Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #623 | Kerryn Feehan, Isabel Hagen, & Aaron Putnam

Episode Date: January 25, 2026

Kerryn Feehan, Isabel Hagen, and Aaron Putnam join the pod. Rich Vos calls in and is nice for the first time ever.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with codeDUDE at http://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The back.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. We're it all started before. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. And you're on the YK, you're watching, not on. YKWD podcast live from the Comedy Cellar Studios above the world famous comedy seller. We're back in the, uh,

the house, make it on the podcast. Do me a favor. Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly if you want to ask my guest questions. We do a whole thing just for Patreon at the end, for Patreon only. And if you want to do me a favor, you're watching this on YouTube or listening to it, hit like, subscribe, and get in the comments. And tell me what a piece of shit I am. So other people can defend me.

And then the algorithm gets crazy. Pop off. Danny, who do we got? We have with her new special out, Isabel Hagan, from the B. Bitter End coming out January 28th, Isabel Hagan. We have Aaron Putnam, who is at Skangfest and Karen Fian from the Only Fianz podcast. I love it. That's great.

You got a new special out. It's out on the 28th of January. Where is it out? It's going to be on Veeps. Oh, I watch Veeps. Oh, you do? I do. I didn't think anyone watched Veeeps.

No, I watch Vips. I watch VEPS. You got to sit through commercials. Oh, okay. Which I don't mind. I'm so old. Yeah. I like a commercial.

You probably need most of the pills are advertising. It's fucked up. Oh, the twad is back. I like commercials. Can I say? My underarms too, itch. I do. I like a little break from it.

Yeah. You look at your phone, go pee. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Yeah, I love a break. I'm taking commercial breaks, whether the show does or not. You have to. You have to jump on OnlyFans.

Sorry. I got to pay the bills, too. You're reminding me my spectrum bill. Outrageous. Highway robbery. I think I'm oversubscribed, too. I feel like I'm subscribed double places to different channels that I could be streamlined more.

You mean you're not paying attention to that? I guess, yeah. That's exactly what I mean. Wow, you're a news guy, don't you? You're just zeroing in on the problem here. You actually said what she just said. Yeah. Just a different way.

I guess I was hoping someone else here was as irresponsible as me. I am. Thank you. I have so. I download an app as soon as it tells me to download it. I download it. They get me with the three days free. Well, the three free days.

I'm back. I'm going to remember to cancel this. never remember. Not once. I am subscribed to so much horseshit. So many little, because, you know, they were going to make me, this is going to help you, you know, with your Instagram. We're the worst. Fucking garbage. I have so much. Oh, this, this thing will edit your videos. You won't need anybody and it doesn't. It stinks. It does nothing. And I don't know how to use it and I never use it again, but I pay $27 a month for it. And then my wife screams at me. I have so, at one point, I had $700 in app bills.

Yeah. A month. You know how stupid I am? Yes, I do. Okay. Okay. Next. If only we had a sponsor that would solve this problem.

Wait a minute. Danny, do we? Not on this episode. Oh. Just give a plug, fuck guys. You don't, you really don't, I don't know what is about commercials. It reminds me. I grew up with commercials.

Sure. Me too. I mean, TV, you had to sit. You got to that part. Here's a problem. that someone brought out. I figured it was Big J. Somebody brought it up

that they put the commercials in the wrong place. Yes. Yeah. On these streamers. Like on TV, it's at the right place. They write the TV for the commercial. But here it's just like, and then I would, you know, trouble getting hard.

You're the one that. And you're like, I do. I have a problem. I don't have a problem getting hard. That's great. Okay, I do. Listen, nobody challenged you. I know.

But I felt like you. eyes did. There was no pushback. Take the pills anyways. What's that? Take the pills anyways. No, you can't. I took, I took Viagra. I took Viagra once and I didn't know you I was supposed to take like a half. I just took the whole thing. And my head felt like it was going to pop off. It gives you a headache for sure.

Give you a headache. The head of your penis was going to pop up. You're a real headache. The new special is coming out. It's called The Head of Your Penis Pops off. No, I think, I mean, my new guy has absolutely no problem. You're dying to let me know you have a new guy. I know. You know what it is?

I do know what it is. You finally think you found the one. Every time, though. You've been through so many. Every time he's the one, though. Why not? The last one was the one. He could have been.

Louis Gomez was the one. Louis J. Gomez. Sorry. Maybe. This is the one. I love that you still stick up for him because he was inside you. Did you really think you and Lois were going to be a thing? No, I do a similar thing to another person.

I'm not going to say who, but I do this thing. I'm more addicted to like the idea of love and like the situation that like during it, I can have like very cerebral conversations, logical conversation about like this is not sustainable. This isn't going to last. Like when we break up, you're going to do this and it's going to piss me out. Like I would like always do that. But then when we did actually break up, I'm, like, devastated.

I'm, like, the saddest I've ever been. Really? Yeah. You get, you have feelings? It, they surprise me as well. This is what I'm saying. I figured you to be just ruthless. No, I, like, break down.

I go into hiding for, like, three or four days. But then I start playing, like, like, upbeat music and, like, they put on some, like, Cardi B. The rhythm is the dancer. All it really takes is, like, one DM from, like, a defensive lineman. I'm, like, the Giants. And I'm like, I'm back. And then the post start happening.

kind of like the aggressive post. Like, look at this. I had this one that could, like, Giant Sky mad at me because we were DMing. And then they played the Patriots. So I tweeted, I was like, hey, I've been, like,

DMing with this guy. So today I sent him a bunch of nudes and some long division. Like, go Pat. And he found my Twitter, screen grabbed it, sent it to me. He's like, this isn't cool. And then I tweeted,

Linebacker, find Twitter, Linebacker, mad. That's my biggest fear. I'd never DM a girl because she'd fucking, she'd screengrab it. It depends on the girl. Yeah. She can't be funny or have a sense of humor. Is that we're talking about?

Yeah. So the majority of women, unfortunately. You have a guy, right? Yeah, I'm married. Is he, but is he, is he in the business? He's a musician, so he's not in our, not in our business. He's in a better business. Arguably, yeah.

Is he a good? Because you're, you're, like, amazing. I'm fucking incredible. No. No, he's, uh, he's, I want you to. be that way. I'm the fucking best. I am a world-class viola player. You are? I am.

I can't deny it. That is like you know, what are you going to do? Why isn't that enough? No. You know, I'm sick. If I did anything else good, I wouldn't be in this shit business. Anything else. Yeah, I don't know. You're a world-class musician.

You could play everywhere and make great money. Well, I mean, it's not like that. Really? It's just as, I mean, it's like, you know, political and there's a lot of good people. It's not like I'm the only good violist. I heard. That's not my heard. Bobby said, Bobby said. Literally,

I never heard of another one. I've never heard of viola. I thought it was a violin. I didn't know what a viola was. I thought that was her middle name. Your world class, world champ, number one. What are we talking about? What are we talking about here? Like, you're it. Stop acting like all the guys you date. They kind of sound like you.

I am developing a long island accent. I do apologize for it. Because of your new boyfriend. Yeah, but no, I was thinking about Isabelle on my way over here. And they were like, oh, it's going to be you, Aaron, and Isabel. I was like, okay.

And I just started thinking about all of Isabelle's accolades. I'm like, she's in the Tribeca Film Festival has a special coming out. Yep. World class. On tour. World class. Like performing.

Yeah. Grow up here too. For thousands of people. And I was like, you are in a very serious relationship talking about myself with, you know, a fisherman. Well, I mean, we can read there.

I mean, I'll just read what I read that made me. left. New special Bitter End coming out January 28th. She's on Veebs. Plug again. She is a film She made a film on a string. I'm in it.

Karen's in it. She's great. Whoop, pooh, bo, bo, boo! Karen! Real quick. She made it. I know, I know. Anyways. One best screenplay at Tribeca Film Festival. The Tonight Show. Yeah.

Karen Fian Only Fianke. Okay, and then wait. They put the thing about the fisherman. This will make you feel better. Ready? What? Aaron put in him.

And he wasn't even invited. You piece of shit. That's not true. I actually gave him my pass. The Skang Fest credit, it's just, it does something to me. I don't know how to feel about you. It's like, I love hate. I'm like, what I didn't say.

I didn't say to make it the credit. No, you got credits, Karen. Oh, I'm a recurring co-star on the best TV show on the planet. Tires. That's right. And you're one of the top ones on the race. What? You mean the lady regs?

The lady regs? The lady rags. The rags? The rags. The rags. The lady rags. And I heard we were talking about you on the regs this week. You were? Joe List is going to be doing a... Oh, are you mentioning this?

We... Oh, can we? We mentioned on the regs. Oh, then never mind, I guess. Regs hasn't come out yet. Oh, so I can't... Dun, dun, dun. You're going to have to...

Me, I know the bun catch and time. I'm such a nerd. Do you know the part? You know what happened? Well, I assume. Because Joe texted me. Okay. I hope they're talking about the same thing.

Well, Skank Fest this time in New Orleans is going to have a very special show. And you're involved. I am. And guess who's not? Who? And we don't even know what it is. She's busy. She's doing too many things.

And he's not invited to Skank Fest this year. Aaron Putnam also came up on the Reg's episode. You did? Yeah. Lewis forgot his name. Oh, yeah. Brudal. Wow.

You guys just worked together last weekend. I kicked it off by myself. on Wednesday. Oh, what are you trying to say? He didn't show up. No, he did great. Oh. You just sent him down a spiral and now he's going to watch every second of the Rags episode coming out, wait for his name. My wife won't even let me. Why? Because she thinks it's boring for me to watch it. I don't think it's boring. Can you talk on the microphone? Have you done a podcast before? Yeah. It's always the meanest thing when someone just says, hey, you're on this podcast. They've mentioned you. And then you have to listen because you know

you're going to listen to the fucking two hours. At least I, I do. I have. I have. I have. Yeah, a lot, well, the nice thing about my, I mean, I guess you could call them fans, is that those, like, timestamp things where people are talking shit about me. Yeah. Send it to me. Those are really nice fans. Right? Yeah.

I'm like, oh, this guy's obsessed with me. Yeah, my fans won't do that. He's like, this will hurt her feeling. They just send me the link to the whole thing. I got to scroll through it. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. I can't even want. Can I tell you a secret?

What I do when that happens? Yeah, jerk off. Is you can, on YouTube, you can go show transcript, and then you could go edit find putting in her name find the exact All right. Oh, you love getting bullied Danny. You come to it. You're like, fuck with me. Yeah. That's a great advice. I hate it.

I hate it. I don't want to, even if it's good. I hate the good one is the worst. It's never as good as you think it's going to be. I know. It's never like, dude, Bobby Kelly, blah, blah, blah. It's always like, no, Bobby's a good guy. It's like, why? I just listen to three hours. Yeah.

Fucking Bert's podcast. I'm saying I was a good guy. Or they just like mention you in passing. Like, well, I was with. Bobby and then you never come up again. Yeah. And it's always from my civilian friends. Dude, they were talking about you on Rogan. I'm like, where?

And then I'm listening to the whole thing. I go through space, time. Fucking all shit. And it's like, no, Bobby said that once. What? That's it. It's never fucking So somebody was like here and they talked about you on Rogan. It's just Ari going best little titties and comedy. Mark's like

comedy and they move on. Comics don't give out very rarely do you get really good about compliments. Very rarely. I don't know. I feel like you guys suck each other's dicks all the time. I mean physically?

Like real life? No, he's the best. Who says that? Everybody's the best. Where? So good. Lewis said you're a black belt in comedy. See stuff like that.

Where is that? What is that podcast? I was in person. Oh, okay. No, it doesn't mean anything unless it's recorded and blasted out in a stranger's ears. You fucking idiot. That's why I'm here. Bounce it off me. Go ahead.

Bounce it off. That is why Aaron's great. Bounce it off me, bro. Nothing hurts me. Hey, what's up, dudes? If you're looking to cut back on stimulants but still want a little treat, do me a favor. Check out ultra pouches. Ultra pouches are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus, giving you the same kick as a nicotine pouch without the side effects.

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That's take ultra.com for 15% off with code dude. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Support my show and tell them you know what dude sent you. That's a big thing. You know what dude sent you. Being you have worked with Aaron a lot. We love Aaron. I love him.

Can't live without him. Do you remember when we met? I can. I try. I can't. I can't financially live without Aaron at this point. Where did we meet? I forget.

We met. I was two years in. Do you remember? Yes, because I didn't know you. It was the nicest you've ever been because when you don't know someone, I stuck in that hotel. It wasn't my fault. And Stavi left you.

Oh, you booked that theater for me. No, I didn't book. And I got called in. They said, hey, Bobby Kelly's coming here. The guy that bought the show doesn't work here anymore. No one's running the show. And then I picked you up. then you said this hotel's horrible.

He put me in... Uji Bobby, what was it? Where'd you try to stick Bobby? A holiday in by the Rosemont. It was a crack hotel. It put me into a crack hotel. Come on. I swear to God.

Can't do that. It was a crack hotel. All I need is a king bed and a flat TV. That's not too much to ask. Yeah, this had a square TV from 1985. Stovie in the living room. Yeah, stovie in the living room. The living room?

Living room. I remember the whole thing because they owed Stavi $1,000,000, too, and then I got it back. Yeah. What'd you do? You know, I get mad. You mean mugger? I like when Eric gets him. You get a temper?

Oh, yeah. I didn't know this fucking guy. And I just met him that night. And Stavi's on this tour with me. And I told him when we were doing it, I need somebody that can, you know, do, you shouldn't do this. I need somebody that can do stuff for me. I need somebody to deal the merch, set the thing up. You're not the guy.

He's like, I don't give a shit. I'll do it all. I just need the reps. And he went and he didn't give a shit about any of it. He'd be able to get an accolades. One person was like, you were fucked. And I'd be like sitting there doing my own merch. And then that night, my birthday night, Stavi leaves me,

hooks up with some chubby chick and just goes, yeah, I'm going to go. You can't get mad at him. Yeah, I can. We had dinner. We had a dinner at a steakhouse all set up for my birthday. We were going to go. Oh, he left before the steak. He left.

You were alone on your birthday? No, I'm not. I'm with him. It's not what happened, though. Which is the worst. Oh, it's worse. It's not what happened. It was your birthday.

and you were sad that he left you and you said, on the phone of Donnie said, I'm going to go eat with this guy, I don't know, and we went to Rosemont. That's nice. That's romantic. We didn't have a good time. We didn't have a terrible time. I go, what are you going to get? He goes, I'm not going to eat. Come on, Aaron. Didn't eat. Didn't eat. Didn't eat. So I ate a steak

by myself with a guy, I don't know, just staring at my food. Yeah, you're mad. And then the next day, the next, the next, the next day, the next day, we have to leave to go drive to the next gig. We have a rent-a-car. Stavi left the rent-a-car key in his fucking car. He's two hours down the road. I got to pay him $100 to come all the way back. Why are you two hours down the road? You said steak together. No, he left. He was going home back to wherever the fuck he lived. I lived in Chicago.

I dropped him off at his hotel by the airport. And then the morning you called up and said, hey, do you have my keys? And I said, I don't know. I brought him to you. No, you said, I'm gone. I'm an hour and a half, two hours. You had to drive back. Well, it took an hour because of the traffic, huh? You told me you left to go to a gig. That's so funny. Brother, I was at my gig at the Tucco and Blondie restaurant. I was bartending that.

You don't know how to tell stories. Oh, man. It's okay. Hey, hell gigs. Am I right? Well, here's the thing. Listen, I had diarrhea. On Only fans.

No. How much is that tear, by the way? To make actual tear drops. Out of your, so. No, this is the problem with getting older. I actually accused somebody on it. I did Mike Calder show. And I was listening to the day before.

And I accused Galvin. Somebody, Mike said, Bobby's getting in shape. He looks good. And Galvin went well, he's still big, which crushed me. Jealous. Who said that? They're jealous. It was never said.

I went back and listened to it. Wasn't even said by Galvin. Those words weren't said. And it was Geo going, he's still bigger. I made up the whole thing in my head that it was Galvin and I put this whole thing I swear to God it was said

and it wasn't said I just made it up so I guess you're right is what I'm saying I made up the whole thing love Stavi everything's great thanks a lot

for being on my birthday with me and then we've been friends ever since I don't like you we've screamed at each other more than screamed at each other I love when you guys screaming at each other it's so cathartic

I scream at you you've never really screamed at me No, I've never screamed. No, him. I'm like, when did you scream at me? Do you scream at people? Are you screamer? I popped off yesterday.

Yeah? And a sweet little pop off. My new guy. Why? He was the last of the toilet paper. And I was on... You wonder where you're going to die alone. I was on my way back from the gym.

I had taken a workout class. I think like alpha strength or whatever, just like doing back squats. It's like 135. No big deal. I pop into whole foods, right? And I'm just grabbing veggies, produce, getting what I want, good ideas making, making moves. I texted him. I was like, I popped into Whole Foods.

More saying, like, I'm going to be 10 minutes late, not like, should I get some stuff? He texted me back after using the last of 12 paper. He's like, TP and veggies. And I was like, oh, I just left Whole Foods. Like, I was already, it's like a 15 minute walk. I was seven minutes into it. I was like, I guess I'll go to Grisides,

which is 20 yard, like feet, yards. I don't know. It's right around the corner from my apartment. We get it. It's practically the refrigerator downstairs. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, my God.

I guess your fucking legs are broken. Like, I just started right away. He doesn't go get it. I go get it. Because he, like, doesn't get back to me. I probably have, like, a little bit of, like, martyr stuff in me. Like, I'm like, fine, I'll fucking, I'll do it all. A little?

And then I get back. I mean, it's just a toilet paper roll. He's chill. I know, but you got to buy a lot. I mean, we need inventory. This is America. Does he put it on right? Does he put it on the roll?

I'm not gay. I don't care about that. I'm not a fucking, I don't care about that stuff. You got mad at him for, for that? Yeah. I made it into this whole huge thing. Because he wouldn't go to Gristides,

which is like right downstairs. Right downstairs. Are you backing her up? Of course. I understand it. But are you backing her up because she's a woman? Are you backing her up? No.

We're having a discussion. We're pointing out pros and cons. I don't do that. I just, if your husband, if your husband said to you, can you just pick up to all the, if you call them to him,

I'm on my home and he was like, hey, can you get some TP? Well, we don't have a place like right by us. So it's kind of like, If you did. If we did, you wouldn't care. But you're 15 minutes away.

If I'm at the store, I don't care, but if I already left, I'd be like, no, you get it. But if on your way back, it was there,

you're walking by it. Well, then I don't care. I'm sorry, world-class viola, Isabelle Hagan speaking. I don't know if you were familiar with her. She's in a filmmaker,

award-winning, Jamaica filmmaker. Put stuff on your lips. Listen. They're dry. Listen. Listen. Here's a deal.

big difference between getting up and going out downstairs getting ready going out going down to the place and on your way back you're already in the elements you're already in the mode of fucking being outside you're already in the mode of you can just walk in grab it and go back up leaving fucking olamode you chubby little bit living i'm not in the mode i wasn't in the mood you were a brought next time around the show how long after he shit and used the last toilet Did he ask you? Because has he just been sitting there? Yes, Isabel.

He has been sitting there in a toiletless apartment. Or it's literally like midwife last square. Good question. Good question. She's on the way back. She's on the way back. Yeah, I see both sides. She's coming this way. Go and buy it.

I really do it. I have to get up and go down and out. I got to go in the elements. I'm in the safety of the house. You're in it. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're wrong.

Yeah. Call him right now and apologize. The answer lies with how long he waited after he took a shit to reach out. I agree. Okay. But he took a shit. Can I just say? She's already out.

She's coming home. Just, can you just, you're on the way home. I did. I grabbed it. You did grab it? Of course. So when you got home, did you fight? Yep.

You still kept going. 100%. Because he's laying on my couch like a little fucking princess. That's the other thing that's bugging me. Well, stop dating. He said he was going to make lunch. We had talked about lunch and food or whatever. I walked in with the veggies.

He's like, at least have a little. prep starting at least pretend like you're give a little sweep we got a 80 pound black lab we got a little dyson get up get up yeah i couldn't ever do you when i'm coming back from alpha strength gt x that makes me sick to my that makes me i know i have a problem i apologize pretty quickly though you did how quick very how like how like we were having sex like within an hour or two that's the apology is it not that works for now Oh, listen to Dr. fucking goofball over here.

Wait till you're married. Married. She's not getting married. Yes, I might, Bobby. You're not, when? How come I can't? You're going to... Why, can't I get married?

You're not going to get married. Unless you marry somebody, is this guy... What does this guy do for a living? You fucking sell seafood. Well, you might get married to him. I love seafood. I know you do. Does he bring seafood home?

Dude, all he does is cook me fish. So what do you can fucking blame him about? I don't know. He cooks you fish, you give him your fish. It seems like a match maiden Haman. Heben? I can't speak. Hyman.

Where does he sell the seafood from? He does like farmers markets in the city. That's so, come on. That's a great. That's like a sexy kind of. Yeah. That's like a romantic comedy kind of fishmonger type guy. Better catch some down there.

Getting some scallops. We're going to go to Puerto Rico with Aaron and his wife. You think that's a bad idea? I love his wife. I know, me too. She's great. Yeah. Aaron's going to be the.

there too, though. I don't think I, maybe you've misheard me. Aaron, can I tell you the problem with you? Sure, Bob. You look like Andrew Zimmerman. I thought it was good, but I can't laugh at it because it's against me. So it's up to you guys. I laugh, but like not into the mic.

I'm not saying this. I'm not saying this to insult you. Me? Not you. Not everything's about you, Alpha, the fucking zone trainer. He's going to leave this. Because I don't want to turn my neck to him. Look at me when you talk to me.

The problem with you is you have anxiety issues. Huge. And you put them on me. So as we're driving, you're voicing the voices in your head to me. She knows. You know what I'm saying? I just learned to love that other personality too. I'm like, oh, we got two parents.

And the other problem with him is he is the shittiest driver in the fucking world. Am I? Do I not complain? She doesn't complain though. I always go, thank God Bob's not here. I'm like, no. I got us lost in fucking Allen town. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I just bring it to hear me out. Because you seem to be the voice of reason of this podcast. Sure, yeah. Not just because you're a world-class, viola player. And you have a normal life. Special out on V's coming out on 28th.

Special out on VIII. My name is Isabel? Drummond. Oh. Do you know her? No, I don't know her. No, she's going to say. Anyways.

There goes again. She dumped me. Quick, though. It turns out we dated. So he'll be driving down the road. The lady will go in 500 feet, get in the right lane. There's a map. It's talking to me.

There's a map. It's talking. It's visually showing you a map where you are. It puts you on the map. It's a little arrow, and it has an hour where you're points where you're supposed to go. Do you understand that? And he still will just blast down the fucking road. Do you want to add what you

You know why though And you said Because I got hit on the left side of my head So I always turned the wrong way And you said it's trauma base, remember? I don't know if it's true I do go And another thing that's me

When we drive He drives He drives in the fucking like slow lane I was just thinking about I was just thinking about a couple days ago I go Bob would hate me in the middle lane He doesn't speed If we're late he picks it up a little

I don't need you to speed I just need you to get in the moving traffic lane. The left lane is for passing. The middle lane is for fucking moving. And the right lane is to exit to slow down. He likes spending time with you, Bobby. He tries to prolong the drive. That's not true.

That's not true. We've got some good ones and some bad. We got one coming up, though. I love you. Where are you going to be? Cincinnati. Where are we in Cincinnati? Next to the Ranggeist.

The maddest ever got at him was, he was. No. He's supposed to drive me to the airport in the morning. I know this story. Five in the fucking morning. Was it five? Isabel, you're going to have my bag, first off. About 4.30.

You tell the story. I won't tell it. No, you tell it. Go ahead. Go ahead. We were doing some shows. About an hour before the shows on Friday night, my father passed away.

He was a piece of shit, though. We had a big long talk about our dad's being pieces of shit. He didn't like him. And then your dad died after the talk. But then my brain kind of broke, so about 4.30 in the morning, he's about a mile down from the air. airport, no Aaron.

You're supposed to pick him and drive me to the airport. No Aaron. No Aaron. And I'll never forget it because I learned a good lesson, but you said, what does that have to do with taking me to the airport? That's the best. Once in a while, when I want somebody to feel sorry for him, I'll tell him, I go, that wasn't very nice.

Did I say that? Yeah. What did I say? Well, you waited about two months to talk to me. Yeah. But then, um. You were mad for two months? No, I will say, though, he did not mention me in the airport.

He had some emojis, but he did not say who did not pick him up from the airport. for the airport. He didn't pick me up. From the airport or drove two? Did you miss a flight? I was about to. I don't know. I was sleeping.

I was about to. He just fucking slept. We just got off a whole care. He was dad. He didn't like him. He didn't like him. A piece of shit. We just spent two hours talking about how he fuck him and he sucks and I hate him.

And now I got to hate him now too because I'm not getting to my fucking plane because it was stupid dad. But sometimes when people have bad relationships with their parents, it makes losing them even harder. Shut up. None of that happened, though. Put your head down. It's not true.

That was a good one. Or the one when we screamed at each other, like five in the morning, Detroit Airport. Because I do stupid shit. Like, everything went great. And then all of a sudden, I was it sold out.

And then all of a sudden, right before I said, but I said, well, see if it was sold out. I said something stupid that was. No, he said, dude, sold out. And then before we leave, he's like, well, I got to see if it was sold out. Which is it?

Don't get me all excited. They fucked me. It was 98 instead of 200. And, you know, this little thing. Two seats. This cock suck is fucking with me. I'm mad at you again. We can't cancel the show.

But we don't fight anymore. Really? No, I've changed since I had my son. I was it? You had your son when you? Oh, no. With other people, not you. I fucking will snap at you at a fucking drop of the time.

I thought you were talking to me one day and you were on the phone. I'm like, oh, it wasn't me at this time. Same tone, though. What a relief. No. No, I like doing with Aaron. I like going on the road with him. He puts these funky gigs on some fucking bar.

with a sculpture. Love it. Yeah, some. I'm passing along to these guys. They're doing them now. Who's doing them? I'm putting a BRAF and whoever he's bringing with them. Oh, great.

Those should be good shows. Oh, you put shows on locally there. Well, I'm not going to do these with them, but I'm going to produce a run for them and then make a little money, and then they get out on them. Joe and Danny are fucking hilarious. He's demanding, like, a guarantee and everything. Who, Danny?

Don't give me. A good one. Who's the guy, Danny? Going with it? Mike Socoli. He's been on the podcast before we did baking fest together. Yeah, he's very funny. I just said grab somebody you wanted to work with.

Listen, dude, you just, you know that you're annoying. Absolutely. But I love you. And I know that I'm a fucking asshole. But you love me. I don't think I've ever been mean to you. You get annoyed. We get annoyed.

You've never been annoyed at him? Oh, my God. I know, but maybe annoyed, but I don't think I've ever, like, yelled at you. No. It's like, yeah. You've known him like 20 minutes. Have you been annoyed at him? Don't say that.

No, and I'm only mean to people I love deeply. Right. Yeah. One day. Precisely. That's so weird. No, it isn't. I mean, it's not nice, but it's normal.

It's normal. It's always the ones that look normal that are the worst. That is not. Who are you the meanest to? Your family. The people you can trust enough with your meanness. Not like mean. I'm not.

I'm meanest to fucking Louis Gomez and Aaron. You just described your family. And Michael Schwartz, I was very mean to him. Oh, God. But he's not here anymore. I mean, you don't love them deeply? He does. Lewis for sure.

You think I love Lewis? You just choked up when I asked you that. You just saw a tear. No, I threw up in my mouth. No. It was throw up. I was trying to swallow it. Of course I love Lewis.

I love him like a son. I know. I do love him. Don't try to get me emotional on my podcast. I'm not. You yell at your fucking boyfriend. Skank best. What's go?

Did you really not remember my name? Who? Lewis? Yeah, he really. What are you going to do, Aaron? Nothing. You're going to fight Lewis? He directly spoke to me that night.

Oh, he said you had a great conversation. And we went to a strip club. You did? For a minute. Why would you rat him out like that? Not rat him out. I want. Karen, have you ever stripped in a club?

No. Never? No, I've done like burlesque acts, though. What is that? Is that like when you keep your... It's like stripping but cornea. It's like the art form of stripping, right? Yes.

Thank you, Bobby. I actually like that. Yeah, of course you do. You like the storyline of all the costumes, the musicality. A lot of times they pick music with like specific lyrics so you can tell a story. Well, I actually like it too,

because they slowly undress. I like the build-up. You like, did you do that? Can you even make your, the tassily things? I was good, yeah. And I did some, I had some good tunes. I wasn't as good. Some of these girls were artists.

Devena Grand Sparkle. She did some hacks. She was a girl. What was your name? I don't even remember. What was your name? Bob, I don't remember. I would tell you.

You're lying. A little slap bucket. I don't know. I don't remember. That's your name now. That's what we call you behind your back. A little slut bucket. I don't know.

It was a nice ring to it. I would, but Devinna Grants, she found a way to make like a twinkie ejaculate. It was like a pressurized thing that she would have in her pocket. And so it looked like she was like, it was really fun. With her vagina?

Is this Googable? Is it online? No, not in the dark ages. My penis is jerking off during the show now. I started comedy. Fucking two autism. Breathing heavy. Jerking each other off behind.

the counter. But then another chick, I forget her name. She did, it was the song Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson. Great song. And she like kind of played out like the Princess Dye car crash. Wow. Right? Where was this dark shit happening? Yes. Yes.

Like was it when she close up? Was she like bloody? You got it. What? Sick. I thought I was making that up. Oh. We were like, what the fuck? And like especially when you realize she's like she's doing dirty Diana and killing Princess Diana. That's fucking awesome.

Layered. I want to see it. There's a... And her chitties were out? Yeah, dude. Nice. Noice. No.

There used to be a popular burlesque act named Ursula. They would do a magic trick where she would make a handkerchief disappear and then appear in her pussy. She just had the handkerchief in her pussy the whole time. Well, she kept making it disappear. Then it would appear in a different piece of clothing and she would keep taking it off and then eventually it appeared in her pussy. She just sounds like what Danny's baby started. He was like, pussy. That's how Danny got into magic.

Anyways, are you guys a fan of... What's your favorite TV show? Six feet under. Oh, that's a great one. Really good. Oh, really? Are you in now, stupid? You didn't like it when I brought it up.

It's overwhelming as a question. Why is it overwhelming? I like a lot of shows. What's your favorite show? I like 24. I love 24. Any shows now? Oh, now?

I don't know. Like fucking White Lotus. Yeah. White Lotus. Oh, I like, um... The Pit. Slow Horses. I haven't seen Slow Horses.

Too deep. Shut up. Slow Horses is with Gary Oldham. He's like a drunk detective. I know what that one is. It's really fun. Um, what else? I tried to get into hijack.

Wasn't hitting. I watched Black Rabbit. Task was very good. His and hers is good. Is it? Yeah. It's all right. Ooh.

Did you see the Irish Sisters one? What was it called? Bad sisters? No. That's good. It's good. It's dark. It's interesting.

I like the story. There's a new one with, who's that chick that used to be cute, but she's ugly now? What an asshole. Yeah. I'm not talking about you. I'm not talking about you. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. She's still pretty. She's still pretty. I'm going to go to hell. No, Claire Daines. Oh. They made her. They were making her look more busted.

She does not look that bad in real life. I swear. Close, though. No. I've ever seen someone. like face just vibrate as much. That Homeland show she was on made her face permanently like that. She looked great in Homeland.

Every scene she's in, she's going to cry. Yeah, yeah. Her bottom chin is quivering. And every question is... She does a lip acting. It's like, what the fuck? Look how beautiful. I think she's beautiful.

Really? I do. I always have. I always well. No, she's all right. She's gorgeous. I think she says beer. There she is right there.

Third row down, second one in. Right. Yeah, that's her now. Okay. Yeah. She looks like Lenny Markets now. Oh, my God. You're such an asshole.

What are you talking about? She's just, she's better blonde. She's better blonde. It's a pretty good example. I mean, God damn it. And she dresses like Sherlock Holmes in this TV show. It really bugs me. You don't have to, just because she's a lesbian in the show, you don't have to

dress her like a stereotypical lesbian. Just have her weird girls clothes. They wanted you to focus on the, the story. Yeah, well, they got it. I'm definitely enough focusing on her. Fucking dud she turned out to be. She'd be cute as shit.

She's a dud. All right. Good show, though. What about the diplomat? I haven't seen it. Kerry Russell. I think the best show on TV is Landman right now. My guy likes Landman.

You don't like it? I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? Have you seen it? With Billy Bob Thornton. Yes, ma'am. And Allie Larder making it come back from the... Yeah.

Smoking hot. Yeah. Have you seen it? seen it? I've seen a few apps. You don't like it? I like it enough. Why do you got to get so fucking angry? I don't. I'm just being honest. Stop to watch him when the kid got beat up. Oh, so good. You just couldn't handle it? I just got lost track of the story. He gets sad.

Because of his father. Yeah. He's dressed in peace bill. He don't like him, though. Who used to beat him up? He didn't beat me up. No, I think TV right now is better than movies. Yeah. Do we think that's the case? Or do you think our attention span is just shorter? I was talking to the filmmaker. I think TV right now is making better shit. I think there's more people watch TV because no one's going to theaters anymore. Because you all have an 85-inch TV that we got for $14 at Walmart.

Yeah, and TV's meant to be watched at home. So we're going to watch more TV. So there's more interest, more money, more everything. But you can also like English TV shows, it's almost like they only did, they'll do like six episodes of season, right? Yeah, but I feel like those. Like six episode seasons could just be edited down to like one good feature film. But I like it.

It's almost like a long movie, right? Yeah. I like that. It kind of bugs me that they stretch it out to 10 or 12. Yeah. Because there's so much filler in the middle with this bullshit. It's how hijack was. How many times Claire Danes has to be like.

Yeah. Hyjack did not move fast enough for me. And it was boring by the end. It was like, what? It was quivering. Her fucking fit. Can you bring up Claire Danes? Every scene.

You hate Claire Danes. I like Claire Danes. But she got into the thing. where every scene she's about to break down the pier. It was bugging me. She'll walk into the story. Do you have water? That's too bright.

There's got to be something on Reddit about it, about her quivering. I'm going to cry on every line of this fucking TV show. What's her main, her first thing that was so big, though, when she was young. Romeo and Julia. Romeo and Julia.

Romeo and Julia really put her on it. Look at their face. That's her face. Scroll down, go down. That's her face in every fucking scene. everything she plays she's Look, that's her Yeah, that scene right there

That was her birthday party She's not afraid to look like that Because she's a beautiful woman She just does that to her face She's emoting Emoting. Emoting what? Pain, suffering, anxiety, I don't know She's fucking patting her dog

And she's crying. That's weird. Yeah, it's weird. One emotion. It's a weird thing. You ever see the TV, the actors Who have that eye thing? Mm-mm.

Where their eyes just go back and forth real quick? Oh, like. Yeah, that. Yeah. Their eyes just go, that they, like, they, I don't know, I don't know what it's called.

Look it up, Danny. The guy who played Superman's dad in the latest Superman, he has it. And you can't, you're watching it and his eyes are just flapping back and forth, but it's a condition that people have. Well, I had an actor tell me once, like, when you're acting and you're talking to someone,

like, look around their face. But I was like, I think that just makes you look kind of darty. And, but I see, like, I see actors. doing that. I go to the school of Michael Kane. Yeah. Hello. My name is Michael Kane.

Good book. You just don't. You just don't break. If the camera's on this side, you look at that eye. If the camera's on that side, you look at that eye with this eye. I think I saw that on like an Instagram reel. Did you do that? I did.

I saw it the same thing. And I called it ever since. Subscribe. Why do you laugh like a drunk old woman? Ah, ha. Gary's home. I mean, you should have got the toilet paper. Yeah, there's a there's a thing.

I just don't know. Like, I'm so worried about getting apart and I'm fucking anything. And this fucking wiggly-eyed assholes is in Superman. I don't know how it happens. It's almost like it's not a fair system. It's not. Because I wasn't in your movie either.

You put her in, but you didn't put me in. That bums me out. I mean, we didn't know you were available. Available? Thank you. Use the word available. I was going to say interested. I would have been.

I loved. I love. I love being on a set. All right. I love acting. I don't know if you would have liked being on our set, though. What was your movie about it? It was by a violist.

Yeah, I wouldn't have done that. And we made it for like $2. You would have been like, where's my trailer? Where's my... No, I love sitting on a bench. Where are the girls? Where's my personal... I don't have any of that.

I did Joe List movie. Oh, man. You're good in that. You're really good in that. You're good at you. Excellent. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Excellent. Thank you. Thank you. Danny. I think you're incredible in it. Thank you. Watch his eyes. The guy.

All right, what does he have? You can't see it. It's too dark. His eyes are sunken into his skull. I think in this one they might have shattered him out so he can't see his fucking wiggly eye syndrome. Type in his eyes. His eyes go nuts. How does he get all the way through the audition process?

That's my point. Like, how do you not look at him and go? Maybe that's one of the notes. Maybe that's what they like about him. What's it called? Right. Maybe that's the character. It's whatever that word is, but I try it.

I can't see it. Is it an actual condition? Stagababom? Oh, well, that's okay. But if it was like an intentional acting thing, I'd be like, what are you doing? No, it's not a choice. Oh, well, you know. His eyes are fucked up.

He's being himself. I know, but I don't need to fucking get dizzy watching you fucking talk to Superboy. You know what I think? In my movie, every take we did, I had to do another take where I didn't blink, because I have a blinking tick that comes out. Really? So I would watch this footage back and I'd be like, oh yeah, now I have to do one where I don't do that. What is that call?

Is that a condition? Like mild Tourette's or something? Are you have threats? I don't know. I've never been diagnosed, but I've had it. Like it comes and goes when I'm anxious and tired. Right. And I tick.

Really? You fucking stare me down now. You got good stare now. I'm not tired right now. You're not tired. We're anxious. I'm ready. I'm not nervous.

This is a really low stakes podcast. She says, she says mean shit like that. When she gets nervous, she has to lash out of people. She's an asshole. The meanest thing she can say is you'll say, pour your heart out and she'll go, okay. It just, it crushes.

It's like, all that I said. I said. I, I think I deserve points for listening. Were you listening? No. What was he talking about when he poured his hot out to you? Some of them.

No, is it. No, no, because it's all its personal business. You don't want it. That feels inappropriate. He really does lay it on the line when you get the car. It's called trauma dumping. Yeah. It's like, it makes you just think like, I mean, nobody's,

nobody's life is worse than Aaron's. You know what? No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Goes up and down. No, it's, he actually lives quite a charmed life and a fun. Life. Who?

Aaron. You live a charm life? Sometimes. Talk to the microphone. Sometimes. You know what? The worst thing somebody did to me, Chris Italia, before I was going on, remember the Joe List show we were doing?

Yes. Five minutes before I was going on and it comes up to me and goes, hey, you know Jerry Rocha? I go, yeah, I love Jerry Rojo. I just saw him this year. Friends Forever. She just did my show this year when I was at Drop the Mic in San Diego. He goes, yeah, he's dead. Who did that?

You didn't do that. No. Chris Italia. Italia, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right before you had to go up. It was like a punch in my stuff. I was just like, what the fuck? It's so bizarre to show up when a comedy showcase starts,

and to like find one of the comedians and say, let me just deliver some wretched news before you got to do 15. Someone you cared about. But make sure I know him first, though. Yeah, right, right. Do you know him? I'm so, I literally love him. Love him.

Make sure I'm really close to the guy and then deliver it. Do you ever have a thing though when you tell someone, someone died, you smile because you're on, or you start laughing? Yeah. Not because you're happy they die, but you're just like uncomfortable. It's just like a reaction. Can I just read you a text that I got? Sure.

Dude, I ran the full physical therapy workout sheet two days in a row. That's the first. I'm fucking wiped, but I'm in a great way. It is sad and stupid, but both that I play no easy way out from, I play no easy way out from Rocky 4 and Eye of the Tiger. You know what that's from? Jerry Rocha. he's not dead

he wasn't dead okay he's alive just like messing with you no he just fucking i don't know he got the wrong guy no he had the right guy

he was sick in the hospital and he just he didn't fucking follow through with the information he's like well that guy's a goner yeah he just said he's dead I was like huh

I'm on stage I'm like my friend just died and then as soon as I got offstage I got a text from Jerry me said I'm dying he told him I'm probably gonna not make the week but he's today he's doing fine he's out of the hospital god bless you jerry that's good to hear yeah it's good to hear i'm emotional i thought he was dead because i haven't seen him since then

and i don't know this guy so just now when you told that i'm like he's resurrecting he's out that's what i thought when i got the text i was like oh my god is this from the dead when i got off stage i didn't even i was in shock i'm like he goes hey man i just want to let you know i'm really and i was like is he is this did he text this to me Before he died and put it on like a thing? Is Chris Italia? Sorry. Go ahead.

Is Chris Italia so close to death, though, that he thinks he's speaking to the dead. He's like, he's dead. He's the tone. He meant to be like, he's a goner. Yeah, I can't pick. I can't pick a dude to a chub because I was there too. Yeah, you can. Come on.

Come over here. I come over the evil side. Get him. Why don't you cross over? Are you with your boyfriend? Are you ever sweet? Of course. Like regular?

Yes. Oh, I am, sweet. Look, and I love you, but you are a fucking viper in disguise. You are a mean. A terrible thing to say. You're a mean, a viper? A vicious, funny, hilarious. Oh, thanks.

Terrible human being. But I think, like, are you ever like, hey. Of course. You are. Yeah. It's like a week out of the month where my hormones are stable enough for me to behave that way. Really? Mm-hmm.

And you're a dog. Oh, yeah. Really? Of course. See, I think, like, I am, like, I like having sex. I do that a lot. I'm not talking about sex. You're going to bring it to your asshole.

Guys like it. Guys like when you have sex with them. I talk to my wife. Talk to my husband. Let's go. I don't know why we're going to marry. She's getting married. He just fucking kills it.

That wedding night is like, well, we enjoy this because it's not going to happen again. Oh, man. Yeah, it's weird, right? I was at a show the other night. I was, you know, doing, it's called crowd work. And I go to the, like, the front, it's like this guy. I was like, is that your date?

And it was this woman who had been a little loud and drunk. She went to the mom. I was like, is that your date? He was like, no, that's my wife. It's just like, hit me in such a way. It's like, oh, it's over once you get married. It makes you understand, like, not sleeping together before the wedding. Because at least you're kind of keeping the marriage.

The marriage is going to be exciting for, like, a few months. Yeah. You're like, fuck. What is it? Why is, why is. Why does it? There should be a thing. I wish it was culturally like okay at a certain point to just not to fall in love,

not to go out with or spend money on. Just you can meet another person who's married and be like, hey, I'm going to meet you on Wednesday. Yeah. We're going to. I mean, babe, Bob, there's so many of those communities though. You can find that. But no, but no. You totally could.

My wife has to be okay with it. Yeah. So you're like, not that it's. culturally acceptable. You just wish it was acceptable by your wife. Culturally. It's pretty culturally accepted. I think that's what threw me. I'm like, he's acting like there's this

utopia out there. I'm like, it's down, it's in Florida. It's Sarasota. Yeah, just go anywhere on the west side of Florida. You can go anywhere with a green awning. Oh, these communities. A good of Ridgewood. I got it. I got it.

I laughed, you fucking asshole. I'm new at there. Stu Aaron was like, that's a massage joke. Anybody listen. Might have missed that one. Yeah, like, okay, I think, like, you can't do this and I feel bad for women. You can't go. There's something disgusting about it.

You can't go to a massage parlor with guy massage guys. Oh, no. And they, you know, they finger. I know, girl. Happened to. What? This girl went to massage. On Canal Street and the guy tapped her and then she said, okay.

That sounds great. It would be an expensive massage. It would take, because it's like two hours I need. Let's go. I'll tell the truth. You never know. Same. I'm like, how long?

A strange Asian man in the dark. Yeah, maybe that'll do. Maybe that's what I've been missing. Oh, man, can I get a defensive lineman in the corner here? Just watching this whole thing. Maybe that will get me out of here faster. But yeah, I'm going to need the afternoon. This little twinkie.

Bring everybody in. Give me a break. Who's working? Guys are easy. All you do is tickle our assholes and roll us over. fucking skis, skis, skis, skit. Yeah. The hard part is not making it longer.

Getting your full 15 minutes worth. You want a massage for the last 14 minutes and 30 seconds? That's the worst. My wife never watches this. Yeah. Why? Why? What I just said.

What did you say? Don't worry, by the way. Hey, I was on a podcast. Okay. Yeah, I wish it was that way. And my wife watches nothing I do. She could care less. She's never listened to a podcast they do.

She doesn't, she doesn't follow me on social media. I love that. I love it. I love it. And her social media is fucking boring. Just her saying hi to a fucking, some broad from Boston she liked back to the day. I love that. How you doing, Tony?

I love that. Some guy named fucking chick she's friends with still. T-O-N-I, Tony. Yeah, I got it. For Antoinette. Yeah. Come on. We all know what Tony.

Are you on drugs right now? No? You're like, yeah, Tony. I went to high school with an Antoinette. Yeah. Tony. Where'd you go to high school? Sacred Heart High School.

In where? Massachusetts. And where? Do I'm going to keep going down? What part of Massachusetts? Kingston. Is that? Oh, that's the woods.

No, what is it? It's the fucking woods. It's the suburbs. It's the woods. It's near Plymouth. I grew up in Marshfield. I grew up like near the beach. What beach?

Marshfield, there's a bunch of beaches. There's Humrock. Oh, Humrock. Yeah. Green Hava. Green Hava? Rexan. But were there people in like red cloaks

like in M. Night Shyamalan's the village? No. No, it's not the woods. It's the woods. There are some houses in the woods. She lives in the woods. If you go to Google Maps and type in fucking cave, you're going to see all trees in a couple houses in a summer.

You ever meet you up by anyone by Woods Hole? Not in my field. Look how fucking beautiful it is. It's really nice. That's fucking amazing. Is that, what town did you look up? Kingston. Kingston?

Oh, yeah, this is the beach part of Kingston Because it's near Plymouth, too, where there's also beaches It's all along the beach I grew up in Medford near the Mystic River I found out of bodies and good movie See, my dad grew up in Dorchester though Yeah He's a badass

Yeah, he's a tough mother's a tough guy Yeah But my mom grew up in Waymouth, hangum She went to an Notre Dame Academy All-Girls Catholic school So did my little sister, but I didn't go there I went to co-ed Catholic school Are your parents okay with what you do?

what cool podcast like this no you know what I'm talking about what comedy what I'm in Isabel's film I'm an actress no I'm serious do your parents know that you're on Oli fans yeah and do they

are they okay with it yeah they like it your dad likes it don't say that I don't know if my dad my dad's like not the type of he couldn't find intel about me if he wanted if he tried what does he do what did he do

for work? Yeah. Growing up, he was a salesman, but now he's a bartender on a ferry that goes from Hyannis to Nantucket. Loves it. And he's going to be an extra in the new Jennifer Gardner series.

No shit. Yeah, he has... Did you hook him up with that? No, he's like, and he's smooth. I'd love it if your dad became more famous than you. He's gonna. He's taking selfies? What the fuck?

Oh, wait a second. Okay. What is it? Hey, hello, you're on my podcast right now. I know. That's why I called in to say hello. Danny Braff asked me to do it, but I couldn't do it. So I said, you know what?

Let me call in my buddy Bobby on his very, you know, big podcast and say, hello. What did you get? Who are your guests? I got, well, I got a really hit lineup tonight. I got Isabel Hagan's on the show. Wow, she's got a special coming out. That's right. It's coming out on Veeps on the 28th of January.

I've got Karen Feigeons. The hand is on the show. Wow. So really everybody canceled. What the fuck, Rich? That's not nice. That's not nice. I also have, I have Aaron.

Hold on. Holy Jesus. You got to the peas, got Aaron. First of all, all three of them are some of my favorite people. It's amazing that you have such a great cast of, guest tonight. Thanks, Rich. It's so nice. Now, did Adam fly in from obscurity?

Oh, man. First of all, his name's not Adam. It's Aaron. I said Aaron. Oh, okay. I said Aaron. No, you said Adam. You said Adam. He said Aaron. Isabel bring her violin?

It's a viola. It's not a violin. It's a viola. And by the artwork in your basement, you should know that. Most of your paintings have a viola in it. Yeah. Well, let me tell you something. Great. They're all great people.

I was going to say comics, but I didn't want to put myself out on. Oh, man. But they're all great people. He's a bully. Okay. So I just called to say hello and, you know, I just left, you know, get together.

And I go to do. When I asked Voss, he didn't say no. He said, no. 100% no. You said no 100%. Danny said that when he asked you, you said no, 100% no. Yes, 100% because I knew I couldn't do it. Sometimes I think I can do it.

And I go maybe, but I knew I couldn't do it. So I was 100% I can't do it. All right. So you tell you that little snitch, fucking Danny, a little kiss-ass fucking bringer. Oh. And quit trying to get fucking air time. I snitching on me.

Shank. Shank? Three, two, one. I stabbed Danny, and he, and Danny would be bleeding, and he'd call his mom to pick him up to take him to the hospital. This got, he picked me up on them. This got real serious, dude.

Take a breath. I'm sorry. I'm just fucking around. I'm a big fan of Danny, too. Okay, you're a big fan of everybody. That's who you're known for, being nice and being a big fan of him. No, that's your reputation. Being in people's corners.

You know what? I did, you know, with Isabel and Karen. Hang on real quick. Real quick. If you say he's in your movie, I'm going to ask you to leave. Okay, good. Who? I'm in one movie.

Who has a movie? That's a stop. Stop getting fun. You look at a dog with a treat in somebody's pocket. Who has a movie? movie. Matter of fact, I'm auditioning, and I was reading with Bonnie, and she goes, look, we'll do it tomorrow. The last time I, the last time I wrote with Bonnie, she goes, just no possible way we can send this. Turned the sides, took the sides, walked over to the garbage, the woman in the garbage and said, you can't do this.

she's like, I'll support us. No, I'm not an actor. We know. I mean, I was really good in King of Staten Island. Can I be, can I? Yeah, that was a great scene with you and Bonnie. Can I, can I tell you something? Thank you. Voss.

One time me and you were going in an audition for the same part and you went in before me and I went in after you and I knew the cash and director and I was like, I know you're not supposed do this, but can you just tell me how Rich Voss's audition was? And he was like, well, not good. He's not good. You think that's bad.

I audition once for the head of Fox casting or whatever, and I had bad, bad anxiety. It's when I got back from Aspen. I was just fucking wrong. And you could see the sides of my hand shaking. I said to my Asian, I can't do this. She goes, you'll be fine. I go, I can't do.

do it. It was, don't worry. You can see, and the casting agent, the head of Fox, on my manager, it said, we can never see him at death. You know, it's funny because Bonnie's dad said the same thing to her when she met you.

Oh, boy, look at that. Can't even get a laugh on your openers on that. There it is. You know what you're saying? You know what you're saying? You know, we already have. the podcast. We don't have to kiss his ass.

All right. All right. All right. All right. I got to get back to my, my, my, my, my, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, make sure. Bye boss. Bye. Bye.

Oh, shit. Sorry. I love that guy. He cracks me up. He is one of the funniest fucking dudes in the world. We're at go bananas and he goes, this guy doesn't like me though. This guy doesn't like me. He walks up the guy.

He goes, hey, I still don't like you. But I want to do your room. I go, Voss. Mike, no, Mikey guy, go bananas, goes. No, Voss sends letters to clubs. It's hilarious. He wants, like, he'll send a letter. Hey, I got, he'll just send a club that doesn't book him.

His avails. Yeah. Like a handwritten letter? No, an email. Yeah. He has a quill down to the room. I believe, he's like, he writes letters. Yeah, he can't, he think he's really writing a letter.

He's typing it and then Bonnie's spell checking it. I can't check it up. Oh, gosh. I don't know if it was a DM or like a conversation back and forth in the comments, but it was like him and a club. And they were like, we're not going to book you again, Rich. Like, like, or they said something like, this isn't good. Da-da-da-da-da.

And Rich goes, all right, so then I'm not working there? He just listed some dates. He's like, so these avails are not good for you. He's the best. He burns bridges so. He doesn't care. He always is funny for us, which I'm like, dude, if you just shut your face half the time

you might work. I'm down at McCurdy's. I'm on speakerphone in the green room with everybody and the owner. He's like, yeah, he doesn't use me. And it's like, that's not how it works, dude. You don't just scream out he doesn't use me. Every time, like, I've been in his car, he's like, check it out.

I got some like sardines in there. I'm like, what? He offered me peanut butter before out of his bag. Listen to me. I came to his room in Vegas, and he asked me, me if I wanted a hamburger. He's got the foreman with him.

Where is it? Where is it? I'm like, did you have room service? He goes, no, I'm making him. Dude, he got an impossible burger at White Castle in Cincinnati. I was dying. I lost him in a wah-wah for like two hours. One time, we flew home. It took

forever. Delayed. We finally got home. He had to drop me off. My car was at his apartment. We went in. He goes, I just got to go. He goes, I just got to go in the store for one minute. He was in there for 45 minutes playing numbers and scratch tickets. It's five in the morning.

I had to go in and yell at him. I'm like, I got to go home, you piece of shit. All right, just one more scratch ticket. We were in Rhode Island and he got a cassidyia from his hotel and we were like leftovers and we were driving past. We went to like a quick check. He went into the quick check and asked them to reheat the cassidia

that was from his hotel. We were in Grand Rapids. I could go into a gas station. I see his little, him walking, I see his hat, and then the light shut off. The chick that was working there was already trying to leave, and he was in the gas station, the lights, and I was dying. I was sitting there, like, he's fucking in there.

He is. Here's the worst thing that ever did. I love that we all have, you don't have Voss stories. I've been in his car in the city where he stopped to get a lot of ticket, but nothing eventful. He left me in the car, though. Yeah, he just leaves you. He's like, I'll be right back. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, hang on one second. I'll be right back.

And he's just in there, waiting in line, then he's playing the numbers and then he's scratching tickets. He's a 100% jersey trash. Me, me, Keith and him play the Vegas room, the comedy seller of Vegas for the first time.

And so we we decide as men, we're like hey man, we're all friends. We're going to go to a dinner. They have a beautiful steakhouse up at the top. We're going up there and they said you know, dinner's on us. They were really happy to have us there.

We're up to the top of this place. It's beautiful. It's at the top of the, whatever, the Rio. And we order steaks. We order appetizers. We order a seafood tower. It's like a $300 seafood tower. It comes with lobsters and crabs and shrimps,

jumbo crab legs. I'm so hungry. Clams? And everything. I'm so hungry. And then, uh, why don't you call your boyfriend? See if he's got fish in the fridge. He better catch some fish in Puerto Rico.

He's going to. So we eat all the food. And of course we can't eat all the food. all the seafood tower. Right. Where does he put it? This fucking free. His pocket.

He puts it. What does he do? He travels. No. With Ziploc bag. He's such a fire. And the ice things that you put in the ice and it freezes up. No.

Ice too. Because apparently. How is that going to stay frozen? If you freeze, if you freeze a bottle of water, right? Or the ice thing, you can get it through security. If it's frozen, it's a solid. Right. So we figured this out.

that you can freeze a bottle of water and these ice things, and you can get them as a security. He took the king crab legs. Oh, no. And he took, you know, the big crab thing, right? The Joe's crab one. He took it. Had him box it up.

He put it in a Ziploc bag, and he put his little ice pack with a frozen bottle of water in it. And he sent it to me. He took a pitcher in coach, not first class, and took out a crab legs on his fucking tray table and ate crab on a fucking plane home. I would be appalled to know him. Do you know his egg salad trick?

It's like if it's a lot of eggs salad. Yeah. Like if it's a sandwich he could, is beside himself because they wouldn't lend him brings egg salad and a Tupper but if it had bread, it would have been fine. He's like, if I have two pieces of bread, can I take it? Did he really? He talks about it.

He wants to get caught, I think. He likes the action. He's an old, you know what he is? He's an old Jew. That's what he became. He became just an old Jew. He travels with a George Forman grill. And he makes hamburgers in his room.

You're the headliner. You're making good money. Fucking splurge, you asshole. Stop making everybody feel bad for you. He'd be perfect. We went golfing. He brought a sandwich. Me in a university, we're golfing.

All of a sudden, he just broke out a sandwich from his bag. An egg salad sandwich. because they make it, you know, for a snack. Have you seen that account with the guy who makes stuff he cooks in, like, airplane bathrooms? Oh, I don't like that. That makes me sick. He brings his own, like, thing.

He'll make, like, shrimp and mashed. No. Shrimp and garlic mashed in an airplane bathroom. No. And, like, waddles back to his seat. Oh, my God. In the bar. He makes it in the barf bag.

I saw him make ribs with a hair dryer in a bag. It's like fucking boss, though. Yeah. Yeah, that's where Voss is headed. He's going to make hand dryer ribs. No matter what, any restaurant, though, he goes, can I get a water? And then she comes back, can I get a lemon?

And then my hair comes the sugar. And he's almost got lemonade. By the end, and then he makes his own lemonade. I go, what are you doing? I just don't like the lemonade here. Just like to walk him back. He's the best. Voss is the best piece of shit, I know.

Norton always played a trick on me about in bathrooms and restaurants. But like, he would go to the bathroom first, and then I'd be like, where's the bathroom? And he would always be like, oh, it's over there, take it right, da-da-da. and I would walk right into the kitchen. I did it like three different times. Oh, we used to do that here at the cellar all the time.

Because people always going downstairs, they go into the kitchen. We go, yeah, it's down the back. And then you just hear some fucking Arab guy. No, no, no, no, no. Norton did the best prank ever to me. We were in Vegas doing the virus tour or some shit. And he was with Chelsea Peretti,

dating her at the time. Crazy. Crazy. Jim Norton dated Chelsea Paredi. It shocks you, right? Yeah. Crazy. I see it.

I love it. 2010, I think, was a big year for all that. Makes sense to me. I mean, I never made sense to me. All right. But they, we all went to my room for some reason. We were going to head out and get lunch. I go, listen, I just go to the bathroom real quick.

And I just, they were in my room. I heard giggles. I just heard them giggling. I'm like, oh, fuck. What's he doing in my bed? What the fuck is he? He's doing something to make her giggle. And then I just heard my door close.

If I came out, they're gone. And I'm looking all around my bed. all around everywhere and there's nothing. Then I look at my trash can he just took a dump in my trash can in front of Chelsea Barretti. Oh my God.

I didn't have a sweet. It was just a warm room and he just took his pants down and dumped in my trash can and it came out perfectly like ice cream. Gross. But it was black like he had bad kidneys. Right?

And I had to take my trash can and like throw it and like down in the ice room. Yeah, you gotta like that room on fire. You need a new room. All right, listen, we got a special. Now, you filmed a special, did you pay for it? Did you direct it?

What happened? Yeah, I paid for it. I produced it, directed it everything. And Vee bought it from you? Well, they're like licensing. They're gonna license it from you. That's great. Yeah.

And is it about anything or? It's really just like a stand-up hour with lots of jokes and then I bring the viola in. But it's not really, like it's not like about one topic, but there's a lot about, like, being a musician and, like, anxiety and stuff. But it's just a lot of jokes, honestly, and then a couple songs. And you play the viola in it. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. That's awesome. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to watch it this weekend. Well, it's out. It's not out this weekend. I'm going to watch it in three weeks.

Why did you come on this week? Danny asked me. You should have come on the one? I think he wanted to get some people buffering because I asked to be on. I didn't want to. Will you stop with your low self-esteem? I needed somebody to defund me. reflect her anger.

She's very vicious when she's on by herself. She just attacks. She wonders why she's alone. I'm in love. How long is it going to last? As long as it wants to. It? The love.

You guys might get married down in Puerto Rico. Why not? I hope you get married. I hope we don't get dengue fever. That's what my friend got last time. She got bit by a mosquito and she came back. She had sepsis. What?

Yeah. In Puerto Rico? Yeah. Oh, this sounds good. Also, my friend told me to be. buy a carbon monoxide alarm for down there because people have been dying. Do not take a drink from anyone. I don't. No,

we're going to seclude it. Yeah. If anybody's like, hey, do not drink it. I won't. I don't do it anyway. You'll wake up with something in your ass. It's a thing. I would never do that anyway, though. Put something in your ass? Take a drink from someone. Oh, okay. I was going to say. I've seen your only fan. I'm doing the cooking.

Handing out the drinks. It'll be all right. Let me ask you question. You said I was going to do it. How did I get bumped for her? No, we're not doing shows this time This is a yoga retreat Yeah Oh, I thought he was doing shows down I am I got a meeting with Drew on Monday from

Okay, so I'll be the first one You'll be the first one Uh huh My first uh You're going down to yoga I'm gonna do a fucking baller No he was the test You were the test

We did all those runs in the beginning You were the first You goddamn right it was That's right Fucking murdered it You're better than me You bet it no I'm not You're better than me

You're one of the funniest people I know Really? Yeah We talk so highly of you all the time I mean you one of the world worst human beings I know. Like socially, I hate being around you and I fear it, but I love you. You're awesome and funny.

You're both. Yeah. You're like, you too. Me and Patrice used to do shows together in Boston. We'd hang out and try to see who guts the most U-2s. You are awesome. Oh, you too. Oh, it breaks my heart.

The U-2s are the fucking worst. I always just hot. When someone's getting compliment, that I always hide because I can't handle getting a U-2. A U-2 is the worst thing. One of the worst things in the business. I don't get them. Me too.

It's close. I won't even get the U-2 sometimes. Like people will walk out like if Marcello Hernandez is on a show with me. Like you were so great and they'll be like. Marcello, man, that motherfucker is blowing up. Oh my God. God damn. He did one impression of fucking.

out of Scalgo and he's a star. Good for him. And you, what are you doing a special? What the fuck's going on with you? You know, I have one on OFTB, but I'm going to do another one. I'm working on it. I'm getting there. All right.

Thank you. I get a lot of new stuff. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, I feel like I learned a lot doing my first special and I know what I want to do differently next time. Yeah. What is that?

Just like have people come to it. Not on a Monday. Shut up, Aaron. Did you do your special on a Monday? I might have. Where? It was good. It was packed.

First show was packed. Second show was light. You did a special with no people in it? Yeah. How'd you cut around that? It was all right. It looked all right. It looks okay.

What are you going to do? Your special was packed on both shows. I only did one show. And it was packed. You packed, but just one show. Do one show. Also, small venue. Yeah.

Small venue, one show. Yeah. I'll do something. I mean, they just pay me a bunch of money. So I was like, I'll do whatever. It's with their production. That's how you roll. I don't care.

I care. But if they're like, here, we're going to pay you this. It's going to be like, we're not going to work on getting a good crowd. Like, oh, okay. Just give me the money. You don't care? I think I have like a big tax debt that year. You what?

Like a big tax bill. I had a pay. I'll just do it with this. Oh, you pay taxes? My accountant makes me. If it was up to me, I would not. Have you ever got auto? Not yet.

Do you get audited if you have an accountant? Yes. Fuck. If he, if he, my first accountant in New York was like everybody's accountant through Barry Katz or some shit. And one year, he got me money back. He got me like, I got a check for five grand back. I'm like, this doesn't seem.

In what world? How? This doesn't seem right. Right. He's like, no, you're fine. You're fine. I wrote off. Blah, blah, blah.

And I got a hot one. I got audited. And here's the problem when you get audited. you can negotiate I fired him I went to another guy I negotiated it down to 2000 and as soon as you say okay

and you sign whatever it is the money get they just take it out of your account they don't ask they just take it out it's gone which fucked me up I had like 500 bucks left in my account they took two grand I had $25 an account and I thought I was riding the fucking world I thought I made it

and they sucked it out of my fucking account I had that happen to me when I was a waitress because I like didn't file taxes. I had like no money in my checking account. I had to call and have them release some of the money back. They call it a compassion release. Oh, that sucks. I know. And it also sounds like come.

I come like when I have sex. And also like the guy like was like this like African guy, like the Senegalese guy. And I'm like, why does this guy get to tell me what to do with my money? Like I'm American. Give it back. He does that. it's called the combustion release. I'm like, who are you?

It is weird. The accent really does put you off sometimes. Yeah, you're like, fuck. I had, I think it was Apple. Somebody, maybe it was the Verizon. Something happened to my phone. And the guy called and he had an Indian accent. And I was like, this is a scam.

Yeah. And I hung up and I called back and it was another Indian. I called Verizon. It was an Indian. I hung up three times until I got an angry black woman. It feels better. You're like, okay. All right.

I'm in now. I'm back. A little Goldie lock situation, but I feel better now. Is there anything better when you get, hi, my name's Kathy. Oh, my God. Beautiful, Kathy. Talk to me all afternoon.

Everything's going to be okay. I know. Kathy's going to get it done. Kathy already has it done. I had to pay back nine months of unemployment after 9-11 because I kept it because I thought I was under the table at this job. And this woman walks in. I knew it was unemployment.

Wobbly old black lady came in and just all the Mexicans ran. And they were looking for me because I was like, I thought I was under the table. outside to pay back like nine grand. My boss paid it for me, but... Oh, God. That's fucked. All right, well, Aaron, what do you got coming up besides our gigs?

Promote our gigs, too? Yeah. First, me and Karen are in Atlanta. I'm opening for her on Thursday, and then Friday, we're doing some Lance and Michigan stuff together, and then she's headlined Saturday. I'm with her. And then you got, you February 12, 13, 14th.

You like work with Aaron. Yeah. Herogue? He's the best. He is good. He is good. He's easy. Remember the time we got in a fight?

Who? Me and him? When? Which one? One of the angriest times ever. Wait, when? We're driving. I'm just getting early checking, dude.

Get us in the room. Dude, I was just driving by there. I just get an early check in. I don't want to sit in the lobby for two hours. No. I just don't. We're driving. I like doing the gigs.

We're doing places I really didn't get to go. We get in there. This lady was like, we don't have, your room's not ready. We don't have rooms. And she was a total twat. and I was like he told me we had an early check-in we were all set everything with Aaron you have to make sure

are you good everything's good oh if there's like multiple like double trees or holiday ends like he's gonna take you to the wrong one first take you the wrong one first but I've learned from you she doesn't have to go through that I do once in a while I'm screaming at him has made your life better just know this all right we go into the thing and the lady was like we have we have no rooms okay but he looks at me He goes, but I already called. He's, and I'm sitting and going, you lie.

You lie. Tell him the kicker, love. I, I, fucking, I, I was so mad. I left and I went to a, what was it? A hobby lobby. He came back with a fucking stick wrap with leather like, just, like, so mad. I was so mad. He was going to kill me.

I crafted. I picked up a hobby. He picked up a hobby. The only place that we were at, the only place we were near was a hobby lobby. Bobby. Bobby. He walked away from me. Hobby Lobby, Bobby, Bobby.

Are you kidding? Are you joking? I went into Hobby Lobby. You start doing a podcast. Welcome to Hobby Lobby with Bobby. I slowly calmed down like that leather wrapping. And then I was like, I bought. You're like, uh, weaponry. This is my section.

So I had a stick and I wound up wrapping it and made a hand a lot of it. And I just remember I had to go through the airport with this cane. And I looked like a fat wizard because I had my hoodie on. And I was using it because I can't, you know what I mean? So I'm just walking. Yeah. look like one of those like fair people like anyways uh so we got those dates coming up uh you got what do you got coming up again whatever aaron said and then side splitters side splitters side splitters on the 30th

and the first fast club in the world i know i'm so excited i love it there i love it there i love side my mom always asked me when i'm doing side splitters because i get her and her friend marcia hotel love marshal bleep out marsha's name what's wrong with me mauscha anyone could find her bleep that out and you got any gates coming up yeah um tomorrow i'm Little Field in Brooklyn. And then I'm going to Chicago and Indianapolis and Mahomet, Illinois in February. Okay. And then, you know, other stuff later on.

Do you play any of like the mainstream clubs, like side spittos or the improvs or anything? I have. I would. I know. The way they're like, do you want to succeed or are you just like chilling? Like she's like, what more do you want from her? We're squeezing all the talent. I've done like the Heliums.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing Zanis, though. You're doing Zanis, though. You're doing Zanis, but... Batavia. Batavia's awesome. You're gonna have a great time. I've done Batavia a few times.

It's fucking great. Yeah, so I'm... Yeah, so you do. I hope to. I want to. Well, you do. Batavia is a mainstream club. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's an A club. I think the lady runs, it's fucking amazing. Yeah. I can't wait for you to come. I can't wait either. Are you, you on that show? I'm in St. Louis. Thank God.

Yeah. I'm the reason you're there, though. I'm kidding, dude, I know. I love you. You know, I love you. I love you, too, man. Very funny guy. I've heard that you've gotten so much funnier, too.

No, I don't know. Lewis compliment me to my face. Yeah, he said it to us on the show. Oh, did it? I'll be looking that up. He will. He was like, I don't know how to do that. You've got to check out this Andrew Putnam.

He is. It's Putnam. A rock star. January, Putnam. Get a better name. Yeah, January 28. on Veebs, make sure you check out Isabelle's new special coming out.

It's on the 28th again of January and make sure you check out Karen Fian and Aaron and me and Aaron and we're going to go to the Patreon now. So if you remember, just head over there and we have all your questions. We've got a bunch of questions for you guys. Bobby, plug your dates. And then, oh yeah, okay, sorry about that. I was one of their dates.

Greenwood, I'm at Comedy Works, A-club, coming up in February. And then I'm going to Cincinnati to work with with Aaron for a while. Then I'm going to the 27th, Batavia. We're going to be Cincinnati Columbus on the 4th, 13th and 14th. And then I'm going to Mahigan's son. I love that club, April 17th. And then Levitown. I'm over there. I got a very special show coming up in May, too.

I can't really announce. And then I'm going to the mothership, July 4th and 5th for July 4th. An America's birthday or the mothership, Texas? Let's go. Yeah. I'm bringing my family. I'd love for you to be there. But if my wife's coming, You can't come. I was just saying congrats. Oh, sorry. I thought you were hitting on me. You've never hit on me, by the way.

Sure I have. No, you haven't. Never. Sure I have. Not one fucking second. Actually, I think there's video proof one time you guys called me and you guys called me from the regs and you all asked who I would sleep with and I said you. I love you so much. Fucking evidence.

All right. Danny, you guys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. Can you clear your throat? Next time you talk. This is Joe Russell. Go to YouTube. Type in The Cheese Show.

I got a show about cheese. All right, speed it up next time, Joe. I don't like your fucking pause. You can follow me on Instagram at Zachary Unlimited. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Zach, you're back? Woo!

Are you back for good? Kind of. Oh, God. That's my fucking producer nightmare. You back for good? Kind of. He was supposed to replace Danny. fucking a year and a half ago.

Danny, no. Zach doesn't know anything. He never learned anything. He just did his plug really well. He just does his plug and fucking... He's there. If somebody, I guess, breaks in, he'll fight them. I don't understand why he's here.

That's important. Make sure you like the podcast on YouTube and make sure you check out everybody here and their dates. We're going to patreon.com.com slash Robert Kelly right now. You guys are the best fans of the world. We'll see you next week on, you know what,

dude.