can't. It's fine to put it away. I'm like, dude, it's fucking me up because it's like, it's like not mine.

Let me see where they are. Let me see where they are here. He's in surgery. Oh, this fuck. Two shows that night, bud. 5.30 or 8. My mother stinks. Is it the first show or the second show?

Do you have any spots tonight? No, I don't. No. I have two. No, you got to go. All right. What time is it? What time is it?

It's 9.30. Okay. We're good, right? As far as that 10 of you. All right, listen to me, Mama. I got questions for you. Please. This is him.

This is him. Oh, my God. Max? You okay? Yeah, it's, we're in a tough situation. It was so long of the hook That it's in my joint And in my tendon

So I'm going to have to put it under lytocaine And then cut it And if the doctor messes up Then I'm not going to be able to move my thumb What the f Put your mother on the phone right now, please She can hear you loud and clear. I want to talk to your mother on regular, please

I'm trying to get to the emergency room who who who who said this to him uncle jimmy said it was long okay go to the emergency room right now just go i am i'll call me when you do okay okay goodbye one of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody in my family something is wrong

and they give me their diagnosis i'm like what the fuck the doctor say i have to remind me of I'm fucking Christ Because that was all speculative That wasn't the doctor's wording Is your uncle Jimmy's wording? Is he a doctor?

Yeah, I don't know. Exactly. That sounded very like a doctor gave him that spiel And turns out it wasn't You had no reason to worry The doctor's who you want Um, hang on one second Hang on, I got this, I mean

It's crazy that my uncle Jimmy would say that to the kid Where would you get it from? You're going to lose It's fucking nuts Is he a doctor? Huh? Is he a doctor? No, he's a fucking

Does epoxy floors That sounded The fuck is he That sounded so good What your son said I don't understand it I just why would you say that It hit a tendon?

How do you know what a tendon is? It's a long hook And if it hits a tendon You're going to lose Who? According to whom? Oh Jesus Christ What an

asshole you just you're gonna have to why are you feeding my son information why the fucker the good of hook in his shit what the fuck is he doing that he's fucking and where the fuckers who put a fucking hook in his hand and why aren't the oh I'm so mad right now

here's my wife this is why my wife I'm fucking dumping her too I'm moving in with your mother we're gonna have that's the sitcom oh god two fucking big glasses juicy lips chubby people moving together but you have Any single attractive Caucasian friends?

Yeah. Really? Yes. Are they fun? Yes. Okay. Danny, come here. Danny, walk out here.

Do I guys have a taste? Like butterscotch? Vanilla. Come here. He has a taste. It's sweating pennies. Ew. Come here.

Danny, come here for a second. Come here, Danny. He's too young. Hurry. Okay. What are you? 29? Ah, 28.

See? I'm good. He's too young. I'll tell you something. The age isn't the problem. I'm very good at Penn. guessing ages. You saw as you guessed his

religion too by his shins. Move back. Send Joe out. Oh, my God. You're going to go through him. Joe, come here. I like somebody over 40. Okay, here you go.

No. There you go. You like that? He's cute. No commitment. He's not available, though. No, okay, beat it. I mean, you don't want that barrel chested goof.

All right, send Zach in. Oh, my God. Zach, get over here. Zach is busy. Well, it's not busy. He's coming. What about Zach? Don't fix your hair.

What about Zach? This is the worst dating game ever. What do you think? What are you, 23? Oh, he's grown. What do you think about that? He's adorable. You got a big piece.

He's too young. Yeah, he's got a decent piece. I don't do twos. What? Twos are too young. When are you going to be 30? November. That's a while from now.

All right. We'll come back, okay? See you later. I might have. You like older guys? I've never with anyone over 54. Italian? Italian?

I've never. I never, outside of my race, ever. Really? Never. You've never been with a white guy? I've never had a white guy hit on me seriously. You've never been with a white guy? Nope.

Real. Yamanika was also in shock. That's fucking nuts. I don't know. I'm very friendly and I'm cool. I treat them like regular people. You got dimples. White guys love dimples.

I have never had, not a serious one. Not even jokingly. Really? Yeah. We've got to change that. Oh, that'd be great. Because white guys like to cook. They do?

Yes. Oh my God, an Italian, my favorite food, too. White guys like jobs. Oh, my God. They'll be work. I love it. White guys have retirement. Usually young guys are the ones who like me.

Yeah. Because I have like a mom look about me and then Mr. Mom. You got dirty, you got a dirty lady look. Dirty lady? Like good dirty, like you smell. Yeah, I know. Dirty like you're into some dirty shit. That's why I thought my husband was the best thing I ever happened to me

because when you first got married, he was nasty. And then he stopped all that. Start being nasty. Stop being nasty. God damn it. I'm like, I thought that marriage was four. Sorry. It's okay.

Well, I'll find somebody else in the other year. I'm excited to see the new, what's going to happen over the year. Okay. You got all this stuff going down, right? And you're freeing the universe up. I'm free. I can go anywhere. But you freed it up for all the stuff to come to you now.

I can fuck internationally now. Well, I don't know. I'm not, I mean, I'm talking about like, you know. Oh, other things. Yeah. Your career. manifestation. I get it. Do you manifest, do you manifest dicks into your life? Actually, yeah. And what I know, I also pray to God, if God, if you know that he is a waste of time, remove him,

and that he always does. Right, okay. You know it's a good book, you know, it's a good book. Florence Scuvel Shin. You should get that book, you know. Say it again? Florence Scuvel Shin. What's the name of the book? That's the game of life and how to play it. Okay. I've heard of the title. Great book. Really? 98 pages, Change My Life. The game of life and how to play it How to play it Okay And if you don't believe in religion

Just fucking back No I believe in religion There you go You'll love it Okay We're gonna go to Patreon right now Okay But before that

Let's bring your dates back up You can check out What I thought you said my dates And those guys Oh no Let's bring the guys You might fuck

Um Let's bring Hello Okay thanks Zach I mean dump him He's dumb Baltimore is not happening. Why not?

It's in September. I missed my email having them cancel it. We'll focus on Ontario Improv because you got to have people show up while they don't give you bookings anymore. So Ontario Improv, August 6th, that's coming up. My home club when I was in L.A., Comedy and Magic Club, Armosa Beach.

And then my birthday show, San Diego, Mike Drop, who always books me. Thank you so much. Mike Drop. She did great, right? They're so keeping you working. Those are the clubs you work.

Yeah. You work those. I love. Build the fan base up. Yes. So then when you go back there. I love Zanis, Rosemont. Sell it the fuck out.

Yeah. And then, you know, you get door deals. You only have to work 15, 12 to 15 clubs a year to make a doctor's salary. Really? Yes. Okay. That's all you got to do, Mama. More door deals, I know.

Dude, check this out. When? We're going to go to punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm all over the place. And my special's up there live from the Village Underground. I got all kinds of crazy shit up there that you can go see the Cuba thing is up there

All are uncensored YKWDs I've done how many at the Carlson Falk to this, that's a great club too And make sure you go And go to YouTube.com and subscribe But if you want to watch the Patreon version Where you get to ask questions and get the show first Go to patreon.com

slash Robert Kelly If you not go to YouTube, subscribe, like and comment Guys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to comedy at Verve and SummerV in New Jersey, the third Thursday of every month. Hey, Joe Russell. Come on down to Uncle Vinny's August 13th.

I'm headlining for the first time. Have a great night. You can follow me on Instagram ad, Zachary Unlimited, and look up the Fat Kids podcast on YouTube. So anticlimactic. All right, there you go. We're going to go to Patreon right now.

Mama, thank you for coming on. I have you back on. Please. Maybe with some other comics. Maybe me, you, and Keith. Okay. That'd be fun, right? I love Keith.

Yeah, we'll get some. people on and we'll uh i'm very excited to see what happens over the next year with your career and your life and uh and it's going to be awesome it's going to be a lot why are you crying i i'm a crier i am too i we're such pussy i cry inside though i'm a sympathetic cry don't cry we'll see you guys next time jackyfabulous dot com oh shit man did you not say that no fucking say it jackyfabulous dot com say it jacky fabulous you three over there. Sing it.

Sing it. Not fabola us, that's the rapper. Fabulous. One. Fabulous. Oh, shit. One more time.

Jackie Fabulous. com. Now without your pants. Oh, I thought you didn't like young boys. All right, guys. What's up? What's up, Patreon?

We'll see you guys next week on you know what, dude.