Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #621 | The Pope No-Showed | Dan St. Germain

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Dan St. Germain and Bobby discuss Bobby's post about being a hero and Tommy pope No-call/No-ShowsGet the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DUDE &; use code DUDE toget $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup!Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster athttp://RocketMoney.com/DUDE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome, everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The YKWD podcast.

YKWD is back again. We're it all started before. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly, and we're back. Fresh off of vacation. Hope you enjoyed the show while I was away. It's YKWD. You know what, dude?

We're here at the Comedy Center. We have a great show tonight. Danny, who do we got? We have ex-writer for WWE and from his comedy central half hour. We have Dan St. Germain. And who do we don't have? Tommy Pope. Fucking Tommy Pope, you son of a bitch. Text me, dude, I'm in town, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday.

Dude, please come on. Dude, I'm in. Let's read the text. You ready? Was he killed in Venezuela in protest yesterday? I might have... If he's dead, this... is going to have a different vibe and we can't release.

That would suck. We're going to do it in Memorium for Tommy. If you're dead. I'm sorry. I love you, buddy. I'm sorry. You're dead, man. Ready, here we go.

I'm in New York Monday. Went to Wednesday. You want to hang a pod? Tuesday. My pod. Sick. What time? 8.30.

AM? What am I gay? No, PM. Oh, God. Yeah, I'm in. Then he sends me two photos of him in the hospital. Oh, shit. And then yesterday I texted him, hey, just confirming, for tomorrow.

I forgot. He was in the hospital. Oh, shit. I wrote facelift. He's in the hospital? Yeah, he got bleach in his eye. Oh, my God. Cleaning the shower.

Fuck. Fuck, Tommy. I'm just, you might... He's fucking, what if he came in with, like, a fucking walking stick? Oh, this... Sprade part, hit the towel rack. Do you just miss this?

Yeah, I forgot all about this part. Full shot. Hit tower rack. Flip. Direct full shot. I was cool. Washing it out, doctor in the air. You okay?

Yeah, feel better. Okay, great. When you record, blah, blah, blah, blah. Danny, my refusal to get in touch with you. Pray hands. And then I wrote fag. Ah, dude, I feel terrible. You wrote fag after he got blinded.

Well, I hope you're okay, Tommy. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, you know, at least he didn't superstar, you, man. What superstar? You know, like, oh, I'm sorry. couldn't just make it. Oh, that's happening to me. Sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Oh, that. Nah, Tom. Here's the thing with Tommy, though. He's either in the hospital. He's definitely in the hospital, I think. Or, now, Tommy starts to drink early. Listen, I was, I did a couple shows with Shane.

And Tommy was on a couple of them, which I loved, because I just love fucking Tommy Pope. Since I met him. I grew up with guys like him. Yeah. He's a fucking movie star. He's a mob boss. He's a good looking kid. He's just...

He's just got it, right? Yeah, he's a great-looking guy. But he... I remember he started drinking, dude. He was fine. When he gets hammered, he can drink him. And he gets hammered. He gets rowdy.

I just don't know how he looks that good still. Because, like, I drink... You know, I slipped up... You know, I'm sober now, but I slipped up two months ago. And I look like Philip Seymour Hoffman at the end. You know what I mean? Immediately. But he still has, like, that movie star sheen, I guess.

Yeah, dude, he's just that good. He's very good looking. Dude, he came out, he came out ready for the show in this. I don't even know. Was it? A tracksuit? I don't know. What was it?

Crochade outfit? I think it was crocheted. And he came out and he walked by and I saw my wife's eyes, dude, just go from me. And he just went, followed him to where he went off my phone. I was on FaceTime. I go, stop looking at him. Dude, he, uh, that's crazy because I'm sure your wife is very unattracted, every comedian. I thought you're going to say my wife's very unattractive.

No, no, no. But my wife, the last person she would be with after me is another comedian. So that's how hot Tommy has to be. Yeah, but Tommy's, yeah, he's just fucking that good looking. Was your wife attracted any other comedian besides Tommy? No. Yeah, exactly. No. No, but look who I hang out with Rich Voss, Keith Robinson, Norton, Louis.

Well, Norton's an acquired taste. Yeah, it tastes like pickles and fucking shit. No, Norton's a cutie. Anyways, it's fine. We're here with Dan St. Jermaine, who, believe it or not, we have a lot, like, the stuff that you are into, I'm into. Well, Bobby, I've texted you a couple times. I get back to this.

I feel like, I thought like I was like, oh, this guy hate me? No, no, no, I don't hate you, but here's the thing. You never gave me a number. Oh, I didn't. No. You got my number and texted me. I just said, oh, it's all nice sobriety stuff. Well, don't read it because it's all like nice sobriety stuff.

I don't read it. It's not going to be funny. It's nice and sincere stuff. Why? What's wrong with nice stuff? I don't know if you've heard, but I'm a hero now. I read, I read the post multiple times. And I texted Soter immediately.

I'm like, look, first off, the guy's genuinely hero. Second off, this is the most hilarious thing I've ever read my entire. Well, when I, here's the thing. When it happened, man, I am a fucking, I am a, just a piece of shit. You know what I mean? Because it's like I'm here on the beach. I just saved this girl's life. And I, my wife, like my kid didn't really give a fuck.

My wife was crying. But when she was crying, I go, what are you crying for? She goes, you saved the girl's life. We weren't supposed to be here today. God, she went, God, put us here today to save this girl's life. I go, you didn't do shit. God had nothing to do with it. I fucking did it.

I went out and did it. Hey, motherfucker. If so, Malcolm Jamal Warner would be alive. Yeah, he was trying to drown that girl. It is, I mean. It was like, this isn't even the post I made. The first post I made was right after I did it. I was like, I was still breathing heavy.

I was like, I just, I just said, I went right to my phone like a fucking needy loser. Well, you look angelic in that photo. The light is coming in. This looks like a death. This is an immemory in Bobby Kelly. Well, this episode is brought to you by. PICs. The action on prize picks is harder than ever with playoff matches every weekend and elite hoop action almost every night. Just follow your instincts and pick your lineups. I love prize picks

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This is the day after. And that's your son on the right, right? So we wound up seeing these people at the, that's my son, that's the girl I saved, that's her dead. We wound up seeing him at the airport. and I just went up to him I was like hey oh my God

how is she she's fine he gave me a hug again she came over I met the mom what a beautiful moment just a great moment so we took a picture

and you know so I had the picture and I'm like you know what as a comedian you're not supposed to do this as a stand-up comedian in New York

a professional New York stand-up comedian with the friends I have I can go Rich Voss Jim Norton Colin Quinn Keith Robinson

Joe de Rosa I mean some of Voss is supposed You can see like the Google image corner on the side Let's take Voss out of it Because he posts a lot of stuff But Israel very serious No but I mean I'm just I'm not even talking about that I'm talking about you see like the Google search icon

The corner or something like that You're like come on man Just fucking crop it outright But then you got to go down to Dan Soda, Lewis Gomez, Joe List, Big J. I mean, listen. I have a take. Right.

Immediately. Sorry, which is you are a hero, but it was as a comic that was incredibly inappropriate. You're like a great person, but as a comic, no, you're right. People don't understand comedy. They don't understand stand-up comedians. 100% inappropriate. You're supposed to take this? I'm supposed to come back, sit at the table, go on a podcast.

or go on stage with it, right? I'm not supposed to make a, what is this post? A genuine, authentic, what type, what word am I? You're smarter than me? I'm not that smarter. A sincere. Sincere. Sincere. I could have got that.

Yeah, that was. I think the two words he said before that were harder. You're not supposed to make sincere posts. Right? And if you do, but as I wrote this, I want you to know, I knew. I could tell. I knew. I was going on the regs.

I was going on bonfire. I was coming back to the cellar. I knew the beating I was going to take in this post. Bro, I just had an idea. Who's the best actor that you know, professional actor in New York City? You probably know a couple.

I don't know. That's a good question. You should have them come on and read this dramatically on the next episode, like a fucking monologue. I mean, are your friends like Bobby Conavali? I feel like every comic's... I know him, but in an office. I'm not friends of them, but I do.

You know, I'm a great actor. Maybe an old British actor. Yes, I know you're a good actor, Bobby, but I'm thinking more of like an Olivier type. Let me read it the way I... Let me... I'm a lunt. I'm a lunt. I'm called a lunt. So...

I'll listen. While I'm writing... This is the first time I've read this since I wrote it. Okay. But now, understand this. I wrote it. I put it on stories. I'm going to pretend like I'm just... Like, this is your moment.

I wrote it. I put it on stories. It blew up on stories. Like, so many people will check it out. And then I was like, you know what? I'm going to put this on, I'm going to put this on Maine. This is my, I'm putting this on Maine. I'm putting this on Maine Instagram, main Facebook.

I didn't have the balls to put it on Twitter. I tell you that. I didn't. Ready? There's a picture of me and the family. On Thursday, my family and I, I rented a car and drove to a local beach north of where we were staying. Max and I were in the water having a blast.

When I heard a little girl yelling, help, my sister. I looked over and saw her sister struggling to stay afloat, being pulled away from the beach by a strong current. This beach had a steep drop off. It went deep fast. And the water was no joke. The water was no joke. I mean, that's... That was the first...

That's the truly first pathetic line. The water was no joke. Well, because it kind of plays into... This is my favorite. This is the meat, man. Would you like to read this point? I want to hear you, man. You should have said,

I might be a comedian, but this is no joke. I can change it. I can change it. There I was. A kid from Boston. Now, mind you, listen to me.

In the last couple months, I've gotten into reading, novels. Like, I don't know where it came from. My brain opened up. I read Louise. I read The Road. I've been reading all these novels.

I read Knight. So I'm reading a... So this is... Real fun beach reads, by the way. So, for... Man, Jesus Christ. So I'm in... I'm in novel mode.

Yeah. You understand? Oh, yeah. This is a man in... Anytime you get past the fucking five paragraph, Mark... I mean... I want to hear this.

This is the best part. I swam out to her. When I got close, I could see the terror in her eyes. Oh, of course you could. I'll shut up. No, please. Do not shut up.

I was panicking. And honestly, I was scared too. Like anyone gives a shit that you're scared when there's this little girl drowning. Guys, I just want you to know. I'm not a hero. I'm in glass just like everybody else. All she wanted to do,

all she wanted to do is grab on to me. me, but I stopped about three feet away, and I told her she couldn't. If she grabbed me, we'd both go on. This is like a fucking Kevin Costor movie now. That's one thing that stuck with me from my lifeguard training. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

I was a lifeguard when I was 19 at a Jewish camp. This is like so one-man show vagina monologues at the end. Like, it breaks me in my day, my youth. I was just a young kid. I was a lifeguard when I was 19 at a Jewish camp, Powercrest. If you don't believe me, ask comedian John Fish. Well, it feels like Doc Lowe. He knows.

I kept my voice calm. I told her to reach out, reach her outer arm. I grabbed it and started swimming back slowly, talking to her the whole time, over and over, telling her how great she was doing. To keep her focused and calm. her father and another man eventually came out to help wait what but the water was too deep for them wow you had to fucking throw this dad under the bus threw him under the sea i could see i could see fear in her dad's face when he realized he couldn't reach her at that point i was getting exhausted

myself and I knew I was close to needing help getting back. They came back out and got a better hold of her and pulling her away to safety. When I finally made it back to the beach, my wife was crying. I was shaking. We weren't even supposed to be at the beach that day. This is like the craziest fucking thing to write in the world.

Oh my God. I think my mother's death post was less dramatic from the shit. Bobby, can we put that in chat, GPD, and ask it to punch it up? The family was incredibly grateful. Most importantly, the girl was okay. Of course, that's the most important. Pretty wild day. Well, I put, I had, so Lewis was like, chat GPT wrote that.

I go, no, grammarily, grammately wrote that. I wrote it, and then they just fixed everything. everything. Well, you know, I will say, hey, first we just got to get out of the poor. You saved a drowning girl. So that's, as a human, yes. This is incredibly commendable. This is what sucks about comedians. Every one of you has prefaced this before you're about to say this. I had to do the same thing with soda. I was like, look, I just want to get this out of the way. Guys are a genuine hero. Yeah. This is the most fucking hilarious thing I've ever read in my mind. it's it's uh but i knew this would be great this is going to be when i hit send on this i literally went

i am going to get a fucking pounding which is look i knew that on but it's so funny because i haven't read any of the comments i didn't go back in and read anything um i don't know what people are saying i know what usually happens with stuff like this is it goes beautiful for like a while and then one guy breaks it open. Oh, that's over. And then it just tumbles out. It's like the Erica Kirk thing. It's like, we're sorry, we're sorry. And then eventually, it's like, all right, she's in a

monster truck. She's up for granted. Yeah. Yeah, dude, that was, I mean, that's a very, but beautiful thing you did. No, great. Gay, gay, but beautiful. Well, what I did was gay, I shouldn't have ever posted anything about it and just kept it. If I was

a real hero, real man, I am a hero. I'm a real hero. hero, you're real hero. But if I was a real, if I was a real man, right? You're not the strong silent type. I should have just never told anybody. Come on, man, that's not you, though. And it's not me.

No. I'm trying to see. Who would be, which comic? I almost got 400,000 likes on this thing. Which comic, do you know? The only one I could think of who could do something like this and then wouldn't say anything would be like Rob Wrigal, because he was like a former Marine guy. Maybe Rob Riggle, I think, no, look, I just did it on stage tonight.

I just told the whole story on stage. Well, I mean, besides Robert Riggle. This whole thing is going to be in my act. Oh, of course. Well, we've already, we've established what you are. I'm talking, who would do something heroic and then just never post? Who's a comedian? Rogen.

That's true. He killed that bear, and nobody, everyone had to tell that story. He's never told that on the-Rogan, right? Or Mountain Line. It was a mountain line, sorry. Rogan would do it. Bobby, I asked Chachy B.D. to add punchlines to the story and make it funny, and I just texted it to you if you want to reread the new version. Okay.

Maybe I should have done this. Okay, here we go. Are people using ChatGBTGPT for jokes now? I think some comics are, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think some comics are. Well, here's the thing with that. I use Grammally to correct commas and shit.

It's very different. I use Grammally. I love Grammally. But Chat Chb-T will never, ever write you a joke good. Because you can put something in there. Like, here's a topic, and it's never going to go. It's never going to get your tone. Well, the big problem.

And I was talking about this downstairs. and you know you and I both love alien stuff is that every time you hear about an extraterrestrial or anywhere of advanced being you never hear they have a sense of humor so I think like to get to the next level of evolution you lose your sense of humor let me tell you something about being a hero

yeah I had to make a choice do I come back to stand-up comedy or do I become an actor do I just go do I just go full to because if I was an actor but do you think you're going to be on Baywatch or something hang on a second let me just fucking follow if I If I was just an actor, like if I was just acting, I would fucking be on every show.

This would be on the couch. This would be, I would write a small book, a small short story. Well, you could get, I mean, you could do the Tonight Show with this fucking story. No problem. I could, but I'd have to be a joke. I know. Are you ready? I was tonight.

I swam, I go, I swam out to her. And I knew she was looking at me. in terror, but I'm pretty sure she was looking at me. Why is there a beluga whale saving me? Oh, this manatee, this manatee found saltwater. Are you ready? I thought you're way thinner. This is, it's still funny because I'm bald.

I still look like, buddy, this killed me the other day. I was listening to my friend's radio show, and he was talking about me. We were in Coat, Mike Alta, and he was talking, this kills you. This kills me. He's talking about me, and he's like, no, Bobby, Bobby did this and that. And someone said, Bobby did it. He's in shape now. And the guy went, he went, well, he's still big.

And I was like, ow. Well, we're not worried anymore. Oh, yeah. But you know what I mean? I lost a housewife. How, how, I got a lose. I'm 255 right now. I'm going to get down.

Oh, Jesus Christ, dude. That was my goal weight when I got the surgery. Well, now, but you're now like 220 now? 2.30. I got a lot of muscle. All right, here's ChatGPT's Punched Up version. You ready? On Thursday, my family and I rented a car

and drove to a beach north of where we're staying. Already a risky decision. It's fucking racist. I thought they were being, fans. There's more racist. Dude, it does a great shot at John Fish. That's awesome. Anytime a vacation involves directions,

something bad is coming. Max and I are in the water having a great time when I hear a little girl screaming, help my sister, which is not what you want to hear at the beach. That's supposed to be like ice cream or my dad won't buy me ice cream. It does it? It's, you know, beginning stages of humor. Also, every vacation involved directions.

Feel free to punch this up. No, I'm just like every vacation involves directions. Stop, my dad won't stop touching me. I look over. Her sister is getting dragged out by the current. This beach drops off fast. No gradual slope. That's racist.

It's like God installed a trap door. It's just what? I swim out to her and when I get close, I see the panic in her eyes. Full terror. Like she just realized an adult is, is, what? Realized adulthood is permanent. This is bad. I mean, your pose is way better than this.

She's just confusing. She's failing, trying to grab me. And I stopped about three feet away and said, Nope, can't touch me. It's that? It just sounds like you're nagging her. I sang a hammer song? You can't touch this.

That is a funny bit. If you swim out to save someone and you just go, don't touch me. Then you go back. And do the hammay dance out of the water, which is weird thing to say to a drowning child. But lifeguard training kicked in. I was a lifeguard when I was 19 at a Jewish camp, Bowercrest. this rescue included guilt, yelling, and vague sense of disappointment. That's the closest one that's been okay.

I was overqualified. If you don't believe me, ask comedian John Fish. He knows he's still mad. I made him do push-ups. I tell him calmly, you're doing great. Reach out your arm. Meanwhile, my inner monologue is like, okay, nobody panic, but I may die at a beach I didn't even want to go to.

I grab her arm and start swimming back slowly, talking to her the entire time. You're doing amazing. Keep breathing. You're so strong. Just lying to this child the way adults do. Her dad and another guy. Her dad and another guy came out to help,

but the water was too deep. And I see it on her face, her dad's face. The moment he realized, oh, I might not be a hero in this story. Nothing humbles a man faster than water above his nipples. I might steal some of the closest. The nipples are the closest. I might put this in the joke.

These are pretty good. At this point, I think you could beat most of these. At this point, I'm exhausted too. I'm thinking, cool. So now this is a group rescue. They come back out, get a better hold of her, and pull it a safety. When I finally get back to the beach, my wife is crying. I'm shaking.

And Max is like, can we get a snack? That was like, that was a joke format. That was actually me, by the way. Oh, okay. All right. Which is honestly the healthiest response. We weren't even supposed to be at the beach that day. The family was incredibly grateful.

Most importantly, the girl was okay. And that's when I realized I peaked as a hero at a beach. I didn't research. Using training, I learned at a Jewish summer camp 19 years ago. Pretty wild day. Pretty funny. That was all right. That wasn't as bad as I thought I was going to do.

I prefer the dramatic original. I think you could write a sequel to that in like a week being like, look, I was just, I was thinking again. To a post this twice as long. I was reflecting upon that day as I part. No, but here's the thing. I have, I want to make a post with this photo. I want to make a post with this photo. Ready?

I have. I have. Look at this. I have When I The photo of me At Camp Power Crush when I was a lifeguard I mean you look pretty good man

Pretty good What are you out of your mind It looked fantastic Yeah Well you'll You'll I mean There's no like I mean you know

It's cool you look really good That's a hot dude There's no six pack You know I mean there is under there There's a little floppy There to be a total six pack I mean dude

A little bit of a fanny pack What the fuck are you talking about? Look it's a great looking guy I bet you got fucking late all the time There's nothing hanging over Who the fucking elaster? All right, okay. It's just, I got confused by this area a little bit.

No, there's nothing. There's a little V going up to bat, and there's nothing hanging over the front. You look, you look good, man. And you got, and I think, and then five years later, this was before Torgasm, you had the fucking full black. Right. You had like a 15-year run of being really good. I had a good run.

How long do you think, or your hot run? How was your hot run? Well, I had two different. I had the one I first got, when I was younger, drinking. So how old was that? What year? That was like, fucking 10 to 15? You were hot at 10?

Yeah, it was pretty hot. I was banging at 10, too. No, 11. So then I got sober when I came out of there. I was hot for like five years, six years. Then I did comedy. Smoking hot for that. Then I got a fat.

I got a nice fat in comedy somewhere. And then I lost it, moved to New York, got sexy again. Oh, you got sexy. I was sexy again for a while. Then I got fat again. like six fats. Forgetting subscriptions can burn a hole in your wallet. Skip the stress with rocket money. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your

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That's RocketMoney.com slash dude. RocketMoney.com slash dude. This is the final fat, though, to promote your show. This is it. This is it. But here's the thing. We take this post and I write a whole thing about this guy. And the whole thing starts, I didn't know back then when I took this class.

Oh, it's you as a young man reflecting upon the few. Oh, you reflecting on the young man knowing the hero you're going to be. Sometimes in life, there's this. Sometimes in life, the things you do, you don't know how important they will be late. I just I lived with my foster father, Ken Lazarus, and he said,

I'm going to be the director of this camp. You can either get another place to live or you get a job at the camp. I said, what job pays the most? He said lifeguard. So I immediately applied for my lifeguard. And I went every morning

at 6.30 to my high school. And I just made it. Two seconds left, or I failed the class. And I reached up. I heard the lifeguard yell two, and I went, boom, one. And he said, you passed. That year I worked at Camp Powercrafts with kids.

That's awesome. And then I do the whole Camp Powercrafts. And then I left. I have lifeguarded for a little bit here and there at an old folks community home. But then I gave it up for good, not knowing that the things I learned that summer were going to play such a great effect on someone else's life later on. Right? the man that I was to become.

It's like the Christ years. You know how they don't know between 13 and like 30? Yeah, why is that? Because it's been, I mean, the burning of library, Alexandria and fucking tons of shit. But why doesn't any, we know so much about the baby. The book of Enok got pulled out.

The Gnostic Gospels got pulled out. All right, the book of Enoch. Now I'm aware of this. Yeah. Where did they? That's the one with giants. They found that in Ethiopia. Where in Ethiopia?

How? I don't know how they found it, but they found it in Ethiopia. And it had, I mean, they talk about the Nephilim in it, which is like that. That was a... You can't just say these words.

Sorry. Yeah, I'm not roguyen. Neville are like the giant... I just started reading it three months ago. They're like the giants in the Bible. They talk about them. They also talk about the seraphim too. There's a groups of beings that were

conveniently cut out of a lot of... Because people don't know that the Bible over the years, they've just made it what they wanted it to be. Yeah. Right? They just... We take that out, make this. put this, this is what we want to,

this is what we want to preach. I thought that for a while. Right. And I'm a little, I have a scarier opinion now. Ooh. Which, I've thought about, oh, this isn't going to be funny, by the way. This is going to be a Bobby Post. Uh, but, uh,

Oh, this will be very dramatic. This is going to be a picture of you and thought. Uh, okay, let's say, all right, we talk about, you know, you saw the Bill Maher documentary oligalist back in the day or whatever, where he's talking about. And the whole point of that is like, hey, because, you know,

horrors and Christ and Krishna because these are all the same none of it exists because you know obviously they're all just ripping off stories and repeating it yeah what if instead there was a superior race let's say the ananaki who were mentioned by the samarians samarians are the first civilization they say that the ananaki created them and they weren't human and the adanaki have been talked about forever and a lot of the CIA documents have come out about soul chambers shit like that kind of what's a soul chamber i'll get to that in a second okay Okay. What if, like, people are like, oh, there's a flood in Samaria.

Samarian culture. There's a flood in the Phoenician and the Old Testament. There's a flood. What if it's these beings every time there's a new group of people, they're like, okay, we've got to put them through the flood. We've got to put them through the water, the desert, and we've got to put them through the Virgin Mary. We've got to put them through the Christ.

And what if they're seeing how these different societies react to these tent poles? And then they're going to see who wins, I guess. I don't know. or they're just studying it later on. I don't know. So you're saying they're still around. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You don't feel it? I'm serious, man. I'm a hero. We live in a different... I have other things that I think about. Heroes need oracles. I need to be the blind old lady who, like, hold your hand

and tells you where to go. Bobby, scruffy bones just commented. Next year, this story will be a biblical telling of Bobo parting the water and walking on water to reach the girl. There is the story of the Samarian... What? Can you see if in the Samaria myth there's a lifeguard story? What if, what if like, like 2,000 years from now,

this story is the only thing that survived? Is you in swimmy's instead of on the cross? They just find my phone on me. That's the last thing I looked at before the flood game, and I'm just buried, and they have my phone. There's just this image. Oh, God, the Christ, the Kelly Christ, the Bobby Kelly Christ. But they find, they find the chat, cheapy-tie version.

So, all right, so listen to me. So, okay, we have this book of honor. He also said, why is Bobby dressed if Bennington was at the blue oyster? What? It's like a, if I got it was in jazz. I can't hear you, dude. No. Go ahead.

What? Scruffy bones also said, why is Bobby dressed like if Bennington was at the blue oyster? What's the, we don't know? It's the gay bar from police academy. Oh, I thought it was a, I totally missed that. Yeah, dude. It's been so forever since I thought of a Police Academy, man.

Scruffy's great, but he goes too far sometimes. You know, you can't Matt Pinfield every reference. You know what I mean? Yeah, but he could have been like, why is just like Bennington if he was at the Ramrod? Would have been great.

That would have been fine. Or just Gay Bar. Yeah, Gay Bar. Yeah, just simplify it, dude. That would have been great. Yeah, booze. How do you know all? That was here.

How do you know all the gay bars? No reason. So, dude. I'm just an artistic guy, man. So they found this book. Now, how do you... First off, I'm not fucking an expert on this. I'm not like...

But how do they... How does a book survive? Well, I mean, like you said before, I think there is, you know, like, if it's true... Are these scrolls or is an actual book? I think that they pull things together, like you're saying, I think that Vatican has a bunch of shit that we don't know about. What do you mean the Vatican? Because now I heard about this, that the Vatican has actual... Well, the body of the devil.

Well, I've never heard about that, but, you know, maybe they, maybe like, they sent him Epstein then or something. But, like, no, I have never, no, I've never heard of that. I mean, I've heard that they, that they were one of the first institutions that are UFO, for sure. The Vatican. The Vatican, they didn't know what to do with it. And then the Vatican gave it to us. That's been talked about a lot. So the Vatican, now, how long has the Vatican been around?

No. It's, it's, it's longer than 500 years, right? How long? I'm Googling it. It's been around since 1929. Oh, that's it? No. The Vatican...

That's not true. That's different between the Roman Catholic Church. I guess the Vatican as the institution is different. That stinks. Wouldn't they get the fucking Ark of the Covenant? That's all they come in.

They got a UFO in 1929? They apparently got... Yeah, I think it was like late 30s. But then I just heard that the Nazis got one first. But how does the Vatican... Which makes sense of the Nazis got it. I've been to Vatican City. It's not that big.

What did it land in the fucking courtyard? We see the... No, there's like fucking under. underground rooms and shit like that. And like what we saw, we see the Michael, you know, we see the Sistine Chapel. We see, I mean, they're the most amazing, they have some of the most amazing private art collection, you know, like, you go through the Vatican, you see Francis Bacon. It was like an avowed atheist.

And they're like, well, we know it's worth something. You know, so. Yeah, they collected everything. They have Roman. They have Greek. Yeah, they got a lot of money. Right. Isn't it true that the Italians, the Vatican, they just adopted everybody's art, right?

What do you mean? Like, they brought it in? or they use like Michelangelo as a combination of styles. I'm not like I worked at the Met as a security guard. That's as far as I know about art. You know. Yeah. I knew enough to try to get laid.

That was it. Because they have so many. I mean, when I toured the Vatican, it was so much art. It was like crazy. Yeah. It's too much.

And they have hearts all over the world. Like every. I love Florence. Yeah. I loved it. But like I felt like when I was, I don't know if you had this, but it wasn't assisting chapel.

When you see that and when you see the beggars outside, you're kind of like, this is too much, man. This does not feel Christian. You know, it feels kind of... I didn't give a fuck about them. I was on a VIP tour at Louis. I was like, this is the best thing I've ever done.

They gave us lunch. We got to talk in the Vatican, which most people don't get to do. You guys are just throwing coins from the balcony. I didn't have a fucking. No, I was saved my money for Cache Pepin. I don't give a fuck about those people. Homeless people do nothing for me.

Really? No, I don't. I mean, the younger ones don't, but the older ones still kind of bother me. Unless you have a fucking personality. If you have a personality, I'm in. Well, if you're, you know, I'd love to hear your opinion on this because I'm like, I haven't, like, I've had a bunch of friends reach out to me about watching the Chevy Jay's documentary and I'm like, because I saw the clip, you know, where he calls the girl dumb or whatever. And he's like, oh, he's such an asshole. And I'm like, well, at this point, he's just like kind of like a mentally ill guy, right? At this point, like, there's a little bit of a Kanye freak show element of like. How do you not be ill living in that fucking world for your whole, most of your life? How do you not be a sick person? when you were from your early 20s a superstar.

I, you know, to add on to that, you know, when I started comedy, you think like, oh, it's the scary guys are the really good comics, the back the ones that know the jokes. No, that's like the nice guys. Yeah. Once you go to some of these parties, once you see how people really work,

they're operating on different frequency than you, they may not be as mean or nasty or biting as some of the people that you revered, but they're way more dangerous. Way more dangerous. And be fucking careful. I would rather take a guy who's fucking a dick to me than somebody who's doing weird shit behind me.

100%. You know what I mean? 100%. Yeah, dude. Chevy Chase, yeah, dude, he was the shit. My whole childhood. His movies... First 10 years fucking phenomenal.

I mean, SNL, all his movies were fucking fantastic. And then, you know, he's fucking old. And he's around... And he took a lot of pills, so your timing changes. If you have a lot of pills, you see how Kurt Engel talks, something like that. And it's like, you know, incredible athlete, credible wrestler, credible promo back of the day. But it's, you take

enough, like, painkillers, I don't know what it is. I'm not, I've only been to rehab guys, I don't study the shit. But there is, it seems to be like there's a weird disconnect. Like, even when Chevy's taught, it's like, he's like almost a beat in front or a beat ahead, like something like. Nobody's ever told you to change though.

Yeah. You know, that's why I love comics because we always self, like, we always have my comic friends telling me, dude, what are you doing? You know what I mean? Like this post. Like I said, if I was an actor, nobody would say anything about this post.

Only behind my back. Comics can't wait to get me on a podcast to fucking laugh at my face. I was so pumped I had this podcast. When I read that, I was like, oh, comics are the last, we're the last ones. I mean, think about we're the last ones who are just... But even that, it's only a couple. It's not all the comics.

I think there's more than a couple. I mean, we're all kind of, I was talking to Norton about this and I want to see if your opinion on it. Do you, because I was like, I think that the difference between my generation, guys early 40s and your guy's generation,

how they approach comedy, it's a lot similar than people in their early 20s in my generation now. Right. And I'm talking about, and I'm not even talking about early 30s, that could bet, but something happened with COVID in the internet age

where kids talk different. They don't know how to communicate the same. And it's more about promotion. It just, and Jim was like 100%. Like it seemed like, like the, I'm just saying the distance and what this is has changed so fucking much. Well, it's because of this.

Exactly. It's 100% because. Yeah, we become the technology. You know, the technology doesn't help us. Yeah, when we came up, dude, we only did stand up. That's it. We showed up at the clubs. We hung up with each other.

We tried to get chicks. You tried to get spots. And then we went home and slept or played video games. This is a whole. whole different animal. You don't need to be funny. You don't need to have real friends. No. You don't need to

yeah, I mean, you're getting an immediate... We never got... The only time we actually knew we were funny is when we went on stage. That's it. You put out their tapes so early now. You know, that's the other thing. But they don't even need to put out a tape. They don't even need to get into clubs. You can

just become famous without even being at one of the major clubs in New York. you can tour without being passed at the cellar or the stand. Oh, yeah, that doesn't matter for anything. No, you can have a tour. I'm pasted every club in New York and I can't get road work. I used to get road work and I wasn't passed everywhere. And now it's flipped.

It's because I can't, you know. By the way, see me next week, guys. You're not making these posts. I got to start doing this. I'm going to start, like, setting up here, like, setting up like false flags. I mean, I don't know if it's false and real here. Well, I know you're a real.

Well, I know you're a real hero, but I can't just take your shit. Well, you could. What should I do? You could use, what you could do is replace your face with my face and post this on your Instagram and see what happens. And I just take your, this is my son too. Take all of it. Take it all and repost it. I would take the chat, GBT version, repost it, punch it up in your way, and then put your date to the bottom.

I guarantee you'll sell very well. You know what? Maybe I'll do that this week. Fuck it. For the creak show, I'm going to put my head over yours and just try to self-tick. Can I do that? Are you giving me permission on the podcast? Please take your face, put it over my body. Oh, my God.

And then just post it, but don't put the guy's name in it. That's all. Yeah, that's fine. You only bore your kid's face or something? I guess he's too old for that now. No, make his face like a Spanish guy. Give yourself a Mexican kid. Just give you, actually replace everybody's face in it with somebody else's.

Yeah. Luigi Mangione for your kid, I think. Make Max dance soda. and make the girl Louis Gomez and make the other guy Joe List. I will say that. I've seen a lot of you on Instagram. This is the most genuine smile

I've ever seen you have on Instagram. Oh, dude, I was so happy. You were very, I mean, the thing is, the post is hilarious, but the picture itself, you do see genuine, like, oh, okay, life is worth a way. Yeah, man, it was, it really did. You can't listen. I'm a stand-up comedian.

You can't help be affected by saving somebody's fucking life. It's like, dude, and plus my age, You understand. I have a child. When you get a kid, what happens in a lot of comics don't know, you get empathy. You get concern. You get love in your heart. Hopefully you get that at some point, even if you don't have kids.

It doesn't happen. Fuck, man. I hope I get empathy. I'm not going to get it. I'm done? Yeah, you're not going to have love. You got to have real love. You did save his life.

As you were saying that, it made me realize, like, I'm such a shitty fucking husband. My wife genuinely saved my life. No, but you got your wife. You got love. You don't need to give. That is true. No, I'm just saying, yeah, but you don't want to be like, but there is the element of not having kids.

Like, my friend said this, he's like, it's not that I don't want to have kids, it's that I don't want to be selfish for this long. Well, the thing when you have a kid, man, is that you, you, when you have a wife, you guys can live anywhere. You can, you'll survive. Me and, me and, me and Dawn.

Yeah, what have you guys been together for now? We've been together. We've known each other 30 years, married 18 together. I mean, so, but anywhere we went, we could live. We lived in L.A. in a shithole. We lived in, you know, Boston in a shithole. We lived, you know, New York.

You know, it's like, it doesn't matter. As long as you're together, you'll fucking go anyway. You can always go like this, too. Let's just leave. Let's go to fucking... We're moving two months. Let's go to Costa Rica and you can make jewelry and I'll fucking work at a restaurant and we'll rent the fucking apartment.

Let's go to Key West. It doesn't matter when you're a couple. When you have a kid, he's got to go to school. He's got to make friends. Your whole life is about that kid for the next 18 years or so. I will genuinely say, though, you were ready to be a dad. Like every time I've talked to you about, you know, your kid, you can tell that

you want to be a dad. And I've seen that, you know, I've seen the opposite of that too, you know. Yeah, no. So it's just whether you're ready for it. I love being a dad. I love waking my son up every morning. Is it a bigger high than writing like a new bit that kills? No. Oh, really?

That's funny. A new bit that kills, fucking I was so happy when I did the saving the girl's life. It goes to Riga on stage and I was like, this is fantastic. My friend, I won't say his name, because my friend wrote a big movie. He was a huge movie. And he was talking about his kids.

And I was like, you know, you had all the success. But, like, having a kid, that must be like much more important. He goes, are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how big this movie? Yeah, dude. If comedy camp hits theaters, I'm fucking, I'm out. I'll go on the tour for a year. I'll see you guys in a year.

Yeah, good luck with wrestling. No, I mean, dude, it's a different thing. Having a kid, that thing that you get with them is the hardest shit. ever every day is a struggle but it's awesome you know what I mean like he did his first wrestling match tonight and my wife he's doing greco Roman he's doing wrestling for school I don't like I know well no he's doing like the traditional yeah true he does jitzu he does wrestling oh jeez he's gonna be can he kick the shit out of you yet uh he's he's strong what you think two years he's strong so now you think buddy here's a thing I'm not gonna greco roman wrestle you

I'm gonna hit you with a fucking shovel when you turn your head that's not what I'm talking about I'm not fighting him. If you have a cage fight with your son right now, like... Like, you don't love each other. With rules? You don't know each other. With rules? You don't know each other.

With rules? Yeah, dude. Who wins? Right now I beat him. Right now. How long for that? A couple years. But here's the thing.

I'll fucking... I'll throw a screwdriver at his thigh. I mean, I hope you don't do that your kid. No, I don't. But I'm not going to... If he's going to beat me up, I'm not going to take a beating. I'm going to... You don't know.

My kid... When you're 40, you can't fight. You have to fight dirty if you're fighting. My kid is the sweetest fucking kid in the world. He's so nice. But he wrestled tonight and I'm watching the video she sent me. And I'm just like, fuck. Get him.

And he won. He took the guy down. That's awesome, dude. But it's so awesome because you have so much pride and you're so happy for him and you know. And then I called him up. And she's on speakerphone with my wife. I'm like, Max, man, this is the best.

I'm so proud of you, man. He's like, yeah. thanks I'm like I'm like aren't you happy he's like yeah

you know what I mean it's like oh fuck this is not the movies this is did you read my post it's only the movies if he's one of the best

wrestlers or handicapped I'm gonna actually write you know just being pretty good is like not a movie I should just write his responses and have him read

the responses yes dad I'm so so proud of myself and I'm also proud of you thanks for helping me today you really are a hero dad um from where you came from to what you are now man you broke the cycle pa you brought the cycle um i don't know man anyway i can't believe we went from uh aliens because you

believe in all this i didn't but i do now i did and i believe i'm a christian now jesus you're a christian i guess yeah what do you mean you guess i mean i'm not going to say i'm like i'm not going to be one of those guys. Buddy, I'm not the guy. I'm not one of the, I'm not going to be, I just don't, I don't feel comfortable enough. I just know that I've been, all right, I'll tell you, can I be very genuinely vulnerable with you right now? Not as vulnerable as my post. Okay. But yes. Well, this is pretty vulnerable. I sent it to Tim Dillon and he didn't write back. That's how I know it was to Tim. What did you say to him? I just started, I watched that Christ show the Chosen this morning. I didn't see it. It's really good. Right. I actually, I was watching a Metro North and I started.

just crying. Really? Yeah, it was the Mary Magdalene scene. Wow. I actually genuinely started tearing up. And I was like, well, that's, that happened today. And that hasn't happened to me in a long time. So that was, that was interesting.

I can't discount that. And I know it's just a Hollywood movie and it's a Hollywood series. And, you know, so much of the Bible, like we said, has been, you know, dissected by kings and queens and the masons probably and all this other shit. Yeah. But, you know, I did have that reaction. I fucking, I hate whatever these fucking comments are right now. Dude, there's something going on.

A lot of people are turning to, like, God. And a lot of comics I know. There's a lot of comics that are turning to religion right now. I would probably, I would put me in that category. But when did religion, when I grew up, going to church, being Catholic, Christian, Jewish, whatever it was, it was just part of the family. Like, nobody gave each other shit for it. Nobody was like, do you, you go to church. Everybody went to church, and it was more for a moral compass than anything.

It was, you know, at a certain point, you stopped going to church, and you went and you were thinking to fuck the chicken, you know, the bleachers. Yeah. You know what I mean? I remember that at Ginerotomy, actually. We had that moral compass from that early age of right and wrong. So people who go to church, it's like, why would you go, ugh? It's like they're just trying to find something positive in life to where they can connect to something that's real.

Yeah, I mean. Instead of going through it alone, right? I, you know, and I think you could be, I don't think you need to go to church either. I think you can. No, you can have church right in your house. You could read Bible and then, you know, volunteer or soup kitchen or you don't have to read any of that. Dude, I pray. I tell you what, I pray every morning and guess who gets on his knees next to me?

Yeah. My son. Oh, dude, that's so much more fucking touching than him going on. Way more touching than what you did. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. I'm sorry, I stepped on your story. No, I mean, I just told you I cried on a train watching Jesus clips. Bobby, we have breaking news that just, I just saw. Oh, God. Big news I thought it was worth interrupting.

Sure. You know what, on Rogan when they had interrupted about Charlie Kirk getting shot? Sure. This is big. Okay. A $400,000 shipment of lobsters was just stolen from a Costco truck. What? There's a legit heist. Where?

Like a heist, like in the movies. Oh, my God. You know, they say that that is actually related to Charlie Kirk's death. Really? Yeah, there was a Red Lobster Consortium. This is the, what do they call it? The, the, uh, the, uh, the, uh, I'm right here. That's my camera.

You're looking at the distance like the end of a Vietnam movie. That's my camera. Oh, shit. Sorry. I'm an actor. You're right. You're right. Bobby the actor.

Well, Danny, who do you think did it? Well, it was stolen out of mass. Of course. And they had a fake How they got away with it. There was a fake shipping company, a fake trucking company pretended to be the truck

that was supposed to pick up the lobsters, but it was not really the truck and then they just rode away with the lobsters. Well, the good thing about this is those lobsters were going to have to be sold very quickly. It's not like you sit on it like a painting for 30 years.

And also that's such like a dukes of hazard crime. You know? You should have not filming Smoking and the Bandit 7? I'll pay you $80,000. Are those one of those fancy crabs I've been hearing about? Wait a minute.

You want me to take these lobsters from Massachusetts to Key West in 40 hours? I'm going to a truck. I'll pick a truck. It was bound for Massachusetts. From where? That's where I'm moving, dude. Wait a minute. I'm moving to Massachusetts for two months.

I can, oh, I'm still going to come down here two weekends a month. Where are you moving in a condo in North Jersey, so I'll be coming down to do spots like two weekends a month, and then we're taking my dad's mortgage over. At his house? Where's he live in Massachusetts? He was in the Berkshires. It's really beautiful. Dude, that's up, that's like an hour

and a half away from me. Dude, I mean, it's far. It's an hour and a half. I mean, it's not a hour and a half. Dude, I would definitely put myself out there. I would definitely come out. I'll come out. I would definitely come out to the Berkshires.

Well, thank you. I appreciate I'll let you know. Okay, well, we have some avails. Okay, whatever. I wish you were a little more excited the first time. but yeah, no, I'm excited. I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited. I mean, I'm just nervous to be, like, I only have, like, two friends up there, you know.

It's going to be, I'll tell you right now, that it's, that's, that's, I was thinking about this when I was in Costa Rica. I'm like, what fuck am I doing, you know? But that's the thing about the kid. Like, if I was just my wife, I don't, I can live anywhere. I don't have to live in New York anymore. I tour. So I can live anywhere.

So where would you live if, because you have, I remember, you actually got me into those canoeing videos. a little bit. Would it be like some place like that? I'd move to Florida in five seconds. I would move to somewhere in Florida. I'd get an awesome house with a pool and I would just fly in out of Tampa or something like that. Yeah, I'd move

to Florida in five seconds. You think like guys like, I mean, Chad Daniels must be just like counting money because he's like living in the Midwest. Right? When Nate secretly moved to Nashville, like people couldn't say, you know, they're like, dude, I moved to Nashville, but don't tell anybody.

Because, you know, you have to live in L.A. or you have to live in New York. And when you tour, you don't. Turns out his career, turned out okay. A little bit. A little bit. Turn out of it. He works for a little bit of higher a weekend rate than that.

Yeah, but now it's like, you know, like the kid thing. You get to go to the Berkshires and live there and still do whatever the fuck you want to do. You can come to the city when you want. You can go on the road when you want and go back to a beautiful part of Massachusetts. Oh, that's the thing. You know? And there's a famous UFO site just like. literally a five minute.

Where? In Massachusetts? Wait a minute. In my town I'm from, Sheffield. You can Google it right now. Sorry, I don't know. You don't have to. But it's, uh, there is, I don't know why I pointed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, pull it up, man. Uh, but, uh, no, it's, uh, it was the, over this covered bridge, uh, in Sheffield, Massachusetts, or this family was driving to the bridge and then, uh, did the car started lifting, lost a time. And then they were in other seats, like when they woke up after it. So that was, it's been recognized by whatever. But every time I go to that park, I go to that park all the time of my dog,

whenever I'm up seeing my dad, like there's always somebody looking for shit with the telescope. And I'm going to, I'll probably become friends with those guys, probably. Yeah, but here's the thing with UFOs, because you kind of got me into him for a minute when that Atlas, the 3-I Atlas was coming. Well, that turned it to me. By the way, Jay really rubbed that in my fucking face. He saw us at the stand. Me and Sean Moore sitting that night of. Oh, really?

He was, oh, there's the alien guys. And he just walked off. Fuck you, man. It was just an asteroid. I don't know what I, look, I love Avi. Avi's a friend of my show, Burbs for us. But, you know, everybody who's in this field works for college or a university that needs funding. So everyone is trying to make their case.

So whatever you see anyone talking about UAPs or UFOs, you have to say, is this guy doing it for Waki Martin? Is this guy doing it for, you know, Chinese intelligence? You don't know. You have to see like what the... You have to like kind of like follow the money and see what the motivation is. But there's nothing out there

that is like solid evidence. And the fact that people... Everybody has a cell phone now. Everybody has... There's stuff coming out every day. Like name one thing that's legit. Dude, I get videos every day. The thing is it's like some of them

are true. Like the ones, the triangle one, they've not disprove that. It sounds like I'm lying by the way. With the trial they have to prove that with the purple lights and shit like that. But yeah, there's plenty of fake ones too. Like all the India,

they had all these crash landings in needy this year, which were total bullshit. The problem with AI is that, well, no. The problem with AI, in my opinion, is that we're not going to be able to know the difference between what's fake and what's real. Do you think the government gave us AI so that we won't know what's fake and real? Yeah, probably. You know what I mean? So that it's like now we're just like, we're going to blow everything off as fake? I think that there's with the, it feels like they're setting up for some sort of.

dying event, not to be pessimistic. What do you mean, dude? I'm just saying, dude, what do you mean? I'm just, I won't go into it. I won't go into it. I just, I won't go into it. I just, I just, well, you saved one. Am I going to have to save more?

I don't think you're going to be able to get to this one. What do you think's going to happen? I just don't know how this, how the incoming inequality keeps happening and that they're building these huge data centers that, like, my energy bill went up like crazy. Like, where my, where my, where my townhouses and, in Stanford. And that's happened to everybody.

That's two times. And they don't even give a shit about it. And it just seems like everyone's, like, all these billionaires are doing this shit and they don't even give a fuck. Like, they don't care anymore. Like, and I'm not just talking about, I'm obviously more liberal, more progressive or whatever, but like, like Obama was like bitching about global warming and then he's buying a beachfront fucking house.

Yeah, they're all hypocrites. They're all liars and hypocrites. And it makes you, I, I have a paranoid feeling that right now AI is able to make its own diseases. We know that. if AI gets smart enough, they could release a disease and light us out, or if you have kind of a superhuman

aided by a neuralink or something like that, maybe they get the anecdote and we don't. But that's kind of my fear. And I don't think it's completely a crazy one. Yeah, but don't you, aren't we going to be able to fuck robots before that happens? Well, you can fuck robots now. No, you can't.

You can fuck a dust buster. That's not a robot. I'm they going to have like I just want to have robots like where you can buy whatever race you want Like you know a watch band You can have a red one or a black one or a yellow one You could just change its face

Just have like Set up like fake like celebrity death matches You never think you'd get to see like Charlie Kirkford's George Floyd or somebody Dude it's it's happening so fast Right now it's blowing my mind and I love it I love all of them I'm a little scared of it

I'm not I love it. I love that I can write that beautiful post and have all the commas where they're supposed to be. I just think we're on borrowed telling. What do you think we're going to... I don't think everyone's going to be wiped out, but I think that...

The coasts. No, I just, like I said before, I think that it would be very easy to... We saw what happened with COVID with the... And by the way, I have a lot of question of COVID and I used to be like this big, like, pro, pro, pro, pro, pro, pro, back kind of shit. But like, we have a lot...

Like, that happened with COVID, right? That was... I love daddy's bringing up fuck dolls right now. Big difference. But, like, think about it. Ebola has, like, a 90% mortality rate, and that almost happened in D.C. And that was without any fuckery.

You know, that was in, I think, the Minti... I don't know. Mintu, there's a good mini-series on it with Julian Margolees. I just think it's a matter of time. And if not, maybe the global warming's true and a disease rises up from South America. Like, there's diseases that are able to make their way here.

Yeah, but don't you think these millionaires are not going to be buying waterfront property and buying all the shit that they have. Unless they know that there's a bunch of people that are going to die. Yeah, but don't you think they would build bunkers and shit? They are doing that. What?

They are doing that. What? Yeah, they're doing that. Who? Dude, every fucking billionaire is built. Go away right now, Mark Zuckerberg, his whole Hawaiian compound. There's like tons of these guys.

It's crazy. So it's just going to be billionaires? Yeah. And what are they going to do? You know, they said this about the Black Plague. that all the good priests. I thought you're going to say black people. That all the good priests died.

And all the world for the bad ones, because the bad ones ran into the woods to not get sick. You know? So I wonder what's going to be left here. I think that there's a, I think that there's a belief with a lot of these Silicon Valley guys. If you look at like the religions they're into, right? Right.

It's a lot of more new school religions, you know. And actually Metzker and I were talking. Metzger's opened up a lot of this for me. Maxeter, he's fucking... I'm probably closest politically to him than any other comic, but yeah. I love Max Curate. He is, if you talk to him, you will walk away fucking dizzy. Yeah, I mean, he has a lot of information.

He's a, yeah, I mean, I'm reading the book. He, him and Duncan Truffle recommended it right now. It's pretty... Both of them. Yeah. But like it's, I think with a lot of these new, like, if you look at the people in government positions right now, it's not just like Christian, Jewish, Muslim. It's Mormon, Kabbalah, Sufism. It's the new form of whatever, Gnosticism, the new form of

whatever. Scientology would fit in that. Now, what do all these things have in common in my mind? They are closer to pantheism than monotheism in the sense that, you know, Joe Smith was a Mormon, right? He became a God. What do all these Silicon Valley billionaires want to do? They want to become gods. And there is also a rumor. And I mean, this was on Tucker, but I've heard this before, Before Tucker, I've heard this before, I swear to God, I heard this before Tucker, that they think some of these Silicon Valley guys who I've heard are all read in and are at a level, high military level at this point, that they think they've contacted an ancient Samarian God and part of the AI is helping them release it and get onto their level. That's whatever. So you're saying that the AI is the story of the Antichrist. AI is the antichrist.

You're scaring the shit off. I'm sorry. I thought the anti-quest is a small boy named Damien. Nope, nope. That's the Hollywood version. So we're not looking for 666. And by the way, this is something the Rogan says, too. He thinks AI could be the Antichrist.

I think it's very possible. I mean, AI is terrifying to me because it's happening so fast. And it's so, it's almost magic. It's magic. Yeah, but magic isn't always good. The fact that I can take a photo and animate it and make it do what I want, the fact that I can make a song right now with musicians and voices in any genre, and I can type in the words and it will make the thing.

When around 20 years ago you had to hire musicians. I know, man, but it's also a thing like, I mean, I make probably way less money on the road than you do. And I'm still like, I feel bad because I'll, like, do like a poster and then I'll do AI. And I'll have an artist be like, what the fuck, man? Like, that's taking money out of my pocket. You don't need a, you can just do it right on your phone in two seconds. The average asshole. I kind of feel uncomfortable, I guess.

It's almost like, I mean, you know what it's like? It's like buying a car and all your friends have horse-drawn carriages? You know what it's going to do? It's going to eliminate. Companies, horrid's crotch. The actual artists, like comedy, when comedy dies again. Yeah. And people are like, whatever, and something else pops up.

Uh-huh. Fucking Irish step dancing again. Again. You know what I mean? Bring it back. And when, you know. Actually, listen to this Irish man. It's great.

I'll send you. It goes away. It's only going to leave the real comedians. When there's no fame and fortunate this and it's only guys who love doing it who have to do it and we'll build it up again like we did before don't you think i don't yeah i mean that's how i am i'm 20 years in now you know almost 20 years in it you know i've i've been fortunate enough and i've been able to make a day job by this for 15 years but i've never been and i'm not making fucking mat rife money but i don't know how to do

anything else i'm at that point and also the best thing you can get from comedy is the thing you can get at the first open mic which is a new joke working nobody anybody who says that it's going to be a TV appearance. I mean, money would be nice for me, but like a TV appearance or Montreal or oh my God, I play this giant audit theater. I don't know if it works. It's not, it's like, if you do good there, you're like, okay, good, it was good.

That was good, I know now. But that first time that you tell that joke, that's the fucking heroin. And if you don't like that, then get out. That's my thing. If you don't like that. People want fame. I don't know why you would want fame today. I would love to have an audience. I would love to have an audience, but I don't know if I can't imagine.

I mean, just seeing like, you know, I know, Shane, I'm not like tight with him, but just seeing him at Skagfest, and there's just a line of guys waiting. I'll tell you, though, that's like, dude, this guy just wants to enjoy beer. There's a couple of people that do know how to deal with fame, right? And he's one of them. I think Louie is, too. Yeah, Shane, I mean, he's pretty impressive when he, she's doing an arena in the round, and he just shows up in a shirt and jeans, but a pack of Zins. And he comes into the thing, and he's like, all right, cool, put some music on.

He has video games. You can play video. And then he goes out in a dozen hours. And then we get into the car. He doesn't want to get some food or you want to go? You know what I mean? Yeah, he's not, I've been on the road with people who are famous and it's a whole different fucking thing.

I know you have. You know? Well, you know, and I wonder about... We're there into the fame. Yeah, I mean, I wonder like, okay, like 12 years ago or whatever, when I had, I was like hot for a little bit and I had like a deal at Fox. If that sitcom had gone, I don't know. Now, since then, having, you know, gone to rehab a couple times,

I don't know how I would have handled it. I would have probably handled it. I would have probably handled it way worse. You know what I mean? if it had actually worked. I mean, get it. And then I became more of a writer

and then my ego got, and I actually like, in some ways I like comedy more, you know. But like it was, you know, I think some people were built for it and some people are, you know,

are just in and out, man. Yeah, dude, I fucking question this shit all the time. Like I, yeah, and you've had incredible success. Yeah, any stretch,

you've had incredible success. Yeah, but I still, dude, even you still do stuff and it's like, it was, I liked it back in the day

because it's like you get people, You get people that are like, fucking he stinks now, blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, I would do this for 30 years. I'm a stand-up comedian. Yeah. And then they compare you to this one

and that one's success and you never. It's like, dude, that's why I stay away from all that shit. I don't want to know how good I'm doing and how much you like me. So you don't read a YouTube comments. No, I can't. Smart.

Well, because it's almost dirtier. I got back into it. It's almost dirtier to hear the compliments because then you get that ego thing going. I'm great. And it's like, what is that? What am I doing? Why am I doing that?

If you're going to do that, you've got to take the other things, right? Well, there's a lot of, it's a mentally ill business. So, you know, you're just kind of looking for anybody to grab your, you know, grab your hand if you're drowning, Bobby. And bring you to shore. But don't jump on me because we'll both drown. Yeah, don't jump on me. No. We'll both drown.

I think about that day. Ever so often here. If you don't repost that for your show this weekend. I'm going to do it. I may write a longer Scruffy Bones just said we don't need AI to kill us. Tommy Pope just squirted bleach in his own eyes.

Very true. Very true. I got a fight I hope he's all right. We sent him an eye patch. How about this? He's fucking driving a truck with lopsis in it right now to Austin. I got the fucking chain. We don't know if tires is coming back. Dude, I only got two episodes this year.

All right, listen, man. You guys you got a show coming up next week? Yes, I will be at at, yeah, I'm going to be this comes out on Sunday, right? So I'm going to be at the creek that Thursday in Austin. So please, I'm just trying to fill that out. Hey, man, you got to go see this guy. If you're in

Austin, go see. Thank you, man. Look, I know Austin and New York are having a war right now. Are they? Oh, yeah, they are kind of. So stupid. There's this whole thing, Lamar and Lewis and the regs. Wait, Lamar? That guy, he's nice. He's the sweetest guy ever.

I'm doing his podcast in Austin. The sweetest guy I've ever met, but he attacked Lewis. Oh, he did? He goes on the regs, Lewis was like, New York's got the better comics. And it's like, first of all, there's no New York comics. We're all from another city. Yeah, and Austin is. New York is not, there's not a New York City anymore.

There's no like, oh, nothing's anything. No. No, I mean, Austin is a bunch of Philly comics now. I'll be honest. A bunch of comics from L.A. no there's no there's only a few austin comics well the reason the yorks has always been the best because if there's been times where it wasn't the best i think where chicago was a little better but then it's always the best again you know what i mean it's like one of those that's my only thing but i don't thought we're all pirates man we're all yeah i think austin has a lot of funny fucking dudes has now has great clubs has an awesome comedy scene everybody's in laa oh comics are worse in l a and i would agree with that for the most part but then how do you fucking explain kyle canane how do you explain anthony jesslenek how do you explain anthony jesslenek how do you explain anthony jesslenek how do you How do you play? Yeah, fucking Santino.

How do you play Santino? I love that guy. You know, it's like, hey, you know, give me a break. There's, you know, I think Burr said this. You go to every show. There's a, there's two great people. There's a couple good, okay. And then there's two stakers.

Yeah. And that's every city, right? It's every city. But it's funny that that's what, that type of shit. I only go after comics unless I want them to come to me. But it's not. I talk shit on someone today because I knew he would tell. it to someone. I don't know if I'm ready

to tell it here, but I'll tell you. No problem. You're right. I cried about a dumb woman. I have no. You're right. I tried about cruel. It's a very unchristian thing to be talking shit. That's why I'm so fucking floated. You're giving me shit about fucking telling my hero story. I'm very flawed. You got it out of me. But yeah, no, I

you know, for the most part, it's like, it's going to come back. I love Tim Dillon just ran away from you. Oh, yeah, he just, he was done. I fuck guys. I can't be around you. You're being a real bottom right now. No, Tim is, you know, a brilliant guy, but, you know, he did not want to deal with my Christian revelations. Why would you think, why would you call me or somebody else?

Well, you don't respond to my text, Bobby. You're fucking sorry, dude. You set yourself up for fucking that one. I will now. I will now. Now I'm a weird texting. Now that I know. Now that I've, like said my vulnerability.

You're on the same spiritual plan as me. The last person I would call is Tim Dillon for anything. It's kind of fun. Emotional. Great talker. He's like, yeah, what's going on? I just went to Applebee. and had riblets. What do you need?

What do you need? Well, I go to punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly. I'm going to be in Sarasota, Florida in two weeks. And then I just got a couple dates that are really great dates in Boston. I'm very excited for. And then Poughkeepsie, I'm going to be there

with the Tizzy 2. Right? You guys are coming, right? This is the first I'm hearing of it. Okay, Joe's coming. I have to check my schedule. I love to that. Oh, it's Cal's Club. Yeah, Poughkeepsie. Yeah, Pekipsi.

I love Cal. Yeah, great guy. And then I'm going to Batavia. I'm going to comedy works. I'm going to be working my fucking ass off. Because I work until... Oh, in South. I work until May, June, and then I quit.

When's your next special going to tape, June? Uh, no. I'm going to do it at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island. Oh, yeah. I just got to fuck myself there, man. Really? Yeah, because I was, I bought it a pandemic thing, and then I canceled a weekend. I'd never really would get back.

Oh, dude. this will all go away now that you believe in Jesus. Right. Right. I'm serious, dude. I've had so many situations like that in my life. And then all of a sudden a couple years or whatever goes away and you're working the club and they're like, hey, what's up? It's over. That shit all goes away. Hey, can I just say something?

Because I'm just like, I have such imposter syndrome. Yeah. That you guys mentioned me as a WWE writer up top. I can't get too much detail. I only wrote there for five months. I maybe got one thing in. So that's not what I, you know, I just wanted everyone to know that I was not. I was not killing it over there.

But you were a, you're a fan of W. I was in the room. Huge, huge thing. But you're a fan of wrestling. Not anymore, but I was a huge fan. I love wrestling. I think it's the purest art, but I get as simple as art. Principal purists are, obviously music is the greatest, right?

But I was, you know, there's something. I don't say stand-up. There's, really, yeah. The reason of music, it's like, because it doesn't have words and can influence a bunch of people with different languages. I think, I think, I think stand-up is the most truthful thing that's going on right now. I think it's the most truthful, but I think as far as, like, the art that reaches the most people, it would be a song without lyrics, right?

I mean, you got guys doing arenas. Dude, but you know what's interesting with the stand-up blow-up? You got- You got a complete crippling of the narrative. Like, stand-up is blown up. Yeah. You know what the most popular movies are right now?

Cidcoms are getting a little bit better. Comets are, and heart. People go and take- but the Chinese, the biggest movie last year is a Chinese animated movie for $2 billion that beat us by a billion. Because they're fucking 9 billion people. You can't, they're going to go see it anyways.

U.S. You. All right, make sure you check out Dan St. Germain. What's your website? Don't worry, just Dan St. Germain on Instagram. Go check out Dan St. Germain on Instagram. I need more followers, guys, please. He's going to be putting the post up.

Please go comment on that. And make sure, Danny, what are you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. I'll be opening for Bobby and ComedyWorks in Denver in February to come out. Joe? This Thursday I'll be headlining at Uncle Vinny's January 15th. Come on down.

And make sure we're going to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. We do the little extra episode right here and we get your questions from the Patreon to ask Dan and myself. And we answer him. We had some for Tommy Pope. Maybe can you answer Tommy's questions?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will because I hope Tommy, I hope you're all right. I hope you're, you know, you're getting fucking abducted by aliens. I hope you're not in the hot. hospital. Has he responded to anything? He hasn't responded to me, no.

His fucking kid's the best. You know what? Anybody else would be like, go fuck yourself? But I love that Tommy's just somewhere right now. I mean, if he has blazing his eye, that fucking sucks. I don't know. He could be in the hospital. He could be driving a fucking truck full of Lopsis. He could be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The last thing's real. All right. I will see you guys next time on. You know what, dude?