Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #620 | Live From Costa Rica | Mike Calta

Episode Date: January 4, 2026

Mike Calta and Bobby recored a YKWD live from their vacation in Costa Rica Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/YKWD Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster at http://RocketMoney.com/DUDE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again.

Old school, back in the day, where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God, to help you ruining this. Brickwarkana, man. I'm sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This isn't NPR.

That's what this podcast does. Is there any better show? This is the original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. You know what, dude podcast, live from Costa Rica, New Year's Eve, or New Year's Whatever. And I'm here with my number one best friend. And whatever the fuck that is.

Mike Calta Some jungle animals What's up, dude? Hi Bobbo Buddy, I know Yeah I know What do you know?

I know that We're doing this podcast Yeah We've been going Doing amazing stuff Since we got here But all day With our kids

And our fam All night Adventures All kinds of stuff And we're exhausted Yeah. We just, we hired a chef to come in and prepare this amazing mail meal. It was an amazing male, chef.

Amazing, we hired an amazing male to come and prepare us. And we're exhausted, and I'm asking you to, you know, and I tried to get Danny to do a stream yard, so we would have to do this. Danny is all the time. But Danny was, he didn't want to do this. Why didn't he want to do this? Because he didn't want to do it because we don't even. wanted to do? He wanted to go do a 10-minute

fucking open micr at the grizzly pair in front of eight people. That's why. Was you doing Danny the Fish? Oh, Danny the Bass Man? Danny the Bass Man? No, but that is I like that. Danny the Bass. Danny the Bass is awesome, by the way. I love Danny the Bass.

So, we're on Coach Zarago. What are you doing? What are you doing? What's the, Dawn? We're in the middle of the podcast. We're right in the middle of the podcast. Do you want me to to leave some coffee? Don, are you ruining the podcast for a

Leave her alone. She wants to make us coffee. It takes a little while to make a coffee. Yeah. Don, I'm going to ask you a question. Can I ask you a question? Where are we going to have dessert? You can't ruin the podcast. Oh, God, she doesn't care about anything. I would like some coffee. I think you're wonderful. Thank you.

I really appreciate you. I really wanted the coffee. It's almost nuts. Can I start from the beginning? Yes. So I like to travel. I like to go places. Okay, what the fuck is this? And Bobby calls me up and he's like,

dude, Christmas, Costa Rica. I have no interest in coming to Costa Rica. Everything about this place is similar to where I live in Florida. It's a dirty version of where I live. And I know you New York assholes are like, Tampa's already dirty. You're right. And this is dirtier.

So I did not want to come here at all. And I knew my wife did because my wife's, she wanted to see Slavs. and she wants to do the jungle shit and have hiccups. So I was like, all right, let's knock it out, bang it out. And then once I get one of her vacations and now I can go wherever the fuck I want next year. But I have to tell you, on a scale, I went to 10, this has been a solid nine so far. It's been great.

I love it here. It's, well, here's why. Okay. Because we let Amanda and Dawn take care, do everything. Do everything. They pick the house, the restaurants, the activities. Yeah, listen. She knows what you don't want to do.

Don knows what I want to do. So I don't want to. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. When Don, when we were deciding to go away for Christmas, because we like to go away. Right. Because we have the two weeks off.

She said Costa Rica. Yeah. And then I said, what about asking the Kalta's? She goes, yeah, go ahead, ask him. And she goes, do you think they go? I go, no, he's going to say. say no immediately. I literally...

You didn't want me to come on the camera? No, it's not true. I go, Mike is going to say no. I'm going to go, cause he's going to go, no, I live in Costa Rica. He's going to go no immediately. And when I called you, when I hung up the phone, she looked at me, she's like, what's wrong? I go, he said, yeah.

She goes, he did? She's like, yay! I go, yeah, but I don't know. I'm like, is he dying? Did he find out he had cancer? No, no, no, no. Why did you say yes? Because I know my wife has been really wanting to come here.

And I'm going to be honest, also, this is not a place I wanted to come alone. I did not want to come and have to be the only guy in charge of my 12-year-old daughter and my wife. And I don't know what this country is fucking like. And by the way, it's been very safe. Yeah. I mean, we may get killed tonight, actually. But so far, we've been in like three different parts of this country and it's been super safe. Yeah.

And I'm glad we did it. I'm glad we came. So far, it's been a great time. I don't, I'll fight 10 fucking guys at one time. I'll lose, but I'm not afraid, is what I'm saying. I am afraid, I'm gonna look right in the camera, I am afraid of roller coasters, I don't know why, I'm not afraid of heights, I'm not worried about falling out,

I just don't like the way it makes me feel, I don't like that little rumbly and your tumbly, I don't like any of that shit. So when you were like, let me go a zip line in, I went, no, I went, no, for a bunch of reasons. One, I don't like that roller coaster type feeling. And two, I don't want to be a fact guy who fell off the zip line and become a meme.

And everybody's like, yeah, no shit. Look at them. No. Well, three, you don't want to hurt the trees. Exactly. You're not responsible of taking down the rainforest. I don't want to ruin the jungle. Be like King Kong walking through.

So, but I was like, if I don't have to do that shit. Well, here's the thing. You went one step further. You walked on rope bridges. We did, well, here's it. The Kelly's. are here, the Kalas are here. Yeah. The Kellys are

monkeys, the Kalta's are sloths. 100%. If you look at our vacation photos, you guys are posing, sitting, sipping, eating. If you look at the Kelly photos, we're climbing, zipping, dunking.

Now, I got to respect you, though, because the one thing I didn't think you'd do, the nighttime animal hunt or whatever. What did they call it? Yeah, we went for a nighttime hike through the jungle to look at animals. Yeah. And that sounded like appetizing to me.

Like, I thought it would be good to go out and see stuff. Hiking? I told Don, there's no way you're going to hike through. In the daytime, you wouldn't hike through the jungle. You were smart enough to not use the word hiking. I did not use the word. If you said we're going to go on a tour. If you would have set to a hike out, I'd be like, fuck your hike. Well, that was strategic.

Yes. it is a nighttime hike we strategically said tour right so in my mind I just kept thinking tour tour tour right and it went and it went fine and I actually enjoyed it we had flashlights and we saw

frogs and I mean it came a little short on the animals but it was fun to do a little short you didn't see one fucking animal but the truth is that when it's over how many people could say they've been through a nighttime hike in the rainforest in Costa Rica probably thousands that do it every week

that come here to do that. I mean, there's so many nighttime jungle tours, probably with animals, too. We did the hippie one in the middle of nowhere. The guy was like, at one point the guy left us. He goes, I'm going to go over here and look. And five minutes later, we're like, what the fuck do you go? He was gone for like 30 minutes.

Yeah, he really, he was gone. And we were just in the jungle. Your family was like, we're out of here. The only reason I didn't panic is because off in the distance I could faintly see his flashlight every once in a while. It reminded me, it gave me comedy camp, like, feelings again. When your guys started, when your family was like, we're leaving, and they left, and then they came back, it's like, we can't find our way. And Max was like, I want to go with them.

I'm like, no, you have to stay with us. Yeah. And there was no bugs. We saw one glass frog, and then you hooked up with two lesbians, which is, here's the thing. Yeah. I'm a dude. You're a man. Yeah.

we're walking through the jungle you're the least equipped to deal with anything in the jungle if anything happens it's the guy who was and then me I'm finding the frogs I'm looking around you're just walking I'm a dude

and you're a man and those lesbians went right to the man they didn't even say boo to me they were talking to you like you've been best friends yeah they were questioning their lesbianism after a while yeah we were I don't know I just That's what I do.

I talk to people, so I like to find out information. It kind of hurt my feelings. Why? Because I was like, I almost was like, hey girls, is it my accent? Is my voice too low? You know what I mean? Like I was wondering, like, I was near them the whole time. I don't know, is it's the timber in your voice or how big you are, like tall?

Maybe that's it, maybe I made them feel safe. I don't know, dude, but nobody comes to me. But even Dawn, I think, if something happened would go to you. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know why. I don't know why either. You're right. If it came down to, like, surviving in the wilderness, you have all, well, you have all the skills to do it.

Yes. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'm not going to do it. If we were stuck in the wilderness and you had to build a survival thing, you can do that. I'm just going to take a couple leaves, wrap myself in them. Oh, my God. No, none for me, thank you.

I don't want any. You don't want any? No, thank you. Bobby does. Why did you, ask you real quick, you had one family one for me. Yeah. But then when he said, I don't want it, you took his back, and you gave me this one. Why is that one his and that one's mine?

I don't know, this one's a little more melted. I just figured. She's being nice to you. No, I was just wondering. If he wasn't going to have it, I'll take it back. Thank you. That has sauce. See, no, Mike, I'm going to show you.

Yeah, ma'am. I'll show the people. Can I see that one? Yeah. See the sauce right here? There's no sauce there. It was cut off. But on his, if you look, there's sauce all around.

It's like a perfect. Because I'm a man. I just took the pieces. I'm taking my, I'm taking Mike's piece. See, she takes care of you. Yeah. You understand that? She gave you the better piece.

It's not her fault. It's a woman's thing. What is that? I just, I don't know. Dawn, can I ask you a quick question? Max, get out of here. Beat it. Do you want to ask me a question?

Yeah, if there was trouble in the jungle, would you go to Mike or me? You. Thank you. But who would you feel more safe around? I think my husband is like a... He's my protector. Wow, she's saying, she says saying shit right now. You can feel the tone, right?

She just said, I love you for doing it. Right. But just, I... She knew what you wanted to hear. Keep me safe. Mm-hmm. There's a lie. Yeah.

Trying to figure out what actually works for hair loss, Hymns is here to help. Hymns offers a range of prescription hair loss treatments, including choose, oral medication, serums, and sprays. Stop further hair and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. Hems brings expert care straight to you. It's 100% online access to personalized treatments. No hidden fees, no support. price costs, just specialized care on your schedule. For simple online access to personalize affordable care, for hair loss, ed, weight loss,

and more, visit hymns.com slash YKWD. That's hymns.com slash YKWD for your free online visit. Hems.com slash YKWD. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finance. Astoride. Featured products include compound drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Forgetting subscriptions can burn a hole in your wallet. Skip that stress with Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personalized finance app

that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Monitor your spending and help lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money helps you set goals and stay on budget by giving you personalized insight on your finances. See all your subscriptions in one place and cancel with just a few clicks. It's so awesome. I love this because I don't even know what I have. I got money flying out the window each month. I didn't even know it. And you go in, you go, you know what, I don't need that. I don't use that. But I do use this. And it helped me so much, saving money. Rocket Money's dashboard makes it simple to manage checking, savings, loan, and investment accounts, giving you a clear view of your finances on one screen. Let Rocket

Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash dude. That's rocket money. That's rocketmoney.com slash dude. Rocketmoney.com slash dude. You want to hear what I happen to me today? I was with you. day. I was in my room before. Yeah? I had a sex dream last night about Karen Fein. Oh, thank God.

No, I'm not... Oh, thank God. Not about Dawn. I think I was about Dawn. I think I was about Karen Feian, and she's been on my mind all day today. Why? I don't know, because it was like a good dream. We weren't just doing it.

We were like in love. Was her face in it? Yeah, oh, I love her face. And... I'm kidding. I love Karen Fehan. And... She's a lady rig.

Before I was sitting down on the bed. down on the bed and my wife was taking the shower and I was like let me just let me look at some of the naked pictures of Karen Feen no and I googled it and I pulled it out five minutes later here what are you looking at I'm like right away I go on the naked picture of Karen Feen I couldn't even hide it I couldn't even hide it I was like I get me the Karen Feen yeah what she say she was like why don't want to get so mad at me if I did I mean I don't know she if I If I said that to her, she'd be like, I would have to, she would dig myself out of a hole. Also, because you're, like, kind of friends with her, so you can call her up, and my wife just doesn't know that I even know her.

I'm not friends with Karen. I mean, I'm friendly. I don't know. I can't call her up and be like, hey, Karen, what are you doing today? She'd be like, why are you calling me? Can we call her now? Yeah, if you want to call her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. See if I have her a number. If I have, I don't know. I'm already in love with her. I think I call her. You know when you have a dream about somebody and you're in love with them for 24 hours? Is it Kieran? K-E-R.

Karen Feehan. Yep. On Only fans. Let's just call her. See what she's doing. Oh, my God. Will she answer? I don't think so.

I'm not like that. That's what I'm saying. I'm not friends with she to answer. If we're not friends and you call me, I'd be like, why the fuck's that dude, call me? Hello? Right. But she's a girl.

She's a girl comedian. Yeah. Well, she might be offering her a gig. Where? It's Wednesday. That's a grisly pair She's going on before Danny Yeah

Yeah, she's not answering All right The mailbox is full, I cannot accept Oh, wow All right, there you go Full, geez That was how my day and night went That was full of fucking

Only fans is full We'll do it I googled Karen Fian butthole and it came right out We did the Yeah, like we went We went, where was that place Fetunda? La Fortuna

La Fortuna which was a three and a half hour drive through the miles there there two through volcanoes three and a half hours around a lake

tamarindo to la fortuna now that lake that they have wasn't there that was a town right 1968 the volcano erupted they evacuated that town they all moved up into the hillside away from the volcano

they just filled the whole town the basin with water put a dam in and the town is still under the lake. Did you know that? I did not know that. Yeah. So a few years ago, they had a drought. You could see the steeple of the church in the middle of the lake.

That's pretty cool. So they just filled it with water. All the stuff is still in there. Right. Right. So we went to this town, and it was a little, you know, it wasn't like the town we're in now. It's like we're in the hippie beach section. It's like kind of Key West.

Yeah. It's like Central America, Key West. And over there it was kind of like. It was a little third-worldy. Yeah, it looked more. A little more local. But it's all yoga retreats and, what are those? Nature and stuff.

And Dawn, we couldn't get a hotel, so Dawn found this little, they're called bungalows in the jungle. It was the Eden something spa, chocolate, chocolate coffee spa. So they have chocolate. So you go into these, like, it's like a cabin. We had the same exact cabin. And you go in, and on the back terrace, they had a tub, a shower, they have indoor shower. They had like an outdoor, you can make coffee, a hammock, and you're in the jungle. Like, all around you is cocoa plants with the cocoa flower on it.

Yeah. It's like amazing. It's pretty cool. It's incredible. And then they have trails all in the back to get down to the river, to have all these, like, a cocoa tour. a coffee tour where you make your own chocolate or you make your own coffee. They have all the coffee beans. The lesbian said it was a great

time, the coffee tour. I know. They didn't talk to me at all. I don't know what the fuck they did. They said that they really enjoyed it and they recommended that I make chocolate. And then you could go up to the restaurant and get caught. I mean, unbelievable place. But apparently, your room

was infested with bugs. Mostly worms. Right. Worms, little ringy, roly-poly worms. that we'd take five out and five more would just appear and we sadly found out that they were probably falling from the ceiling

which means God knows how many worms I ate while I was sleeping. Yeah, you'd do sleep with a flycatcher. So it was very buggy. But it was, but it was, but we are in the jungle. That's the thing, so you can't get mad. It's not like you're staying

the fucking four seasons in Manhattan and there's a fucking worm in your room and you can call some guy and be like, yo, Pierre, there's worms in my room. But let's be honest, the family that doesn't stay with the bug room, like my family would deal with it. Right. You know, because we're up in the woods and stuff. We're not bug people.

You're not, you're high. I know my exterminator by his first name. You're like high end. Yeah. Your family's a little high end. Right, right. Not the, you know, the four seasons, not like rich, rich. No, we went through enough years of being poor.

Now we're used to being fucking little boozy. Right. And then you guys went to the... You know, I've realized there is several other levels of rich. Yeah. Because I have richer friends. Like, I have friends who are billionaires. Yeah.

And did you know, listen to this, you probably know this, but... So when you go... This is a hard question for you, but you don't really stay in a hotel in Manhattan because you live in New York. But, like, when I go... When I went to Manhattan 30 years ago, I would stay at the cheapest hotel I could find.

Yeah. Then 25 years ago, I was like, oh, maybe we'll stay in, like, the Millennium in Times Square and see some sites, you know? Then I was like, oh, I'm staying at the W. Thank you very much. And now I'm like, now I find boutique hotels, right? But I went to New York with billionaires one time, and they stay in hotels that are like $3,000 a night, five grand a night, and you don't even have keys. You walk in and they hand your key at the front desk. Right. And you use the key, and then you leave you, give them back the key, and they're like, Mr. Calta, good to see you again.

buddy I learned that when I toured Louis oh yeah four years ago when we did Europe yeah I didn't know there was the four seasons right but then there's other hotels above that right that you know you you were so poor you didn't even know the name of those hotels

like we went into a hotel in Germany no it was it was uh I think it was Switzerland Sweden Sweden we're in Sweden and we checked into this hotel first of all it was like Jackie O'Nassas and Kennedy stayed there like the president

stayed there so we're in the lobby checking in Gail from Oprah's friend Oh Gail Gail King Gail not only did she

She literally poked a head around the corner and was just looking around like she's just a regular person And then fucking Jared Lido walks out And then

who's the dude dude it was all famous people the the the fuck was like what do you become like if I became super famous

does somebody then tell me all right you're allowed to stay at these hotels now like I didn't even know those hotels existed before I'm in the hotel I'm in the hotel like Louis put us up and all he just put us up where he went so I know it's like three to six grand a night Yeah.

To stay in these hotels. The hotel, I stayed at the Waldorf, is that what's called? Waldorf. Waldorf. Waldorf. Waldorf. Waldorf. Wharf?

Wharf? Wharf? Now you're making me saying, wrong. Worldorf. Waldorf. Worldorf. Waldorf. Worldorf.

Very good. In Amsterdam, you check into the hotel. Yeah. You sit down. First of all, he says, would you like one? It looks like a little honeybee. They have their own chocketeer on staff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you bite into it, local. local honey. It's a little chocolate honey, B, with wings. You buy it into it, local honey. Yeah, that's good shit. And then he goes, what would you like your room to smell like? Yeah. And I was like, what? He brought out five... Mexican vagina? No. He brought five cents. And you spend that, and that's what your room smells like for the next three days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I mean, I had an apartment. Yeah. And as you walk in, they know your name. Yeah. Yes. There's another level.

Mr. Kelly, here's your key. And I'm like, I just met you. I don't know your name. I remember what year are we in, 2025? Like maybe 20, when Joe was born, like, 2010, we started staying on the level of a hotel that has, like, the club level. Right. I didn't even know.

There was a fucking club level where they had, like, oh, we have happy hour, free drinks, and then there's food in the morning. And you're like, what the fuck? In the afternoon, the snack? Yeah, nobody had a new. I didn't even know that existed in my whole. It's like when you make enough money. somebody leaves and goes, now you can go to a club level.

Buddy, I was in the hotel in Germany, and I go, hey, I'm looking for a place to smoke cigars. He goes, sir, at 9.30, there's a little bar off in the lobby. He goes, this turns into a cigar lounge slash bar. I went in, dude. It's just, you can buy Cuban cigars. They have an upstairs. I'm hanging out with two Germans and two gay German guys.

and two metal heads from Scotland smoking bats until the wee hours of the night and it's open until whenever now evidently you're that age when you're Louis rich that's what you get and then if you have more money than that

you fuck little kids that's what all the rich the really super rich people seem to do that's so funny Don just went like this so when you get so rich you get the best hotel there is and then after after that. When you're like Rockefeller rich

and Zuckerberg Rich and Bezos Rich are like, no, you get to fuck kids. You get to fuck kids. You don't have to. You realize, you find out how good it is. I've never done it. I can't. I can't speak to it. No interest in it. I have children of my own. But it seems like all the rich people like when they show you that manifest from Epstein

Island, it's like every super rich person went there and you're like at one point in your life, you have to go, it must be really awesome to fuck a kid. I mean, think about all the people that are doing that they can do anything in the world they want. Well, I think that is that when you get to do anything you want, you've been jet skiing, you've been snowboarding, you've been at the fancy hotel, you've had caviar, what else is there? Somebody tried to tell me this about Magic Johnson.

Did he fuck kids? No, no, no, no, not to my knowledge. I have no idea. But they were like... Can you say allegedly? No, I don't, I have no idea. Is that how we got AIDS? I don't know.

Again, I have no idea. Allegedly? But what I'm saying is that they say, when he first had AIDS, it was like, yeah, Maddie Johnson fucked so many girls that he got bored. And then you start fucking guys. And I was like, I consider myself doing pretty well sexually, but never close enough to be bored with it. Never close enough where I was like, what's next?

Let me look at a guy. I'm not there yet. Well. Do you hear what son? There was a time. No, I'm kidding. I got a little bored. It was so funny that if you looked at a sun...

Yeah. Transitioning. Oh, I mean, well into it. Can you stop squeaking your foot? I can hear your foot. Why is everything bother you so much? Dude, do squeaking? It's not squeaking? That was me. That was a bird.

I'm just shaking. You squeaking. This is what I've been dealing with for three days. dealing with for three days. No, no, that's not true. Why you're squeaking? Your foot's squeaking. I have to say, you have been not aggressive, Bobby. What do you mean? You've been vacation, Bobby. What the fuck does that mean? Like, sometimes

sometimes you're aggressive. I'm not aggressive. You yell, you quit to snap. When did I snap? When did I'm saying? But when was the last time I snapped? Probably last week. I did not. You snap when I don't answer the phone. Okay, let's just get this straight. You'll call me. Dude, I called you three fucking time. No, no, no. I was... Here's the scenario, ready?

You'll call me, and I pick up. 99% of the time. That's the way people should do that. We live different lives. What's the fucking life? I know your life. I live different lives. Your life is this. I'm a very busy man. I know your life. You're not. You don't know my life.

You're not busy. I know I am busy. I've spent weeks with you. When you come, I clear. I'm a busy. I'm a busy. I in my calendar for you. That's fucking awesome. So that I could spend time with you. You do the show. As soon as you're done with the show, you fall asleep in a chair. Untrue. But that's not true. That does not happen, especially

like these last couple months around Christmas time. I'm so busy and I'm meetings and planning things. Can I ask you about this meeting thing? Because a lot of people say I got meetings. I've never seen you in a meeting. Yeah, you wouldn't be privy to my meeting. I've spent time with you and I've never seen you. I've got to go to a meeting.

I've seen you play Pokemon. all fucking day. I've seen you fall asleep in a chair. I'm a level 67. 75 fucking times in one day. I do take naps. A lot. It attributes to my health. Okay. I disagree with that.

I think it's bad for your health because you have to take a nap. You pass out. I do. Now let me ask you question. You do a radio show, which I give you full credit. You have a 6 o'clock to a 10 o'clock show. Yeah, Monday through Friday. And you wake up at 5.45.

It's impossible to do a show. I wake up at 5. 5.45. I'm out of my bed by 5 o'clock. There's no way. There's where you don't know. There's where you don't know. I've stayed over your house and I've heard you get up at 5.30. Let's say 5.30. I've never gotten up at 5.30. I have to do a show at 6 o'clock. It's in your house. It doesn't matter. I have to be prepared. I have to be mentally awake. I'm ready to go. You've fallen asleep in between breaks. Yeah, I do do that. Sometimes I get a long commercial break, you just grab a couple of winks.

Dude, you light back up. Yeah, come back strong. You light back up. Come back strong. But I'm saying you go into these meetings. Whatever. So when I call you, right? Sometimes in order to go to these meetings, I have to put on real adult clothes. And I can't wear shirts with no sleeves and shorts. I have to put on jeans and a button-down shirt. They call me lumber sexual at work.

I look like a lumberjacket. I got a plaid shirts. Dude, I fucking, let me just say something. I'll call you. Why is your hand so close? Because we have to be close. I'll call you. Yeah. And you won't pick up.

Not all the time, but I would say 80% of the time. You go right to voicemail. You push the button. Sometimes. And then you don't, like, and I don't know, I don't call you for no reason anymore. I know. I call you for reasons. Right.

Right. And then I'll call you, hey, dude, call me back. I'll text you, call me back. And I'm pretty good. Pretty good. Dude, not it. Who's the best? You're the best.

I'm the best. I'm not going to argue with that. I expect you to be, at least, try to be the caliber I'm at. Yeah, I'm not. And you're not. Not. And this is one of you do, you, you're that way with everybody, though. Yeah.

You get, you and Pete get more exception than most people. I get, it bugs me. But I've been better with that, too, though. I haven't given you shit over that. No, you have not. I've been fantastic with that. Yeah. I've accepted you for what you.

I feel that. Yeah, you're a fucking... We've come a long way. Yeah, you're a fucking asshole sometimes when it comes to answer on the phone. Yes. And I'm fine with that. Yes. But if it's an emergency, I say you have to call me back. You say, dude, I need you. But even on this vacation trip, there's been nothing from me. No, you're going to delight. It's how this whole conversation started. Right. Non-aggressive vacation, Bobby has been here the entire time, and it's been wonderful. There's been a couple times. It's still been wonderful. Okay. So we didn't even tell you

We went to La Fortuna And it was three and a half hours to get there We came back from La Fortuna Which sucked Yeah, it was three and a half hours We had a special driver And a nice little air-conditioned bus We stopped at McDonald's

The kids wanted to go to McDonald's We got Elefineers How great was Elefineers Chichironas We didn't get chichirotas Not on the way there We're on the way back But we stopped and saw some

Rosedide stuff You know a couple of bathroom trips things like that. Three and a half hours in a chauffeur-driven bus was pretty... It wasn't great, but it was... We spent some cash on this trip, which was good. Right. Pablo was our driver.

Pablo, great guy. Pablo was also our driver on the return trip. We spent the night there, and then he was to come back the next day at 3 p.m., pick us up from the hotel, and take us back to Tamarindo, which he did. He got there early, 2.30. And we met him in the park. lot, packed up our stuff in the back of the van, got in and began our trip back to Tamarindo from LaFortuna.

He picked us up downtown. Now you would think three and a half hours there, three and a half hours back. That's not the way it worked out. No. It was three and a half hours there, it was seven and a half hours back. It was the worst. Seven and a half fucking hours in a van where my knees were bent like I was sitting in coached on an airplane. It was the worst

worst trip ever. Mostly because it was a one lane highway that wasn't moving. There was a car stuck in the middle of the street somewhere and instead of moving it, these fucking idiots left it there. Three cars stuck. Or whatever it was. There was one and then another two after that.

And they don't push them to the side of the road for some stupid reason. And then it's a one lane both ways. And there's only one way into where we are. Stop one side of the traffic to let the people in and stop them and let the people. But it was, I mean, after the first four hours, I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Well, it took, well, we wound up stomping for two bathroom breaks.

Yeah. Three, you wound up pissing on. You actually, you actually, you and Max, they pulled over from somebody's house and you pissed in their tree. Max is a kid. I think I got prostate issues. I mean, I peed like three times a one hour. Thank you, Mama. Well, yeah, we had to pee a lot.

Yeah. And then we stopped for Cheecherones, which I didn't want to stop. for, but I just, I'm such a small-talking assholes in the front. I was like, Cheecherone. And he's like, oh, see. And then he found a place that looked like we shouldn't have got Cheecherones there. It was like, hepatitis there.

Oh, it was so local, but I made you, you ate it with me. Pretty good. It was really good. Yeah. And then when we got, then we had to stop at McDonald's because the kids wanted to stop at McDonald's. I have a stranger things mail there. I mean, you're a better man than me. I'd be like, no. I know, but my kids didn't ask me for shit. And they want to stop

McDonald's, it's going to cost me $16. Your kids ask you for fucking a million things. So does mine. But all of our kids have been asking for fucking. What are you talking about? They don't ask for something. They ask for everything. Yeah, but...

What are you talking about? Realistically. Everything. But like my son hasn't asked me to buy him one thing since we've been here. All he asked me was to go to McDonald's or Taco Bell to try the expanded menu. Listen, they don't ask for big things. They ask for big things. They ask for a lot of little things.

Yeah. And that took 45 minutes. Yeah, so it was it was the it was the worst I read a book. I finished a book Yeah, I didn't have a book and my phone died so I was fucking furious That's the part that killed you yeah that's the part yeah and if you could have played Poceman you would have been fine We're occupied myself right right I finished I finished Louis C K's book Ingram fantastic book by the way if you want to get a book also I'd like to point out fantastic book because he told me that off the air too

I said how was it? He goes it was really good. A lot of short stories and this that and the other thing and he told me a lot of good things but because it really sucked he wasn't going to be like it sucked. No it was fantastic. It was a good read. I bought Lou's book. I bought Lou's

book too. Do you know the name of it? Death. Laughing about death? Funny thing about death? I bought it. It came the day that I was leaving or the day before I left so I didn't even have a chance to read it, but I will definitely look at it. I'm actually starting that book tonight. Okay. We're old.

We're talking about books and long rides. I read Cameron Crowe's book from beginning to end. I couldn't believe it. I haven't read a full fucking book since I was in sixth grade, and they may be read to Kilamock. Can I say something? No. Something happened to me in the last two months, like in my brain. Yeah.

Somebody told me to get the book night. by Eli Wiesel. Was it my wife? No, it's not your wife, not your Jewish wife. But she loves him and she loves that book. Loves a book. A lot of people.

Somebody told me to read it. I got it. I read it. I couldn't put it down. And then I got another book. And then I got Louis' book. I can't, I look forward to going to bed at night

and reading. I love reading right now. It's the thing I look forward to the most during the day is that at some point I'm going to pick up my book and read my book. That's sad. It's fucking nuts. But that's good. I mean, it's good that you have something that you like. But what is that?

I don't know. Am I old? No, I think it's, I think when we're, when we're kids, we're forced to read so much that when you find a reading on your own, you realize it could be enjoyable. Also, you don't, you're buying books and reading the books you want to read now where you've been told what to read your whole life. I would pick up books my whole life in the fucking three pages. Three pages, be like, as soon as they start describing, she had blonde hair like hay and the ribbon, like a rainbow coming through the tree. And I'd be like, oh, fuck off. Now I, I'm reading a book on Comanche Indians.

I'm reading, I'm starting to lose book. I'm reading this other book called The Road that I'm so excited. Yeah, that's good. I mean, especially if you have somebody that you trust that recommends a good book. But I don't know where it came from, dude. Well, you know what else I'm finding out at the same time? You're gay? No.

Movies suck. What? I mean, I'm not seeing a lot of good movies lately. It's done. They can't make a good movie. You know why it can't make a good movie? Because they'll make a Western with women in it, and they have Botox and Fat Lips. And then they'll make another Western where the dudes, no offense, it's a black sheriff.

It's like, guys. You know, and there's an Asian woman, uh, fucking judge. Did you see, guys, it's the 1800s. We were full-fledged races. Right. Make it be real as possible. Yeah, dude, you couldn't even date a, you couldn't marry a black woman back then. Never mind, you know, him shooting white.

I mean, come on. They got to put every, every single, there's a trans. You know what I found out though? Interesting thing. Trans people have been around forever. Yeah, what did you think? They just started? I started.

They started in 1982. Oh, no. You ever see a... If you ever watch a good Western, there's always one fucking, one girl in the group that's got a beard. Dude, Indians. Oh.

You know what they called them? No. Two-spirit people. That makes sense. Dude, there... And there was no problem with it. Right, right. If you were a trans in the Indian community...

Two-spirit. Yeah, two-spirit people. They were fine. Yeah. And they were just roamed. around and they would stay home and pick berries with the chicks. They wouldn't hunt. You know, you know, what movie has it?

What was it, Little Big Horn or Little Big Man? With Dustin Hoffman? Yeah. He goes with this Sioux and there's, there's a guy who comes down and he's like, hey, you can't see at my TV. I'll keep you warmer and he's like, I can. I'm sorry. But yeah.

Two spirit. Two spirit people. Trans people have been around forever. Indians, they have them. You know, you really thought that? You know, they just popped out. Of course I didn't know that can be, but I don't know if they, like other cultures have them and they just, hey man, it is what it is. We flip the fuck out that somebody's trans.

Who gives a shit? I don't think we flip out. I think that. Oh, come on. No, no, no. I think that there is a contingent of people that still can't. But most of those people are hiding their feelings. I found out this week that some people that we all know started making them move to purple socks.

What? Some, I don't want to get into it, but somebody that, what? Somebody that we know. Yeah? Started wearing purple socks. What's that mean? Knee high purple socks.

What's that mean? Yeah, two spirits. You know somebody who's transitioning? I don't know if they're transitioning or they're just opening that closet door and kicking down the fucking door like Chuck Norris. Calvin? No, no, no, no, nobody in my circle. But I know them? Yeah.

You know them? Yeah? So it's our circle? No, it's out of your circle. It's out of my circle? Out of my circle, but is it closer to your circle or closer to my circle? Yeah, it's closer to my circle. So it's in Florida.

Yes, but it's got ties to New York and serious. Wow. Ah. Well, I mean, this is. No, I'm just kidding. No, this is. Jay has all the indications of trans, but has no trans at all in his soul. his fingernails, his eyebrows, his hair, his clothes, everything is trans,

except for his personality is all pussy, all the time. Oh, this is interesting. I can't even get to do that. Okay, okay, okay. Sam Roberts. No. Surprisingly, Sam is all man as far as I can tell. Well, he's all guy.

He's not man. Yeah, the lesbians aren't turning to him on the trail. No, nobody's turning to him. But he is a man. Yeah. He is all man. Yeah. Yeah, he has no, no zesty in him whatsoever.

Do you know, I just discovered that word. Zesty? Zesty. That's what Max says. If a guy comes into a room and he's like, hey, he's like, Dad, that got zesty. The first time I heard I spit water on my mouth, I was drinking a bottle of water, and I was watching Druski on Instagram.

And a guy comes in and he's like, hey, and Druski said, oh, you're a zesty on word and I spit the water out of my mouth I'd never heard that in that term before and I just spit it everywhere and out of it. He's funny. Yeah, well, me and Max, when Max first found out about gay guys,

I was like, that guy's a gay man. You know, he's like, so anytime a guy like that would come into a room or he'd be like, dad, he's gay, like you can't just say that. He goes, okay, okay, sorry. So the next time he goes, dad, he's zesty, right?

I go, that's a good one. You can say that. Yeah, I'm dying to know. Is it in the business we're in? Was. Was? Oh, my God. In your business or my business?

Mine. But we do the same business. I know who it is. Yes, I do. Write it down. I will write it down. I'm going to write it down right now. Ready?

I know that people know. I've seen it on Reddit, so I'm sure. show there's people watching this are like we already know yeah i just don't want to be the one to say it wow i'm just going to write down that word uh no damn it's not opie you know what i'm talking about right huh no but it's not that oh wow this are you got will you tell me after yeah yeah of course of course you goddamn right you're dying to tell you right now so check this out yeah we're on vacation everything's smooth everything's going good No problems. Everything's great. Every day we're doing stuff. You're doing stuff that you want to do. We're doing stuff we want to do. And then we're doing stuff together. I mean, even as far as like even today with the golf cart, we have a golf cart, right? I'm like, I'm out. I'm going to go hit it. You came down with the fam, drove around. I said, pick me up at Starbucks. You're picking. I mean, we're flowing. Easy, peasy, peasy. Right?

and then today we went to uh max said to me i don't know a month ago i want to go marlin fishing i says listen we'll go fishing right maybe we'll get some rods he goes no no no i want to go marlin fishing i go max you can't you can't just go what do you come on dude right so i call you want to go marlin fishing you're like all right let's go i've gone marlin fishing before I've caught a sailfish in Isla Marotta about 15 years ago. Hated every fucking second of it. But it is one of those things where you could say, I did it. Right.

And once you get it done, you're done for life. Well, you said, you actually told me that's right, cool. So I'm like, all right, you want to do it? You're like, yeah, let's do it. So I said, okay, Max, I said, Don, we don't want to go regular stupid fishing. Right. When they take you out on a boat, they put a thing on your hook, you drop your line, you pick up a, it's a fucking the fish.

It's a robin fish. It's all, it's just idiot fishing. I hate it, you know. And even the ones in Florida, they take, I mean, it's fine. I get it. But they put you on the boat at 7 o'clock. You drive to this spot, cast over there, do this, fish. All right, I'm going to take you cast.

And they know where to go. They know where the fish are. It's idiot fish it, right? So I'm thinking, like, we're going to go marlin fishing. And Max is like, I want to do it. I want to, but I'm in my brain. I'm like, there's no way we're going to catch a marlin. No, like, go on marlin fishing.

is like going whale fishing. You're lucky if you see one, let alone catch one. And then when you catch them, you can't keep them, you can't do anything with them. Most of the time, when you see somebody's Marlin above their fireplace, it's a picture of Marlin that they made a replica out of it. So it's definitely not guaranteed.

It's mostly a waste of money. So I'm out there, and I'm, we go out, we go on the boat. Joey gets up, God bless him. You're up on time, which I love about you. If you say you're doing something, you do it. I'm in. You're in? And there's no attitude.

We get down there. We had a little breakfast. We get on the boat. And, I mean, you are a fucking trooper. You get on the boat. We're sitting there. We're going way out. You forgot.

You forgot an important part because this comes up again later. In order to get to the boat, you got to get in a dingy. We literally went to the beach. Got in a dingy on the beach. You had to get wet. Go up to your knees, get wet, get in the boat. And they drive you out for 20 minutes to get to your boat. This will come in.

the play later. So then we go out and we're driving and we're driving and you're sitting and you're sitting. You're trying to get comfortable. You're lying. You're sitting. You're back up. You're back down. Joey goes down and sleep. Max's sleeping. And they're

dropping all the stuff. They're hanging stuff in the back. It is the most boring fucking fishing trip. I mean you just sit. They do all the work. You don't tie a knot.

you don't put a lure on you don't touch a rod you're just sitting like a fat fucking rich douchebag for over an hour and a half and this isn't just what we did this is how you do marlin fishing

you go out on a boat and they do all that shit now if you own a boat that's a different story you can go out and do your own marlin fishing but if you're renting a boat this is what they do but I keep forgetting that when you go and I didn't know about marlin fishing I thought we'd drop some lines and nothing and it was

You don't even hold the pole. You don't touch a rod. No. You just sit there with your little Diet Coke or Coke Zero, and you just fall asleep. So I'm looking around. I'm like, this sucks. Everybody's sleeping. You're sleeping.

The kids are sleeping. And these guys are fucking looking for shit. They have trolling in the back stuff. For the start, the first 10 minutes of being in the water, we saw a whale. And that's the truth. It was a small whale that is in Central America. And we saw it. I was like, all right, we've already seen something pretty cool.

And then we saw dolphins. We saw dolphins. That was pretty cool. And then we've done it with sleepy time. Sleepy time. Everybody's out except for me because I don't sleepy time. Right. You guys sleepy time.

Yeah. I'm just sitting there by myself, looking at the water, trying to meditate, trying to make sure the Hulk doesn't come out before the week's over. I understand. Right? And so I'm asking the guy about how it works. And he's telling me we troll, we bring the fish up,

and then when it comes up, and there's nothing. They're spinning around. There's five other boats trying to get the same fucking fish. Right. And there's nothing. And I start feeling bad. I'm like, we wasted a lot of money.

You got up. You could have slept. Joey didn't want to go. We forced him to go. Max is the one that really wanted to go. He's sleeping. He doesn't give a fuck. And then all of a sudden they come over.

You want some, what was it, Wahoo salad? Wahoo salad. So it's kind of like a tuna fish made of Wahoo, which is another fish. And it was just freshly made. Freshly made. They hand it to me and you. and it was A pile of white fish on a

on a plate With plantains With a couple of plantains around it Yeah Fried plantains And it was It literally made up For everything

Right I felt like now The day is worth something You You will hold I was holding it You gave it to me I held it wrong

Some fell You took it back for me Yeah You took my Holding the Waho salad Privileges away from me You lost them That's how good it was

Right and then all of a sudden the guy starts screaming screaming like a fucking fiesta celebrating whistling I can't whistle

but it was a lot of whistling and screaming and the guy from the top was talking to the guy on the bottom and all the lines were going out and the fucking shit got crazy so what they do is the Marlin came up then they take a real fish

piece of bait they throw that in the boat and they dragged that and the Marlin grabs, I look out in a fucking Marlin shoots out of the water, it's hooked. They're going nuts.

You're like, what the fuck's going on? I'm flipping out. I'm yelling, Max, get up. Get up. Max jumps up. Max yells, get Joey. Joey gets up. We're all in the back of the boat. Everybody's excited. Everybody's at the back of the boat. Everybody. Everybody.

And Max, they give Max the rod. He's teaching them. pull it up and you crank down. Max is crank it, pulling, crazy, yelling at Max. Stand up. Crank, pull up. They're video in it. Then Max is like I'm tired.

Joey steps in. He starts cranking, pulling. Guys yelling, hey, make sure you tell him, don't, they don't want to lose this fish. Right. And Joey's like, I'm, you know, I, it's rare to see one. Right. It's more rare to hook one. Crazy.

Now we're bringing it in. You definitely don't want to fuck it up. So then, Joey's like, I need help. So I step in, and it sucks. It's like you've got to pull

this hundreds of pounds. There's at least 250 pound fish. I'm pulling it. I'm cranking. I'm pulling. I have the little waist thing on. Joey had to tie it. It's like kind of a fucking movie

or a TV show, like one of those YouTube things. And, like, deadly as catch. We pull this thing in. It takes what? 30 minutes? I don't know, I was busy with all this was going on. This fucking piece of shit.

We get the fish in, we put, they measure it, it's dragging on the side. I mean, there's going to be, I'll put the video in this so you can see it. I'll have Danny put the video in at the end. We got this massive, we caught a marlin. Marlin. And then they let the fish go. Back at the catcher release. God bless.

I love that. Things swims off. I come back. I go, where's the Wahoo salad? This fucking guy. Listen, the Wahoo is not catching release. The Wahoo is catching a stay. Dude, it was a mound.

It was a plate this big, and it was this high. And then Joey tells me, you ran out of plantain ships, and you grabbed a fistful of Wahoo salad. And you were eating it with your hands. I ate the Wahoo salad. I didn't touch a fishing pole. I didn't leave my seat most of the time. and I just enjoyed why

the struggle and everybody had with that pole I was like I don't want to do that shit you didn't even get up to hell fucking that was they were like you want to try it

I went no I got Wahoo no you ate all the Wahoo salad yeah and that's it but it was a great experience it was

it was the fact that we I mean the fact that in my lifetime in Max's life time and Joey's lifetime we got to Marlon with our sons

they not we they me we yeah you guys caught a marlin with our sons you caught fucking wahos salad in your fucking stomach i wouldn't trade it for the world it was fantastic it was i can't believe we did it there i can't i this week i got to say has been a like tomorrow we're off do whatever we want got new year's eve tomorrow night dinner yeah i mean i think it's been planned perfectly i think so too and that's because we didn't plan it so uh thanks to our wives

for putting together a great trip and um the monkeys oh yeah we got monkeys right here in our yard in our yard the first night we were here the monkeys came they said they'd come around happy hour time and sure is shit it was like seven monkeys came and crawled across the trees right here i mean like we could see their faces and stuff they're in these bushes right now they're what are they howell the monkeys yeah how the monkeys are like right here also i found out you can google this uh there is an animal called the Kauati, C-O-A-T-I, which is indigenous to Central America. It's kind of like from the raccoon family, except it's got a longer snout and a longer tail, and they're adorable.

And we were driving on our way to La Fortuna, and there were some Kuatis, probably a dozen or so them on the side of the road, so we pulled over, and there were other people feeding them, so they were gathering around, and one of those little cocksuckers bit me on the finger. Fucking bit me hard, too. I was just trying to be nice to it. They just want, who fucking grab my finger. But even that wasn't, that was a good experience.

The first night here, I'll put some of these videos. I'll have Danny put them in. The first night here, we all get in. This place we're staying is, I mean. It's beautiful. It's a 10 out of 10. Yeah. Brand new place right now down in, what were you again?

Tamarindo. Tamarindo. I mean, it's walking distance, if you want, for me, to downtown. It's golf car. distance from like but it's it's insane the house is insane you're like fucking

you're like Anthony Bourdain you just wander around cities yeah today you were like I'm gonna go for a walk and I went what do you mean you're like I'm just gonna walk around the city and you did for like an hour and a half you just walked around the city by yourself with your little backpack you're looking

the little fat kid from up and you just walked around the city I found a cigar lounge yeah and I found the went in with the cigar I got Saturday That's where they make them. Don Eduardo, I believe his name is.

I found him. Let me give him a little plug here. He's fucking great. I went in to the place. Here it is, Don Enrique. Don Enrique, what? I was so close. Don Enwado.

It's an E. And a D. It's Enrique. Don Enrique. Don Enrique. Yes. You find yourself in Tamarindo. stop by.

Dude, I walked in. I sat down. They're rolling the cigars right there. Cuban, Dominican, Nicaraguan leaf. I talked to the sun. I put my glasses on. I could hear. It has the live translate on the displays,

the meta displays. That's awesome. So he's talking. I'm looking. I'm talking back to him. His father comes out. I put the glasses on this guy, dude. It was like when they first show the,

the cannibals fucking. fire yeah it was like when they showed the Hawaiian they traded women for nails this guy was like what metal dude this guy put the glass on he was just he was I was talking and he could read in Spanish what I was saying and I would just be like hey I'm from New York I'm here

I love these cigars he was just going see I'm over here he's looking down there he just reading he lost his fucking mind I hung out I had a cigar with him and his son talked to them for a while while about all the cigar stuff then I went on I walked everywhere today that's what you're supposed to do I did I went to Starbucks you've been to Starbucks anywhere we go anywhere

anytime we go anywhere you find the Starbucks you and you you you are there at least three times a day I mean the lesbians sign out it's it's phenomenal you would if if they had a like if they had a Starbucks Disney you'd go oh for sure I went to Starbucks today and then I went to Cafe Tico, which is a local place, and then I went to some other Tiger fucking coffee place, and both of those were great. Neither one of them were as good as Starbucks.

But you go and hang at Starvation. Your whole family was in there. You would stay there all day. Well, this was a particularly nice Starbucks. It's a nice Starbucks, but it's not, I mean, it's not... This is not air conditioning. We just come from the beach. We're cooling off a little bit. You love Starbucks.

I mean, I would like to own one. Anyways, we did that we've done, I mean, this whole trip, this house, the only thing that the first night, I'm sitting here, like I was telling you, this house is fantastic. Everybody goes to bed, and I'm in the kitchen. Everybody's asleep. I'm, what?

Sorry. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. Dude, there's a fucking spider on the wall. It's this big. It was literally that big. I saw pictures of it. And I, you had just went to bed, by the wall.

the way. Yeah, but I fall asleep pretty quick. And I wear a sleep apnea mask. I'm literally, I'm literally, I call you, I go, Mike. You're like, I pick up the phone, I don't take my mask up, I go, hello? Hello? And he's like, Mike, Mike, there's a huge spider in here.

And I'm like, what the fuck you want me to do about it? So I'm like, you can do it. You can kill it. You go, I believe in you. And you're on the follow up. You're like, I can't do it. And I go, I believe. I can't. Dude, I tried to catch it.

It fucking jumped. I tried to catch it again. It jumps again. I have it all on video, dude. Because if I got bit by this thing, I wanted it to be on video. I wanted my death to not be in vain. I wanted you to show this to everybody. I couldn't catch it.

Then it ran in a little crevice. Yeah, they're real big, but they get real small. They get flat and small. And it went away. I haven't caught it since. That happened the first night. And then you got bit by the fucking chimicking boogies. What are they called?

The Kuwaiti. The koati. And then the worms happened. The day after the worms, my son gets up in the morning and he's packing his clothes. He takes a pair of jeans and he goes over shorts and he goes like this to fold him. And a fucking bat flew out of it with a bug the size of a fucking bat. Flea through his pants bag, jumped out of his skin. He doesn't like bugs and slimy shit.

And this thing was huge, scared the shit out of all of us. Was that the thing this morning? No. And then this morning. This morning, there was literally a grasshopper. I'm not even kidding. It's a red-winged grasshopper down here. It's this big, has red wings, and it flew right at Joey.

It looked like a bird was going out of him. You were laughing. You were laughing so hard. Because my son's a pretty big kid, and he's 19 years old, and to see him jump out of his skin like that for the second thing in a row was pretty hilarious. God, it was hilarious. Then I went over to grab it, And its fucking wings came out.

It looked like a baby dragon. And went frr-r-r-r-r-r. I was like, fuck that. Yeah, but all in all, probably the best, I mean, one of the best trips. What was the other trip we went on? We went to Tennessee. Tennessee was good. Right.

It was good, but we were kind of... It was also, there's not... Tennessee is just, like, basically just in the middle of the mountain. Here's a problem. It's the middle of the mountain. You had to drive 30 minutes to Starbucks every morning. Yeah. And you and your brother fought a lot.

Well, I mean, we fight like brothers, too. Yeah, it's not like you hate each other. It's just, it's like that uncomfortable. And we were there, like we were there as I guess. You guys said us come. I think it was in the middle of the pandemic. I didn't have a fucking dime. And you were like, hey, dude, we're getting this thing.

It's, you know, $80,000 each. And I was like, I really can't afford that. And you were like, dude, just come. That was my brother. My brother was like, just in my body. We don't need to pay anything. We got plenty of room. Yeah, I mean, look, the colleges are the fucking best.

But the thing with that, though, was hard to go anywhere because it was 55 people. Yeah. So if we want to go to the eat, we had to get, like, a table for 17. But his family's great. Your family's great. Love him. And then that was a good one. Me and you have done Sarasota together for weekend.

Where else did we go? Where else did we go? We're not as a family. No, the families, no. Where is your family? We've been to... Me and you... Yeah, but I could go anywhere with you.

Right. We travel. It doesn't matter. Dude, as long as we have a fucking hotel, we'll sit in the whole town, we'll sit in the whole town, we'll get food, we'll go back, we'll talk shit. We just at Skank Fest together. But the family trip we did Tennessee, is this the only other one? I think so. I think this is, oh, we wanted a cruise. Oh, we did the cruise.

Cruise was fun, too. Yeah. That was a good time. Yeah, this is our third family vacation. You're the only family I've vacationed with, the Kalta's. Yeah, we like you guys. Yeah, you're an easy family to travel with. Right.

Your wife is awesome. Your kids are great. You're actually better on the road than you are at your house. I believe that. I believe that. I mean, you'll do anything. You don't say no to anything. No, except for ziplining.

No, yeah. I can't do anything. It's good. The fuck was that. Here, you can't do that? No. I can't. You can't do that?

I was very impressive. Anyways, the trip's been amazing. We've done so much shit And you're leaving in a... You'll leave in a... You'll leave it. You'll leave it... You'll leave it...

You'll leave in a day before me, though. That sucks. I know. I don't know why. Oh, I think my wife has to go back to work. Yeah, we're going to be in this big house by ourselves. I think you'll be fine. Then I'm really going to be the man.

Yeah. It'd be funny if we get attacked by everything that day. He'd be like, I knew he was the man. All right, well, listen. It's New Year's, everybody. And I want to... to thank everybody for tuning in. I wanted to get this

episode out. I'm glad I could get it with my... Don't be mad that I'm here. I know a lot of your fans hate me. No, my fans don't hate you. Some of them do. I read Reddit. I know what goes on. Why do you read Reddit? My fans on Reddit don't like me. It's been brought to my attention. But the people of Wight you don't want me to be the host of it.

Why would you... That was me who personally. Why would anybody react? I don't know. Can you tell me why? Why what? Like you, Lewis, there's certain people like Jay. why do you guys read no you want to know the truth I don't read it it was something came up I was looking at something else and a link came up that said me and you and I clicked

on it and it was like tell Bobby to stop trying to make Calta happen and he can and then it was like if Bobby brings Calta on Bonfire I'm not listening anymore and I was like I don't want to fucking ruin things for I know but I'm just saying I don't mind I don't give a hook you're not going to hurt my feeling I'm still here

There's fans on your show that don't want me on that show yeah I'm sure I I mean, I haven't seen them. Oh, good, thank you. But they may be. But anyway, I'm happy to be here. Me and Galvin got to a fight. Yes.

Because he was like, oh, this lady's, it was just so stupid. He just brought it up in the break. He's very sensitive. Why? I don't know. Him and Geo got in a fight this year. That was over something weird. And he just, he takes things a little seriously.

But that was my fault. Well, it is. Well, he brought up to some lady was like telling me to shut up during his lose. And then you're also sensitive. Yeah, but I was like, dude, why would you... And then I like to instigate. Oh, you're the worst. Someone say I'm the best.

I mean, it is the best, but if you see Radio Gold, oh, God, do you love it? You know how hard that is to know that there's going to be some repercussions later, but I still have to go for it anyway? But anyways, the year's been fantastic. The fact that we can go on vacation with our families and do it as classy as we did, And the kids had such an amazing time. They got to do everything they wanted to do. I mean, I just love it.

Right? Yeah, yeah. This is it. This is the pinnacle of it, right? You wonder what you work so hard for, and then you have good times like this, and you're like, this is it. This is what I really want. It's not about what car you can buy or what shit you could do or what hotel that we put you on. Right.

It's about doing fun shit like this. Absolutely. And that's what the New Year is about, man. This is getting really good. is getting gay let's get out of hey guys have a happy new year right now we're going to patreon we get a bunch of questions from the patreon fans if you want to ask my guests on the show uh questions just go to patreon dot com slash robert kelly support the show and uh you can ask whatever questions you want and i ask them on the show for the patreon version we do an extra episode every

week and uh we also you get to ask questions um dude happy new year happy new year brother happy new year to you too and uh we'll see you next year Ohan, you know what, dude?