Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #615 | Pimpin' | Keith Robinson & Dante Nero
Episode Date: November 30, 2025This week on YKWD Dante Nero and Keith Robinson join the pod to discuss what's it like to be a pimp & their time as a male stripper.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.c...om/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Support the show and get 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order.Use code DUDE at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/DUDESupport the show and start your free online Hims Hair visit athttps://www.hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Yeah, baby.
We're starting the podcast right now.
We're back.
You know what, dude, live.
Welcome everybody to the show.
YKWI.
I started a social media podcast.
The fact.
The YKWD podcast.
YKWD is back again.
Old school, back in the day,
where it all started before them all.
This podcast is so fun and crazy.
It has no rules.
God, to help you're ruining this.
Bruce of Bargana, man.
Sorry, it's a comedy podcast.
This isn't NPR.
That's what this podcast does.
Is there any better show?
This is the original.
Original.
What's up, everybody?
We're live from the Comedy Cellar Studios above the Comedy Cellar.
We're back again, YKWD.
We've got a lot of new followers on here.
Welcome to the podcast.
If you're new here, subscribe.
hit that button for me make sure you like it in those comments tell us how much you love it
and how much you hate it doesn't matter uh also we got patreon dot com slash robert kelly i had one guy say
why you got a patreon if you got the fuck it's because it helps the show pay the producers pay for
all the shit it's not a lot it's five bucks so do it if you can if you can't here it is free
every sunday when you do the patreon you get the show first free you get an extra episode every
week, and you get unedadda-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So today we got a great show.
We have somebody who's late, but it's not by their fault. What is their fault? I mean,
technically, it is their fault. Danny, who do we got? Right now, we have Dante Niro from
the M. Godfrey-Wee Trust podcast. And mine. And the D'Neum. Man School 202 is mine. Man-School 202, which I'm
familiar with. Yeah. The other one is Godfrey and You.
Yeah, me and Godfrey and Trust. I co-host with him.
God, three inch.
I like that.
And then, of course, we have who else, Danny?
Coming in in a little bit is going to be Keith Robinson.
Slow.
I mean, he's downstairs eating a Caesar salad like it's his last meal.
This motherfucker takes 10 minutes to chew.
I thought he was done.
No, he keeps chewing.
God damn it.
So, this is why, Keith, I mean, he's the worst, he's the worst person.
I mean, we shouldn't be.
friends with him he's a bad person he is a bad person he's not yeah he's really like like really a bad
we've gotten closer because all of my friends are dumb and uh might might no no okay no i mean you just
not around but my friends are dumb and uh he does read some politics and so you know who reads
i read you do keith doesn't no but he watches videos though he doesn't no but he watches videos though
And he, he, barely.
Yeah, no.
But the, slim, the pickings is slim, my friend.
Keith, his opinion is based on your opinion.
Whatever your opinion is, he's going against it.
A lot of times.
I've actually got him where he doesn't really go against me.
I know that sounds crazy, right?
God, I don't know how you do that.
It's been a lot of work.
Yeah.
A lot of work.
I've had to show him he was wrong every time.
So he doesn't really go against me.
In fact, when he's going against other people,
and he can't handle it he'll call me on a three-way
like he'll sick me on people
I remember when I used to do three-ways
when he was a fucking rock star
You and I both
Oh God what happened
Yeah you still can do it
No I can't
I mean you can't
You're because you're married but yeah
Yeah you can't
I had a three-way
About three months ago
Fuck off
Really
Yeah
Okay now a three-way
Yeah
With you
Yeah
Women
Yes
I'm kidding
I don't throw nothing
I'm joking
I've seen you looked out
you looked out
I was like
What the fuck
I'm interested
So
Okay
You meet
Is this a
A spontaneous thing
Um
They're hanging out
You
So I don't have
That thing where chicks
Would like
You know
I used to be buff
Where they would go
Oh I'll do that
But I just
Now you force them
No
I just talk I just talk
And just people are dumb
Oh don't say that
What if they're listening
They just are
I mean no I'm not talking about them
They're just used to people
Not having opinions and not
Reading and not
Having
Not more like
I think that people are
Purposely
Stupid
Can I say something about reading
Because you've mentioned it twice now
And it's bugging me
Okay
You asked me though
I know
I know.
But I was talking my wife about this.
Reading back in the day was something you had to do.
Right.
You got a new whatever, a new toaster.
You had to read the direction.
Yeah.
You got a new car.
You had to read this.
You had to read that.
But now YouTube is our new encyclopedia.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I, instead of reading something, we'll just go to YouTube.
And it will teach me everything I need to know.
Fair enough.
I've learned so much off of YouTube.
I mean, in the middle of the night,
fix my heating off of YouTube.
Sure.
Would it cost me thousands.
Sure.
I made a pirate ship in the backyard from Max off of some guy on YouTube.
And he just walked you through it.
He just did it.
I watched it twice.
I bought the wood.
And I made it.
Oh, you made the pirate from scratch?
Yes.
You didn't even, it wasn't a hit.
You know the pirate shit in the back of the house?
Of course I know.
I made that.
With the, uh...
Yeah, with the sale.
With the line.
It was chalkboard.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was my wife.
I mean, she had the details.
She had the, she has the creativity to it.
Yeah, yeah.
But I mean, yeah.
You know that fence in my backyard?
Yes.
Put that up.
YouTube.
All YouTube.
How about the bowling alley desk?
That was YouTube.
Oh, that was so funny.
You almost died that day.
Oh.
People don't, I have...
Oh, yeah, because you were just going to do it by yourself.
Well, I did the first.
by myself.
Yeah, yeah.
I called you a stand.
I called you an emergency.
Yeah.
Because I got this idea.
I wanted a 10 foot by 25 foot table like Apple.
Yeah.
I just wanted a long table.
Me and Don to sit at and she does her work over there and I do my work over here.
Never happened.
The dreams you have when you fucking move it with a shit are fucking wild.
She was going to make her jewelry.
I was going to do my jokes.
Never sat there.
No, I watched porn there.
She just put shit on top of it
But anyways
I go
So I look on
Whatever the fuck I looked on
Again I think it was
eBay
And I went
I found a bowling alley
I remember this
And a truck tipped over
And it broke the
Broke the bowling alley in halves
This guy had
Like you know
75 pieces of a bowling alley
10 foot
By different sizes
Yeah
In this container
In his backyard
over where you live in Brooklyn.
Yeah.
He goes, it's in the backyard.
I'm not helping you.
You can sift through whatever you want.
I had to go through.
I so had the stack of bowling alley.
In a dumpster.
It was in like a container unit.
Dude, each piece weighs fucking 500 pounds.
Right.
So as I'm going...
It's about five inches.
You know what a bowling alley is?
It's two by fours glued together.
Okay.
That's all a bullet.
And then sand it down and then, you know,
varnished over and over and over and over.
It was four inches.
It's that, exactly.
And then just wrote, dude.
You just did the math?
The whole stack.
I don't read.
And I don't do math.
Dude, I had to like take off.
The stack almost fell on me.
I almost fucking died.
Yeah.
And then I found my piece and I immediately called you.
Right.
I was like, the only person I know that could help me out of all my friends.
I went, no.
No.
Rich Fox.
Mm-hmm.
Call it, no.
Oh, was at Keith?
Absolutely not.
Nobody, the only person I know with muscles is you.
And you fucking help me so much.
You came over, helped me put it in my car, drove to my house.
And then you get ready to take it home.
No, and you, yeah, you're like, dude, you ain't going to get that in your house, stupid.
You ain't getting that out of you.
I wouldn't have, I would have had to leave it in my car just sticking out the back.
And you followed me all the way to fucking Westchester and help me take it out.
And you didn't ask for anything.
You just asked, I was like, you want some food?
And you were like, yes.
and then Don fed you.
A lot of food. You know how I met Voss?
How?
Patrice was picking up a treadmill that he never used.
And when Voss was living in Jersey in the attic,
you remember he was living in the attic of something,
like the ghost of Mrs. Mewer house at the top in the clock tower?
I didn't know that.
And we had to go get the treadmill.
Really?
And Patrice was, I was like,
He's picking it up.
Now, that's the first time I met Vos.
Because who, Patrice lived over there.
Yeah, he lived over there.
Will. Communapar.
Right.
Yeah.
And I don't know, Voss lived there.
Norton lived in Jersey, too.
I didn't know that.
Everybody lived in Jersey City for a week.
And I was like, this sucks.
No, it was too fucking New York.
You wanted some grass.
You wanted some grass.
You wanted some grass
I moved to the city to a doorman building
I remember the, well
So I remember the other apartment that you fixed
The duplex
Oh you got you went to the one I bought
Yes
Yeah that one was the shit
That was the shit
That was down the block from my job
Was it? Oh yeah
The phone company was down the block
Verizon's right down the street
I remember you drive by
Yeah
I would see you on the streets in a while
Yeah you hooked that up
That shit was dope nice duplex real cozy
Yeah my dream was to keep that
Rented
Buy and I just couldn't
Stop it.
I'm doing jokes.
I look like a landlord.
Are you still working at Verizon?
Sort of.
Let's not go there.
Did I ever tell you you look like my father?
No.
Let me show me a picture.
I'm going to show you a picture, my dad.
You have the same mouth.
Is that gay?
I mean, guys got a nice mouth.
What do you want?
Dude, when I look at you...
You see your dad?
I see my dad.
I never told you that?
No, never.
Buddy, you look like my fucking dad.
It's so weird.
I look at you, and let me see if I get the picture.
The fucking new iPhone.
God damn.
What gadgets do you got?
I'm on 17, but I'm not, well, you know, mics and shit.
I've been doing a lot of those little mics and shit.
I know the best mics to get.
Which?
Is the Hollyland?
I got them.
You knew that when you said, when it came out of your mouth, didn't you know?
I already had it.
Do you get the DGIs?
I got those two.
All right.
And the roads.
You got the roads?
I got them all too.
But do you see the new Holly Monk, the little button?
That's what I got.
Not the button button, the hook button.
The hook button is the fucking one to get.
So fucking.
Holleyland has the best.
They fucking that little hook thing is just boop.
The other one that's a, I hate the other thing.
The magnet on the ice.
Yeah.
The button one and you can't even see it.
It looks like part of your shirt.
Me and you are, we should do it.
Always.
We should do a tech podcast.
We should do a tech podcast.
We absolutely good.
Once a month, I already know what it's going to be called.
You don't need it.
Because that's what my wife says to me.
That's a good.
Every time I buy one of these stupid things, you don't need it.
But some of them you do.
I just got, did you get the displays?
No, I didn't.
You know why?
Because I don't have a studio no more.
I told you what my studio.
I'm talking about the meta display glasses.
No, I think, how do you like them?
I love them.
really do they look do they look weird on your face no they look like these really they look just like
these okay they look awesome and there's a display in them and do you need them no no you don't need them
it's the dumbest thing to have but dude to be sitting on the train listening to my music
scrolling through fucking instagram walking down the street reading messages live translate it's cool
it's the best all right i'd fuck with that if you're a tech nerd and you don't have the displays
if you're a gadget geek like me
and you don't have the displays,
then you're not a gadget geek.
Because it's hard to get.
You've got to go in for an appointment.
You've got to go in and get fitted.
It's all bullshit, too.
Do you want the big ones or the small ones?
Because is your head big or is it small?
And do you have, do you want the one?
You've got to go in and have an appointment?
You've got to have an appointment.
They don't just give them to you.
Because they don't have a lot of them.
They don't have them.
So you've got to go on the website.
You've got to pick an appointment
and show up that day within 30 minutes.
So you missed your point.
How much today?
What it costs?
$800.
And I got him and I immediately got him and she was like, why the fuck did you buy these?
I was so like, because I don't need them, but I fucking want them.
I got to find this photo for you right now.
You don't have them on you.
Huh?
You don't have them on you.
No, I didn't bring him tonight.
You know why?
Why?
Because Max took him and hooked him up to his phone.
Oh.
And I got to unhook him from his phone.
Where is this photo?
Hey, guys, can you scroll through?
I'll tell you this fucking thing.
This picture right here.
Anything.
how about that fucking picture
oh shit
oh that's our friend coming up right now
oh what a goofball
this is the problem with Keith
he thinks he's such a badass
he's just a goofball
are you ready
let me see
holy shit
he's kind of got my mouth
he's got your mouth
he's got his mouth
am I right
yeah he's got my mom
you look like my dad
you look like my sister
you got Sicilian or something in you
I got I actually
Yeah, my grandfather's 100% Sue.
Smile.
You look like my fucking dad, dude.
Danny, I'm sending you.
You're going to put this up.
Listen, I'm proud of you.
Proud of you.
Buddy, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Don't do it.
I'm in the middle of this shit in therapy right now.
Don't do it.
Don't fucking say you're proud of me because that's what I wanted all my life.
I'm telling you.
I'm proud of you.
Not as my dad or Dante.
Both.
Oh, no.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
You dig.
Danny, don't laugh at this.
You did good.
No, no, did I?
You did I do good.
You did good.
I did good, how?
You all the time, you did good.
Am I doing good now?
Yes.
Am I a good dad?
The son loves you, a good husband.
Why aren't you around?
Why can't you be his grandfather?
What?
Things happened, Bobby.
What happened?
But I knew you would be strong enough.
I knew you would be strong enough to do it.
I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough.
But you were.
I was.
You're here now.
I am not.
Yeah, you're here.
Right now you're here.
I love you so much.
I love you too.
I fucking love you.
I love you.
I love you too.
I love you.
I always thought you was a special boy.
You didn't.
And I didn't always know how to say it.
Are you going to just, you could have me?
I should.
I just didn't know how.
You could just help me?
I didn't know how.
My dad didn't get to me.
I'm sorry.
And I didn't know how, but I would.
I'm giving you hugs now
You're a fucking piece of shit
But thank you so much
Dude I want that so bad
I just went through all this stuff
In therapy
Bobby I'm proud of you too
Fuck you, Danny
You're not his dad
Mind your business
Leave my son alone
You don't have my dad's mouth
Leave my son alone
Thank you dad for protecting me
Finally
You never stuck up for me
I'm here now.
Yeah, but you weren't there then with the second stepdad.
We can't go in the back.
We can't go back.
But I won't let Dan fucking say shit to you.
Thank you.
Beat the shit out.
Can you go hit him for me?
I will choke him.
Soon as we get off, I'll choke him.
No, do it on the air so I can give fucking likes and follows because that's what I like, Dad.
Bobby, I'm proud of you, too, buddy.
Is that Joe?
Yeah.
Can you beat up Joe, too?
Sure.
Whoever you, listen, son, whoever you, whoever you, whoever,
bothering you. When Keith comes up, can you
punch him right? I definitely can punch
right in the... On the side he feels it.
No, no. I don't want him to see it coming.
Where's your dad?
He's dead.
Did you... Were you friends with him?
That's complicated. Why?
So my dad was born 1920.
Holy. He was
one of 16.
Black guys like to bang late life.
Eight. Eight boys, eight girls.
So my aunt, my aunt was, uh, what the fuck?
My aunt was born 19, 1896.
One wife?
One wife.
One wife.
How many kids?
16.
16 kids.
Your mom's vagina.
My grandmother.
Your, what?
Your dad fucked your grandmother?
No, my grandmother.
Wait a second.
My dad's, my dad's mom.
He was one of 16.
Your father didn't have 16 kids.
No, my dad had, we had four.
Four.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Three girls with me.
Because that was back in the day when you had to fucking.
And my dad was a, my grandfather was a bootlegger during the, during the, so like, there was a time when black dude.
Like bumpy?
Like bumpy?
Well, my uncle actually was bumpy's, uh, muscle.
Is that why you're dressed like bumpy right now?
I don't know.
Well, that's what we can get into that.
But the, um, my, my, my, my, my dad's.
older brother
was very tight with Bumpy
in Harlem. Really? Yeah, he was muscle for
bumpy. So your dad was muscle?
No, my dad was the little
brother. He was the baby boy.
What does that mean? Like, so it was
16. So your uncle was the muscle?
Yeah. I'm not listening to anything you're saying.
I mean, you're saying it, and I'm not even
hearing it. It's coming out of your dad's mouth.
Because I'm just seeing my dad.
I just want to fucking run. Yes, Dad.
We're doing three hours today
So let me ask a question
So your dad
You had 16
Your mom your grandparents had 16 kids
On my dad's side
Yeah
Because they couldn't have
They didn't
You just had the babies back then
Yeah well it mean
You know my
How did they afford that?
Because they all worked
They all
Everybody worked
And contributed
Right
Right
Right
So my dad was the youngest
You had kids
To help the family
Yeah that's why you
You know
That's why you did it
And
So my old
my dad's oldest sister
she was born 1896
Jesus Christ dude
Hey that was the old West
Yeah
That was when they had gun fights
Fuck yeah
That's crazy
My dad and my dad was
My dad had rickets
That's how old we talk
But it was no milk
What's a ricket
You know what a ricket
I don't know what a ricket
So when you have a lack of calcium
And like during the depression
And you didn't get enough milk
Right
So the bones didn't
like your bones don't develop.
Is that where they got rickety from?
Yeah, of course.
Rickety.
Yeah.
And you know that because you read.
Yeah.
Read it, Danny.
Ricketts is a condition that causes bones to soften and weaken in children.
Most commonly due to a deficiency in vitamin D, calcium, or another word that I don't know.
Phosphorus, you fucking idiot.
How do you not know that word?
I know that word, and I'm the dumbest person in this.
room.
It sucks when your producer goes, and a word I don't know.
And he's reading it.
But he didn't even take a shot.
He's reading it.
He didn't go sound it out, Danny.
What the fuck?
You didn't watch Sesame Street.
I was scared if I signed it out.
Foss?
Foss.
For us.
You don't think you're stupid if we're going on a word I don't know.
You read it perfectly and then a word I don't know that I'm not going to try.
Foss?
For us.
For us.
For us.
Foss.
For us.
Foss.
For us.
I remember Electica?
company um so so your dad your dad was not muscle but he was yeah he was the smallest too
but he ended up fucking diesel he used to work out and shit right yeah but my uncle was uh muscle
for bumpy and my aunt so you asked me why do i dress like bumpy so my aunt her husband
died in uh probably like 1910 and she uh so she she was a caterer for the nuns and
when you couldn't be gay, I'd do a joke about this, when you couldn't be gay,
like if you were gay, you got thrown out of the house.
Right.
And my aunt used to take gay men in and give them a place to stay.
Like the Underground Railroad for black people?
Well, for gay dudes, anyway.
You had the underground gay railroad?
And I had a whole bunch of art.
My joke is that I was the only fourth grader with a velvet smoking jacket and a pink ascot.
They used to do that.
dress me. Of course they did. And they were
all, like, and they used to have, like, we
weren't around, but, like, they would have these huge
gay party, because once they got on their feet,
like, gay people, they make money.
What do you mean on their feet?
Like, so my aunt
picked them up when they were kids, homeless.
Oh, okay, okay. And my aunt had
three houses, and every one of the houses
had a white baby grand
piano in it with a chandelier.
Was that, because you had to have that if you had
a bunch of gay kids. When the AIDS epidemic
happened, oh my God. A lot of them
died, and they all bequeathed their houses.
My aunt had, like, three houses.
Bequeathed? I didn't know gay guys quefed.
Oh, they quefe.
Oh, they quefe.
It's a smoky creakish.
They stayed quefeing.
That's a smelly quefe.
It don't even stink because it's so...
Anyway, no matter.
But, yeah, so that...
So you lived in it like a gay house.
No, I mean, my aunt, when I was going to see my...
It was all gay uncles.
Gay uncles?
Yeah, that's what they would call you.
You know, that's my uncle.
And my godfather was gay.
Were they flamboyant?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I'm looking at you.
They had the scarf.
You know, the, remember Scooby-Doo?
What was the, the neckerchief?
You know, the, you know, the knot, like, old, uh, old porn where they were wearing the neckerchief on the side?
Yeah, yeah.
Scooby-Doo, was he gay?
Probably.
So, so is that, and that's where you got your, your style, sense of style, yeah.
Your style is from your gay uncles.
Yeah, I had fucking two-tone cowboy boots.
Well, let me show a picture.
I'll show you a picture of me, like, with all the goofy kids around me,
and I got on a blue double-breasted jacket and a knit tie.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
I'm like...
Now, how...
Because that's...
Because you're pretty...
You're one of my, I would say, alpha male friends.
You know, I'm weird with that.
But, yeah, well, I'll take it.
But there's a thing I talk about alpha male, which is not a real thing.
What do you mean?
So alpha male is this thing where they, you know, it's not a real thing.
When they talked about alpha wolves, it was really the female wolf that was the head of the family.
Right.
But they thought it was alpha male because she was dominant over everybody.
So that doesn't exist.
But when they talk about alpha males, you know what they talk about that, the guy who's, but it's, I feel like alpha males are insecure.
So there's something called a Sigma Mail, right?
Right.
So Alpha males, they're always got to be in the front, aggressive, always.
But if you're always aggressive, it's usually because you're insecure about not being in control.
Right.
Where a Sigma Mail can take the situation and step back and let, so if you are better at building stuff.
Yeah.
And we're stranded on, I let you do what you do, and I'm not threatened by the fact that you do something.
that I don't do.
Right.
Whereas an alpha male would be like,
I got a, you know.
Right.
Or they micromanage.
Right.
When they do stuff.
Right.
Okay.
So I'm, I can.
So there's no alpha wolf.
No.
It's a myth.
I mean, there's the dominant wolf, yes.
But when they did that study,
there's a whole thing with it.
We were studying the wolves with what they saw was
really the mother that was running.
There's a lot of ass in here.
Show me the.
Yes, before you show me your gay pictures.
Yeah, there's a nice little set of nice.
Wow, those are nice.
They are really nice.
Wow, I wish I had those on my phone.
I wish I had a friend that would send me pictures.
I know you can't.
Sure I can.
I know you can.
Sure I can.
I want you to.
How many tities do you have on your phone?
A lot.
A lot.
What do you do with it?
They're just there from years.
Oh, here it is.
Look at this.
What are you in the middle?
I should send it to Danny.
Oh, my God, dude.
You were a good-looking young boy.
But you see the knit tie and the...
You have the little handkerchief.
Yeah, little...
And all these other dudes are just dressed up regular.
They have like a regular uniform.
And you are pimping at that age.
Yeah.
Look at dude.
Look at you, a fro.
You are a good-looking young dude.
Thank you, bro.
And they never, ever try.
tried to uh fucking uh no no not once you know who tries to you always said you did you went to
catholic school right yep didn't they have a fruity priest in there a fruit pop i'll tell you what
i didn't have one in school when i went to i got kicked out of catholic school okay twice all right
uh no once in fifth grade um they had speaking of beta males here's a beta male's here's a beta male
showing up.
What up,
Beta Mail?
Is he a Beta Mail or a Sigma?
He's definitely not a Sigma.
He's not a Sigma.
He's a fucking question mark.
He's, is he the wolf
in the back of the pack that waits for everybody to eat?
Donta, can he send me that picture so I can put him in post?
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody, Keith Robinson is here.
I eat.
You what?
I eat.
I eat first.
Yeah, you're eating downstairs.
forever, you son of a bitch.
I had two strokes, man.
What the fuck?
You're going to stop relying on that.
I had two strokes.
I know you did.
This is college.
Oh, my God.
Let me see that.
Dante was a fucking...
He was jamming, dude.
I'm a better pimp to Dante.
Shut up.
You always bought shit for women.
I always know.
Ha, ha.
Ha, ha, beta male.
You were a what?
A pimp.
You weren't a pimp.
You weren't a pimp.
I was a pimp. You were a pimp when it was easy to be a pimp?
Two weeks.
When you were a pimp for two weeks?
No.
Nobody's a pimp for two weeks.
No, I...
Would you make 60 bucks?
32, 75.
No, what I would do, I try to be a pimp.
With who?
I was 16.
You can't be a pimp in 16?
Yes, you can.
You'll tell you that.
It could happen.
Now, what it didn't happen.
Well, I was a fit for like, you know, I try to, I ain't know how to become a fence.
I thought that you did chores.
And that's the problem.
You did what?
The chores for the prostitutes first.
What?
Chores.
You would do the laundry?
Would you make their beds?
You want me to go to the store?
You want to Dr. Pepper?
Hey, bitch, I just made your bed with hospital corners, and I cleaned up your room with a sweeper.
She's like, I don't sell some pussy for you.
Go get that pussy.
No.
I did the dishes, motherfucker.
That's how you get that confidence.
What?
You get that confidence first.
Then you turn on them.
But you never turned on them.
You just did the source for...
We had a huge argument because I said, I told him...
It was a whole bunch of people arguing,
and I was like, pimps get turned out by hoes.
What?
So you don't get made...
You don't decide you want to be a pimp.
I decide.
That's why it didn't work.
Oh, the motherfucker?
You don't know.
Fuck this asshole, tell me.
If I'm not offended.
He sounds like an alpha male.
I don't know.
He talked about that, right?
He sounds very alpha.
Oh, let me see this.
You never had this shit going on, Keith.
Oh, shit.
This guy's, Dante's wearing a cowboy hat.
It looks like...
In Brooklyn.
He looks like Black Holiday.
This motherfucker's...
Not there was a soap opera.
I mean, dude, you got no photos of that.
What?
I got a picture of me spacking a bitch.
Oh, is that what a bit does?
With my stroke hand.
Someone on the live is saying, did Keith say he's a simp?
No.
Oh, that makes sense.
You're a sim.
I'm sorry.
I misunderstood you, Keith.
Fuck whoever's online.
Whoever's online, fuck him.
Now, what I'll do, I got that confidence.
I go to the store, I go to the store for them, get them chocolates.
You know, and I help energy.
The chocolate will help to get the energy.
Then you switch it up.
And I gave my grandmom's peanut frontal.
I got a hook on.
What was this in the 30s?
When did you give bitches peanut butter?
She was like 23 skidoo.
I made her a pie and I let it sit out on the window.
Hill.
He's like, now you send him in Jackson?
You want to play some hot scotch bitch.
They got hooked on my gram.
They love my gram.
Who wouldn't?
You hooked them like crack?
Was that the original crack?
Peanut brittles?
They love peanut brittles.
Homemade peanut brittal.
They love them.
What, do you have a lot of fat?
And I go, do you want to take?
How'd that work out, though?
How'd that work?
Is it yes, Daddy?
Before I give you enough to taste, you got to sell something, you know what I mean?
No, what do you mean, Daddy?
Like what?
Like fruit?
Your grandmother's peanut brittles?
That's why I turned to the pen that I...
And then what did you do?
I said, do you want peanut or not?
I want peanut brittle or not.
I want peanut brittle, Daddy.
What do I got to do?
Spit it out.
That's right before my stroke.
He said, you got to have relations.
He couldn't say sex then.
He couldn't say that.
You want to have relations.
You got to go out and have relations with the governor.
I want you to get Randy with the mayor and the chief of police.
I got to run my moonshine and my grandma with his peanut bittle down to Texarkana.
Well, that's what it was, man
You stop acting
You would never
They knew I was dangerous
They knew I was dangerous
I was the most dangerous
Pimp ever
You did the same moves
Pedophiles
This guy never had
Peanut brittles
He never had no peanut brittal
I tell you what he had
He had abs
I had abs
You had not
You had never
I've had abs
You had abs when you were two
No I had ass man
When you were doing the peanut brittal
How'd you have abs eating all that peanut brittal?
No, my grandmother's special.
You didn't get high in your own supply?
Yeah.
I tried to give them a little piece.
Yeah.
Yeah, let me send my abs to that.
And they went to, they went and they sold it for you.
Did you get anybody?
Did you make any money?
No.
I got a hooked on.
I got a hooked on a peanut bread.
So all you do is give a bunch of whores diabetes.
They lost a foot.
And then he had to discount the pussy because he ain't have one foot.
You want to fuck a bitch with one foot?
No.
No.
10.50.
And I'll give you some peanut.
That way, he couldn't run away.
Yeah, I do know what you mean.
And die when I get to.
That don't make no sense.
It does make sense, man.
Here's what I was saying.
I was saying to him that they turn you out.
Who turned them out?
The girl will turn you out.
Well, how?
So, like, you know how, like, you can't imagine being a pimp.
Like, you could never imagine, like, how you ask somebody to sell pussy.
You don't.
It's somebody who already is selling pussy.
And then they'll go.
Okay.
I'll be like, oh, my car is fucked up.
And then they go, oh, what's, what's wrong?
And then I need this money for this new turbo.
And they was like, I'll get you the money.
Turbo, what is it, 85?
It was 83
At least it wasn't
Peter Biddle that
Oh I would have something wrong
In my car
I need money or whatever
And there we go
He would pull up on a horse and buggy
They would like
You know bitch
You want some peanut brittle
Daddy you need some oats
But they
They offer to
Buy your shit
For some change
Strange for some change
Yeah
Okay so wait a
Well, those are girls that can be turned out.
What do you mean?
No, no, no.
They're already there.
A real pen.
Like, I'll get a, I'll turn a, I'll turn a nun out.
What?
He's for the.
Why would you say?
Why would you want to turn a nun out?
Them holes win it.
They got to have it.
Is the peanut brittle?
Them holes got to have it.
But that's a real pen.
Are you saying that his girl?
A real pin.
His one.
They were going to sell that pussy.
Yeah, yeah.
You're a talking girl who made a vow to Jesus Christ.
For our Lord and Savior.
And she wasn't even thinking about selling a business.
She was like, that's a real pimp.
I got to get this.
It ain't no real pimp.
Right, yeah, that's a pimp.
She had to have that peanut brothel.
That bitch, that nun, she never had peanut bitter before.
Wait did she get my grandmother's peanut bittle.
But you never made money as a pimp.
I made, I made a little money.
How much you make?
Wow.
Talking to the microphone, stupid.
I'm about 760.
No, I made about 400.
400 is good.
For what?
We're buying a Honda Civic?
And in 70.
A gremlin.
He bought a huge gremlin.
He bought a BMX bike.
He bought a Huffy.
Yeah, man, I need that new Huffy.
He bought an Apollo 5.
Speed.
I got to go buy some corn syrup for my grandmother's peanut bread.
You made $400 bucks off a girl selling her body for you.
Yeah.
Now, why did you get out?
He doesn't want to say that because he wants to be friends with Amy.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, you better shut your mouth.
Because there ain't nobody listens to this.
You got a middle-aged guy in England going, I heard Kaythe.
Cah.
Kave? Amy, I need to talk to you.
Amy, I don't know if you hope.
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I got girls to do stuff
But I never, I would never even dream
Patrice used to talk about that shit
Yeah, Patrice wasn't a pimp.
No, Patrice
The girls.
Tris was a John.
He was a trick.
He was a trick.
If you buy pussy, you're a trick.
Oh, watch your mouth.
No offense. I mean no offense. Watch your mouth. You're a trick.
He's a trick. No, that's right. I have a John name. I'm so good with mine.
What? Keith. My John name is Patrick. Ewing. Dean Marcus. What?
D. Markis. Patrick Dean Watkins. Patrick Dean Watkins. De Marcus. De Marcus. Your
That's my John name. Is that your John name or your pimp? What's your pimp? What's your pimp name?
K doll
Anytime he pauses he's lying
I'm not lying
He pauses a lot
Yeah
They call me Kay Delicious
You know
I was actually
Under surveillance
What
This is real shit
I was under surveillance
For the FBI
For what
I had a friend
for doing drugs
selling drugs
across state lines and all that
and they start getting
torn as friends
RICO
trying to get the RICO
when they got them
going to take across state line
and all that
and they put surveillance on me
but at the same time
I was on FBI surveillance
my kid's mom was surveillance
because you're a piece of shit
and she did a way
way better job
She knew everything
Was your wife on you back?
Who is on?
She was on me
Oh my God
She loved everything
Women are investigators
She did
She knew everything
You ever watch a like a crime show
With a woman
And they know
They solve it in the first five minutes
Because they have to have a different
Intuitiveness for patterns
What?
Like, anytime a woman gets a guy's number, right?
Anytime you get the guy's numbers.
It's hard to, listen, you talk, and it's very sophisticated and internet.
But you're dressed like a Black Panthers soldier, and it fucks me up.
I'm just saying, like my eelskin.
I do love it a lot.
I like it a lot.
A little eel skin, you know.
If you can zip it, I'd give you $100,000.
It might be able.
I don't know.
Been a while.
Nah.
Yeah, yeah, I can get it.
I can get it.
He did that to me on stage one night.
I was feeling good.
I had a jacket on
and I brought him up
he goes
Bob
he goes if you can zip your jacket
I'll give you 400 cash
and you took out the money
and I tried to zip it
I was a button
and I got three buttons
and the crowd was like
oh
oh oh oh no
what were you saying
I don't remember
that you were saying
go ahead
I didn't tell you about my surveillance
they
they thought
Because we got cheese steaks from the same place.
Cheese steaks, brittle, peanut brittles, and chocolate.
They say, y'all both want to overbrook pizza.
What was that?
Yeah.
He said, and the guy, you know, he said, no, it's a cheesecake place.
Look, let us know.
What let you go, let us know is he Mr. Big.
That's without Mr. Big.
You were Mr. Big?
Yeah, they thought that I was missing.
I'm driving a 72 Pullman's skin.
I'm not Mr. Bing.
No, you were K-Dog.
C-Doh, because he was called K-Dog because he gave the whores hot dogs.
Yo, bitch, you want a hot dog from K-Dog?
Or you used to rob prostit.
What?
Wrong.
Why?
Money?
Yeah, but why?
But why would you run?
Why do you rob it?
Because when you can't talk them out of the money, you got to, you got to rough them up, steal it from the property.
I don't understand any of this.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
You've been a lot of prostities.
Yeah, but here's the problem with you, and I've been to prostitutes with you.
And this is the one thing about black people that I love.
Well, stop the black people.
Why are we got to put a color toy?
Because you're black?
You know what I love about white people?
What?
Nothing.
I was about to just make it.
You can tell me if I'm right or wrong.
Okay, go.
White people will just pay.
You go up.
Black people will bargain.
They negotiate.
Why not?
They like to negotiate.
The price is not the price until you say it's the price.
But when I, I knew this when I went into.
Ben's pizza with Patrice one night
and I got a slice of pizza
and he went to the guy
he goes how much is a slice of pizza
and he said two bucks
he goes how much for a meat patty
he said 250 he goes how much for a meat patty
and a slice of pizza
and the guy went huh
it's $4.50 he goes
I give you $4 he goes
what if I give you what if I get a half
a slice of pizza and a half
of meat patty I'm like he's like
I can't do that
and he goes now he's already confused
So you can get anything from him now.
He got a half of meat patty and a half a size of pizza for three bucks.
I don't know.
He did it.
That's not, man with the cooch.
But he did the same thing.
We went to a massage paula because he was one of the pieces of shit that got me into massage paullers, one of them.
And he went in and I walked out and I was like, man, $120 is a lot.
He goes, I paid $60.
The lady hated him.
Hated.
We walked out.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
My girl.
love me.
She made it actually.
And you tipped her too, right?
Yeah, it was 60 bucks for the massage and I gave her 120.
Because, you know, I won a good karma.
This guy was in there going, nah.
You're getting 60 and you like it.
Well, that's a, you know, you got to treat them, you know.
I'm a pimp.
What?
I'm a pimp.
At the end of the day, I'm a pimp.
It's just in you.
When they ask more, I get mad.
You get mad.
Yeah.
Right. So if you go to a massage parlor and they want 70 bucks, you're getting it down to 50.
50.
50 bucks.
Maybe 45.
Why 45?
You know, pimping is a really conservative business.
What?
Three parts.
Okay.
You got the pimp who gets the money from the hoe.
Right.
You got the hoe that sells the pussy.
And the trick.
Stop calling it's a trick.
It pays the money.
You have the trick.
Or the job.
You're the John.
All right.
The client.
How about that?
I like John.
All right.
So the John.
So, but you can't, you can't dabble between.
Right.
You have to be the pimp or the John.
You got to be one of the other wives to tell Patrice all the time.
Like, you can't, like, you can't say you're a pimp if you pay for pussy.
And he paid for pussy.
Wait, wait, one, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Have you ever paid for pussy?
Me?
No.
You're a lying.
Like out and out, exchange your pussy.
And I.
No, no. Have you ever exchanged money?
No, never. Never. Never. Never.
Wait a minute. Hold up.
I was a male stripper for 10 years.
I don't give a damn. I was a male stripper.
You have everything. How come I didn't see you?
You were never.
You was everything that I was.
You were never a male. Would you show up?
Was you your little thing peanut brittle?
I was a male stripper for 22 years.
Daddy, did I say you?
It was 22, yeah.
Look at that.
Stop playing.
Look at, where's your photos
and when you were a male stripper like that?
What were you, what was your name in that?
Mandingo.
Man dingo.
You were a man, little dingo.
What was your name?
Mighty Mouse?
Where I called?
They were said mud bone.
No, but it is.
Talking to the microphone, dumb, dump.
I'll take the mic to you.
Fuck the mic.
You need the mic.
We're recording this.
I don't need no.
Let me ask you a question.
You were a pimp.
He's a trick.
You're a trick.
You don't like that, do you?
Don't want to call it.
Dante, please stop calling him a trick.
Stop calling me a trick.
But a trick is a trick.
You're a trick.
You're a trick.
Call me a trick one more time, man.
Trick and trick.
And you got peanut brittle?
Any peanut brittle, chicken treat.
So you're a male stripper?
I'm not 22 years.
What town were you a male stripper in?
Huh?
You heard me, motherfucker.
Stop stalling.
What's shit?
Paris, Pennsylvania.
What's that?
Venezuela, Connecticut.
Allentown, PA.
He used to strip for the clan.
Rome, New York.
Hey, make that color god dance.
He did a little soft shoe.
Hey, he took a little time step.
He took all his clothes off except his tap shoes.
And his dress socks.
He got one of a little sand.
Buddy, he had sand in his pocket.
He put it down.
Hey, boys.
I drew a line.
You drew a line?
No dance for men.
You didn't dance for men.
Dante dance for men.
No, he didn't.
He never danced for men.
He never danced for men.
Ask him.
What?
Whoa.
What?
So it was a dude.
He's a piece of shit.
So it was a dude, this doctor had this doctor convention.
He booked a bunch of strippers.
And they were all like professional doctors.
Right?
And I booked the dancers.
And I, but I didn't let nobody touch me.
Like I would stay in the middle.
Bullshit.
And they didn't like me.
Bullshit.
They didn't like me because I was, I was homophobic and I wouldn't let them, I wouldn't go close to them.
And they were trying to tip me.
I was like, mm-mm.
Let's break this down.
Let's break this gay.
Come on a trick, tell me.
Let's break this gay doctor festival down.
Donne was a tease.
I was a tease.
Which is, I was a tease.
I will give you that.
I wasn't teased.
Bobby, we found a picture of Keith back in the day when he was a male stripper.
Oh, no, shit.
Let's see it.
Let's look on the TV.
That is Keith.
Is that K-Dog?
That's K-Dog in the house.
A Jerry girl.
There you go.
There you go.
So.
What Dante was dancing for Donald Crom.
What'd you say?
You don't think Dante, you think Dante was just a tease that night?
I was a tease.
Oh, that must have bummed them out.
They were pissed.
When he came out and he came out with that big swang?
I stayed right in the middle.
Right in the middle?
I just kept my head down.
It was like, wow, he dances good.
Come on.
I was like.
Did they try to come over?
I was in the middle of the floor.
So they would, like, hold it up.
Right?
And you were supposed to go get it.
I wouldn't go get it.
You wouldn't go get it?
Dante got it.
You think a big, a nice white neurosurgeon stuck with a little pecker in his butt?
Let me just hold it for a second, mandingo.
So you did guys one time and they didn't.
And I used to just book it and send other dudes.
Did they let them touch it?
Some of them, yeah.
They would drag them, them gay dudes on the floor, hump them from behind.
Had some relief.
Dante, what?
Release the files, Donda.
Release the balls.
We got Dante files.
Dante?
Dante's got...
They've been redacted arrest.
We need to protect the victims.
So these guys, you go dance.
So the guys that were dancing were gay?
Yeah.
But, no, the guys that didn't.
No, they were actually straight, but they needed money.
So these guys would let guys do things to them for,
for money?
No, like they would dance
and they would, you know, they would hump the dudes
and, like, hump them with their clothes on.
There's some gaining going on.
Stop that.
There's got to be some gainers in that.
Look, there was some guys
that would make a shitload of money.
And you didn't know how?
Oh, I knew how.
They used to pull a dick out and fucking beat the
dudes with the dick and all kinds of crazy shit.
I couldn't...
That's gay.
I couldn't hit a guy with my dick.
I'd have to get mushed in his cheek.
You'd have to thumb it in like gum
You know, I used to stick gum
Under the table
I couldn't beat a guy with anything
God damn it
There's no way
So I would just book it
And they would do it every year
I don't think Keith
I don't give him a fuck about
I don't give a fuck about Keith
Did you know that?
No, no no no
Whenever he's destined to be giving it so much
I got a little history on Dante
He grew up and he had
had five gay uncles.
Oh.
His mom, his mom,
his aunt, his aunt
had a, uh, a refuge for
gay men back in the day when it was hard to be
gay. In the 70s. He had
the underground railroad for gay people.
And he was raised
by a gay. It was a carriage.
He was raised by gay dudes.
That's why, wait a minute, look at his clothes.
I don't want to know his
aunt's name for him. His aunt's name?
Dorsey, DePyster.
Nero.
De Pist.
The Pais.
What a good middle name.
No, no, no.
What?
No, no.
What?
What's the gay name you gave me?
Yeah.
What was your little...
What was your...
Gay guys always give a nickname.
My name is Dante.
That's gay enough.
Keith, that's pretty gay.
Dante.
My godfather was gay.
His name was Richard Boone.
He used to laugh like this.
Wait a minute.
I was to laugh like that.
How do he laugh?
Mm-hmm.
That's a godfather
My godfather
That's the way Norton laughs now
Oh my god
That was funny
So you don't
You've never had a problem with gay guys
You grew up with him
Nah I just didn't bother me
And then
And then it just wasn't
You know like you know
Like oh I'm
I'm afraid to Keith
He's afraid of gay guys
I'm not afraid of gay guys
Talking to the microphone
Dumb Dumb
Can you bring
Can you give him
I'm not afraid of gay guys
You're not
No
Have you
Have you ever the gay guy hit on you?
Yeah
I bet you did
Tell that
No no no
Tell that story
Well
Tell that story
Yeah
K dog
K delicious
Ha
Did he give you that nickname
You're delicious
Daddy
Delicious
You taste like
You taste like licorice
Why do
Why is your dick
Why's your dick
Why's your dick
You know my
Why
Why did
Big got bumps on
like peanut brittle
I couldn't get it out
your dick tastes like peanut
like peanut brittle
you rub your dick and peanut pillow
to get me all wowed up
my teacher
can you give him
you want to hold the mic
you guys slide the chair up
can you help Keith please one of you fucks
get up slide the chair
man man Joe
Help him you fuck
Jesus my guests
are helping these people
Right at the table.
All right.
I don't spill your milk.
Yeah.
Don't dump your peanut butter on the ground.
I bet he still uses peanut butter to get pussy.
He got a sippy cup.
You go over his house, she's like,
there's some peanut butter on the table when you're done.
I wasn't going to graduate.
We knew that.
We knew that, you dumbed up.
That ain't news.
Yeah.
We never thought you graduated.
I skipped that part.
Let me take that back.
I didn't graduate.
We know.
My teacher said he asked me to sit on his lap.
Oh, to go.
Is that where you got your Peter Piddle technique?
He said he could do something.
He could do something for you, really.
And you love a bargain.
And I, you know, I sat on his lap and hooded around a little bit.
No, no, no.
You were a stripper.
You mushed it in?
Did you, and you never saw summer school.
No.
He says, he said, psych.
No.
What do he say?
What do you do?
No, I didn't do that, but I said, no, I can't do that.
How much joy would it give you to know that Keith was just moving around on some teachers?
My God.
With plaid pants.
It had to be 71.
Some plaid bell bottom.
Just see a little goofy keys
mushing a peaches cock into his butt
butt
That's the only way you can come now
If he sits on a hot dog on a chair
I mean that's a pretty
amazing story though
That you had all these gay uncles
And your family
Was so
None of them to touch you?
Nah
No
I got lucky, bro
I ain't gonna lie
Yeah, but gay guys
The gay guys are gay
The gay guy in my Catholic school
Was the brother
Brother James
And he
You stick
Like he was the wrestling coach
Oh boy
That's not
And how you know how he got you
He would be like
Who wants to help me
Put the mats away
And you had to be like
I got him
I got homework
Like get the fuck out
Keith would have
And just sat on his lap
And bushed in
You need a little help
And the guy would be like
I'm not that gay
I remember the gay preacher?
Who?
Which one?
Which one?
Yeah, Bishop Long.
Eddie Long.
Like, once you went up on an airplane,
when you got like 20, 30, 30.
He'd be like,
they'd be like, I'm not gay.
He'd be like, well, you get, I hope you can fly.
We're a cruising altitude right now,
and it's okay for you guys to get up
and suck each other's car.
But they're like, I'm not doing it.
So, well.
Oh, my god
He was
He was grooming them
He bought them bentleys and all kinds
Oh, I'd suck a dick for a Bentley
I'd suck a dick for a belly
You'd pull up in front of my house
Where's your truck?
I'll tell you later Don
Look at the roof
Look at the roof of the car
Don'll be like
Can I get one?
Like fuck that
I'd be like, no
You suck dick lousy
They might take my
back. She came back with a Hyundai. He gave me a Hyundai. A steady bike.
You don't just go up and down. You got to look at it and suck it and look at them in the eyes.
Spit on it, you dumb dumb. He can't store it. You can't suck it to your mouth goes dry.
Have you, now, let me ask you question. Is that the only time you've ever, I had one time when I was my sister when we were, when my father, my mother finally
divorced the first stepdad who was kind of abusive and she was all for i was all fucked up
she was all fucked up uh but i was young he's three years younger than her and she wound up hanging
out with the uh goth before before it was god it was uh the rocky horror pitcher yeah yeah
and there was you know gay guys and weird chicks corsets and yeah weird stuff and she hung out with
all these people and they had a they had a car they had a four-door Chevy big one of those big
Chevy and they named it massingale and that was the name of the car massingale I don't know what
the fuck that was and there was one guy with like black hair and he they used to sing the rocky
heart pitch of stuff and they knew the whole thing they knew the whole thing and they would go to it
and stuff like that and there was a house around the corner from our apartment where we lived
and there was a gay guy that lived there and uh and that's where they would all kind of hang out and
congregate around the corner and he had a little sister that was a little younger than me and she was
cute and i would go over there she would have to bring me over there once in a while and i would go
over there and hang out with the sister and stuff like that and one day my mother was like go get
your sister over whatever the whole and i went over there and she wasn't there but he was there
it was a little skinny white gay guy and he was like hey scarf no no scarf and he came and he was
like come on in and i was like hey what's up
And his little sister wasn't there.
I was like, hey, he, blah, blah, blah.
No, come on in, blah, blah, blah.
And I went into the room.
There was a room with all mattresses.
And I'm young, so I was like, this looks fun.
So I just went in and started jumping.
Jumping around.
Yeah, jumping on mattresses.
And I jumped and I was lying down on the mattresses
and he jumped down on with me.
Not knowing that I just jumped into some jizz orgy pit
that was there last night.
I was like, why do you have all the mattresses here?
And he lied down next to me.
He's like, we had a little party here.
He's like nose to nose and me
Crazy.
Yeah, he was like, you know, we had fun.
You know, just a bunch of him.
And you go, what kind of fun?
I like fun.
I made it out of that room.
I was like, I think I have to go.
I got his vibe.
He's like, you can stay.
I was like, I want to go.
I'm going to go.
Huh?
Did you touch his?
No.
I ran home.
I ratted my sister out like a piece.
piece of shit. I was like, he has mattresses.
And my mother, like, what the fuck does
he have? She's just Boston.
Where the, you're not going over there anymore.
I didn't go back over. I really like that
mattress room, though. It's cool. Oh, wow.
And I lived,
I used to work with retarded, mentally retarded people.
And on the weekends, I would
What? Special Ed.
Special Ed. Why did you wish for that and show them? He said it
like, he didn't say retardant.
Well, because I went through the gamut of it.
Yeah, yeah, I remember. It was retarded.
And it was meant MR.
It was mentally retarded, then it was MR, and it was special.
Now it's most, what is it now?
Well, it's all supposed to, it mostly was disturbed.
This was different.
So I worked with them.
I loved it.
It was a great job.
One of my best jobs ever.
And I would work weekends at the other house.
And the guy that was me at that house, I lived in the house with him.
And I had your primary house parent.
Exactly.
What do you wear for D.F.Y?
I forget what it was, but something like that in Boston.
Yeah.
And I was there.
I had to work five days a week.
I had Friday and Saturdays off to do comedy.
And I only had to be there from 11 to 8 in the morning.
You work two days.
I worked five days.
I just had to wake them up and make sure they were out.
Oh, okay.
But they were high functioning.
So they got up by themselves.
It was an easiest job ever, but the guys were great.
I loved the guy.
I did that in Poughkeepsie.
Yeah, it was great.
I loved it.
And I made very little money, but they paid for all my food and blah, blah, blah.
But I would do overnights at the other house for the guy that was me.
So Friday nights, he worked weekend.
I would work a Friday night or if I didn't have a gig.
And I remember he was a little zesty, a lot zesty.
I remember one night I was, I didn't understand, I didn't understand like gay guys until
this point where I was looking for the remote one night and I had a couple of my friends
over and I was like, I sometimes he has it in the room.
So I went in his room and I'm looking around for the remote and for the TV.
and I found a duffel bag, a big duffel bag,
and I opened it up, and it was full of just huge dicks.
But like big ones and a can of lard, like a tupperware thing of lard.
And I just picked it up.
I shouldn't have.
Yeah.
And it slipped.
It slipped out my hand.
But I was so immature.
I went in the other room, I go, dude, look at this.
And I just had like two fucking huge gildos of, uh,
Now, you got to be clear, just because you're gay, doesn't make you a pedophile.
No.
Being a pedophile.
But it's like, but you don't, in fact, most gay men are not.
Well, let's talk about, Bob, holding the dildos, juggling dildos.
Dude, it wasn't gay.
I was holding it in my mouth.
I was like, guy.
One in each hand and one.
Where was the law that?
I was like, where was the law?
all the scoop of it was in my butt cheeks.
The guy came home, we just saw three finger scoops in it.
Those aren't mine.
But they had, I remember, I lived with, I had a gay rumor for a while, too.
He tried to get me to fucking sleep with him all the time.
I would just wake up and he would, just a silhouette into my door.
And he would be like, no, he would just be like, Bobby.
And I'd be like, what's up, man?
What's up, Brian?
He was the coolest guy.
He was starting to be a weatherman
And he's the one who told me that most weathermen are gay
I never knew that but now
Look at weathermen
Yeah, yeah
All gay
Gerald champion
And he was in my door
He was Bobby
Can I snuggle with you?
I was like, no, bro, you can't
He's like
I just want to snuggle
I feel sad tonight
And I just want to snuggle
And I was like, brie
You can't snuggle with me, bro
I'm sorry
He's like, why not
I don't have sex with you
I just want to snuggle
Snuggling's not gay
I'm like, bro, it's gay
Because if you lie next to him
I'm going to fuck the shit out of you
I'm going to put it deep in your ass, son
He's like,
woo,
Yeah, gay
He was like
I know Keith has some stories
Can I snuggle with you?
He wanted to snuggle.
Nobody wants to snuggle with
Not even gay dudes
Like this guy, Brider did
he was feminine
He wouldn't snuggled
Nobody wants to
Nobody wants to
Nobody wants to snuggle
Gay guys don't want to
They just want to fuck him and leave
Nobody does
Snuggle
You're gone
You want to leave
Guys where you go
I have peanut prittle
I have a whole
stack of peanut brittle
From the 70s
I didn't lose
From my pimping days
For my two weeks of pimping
I don't know man
That's wild
That you grew up in that world
and then you
Now you don't
You don't pimp
You don't do shit like that
Now you have a show
On teaching men
How to be a man
Yes sir
Right
Yeah
Now does Keith ever
Can we get him
Like a seminar
Keith
Keith is a pussy
Whoa
Whoa
Keith
Keith be trying to be tough
But he ain't tough
He's
He will
I'm gonna have to fight Don
Hey
What is true
He's
He's nicer than he would like
That he wants him to people and know
Yeah, Keith is a nice person
You are a nice person
Now watch him get quiet
He pieces of shit
Now
What about the dildos?
I never held two dildos
In your mouth
In my hand
See how you get so uncomfortable
When you start telling him he's a good person
Oh it makes him weird
He can't look at him
You fuck it
No no no no
Keith you're a good guy
You twerk
He called you a trick
You can't even
You're a trick corp
Take it
No
Why can't you take it man
Because he can't
Look at Dante
Me and Keith
Me and Keith
Best of French
Look at Keith
Watch him
Keith
Look at him
Why are you afraid
Because he can't
He can't
I don't
I don't say
What
I have a lot of
Enron
It's pronounce it
A lot of
What's that word again
Intimacy
Intimacy
It's not uncomfortable he is.
He's so intimidated.
Why can't you take it, Keith?
Because I'm not a faggot.
I knew that was it.
This is Patreon only.
God damn it.
Let me ask you questions.
I want to show you a video.
I don't know what you'd take is on this,
but I saw all the stuff
because we have, I feel like we've got
over gay.
stuff a long time ago.
Nobody gives a fuck anymore.
You'd be gay.
Nobody can't...
Like, the hardest of guys
don't give a shit anymore.
Yeah.
Really? Sure.
It's like...
Nobody care about them.
The hardest of guys
care about them
getting shit.
What do you mean?
What do you say?
What's going on now
when people talk about
you know, bombing
that knew nothing from black folks.
But they did something for the LNG.
He means he killed people.
Right.
They're on that now.
The right and all that on.
They're getting stuff that they're not supposed to get.
What are they getting?
What are they getting that they're not supposed to get?
That's what they're saying.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're saying, you know, the health coverage, the sex change stuff, which is not true.
And it's such a small percentage.
It's ridiculous.
Well, this, like, this men and women's sports, though, do you get, I mean,
I mean, I get it, but you're never going to get a guy who, on the elite level, is going to have the respect if they make that transition.
This, this right here, man wins women's strongest, world's strongest woman.
Is this worlds?
This is worlds.
Are you sure it's worlds?
It says it right there.
I don't think so.
It's world's strongest women.
And I want you to look to the left that this black woman.
She's pissed.
She's so mad.
Watch.
Now, look, that, that dude looks like Big J.O.O.C.
Look at that.
Now, watch her.
She's like, fuck.
Look, she's like, I'm out.
She's pissed.
She should be.
Why?
Because it's just, the other one was a, was biologically born a man?
Yeah.
And, that's why.
Well, look, here's the thing.
Yeah.
You, one of the reasons why they get, why people, you know, people who get sex change get it early is because they want to get it before the secondary pubescent phase.
Right.
Because the secondary pubescent is when your bones get thicker, your jaw lying, so you get pubic hair and stuff like that.
Okay.
So that's why they do the blockers early so that they don't, they don't, because once you become a dude, right?
And physically you go through your second phase of pubescent, secondary pubescent phase.
You can't do nothing with that.
You have big shoulders, big feet, big hands.
So that's why they do the blockers early.
They don't want them to go into that.
Being a man.
Yeah, like physically, chemically becoming a man.
Right, but it's what?
I think you should know.
There are certain rules in the game.
if you want to become a man
and it doesn't mean
you can get to
participate
in female sports.
Right.
And that...
It's going to be...
You've got a different...
My thing is, you have to think about this
what the objective is.
Remember when everybody was talking about bathrooms?
Yeah.
Now, what do you have? You have a bathroom
that's all gender bathrooms,
single stalls with bathrooms,
if it's a lot of bathrooms, it'd be single-stores,
and then there'll be a communal sink.
Right.
So they found a way to accommodate people
that they would have never thought, do you know what I mean?
Because before we were like, oh, these are men bathrooms.
And they just changed that.
And so now every place has all gender bathrooms,
and it's solved.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm not saying what the solution is,
but there could be a solution.
There could be...
Well, giving the solution to a man,
Well, it's the same way.
If you have people competing in boxing, how many different weight classes you have in boxing?
It's like 10?
Danny, I just sent you a clip.
Bring that up.
Fly, but here's the thing, though.
This woman over here is never going to beat that trans woman.
No, but it might be.
But she worked her ass off.
She would have been the woman's, the world's strongest woman.
She would have won first place.
Yeah.
If it wasn't for that trans woman, that's what she's, it's like,
and she's mad because she put in all the effort, all the work to get to where she's at.
And it's like, fuck, I think it's fucked up.
I'm just saying this is the early portion of it.
Right.
The pendulum swings and then it finds the sense.
But why don't they, look it, I would watch transports only.
I bet you would.
All.
With no pants.
I would love to see a wing-wang flip out in a fucking,
football game. I would
look that I really would. I would watch a trans sports
if that might be that might
be something later.
Why don't they do it now and let
the trans women have their community?
How long did it take for us to figure out
the bathroom? Two thousand years.
So are you going to figure out
sports?
Sports don't need to be figuring out.
What do you mean?
I don't
think
men
who
think they
who transitioned to new women.
Here's what I would say.
Men fight other men in boxing.
And when you had one guy that's 200-pound,
another guy, 160 pounds, you created categories.
That was a way of us solving the fact that
there's different muscle mass, different size.
All right.
How about this, though?
Nobody's going to say anything to our,
lower guy, I'm fighting a big guy, and that's what it is.
That's not true.
You never, and professionally.
They have weight classes.
They have weight classes.
No, I'm talking about on street.
No, that's not the same thing.
Are you fighting trans people on the street?
No, no, no.
I would love to see you get your ass with by a trans.
That chick right there, I want them to wrestle teeth.
No, what, you know, I'm saying, sometimes it's like,
It's spelled out
We don't need to go on no further
We said there's never that situation
But the trans bathroom thing is not solved
Sure it is now
Look at this right here
Play this clip
Now, hey stop, before you play it
I just think that if you're going to transition
I want you to try
That's all I'm saying
You don't want a beard and a
I just want you to get the voice
I want you to try the voice
And I want you to try your best
I want you to watch this clip
and tell me about if the
bathroom thing is, if your
daughter was in the bathroom here, play this.
They're confronted her for using the women's bathroom
at a public library and an internal
investigation has now been launched.
So here's what Sasha Swinson says happened.
He says,
it looked like Andrejohn.
Listen, you're not a word.
That's obvious.
It's like, dude, just
Fake the voice.
You're on the news.
Just be like,
I said,
I was like,
I'm on doing the giant.
This guy.
This guy just talked like he talked when he was a mechanic.
Like,
you know what I'm saying?
Do you know that there's,
you know what I'm saying?
It's like, dude, he's not,
you should be trying a little bit more.
I think they're putting those out there.
Oh.
Yeah, it's trying to.
So you can.
They're trying to get distracted from them fucking them kids.
That's what they're doing.
I just learned about that, too.
Jesus.
You just learned about this?
Well, dude, I just watched this dude on Sean Ryan's show.
The Hacker Kid, that nerdy dude?
Oh, yeah.
About 7-6-4 or something?
How this is he, like, a cult out there, and all they try to do.
I'm talking about Epstein and the motherfuckers we know.
They didn't fuck kids.
Yeah, they did.
Really?
14, 13, 12.
Let me ask you a question about this.
I don't like how that's...
Let me take devil's advocate on this.
Say that.
It's fucked up that they...
It's going down and...
But they're doing stuff on the internet now
where they're getting kids
and they're signing on as girls or boys.
And they're trapping dudes.
They're trapping dudes.
And they're getting them to send photos.
And body slams.
ramming them in the Walmart.
Oh, you never seen this.
What?
There's regular creators.
Their whole content is trapping...
Oh, no, the pedophiles.
Yeah, and then they smack them in the Walmart.
I just got arrested for that, though.
Yeah.
One of the guys just went to jail
because he would go and beat the fuck
out of these people, and he's
going to jail now. But he's happy.
Yeah. He's like, I'm good with it.
And he'll probably be the best
in prison. Okay, pedophiles
scary as shit.
The other thing where they're just snatching kids and selling them to fucking things is scary to me.
But they're selling them for pedophilia, you know.
Oh, man, it's fucking frightening.
Yeah, that's what the, but they, talk, the history of this country is that.
Right.
They would, what do you think they were doing with?
What do you mean the history?
I thought the history of this country.
It's Thanksgiving tomorrow.
Can you please not ruin Thanksgiving?
Well, you asked me.
Now I'm just going to be eating turkey.
Do you want to know or no?
Tell about the Israel.
History.
Ah, here we go.
the history of things you ever.
But yeah, they raped the fucking Indian kids and snatched them and cut their hair.
But they were doing that with the children of slaves.
They were buying slaves and fucking them.
And eating them.
They were cooking them and eating them.
You white motherfucking.
This is turning into a thing that I...
You know, you're not...
There's this book called Edible, Edible, Delectable Negro.
Is there a video?
watch it probably is
but you know many
do you know how many porns will come up
if I Google delectable
they'll be like gay
you know we're just
be Dante dancing in the middle
of doctors
get it
get it
get it
what is it called
delectable black people
delectable negroes
really
what is it about
it's about
cannibalism
slave owner cannibalism
during the antebellum era
Who is he?
As, what a delectable, Negro?
What is that?
What is that about?
I mean, I've seen very pretty girls in my life.
So they would, why would they, who would eat them?
What, what, because you saw these people.
Hang on one second, you didn't read the book.
You don't know what he's talking about.
He don't read.
Do you read?
Sometimes.
They would, they would, because they own people.
Slave owners would eat them.
Eat them something.
Yes.
barbecue, like, slow-
Is that where barbecue came from?
No, I don't know about that, but I know that way you guys are so good at it?
Well, we would be good on the inside.
Just to add it, it's a question.
I'm being curious.
I'm not being racist.
I'm just asking questions.
Wait a minute, his problem is he got fox on.
That's what it is.
Take Fox off.
No, I don't watch news.
I don't watch news.
Bob's a don't.
I don't watch news.
Don't my dead toenow.
I agree with that
I can't watch news
I flip-flop too much
I watch CNN
I'd be like
God damn it
And then I watch Fox
I'm like these motherfuckers
Now you gotta watch
Watch everything
No
I think it's all
I think at this point right now
Even the internet
It's all
It's just to fucking confuse us
Because I think we're
you know, you've got to, I think you have to, your circle, your world has to be very small.
And your world is your world.
My world is Don and Max.
That's it.
That's all I care about.
And all the other shit is bullshit.
It's not, I, whatever I do, whatever I think, whatever I say is not going to have effect or have any change.
What will change is how I raise my son and how I put him out in the world.
That's not true.
That's not true.
How do you think people found out about?
about global warming.
It's bullshit.
I'm telling you, Bob,
and that was my dad's tone.
Cigarettes are fucking fine.
It doesn't cause cancer.
And there's no cancer.
And there's an alien craft.
Lizard people and mermaids.
You're going for the trifecta?
No moon landing, flat earth.
I talked to Kurt Metsker for eight hours in a pool one night.
And there were Jew lasers.
Why?
I was stuck.
He doesn't blink.
You had a cramp.
He was just staring at me.
Do you hear about the Jewelazers?
I was like, yeah.
Oh, that's modern telegrams and that.
Oh, crazy.
I mean, there's so many things, though.
We didn't go to the moon.
But it is.
It's so easy to discern between the fake shit and the...
You just got to do a little bit of research.
I don't have...
I get it.
That's the problem.
I do have time.
I do have time.
I don't have time.
I have 75 podcasts.
But don't you want to know.
this stuff to talk about it?
You don't go to shit.
No, because I, when I...
You'd rather talk about peanut brittle.
I'll tell you why.
I'd rather goof around, have fun
and learn about it from somebody.
I'll listen to people. I listen to people.
I like, I'll watch debates.
They're your research.
You don't watch debates.
I do watch debates.
We're not talking about boss and...
Joe de Rosa?
Well, then your debates are different than mine.
Smart people.
But I don't...
Here's the thing I think.
think in life. You need to find out what you're smart at and focus on that.
I don't agree with that. I do. I think if you figure out how you're smart,
you could be smart at everything. I could, but I would rather be smart at what I like to do
and what I like to be smart at. You know what you tell him is lazy. Yeah. No, I look. Let me tell
us you're lazy. On stage, there are subtleties on stage that you have a, you understand. I don't know
if you would actually be able to articulate it, like, why certain things work and why.
But if you saw a young comic and they were doing a, you could go, eh, change, don't put that,
you don't need that.
Yeah.
That same wisdom that you have from that, if you boil it down to what I call the root,
to the basics of it, you can use that wisdom in everything that you do.
I understand that, but I don't, I don't want.
He's lazy.
Yeah, that's lazy.
I don't want to.
I get it.
I mean, I'm not.
I want to stay in the matrix.
I don't want to research.
I don't want to be on the never-connection like YouTube.
I want to know as much true shit as I can possibly.
But how do you know it's true?
You do the research.
Okay.
Remember when your teacher said, show me to work?
When you do a math problem?
No.
No.
Okay.
Sorry.
I told you.
Bob is dumb.
Danny.
You remember when they would tell you asked you to do the work?
You do a word problem.
You can't remember to speak it to the microphone.
Danny, you know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I remember the teacher would say, show me to work.
Yeah.
Like, sometimes you could get the answer, but you wouldn't have the stages.
Yeah, that always bugged to me.
The reason why they tell you show you to work is so you understand the concepts.
So you just got to go through, it's what you call it.
But I don't, I would rather fucking go.
Be lazy.
It's lazy.
I'd rather go for a walk with my wife or take my kid out and go get an ice cream or shoot the shit with him.
I'd rather do other things.
I'd rather go hiking.
I'd rather go camping
I'd rather go fly fishing
I know how to tie
a blood knot
I know how what fly to use
on a certain river
I know how to what fly rod to use
I know how to start a fire
I know how to stay out all night
I know to be in the woods
I like that shit
I'm smart in things
that you don't know
if I took you fly fishing
you'd be like
I don't I've never been
you'd be right
I could
I could learn
I you know I was a fencer
you're a gay fencer
I was a fencer.
I had two years of college.
You mean with the thing?
Or you put up fences?
I won a bronze medal in the junior Olympics.
Let's hear of a picture.
Yeah, you don't have a picture of you fencing.
You mean putting up like fences?
No, I had fenced.
With the sword?
I competed, yeah.
You competed in fencing?
Yeah.
Dante is coming out for.
Dante was a gay musketeer.
Don Tannian.
Dante done the gay shit
I've ever heard
Not be gay
He lived with gay uncles
He had gay outfits
I wasn't worried about
I wasn't worried about
What nobody's caught
This cockat was a
He was a sword fighter
He was
You kill my father
A petto die
I just
I
But there's so much
I get it
But I just
I if I'm interested
In something
I go deep dive
I'm all in
Right
But I would love
To fly fishing
is something I would love to learn. I'll take you fly fishing.
I'll take you this summer. It's not easy.
Right up by my house. It's not easy.
You have to have a lot of patience and it's all about knowing what, but when I find
interest in, like I was telling you before, my wife said, I need a bookshelf for Max.
We went, it was like $1,100 for the bookshelf.
It was like, it's so expensive. I was like, I'll just make it.
And I went on the internet. I learned what type of wood. I learned how to make it. I bought
a saw I did all the stuff I made
he still has it today he has his
bookshelf in his room
I built from scratch
the one I was going to buy was 1100 bucks
The one I built been broke already
No it's solid and the other one would have been bought one
Exactly the I bought
Particle board and the one I bought
We were going to buy was 1100 bucks the one I built
Was $13,000
So
After you put the store
It's so expensive
Yeah it was but no I
I can enjoy doing it.
What I like, I invest in it.
And I feel like if you, like all this stuff about trans and gay and black and white and all this stuff, it's so intricate.
There's so many nuances to it.
Everybody has so many different sides in the pen.
It's not black or white.
It's so many different sides to it.
It's only sides you don't know.
I know trans people that are so mad at trans people for what they're doing.
And I know gay people that are like mad at the trans community
You don't find that interesting to have those conversations
I just don't know and it's like I I have trans friends that I love
I I don't give a fuck about trans people
My son has been to a drag show I don't care
I I live my life and I don't my
My son it's important to me that it doesn't go up
A racist against anybody
You know
That he accepts people who they are not what they do
or what hole they put shit in
that he you know
if good people are good people
and if you're a good person you're a good person
if you're a crazy fucking person
stay away from them
and there's crazy white people
that's crazy black people
there's crazy whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
crazy motherfucking black people
I'm sitting with one of them right now
well you say you don't care of people
do no
well yeah you can care about them
big trans ones
I just want him to try
so that he doesn't
So when they enter them to go, when they go, why were you in the girls' bath?
And he's not like, listen, I had to go pick up my truck.
I had to build a bookcase.
Women should participate in female sports.
I do not.
I think they should have, but I also think we should do our best to get them their own league to their should be.
I don't think it's enough of them to do it.
Well, I think there's enough of them doing it that maybe that, maybe that,
there will be they don't have a place they don't have a place to go so if if you had there's a women
sports there's men's sports women had no place to play and they just buy the wmba and they create it
because of but look how long it took for us to get but we accustomed to that it's AI it's fucking
the world it's the internet we can come up with a trans league in five seconds and let them compete
and we now trans kids can have a goal to play football play uh do something
sports, whatever they want to do. Yeah, but it's got to be able to make money.
Nobody's, it's got to be able to make money.
They have trans groups in Mike Scun's High School now.
Okay. Yeah, but how many is in there?
I don't know. Five? Three?
I don't know, but three is more than none and them hiding.
Yeah, but you look. And next year, there might be five.
And look, people are into the WNBA now, but look how long.
Because of a white chick. What up?
But, but how long before that?
Years of years where people, and it still doesn't make a profit.
Well, it's starting to.
No, it doesn't make, it still doesn't make a profit.
When they started that fucking Caitlin, they started that.
Because they started making people hate each other.
Yeah.
And they started controversy watching and people were talking.
People was bitching about that and riding for Caitlin.
And if you asked them, name two teams, they wouldn't even be able to tell you two teams that they played.
Why does it start?
What?
It's a start
It's a start
Yeah
No matter what you're saying
Well little girls are growing up
I remember when W.A
You had some chick
With straight stud with cornrows
And she had a handle
And then you had chicks
That couldn't even bounce the ball
Right but now it's actually a good game
Yeah
So it does take time
But you have to invent it
And make it
In order to grow
They have to load a court
I mean
The same woman
Dunk the ball man
And they don't dunk
I'm not interested
Why do they
Why do they not lower
If you lower it then it's not the same
Lower to a little bit
A little bit
So like where you could dunk it
Yeah no
What I'm saying
You don't put it
A garbage can
You have a step ladder
Why are you
Come man
You have a fuck bad
No I'm saying
Lower a little bit
Yeah
And they gave them
And they give them a smaller ball
Already
They do they have a smaller ball
Let them
WMBH
Yeah
I agree
It comes more
I would watch women's sports.
I have no problem with it.
I don't give a shit.
I love watching volleyball.
I mean, you pervert.
That's the problem is guys, we talk like this,
but we're still just massagistic pieces of shit
on a s. You like the female form.
I do.
So?
I do.
I can't.
You wouldn't watch trans sports if there was a trans basketball league?
Trans.
Just whatever.
I don't even watch regular basketball.
So, I would watch it.
I don't give a shit.
You're gay.
that's not the point
to understand what a piece of shit
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
there's so many
like we did Skank Fest this year
there's trans people all over the place now
where before they would be terrified
to go to a place like that
now they're welcome with open arms
how many did you see
because of Joe de Rosa
that's right
yeah we need
we need gay guys like Joe de Rosa
to start
but that but even how many did you see three take how many people was at skank fest
thousands thousands okay but it's okay to go you get two one right but i'm saying you have joe
listen you got jodoroso blow one trans person at skank fest and more will come wide open
if you build if you suck it it will they will come think of how many people there's guys that we
know that are into trans guys out in the open in the common in the comment
There's a lot out open now.
Right, which is great.
It's fine, whatever, but I'm just saying it ain't that many.
Not that many.
Like, okay, there's more than there was.
You had the three that was at Skangfest.
Now you're going to say, you've got to pay basketball.
What if they don't want to play basketball?
Then you can't have a league.
So if it's such a small percentage and one of them plays basketball.
But they've got to create it and for them to have it.
Fair enough.
on these things.
What do you mean?
One trans on each woman team?
Yeah.
See?
Now you're thinking of,
you're thinking out the box.
Everybody gets a trans.
To make it fair?
Yeah.
And you just got to stick that trance.
Got to D-Up.
It's so funny that we have such a,
like Europe doesn't give a fuck about tities and dick.
They don't care about tithies and dicks.
We have such a Puritan.
thing about titties and dicks
and what you fuck. It's a religion.
It's the, it's the,
it's the Christian
dumb shit. Right, dumb shit. Yeah, who
cares? I don't care. I don't
care that you were fucking gay
Jetson. You got to say that you can't. I don't
care what you don't want to, look at this and you go
I don't, I don't think it's up unfair
that this black women bust that ass to do since
she got beat out from it. It's just
but it's a sense of fair.
What'd you say?
Hey, he's black.
uh
Robert Kelly
hates black
there's only one black
person I hate
oh
you
and it's not
see that coming
it's like when you asked
you know what
I hate about white people
you were like
what
he's like
all that up
that was the same joke
but it's so funny
that we're
don't you think
that we're
and I'm gonna ask
Dante
because you're smarter
than Keith
is that
where the America is changing every day
and it's slowly getting better and better
and we're not that old either
this country's not that old
was it how old 400?
400 years?
400 years?
Yeah.
What?
We're getting worse.
You think we're getting...
No.
We're not going back.
We're not going back.
Well, racially we're going back.
But it's not going to turn around.
Yeah, we're not going back.
We always go back and go forward.
We're not, how are we going to?
back.
Well, as soon as they say, make America great again,
that's informed me.
Oh, this guy with the fucking...
You're crazy.
They're trying to go back.
Definitely trying to go back.
Are you talking to the microphone?
Now, bring it back...
Will you make this podcast great again?
It can't be resurrected.
It's all right.
I'm going to make that hat, a red hat that says,
make this podcast great again.
But soon as they make America great again
And inform you
That we're looking for something that was great
Back in the day
Yeah
And it wasn't
And it wasn't good for us
But not everything
They're not saying let's go back to slavery
Yeah they are
Yeah they are
Yeah they are
Look at us
Because look at the
I mean you
Black culture has
Nobody wants slaves
They got slaves
I can't wait until everybody has
And you're going to get your own slave robot to jerk you off in your apartment.
And they're going to turn against us.
And then we're going to have to go back to the future.
Now we have to really go out, make America a great again.
You know, so they make all robots like a gray?
I would go back to peace before stroke.
I'm like, come with me if you want to live.
This is going to be a racist tech company that makes all their robots black.
You know, they did that with a fucking, you couldn't read black people under the census in the airport.
What?
You know how you get the water?
Yeah.
Well, the samples that they used for the hand, the water wouldn't work with black skin.
Really?
Yeah.
They had to fix.
They had to change the AI on it.
Really?
Yeah, because it was a bunch of white guys that used white guy hands.
They drink water.
And they were white.
And they would, so when you were black, you couldn't get the.
You couldn't get water?
Danny, I know this is, this was in the paper about this.
They had to change it.
You couldn't get the soap or the water, any of the hand thing.
Would open that for you?
he can't get water now
they made the cap too tight
give me
give you to Dante stupid
you're out of your mind
you're out of your motherfucking mind
but you now let me ask
do you think that's racist or just a mistake on their part
it's it is racist
but not in a malicious way
right so there's racism not maliciously
listen there's I know white
stuff you don't know no black stuff
I know black stuff
no test me
uh name uh name the
Three fat boys.
Fat one, fat two, fat three.
I'll tell you right now, dead.
All of them, yeah, the last one just died.
Diabetes one, diabetes two, and diabetes three.
And I think I only remember two of them.
You would test him on something you didn't know?
Mark E.
Mark E. F. Buffy.
And I don't remember the other one.
Cello.
You made.
His name's Jello.
It was cello.
All right, we've got to wrap this up before I get fucking the time.
attacked by you too um no listen
are you smoking weed no no
shut up keef yeah you're a rat you can't fucking
why you're a rat i'm not no rat you can't peer pressure me
fucking i has a way 50 you piece of shit yeah 50 yeah he's not
he's not he's 60 something i know yeah he's still trying to peer pressure you
yeah you still he's trying to he's trying to pimp people
still he's still
you got any peanut
nobody wants you
peanut brittles
I bet he has peanut pruddle
in his pocket
he still travels with it
he always
he always carries a little
piece of peanut brittal
you can't smoke the weed right
and
shut up you don't even smoke
bitch
all right listen
Dante where are you going to be
I'm being in London
a top secret all next week
oh that's cool I've never been to London
yeah and I'm doing
a backyard comment
Comedy, Top Secret, and Angel Comedy Club.
What's Top Secret?
Top Secret is, they're actually getting ready to open one in New York.
Really?
Yeah.
What is it?
It's Top Secret Comedy Club.
He has the guy owns two comedy clubs.
One in London?
He owns two in London, and he's opening one here.
Is it a black room or is it a room?
No.
I want to play London.
But they do the, they do it.
You know, they do like an intermission.
I love that.
So they go to, they do a host, two comics, and intermission.
But no way.
Like you go to the bar, you get your drink, and you take your drink back.
And they do a host, two comics, and two comics, and they do one more.
Sometimes they'll do two intermissions.
Really? It's a long show.
Yeah, but you can leave and that people come in.
Okay.
I can't fucking printing money.
I want to do that, man.
What about you?
Where are you going to be besides the cellar?
I'm at the cellar.
You had the cellar a lot.
I've been on tour with Juana.
All right, where's Wanda going to be?
No.
I mean, I'm going to be at a mother ship.
the second through the fourth of january are you doing the headline spot of course what the fuck else i don't know
dude i'm just asking you disrespect me one more time man
disrespect me one more motherfucking time i don't mean to watch what happened i don't mean to
disrespect you i'm just asking questions what's my name k dog k dog k delish
no i'm second through the four and then we're back on tour again all over and dates
oh that's good one all right cool uh i'm gonna be all over the place two point pleasant beach
in december january sarah soda florida and mccurities uh on this i can't read it
because he's going past it too much can you go down and let me read the date please uh the 16th through
in the 17th and then bekipsy the 23rd and the 24th and then of course uh i'm going to be in
i'm all over the place greenwood village i don't know oh i'm going to be at the uh Denver
comedy works which i love in february i got dates all through the years all you're going to do is
go to punchup dot live slash robert kelly do you have punch up yet you gotta get a punch up dude
you have punch up no is that punch up is a new it's a new app it's a new website that you go on
and you send people and they you you collect their they just put in an email and then you can
they'll know where you're going to be you can put whatever video up like patreon up there you can
charge money for a video if you want to uh they take a lower percentage than patreon you can
a special up there. Oh, is it like Patreon? It's like
Patreon, but it's also, you get
the emails. So they actually
have a whole app where you can go and be like
oh, where am I playing? I got
300 people on my email list from there
and you can send an email just to them
for that date. And
it's the best new thing
for comedians out there. You should definitely get one.
And then, of course, guys, what are you going to be?
Follow me on Instagram at
Danny Braff and come see me at Comedy
at Verve in Somervu, New Jersey, the third Thursday
every month. This is Joe Russell.
out the cheese show on YouTube, just type in
cheese show. It's the first goddamn thing that
comes up.
Danny. I want to do that professionally
like him. Okay, go ahead.
As being in. Where are you going to be, Keith?
Well, I'll tell you what.
Hey. Well, I want to plug my podcast to.
What's your podcast? Man School 202, and I
do consultations at
Dante Niro.com, click on consult. How much
is a consultation? Depends. How long?
An hour? If you do an hour,
it's like $350. 350? No, no.
How do you give your friend the discount?
Yeah, can we get a discount code?
I would do it for you free.
All right, but can you get discount from my listeners?
Uh, yeah, I'll tell you what I'll do.
If they do an hour, if they do a half hour, I'll give them an hour.
This way I don't have to change the...
Okay.
So the half hour is $2.25.
$2.25, so you'll give them an hour.
Each amount they pick up girls...
Look at that right now.
Where do they go to do that?
Pinheiro.com, click on consult.
Check that out, man.
How about my stroke people that I know?
What do you want them to do?
I want a couple of free ones.
I'm going to tell them.
Anybody with a stroke is it free.
I'm going to tell them.
Here's your advice.
Don't talk to Keith.
Come on, man.
Give a brother with a stroke.
Free confidence.
They got enough problems.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, they need confidence.
It's stroke people call me.
I'll do the same thing.
How about that?
All my stroke guys out there.
You get a half hour.
You get an hour for a half hour.
45 minutes free.
Anything after that, you pay a little bit.
$5.
All right.
We're going to go to patreon.com, answer all your questions.
If you want to be part of this live, watch it live,
and you want to see, get the extra episode,
and you want to ask questions to the people on my show.
Go to patreon.com.
Robert Kelly. It supports the show and helps us keep doing this. It's not a lot of money and I don't
make any money off of it. It's to keep it going. So appreciate you guys. We'll see you next time on.
You know what, dude?
