Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #610 | Mickey Gall, Brendan Sagalow. & Mike Cannon

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

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prescription required see website for full details restrictions and important safety information. One, we're live here on YKWD. You know what, dude, podcast. There he is. What's happening? What's up, brother? Good to see you, man. All right, we're live. Our final guest just showed up. Our other two guests have been here. One was here longer than the other one, because he had to go do a spot over at the VU. It's a great show tonight. I'm excited to be here. And Danny, who do we got? We have Mickey Gall, Mike Cannon, and Brendan Sagan, on the show today. Yay!

Wait, we do a thing now. Yay! Yay! We're trying to be a positive podcast. We don't want to be any too bro-y. So, hey, I'm so happy you're going to be here. Yeah, I would hate that if it was too bro-y. It's too funny when a man shows up.

We're men. I'm a man. I am a version of a man, unfortunately. You're a prototype. I'm a prototype. I'm transitioning. You're the, you're the same. second one in too. What are you talking about? You're the second prototype. They made one. It was like, nope.

And then they made you and they're like, nah, we go back. We're almost there. We almost have the mix, right? Yeah. And then they got the hair color wrong. It goes gray too young. His head's dying. Then they got to me, they're like, it's falling out. He's getting too fat and skinny. Then they finish right here. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Yeah, you look like the new Superman. Yeah. I told you that. No, but someone needs to tell someone. Got it. Check, check. Check, check. You got your headphone. Just Danny, Joe, help him with this, Mike. He's got it.

And he. You got it. I'm good. Yeah, dude, I was just on the phone with my son. It's amazing, dude. I wish my, like, I wish I talked to my dad growing up the way you guys talk. You say, I love you. You joke around? Like, I didn't have any of that shit. You didn't really? No. My dad joked around a little bit. Like, we were more like that, but, like, every conversation. ended with like, all right, kiddo. All right.

Well, neither of us understand each other. Yeah, I'd be like, I love you, and it'd be like, beep, boop, pooh, boop. That's bad. You would say, I love you and he wouldn't give you shit. No, no, no, no. I never felt comfortable. Is this your dad?

Yeah. Oh, no, that, you asshole. I could see that. Yeah, 10 minutes later, bring up the fucking super fucking autistic asshole. He's typing with two pointers. I think I, like, I used to, like, kiss my dad on the lips.

I kissed my kid on the lips. I don't give a shit. Too late. I found out that there's a time limit. So the problem with Tom Brady, and I did this on a radio show, because I was defending Tom Brady to the hilt when he kissed his son on the lips.

I was like, fuck that. I'll kiss my son on lips. I don't give a shit. You're making it fucking weird. I did this whole thing. And then this radio guy in Baltimore, a friend of mine, Justin, he was like, all right, dude, it was bad.

I was like, it wasn't. He goes, okay, I want you to lie on the council. So I lied. He goes, I'm going to come over. You're Tom Brady. I'm your son. And he came over, and they had the exact amount of time that he, son kissed him, it was too long. So they, like, they held the, like, kiss.

Like, it was like a, yeah, dude, it was, it was just, it was that, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a little weird. And he came over, because I'm going to kiss you on the lips as long as he just, and he, it was gay. All right. You can watch, I mean, optically, it doesn't look right. It looks like he, and he's laying down shirtless. It's just the whole thing is an odd setting. He's shirtless.

And then he went, yo, baby, and he slapped him on the ass me. See, now this would be a great time to be looking at that's just some ballplayer stuff, though. You know what I mean? Tap on my ass. It was on the ad. Go, baby. Nothing conflated about those balls. Yeah, but then his dick popped when he did.

Oh, okay. Popped up on the towel. We're going back and forth here, yeah. Bad, incriminating again. Yeah. I wish I had that. I wish I said, I love you as much. Why don't you try now?

I did. I have recently. I have recently. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right.

You know what I mean? I got, I love Bama mom. I love you, bro. I love you so fucking much. I hear, why? I got to do it. Doing everything he can to earn the I love you. All right.

Let's see how long. Oh, yeah, I think I can see his Cochran. All right. Let's see how long it is. Ready? This is where it's,

I mean, this is all cool. This is a little weird, but you know, he's, he's an athlete, you know. Wait,

watch, wait. That was like a pick. Oh, I stopped. That's where it's weird, bro. Okay, that's right about that. That was almost borderline, too.

Yeah, He was like, I don't want to be gay on film. You also can't. Look at him. He's like, fuck, dad, all right. I'll do it. It's rippled. I got to give you a long kiss again.

Oh, my God. All right, let's see. Let's see. Let's see how long it is. Ready? We'll count. Ready? And one, two, three, four.

Ew. Too long. Just a second. Too long. And some of his lip was also still. Can you go back and like pause it right when he, right when he comes? Yeah. He's like,

The romantic strand of spit. Pause it right as he's pulling away, and I swear to God his... Can I defend? Stop. Pause. I can defend it, too, but you go first, by me, please. Go back a little bit. I want to defend the first part where he said, I just get a peck. Because it's almost when you're kicking, like, it's like, oh, that was weird. Come on, you can't give me a kiss, give me a kiss, kid.

And I'll kiss him on the cheek. I'll kiss him on both cheeks, and I'll kiss them on the lips. And I've, when it's not a... His saying, oh, what the fuck was that? I get that part. It's not that bad. Yeah, but it's also, there's a performative element of it because he knows there's cameras there. There's another person there flipping his kids.

You think he's doing this for the likes? Like, I think he's kind of like, you know, look how much of a dad involved and come on and smooch me. So I think his son was like, all right, you want a fucking kiss? I'll give you a fucking kiss. And it's really his son's the one in control here. I wish his son. He's on his back and just jerked them off. So they're playing a game.

of out gay yeah it's like kind of a gay chick so you want to fucking kiss now I'll open my mouth at the end you think you're not gay me Tom huh how's that the bottom lip

let's see this let's see it we have to see it let's watch it with an open an open mind here go ahead play it if you can put it in slow motion right as the kiss happens

well and also that's where his penis is we see yeah let's see if it goes up no look at no no come back where's my hug he's saying he's going come on come on come on man

ready and okay yeah Here we go. Can you play some, like, sexy music behind this? Oh, my God. We'll always crush you. You see his lip, bro? See his top lip, dude?

It's wrong. I never saw that in the footage. Yeah, Tom Brady's smile. It looks like love on the spectrum. I would rather my dad say something like children should be seen, not heard, than me kiss him like that. a forced intimacy. That's a man's share right there. Go back.

I want to see that lip, that lipstick. Yeah, please, we have to go back. Wait, did he grab the back of his head? No, I think he has his hand under the towel. But his eyes are closed. All right, here we go.

Oh, yeah, you can't. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. Look at the guy's hand. Wait, stop. Go back. Wait, this guy jumps in at the last second and starts rubbing his fucking peck. He's like, this kiss is taking us long.

Let me get back to work now. But why is he gently massaging him? Tom pulls his son away and be like, never stop rubbing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, my God. But look at Tom Smiley. That's what I thought.

Yeah. Yeah. That was for me. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. I guess, but listen. Your lips are chapped.

I do this with my kid, right? Like that. That's it. I love you, kid. It's be good. Yeah. No. I'm going to try that tomorrow, though.

I want to do that tomorrow. I see how long you do for. Hey, dude, come here for you. I'm going to hold the back of here. Yeah, you should. And I'm going to go, boop. I'm going to go, bollarius. Do you both keep your eyes open?

we keep one eye open I keep this eye open he keeps that eye open and we just look at each other nice do you kiss your kid in the mouth you know I don't like wet lips like the wet lips

how'd you get the kid I stayed away and came through a sheet how old are your kids six and one six and one you have two kids because they're their children the moment my son sprouts pubs I'm like both kids

lip locking I mean both boys yeah okay I have a 12 year old 12 year old. And my kid, it's a little bit of my act now, but he came out in the liver. He was like, he was in the bathroom. He was like, nah, you know, and he came out in the living room butt naked. Let's go. Full black patch.

Oh, my God. And a piece. Let's go. I was like, dude, I was like, you can never, you can never bring that in the living room again, son. And I go, not only that, we can't hold hands again because I have pubes and you have pews. Not even in emergencies. You have to just take it.

I can hold your shoulder You got it, son I can't, we can't Wait, you saw his, like, he came out with his cock and everything Yeah, that's, yeah I'm calling it a cock, he's 12th He's 12, dude

What do you call it then? A penis Pee is a penis I made a big cock A male penis If we're gonna say cock, it was a big A huge soaking penis He didn't get my

It comes from your white side He did not get my, Yeah, he didn't get it He got the heaviness from dawn Dude, it's a Polack dick If I haven't seen This fucking thing is This kid's, he's always my height

Yeah, right now, I told you he's as big as me his hands are big he's got a 12 i got a 10 and a half 11 what uh that's my shoe size oh yeah he's got a 12 he's got 11 cocked he's got 12 bring that thing over here so you got kids too right yeah i just i got a uh a one year old daughter yeah oh you got a daughter yeah now do you want to have another one yeah you want a boy right yes i'd like to get the best of both worlds i thought i wanted the boy the first time but i like i wouldn't change my daughter for anything she's cool fuck. Like I lucked out. I mean, let's be honest, she can't.

No, yeah, facts, right? It's a, yeah. But if a magic genie, yeah. If this guy was like, look, I got this boy right here. Yeah, no way. Jackie liked the girl. No way. I know. No way. You could pump her with tea, dude. Right? Yeah, she's kind of jacked. She's mad cool. Yeah. So it's actually like listening to, like, I used to listen to a lot of podcasts, but

because I didn't like, like, thinking. Yeah. But, uh, but I don't, I don't listen as much, but I, I, I don't listen as much, but I, I did listen, and now I start to like hearing the dad's talk, right? Like, it's cool kind of hearing, like, the dad's talk about, like, those, because, you know, it's like shared experiences now. Yeah. Well, it's funny to, when you do the, uh, dad talk, him and Andy Haynes. Oh, really?

Yeah. I'm gonna have to get, I'm gonna have to get a boy going. Yeah. It's, it's, you're all, you both, you have two boys. No, we're the beautiful boys. Oh, okay, okay. That was your children. Yeah, they're not just as comics.

They're not about their kids. Why would they call their boys? the beautiful boys. It's about us, me and Andy. God. It's funny because I get shit because you bring up your kid. You start talking about your kid because you're a comic, but your fans like, you know, they're like,

do you fucking kid. It's like, dude, you don't have a kid. You don't know what the fuck. You're an idiot without a kid. Stop hating people talking about their children. When you have a kid, that's your fucking life for a long time. I think anything can be interesting and anything can be boring. It's like if you stink about.

talking about your kid. What are you, Andrew Schultz? Who the fuck? Where'd that come from? You've never said anything prolific ever. Prolific means you write a lot, though, or produce a lot of things. Oh, there you go, then. You say, profound.

Profound. Now we're talking. Dude, I'm dumb. I didn't understand what you said before. It just sounded really smart. And then I said, Andrew Schultz, which proves I'm not smart. I'm not smart person. The great finger of our time.

I put the guy who thinks he's smart. I think Andrew Schultz said, Andrew Schultz said something today. He said, club comics stink or something, right? He said, he's like, I got to clean up the slop at the cellar. Right next to know, one of his friends who just got in. Yeah, one of our friends who just got in. And he's like, surely you're not talking about me.

I would think he's not talking about everybody here. I would hope not, Andrew. I'm confident enough of myself where I know he's not talking about me. And if he is, he's wrong. Most of you are you. For you, brother. I like that self-belief, man. You're not fully confident.

He's 10% of, I'm fine anyways. But if not, whatever, then fine. I never liked him fully anyway. He's 100% not talking about me, but really 80%. And if he's talking about me, whatever. Then I'll be crushed. Who gives a fuck? I love the comics.

We all have something to say. I know. What happened to just being silly and goofy and fucking... We're talking into a microphone. Let me tell you something about something and then something else. Fuck off. I hate it. I mean, there has been a bunch of civil wars in comedy since I started. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy beef? Yeah. I mean, I'd fill me in. I just remembered the old UCB thing when they weren't paying. Every like five years, there's these big, there's this big

civil war. You got to let the blood out. The great rape joke debate of like 2015. Right. We won that one. We really for our jokes in. Kurt Metzger, put us over the line on that one. With one of the greatest rape jokes of all time. That was, that guy was like the first guy that got canceled, the one that Kurt was, like, defending for a second. And then he, like, met up with him. There was a guy who, like, raped somebody.

And he was, and Kurt was like, well, he, and he was dressed in him. With a smile. And, like, there was, presenting a day. This guy. Thank you for filling me in. I do appreciate it. I know. I want you to know. Would you like an hors d'oeuvre of rape?

I'm just saying, you're like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then Kurt. And he was right. He was like, we can't just fucking put. this guy on a fire with no evidence and then they met up and like he's like oh he did it take us he did it he's like i fucking did it dude well it's funny because um they they there was a couple guys who were way on that side and you know against misogyny and all that and all those guys want i'm just being pieces of shit to women yeah and uh sexually assaulting should i say essay

i don't i want i don't want to get banned on youtube grape is what we say on a live grape. That's what you say. And on a live grape. Because you eat frozen grapes. What's that? What does that mean? I just want to do a fat joke. Are frozen grapes like a fat guy? It's when you force sex in a snowstorm. Nice. That's so funny. You can make any stupid thing into a sex thing. Plum tomato in? You ever plum tomato a chick? No. It's where you're sticky dick in her asshole until it comes out like a plate of tomato. And then you put spaghetti on it and then you lick it off. And then you kiss it and go, oh, well. bust is so good. I just made that up. That's great. Me and my friends used to want to do this thing.

We made a thing called the Willie Wonka Bar where you you fuck a girl in her ass when she's like shitting and then when she's shitting. When she's shitting, you fuck a girl in her ass. Wait a minute. This is a classic we've never had sex before, so we're making

up a sex position. So she's shitting, she's pissing and coming. Can I ask a question? Because it matters to me. Who cares if she's coming? Is she about to shit and then shit through it like a plato machine or is she shitting or you have to put your dick through shit no okay uh great question though great question i just have a couple more yeah sure it's not it's not it's not like a post shit lubrication no no i mean it could be i mean the point is but i see it as like i see it as like dueling escalators like one's sure yeah yeah it's like putting your finger in like

an ice cream thing okay so is the shit inside and you push the dick through the shit well the Or is the shit coming out and you're actually meeting the shit with the tip? That's the way I would like to do it. When are we going to start the episode? Oh, we've already started. That's the way I would like to do it. This is not getting monetized. You're putting your dick in an asshole and then it's shitting out.

Well, now I'm so aware about the monetization. I don't want to say any of those stuff. But after your dick is covered in shit and she licks it off. Oh. Wait a minute, dude. A Willy Wonka bar. A Willie Wonka bar. I say.

I would call that a fudgical. A fudgall. A fudgical, yeah. I like that. Depends on the, like... Mike, you go. What do you get for it? Well, if it's a Willy Wonka bar,

I would also like for you to be wearing a magnum condom, so it's kind of the gold ticket. Nod as well. I like it. Oh, yeah, you lick it and you go, oh, I got it in the bar was a golden ticket. Yeah. What was that?

Don't let anyone... Is it Charlie? I was having fun. I don't think of anyone. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. You're lifeguarding my fun, and now I'm too insecure to heaven.

Nobody. It sounded like a retarded English guy. I don't go to a ticket. I was the grandfather laying foot to face. All the grandparents? The fucking worst people in that movie was lying in a bed. And then finally he can get up.

It was all turns out I can walk and stuff. As long as you have money, Charlie. Yeah, as long as there's an opportunity. Yeah, lazy asshole. What a shit house they lived into. I would have left them. As soon as I got the factory, I would have fucking made them work for me.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the oldest, tallest, umpulumpa at the factory. Bobby? Grandpa, I thought Joe had to carry his fuck. Ah, it wasn't me. I know, but I pictured you.

I know you did, but it wasn't me. Bobby's that first kid that gets stuck in the tube. Me? Dude, you're a... Who I'm I'm not saying that, yes. I'm that fatwa'u-lumpa, yeah. I want an oompa-lupa now. Your Baruch assault.

Yeah, he's the cowboy. Yeah. Oh, the TV? The TV kid? Mikey TV. Who am I? You're Charlie. You're one of the lookers out the gate.

Oh, you know, you know, I'm an excellent. An uncredited child He's not in the movie He's in the movie four times It's four different people Just nondescript Just put a dumb hat on them You drove the cast and crew

To their trailers So anyway, are you familiar with Mickey? Do you guys know him? I know you from like Lewis and all that stuff Yeah And I know they do MNMMMFAD Yeah, but we haven't met

We've never met I'm aware of you as well Yeah, yeah We did a chip show together That's right Fuck, I'm sorry. I just like Brendan and Mickey next to each other, though.

Just two alphas. Fucking A, right? You better, yeah, that's true. Hell yeah. I'm never washing this hand. I'm an alpha in my own way. Put me in a Comic-Con, and I'll bitch slap those fucking nerds.

You can't speak. You're the rapper, too, right? Yeah, yeah. I've heard about your rapping prowess as well. I can't believe it, dog. Oh, shit. Oh, you should have that shit out before, player? shit.

I see you. That's crazy. I didn't even see the imprint. I love that you have a studio apartment and then you have bling around your neck. I know, dude. I'm spending all my money, but I'm starting to get good. You like, I love the way it like, get it out. Keep it out.

You're only going to make it out. Keep making more, right? Fuck it. I know. Leave it. Leave it. Leave it out. But I really, I started saving.

I'm putting shit away. I'm putting 5% of every paycheck into a tax escrow. I'm like, I'm trying to get good with it. Is that your father? That, dude. Tax escrow. Is that your father? Listen, I'll say, I love you when you fucking have some type of retirement plan.

Like Charlie's grandpa. Yeah, my dad's just laying in a bed. Hey, can I say some? Charlie's grandfather in that movie was such a piece of shit. Everything was based on Charlie. There is a website called Grandpa Joe is evil. And it's a whole website about how bad of a person Grandpa Joe is. And we're going to need you to look that up.

Okay, Dean. Think about how bad that, like, room, house, bed? Can you imagine how to that bed? Can I ask him, where did Charlie sleep? Inside his grandma. He's burrowed up there. He did a Willy Wanda? No, but like, where did the fight?

And where was his mom? His mom was, like, cooking eggs and stuff. Oh, she was in the kitchen. So you know that bed smelled really bad. Yeah. All those old people farts and shit. Yeah, yuck. That's nursing.

Don't forget they shit their pants in that bed all the time. Oh, yeah, because they're not moving. Yeah, they have to have, like, bedpan. Oh, the bedpan. Mom's going to clean shit. Dumb Charlie's fucking... And Charlie really deserved that ticket. Did he?

Yeah, I think so. I do a good impression of... I vote it for Trump, and I think the girl deserved it. I think the rich girl. Yeah, yeah, the rich girl deserved it. I want more, Jeff. Yeah, fucking get Charlie. Fuck him.

Socialist He probably released Those stupid Zoron in the chocolate factory They just open the door Go Mipalumpus Well who's gonna run the factory Idiot

Fucking what's her name Would have had that thing Like a fucking clock Yeah Trump Willy Wonka Just being like We gotta kick out All the Mpa Lumpus

They look too much like me They got my face They're not sending their best Lumpus You have a good Trump, that's okay. It's all right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I don't like people who do. Why are you talking to yourself? Because I need to learn to take compliments

and I can't, because I can't do it. Who told you that? Everybody that I've ever someone compliment to me and I was like, no, no, I suck, I'm gay, whatever. And people are like, take the compliment. They get so mad. We know you're gay. Yeah, let's take a compliment. Finally. Are you still getting a girlfriend? Yeah. Oh, good, good. Yeah.

Yes, I do. Yes. She's great. Do you just wear the sagdad sometimes when you have sex I've wore the chain when we had sex and like a wife beater like I'll I'll get into the character

did you put a rag on too I have but I I took it off the thing of sexiness I I you know yeah I always felt so bad for my parents

when they were like raising a wigger you know what I mean like oh god I can't have you getting nervous really hard art

yeah man I was weird I think wiga is weird really You sound like one when you say it I can flip that switch real quick That's how you know it's fake You're like Billy Costigan from the depada

Yeah you drop your ass Yeah you did didn't you On the way over here You became Sag Daddy a little bit Yeah it's just popped in To blend into each other Yeah he saw it I went What did I say?

Something Go check out that fucking N word You called the guy in N word Yeah, but in a good way. But as a wigger, so you get away with it. Yeah, exactly. That's cool. Now you're still rapping?

Yeah, yeah. That dude Troy, who works on Sam, Jim and Sam, he makes beats and shit. Like, he had a song on the Spider-Man inside the Spider-Man soundtrack. Yeah. Kick-ass. Right. Yeah, we're kind of working together. He just sent me a beat.

Is there anything, dude, Mickey, is there anything you do besides fighting? No, not for the longest time, but now, yes. Really? But is there any other passion I mean you have besides fighting? Like, is there any other thing? Like, rap? Do you wrap? No, I don't rap. That would be cool. I don't rap. What if you was the shit? You just laid a trackdown? I would love that. Yeah, and then I'd get jealous and right.

Yeah, nah, nah. You snatched that chain up. I would do a sneakness. I would do a sneakness. It's not a player. You don't need to be doing all that. I would go, M-I-C-Y. No one cares. shit. My hobby used to be

girls, but I'm married now. Oh, that was a good hobby. Yeah. No, it was a stupid hobby in hindsight. You must, well, let's not get carried away. Trust me. I'm 55. Those memories are going to come into play.

Yeah. When your wife, vagina dies. Because when they get menop... What do you mean by death? Bad deal. They just, when they hit menopause, they just want nothing to do with sex. Their body's going through crazy changes,

and it's like they don't... It's just nuts, and you just got to take it. Can't you just pump them with drugs or something? Yeah, I've been, while she's sleeping. But I've been pumping them in her asshole. I've been Willie Wonkering drugs into her fucking shit stink. No, but, dude, those stories, like, dude, I think back now, like, wow, when I was a piece of shit. And it was so much fun.

But I felt like shit for a while, like, I'm garbage. I'm fucking, and I had, like, a tone for my shit. But, you don't. Now you're in it. You're fucking got a dog. And later when you're 50, 55, you're going to be like, remember that fucking chick? Remember that Puerto Rico with blue eyes and a nose ring? She blew me at the cellar.

Remember the, I got blown by two girls with dreadlocks, white girls, in the same night. You know the odds of that? Are those the... They smell. The people from the Matrix? No, they were actually didn't. They didn't. Their hair had the two twins from the Matrix.

I thought you met the trans directors. You know what? Come to think of it? It was the two guys. It was two guys It was too gross But yeah, dude So

You were, I mean Could you imagine the tale he got Oh yeah It's crazy Oh my God You probably had to fucking Fight it away After a fight, right?

Did all right sometimes Yeah At times You know what I mean Not Times I do good Yeah I mean you're talking

Vegas chicks Yeah You talk You have to fight chicks Are there Is there a certain Type of girl That like goes for fighters

And all of that Yeah Yeah Nah, I don't know. I don't know. Not really. Yeah. No.

It differentiates. I'm not like a all like tatted up fighter. I bet the tattoo guys go. Right. Right. Tattoo girls are all over the tattoo guys. Right. Yeah.

He does look like Superman. That helps too. Yeah. He's a fucking fantastic looking guy. Yeah. Thank you so much. Jim Norton who knows Jiu-Jitsu. Right.

Yeah. What I mean? What are you doing? Does Jim know Jiu-Zus? Want to come to my after party? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Jim's taking Jiu-Jitsu Whoa

Yeah he has to do Matt finally got him to do it No his wife kicks the shit out of him That's funny Thanks dude So what What kind of hobby would you

Hey thanks for let me know It's funny Hey Appreciate you Okay cool I love you son That's why he doesn't kiss you Because you try to give me

Yeah I go I'm I put my tongue in my dad's mouth here And I go like this Oh Yeah I want to ask for a Zinn. Do you have Zins?

No, I don't do that. That's what I'm looking for over here. You got one? Can I ask a question? So it's kind of relevant to what we were talking about before. You and your big words. Relevant? Yeah, I don't know.

Probably if I don't have him, I'm going to be running in my fucking car. I have some in my bag. Have you ever, so comics sometimes talk about like bringing a date to a show. And often that ends up disastrous in the sense that they'll bomb. It won't get to set the time. thought, have you brought a person you were just new to seeing to a fight that you lost?

That's worse. It's not because I haven't lost. Right. Yeah. It would have been the shit if you said that. It would have been cool, right? Yeah, nobody would have checked either. You wouldn't even check.

It would be like, wow, you never lost. Nah, because I never lost. I've seen one. I'm a fan. What are you doing? Shut up. Stop being the fucking Zen police. Hey

These are good for you It's a good question though What do you think is worse As a fighter Bringing a girl To a thing where you lose the fight Or as a comic Bring a girl

Let me finish the question Before you fucking shaking I'm already there bro Bombing in front of a girl Well I personally think That bombing in comedy is worse Because now she thinks I'm not funny

On top of not being able to protect her I don't think you're going there I'm not only May you get sexually assaulted to Rob tonight I'm not funny I'm also not good at the thing like that you can't even make her feel better

I can't even cheer her up Yeah Yeah you're the reason why she feels bad Plus if you lose a fight She might have like that like Oh I'm going to take care of them put that like ice pack on you and yeah and all that it's yeah it'd have to be like a kill like a ballion effort yeah because it i mean at the end of day it's just you all you see is two people

fighting so i if you like get like stomped out like i i'd known guys who like had like girls like that was like gonna meet them and like got ghosted no shit like and been like yeah like nah dog like i'm not trying to it just makes a guy want to hit the girl that's why i love and i wish i could show you who it was too because he's like the biggest badest blackest motherfucker i know john jones but i can't no no i wasn't jones dante nero he said black that's my that's my biggest blackest no that's leslie jones well good point hey let's you dude do you say eddie jones no no no i said a basketball player uh that's what i was thinking no i want to ask this too what is what's the craziest things ever happened in the fights with you and

I know you probably wouldn't ask this many times, but I... What are you a fucking 11-year-old for Sports Illustrated kids? There's a point to this. It looks the craziest thing that I've ever happened here. You get nervous. No, there's a point to it because he's seen some crazy shit. Sure. And there's a point to it.

I'm leading him into something. Oh, you already know. But there might be something more. You're like Letterman. You're like, so you've seen... You have an answer of his in mind. Yeah, I don't... You're talking to my fights person?

or like when I've like been in someone's corner and like watch yeah anything I mean watching my buddies get knocked out right it's it's such a helpless feeling number one because like you don't like when you're fighting yeah you're nervous you know a little bit all week but you're dealing you've been dealing with it for months right and then all of a sudden like it's like about to walk out and they lock the cage and you're like it's like a very helpless feeling yeah I've had my buddy get he runs around like a pig like yeah I do that I'm Randy Savage and Spider-Man Spider-Man.

It could be a good strategy. But I've had a friend get knocked out and in the ambulance on the way over asking me the same question every six seconds. Oh, God. Because he had no, like,

memory of, like, asking me. Oh, yeah. Like, he's like, I got knocked out in the first minute. And I was like, no, bro, I was like the second round. And he's like,

all right, cool. And then three, two, one. So I got knocked down in the first minute, huh? God, that's brutal, dude. Yeah. Yeah, that's scary. like what like that was the first time i didn't know that was like a thing i remember dealing

that being like what were you talking about we yeah oh shit that's never happened to you though right no no have you you've never been knocked out no i've been dropped i've been put on my ass but what does that feel like when you drop you're like ah shit yeah yeah yeah it's like what was what what was that kind of like a flash that's yeah and it's never happened to me in like practice or anything but in like in the ufc it's happened to me right now i got knocked down in high school i got into a fight i don't even remember the day. And I woke up.

When I got in a consciousness that I remember, I asked my parents because we were in the hospital. I asked my parents. This is a boring story, so I'm trying to make it good. We were in the, guess what are you guys? The hospital. I don't know I'm the only non-commediate in here, but the delivery is good. You said something before that. Sometimes people say funny things.

Can Sag Daddy tell this story? All right. So this is what it is, right? so you know hey yo pause first of all I like I was wearing my do rig

I like you like tag daddy better I like no I like Brendan I like Brandon better yeah don't we all well anyway but long story short I woke up in the hospital and I asked my parents what happened

and they were like so they were like oh my God and I was like what and they were like we just explained it to you for like the fifth time so I got like fully concussed. I love that they were mad at you. They were. They were frustrated. I think they... Yeah, right. They're like, you fucking idiot. That's why your dad don't say he loves you.

Yeah, yeah. He goes, I was just about to kiss you. I don't want to kiss no idiot. If you woke up when your dad was making out with you. Yeah. That's why you blocked out the day. Yeah. It was nothing, but the molestation was just... I got... I got knocked out. I got knocked out, and I woke up four hours later in the hospital.

and my face was rearranged. Like you couldn't recognize me. My lips was so fat and big because I got out of the car and I went, I was getting out, he was behind me with his like high beams on and I got out and I was like, I'll take care of it and I got out.

I'll talk to him. You road rage, isn't it? No, I said I'll talk to him. I was with a girl and I was really loved her. And then high beams came behind me. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? He's like, oh, Louie.

And I was like, fuck. Louis. Oh, it was like her accent. or something? No, her boyfriend that she just broke up with. Louis S.K. He was like, I knew you.

He's like, I'm going to knock you out. I was going to pick it. He goes, I have diarrhea, Bobby. Don't, don't make me knock you out. Have I masturbate in front of you? I'm going to hit you with my thing. I was going to pick another name

because I knew they were fucking going to be 10. You go, Aziz. His name was Patrice. Bobby. God damn, motherfucker. We don't like you. That's my impression.

It was good. I liked it. Oh, thanks. It's not bad. At least you attempt one. Yeah. It's not his style. So, yeah, so I didn't even, I went to, because high beams were on, so I went to turn.

I remember I was squinted because high beams, and I woke up four hours later in the hospital. Oh, shit. And I guess this kid one punched me and knocked me the fuck out and then proceeded to kick my face. with his work boots for the next couple minutes and then she got him off. Brutal, dude. She got me in the car,

which I got a chick referee in this? It's not ideal. She was Puerto Rican. She definitely went home. Oh, right. Okay. What's that? Did she go home with him?

No, she... To calm up down. Yes. I had a manual. Remember manual cars? Yeah, I love those. They don't have them anymore. I got a...

That was her name, a manual. Thank you. Thank you. Give him a very much. Yeah. There you go. Thank you. Pass it over.

Don't keep it. Yeah, so I'm, she got my manual, she didn't have to drive stick. She just ruined all my gears. Granted that shit. But not only did I get this shicking got. I mean, my fucking car was fucked. Oh, my gosh. It's the one you don't see coming.

And like the, you were blinded by the fucking high beams and then he clocked you. He got me. You don't see it. You can't really tighten up and tense to it. I think I was like this, too. Yeah, what the fuck is he? Hit you right here. Dude, and then, and then I woke up in the hospital four hours later.

They just, they let me out. I went back, I had to go back. She lived with her grandma. That's your question. So you, you were, like, slept for four hours? I was out, dude. Fuck. I was out.

That's long. I had to take bone out of my eye and put it in my head. I mean, out of my head and put it under my eye. What? I had to get, like, plastic surgery done for my eye. Jesus, crazy. He broke my orbital bone right here. Yeah.

But the worst part was is she took me back to her grandmother. She lived with her grandmother in this shitty house and I remember on the way house she's like just crying. I'm like, no, you're going to stick on that. Oh my God.

And then she brought me into her grandmother's bedroom and it was just this old lady's bedroom was just lying like I think I want to go home. I had to drive myself home and then go to the hospital again and it was a fucking disaster

and then she never talked to me like no I wouldn't which goes back to what's worse she came over one thing or the losing a fight thing well she came over one time and suck my dick back oh really one last time and then she just then she wound up dating a friend of mine

damn yeah it was hey I was gonna say before about these I asked Dr. Drew because I've been using him for years and he's like I was like so there anything wrong with him and he's like we have nothing negative about them okay said they're a neuroprotector cognitive enhancer prevents like Alzheimer's

and different type of shit like that so and I'm a justifying motherfucker but for that what you went through there is all it's all this stuff well it's funny because now yeah I'm starting to just the nicotine straight yeah now I'm starting to like my brain I'm I'm forgetting shit like weird like it's like this isn't

normal like is that from when I got fucking knocked out. I got hit a bunch. I got in a lot of fights. I got beat up a lot. Yeah. But that one was the worst and I'm like, I was out for four. You know what I? That's why. That's why. Is that a serious? Yeah, am I going to be one of those football players?

I like meatball. Do you walk in your kitchen and forget why? Yeah. I've been doing that since before I was biting too. 80s, man. Maybe I mean, maybe I'm just a little retarded, but I got ADHD too. I'm fine that I've got all this crazy shit now.

And I do, and I'm sober, so I can't do anything about it. I want to smoke weed so bad. Why? What do you mean? That'll make it worse. What does it make it worse? Yeah. I gotta stop talking to Jay.

Oh, he's like, bro, the weed makes your ADD better. Yeah, well, Jay is also, it works for some people, though. Oh, really? Yeah, it's kind of, it gives you, it's almost like giving a cat a laser. It gives you a thing to focus on, so it doesn't necessarily, your brain doesn't go in so many things. Like, I have hardcore, obsessive, compulsive, shit and there's a fine line with weed where it either helps it or it exacerbates it makes it way worse and then i can just fold in on myself and want to die i think i'm kind of the

same i know it like if i were to smoke i'm not like most people are like yeah i smoke and go to sleep i'm not i'm i need i want to run yeah like i need to like move like i'm not chasing me yeah i for real i don't yeah you do weed yeah yeah edible edibles yeah hilarious edibles keep me the up, dude. Yeah, I'm the same way. Would you do a psychedelic experience, or is that completely against it? That's another thing, too. It's completely against it. But that's another thing, too, um, you know, the psychedelic, the, what's the one you go in the jungle and ayahuasca? Yeah, like that type of

shit is like, wow, I quit when I was 15 because it was so bad, but it's like, you know, I, I, like going to do ayahuasca would be like a cool thing to do to go out and experience whatever fucking realm you'd go into. Right. Well, it also confronts you with a lot of your shit. So you'd probably, because people use it for that to break addiction. Yeah. I don't know how to say it and always, I get killed for it, but it's Iblegain or ebolgine or something like that. Buddy, I didn't know half the words you said. You think my podcast, people are like, they're using the wrong words. But that's one

where they would like send people to the desert, do a ceremony and it would start them on their like quitting heroin forever. It's like one of the few things. that has a real, like, statistical, this thing works if you've heard the same thing properly. Yeah. Yeah, but I would like to go into another play. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, Ari talks about doing shrooms.

He talks about, you know, doing psychedelic and going to another world. Yeah. That'd be fucking wild. Yeah, that would be crazy. Yeah. You never did anything like that. I mean, you were four when you were doing it when you were drinking. Yeah.

No, we did. You stopped when you were 15? When I was 15. But we did Coke. We did mask. We did, you know... Mesculin is kind of a hard-core psychedelic, though. Yeah, it was all right, but it wasn't, it wasn't like another realm.

We just giggled a lot. Yeah, yeah. We did a thing called tea, which is not around anymore, or it might be something that is around that they call something else. But it was a little yellow pill, and it fucking made you feel like you drank, like, three bottles of whiskey. Was it like a medical pill? Is it? That's an antipsychotic that I've... Because there's-serichuil.

Stuff like the lauded and shit like that, which is a little yellow paper. I don't know what it was. We called it tea in Boston. I would go get a hit a tea and like a rack of talls. You guys just love tea out there. It was weird. I don't know what it is now. The train, tently.

I wish somebody would tell me what that drug was or what it became because it was a thing I did all the fucking time. And I used to get, fuck it. Dude, I used to wake up in places. Like, I would just go. would just black out on tea. And if I drank with tea, goodbye. Yeah. And I would, I would just wake up and be like, where the fuck am I, man?

I woke up with my friend's car and these other two dudes I know stole it. And I was just in the back seat and they couldn't get me out, so they just left me in the back. That's crazy. Yeah, they were just driving. Like, if you fucking telling us, we'll beat the fuck out of you. I was like, I don't even know. You're good.

That might never have happened, but I still don't know. Well, there are a little. Like, if you take DMT, you could go to another whole other world. Like, Shane Moss, that comic, he talks about that a lot. Yeah. About, like, meeting the purple lady. You probably know more about the sign of the feminine. What?

When I was on DMT. What do you call it? But you lose your body. So you lose the divine. You lose Bobby and you just become something that can observe the infinite. And it's, I don't know, man. Talking about this is so quefy. It does sound fucking.

I got a little change of pacer. Um, when you're talking about the Willy Wonka, and, and then you were talking about, uh, like, you were joking about, like, drugging your wife because her vagina was dead. Okay. No, it's, it's not dead. It's dying. Barry at the pet cemetery. We're doing stuff, though. Wait, I had a friend. Her pussy's in a hospice. Yeah.

I had a friend who, uh, thought he, he gave his, uh, wife the clap. Right? Mm. So his plan. Was it the 70s? who's my terminology I don't know who's got the clap I feel like if you haven't gotten

the clap you're like a pussy Yeah Comedia If your dick hasn't got wards or crabs You're not taking up chances Yeah You're too fucking sissies So his plan

His plan was to Have butt sex with her And to put a fucking pill On the tip of his dick And I'll sneak it in there. Yeah. Sneak it in there. I don't know.

That's almost like you're like having a farm horse medicine. Yeah. That's crazy. That's actually a good idea. I haven't thought about that in years, but yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. It's not me.

It's not me. It's definitely a fat. I think that is a good idea, to be honest. You like that. It's not a bad idea, right? Yeah. Where would you put the pill, though? You'd just couch.

I don't know if like, yeah, when you're lubing or something, I don't know. I don't like that you know the terminology for this process. Would you couch it? In the crease? Well, you know what I mean, right before you put it in her ass, you take your thumb and you put the pill there and then you kind of like, you know what I mean? I feel like that was hurt. Imagine getting busted, too. She was like, what's that?

Yeah. If you had an uncircumstized thing, you could do it really like a... Oh, you toss it in the thing. Like a syringe. You just put it in it as your skin goes back, it just comes out. You can also probably just crush it up and, like... Give it to her in, like, tea or something like that. Like, you don't have to, like, shove it up her ass.

I know, I know. You can probably say, hey, want to buy this. Yeah, yeah, you go, here's some water, you know. You just put it in a store. Hey, babe, I got you a glass of water. Drink it. It's cloudy. Is there a pill in here?

Don't come and fuck me in the ass. All right, Bill. You're like Bill Cosby? Yeah, exactly. Now, let's talk about Bill Cosby for a second. Yes, right on time. I he was he alive yeah he's alive but here's the thing he's out right he was drugging women I think back when it was okay to drug them right I think when people cared less about it I don't know legally it was probably still frowned upon I don't think anybody yeah really yeah that's actually a good point because it's like they didn't start hearing about it till many years later right yeah when it became not an okay thing well and also sometimes you got to become the guy that they make the rule after you know what I mean like there's got to be some reason for why the rule exists so it's like

Like, you know, maybe Cosby is the reason why there's an anti-drugging women law. Yeah. Well, I mean, there probably was one, there wasn't a, there probably wasn't a law back then. But he, people talked about that all the time, Spanish Fly. It's a Beastie Boys song. Yeah. It was like a thing that you could do. Is it like a date rape thing?

Spanish Fly? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know either. They would go to a store. Ask him as he knows. I don't know. They don't know.

Brendan doesn't know the chain does. The chain is telling me. The chain is telling me. Saddaddy, tell us what it's it. You go to a store. Go to a stove. You go down to the market. You get followed around by the Asian cashier.

Yeah, you know how it is. Yeah, sorry, I have to readjust to come back down. No, but you go to a store and you'd get like a pill or something. Like you'd ask for it, right? Okay, yeah. We could just. There you go. Read that.

Hey, what about tea, Danny. I'm so curious what tea is. What does it say? say, Mike, read it. Stop reading it in your own head. The chemicals derived from blister beetles and is notable for a sexual stimulant. I thought Cosby was passing the chicks out, like,

giving him just like date rape, trying to make a pause sleep. That is what it is. So it's like essentially a roofie. A Spanish fly is like a roofie. A Spanish fly thing was just a conversation between him and Larry David, where they both were kind of yucking it up about how that was just what boys did. Yeah. And then the drugging thing. Larry David.

Cosby and Larry David. Larry King. Larry King, the interviewer. Larry King, no, I think it was like David Letterman. That was an episode of Seinfeld. You remember that one? Yeah, Jerry, Spanish fly. Jerry, I put a Spanish fly in a drink.

Now, 60 years later, she's trying to get me a rest in it. Two hundred years ago, they would have hug you, I'm sorry, now. These words. Well, you don't put a fly in a drink. Have cereal. How can a fly? I be Spanish. What makes it Spanish?

What does it say L buzz? Is the pill spicy? Do they have a Greek fly? What about a Jewish fly? All right. I've never seen an elephant fly. It becomes the racist

crows from Dumbo. I ain't never seen no dragon fly. Play the tape We're going to go to commercial I haven't used this in a long time The Bombana Oh I've heard about that thing Oh well there it is

Wow Gorgeous Wow It fits I do believe though Like if you Like I was doing so much damage Back of the day

And I got so much weird shit on my dick I remember when I got warts I was almost proud I was like that's right brother that's crazy just rolling in deep how do you cure that you don't you do so you still have warts yeah is a ninja turtle

no no you get them uh burnt off I mean well they used to burn them off then they now they freeze them off oh interesting yeah you freeze them off you did what they do is they take you in a room it's embarrassing as shit and they rub a blue dye on your

dick and like a black light so they can see it under a black light and they all they show and then they just they free him off. Whoa. Yeah. I bet that hurts so.

I had, oh, dude, it sucked and it's embarrassing. The last time I went was like 15 years ago. Thank God. They haven't come back. But I think you do keep them for life. Yeah, they'll pop up when you're stressed. I would have them all the time.

Well, I went into the thing and the guy, I had one little nugget, and I went into the guy and I had a little tiny, he was like, here, put this, he gave me a napkin, like, a medical napkin goes here put this over you get naked put you take your pants i put this over so i put it over there but it was so small like my dick was like a little and i was really fat at the time so i'm like he's never gonna see this so i was trying to stretch you know he freezes off your cock buddy i was sitting there i was sitting there you go not that wart i was rubbing it trying to get it going and it ripped through the ripped through the napkin and then it was just my my bush fat my little mushroom sticking out and the doctor walking he's like whoa

hey, and he shut the door. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I, and then he walked in. He's like, I was fluffing. He goes, he goes, pull it and stretch it out. And I was like, what? He's like, make it, stretch it. Pull it and stretch it.

So I just started jerking off. And he's like, no, no, no. Just stretch it out. I'm just going to see it. I was like, should I get it bigger? And he's like, no, you just got to. And he just came over and grabbed my cock and stretched it and was like, and sprayed the little shh.

And he took wherever. Yeah, yeah. Do you know who you got it from? Yeah. Your mom. Um, no. No, because I mean, I know who I got crabs from when I got crabs. What do you?

That's crazy. Crabs? You had crabs and warts? I had crabs at like 21. Is crabs still right? Oh, my God. You're like a, you haven't heard about that. I don't think crabs are, I haven't heard anybody get crabs anymore.

But, uh, yeah, I got to. from this redhead yeah we we fucked we fucked at a playground like at midnight and then uh the next day the next day i had him and i was like fuck damn they're quick and i worked with this girl too i i had to go in and be like yeah man i got crabs and she's like you got crabs i was not from me you yeah i didn't have it yes yeah now i have them you got them trim that fucking red snatch you as and put some stuff on it You worked with her? Where'd you work with her? I'm not going to tell you that, because that's too, that's too, you can, I can figure out

who it was. It was, Kathy Griffin. She's definitely had crabs. For sure. She's hot. Are they around anymore? Pause. Kathy Griffin is not hot.

What the fuck did you just say? I mean, she's not hot. I think she's hot. Maybe not hot now. Bring up a picture of Kathy Griffin. Just look up Kathy Griffin and not one specific picture. Without makeup. No, no, no, don't do that.

No, don't do that. Because then you'll win your case. Kathy Griffin looks like she's looking into a muffler as a car backfires. Don't look up one photo, though. Just go to the images on Google. No, because you can't have some of her at like a thing. Now, yeah, she's kind of hot. Bring up that one over to the right.

The third one from the right. Yeah, right there. Yeah, of course, when she looks like Pennywise. That's what she looks like. Buddy, she wears wigs. She is the same hair line. Are you out of your? You are, that looks like Lenny Marcus.

Like the second one, she looks... The second one's not too bad. You're crazy. Yeah, no, second one, she looks good. That third one, that's crazy. There's a picture of her when she was dating Jack Black. You think everybody's dead.

Oh, but did she have a fan of her? She dated Jack Black. She dated Jack Black when they were like, before they were famous. Yeah, when she was fucking younger, dude. Right now, she's a trotian. Yeah. She was cute on Seinfeld when she was on Seinfeld.

And she was cute on Seinfeld and she was on Seinfeld. Yeah, but now look at her. We're talking about right now. That's not cute. That's fucking nuts. She's cute in the... Jack Black was cute back then, too. I mean, we're all...

He was. He was. Do you guys know Michael Madsen's dead? Yeah, of course. I missed that one. I just found out this week. What are you? What do you...

Cuts off the ear and... Oh, yeah. That's so sad. I miss that. I just found out I've been mourning them this week. That dude ruled. What sucks about it is because it's... 10th movie he would have definitely been in, which

you know, he's been in pretty much all his movies, and he's always great. Yeah. But now, I mean, that sucks. He's not going to be in the last one. Do we know what that movie's going to be? Yeah. It's about this guy, this Kung Fu Master who got crabs. No,

I don't know. We can look that out. I was going to be about a critic, but then he like bailed on that entire movie. Yeah, yeah. And then, I don't know. He was going to do a Vega Brother movie with Trevolta and Michael Madsen

Oh, that'd be cool But it didn't happen Because they got too old Yeah It was gonna be like a Michael Madsen was the shit In a fucking free willie He was the dad

Was the dad What? Yeah I know No shit He had I think he had a house In Malibu too

They go wiped out Dang One of those ones Which sucks to Your dad dies Now you don't even have The fucking Now you don't get the

You don't get the house He was in a ton of video games Too Like he like voiced A bunch of video games I was in a video game GTA Nice

I played the Which one? Mob, I think it was two or five I was Two Didn't even have any voice Two or five Would you play the fucking

Fire hydrant It was two or five Nice I hate you I'll get you wet I was a bald Fat mobster They're guys killed

On the toilet Ticket Oh that's cool Yeah And I got in trouble At Rockstar videos Can you pull that out Why?

Because I fucking I banged a moon We were in a sound room with the glass And I cracked my ass At one of the guys across the way And on a female employee Walked by at the same time Oh, dang

Well, it was before this all bullshit happened You know, and you can't fucking Rovey the bridge anymore Yeah, yeah, yeah So I didn't get, if it happened now I would have been fucking Right You ain't getting shit, fuck you

You know, I did it Get another fat comic to do this voice But then it was a yeah dude You gotta relax You know Just bang her Remember you could bang moons. You can't bang moons anymore.

I don't know when you could. I got kicked off the basketball team for doing that on the bus. You did? Yeah. Maybe you learned the hard way. Yeah, learn the hard way. Really? Yeah, out the back of the bus.

Every movie ever. They let me back on for playoffs, though. Every movie ever, they would always have guys sticking their asses in a bus window or something. I used to spread my cheeks, though. Oh, all my moons were assholes. You had great ass here? That's a that's a uranus Yeah it was really tough

You're a gray ass here at 13 I actually have a great picture Dane has it Where my first week in L.A. We went to Venice Beach You mean Dane from Alan the Monkeys? Yeah That's the funniest place to know him from

It's right behind you Oh I literally looked over to get the name right you thought he had a reference yeah I thought that was great no he's Kaiser Soze in jokes you mean

YKWD podcast um no he I went to the beach Venice Beach and there was these three girls sitting there and I walked up

and I pretended I was from another country I was like hello I hear in Hollywood who see movies and you mind

if I take a picture and they were like no great and they all perked up and they were all like, you know, cute girls. And then I just turn around and just whack my ass out.

So he has this picture of me, which is my fucking asshole. And these three girls, like, but the one girl in the end's like, she just caught it. Like, ah, that's so funny. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. I did that once. I pretended when I was in my early 20s and I was celebrating St. Patrick's Day,

there was a big long line to the bathroom at a bar and I pretended to be mentally disabled, unfortunately. to get to the front of the line I just kind of I Kaiser Sozade backwards I went into it I went like and literally like I'm like

walking to the bathroom and and one of the guys online goes hey man there's a line and the girl was with him goes it's okay it's all right she like totally fell for it and then I went in the bathroom when I looked in the mirror and I went

suckers and then I peed and before I left I went I went show talk I did that for a while, too. No, when I used not that, not that extreme, I didn't go full retard. I, when I hurt my knee back in the day, I had a knee brace, and I, one time I was going to the airport, and they were like, you know, you can go through the thing.

I was like, oh, so I used to travel with my knee brace. Smart. And especially when I went to Vegas, because Vegas is the worst airport in the fucking world through security. That was before TSA. You were first class crew or you were fucking disabled. We got through that line. And I fucking used to wear my knee brace. And I would have to wear it like through security to the plane, on the plane.

Oh. And then as I'm leaving, I'd slowly just start walking normal. Ripped that shit off What's that motherfuckers? There's a little sad daddy and all of us Bobby's Ocean 11 Yeah Yeah

Dude fucking wow What the things we do To get what we want I know Yeah I remember I told the girl I can't tell this This is bad

We're getting 2K You got me all whipped up With the sex stuff Yeah I'll tell it I remember I was up in Monterey at this shit club club Gemini

and these two Italian guys owned it and I remember my friend got me a gig there and I was living at L.A. at the time and he's like listen, they're two Italian guys they pretend like they're in the mob but don't look at their hair. I was like why he goes they both wear wigs

but it's the same exact wig and the twin brothers and it's like a punk rock wig. He shouldn't have told you all that. It's like spiked and I was like exactly there because I met him I'm like hey looking at their shoes They had Spike

Like flogga seagulls Oh my God Kaja Gougu Remember to Shasha Hush, hush Remember that Spike? It was

And they were like Hey, how you doing Welcome to the club And I just wanted to go Fuck yeah Dude Up to your wig Dude

The comic It was like dude That was fucking 20 years ago man How bad did you want to say it on stage Oh my fucking Lord And I remember I was up there And I was in this hotel

And this girl came back And she She wanted to get an audition for S&L She was She was like I was like, yeah man I could fucking hook that up Wow

I think I met Jay Moore Like five times at this point And he was like killing on us I was like yeah man I'm friends with Jay Certainly Jay would pass this on to Lorne So I remember she was Grab my carger

And just before she put it in a much, she goes, you really could get me an audition? I go, I can absolutely try. I mean, who knows? And she's like, I was like, fuck. What's she doing now? She's actually on S&O. Yeah. It was, uh, no.

Jenny Slate. I was trying to think of a name. But I use Leslie Jones, so I couldn't do that one. Leslie Jones would have been such a good name. I know. I think Leslie Slate was way better. Jenny Slate. Leslie Slate.

Whatever a fucking name is. She said, fuck on S&L. Yeah. One of the two. Who did? And she got fired for it. In her first season.

Yeah, Jenny Slate. Yeah. It was her first and last. I mean, she did like two episodes. Why did she, how do you mess that up? Because I think the line was trucking and she went fucking. Wow. Good thing the line wasn't trigger.

Yeah. Um, uh, dude, I love that watch, by the way. Who's is that? My grandfather's. What I tell you today? What I fucking tell you. I was telling him. You were telling me about watches.

Can I say something? This is just like my grandfather's watch, too. When he passed away, men used to wear every man. Can I try it on? Please. If his grandfather possessed me. You're a cock, shucko. What are you doing?

Bob's doing character work? Wow, that's fucking great. My grandfather has the same watch, like the same band like this. Yeah, I was telling him earlier. It's like you don't need to get a Rolex. you just got to get a good timepiece and you're going to hand that down to your son

and your grandson is going to be this is Papa's watch which is crazy Papa. Papa, yeah, that's going to call you by the way. I like that. Yeah, do you like Papa? You're going to have nobody to give anything to that's sad dad is going to be on Pond Stars. I'm going to be the first American with a pyramid.

I'm going to be like in a pyramid. Nicholas with all my PlayStation. Nicholas Cage has one. No way, really? Shut your face. His backyard. Yeah, I think he turned it into like a religious temple. That he held his like T-Rex head in or something like that.

But he planned to have it as a mausoleum. Think of all the stuff that could be getting pulled up, you know, since the Jenny Slate, since this, you know, all this stuff. But the tea. I'm still dying to know what T is, man. I want to know what T is. Yeah. Look up T. See if you can find a drug from the 80s. We asked that 50 minutes ago, man.

I know, but Danny's autistic. Joe's back there. Danny's probably left to go do a set. Is Danny here? I'm proud of Danny. I met Danny at Costco. Jimmy's been gone from West Jersey years ago. Danny's been gone for an hour.

He was a greeter. Is he not here? What did you say? I met Danny came up to me at Costco. He greeted me. He's like, hi, welcome the Costco. Care for a Tostitos. You guys don't know that?

No, what happened? No, he like came up to me. It was like, yo. I guess he didn't say, yo. he was looking at the ground going high No, he was actually pretty He was very personable Stop it, we know him

Stop fucking saying I'm impressed Especially, you know, knowing him more and more Really? So he said Came up, he was very outgoing Really?

Yeah, he was like, hey, hey, you're Mickey, blah, blah. Yeah, and then he invited me to a bunch of comedy shows And really? Yeah, that's hilarious. Did you go to any of those shows? I might have gotten to one of them.

I was in Florida, so I missed a few. But I appreciate the advice man i'm a i'm a fan of comedy yeah i'm a fan of mhm a dude i've been a fan since uh uh ufc one when you're ogy when it was the best i went the last one i went to was ufc 100 oh that's when opie and anthony was fucking killing it and you could just you know oh norton was like you want to go out of the thing i was yeah you guys were on top of the world well that's when norton didn't know anybody like we would walk around and i'd be like that's uh leota machita he's the champion that's john jones he's probably going to be a champion

someday and I just but I would introduce him to everybody because he's like who's that? He's he somebody and I'm like yeah because you know he loves he love UFC love fighting but he didn't know anybody was and then I would have to I would have to I would have he saw somebody getting gloves signed

and then he just went and bought 30 pairs of UFC gloves and he made me go up to everybody and go will you sign my friend's gloves for him and I remember he walked up to was it Anderson Silva No, it was the ax murderer. Vandale.

Vandale Silver, who's not a pleasant person. That's the guy who fought Chale, right? No, that's Anderson Silver. No, but in tough, remember when... Oh, yeah, you're right. I can't let you get clothes. Oh, yeah, that was awesome. I saw that video.

He made me walk up... The guy who comes in a minute later. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I also have seen that. He made me walk up to him. That's what rules. he's sitting there eating he looks angry all the fucking time yeah he's literally the axe murderer he walked and he walked in angry like where's my foot you know with that brazilian accent

and he's sitting down he takes a bite and i and i walk i go hey could you you guys were in the green room when they had green rooms shit yeah yeah it was at the fan they don't have that anymore since covid they just send us fucking home it was the fan fest you know the big uh the big uh in the uh showroom the day before they oh okay okay where they have all the you know the company and the fighters are there signing stuff and we were in the back VIP room where all the fighters would come to take a break

and but there was Norton and me not taking a break because you're gonna sign something oh dude they didn't want us there at all and I walked up because when I eat my lunch so then he was just sitting there obsessing like just watching Vindelais Silver

eat his lunch and Vandle kept looking back. It's an asshole move what's he there for? He's there to meet and greet no that was his back private room where he was away from everybody. Yeah. This is like Bobby getting mad at an autistic skank fest person in the cigar

hut that you're like trying to keep out. But he's sitting there and he wants access. He shouldn't have been in there. Yeah. We shouldn't have been there. Yeah. And you shouldn't be bugging the axe murderer when he's enjoying his protein. Is Jim still doing the unfiltered show? I know he's doing the UFC show.

I don't know. But that's the thing is he became more knowledgeable about the sport that I did after time. He just knew everything about it. He loves UFC. I want to go to one. I've never been to one. Let's go.

I want to go to a bare knuckle also. My buddy just went to the one where Harry fought and he said it was fucking awesome. I don't want to do that. Have you ever done that? No, I followed Mike Perry, but I didn't, I've never done bare knuckle. I'd like to do bare knuckle MMA.

What? Yeah, with MMA bare knuckle. No way, dude. Would you tape? Are you allowed to tape if they're bare knuckle? You have to tape a little bit. You have to tape a little bit. Yeah, I don't, I think they,

They tape, like, the wrists, but not the knuckles. I think they leave the knuckles there. What about dirty boxing? Is that something different? Yeah, so dirty boxing, you're allowed to throw, like, elbows and, like, clinch a little bit. Yeah. So that changes you, too.

Isn't it like tie boxing? I think. Isn't it like tie boxing? So tie boxing is, it's eight weapons. Excuse me. It's, like, fists, elbows, knees, and shins kicks. I can't wait until they allow actual weapons. Yeah.

It just becomes the Roman Coliseum again. And they're like, UFC presents lions. They're doing some sort of like John Wick like then, where people wear suits. And like you can go and like if you, if you can get like certain weapons and shit. I haven't seen it.

But someone just tell me about this. But like I don't think, I don't think it's your, like I think you have a gun. And if you go like get space and like pull the trigger you're like you win. You know what I mean? It's like a laser gun. Yeah, but it's like a fake.

You know what I mean? Like not, not for real. I feel cool, though. They do this other, like, where it's really, like, no rules. It's, like, a bunch of, like, Polish dudes fight in, like, who are, like, street fighters or whatever. And they're fighting on, like, concrete, like, so there's, you know, you can knee them in the head on the ground, all that shit.

I saw a dude lose to eye-gouging. Oh. Which, like, any, like, trained fighter, you just take the hands off your eyes. Right. Yeah, yeah. Screaming. What do I do? Like Game of Thrones, dude.

Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. You know what my favorite thing is, and I see it on the once in a while, it's got to be a rush or somewhere like that, where it's one big guy just fighting three chicks. Oh, yeah. And it's just, he's just booing the shit out of women.

That's my uncle. Yeah, that's fucking funny, dude. I like the fucking Russian ones where they're, like, having a way in, and they just straight up how a bare-knuckle argument fights in the middle of the play-ins. And they just... You've seen the ones in, like, armor? like yeah they do fights on like swords and armor and shit it's all that shit I like the backyard brawl

like all that shit street beefs and yeah yeah have you ever had somebody like be an asshole to you during like that time where you're supposed to be like doing the shit like this and like you know promoting the fight and all that you know like the stair downs yeah like the stair downs you know what some people are like this I know nothing about it I'm like yeah yeah um no not really not really I've been ready for it

I get those videos like Mike Perry and he He, like, he tried pantsing a dude one time and shit. And I was like, I was like, if he fucking touches me, I'm hitting him in the face. Like, you know what I mean? Just staying ready. Didn't the guy's cock come out once? What? I don't know.

Like, in UFC. Yeah, it goes, no. I know. I thought someone's pulling something out. Didn't the guy's cock come out? Like, I'm pretty sure in the UFC, the guy wore, like, the tight little shorts before they made you wear, like, a uniform almost. And he forgot to wear underwear. And the guy grabbed his thing.

It's just wangue. Oh, my God. That happened in the NFL Combine. Oh, really? Dude, took a spill, and his pants just came down. It was like 12 inches of dick hanging on TV. That sucks. 12 inches of dick.

We got to wrap it up, too. But I want to know, what's your favorite win that you got? My favorite win? It'll be the next one. But, uh... I don't know. Maybe Sage North Dakota. That was badass.

I love that, dude. Yeah. Maybe Sage North Dakota was a fun one. Yeah. I hope they used that, like, what you just said in, like, TikToks, you know, like the motivational TikToks. You know, like, you say that thing, and then it's like, boom, dick, yeah, you know, followed by Teddy Atlas being like, we're firemen, we go towards the fire. What are you getting out of your bags, silly? I just watched that today.

This is a little treat for myself. A little edible. Oh, is it an edible? Yeah. You're getting nervous? We're about to wrap up. You're going to make it go down? Make it go down.

Well, the guy that he's talking about, he was, like, physically. specimen. Can you put that down? Look at this. Oh, Sage Northcut? Yeah. Yeah, good-looking young dude. But didn't he just go to Dagestan? Like, he actually took them up on that? He, well, he got, he got, he got, he got fucking, he got hit so hard, it fucking broke his

face. Yeah, he, and he, but he was like, uh, you know, he was like the perfect looking fighter and was beating the shit out everybody. And then he just got fucking, he got his face broken. And he's, I haven't seen him back since. I mean, I guess

It's so fun to watch that. He's made a couple attempts that coming back. Yeah. Who you talking about? Sage. Sage. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he fought a tough dude down in one Cosmo Alexander who busted his face. I think I cracked it. You were, like, yeah, like opening the thing. I loosened it for you. You were the first iceberg in the Titanic? Exactly. Yeah, I got it. Cracked that thing open a little bit, but.

And who else did you fight? So I got very popular and like half-ass famous because I beat C.M. Yeah, who was a very, like, famous professional wrestler. That was what I was trying to get you before. But I was trying to lead him like a good host. Like Letterman, yeah. But then I basically had to go, did you fight Siam Punk? Yeah.

Fucking asshole, I suck at this. Look in my eyes. Did you do that when you had him in a fucking start singing his wrestling theme song? Tell me what you see. I was, I was more nervous for that fight. Really? Yeah, just because if I did any, like, if I let him do one positive thing, I was like, I, like, let down the sport.

Like, I have to, like, represent. Yeah. Right. So, uh, I also had, I had 16 stitches. I just got two weeks before the fight. So I was like, even if, if I let this dude, like, touch me. What did you get caught cheating? Say again?

You get caught cheating. A headbutton practice. Fucking crazy. Yeah, head butt, split me open. But, uh, the doctor's like, you know, it's like, you can't fight. He's like, a gust of wind will open you up. It touches you. And I was like, this is like the biggest fight of my life.

All right. Like, I need this. do this. I ended up fighting twice in four months. Doctor said I shouldn't fight for six and then Sage hit me with a little gusel wind and oh, I got eight more in it. Yeah, but I was nervous as hell just because like if I can just imagine. Like, I was

like, I'd have to find something new to do. Right. If, like, you know what I mean? If you lost it, punk, man. Yeah. You would be a bad look. Even if you got blood out of you. That's the thing. It's like, even if, like, I killed them, like, and, like, squash them in two minutes like I did, if like, I bust them up and they're like, yeah, yeah, but

like, look at your face, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I I'd have to be like, no, no, I got those before. Was there, was, was, was he good at all? Oh, no, not really. Really? Not really. Is there, there's levels to this, always want to say that? Well, like, is Brock Lesner, isn't Brock Lesnar, like, good at you?

Yeah, but he wrestled, he was legit. Oh, really? He was, yeah, he was a, he was a, the champion wrestler. He's scary. Yeah, he's huge, and he also knows how to just wrestle. Wrestling is like a big, that foundation is just, you know. Moves, like a big, but then when he started fighting, when he started fighting some dudes, man, who don't give a fuck about that.

He got his ass whooped. You know what I mean? Yeah. And now he's wrestling again. So there you go. All right. Listen, man. We're going to wrap this up.

We're going to go to Patreon. So you people... We got Patreon questions for all these guys. So if you want to ask questions to the fans, to the guests, and you want to see those questions be easy answered, go to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. And I want to thank all your Patreon fans to be in a fan. And also, I want to thank you guys for watching this on YouTube and listening to it.

just hit the subscribe button and the like button would be fantastic if you enjoy this episode uh because they don't push my shit out dang you're shadow band yeah shadow band a k a not popular i'm so funny i have a podcast i haven't done it in a year since my daughter's been born yeah uh but my boy's like yeah we're so shadow man i'm like do maybe people just not care yeah that's what My wife said to me, maybe they're not into it. Maybe you try another one. So I did four more. And apparently they're into the regs.

I listen. I listen to the regs. Yeah, me too. Me too. People love the regs. You guys are just so great together all four of you. Yeah, I know. I wish they stuck around.

What do you mean? They all went. DeRosa keeps calling me, they're not the regs. I'm the regs. That's true. He is. He's the first one. It would have been me and him.

And Bailey J. Wasn't that what YKWD was? it was you and Joe. Just me and Joe DeRosa. The original was me and Colin. Me, Robert Kelly, is sometimes Colin Quinn because he wouldn't do it.

Once everything, now go fuck yourself. I don't like fuck a hot guy. It was before a podcast. I don't like it. If I wanted to talk into a microphone, I'd just get on stage. Let's go.

Oh, this is my date. This is my dates. Just go to punchup. Dot live slash Robert Kelly. That's it. That's where my dates are. Please. Yeah, come on it, dude.

Hang out. Yeah, if I'm still in town, I'm supposed to go back to Florida. But if I'm still in town, They're December 5th or 6th. That means no. That means I'm not. No, I'm trying to do some seminars.

Well, I'm telling, all next month I'm doing them. So I'm trying to... Like you asked before, all I've done is, like, fighting. Yeah. But that's enough for, like, a single man. But with a wife and kid, I got to do more. So I've got to figure out some more ways. My kid has been studying with Ego Gracie for the last four years.

I don't know shit. Yeah, over in Eastchester. He's got a couple schools over there. Okay. Eastchester? Yeah, Eastchester. I never knew that. I thought it was just Westchester.

Me too. You'll learn new things every day. Dude, I was just trying to figure out of your being sincere. I didn't know where you're going to be before you're fucking. Is it live? This is right now. I'm going to be in Chicago this weekend. So the 24th and 25th, I'll be at Zanies downtown.

Come on out to that four shows. Love that place. Then I'll be in Stanford, Connecticut, Thursday, October 30th. And then I got a show in the New York Comedy Festival. You got to go to the, uh, the, uh, the, noodle place right by the club where the fuck in chicago no in uh in uh stanford oh yeah right has it the noodle oh god it's my favorite what a fact guy i filmed my special there yeah oh good traumatized animal oh that's also available on youtube if you care to check it out go check that out

everything he does go check it out what do you got uh my podcast sag daddy to pod and also uh me and mike just started a new podcast that's right called fart carnival on the gas digital network so um on the gas Digital Network. I love that. That's awesome. Yeah, look at it. That's good. And so check that out.

It's a fun show. And start in first week in November. Yeah. Great. With Feeney. He's dead. He died. He died.

He died. He didn't want to be a part of the show. Yeah. Well, it's because of the word farts in it. He's like, that's not my brand. Excuse me. I'm moving to Austin. I'm moving to Austin.

I'm getting more homemade for my hair. What do you got, brother? I'm at Mickey Gall M-I-C-E-Y-G-A-L-L and I'm going to be doing seminars so if you want to come learn a cool kill-move, fight move I can teach it to anybody. Really? Yeah, check me out.

Maybe I'll take my son. I'd love to have them, take care of him. I would fucking love that. Lewis's son came to my last seminar. Lewis's son is no joke. Yeah. I love that kid. They've both been doing jiu-jitsu.

Lewis's son a little longer, but Lewis does jihitsu, and we were over at his house rolling. and they were kids were rolling one day. And Lewis's kid, I remember he looked at his father and he went, he just nodded, he goes, yes. And then he just tapped Max out. Flimp and Max's like, ha! All right, guys, you're the best fans in the world.

Joe, what do you got besides fucking goofy posture? You can check out the cheese show on YouTube. It's a show about cheese with my wife. And Danny is, I don't know where he is, but he's just said someone puked in the audience when he was on stage and he's on his way back. Yeah, because of his act. How's Danny doing?

He's the cum king, dude. The cum king? Yeah, his whole act is about cum. Is it about cum? A lot of cum. Really? He has a lot of com. I want to see it.

I want to see it. Yeah, what he eats. Are you doing another show downstairs? No. Oh. There's another podcast coming in here. Oh, got you. Do you have any more questions?

You want to ruin the fucking outro? No. Okay. Anyways, make sure you check out, Danny. He's going to be with me this weekend at Side Sputters. Thursday tickets still available, unfortunately. And I told Jay, I was like, dude, I got tickets available Friday, second show.

He's like, oh, they're going to add a Sunday show. Well, thanks for the help. Thanks for the pepcock, fuckface. Glad you're doing well. Oh, God, I hope you're playing crashes. I hope he has 18 sold out shows and he has 18 sold out shows and he never gets to use that. You're talking Big Jay? He's the best.

He's the funny. It's funny as half. One of the fastest, funniest comedians on the planet. Hard to get a word in edgewise lately, but. Yeah. Do a show with him. I love Jason So we'll see you guys next time on

You know what, dude