Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #606 | Jim Florentine, KP Burke, Savvy Suxx, Alex Suxx

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

Things get wild on this episode when only fans stars Savvy and Alex Suxx join KP Burke, Jim Florentine, and Rich VosGet the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today. Head tohttps://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast.

YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, to help you ruining this. Brickwarkana, man. I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast.

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Hems.com slash YKWD. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical or oral monocidola finaster stride prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. And we're back at the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous comedy cell. sell to do me a favor if you're watching this on youtube subscribe like get in those comments tell me who

you want on the show and if you want more and you want to get a little extra extra go to my patreon dot com slash robert kelly it helps pay these autistic kids i have working here so they can be close to the city and do open mics and they have hope so keep the hope alive for the autistic kids who used to do magic and how they do comedy uh i love you guys and the best we got a great show tonight old ones we got some new ones uh and we got some ones that haven't been on at a while it's a it's a great show so danny who do we got

we have straight from only fans savvy sucks and avie sucks and we also have k p burke yes and jim florentine is coming in jim florentine's coming in he just did bonfire he's stopping by of course kp my boy my uh my comedy one of my comedy sons

thank you sir i'm always happy to be here you are i love when you here um and you guys i met you this how we got to know each other. So I'm doing my pussycat show over there and I look down and I see this fucking nerd and who I love. I love

that this is, you know, he came to the show and I'm looking down and he's with this fucking smoker, but she dressed down. She had to find out what she did. I didn't notice it, right? I don't know, Brooklyn, where they're hot and then they dress down? I don't know, dude, she didn't, she was all fucking regular or something, right?

Called me a lesbian. Yeah, she looked like a dyke. Sorry, take that out. Lesbian. I want to We gotta keep this on YouTube. She looked like a fucking carpet muncher, a fucking vegetable eater. Give me another one. What do you else? Come on, Burke.

What do you got? Bukyak. A fucking Bukyak. I like that. Fuck him. Is that Buk? Lech? So, anyways, she's in the crowd.

Didn't even really fucking him. I'm fucking with you, right? Yeah, I was wearing like a leopard print shirt and some weird shit. Yeah, he was, he dressed like a porn director in fucking 1983. It's like a Joe Exotic's husband kind of vibe here. Yeah. But fucking dude, they're great. They're, you know, laughing.

It was just good to have them right there on the front, you know? Good sense of humor right in the front always makes me happy. And you know, my rule at the pussycat, me are uglier. I do not let good-looking people, especially women, sit in front row. So technically, you shouldn't have been there. Or is that saying that I was ugly and that's why they let me sit. You were incognito. Yeah, you were incognito that night because they let you sit right up front.

You're going to be right here. I think you were this fucking inspect the gadget. So they were like, ah, maybe she's his nurse, right? Maybe. Right? So I, and then, okay, so you hit me up after the show. And I'm like, oh, cool. They were cool, right?

And then I see her fucking, and she's got her stuff. I mean, I'm like, where the fuck was she? Because that was not in my front row. Your Instagram and all your stuff is what? Savvy's World and at Savvy sucks. At Savvy sucks. And yours is. Alex sucks.

Alex sucks. This is weird. Mine's at K.B. Burke sucks. Yeah, because... Welcome to his family. Why the sucks? What is that? A lot of people do that.

Why, what is that? I think it's getting out in front of it before someone else can say it. It's my version of the N-word. You suck? Jumping into... Why did you do it? Because you're an only fan. That might be a different...

I tried to come up with some, like, sexy... Talking to the mic, sweetie. You haven't done this before? Yeah, sorry. Listen. Hey, this will help you. Now it's an AMR video. You turn the camera on and she's like, yeah.

Don't do that. Don't do that. My wife's a fucking menopause. I haven't been touched. Jay kissed me on the back of the neck today, and I almost kissed him back. That's how fucking I haven't been touched by a human, another human. Okay, go ahead. That's also a targeted spot.

I feel like once you kiss someone's neck, it's pretty much gloves off. Yeah, also my balls. It's a very targeted spot. I feel like that's like, you gone past the car. Mama, you wouldn't like me. I'll fucking get you in my butthole. Listen to me. I'm a fucking dug it on all fours and fucking push it from the back. And you'll be like, what do you want to do? You know what I want you to do. You like butt stuff?

I love that. Makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. I'm a fucking half a queer. Everyone is. I know. Not him. Not him. I thought.

There's a girl that shoved a finger up my ass one time. And what you do? Hey, fucking knock down there from Jersey. I think I went. Oh, what? What'd you do? I pretty much just, she didn't warn me. You turn it to a dolphin?

Yeah, it's so funny. I went today. I started doing testosterone months ago. So I went in and they have to take these blood things. And my PSA, which is your prostate. Nice. They're looking good, buddy. You look good, Bobby.

Thank you, buddy. So I'm doing the stuff and I'm fucking working out. You know, I hit that point where I was like, I can't, like, something's wrong. So I go see these guys at game day. They're great. they have places all over it and make it so easy. You go in and get your blood checked right there. It's not like you have to go

in and wait fucking three days and have some you know, woke woman doctor who's like, why do you need your testosterone up? Why don't you just be a fucking cock beta boy? They're just like, yeah, whatever you need. We got fucking peptides. We'll stick anything in your stomach, right? Why are they woke for asking if you want

testosterone? Well, when I had a doctor years ago, and they, they, she, I was like, I want to get my testosterone check because I think I'm tired, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, it doesn't do that. It doesn't, why do you want it? And she really shamed me out of it.

Gotcha. And she wouldn't give it to me because she, your testosterone was like 400 or something. She didn't want to check it. Because some doctors don't want you to do it. They don't want you to go on testosterone. If 300 is fine with them, when it should be 7 to 800.

That's like a credit score. Well, you could actually have it where you fucking have energy. I got a 12-year-old boy that likes to, he likes to go the fuck out. He's not a video game douchebag He wants to go fight and fucking Shoot guns and fish and go Run in the woods and you know what I mean?

Yes And I just I'm you know I'm old I'm 54 going on 55s It was like so I went to game day Fucking check my tea Boom boom put me on the stuff That day Great place I suggest it to anybody if you if you haven't

You know you're a little older And but my levels went up So I go back in and there's this Russian You know nurse She's like your levels went up and you need to get off the tea. And I'm like, but I don't want to. I feel great.

She's like, no, you must get off now because technically I cannot give you, you know. So I got to go up. I get off the tea. My levels go down. She goes, you go back on tea now. You'll do a little less, okay? I'm like, fine. And then I go back in.

My PSA goes up. You need to get off tea in again. They're just, they're cycling you through it. You're like a wrestler now. Well, no. I mean, she's just keeping me safe. We have to be careful. Hogan die.

No can do to Robert Kelly. I cannot. I killed, you know, butch, beefcake lost leg. The barber. Yeah, beefcake. So anyways, we go back in. I go see a doctor, doctor, right? And then, sorry about that.

Let me shut that off. My fucking wife calls me and annoys me. Your day results are in. All right, what are you getting on tea for? You're not sticking it in this fucking dead vagueness unless I get on fucking hormones, you cocks, sucker. This thing isn't fucking... It's not for me, baby.

It's for us. My pussy's like the pyramids. You've got to fucking dust it open and pour water on it. What does the testosterone improve for you? Fucking my fucking everything. I'll tell you what it does. It actually... For me, I just got energy again when I was working out, but it was a fucking nightmare to do it.

Now I want to do it. I wake up and I'm like, let's go. Go to the gym. Do all my shit. doing like curling 25 now i'm fucking cracking out 35s it just brought me my testosterone where it should be i'm not like i'm like seven seven 750 now but i'm not doing like the guys who go overboard and go crazy like over 200 and they're micro dosing and they're doing all i'm doing it twice a week very low dose just to get me to where i'm normal where it was the older you get your shit goes down

because your body's dying yeah it's getting ready to fucking you don't have to use your dick anymore I'm not jizzing to make kids anymore. So it was a little, it was a little crazy, but it was working great. So now I got to go, I got to get off it again. I go back in and I got to get seen by a doctor. He's like, yeah, he's like, nah, you can go back on. He goes, we're talking about everything. And he's like, yeah, your prostate, you know, your numbers are all right.

You don't have to worry about it. She has to just do this. But I should just go on, lower the dose a little bit. I was like, great. I get to go back on. I'm excited. He goes, all right, cool. All right.

He goes, let's just do a quick prostate check before you take. oh two for buddy but here's the thing I like a little ass play I just don't like it that like nonchalant I don't want like we were done

like he fucked me up because he's like guy dude you cool real quick and I was like I was ready if we walked in he's like do me a favorite take care I'd be like I was ready to

and then I was like I was like all right cool I put my keys in my pocket and he's like hey all right just get over and pull your pants down so I'm like oh my dick's not even You can't even give it your best

my thing I got to grow or not a shot shower. You know what I mean? I get it. I got a nice piece. We're both Irish, Bobby, yes. Yeah, like, it's good. I can do this and this. When, if I'm lying on my back. Same. And everything, gravity... Just make sure no matter what

you can get on your back. Right. I get on my stomach, I'll tell you that, girl. So... So, so so then he just... I mean, it's fucking like light. He didn't even dim I mean, just put some

type of mood in there. It's all white. He can just pull my pants down, my fucking legs. Play some Luther Vandross. Get in a mood. Yeah, something, right? You could see my tan line from fucking being in the beach last week. Well, at least he knows

you're living a healthy life. Yeah, but my I mean, and then he said, just put you, bend over and put your hands on the fucking thing, and I bent over. And then my ass didn't even open up. You know what I mean? It didn't even help. And then he just

stuck his finger right in my ass and it just he went in and he fucking like nudged around just a little bit and he was like nah he's talking to me which I don't you know just do you let's not conversate while you're in my body

it's rude to be professional when you're in someone else's body I get really upset I'm like like what do you like what do you explain that to me give me context the level of professionalism actually rubs me the wrong way When somebody's... Yeah, like, your fingers deep in my pus. Like, let's make jokes.

Let's be nice, at least. Yeah, let's fucking, let's have a good time. Yeah, but they're just examining, like, from such, like, a scientific level. They're like... Right. So you have to have, like, when you go to your doctor, you mean. Be, like, extra nice. Act like it was really good in there.

I would be, I would, if I was a gynecologist, I'd be like, whoa. Hey, well, geez, almost went all the way up there. Did you think about that? Hey, did I just grab your heart? You can just specifically work with OnlyFans models. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You can make jokes all the time.

Hey, what's that smell? Did you go to Maine? That's the number one thing that you hear on set is that so many people come to set with, like, BV. What's BV? You've definitely smelled it in your life before. What's that? Like, it's like when... I know, but I want to hear the tech.

What does BV mean? It's a bacterial vaginosis. Yeah, it's basically an infection. Sounds like something China released. It's the worst smell ever. Fouchy Fouchy's getting a call Bring him in for BV She got BV

A country need to shut down But you've definitely smelled it before Like and I just don't understand How people can show up with a stinky Like I can't even show up with like Stinky armpits Really yeah no shit And no one's fucking my armpits

Can you imagine showing up with like Okay so yeah that's disgusting Yeah But here's the thing I dated this one of the hottest chicks I've ever dated I will not say her name But I mean a stripper

smoking hot probably close to marrying or maybe having a kid with this girl back in the day and her pussy's uh it smelled so bad at one time she had sex with me she went down to blow me she went ugh i go not me because i know i go fix it fix it fix it fix it yeah i was like fucking fix it can i ask a question yeah ethnicity of the girl white always white but give me it's only the whites it's only the whites I swear. I know you're really upset to hear about this, Farmer Boy, but it's true. Only the fucking wife.

Yeah, Trumpy. Tony of the whites. I brought, there was a Dominican girl one time that made me ask questions. About what? I brought her home after a show, and we were fooling around. I was like, oh, okay, maybe it's just maybe their dietary needs or something or more. Perhaps that's what it is. But she was just eating sardines for three months?

Well, we found out. She was from Patterson, New Jersey. Oh, there you got. I actually saw that one. I was like, oh, this is a drug dealer. girlfriend. That's what I'm doing. She's been just cleaning her pussy in a puddle. I was laying it down heavy and throwing my

best moves at my little Dominican princess there. I looked up and she was petting my dog. No. I wasn't doing a good job. Really? Yeah. Because it wasn't it was she, yeah, that sucks. She was used to, we'll call it a, um, uh, flavor. Inner city. Something more

equipped. Well, here's a thing. Urban redevelopment. Well, I had a girl, one of the prostitutes in Brazil when I was, I was giving her all my best and she was moaning, but then I looked, and she was just looking at the mirror at herself. She was like, oh, God. She was just staring at herself. She was making herself come. Is that you? You've ratted her out right away.

Is that you? You love looking at yourself? Especially when we've been, like, fighting all day or some shit before we film. She's just looking at herself. Okay. Now, here's the thing. I've got to let people know. You're her boyfriend. Fiance. You asked her to marry you. Good job. If you like it, then you better put a ring in it. You know what I mean? Um, now how, okay, because look, if my wife, that'd be hilarious if she started getting into fucking porn, one tits bigger than the other. Dot com. There's market for it.

Vaseline isn't going to do it.com. Um, so, so we're, hot, do you get her into this business? So we basically stumbled in it together. Uh, okay. So we were just, we were just, being horny on Reddit, I was like, taking pictures for sucking my dick before the pandemic. And I was like... Actually, real quick, for the podcast, just to send me those photos so we can... Oh, yeah. Okay, thanks. It's an audio platform, but we just...

Enhanced, yeah. We need to look at content is content. It's not, I don't really want to, but just send those to me because I need to... You put it up behind me on the wall next to the picture of you crowd surfing? Yeah. Pass guests. Yeah, past guests. Okay, go ahead.

Yeah. So what happened? She's taking pictures of her, putting it up there. Well, I asked first. She's like, Hell, yeah, let's stay there. You're a gentleman. I would never know.

Of course you're not. It's crazy. You're a sweet guy with fucking... So many morals. Are you texting? Are you texting? No, I'm taking your picture of you sucking my dick.

Jesus. What do you think I'm a fucking animal? No. I hated it at first. I used to go to this. She was so shy. And I was like two posting because I didn't know

about burner accounts on Reddit. So I was posting first and last name. Just right on Reddit. Like porn. Jesus Christ. What a fucking asshole. My name. Giving her maiden name?

No, my name. Oh. her mom oh god you have a family right yeah okay yeah yes we both have families

okay do they know about this oh yeah they do and somehow they're shocked well my family somehow is shocked I'm like you raised me you think you did a good job I was like what the fuck did you guys think was gonna happen

mom she didn't raise you in a brothel I mean you had Christmas and birthdays relax you're gonna fucking having black guys rub your asshole in a fucking hotel room for money it feels like It's pretty close, the experience. You know what? I'm sorry. I apologize. I stepped over about it. I do that all the time. I say exactly what's actually happened to that person, and they're like,

I don't know your Christmases. Is it true your dad is the keyboardist for Bon Jovi? Is that true? No, that's not her? Oh, my God. No, come on. You're telling me this isn't. Wait a minute. Come on, guys. Rosanne Barr's second cousin. Now we're talking. I'm sure you can see the resemblance.

now. I'm calling her right now. You do comedy, right? Everything's cool. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, you're doing well for yourself. Oh, I'm calling Gabby right now. You're telling me that this is a sipper person.

Yeah, of course it is. It's a different human being. Bobby, what are you talking about, dude? Gabby. She better be crazy or else I'm to be pet. Gabby. Tell me I'm wrong on this one. Gabby. Are you there?

Yeah. Okay, you're on live on the podcast. You know who that is, right? Gabby, how are you? Hey, what's up? Do you know who that is? He's a fake-ass bitch. He's a bitch.

I thought you guys looked very similar. She's beautiful. That's her fiancé. They do only fans. She does a little light porn. Not that light. But listen, it's good porn. They're on my show.

You want to get an only fan? You want to get an only fan? Just message me. I'll tell you everything. I know. I'm not going to do it, but my dad said that if he looked like me, he would get an only fan. Yeah, your dad's, her dad is the keyboard player for Bon Jovi.

Oh. Listen. Use that. fucking rock at your career. You know why I can't get an only fan is because I have no hand-eye coordination and it wouldn't look aesthetic. I'll be your hand-eye coordination. I'll teach you.

Listen, you're not doing this with her. Okay. If you're not fucking getting an only fan, shut your face. This is why I'm calling. He thought, he thought, he thought, you or her. Bobby's still running with this. He thought you had an only fan's.

And you were, you were done. He was so excited. He was so happy. He goes, That's a place from Bon Jovi. This piece of shit. You idiot. But then it comes to find out

that you are going to have an only fan, you a slut. I'm not going to have an only fan. No offense to your job. Oh, girl, none taken. But I, like, am built like a little Dutch boy, and I just don't think it would be attractive. It's kind of hot, though.

There's a market for flat chests. Hey, what's up, girl? Listen, all right, listen. When are you coming? We're going to get you. booked on the show in September. I should have you come out with her. You haven't answered my phone calls in six months, so I'll do in any time. Typical father, daughter. Under the bus.

Kind of conversation. Well, because you're a fucking hoe getting only family. Why you get your shit together. Jesus loves you. Bye. I love you. Bye. Fine God. That's funny. Anyways, no. So you pre-recorded that to fuck with me, correct? This was, all Ruth. This is... You really thought that was Gabby? No. Oh, okay. Listen, let me ask a question. So he gets you to do all this crazy shit,

right? And Gabby doing and only fans. I'd have to look at once, right? I've never seen someone do crowdwork during a porn before. That's weird. I guess it's all crowdwork, really. It's 100% playing. So where'd you get that cock? You two are going to fuck tonight, aren't you?

Because I'm paying you two motherfuckers. That's what. You think you're putting that in here? I can smell it from over here. What is that? Pumpkin? Spice, baby. So anyways, so you guys, you meet. You start doing this stuff, just fucking around kind of sexy stuff as a couple, right? Where did you meet her?

And how, look, and not to sit, can I say this without you getting offended? You can say whatever you want. You're a cool-looking dude, right? Where are you from? I'm from Rhode Islander. And where are you from? New York. Okay.

You meet her. Now, she's fucking ridiculous. So hot. Not that you are not good looking, but you think that she would be with fucking some stoonats. When she messaged me on Tinder, that's how we actually met. You met? Wow.

Yeah. I had just gotten divorced. And I had just come out of... Were you married to one of those guys? No, I was married to a guy I met on spring break in Mexico. You were married to a Mexican? No, a British person.

You married a British person? I know. Even worse. Like a, like a, you know, L.A. or... He was in the British military. Ooh. So super gay. Yeah. He could beat my ass probably if it's fun. But here's the thing.

That's what I expect you to be with. Then you meet this guy who's a little, you know, he could, I was ready to settle down I have a family That would hurt me Why? I'm just like this guy We both out kicked our coverage

You out kicked your coverage Robert Kelly With my wife? Yes Are you out of your fucking mind Oh buddy come on? I was a fucking 11 when she met me She had bangs She had fucking eight kib cups

It was a long-term investment Listen fuck face Now look at it flipped around later in life Now she became good looking And I became a fucking piece of shit Yeah it's like you're underwater on a mortgage And then all of a sudden you're not Yeah I know

She had nine fat bobbyes. Any time she tried to divorce me in her own head. And then I came back, baby. I got one more. Every fat guy does that. He does that too. What's that? Like goes fat, not fat.

Fat, not fat. Yeah, it's like he gets comfortable with you and then he realizes that you want to fuck hot dudes and he gets skinny again. Well, no, he was eating his most Dunkin' Donuts, croissant breakfast sandwiches when I was loyal to him. Yeah, I was like, I'd drop her off. at work during the pandemic. I was on unemployment. You had a job job? And I was paying the fucking bills. I was like, as you should when you first meet. So we met, we went on one date,

she moved in like that way. I moved, no, I moved in the day after our first date. That's fucking terrifying. And he came inside me on our first date. That's fucking terrifying. And I wasn't on birth control. That's fucking hot. I was way above my, uh, yeah, you knew it, right? I thought the world was ending too. You said this is pandemic

time frame. You guys are both making reckless choices, right? Exactly. Right before. We didn't actually know the world was ending it. We were like three months out than the world. Yeah, I also used to raw dog it forever. I've never ever. I've always been to come inside me and let's see what happens kind of gal. No STI's. You've got to know

where to hold him. So you just know when to come in her. No when to run when the baby's coming. You got to get the fuck out of there. Who is this? Listen. It's Kenny Rogers. Wow. So she moves in the next

stay at seriously yeah dead serious so you went from trying to find a chick you got your fucking thick i i hunt ghost glasses so i and then this fucking thing moves in i was literally coming off of like awful relations did you go play every lottery in the world i thought about it honestly she should play the lottery because she's lucky like all the fucking time that's crazy but i've been thinking about it um but yes she moves in yeah she's in the house we the pandemic hits we're stuck together i'm crashing out because i don't know if i just can't leave I was a fucking line cook. My job's on hold.

She was a bartender. Her job's kind of on hold. But I was flirting with someone at the bar, so I was like, I'll work throughout the pandemic. I'd be like, where is my wife? I'll go into work. I would go into the bar the next day when she wouldn't come home and be like, what the fuck were you doing? Yeah, I wouldn't come home and he'd bring the puppy into the bar.

And I'd be opening up, like, all fucked up from sleeping at some dude's house. And he's like, where were you? Holding the puppy. He's like, we were up all night. This is a customer? Oh, that's my friend. She slept with another guy. Yeah.

Okay, now I get it. All right, listen. All right, I want to say something to you. You're the nicest person I've ever met. I would have fucking strangled her and I would have killed that puppy and fuck it. All right, listen. It all crossed, you know. He definitely does somewhere.

How does this relationship exist? Here's what I want to know. So you have an open relationship. You do whatever you want to do when you want to do it. And you wait for her to come home and hopefully she doesn't bring you back AIDS. So far, not. No, AIDS. Knock on wood.

No AIDS, yeah. Do you ever do the deodorant chest on her pussy? I haven't needed to. Just rub it and if she screams, run. So, listen. Tells me. Listen, you seem like a very sweet man. And you, I mean, you're sweet too.

He's the, this was all his idea. You wanted this. I love it. This was him. Why do you like it? I'm not like a sexually possessive person. Okay. Unless she, like, does something that's like we're fighting and she doesn't tell me something.

Like, that might get on my nerves a little. little bit but generally like it's just a fun experience he's a gooner and i know you know what that word means god damn i do now you're a are you a gunner he's a fucking good no you fucking are you got to tell people what a lot of people don't know what it is no it's not it's a totally different world what tell people what a gooner is again so a gooner is just someone who spends like hours and hours jerking off to porn but like it's not edging you don't like keep coming up and coming down you just kind of go until you pop you post you kind of like use it as like a meditative state almost like all of my best business ideas for us have come when

I'm just like two hours deep into her content like really yeah so you jerk off to her stuff mostly yeah almost really or our friends yeah like in the circle so you're you're jerking off to her getting fucking uh having sex depends on my mood like if I'm in a bad mood probably just us and like her but if I'm jerk off to scenes of you and her together oh yeah because it's like so you're in you're in the you're in the only family Yes. So I'm pretty active on the only fans. Not so much in the studio porn. We've done a bunch of these scenes for this company wifey where it's like a cuck scene together and I go sit and we do an interview. It's not a cuck scene. It's a hot wiping scene. Yeah, because you can not suck in the dude's dick. And no one's talking shit to you except for me. But the internet just comes out and says like all the heinous shit. Like what? Well, because people think hot wifing is immediately or hot wifing or swinging being in an open relationship, they immediately think the word cuck. Because a lot of them don't know what that means. right cocking is it's more like a degradation from my understanding it's more of like a degradation of like oh you know like you're never going to have this side like you're never going to be able to satisfy me like him or like you know just like kind of maybe a little bit more borderline mean whereas like hot wifing is like he gets off on watching me right fuck other people and sometimes we play together it's not like always but are there ever is there any point where like okay because i'm thinking to doing this with my wife is there any best of luck to you yeah

You know, nor the guy would be when she's like, listen, just hurry up. I got to piss. Let's get this over with. I got to go pick the max up at the fucking camp. You want meatloaf? I made meatloaf. But see, that's normal people's sexual levels. Like, because I don't feel like inherently, like, all the time, like, sexed up.

Like, I feel like your wife. Like, most of the time I'm like, I just want to walk my dog, sit on my fucking heating pad. Yeah. But, like. Sit on your heating pad? Oh, yeah. Why? For relaxation.

She films a lot, sir. I'm like literally, by the end of the day, I'm excited. Like she's Jordan and she's got to heat up her fucking knees. Larry Burton and the old days are just sitting there getting the back going. This is a championship team. We're going to get across the first. I mean, isn't this fight? You have a girlfriend now?

Yeah. And now if she came home and she was like, look, I won't, I mean, it's a. I feel like you'd be into it. I'm a rather possessive. Really? Yeah. You think he fucking. I think secretly in his heart, though.

What are we doing right now? I don't even know what's happening here. Too many cameras, so I'm getting nervous. You're going to get trouble for even talking about the idea. So here's the thing. I actually have to, my girl has two stepkids, so I was trying to explain to her one day. She gets very jealous. I have a crush on Paris Hilton.

You have a crush on Paris Hilton? I grew up with a crush on her. She looks like Paris Hilton. I'm 37, so I grew up with a crush on Paris Hilton. She looks like her. I still think she looks like the keyboardist from Bon Jovi's daughter. That's just me, though. Well, these are both great options.

Winners, winners. But she gets mad about it being attracted to Parasel. I keep getting caught by the camera looking at her boobs. Me too. I know, dude. I keep going like this, and I care. Carly gets mad. You know, Carly.

She gets upset. She's possessive of me on that one. And then she gets jealous. She's like, you keep talking about Parasilton, like, on stage and stuff. It's making me upset. And I said, you realize, if I was petty, it would remind you that I come home to like literal proof that you fucked

another guy before me your two kids and I make them I play with your ex-husbands come I let it sit in my lap and I watch movies with it and I tell it that I love it

and I give it confidence these are good boys they're four and six there they're very fun so wow you're really fucking bum this podcast out am I making it wholesome

we're about yeah we're about to get into that's real feelings though that's real feeling I say you know I say that boo I feel like you would hate if you had a step kid

I feel like you would hate them No, because I have a real one. You don't give me good stepdad, Bob. I'm a great dad. A real dad. Good dad, Bob, bad stepdad. I have a real son that is my blood. I love my son.

No, I mean, it's it. Look, I've always found, I have friends of mine that have been in these open relationships. I just, I don't know, man. I think on the guy end of it, there'd be a point. You have to be a certain dude to, be able to say, okay, I'm cool with that. And you have to have to have

a calmness in you to be able to figure stuff out in the proper way. I'm too I get too fucking angry at shit. And if I looked over and she was like, you never, and she started doing shit that I like. I mean, you never fucking stick two fingers in my ass up to the third knuckle.

You know what I mean? He's like, well, you never asked for it. I asked for it all the fucking time. You know what I mean? I would be, or if I, here's the thing. I'd rather see my wife blow a guy, then make out with a guy. True. Oh, he hates that, too. The kissing sends me. It's the only thing that I kind of the fuck. That's my

favorite part. It's definitely compromise. It's my favorite part, too. We've compromised, aka I'm still kissing. It's fine. I just message girls with big tits, and I'm like, you're so hot. And she's like, you can do that now. Well, because I, my porn, I like porn where they make out. Because it is, that's

the connection. So that's what makes it like, oh, this is real. There's so many bad. Because they're kissing. When they don't kiss, I can't connect to it that well. they mean? It feels fake. But when they, when they, you know when somebody kisses in a porn and you could tell where it's like, holy shit, that would fuck me up too.

Right. So that's what fucks you up. It's only sometimes. Yeah. When it's a big black guy because you're racist. Not at all. Do you have any say in who she works with? Chinese guys.

No, they're fine. They're usually pretty chill. Honestly, I don't, I don't have any hatred, but I don't have much of a say in who she works with unless it's just like. You have the final say. Well, it's like, we don't, I don't try to like restrict her. I just do a lot of, like, is this person crazy on social media work? Like, I check to see if they're going to, like, cause those problems down.

Right, yeah, yeah. So, like, if they have, like, a bad footprint, I'll be like, maybe don't fuck them on camera. Like, who knows how that'll play out? Right. Can I ask what the triggers are for that? I'm curious, what's a red flag for somebody where you're like, hey, hey, buddy, you can't fuck my wife. No way. I mean, three foot dick?

Three foot. We had red. That's, like, the biggest. Who's that? He's a performer with a dick. He is, like, it's like 13 inches long. Yeah, it's literally. like this thick. My forearm.

And what'd you do with it? She took it first try, no one. To where? He was like, do you need to practice? To practice a little and warm up? And I was like, I guess so. And then he just slid it right in and I was like, would you high five him? I was like, mic drop. It feels like a chess burster

from alien type scene. I literally just could smell that. No. There's no smell. No, I mean like, not it was a bad smell. I just smelled his dick causing friction. So when it goes in, when it Hit your heart. What do you do?

The long ones, the long skinny ones are the only ones that hurt. Really? The girth doesn't matter. Because it fills it. It's comfortable. Yeah. A girth doesn't even, like. The skinny ones poke stuff.

The skinny ones are painful. Right. Yeah. Right. I love all dicks except the skinny ones. That's what I say. That's what I've said. That's my motto.

That was my father, my father before him, his father. That's been the Kelly Creve. The family crest. Yeah. It's a fucking bunch of dicks. Like the Game of Thrones chair with swords, it's all dicks. All dicks.

But no skinny dicks. That's my wife. Walking the dog, this poor woman. So I'm curious. I'm sorry, I'm hung up on this, but it's like the idea of what the red flags would be where you're like, you can't, like, who's going to cause you a problem?

Basically, like, if I see people getting into, like, huge drama on their Twitter all the time, or if I see someone like... Listen, I know you want to fuck this. guy, but he was at January 6th, it's going to be a problem. He's going to flag us somewhere or something bad. Right. Yeah, and I don't fuck Republicans. Why?

Yeah, she doesn't. Well, like, not intentional. Not like regular Republicans, like, what? Oh, fuck off. Ew, are you one? We all are. Secretly, so is he. I hate when they get a good one. I hate when they get a good one. Listen

to me. Everybody's everybody's a American guy. It feels like that. It's because fucking they were idiots. They fucked it all up. They made us all become Republicans. I can't stand them. Deeply closeted. Yeah, this guy right here, Republican. Look at him. So you wouldn't think

that. You would think he's making cookie with lesbians in Brooklyn. He's not. He's doing a cheese show with a fucking lesbian. And then he married her. And then he voted for Trump. And so did she. That's the worst turn. Honestly, the granola maga people are the worst of all of them.

They're the most disgusting to me. I'm like... What's... Like the people that are like... Super well. I'm sorry. like fucking raw milk and like rub beef towel on them and are like spiritual and don't let their kids use phones which are like cool things and then they're like oh but I also

love Donald Trump. You mean the good people except that they voted for the president that's changing the world and making you make money again? Yeah but he's threatening to take it away like he's not going to take any of you think he's taking it in that's his type. He'd actually give her money. I know I

watched the Epstein documentary and I was like no offense to those girls but No offense to those girls. Sure. And no one else believes this. This is my thoughts. But, like, I was like, okay, like, if he paid for me to go to school in Paris and high school, like, would I really hate this guy that much?

No, you. I'd be grateful. She hates Trump, but she hates a pedophile rapist who has an island. No, I'm saying, like, if he... Your fucking morals are good, you dingbat. Get it together. What a fucking asshole. You know, Epstein, he's fine, but Trump, the fuck is wrong with you, honey.

Come on. Get it together. You're going to lose... What are you? Stephen Colbert? You're going to lose... off the audience. Listen, he stayed in his lane.

You think Democrats are fucking tuning into your shit? It's a bunch of fucking horny fucking deer hunters. We go on Twitter every election cycle and say what we think once just to like stir the pot. And they're like you look like a fucking dude

shut up. Who looks like, he does? No, they think everyone thinks I'm trans. No way. And I'm like, you really think I would I'd be like, give me the smallest ones you got. Like what? I'm not trans.

I don't even like. That's funny. You give me the trans. They're, hey, what do you want? If you're going to go in, you're all in. I want the cheapest ones. Yeah, just a little bit. I want the ones.

I want to look like a UFC player. Where you can describe it as budding. Yeah, I want the ones that could be something. All right, listen. So you don't, you don't look trans at all. Everyone thinks I do. I do look a little trans sometimes. No, you don't.

I think you look, I mean, here's the thing. When I first saw you, I was like, I was like bummed out. I wish I knew you were that because I would have fucking just talked about it for 10 minutes. I talked about his face for fucking fire. I didn't mention you. I loved it. But it is a, it is a, I mean, you have an industry that you can make, and this is crazy because back in the day you'd have to do porn.

You'd have to deal with that world, which was pretty crazy now, because I'm friends. I think it was, what's that? What's that? It's kind of sad how similar it is. What? Comedy and porn? It's super. Oh, yeah.

It's upsetting on that one. Are they funny? Like, no, but they're selling, they're selling tickets. Isn't that crazy? Some people are, like, well-rounded, like, at marketing themselves. And most of the time, they're not even the funniest ones. It's the people that are, like, so, like, I really like the underground people. Like, in our field, in really any, like, artistic media kind of field.

Like, the people that aren't fully just making content to the masses. Does that make sense? Well, you have your fan base. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Like, Bailey Jay and her husband, a very close friend of mine, and she, you only really shoots with him if it's a dick it's pretty much him right and they have their little world that they produce for and they make their living and he's the camera guy and they have an open

relationship he can fuck around with girls when he wants she can do what she wants to do but and it's crazy to me it's just i i i was brought up so irish catholic you know what i mean i have a wife i have a kid i'm too far i can if my wife is like you want to have an open release i'm no i can't I don't know if I could psychologically handle it big struggle because I came from like I went to all Catholic education my whole life. Jim right here buddy.

Guys ladies and gentlemen give it up for a great Jim Florentine you can go to his special right now your special is where on Amazon on YouTube his mic please I thought it was on Amazon it's on both oh it's on both Amazon and YouTube and what's the name of it

you can't please them all I'm a YouTube channel you can't I just got caught in a free Palestine Protest, yeah, that's what Oh, that's what she's fucking loves Fucking, Yeah, well, they're in Washington Square Park So you know

She's after this After this, she's going over They're fucking hate on the Jews Listen, she doesn't tell you you Voted for Trump, she'll leave I Well, I'll explain to you, you know KP, of course Oh, of course

One of the new hot fucking comics out there And these guys are engaged She has an only fan's page and he does her content and we were just in the mix of like the open related like she gets to have sex with people she wants to have sex with

and he gets sad and brings a puppy and goes where were you and then and but you get to have sex with people too right? Yeah absolutely do you though what do you laugh wow what an asshole I want him to so bad but he's not gonna because who's he who's he gonna have sex with is he allowed

to fuck Republicans I know yeah I don't think he would though it depends Just sit there, just trap one, and she's just like, what if we just got married and had a family? I don't think a Republican woman would like you. No, they'd hate me. Why? Because he's a fucking Pris.

A princess. What do you mean? And a brat. You're a brat and a princess? I'm her little Portuguese princess. What are you talking about white? I'm her fucking sugar baby. What?

I'm the luckiest man in the world. I'd be a Pris, too, if my chick was fucking dudes in front of me. Are you into that? No. Oh, okay. No, I wouldn't be able to take that either. You can't, right? Why can't we take it?

I don't know. You know, probably because I don't know. It's not my thing. It's weird, right? He did, he loved it. He wanted that, you know, he would hire guys to do that.

He loved a lot of shit. He loved cum on his lips. Yeah. But he liked that, so. No, but, and then he's probably afraid, like if he does fuck another girl, she's going to be like, oh, why'd you fuck her like that? You never do that to be like, like that, how we do it.

Are you any mind? She took a dick this big, and she went, hey, drop the mic, No, if he does a different style She's gonna go, how come you fucked her like that? That's what I mean a threesome on time. He only has like one style. Yeah, that's what I told him, my ex. I go, I only have one style.

I go 100 miles an hour. Sorry. You're the woodpecker? Yeah. Beep, beep. That's the wildly coyotes. Yeah, I fuck like a Ramon song. It's not going longer than three minutes, but it's fun.

We're having a good time. I fuck like Prince for two minutes. And then I jerk off on her chest. That's all I do. That's my wife. purple rain at the end when you just drop it on. No. No, little

Nikki. Yeah, I'm a romantic. I like to make out. I like to do. No, you know. I do. I do. That's why my wife won't fuck me. She wants over with. I like to kiss. I like to, you know, fucking do stuff, but she's... She's like, wrap it up. Come on.

Yeah, let's go. We've got to go. I have shit to do. I've locked. Yellowstone's on. What's they? I said, she wrapped it up. Yellowstone's on. Don't like Yellowstone, right? I like to make out. Is making out a thing during sex with you? I'd rather not.

Really? Before maybe, but yeah, maybe leading up to it a little. Kissin's my favorite part. That checks out. Right, yeah. Yeah, dude, I like kisses my favorite part. But I have good lips. But even before you were married, when you were hooking up with different girls, would you always kiss?

You have special ed lips. But wait, I know, well, I'm a white dude. I got no less, but would you make out whatever? other girls when you were like hooking up a girls before he got married. Always making out what I made out, yeah. Making out was my favorite part of sex. I do. I would go to like a bench in

Washington Square, Brian. I'd find a park and just go there, talk, make out, fucking tease, sucky, put it back in, make out some more talk. I love that, yeah, that whole making out oh, fuck, it was the best. Because when you, in my eyes, when you

fucked, now you're going to, now the reality's going to set in. You know, all that stuff before it it's like it's fantasy it's like you know but once you fuck then it's like you know what we really don't fit together see he's just he's doing that so he's trying to make up for time because he knows he's not going to last long in bed

so if there's a lot of foreplay he looks good when he comes in two minutes like oh but it lasted like 52 minutes hey man do you go to fucking do you go to fucking pen and tell her and say tell them how the magic trick's done you piece of shit why don't you keep your mouth shut my illusions my illusion oh like she doesn't know

that he's stolen for a blue shoot I think she's going to fuck me? Are you out of your mind? No, but I'm just saying that's what you do. You're covering time. I do the same thing. Well, no, I really, I, I, it's, you know who used to do that? Patrice used to do that.

I never, I never, fucking to me always, having the sex part always fucked me up. Because once you fucking come, you, the, the reality of, of it is there, right? and now you know I don't I don't like her or she doesn't like there's so much pressure on it and then once you do it it's over you understand so now you'll have to either build all you have to go away for a while build it all unless you're there's some people that you're really fucking into and that's usually what you meant to do is fuck but usually can't be together because as soon as you hear them breathe you're like I fucking want to stab you but yeah exactly so here's a thing like with a girl just building up to that stuff

I dated a girl one of the best sexual experiences I've ever had never had sex and she was the best sex I've ever had and I never put my penis inside her body What else did you do? Do you think it's because you haven't? Did that like the

It takes it up a notch because you haven't Or is it actually? I don't know It was just all the We did everything Everything else Oh dude so much shit Yeah but we never had intercourse

Because intercourse I mean look I was 80s 90s AIDS Pregnancy fucking coming and it was just this this heavy thing that went along with it but everything else was awesome you know what I mean I don't know I just is this the girl that got you into ask play no that who was that someone just turned you out oh no no no I go into ass play in New York with this Puerto Rican the Puerto Rican bartender that used to work here she used to

she used to get off her shift and we'd be smoking on fresh but talking to me for like 20 she goes okay let's go I want to go eat your ass I got to go home. And we go up to my apartment. I remember one time she went to eat my ass. It was like 95 degrees out. And we got up there and she went to eat my ass. She went, okay, she slapped me out.

She went, go wash her bum bum. You got a sweaty butt. Go wash it. I just ran, washed my ass real good, came back, gotten all for us. And she fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Those Spanish shit's like doing that.

God, I love it. She just did it. My ex was Spanish. She just had a one day. We're dating like a year and a half. All of a sudden she started eating my ass. What was that all about? She goes, oh, my friend, Ninojka told me.

That's the make a man happy. I go, well, fucking give her a high five for me. God bless her. Let's take it to a steakhouse. Yeah. Let's take, fuck yeah. She's at least one of your merch t-shirts. At least a t-shirt.

Now, you've never been involved in any of this sex stuff with other guys. Now, we've done a few MFM threesomes, like male, female, male with one of our good friends. God, do I hate porn acronyms. I know us, too. We don't like even, like, we use them so people know it. going on, but it always feels like this is too, not us. It makes me feel stupid, because I don't know what I'm MFF, I would have, I'd be like, it's gooner talk.

Yeah, it was a threesome with a dude. You know what gooning is? No. Oh, God, dude, we're so from the 80s. Tell him what, gooning is, I don't think this guy would ever goon. No, he's not, coooning is like masturbating for more than like an hour. For hours. Like, for hours on end.

And not, it's just not common. No, eventually you finish, but like you just go until you can't anymore. You just, I wouldn't rule it out. Yeah, I like to make it last I don't want to do it in like two minutes You just seem like such a productive man Like you just like look like a successful ass guy Really? Like you could run for president

And I would believe it Am I in a buddy I think you're gonna be in the MFM I think it'll be gooning and an MFN with these I think she's India I never gooned before I think she likes a fucking She must have daddy issues if she is

Yeah What did you think She married a ghost hunter She's thinking about blowing a 50 year old fucking has been Fair You're like a David Hasselhoff guy, don't you? Oh. Yeah.

Would you, let me ask you question. You're single now. Yeah. Would you, hang on now. I'm not doing anything. Chill now. Didn't you say he voted for Donald Trump? No, he did not.

Stop with that shit. He doesn't know who I voted for. I don't want you to get, I don't want you to lose 80% of your fan base. All right? Just relax. relax with your political views, okay? Stay off it. Yeah, stay off it. Your fiance told me he did.

Yeah, relax. A minute ago. It's weird. He did. He definitely. In the whole. I'm not allowed to vote. How much would it cost to get you to vote for Donald Trump? 50,000. What if he joined, what if Trump joined your only fans? Would you block them? No, no. Well, give him a fair chance. There you go. That's America. All right. I think I'm just sour because none of the Republicans like me. So I'm just like, why?

Well, because you tell them they're fucking losers for voting for the guy. She does do that. Yeah, stop doing that, and they'll like you. Yeah. I think a lot of them think I'm too, like, I talk too much. You do pop in and kind of call them retarded. What does that mean? What does that mean?

What do you mean? You pop in where? Like, you take the tick out of your mouth and go, listen, fuck you and tariffs. Tariff's a bullshit. I mean, I know he's doing Gary. I know the tariff are working now, and I know that he can fucking make him peace and I know all the stuff he said he was going to do.

He's doing in six months, but it's all going to fall apart. Anyways, no one cares about my political views anyways. I just have them for fun. Mama, you can say whatever you want. But are you really yapping during the sex stuff? No, absolutely not. So are you directing it? No.

You just let her do a thing. Yeah, absolutely. He just films it. Yeah, if he needs my help. What kind of camera did you use? Usually, it's just the newest iPhone, because it'll look the best on other iPhones. How fucking crazy is life right now? You guys have a career with an iPhone.

We just started using cameras. Like, we use microphones and lights stuff like that, but with the camera, it just translates better to people watching, so. Where are the mics? What do you put the mics? It's like a lot of things trying to just find a way to. Just like a mic on the camera. You have a bull mic guy in the room, too, or no? Some sets do, not ours. Now, you said you were approached by a bigger company to do some content for them.

Yeah. Does that pay good money, or is it less money? It pays good money, like, for the day, but overall less money. But it's the promotion that we like. So it's like we go on, like, the company that we worked with twice was wifey, and they had us back recently, but I can't tell too much about that. But basically, like, they give us a... Geng bang?

Yeah. Oh, you can't say that, you dirty girl. That might, uh, who knows, but... Well, now, a gang bang is more than three people. It's like five dudes. Five dudes. Yeah. Were you filming that?

I was. They had me filming within the environment. Oh, my God. So... I was like high-fiving the guys and shit. It was fun. I mean, is it the nicest guy in the world? That's a good husband

I mean it's a good husband They're like, thanks Alex Yeah, this is a homie Some guy fuck my ex-wife And I was pretty mad at him I didn't give him a high-five If I had a gun if I were to shot him You're giving him high-fives

Yeah, give him a hug, whatever And I didn't even see it I would have been more if I would have saw it You get the Super Bowl With dicks happen into his wife And he's high-fiving the other team Wait till you smell What?

Whoa So So this is crazy I mean, what a fucking cool relationship. I mean, it's actually more common than you think. I know, it is a lot. I mean, look, I have friends that we know people that. But then it comes down to jealousy, though.

Is there any, there's never any jealousy? I mean, not on my end. Of course it's not. You have five dicks around you. It's like a human level of jealousy, but it's not overwhelming. So let me, I want to talk to you about this, did. Is it, is there points where you have to battle it and fight it or call a friend and be like, earlier on when we first started because I did come from like a super traditional household

went to a Catholic school from K through 12 all that shit does your mom know about this oh yeah she's actually moving in with us to be our house manager so we can go on more trips so I'm sorry what you just say to me she's we hired her you hired your mom not for like adult stuff but like what is the fluffer yes exactly get over here you fucking queer come I gotta get your dick whackin it's like a 1099 kind of situation I do you took after you father for sure my dad had a fucking pecker you got a fucking little twizzle stick down there

we got separate parts of the house now do you have now your dick is you have a regular dick right yeah like just I'm not asking you what the fuck is that oh what's regular I love it you stop singing it we know you're lying when girls sing

I love his dick it's the best dick of them all it's a glorious dick yeah when they say It's a perfect size. That means short. No. What are you talking?

I get stressed out taking the big ones. It's like an all day, like all day I'm like, needs the frozen burrito after. What's that mean? Oh, so you'll use like a frozen glass dildo

or frozen burrito if we don't have one. Wait a bit. A burrito? Yeah, but in the wrapper. Yeah, yeah, it's like ice. Wait a minute, like a fucking. Like an Annie's burrito. Like a Jim Gaffigan joke?

Yeah. Like a hot pocket? You should sell the burrito. Yeah. As an ice pack? Yes. Yeah. Really.

It works. Because you have to cool your inside of your vagina down? No, you just put it like literally like a hot dog in the bun. Like it just hurts on the outside. Yeah, it's like kind of bruised. Like emotionally.

Oh, you just put it on the lips. Yeah. On the, on the, get this, the Ariola. No, it's the... That's the nip. No, I'm kidding. The labia. You put it on your labia. Is that burrito for sale?

It could be. Kind of hungry. I just didn't. ate at Jopoli, but I can have another one. Is it chicken, or is it beef? Or fish. Yeah, that was gross. It was too fine. You see a Philly cheese steak?

Oh, God. It's still extra. All right, Alex. Come on, you fuck all the dudes. Let him get a joke. Well, you know what's funny is right? Let him get a fucking joke. He just threw a singer.

Sometimes he gets, like, when I'm having a mental breakdown and I'll start admitting all the bad qualities about myself, he'll let me admit all of them and he'll be like, I'm really glad that you finally. realize what a dink sometimes she's got to come terms with it really i'm like i'm sorry like we get really stone i'm like i'm so sorry like i love you so much i'm sorry i can be a selfish bitch sometimes you know sometimes i think i'm funny and it's really just bullying and he's like keep going he's like there's more you apologize for right now all the bases what is what what so you you

tell me about that you you you you make fun of him no well you how do you bully him how do you Because, unfortunately, I don't know what happened, but in our relationship somehow. Yeah. She turned me into, like, a total sub. Like, I was Adom and in person before we met. That was probably not true. I was, and now I'm, like, your little sub Portuguese princess. Angel.

Yeah, that's kind of the vibe. Are you Portuguese? I am. Okay, so he's your sub. Like, I'm just more of, like, the alpha male relationship. And he was originally. before I met her, not with her. I can't. Can you guys

really believe that? He's the best thing in the whole world. I want to sum this up. What's your favorite movie? Name me top three movies. Top three movies? Yep. I'm going to have to go off the top of my head with Star Wars Revenge of the Sith. Yeah, dude, you're not a...

You're not a Dom. You're not a Dom. Revenge of the Sith. Not even Star Wars Empire Strikes Back. I would give you a fucking alpha male Dom on that. You said Revenge of the Sith. Also like Rogue 1, that'd be like a tough. Oh, fuck you, dude.

I mean, that is a good one. And then... Rogue 1 was good. I'll give you that. Fucking two other ones. I mean, just the... To not say, like, Lord of the Rings, like, as a trilogy is crazy. I mean, I'm simple.

I'm pretty... I watch a lot of shit. He wears five and a half in-seem shorts. He won't wear anything longer. He's not the Dom. It's hilarious. He didn't say one Tarantino movie. I was going there.

All right. I was on my way. I was thinking of a good one. Here's the thing, though, bro. You hooked up with a smoker, and you, she's definitely, she's a hand, she's tough to handle. Oh, yeah. And that's what you like about it. Yeah, it's fun.

And you're cool with it. And you're such a mellow, jovial dude. And once in a while you've got to deal with a little insecurity because she takes it too far, probably. Oh, yeah. But you guys, you guys talk about it, which is great. We're good at that. We talk through everything. Yeah, 90% of our relationship is, like, therapy and, like, talking through things.

Not 90% is therapy. Like, we are very heavily involved in, like, making sure that our relationship is healthy. Have you ever had guys try to take you away from him? We've had a couple try to take her away once. Like a couple. Oh, a couple. Like, as, yeah. Like a man and woman.

Who is it? Big Jay and Christine. He's swooping in on me. I think they'd be fun. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They'd be fucking awesome. They want to just swap.

They got a new house, too. The girl would wind up with you and then... No, they literally, like, started to, like, bully me out of the relationship. Like, how? Well, they're, like, we went on a few trips with them, and I never really vibed with them, like, sexually. I was more of, like, the camera guy during it. Alex has a good instinct. Yeah, because they were kind of crazy.

And they started, like, hitting on her more, talking to her alone on walks, trying to get it in her head that, like, I'm useless in ship. Jeffrey and Jisleine. They were wonderful. Took us a lot of great places. Very similar energy there. But I was just like, you got to maybe listen to the fact that they're trying to fucking. up early.

And did you listen? No, obviously not. No, but I had a BPD episode because they put me on a BPD episode. Baltimore Police Department. Got it, go. Borderline personality disorder. Yeah, don't vote for Trump. Listen, keep voting for the people you vote for you, maniac.

This is great friends. I'm fucking out of my mind. Biden! Kamala! I don't like that. I don't like any more. I'm sweetie. I'm kidding.

forever you want to vote. Whatever version of you wants to vote, vote. Yeah. Which of her personality. I love her. What were we talking about? We were talking about you. You had an episode.

The couple that was. Oh. Florentine. You had an episode. I'm paying attention. Take us back to the episode. All right. It was pretty exactly.

I won't lie. That's it was. It always is. She looks like a young K. Quigley. What? You don't think so? I don't know. Bring up Kigig.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't know, dude. You have a great voice for this. Yeah, he's got it from my mom. You should do like... She smoked a lot. Nice. A lot of guys.

Smoked a bunch of d' dudes. Yeah, if they were only fans back then, he'd have a fucking inheritance. Or he would have killed himself. He'd have the car from smoking in the bandit. Jim, you bail me out on something. Doesn't she kind of look like her dad might be the keyboard player from Bondo? Oh, wow. Wow.

That's actually pretty accurate. I mean, you look exactly. Like, okay, let's settle the fuck down. I don't look exactly like her. I said a younger version of Kay Quigley. Yeah, a younger version. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

What does she do? What does she do? Is she a porn star? Who? This girl. Kate Quigley. She's a comic. Oh, really?

Yeah. Didn't she almost kill Hooty in the Blowfish or something? Well, she was dating the hooty. There it is. Yeah. She's a comedian? Yeah, you know. You don't know her?

No. From L.A.? She almost died. Dude, I only know fucking you, Norton, Voss. Colin this guy and these fucking Tizzy, too, that's back over there now I don't know I know Jay I don't

I never I never get into the whole universe of comedy you know what I mean yeah I don't but there's people that I meet that know hey what's up I'm a comic I'm like where I don't know

but I'm finished anyway so it's all good I got one more fucking big thing of me and I'm out I'm done one more big thing and I'm going yeah I'm done

one more maybe two more two more things than I'm fucking calling it a day make my money Who's that? Anyways. I feel like not being too heavily invested in any industry.

I can only speak from our industry. I don't know about yours. But it's like there's like a, it's not healthy to be in the mix of it. It's very disregulating. Like there's a lot of like competition and just like you can't focus and be your best self when you're like so wrapped up in everyone else. Like it's just not,

I feel like it's so much better to kind of keep yourself on the outside. Yeah. And just pop in and out when you're feeling like little passion projects and stuff. Well, no, you do what you do. I mean, stand-up is not a competition because it's just you on stage. So nobody can control that. So somebody else's success doesn't mean shit. You know what I mean?

Now, granted, there's a lot of luck that goes into a lot of things. But, you know, you can make a fantastic living. Every guy I know has a house and a family and does, oh, shit. Here we go. Speaking of legends. Who's the skirt? Can we get him? You got it?

K.P. Sit right there. You and K.P. Move on. You got one for him? We're getting you. She's going to say KP's done in a year. I don't want to take his seat.

I was taking your spot on this. You canceled, sir. Ladies and gentlemen, the legend, Rich Voss. Which skirt are you talking about? Which one are you talking about? She's the alpha. Is he the boyfriend? That's her fiancé.

You're getting married? Yep. You can do so much better. Oh, my God. What's wrong with you, dude? What's wrong with? In five minutes, you'll feel differently. Why?

That's bold. Turn his mic up louder. They're content creators, Rich. She's on, she does only fans. Yes, what is my daughter? No, she fucks on only fans. You're an asshole. What's the page?

16 and under. I'm a pro-off. What's wrong with you, dude? What's wrong are you? What's wrong are you, dude? Hey, what? He didn't say which daughter? Don't bite your lip at me

I swear to go I'll jump over this table and suck on something I'll blow him to get to you Did you ever do gay stuff? No, I'll do solo content What's that mean? For the Gays, like stuff for the gays Just me, but I don't do it

Is that what it's called for the gays? That's how I think of it's like an independent film All the gay guys that like his content Like him to like smoke weed And then just jerk off And come And I get paid like $200 bucks. a shot.

Don't you got to be like a Put some respect on his name. It's better than Vinny. And you get paid that night. And you get paid. And you don't have somebody in front of you jerking off for three hours boring the fucking audience.

Slow shroats. Does anyone do a prank phone call before you jerk off? Vinny does stand up gooning. That's a good idea. So gay guys watch you jerk off and you get paid like 200? Sometimes, yeah.

Could I do that? I mean, I thought people paid to watch you eat. Don't you do that on a one-off? You could do that. And now I'm having a cream puff. You're sitting next to one. When are you guys getting married? I got to peeve.

What are you, 90? Yeah, I just drove all the way from Jersey. So, listen, sorry, go pee, hurry up, go pee. We'll hold your seat. So you make good money on OnlyFans? Yeah. Now, can I ask you? I don't want to know.

There's a comic that Karen Feehan that we know, she's on OnlyFans, too. She makes a, she makes a mint. It's real, we're very lucky. You make good money? Yeah. Like you have a house? And we're employing his mom. So what we were saying before, we're matching her.

She was living in, like, really shitty neighborhood and, like, very dangerous neighborhood. And she was, like, a drug counselor. In Rhode Island? Springfield, Mass. Springfield is fucking dangerous. Yeah. And my buddy's a cop in town. He literally pulled me aside and was like, you've got to get her the fuck out of there.

So now you moved to Rhode Island. Yeah, we matched her salary, got her health insurance, and we're moving her into our house. Oh, good for you. And hiring her as, like, our house manager, but really, she's just living with us and kind of like... It's now your job creators. And what's you going to do? What's you going to do for you? Basically, like, if we want to go on a quick weekend trip, we don't have to take the dog to boarding.

Right. Good for you. I mean, this is crazy. You're sitting there. You met this girl on Tinder. Yeah. And you wind up... What?

Don't act like you care. Wow, this is quite... Shut up. Trying to fill the content for your dumb podcast. All right. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I really don't care. Fuck his mom. I don't give the shit. I don't care. If she leaves him for fucking black guys, I don't care. I'll have him back on the show just to suck out tears. Let's do it. I would fuck her right now.

Oh, God. What are you guys going to do scenes in the house? with his mom with his mom that's a tricky that's a good question yeah we'll probably have to set up like specific time like tell her to go to dinner she's moving in with us go do something do you have a special room to do it in or is there you have where do you do all the stuff well the way we currently operate is we just are naked in the house 24 seven so we're gonna have to clean it up well we can also like she's going to be like running a lot of the house tasks so he'll be like you need to do the grocery shopping on this day so we can't you just get a studio to fucking well we're

looking at it, but we, right now we have a garage. Who wants the fuck in a studio? Yeah, it feels not like... I do right here. Right. Fucking now. I want you to fuck this old legend right now. Take out his stick and fucking see what happens. Fucking collab with the year. First of all. If you, now, right now, okay,

in this room, out of all of us, which is the one you'd feel most comfortable with her having sex with? Not you. With him? No. No, I think that that would be his answer. Look at his hair. He looks like a Roman nickel. Why do you think he would say him?

Why do you like that, Judas of Iskriot over here? I think he would say him because he's very sweet. I feel like you have a little bit of game. You could swoop me up. He doesn't have fucking sweet in him. He's showing it. He's not. He's just fucking the weakest of the crew.

You know what she sees? She sees me for who I am, sir. She sees me fucking. I try to be alpha around. Scottish ass old. This isn't how I really is. Which one would you pick? Why is your mic off?

Why is his mic off? Hear me anymore? There you go ahead. Shut up, Cuck. All right. Shut up. She's back in the chair. I'd probably go Bobby just because he has the confidence to wear that little

fucking wrist bandana. I do. I wore this case she wanted to blow me. I could wipe it off my stomach. I don't want to. I would wear that to strangle her. Afterwards. Not.

No, before I lived in this way. Oh, God. I wanted to show her boobs so bad. What is it? Get something to new ones? What? No, her boobs, not mine. You fucking piece of shit.

Stop it. Don't say, you know what, quit fucking, what's the word? I don't know. You're having a fucking stroke? A young lady who's earning an honest living, all right? You don't ask somebody to come here and let me see your boobs. She's going to a pro-Palestine march after this. Oh, I hope you're snatched, catch us on the fire.

Go to punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my needs. Go to rich boss.com for all his dates. Jim Florentine special is on YouTube right now. Make sure you check out Florentine and where you got, what's your website? I'll be at Uncle Vinny's. I'm back, baby. You are back?

Yay. It's good. And what's your website? Hit me up. It's Instagram at K.P. Burke sucks and the new show American Loser on Gas Digital every Thursday. Make sure you check out. Of course, check out these guys.

What is your only fans? Where do you want them to go to check you guys out? I would start from the top with onlyfans.com slash Savvy sucks for Savvy. Savvy sucks. And then onlyfans.com slash sex by design for the two of us. You're going blind? No, almost. Those are meta-glass.

Yeah, I got the smart ones. So, like, when someone comments, like, you have a tiny dick on my Instagram, it whispers it in my ear. Yeah, it talks. Yeah, it just gets me, like, updates and shit. You can listen to music. And you can hear it sitting next to the person. It's nice. Those are cool.

It's fun. It really, it really. He got them to film blowjobs. Yeah, I've already filmed, like, too. It's lit. I've had it for two days. I've done, like, fucking four things off. Will you make a, like, a private, like a personal video for me?

And you say, hey, Bobby, thanks for having us on. A hundred percent. I love it. How old are you? 31. Are you? You look good. Thank you.

What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, there was a little pause there. Yeah, what is that? You know what? You're bummed out that she wasn't 60. She looks like she's 22. That's what you should have said.

Oh, you look good. I said you look good. Yeah, but that wasn't. Yeah, but it was like... See, that's why you're dangerous. Yeah. What do you mean? I said you look good.

You know what I'm saying? Well, you had to think about it. You're like, Oh, what I could do to you. I feel like you would have given me. Before I smash you on a hill with a shovel. All right. We're going to Patreon.

We're going to Patreon. Where am I? We're going to Patreon.com right now slash Robert Kelly. And we're going to ask questions from the fans to these guys right now. So if you want to do that. Your camera is Jim's camera now. What? Your camera is now Jim's camera.

Where's Jim's camera? Right over here So make sure you go Thanks for telling me 10 minutes I hate your little Patrice Memorial Behind you You mean my fucking friend's

Dead hat that he gave me I got his dead hat too The good one You didn't get the good one I got the good one I got the one from the main fucking How fucking sick of you That you say the good one

It's in the closet You're in my closet You were just saying comedy's not Competitive like It's not Except with this fucking asshole A little memorial I didn't put it out

Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly You didn't have a memorial of your career next to it You're back to you, you piece of shit I hate you. We'll see you guys over there. You know what, dude? Danny, what do you got? Hurry up. An empty calendar.

Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and I'm not pro-Trump if she wants to suck me off. What do you got? Hurry up. Yo, this is Joe Russell. Check out the cheese show on YouTube. K.P. Burke's going to be on very soon.

Okay. And is Zach there? Yeah. Okay, good. All right, we'll see you over at patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly.