Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #612 | Devon Hall, Waldo Maldonado, & Mike Sicoli | Bacon Fest

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

Devon, Waldo, And Mike join the pod to discuss Easton, PA's Baconfest and Devon's new boyfriend Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code DUDE at https://www.ridge.com/DUDE #Ridgepod #sponsored #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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it's you know what dude sent you that's it ridge dot com yeah baby we're starting the podcast right now we're back you know what dude live welcome everybody to the show i started the social media podcast the fact the YKWD podcast YKWD is back again old school back in the day where it all started before them all my KD this podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules shut up you're ruining this for the Bargana man sorry it's a comedy podcast this isn't NPR that's what this podcast does is there any better show this is the original original what's up everybody we're back y k wd at the comedy seller studios above the world famous comedy seller and we have a show for you tonight it's the bacon fest boys that's right i went to bacon

fest this weekend and these are the boys that were there some of them not all of them we have uh waldo maldoni is here uh starnie uh huh uh huh Vanar Media Rough, yeah. Starnie, it says Starney presents popping off, right? Starring, yeah. Starry, yeah.

Okay, well, Danny's writing. He writes like a fuck. Did you write it? Yeah, good. You write like a child. Wait, you wrote yourself credits? Oh, man. How do you want to?

Mike's credits. Mike, we have Mike Sikoli. Is here a special. He has a special called Prom King. And then we have, Devin, he's gay. Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.

Did you write that down? Yeah, he wrote it down. It's right there. I'm just reading. It's just gay on there. Thank you, credit to mine. This is Devin gay. Yeah, that's what I read.

That does kind of sum it up. It does sum it up. No, of course, Devin Hall is here. Thank you. Yeah, dude. And just the clever, it is Waldo Maldonado. And he works for Vander Media, which is Gary Veed, or Gary Vee's thing. Gary Veter?

Not the famous director. your comic slash opener I do not want to Gary Veter Do not Gary Veter doing Gary Vee you gotta just wake up every day and believe you do things

that other make other people uncomfortable What is it? What is this guy? Vaynerchuk Do you know Gary Vaynerchuk? I don't I'm not in this business whatsoever

He's a He owns a What? He's not a comic He's like a self-help Shut up and let him talk you I mean advertising He's failing

He's an advertising agency Okay Oh I know him I know who he is. He actually, he's, he's not, you called him a failed what? No, no, no, he's failing and explaining. Oh, he's failing and, okay. I don't, this man has, you went, who, you went, I love this guy.

He has multitudes. This guy is fucking amazing. He's great. I want to get him on the, on the podcast. Yeah, why are you guys here? Danny, what are you booking? You're booking Bacon Fest Boys and not fucking, what's his name? Van Arimene.

Vaynerchuk. Vaynerchuk. I mean, that guy is so inspirational. But he's so especially, it makes you feel like shit anytime you hear because you're like, yeah. Like, I don't have time today. I don't have time to change my life. Everything he says, everything he says is like, you're like, okay, that makes sense. But I am taking a shit right now.

And I want to take a nap right after that. Can I get to this tomorrow? Yeah. And then you forget about it. You need an interview to do this shit. That's my boss. I don't want to lift the boats. And if he was here right now, I'd be like, don't need to be up.

He'd be like, don't take a shit, man. You have to shit every day? You don't. Don't take a shit. Get up and do it. Shit. And he does it. Save your testosterone with shit retention.

Is that work? Seamen retention, apparently. How do you know about that? You have no testosterone? I've tried retaining other people's semen. So far, I don't know what's making me manlier. That's how you get your tea. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, he's amazing. Didn't he start out just selling shit off of, from flea markets? Well, yeah, his parents own. a company and then he was doing their social media and then that kind of blew up

he was doing side hustle wait he's a nepo baby all of that pull yourself up by your bootstraps it was his parents company you know mom and pop kind of

let it just stop for a second let it out let it out that your parents didn't what didn't your parents oh my parents are I'm a I would be a hypocrite I was just trying to be funny

I could have been I kind of goofed it what the gay stuff get them out get them out now cut them off Cut that for no cough off Yeah, dude, the hall's own

They own halls cough drops But you know Those coughs are not for AIDS Do they really? No Oh I was about to say How'd you butcher that? By being getting by being

Yeah Stuckin on something You should have been Well nice Yeah I liked it What's up, dude Fucking nice sucking joke

Hey It's sucked in two ways So your parents We're all right Like my dad owned He started like a small, like, insurance brokerage. And then he just, he kind of did,

he just did, like, the American Dream, where he built it up and then he sold it to, like, a really big company, and it has, like, a little bit of cash. Millions? Yeah, not, like, millions. Like, million. You can't have a million. If you have a million, you spend a dollar.

You're a thousandaire. All right, well, I'm sorry. My dad's not successful enough for you. Good. Back to your fucking boss. Who is successful? I don't know why Danny also put my job as my credit, but I guess that works.

Because you make videos for him that go, you know, for big company. him. Why is he not making my videos? Why am I not working with him? That is kind of a resume. Why am I working with Danny who goes, I liked it? He's the face of Starry. The fucking new Sprite. I was. I was. I was.

I'm not doing Sorry anymore. Starry was the old Sierra Mist. Well, I thought you were the Dr. Pepper little guy. No. The little guy. Yeah. Remember a little Dr. Pepper guy? Danny, bring up Little Pepper. Maybe don't. Maybe don't. Maybe don't. No, please. Maybe don't. You look just like him. Dr. Pepper, little guy? Yeah, the

little Dr. Pepper guy. My God, I'm so excited. I'm really excited. Oh, Danny, please bring this up. I hope it's what I'm picturing. Oh, yeah, there he is right there. Oh, yeah, I remember this, dude. Play a video, dumb, dumb, don't play.

Don't show us a fucking stupid... He'd come out and sing. Video, go to a... Just go to video on the Google. All right, here we go. This is you, I thought. You deserve the sweet of water of a diet, Dr. Pepper. Do you know who that is?

That is sweet. You make videos for Gary Vee. I mean, that's a compliment, I'll take it That's the guy from the first American Idol That went against Kelly Clarkson Whoa, really? Justin Guarini? Justin Guarini

Justin Guarini That's him You only know that because it's an Italian name I got three sisters Harabagou And there was this kid I used to We used to go to my godfather's house

And go in his pool And there was this kid I think he had autism And all he would do was watch The first season of American Idol recorded on their TV And he would repeat their name and like announce him over and over you think he has autism he had something i don't know if it was

autism or not but whatever it was loved american idol uh i i liked it i don't like it anymore anyways back to your boss yeah how do we get him no i'm kidding i will i will dany's like get him on the podcast i'm like i'll but here's the thing with him he's like so he's so oof yeah it's like you got it you got to you got to they like what if he what if he does change my life and then the responsibility then there's no more naps There's no more lazy days Every day we're like We gotta do something

I'll leave my wife and kid I can't come home I gotta make money You'll thank me later When you're a nepo baby editing videos for me I need to be editing your videos too Dude I would love to do that

Those three descriptions are better job applications For this job than Danny has Like he edits videos You have a special and I'm gay Those are all more qualified Danny's one of those Let me ask you question Is there a trick to

There is a thing to videos right There's a to getting something to go viral Let me ask the question before you tell me No it's just the algorithm It's a mysterious thing You fuck yourself It is a god we're all sacrificing too Is there a thing to make something

Pop? Can you take my videos And make me famous I'll give you 10% right now Of everything No Fuck Yeah you could

Just put some stuff Your stand-up with Subway Surfer under it, and they're avoiding getting the coins. They're not actually trying to get them. What? That's all my videos are a family guy with the top. So funny, you? And then underneath is, you know the game Subway Surfer? It's like extra ADHD people.

They need two images on the same video. It's like a video, it's a gameplay of a video game and also your clips. Yeah, that's what you're saying. So if you want to hack my brain chemistry, you just put like a flashy, poppy game underneath. That's the world we live in. people are not even just watching one i'm asking you this right now so put my stand up on top and then a video game clip underneath yes honestly that's devon's pitch that's not my pitch but how do you have a better idea i don't hate it he doesn't hate it actually don't try he owns vander check media

are you fucking kidding me people need two things to watch yeah it is overstimulating chop up or you know what or like the videos that's great yes start chopping up plato up there that's what i was gonna say that's what gets me i'll watch somebody cut up What about if he's chopping up his son's shits on the top half of the video and on the bottom half of the video is a stand-up? And Danny bombs. And Danny bombs from across the room. So if I put like pimple popping on the bottom. And then my stand-up on the top.

You're getting it. Are you shitting me? Not even your stand-up. Just post-pimple-popping from your camera. Oh, no. I think. I was talking on bonfire today. I was thinking of becoming a storyteller.

Okay. Because there's guys who are famous that is one Navy SEAL guy that was a storyteller. He went from the Navy SEALs to telling stories. But they're real stories. They're true stories. And he just tells them on his social media. And he'll be like, there was a guy, a husband, and Frank. And his wife died.

And his two kids were sad. And they went down in the cell. And he tells a story of this crazy crime. And he's just retelling a real crime. And he's fucking making thousands. I'll give it a shot. And he's got, like, a really good, like, deep, like, smooth voice. You know, you know.

Wait a minute. What are you saying? I don't... I just got, like, a deep... I don't have a good smooth voice. Your voice is... Yeah. You got a good voice.

Dude, there was your fucking guy. You fucking... I think that would be a whole different genre. So he's broad was like, dude, you got to come home from work more often. You got to tell, like, Shakespearean stories like that. That would be his story. Where far out there my Romeo? This broad's at my doorstep.

Screaming. It's three in the morning. To be or not the... fucking be who gives a fuck yeah yeah a plague of both your houses jerk off does he does he pay you like if your video goes wild no more money so you get paid a flat rate yes yeah and that's it yeah and you what was the most viral video you had did you help him do it or is it him um wait help him with what go viral no so he has his uh he has his team of people that do his personal content right for his page okay and then he has he has he has his team of people that do his personal content right for his page okay and then he

as the agency side, which we take care of all of the brands that we have. Really? To do there. So I have to pay, like, a fee to be part of the company. Oh, well, if you were to, like, go in as, like, a brand, then, yeah, you would have to pay. What brand would I be? But isn't it, like, Sprite? Like, can he afford you?

What the fuck are you talking about? These are giant companies, I thought you're representing. Yeah, we have a bunch of people. You don't have to say smaller, you piece of shit. Yeah. It offends you that you're not as big as Sprite? Yeah. Yes, it does.

I'm sorry. Fucking asshole. You don't have to say it out loud. You're better at comedy than Sprite is. Thank you. You're welcome. But they have LeBron. Fuck, Bobby.

Fucking, I got to go against LeBron. Is that you? Oh, let me hear it. Oh, it's off. Bobby might be as big as sorry. We could go on. I think we didn't do everybody yet. No, let's do this.

Still no. The answer is still no. Get your own. That's a crazy. That's a crazy idea. right maybe just go get your own it has 16 lights I'm good dude

I'm good I'm gonna pick of Danny I mean I'm gonna stick with Danny bad example I mean Danny Danny did me Danny did me Danny did me Danny fucked you really bad

dirty fuck bad but I'm telling you I appreciate subway surfer under that bad so if you put

people popping out of that I would get me It wouldn't do any worse Holy shit meal Listen guys Sometimes you whiff Sometimes you put something out there in the whiffs No I think you're really talented

I just think Danny fucked He couldn't have picked the closer video to your face God damn Danny you're a genius Yeah really bad That's because the bomb comment That's why he did that So anyways guys We went this weekend

Now Danny gets very excited about weird things Yes Very excited certain hamburgers, certain tacos, certain dishes. Danny gets... There's a theme. There's a, yeah, food. And he was like, dude, Bobby, Bobby, you're doing a Manuist Theater?

I'd like to open for you, and I'd like, because I'd like to go to Bacon Fest. I was like, what? He's like, there's a Bacon Fest, is a festival? It's all bacon. Everything's bacon. And I want to, I'd love to open for you there. And then we'd go to beg, I'd love for you to come. If you'd like to come, it'd be awesome.

and I was like yes and I think he was a little shocked that I said yes for some reason well I wasn't shocked because I didn't believe the yes was an actual yes until you were actually there

why did you not think I was gonna come to Bacon Fest I've been a fat fuck most of the time you've known me why wouldn't bacon attract me? No that wasn't the problem I know you like bacon

I know you're a fat fuck it was more of just it's like a thing it's like a whole thing you got to leave early earlier than you would have had to leave. But I'm stoked you came. You made it so much better.

I was disappointed that it closed at five. Yeah, that's what I was saying before. That sucked. Oh, so I didn't even miss much. No, you missed nothing. Oh, awesome. You missed the bacon canoli and the bacon ice cream. And we did miss you and your snuggy wuggy with your boyfriend, which my son was like,

dude, what's going on, dad? Did he actually? We were kind of snuggy wuggy. It was. You were very snuggy with me. My baby. It made me sick to my stomach I'm trying to get him to like

I lost my appetite That's why they shut the I'm actually why bacon fat clothes That's why everybody It doesn't normally close it by Guys We're shutting down early today One of them is here

The fucking The horn starts sounding You are so fucking I know I'm trying to Because it's a new relationship I'm trying to figure out What the medium ground is for PDA

But I don't know man I get by Not that Not that. Too much? What's PDA? Public displays. Can you just say that, you fucking millennial, whatever you are?

Mr. YKWD? You know what? You know what, dude? You didn't fit on a shirt, Danny. It did not. Also, a little inside baseball. You know who loves an acronym? Gary V.

He loves an acronym. Every single thing in my job is an acronym. Fuck yeah. Accronym is good. Every fuck. Helps you remember him. He just hated on. No, no.

I'm just giggling because you're going after this podcast drops, you're going to get F-I-R-E-D. I was thinking of the same thing. He fucking, there's an acronym for everything. I said it in Deering Way. I love that. I said F-I-R-E-D. What is that?

Fired. Well, that's just, he's just spelling that. I'm stupid. That's why I hate acronyms, because I'll never get it. No, I hear you. Yeah, dude, you were, I mean, look. I'm sorry, I was on edibles. I don't care.

We were at Bacon Fest. Here's the thing. I don't care. But even if, if, you. you if you with your girlfriend that's okay see I'm willing to accept this if you with your girlfriend were that snuggled and you were

no a little bit I'm open to the idea that we're too snuggly it's new I'm trying to do that's what that's what because I know I knew you just met this guy yeah and that's what was uncomfortable it wasn't that you two dudes kissing I don't give a shit

what you guys do it was new yeah but you were like two like you've been together for fucking years Oh, that? Yeah, you guys... It's the opposite. It's because it's new and fun. We don't hate each other.

I thought it was pretty gay. Well, I mean, I will accept that criticism. Yeah, but if you with your girlfriend doing that shit, I'd be like, dude, can you two settle the fuck down? All right, it was a little cold. It was, what? It was a little cold. You need a little warmth.

Yeah. He's, I mean, also, let's give Devin's the credit. He's hot. Not Devin, the guy. The dude, yeah. I mean... Thank you. Yeah, you're a little, I would call.

you messy gay that's fair i would just call you messy i don't like weird you try to slam somebody they go that's true you have a valid point i accept that point taken i feel like that's all of devons

he was very uh he was very uh you know like gay he's regular like gay and devons just like you know no he's like he's like ghost hunter gay like yeah he just came from like some some prison overnight Zach Faggins okay sorry

Can I say Can I say Yeah Yeah Nobody's listening You say whatever you want You say whatever you want You better make that

That was good Dude That was funny So So yeah I mean it was It wasn't Like the gay part

Wasn't uncomfortable The lovey Doffy Okay Yeah I was like Do you want me to How do I fix it?

How do you fix it? I don't know Find Jesus Yeah You know Read a Bible We were getting Just holding

A girl We were walking up that fucking hill we were getting like some looks I was like we are in like the oh it was pencil well also because you're fat going up a hill probably more so you're gay nothing to do with the gay probably because you were dying no no it was the whole of phobia that's why I was sweating and

my heart was bound hey I just saw this guy in a bacon burger and he's walking up a hill this little gay guy's helping him he's like gay nerd is he younger or is he older? No he's older he's 30 where's he's from another country though right Italy yeah oh is he really

Italian guy He speaks Italian? Oh, he speaks Italian and Spanish and a little bit of German. So that's not, does he talk to you in Italian when you're fucking doing the dirty? We did do it as a goof, but it was... Now, Devin's like, we're keeping this. And you don't know how to speak Italian, you're just doing the accent. I like a your dick, eh, please come on my boss.

Finish on my face. I feel like German's better for butt fucking. German seems like a butt-fucking language. Oh, shia. Yeah, yeah. I don't like that you heard thrust like. I'm sorry. I was getting into the character.

Too much. We get it. Yeah, he was a nice. He was very nice. He's good looking. He's very shy. Very shy. Well, he kept wanting to me to, like, he, he, I think he said it, but you didn't hear him.

He was like, I'm the loud one from the last podcast. What do you mean? Last time we were talking about that I was talking about this one dude who's loud and you were like, is a European? Like, you nailed it. Oh, really? Oh, that was him? Mm-hmm. It wasn't loud that day.

No. Very quiet. It was a big group. That's our fucking him. If you would add sex Oh, no, my pasta hole Ay, aye, aye, aye, aye, I like it

in my butthole. You're doing Spanish now. Why can't do you? When your dick hits my eye. Okay, is that one? Thanks, Danny. That's a cream pie. That's your butt hole.

So, no, I'm glad Are you in love? I don't know yet. It's like two months in. I really enjoy pretty much every goddamn thing about them. But I don't know. It's first relationship. I don't know when to say.

I don't want to say it too soon. And then we got to break up. First relationship ever? Kind of, yeah. Is it your first serious relationship with the dude? Official, like calling each other. Yeah, like dating and stuff. So funny.

You're so Italian. You're so uncomfortable with this conversation. I think, yeah, it's weird. so your dad asked him permission Dude my dad asked me if I was gay like twice Really? He was like, are you gay? Why?

Because he's like, I was like, I was younger, I was pretty, I was kind of fat and I was like, I didn't have a beard. So I could see how, I mean, those are kind of the two things that tip my never, I didn't really date in high school that much. No shit. Yeah, it wasn't until after. Or my senior year. So you were a little fat Italian kid. I was a little fat Italian kid.

And then you got your shit together. Yeah. How happy was he? He died before, which sucks. Like I said, he was so happy. He died. Yeah, he died of fucking excited. I can die now.

My son's not a queer. I know. Dude, he would. I wish, I could have told him some of those. You weren't gay? Yeah, with that I wasn't gay. He still wasn't convinced, I don't think. Hey, man, he knows.

Did you try? Can I ask how he died? This is a motorcycle. Oh, no. A motorcycle accident. Coming home from, I was with him earlier. I was actually on the bike coming home. I was going to leave with him.

Wow. I went with my sister instead, yeah. Oh, my God. So someone hit him, or did he? No one knows still what happened. They, like, closed the road down to... Suicide. He was like, my son's gay.

Jesus Christ. Oh, no, that was so funny. I'm laughing, too. I just... On the podcast, I want to present myself. For the camera, you're going to be like, oh. Oh, my God. That's so sad.

Why would you say that? No, you're right, Bobby. And can I... Can we take the opportunity to heal? Can you? From that big Irish cock in your butt. Now, let me ask you... Allian, first of all.

Italian, sorry. I'm not correcting the other word. Sorry, continue. Listen. Now, are you the girl? Oh. We were all thinking about asking. Can we all guess before you tell us?

Yes. Wait, so what specifically, you're guessing top and bottom? Yes, sir. All right. I'm saying, I'm saying that he's the bottom. Welcome back to, welcome back to guessing top of bottom. We have a really good contestant. He's queer and he's here.

Devin, everybody. Hi, everybody. What do you think? I'm going to say you guys switch. That's how you could be fucked in the ass so many times, I assume, right? Before you're like, all right, can I just me switch? Your father's not here.

You don't have to prove yourself. Yeah, from experience, I would say. Like, he should have. Hit the brakes. That was good. Sorry. You were a hold on that one. I'm sorry.

I would say they switch. Switch, okay. That wasn't in the rules, but we'll accept it. Okay. I would say that he fucks you more than you fuck him because he had a Raiders hat on. So there's a little bit of manliness. He does a really good point.

He does like football. Okay. What do you got? Um, I, only those two. I kind of feel a switch situation too a little bit. Now you got to pick one. I mean, Bottom.

He's got to be bottom. Yeah, he's too since I'm going to be. Well, because look at how frail. You would shatter that poor man. I know, just for his life. Yeah, I think you've got the ass for it. I think he really loved him. If you really loved him, you'd stay on the bottom.

Can I make a point? If you want this relationship to laugh. We do know, we do know Devin's diet is horrific, which would make a bad bottle. Oh, good point. I'm a bacon fest bottle. Wait, why does that make, wait, am I occurred? Why does I make a bad bottom? Poopies.

Because it's shit. Either why you're getting fucked in them. For the other person, it's worse. You know, you know, he's going to stick. He's going to stick his dick into Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, and Bacon Fest. Now he's sticking in to Olive Garden With your fucking boyfriend Okay

His boyfriend only uses Greek yogurt And fucking pasta It's a much cleaner asshole Come get some of this fetichie off right out It was very That does add a little twist I might change my answer Yeah that changes things

I'm gonna change it I'm saying strong I'm saying he's the bottom Switch I'm saying the guy You're the top He's the bottom Okay

I'm gonna your bottom He's top I'm bottom He's top Still yeah Okay I'm sticking with bottom We got a, I got a, I got a, I got a, I got, you.

You're a bottom. You're a bottom. Well, I'm voting, sorry, I'm voting bottom. I'm voting bottom. I'm voting bottom. I'm not a bottom. I'm a bottom. I'm very much a bottom.

So all three, you're all the bottom. Okay. It's like, Secaulay's closest. What? It is more of a first situation. But yet, I'm more bottom, more off. Thank you. We all win.

We know you. But I really win. And Danny, tell us what we get. We get to fuck his voice. And make that pitch the bottom. Yeah. Yeah, that is kind of how it's working out. We do joke like I'm the woman.

He's the woman because like when... You're the woman on this podcast. Why? Because I'm the least funny. No. Wow. Wow. I mean, that's...

At least you're self-aware. Like, when we went to this outlet mall on upstate New York. A what? Gay. You know, an outlet mall? Gay. Stop saying it's so gay. We like shopping.

Say the word outlet. Outlet mall. In the upstate New York. Stop saying it so fast. Alamo. Stop saying it. We went through an Alamo. Alamo.

Alamo. All right. What did you do? There was ice cream on it. You went to just to walk around? Walk around. Like, I got this. I was really excited by the Tim's store because of how, feel how soft this is.

Get in there. And that's a couple washes. It's not bad. So like I was excited by this. And then we walked into some designer. I don't know, like Slutberg, McGillicuddy. all right shop

maybe not as gay as we thought no that's what he's the fashion you don't know he's the fashion he's like this is avant garde

yeah stuff you put on like dude he put on yeah no there is no there is no big and tall in the New York fashion he's buying shirts

that you can put on your leg yes no their sizes are which drugs you take it's coke to weed that didn't make sense didn't no it didn't work it's all right

Keep swinging, kid. Your father didn't teach you baseball. I don't know why I can come. No, he told me that. That is so fucking. He keeps coming after my dead dad. I know. I just, I keep rapping.

He did too. That's why he's not. It makes you going to better. I wish my dad was dead. I know. We know you. Why do you wish your dad was dead? Because he's a piece of shit asshole.

No. Yeah. No, well, I haven't seen him in like 25 years. You don't look at Waldo and think to yourself. Yeah, that guy is. That's a guy in your life. There's no way. Gary V is his dad.

Let me ask you a question. So your dad was a dick back? Is he still married to your mom? Oh, no. Oh, they got divorced. Yeah, divorced. Okay, so she thought it was a dick, too. Yeah.

And she got a new dad? No. She never remarried. Never remarried. So your mom's just single. Yeah. And you never see your dad ever. Never.

That's sad. Oh, I think you were going to say that's cool. No. I mean, no. His mom, your mom fucks, though, right? No, she doesn't. anymore. My mom did, like, whole. So your dad's degenerate asshole. Your dad's dead and your dad

alive and a million. Has it $1 million. Alive and a million. I have a live million. I have a 99 hundred thousand dollars. That's sad, though, guys. And you turned out the worst out of all of us. No, I hear you. It's adverse pressure makes diamonds, you know. Or whatever you are. No, I was saying. Pressure makes bottoms, too. Oh, for us. Oh, thank you. Devin. You're welcome. Hold me. Thank you.

Oh, God. My hands are so slimy. So your dad, you have a friendship or you did? No, you do. Oh, yeah, I love my dad. A friendship. Yeah. He's awesome.

Yeah. And he loves you. I hope so. Yeah, that's nice. That's sad, dude. I feel bad for you. Yeah, you should. I mean, I feel worse for him because he loved his dad.

It was snatch from him. Right. No, well, better to have lost than number two. True. True. Oh, my God. Can I say they both left you guys life on him? That was good, too.

He's got some good ones. He's got to start doing him on stage. Wow, you're not funny. Now, you guys... But I can cry about it to my dad. Oh, shit. He probably cries to a lot of his friends. Yeah.

Are you guys... You guys all live in Jersey City? I'm in Asbury Park. Holy fuck. Why? I like it there And he's not the gay one Yeah

It's crazy You live in Jersey I'm in Jersey And you're from originally where From Jersey Oh you're from there Why do you think I get vibes elsewhere?

Yeah you give vibes Oh yeah Emmanuel's Baconville Yeah You look like a dude Who lived there Yeah Yeah I could

Oh you could You'd fit right And that town was such a Little hipster cool What's the town called East? Well it was hipster It was hipster cool

But also like pretty conservative I feel like I saw a lot of like I saw a couple of like you know make America great again well because you're right outside that city is Pennsylvania sure but what what happens with with little towns like that they go they die true and then the gays move in okay that was a really pregnant pause on the jay and you don't know anything about pregnant you never will I keep trying but do you think this funny I want because we We're taking, like, we, you know, like those photo booths, like new relationship photos.

So we did that. And I thought he's a photographer. I thought it would be so fun if we took a fake pregnancy photo where he's, like, holding my belly. Wouldn't that be really funny? Can I say something, though? You do look like a woman that transitioned to a man. I have a pregnant woman's body. You have the face of a woman that transitioned into a man.

Thank you. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, thank you. Oh, the bottom. Appreciate it. Um, the Bacon Fest, that town, it's such a cool little town, but it, it's like you need hipsters and gay people to move into something. They will, there's nothing like these, these artistic liberal people and gays will take any shit place and make it into a vibrant, insane, awesome community. And then once they do, that's when the rich white couples move in.

They ruin them. And they fucking shoot the prices up. All of a sudden, there's baby carriages, and the gays have to move to another city that the blacks ruined. Yeah. I'm in Asbury, so. Or the rednecks. I'm on the bad side still.

There's like a west side. There's been five drive-by since we moved in there. Right. We haven't been home for any of them. We just get home, like I'll get home, and the whole street will be closed off and caution tape and shit. Someone was executed, like, right a week before we moved in. No shit. Yeah, yeah.

But since we've gotten there, I've been there for- Who's we, by the way? Me, I have two roommates. Oh, you have two roommates? Not a woman. No, no, no. Yeah, two roommates. Why don't you guys move to Jersey City?

I've thought about it. Why are you living in, what the fuck is in Asbury Park? Rent is so much more affordable where I am. Not really. I mean, how much? I mean, I'm splitting rent because I have three roommates, so. I did that. I pay like grand a month.

I paid $700 in Jersey City. Oh, really? Yeah, dude, you moved to Jersey City and get moved. Excuse me, me, Kegan and Connor. Yeah, our thing are, at the maximum before we moved out, our rent was like $2,300 or something. Yeah, Kagan's rent was $5,000. But his was 700.

Here's what you do. Get a benefactor. Yeah. I'm thinking benefactor for that. Wait, does your new boyfriend? Does he have some money or what? He's a bartender, so he is. So no.

He's liquid. He's what? No, he actually met my nickname for you. He met my grandpa. My grandpa's just, my grandpa's so bummed. I'm trying to be community. He just wants me to like make money. And he goes to.

Is he sad about you being comedian and you be gay? It's really a toss-up. And the boyfriend, it was an interesting dichotomy of the two because I show him and he He goes, so you're a bartender? He goes, yeah, and he goes, ah. Oh, man. Did he tell him who's gay, too? Well, he figured that out.

You introduced him as your boyfriend? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's sad for him. Also, his grandpa. Tell him about your grandpa forgetting. Oh, he did forget.

Well, he, like, forgot, quote, unquote. Like, he came out, like, I don't know, years ago at this point. And then he would call me occasionally just be like, so any girlfriends? And I'd be like, we did talk about this. So he forgot you were gay? Like a little. I think he, on purpose, forgot. Yeah, he just prayed to God every day.

Help you forget Jesus Christ. When I told him. Please help me forget. He called me. My little kid. My little grandson, please. He thinks he's, like, dreaming every single time. Did they know you were gay out of the gate?

Out of the gate? Out of the gate. Like, did you just become gay? No, I came out at 18. 18, okay. My parents, actually, the thing that your dad was like, are you gay? My parents did you do that because I didn't bring girls home either. And the one time I was just like, yeah.

Yeah. I was like, yeah. And they went. Fuck! My mom went, okay, I'm going to go throw up, and then she went through up. I just really caught her off. So you had never even, like, been with a dude before you were, like, gay? Oh, okay, all right.

But not, like, dated. Right. Just like, I mean, what do you mean about being with? Like, if they just asked you if you were gay and you just said yes because you were tired of hearing the question. Kind of, yeah. Maybe you're not gay. That would be really funny. Maybe you're really straight.

Have you tried pussy? Can I interest you in pussy? You are going to love. Devin, we have a little smorgasbuck for you today. We just brought up a bunch of pussy. Yeah, that would be awesome. You taste it. I like, I like it. It tastes like pennies, not shit.

Doesn't shit taste like pennies? No, does it? I don't know. I've never tasted shit. I don't know. Edit, edit, edit, edit, edit, edit. I've eaten butt. You've never eaten any butt? I've eaten butt, but not pooping. Not poopy butt. No, not poop. I haven't eaten poopy butt.

Yes, you have. No, I haven't. Yes, you have. It's a guy's ass, though. I imagine there's a lot of hair. Hair, but hair doesn't mean poop. You can't clean your hair. You can't.

Not this, not my hair up here. You can't, you can't, there's always a little peanut butter left. Not if you get a dishwasher. Ooh, there's an ash dishwasher. Bede? Yeah, an enema. Oh, you have to do an enema. You don't have to.

But it's a, it's a, it's a peace of mind. It's a security system. Yeah. Hey, I don't want a kidney bean skin to come out on your helmet. I did an emma. It is. It's a thoughtful gesture. It's like a bottle of wine in a dinner party.

But you put the bottle of wine in your... And you gargle with it. It's a little different. So anyways, we went to Bacon Fest. It was so funny because my son came with me. And it was so funny. As soon as he saw, my son is a little... Like, he likes

hanging out with older kids. He's always like older kids. The kids his age don't get them because they're kiddie. do kiddie things and as soon as he saw just a group of dudes he just like left me and was like I'm fucking hanging with that can I tell you I like watch that dynamic happen I saw it you saw like watched it happen this was after I left your son was homophobically afraid of hanging with us no he he's had gay people in his he wasn't hanging with me we left and then apparently you were all fucking smoochy smooch you don't want to cock block you yeah actually I appreciate that

that'd be funny if your boyfriend was like who's that who's the young guy with a good hair Waldo um yeah you saw that i saw it happen i watch it happen it was sick though because like you know rarely am i like the cool guy you know yeah dude he saw a pretty cool too dude yeah he saw like all these other dudes and he was like uh as soon as you left he saw now we could hang he just took he was like fuck it i'm hanging out with these guys he said something pretty funny we were eating the bacon ice cream and i he you said it was like foreskin yeah and he i watched him look into the cup and he went, all right, well, I guess I'm done with this.

So he's not gay. Your son's not gay. Not gay. Yeah. A hundred percent not gay. I remember there was a time when we was a little kid and we were in, well, five below during Christmas. And they have the section of girls and then they have the section of guys stuff, right?

And I'm watching them. And I'm like, oh, here we go. Come on, dude. Is that what you think gay is? The girl section of five below? To me. not to you you gay so

yeah I saw him and he grabbed a girl toy and I was like alright dude it's all right I got bro I was like yeah man he was like dad

and I was like yeah dude you want to get that guy you want to get that and he's like no this is girls and I was like fucking

and he went over and grabbed the ball I was like fucking dude shit oh yeah David's grabbing I was That's true, too.

No, I couldn't, I, I would, I could give a shit if he was, I don't give a fuck. If I had a gay son, I wouldn't care at all. He talked to me about a motorcycle at the dojo. Hell yeah. 45 minutes. He's not gay. He made me sit through a, does he want to get a motorcycle? I don't remember.

I was just politely. Don't keep him around. Don't get a motorcycle. Don't do it. Don't do it. It was for his dad. Dude, every time I watch a movie and there's a motorcycle chase, everyone's like, and they're like, oh, that.

Look at me. I also, I do think it's very cute because I actually, I do ride a motorcycle. And I do think Socoli sometimes, you're, you like, kind of father me a little bit. I tell you to be careful. Yeah, he, like, tells you to be careful. Be careful. I think it's very endearing. I had a motorcycle.

I just wanted to, like, get, like, sincere on the podcast. I remember me and, uh, Dane Cook got a motorcycle. He got a Honda Shadow 500. Yeah. That was my first, that was my first bike. Yeah. And then I went out and bought the same exact bike. And he was so mad at me.

Yeah. Because, like, he was, he was cool for a minute. And then I shut up on the exact same bike. And I put it saddlebags on it And I put all I chromed it out Wherever I could put crom I put castles Oh your bike was cooler? It was a little cooler I still ride or no

No I went down I was at a red light And I went to take off And a car cut me off And I went down And I Nobody stopped Nobody gave

I was just sliding on pavement Yeah And like praying that a car Didn't run over my head I got up from that one I was like all right cool My fault Oh this guy's a dickhead

A little more A little more defensively Drive a little more defensively a little more offensively, blah, blah, blah. And then I was up in New Hampshire where I actually have a place now, driving up on these back roads, listening to a Stone Temple pilot.

Awesome, yeah. And I had my helmet on and it was like, where to ride a win it? I was just fucking swerving in and out. And then I fucking went into the side. And I went, oh, no, no, no. And I went, my bike just went, foon, shit.

And I slid for like 30 feet. Oh, did it hurt? It shook me. And that fucked me up. But then when I was driving home, you had to get back on the bike, which was terrifying. And I'm on the highway drive, and I put highway pegs on it. It's just a fool. And I'm driving, you know, my saddlebags.

And then all of a sudden, the bikey gang, I just saw them. And I was like, oh, shit. And they came all around me. And they just looked at me and went, hmm. And I went, I'm going to get rid of it. I'm going to get rid of it. You were to those bikers, what Devin is to this table right now. Gay.

Wait, wait a minute. Gay. You're a Honda, you're a Honda Shadow. Yeah. Five hundred. All right.

You're hanging out, a bunch of Harley, baby. Am I gay now? Yeah, we're all right. Let's be honest. I get motorcycle. I get, the thrill of it seems fun,

but yeah, it's undeniably stupid. Yeah. Riding a motorcycle is the dumbest fucking thing you could actually do because in New York. I would say,

you don't even get to Go fast. I would say, yeah, I would say anywhere else, like New Hampshire, I think it's fine. Like, in the country, yeah, you want country. I mean, Jersey, Jersey's a fun ride. It's all right. It's not. Like South Jersey, West Jersey, I could see.

You get out to, like, the, you know, Pythairns and stuff down there. There's nothing better than pulling up in, uh, at a club or something on a bike. I bought a, I bought a VESPA in the city. That's, yikes. Yeah. I called it the white unicorn. Yeah. And I came down to the cellar one night.

I sold it a week later. Yeah, how much abuse did you take that? Man, did I get fucking trash? They didn't think the white unicorn was cool. Did you, like, think nobody would say anything about it? Patrice O'Neill didn't fuck with the white unicorn? It was Keith. Keith really fucking hit me.

I don't know. I pulled up in the front and I had my little white helmet. Like thought you were really doing something? And I was like, we're going to sell this. We're going to get rid of this real quick. Yeah, because it was so dangerous in the city, too. Driving a motorcycle in this city is fucking nuts. Yeah, I saw some people driving today.

Just getting right in front. I mean, there's nothing cooler. I'll tell you this. I've never had a cooler experience than being on a highway driving a motorcycle. Yeah. I've never had a cool. There's nothing cool than pulling up to a chick on a date, handing her a helmet, her jumping on the back, and driving somewhere with a girl.

Yeah. A girl. Or a guy or a boy. Yeah, bring up Last Night at Eddies I actually had my motorcycle in one of the first movies I did Oh nice

And dude The Shadow? My Honda Shadow Yeah, pull up last night at Eddie's It's on YouTube Yeah, dude I was like I actually I go hey dude

Can I on this scene Can I use my motorcycle to pull up? He's like fuck yeah That's awesome And I put I mean dude I look Do you do like the good like skid stop? No I'm not an asshole I pulled up I pulled up

I pulled up All right First time I get you to the motorcycle conversation Not really a skid stop Yeah, dude, I look like a young Marlon Brando in this fucking thing. And I remember pulling up and then I did my, oh, watch this. Here you go, you're ready for this shit?

Make it big, make it big, make it big, make it big. Do you know where anywhere? It's in the front, in the front. Robert Kelly. Just go up, right? Yeah, go back. Jamie Denbo's in this? Go back right there.

That's me right there. Watch this. Watch this. There's my Honda Shatter. Can we go back to that? Go back. Go back. Go back.

Go back. Go back. That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was moving. movie. They made me do it extra. I didn't know you had hair like that. They made me do that. Look at this. Look at my haunted shadow. That's it. That's a cool bike. That's cool. That's, look at my feet down. The tassels.

Oh, watch this. Watch this. Oh, so gay. Watch this. That was a daint. You want to see gay? Watch this. Wow. Watch this. Ready? And and. And sexy. Oh, wow. Wow. What? Holy Come on. Whoa.

Dude, I could have been somebody Wow Yeah, dude What happened, dude? I'll tell you what happened Fucking life What happened? What this scares me

Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop Watch it at your house Let me ask you What did you just say? It scares me What scares you? Because I'm like How much different

Am I gonna look In a few? Did no one else think that? No, because I'm not hot now Because I'm looking at that And that's like Rico Swah Cologne ad.

I did think that, but I would like to be invited back. Well, no, it's not bad. No, you're going to decay before everybody was that. You know how many different versions of me since that I've been?

Yeah. I've had a couple too, yeah. Yeah, buddy. That guy right there was going to make it. That guy had potential. I was doing stand-up at the time. I was doing movies in Boston.

I should have just stayed in Boston. I would have been a king of Boston. Because everybody left. Patrice left, Dane left, Burr left, Gellman left. I could have just stayed in Boston. When the films come, they're going to go to me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? They were just coming to me. Yeah. Because it's such a small little pool of actors. And I could act. I could have been a fucking star in Boston. I really love, like, the alternate universe where, like, Goodwill hunting is Bobby. Instead of, like, Matt Damon.

How you like them, Apple? I really love that. It's not your fault. It's not your fault You look great Yeah I did Bobby walks up to the whiteboard

With the equation He just like draws a dick I go And the guy's like This is wrong You fucking You ruin this You just kidding

The movie is retarded janitor Over here You just be a janitor In Boston The therapist is like Fuck this guy Just doing the wrong The hair is great

Oh, my hair is a thing is something that is there. Yeah. I don't know how great. Oh, come on, dude. Look at that. Jerry girl. Go back a little bit. Was that like full Jerry curl?

That's not what you're going for? That was my curl, baby. Look at that, right? Yeah, this dude, watch this. Look at these eyes. Okay, it looks less Jerry curl here. Yeah, they had a wet. Whoa.

How you're doing? What did you say? Go back and pause that. Yeah. Almost young Heath, let, dare I say like young Heath Ledger? Look at that. What's up? That's Marlon Brando, bro.

True. You know, it looks like that one guy. Who is fucking, what's your name's husband in Titanic? Billy Zane. Dude, I fucking have Billy Zane eyes. You do? That is a good call. I love that you're definitely trying to look sexy and cool as fuck there.

Look at the eyebrows. You got damn right. Wait. You knew what this shot was going to look like when they were filming it. Bobby's yelling hot. He's like, let me try that. I know. It's fucking sad.

Yeah, you do, dude. You get old and you, I mean. Billy Zane, Billy Gane. Dude, I, yeah, dude, you look back and you're like, fuck, man. But I, listen, here's the thing. You get old, right? You get old. You go bald.

You get gray. You get fat. You get married. You only get losers on your podcast. You're not a loser. I love you. Your beard looks good. Wait, what about, what about the Russ?

I like you guys a lot. Okay. Yeah, dude, it is a fucking weird thing. I'm 55. Damn. Wow. Fifty-five, and you, I'm trying, what? Can we get Bobby's opinion on this controversy with Devin's boyfriend that we were discussing earlier?

About him getting offended by the spaghetti term? Wait a minute. What happened? What happened? What happened? What happened? Fucking shitty transition. Bobby was like, that's the thing, dude, it's like mortality.

It's like, I don't know what I mean in the face, dude. Can we get back to the thing? the gay guy with spaghetti? David boyfriend. I guarantee you this is an argument. I think Danny and my boyfriend argued the other day about like, what was it? Stuffed crust pizza. Danny and my boyfriend had a 45 minute conversation about stuff.

I'm going to tell you right now, stuff crust pizza is bullshit. Oh, I mean, talk to your producer. Okay, so here's my, okay, this isn't what I wanted to talk about, but sure. The problem, the stuff crusts pizza is terrible. It's for children. It's bad because you're getting it at Pizza Hut or Domino. It's not good anywhere. No, no.

If a real, you could stuff the crust with other shit. You could stuff the crust. Yeah, that's called the calzone. No, just the crust. No. It's a calzone crust. A real Italian could make incredible stuffed crust piece. A real Italian, you wouldn't make it.

Yeah, because it's not like Mama used to make, and you're being, you know. That was the line. Yeah, he got a line, by the way. My boyfriend, when he goes, they're doing it just because it's like Mama used to make. No, it's not because Mama used to make. Really? Like, his eyebrows went up. Like, he was like, whoa.

I love Danny arguing with a legitimate Italian. Oh, yeah. About how Italian. My boyfriend's hand rolling a cigarette is like, you don't know what the fucking talking about. I was thinking of times up two. Both accents suck. One was just a regular Brooklyn gay guy. And the other guy was a fucking Afghani gay.

You don't know. My brother, you don't know. Habibi. I thought he was Middle Eastern. He has that look a little bit. Yeah, yeah. When he showed up, he was, I didn't know what he was. And he had blue hair.

He's Middle Eastern, Devin's bottom Eastern. It's not bad. That was good. I'll see by something out. So, no, stay right there. I don't want to be able to... Dude, you should move to Boston. Fair, fair, fair.

I don't want to be just these two. I would never move to fucking trash out of Boston. Sorry, keep going. Are you kidding? No, I actually, I like Boston a lot. Boston is the best city. I really fuck with Boston. It's way better.

Bovas? Bovas. Bova's bakery. First of all, they have a North End that is still Italian. True. This fucking thing has five stores. The rest is China is. Yeah, it is.

They didn't let that... I fuck with Boston. I fuck with Boston. and heavy. I've only been once, I swear, I promise. I've only been once too. Is that what they call it? B and Danny. Ngu. Is that the first time you tried pussy? I went

one time, cod fishing didn't like it, yucky. There were worms in the cod. If you catch cod, there's like worms. Parasites. All right. Well, you don't have to bring us down. I wasn't trying to. I was just sharing a story. Anyway, about mortality. No.

Yeah, dude, exactly. That's the thing about how shit you look when you get old. Your life slips by you and you don't want to talk to your white. It looks like young Bobby's looking into his future right now, at all of us sitting here. Yuck. Can you take it off the screen? I'm getting sad. I like it.

Keep it on. That's a great job. Keep it on. I've been hard this entire time. That's cool. You're going to have that forever. No, I want to. That's a guy I want to cuddle with it.

Yeah, that movie was a big hit. How many views does it have? Probably more than your video. Does it have more than 16 likes? Then we check if it has more than 16 likes. It would want to know. I wonder if I'm big in Malaysia. If that movie.

Anyway. That movie, you're fatter than everybody. I'm sorry, I laughed out. That's it. I'm sorry, man. It has 12,000 views. That's not bad. That's terrible. It's not bad.

It's a free movie. It's only been out for like 35 years. Yeah. But the other reason it even has 12,000 years is because you talked about it. Don't get there. No, listen, the stuff crust pizza is fucking college kid horse shit. I agree.

It's yummy, though. But no, I agree. It is when you get it now. But if you'd made it with real pizza and real good... Stuff for cottages in it. If the asteroid wasn't an asteroid, it would have been a spaceship. No, but that's what I'm saying. Because Italians are too proud of their...

They won't change anything because it's how their family and heritage used to do it. They won't change and do something good. It's not good. It could be good if they chose to make it good. Oh, yeah, like your people change. You're fucking big breadballs and soup. Yeah, Danny. Why don't we...

How about it's not year 5,000, and then we talk about pizza? You ever see the crust that's a pretzel? Yeah, exactly. No, I don't like it. I don't like it's just as bad as stuffed crust. I don't know if it's like legit. I like that we all took a beat. Guys, in the comments, please let me know that stuff crust sucks.

And if you like it. I'm just going to stand up for fat bitches right now. It doesn't suck. But it's a whole other animal. It doesn't suck the way McDonald's doesn't suck. You're missing my point because I agree. I've never had a good stuff crust ever. I agree.

It's also You don't eat as much stuffed crust As you would a regular pizza You can't enjoy the bite of the flat part You're not enjoying the pizza You're like, oh, I'm eating the stuff And you have to eat the crust True

You have to fuck up Unless you're Or you get to No, well that was burnt That's why I didn't You like stuff crust Yeah And like what I'm saying

You look like you like stuff crust Yeah no I'm like stuff You like stuffed butt Dude Thank you That's actually sick And true

And also true. You thought I was going to high five you again. I did. I got ready. Yeah, you are gay, though. What was, stuff's gross?

No, but I like it because I'm like a fat, slut idiot, but I'm saying, Danny's point. I love the idea has had your slutness into everything.

No, no, no, I use slut as like a, I'm not, it has nothing to do with it. It's like a term of a deer bin for Devon. I throw it out,

I'm like, oh, we were talking to the slut the other day at the bank. But Danny's saying that if, like, authentic, like, genius Italian chef applied their talents to a stuffed crust. The way you can get shitty chicken parm and amazing chicken parm, if you could get shitty stuff crust,

but you hypothetically, one could conceive of amazing stuff crust. But you're not a shitty chicken palm and a really great chicken palm is still chicken palm. You're talking about two different things. A stuffed crust pizza is another variation of pizza. Pizza is pizza. Okay, but the chicken parm is, I mean, that's like saying chicken parma is a very, of chicken. No.

Well, Chuff crust is very American. Yeah. It's a, it's a fatso, what? I was, am I missing? Like, is it not just

cheese in a cross, though, too? Like, I don't get why a chef could make it this much more. Well, the same, I mean, dominoes,

like, because there's a different, pizza is just dough with cheese and sauce, but dominoes and fuck-faced me Gilly-cutty's pizzas. Yeah,

this is stupid. Why are we taking so long talking about this? Stuff-cust is no. I don't know, because I think, Danny brought up an argument.

have of my boyfriend, so instead of that, I brought up the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen. Oh, that's ridiculous. That's stupid. That doesn't even look like real stuff. It's the dumbest thing ever. That's rega-law. That's not mutato. Yeah, that's like some weird fucking cross-breed appetizer, bullshit. I guarantee you I would love that. Of course you'd like it. The lady even hates it. Look at the fish. You're not going to love it.

How should they put the... What is a slice? She does look really bummed out. If I had an opportunity between a slice of Joe's and that fucking horse shit, always Joe's. Yeah, definitely. What does a slice even look like? It's not even a fucking circle. Yeah, how do you eat that? Take this off. Put Bobby's face back on. Yeah, put my face back on. Yeah, Danny, we need a pallet cleanser.

Let's get those lips back on the fucking. You like those, didn't you? No, I want to cuddle with that at Bacon Fest for sure. Let me ask you a question. So, the pasta thing at your boyfriend, what was he, why was Danny arguing with your boyfriend about pasta? No, he wasn't.

I think it, Danny, what were you trying to say? Was Danny breaking the pasta? No, the slur. Oh, no, I think what Danny said, I think we were trying to come up with, like, a slur for Italians. I'd be like, I came up, like, if you call them spaghetti N-words, I think that's pretty funny. He's such a pussy, you didn't say it.

I don't know why Danny's trying to get me to say the N-Wron. I'm not trying to you. Spaghetti Benders is one. That's a, that's a slur, I think. I've heard that. Really? Spaghetti Bender. Who called you a spaghetti bender?

Someone in middle school. What's a great slur for Italians? Oh, Guinea. Gini's a wapa. I like guinea whop is a good one. Wop is fun. Greece ball. Grease ball.

I was calling you guys Gabu. Daigo is one. Daigo is that, is that us? Daegos is us. Oh, it sounds like it's something else. Sounds like that. Daego, I think Daigo is not. Oh, Daego.

I think Daego, is that Italian? Yeah. Oh, Dego, yeah, yeah. Dago ate my baby. Dingo. Your boyfriend's a Geigo. Or he's a lot without pussy. I'm so sorry, Devon.

Isn't that fun? Why, stop apologizing for your hilarious. I know, fuck you. He's a Devin Bender is what he is. What's happening? You got to stop. I didn't get offended. I was just looking at the foot.

I wish we could sell for this letters. Look, there's Devin and his boyfriend. Which one's which? Well, you're the bottom, dude. You're the gay, K. He's the Y. You're eating his ass. Oh, his legs. Yeah, those legs are like that.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that Baker Fest, though, here's the thing. The Canoli Bake. The bacon canolae That felt like a dick Listen That was a dick Sweet and salty

It was good But it was like One bite was good And then you're like Like eggnog No eggnog It's great all the time No but like there's a

There's a limit Candy corn eggnog You're not supposed to drink a gallon Of it you tub of shit How are you That's what I said You're not an elf You're repeating back to me

I fuck with eggnog heavy I love it Yeah but do you drink more Than a glass of it at a time I can yeah Absolutely I have to start myself from the eggnog is a wonderful, wonderful treat.

Once again, I'm finding myself in the minority in this room. Wait, so for Baker Fest, did you, I feel like you only had the burger and the canola. I had the burger, the canoli, and the ice cream. Oh, and the ice cream. And the bacon on a stick. And I had bacon on a stick. Oh, the bacon on a stick was good. The bacon on a stick was good.

I'm going to say this. Bacon on a stick was good. But if I'm going to have to go, what was the best, I'm going to go the burger. Sure, definitely. The burger was the best. The burger was the best. The coffee was good. good, too. I don't know if you had the coffee, so

good. What do you mean? A maple bacon coffee? Oh, my God. Why didn't I get that? I got it. It was like the second thing I got. I got chocolate covered bacon, and then I got that. Why didn't I get chocolate covered? Where the fuck that? Can I tell you? Because Danny didn't take us places where he had already been. Danny would... You fat fucking

piece of shit. Danny was maneuvering. Me and my board wouldn't eat. My board wouldn't eat a lot of stuff. So we found that. He's one thing good. He was full. No, no. Danny was like, yeah, that's what I meant.

You fucking piece of shit, it was the opposite. When they were out of the studio, stop, stop, clear you. Does his Mike always be on? It was the opposite. He's got fucking stuff crushed pizza. Actually, that was actually,

what I just said was incorrect. Actually, I'd like to clear the record. I went out of my way to try to bring you to the places that were good before, and your boyfriend was like, I'd rather go get dumplings. What? Yeah.

Yeah. What? He's a picky eater. He wasn't, He was into the... Well, okay. No, I'm not talking. You do it.

No, you do it. No, you do it. I mean, it can't be that picky. I said, eater. Yeah. Turn around. He's not a picky sucker. He got dumplings?

Yeah, they were good. There was no bacon on him. You could have. He decided to not have them. Why would you get dumplings? That's like getting ramen. He loves ramen. I love fucking ramen.

But we're at bacon fat. See, a vegetarian? Joe said he was a vegetarian, and I saw him eating bacon, like, the whole time. He's not a vegetarian. He's just, I don't know. Like, what do you want to be yelling? Yeah. Yeah, if you're the man of the religion.

Hit him. Tell him, you fucking hit him. Grab his elbow and squeezing him. You're embarrassing me in front of my man. Take your fucking, take your tongue out of his throat, okay, and tell him, eat some fucking bacon. We're a bacon fest. Honestly, though, in a fight, do you think you could take him?

I always wonder. I'm a lot bigger. Yeah. I always wonder if gay dude. He's angry. Like, he's got that, like, immigrant oomph, but I'm, like, I'm a hundred and fifty pounds more than him. He would hit him once. When gay dudes fight, how hard is it not to hit the other guy?

What? Because, like, if you're, like, if it's a guy and a girl, you're not going to hit your girlfriend, but if it's another dude, are you going to be like, yo, I'll fuck you up. Yeah, dude, they're guys. Yeah, like, does it get like that? What do you think one of them fucking grows tits and? Oh, I figure, like, maybe they don't want to hit each other because, you know, they're, in a relationship. There's nothing scary.

Probably that. Yeah. Probably that. Probably like the love and the affection. But like if a dude pisses you off like in a relationship, I feel like it would be...

Well, I don't know. I'm not... That's a weird question to ask me because I'm like kind of a put... Like, if you and me get into an argument, it would have to... I could not even see a scenario where we fight.

No, I've never argued with you ever. No, no, but I'm saying like even a person I'm ever... A friend of mine... I'm doing this. Never. Honey, I've never argued with you ever. My dad was right.

Frum, boom, dude. but let's like i don't know i don't i'm not gonna it would take a lot for me to fight ever i'm gonna tell you this the baddest things i've ever seen we were hanging out there was a gay bar and we were outside and one of the guys came out and he was this this straight dude was being a dick to him and he came out and he grabbed him and he said there's two things i love doing sucking dick and kicking ass and he beat the shit out of this kid it was one of the baddest things I've ever seen. That's like the gay version of They Live, the Roddy Piper.

True and BubbleGubber. Yeah, he did that line except with cock, which was way cooler. Did you ever see the video of there's this gay black kid getting bullied and they're like calling him all kinds of slurs? Like what? So he like, he like picks, they were calling him everything. He picks him up, slams him down, pulls his pants down and starts sucking his dick in the middle of the school.

What? This was a video on. I want to jerk off to this later. Danny, send me the link. Swear to God, I saw it. The wad of your mind. He picks him up and you think he's going to. That's in one of your gay dreams.

That is how our argument with my boyfriend would be resolved. This is a real thing, and I'm pretty sure it was in New Jersey. You'd slam him and suck his cock in public? Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was in Jersey, too. It was certain dominance. Really? Yeah, he picks him up and starts blowing them.

There's no way that's on the internet. We're trying to find it. Do you have any idea where it could have been? I found it on Twitter. It's probably under the related videos for your movie. It was World's probably. Send it to him from your farm. I have it saved in my album, yeah, my hidden album.

Anyways, Bacon Fest, you really keep getting sidetracked with the silly stuff. I thought, but I didn't have chocolate cover bacon, which I was bummed about. It's fine. I think it was fine. I liked it. I loved it. The chocolate was better than the bacon. The dark chocolate with nuts.

Yes, that's what I got. I go, what I want. In fact, I was looking forward to that the most. I think you get that anywhere, though. I, no. Not that good. Two things I got. Dutch people chocolate.

I was somewhere in fucking, I don't know, on the road somewhere in the shit club, shit weekend, no tickets. The only thing that saved me, I went to the shop near the hotel that was chocolate-covered bacon and chocolate-covered potato chips. Oh, those are good. I bought three bags of each. Those are good. And I went back to my room and just became fatter. Oh, chocolate-cover potato chip? Those are good.

The chocolate covered bacon, I kind of just think it's like, it is exactly what it is. So I'm not like, you know, if you close your eyes, you're like, okay, chocolate bacon. I know, but it's it. They are good together. They're good. I like the stick of bacon, but if it was chocolate on it, it would add a little something else. I bet you, like, after a blunt, I could eat like 30 of those.

Can I tell you? You know what nobody does, but you're right? The thick cut stick of bacon covered in chocolate. That would be good. Well, but then it's chewy. Get the chewy factor, though. But you want it a little bit because it would be, I bet you'd have to, you're right, you'd have to make the stick a little bit.

I would argue that if you're going to cover it in chocolate, it's got to be crunchier. No, because you're right, because the chocolate over, The reason chocolate cover bacon isn't that good is because the bacon kind of disappears. But you've had a big oomph of bacon. You would have to make it crispy. You have to give it a little extra time on that bitch. The thing with the Bacon Fest is this. There wasn't, I didn't see, I saw a few bacon things.

I didn't see, we had the bacon ice cream, which was kind of gross. It was pretty gross. The first bite was great, but they didn't, they put the, like, uncooked. Oh, you got fatty bacon. I actually, I almost, I feel like it was bacon bits. It's like that you could just get off the shelf. I almost feel like it wasn't even... It wasn't cooked enough.

It wasn't well-dived. It was chewy. Like they put the fatty... It's like you want crispy... Krispy bacon in the... So you get the salt... It was like chewing foreskins. It really was.

It really was. It was like, ugh. That ruined it for me, too. Well, I did wish... I wish that we got more bacon things. Yeah, a little more bacon. But there was more bacon. There was bacon.

Where? Yeah. Well, Danny wasn't... There was... Danny was making us try the things that he only wanted us to try. No, I was just baking at every car. There was 400 vendors with bacon. There was a corn dog thing that I didn't get, but I

was really. Oh, I did have the corn dog. Here's what you've got to do. You got to, you got to, you got to do a couple of things and then you got to go on your own. Because you can't, Danny gets obsessed. Danny gets obsessed. He's obsessed. Can I tell you, we are breaking his sweet little heart right? No. We also then went to the, the jiu-jit, you brought us to the jiu-suit place, and then

we spent 20 minutes there instead of eating bacon. Well, that was a weird. That was a weird. It was a weird side. What did I miss jujitsu? We went to a jiu-jitsu gym and we all took her clothes off and wrestled and you missed it. You missed that. Then we sucked each other off and had more bacon. Not inviting me to that is legitimately homophobic.

Well, no, that was, Danny, I got to cut you some suck on that. I really did sidetrack. I was with a jihitsu tour. Yeah. Is Easton known for its jiu-tzu? No, this guy was walking down. He had Gracie Jiu-Jitsu on his thing. Max takes Gracie J-Jitsu.

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, This guy was great, nice guy, but he was too friendly, where he was like, hey, want to come. Hey, come check out. We're right here. Check out the thing. And the other kid knew him. So I was like, what am I going to go? No, I want to go get more bacon?

So I was like, all right, we went in and I bought Max a hoodie. And he was like, look, he was just proud of his place. And I thought it was, it was a fuck up on my part. I'll own that. It was cool. It was cool, but we should have got more bacon. We got to go in and see a belt. Yeah.

I would have been furious. Yeah. That side quest was so worth it. It was interesting. And then when we left, Bacon Fest was closed. Yeah, you're right. You ruined the last 20 minutes. Whoa, whoa.

We had to go see the art exhibit. That was after they already closed. No, they were closing. Wait, what art? We came out and it was closed. We came out and thought they were still open. We learned that they closed at five when we came out, out of your friends, girlfriend's art studio.

That was a side track that, you know, that was, me again, I guess. I love art. Can I say I love art? I really was just an old fogey. Let's go check out the studio. Oh, this painting is nice. That was great.

That was the most Max, I think, bonded with all of us, though. Yeah, the last of VR. He was bored out of his head because dad kept bringing him to stupid places instead of getting bacon. Yeah, he apologized to us a few times. Did he feel? Sorry, he did it, but. It was so funny to see him Just with you guys

If I was like Hey you're gonna go with these guys He was like I'll see you later dad Yeah He's having a good time As soon as he can Gets a gang He's out

He's cool I also feel like I always want to be a big brother And like that was like Yeah I would let you do it Really? Yeah I mean Danny

He treats Danny like I treat Danny He does He does actually He made a lot of jokes about Danny Yeah Look he loves Danny Yeah He loves Danny loves Joe

But he does It's like dude Relax. No. You've instilled a distinct lack of respect for Danny. He was a very respectful kid. Shook everybody's hand. Yep.

No, specifically for Danny, though, he was a sweetheart to me. Oh, yeah, no, he,

because he knows Danny. Yeah. And he hears me talking to Danny. Yeah. So he treats Danny. It's like how when parents curse around their kids, like they just pick it up.

He's just picked up you yelling at Danny. Yeah. Well, it's, it's, no, but he lost, Danny's come up to the house up in New Hampshire.

He's, yeah. No, he thinks Danny, you know, he's just, he's not he's not like if he if he was going to be friends with you guys yeah he wouldn't be friends with like just let my explanation it's less hurtful just let it be the case let's put this way

if if my son joined the group he would be one of the guys and he's in by the way yeah he's he would be like hanging with you you you know what I mean he if Danny chimed him like Danny relax we're figuring this out yeah you know what I mean yeah does he do any sports or anything? Yeah, football, wrestling, golf, jujitsu, and lacrosse. I used to be on the golf team when I was a kid. Yeah, he loves golf.

And here's the thing, I did nothing. Like, I did, like, one day is like, I want to go golfing. I'm like, I just don't say no to him, except hockey. I was like, you're not playing hockey. I don't, I'm not fucking spending nights. Yeah, no teeth in your mouth.

Golf is a lot. Golf is a lot of money, though. Golf, yeah, it's, I'd wrap, but golf is fun. Golf pays off. Yeah, there's no CTE. It's good in business. Golf is good in business.

Good in business. Good on college. College applications. Yeah. Golf is a way better. It's a gentleman sport. Hockey is like, I don't want him to be a fucking 38-year-old guy going to play hockey on a Tuesday

coming back with sweaty shit having to leave it in the basement. His wife complaining that his stupid hockey gear stinks. Yeah, he hits her. And I don't want to fuck it. It's so expensive. Yeah. And he can't skate. That's another thing.

Oh, well, that one, yeah. I'll teach him about a skate. No. Let me father your son. It sounds like you really want to get close to his 12-year-old son. I did volunteer as a big brother. other ones you know the big brother big sister thing i did do that and i was actually a lot of fun except my big the kid that i got was a pretty crazy uh but i did like doing the things of like

with somebody with no friends who wants to throw a football around you know what i mean i'm like i want to throw football with somebody yeah like he got into football not from me yeah he got into lacrosse just i want to play lacrosse i was like all right i was at the game going you know just yelling at what other dudes v cut yeah v cut man i know nothing about the sport no but that's lacrosse guys of the hot guys in high school. They were the troublemakers. I think I remember that. Yeah, I think my kid's going to be a good looking teenager.

If he looks anything like fucking Billy Zane. I just hope he keeps like, yeah, 55's going to be rough, but in. Max is going to peak. Yeah, dude. I mean, look, I had a blast. I thought it was fucking great. It was cool that there was a big group, too. I like that.

Yeah, it was a fun time. I just wish it stayed open a little later. that jiu-jitsu guy did not know we were rolling so deep when he opened up his doors he turned around he was like who the fuck are all these people but he could kill everybody absolutely at the same time we could have attacked him at once and he would have loved it he would have loved every second of it the other one that would have given him in trouble was max yeah yeah definitely would be over there they're like devon no no no no no she'd be my boyfriend just make it out i feel like joe ferrero could probably fight he has the weird large shoulders on a

little guy of a fellow who can do it. Is that the guy with the girlfriend who had the art studio? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he looks a little menacing. He just like, fuck it. Dude, I'm telling you, like, he's one of those guys that, like, takes off his ratty thing and it's, like, fucking abs and shit. Like, that guy's, like, he can, like, do, like, a million pull-ups. He used to post videos of it. Yeah, he's pretty rude.

He does, like, prison work. Yes. Yeah. He's a criminal. Let me rephrase. He's a criminal. Yeah. Is he really?

Probably. Oh. We're getting us. No, I don't know. But Easter was great, and I like Gacon Fest a lot, and I can't wait to do it again next year with everybody. I'm really, except my boyfriend wanted to get a hotel. He was like, next time what we do is we get a hotel room.

I bet he's all that, yeah. And I was like, we are going to get murdered. Are we, is this like a thing? I have to get this gig once a year on Bacon Fest? Yes. We should go to like the garlic fest or something else, too. Well, that sucks. He can't go there.

Garlic? Yeah, true. He's going to. We can go by vampire rules. We have to be invited in. Oh. No garlic. Yeah, do you know, smelly that would be?

For his boyfriend? They'd have clothes. pins on their nose. Although he's Italian, though. Can I tell you? I'm going to have to take this beating for him. He doesn't love garlic. He's weird. He's like autistic about food. He's not really. Dump him. He's very...

Dump him. He cooks phenomenally, though. For me. Like, he'll make me great food. He just won't eat it. It's so weird that he's so in love. I knew him when he was doing pumping dumps. Settling down with the old bowling chain. Is that how you met this dude? Like grinder or something? Yeah, legit sniffies. It was supposed to be like a hookup. And they come up with a nut, don't bring it up.

It's an app. We've been covered it. Yeah, it's been covered, and it's a hole I don't want to go down again. I just wish they would come up with another name than Sniffies. Yeah, that's tough. Yeah, they should call it like, you know, don't, don't sniff. Literally anything else. Anything else than Sniffies.

That's crazy. Fun times. Is that like a hookup, like primarily a hookup out? Oh, no, it's the way it is, it's Grindr without the class. It's, you know, oh, man. It's for clas and grinders? It's for pig sluts. Yeah, no.

Perfect for Bacon Fest. Yeah. Oh, my God. I forgot to check Sniffy's at fucking Bacon. Oh, I'm gonna regret that. Wait, holy. Why are you still on Sniffies if you're in love? It's a website.

I have an account. I'm going to log in and check on fucking bacon. You're not in love. You're a piece of shit, Devin. Wait, what? What are you talking about? This is your boyfriend. Yeah, dude.

And you're just logging into Sniff's. I'm not saying I want to fuck someone, but you don't want to see the, like, which of the dudes at Bacon Fest are also. One of them would have been standing right next to you. Not if I'm in love. You guys, you're not, you're purposefully not hearing me and it hurts. What is it? I feel purposefully not. You have a wandering eye.

That's why. Wandering brown eye. What? No, no, I'm not saying to hook up with other people. I'm saying it's funny to be like, look at the menu. You just want to know the guy doing the 50-50 burgers, sucking dick? Yeah. Don't you?

Like those burly eastern dudes, you don't want to see which one of the, like, I don't know. You want to see that all the guys, all the guys that look at the guys that look at like Navy SEALs are just gay. Some of those stands are going to have a little orange circle there, and it's going to be who's attending. First of all, you don't think they're going to shut that little beacon off before they go to Bacon Fest? No.

Their boss doesn't know that they're sucking dick on the side. No, dude, there's all kinds of pigs at Bacon Fest. I'm telling you. Well, yeah. I guess. Valid. Well, okay. Well, I mean, it was good that you didn't come to the show after.

Where'd you go? I had a friend's birthday. Gay. You went to a birthday party? Well, not a birthday party. I went to a gay birthday party, too. Every birthday party you go to is gay. I went to see him birthday.

He's somebody would like, Ow. Did that hurt? Ow. I'm sorry. No, don't do what? Oh, nice. Ow.

I rejected him. No, I had a birthday. Who are you? What? You do what would think? So I was like, I'm with my, I guess, boy. So I told him. And he goes, all right.

Well, I wish it was a girl. but if you're happy does he look like a girl at least would that be better or worse better better? Arguably better yeah yeah yeah trans woman

next time I'll come to make a face with a trans well good to know have you been with the trans no not my thing okay friends dude I such a dude named Ben's pussy guy to girl or so girl the guy

female to male so you dude with a pussy can I just say something can I say something real quick gross can I say something real quick can I do something really quick all right

people don't want careers I guess no but I was I cannot say I made the very briefest of contact with his vagina they're lower than you think that should never be low his vagina yeah we're getting canceled yeah dude my hand was going down

like I put my hand out but you don't know vagina they're all lower I know I'm just remarking that was the first it's like you looking for change under a car seat I thought it was under here it's deeper it's father back than I thought yeah somebody spilled something under here is that a and then I made the is that a gummy bear

it did feel like it felt like a gummy bear was that your first vagina yes and I made the very brief of some contact with my hand an electric shock with him and I went oh no no no no no no no no no I was like I'm sorry you turned Italian no no no no no it was crazy wait that was a first vagina you've ever Yeah, dude. I'm like a C-section, like platinum star, like, wow. Never touched a puss.

First pussy you ever touched was on a dude. That's gay. That's gay. That's the gayest thing you can fucking, yeah. That's the top five-star gay. You're platinum gay. Was the first pussy you ever touched? His name was Jack.

Ben. Ben. Oh, what a gay guy name. Was his last name? Dover? I am leaning to her or no. I think time is... I think we're at 50 minutes.

Where are we at? Yeah, do you think time is wrapped up at this point? So, are you just doing comedy now? I'm doing, yeah, pretty much, almost. What do you mean? Almost. I got one foot out the door. I'm still at my other job, but I'm like three days a week.

I work at a brunch place. You do brunch? I do brunch. You're calling him gay? He's serving him. This is how the dynamic works. This is it. What's a brunch place?

It's like between breakfast and lunch. I know what brunch is. it's like a mix of both it's becoming a bit of a thing a lot of mimosas is it but I've never heard just brunch place yeah yeah

well they're only open till three so I have the nights where I'll get off and I'll get off oh really there's just there's just brunch yeah

just do brunch no shit yeah breakfast and lunch I didn't know we get it no I mean like yeah I didn't know I didn't know that

I thought places did brunch and then they served dinner and shit some places do there's like a pop up of there's so many brunch places in New Jersey. Like a new one pops up every day.

Also, like, there's a lot of diners now in New Jersey that are only until, like, 3 p.m. Well, the brunch place is a new diner. You can't find any diners open late anymore. That is fucking dumb. I'm stopping at the fucking John Bon Jovi rest stop. Like, every time on the way home from shows, that's where I stop for fucking food. They sing of the diner. They play the new songs?

Yeah. Shot through the hot. They play it all. There's a little, like, a little booth that has a hologram. There's almost a Johnny Bravo, Bon Jovi. Yeah. And he, like, just tells you the history. I love it. I love it.

As soon as you pull up, you can hear it, you can, you can, you walk through those, and then you give love, and then you kick the door with a bad name. Let me get a sandwich. The creatures that are at that place.

A lot of Hasidic Jews there. A lot of Hasidic news there. That's what he meant by creatures. Yeah. I used to live right by Lakewood. That was fucking crazy. Lakewood's like all Hasidic. You're like,

how long was I fucking driving for? Speaking of that, I thought of it, I thought of it, then immediately discounted a skatled a game the other day. So you know those big poofy hats? Yeah. Big poofies. Apparently those are worth multiple thousands of dollars.

Five, six thousand dollars. And I was like, you could run around stealing hats. I mean, you'd make a kill. But who are you going to sell them to other than the people that you just stole it from? You have to sell them to other Jews. Or Halloween. Or Halloween. Dude, if you're not spending. If you give them a good deal, you got it for free. You stole one of them? You give them a good deal? They'll buy it from me. Why so expensive? What's the hair made of? Is that your plan? Apparently like yak or something.

Is that your career? Is that your career? career plan? Yeah. You're gonna go steal Jew hats. Jew hats and selling back the Jews. I'm in the Jew

hat business. No, the big ones, not the little ones. Not the little Ben Shapiro ones. You don't want the Yamagas? Nah, dude. You want the big $6,000

fucking furry Jew hats? Hey, no, I'm quality. I'm quality over quality. Just saw a video with Ben Shapiro knocking himself out with a speedback. What was it?

He's in college and he's like talking shit to a speed bag and he tries to hit it with his head to like be funny but he doesn't realize that it bounces back. It bounces back and, like, knocks him on his ass. Oh, what an asshole.

It was such a good video. It's so funny. And he's, like, freaks out, and he, like, scurried out. You have all these videos that I want to see. I want to see the gay kid. Yeah, I got to find that one. Is that a technique? I mean, he probably never got cold gay again.

Now, this is weird. The guy, did the kid get hard? I think the kid had a move. No, I was that much. Like, it was, how long was he said? He was trying to stop him, but he was like, little, oh, no, this is the Ben Shapiro one. So good. Oh, more than 12,000 views, too.

Oh, okay. That hurts. That hurts. He's actually going to hit it with a fist, and then he hits it with his head. Is it really a different? Are there a different hat in this one? He does it twice.

This is fake. No, it's it's it. Ow. I'm going to go into podcast. I seem to have broke my nose. No, that's actually really illogical the way it doesn't spec like that. I think that was fake.

Like it didn't really hit him? No, it clearly hit him. Well, he did. He did it twice. You said he did it with it. You saw it? No, no, he hits his head. Well, he hits it and then it bounces back. Oh, okay. And the half fell off. So that was the video. That was the video. That was it. The other one's better. Yeah, the other one's way better. The other one of the other words. I saw Hitler's crazy. I'm sorry, do I have the right to order Danny around? Yes, go ahead. Yeah, Danny. You guys. Also, just as a runner, I'm not doing the pulling up. Danny, shove one of these candles up your ass. far. If you're not doing the pulling up, you do the pulling up. Yeah,

all right, well, there you go. We're going to do, is this it? You're bringing it back up? Go, Lou. An old video from his college days. Right there's the right.

From Hitler's love of young adult fiction to synonymous. That's just something. This podcast sheds new weird letter. I'm not loving that. Yeah, that's weird.

Is this the description for your podcast? Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. From Hitler. What podcast am I on right now? Hitler love. No topic except Hitler and Jews. I mean, it's basically that.

Fair. You know what, Jews? You know what a hit podcast that would be? You know what? No, the comedy seller podcast should be called, You Know What, Jues. Make that the clip, Danny, so he'll never work the seller. Yeah, like, that's going to be the reason.

True. Well, you have no self-esteem. Sorry, I was trying to be. Vagy's not funny. Who's the funniest out of you three? Oh, that's not mean. Ah, come on. It's you.

No. Danny, who's the funniest? Bobby, you're the funniest. There you go. Besides me. All of them. Oh, wow. He'll tell me later.

Yeah. You will. I mean... I think you're all. I think we're all really funny and all really not. I would equally have sex with everybody at this table. You know what? Really?

This is the problem with new con. If this was Norton, Voss, and Keith, he'd be like, Voss stinks. Okay, so Coley's the funniest. Okay. Well, but, you know. You know what? Dude, that made me feel so good. Yeah, that, yeah.

Yeah, I present that, but I made a lot of jokes about his dad dying. It's okay. I'm making jokes about my dad dying for a long time. All right, let's do plugs real quick. What do you got? Brunch. Brunch. Breakfast and lunch.

My Instagram's at the Mike Soley. How many days do you do brunch? Uh, three. Oh, that'd be great if we just got a bunch of comics to go to brunch. That sounds like my fucking nightmare. I would wear. I would quit. I would see you guys come and be like, I'm out.

Bye. And I'd try to figure it the fuck out. Oh, you wish that they were bottomless. No, I would be allowed. Not before you get it. Excuse me, there's no bottomless. Bottomless. Only bottom.

Do you get to wear this outfit or do you have to wear an outfit? I got to wear a fucking shirt. What's the shirt? It's like the t-shirt. It's like a polo? It says the name of the place. What's the name of the place? Just say the name of the place.

No, no, no. You find out. I'll tell you after. We talked about my job for the person. No, no, I don't want it. It's different. You like your job. I want to kill myself every time I won't.

Yeah, your job's in the business. Yeah, your job's cool. Fair. I am. I'll do like, I'll do like a real fun weekend and then I'll go to work and I'll fucking get yelled at for syrup. And that's when I want to kill myself. So, that's what I feel. It could only be good.

Like, people from the podcast would come. No, I don't want to get customers. Dude, I see people from high school there, and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Well, that's different. People from high school. This would be worse for me. They're pulling up with a family and a Rolex and a Beamer. Yeah.

And they're like, dude, I know you. You still doing comedy? Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. You have to say, it hurts my soul talking about it. It hurts. It is weird. I'm getting to the point in my life where it is weird to tell people in the community because it's not.

Especially when you're not. Yeah. Exactly. Literally, exactly. What? What's your plugs? My Instagram's at the Mike Socoli. I got a half hour on YouTube called Prom King.

I filled with KP. We did it the same night. Okay, yeah. I love KP. He's a man. I just did his podcast before. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's great.

He's funny, motherfucker. He's hysterical. Good dude, too. I love seeing guys that he was good when I met him, and then he got really good. Yeah. He turned a corner. Joe Russell did that. Yeah.

Danny, I'm waiting. We're all waiting. We're all waiting. I love Danny. Oh, shut up. Danny was with me when I passed out cold on the train. Oh my god That was all gay.

He's such a good friend that after I passed out He screamed and yelled I'm out cold He's like shit fuck Some guy was like You gotta turn him on his side Some stranger

And Danny goes Can you do it And I woke up in some Stranger's arms Dude Danny calls me He goes Danny calls me He goes Devin

Mike Sicoli passed out I don't know what to do He has to say in Jersey City Can he crash your place I go why can he crash your place He goes I mean I gotta wake up In the arm

I was driving to pet shop to help When your family interceded Why did you pass out? I had an enlarged colon And he was going to shit himself Or an inflamed cold I felt like I was going to shit my pants on the train And it was really hot

And there were so many people around And I was talking to Danny And Danny's looking at me laughing Because we were laughing all night We had a great night Go ahead He kept going I'm going to shit myself dude

Dude I'm for real I'm going to shoot myself I'm going to shoot myself And then as he was like getting More serious His eyes rolled back and he fell to the ground. Did you chase up?

Oh, I didn't shit, but I pissed my pants. You pissed? I pissed myself. I was just another guy with piss pants on the fucking path. That's why Danny didn't want to touch you. You didn't know. Well, I didn't get up.

I didn't get up right away because I felt the warmth from the piss. And I had a shit so bad. I'm like, I shit, my pen. I can't get up because it's going to leak out. But I didn't shit. But I went to the underground when we got back, and I blew that bathroom.

I was sweating too. It was so bad. Scary. What are you got? Oh, Devin Hall comment on Instagram. that's it yeah wow

what's your boyfriends no no no no no well you yeah no don't do that I don't want to no I don't want to flood you boyfriend

with a bunch of my fans we're afraid of ice yeah it's true sorry not for his enlarge colon uh what do you got dude

uh just felt a pot of filth on Instagram you do it with somebody or it's just yourself just me what is it about Uh, my Instagram is just my... No, you have a, you have a pod?

No, I have, I have my, uh, my collectibles page, I think is what... What is it? No, you said filter pot. He misheard you. Oh, oh, oh, okay, because Danny wanted, well, not did it want, but brought up my, uh, my thrifting page where I... A what? I like to do a lot of thrifting. What's a thrifting?

You know what thrifting is. You know what thrifting is. I don't know a fucking thrifting in. He buys other people's old shit. It's turning being porn. art. Oh, you mean your outfit. Yeah. My outfit, my apartment. Why aren't you friends with Stavros?

Why aren't I? Yeah. Honestly, I should. You should be. Hook it up. Yeah. My, uh... You look like a Zempic Stavros. Yeah. You really do. You're a socialist? Uh, no comment. Because you want to do with Stavis? Just want to get cooked anywhere. I want to get comedy in Austin at some point.

You got to be a fucking Republican if you want to do that. Well, you know, I could be whatever. you want me to be. You're happy about mom daddy? I love calling him mom daddy. Why? Because it's fun. Oh, I didn't know what he were talking about for a second.

Did he win today? It was like the election, right? They don't find out the day of... They find out an election day. When do we find out if he's our mom, daddy? Probably later tonight, late tonight. They have to actually do this. They count the votes.

Okay. And that takes a minute. And then they throw away the ones they don't want to win. Once the third tower gets hit, then we'll... Oh, I really... I hope there's another terrorist attack and just watch him to go, listen, we should feel bad for both sides.

You think he's going to have others? There's good people in both? Yeah. Listen, they had their reasons. Yeah. Definitely, it's not going to be like September 11th. They tell you that. He is not going to come.

He's going to be like, listen, we don't know who it was yet. It could have been white people. I mean, at this point, it kind of cut off. Yeah. How? I was talking to Quinn about this today. When was the last time you saw? I haven't seen a

fucking Ku Klux Klan No Like I haven't seen a A white supremacist In fucking 20 years When was that time you saw A legitimate white subprime In the fucking white house Bobby

Oh I don't know Like in person Like real like face to face Like back of the day You'd see You know Klu Klu Klan marches White Supremis Marches

Oh Thanksgiving Where Last year My family When have you seen I don't know in our daily lives at the store. I opened my closet.

I went to high school of some guy who was like really white supremacist. Like that's what I mean. Like I haven't seen one of those guys. Like I guess they're hiding it better or whatever but I mean you see

far left lunatics which I consider the same fucking thing all the time. Just out the open it's fine. Well that's also your algorithm you know like the internet's showing us shit that we like already think you know. No, I've looked for white stuff.

I've just looked for places to join. I'm on the Facebook groups. I'm just saying it's hard for me. I'm in the Reddit. Where can you see White's your criminal purposes? Because I'm kind of looking for friends. Yeah, I went to Bacon Fest thinking I could hook up with some of these guys. And I didn't.

There were probably some White's Supremises at Bacon Fest. No, there weren't any dues. Definitely. Except Danny. True. Yeah. Well, Bacon Fest is a top place to find Jews. Yeah.

I figure that's where all the, they would, that's where they would all be, right? A lot of diversity of Began Fest. I like that. What does your thing again? Well, you can follow this page, too. I have Waldo's World. on Instagram Is that when you buy all your

What is it called thrifting stuff? Drifting, I collectibles, my apartment I don't even want to show you my apartment Oh, his apartment's crazy. But also, you have figurines. No, you got to show them. Got to click one of them. I have everything.

Moving is going to be such a bitch, dude. Oh, I'm never moving out of this apartment straight up ever again. Well, you picked, Danny, I really wish you picked a better one here. You really do look like what Starvros wants to look like. That's cool, I guess. He looks like after the word, what the

fuck is on the back wall? I have a gallery wall I collect What's a gallery wall It's a gallery Fuck, I'm gay Maybe Is that an Elvis Presley painting?

That's the Picture, yeah Picture It's a picture of Elvis Presley You have a clown A lot of clowns I have 25 Are you a serial killer?

I'm not No Yet I have a theory About serial killers Yeah I feel like There's gonna be

No more serial killers Let me just say that because it's okay to be gay now. That's a good point. Well, not even gay, but just it's okay to do, it's okay to be all the things. Yeah, you can be whatever you want now. You can have sex with anybody.

You can be by, you can be gay. You can do whatever you want where you hold is now. You can't cut off people's heads and. Yeah, but that was why. That was why because they had to get married. Because they were suppressing being gay. All those guys. You guys were, okay, well, I mean,

add that to another listed stuff that just letting people be gay is fixed. Fine. Can I take credit for that? If there's no more serial killers? Well, all them, most of them are hiding something, right? Most of them had something they were ashamed of. No, like Ted Bundy was straight. He just, like, killed and ate the way.

But fucking Ed Gein's gay. Didn't Ed Gein had, like, vagina? Ed Gein wasn't gay, but he did like to dress up in women's clothes and skin. Yeah, but that's like, accept it. Yeah, now that's accepted. You couldn't do it. And he had all this repressed fucking sex stuff. I don't know about this.

And he actually blew, he blew, uh, no, that was uh that was uh um gacy gacy blew the blue the gay did he blow the guy the corpse he sucked a couple dicks i'm sure i don't know i thought johnny gase he killed kids i think egg geans egg gains whatever his name was he he he slept down with a gay guy right no no no no he would dommer was gommer was gay all black dudes he was gay these guys were all guys who were trying to be regular and they weren't and they they wound up just murdering these guys because they didn't want to have

lesbian yeah what about Eileen Warnos I think now that it's it's okay to do whatever the fuck you want it's like fuck it I don't have to kill this guy now I don't almost rather than

I can keep killing people right some of them should just keep killing yeah it's like catch and release now it's not yeah yeah yeah I don't think so but that'd be great imagine your grandfather just being like you couldn't just kill someone instead

couldn't just kill a bunch of people I've also killed people There you go. All right. Let's end the podcast. Danny, what are you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. All right.

Well, you could say it a little more enthusiastic. Let me tell myself after that. I know, right? Go to punchup. Dot live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. Of course, I'm coming to East Providence, the comedy connection on the 21st. Lastin.

I got Point Pleasins coming up. Sarah Soda's coming up. Oh, and Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Peckipsy's coming up. I got a lot of... I'm doing that one with you, I think. Poughkeepsie. Are you doing Poughkeepsie?

I just got booked on that fellow, Cal, yeah. All right, cool. That'll be great. Batavia, again, I love that comedy. I think I'm doing that one with you in Batavia. Are you doing it? Go to PudgeUp.org for all my dates. Zach, what do you got?

Just follow me on Instagram at Zachary Unlimited. Thank you so much. And also follow jokes, Russell, on Instagram as well. Of course. You guys are the best fans. We're going to go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. with answer all your questions and talk a little more and do a little extra extra plus you get the show first before everybody else and you get an extra episode every week if you go to

if you want to support the show go there and join up it's not that expensive and you're supporting the show and help me pay uh danny every month uh so make sure you go there and that's it we'll see you guys next week on you know what dude