Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #618 | 8 Steps | Corey B & Matt Lopes

Episode Date: December 21, 2025

Corey B and Matt Lopes return to the pod this week to discuss Matts Weight loss update, Daily Steps, and the boys take a whiff at Matt's Belly Button. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DUDE and use code DUDE & get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat Frames at https://on.auraframes.com/YKWD Promo Code YKWD Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast.

YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, to help you're ruining this. Where's the Bargana, man. I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast.

This is it NPR. That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. And we're live, YKWD. We're back. Please subscribe. If you're watching this on YouTube, just hit the button.

Subscribe. I want to get to 100 million followers by the end of this year. When's the end of the year, Danny? December 31st. How many days away? I don't know. 15? We got a go.

Gee, I don't think we're out. But if we do 100,000 subscribers every two hours, I think we can hit it. We have a mission, guys. Easy. 100,000 every two minutes. And if you tell a person and they tell a person, then six people will know.

How was I the first to do this and I'm the last? Anyways, guys, hit subscribe. If you want to go to the extras, where we ask questions to do an extra episode Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly

that's, listen not a lot of money I think it's five bucks or something like that you get an extra episode you get to ask questions on the live show here and also it helps me pay

these artistic kids it's value great value questions hell yeah you get questions hell yeah and you guys have questions

tonight so let's do this Danny who do we got we have from the boyfriend's podcast Corey B and Matt Lopes

two thirds of the boyfriend's podcast. Yeah. Yeah, we couldn't afford the whole podcast. No, no. Well, the other one's on a cruise ship. Yeah.

Well, yeah, is he on a cruise ship? Yeah, doing comedy? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. He's great at it. No shit. They pay well.

How come I can't hear him? Uh, there you go. All right. Sorry. What? It's not you. I'm deaf. Uh-huh.

In one ear. No, my headphones suck right now. Is everything sound good, guys? Everything sounds great. Fuck you, Danny. You have an attitude tonight. He does it. Doesn't he have an attitude, Danny?

Danny, what happened? I tell you what, he went to Skankfest And he played around out there I'm going to tell you what I did at Skankfest to him And I feel bad because I should have Joe was supposed to go too And I don't know how Joe slipped through the cracks Not gonna happen next year Joe

But Danny got to open up For two of the most amazing shows Yeah He killed He opened up for YKWD With Doug Stanhope And they're sitting there watching Shane Gillis

You crushed We had Greer Bonds We had Joe DeRosa. Who else did we have? Joe List. Joe List. Dude, Karen Fehan, he got, I go, this is why I love Danny, though. I go, you want to do five?

He goes, yeah. Like, didn't even think of, I might bomb. And this, he wanted to be killed. But not only that, then you have your other podcast. Let me take that back. He did great. You have your other. You have your other podcasts where they just said that he's better than every comedian in Austin.

Which one? Fire. The legs. Reg. Danny. Yeah, dude. That's weird that you picked up on that. Most people didn't.

He did say that he's better than all the other comedians on all the stuff. Dude, he's got to be on a high horse. Everybody's talking about that episode right now. Are they really? Yeah. Oh, that's great. Me, Matt. It's great.

They think it's a legend of skanks. It's going to be. I got you something. What? You got me a present? Yeah, it was next one. Oh. You got me a present.

What is that? Chocolate cake. Oh. I fucking love. Love you, dude. Thank you, man. With a spoon. Yeah, no.

No, I'm not. They didn't have for his brother. I'm not. No. I wasn't even asking. Look, his fingers are shaking. Jesus, they are. It's like Dom Deloise in a fucking bakery right now.

He can't resist. Who's Dom Deloese? Is he from Scarface or something? I'm going to tell you something right now. Yeah, probably from Starface. My goal in life. I'm going to tell you right now, my golden life. And you just, looking at you right now, I want to remake, the movie Fatto.

Have you seen it? Black. I'm asking about it. Tom Deloese, brother. Is he David Deloese's brother? David Deloese played the father. Will you listen to the Faso, bro? Will you shut the fuck up?

I'm sorry. Just call me Fato? You're the one he did in the cake, brother. You should slow down. Listen, he called you fat. I called you. He's the fucking asshole. He got me cake to make you fucking mad.

And then he called me Fatso. He said, listen to Fatso. Listen. No. The movie Fatso. It's a movie called Fatso. It's about being overweight. It's one of my favorite movies of all time.

Dom DeLuiz, one of the greatest comic actors of our time. Oh, cool. And that's him right there. That's crazy. You need to watch this movie. Never heard of it. That was rude to me. Point to you like that.

Like it's an intervention. Listen, anybody needs to see this movie. You do. No, he... The 2025 version, so fat. The poster just says, Apple Pies, Big Beans, Bologna, bread. What does he do to himself?

What is that? As an actor, as a human being, bidding yourself on the poster of a movie called Fatso. It's great on a paycheck. Zoom in on that, the first poster. The director was his, I believe, his cousin. Let me see, zoom in on it. Make it the smallest you can do.

What is it say? What's it? And Bankroft. And Bankroft. Yeah. And Bankroff was his cousin. They grew up in this area of New York, which was Italian, right? Because, you know, all the Italians used to live over here.

And this story is about his family and food with Italians. You know how it is, right? Hell yeah. And the whole movie is about him. It's such a, it's a romantic comedy. But if you're a fatso, if you know, like I know, and other people know. You don't just know you. Yeah.

You know what I would like to see? Because either you or me could fulfill that role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could fill that role. But I would like to see Corey in a fat suit. No, but he could play the older brother who's not fat trying to get his brother, Dom, not to be fat, but you would be the perfect. They have, they have, they called chubby checkers.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard of that. It's, it's like an A meeting for fat people, but these guys will come and they're big dudes and they, he's, he's having a breakdown, right? He catches him eating, all this stuff, he keeps falling. And they cut, they run relapsing. He's like, the guy's voices like this, we'll be right over. And then they come down and they're having an adventure with him. It's one of the greatest, if you're a fat person, it's one of the greatest scenes ever because you relate to it. All of a sudden, they're talking and they're having tea.

They haven't, no, they're having hot water because that's all you can. But then all of a sudden he's like, no, they're talking about the food. They're like, no, listen, you know, it's tough and, you know, and he starts to cry. And he goes, can I get a little honey, junior? And he's like, no, you can't, you're not supposed to have that. He goes, a little lemon, okay, he gets him a little lemon. I mean, a little honey would be good. And they're talking.

He goes, you know what? I'd like a little. And then they start talking about food. He's like, you ever get a jelly donut, set the jelly out and pours chocolate in it? Then you ever get a grilled cheese? They start doing that, war story? and all of a sudden the guy goes, he's like, can I get the honey? And he goes, get the honey.

Dude, it cuts to them ripping the cabinets off and just cooking everything. Yeah, send five pizzas over. Oh, no, they broke. One of the greatest foods. What's the other fat movie with Ben Stiller when he was the, he ran the camp, he's a camp counselor.

Was it fat camp? No, that was a dodge ball. Heavy weights. No, heavy weights. Like I said, it was heavy weights. Yeah, dodgeball, yeah. I mean, I just want to take about it before I told you. Can I tell you something.

Last time we were here, he had not started the Ozempic yet. I've now got him on OZempic Yeah, yeah, I've been on it for how many months? I don't know how long it's been six months. I love that he's taking credit. He could have you said you're on OZepic. I have him on OZepard. I have a cattle.

He gets to do this. That's the benefit of paying for it. He gets to tell people about it. Good cake. So good. Good. Want to buy it? O'Dega, no. Do you think, looking at him, do you think he's, no, it's not from Reggio's.

It's don't fucking disrespect. What? Yeah. You fucking read it, buddy. Cafe Reggio's cake. I dare you. So how much weight do you think he's lost, if any? Six.

Six. What? You think I've lost six pounds? He's just lost it. In six months, do I look that much the same? It is crazy how, like, the bigger you are, the more you can come off and people are still like... It's actually called math. It's not crazy at all.

I've lost... I've lost 45 pounds. You know what that is? And it's only 10% of my body weight. I'm going to tell you something to blow your mind. That's four babies. It's four bowling balls. Like, if you go to the bowling ball and that's four.

that's a lot of weight for it for me I'd look great for you you look buddy you don't you look a little smaller but it's buddy it takes a minute I remember when I got the surgery I lost a lot of weight but then it kind of leveled out a little bit

I was getting comp because the compliments are the best right that's what you're going to get to yeah right now oh my god yeah people who are close to you are like oh my god you look great and a couple of comments would be like is bro getting thinner Yeah, yeah. Okay, don't push it, dude. That's just you doing it.

A couple. It's literally a couple. He's on the phantom pages. Here's a problem. You get less funny. Yeah, you think so. I know. Don't say that.

He's worried about that. He's so worried about that. Have you seen my stand-up lately? No. No. Hey, guys. You know, if you do reps. No, dude, it's, dude, good for you.

Thanks, bro. You're right in an age right now, and you don't have to get down to shredded. You're just going to get down to you're not going to die. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, uh, 200 is the lowest I'll go. Let's not get carried away.

Holy shit. What? You at 200 will look nuts. Yeah, dude, you can't do 300. Dude, I'm almost 200. Wait, you're saying that I can't be 200? No, you can. He's not saying that.

Don't attack him. Yeah, no one said that. I can. I can do 200. That's, brief, let's be attainable. I'm, I'm, my goal is 250. And then once I hit that goal goal, let's stick with the first goal, and then we'll get to the other goal. Let's get under 400, brother.

Get under 400. This is actually, this is your. problem. I'll have half a piece of cake. I'll have the whole thing. I set the bar too high. Yeah, dude. I'm going to tell you this.

I don't, I stop weighing myself. I was like, I don't, I'm going to keep working out. I'm going to, you have to work out, brother. If you don't lift weights, you're going to get saggy skinned. No, they told him he gained two. How many pounds of muscle? I'm going to get the skin surgery. I didn't get the skin surgery.

He works out. So you got surgery. Body, I didn't, I got fucking, I got no surgery. What surgery do you get? I got the stomach inside. He got a tummy tuck, dude. I didn't get a tummy tuck. You son of a bitch

God damn it Why does that really bother me Wait so you got an internal surgery You got it sucked out Then how did you not have They didn't fault you over They didn't suck it out You know much fat they'd have to suck out

Where did it all go? I got it's called gastric sleeve They make your stomach Smaller Smaller So when you eat you put up And the reason And I'll tell you why the surgery works

Because you have I think it's called Jardia What is it? That's what kills dogs Why is everything a fucking It's just a game with you Jardia

I'm guessing I know You're not winning you money It's a cash cap you idiot Jar what I'm gonna tell you If I remember It's called

I think it's jellin Or something like that There's cells in your stomach That make you hungry The bigger your stomach Glucose No If I had a producer

It'd be up on the screen Right now If this was Tom Sagaras fucking show Ping, ping, ping. Bring it up, Steve. I got Danny. Pull that up, Jamie.

I'm editing your video. Here it is. Grellin. Grelland. Thank you, Danny. Was that Dan? Was that Dan? Bring it up, Zach.

Grellin's the little monster from that movie in the 90s. Yeah, Gremlin. Zach, right now, Zach, you are not as funny as Danny and Joe, but you're better on the computer. Good job, Zach. No, he is funny. He's hilarious.

Next year, no Joe. You at Skank Fest. How happy did he get, Danny? Oh, me? He's hard. How happy was he there? Oh, hey. Danny was over the moon

over his skank fest Um me and Danny Are you listening to anybody right now? Fuck no You have cake at funny You brother I'm trying to think

him and hide it I'm still like What the fuck is grellin Um Hey Bobby can you pass the cake this one Um Fuckin Give Danny a bite

Don't eat at all You fucking tubbed Jew Wow that was racist Oh my shit Tauu That's crazy In this climate brother You can't say tubid

Well we don't know Australia No, but Danny had fun at Skangfuss. He had to open for all those comics. It was a good time. Yes, he did. We really went past that 10 minutes ago. Okay.

Grellen cells. Crellin cells. So when you make your stomach small, you have less of the cells. And that means you're not as hungry. But what you're doing, listen, they came up with Marjornos. Your skin is tight, brother. Your skin is tight.

Because I were. That's my fucking point. Mondorno is when you eat all day. Mijorno. Mongono, you tub of shit. Mungonjo. Manjaro. They came out with that, like, a month after I got this stupid surgery.

Fuck. Fucking pissed me off. Jesus Christ. But I just get the, I make my mom put it inside of me. What? You have sex with your mom? Danny. Relax.

You know, your mom, your mom pegs you? You know, that's not what I'm, man. All right. Look, it gets all Italian. Hey, it's my mother. Hey, don't talk about my mother. That was back 20 years ago. We don't do that no more.

I, uh, ma, can you teach me how it goes in my bum? I can't put it in myself. I bet. what she says. Your mother never taught you. Well, what happens, this is a big, I talked to all these people who have gotten the surgery. And the people who didn't got saggy skin, right?

But people who worked out and lifted weights, just 20 pounds, they didn't get saggy skin. Only 20 pounds? Yeah, dude, you don't need to do... Wait, I only have to lift weights. I don't have to go and walk? You have to... Oh, my God.

I'll lift weights. You're looking for a way up. So bad. It's no, because it's so big. We'll be on the road, and he's like, I don't want to fucking walk. I don't... Well, it's because it seems forced.

It's because it seems forced, though. Wait a minute. And I can talk to you about it one-on-one. But if it was Marcus here, too, I'd feel so outnumbered. Wait. Even though I'm the size of two of you. Danny, at Skangfest. Yeah, we...

Wait a minute, Danny. You told me a story at Skagfest. Oh, no. I need to know, is this the guy? This is the man. Oh, my Lord. We were talking about how much I don't like walking because sometimes it feels like the people who are asking.

You mean are forcing it upon me. You mean... I don't like... You have to get from point A to point B on foot. You can't drive the stores. At first, I was like, okay, yeah, maybe I'll come with you for a walk. Danny, for a second. Then they walk too fast.

They walk so fucking fast. Hang on. I thought it was a fun walk. I know it was an exercise walk. You're not a fucking border collie. We're not just isn't... Yeah, they're not taking you out to take a shit. Danny, please for context, tell the listeners what we're talking about.

At SkangFist, me, Matt, and one other guy were comparing steps on our phone and we were looking for it we were looking for a day who had the least number of steps and matt lopes had one day where he had eight steps did you die eight steps oh hold on it it probably wasn't only eight it probably it's eight registered in my phone zero eight that's it it's eight registered in my phone you always have your phone on you not wait wait wait wait before before we did this we did screen time he had 20 hours screen time for one day i had his phone on them on. Don't you leave your phone on. That is the fattest shit I've ever heard of my entire life. Listen, I got surgery and it's the fattest shit I've heard of my life. That's the best thing I've ever heard. 20 hours of screen time in eight steps.

Eight steps. What the fuck? You can't even get up here for that. I fall asleep. Would you walk? Get a snicker bar and then go back to bed? I fall asleep to ASMR so the phone's on all life. Dude, even when you're lying, if you roll over, it gives you a step.

I'll leave it in the bed where I have to go to the bathroom What the fuck, dude? Eight steps! Sorry, I'm not. Your phone all day was like, stand up. Stand up. Stand up. The phone's up here.

The phone actually says you need to stand up and move. Fucking eight steps. All right. All right, relax. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He's been all over me. I apologize.

That is fucking literally scientifically impossible. You didn't go pee one? I got to assume what the eight steps. How they registered eight. Yeah. You got up. I walked around my room to get like socks on or something. You got a snack and you went right back to bed.

Hold on. I'm going to see my average steps. Let's do that. Let's do it right now. On November 29th, I had 84 steps. I just checked. Pretty bad. Those are pretty bad.

My average this week is 11,000 steps a day. How do you get your steps? Health. Go to health. Go to your health right now. health app, not in the settings. I thought it was 12,000 steps on Wednesday, 16,000 steps on, on, uh, what day

was this Monday, today, today I'm already at 11,000. Good for you guys, that's awesome. What's yours? Dude, we're trying to help. Dude, it does help. He told me he doesn't want to start walking until he loses more weight, but the only way to lose weight is to walk. That's not true. I'm on Manjaro. Kelly Clarkson's hits. Oh, this is I-Heart.

Sorry. You went to I-Hart. What's your daily amount of times you hit Kelly Clarkson? 75? I had 84 steps on November 24 steps on November 24. My average steps, let's say, what, like a day? A day, a day. A day, a day. A day, a 1600. Oh, man.

How come I don't have that's over a thousand a day. I have today only. No, they say 10,000. Today, who's doing that? 4,249 steps. Yeah, there you go. No, that's four times the amount of you have. Dude, you can't talk. He has walked four times the amount of you. You have you had.

Okay. I average 10,000 I average 10,000 steps a day, dude. Yes, that's... You're lying, you're lying. That's healthy. That's what you're supposed to do. No, 10,000 steps a day.

Here's a thing. How are you only on 4K right now? He's a night owl. Dude, I got so many steps. I walk all of... You wouldn't believe how many steps I have. Dude, I got so many fucking steps. He's the Donald Trump of stepping.

I have the best steps. I have the best steps. Every time I step, it counts. to Rob Ryan Rob Ryan never took the steps I've taken What was that? That's nuts That's crazy shit He died because he was a

No, he's pivoting Don't let him do it Don't let him do it Don't let him Do you believe what our president's saying About Rob Ryanner He can't pivot He can't step

You got a step to pivot You have to do this Listen You know what he said real quick He said he gained Six pounds of muscle Without working out On the Majaro

I've been eating more meats no listen meat i asked i asked i was like how am i gaining muscle like that because i asked they told me i lost seven pounds but i gained two pounds of muscle okay listen the manjaro ladies okay and there's ladies like fairies only ladies right around a manjara car and they're like a doctor peppa midget it'd be funny to just call fat people manjaro ladies yeah and then i gained i was like how did i gain two pounds of muscle and they're like you gain two pounds of muscle because i don't know something you're diet it's protein she's like maybe you've been lifting away No, you have not.

I haven't been lifting. Yeah, the weight to be lifting is yourself. Like, well, I have been asking Corey to take me to more steak place. You think, bro. You think, maybe, you think he's getting up. You think, logically, you think me, him standing up would be a good squat. Like, is a good squat. What are you crazy?

I can't do his squat? Have you seen my, my calves? Yeah. You've complimented my calves. Can I see you do a squat, though? Can I squat, like a... Of course, I can squat as many times as I want. How far can...

How far can... What? You got to pick up my clothes from the floor. You don't pick up like a monkey with your toes. When I'm in the shower, I do that with the washcloth. I've seen you do that. I've seen you do that. Listen, here's the thing with the Mungaro.

You just got to get a pair of 20 pounds dumbbells. Bies, tries, shoulders, chest. I'll do that easy. You can do that 15 minutes, 50 minutes a day. Point to every muscle group he just said. Show me where your Bias. You said, Delps. Nope.

Byes? Show me where your buys and tries are. Byes. Tries. Tries. Tens. Pans. No, that's what you.

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No, I didn't say traps, shoulders Are they traps, though? No, this is traps. That's traps. What are these? Those are shoulders, you monkey. Deltoids. Because you used to bring the fork of your mouth for fucking ten years.

And then these back ones are the deltoids. All right, listen, I didn't say deltoids. The deltoids. Can I say something to you? You need obliques and you need. This is the most important. Stop. I'm not doing it.

Stop. I'm not. Stop. Stop. No, but he is. Can we get, do you have a lot of money. Buy him. You have a ton of cash Oh, we fit

Yeah, dude No, not a we Not playing Doc Hunter No, it would be I fit You not fit We fit about it How did this turn Into a racist Chinese episode

We fit We fit, I fit No, you fit We fit, we fit We fit We fit We don't fit You know fit ain't

You know fit ain't underwear Listen Listen to me Listen to me Listen to me There's a walking treadmill It's like 190 bucks Not doing that

Stop. You're going to make him spend money. Stop. You put it in the living room. Put it in the living room. Go, fuck. Where it is? Where it is?

Oh, it's in front of a TV? There's the TV's in the gym. You put it in front of your meal. You put it in front of the stove. In front of the ceiling. I'm eating off the stove. That's very funny. Oh, shit.

And the moon is sure. With eight steps, it does seem like you would eat up the stove and just same time. If I can put a treadmill in, like, on the floor of my car, I think that'd be great. Listen, you've got to watch. walk, bro. I'm not doing it. No, he, yes, he will. Don't let him lie to you because I did two flights of stairs today. I don't want to hear it. It was

these steps. Yeah, these are bad. I'm so happy you weren't here when I got here because I was like, he's going to hear me breathing. You're going to want to walk when you lose a little more weight. Yeah, exactly, that's what I'm saying. We try to take him on high and I'm going to lose weight now and then I'll want to want to walk. We're trying to murder him. I don't know. We thought like, we were in Pots Town.

Last time we were in Pots Town, not this one time, but last time we went on a nature walk. He fucking hated it. because he's so listen I was I was 360 bro and you want to people want to go for a walk it's like hey go fuck your mother they walk fast yeah they do

I slow down for you I slow down for you you ask and then when I'm not as fast as you you guys think that I'm mad and I'm not mad I'm just busy walking sounds like you're mad I'm not mad sound mad right now you even try to go to all the cool stores and shit dude yeah no the stores are cool I just like being on my own time

because we'll just load the fuck down we'd have so much more time and you guys get bored then we turn around sooner that's exactly what's going on in my brain. You want more time with them? What? We were just in Fort Wayne Indiana? Indiana? Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I said it like that.

Wow! I got family there! We were there and we went to the mall just to get some steps in because we had eight steps the whole day. We were driving from fucking Cleveland. So you did fine though. There was no bitch for complaining you. I don't bitch and complain anymore. I'm getting better. They had an airsoft. We shot airsoft guns in there with the

fucking jihadi guy. It was great. That was recently. Because I'm getting It's because I'm getting skinnier. But you're still complaining about it. Yeah, I don't like walking as a chore. No one love walking. I like doing it when it's fun. Can I just say something?

Human beings walk. As a chore, though, or for fun? No, but to get... When you walk, are you doing it for fun? What do you think people did before fucking cars and horses? Draw on the fucking cave walls. That's what I would have done. I'd spend my time doing that.

Oh, my God. I would have drawn on the walls of the cave? What happened to him do you think? Do you think what... What do you think? I would have been the first guy that's not doing stick figure. because I have so much time on the wall that I'd be the first one to be like

oh maybe we can make the... You would have died outlines. Well, you wouldn't even walk and get berries. I would stay in the cave. You'd get buried. What do you think? People are just going to bring you food? Yeah. No. That's not how it works. They would eat you. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good with my words. I can convince them. Here's what I'm saying. They would have killed you because you were eating

off. No, I was asking you. I asked you guys a question. When you're walking, are you doing it for fun? Hey, running dear. Where did whole moose go? And they just point to the back of the cage. I didn't have lunch. Inside, moon boy. We cannot leave deer meat. You guys, when you walk.

They got the idea of the wheel from him. Running deer. He rose so easy. We need to make wheels. Like him. So good. Running deer. Where did my daughter go?

Just a pig tail hanging out of his mouth. Listen, you're doing the right thing. You're going to lose the way. Yeah. And when, but. weights, if you do weights. Yeah, I would do weights. Look, your stomach, it's hard to, you know, you're always going to have a little, little goofy.

That's terrible, right? But mine isn't as bad as it would have been if I wasn't lifting weight. I'll get the skin surgery. How much is the skin surgery? $7 million. It's not $7 million. No, but what his plan is, we talked about this last time. His plan is to get it for free.

I said $7 million. It's not $7 million. I'm sorry. Let's be realistic. It'll be realistic. But that's what I'm doing. His plan is to get an endorsement on skin surgery. What?

This was your plan. I've never said that. That sounds great. What do you want to do? From what company? From anybody who's a parachute company? Postweight's skin, before and after that.

Go to shopping. There's a shopping section on Google. I want this one right here. I'll take this one right here. See, it's only a thousand bucks, bro. No, no. That's a facelift. Oh, the hot chick, stupid.

They're going to have to take 75 turkeys off of you. It's going to take a team of people. It would take poor Native Americans to skin you, brother. When you're walking, are you walking for fun, or are you walking, and it's a chore? I got this. It's mindless. I hate walking, too.

It's not mindless. Here's what I did. You have to think about it. I hate it. You know what I did? I got these walking treadmills. You don't run. I don't run.

I fuck it. People are like, dude, jog, suck my dick. I walk at a very low speed. I do one mile, and I have a TV in front of me. I go to a YouTube or a show, and I watch. It's usually usually one show. just walking on my phone and I get a mile in. That's all I give a fuck about a day.

You do one mile, that's it? That's all I do. Only 5,000 steps. Buddy, one mile a day, right, walking, keeps the blood circulation going. Eight steps. You can't say only 5,000. You fucking. You're saying you get 10,000 a day.

Yes, but that's on top of what you're saying you have 5,000. I do now. That's on top of what he does on the treadmill. He doesn't only walk on the treadmill. He also walks around. I take, I don't, I park my car on the city. and I take the subway and I walk everywhere. That sounds cool.

Yeah, I do that. But listen, you'll get there. But you got to lift weights. But you're doing it, dude. I would lift weights. I would get so jacked because it's there. You have it. You're strong.

You know what this fucker got? Well, come on, man. You know what this guy is jack. How do you know it's there? Can you see it? Yeah, dude, I've seen him with his shirt off. He's not a weird fat. Look at his ankles and his wrist.

No, he was meant to be fat. No, not me. No. He's, he's that fucking. That build you mean. He's that big Italian guy. Yeah. He was meant to be a big guy.

I'm, I'm fat off sandwiches, not off like other kids. Yeah, but if Stevie Wonder would have done this, if he would have been like, oh, that's not a fat person. And then go up a little, Stevie. Whoa, shit. Motherfucker. Got Dana. I made a mistake. Great balls of fire.

Am I touching a woman's titty? This chick got nice breastsises. He broke Danny. Danny, that's a hurt. laugh. That laugh is too bad. I'm telling you what I'm taking this guy on the road too though. The other day he said to me he goes, you know what we haven't done in a while, Corey? I was like, what?

Gay sex? He said we have been to a steakhouse. And I was like the fucking hot density of this motherfucker. How can you but you can't eat a lot, right? I'll eat like a little. Twice a day. Small. Yeah, I only eat like once or twice a day. It's great, dude. But I'm also waking up at like 11, 1 o'clock in the afternoon already, so I miss breakfast. It's good. And then I go to

Is that your diet plan? The doctor was like, listen, this isn't going to work for you, but if you sleep until three, then 100%. If you sleep till three, you'll only get one meal in a day. Go to bed at 9.30 and sleep till 3. It works. It doesn't work because you're not going to be active, you fucking immobile piece of shit. I'm telling you, I'm not an active guy.

We know we're looking at you. Stop stating the obvious. Kids can be active nowadays when they're on their fucking video games all the time. You don't bother them. You thought active was how loud you spoke. Acting for me as a volume thing That's funny I just lost weight from yelling at my sister

Yeah, yeah, yeah You burnt the Milo You burnt it We went at stake in Cleveland We went to this place after the show Right next to Hilarities Hilaries break club by the way One of the best

So much one And the owner did you meet the owner? Yeah, he's so good The best Italian, Italian guy Very nice guy Are you Italian too? I'm a part of Italian

All right you're Italian 18% He's Polish We were talking about how he could kind of Pass for Jewish. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I did my ancestry. My great, great, great grandfather came from fucking Syracusa, Italy.

So I'm an Italian. Syracusa? Yeah. Ugh. What's wrong with this? It's fucking Sicily. There's no Syracusa? Yeah.

Don't have it. Just say Sicily. It sounds like a mob in Japan. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, the Syracusa. I'm from the Syracusa. Let's leave.

He's fighting Godzilla. He's fighting Godzilla. It was marble something. Marble. look like you fuck Godzilla we spent 600 fucking bucks what yeah 600 bucks in that bitch don't act like that was mostly me yeah you was only

150 of that 150 at a steak house bro's good sake buddy we just burp yeah yeah I get in the mic thanks you just fucking did it just come up again you keep I was thinking about the memory but you can't eat a whole steak no not a whole one no no no

everybody we were sharing we shared so it was okay so you but you still can't eat a lot right he's eating less He's eating less. Right, okay. We went to Gaza's... But it's the type of food sometimes that he's eating, you know what I mean? Like what?

Like when he goes to Panera and he gets a salad. Yeah. He doesn't get a salad. He gets a loaf of bread to eat the salad with it. I don't get a loaf of bread. I can ask for two sides of bread.

Two sides like to? You get your salad and a bread bowl? One's not enough. Dude, one is enough. That's your fucking... That's the problem. I don't... I'm not just eating a salad.

I'm making myself the chicken season are like kind of sandwiches. So I have to take out the bread. Hold on. I take out the bread. breading, by the way. I take out the fucking middle, and I'm just using the crust, the crumst. I'm using the crumbs

of the bread. I stuffed the salad and the chicken inside of it and I eat it. You're making sandwiches. I take sips of Pepsi. You're literally, you're using fat tricks. Fat tricks. That's Neo's next movie. It's not Matrix. It's fat tricks. You're talking, you're doing

fat tricks. You're getting a salad and then you're making sandwiches. The fuck is fat tricks. When you got a salad and it's a sandwich, It's the trick. Tadda. I don't pay for a salad. But now I have two sandwiches.

Fatrix is the movie where you don't chick the red pill, the blue pill. It's the red cupcake or the yellow cup of the food cupcake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the Fat Tricks. Buddy, you, but listen. I'm dodging diabetes. Don't grab.

Yo, he does this thing where he always goes from the kid. Buddy, he can't help it. He's hoping for stomach, I promise you. I have problem He's sticking to this He's doing well How much Mojura are you taking a week Manjara?

How much are you taking a week? Whatever, I think of one One? No, 10, sorry. There you go. I'm fucking do one. I think I'm on one milligram a week. 10?

The 10. No, it's like one point. Like, I want to go up to 1.5, but it's one. I thought you're supposed to do two now. I thought you're supposed to go up to two. Oh, you're just on it? She's asking, she asked me if I felt like I'm still hungry at the end of the week.

Just say yes. Every time. Lie to her. Just lie? Yes. Yes. My mom told me to tell you yes. That's what it would be doing.

Is your mom happy that I'm helping you? Yeah, my mom looks great too. She was pretty pretty. No, your mom looks great. Tina looks amazing. Is she on Mangerna? Manjaro? She's on it?

How long? She's been out longer than you? Yeah, probably about it around over a year. She went from 300 to like 190 or something like that. She's great. Yeah, she has to walk and get his food. She leaves me. She does.

She brings it up the stairs. She's a living room, dude. So in a year from now, you're going to be a different human being. Yeah, yeah. And I guarantee you'll be like, I walk now. You'll like it. I think, yeah, I don't, I don't know, okay. I guess I probably will be a walker by that point.

Yes, you will. It's going to be to the point where I don't think about, I don't have to, I don't, like, love walking, but I don't think about it. It's a mindless thing. Oh, but you and Marcus are like, you want to go for a walk? That's not about loving walking. That's about not wanting to get, fuck. That's about driving all day and like, oh, we should be healthy and get steps in because that's a healthy thing. That sounds like a chore, though.

For you, it doesn't sound like a chore. It's your fucking body. It's your, this is your, you gotta take care of it. So you, you have, you have, you, you, you, you care about your body. I consciously give a shit. Oh, that's what it is. I love that he's fighting you on walking. Yeah. Out of all the things, dude, walking is what humans literally, we walk up. We were nomadic. We were supposed, yeah.

We were nomad. We were her. We were her. We walked across the fucking, I don't believe, yeah. I don't believe in reincarnation. I was born now for a reason, all right? I didn't exist as other people back then who liked to walk. I am a new thing. When your inner thighs stop shafing and lighting fires. Yeah.

This guy can't wear corduaries. Shafing is when you cut your beard using the knife. It's not, it's not shaving necessarily. When you walk, it's not a comfortable thing. No, he's got shaving cream for it, though. I bleed on all my head sheets. I'm a throw up. I'm a throw up.

I'm a throw up. I bleed under my... Stop saying it. I'm a throw... Sometimes you'll turn around and be like, do I have blood on my... Under the stomach. I'm gonna... You ever lift up the stomach?

Yeah, I'm gonna throw it. It looks like hills. Looks like an elephant's knee pad? Yeah, it does. There's hills of brown. I'm a white guy. You can get, you can get cream to get that off, by the way. Well, no, they go away when the blood all comes out.

It's called soap. When I pop them in the bed sheets get all red... A part of your stomach has been in the shade. Good, Danny. Fuck you. You're laughing if you are before. That's like when you are. pick up a board in the backyard and underneath the grass is all flat and brown.

There's grub worms everywhere. Yeah, if you pull up his stomach, this actually is. Simone and Pumbar, check it under my stomach for bugs. What a wonderful day! A coon no matata! It means no worries. No, it means no walking. Picking out a great gift can be difficult.

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which the FDA does not approve or verify for, safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required, see website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. All right. Well, listen, dude. Wow. You know what, dude.

You're going to be there, dude. I'm glad you're on it. And you're paying for it, right? Didn't I, didn't we talk about that last time about you paying for it? Yeah, we just started it. We hadn't done it yet. Right. You were about to do it.

And it was $1,000 a month. And now it's only like $3,400 because it was still $1,000. He would not pay for him. Is he keeping in the fridge now? Because I remember last time. right. No, I don't know. Are you? Okay, good. You were fucking, you were just leaving on the window sill? Yeah, in the car.

What the fuck? But what he would do is he would be like, the months would go by and it would still be a thousand and he'd be not getting him the money to me a little later and later. I'm like, okay, I got to fight for this to be a lot. If you go to a chemist, instead of a pharmacy, if you get this, you know, seriously. Who is this Joe Rogan's

podcast? What the fuck are you? What are you? You got to go to these chemists. You got to go to these chemists. What is it? We're bringing up. Listen, if you take the PPC-57 peptide, listen to me, I'm serious. I'm telling you. It's called a pharmacy chemist, right? There's regular pharmacies, and there's chemists.

So what they do is they have, they have the ingredient from Manjaro, that is there. Some of glutide. They take that and they mix it with B12. You know what I mean? So it's not much. It's not Manjaro. They just get the thing that they make it themselves. and put a B-12 in it,

it's the same thing, 180 bucks. That's where I'm getting it. A health clinic? I go right to my lady. It's a farmer's a chemist. Yeah, but like the IV people do that. Like if you go to an IV drip place,

like you see on the road that we've been to a bunch. Love them. They also do that shot, the semi-glutide shot. Yeah, but you have to make sure it's, I go to the farmers, the chemist. Pure. It's a, it's a, it's a little pure. Where do you find that?

Where do you find a pharmacy chemist? Because a friend of mine went to it. A friend of mine is a doctor, Dr. Gail. He, this guy's nuts. He's the best ever. But he's like, you know, you go to, I went to his house to get, I had a little fatty deposit right there. If you can see it. And when I was heavier, I had, uh.

What was that? It's a little, no, it's a fatty deposit, right? What is that? What the fuck. It looks like a fourth knuckle. What the fuckle, dude. It's a fourth knuckle. What the hell?

Yeah. Dude, that looks gross. That looks like some gross shit out of your stomach. That looks at the shit under my stomach. But I went to a cell And he's like I got this stuff In my fridge

You grow your finger back If you're crazy shit You're gonna turn your axolado What do you mean Roll your finger back He's like I'm growing this thing You know You take it

Your hair grows back And all the time It goes away And you lose 60 pounds in a week He has all the He sounds nuts He's well it's not All the stuff that's coming out now

Now the problem with Mujaro I'm gonna tell you this Okay Is people lose weight And when you're losing weight They lose muscle also. Then they lose all the weight and then they'll go off Monjarro because

they didn't work out. They didn't get a healthier regimen in the head. And then you go off it and they gain all that weight back. No muscle. He's done that already. He's done that. You've done it. That sounds fun. No, it's not fun. That sounds fun. Did you do that? That's like what people are Wally when just the chairs? Yeah. How great was that? I love that. I was that when I saw that. I was like

I know that that's heaven for me. God, Matt, no, see, you talk a big game, but we fucking get out. You get out. Yeah, of course. If I If I stay in my house three days in a row, I'm like, I got to go so somewhere. Three days in a row? You got to go sit in a Jersey mic or something. Three days in a row? I got to go sit in a Jersey mic or something.

I can't be sitting at home. I got to go somewhere else. Dude, you, yeah, I'm not going to, I can't be. I'm eating three days in a row home shit. I have to pick up more shows on the road just so I can get him a healthy lifestyle. Do you understand what's, like, I'm leaving my family because Matt needs to walk. He's who he doesn't die. My son's like, where are you going?

I'm like, I got to walk Matt again. I'm saving Matt's life, son. I'm energetic. I got bursts of energy. You know, don't I? No, yeah, sometimes. Oh, yeah. Clip it.

Clip it, chip it. Jimmy, let me clip that. I'm just saying that when it all comes down to it, the lift and the weights is going to help you out of life. I love that. I love the idea of doing that. And we'll do that. The new Manjaro that they're working on now, actually... Is it called Manjaro 2?

What is it? It's something like that. It's that company is coming out with it that you don't lose the muscle. So you lose the weight and you keep your muscle. Yeah, but you also get the drug cancer or some shift from that. Actually, this drug is supposed to... to, it's a miracle drug. It's helping people with heart disease.

It's helping people with dementia. It's helping a lot of other things. It's called Ivermectin, pull it up. You think AI is helping with that or no? What? You think AI is helping people come up with these miracle drugs and shit or no? Oh, you think? I don't know.

I think it's getting information faster, probably, huh? Or no? There's another pivot. Anything to make it lazy. Anything to add. I'll just ask computers. And it'll do it'll do it for me. What you want to do is you want to get a salad and make a sandwich.

So, but you have to have a lettuce. You have to have a friend that does that. There's no corner store. It's a fucking pharmacist chemist. Apparently. What do you mean? They're all over the city. You just In a bowl. Really? Yeah, they're called dressing. Yeah. Bring them up. Chemist Pharmacy. Yeah, dude, they're all over. It's for people

that can't afford the fucking crazy Manjaro. And they'll just give you the actual. It's like, okay, go to CVS. They have Tylenol. A fucking witch doctor? What are you talking about? They have Tylenol, right? And next to it, they have CVS Tylenol. It's way cheaper. Turn it around.

it's the same thing that you're just paying for Tylenol. You know, back in the 70s, you would have been burned. You would have been burned for believing that. You ever do that? You ever go to get, you get Pepsit, and then you get the CBS one.

Turn it around. Same exact same exact same. I'm on all natural shit now. I just do all natural stuff. What? Yeah, we're talking about. All natural stuff. I see you, the fucking Instagram was just,

hey, they took fucking pasta and mixed chocolate? I gotta check that out. That was back. It's fucking good. That was, oh, fuck you. A million dollars. All natural ingredients.

I used to do that shit. Now it's all, but I don't take medicine. Look, there's the one thing that I smell. My smelling thing. Yeah, I love that. Can you get that out? Do you have that? What is it?

It was so good. What is it? Oh, the thing. It's like a herb thing. Herb? Stop talking about food. It's how you say it in the European. Let me see.

Oh, can I see it? Smell that. Is that the... You think a big whiff. It's kind of like a smelling salt, but for herbs. For herbs. Stop saying herbs. That's how you say it.

In Europe, that's how you say it. We're in America. It's herbs. All right. Oh, that smells good, dude. I have some of them. Can you send me that? Yeah, yeah.

It comes in a pack of 20. Do I smell this? No, no, no, no. That's just reed. It's just oregano. Yo, what's that even say? Don't give this to him. You think pasta.

You smelled that. You smelled that. You don't even know what it says. He's going to try to read this. So I take this is, this is, this is, um. I know what this says, dude. My father was fucking. It says, uh, those are hieroglyphicic.

Tonga, Ponga brand. My father went over there and fucked all of them, dude It says squiggly line, squiggly line, house I think it's an M and a W and then a musical note And then an axe And then there's a pair of tits It says smell really good Imagine being really young

I love this Being really young asking your uncle What does this even say? It says smell it It says you're a communist Smells great But I think the oregano oil because that's a natural antibiotic okay it's better than it's better than um what do you take usually for antibiotics what do you take antibiotics

yeah what's the what's the main penicill elarazepam no matt takes donuts the main one starts with an a acid acid acid acid as an as a mine you guys aren't even fucking trying nope what's the one danny what's the natural what no it's not natural god damn he's ambian no ambiots what's the anti biotic they give you amphibian it's an antibiotic antihistamine no bitch Stop saying words with A's. Al-Oin. I fucking hate this show. This show sucks.

Allie McBride. Allie McBride. What is it? Moxicillin. Allie Metzallie. This is proven to be better than a moccasillin. It's not moxacicillin. It's a moxacicillin.

Oh, a moxasill. This guy. I don't know. In the theater major. But there's so many different ways because my fiance had cancer. So we look on natural shit. No, she's good now. Okay.

You know. You don't have to be sorry anymore. I know, but that still makes me sense. He's fine. What kind of can't? She had cervical, but she found it real early. Oh, good, man. She got a pap smear.

Did you find it? Yeah. It tastes like... It tastes like an origina. It's like your cells are off. I think there's a dog that can sniff that, right? They call me Osmosis bones, dude. What a great movie, dude.

Very good. Oh, thank God, man. How old? She's young, huh? Yeah, she's 35. She's quite a real early. I'm from here. Not in the Middle East.

Oh no Do you have a girlfriend? No No He did He did though What happened to her She died

What are we talking about She was no You can't listen There was a girl I was talking to earlier this year That stopped That didn't You guys were like Lost interest in me

Why? Because I was snoring Sandwiches out of bread No No Snoring a lot Oh yeah Snoring big time

Yeah you must I made her come like all the time Yeah but not You're snoring I know my How's my snow How is? He made a lot

come a lot, but he made her leave more. Yeah, she left the bed and went to sleep on the couch. I was like, okay, that's not happening. I'll go to sleep on the couch. I'll sleep on the couch. How? So she's in the bed. And the couch is a dentina now.

By the way, going to the couch is more than eight steps. Yeah, she got a callback, Danny. That's why you're funny than all the Austin comics. He is. Danny did say that. No, snoring is a nightmare, though. But they'll go away. My snoring used to be really bad.

Now, I still snore, but not as much, and I don't have to use my C-Pat machine. I gave him mine. Dude, you know what happened when you lose weight? That was magical to me? I started dreaming. What? What? I swear to us.

Fat people don't dream? No. Of course we dream. What the fuck? Why would they dream? They've got everything they love. I don't need to dream. I got everything.

I have sex dreams, dude. It's sick. It's fucking. I don't. You're sitting on my leg. I was a fucking leg You ever have a sex dream, bro? You know this?

Yo, they're mixing sex in dreams now. Do you hear about this thing? It's called sex dream? No, I never, because we wake up. We would wake up. You know God dropped that on people. They were like, thank you, God. We wake up because we snore and we choke and we wake up,

so we never get to REM. And you need to get to REM, so you need to be sleeping for it to dream. I've been dreaming again Because I've been so healthy That I'm actually getting to deep sleep That's cool You dream? I'd be dreaming you

But you don't I will say this You fall asleep a lot Stop myself from coming When I feel it coming up in the dream You have a night at least to be able to wake myself up Stop coming With cum

Yeah Don't come in my head But you have wet dreams a lot Now no it happens like maybe once a month That's a lot It goes through the sheets It turns the mattress yellow You sure it's not a jelly

Donut? It's bad. It can't unfold his belly because it's just stuck with cum. Why is my cream taste like strawberries? Gross. I bet your cream does taste sweet. No. My cum doesn't get on my stomach, though.

You have diabetic cum. It also stays right where it is. It doesn't like to walk. Patrice found out he had diabetes from his girlfriend drinking his piss. Whoa. What? Sick. Yeah, she was like that.

like, baby, your piss, your pee is really sweet. Because diabetics, it's all sugar. Yeah. So then he went and got... I think you're skipping the part where she was drinking the piss. I'm pretty sure I didn't skip it. We're just going to escape past that?

Like, it's a normal... Like, she's just drinking piss. Oh, you're going to shame fat people and piss drinkers? Yeah! Come on, brother, that's not cool. Oh, fuck off. Oh, you guys can fuck right on. That's where I draw the line.

Yeah, I draw the line, too. You're stepping over the line. You guys haven't stepped over any. lines lately. Maybe if you drag piss, you would have caught that cancer earlier. That's crazy shit. Yeah, dude. It's you're gonna be able to dream again.

I can dream now. That was a you thing. That's a you dream of food. I'm talking of fantasy dreams. No, he sleeps different now. I will say you have been snoring a lot less and he was just falling asleep in the car in the middle of day. Just anywhere we get in the car just... That was crazy. Wow. We'd be... And I'd be fully

rested and then we'd be at. We'd just In first class, he'd be in 30, and I could hear him. That's the worst. Seeing him waddle down the fucking aisle in Zone 5, and you're like, God, damn it. The worst is one of the two people next to him hear him snoring, and they're like, are you going to wake him up? And I'm like, no, I'm not going to fucking wake him up. You wake him up.

Do you know, everybody's face on that plane is he's coming down? No, no, no, no, God, please, God, please, God. Oh, Father, what, and please. Sometimes I go into a seat that's not mine. He's just to be like, I'm just fucking with you. It's great. It's really good. Nah, you see them be polite.

You see them being polite with the panic on their faces is great. Like, no, I'm just too bad. The amount of time he has people leave their seat and he gets an open seat next to him is great. It's actually law. Oh, that's actually great. That's fucking sick. I'll say, I don't want to get smaller for that reason specifically. Because you're going to get, you're getting less small.

You're getting thinner. Buddy, I had to travel with a seatbelt extender. I do, too. I don't travel with it. I just ask them for it on the plane. No, if they don't have it, I don't go to their seatbelt. I don't do that. I don't do it.

I will not do it. Why? Because they always go, they always go, give me a second. Now, everybody, and I get to, excuse me, could I please grab it? He does it every time. I stole one from Delta. No, I stole one from actually American. It was blue, and I only fly Delta. They only have one.

It was gray, and then my seatbelt, you could tell it was, it was gray, and then I went blue. Fuck. How about were you? How, how? 360. 360. You were what, four, when you first started? Oh, you want me to out my full weight?

No, not now. What were you? Because you've lost weight? I'm at I my my biggest was 480 And you're on your way down though I'm at 430 something now That's great that's great dude Dude you're gonna be when you're down to like two something

I'm so skinny bro Oh god What I'm like so I feel it I'm so skinny now Dude think like that I do think like that Think like that dude That's how I think

Great That's how you got here 100% I have a joke around like I don't think like other people Other fat people think I don't think about When I see other fat people in public I look at them I go gross

Yeah I could never be that I could never do that shit You're crazy And then he walks four steps And he's like I need cake Try to unsip my pants

To use the urinal I'm like Fuck He has emergency cake In his pocket Wow Oh hold on Can I say one more thing Please you

I will say You can say as much as you want As a fat person And losing weight I have had to learn how to I had to re-learn How to pee standing up What

What? Explain What? Or actually demonstrate. Like, I got too big at a point where I could, I had to sit. No, no, no, no, no. I just couldn't, like, reach and hold it for that long. And now I told.

Laughing is crazy. I'm being vulnerable. I'm being vulnerable. No, Matt. I'm sorry. We mean reach and hold it, though. I'm sorry. You know what?

He's right. I'm sorry. Say it again. But now I'm losing weight. Now I can hold my cock. What was it before you couldn't do? I couldn't. I couldn't hold.

Sorry. I couldn't hold my cock and P and aim at the same time. Did you cock get fat, too? No. Why couldn't you hold it? The stuff around the cock was getting too much. Yeah. The grundle or whatever the fuck is called.

It's like tortoises head, dude. It's extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I hear you, bro. It's a tough thing. But now I'm learning how to sussus piece dating. Buddy, when I saw my dick for the first time, poke out, it was like a friend.

I hadn't seen a long time. Buddy. I was like, hey, you're a little worn. Not there yet, not there yet. You're what's getting my sheets wet every night. No. Have you ever had a night admission? Yeah, not...

Is that what you're calling it? That's what it's called. It's called night coming or sleep coming. No, it's not called night coming. It's called a wet dream, no? If you're 12... Yes, what dreams would they tell you to... Nocturnal emission is what they call.

Night admission. Yeah. What? Yeah. It sounds like a Tom Cruise phone. You've had... You thought night emission was when you turned your car on? Night admission is when Ben Stiller worked in that museum.

When Mormons go out after eight, it's night mission. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. You had one? I have, yeah, probably about maybe a year ago now. But I have come in my dream and you come in your dream. Sometimes you pee in your dream. You pee in your sleep.

I haven't peed in my bed a long time since I was living. I haven't peed in my bread since I was a baby. You pee in your bed? Let's go, let's go. Let's go. The tides have turned. What the fuck? You piss your bed, homie.

I peeped my bed Oh, you peeped in it? Two years ago And I blamed it on my kid Because he was laying in there with me What a piece of shit! I felt the bed And I was like, oh, it's wet. And then I felt my pants, and I was like, oh, fuck. And I got up and I took my pants off a quick

In the dirty clothes and I was like, Alicia Lexington pissed the bed. Lexington, you! Ooh, you're grossing. And your kid's like, why does it pee on my leg? I pee out of my knee, dad? Yeah, sometimes it's weird, dude. The trail didn't make sense, so I had to muster up some more P&P on his crotch.

You had to roll him over, like a guy you shot. Put a gun in his hand? I actually shit myself far like four years ago. Yeah. I was a hold it. I was one of those ones. During your sleep or like out in public? At home.

Okay, okay. Oh, that's different. There's a toilet five feet away. You piece of shit. fucked up. I was racing home and I knew I had to shit. But I also had to make a video because I'd make money. I was making a video. That autistic

motherfucker fucking. I'm gonna fucking take me every train. I'm gonna back you up on this. There's nothing better than having to shit really bad. You're gonna shit your pants and racing home and getting it. That's almost as good as coming. Yes. When you get you like... I did that BP one time. Yeah? Yeah. I just made it and I was like it's the best. It's the best. With the finish line shit and it's the best.

It's shit in line Yeah, that's the best But I was I had to go make a video And I forgot I had to poop But I remember But I like I sneezed and shit

And I remember being like Because you check it You're like oh Every time you get a You stick your finger in there And if it comes out like No no no no no no You never had a wet fart

Where you're like I think I shit my pants I did I shit my pants Danny's childhood You know how you take your underwear And you put it against your butt cheek To see if it's wet What?

All right All right Maybe I'm different What? What? Yes. And then you feel the other side of the underwear? Yeah.

Buddy, you know what, though? How you can check? Go to the bathroom and then wipe your ass. I was in a good headspace for working. You don't use your fucking... Underwear stuck to my butt cheek and I was like, I'll be up late at night and like digging in my ass just for like because I'm bored. And then I go and then I forget to get up and wash.

And then I forget to get up to like wash it away. And I sleep on my hand. I've done that. I'm not going to look at them for the rest of the podcast. I don't have pink eye more. Double pink eye. No, I put my hands under my pillow. Intentionally?

And hope I don't have to. I turn that shit in my sleep. Intentionally, you do that? Not intentionally, no, but like when I'm bored, I'll scratch my ass. You know, they have video games? They have a phone. There's a lot. There's a book you can pick up a book.

I don't use that hand. I'm pretty good. I hang this hand off the bed while I'm just using my phone and my other hand. But then sometimes I'll fall asleep while it's up there. And I'll fucking itch my head. You're afraid to reveal your weight loss? And then you tell us that, you piece of garbage? What's your best?

belly button smell like. Oh, I bet it smells bad. I haven't checked. You want to check? I don't, I smell my sometimes. Smell it. You guys want to check? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What? Let's see. All right, good. Wow, he's going to pull that out like a sheath. Go ahead. No, no, no, no. Can I say something real quick? Hold on.

That is it for a big man. That is the tiniest little fucking... Yeah, I have big nipples, too. Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. Get in there. I want to see your finger disappear a little bit.

Oh, God. All right. Get in there. You have to get in there. Get in there. Get in there. All right, go, go, go. All right, go ahead. You're lying.

Is it bad? You're lying. Is it bad? You're lying. I want to do it. I want to do it. I want to do it. You're lying.

Oh, let me see. It's not that. Is it bad? What does it taste like ham? Is it a bad? I didn't taste it. You fucking sick, fuck. Oh, God.

Get in there. Get in there. Were you shot? Were you shot in the stomach? Were you shot in the stomach? All right, here we go. Oh, it goes so deep. It's like a canal.

You're lying. He's just threw up in the whole way. It's not that bad. He just threw up. You guys are lying. You're being fat-phobic. You're being fat-phobic right now. You're doing it for the clips.

You just threw up in the whole way. Don't clip this, chat. Don't clip this. He just threw a smell my fingers. He'll be still good on it. It smells normal. He's being over. He's doing too much now.

He's too, dude. I saw him wretch. I saw him throw up in the hall. I saw it. And that was this week's episode of, You know what, dude, fucking make shit. Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on.

You can't. Sprayed in his belly. You got it on my leg. Oh, you got it on my finger. What the fuck? You got to clean that, dude. That was like fucking nine sandwiches and soup. Everybody knows you don't clean your belly button.

You got to rubble into it. You maybe break the fucking headphones. Holy shit. You threw up in the corner, did you? I want you to look at those cameras and tell everybody that you were overreacting. I'm not, listen, dude. Dude, it's bad. through his glasses.

Oh, my God. Listen, dude, we've got to end. We're going to end the show. We're going to, oh, you want some, Danny? Oh, everybody gets some. You got to do it. You got to try it? You got to do it, but you got it.

No, yes, yes, yeah, come on. One more, one more, one more, one more. He's going to go too much. No, he won't. One more, one more, one more, one more, one more. One more, one more. Get in the, get in there. It's, no.

I already said. Oh, I don't know. Oh, wash your hands. Don't touch me with that fucking hand. You're disgusting. Don't touch you with that disgusting ass finger. It's your fucking belly button. Can I tell you something, though?

Mine smells a little bit similar to that, but it's mine, so it's not as gross. All right. He's done, dude. His olfactory system's fucked up. Give me that salt. Next time... Give me your herbs. Give me the herbs.

He needs the herbs, dude. I want you to put the herbs in his belly button. Empty this in his stomach. It's the sum of glutide. It changes up. It makes the smell. Oh, dude. It makes the smell more pungent.

You gotta get in there, dude. You gotta get in there with some. It's the manjaro. You gotta get in there, dude. They don't make tools for the inside of your belly button like that. They do. Call the face cloth and soap, you savage. If they can wash a cow, they can wash you.

We're having so much fun. You guys wanted to torture yourselves, and now I'm never going to be invited back on. Listen. There's got to be a part two of your belly button. Listen, you're coming back on every six months to see if that smell goes away. I'm not going to be your I'm not going to be your fucking Tony Incliffe regular fuck that

your rat pack and hell no buddy hey guys I love doing podcasting but I really love doing is my stand-up comedy I'd love for you to come see me live and this is how you do it they made it so easy punchup dot live slash Robert Kelly go in put your email in and anywhere that I am near you it's going to alert you let you know and I can send an email and I don't spam anybody I just let you know when I'm going to be in town near you performing with a link. It makes it so easy for you to come see me do my stand-up. January, I'm going to be in Sarasota, and I'm also going to be in Poughkeepsie, then I'm going to Denver. I'm going to be all over the place coming in the new year,

starting in January. And the way you come see me live, which I want you to do, is go to punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly. I'm so, listen, we're going to have this. You're lying. They should use that for Manjaro. You want to eat something? Smell this. No, I'm so happy you're on this dude And I tell you, a year from now You're gonna look fucking fantastic And you're gonna be, and you're gonna be

And I saw him at SkangFest Yeah, I can't, I would pop into the little room Yeah, this little, uh, what was a room called? Creek Cave Room. Creek Cave Room and I would pop in And it's a tough room Yeah, people are coming in and out 15 people Dude, he crush it

And I finish my fucking monologue before you Yep I walked in, I saw you on stage And I'm like, I would, I would go in a scene stage and a lot of comments are all right they were doing all right but the people walking and through the room and blah he went on stage of fucking in front of a small group of people

that were coming in and out that room was small fucking murdered I got bad time every night in the road he's got people coming up to him be like that was so you're so funny so awesome yeah you got it man you got it's cool you do I love I gotta say it's all it's all because people like you guys you guys are you champion me you know Vinny

Brands big champion of me and then Corey big champion of me and body Kelly for having me on this a second time, you know? It's like a... Buddy, I love... First of all, I love both of you guys. I'm so glad you guys came on.

It's the Christmas episode, which I'm very happy about it. I gotta send you more cookies now. Dude, those cookies were so... I heard you talk to... Who told me? Homeless Pimba was saying you were talking about the cookies

on the other show and the guys were ragged me. Someone... Who? I think Lewis said no one knows who I am or something. Maybe it hurt my feeling. You gotta go watch that. Really?

Lewis hurt your feelings? Yeah. Join the hurt feelings club. Lewis fucking has. It's all he does is hurt people. People know me. Just not hit. His people.

Yeah. You're on Story Wars. Yeah, I fucking won. There you go. Yeah, dude, don't let him do that. Don't take that person. You know, just say something bad about Lewis right now. No, I like Lewis. Why would I do that?

Even it out. Why would I do that? I'm saying, even I like Lewis. You can make fun of his face. He can make fun of his face. He's great. I messaged him, and he never mess to be back. He's fucking fun.

He's bald. What the fuck are you doing? He just called you bald, Lewis. Wow, we smell your belly button and this happens. This is crazy. Why are you lashing out? It's my Christmas gift. We're trying to help me.

My Christmas kid. We smelled your belly button before you. We just said how great you were on stage. What the fuck? We had to say something. But I'm going to send you more cookies. I love them, please. My kid fucking just snatches them all up.

Fucking kid. I have to hide them. Do you get better? They're fantastic. What's bullshit? It doesn't send me cookies. You can't. You'll die.

He's giving you Mungaro. I buy you steak on the road. You think that makes sense? Hey, I'm going to get your Mungaro and a fucking whole pack of cookies. Hey, you're going to get skinny and then fat or again. That's like murder. No, I'm a frat. I love you. I love you. I love you guys.

I love you. All right. Well, we're going to go to Patreon now for other people. And we should have done the belly button thing on Patreon. That was too. We're going to go to Patreon with your questions from you guys in the Patreon. We have questions for both these guys. It's Christmas time. So do yourself a favor and subscribe, like, comment on the thing. Thank you so much for listening. What do you got? Matt Lopes on Instagram. Follow the watch the sketches. It's a good time.

What do you got? Corey B everywhere We're always on the road So just look on our punchup Yeah punchups there Or just let's Google us And you'll see We've got shows coming up

Punchup dot What? Dom slash Corey B There you go Are you on punchup yet? No no no Get him on punch up Why?

It seems like it He doesn't have to pay for it It's amazing Chicago and January Yep Are you really? Yeah Boston January

It's gonna be good time Why would you say that? But because I didn't know He doesn't tell What do you Let me know Do your dates Do your dates

Well what are you His manager No, but we ride together If I need him. No, I'm kidding. I plan around it. Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram.

I'm going to be in Denver Comedy Works with Bobby in February. Sick. Comedy works, that's dope. Joe, what do you guys? Joe Russell, check out the cheese show. Go to YouTube type in the cheese show. You want to know some cheese.

You should have him on and taste his belly button cheese. Zach, your turn. Oh, thanks, Corey. You follow me on Instagram. What did you say, thanks, Corey? How do you thank fucking Corey? I'll talk right over you, plug.

Zach, what's your... Go ahead, your turn. I just said it. Did you not hear me? No, I talked over because you said, thanks, Corey. Oh, didn't he say, Zach, your turn? No, that was him. Do I sound like an old lady screaming?

Zach, your turn! Old black ladies screaming. Thank you, you're right. Well, anyway, you can follow me on Instagram, at Zach Green Limited. Thank you so much. Okay, great. You just said thanks to everybody. All right, make sure you go to patreon.com

slash Robert Kelly Because that's what we're going right now You guys are the best fans of the world Merry Christmas Happy New Year We'll see you guys Next year You know what dude