Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #605 | Geoffrey Asmus, Keegan Tindall, & Devon Hall | Essperimenting

Episode Date: September 21, 2025

Things get silly this week on YKWD w/ the return of Geoffrey Asmus, Keegan Tindall, and Devon HallGet the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today. Head tohttps://www.hims.com/YKWDVisit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DUDE and use code DUDEto get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all.

This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. God, how you're ruining this? First of all right now. Sorry, it's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show?

This is the original. Hey, what's up? What's going on, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. And we're here at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous comedy seller. And we're doing another episode of YKWD. And it's going to be a good one. I can tell already because the hijinks has already ensued.

And I've giggled three times. Danny, who do we got? We have Kegan Tyndall, Devin Hol, and Jeffrey Asmus. Wow. Two out of three ain't bad. That's not funny. I don't like that.

I didn't like it either. Go to your corner right now. Wow. I'm already in the corner. You have a timeout spot? I do, and it's where he's sitting. Oh, okay. I put him in the top of the spot out of the gate.

Podcast is a punishment. There's no camera on him or a microphone. That doesn't work. That's just the play microphone. Right, right, right, right. You have a little brother of control of it? Now, do you have any, like, hostess cakes? because it will get, it'll get bad.

It will. Oh, you know what? I didn't even think of that. Danny, can we get cake or some type of chip? It's crunching into the moment. I'm not anti, like, this is aha, Devin's fan. He's actually looking for it. Yeah, Devin loves cake no matter what.

Oh my God, that's so awesome. There you go. Hey, you go. That's what you did. Wow. What are you stupid, you skinny boy? Look at him. He needs help.

Trying to make him successful. He's not going to get that way that way. I did 30 minutes on the bike today. Let's go. 30 minutes. That's great. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, he was chasing after an ice cream truck. God damn it. All of us were like, you hit it. You hit it. Well, we were practicing on the way over. So you volley me. So I'm going to be up. They're going to say I'm a fat fuck.

Yeah, no, we know that. For sure. Jump in. Yeah, no. Well, I usually get the fat fuck shit. You know what I mean? I'm used to it. I heard somebody say, call somebody a, what was the thing, Danny?

addicted to the fork that's a great fucking smart guy fat gig yeah you're addicted to the fore addicted is just so mean so what's up man how you doing I'm doing a great

yeah great day yeah walking around New York all day yeah what were you doing around New York selling your body are you selling your body for cheap for very how much couple bucks couple bucks for the whole body

in this economy around the world or is that just that's just New York really yeah how much would you sell your body for are you talking having sex or just taking clothes off just taking clothes off oh not i wouldn't need much no i think that's kind of fun oh really that could be kind of fun have you've been what was the craziest shit like the most spontaneous sexual thing you've ever done yes spontaneous i had sex in bloomington indiana in their town square right at like 2 a m by like a statue of their mayor or whatever really in some bushes yeah were you standing where you how are you fucking a We were, they were, like, on the ground, like, in between the bushes on, like the...

On the mulch? Like, on the mulch? He fucked on the mulch is not bad. It was not bad. You know, it was not bad. No, no, no. No, no. Play grads, you can get it.

Yeah, dad. No, play grats. That was a little shoot-up tie thing? That's a little chewed up tie. You should try a seesaw. Those are better. My headphones don't work, Danny. I hate you so much.

Danny, you didn't check the headphones, did you? Joe did Joe did you check the headphones yeah that's my fault you're a fucking thanks oh my god this is the problem with the show right the comments no

this is the only problem I apologize every time we're on the show they're just like I want these guys to be fucking executed really and die the ones about me are pretty nice

but the ones about Devin and Connor and just get away from me get away from me get away from me bye leave don't just stare at me weird

I'm not really gonna hit you I have nothing to do if I say get away and you don't get away now we're just staring at each other you bow up why they were

they love you well me yes but they're mean to my friend they called the last one that it was me well I was on the phone because I got sick

because your blowjob machine gave me a STD did it really no but like I was sad well you're not supposed to make out with it you're not supposed to suck

it how does it know I love it ever I fed it You don't supposed to drink cum out of it Then why did I put cum in there? Why did they put cum in there? It's not a chalice of cum.

No, dude, but my favorite comment on that podcast was You should call this, you don't know who. You don't know who, dude. You don't know who. I thought you guys were great. Danny, they were fun and shit last time, right? The first time they were on, everyone loved it, and then the second time there was a significant fall off.

Why? Well, we weren't there. Oh, yeah. It was the kind of time you canceled. There was a significant fall off. You can't. It was you. It was our friends, Connor and Colin.

Yeah, dude. People. They did a bad job? No, they're like, no, come on, don't say that. I don't know. This is our first time meeting Jeffrey as well. You never met. Oh, you guys never met?

I don't think I met them. So we're going to see if we have chemistry live. Yeah. It's not. These guys riff a little too quick. Their minds are a little too quick. Well, we live together. We got it.

Yeah, you're the same wave. We've never said a real thing to each other. Right. I like that. Yeah, he's a slob, he's not Oh, he'd even doing good And I've been doing good We've been doing pretty good

We've been carrying the house We've been doing a lot of the We've been slutting around So we live not us again I'm not fucking Devin Okay, all right Well, don't say it Don't wait man, chill

If we tell people I'll jump across this day And I will fuck you I am wired That's me spreading you I got a headlamp But I'm diving You know a cave diverting

I got it I got it Devin's been doing Gay Sex No Door Well so yeah I'm sorry slow down Wow. We moved to Brooklyn.

Okay. Devin has zero dollars. No money. So we live, we like, we speak. Well, after you do this podcast, you're going to have a lot of money. You're going to have so much ass play. It's going to be crazy. Well, so yeah, we moved to Brooklyn.

And so we live in an apartment where him and the other, three room, four total. Him and two others live upstairs. And I live like off this little hallway in the basement, but there's no door to my room. What? And I've been in, I have been. What are you doing? Is this an experiment? How is that?

See how much he could take. I did it specifically because I knew. you would love it. I really do. Did I tell you? You just have a curtain or what? Not even. Oh.

Oh, I told him to get a curtain. I'm working on the curtain. I go, Devin, I'm going to buy you a fucking curtain, man. Because he won't do it. And he goes, listen, if this is a judgment of my responsibility, I'm going to buy a curtain today. Put a door on. It's been a month. It can't cost more than $200 to put a door on.

Why are you keeping in the basement like a lizard? Do you have a heat lamp? No. Dude, no. I'm right by the vet. It's awesome down there. It's cool. I love it.

And so I have a separate. door. So there's an upstairs door and a downstairs door. And I have been, Brooklyn is where all the gay people are. No one told me. What do you mean? No one told me that. Oh, you, oh, the gay people are there. I know. Everybody knows that. No, like, Brooklyn used to be dangerous and now it's expensive. Now it's dangerous and game. That's a gay breadcrumb trail. Yeah. So I have just been that fucking, uh, that the, the, our bed downstairs door is now a point on sniffies. People are rolling right. It's like a red light district. Yeah. I'm just going to get a window and suck. through the window and he's got a troll hole what is that troll hole that's a separate door troll hole is where you don't have to go in the front door and you can bring anybody in through the basement is that what you do? They can hear

you have sex so it doesn't matter well bring them through the front door at that point I just do the I'm plugging my ears on the time well the thing is because they'll be hanging because the basement's where like the living room is so we'll be hanging and then I'll get a text and I'll go ah guys and we'll just go all you're we all pack up because it's day six no door

so you guys I'll have to leave the apartment so you don't have hear it we go upstairs to our individual rooms are you can you hear him still is he are you a loud guy no are you pretty uh i'm not i don't make that much noise but damn my noises are made from like exertion like you know when you get up in an old man yeah but uh little there's a lot of like you sip at you oh ah but i've been hanging out with like especially this one i'm hanging with one dude particularly who is loud like there's a lot of like pillows over faces Is he from Europe? Yes.

Italian. That's insane. That's a great guy. Well, I'll tell you why. I fucking banged this French girl once. Right. I almost hit her on the side of the head. I had a, I lived in a room.

We had a place in 97th Street in Lex. And it was this long railroad apartment. And the guy, this South African guy, had the first two rooms. Then there was a hallway, which was my bedroom or Billy's bedroom, depending on who was home. And then we had the living room. And then a common bathroom, common kitchen. Yeah. But he had to walk through our room to get to his room.

And I had a curtain up because I'm not a savage. I'm working on the curtain. It's not hard. Working on it. We could go anywhere. We've been there for two months. Oh, my God. It costs 19 cents.

All right, man. Can you buy me a curtain then? No, he offered. I did. But him, it's like, I need him to respect. Well, the problem is they don't have to respect you. You have a fucking random guy. in his basement.

The problem is they don't sell curtains at Taco Bell, you know what I mean? You guys have a sir, please get the fuck out of here. That is, I tried just singing and hoping the curtains would close. We got it. We got it.

Don't squeeze it like a lemon, asshole. You've never been in my basement. What the fuck was I talking about? You're piece of shit. Your apartment, your railroad apartment. So I had to fuck. It was actually it was a waitress that worked here. Gorgeous.

Really pretty French girl. This is back when you could fuck waitresses. Yeah, that's not okay anymore. Your generation ruined it. You wanted to respect people. Thanks a lot, man. Yeah, you asshole. It was me.

I did it. I loved the movie. It is you. It's you. Well, your face did it. I couldn't fuck the waitresses, so I was like, if I can't, no one came. I'm like, start it now. Hey, we're going to have morals now.

what if that was all it was just a bunch of nerdy dudes like hey man we should fucking ruin this for everybody fuck alpha guys like Joe Rogan we're going to ruin it for everybody women need right me too

it was something like that yeah it was terrible it was exactly that what are you're a piece of shit you were fucking near a statue well yeah I did yeah you fucked the girl on most did you know her

she was a comic I knew her vaguely yeah she was a comic it was a festival they were having a festival in Bloomington and it was limestone comedy festival No hotels No we were all on like Airbnbs And no one had there

I was like sleeping on a couch I didn't have a place We just had to fucking the The thing that really happened is This guy's fucking in the basin Like a pandolin I was What's a pandolin?

It is what I'm doing I don't know either But he's right Can I tell you? Having had my Can I redo that joke? He's fucking in the basin Like a chip base

Pandolin Oh it's an animal Oh my god Why would that animal fucking abasement? Because look at him. Why is he that? I don't understand.

Chinese people want their scale. They just rolls up in a ball. Look at him. Doesn't he look like a pandolin? A kung fu pandolin. Yeah, you're right. I lay eggs. Now, where is the craziest place?

You, like, the, ever had sex? I'm not like a crazy set. Maybe in a car. You know what? I did do, worst thing I ever did was like, I did hand stuff in the back of a car while my family was...

Oh! Now you took my answer. Yeah. Wow. That's what you do. Like on a vacation? You're just like fucking gritting your teeth. Like with a high school girlfriend?

Yeah, and you're like, hey, fucking sis, come over, you know... I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. He's from South Jersey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Pine Sterex. He's from Eagles fans, Jersey. He's like near Tony who looks. You watch your fucking mouth.

I'm sorry, go birds. You bring the birds into this. I told you, did I show you the grinder profile? There was nothing but go birds? No. Go birds. Fuck, guys. Dude, it was nothing but the Eagles,

and I just texted Goberds, he goes, Gobertsin. Do you hear that lady on that? Anna Einbinder? This fucking bitch. Yeah, we barely know you, you asshole. You just won an award. And you went, Go Birds, and everybody was like,

yeah, from Philly. And then you went, fuck, eyes, free Palestine. That's a confusing sentence for a Phillies fan. It's from Philly fan. You got me, and then I had a turn on you. I will get an army here in a minute. I will. One Toby Keith song over the last.

I feel like every time the Eagles win, they kind of do October 7th to themselves, though. They, like, rip apart their city. Oh, my God, Devin. Wow. Was that me? I like that. I like the angle you're going on.

They rip apart their own city. All right, we get it. Stop saying rip apart. Fuck is wrong. Hey, rip apart. Devin, Devin, full on one time. His theory that he was like,

you know, the thing's scary about Brooklyn is, if you live there, two days the electricity goes out, people are eating each other. I bet that. I agree. I agree. Eat each other out in the basement. You think...

If power goes off for 48 hours, it would be absolute anarchy. But eating each other. I don't think they'd be eating... They'd be killing. I'm putting a little... But it would be violent... It would be violent.

He's going to eat somebody. It'd be funny if a day and he just starts eating people. He just want to eat people. And they're like, dude, the lights are coming back and out of the 3 o'clock. He's like, there's still food in the fridge. You hear them.

They're like working on the power lines. I'm like... Survival of the other. unfittest. That's what it is. Survival of the fattest. Well, they had that blackout. Were you guys here from the 70s? No.

I thought you're mentioning? Because that was the famous one. I was like, I don't know. Yeah, and then the wall came down. No, 2003, they had a blackout here. You don't remember that. I was not here in 2003. 2003, after September 11th.

Right. I was living on 43rd between 10th and 11th. What were you, 40? Doorman building. Yeah, 40 something like that. Maybe, no, maybe late 30s, 40s. Yeah, something like that. You're in the late 30s right now?

No, I'm 54. Oh, you're joking. That's a bad joke. Oh, it's a bad joke. Oh, it's all right, dude. Here, take that. We have that. Is that for the bad joke?

Oh, God, damn it. It's just to know who was the last person. I'll give it up. No, he'll get it. Yeah. So, no, it, I told my wife, I said, listen, after September 11th, we moved back here from L.A. And I was like, look, anything happened? Our plan, we meet on the Westside Highway.

and then we walk out of the city. I'm like that guy. You're like saying if 9-11 happens again. If anything happens, because look. Was real estate cheap here after 9-11? They gave away downtown. You got two years free rent. Wow.

You could get a doorman building downtown. Wow. That ain't bad. One for each tower? Come on, I lost the band-a-a-a-and-a. You don't lose it. You don't lose it. But that was a good one.

Go, all right. This panel will get that band-dana. I'm sure it'll be back. over here. Free rent, actually? That was a joke. I was just curious about it. I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me right now? I can get a door? All we need to do is another 9-11 and I can have a door? Was that too much? No, I'm no good at that. You're just doing every date, every terrible day. He's got a little hallway. It's not just no door.

There's a hallway. There's some wiggle room. There's not wiggle room. And he's wiggling. He's wiggling. unfortunately. But the power, so the grid up in upstate New York just goes dead. So this city goes during the day, all the electricity goes out.

And they're not turning it back on. And I know, because I've lived in New York long enough to know what's going to happen when the sun goes down. So it was all fun in games. Everybody's out, oh, the bodega's giving out all their ice cream. So you could just get ice cream bars and kids are going up. But then all of a sudden, you're looking, and the traffic signals are out. So people are trying to get out of the city.

And there's regular dickheads trying to direct traffic, which is not going well. No. Because nobody's like, fuck you, wow. People are almost dying. So my wife, I'm like flipping out. You can't use cell phones either because back then you got on a cell phone and everybody used it at the same time. It was just shut down.

So I'm calling and calling. Nothing. I finally get in touch with her. I go, where are you? And she goes, I'm downtown with the girls. We get margaritas. They're giving away, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, yeah, we had a plan.

I'm just You're two burnerdoodles You're like, what the fuck? No, Silky Tara and a mix Excuse me I did have two little dogs Buddy, I was so mad She finally walked all the way up from Soho

All they up to a 43rd stage And then it got So then it was all whatever And then around when the sun went down We were like, hey, let's go take a walk Around 930 From from 11th Ave to 9th Ave

We walked Barrels on fire Yeah. There's no, when there's no city lights, you can see all the stars. It's like being in the hamper. Oh, that's cute. And then. It is.

Have you ever seen that? The celestial sky is cute. I love that. Nice work. I went to camp and I saw this cute. God did a neat job with the sky. Oh, my God, I'm digging there. So as we're walking up, barrels are on fire.

Homeless people, this is their fucking time. Right. God of course. So they were, like, people were just coming up and grabbing the girls. Like, my wife and my friend, his girl, someone came up and just grabbed her ass and went, yeah. But you can't see. You can't see in front of your face. So we were like, we got to go.

We got to go inside. We got to go fucking back. We go back to the building. People live on the, like, the 38th, 40th floor. There's no elevators. And there's no little lights in the stairway. So you're walking up. You don't have a light on your floor.

phone back then he had no my god so these people have to walk 38 floors in the dark oh my god and they're like trying to ask people like do you can can you walk me up and feel like no we had to go up into the apartment and it was one more day of that one more night of people are eating each other there would be absolute chaos there was still ice cream left not not day three not day three day three On day three. Day three, it wouldn't be done. Grinders down. Everything's dead.

Well, after day three, the food's gone. All the meat's dead. It's a concrete island. There's no food. You have to import. I think you want to eat. The food spoils, yeah. You're not on the content.

Hey, can I say that? We're just a regular island. It's not made a concrete. The island was here. No, but like the, isn't it like a big slabbed? I know. Look how much you just pissed him off. I really did.

He was like, isn't there a slavic concrete? All the thing? That's a little concrete. I was a little. It was a little. Just a crap. My word. How are you familiar with the foundations of the city,

but they're darling. I'll take you on a tour one time. We'll go to the river and see. You know, the Native Americans traded this for four beads. Have you ever been in a basement? Through the back door. Oh, darling, it's so icky.

My door has a little window on the top. Not three times I open the slider. Like a speakeasy. That's what I named my asshole. Speak easy. I'll tell you the most splendid hallway I think you guys would love it I think we do the podcast from there next time

Yeah, dude, my room? Room with no door? From the fuck den? From the fuck den? From the fuck den? What do the guys say when they go back to a place I mean, listen, like... What are they saying?

I've, you know, I'm like, hey, listen, this is going to be gross and bad and they're like, yeah, like, so far I've had been... That's great, dude, it's like grinder and sniffies. We're talking about people that are like... Is that the new app? Sniffies? Oh, yeah. We've already covered out.

Oh, my bad. Don't go down the Sniffy Hole. Okay, I didn't know about that one. You're not getting out of that hole. Yeah, you go in there. You're going to go down the sniffy hole, man. There's been a lot of people in the Sniffie Hall. You're going to want to throw a bum party at your house.

What are they called? Pump and dump. A pump and dumps. Have you done a pump and dump from the basement? No. Hey, can we do a pump and dump to raise money for kids for Christmas? Like a march. Yeah.

Every guy who goes to. Everyone leaves him a wristband. Every, if you hit your, well, $100, everybody has to me leave money. Yeah. We'll do it like one of those bike races, but it's a pump. Or like a potluck. Everyone brings, like, their own thing. Oh, dude, can we do that, raise money for kids through your assholes?

Do you have to be the, are you the dumpy? I just don't know if I get that. I'm like, I'm like. How many, realistically, how many dumps you got in? How many times could you get? Can I train? Like, can we work up to it? Um, because I could work.

Can you drizzle it out? Well, what are we doing Christmas? You get an empty in between? You get five minutes every five minutes. Do I get a Rocky montage? Like, do I get a couple months to like... Well, it's till Christmas. We're doing...

Yeah, but you have to train like Rocky when he fought the Russian, like out in the snow with like... You can't use modern technology. Like when Apollo trained them. I'm into it. Or Rocky four. Rising up.

Two stairs. Make it up two stairs. Yeah. The strongest. You have to pick up a wagon with your asshole. It's like a cow leg going into me. You have to catch a chicken with your ass. And then you lose in the first one.

The first one you're going to lose. You're going to lose. You're going to get five guys in. You spit like thunder. And it's just to raise money for you to buy a door. That's all this is for. So where was, I mean, this is a dumb question. Yeah.

Where was the crazy? It's your basement. Oh, yeah. No, well, where was the crazy? God, he's so fun to ask this question because I'm going to tell you why. Because, listen, you're straight. Are you straight? Yeah.

I love that there was a little... Well, I mean, look at your hand. The way I was doing it. That's a little gay. He got a little gay. He has a... His hand is he has a palsy. He can't move that arm.

Not that one. Yeah, that arm can't move. I meant when he did this. I did go. That was a little... I was unfortunately a little gay. He has a baby... Paulsy is when, like, your...

All right. I was fucking give me the bandana. I was a fucking bad one. Nice. He came on it. But for you, like, our story's going to be crazy. That's crazy.

Crazy weird. But you. I don't know if I have like a, like, so I haven't done like the seedy stuff in the city. No, anyway. One was in the winter. I grew up in a community like a right. In the winter of 1965. I took it in the tookish.

Outside of church. I love that you're specifying. Well, the winter is important because it's like a beach. Like it's a hill that goes down to like a beach. And there was, there's like boats, like canoes and shit for the one in the summer. I did just hear. something turn off. Yeah, what was that? What was that? What was that? What was that?

I've heard that. Computer were fixing it. The gay story alarm? Are we not recorded? You're all good. You're all good. It's a trigger warning. No, no, no, but so me and my friend went under a canoe and blew each other, like, in the winter. Like, an overturned canoe? Yeah, like, we were second thing. And, like, somewhere, we heard someone walking, we're blowing each other into this canoe. And then we have to, like, we're all, our lips are, like, blue. Like, we've been under there for a while. Freezing call on this.

Then we got to be like, oh, you know, just hanging out. We had fallen under here. And we were trying to pick up the boat. And then I tripped, and his dick fell out. And I thought the only way to get it was by sucking on it, because I saw a Christmas story. We're sucking each other's dicks. I told the story to Connery is like, you just picture the old crotch neighbor, damn kids suck a dick under my canoe again.

These damn kids going under my canoe, sucking a dick. Go to the shotgun. What's happening, Henry? Why was that? Sucking dick under my canoe again. The hall boy is under their second dick. I wasn't that. It was probably like, I don't know, like 12 or 13.

Do you think you get in trouble if it's your canoe and there's 12-year-olds under there blowing each other? Maybe. What, like a gun? If your cum happens to be under there. Right. Like if they scrub the scene. You think the parents are mad? They're like, Mr. Richardson.

You got it. You got to watch your canoe. The kids are always blowing each other under there. You know what's happening. You got to have some control over your property. If you saw the canoe. There, but for the grace of God, go you guys. Did you imagine if something happened to them that day

and the last time somebody saw them was under their canoe and they found their jizz in that canoe? And the guy was like, hey, the last time we saw these boys, they were under your canoe. They were to Steve's canoe blowing each other. And Steve's like, I don't know. We found their jizz in your canoe. It's a canoe.

There's always jizz and cano. There's going to be jizz in the canoe. So we did that shit a lot, like a lot. under, like, this clubhouse in our community, like, under the deck. And then one time, my, this... Do you guys have a bedroom? Yeah. There's no door, though.

There was no door, though. My parents knew better. You give me a door. It's chaos. You were having sex when you were 12. I love that. Yeah, me and my friends growing up through a lot of experimenting. Wow.

What is it called? I was just trying to be... Experimenting. I said experimenting. Why? Because we're cute. I don't know. I don't want to put on people to, like,

picture kids fucking is like something to add like oh so it's experimenting yeah experimenting with we were fucking i don't know but yeah what did you have sex i didn't have sex i was 25 i'm a huge loser i know i get it no i get it that's true so that was the lady and the fucking that's why you fucked it actually wasn't long after that that was not the first of it really i was gonna be like that's a wild no it wasn't that no why did you wait so long i'm a very shy guy. I was a huge loser. Were you nervous? Because you had built it up for so long. I built it up. Yeah. There was a point

yeah. Yeah, after 20 I built it up so much I couldn't have sex then for a long time. Really? I feel like I could have maybe early in college then the opportunity was wasted and then I was like God I got to do a good job. Really? And I got too scared yeah. So when you finally had the opportunity was it with a girlfriend or was it Randow?

It was a girl I went like five dates with five dates and then she was like you knew you were doing? Were you nervous? She didn't know I was a virgin. It was incredibly embarrassed. Oh, she knew. Well, she knew the first time we tried, I came before I even got inside her. Did you really? Yeah, I came on the way in.

I laid down covering fire, yeah. That's awesome. Like a Red Baron? You called an air support? Yeah, exactly. Call it an airstrike. I've done that, dude. I had a girl in Vegas one time.

She was so hot, like too hot for me. Sure. And she was drunk. Like most of them. Come on, come on. That was pretty bad. I thought that was going to get a bigger pot. Buddy, I did too, but I can't help you with a joke that hurts me.

I know. They have to have you with that. I know. They were nowhere to be seen. They left. You know why? Because I think you said it too mean. I know.

It wasn't, it didn't have the glint. Well, I was thinking of my own. I was thinking of a version of what's his name? You know, I was, I was, what do I put in there? And he thinks I'm adorable. I was like, what do you have? Fucking back off. Back off.

Back the fuck off. Well, you guys were experimenting. You know, it's like, we're all experimenting. It's an experimentation. A experimenting. I was. This girl, we're at the Hard Rock Hotel doing these shows. And it was all crazy shows.

Like Paris Hilton was there. It was all famous people. Terrible crazy shows. And this girl was so fucking out of my league. And she was like, weighing on, we had this party at the suite. And the suite has a bowling alley. And I was bowling with like Ozzy's son, Jack Osborne. Oh, Jesus.

It was this crazy fucked up night that was, you know, too surreal for me. And this girl was like, well, and I was like, I'm sober. So I was like, this is too much for me right now. I feel like I just need to get the fuck out of here. So I left and I went back to my room. And all of a sudden, like an hour later, she had found the guy who booked the show and found my room and came to my room.

Were you a hot bobby then? I was hot Bobby then. But she was out of it. It just, even then, when you're skinny fat, skinny fat, fat so always lives in you. No, I get it. Right? So.

That is, sorry, I don't want to interrupt your story, but the cool thing about Brooklyn is, they'll just fuck fat people with bananas. Body positivity. Don't forget, it's gay guys. The Indian dads in Jersey City won't do it. I tried. Brooklyn.

Sorry, please be here. Devon told me that the guy he's currently looking up with rubs his belly and goes, you're so sexy. What's his name? Can you share him? I don't want to fuck him. I just want to rub my belly and tell me, you're so sexy. You really do, and he always smoke him like his hand-rolled cigarette.

He's very Italian. What is it? European? Italian Italian. Italian from Italy. Wow. And he's rolling cigarettes right after you fuck. That's cool.

It's like a dumb joke, but he's an illegal immigrant's right now. He's literally doing a job, an American won't do. You better fuck me good enough I won't call ice on you. I hope he's the head of the mob somewhere, and he has to kill you someday because they're like, well, come with that. Who's this? And like, is nobody to me. He's a fact that. No, rub his belly very fun.

come here I'm like the good luck charm for the mob and then Devon's in charge Devon's like Worship me Bring me salted meats Ah yes Bring me prosciutto

Salted meats No crackers Prachuto boy So she I opened the door And it's her And she's fucked up You know what I mean

And she comes in She goes Where's you gal I'm like how the fuck And she comes in And she just starts making out And she's like I want to fuck you

And I'm like I do it's not going to work I'm I am fucking hard dripping jizz I open that door my my dick's like

come on boss come on boss and uh and then I'm trying so hard so I'm kissing her I'm trying to you know go down she's like

she's not she's not let me do the things that we do as guys to like just cool down a little bit I'll each out let me just get you to come first uh huh and she's leaving the station

she just sits on it and her body she's got fucking six pack she's got the V her tits are perfect everything she just puts her hair and I just puts her hair and I just goes from

dry to wet and I was like blah blah I was like sorry please leave what happened and then she goes it's okay baby we'll get you going again

I'm like now you won't you won't the hottest woman in the world is like I'm going to need you to leave and she just tried stick a water balloon in her vagina for the next 30 minutes. Jesus Christ.

Water balloon? Oh. Yeah, I wouldn't. Hold on. I was like, did she bring water balloon? I understand. She's like,

I'm just going to do, I'm going to play a little while you. I'm going to go play a little and then you, you do your tape. She's like, you go, it was so,

it was so embarrassing her just trying to push my my mushy dick into her awesome vagina. Oh, that's the worst. You ever have one? You ever do that? in someone's mouth, they put your,

they put your mushy dung in their mouth. Oh, fertile. And you're just like, really ever? No, I've never had my dick be mushy in a mouth. Really? No, wait, stop. One time, one time, I go, I tried this. This is weird.

I don't know if you ever do this. I was like, I want my dick to get big in your mouth. Right. So we kept having to wait until I had the little mushroom cap. Right. And then I was like, go now, go now, no, no. And we finally hit the timing and they put it in and it just filled her mouth. That's kind of fun.

I like, no, mine was more of like... What was it called? That's an asperiment. That wasn't a sparramette. That wasn't a sparramette. If you're giggling during it, it's an asperiment. It was. It was kind of cool.

Just to see your eyes bulge out. Oh, yeah, no. I mean, I don't want to... Wow. God, this is fun, but imagine if we were Dan Soder and Joe List. Yeah. It would be so much less fun. We'd all be sick of each other.

This is the new rags. New rags. You're Lewis. I'm Puerto Rican. Yeah, sure. I can say the N-word hook, man. There we go. I've been waiting for it.

Whip it out. People have been asking me, not yet. Not yet. 2026. January 1st. That's what the beer is going to work. I got a great bit about it. What is it?

I can't. January 1st, January 1st, it's going to destroy it. Halfway through Trump's first year? Yeah. I think, I think we're going to. going to have to say it. Yeah. He'll make it.

You got to... Are you... He's going to be on money. It'll be a rule. It'll be on the money. It's going to be on money. It'll be like the president's like a little speech bubble. E pluribus enum.

It's so funny. How much shit he has that he's selling on the side? Dude, he's like got like hats. He's like selling like 2028 hats. I know. He's got like the president of Qatar. He's like, dude, check this out. He's like, dude, check this out.

He's going to be plausible of murder. I got his sneakers. Really? Yeah. You got the trouble? They're like gold, aren't they? Or something? They're gold sneakers and they're the coolest things ever.

You wear them around the house? Huh? You wear them around the house? I wear them around the house all the time. How much were they? $7,000. No way. No, they're only $120.

Oh, okay. To steal, yeah. I bought, I got, they're there right there. Look how badass those gold sneakers are. Yeah, they're so hot. Those are so cool. Oh, dude, you cannot not get those. Just someday.

I got to be honest with it. And it's, I don't hate them. I mean, that's good. I don't hate them, Bobby. I kind of don't hate them. Yeah, you two can wear them. And then it'll be, those are welcome in my hallway. Any time.

I don't hate them. They're not, I mean, I don't like that they're called the never surrender. But the thing about you is you would lose your other shoes and have to wear those. Well, these would be covered, I would cover them in, like, four seconds. Like, I would not treat these well. Why mud? Why are you walking in, what do you? Mud is what they call.

Oh, God. Oh, my. You got mud You got mud on my sneakers, Pete That's what you call it when you blow a black guy It's close It was close I like that

Many undocumented dudes Many undocumented dudes Get them covered in mud Do you hook up with a lot of undocumented guys? Well, I don't know I don't ask them for papers But this is one in particular Well I do

I'm at the front with a flashlight He's in his Trump sneakers He's like hey I don't need to see some idea You can be gay but you gotta be legal I need your papers Oh shit I've been flying without a real ID

And I feel like I'm just getting How are you getting it? Oh, you bring the passport To the airport every time No, no passport I just bring my ID and my You just say I didn't know I'm little

That's a great time You just say you're a little Instagram follows you have? Yeah, exactly Wow Well it's fun because My ID picture was taken Before I have the burns

So I always get an unmatch If they go non-match And then they just go Oh we're so sorry they're wheeling you in with the veterans so it's like a live sob story you know

oh my god he had a picture when he was skinny he gets the same thing oh oh honey oh honey seven when he started comedy comedy

that's crazy are you gonna get one you gotta get the one there's two of them you get the one with the star or get the one with the flag the one with the flag get you in Mexico and Canada

Yeah, I do have to go to Mexico and Canada soon. I got to get over there. We got business in Mexico and Canada. Oh, we got business. And the old MC? We got business. We're going to MC hammer that. We got some experiments to do.

A lot of maple syrup. In Mexico, it's Esperanto. Now, where are you from originally? Minnesota. Minnesota. Minneapolis. Oh, do you play the club out there? All the time, actually.

Yeah, it's a great place. Love that crazy. There's more, there's other calls. That's like the main. That's like the good one act. Well, Comedy on State. I mean, you know,

the state's mass. That's where I started. Madison. And then there's, uh, Acme with, how's he doing by him? Louis Lee,

it's crazy man from Hong Kong. He's such a nice guy, man. Great. He's the nice, this far right conspiracy there as I've ever met. I love him. But he got sick for a minute.

Did he? Yeah, you don't know. Oh, I didn't hear about that. Very. Last time I was there. He was fine like a year and a half ago. I came.

Well, that's when he got better. Oh, okay. I came back from comedy camp when I filmed that and I went, I had to go right to that club, which was fucked up for me because comedy camp was so devastating to me. What happened? Yeah. I was literally out of my brain.

And they were like, do you want to just go home? And I was like, I don't want to cancel on him. Such a good club, too. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. And the club is so amazing. And they do make it. They pay well, too.

They do, they do, all the seats are theater seating. comfortable and there's no food if you want dinner you can have dinner outside in the restaurant No chicken legs Then you go in You can have What about I'm sad

What about the joke is I'm fat this episode Is this what you guys want Am I shuck it and jive enough for you Don't forget gay This place sounds terrible There we go I want a pinata for lunch You guys have pinatas here

I want ketchup mustard And come on my hot dog stat Your headlining, they ask you, like, what minute you want us to bring the wings up while you're on stage? Light me at 20, bring the wings a third. Mike's covered in grease afterwards. Mike's just greased up.

What are you doing? Goes on his phone for him. Ordering Grubbub. I'll listen to a podcast. So I time this right, by the time I get off, Grubbub will be it. No, yeah, the club is, it's one of the only clubs that has set up to be,

perfect it is it is a beautiful room too it's a great basement really love it Minneapolis is they're smart they're good crowds good crowd and the area is cool over there beautiful I mean you go you go downtown it gets a little hairy it can it's nice though Minneapolis is nice I like it let's it gets a little there's certain areas of north Minneapolis you won't want to go no we don't own Fargo that's a different part of Minnesota that's a different you idiot different culture I don't know you see how much you're going to piss me off he's angry Yeah, that's him angry.

The funny-looking one is mad at me. The weakest one here is mad at you. That's his angry face and comb face are the same. That. Well, because I'm always mad at myself when I come. Never when I want to. I've never been happy. Cumb faces are shucks.

I've never been like, this was the perfect time. I don't think I've ever done that. See, I'd take too long. Really? Oh, no. Because I'm on Lexapro. Oh, there we go. I take forever.

What is Lexapro? Antidepressant. Is that an SSRI? Yeah. Yeah. Now, what the fuck is that, you nerd? What's a... Serotoninly uptake inhibitor.

There we go. I didn't know what it said. That's awesome. This is the thing with all you guys. Now, all these young dudes are all on shit to be happy all the time. And it's not working, yeah. Yeah, of course it's not going to work. You're going to fix what's wrong.

No, there's nothing wrong. It's like, things are good, but you're like chemically like, I want to... Yeah, that's called being a comic. Why do I think we do this shit? Things are great, and you still want to kill yourself. Then you go on stage. You feel great for a little while. You come in a fucking statue bush

Or in a fucking basement hole And then you go to You eat something fucking great You go to bed All right, okay All right, I'll get off of them Get off it right now Don't call your doctor

I'll tell my doctor I'll be like yeah Bobby said I Well I just don't know how we went this far Yeah so I'm hearing that these pills are gay No no no Your pills are gay I'm thinking prep

That we're Oh man Prep is that the gross Yeah dude why is you supporting safety? Because before prep, you had to wear rubber, and you didn't get shit on your stuff. Gay men used to be fighters. They used to not be afraid of it. As a gay comic, you need to go and you need to get AIDS.

Or at least roll the dice on it. I wouldn't hate it. It's Cheapo Zembek at this point. What, AIDS juice? You lose a lot of weight, yeah, yeah. You lose a way. AIDS? Do you see Philadelphia? You waste away.

Oh, you? Honey. Bad. You lose weight. Would you get AIDS for a little? I would do like HIV. Okay. Or H.

Hi. I would say hi That's so funny You should write that then This episode is brought to you by prize picks You and I make decisions every day But on prize picks Being right

Can get you paid So don't miss out on any of the excitement This season on prize picks Where it's good to be right It's easy to play Pick more or less Two to six player stat projections If you're correct, you could win some serious cash.

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So getting your money, simple, quick, easy. Download the app today and use code dude to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code dude to get 50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. You see there was a video of Magic Johnson giving blood to kids. What? I swear to God.

Oh, because they found a way to stop it in his blood or whatever. I don't know, dude, but it's like still even if you stopped it. I don't care if my kid is like about to die. Yeah, we're going to find someone else. Isn't that a South Park episode? They made a whole episode. Yeah, the money. They blended up as money.

The cure was money That was secure Because They were like, what's different about him Because Cartman How come he hasn't died? He gets, Cartman gets AIDS

And then he's mad at Costco So he gives Kyle AIDS And then the whole episode Whenever it costs or something Carman's like, are you sure? Are you HIV positive? Oh yeah, that's right. That's right.

Let's just do the rest of the episode Quoting South Park. Let's go over it. I love that where he yells him And he goes, I'm just trying to be HIV positive. I don't know where he should be HIV negative all the time. Is it the first? funniest show ever.

Yeah, that's a great. It's great. It really is. They attack everybody. And I'm on my first, like, run through of it for the first time. Oh, no shit. So I'm just enjoying it. The movie's incredible. Oh, yeah. The movie's one of the funniest movies in all time. Oh, you've never seen it? No, no. It's, oh, I think it's my favorite comedy, I think. It's very funny. Yeah, it's great. It's very funny. They're very smart and they're ruthless. They're amazing musicians, too. They're amazing. They're really good. Book of Mormon, right? Yeah. Book of Mormon. All the songs in South Park are great. But they actually do a live show, don't they? Of the show. of what do you mean?

Don't they do it at Red Rocks? They did the 50th anniversary concept. Oh yeah, Wien played. Didn't wean play? Why are you so? Did you hear Danny's voice? That didn't go through your spine? No, man.

He's my pal. Well, they talk constantly. Oh my God. What? These two talk constantly. I know they do. It was making me laugh. I got a text from Danny at 3 a.m.

They did it at Red Rock. Dang Red Rock. By the word. By the word. Just ease into it. It's all masking. Danny texted me about pre-ordering. Danny, can I say this?

Yeah. Probably already knows it. He had the call. The pre-ordering, Rees and Oreo collab, because he was worried that, like, where he was going to go wasn't going to have it. Can I just start to add an add to dinner? We're on the phone talking about it. How do you know about food that's going to drop? He just knows.

He knows. He knows what food is going to drop. And he goes, I want to pre-order the thing. Do you think people would judge me? And I go, I'm the wrong guy to ask. I'm a monster. I live my life terribly. I won't judge you.

I go, call Keegan. Like, Keegan's a human being. Because I will judge you. I live in a basement and I suck, guys, Cox, from other countries. I don't judge. Yeah, dude. I'm importing dick.

I don't know about the Reese. Is it a Rieces with Oreo in it or an Oreo with Reese? Well, they did both. So they, the collab, and they were calling it the Manhattan Project of Smacks. So the New Wall Street Journal called it the Manhattan Project of Snacks because it was like a...

Because it fucking bombed. It's terrible. They kill a lot of Asia. That's a good. Danny, you don't have headphones on there. I do. The atomic bomb. You're a little close to the microphone.

That's all. You're just coming across like this. He's just really excited. He's just really excited. He's never tried the new whistles. Well, he got, he probably, he probably got a little bit on the microphone. Do you have AIDS?

Are you Bill Cosby? Hello? Just try the whistle. Oh, your stitch? I don't know. That was great, dude. I love that. Stitch.

Stitch. Oh, wow. And by the way, it was extremely disappointed. Oh, it already came out, it already dropped? Yeah, they came out, they're not great. You fucking keep up, please. I thought up on food, I guess. Damn.

Did you order it to your house, Dan? You had to pre-order, you had to do a 24-pack, and I didn't want to do that. Danny, what do you call pom-pon-poms? It's not enough. Pum-poom-pooms. Boom-poo-m-s? I think that's already taken. I think there's our...

By who? Isn't, don't Jamaicans called vaginas, poom-pum's? And I mean that is a serious life. I actually don't know. Do the people, do the fun? people of Jamaican not call vaginas. I just, the poom-pum. I heard it in the songs.

You can do Stitch, but you can't do a Jamaican accent? I can do it. I want Keegan to put me in something at some point. You've been living in Brooklyn for three months. You think he's keeping you out because you're Jamaican accent racism? Yeah, that is that why he's Keegan. You should hear him around the house. What is his saying?

Jamaican patois, poohm-pum-pum is a slankment. Oh, wow. Wow. I have sex with different kinds of immigrants. Wow. They call vagina Pum-Pum? Yeah. What are you talking about that?

Yeah, what are you talking about? He's like, I wish you had a Pum-Poo. Your ass hell smells like a Pum-Poo. He calls cheerleader Pompoms Pompoms. So he calls him Pum-Pooms. But he thinks it's Pum-Pum-Pum is not Pompom-Pom. Am I right or am I wrong? It's a Pompon Pompon.

It's a Pompon Pompon. It's a Pompon Pompon. It's a Pompon. Danny, you're wrong. okay dang that was not as fun as I thought it was gonna be

it was pretty cool I don't feel like Danny's gonna like die on the Pum Pum Hill he was in the car where that was it we were arguing on the way home

he said it's Poon Pum it was also not real me and Jake playing that as a prank on you just to get you upset dang you got rage baited have you literally got trolled

the plan was I was gonna call them Poon Pum's then you wouldn't say they're Pompoms and I called Jake and he was gonna call them Pompoms he did call him pampum And I actually like pampoms better

POMP is how Chinese people say elbow What? Is that true? How do you know that? These are all facts you got from fucking dude I made it up Pompom, Pompom Pompom Pampum

What is this thing that you Was saying, Danny That Amanda Knox Oh yeah, Amanda Knox Is doing stand-up now Really? Yeah, yeah She has a bit about the murder, I think

I thought of the worst joke ever. What is it? I mean, we know she kills. Give it to him. Allegedly. I called it. I knew. No, you can't do it. You can't say... In the future, I can't go. I thought it. Nope. You did it. You're supposed

to spare us from it. I think it was brave that you said. I thought it was really good. That's because you're a nerd. I thought it was good. I was laughing on the inside. Thank you. I liked it. I just didn't laugh outside. Yeah, I'm dying up here. What am I her roommate in Italy? Wait, didn't she not get... Didn't she murdered?

I don't know who there's this. My mom was super into, like, murder stuff. I don't know who it is at all. I thought she didn't murder her room. Who knows? In Italy, there was this girl in Italy that was accused. Studying abroad, I think. Yeah, she was studying abroad.

She's actually a pretty girl. And she went to jail for a while. In Italy, yeah. They were, like, really mean to her. They're like this American murdered, I think, an Italian. Yeah, and she did it. She didn't do it. She didn't do it.

She didn't do it. She didn't do it. It was like this guy they knew who did it. Yeah, they fucking framed her. wasn't her and then she and but if you saw her she looks like the type of white psycho that would kill somebody she has that look look at yeah show her from back show the middle picture right there to the top middle she does look like she will not be ignored yeah that is her in in italy yeah yeah yeah that's her she looks like she killed somebody she has those eyes you know what i mean they go right through you

yeah but she's actually kind of cute do you have any of a stand-up let's see maybe she's a good stand-up i think she just started oh come there's already video like she's posting clips She's doing grad work? She's doing crowd work? You ever been framed for murder? Oh, it has a stock cracked right there. Do you think she's selling merch? Probably knives.

Cutco knives, if she's smart. I love cutco knives. She had a... She was on Joe Rogan. She was on Rogan? Why was she on Rogan? Well, she's also anti-bats. She's also in the summer.

That was about a summer. And she also hunts deer. Yeah. With a crossbow. She went on to tell the Twith. Oh, there's Skyline, or wherever that is. That's Tacoma. Oh, my God.

She looks like a... Oh, that's on her. Forewarning, it is intense. Like, you know, your 20s were rough when people want to binge watching, you know? Nice. You know, I have an executive producing this thing for four years, which, in seven weeks, Good word. Same amount of time

what I spend in prison. Okay. Nice. It's the same amount of time that I spend as a mom. Oh. Got my side. I guess what you want to in the hearts though?

The mom. The jail for murder. You should say that no Italian magistrate ever chewed up a chicken nugget and try to spit it in my mouth. Right. I like it. I like it.

I will say I had knife things about this woman because I'm afraid she'll murder me. Yeah. This is kind of guy. Gotta like it, yeah. I love it. She snaps for Amanda. No, we love that.

She's hot, too. Sure. Right? She'll do well. Sure, yeah. Sure, yeah. I mean, if that's your thing, vagina. Not for me, but I get it.

Boom, boom, if you're into poom. If you're into poom-pum-pum. You, Danny. She has the poom-pum-pum of Doom-Dum. How did you know about poom-pooom-are you listening to, like, regatone? I know, I don't know. A reggae, yeah. You're a cultured man.

Danny, Danny, you're a cultured man. rage baited me? Yes. Okay, Danny, you're going to pay for that. He's been holding on to it. Do you understand that? Yes. Danny, you know you're paying for that. In some way, some form. It's okay. It's going to... No, it's not. It's not. It's fine.

It's not going to be okay. It's going to be fine. Listen, TikTok fuckface. It's not. Which sign you talk to, brother. You left. You talked to the right one that way. One of these. Slap you with this, it'll hurt. So...

I'll throw up That would rule of your hand Was that like made of Like strong It's made of old person really It's made of what? You ever feel an old person? Yeah

That's exactly what it feels like Really? Yeah No That's such a weird thing to say Well you have Scared me in the face Have you ever felt an old person?

You want to? You ever been jerked off by an 80 year old? Yeah That's that hand Yep Exactly I had a lady stick a finger in my butt With a glove

80 year old By an 80 year old? Probably six. 70s. Oh, okay. Wait a minute. In what context? She had...

She shut up drunk to your fucking hotel room. Where did she? It was in a retirement plan. She had orthopedic knuckles. Yeah. Which were good for rubbing... That's good. Yeah, they can get in there.

Yeah. I was into mature massages at one point. Mature massages. Yeah, I was in L.A. And I just... But they had the weakest hands. She did. The one I had to cover before.

But there's some old Chinese women that know their way. Not Chinese. Oh, white. My bad. That's crazy. Yeah. I agree.

White is worse. I think you want to give a job to a woman of color. Yeah. No, back then, it was the early 90s. Oh, I don't care then. No, nobody cared. It was still America. The America we love.

What we're trying to get back to. You two are just both laughing at like Miss Swan on TV while she's massaging you. Well, I found this. Back then, you had to go to L.A. weekly or the voice or you had to go to these, like, papers to get a hooker. There was no, there was no. There's no internet. Operator. Hi, please connect me to a hooker.

All right, putting you through that. What's the best poom-pum you've got? Operator. Poom-Poom-Poom-Pee. Operator, would you like a not Chinese hooker? Here we go. Do you really pick? I've never ordered a hook.

You're picking them by race. Well, no. Well, they had in the back of the Village Voice or the L.A. Weekly would be, you know, women. And you could pick. They had their photos and all that stuff. The Village Voice, like the, like, artsy, like, little newspaper? Wow.

That's great. At the back of Village voice, you would go and you'd find the girl. What was it? It wasn't called like the hookard section, I imagine. Was it called like the... No, it was like it was escorts. Wow. They were called escorts or massages.

And I found mature woman massage in L.A. And I went. It was $125, which was a deal. And it was two hours. It's an Xbox controller. Xbox wasn't out then. Okay. No, I'm kidding. It was. That's a dream cast.

That is 90s money. A Sega, January. $125.3. That's like $300 now. Yeah. It was dream money is right. And then she took you in. She put you in a robe and she gave you tea and she would hear all these stones and she would talk to you about your problem like what's giving you stress.

And then she'd be like, here, I want you to take this stone and hold it, this stone, blah, blah, blah. She goes, all right, let's someone start the massage. And then you do the massage. Now I'm going to suck your penis. She gave you this amazing back rub, front and back, and then rolled you over. And then she went over and got this homemade lube in like a Tupperware thing. And she heated it in the microwave. Homey, how do you make lube?

Like olive oil and rose petals? I don't know. And then she would take it out and started rubbing it. And it was slick. And then she put this warm lube on your cock and just jerked you off. Nice. And she took her big. at that time 45-48-year-old titty's out

and just you held them and then when I was done then she'd take you into the shower and wash you put you back in the robe and then give you your stone and be like here take the stone you get the stone

yeah that's fun she'd be like this stone is for anxiety and fear that's how they got the infinity stones actually that's how I got the green one I went back to so much I did have the

you got a lot of I snapped that bitch in the fucking Ironman trying to stop He got distracted I am horny But then I I tried to mix it up

And find A other girl It's inevitable It's good No That lady had it There was internet back then But it was like 14K

GERB And I remember I should have stick To the villa The LA weekly Or whatever was And I went to the Oh it's that

You got to stick to LA Weekly So I So I went On the internet And I was searching for mature masseuse, LA, blah, blah, blah. And I found this woman, but it was her face.

She was on like a bed with a negligence on, but her face was blurred out. But it was everything I liked. It was the same person. And I went up to, I've told the story before, and I went up to the Hollywood Hills, the street that Whiskey Ago goes on up that street, and it was this house,

had a Mercedes in the thing, and it was on the hill. And I went in, and this old, old woman opened the door, and the negligee I didn't fit anymore. She was like, hello? That picture was from 15 years ago. Man. Was taken by a guy like under a blanket?

Yeah. A lifeboat's photo and taking a picture. Gotta get new headshots, I think she might have probably been an actress back in the day. She probably, she probably did some light hooking. Yeah. You know what I mean?

She was in an episode of Family Matters or whatever. Something. Because she had this beautiful house and I remember we had to take an elevator. She had an elevator in a house. But it wasn't an elevator because it was like this fancy house. It was an elevator. I think that she got from Medicaid. There was a chair on the stairs.

It was too old. chair going up the stairs just one second sweetheart some old people drive Uber she was like jerking off guys they didn't have a little money I had a lot yeah well it's that those are the only two options to relate to these

ancient stories you know any of your fucking references I'm sorry you get jerked off by a blacksmith I don't know you went to the apothecary the wise woman literally churched off what would someone have done if they wanted a gentleman back then apothecary

Very good word This is great That was great That was from Schitts Creek Anyways David I've been watching I've been gaying it up We've been watching me and the film

It's a great show Yeah I love it I've never seen it I don't know Do you have that on the background When you're fucking these guys? Like a lot yeah

Really? Yeah, we've been doing Shitscreek We've been doing Shits Creek We've been doing Scrobs Scrubs is a good show And then I've been You ever heard of

Hasbin Hotel and hell of a boss? No Gay Demon Show love it Right Animated Gay Demon Show Love it musical It's great It's a gay demon animated musical, love it.

Wow, a lot going on there. Yeah, too much. But not Amazon Prime, give it a gander. Yeah, he asked how to be gay in the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was scarves, right? Time traveling. Oh, they wear, like, certain clothes.

I've heard this, like, cruising. Like, you wear, like, a green scarf, like, over your right shoulder. Bank, you imagine you didn't know the rule, and you just, you throw on a green scar. Right. It's cold out. I'm going to throw my green scarf. And you just, you come home, and it looks like the Tasmanian devil got you. what happened

everything honey wash this I need it again and I need to lick your boom boom I need to get this dick breath off yeah dude I don't know how to

I think back in the day well the meatpacking district was very gay back in the day Is that what they call it meatpacking Sure Well dude A dude was telling me about I went up to do a show

with this gay comic named Andy rules We went up to Pete Town to do a show And he was telling me about cruising Like you would like like like the whole thing about cruising it's like all about I am too autistic to do this But apparently like you sit in public and it's all about like eye contact so you walk by a guy if you think he's hot you turn around and if he turns around you make eye contact you like you like pass by each other like like like like like you're doing this next to the mayor's stature. Our high school principal got caught doing it at a Catholic school. He got caught soliciting gay sex in a park. Well, it's funny because I used to live in this cool part, Italian, part of Revere in Boston.

And my friend who was a comic, Italian, didn't know he's gay, kind of like mobbed up family. He was gay secretly. And he came out to all of us, comics. And I used to cruise around with him all the time. We used to hang. So we were driving down the beach one day. You know this is like a gay cruise spot. I was like, what's that?

He's like, this is where gay guys come and meet each other at night. I go, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes, dude, at night, he goes, and I've lived here for a year. I mean, I... And this is your favorite spot. You're always there. You love it there. There's a place of going.

No chicks around a ride of bike. You got your green scarf on in there. This is where I bought my favorite green scarf, though. I actually thought I was going to get out of this story without you fucking get into me. But no, I, if you don't see it, you can't see it. Yeah, you're not looking for it. It's just people on the...

And then all of a sudden, he showed me, he goes, that guy, that guy's way, this guy. And you're like, oh, and now... There's a camera there and there. Every time I... Even to this day, if I go there, because I have to go that way to go to my mom's house. With my wife and son, I'm like,

this is where the guy's waiting for a guy. My wife's like, shut up. I'm like, that guy's wait for a guy. It's nice, honey. Yeah, Max just like that. Okay, dad. Where's Bob? Now, now the gay people.

Where's Bobby? He's down Revere Beach. you get. Teasing gay people at a bar? He goes down there every year to tease them. He just likes to watch. Can I tell you my favorite my favorite Ptown store?

Province Town Massachusetts. You're familiar, right? It's like a gay beach and Cape Cod or whatever. It's the very, very tip of Codd. It's like a gay place. Yeah, right? Oh, my God. Smartest guy in the room. Don't know that. Okay, whatever.

We're not buying this hijinks, by the way. I might be gay. Who cares? You wouldn't know to... If you fuck a woman at 25, you get away to your 50 to Furb. I think so. I've figured out pussy quite yet. A couple years I think I'll move on to dick.

I think so. You got a headlamp in there and a map. You're like, what the fuck? Where do I fucking turn? You look at it under like a jules eye? Anyway, so in Provincetown, there's like a bunch of cruising spots. And there's my favorite one that I keep wanting to visit, but I didn't get a chance to it was

called the dick doc. And what the dick dock is, it's a pier. Just get rid of settlety. Throw it out the fucking door. Yes. So under the... That should be your nickname. I asked a Lesbian. We had my little lesbian Sherpa, like, a lady book the show.

Come on. But, uh, that's great. She goes, I go, can we go to the dick, she goes, nah, the tide's in. I go, the tide? It's based on the tide?

You got to know the moon cycles. Dude, the tide goes out and there's room underneath this pier and dudes go down there. If you, you either suck or get sucked. Wow. Or drown. That tide rips in.

How many guys, come. How many guys have died from misjudging the time? It went out exactly the way they wanted to go. Why won't you come? I'm on Lexapro. And they die. Yeah, they're out at sea.

So you're literally having, you're doing the song under the boardwalk. You're having sex under there. Well, I don't go. But I was at the liquor store and this old old old. Isn't it a liquor store? Who needs to eat pineapple when he's in the sea? Isn't the liquor store for straight guys? No, no.

The liquor store is run by all lesbians. All the places are run by lesbians. The liquor store? Liquor. Okay. That was good. Fuck you. No, no. We didn't get it. I got it. No.

Yeah. I got it. Excuse me. I apologize. Is your bandana? I mean, it's not mine. I just, the liquor store was cute. Fair enough. It was an experiment. I was an experiment. I was an experiment. I was an experiment. I was doing an experiment with Word. Tell you a gay story.

What other awful things do you want to say? Go ahead. No, this, dude. What other sins do you want to confess? What are the level of hell do you want to get to? So I was at, like, I was literally, at like Sodom and Gomorrah. It's a gay city. So this gay bar is like,

it is a guy's asshole. You go in, so you crawl, you'll dip it and you go. The people are being turned to pillars of salts. You just go by him. You lick the salt.

Then you suck a guy. No, but, so this lesbian is, run this liquor store. She tells me, she goes, when I was young, she goes, what I used to do is

the bars would close, my shit flew down. I'd go out, we'd get all the, she used this word. She goes, me and all the dykes, we'd go get pizza, like a bunch of pizzas,

and they'd go to the dick and they'd, fags pizza, like seagulls. Imagine you getting your dick stuck in a lesbian, he goes, hey, catch. And then you get a slice of pepperoni. Sounds great. I mean, hell or haven't. You decide.

Can you please? And that's the clip this week. Dripping grease onto a guy's head. Dude, the pizza was greasy. You need a little lube. Yeah, yeah. There you go. Did they like it?

Or did they, were they? They loved it. Everyone loves everything. Oh, how could you not? You're under the water. You're fucking. And you get pizza. I see what you're saying.

Yeah. I see what you're saying. It's just a bunch of gay dudes like in Nemo going, mine, mine, mine. Kevin, tell him about the double pizza trip this past time. Yeah, so I went, but I ended up being alone because the dude who brought me ahead and he got too drunk. Do you have any of stories that end well? Like, it's just. Well, this ends well depending on your perspective.

He's living in a basement without a door. Nothing ends well. Well, that's going to end well, isn't it? No, you're going to end up. Look at his eyes. Tell him that's going to end up. end well. It's going to end well. Thank you. You and Danny are going to put a place together.

Yeah, exactly. We're just talking on the phone. We're in the same apartment. Hegan had a set of no talking in the living room situation because I was talking to Devon. Yeah. Can I talk about this? What? I changed. I did go. Devin, he's changed. He's a little bit of a couch goblin, which, you know, that is like a guy who's always on the couch.

I thought that was a guy who sucks guys on the couch. Devon. He's a goblin on the couch. First day. Goblin. Liquor. Liquor. Same mind, same mind. We had to set a rule

where we were like, Devin, you can't have two-hour conversations with Danny about food in the living room. And I was like, I didn't, I was like,

upon hearing it, that's fair. We go into the living room, Devin's butt is out on the, on the, by accident, on the couch.

He's got a laptop playing something, a phone on his chest, and the biggest plate of ribs I've ever seen. Like fancy meats. And he's like, I don't see the

Laying on like the main couch And nobody Guys, it's my couch too Yeah, exactly My couch too is your couch too So we had to set a rule We were like, you got to And I was like, you know what?

It's fair. Why wouldn't you eat at the table? I was at the table. Oh, that you don't have a kitchen table. He just wasn't, Why didn't have a kitchen table at that time? Oh, you don't have a kitchen table. And he wasn't sitting up at the table.

Laying down eating ribs is tough. Yeah, it's awesome. It sounds fun. It's great. What are you, Caesar? Yeah. I'm Caligula. There we go.

I would love, oh, dude, just a... Holding ribs about it? Yeah, yeah, like the awesome. Instead of grapes. That's so funny. Just burnt ends. Wait, I was supposed to tell a story, but I don't know what? What was the story?

About Province Town. Oh, okay, so... Double pizza. My Sherpas get too drunk. Like, I'm supposed to be brought to these places, like, the vaults, and then the dick duck. Like, I want to see these places, but everyone gets too drunk and they go home. So now I'm just sitting alone on my balcony, and I don't know where any of them are. So I go downstairs, and I'm out on the street, and it's empty because it's like September 10th, like we went last week.

So it's not like the season. Like, it's a beach town, so it's dead. You were out on the dock waiting, you were looking up at the moon and like waiting for. Just howl. Calculating the tides. You're waiting for a straight eight to turn gay? The sun will come on tomorrow. Sorry, continue.

I just did a duet, by the way. Good, that was good. Harmonizing, yeah, there we go. Wow. That's a fair hangin. Yeah. He's a bad thing. It comes before he even gets to my fistice.

Not again. I was 36 the first time my fistbone. It could happen. So I wandered out of the street and I just ended up at a pizza place. I just, I spent my beautiful pizza trip, zero gay sex. I just had a, I got four slices of pepperoni pieces. Just ate them alone. And I sat on my belly.

It was so nice. Just this beautiful. out of me in this old hotel. Right. That's not bad. Then you went back. Oh, I did go back. So it was two and two.

It was two and then I was like, that's not enough pizza. And I went back. You went back for more pizza? Yeah. How long between your visit? This is like at midnight 1 a.m. Like I finished my pizza and I was like,

if I'm not going to fuck, I want more pizza. Yeah. That's not bad. I like that. Dude, it was great. You know why I like that? It's because like, I wouldn't do. I'd be like, no.

I already went. Well, what happened? like, fuck it, I'm doing it. Did you ever forget to take your prep and then fuck around? I actually, I was a joke. I'm not. I should be on prep. I'm not. Oh, you're doing this without prep.

Well, I'm not. I'm, you know, I'm... Wow. Okay. What are you doing? I should be on prep. Yeah, you should be on prep before you come to my studio. You should be on prep. Oh, wow.

How shit. What if Devin gave us all AIDS? if Devin got it I have it too I have it full on I will I cough in his food I'm actually supposed to be I was started at six foot

when I met Devin and then slowly shrinking my nutrients you didn't get burnt you just have AIDS yeah yeah I give you car aids

you're not nervous about it I am but now I'm I'm kind of selling down with this one dude I'm just saying that I am you know you know

you're in love now you got one guy so the the chances are lower. Are you in love now? Love is a big one. But I'm like, I'm like, I'm hanging out. That's not you, you fucking wussy.

I fall in love with the first person I fuck every time. Of course, absolutely. Do you have a girlfriend? I do live with my girlfriend, but I used to be known to tell girls I love them way too. Oh, I hate it. I've had two people during a hookup tell me, like strangers. Like met on Grindr, I don't remember your name. During the hookup?

I love you. That's crazy. It is, but I hate it so much. Were you actually in love? Or you just, you just, I just was like, didn't know that the word, yeah, it means a little more to some people than other people. Yeah. I was love. I get attached to people too soon. Yeah. So. I'm going to be texting you guys later. So lovely to see you guys tonight. I love you. Yeah. We can do it now. Yeah. We just became really close friends. We do it right now. Let's do it. Let's get emotional. Let's your deepest fear. Yeah. What is that? Yeah. What is that? My worst name. Yeah. I know. I know. All right. Sincerity. I'm legit. Getting like, all right, I got a fucking, I got to get my keys already, putting it in my pockets, putting my pants back on. It's funny because my son is going through, like, he's got a girlfriend now, and he falls asleep.

Why, how old is he? He's only 12. He's a girlfriend. Oh, dude, do you have a canoe? That's fun. I'd fucking lock that canoe up. There we go. I guarantee you somewhere up in New Hampshire by the tiny house, there's a canoe somewhere.

There's just a canoe up there. There's no other than. Where's Max? Canoeing Oh, he went canoing. What? What do you mean? He said he was going canoeing.

With Sammy. Oh, if I caught my kids sucking another kid's cock, I would laugh hysterically. I'd call you immediately. I would FaceTime me. Is this what they were doing? Is this canoeing? It's fine.

It's fine. Just lock every door to like, attic, basements, the crevices you've got to watch out for. Were they chipmunks? In the walls? We were. What the fuck's in the wall right now?

Me and my friends used to go up in their attic. Well, if you see one kid's sucking cock, there's like 90s and they do have nuts in their mouth. Right, right. They do have nuts. Nice. Come on, it had to be sad. You know, but they really don't put nuts in their mouth.

When you blow a guy, you don't put his nuts in your mouth. I mean, what are you? Maybe before that, you might. You don't put the cock and the muck. nuts in your mouth at the same time. No. Have you ever tried that? Dinner and dessert at the same time? Have you ever tried that? Can you do that?

Can you? Are you ever? I'm just wondering. Because women won't do that. I'm doing an experiment right now. I'm an experiment. That'd be difficult. That's a lot of volume.

I'd be worried that the nuts would get... You've got to be very gentle with nuts. Really? Why? Because they're sensitive. Well, I know mine are... He says why is if you haven't had them for 54 years. I'm nuts sensitive?

What? We find out today Bobby doesn't have nothing. I've been smacking those things around. Well, I don't have nuts. No, the older you get your nuts are like fucking, you know. Do they get less sensitive when you get older?

They're like elephant feet. You just can't feel anything. Really? That genuinely is the sad. I don't, that's sad. No. You don't have sensitive nuts no more, man? I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry, dog. I'm sorry, man. Hey, man, dog. I'm sorry. Are you nuts on? Yeah, I'll put him both in my mouth. You won't even feel it. No, I mean, they're sensitive, but I've never liked that.

You don't like your nuts being fussed around with? We just talk about my nuts? Well, you're talking about it. Probably all the way down here, you probably choke on them. I'm sitting on my nuts right now. I've always got his nuts, like, in a band, clear. No, my nuts. You're nuts.

My got droopy nuts now. As you get older, you know. That's not a bad thing. I like having big saggy nuts. Yeah, I know you do. Yes, you do. And then go ahead. Who's got big saggy?

I love big saggy. My big saggy nuts. I'm Bobby Kelly and I approve this mess. All right. Who has the best nuts in the room? Best nuts? Well, what's, how do you determine? Yeah, you caught whatever Devin's got, huh?

I think your nuts are too red and white. Red, white, blue. I got a very good. I got Trump nuts. Red and I hope someone blows them. They came with the sneakers, right? Yeah, Devin nuts, the two, they've been used too much. I've been complimented on my nuts.

What are you go? What are they saying? What are your ears don't work? He's been complimented on his nuts. I have kind of large yummy nuts. I don't know what to tell you, dog. No, but I want to know what they said. They said you have yummy nuts?

Yeah, they're like. How old were they? Were you in a canoe? You have yummy nuts. Best nuts ever. I mean, maybe, you know. some artistic claire. I love experimenting with older men.

Older men, it's an 11-year-old. No, it's all about, I mean... A sixth grader. I'd love to blow a sixth grader. When do you get a moment to appreciate? He's like, fucking checking under the hood? Like, he's like...

Yeah. Oh, yeah, all right. Yeah, you know, like, you get... Yeah. Yeah, oil check. Yeah. My gorgeous wife has called me. You're talking about nuts again,

stop talking about your nuts on the podcast. You never come home. You're always talking about nuts. I'm not going to suck them. All right, listen, we got to run. wrap this up, man. We got to wrap it up. First of all, we're going to go over dates right now. Do some plugs. Danny,

what do you got? Follow me on Instagram. Not you, you fuckhead. The guess. You said Danny. Yeah, Danny, what do you got for the guests? Oh. Who's up first? Stupid. What a dumb, dumb. Yeah, Danny, you go first. Okay, I thought it was weird, too. Okay. Jeffrey, I guess

I don't know. Lens is coming out. He's going to come out. Danny's problem is he can't take a hit. He gets all analytical. Oh, I thought it was me. I didn't know. It sounded like me. I don't mean, and I'm not just sticking up for him because you're a bully. But I do, I thought you meant Danny should plug first as well. I also, it was confusing. You're a pussy and fuck you.

You didn't get laid to you at 22. 25. Whoa, what a fucking pussy. You're a boom-pum, dude. This comes out on Sunday. This comes out on Sunday. This comes out on Sunday. All, what do we got?

We got Fargo. We got Jacksonville, Houston, what else, Lexington. I can't remember. Oh, Indianapolis. I mean, I'm too... I mean, you got a lot of... I got a lot of dates this fall. We're really Portland. We got Vancouver, Charlotte, Asheville.

We got everything. Montreal, Toronto, Fort Collins, Boston, Tacoma, Spoke. Holy shit. That's before the end of the year. We got a lot. I mean, you're going crazy. You don't have a family. I don't have a family or a home life.

No, I'm just... He says, I love you to everyone the first time they've said. No one will stick around. That's why he's going to go to these cities. He's just looking for love. That was my first words with my mom. I love you. She's like, it's a little quick.

You've only met her nine months. What's your website? My website, whitecommedian.com. I bought it long ago. You're the one that got that? I got whitecomed. Nick DePaolo wanted that. I know.

He would pay me a lot of money. Damn, I should hit him up. All right, Danny, what else do you got? Not your dates. He's pulling up Keegan's. Nice. Chicago Chicago

Great clubs Zane Yes yes Houston October 16th Well club you played Oh you're there like right after I'm there Oh nice yeah

I'll check for Cheers October 25th Seattle Charlotte All that I've never done this before Very excited

Very excited to be on the road You're on You've never done the road I've done opening I've opened for people But you're headlining That's fine That's great

I just did What we do Arizona That was great time What club desert ridge improv is fun oh yeah you're gonna love zany that's i did comedy chicago for years great of staff there's awesome there's two of them there though right there's the down i'm assuming you're at the downtown one oh yeah i'm at the downtown i think you're at the downtown it's it's a great

i've never played the houston punchline it's pretty new it's like brand new yeah i'm exactly is that the same is that the same uh i think that's the same people as the san francisco one oh she's the best i think i love her yeah molly uh molly yeah she's awesome and then devon what are you got Yeah. Hopefully, I will be tagging along with Keegan to a couple of these. You got a lot. Are you on punch up, too? No. These are your dates, Bobby. Oh, shit. Wow, you're going to the same state as I'm going to.

I have dates with this Italian guy on Thursday. We're going to go to the museum. There you go. Why are you going to take him with you? No. Not yet, but because he just got a job. I do have a job on the... What's your job?

I'm like a brand... Are you an ass whistle? And that's what's... Yeah, so, like, when boats are coming in, the lighthouse, and then I... It was like a sound, yeah. On the dick-tuck. And you're like, lost a little there.

That's how you tell when the ties coming in? Yeah. But Devin didn't have a job for a while, and I had to beg him to get one. Why do you beg him to get... You really take care of him. They planned an intervention. You want him to get a door. Yeah, I want him to get a job.

Really a sweet guy. So, like... You care about your friends. Well... He himself... He needs me to pay my portion of rent. I mean, I am a sweet guy We could have left you in the dirt in Jersey City

But once he's at the job for a few months Then it can come along What job is it? I'm like a brand ambassador for a tequila company So I stand in a liquor store and I go, hi, try this tequila And then they go, it's good I go, you should buy it You're like a shot girl?

They ran out of shot girls Now they have to be woke And have a gay guy do it Oh my God Used be hot girls with kids Extra Nejo I love that Do you have to wear a little outfit?

No, there's like a polo Are you offering samples of tequila? Is that kind of it? I didn't know that was illegal. That's awesome. There's not a lot of people, like there's, usually it's me and other different companies of tables. It kind of rules.

You come in, there's a lot of people. Where? In the Long Island. Are you getting hammered too? I mean, should I save a store? Westbury Long Island. If you come to Westbury Liquors, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I'll hand you some tequila. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, how long are your hours?

It's like five-hour shifts. it rules. So you stay there for five hours just having people try. And my goal is to like sell the bottles. Like if I get commission on every bottle I sell. So how do you sell a bottle of liquor? How do you do it? Well, I have a literal audio recording of him doing it. Yes. You literally

have a yes. Let's not lose this job right now. Let's keep Devin's job for a little bit. You know what I know. He's not wrong. And I'd like his boss is just don't watch anything before this one. I said a couple dates I shouldn't have said.

I brought up some dates I shouldn't have brought up I'm sorry I mean it I'm sorry I mean it I want to hear it Bobby I'm sending it to you right now I can't pull it up on the computer but I'm texting it why it's 2025

I don't know why the fuck I got to live in the past because you this will be fat I mean I could pull it up it would just take a while why because that's on my phone is it on my phone

why does Tom Segura have instant access because he's Tom Segura yeah it's true I mean, you got to pay Danny more. It was, what? Give him 10 more bucks.

Oh, send it. I just sent it. Okay. See how he. And start. You call me a bully. You hear his tone. You guys are legit, like a married couple.

Yeah. Like, it's the tone that bothers you guys. Danny, what's your story, brother? What's your story? Danny, what the fuck's wrong with you? What blew you in the town? All right. Shut up, everybody.

Start it? Three seconds or five. six in. Yeah, so, yeah, let me throw it to you with, like, a dash of lime. Because if you like me a nail, like, if you like the barrel, I do like a little. Lime brings it out a little bit. Um, the filtration process, like, you... I know a bunch of stuff about tequila now.

I chat you be teeta. That's great. That's awesome, dude. Because you get the complexity of the barrel, but it's smooth enough. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's never used the word complexity. Key tequila.

It's got a complex flavor. It's good. It's a crystallino. It's like an extra nail that they filter down. not like, you know, it's an interactory. It's like, you don't need, like, sugar and margarita mix or anything. I would recommend, I'm sure you're familiar, but, like, I would go look at the deal line if you'd do it at home. It's good.

You make them feel smart. It's just, it's just sucking guys off on the fucking aisle. Give me your warm. Give me your warm. Is there warm in it? No. It's good. It's like the whiskey equivalent of tequila.

It's like for sipping. Because you actually appreciate tequila. Oh, good, man. Well, good. I'm glad you have a job. I'm glad you can contribute. And you have a job that you like. I actually kind of don't hate it.

That's great. Good for you. We're proud of our boy. Well, go. I, Danny, what do you have now? That's literally, I'll be on tour. My date is every weekend. I'll be at Westbury.

Buddy, you're going to get there. I'll start somewhere. You'll get there. Kegan's going to take you. Yeah. As soon as you get your shit together. I'm doing pretty good. Get a fucking curtain.

Yeah. Stop talking like a fucking two-year-old. I'm a pig. I was this paramedic. Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and come to Comedy at Verve

in Somervo, New Jersey, the third Thursday of every month. Nice. Joe. Hey, this is Joe Russell. Go to YouTube and type in The Cheese Show and it's the first thing that comes up.

Me and my wife, we eat a cheese, we interview a comedian, and we ask them some cheesy questions. I guess I'm not doing that bad. Zach, Zach, if you could phone me

on Instagram at Zach Green Limit, that would be swell. I'm trying to post more. reels for you guys I love you thank you just talk to my do you say you guys yeah you know for all the fans up there

influencer talk hey guys fucking asshole god bless Zach all right man here's we're going to the Patreon we're going right into it if you want to ask these guys questions

which I have right here we have questions for you guys over on the patreon.com slash Robert Kelly that's where we're doing that you actually get to watch the show live over there right as we do it

and be in the chat and we give you the extra episode me and Joe every week on the extra extra and you get to be in that chat too and participate in all that stuff you guys know the deal so we'll see you over there patreon.com slash Robert Kelly but if you're listening

to this or you're watching this anywhere else please hit the subscribe button and like and all that stuff and share the podcast guys thank you so much for coming on this is a fun one and I think you bonded I think we learned a lot I think we did I think we did determine it took like not you too

are you looking for a roommate definitely my girlfriend's getting annoying he moved over to his house but he made him live in a room with no door he takes the door he'll be more comfortable it's just like canoe in there empty room with a canoe in there

rooms too small for a canoe too so it's like all right we'll see you guys next time on you know what dude