Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #608 | Sean Patton, Zac Amico, Shane Torres

Episode Date: October 12, 2025

This week on YKWD Zac Amico, Shane Torres, and Sean Patton come on and discuss fat issues.Thanks Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/One thing to pack, five ways to power! Get 10% Off @Ridge withcode DUDE at https://www.ridge.com/DUDE #ridgepod Support the show and start your free online Hims Hair visit athttps://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWI. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast. The YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, to help you're ruining this. Where's the Borgana, man? I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast.

This isn't NPR. That's what the podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Okay, check it out. Charging your device has gotten annoying. Everything has a different chord and there's never an outlet when you need one.

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city. This is always in my bag or in my pocket. It's so amazing. I love the kickstand on it. one thing to pack five ways to power you can find ridge power bank at best buy or my fans you got to get this right now my fans can get 10% off at ridge.com just use my code dude at checkout just head to ridge.com and use code dude and you're all set after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them support my show and tell them we sent you what's up everybody there we go the mic is on we're back y k wd oh my god are we growing very slowly you're talking about the guests it's a real casual male xl guest list today yeah this is a very this is definitely dxel anyways uh we have a great

there's a lot of passengers of size god daddy let's just get into it Yeah, I'm the only one who gets a letter from King's size every month. Which one of us do you think has the worst blood pressure, like on Medicaid? By a million. Now, I'm going to say you. That hurt, didn't it? No, no, no. I think it's going to be Pat Patton when he shows up because he's so animated.

Well, he's got a TV show, so he might be, you know. That's true. He's got, won't you get that TV money, you start taking care of yourself. I tell you what, Hope is a funny thing. Danny, who's on the show, who's on the show, Danny? We have Shane Torres, Zach Amico, and coming in a little bit, is going to be Sean Patton. Because he's on TV.

What's up, guys? How are you doing? I'm great, man. How are you? I'm fantastic. I just got to cost it out front by Keith Robinson. You know, it's funny. You think two strokes would make somebody just a little bit nicer.

But in fact... Either of them were strokes a genius. No, not at all. he is the dumbest still the dumb philly guy we knew back of the day yeah i come up and it's all i heard is people don't change he uh he he was talking to me he goes i'm putting you on trial me and colin quinn was talking which is the worst sentence you want to hear if you ever come to the cell and you hear me and colin quinn were talking about you and it's it's just for me that just sends shivers through my spine because i know they were probably talking for a good hour

45 minutes. Oh, Keith had to finish a sentence. Well, now it's two hours and 45 minutes because Keith is talking. At least Keith has an excuse for talking like that. Caller really does mumble. He's not going to help you. There's nothing he can give you.

Oh, I'm well aware. Shane, they're one-man shows. So you think they were going at you, just at the table for an hour well he told me he goes they're going to take me to comedy court and they're going to they're going to trial me because I

live in New Hampshire in the summer in my little house I have you know I'm like I vacation in New England one might say up in the woods of New Hampshire Lake region right before the mountains White Mountain summer in New England

a summer in New England New Hampshire Holiness New Hampshire and my friend Noam who owns this establishment, summers in Wells, Maine, right on the beach. And I will go down for a few days, one or two days, maybe three, and we will vacation with the Dormans and their family. That's nice. It's very nice.

But Keith thinks, I'm a piece of shit. He called it my Riyadh. Keith can't Riyadh. God damn it. I wish you were with me downstairs. That's why I was a little late tonight. He was trying to get it out. And he kept laughing in his own dumb joke.

But, yeah, he was trashing me, him and calling him. Because I vacationed with the owner of the comedy cell. Who's a friend of mine, by the way? Obviously. Thank you. What's wrong with that? Oh, it is? Oh, there is.

A lot of my comic friends have a problem with it. Talk to Big Jay. The concept of having a friend. So what exactly is their issue with this? well because he's you don't belong with them you're a piece of your white trash you know oh you're like i don't belong you're out of class i don't belong in wells main hanging out with the dormans yeah i'm a piece of shit along with my family my wife and son by the way yeah he's including and keith has never kept any company that was above him in his life like all he's done his whole career

the only reason he's still around is because he kept company that he shouldn't be with little kev wanda Amy. I'll say Rachel. He's such a fucking asshole. He really is. I love him. He's so funny. I know. Why do we like Keith? We shouldn't. We shouldn't like him. I just found out we like him.

There's something about an Henri bar prick that is kind of endearing. He is the old black guy on a porch in the neighborhood. Careful. Wow. Wow. I have to force that one back. Yeah, first of all, Zach, you've lost weight. Working on it. No, you have.

Try it. I'm so. I feel like shit, but I'm trying. How do you feel like shit when you lost weight? I'm fucking just fucking depression. Why? You should feel happy. Don't throw it. What do you got?

What are you doing? I started moving again, man. start moving, eating a little better. It's so funny that a human went, I started moving. No, it's like, I literally walked. Yeah, I cut out a few nights of booze in a week. You cut out the booze and you leave. Why don't you get on Mungerno or Mungano?

That's coming up next. Do it. Yeah. Is that your move? You're going to like lean down a little bit and then get the shot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has to. Yeah, I'm a big boy.

But it does a big lard. Why aren't you doing it now? Why are you sitting like a teetto? Why didn't you? Because I perch. you are perched what the fuck is this move I don't know it's how comfy

okay man whatever you get for you go back to perching when you've gone through the amount of chairs I have you sit precarious brother there's nothing worse than of being a fat guy who breaks a chair I bent a folding chair the other day like a can opener like it was like a can opener

I was sitting on it and I bent over to something out of my bag and the entire side just folded in it was so so fucking humiliated. Where was it? At a wrestling show. Oh, no. In the locker room. Well, that chair was going to get broke anyway. On somebody's back.

I broke on my fat. It was fucking awful. I broke one at a birthday dinner, so that's pretty... You did? My own birthday. It was your birthday dinner? It was like COVID, and we were all in a courtyard. I was stuck in L.A. And my friend made cake, and then, like, the neighbors that we were friends with, we're like, yeah,

we'll all sit out here, and this will be, like, our safe. little birthday dinner. Sat one of those cheap plastic chairs. The ones where you can feel the legs swooped out. Oh, yeah, yeah, 100%. Flat on my back. Those Chinese stupid chairs. They have it all the dumb Asian

restaurants. They have those little plastic Korean fucking and as soon as you sit, you go down two inches and it looks like a dress. The chair starts a little bit of grass. It just looks like it exploded from underneath. Yeah. I had a lady come out. You go, now, you know, sitting

this chair. No, no, no, no. She said, no, no, no, which I think means get the metal chair. And they came out with a chair from the back for me at my fattest. It was so humiliating, but the noodles were good. It's crazy. Have you spent time over in any like, in like Japan or China or anything? I was in Japan. It is a uncomfortable place for a big person. It is fucking, unless you're wrestling. Unless you're a sumo. Yeah, I was, I went, over there in January with some friends and me and Graham Kay who's like a big tall like Canadian dude

we had to sit down and it was like we couldn't fit in the room like it was like people they were just there he is who made it old Johnny Pee we're talking about being fat what did you think we're talking about what are you talking about

hell yeah now yeah uh oh yeah we're talking about I actually the funniest chairbreak with me was with Patrice we went to a there was a barbecue place back uh back in the day over on uh broadway right over here and we stopped in and uh there was a black girl working behind the thing and patrice would always yap to the point where it was uncomfortable either they were going to fucking love it or they were going to be very insulted at his game his game was yeah i mean you're not you know you're not

titty's nice like shit like that ditto and you know i would say you know 30 you know 30 70 it would work you know 30% they'd like no thank you and then 70'd be like fuck you motherfucker you know and he gave this he said some rude shit to this girl I'm just trying to eat

you know I mean I'm just a fucking white trash douche dush from Boston I'm just like I'm sorry for my friend you know what I mean just having mac and cheese and pulled pork and you're yeah this cock sucker got he got so much barbecue we both did and he talked that she was mad at him like fuck you and they went to his chair it was a metal

chair and he snapped the legs off but like front and back like he sit at the wrong angle so they went snap and he fucking like pulling chopsticks apart yeah yeah like a wishbone

he works out of here that he saves him on the inside he wishbone to fucking chair and then and then he fell but he held his tray and he didn't this is how fat he kept eating so dude he got up

and he slowly grabbed him it you just drank sat down and just ate his barbecue And it was, this bitch laughed so. I broke a lot of chairs in Europe. You did, yeah. A lot of chairs in Europe. They're not, they do not have the, the spine for this American, for these American loins.

You know, it's weird when you go to like a comedy club in the Midwest and none of the chairs have arms on them. People can't fit in them. That's true. Like Cleveland, you're just like, is that the reason? Yeah. Not because there's armless people. You and I are mediums. Mediums?

In certain parts of Indiana. we are Yeah, like we are lean people. I'll tell you, the worst, the worst for a fact guy is the theater.

Oh. Going to see a play or somebody's one-man show in a seat that was in the, you know, the theater at front, when it says 1896 or 1910, I'm like,

fuck. If I see the date of the building. Oh, they have a scale out front? Have you ever done that scale in Vegas? No. The one outside, the one in Fremont?

No, I've never faced all my feet. The one outside, Hard Attack, Girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As that time I walk by, people are like, you know you can eat for free. And I'm like, I'm not standing on the thing. Wait a minute. What happens? Tell me.

If you're over 350, you eat for free. But they weigh you, like, cattle outside on a giant scale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not free. It is your dignity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what kind of food is it? But the Heart Attack Road, it's like burgers and lard and shit.

Yeah. shit yeah uh yeah like old school milkshakes deep fried insulin but you have to you have to wear a hospital gown and all the because you're gonna they just want to speed up the process they've had multiple people die there really yeah that's fucking awesome i wish i ate that before it's a burger place uh that they do fries it's a fry bar so they're murdering people yeah yeah and they're weighing you gelo shots and syringes it's pretty my friend cellia ate there like every night we're in Vegas he maxed that is out front telling people how they need to be fitter

Dave. David Goggins is how I was just yelling at people's faces. I started going to a gym and it's, you know, there's no judgment signs everywhere, but it's fucking hard. I know. To judge yourself. You're going to planet fitness. God damn right. I am, dude.

Can I tell you about it? Twenty-eight dollars a month? Yeah, you're really going to bring up. Yeah. What have you spent $28 a month on that you got a solution for? Love handles? No. I joined there, okay, 15 years ago when they first came to New York or whatever.

It was $10 a month. See? It was $10 a month. I joined. It was one of my fats. I got it. So the membership also has become obese. Yes.

I joined up here on, I think it's eighth Ave, off an eighth or somewhere. And I remember I'm on the treadmill. In the front lobby, they have treadmills. And I was on the treadmill, and I'm like, I felt, you know, you get it. I don't want to do it. you get on the treadmill and all of a sudden you're like i like i'm doing it i got this i'm doing

it and all of a sudden i smell pizza oh yeah oh yeah buddy i was like i think i'm having a stroke i think i'm dying i smell pizza this is the end and all the god i'm italian most people smell toast i'm smelling pizza i was a racist i liked it so all of a sudden they brought in 50 pizzas it was like Friday. They have bagel Monday or some shit like pizza Friday. So they brought in 50 pizzas and just it was like cattle came

down from upstairs. All these fat women with yoga pants and they just had sweat marks on their vadges from just sitting on bikes and shit. Just eating pizza and I just... Sitting on bikes. I just left. I got off the treadmill. I never, I've never been back.

I walk the fuck out. And that's like, that is, I haven't been there for that shit yet, but it's like, that has to be the joke they're playing on their entire clientele of like, they can't exactly. They can't do like tuna steak Tuesday. You know what I mean? Like

Waygo. I'm, I think they're in it. I think they're in it with other businesses because how many other times on the road you'll see like a Weight Watchers next to a cheesecake factory? Oh yeah. And I feel like they know how funny it is. And they also know they're helping each other's clientele. Yeah. They also know how

many, how much of their clientele probably just people that live in their vans and have membership for shower and a slice. It's like a veterinarian's office next to a Chinese food place. Like you know people are going to make assumptions. Wow. Wow. We're back to that. What do we bet? What is it the

fucking 92? You make it. You make it old. Really fresh stuff there. Jesus Christ. Fresh. That's just better word choice would have been nice. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Being, I mean, I'm still chubby, which sucks.

You look good, though, dude. I look. I look. No, you look way better than you used to. I mean, I did not mean for it to come out like that. God, Bobby, used to be hideous. But no, you look fucking great. You look younger? I have that joke of my act where it's like the compliments, when you lose weight, suck.

They're brutal. The worst one was this. We were worried about you. I was like, you never said a word. Yeah, why not help me at some point? Oh, shit. Like Alex Gruberdard walking in here. I thought that was Sully from Godsmack.

What the fuck are you doing? the New York Department of... You're ruining my fucking show. Just... I'm just taking my measurements. All right, got to take your measurements. Could you do it a little fucking not loud? God damn it.

He just dropped a drill on the fucking table. And then play the tape measure solo. You're like Joe Rogan on news radio right now. The fuck is going on. What's happening? We've got to reinforce the floors. We surpass the weight limit. What's happening right now?

Who? Which one of these fucking hacks over there told you to do this? Danny, is that you? I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't know. What are you going to do?

Hide behind your wall. I got to take measurements. Of what? Because there's a thousand pounds of comedic. I was nervous to walk in here. I'm like, about 35. I don't even know who this guy is. I really don't know what's happening. For a Polish immigrant, he really speaks pretty well.

And I have, I have, I have two, autistic kids as my producers nothing can be done about this everyone's producers are autistic the good ones yeah yeah hey we need to demolish the old floor could you go to go downstairs and bomb real quick

yeah I get the fuck out of here you're ruining my show with your bits go go you're ruining my show with your bits the fuck is happening jack parsed that what's the thing he did the bit and we got it and then he was meandering with the tape measure

and they didn't even know what to do with the dream What's you going to do with the drill? Like, yeah. I got to drill some fucking to let out the air in here. My kid's autistic. He paints. I got two autistic kids. One's a painter.

One's the sculptor. All right. Fuck, dude. You know what I don't like? This is the one that dry. I have to, like, restrain myself. When strangers want your attention, they say, big man. I'm like, I don't.

No one fucking wants that, dude. Say anything. I'm going to tell you the worst, ready? I'm in a, you know, you're always trying. You always get those on the road. you're like, I'm going to go to the gym and the little shitty gym in the hotel. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the one with the treadmill that's facing a wall that doesn't work.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I'm in the gym trying. That's all I'm doing. I'm just always trying. So I'm in the gym. I'm trying. There's no, nothing is going to prevail today.

I'm not going to see any effects from it, but I'm back. I'm going. But you're on a fly for five hours, so she'd at least walk. So I go into the gym. I do my little treadmill workout, and then I lie on the ground to do my sit-ups. and there's an old lady next to me on the treadmill walking same speed and she's got to be like 78 and I lie on the ground to do my sit-ups a very small gym and she goes she gets off a thing

she takes her cell phone and she goes I will I will call 911 if you need me to she thought I was having a heart attack because you were just trying that hard I was lying on the ground about to do my sit-ups and she's like I go I'm doing sit-ups and she's like oh I thought you were having a heart attack I was like fucking old cunt Have you ever gotten a good for you

When you're doing anything healthy Oh that's the worst A good for you like I've gotten it getting spinach Like at a grocery store I go what Like I fucking I don't freak out on people

But I was like Who the fuck are you Like who the fuck are you? Like who? Yeah How many fresh How many fresh vegetables Have you thrown away at the end of

A three week period Really I was gonna I was gonna steam these I was going to steam these. I have liquefied many bags of carrots the time. Yeah.

I've done the same thing, dude. You've got a whole thing of fucking the whole fridge. It's just a little, like a little like, oh, here's a lie I told myself. I'm to throw it in the trash. Yeah. It's so sad. It's fucking brutal. And now it's like, it's so sad for me because I got that stupid surgery.

And then two weeks later, they're like, oh, we got this new thing. You can just shoot in your stomach. and just lose weight and eat pizza. Oh, Ozambic? I can't wait until they find out the side effects of that. There's going to be a weird one. Like, it causes racism.

It makes people Republicans. It might care of mine. It's a double negative. He gets skinny and he becomes nice to black people. Hair loss happens whether you want it to or not. Combat it with Hems. Through Hymns, you can access treatment that combines clinically proven monocidal.

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affordable care for hair loss ed weight loss and more visit hymns.com slash ykwd that's him dot com slash ykwd that's hymns dot com slash ykwd for your free online visit here we go individual results may vary based on studies of topical or oral monocidal and finaster to stride. Featured products include compound drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required to see website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Well, here's the thing with the, not the OZempic, but the Mungerno, which is the trizepetide, I believe it's called. Okay. It actually, they're finding that if people are microdosing this, instead of just taking a big

juice of it on Sunday. If you take a little bit during the week, it actually enhances brain function, it cures heart disease, Alzheimer's, it does all this other shit. Now, I just lied about those things. Okay. Yeah. But it does stuff. What does it do, though? It does, let me, let me text my, I got my rock and roll doctor, but he, he was telling me, it's like, it's a magic drug. They're finding out that it's healing. Now, here's the thing, because you're losing. weight has a lot to do with it too that you yeah you're just healthier you're healthy no but it does other things for brain function and your heart and all this other stuff these and they have a new thing coming out very shortly it's a pill you take once a week you don't have to inject yourself

and it's even better than the trizepitide or try whatever the fuck it's called right where you take this pill it actually uh helps your body uh just become healthier okay but you can also microdose food I've been trying to do that for years. You know what it? Look, if there's a microdose some people. Can I take that pill and crush it up and keep it in a bag on me? And slowly just toot it throughout the week. So I have an excuse for not eating.

You'll move it. You stop your set in the middle of the guys. I got out of the bathroom. He's going to get a candy stick and lick it and dip it in the bag. If I see you, if you see us at Skank Fest snorting something in the back of Marty Girl World, It ain't, it ain't, yeah. We're trying to stay alive. You have to test your fucking Monjourno with a fentanyl.

I'll tell you, Jay has lost. It's full of fatnal. Fatnal? Fatno. Nice. Sorry, there you go. Two little fat arms couldn't reach. Well, Jay has lost so much weight on it.

Has he? Is that what he's doing? Moderno? Yeah, man, he is. Moderno? Bonjourno. Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi.

Bon Jovi. You listen to enough Bon Jovi, you sweat off all that. Yeah, yeah. Just rocked. But you gain four X-Y. But I'll tell you who's... Wait, Bobby, can I see that? What's that, buddy?

This little bad boy here? Yeah, that's my... You just have this on you? That's my giant... That's my giant mouse, dude. They're the best... That's the same one that got Sanchez with. Oh, dude, I saw that, like, all the way here.

Yeah, it's crazy. Bring up Jonah Hill right now. I know it's crazy. He looks like he's in, like... Buddy, this is what I... This is what you can't do with this shit. These guys are... Like he's in the shins now.

Wait, you got, because I have a pocket knife, but I got talked out of carrying mine around New York. Why? Because apparently if a cop wants to be a dick... No, it can't be automatic. That's it? Yeah, just, if it's automatic.

The blade length has to be... Four fingers. Four fingers? Four fingers. And, uh, yeah, but it, that's quick enough, dude. I got a little four-finger bad mind with a sheet. Look at them.

What, dude? That's Jonah Hill. Make it bigger. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean... It looks like, Andy Dick wearing a Jonah helmet

Wow That's actually Not as just oh I could also look here I mean yeah you have to twist your fat back I don't have to keep work The legs pop out My glutes I don't even know what muscle Here's a problem this is another problem

It's like okay you lost the weight You've been fat your whole life now you lost the weight And you look fucking wild And people are like he's too skinny So it's never enough Leave the bass poor bastard alone though Yeah like I remember like What was it one of his movies he was just

like bursting out of his clothes. Yeah, there he is right there. That's it. I mean, like, he's so heavy. Like, holy shit. Fucking give the poor bastard a break. I know. I think he looks good now that I'm looking out. And that he looks good. The other one The other one. The other one, he looks weird, but he... The shirt is weird. Yeah, because of the hair and shit. But this just looks like a guy who lives by the beach.

Yeah. He was... Well, this also looks like a guy that lives by the beach. Yeah. That looks like a guy who owns a house on the beach. Yeah, yeah. One guy owns the beach. One guy sleeps on it. It makes me so sad that most of the people that own, like, lakefront property are just shitty-looking people. You know what I mean?

I just want like I we live we live on a lake and you see these people on these awesome lake and it's just garbage looking sick people. I mean one of the it looks like are they like wealthy or are you saying like because sometimes there's the poor hillbillies who have lived in the Ozarks for like two generations. Oh yeah. No. It does look like one of these guys sells Coke to the other though. Yeah. Or vice versa. The fat one that is from a really good scene in a movie though. Yeah.

When he goes to buy the weed and the thugs rip him off. He goes to get the machine gun out of his trunk. What movie was that? He's like a... The arms dealer one, right? War dogs. War dogs. It's not like a good movie.

No, but that's a cool scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, it's a weird thing that, you know, and then you get nervous when you lose the weight that you're going to fucking pull a Kevin Meaney and just die on a couch and you take it a nap. You know, that sucks. What got him?

Heart attack. From just, from mid-mid. Yeah. There's still damage on your body. Well, you gain and lose weight, gain and lose weight, gain and lose weight. It's fucking your heart up. So if you lose weight, you got to go get your heart checked out and make sure that's righteous. He probably also had some pretty big stress factors in his life.

Like, what? I don't know, hiding the fact that he was gay for three decades. Well, I don't think that's... I don't think that's stressful. Some people that's not stressful. It's the exact opposite. Yeah, some people... It's invigorating.

Yeah, good word. I feel invigorated. I don't know where I would know words like this from. You know, when you play a woman on Broadway and then let one of the chorus boys move in and no one's the wiser. Is that what happened? Yeah, didn't his wife catch him emailing

with one of the chorus boys who I think literally he was like, can he live here? I think that's a tip-off as a wife. Hey, I want this little smoking hot twink to live in our fucking garage. No, it's for the piece. we're running lines we're getting off book

the book is the Bible have you ever had a guy hit on you oh buddy big time this year's shit must be going nuts now because he's on that show yeah yeah dude I saw the clips it looks great thanks man I love it okay now take me

take me through this I just I just being on a show with a gay lead I guess just gay dudes assume no no no not that part what part the part where you do gay stuff with him. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's just for the character. How did you get the role, I mean? What happened? Did you

audition? What's going on? I mean, it was yeah, they, they cast me based on there was one casting agent here who I've read for a thousand times, Gail Keller. You probably love Gail. Yeah. Haven't used me since, you know. Well, I love it. Yeah, she had, but she

they need, they were having trouble filling the part and she said, what about this guy? And then a couple of the writers on the show are comics and they're like, yeah, definitely him. And then they watch me do stand up and we're sort of like, yeah. And then I auditioned for it, you know. And it was, it was kind of just out of nowhere. It came up to happen quick?

It happened very fast. So it was like, you got it? Let me come down and watch you. Yeah, I was like, here's the, like, so it was like, do the audition. And then a week later, I had a callback. And it was the day after I was opening for Burr at the smoothie king center in New Orleans. Wow. So that was amazing.

Thank God it was the day after the Rihad opening. No, not that. And I had to like rain it in My manager was like I understand this is cool You're open for burn Your hometown in a fucking arena But don't go nuts

You have a call back at 10.30 a.m. And I was like, no, no, I got you. That must have been It was hard. It was difficult. Yeah, but it was awesome And they were super cool And then, you know, we did it

Then I shot the pilot And then the writer strike happened For almost a year But then, you know, we went to production I mean it's It was out of nowhere But they were looking for the right person For this role for a long time.

Right, so that must have fucking blew you away though when the writer's strike came, but like, shit, you're right there. And at the time, it was like, man of those with the, yeah, with our Will Smith show, too. I mean, Kate, yeah, yeah, what happened with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking COVID happened. No, not, COVID, and then a year later.

And then a year later, it got, like, it was supposed to be on Quibi. You remember Quibi? Oh, shit. Yeah, that got shit, can, and then held up. And then finally ended up on Roku for literally a day. and then we'll slap Chris. Oh, no. And then we got an email that was like,

we're taking this off of our platform. Oh, my God. And it was an excellent lineup. It was like us to, Sam Talent, Clayton English, Baron Vaughn, Megan Galey. Rosebud was there, I think. Rosebud was, definitely.

There was Trigger was there. I think maybe. But there was like, there was like 12 very good people would have been, like, Vanessa Gonzalez was there. You know, for a while. What was the show about?

It was Will Smith giving comics an opportunity to stand up and using his platform to help us in Vegas. Right, and then he went and fucking ruin it with his stupid slap. You know, fucking famous Will Smith as though we saw this first hand. He's got one assistant whose job was basically

when he saw people realizing it was Will Smith. He would go over and go, look, that's a Will Smith impersonator. It's not actually Will. He looks a lot like Will, I know. He'll take pictures if you want and people would automatically be like, never mind. So those dumb people were supposed to go, oh, there's a person that looks like

Will Smith isn't him, but he hired somebody to tell me. It worked. It worked. What a fucking... I remember. I remember the one day we were on this, we were on top of this bus, and we looked at... Who was it in the car? Was it? Phazon. Phazon love. Yeah. Phazon was in a Ben's like right next to us. And we were just like,

that's pretty weird. Yeah, yeah. And then this was the... Will, like, we shot the last scene, and then the whole... It was us on this rooftop in Vegas. I feel bad. You guys attach yourself to to Will Smith. He attached himself to Lewis J. Gomez. Tank Fest, dude.

I have one great weekend a year. Me too. Yeah, so that prepared. But then, like, they put us on this rooftop and there was all this Vegas behind us and, like, you know, like, this is like the magic ending of like this, and then Will gave us all oh, yeah, poker chips.

A $500 poker chip to go gamble with. Every single comic as soon as Will left just went to the cage and cashed out. And got the money. Yeah, yeah. Oh. They were like, I like, that. I've been gambling with my life.

We know how money comes and goes in this fucking dance. Yeah. Ah, that's fucking funny. Yeah. And then we were just spent it all at the bar anyways, getting drunk. And then it was, yeah. And then COVID too much later. Yeah.

But, I mean, the writer's strike shit was, it was bad. But it was also like, man, at the time, you just tore it and trying to get through it and not thinking about it. I was trying not to fucking think about it. It was driving me subconsciously crazy. because so you get you go through the stuff it happens fast you get the part yeah which is like when they say you got it you it's almost i mean i've been there where it's like emotional right yeah yeah i'm sure man like when you hang on the phone great you're like fuck you know yeah i bet on myself when i was 22 years old and i was to do comedy my mother was wrong and then no one's here to see it and then i don't care how much money it is like Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden you start acting like there's a camera on you at that moment. They call it.

They're getting this too. They call it getting faminized. Yeah. It was awesome because the part is good. Because you already have, you know, the money, too. Yeah, the money, yeah. It's not, I mean, it's not, you know, the money's good. It's not, yes, it is.

I'm not going to say it's, I'm not going to pretend like it's not good, but it's also like. Honey, $15,000 an app is pretty good. Yeah. You get more. You fucking ass. shit I'm not you know he's getting more because he would have went 15 I picked up drinks the other night you're fucking

he's a TV star I mean but it's also like that it's also what he has he hired a person that if people recognize it they walk up and see it looks like Sean Patton it's really it's not it's not show that and who is Sean Patton by the no I thought it's

I thought it was Jack Black I didn't know who's Sean Patton people love that one I thought this was old Jonah Hill oh Jonah back. All right, we're going to super bad. I judge how fat I am based on who I get mistaken for. And lately it's been Zach Holmes from

Jackass, which really hurts my feelings. Wow. You are not that. We were going to tour together. We still might. We're going to tour together. The other day on the road, a guy asked me if I was the singer from Blues Traveler, which hurt my feelings so much because he's like 60. And he's skinny.

And he's lost the weight. Thanks. Yeah, that too. You do look like he's lost weight. I'm not in blue. Crap. Am I wrong to say that? You do look like you. Stop drinking. He lost some weight. Working on the booze and, yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I got Michael Chickliss, which is not bad, but it's not good. It's not good. It's not good, but it's not bad. You know, but the worst was butter bean. That's not.

Whoa. Your two favorite things. And then at that moment, chicklets and butter beans. I love butter. I bet in that moment, though, you wish you could punch just once like butter bean. Just once like, I like, I like, ooh, I like when he hits people. That's one of my favorite jackass.

When he beats the shit out of Knoxville. And Doctor wakes up and goes to his butterbeat okay. I got the Blue Meanie at a gas station recently and took pictures with the entire staff. The what? The Blue Meany. He was a wrestler in the 90s. Oh, yeah. I remember him.

And, uh, uh, uh, oh, was that? them when I got the other day that really fucking, oh, because I tore an insane clown posse. Sure, sure. And I was in Violent J's Escalade, and he was meeting us there. And he has the blacked out windows, and they all ran up because they thought I was him in the car. And he got, he was a big boy at one time. Okay, yeah. That's pretty, that one's like not on you. You know what? Like, you're in his whip, and his fans know exactly what he drives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had

the similar haircut at the time. Yeah. I just, I love that we all can, it just be okay with like imagine if one of us came here and we're like fat what are you talking about what are you talking about I'm not no no dude I'm thick I'm husky shut up dude I have a question for you since you're on TV now are you like more conscious of it

like yeah yeah watching season two I was like God damn it definitely fatter I'm definitely fatter really yeah no in my opinion I'm noticeable that happened to me when I did sex drugs and rock roll the first year the pilot I lost weight for

So I lost 40 pounds to shoot the pilot And when I was I showed up in makeup Hair makeup for the Because they had to put a wig on me To like do a time You know back in the day thing And he can't

Leary literally came up to He goes Fuck you doing What you're fucking doing You lost a lot of weight I wrote a ton of fat jokes In this season You gotta see you fucking eating donuts

A piece of shit You tell a fat guy that Doctor's artist I gotta do it It's for my arm I'm contractually bound Apparently all the donuts don't have jelly in them So I would be at craft services

Oh my God Just fucking shoveling shit in my face And season two was a nightmare I was fatter And you can see it You can just see it You can see the difference between episode the pilot Because people don't know the pilot goes first

And then they go Well let's pick this up But that's months later Or you know And so between the pilot And the second episode I was different which is weird to see.

That's a quick job. I've had movies where we had to do reshoots like six months a year later, and I am two different humans. Because one, it was like, we shot shit like the end of three months. Yeah. And I was broke. I was making like 50 bucks a week on this fucking movie. I really was.

I was dying. And then I got real fat again, and they're like, hey, we got to shoot, reshoot some scenes. So there's literally shots where I'm speaking. Oh, and then it cuts back to me, and I'm fatter with more tattoos. That's fucking great. That was a little budget, right? Super low budget. Okay.

I mean, dude, I'm going to stay, you know, we get us, I mean, you know, fucking season three. You know, but I'm going to stay, I'm going to stay a bear. I'm a stay a bear. Let's see. Let's get me a little guest star role as your rival. The gay guys that hit me up on the DMs, it's flattering as fuck. I'm, but I'm not gay, but it is. Not yet.

It is a wall of... Season three's coming. Of just straight up... If you don't get it, season three. Yeah. I hope they make you gay in season three. I'll do it. Yeah?

Why not? Fuck it. I mean, I like the character arc. I like it. I like where they go with it. So, like, I mean, it's acting. How many episodes is it a year? It was eight season one.

We got 10 season two. Isn't that wild? I think it's going to... Sitcoms used to be 24. Or 24, yeah. 24, yeah. 24 episodes. So you did five years?

And with the contracts, it used to be. yeah you set for life yeah because you have a hundred episodes life for life life 120 yeah for multiple lives yeah yeah did you you've been in this long as did you ever get close to having like a show like that being on something like like scrubs or you know like some fucking thing that you were like auditioning for you like fuck if i had gotten that i got close to uh this is weird i got close to entourage for turtle i can see you yeah well he's from they're from boston yeah yeah yeah yeah right i thought they're from wanes or something well but what they're doing like east coast

they're doing East Coast things and I went in and it was he got it which sucked because that was Christopher Walken's wife who's a casting director who I loved to shoot you really loved me

I got close I got a man I've had so many the first thing the first real show was in L.A my first pilot least had pilot season remember pilot season I did the last one of those I think ever

I never like I hadn't do you know about it? Yeah, but I hadn't gotten to that level in my career where I was getting stuff. So everything was done in L.A. And they... So everybody was like looking for apartments from the East Coast for like... You could... Three months. You, yeah, three months. You'd... You go on tape

here, but they'd always be like, listen, you've got to go to pilot season. So you'd have to get an apartment in L.A. for three months and just live out there. And it sucked. Because everyone was out there, too. And you were getting auditions. So you're getting auditions all day. So you'll get an audition tonight for tomorrow, and you have two

other auditions. And you've got to go from that side to LA to that side and then you're going to park and then you're going to walk through some fucking studio lot and by the time you get to the little bungalow there's 60 other guys that look like you and you're all sweating because you're fat and there's no good

and like also like you're not getting good spots you don't even get to do the thing you like you're not not and you're usually in a room where you can hear the other guy before you loudly doing the same like fuck that guy's doing I yeah my first I try not to do that she was like can you do this different and I just did it

so much louder. Like all I changed was the volume. I was like yelling. It was like, these are good vibes. And it was like, these are good vibes. I actually, so I went on this audition and I fucked up. And I was at the point. It was kind of the end of pilot season where I was like, fuck this.

I've walked out of too many of these fucking up. And I did really put my hands on the door. And I went, I need to do this again. Please let me do it again. And the casting, no, you're good. You did a great job. And the dude, the producer. who was Frank Lupo, who created the A-team and Hunter.

Okay. Okay. This is his comeback show. Oh, God. And he literally went, he went, you know what? You do it again. Most people don't want to get it right. That's good that you want to get it right.

Went back in, nailed it. And I go, thank you. I would have been talking to myself on the four or five for the next two hours. Yeah. You know, doing the lines over. Now I can just let it go. And I get a call that night. they want me for the lead the guy they the i got to cut that at literally i got to call minutes after

in the car in traffic from my agent they loved you frank loved you blah blah blah they want to give you nine thousand five hundred dollars an episode we're going to try to get 15 i was like okay i'll take fucking nothing i'll take 500 bucks yeah yeah yeah i had no money i get to have a dream i get to i was sleeping on an air mattress with a bubble in it on my friend's fucking living room right Comic? Yeah, stand-up comic from Boston. Older dude. So by the time I get home, it's 15 grand an app.

It's fucking going. It's on USA Network. They had 18 wheels of justice. You were going to be the precursor to suits. That show, La Femniquita. It was what Spice Dawkins did. We got a huge star roster at John Patrick Plenary and Bobby Kelly are hearing us. I actually thought,

Bobby, you, I think I've told you this before. I think I've said this before on the podcast. I thought the episode of Louis you were in, you were excellent. I love that thing, dude. That episode, there was episode where he was the brother. Louis was awesome. Leary's awesome. Like, certain guys, Louis fucking could really,

he just knew how to make you good or let you be good. You know what I mean? That episode was really, like you like, mom, I love you. That shit was fucking harsh. So Louis calls me two months before On the phone, hey, what's up? Because Louis, he gave me one little part And then he liked it

And he gave me another part Made a little bigger And then he liked it And then he gave me this part And he calls me up He goes two months before But these are all on Louis All on Louis

All on Louis The diner episode I was one of the only recurring people on Louvre Oh okay I don't think I only saw the one out It was like you in time right? No, I did yeah There was a few of us

But you know A lot of people We just ended out right And he goes He calls me up He goes, hey can you cry like kind of aggressive can you cry on film can you get yourself to cry and i was like yeah man i can't i'm crying right now man right he's like well i'm writing a good part but you need

to cry so figure it out you know and i was like all right i have the phone like what the fuck so now i'm in my head you never do that to somebody you just give him the part and let them figure it out so i'm in my fucking head months and then uh i'm i'm like that sucks and he goes you're working with a Tony Award-winning actress. The mom is a Broadway legend, so I need you to really have your, you know, don't fuck around like a comic type

thing and not know you, you know, and I don't do that anyway. So I'm ready. I am fucking, I work my ass off on this thing when he gave it to me. I'm ready to go. I have this down like just, you are backwards and forwards. So we get and he likes to shoot the whole

thing. So angle it like camera. So he's getting everybody at the same, every he's getting the shot so we're doing the scene like a play and i'm ready to fucking go so we start and it's like you know mom blah blah and it's her line she's like what's my line i was like fuck line yeah line i mean over and over and over again to where it's like if we could have just built it she didn't know fucking one line tony award winning bitch i'm sorry she's a beautiful actress yeah there is that thing it was the anthony awards

The people who didn't know their lines. There's a thing we're famous. You made me hurt my hand. The Anthony's, the people that don't know their lives. The people that don't know their... Well, they call again. I like that. For Pete, Anthony, so people who don't know their line.

That's like the best. That's such a dumb joke. That's like... Louis was great, though, because, like, we'd be shooting a scene. I remember, we were supposed to shoot indoors. And then he goes, it was just nice out. And he goes, I want to shoot outdoors. And they were like, but we're all set.

He goes, I don't care. I want it outdoors. Just figure it out outside. And he was very calm. It wasn't a dick at all to anybody. And then we just shoot outside. And like one time we had a scene, this whole thing that we did. And he goes, hey, man.

He goes, I have this other scene I want to do instead of this one. Can you learn your lines like a couple minutes? Like 15 minutes ago? Yeah. And he just gave me a whole new scene to learn in 15, minutes and we shot a whole other thing that they didn't even that's the great thing about his the way he

shot it was he edited it he fucking he shot it edited he directed it he was the one guy when you knew how to clean it up if it like if he wanted to change something well you know there's 15 people have to go through stuff if anything gets changed yeah well I mean Brian they also encourage

improv on our show they want you to get the script to take because the script takes always really good but they're like now is he write it he's one of the writers he's not the head right No, but he's, but he created the show, yeah. Is the head writer around making sure you say his lines? Yeah, yeah, we got the writers on staff, are on set a lot.

They're all fucking excellent in their own. Dave King, you know. Is it shot like a movie? Emmy's writing on the story. And he's writing on, Emily Blotnick is on it, yeah. It's, I mean, yeah, we got multiple cameras, yeah. But is it like, not in front of a studio? No, not from studio.

We just got two cameras on set, sometimes three. Yeah. But just that's, that's for time. So you can not have the, but like, yeah, we'll get the take. And then Brian will be like, go. let's go let's see let's explore let's see what else there is and yeah that shit's great um it can it can also make it can also throw when you have day players who show up and they like they've got the fucking lines and they're not they're not nominated for an anthony you know what i mean like

they're not nominated for a what was it again well exactly uh who are you it's a robanthony but like they they show up and they're they're fucking ready to go and then they're like all right and do a script to take and they're like what uh but the lines and you're like let that go Yeah, yeah. Let that go and just play. It is like, it's fun. I shot a movie this summer, and it was just very much like... With John Lovitz, right?

Yeah. This fucking guy. And then it's a... It's crazy. Humble motherfucking guy over here. Fuck you, dude. nominated for the Humble's. You want to know who else was in this movie?

Who else? Yeah. Oh, the Hummers? The Hummer's. The Hummer's. It was a, me, Katan, a bunch of Italian guys that were on the Sopranos. Tara Reed.

Terah Reed? Yeah. Who's still got it? Tara Reid Yeah Okay She's got something I'll tell you what

I just think she was She was my fucking She's so hot She's very sweet I was with her in Vegas one night Yeah After a show Like a like in

Like the VIP And she's literally Ear to ear talking And this is when I was kind of Good looking I It's a horrible way to talk to someone You were too good looking to be turtle

You were too good looking to be turtle It was around that time That would That would attract for her. If only the character was named Tortus. The wise tortoise, not the stupid turtle. She was at the show, and she was like, oh, you're still fun. We were just, I mean, like, I was like, I think this could happen.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, this is wild. And then all of a sudden, out of my peripheral, Chuck Knoblock, do you know who he is? Yeah, yeah. Chuck Knoblock walks by and go, and I'm a Red Sox fan. And I remember he had the yips and all the shit. And I went, Chuck Knoblock, and he goes, hey, what's up, buddy? I love your set.

And I'm like, dude. I fucking love me and him just started shooting the shoot. And I look I look over, she's gone. I'm like, I'm like, stupid idiot. That's her one thing. She's like, I just don't want a sports fan. If he's funny and he's nice and he's handsome ask. If you're doing

Farah Reed, it's got to be like, I just don't why I thought. Like, you've got that great raspy, sexy does she still have her? Is it raspy? The voice, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is she still raspy? Yeah, her voice still raspy. Yeah, yeah. I love I love a woman who looks like she sounds like she smokes a thousand cigarettes.

All right. And now, who, what Sopranos guys were in it? Louis Lombardi. Okay. You know him? Yeah. Yeah. And then a couple other Italian dudes.

And Todd Bridges was like, Todd Bridges. Todd Bridges. Yeah. What kind of movie is this? We'll see. It was like a bromance comedy and there's like this men's group in it. Like all like these, it's for all these guys who don't have friends. Right.

And the lead, this guy, Don, he plays this dad who. goes viral who doesn't have any friends because of what is some video his daughter posts so like I play one of the guys in the group and then all these guys are guys in the group okay yeah so there's just a shitload of a shitload of like

me and Zach shot a movie last year yep we shot a horror movie sick for a baltagore these guys he's actually doing I think it's five horror movies like a you know like uh...

it's segments yeah it's segment movies It's an anthology film. Thank you. Thank you for. Baltimore. Yeah. Well, that's the production company that's doing it.

All right. And they're big, big horror guys. The ghost of Victor Allen Poe comes back. Right? Well, Bonnie's in it. Yeah, they have a lot of you. Bill Mosley's in it. That's the big one from me.

Stavi? Now that he's, he was in it with us. And John Waters is in it. John Waters is in it. John Waters. That is so. No shit. Yeah.

Wow. Oh, you lit up on John Waters. I mean, Mike Feeney, huh? I know. What kind of fucking backwards? What that shit is that? Yeah, where are we going to find another Irish flat foot? When Feeney does his version of pink flamingos.

Now we'll talk, all right? Norton has. No, but I got to say this. Like, I've been on, I was on Ghost Town, which is a huge production, and there's just, you know, all. Was that the Ricky Jervais thing? I would play construction work at Ghost number three. Okay. And that money's great.

the residuals is stupid when it goes because it was on TV forever you know what I mean it was a clean movie and it's great but doing baltico doing this anthology just fucking run and gunning it the way we were doing it it's fun it's fun it's just fun when the there's not a lot of money into it and all of it it's all fucking passion it's all everybody's just trying to get the shots that they need and everybody's kind of having there's a time limit you got certain people you have to figure shit out on the fly something happened like me and feeney were in this i mean it was probably do it bless you one more that's that's better than the that's ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who's that that's that's i don't know

everybody's uncle the guy who's got a scolaro's bit the sneeze is it yeah scolaro has that This is hilarious bit. I don't know it. But, yeah, that sounds like a loud. We're almost starting. Yeah, but we did that. We were in the, I mean, it was sub-zero in a car on the back of a trailer at three in the morning trying to get this stupid scene done.

And they're just, at some point that you, they're just cut. All right, we can't do. We're just going to cut that. We're going to go into the woods behind this guy's house. And they have Feeney just digging a hole. It made me happy because I was in the heated car. Yeah, I love, I love movie naked. Young Feeney with the fucking hair falling in his eye.

Like there's constantly photos being taken of him. Yeah. You're a little pretty son of a bitch. He really is a pretty bitch. He's a pretty little fucking bitch. I like to dig a grave with him, you know what I'm saying? Hey, fucking.

I like to put him in the ground, a pretty fuck. I don't. I don't want to kill Mike Feeney. Sometimes riffs can be misconstrued. That's what I'm saying. Would you get an Anthony? An Anthony award for a riff where you confess to murder.

All right, that mom. You know what I'm... Are you sure you those were sexual innuendo? Those dickpicks would not sent to everyone via airdrop. Prove it. The thing about movies, though, is now, is like... What the horror to the comic to horror pipeline, by the way?

I love. What do you mean? I mean, like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the dude of their weapons. Yossi Weapons show was great. Awesome. That's great.

But Zach Craigor, he was in whiteest kid you know. He was a sketch guy forever. He's a great dude, but like... Yeah, I love that. I love when they... Jordan Peel. Yeah, Jordan Peel. Yeah, I love when they get us. You know, I love when people like comics, like writers and directors, and they use...

Because I think comedians, honest to God, the best actors on the fucking planet. Because we are... I think when you get comfortable, like, when I felt my rhythm on it, like, because I hadn't acted a bunch, but, like, once I finally was like, oh, I know what to expect now, I was like, I think I'm doing this well after a little bit. Because, like, there's just that fucking, like, I am bombing. I know these are supposed to be funny And you're like You're so used to that instantaneous Live reaction as a comic

And it is fuck I'll tell you what's hard is theater And you're doing a con I did four dogs in a bone And that was hard Because it's a live audience And I'm so used to getting laughs That you wind up stepping on the lines

Or the joke And I got yelled up by the director We did the show in the first night He got me between the fucking wall in the stage stop stepping on my fucking laughs you piece of shit you're a stand-up comic

knock it the fuck off it's not about your fucking jokes it's about the lines and I I froze to the point where I had to go back out and I forgot everything I was like I don't know any I'm behind I'm behind I go I don't know

any lines but then I went out and it just comes back but I think I think Colin I think Quinn said it comedians make good actors because we have to pretend like we're having fun multiple times and you know and it's like you're acting sometimes like you're into it because even when the audience sucks and it works a muscle you don't even realize it's working i think we make good dramatic actors too because all of our shit is based on horrific things yeah in our lives that's why i think the horror the whole comic the horror pipeline too is because the dark places we have to go to find humor

sometimes you pick up some shit on the way back yeah that's how scary it's fucking Underfield in Truroma. Natural Born Killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He thought that sucks. He didn't get it. Yeah, he's like, why are we doing this? This sucks.

It's not funny. Yeah. Fuck, he was good. I forgot about that. How good is Dice? Yeah, yeah. Dice is a great actor. Wait, what's, oh, yeah, yeah.

I really don't know what I've seen that he was in. He was in an entourage. Oh, yeah, but he plays himself. Like, he was like, not to dog it. I just, I did see that. He's been in so many. Winnie Allen stuff, yeah. He's been in so many movies.

movies and so many TV shows where he is fucking great. Oh, is he in a Starsborn? Is he play? Yeah. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he was in Phantom Threat. He's trying to get Reynolds Woodcock to show him something. Bring up one of the women. Movies and TV credit.

He's not. I have to suggest a nice movie. It's either called no contest or last contest. And Dice is the bad guy. It's essentially die-hard. but in like a Miss Universe pageant. And it's him and Shannon Tweed and Routy Rottie Piper is his gunman. Really?

It is, it's when he got the deal, you know, what was it, Ford Fairlawn? Fort Fairlane. Braint smash her a love story and that were the three, his three picture deal. I mean, Ford Fairlane was fucking awesome. Fun movie. You remember there was that opening scene

in one of those movies where he was walking to a party and some woman asked for his number and he's like, 5-55-2-9-8-3 and she goes Wait a minute, that's not real They only use that in the movies He goes, no shit, sweetheart What do you think?

This is real fucking life That's just the opening to the movie I forget which Ford Fairlin it was But such a just Fun moment Yeah, he was in so many fucking things And he's play And he's committing to a character

That he did for him But I love when he doesn't play the character Like in a star is born He just played He was just regular He was awesome which I love. I think Louis's a great actor.

I think Louis is fucking awesome. It's pretty good, yeah. You know, I wish I want Louis to... It was crazy. I wish Louis would make shit again, you know? I'm sure he will. He, I don't know. Didn't he just make a thing with List?

Didn't he make a movie with List? Yeah, he made a movie with List. I was in it. I was fat in it. Oh my God. He just had a book come out, too. He just wrote a novel. He wrote a memoir or something.

Not a memoir. It's fiction. A novel, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I actually just purchased. said didn't read it yet you ever read you ever read sam talent's book running the light no absolutely fucking it's brilliant it's devastating yeah it's what is it's about a road comic who like fucking amazing is at the end like he had a moment he had a shot yeah and he just kind of like fucked himself

up it's called running the light came out during the pandemic it absolutely i'm not reading that no you should i'm not going to read a moment that there's a shot and didn't make it oh dude but it's tuesday net i'm here it digs into just there are psychology of a human beings There's one line in it that, like, fucking kills me. He goes, what was the name, Billy Joe Schaefer? Billy Joe Schum like that. Yeah, and the character's name was something like that. And he goes, he walked up to the car rental counter.

The only place his name had any currency left. You're like, oh, you've just been renting and in a loyalty program. This is your idea of status. Or the fact that he has his net worth on him at all times. Yeah. Like cash, you know, and he's like, fuck, dude. Oh, shit. Yeah.

And then he, like, romanicizes his ex, like, all the time. Yeah. I'm so close to this. But you're not there. You're not, you're not. You can get cruise ship work, buddy. I don't, that's, I'll kill myself. If I'm on a fucking ship, learning to scuba dive and play the fucking banjo, I'm hanging myself.

Who is the best comic when you heard they were working a ship? You were like, fuck that guy? Because everybody has to take shitty work at some point. Well, here's right. Like, so it doesn't mean all shitty work is done by shitty comics. That wasn't Lenny Marcus on cruise ship for a while And he got, you know When he started opening for Leslie Jones

You got in many people like Oh, this guy's actually fucking great I was going to say Michael Jordan Now, Lenny Marcus is great Lenny Marcus is funny as well Lenny Marcus is one of the underrated comics in New York Big time, he's hilarious 100%. No, here's the thing I think with the cruise ship thing

I think guys from the 80s and 90s I think comedy evolves so fast You know, I remember evening at the improv. It was seven minutes of clean material, Tonight Show, Letterman. That was their thing. They wrote all, you know, kind of pretty much clean stuff. I think that fell out in the early aughts, late 90s,

where it was more personal, real, not that it was disgusting or dirty, but it was more edgy and young. And those guys fell into the cruise ship thing because it's $3,500 a month. month or a week or a week yeah and you there's old people there and you you your act is fucking killing cruise ship comics kill yeah they kill they do they have every trick they're very craft it's not even a trick it's an act that was uh uh in style in the 80s and 90s that just

flew into the cruise ship thing so flawlessly but it's not going to work clubs around the country you know what I mean you're not going to be able to go to an improv or or a funny bone, or, you know, zanies with your act from the late 80s, early 90s, because it's young people. This is not going to work. It's too. You have you guys, these young guns are fucking,

I'll fuck it. I want to do it. And you're murdering with this other style of comedy. Yeah, it looks just complete. I've only, I've only ever done, the two times I've done cruise ships was for festivals. I did Burt, the Burt tour.

What the fuck was got, fully loaded at sea in 2023? And there was, you know, 20 of us on there and it was that's a different thing but that's also but those audiences he's one of my great friends never asked to do the cruise

go ahead he's never he's the person who's done the most for me in Congress but also on those never done one thing for me and coming on those shows though no no since he started we started here I've been on vacation with him blah blah blah not one thing for me but those audiences

are so jacked you can just during your set pretend to answer a phone go hold on Tom Sigora and they'll fucking lose their mind for 45 minutes straight and your set stuff. They just love comedy. They didn't love it when I did that. No, they didn't love that. Tom, what are you up to there?

I told, like, we were doing Nashville, I think. Maybe it was a, whatever. So, like, arena with Bert. And I told Saifah, go, just bring me out as Tom Segura and see what they do. Oh, Jesus.

That's not funny. It's pretty funny. That's like thinking you drink milk and then you drink hot piss. Some people don't know that. Some people need to find out they like hot piss stuff. That's how you discover you're in the golden showers.

Shane Torres. Chad Daniels taped it, and you can just hear some woman just go, well, fuck you too. We were at, me and Jay just opened for Shane at an arena. And everything's going great. And all of a sudden, you bring out Shane. Wow. But fucking Big Jay is so funny. The whole crowd started boo, because they love Jay's killing.

Yeah, of course. Boo, boo. And then they're like, now he's like, no, no, no. don't bore it's fine she blah blah blah and then she was like she went boo and he went you i'm sticking up for you you fat cunt and it's just he attacked her it was so funny dude i was getting i was getting some fucking i was having some rough ones on that burr cruz yeah could you start talking about jesus and all sudden they're like no yeah they get a little you're making jesus jokes like no no no no no and you're like okay fucking i was in lafayette doing one with him and uh i was

opening the show and my music ended before i got the mic so everyone Everybody just quieted down. Yeah, and then you just heard this guy go, Who the fuck is this dude? White guy? No, it's like a Creole dude. He's down there just boil the traffic. Yeah, yeah.

I was about this. No, they're monogreel beads on them tittance. Mama, mama said that in. Thompson girl. I can't suck the head into a bite up there. That happened to me on... Listen to the ball of the ruling. The shade, funnest voice ever.

I know about that, who that, who that? I was on Shades, and I have my stupid turn the page by Metallica, and I always say, you've got to do a minute two in, because if it starts out too slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think, boom, boom, and it just keeps going. But a minute two, turn a bed on the road again. Perfect, right?

So I went out a second too late, and then they started at the beginning of the fucking song. So it's just this melancholy fucking song. As I'm, they went, Robert Kelly. And it's just like, do, do, and I'm walking. It sucks so bad It was dead silence When I go on the stage

And I'd be like, all right, fuckers Let's go, you fucking Let's bring it, yeah There's this shit Bryce, what a hold of you ever done an arena Nope No, really Nope, hope to

Yeah, you should I mean none of us are gonna take you What's the fucking kid's name There was a guy I did hilarities with last year Funny kid, but he was hosting Bill, no, no, he was so nervous About the intro

That he kept fucking out It is crazy he would be like, and he'd be like, he's on AMC's English, fuck, a shot pat, and in between, and every time I'd get off stage and be back, they're like, dude, I'm so goddamn sorry, man, I'm like, I don't, I truly do not give his shit. Here's what we need from you, but then just to give yourself a fucking break.

Yeah, but then at the end you still go, but don't do it again, just so he does it again harder next time. I love when people fuck up an intro. My first, on accident, my first comedy central record, like the host just kept going, he's recording his album thing for his comedy thing yeah Sean Torres

oh I hate this guy who is he it was a she oh I hate her I make it even worse I want to say it was Brooke Van Popland if y'all know who that is I know I remember she had an intro

she recorded her album in Austin pre like pre-mothership Austin and when all the rooms down there were pretty like you know pretty pretty old school Brooklyn but the host whoever the host hostways he goes she is so funny and so hot wait why did i say that she's really funny

anyway brook fan poppin and brooke kept it i'm pretty sure it's brook and i'm like that's fucking funny good for her man what's the biggest place you've paid jack you look up like the the big rooms at skankfest skank fest yeah that's always like a few hundred like 500 right it's a lot of the lewis roast probably oh that was big that was fucking huge that was like 500 people outside yeah yeah where was it crazy it was in Houston. In the parking lot of the C group.

Oh, really? That was fucking. That was fun. That was a good one. Even though fucking they sprung on us a week out. Hey,

we're going to do a roast of Lewis. I was like, dude, fuck off. Now I have homework. How many people are in the Juggalo Fest? Oh, yeah,

that. Yeah. I was trying to get to that. It would be a few thousand. Hang on one second. But apparently he won an Anthony Award. Yeah.

He didn't remember. He was just on tour with a fucking band. Two-time an Anthony Award winner for the one. Yeah, what?

the main stage there, and that was 15,000. That's a lot of people that's a theater. That's an insane. That's a hard gig. But I just introduced the bands. I didn't do any stand-out. That's a hard gig opening for a band. So what they do is the comedy tent. Not for him. Not for that band. Yeah. The comedy

tent is... He looks like the audience. All in one person. Oh, no, those are rough shows. A Voltron. Yeah. Outside, one o'clock in the morning. His legs are girls. After the bands. Just one of a. And the people, I, I thought people were shushing each other. It was people filling up nitrous balloons.

Fucking perfect in every way. At least they know who they are. But yeah, I think the comedy 10 had maybe over a thousand. But yeah, we host at the main stage. It's, uh, it's work. All right. Yeah, it's crazy, right? Yeah, they're fucking out of, you're, so you're on, they show up Tuesday.

You're doing comedy Thursday or Friday night at one in the morning. So they've been doing drugs since Tuesday and cooking in the sun. Are you talking about Skank Fest? You're talking about this? Way worse. Oh, really? I've never seen Skank Fest

knocked down all the porta-potties. Yeah. And start throwing shit at people. And start eating the stuff that comes out of it. No, they were throwing shit. Oh, that's why? Because they're... But what is that...

Somebody threw an octopus at a chick. And I've been trying to figure that out for months. Yeah. Where it came from? We were land-locked. Yeah. Michigan. Octopus, right?

Dude, they had a cat head. Just a fat red hit. Yeah. The Miss Generalit contest, they had one of those giant three-man slingshots, and they were shooting hot dogs at the girls

trying to kill them. Oh, gee, oh, yeah, because those put the velocity of basically a fucking... Yeah, the one where some people at hold on the... Yeah, those are awesome. Yeah. They were launching hot dogs at girls' heads while they were trying to sit.

Are there police there? Not enough. I mean, they... The one time we were there, we saw D.A. ride through and just bust like a bust load of people. They're designated by like as a terrorist group by like some kind of like

are they really? Yeah, it's like bullshit because they're not. It's a reason to pull people over because if they have the logo on their car you can say that's a gang sign. Yeah, that's what is it. Yeah, I read something about it. What is it? You're a juggalo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you a juggalo? I mean, I hang out with enough of them, I guess. I've seen them 40 times now. So when you go and you go on,

you're hosting the show at midnight. Mm-hmm. Right? So you've got to go out and do 15, 20 minutes? Oh, no, I headlined last year. So you're headline. No shit. I did 40 last year. In front of a thousand people. Yeah. And then this year, me, Jay, Lewis, and Tim Butterley each did 15 because none of us wanted to do the hour. Way to share the load. And I mean, that's sincerely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who won't last, Jay? Yeah. And they loved him.

Yeah. And there's no problems. No, there's actually a huge fight in the middle of his set. Oh, wow. Because people were fighting to be quiet, telling people to be quiet. Right. I had a, the last year when I headlined, it started to get bad. I was getting a couple of booze and people started, because they love throwing shit.

What do they throw? Soda bottles. Fago. Full beers. That's violent. They are a terrorist group. I mean, Jesus Christ. Antifa does less. I white trash whispered my way out of that one.

What do you guys? I mean, I was like, hey, listen, there's like seven other fun things you can be doing right now. If you don't like the show, then it's not for you, but you guys are all family, right? Look at all these people showed up for the show And you're ruining it for your friends Oh, you got to give a speech I had to give a speech

Oh, there's nothing like You gave them the whoop or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now they know me more Because I tour with the wrestling So now they know who I am As like a personality So it's a little easier

Like I'm not going up cold You have the cutest nose I've ever seen on any human being Thank you. I'm sorry I have a cute little nose I know that's a sidetrack That's okay

Yeah But you've been staring When I was staring into this whole time When I was a baby My nose was orange Because I loved carrots what a little open-upor you are and so did my neighbor who ate a lot of character

that's terrible get up in there nobody eats ass for the nutritional value good it's dirty oh shit now are you worried about podcasting and stuff and now that you're on a show are you worried about

because look at we always forget that we're on these shows and we're saying and stuff but you ever you're worried about that they tell you hey man take it easy out there I mean no I don't think they're too worried I don't think I'm the I don't think I'm inflammatory of a guy I'm pretty mellow

and if I say something fucking wild and who gives a shit like it'll yeah at a certain point I think every comedian you just got to trust your own sensibilities to know you're not going to say something on a podcast completely fucking outrageous and if you do, you just deal with it. Right.

Also, you know, the standard now, like what you would have to say, would have to be something you would never say. And it would have to be pretty. And publicity is good no matter what, right? That's what I say. So we have a list of words we want you to say. Here we go. Pull up, pull up.

Let's see. All right, the first words. Welcome to the Anthony's everybody. This is everyone's favorite. We're going to edit this segment later. The first word, vinegar. Yeah. Listen, you guys are fucking great

You guys are fun You guys are fun Let's go with some plugs real quick Zach, what do you got? Zach is not funny on Instagram I was going to say something mean But I didn't want Diabetes

Yes, I was going to say it Show it's your baby care Punch up that live slash Zach Miko For all my dates And check out my podcasts Zach Amiko's morning zoo And Zach Amico's Midnight Spook Show

All on gas digital Whoa, whoa, whoa And I'll be on tour with Juggalo Championship Wrestling Whole End of the Month Awesome, man And PunchUp. Live, I love that. Isn't the best? Very, very good to me.

I like it. So good, man. Are you on Punch Up? I am, yeah, yeah. Everybody on Punch Up? I am not on Punch Up? I'm not on this year. What the fuck, man?

I'm fucking dumb. I got to do it. Dude, get on it. I will. Here's the greatest part about it. You get all your emails and they have this new app that, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to Rochester this weekend.

You go right on the app. You're punching the email. It goes right to all the people in the audience. What do I need that when I'm on the fucking Bobby Kelly show? Ba-bang. I'm going to be plugging dates. I don't need punchup live. Anyway, punchup.

dot live slash Shane Torres. Shane is a comedian. com. Shane Torres on all platforms. Listen to my new podcast, Coastal Idiots. And you can catch me in Bloomington this weekend. I will be in New Orleans the weekend before Thanksgiving.

And I'll be in Dallas, the weekend of Thanksgiving. Are you going to Skagfest? No, I'm there the week after. Oh, wow. This is going to come out Sunday. What? This is going to come out Sunday.

So this weekend. Sunday. Okay, well, then I guess fuck the Bloomington dates. But you can catch me in Oxnard and a bunch of... But it's live right now for the Patreon, right? Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Come out to Bloomington, you Indiana, fucks. All right, man. What do you got there? I'm looking. He's got you right here, dude. Look. No, bam. That picture was a while ago.

That's a TV schedule right there. There's a fucking out. I got, and I'm adding a little. Once a month, once a month, this guy hits the road. I know, right? Well, I had to keep my schedule clear for reshoot purposes, and now I don't have to. But I will, again. So, yes, these are all, if you're listening right now, listen, Wilmington, North Carolina.

It's one of my favorite clubs. That's an awesome club. What is this dead crime here? It's an awesome club. How awesome? Just go. Where is it? Wilmington, North Carolina.

Birthplace of Michael Jordan. Birthplace of Air Michael Jordan. Also, a very wild waffle house around the way. Also, the Wilmington International Airport, which is, oh, okay. Okay. International. We've got three baggage claims. It goes to like Newfoundland.

It only goes to like one place. Yeah, they should call it the Wilmington International. Like we fly in the nation only. In the national? I got it. We're international. But no, I love, it's a fantastic club. I heard it's great.

I got to get there, man. Yeah, come to Baltimore. She's awesome. Amy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Baltimore, Charleston. And I got to add a bunch more dates through February of next year. And check out the show.

And check out English teacher on FX and streaming on Hulu and Disney Plus. I love FX, man. How great are those people over it? They're fucking awesome. In every way. They're the best. They're awesome in every single way. Yeah, man.

God did I love working for them. Look at all these dates. I want to get a show. There you go. Check it out. Boom. Is this me? Yes.

Oh, okay. Rochester, of course, this weekend live. And then I'm going to Port Charlotte. Versani is one of my favorite clubs down there in Florida. And then the week after that, I'm going back to Tampa. I'm going to be there Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then I'm going to Immuous. Amas.

Amas, thanks. Pennsylvania for one night only with the boys, the Tizzy 2, and I think Paco's coming. And we're doing Bacon Fest before that. And then I'm doing the Boston Garden for the Camnalee Foundation, comics come home. Oh, good for you. Yeah, Conan's on. I'm very excited about that. Oh, have you done the garden before?

I've done it in the last 12 years in a row. That's amazing. a year. That's got to be the best. You're a golf guy, right? No. I do. I play golf, but I'm not. That's got to be the best. That's got to be the best time in comedy. Like it. Ah, it's great. It's a lot of pressure because they have me go a blast a lot

which sucks because it's like a star studded event. And they're like the crowd's boozing, I'm sure. Well, the crowds, it's 17,000 people. Yeah, yeah. Do what? No Z. He said boozing. Booing.

God damn it. We all won Anthony Awards. We didn't get it. And I'm in Nguyenscankfest, of course. And then Comedy Connection, one of my favorite clubs in the world going back to there. So Uncle Vinny's, blah, blah, blah, blah. Go to punchup dot live slash Robert Kelly. And then, of course, go to my YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. My special up there, killbox.

And there you go. I'm going to be at Skangfest, too. I got to put that on the fun calendar as well. But my brother wants to play golf with you. why me because I don't know I heard you were a golf guy or I heard you were a golf guy and he said I'll play with him

oh that's it is that what it was yeah you didn't hear that you made that up I should have told him my hey man Bobby's a fucking he's a coke guy he's a meth head dude

you want to do some meth he's a blowjob guy my brother's actually very tell him I like guys who like carrots oh I think he knows a guy boys what are you got besides autism

follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. I'll be at sidesplers with Bobby next month and come to Comedy at Verve in Summerwood, New Jersey, the third Thursday of every month. And this is Joe Russell. Go to YouTube and type in the Cheese Show. It's a show about cheese with my wife. And if you could just follow me on Instagram at Zachary and Limitum, I'm posting twice a day for you guys, so I'm pumping it out. Who told you to do that? Can I ask, was the cheese show thing, like the guy who came in earlier to fix the

No, that's Alex Gruber No, no, no, no, I know Grubb, but like, was it like a bit or was that, is that a real thing? Danny, why would you let a guy walk into my podcast? Well, the floor guy wants, the guy that was here, he was, he needed to reinforce the floor. He also wanted to plug Alex Gruberd on Instagram. Oh, that guy's great.

What was he doing? He was he was re-infrey, he was... Danny, I get the bit. What was he really doing? The bit was to reinforce the floors. Because, because there's a, you know, it's a fat podcast. But can you fill me out on the bit so I don't, I almost violently attacked him. I would have been

hysterical. No, it wouldn't have been. I would have went to jail. I have a family. Best case scenario. Who is he? Is he a friend of him? He's a comic. He's a funny comic. Oh, he's a comic. Yeah, he's a comic. Now I feel bad, because I didn't, if I was in on the bid, I would have went with it. Well, that's why they're producing. They don't, you know.

Yeah, but I'm the guy that needs to be a, you three could go with the bit. I could have helped him with the bit. Well, that would be a bit. He also came in here with the most Jewish face possible. Yeah, yeah. Drill.

And the drug. Like, he put it down on the table, like, what does this do? Yeah. I thought it was a gift or an offering. I come to offer you podcast. I haven't been able to touch this since Saturday. You guys want to lose weight, go build something. Yeah, and he didn't even, like, commit to the bit.

He just wiggled the thing around. It was like, eh, wait. You guys are fat. Like, whatever. All right. Well, Tom, I'm sorry. You guys are fat. All right.

We're going to go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now and ask these guys the question that the people in the Patreon asked. So if you want to watch the extra part of this. Let me tell you guys, it's nine inches. How did you know? He said the question. It was one of the questions. Now we have four questions.

Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. It's the price of a protein shake. How much is that? Thank you, Zach. You want to answer to the question? just under five inches. All right, here we go. We'll see you over there.

You guys are the best fans of the world. You know what, dude? See you next week.