Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #624 | Ian Lara, Daniel Franzese, & Jessica Keenan

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

Ian Lara, Daniel Franzese, and Jessica Keenan join the show to talk Italian food, Mafia, and Dominick The Donkey.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized,affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what, dude, live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The back.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. We're it all started before. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. And we're back. YKWD. You know what, dude.

That's what it stands for. I'm the first podcast to use an acronym, by the way. So all you all the fuckers that became more podcast. popular. I'm the acronym King. Is it an acronym? Yes. Thank you. That's why I have an autistic kid to make sure my stuff sounds smart. We're at the Comedy Cell Studio. We have a great show for you tonight. If you have questions, you want to ask these people. You know how to do it. You've got to go to the patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Join there. It's very cheap. And you get to talk, ask questions every week.

One of your questions will make it on the, all the questions make it on the air. And you get an extra episode every week with me and Joe. Russell, the YKWD, extra, extra. Is it worth it? Danny, who do we got? We have from Mean Girls, Daniel Franzesi. We have Jessica Keenan from The Tonight Show and Ian Lara with his new special Material Boy on YouTube right now.

Oh, Material Boy. What's up, everybody? What's up? Hi. Now, I've had you on before. That's why you're fucking late and taking time. Danny said I was perfect. You're not perfect. He meant your skin. Oh.

He's cheekbones. He's into you. He loves black guy, Dominicans. I'll take that. I forget what you are. What are you? Dominican, all right, yeah. Dominican and you're, what are you?

I'm Italian. Oh, you're Italian? Full blood. Full blood from Benzners. All right, and you are... I'm half Mexican and half Lebanese. You two, get the fuck out. Yeah.

Call them up. I'd be great if they just ice is... It's just you too. They're ever like, we're like, um, Danny joined ice because it makes actual money. Hey, can you please get in the van? Got that bonus.

How you doing, buddy? I'm good, man. How are you doing? You look good. You look good. No, you look good. You look good. I've been talking to see you look better and better. You look better. I'm doing my generation.

Is that what we're doing? We're doing an acting scene? I haven't had you guys on. No. And you're married. I am married. And you're married. The ring just sparkled in my fucking face.

Get her out of here. My power. It was combined. I was like, and you're married. We get it. Your husband has. Bye. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. I hate. I fucking hate it. This weather. I'm done. I'm done. Listen, I wanted to make it as much as all you. I wanted to become a stuff.

You don't think I want to play arenas and live wherever, have five houses all over the fucking place. I have to live in New York because I have to. do. I have a family. I anchored myself to this fucking city. I come inside of, oh, I can't say that. I had sex for realsies. And a life came out that I love. And now I'm stuck until I die. It's not a bad place to be stuck. Listen to me. I know because talking to the microphone, sweetie. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know. I said New York's not a bad place to be stuck.

Can we fix his mic so it ends up to lean in? Like, what's going on? Is it better? It's like John Wayne at the Losters. Should I hug it? Yeah, just keep it near your mouth. I'd like to thank the Academy. God. No, I just fucking, I would love to move to Florida for the winter.

And I know that's an old guy thing to say. And I remember guys saying it. And I'm like, who the fuck doesn't want to live in New York? That's actually what I do. Like, I'm half, I moved to Florida 101. You? Yes, I live half Florida. So to Floridians, I'm a New Yorker.

to New York because I'm a Floridian. Because your family moved there. Yeah, my whole family. Oh, you didn't move. You didn't just wake up one day. Listen, no, my grandparents. I want to get out of here. The grandparents are tired down there.

And then all of my like aunts and uncles, we all slowly went little by little to Diet Brooklyn, Fort Lauderdale. Right. You moved to. Diet Brooklyn. It's Fort Lauderdale. It's like kind of.

Oh, I get it. Yeah, they all transplanted over there. Yeah. I didn't get it. As a fat guy, I'm ashamed of myself. I didn't get it. You were like, diet. Your ears just, they're just closed.

Bobby. I can't hear it. You could live in Florida if you wanted to. Listen to me. Listen to me. It's not that to work. First of all. You do well.

I can't. I know. But I have bonfire that's here. You understand? I do a show on a serious X-M Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Bonfire, Sirius XM, 103, action talk. Big Joe is in. I feel you could do that.

And Robert Kelly. I love it. I love doing the show with Jay. I actually talked to him today. I was like, dude, we should go to Florida for January, February. I'll leave my wife. I'll cheat. I told my wife, only with men.

That's fair. Well, that's the place to be. Miami. Listen, if I'm going to cheat it with men, I'm going to Miami. I'm going to Miami. I'm doing Fort Lauderdale pussy. But I just can't, I can't, you know what I mean? I used to love the, I'm from Boston. I love seasons.

I said the way we make it. People in California, a bunch of pussies. We make it through the winter. We survive. The spring comes. We're grateful. We're down to earth. Thank you for the birds again and the leaves and shit and green.

And now I'm like, fuck it. To be fair, you're very in it right now. We just had a snowstorm is 10 degrees outside. It's very bad right now. Your optimism makes me want to stab you with a shovel. I really hate your youthful. We're in it. Next week you'll feel better.

You like it because you get to wear all your coats. All your coats. It'll be 40 next week. You'll feel good. You get to look like. I don't know if you're a fucking model or you're a fucking crab fisherman. They blend now. I know.

As he takes them off, he's a different person. But it's, I understand it, but it's like, it's, it's, it's hitting my bones differently now. Like when I go off. Yeah. Buddy, is that one is? When you lose weight, it hits you. It hits you different. I live in L.A. now and I'm just visiting it.

But my friend threw a snowball at me and it made me fall. And I was like, that's not funny anymore. Like, I'm old now. Went you over 40? Snowball. Like, I'm done. I grew with you. My son yesterday.

We were shoveling. We're in the back. And I just pushed him in the snow. And it's 16 inches. He fell in, blah, blah. Then he came back. He's 12. He's a big kid.

He pushed me in the snow. I went in. It went in my asshole down my pants. I screamed. I went, ah! I was like, what happened to me? I live in Florida now. I used to wear a fucking converse.

Larry Birds in the winter. Untied. You guys got 16 inches? 16 inches? Yeah. Dude, 16 inches is no fucking joke. No, that's really. No, you'd be really popular in Miami with that.

I'm hoping probably 6 and a half I push my belly fat down at 7 You're on your way You're on your way You got a machine to plow To... Oh they're going to say

You have a machine To push my push back Zamboni, get that pubic hair Make it look bigger One at least an inch Yeah I got a electric snowblower baby That's good Electric snow shovel

I'm out there baby I'm fucking out there I shoveled three times I shoveled in the Listen this is the problem How old are you? 35 How old are you?

47 You're you, 47? 39. 39. You're like my mother. Fuck. That came out of her mother. Like an oyster.

Like how old. I'm almost 40. You look fantastic. One day. Five more years. I thought you would. Yeah. You say with the truth.

29.30. 37. In that range? Yeah. I'm pretty fucking close. No, but I just, like, you're from Vegas. I mean, you were born there. Yeah.

Now, how did you not become a stripper? We didn't even get there. No, I'm just kidding. I was never a stripper. Because I grew up in the suburbs, like outside of Vegas. There is world outside of Vegas. I know, I know you guys. But people don't know that.

You guys love that. We don't love that. It's just we have to tell people that. Or else we look like strippers. Like, if I don't say it, you're like, you're trash. You ask me earlier where you're, you're from and you're like, that's just got, like, I'm like, let me ask you, what cage do you dance in? Yeah, exactly. But that's literally what people, I watch them think that when I say Vegas.

I hate it so much. I'm like, no. Vegas is dirty. It's so dirty. They just assume I was like a slut. It's a dirty town. And it was, but I'm not, like, they don't know it. They didn't know that. You know what I mean? It's made on money, whores and gambling. And families live there. Yeah, but you guys, you can raise a whole family. Sequence. And just a little bit of glitter. You know Vegas, like when it was a thing. You know Vegas, like, when There was a thing, though. Like, I don't... Not that old.

I'm not fighting it. You don't have to be that old. Part of the rat. We're the mafia. You know it as a thing. I don't know it as a thing. I always know it as a thing. What do you know it is?

Like when it's like supposed to be a thing, but it's not. No. That's how I know it. Listen, here's it. Ouch. I just get out. I played, I played, Vegas was a thing. Yeah.

Then Vegas fucking died. Yeah. Right? And then they started building the tropicana. And it became a little thing again. Then it was dying again. That's when they. build the new part down at the, you know, they did the new,

not the mirage, but the, you know, the, what's the one down the end? Oh, MGM? No, yeah, the MGM. Yeah. They, like to start revamping. Yeah. A zale or whatever, cosmopolitan. Yeah.

I like the cosmopolitan. I work there in a dying time when the RIV was still doing comedy. And then, so I had to, but you don't understand what we went through. Me and Keith worked the same week, but he, worked at the Harris improv. You had to do two weeks. Jeez. But you had to do two shows, three shows a night.

For two weeks? For two weeks? I showed up during Keith's second week and he looked. I've never seen him. I thought he was going to die. He was going to kill himself. I think that now every time I see him. That's because he almost died. He had two strokes, a piece of shit.

I literally, they have the railings on the cellar for Keith to get up. Yeah, yeah. I literally said tonight, They put this up for one of the comics Had a stroke. It's taxing to the rest of us. I broke my ankle Had to use a cane for like a couple months And Keith was pissed.

He was like, what the fuck? God damn, I'm the old moor to cane. What? You hear me? Yeah, but I had to do I had to do two shows a night, three shows on Saturday, three shows on Friday, three shows on Friday.

Handline full sets? No, I was fucking opening at the time. It was more. Now Vegas. is back, I think, where they have comedy clubs. I mean, it's dying again. Yeah. It's dying again because... Vegas is a city for people that don't live in a city, right?

Like, it's the people that live in small towns that want to go have a city vibe. And they want to do everything. And it's like contained and safe. Like Orlando, those kind of cities or it's like, come experience us and you're safe. Well, when I went to Vegas, you got free hotels. Yeah. They gave you all these cops and perks to get you there and suck your money out in a slot machine, right? Now they charge you $8 for a fucking room. Because nobody gambles, really.

Well, yeah, but they would gamble. I just said that. I don't know. I had no point. Maybe you're right. Maybe just catch yourself trying to say. But they're like, no, no, no, no, for sure. I don't know.

You're right. Yeah, Vegas is in trouble right now. Yeah, it is. It looks. You do the seller? Yeah. I've done the seller. I haven't done it in a minute.

I actually, and this is to your local people, the Rio is on that side and a lot of local people, the reason why the seller is fun because it's all the, the local people. It's all her people. Yeah, yeah. Not the non-sleddy people. That's me.

No, I haven't lived there like 15 years. It was weird to be like, yeah, it's my city. I don't really care. Yeah, it's not like Boston. Like Boston, I'm Boston forever. We didn't have teams growing up. There's no, like, there's no, like actual like thing to be like, yeah, no, this is us. We're just like, okay.

Yeah, the chop, baby. It's not that serious. Where are you from again? New York. Yeah, you're New York. What part? Queens. Queens.

All right. And you're from Brooklyn. Originally, yeah, but I grew from Florida, mostly. and I live in L.A. now. But does your family all still live in Brooklyn? Oh, yeah. Really? A lot of them, yeah. And you're Italian. Yes.

So you know how to make a sauce. That's it. Or a gravy. You call it a gravy? My family did, yeah. Come on, son. They did. A gravy is round. I don't want to fight. I'm not going to fight.

I've been through this my whole life. I'm just saying. I just know what my grandma said. I just know my grandma said. You have a nana? I had a grandma and nana, yeah. What? A grandma ma. A grandma and an nana?

Say that five times. What's a grandma ma-a-a-a-a-great? They're like, no, just a regular grandma. My dad's mother was grandma and my mom's mom was Nana. Not Spanish people fun. I love that. I grew up with her. They're all abuela.

They're all abuela. You had an oboella. Yeah, had an oboella. Right. Did she cook? Yeah, she cooked. I mean, abuela's cooked. That's like, it was, I've never heard of an abuela.

I'm going to say this right now. I'm going to say this in my latter years, I might take Spanish food over Italian food. Don't attack. What type of Spanish? You know what I said yesterday? Yeah. Yeah. It's controversial topic, but I don't really.

eat Italian food. And I don't eat Mexican food unless it's my own or like my family. Are you Mexican? Yeah, Mexican Lebanese. I love Lebanese. Unless it's my family, like you can save it. Everyone's like, everyone always wants to take me to Italian. They're like, oh, we got this.

A great Italian food. I'm like, well, here's the thing. There's so many Italian, listen, my wife's meatballs, her chicken cutlets, her sauce or Sunday gravy, I love. Yeah. But if I go out to get it, it's never. That's it. It's never the same.

It's never as good. Why does my mother always have to order a time food? Like, every time we go out something. Like, she's like, I'll have the chicken parmesan. I'm like, oh, here we go. Like, I'm going to wait for her to, like, go through it. Yeah. And then by the time it gets her, she doesn't even want it.

She's like, this is not how you make chicken panama. I'm like, maybe it's not how you make chicken parmesan. But maybe it's how PFChicin mix it. Yeah. Like, try it. The P.F.Chic parmesan is really good. Oh, you like a cheese or not cheese. Dude, I, I just went to Costa Rica, and we were having rice, beans and eggs.

and meat like every morning. Yeah. We had a lady come and she made rice and beans every morning. That's so nice. This is the fucking best. And then they made these chicken. And it seems like there's more variety with Spanish cooking. You got your people, the Dominicans, you got the Puerto Ricans.

You got your people, the Mexican are over here doing something. It's like all the Italian food. It's like, what are you got? You got sauce or gravy. Cheese. Grady cheese, garlic, olive oil. Bread. Yeah, basil and we're done.

And repeat, wash, rinse and repeat. Yeah, chicken. But that's Mexican food too. No, my family, because we're Florida, right, we're Italians that moved to Florida. So over there, my cousins and stuff, they're all deep sea fishermen. Like, we all grew up, like, in the ocean

and doing stuff like that. Nobody in my family eats the fish. And then they bring home these tunas, like, delicious. Like, I love sushi. And what does my mom do with it? She breads it. And, like, the horsey breadcrumbs and cheese. And she makes that.

And then fries it. She fries and, like, a cutlet. She makes stuff. Ahituna. Delicious from the sea. Straight from the sea. I'm like, that's the same flavor. And I don't, I really like, I'm not, this is controversial. I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm Italian. I love my people. But like,

the same breadcrumbs for everything, you're going to put it in the, and stuff it in the clams and stuff it in the mushrooms and you're going to put it on the thing. It's like over and over and over and over again. It's like enough. We're going to hear, I know I'm going to hear this in the comments too. I'm going to be. They're going to be like fucking with me on this. The Italian food. Okay. And I say

that I have to spit my act. Going on a going on an Italian restaurant and go in the kitchen. You're eating Spanish. It's all fucking Spanish. Yeah. They're cooking it. They're not to cook Italian. They're Spanish.

I mean, Spanish people are cooking the food for everybody. Yeah. That's fair. Stop saying we. Who should I say? But Mexican food's the same thing. It's all the same. It's like beans, rice, tortilla, cheese.

It's just made in like different ways. You either, what, you eat nachos, you eat burritos. Puerto Rican food's different. Dominican food's different. Dominican food's different. Puerto Rican and Dominican are very close. Close. Puerto Rican Cuban Dominican.

Yeah, a lot of... Gaffers and rice and chicken and... My family's got such a limited palate. They just want that flavor palette. That Italian flavor. That is it. I'm like, can we do something different? Like, get a burrito.

You know? My mom's like, sure, let's go to Chipolis. Then that how it works. Yeah, Italian people are stuck. And I love... Listen, there's no better... I love Italians. Yeah, me too.

I am so... So sad that this fucking... government took out the mob. They were the fucking best. Best movies. Best movies. Best, I mean, you just, that, that aura that they had, they fucking took these guys out.

They took care of their neighborhoods. You had fireworks. You had little parade. Block parties. All the things. The Sizza Man. Yeah, they killed some people. We did a Cizza Man.

But they didn't kill women and children. They had fucking code. They produced Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey, the song. What? Yeah, the Gambino crime family produced Dominic, the Italian Christmas donkey, which is like the Italian Rudolph. He just told me this, and I still think he made it up, but he didn't. You know it?

Can I hear it, please? We can't play it, but I could sing it. Go ahead, sing it. But I can sing it. I'm going to cue you up, ready? A one, a one, two, three, and. Jiggetty jig. Eon, Eon.

It's Dominic the donkey. Donny Jig. Eon, Eon, the Italian Christmas donkey. La la la. La-da-da-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-ta-da-la-la-la-ta-da-la-la-ta-ta-da-da. It's a little friend. His name is Dominic. The cutest little donkey, you could even see him kick.

Oh, I think it was going to interesting. You could even suck his dick. It finishes off that the reindeer couldn't climb the hills of Italy, so they needed the donkey. I got nervous with the first fucking couple of years. It's probably good. It's probably good. Santa Wack the little

And they needed a donkey That's the worst song I've ever heard in my life That's racist That is such a bad song Last year at Joe Russell's holiday party We've My Danny calm down

I know your autism's kid You don't have to scream You have a microphone We can hear you You get very excited Last year at Joe Russell's holiday party We watch around All of Brooklyn

Blasting it on speakers What's the first lyrics again How's it go? The first the music Giggedy jig That's the part have a problem. Okay.

This is the part running around Brooklyn going jiggity jig might be a problem. The worst. No, it goes jiggity jig jih-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. That's the worst part.

You guys, it's all the worst part. That is the worst. That is the worst. Are you saying it to me? I said, no, you made that up. You're offending black people? Have you ever had a piece of donkey fried and bread crumbs?

Delicious. What a great song? It's so good. Yeah. I'll even call it a sauce for that. Hey, when your hair starts to thin. So does your confidence. Hymns is here to help you feel like yourself again.

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Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finaster stride. Well, I tell you, I fucking miss them so much. The mob was the shit. And now they all do them podcasts, ratting each other out.

Are they? Podcasts. Oh, that's hilarious. I'm telling you. I feel like I'm part of it. Starting a podcast, I, back in the day,

look it up. Nobody had podcasts. It was me, Rogan did one. There was a couple people that did them. Marin? No. Maron did,

no, Marion was doing it too. Like me, Marin, and they became hugely successful. And I'm here. You're just listing better. I have Danny,

Danny Braff and Joe Russell as my producers. You're doing good guys. Patreon.com. A jiggity. I'm sorry. But now every fucking person has a podcast. But people are kids.

Like someone would just come on with an idea and thousands of, that's our new television. Yeah. People are listening to podcasts more than they're watching TV. Yeah. I used to go to bed at night watching a show. Now I put a podcast on a, I learned about, you know, what happened and really happened.

You're literally on Netflix right now. They just started. Yeah. Oh, I did start watching that murder one. You listen to. Yeah, the murder one. Yeah. Because I have some really niche weird shit I listen to.

Okay. I'm listening to... Podcast-wise? Yeah. I'm listening right now... The truth about the Comanchee Indians. I know, I'm just really into... Racism.

Slaughtering? They were... No. Here's a problem. You guys think that they're... You think they're... Listen, we fucked them up. We did some bad shit.

But back then, the frontier days, everybody was a piece of shit. The Indians, fucking, not just us, Mexicans, fucking Spain, other Indian tribes, they would fucking, when they caught you, they raped you. They took babies and dragged them behind horses because they were useless.

They would fucking rape the wives. They would cut the guys' dicks off and put it in their mouths. They would cut their eyelids off, Barryman up to the neck. They just, but that wasn't, it wasn't a, thing to them. That's just what they did to show the other people like, don't fuck with us. It was the way it was. So we

come up with our belt buckles on our shoes and fucking, you know, our muskets and a dude playing a drum. And these cuckers are flying 15 arrows off a horse and then cut our dicks off and putting them in our mouths. We used to slap somebody and go, I duel you. Duel, you're dead.

We had to become fucked up, you know, to... Who produces this podcast? Fox News. Buddy, no, I'm just saying we did, we fuck. This is why we're fucked up. We figured out we can't beat them because they were fucking us up.

They were like, oh, they're made food sources Buffalo. Fucking kill all the Buffalo. We killed all a whole. That's not we, you, this. Yeah, you guys. I'm not joining out of your free. Like in the 30s and invented Penny Alavacca. I don't know.

Built trains. We contributed. Not to you. Built the subways. And then they fucked. You shook everybody in the neighborhood down for fucking 50, 60 years. You said you missed that. You love it.

I do. I love to be shaking down. I want to hear this podcast. I love to me. But I do listen to some of the mob ones too. I like the mob ones are good. I want to hear those. But then they accuse each other of lying.

So funny. Like they're like they're just exactly. There's one guy. Because like they don't remember or just? No, they're just like they want clicks like everyone else. So they're like. There's one guy in Boston that list. He was in the Winter Hill Gang with Whitey Bulger.

And he's doing a podcast now. But he's a guy who never rad it. They actually came to him with five years left of his sentence. And he goes, listen, they caught Bulger. They got him. You can fucking, if you talk right now, well, you'll get out. He goes, I'm not a fucking rat. That's pretty cool.

And he goes, I'm doing my time like a fucking man. Did five more years. But now he's got a podcast. Tell it every day. He's trashing all these fucking rats. And now he's talking about it. Yeah, but I wouldn't fuck with this guy. This is a problem for me because I do.

have the genetic code to be a made man. Like you could trace me all the way back to the old country, right? But I also have the gay genes. So I'd be like, girl, what's just that'd be up to? I would be the opposite of the net. I'd be like, what is Vito's problem? I would immediately be riding. I'd be like, you know, he killed her.

He killed her. A gay mob boss is so fun. I know, the fairy godfather. You'd be heading at a construction site early in the morning. Sopranos? All right. Ratting is like... It wasn't me.

I was just... They'd show up at a gay bar you'd have all the leather on. Hey, it's jokes. I'm just fucking around. Rating is like accepted now. It's like... They're like, yeah, of course you'd ride it.

Why wouldn't you rat? Well, because the feds offer such great deals. Yeah, it's like you'll be stupid not. They're calling it, tell your truth. Speak your truth. That's hilarious. Yeah, the feds are very smart. They're like, listen, you killed 37 people.

We'll let you go. Yeah. We're going to let you go. you go and do a podcast. Yeah, we're going to give you a deal with Netflix. We're going to do podcasts. Marty Scorsese is going to make your move. Yeah, yeah. Even in hip-hop, like in hip-hop,

like, you could rat now, kind of. Yeah, well, you can also fuck dudes. That's like mainstream. Yeah, dude, I didn't know hip-hop was gay as shit. Listen, you got to adapt. And these guys are rough dudes. Like, yo, what's up, son? What fuck yes.

Yeah, that's how they talk. They all. It was kind of Italian. I was trying to pee. It's offensive to like four different. Yeah, everyone's offended. If you want voices, Dan does a podcast. Dan Soda does a podcast.

But, no, it's funny that hip hop did with all the, like hip hop has always been to me, like, you know, they were like against gays, macho. They were like these alpha. And then you found out that a lot of these guys are having sex with other dudes. Yeah. Gangster rap, period. Before that, like, the fat boys were, I thought they were gay as fuck. Yeah.

They were cool. They're their style icons, you know what I mean? Like, truly, like, every picture I look at them, especially as a big guy, I'm like, damn, where'd they get those fucking clothes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is their stylist? They had really cool shit. But they were wearing kind of stuff that was kind of little short shorts on a big dude and

like things that like shouldn't, you should. Are you telling me that the fat boys were gay? No, but they were like, I don't think they were that macho. I don't think they were that were macho type. They weren't that like macho archetype. They were silly. They were funny. They were laying on each other.

They were brothers. You know, brothers? I don't know if they were brothers, but I think they weren't just the movie disorderly. Yeah, I get, but he's, but then it's switch in the 90s. It got real gangster. Like really, yeah. And he did it. Muffy made it go that way, right?

And he found out that he's like, that he is jerking off while other men see his wife. Yeah. Oh, there we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't fly.

They'd fly, yeah. No, honestly. It looks like Carlos Mincea. Yeah. It definitely does. Right? But like any picture. I thought it was real quick.

Are you kidding me with the, the blue leather newsboy hat? Like, I'd fuck that. that up right now. I love the shit that they were. What happened to the rope chain? It came back a little bit. Not big like that, but it came back a little bit. I'm going to say, right, do you know how much that change worth right now? It's $5,000 an ounce.

It's at the highest it's ever been. I never like the road chain. I thought it pulls the hair out of my neck. I don't. Isn't that a rope chain? No, this is a mariner chain or Uchi link. It's like it looks like with the anchor hooked. Now being Italian, do you have to have one of those?

My brother bought it for me, and he has so many gold chains. Yeah, I guess you do. It's a thing. It's like a thing, right? My whole thing, I even talk about it in my stand-up is I'm a macaroni rascal. Like, if you know the term macaroni rascal, came from when Goodfellas came out in Japan. Hang on. I'm a Macaroni. You're a macaroni rascals.

So here, let me explain. Is that somebody who steals macaroni? No, I'm explaining to you. I'm explaining to you. I'm explaining to you, okay? So when Goodfellas came out in Japan, they didn't have a name for like Guido or Gangster or Goodfella. So they called it the Macaroni assholes. and then when like America was like

what did you say they were like oh it's macaroni rascals because it kind of fit for assholes so then when Jersey Shore came out it was the it was the fabulous life of the New Jersey macaroni rascals now according to that canon logic somewhere between a made mafia boss and like Chilean adopted messy

snooky Italian is the macaroni rascal scale and I am on that spectrum somewhere on that spectrum I exist and it's like the Italian Americans have come here We've changed the language. We say Muzadella instead of Muzadella. Like what we've done, like, you know, are the crazy cousins of the Italians that are from Italy-born,

who they love us, you know, they're Italian-American cousins. We're macaroni rascals. I really like that name. You too. Yeah, you should have that as merch. Yeah. That sounds like a dish. It's a whole thing for me.

You're hungry. You're hungry. I know. Get some bread crumbs? A little fat of tany. A little fat a guy stealing macaroni from people's plates. Yeah. That's a little man.

Macaroni rascal right there. Yeah, but that's it. But the macaroni ass is reclaiming it because the macaroni asshole, like it's like, ah, you know, I mean, but you can try to change it around and I think rascal sounds kind of fun. Rastrel.

Yeah, it sounds cute. Yeah. I want my wife to call me that while I'm eating her pussy. You little macaroni. You little rascal. Macaroni rascal. Eat my macaroni. All right.

So we all agree that Spanish food has trumped Italian food. I don't think it's fair to put Spanish it's like, whoa. That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. Woke alert.

Woke alert. No, I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying it's not fair to the macaroni rascalsals. No, no, no, no. We're both saying the same thing, which is we like the way that our family cooks our food. Our kind of culture, we're so attached to our culture that my grandmother or my mother's meatball will never taste like anybody else's. Yes, and that's, I think, any kind of culture. I feel like you like your own, families' dishes.

But I feel like there's so. many Italian restaurants. You know what I mean? I feel like when I see a Mexican restaurant... They do the fried flowers. They do all the things that would... You know, whatever they do. And then we do to the Lodotts and what all this other stuff. And I get it. And it's just like my grandma used to make, but it's not. You've never had one, not one, a single one that you would do. Sometimes, but it's very rare. If you ask me if we're going

out, if we're going out to eat after this, there is no way I'm suggesting Italian. Now, if someone's like, you've got to try this spot, then you'll try it. Or I end up somewhere and I see a piece of menu item that I'm like, that looks good. If I go to Italian restaurant and they serve pizza, I'm out. You're done? I'm done. I love pizza. I'll probably eat the pizza.

I love pizza, but if I'm getting pizza, I'm going to a pizza place where they make pizza. That's how I feel about the pasta. I'm going to my mothers. There's one place that I go to up in Westchester. My friend owns it Casolettos. Or as he says, Casoleto. Which I hate. He doesn't talk like that.

He's like, hey, hey, how you doing? What's going on? This is Paul, Paul from Casolettos. It's like, oh. No, but I love him to. But when you walk in there, it's like the atmosphere is like old school. They have a real fireplace. And the food is from his family, like literally, his parents work there.

His father's in the kitchen cooking. I love that. A ton of Mexicans. But he's cooking next to him. Cooking next to the Mexican person. Raoul, it's going to fucking burn your cock sucker. But, I mean, they have like. I said basil, not cilantro.

Yeah. What was it salt? What's that dish with the lamb? Salt and Boko? Wait, are you, the lamb head? The lamb shank. Oh, I don't know. Fuck, what is it, Danny? I'm Googling it.

Can you swallow your spit before you say the word of Google? I'm going to throw up. I gogol it. What are you eating? What are you eating? Cheese it, you fucking weirdo? He's like, no, lamb's heads. Also, Bucco?

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Osabuk. Yeah. You have it. What is it? Osabuka. Osobu. Yeah.

Otsuko. They got a comic in LA. Yeah. He makes, they make fresh yonaki. You know what I mean? Like if you don't know a place where they making the pasta there. Oh, yeah.

That's amazing. I'm in. Why? Why? I don't know. I honestly, I love my family. Oh,

all you want to do is go out to eat Italian. When they tell me, my face goes green. Yeah. I really do. That's trauma to. I understand that. Maybe that's what made me fat.

Like I'm working my whole life, working. I'm in the gym every day. I'm trying. I'm like fasting and shit. And I want to go back and eat the thing eight five times a week that drove me. Are you on the fat juice? You know, I tried it and I got off it.

You fucking drank it? What's the fat juice? Is that hot? All right. Hang on, I got to deal with this fucking fuck. What's the fat juice? Acting dumb. Listen, I got this piece of shit.

I've never heard of it. I wanted to be sure. This genetically engineered fucking Dominican. Listen to me. You did the fadjuice? Huh? No. No.

I got the stomach surgery and then they came out two weeks with lay with my life. We got this fucking thing. Now they got the pill. You know, I was traveling and I had this guy come up to me and I was, this was when I was at my biggest really. And my back was hurting. I'll give it to him or whatever. Maybe he was trying to be nice. But this is before I even heard of his epic or anything like that.

And I'm sitting down. I'm in Europe and I'm like sitting down like this. And he comes between me. And I go, yeah. And I go, yeah, he goes, you know they got a shot. Give me make you no more fat. You should try it. I go, they got a fucking shot.

I tell you to go mind your fucking business. Where's the shot for you to go mind your business? Wait, what was your biggest? Oh, man. I just lost 130 pounds. Oh, I was damn. That's great. I still got like 100 to go.

Damn, 10030. And I'm in the gym like every, it sucks. It's the worst. You feel good, though. I feel incredible. Oh, you let me handle this skinny with your PEP talks. You don't know what just is like. I lost 130 pounds.

I lost 132. That's great. I'm going to gym. But he was at the gym. You think he's wearing these gloves? go to the gym right after this fucking show. I lost 100 pounds. You did?

Really? Yeah. What the hell? How much you lose, Bobby? He just stopped. I lost. Nobody said good job to me, but whatever. Good job. I don't know what just happened.

We don't know if it's a gym or the fat juice? No. I had twins. Oh. We don't know. It's still 100 pounds. It's insane. We don't know if it's insulting to a Mexican to say if you lost 100 pounds.

I'm at like, huh. So you had two 50-pound babies come out. Yeah. 250-pounders. I wish. I wish. The problem is, Skinny Boy, there's nothing would make me happier.

The special's called Material Boy, not Skinny Boy. Oh, you have a special out. Yeah, God bless. Special's out right now. Where is it at? YouTube. YouTube right now. Go check out a special. Right now, it's called Material Boy. It's not called Fetso.

And you have, where's your tour? Let's get the plugs right in the middle right now. A plug right now. I'm at the comedy store all the time with horribly funny. What's your website? What's your punchup. Live? Oh, find me at What's Up Danny on Instagram, Twitter. Same thing, Instagram, Jay Keenan comedy. Oh, I was actually, What's Up Danny?

Same thing, just follow him. We just have one page. I'll be there. Oh, I got to leave. I got to me. I'm in Stop That Train, but Rupal. Oh, that's great. May 29th. Oh, nice. That's great. So, yeah, dude, when you, I lost, I was 360 pounds to answer your question.

I was a fucking moose, but I'm only 5'8. You understand? I was, I was, my, when I ate at some point, my feet felt wet. I don't know where that's so funny. It doesn't make any sense. But it's that's right. It's so funny. Because there was no blood going down to my dead diabetic feet. It was just cold and wet.

Yeah, it was crazy. I feel it. Toonails were dying. It was nuts. I mean, my left toenial was dead and I lost the weight. That's just because the blood wasn't getting to your foot. I don't know. I don't know.

I feel like that's just a different problem. I know. I feel like you didn't go to the doctor for that one. And then you drop what? 150? I don't know. The math. I'm,

I'm 230 pounds now. That's great. So it's, whatever that is. That's great. 100 something. Yeah. It looked really healthy. Listen, you look good too, man.

I didn't know. I almost died. I really almost died. How did you almost die? I had like an allergic reaction to sugar. It was really weird. Yeah, I used the sugar. It's funny to hear a guy who's fat saying,

I allergic reaction to sugar. Yeah. I'm not really embarrassed by it because I think like men's health is an un-talked-about subject, often, especially a lot of times, but I put a sugar compress on a hemorrhoid. It made an infection inside me, and I had all these... I'm just going to stop you you real. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Just real quick.

Yeah, God, too. No, because I think we just took a fucking wild left time. I know. I just like being honest about it. I don't really I love that you're honest about it. I just need a second. I need a second. Because I'm pretty sure. I'm not sure. I don't know if you're sure. I think you might be, but I'm not. You might not be.

you said you put a sugar compress on a hemorrhoid I thought it was a figure of speech I thought I was like an Italian thing You're gonna put a fucking a sugar in a My mom's always wanted to go out A macaroni rascal

No I saw TikTok remedy Because I was like Oh fuck And it And it sent me to the emergency room What's a sugar compress? It was sugar on a On a like gauze

As a compress Like just raw can It's supposed to bring the swelling down or something. But you didn't see it on a hemorrhoid. You made that part up. You were like that. No, that's what was the...

So they said... Someone said... Someone said... Some lady on TikTok, I'll find you. No, some lady on TikTok was like, I was pregnant and I had hemorrhoids. She hates fat people? I'll kill them all. It was not me, by the way.

It was like pregnant lady. Some breeder. Dumb pregnant woman. No, I mean, some lady said that she had... She had hemorrhoids for years. She tried this, and in 15 minutes, they went away. And I was like, I'll try anything. Yeah, yeah.

I was there like, I wanted to go to the doctor or to the urgent care or to anywhere, but I was filming a movie and I didn't want to miss the scenes. Okay. And the hours were different because I couldn't go during the day because I was working. And then we were switching to night shoots and I'm like, okay, I have the day off. I'm going immediately. And I went to the urgent care and they were like, get your ass literally to the emergency room now. What was happening? Yeah, what was happening?

So it made an abscess and it made like seven abscesses to start to grow around my intestines. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. It grew shit. So then I had to have... So immediately they were like, you're pre-diabetic. I'm like, I am.

And they're like, and you have a horrible liver. I'm like, I do. And then they're like, and you're going to die. And if we don't do this right now, we have to go to surgery. And I went into surgery. They removed some of it. And then they gave me like an IV drip

for like 10 days of like all these antibiotics to kill the rest, which it did. Thank God. What happened with the movie? They cut me two days short of the movie. They cut a big scene of mine out of the movie. Because you put sugar on your rope. They're like, this is bad publicity.

Well, when I was sitting there, It was getting so bad. And, like, in the scene, I had a run up and downstairs. And it was, like, a big scene in the movie, and I had a run up. And you had a swollen void. And I was like... You didn't eat food for 10 days. And when you have an abscess, you get a fever, and I didn't know this.

And I was, like, running crazy fever. I was like, I feel like I'm going to die. Like, I feel sick. Like, I was like, what's going on? And then they were like, I mean, my fever was raging. It was crazy. I didn't know any of this stuff. This just happened so quickly.

So, then I quit sugar. So, I quit sugar. I quit drinking. I quit everything. I mean, all I do is smoke weed now. I quit everything and I ate healthy. My whole family changed how they eat. They all ate healthy.

You didn't tell your mother you put a sugar thing on your house. I told everybody right now. You told your grandmother? You told your grandmother. What was it? Oh, no, no, no. They put a thing on his asshole again. Oh, no.

Shoot me, I told you, come to me. You were not supposed to do that. Let me tell you said, you put a chicken cullin on your ass all the dicks of hemorrho's right away. You'll feel mayonnaise. Weirdly, like, a headache is a sign for, like, a lot of things. Yeah, it was just like, A fever. It was crazy.

I got a fever when I was getting tatted. Oh, wow. And that was the thing, yeah. What happened? I was just on the chair for too long. I did like 10 hours. And like, on eight hours, I was like, I'm getting, and it just got progressively worse. And then the guy was like, oh, yeah, this is like tattoo fever.

Like, your body is just. I got that. I got one on my inner arm. Where was I? Where the fuck was I? I was up, up in California somewhere. Getting a tattoo before the show like a fucking idiot. A big one?

Yeah, it's on my interim. It's a dragon. It sucks. I drew it. I drew it. I got to see that. It says addict. But the writing I used, it was, I wanted, like, Hong Kong writing.

When they wrote addict, it was all capitals. Like, when he put the ink on before he did it, it just looked like it said ad hut. Because the eye looked like an age. So there's a young man, that reads ad hut. You want me to change that? So we had to put, like, a lowercase eye in the thing. But four and a half hours. but then these Hells Angel guys came in

and they were just standing there watching me so I was like, I can't bitch out So I just sat there and I squeezed all the pain into my asshole I was just squeezing my asshole I'll get it Oh it's Rich Voss, there we go Hang on this is always fun Rich are live on the YKWD podcast right now

Again I don't realize it but now you have a clip I'm sure because I'm going to, whoever you have there, you know, I'm going to have to save this. Who is your guess? Who is my guess? I have, well, it's started out where I got Ian Laura. Okay, he's okay. He's a good middle.

Who else? It's going downhill from now. Ouch. Hang up. I got Daniel. Hang up. First of all, why do you have eating? It's not even February.

It's coming out next month. First of all, he's not black. He's Dominican. He has nothing to do with that much. He just looks like he has something to do with that. If you were a loan officer, you... Go ahead. I got Daniel Francieze?

Did I get it right? It's close. It's like I don't have my own air condition. I use my friend ZC. Oh, Francesee. Francazi. Daniel Franciszi. He's a very...

A lot of movies, the Tonight Show. Not family, though. He's a stand-up comedian, Italian. My son-mailman did the Tonight Show. Oh, shit. Don't say me then. And we have the very famous Tonight Show and regular at the comedy store, Jessica Keenan. This is a who-should of nobody.

The silence is. Jessica, who? Oh, ooh. My dad. Do you know Rich Wynum? I know who he is. She knows you. She knows you.

Yes. Yeah. Tell her I said hi. It's good. Good seeing her. Hi. Yeah. I didn't even, I keep forgetting you do your podcast on Tuesday.

I don't think so. I don't think you do. I don't think you're literally calling at the same time. I think you're lonely. Because you're lonely and Bonnie's on the road and you have no friends. First of all, first of all, Bonnie's home. Yeah, Bonnie do. And Bonnie could be in my car and I'd still be lonely.

I'm lonely I'm lonely amongst 100 people This is getting sad Yeah We're starting to feel bad for you Just end it all Try a sugar compress Yeah you should try a sugar compress

On your asshole Is that one of those One of those bringers said To Now I know why you have so many people Ian had to bring two other comments This is a very Bring her podcast?

Yeah, yeah. Bring her podcast is so funny. Rich did the garden this weekend. Yeah, I know. We know he did the garden because he's the only one posting pictures from it. It's like you, it's fucking makes me angry that you're posting pictures thanking people for the garden. Nobody knew you were there. It's Shane's show.

You're right. You're 100% right. Stop posting photos like you did the garden. Listen. I did do it, but listen, I always say, thank you, Shane, and, you know, being, or put me on that. But second of all, how dare you talk about posting?

Shut the fuck up. It wasn't for posting and podcasts or whatever. You'd be fucking painting houses. You mean what everybody does to fucking help their career, you stupid asshole? You just said, if it wasn't for you posting on social media and doing podcasts, you'd be. nobody. Yeah, I know that's why I do it.

But I post my gigs. I post me in front of fucking 30 people. I don't put me at the garden. First of all. We're going to take that aside. We can continue if you like. No, no, you don't fucking track me and say that's wrong. And then you got to go. Right. Look, everybody in that upstairs. Nobody gives them. All right.

And I'm going to go post another. picture and tag you with I hope I hope I hope you hit a 7-Eleven on the way home. Yeah I you know what? I hope Ian's whole family comes and moves into your house.

That is fucking First of all, why would you take it that far? Why would you fucking get seriously? That's rude and I'm fucking you know what, go fuck yourself. I'm not friends anymore. That's taking it too far. I don't. Good. At your Christmas present, I got for you.

I'm sorry. What did you get me? You know? That means you got... That means it's not mine. Who the fuck gets to somebody in present and say you have an option of either one? And then has no... Nothing to tell you.

What's behind door number two? Yeah. I thought you might like four. All right. Listen. I got to go. What? All right.

Bye. I hope when you get home to. night you see your wife Blow and Dante I hope that too At least I'll be able to come Goodbye Oh what a fucking asshole

I'd love to see my wife Blondeante Narrow? Yeah He's got a big piece Give us what she deserves She works hard You know what I mean

She deserves it She does a nice big fucking huge peepee You know what I mean You're a good husband My little My little schtook My little stumik

You said six and a half Yeah That's not bad really yeah it's not bad right Ian's like it's not bad right Ian's looking at you're up Is that right?

Oh here guys You're just asking what a tag Somebody Somebody join me So somebody He's just saying it's not back Because he's got one Yeah of course

I do myself My six and half is bad Is that you saying? Listen What are you talking about? You can't fit not in your fucking swollen ass on the I don't put sugar on my my dick to make it nice.

That's how it got. I'll fuck you with a candy cane. What's sugar? Oh my dick. That's above average, right? All dicks matter. I love you. I love you.

Just keep asking. But that's not that bad. No. Six and a half is fine. It's more like a seven. Sure. Why isn't more like a seven? It's more like a six.

I think five's average is what the saying is. That's what Chad GPT says. I believe four and a half is average. That's insane. That sounds. Four and a half. Listen, you have two kids. It doesn't sound right to you and that.

I don't even think we have four. My husband's six, seven. It doesn't exist? He's six seven? Is he Spanish? No. He's Lebanese. What is he?

He's half white and half Indian. Half, like American Indian or? No. Or like Russell Peters Indian? Yes. From India. Four and a half? That's like a sour gummy.

everyone for him. I don't know what that. You have four and a half is. What is it? Read it to us, Danny. It says 5.1 to 5.5. Who wrote that? A man? Yes. Let me just put this. To be clear. To be clear, a wreck length.

That's what it says. Yeah, we get it. It's got to be hard. Yeah. Five and a half soft. It's being amazing. That's fucking crazy? I take three and a half soft. Join the circus, yeah. Yeah.

Holy shit. Your husband, is he a six, how big he six? Six, seven. Six, seven. Now, is he like a cop or something? No, he just finance. He just finance? He's six, seven.

Yeah, he used to play basketball, but like, not professionally, no. No, really? Like for fun? I used to play basketball. He used to play. I think we all played basketball. He used to play t-ball. Yeah.

Not me. No basketball, Italian food, or four-inch dicks over here, honey. We're saying no. Just say no. That's the name of your new special. But you went and watched the games. I mean, yeah. For the shorts.

I was there for the shorts. He used to play basketball. I was like bird watching. He played in college, but not like a... He played college? That's something. Yeah. Okay, college.

Yeah. Okay, cool. You got two kids. Where are your kids, by the way? Why is everybody ask a woman that... I think they're staring at... I'm the only one they get... They're riding around alone in a way-mom.

The dad is watching them. Because women are supposed to be home. Because why are you here? Why are you out past... Anything else? Why are you out past school hours? I'm actually sad about it. Of course you are.

Are they in town? Are they here? No. No, Mommy had gigs. You know, my mom's got gigs. Mommy got a gig. Mommy got a gig. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not offended. I feel bad for your kids are. Good luck. Now, do you have a... Are you in a relationship? Yeah, I have a guy, yeah. Yeah, is it serious?

Yeah, it is, yeah. Really? That's nice. Is he in the biz or out of the biz? Out of the biz. Yeah, Normie, he's a gen pop. Yeah, I got really lucky. Civilians are the best. I really believe that.

You can't think somebody. And he's an artist, so he's got all these kind of artistic thoughts. He's like right along the same kind of like wizardy, like wavelength. Right. But knows nothing about show biz. It doesn't know actors' names. Nothing. It doesn't care, yeah.

Yeah, like, you know, called Merrill Street, the curly-haired, Broadway lady, like, kind of person. And you'd be like, Bernard, that's Bernard at Peters. Now, do you guys live together? He's moving in, yeah. Into your house? Yeah. In L.A.

Yes. That's good. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you got money. I mean, you know. You got some cash. I'm not like, you know, I'm over here now.

Right, but you got a nice place. Yeah, I have a nice place. I have a cool. I have like a dream New York City place in Los Angeles. I live in an old loft that was like a 30s bank, and it's so cool. Wow. Is it downtown? It's downtown.

I have one big loft and now I'm getting a whole like floor. The downtown apartments are so good. Everything indoors downtown is so great. Yeah, but you know what the problem with downtown? You know what the problem with downtown L.A. is? Fucking you guys are there. I don't even know which part of me should be offended by this. That's the thing about being black Dominicans homeless.

All of it together. All of it together. Just take it really. With a little splash of her. Just a little. But the indoors are so good. Everything. Well, that's the thing about being a New Yorker, too,

is I could take a neighborhood that's a little rough. Like, all the people want to do like, WeHo Beverly Hills. They're like, ah, I don't mind it. Yeah, yeah. I remember when Steve Byrne moved to downtown L.A. I lived, I fucked up when I moved to L.A. I was in Venice.

I was on Venice and Lincoln. Yeah. I got a great apartment. I was just about to get an apartment on the beach. It was a one bedroom, huge, with a balcony the size of this room that right on the beach. Oh, wow. $1,200 a month. Wow.

I was so excited. 1942. It was during the McCarthy era. Things were rough. I was selling Ligawishwips. 50 cents a pop. That's crazy. I was a macaroni band.

You hear? I was parking cars for my uncle. Now he's a rat. Hit the song. Tell the truth. I'm so proud of him. So we wound up, you know, back then, you just get apartments in L.A. It was cheap, but we went to the apartment and a guy showed up at the same time.

And he kind of was musseling his way up behind of us. And the lady, he was like, I used to live here and I want to get this apartment back. He said that to us. And we were like, that's cool. We want to get this apartment too. He's like, I know, but I've lived here before. I know, you know, but he was like, I got dibs.

Just a dickhead. So the lady went, she goes like this, guys, I'm gonna, I have to show you the apartment. And once I show you, legally I have to show you the apartment. Once I show you the apartment, whoever makes it down to the office, the first, fills out the forms,

you get the apartment. Oh my gosh. We were literally like going through your apartment. Okay, this is the kitchen. This is that. This is the balcony. Okay, that's it. Boom.

Both ran. Me and him down. So not right. Of course I'm yelling at my wife. Stop fucking stopping. Let's go. I'm coming. I'm coming.

We get in the car. We're flying. Yeah. You were 400 pounds. No, not that. I wasn't 400 pounds my whole life. You piece of shit.

No, I'm trying to paint a picture. He ate himself that big as he didn't get the apartment. He got you right back. I'm trying to see. You said you ran down the stairs. He came out of nowhere. No, he said he ran down the stairs.

I've been six. I've been fat six times. He's at five skins. I've been you five times. Yes. Oh, I love that way of staying. Look at that picture. That was me.

Look behind you. That's a great way to say this. That's one of the skinny's. That was one of my skinny's. That's when I was. No, this was early though. I've seen me. That was deep.

You showed me your head time. I'll tell you right now. I'll put my fucking pussy line up against you. He showed me his headshot in a ruba at the beach in my bag, Joe. He was like, this is how I used to look. I'll tell you what I don't know what to do with this. We're in Aruba. I was around 350 at the time.

I didn't say nothing. This is who I used to be. Just said something before. He just said something before. He's out there with his girlfriend taking shirtless fucking photos on the beach. And I was taking a photo of her. I was shirtless. I was at the beach.

I was taking a photo of her. And he was like, come here and shows me his headshot. His picture up. He's like, you think you look good? I go, I used to be good looking too.

I said, Bobby, you look great. Nothing would make me happier that you get success and this special blows up and you blow up and you make movies and you become a millionaire in this business. So that you become fat. And then you blow up I want you to be fat

He never will The apartment story Joe in my fucking bag On my zins Well look in my My my thing You're 400 pounds He said he ran down the stairs

That sounded dangerous Oh god Does anybody have a zin Fucking looking for my zins in my bag You used to smoke? I still smoke cigars Oh yeah we smoke cigars Yeah dude

We smoke cigars. Joe, can you get me a pack of Zins, please? Here's my wallet. I love you. The apartment story. Oh, so anyways, I really do want you to get fat. I hope you get fat. I hope you get fat and you're short.

You don't have to get that fat. Just around 60 pounds, you'll look a mess. 60 more? Yeah. Nothing makes me happy, and I don't know if you back me up on this. When somebody was skinny, yes. Gets fat.

Yeah, that's the best. I always wanted to grab my fat and just throw it on people. It would be so great if I could take a handful. Like a, is this? Oh, that's a good, that's a good, uh, superhero. Yeah. That's my ex-men powers. What was your name?

Yeah. Yeah. Is this your first skinny? No, this is, this is my second skinny. Okay. Maybe my third skinny. Yeah. Maybe, yeah.

My second adult skinny. So you had four fats. I had a bunch of fats. Yeah. I've had fats. I've had. I've had four. Four fats.

Yeah. The last one was the biggest. This means nothing to you. You don't understand. I had a fat. You did? Yeah. But you were fucking one.

Was it two pounds more? No, no, a couple years ago. What was it? Like coming out of COVID. Oh, yeah. I loved COVID because everybody got a little, they didn't know what the hell to do. All my friends were like, I don't know. I'm like, you're going to suck.

This is my third skinny. And it's, I'm as fat as I was on my second fat. Yeah. Oh. But still, your assholes okay. That's the main thing. I was like, I was like pushing 180. What does that mean for you?

How old? How much do you weigh now? I don't know what. Right now. Right now, I'm at like 170, but it's fit. I'm the left side of my ass. 10 pounds more is your fat? I'm done.

It was 180, but it was not good. I didn't mean no offend you, Bobby. I'm sorry. 10 pounds, he said, it was his fat. You said 180 was your fat? Which is 10 pounds more. I was 570 and like 50s. I'm 580.

I'm 580 and 50. But he's 10. It was 360. I was three of you, you cunt. That was 10 pounds more than he is now to be. Anyways. It's so annoying. We run down.

Oh, God damn. He's strong as an aug. He's flexing in it. He also has six. jackets on so I would first You're good, you're strong. You know I'm fucking strong. You're strong. From here up. So we run

down. I'm sorry for this. This is boring everybody. We run down. We're flying through traffic. We have to go to Culver City to get this fucking thing. And I go in, we get there first. We fill out the forms. We got it. Yeah? And then the

loan or whatever was like, you need a co-signer. because of a comic. And I don't make the money. My business made the money. So I had to, and this guy came in, right, I got everything. Got the apartment. Fantastic.

You moved back? I was never, we had a New York I'm saying? No. So the lady was like, well, I have this place in Culver City. And we drove around Culver City. We were like, oh, this, you know, not there's these little, you know, those stupid L.A. apartments. You go in and everybody's in it.

It's like a, fucking, it's like a prison. Yeah. But it was nice. It had a little gym on the top. We were on the top floor. It had like a top thing you could hang out on. I just didn't know that Culver City was fucking the Bloods and the Crips. Oh.

We're like right, like two blocks over. Is Culver City, though? Culver City is fucking, yeah. It gets, you go this way. What is it in L.A. though, honestly? I heard that there's five gangs in LAPD, like within the PD. Yeah. It's crazy the gang activity that's.

But then, but I went and visited Steve down in L.A. proper. Is that what they call it? L.A. Downtown L.A. D.T.L.A. And it was dingy and shit, but it did remind me in New York. Like, the dinginess was New York. Yeah, it does remind you. People walk in the streets a little bit. A little fucked up. The street art's funny, not just like names. Yeah, yeah. It's got like sensibility to it and a thought pattern.

And like, I mean, I like it. Everything else in L.A. is the same as the rest of America. I stood downtown. It's like these fucking stupid strip malls. Have you been in the Dynasty, the comedy, dynasty typewriter? What'd you call it? Theater Dynasty Typerod. I'm right around there. Okay, yeah, I didn't.

I didn't know New Face is there. Yeah. They got a comedy club now in downtown, too. Yeah, I didn't mind it down. I saw, what's that Mexican wrestling place? The Mexican wrestling, what's that called? Locho, Lucio. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Lucho Libro. That was fucking awesome. I love Mexican wrestling. It's probably one. I don't know why it's not more popular. I don't know why New York doesn't have it. I had a Nacho Libre moment with Jack Black. Oh, yeah.

We went and they couldn't get front row was all bought. When we got there, it said CAA, CAA, CAA, CAA, CAA. So it was all agent, fucking, people. Nothing against CAA. They're my fucking agency, I get it. But I was like, fucking dicks. They weren't there. They weren't showing.

Oh, they didn't even sit in them. So we're sitting there. And then they finally showed up. And one of the guys' things, he was like a beach guy and he oiled himself up. And one of his finishing moves is he squirts oil. But he squirted it all over those guys when they showed up. They were like, what the fall? All their suits.

I was on the fucking floor. That's hilarious. Yeah, I don't mind. I mean, LA is a thing, but once you, I don't know, I'd go down.

I'm not going over. There's something about the air in L.A. Would you do Texas? Nope. Okay. No. No, I love Texas. I like L.A.

I love Texas. There's something about Florida that I love. There's something like, I wouldn't go to Vegas. I love Vegas. Wouldn't move there. No.

Fucking move there. There's something, I don't know. It has like, ghost vibes. Like L.A.'s... So here's what I call it Die at Brooklyn, right? So, like, there's a taste level that New Yorkers have when it comes to performance and to comedy and to theater and everything else.

And the retired folks that are down there have that taste level. Right. So when you go see theater down there, when you're going to see comedy down there and you're going to, like, it really is good. Yeah. Like, it's good theater. It's good comedy. You know, so even... So I think they tried to...

Hollywood California and Hollywood, Florida. There's a Hollywood Florida in between Fort Lauderdale. They tried to make it a Hollywood over there. They did Flipper over there in the 50s. They had studios. But it rains every five minutes, and it's like, the weather's unpredictable. And so they can never shoot outside. So it kind of ruined, like, in Dunder and Lightning, when you're trying on a soundstage, it's not it.

So Hollywood, Florida, that's what that was. They tried to make a second Hollywood out of it, yeah. But now, where's, don't they, Jersey has one of the biggest studios ever. The Netflix one. Oh, Atlanta is crazy. Atlanta is supposed to be the biggest place to. Yeah, but Netflix just made one. Where is that, Danny?

Netflix is opening one in Jersey. It's not open yet. And Netflix's got one in Brooklyn, too. They're going to start making six shit again. Look at Queens. There's so many studios out in Long Island. I mean, I don't know why I'm not getting at that. I'm around.

I'm available and I'm around. It's actually, I mean, it's just interesting because I love urban planning and stuff like that. They're building a lot more studios too because the studios, think about it, just totally empty. So if it doesn't work out, they could just sell those apartments after. So a lot of the studios they're building in LA, they're not even shooting productions in L.A. They're not even shooting productions in L.I. And they got studios being built and open, because those could be converted later

for the property. I'm going to say something right now because I am a fan of cheesy TV. USA Network back in the day. Yes. Up all night, Ron DeShir. But you were on one of my favorite shows of all time. Now, my favorite show, Syke. I love Syke. Oh, okay. Syke is great. Syc is great. You are

burn notice. I was. Burn notice is great. What episode? That shot in Florida. Why hasn't that got a Netflix run? I don't know. That shot in Florida. Because it would be top. It would go right to the top. Why did you film that? I think 2009, maybe? Burn notice was sick. Burn notice? When they were making burn notice, psych, they were making, what's the other one? They had Monk. Monk. They had so many good shows. I think Rosoli and Isles. I got to work with Bruce Campbell on that. That was sick. He's insane. Yeah. I'm watching suits now. That was like.

Suits. It's really bad, though. Yeah, it is really bad, but you have to keep watching it. Sharon Gless is on that show. So, you know, I worked with Cagney and Lacey. Really? I think it's so cool. And my mother has met Cagney and Lacey and didn't even know who either one of them were.

Really? Tyne Dealey and Sharon Gless. I did this show in HBO looking and we did a movie. And in the movie, my character is getting married. And Tyne Daly is marrying us. She plays the judge that marries us in, like, the San Francisco courtroom. And my mom's on set. And Tyne's like, hey, who's going out to drinks?

who wants to go out to drinks? And we're like, everyone on that set was like a real actor. It's like Jonathan Groff, Russell Tovey, guys who like want to read the lines and study and not go out and come on, you know? I mean, me and Russell parted a little bit.

Me and Russell put a little sugar tan. Yeah, we did that guy's a legend. A little sugar tonne. But Tyne's like barking up the rough tree. Hey, you really want to get high? This is something new. Pass me that domino. Hey, that's not coke in my bag.

Get it. Do you watch TikTok? She's like barking at the rung tree asking Jonathan Gruff. You want to go out for drinks after? Like the guy's like, you know, an actor, actor. So like, finally, we finish rapping and everything. And my mom was there. She played my mom in the scene, like on FaceTime, but she filmed it there.

Yeah, they cast her, which was so sick. And I'm like, so we rap and we're up. Like, where's my mom? And everyone's like, I don't know. I'm like, how do you not know? Like, where's my mom? Nobody knew where my mother was. And I call her.

I'm like, where are you? She goes, hi, I'm having drinks with time. She's like, what kind of body? doesn't have a strawberry daffery. He's like, I'm like you're in San Francisco. You're not in Fort Laudelma. Had dinner with Cagney and Lacey. Both of them didn't know who it was.

hilarious. Now, you've done the tonight show. You've done the tonight show? I've never done the tonight show. You've never been on it as a... No, no, no, no. Never. No, actually, I've never done a late-night show.

In my whole career, I've done tons of movies and things. Never done a late-night show, except I did after midnight. I do day-time. They want me on daytime. That counts. After midnight? What is after midnight? What is after midnight? It's gone now, right? Yeah, Taylor Thomas in comics on it.

It was really good. It was fun. Yeah, I did after a minute. Yeah, no, I never got asked to do that either. Yeah. I really, I had a good run, though, man. I was doing a lot of shit. I remember when I was doing, I was on FX, I was doing Louis.

Yeah. I was getting independent shit. I was like, I'm rolling, dude. I used to walk into cast. There's nothing better when you walk into a casting. They're like, Robert! Yeah. Yeah.

I was doing long and old. photos up the asshole. I was like, I was thinking that I might not do comedy anymore. That's the dream. You were booking like that? You almost.

Well, because I was working so much, I couldn't. I was like, you know, maybe I'll... Comedy was getting into way. Maybe I'll, you know, I was gonna, my brain, I was gonna pop down the cello with some type of award.

No, whatever. Yeah, let me just try this. Let me just cut everyone. Hey, can you hold that? I think it's an Emmy. Hold the globe. I fucked up. And bump Rich Ross, that's my dream.

First of all, first of all, I could do that now. First of all, he has to work at the cellar. But yeah, it was a moment, but then when that shit dies out, man. Yeah. I mean, I did Sharon Osborne show and Drew Barmore, like, daytime stuff, the view. But I never did, like, another night. It's amazing. I never did, like, a late night.

You did the view. How was the view? The view is weird, yeah. Whoopi said my name wrong. Of course she did. How did she say it? She said, like, Daniel Fron and just gave. gave up. It was such a weird intro.

It was okay. It is okay, but I mean like, damn, I'm on the freaking view. Yeah. Like, come on, just say it right. You're like, whoopee. I have this whole song. I'm doing a cabaret. I'm writing a cabaret right now. I have this whole song about like how no one can say my name right and I open it with the whoopie. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, we're doing it. I did the, uh,

I did the, um, what was it? Um, I did the, um, what was it? Fuck. What was the show? Fuck. I forgot. God damn. Oh, I did, uh, comic relief. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, they went away and it came back.

Comic Unleashed? Comic Unleashed. No. Who was on it? I wish this was acid. I'd pour it on both these. Because that did come back. Yeah, we're not wrong.

I just did that one. What did you call it? Comic Unleashed. Comics Unleashed. That's back. That's Byron Allen. I just said it's Byron Allen. He used to have a million.

No, comic relief was a big special that was raising money that was hosted by Whoopie. Yeah, I know comic relief. Yeah. And Billy Crystal. It was Boston, wasn't it? No. I thought it was everywhere. It was everywhere.

No, that's, I can't. I hate everybody in this room. You're making me feel. Not me. I got you. I love you, dude. Were you 400 pounds? You're an asshole.

I hope you get fat again. I didn't ever say. That's so mean. Watch this. That is so. No. That's the worst. It doesn't, it's not work.

It doesn't work. It feels like it does. I think it does. I'm going to go get pizza. I feel swollen. It does feel like it. It does feel like it works. My asshole hurts right now.

Comic Relief was a big, it was one of the biggest things, HBO every year. Yeah, I've seen clips. Okay. So they went away and then they brought it back for a year. They were doing an HBO comedy festival in Vegas.

It was huge. And I went there and I remember I was backstage. I was opening for Dane. Dane when he was fucking huge. Yeah. Just popped. It's fucking nuts.

And we're backstage. I mean, everybody. And Louis was there too. Louis was writing stuff and about to pop too. And I'm sitting there at the fucking craft service. I'm just eating. And this guy behind me is trying to get in. And I'm just like, all right, dear, I'll be done.

I hear Louis, Bobby, going, Bobby, Bobby. And I'm like, what? He goes, come here. And I walk over with what? He goes, that's the head of HBO that you're blocking the chicken salad for. Oh, shit. I am. So all of a sudden, Dan goes up, fucking murders.

Comes off, Whoopie brings him on and off. She comes off. She's like, I love that joke you did. That joke. I might use that. That's a good one. I might use that. To you? To Dane. I was stealing chicken salad.

To Dane? Yeah. Dane was just like, what? Is she going to take my joke? Yeah. Yeah, she's fucking taking it if she wants it. Yeah. I might use that as crazy.

I might use that as fucking. But that's the way it was back in the day. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. People would just take it. a joke like that? Yeah, and it was fine?

No, it's not fine. It's terrible. It was fine, though. It was back in the day day. People would use you. But then there was a point where like Richard Pryor and Hicks and people like that, you come up and Carlin, they changed it to look at this. This is my personal life.

You can't fucking take it. Right. You know what I mean? And then, but comics still did it. Comics still would take stuff. I need to know what joke can Dane Cook and Whoopie Goldberg? have in common, yeah. Woo!

I know. I want to ask him if he remembers that. That's really funny. Yeah, Dan, I mean, Dane. Dane was a killer. Yeah. Let me tell you something. I did that tour with him,

and I would go out and fucking murder in front of him. Yeah. And then he would just walk behind me like Brady and just be like, what's up in a good show? And then go up and just fucking, what's up? And dude, the fight. And the place would go, the place would shit.

I was like, fucking, well. When he pops. Like that was killed He was just murdered Like that was a special In an arena in a round Where he's murdered The top of the mountain for sure

Like he's murdering in an arena Like it's like a nightclub He brought that shit back Dice brought it back Murphy brought it back It went away And then Dane brought it back And now

Everybody's doing Well not every Yeah Voss is doing the fuck It's fucking doing We're squeezing the It's just like it's It's jumped the shark

I feel like he's still Talking to himself Like no I'm fucking I haven't seen one photo of Shane at the garden. I've seen 17 of us. You know? I mean Shane is probably, I've done a lot

of those shows. Shane is probably the fucking most relaxing green. Just solid, just regular. Show what's up? What's going on? Just cool guy backstage. You don't feel like you're eating his nuts.

Yeah. I probably should have used another snack. No, that works. You're not black. You're not black. You're not. the man's egg salad, you know what I'm saying? You're not blocking his egg salad. There's a good analogy.

I might have that. I might use that. I'm going to take that. What joke? It's a black thing. That was the joke. So you got this special comment. Who filmed it?

Did you produce it? Yeah, I self produced it. Where was a shot? Right around a block. A LPR, the Rock Club? Oh, yeah. You know the Rock Club? Yeah, I did.

Why would you say that? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked twice. I mean, is he in? He digs it. I apologize. No, I just, I didn't know you to be, you know, at the club. At the club.

I'm fine. I don't go to it, but I know of it. Okay. Dude, I didn't fucking, you know what I did in this neighborhood? My jizz is all up and down the street. I banged all the waitresses. I used to get my dick sucked downstairs. I know.

I'm sorry. You know the secret room? No, I don't know. Yeah, you don't know the secret room. I got blown by two girls with dreadlocks in the same night and they were white. You know the odds of that? Zero to none. Okay.

white. It was the 90s. Where's the secret room? It was the 90s. I'm not telling you it's closed. We had to seal it up. Yeah, I thought they ciled it up. Sealed it up?

Yeah, they had it. That is so weird. It was a me too. What is in there? A me too lost in a New York chair. Seal up the secret room is some New York. Yeah, there's a Netflix documentary

coming out about it. Me and Keith, when the Me Too thing happened, me and Keith called each other. Yo, what's up, man? It was a good worker. Were you? And then we didn't get anything.

We're like, God damn, we ain't shit in this business. You're like sad you didn't get rolled out. They're going to knock us out of Poughkeepsie this weekend. That's great. And you got, what are you got coming up? What's happening with you? I just do mostly L.A. shows because I have children that someone needs to watch them.

But I mostly do. You should be there right now. I mean, you should be. You're not a good mother. The thing is, I mean, you're not a good mother. Career first. Just a whisper. You should be.

You can spend more time. You never get these years back. When I leave, I'm just going to stay home and get fat again. I hate you guys. You hear that? Oh, my God. That is so. I'm sorry.

No, that's terrible. I should do it. I did it wrong. Mommy, where are you, mommy? Mommy. Where are you Asian? What's happening? Don't there is not mommy.

Mommy, where are you? Oh, these are my dates. Yeah, we got your dates right here. First of all, go to your punch-up pages. What? Well, just go to Ian Lauer Live. It'll take you to the punchup. It'll take you to the punchup.

Don't go there. Go to punchup. I mean, this is the easiest way. I don't even know what my link is. But you get their email. It's what's his link? I know, I know.

I'm getting more emails. What's his link, buddy? If you go to Ian Lara Live. com, it will forward you to you. What is, Danny, I'm asking you a question as my producer. What is the fucking link to his thing? Just go to the link. What is it?

Punchup. com. Punchup. Live slash Ian Lara. Go to punchup. com. Or Ianlarolaralav. If you go,

if they go, If they go here, you get their email. You get their email either way. It'll go. It'll take them there. But if they go there, right? This is great. If they go there.

Yeah. If they go there first, and they see stuff, they might not go here. If they see a clip, they might not go. Yeah, they might not go here. I'm trying to get you that email. I got you. I appreciate that. Anyways, where are you going to be?

Oh, yeah, I got a, I got, I'm at Zanis in Chicago February 26th to 28th. Yeah, that'll be, that'll be great. I'm doing Zanis Nashville, March 5th. I'm at, I'm, oh, LA, I'm pushing that. I'm at the upstairs. I'm doing one night in L.A. Louisiana, San Francisco at the punchline.

Upstairs, where? At the comedy store? No, the upstairs. That's the name of the club. Have you done it? Have you done it? It's really nice. Yeah, it's nice.

It's new. It's like, it always gets packed because it's like the newest spot. Yeah, I think it's a Live Nation club. Oh, good. Love Nation. Love those guys. Yeah. I got Tulsa.

I got a bunch of dates, Ian Larolive.com. Or punchup. Dot Live slash Ian Lara. There you go. And what are you guys? my friend. I'm doing colleges a lot everywhere. Get the fuck out.

Yeah. And I kill them. How? It's so much fun. 500 to 250. Can I tell you something right now? I stopped. I couldn't relate.

Here's the thing. I was in Mean Girls, so I have a little bit of an in with them. Oh, that's why. That helps, you know? But I have the best time doing those shows. I don't even, like, I work all my stuff out there. Great.

And then I come back and I'm on far horribly funny with her, which is we have a rotating cast of like absolute bangers Dane's on that show sometimes. Jay Leno even. What is it? It's a really, it's like the best. show in L.A. right now. It's because it has like me and then everyone else is famous. So it's like really

nice. It's a stand-up or a podcast? It's stand-up. And it's at the comedy store. So he has like this sick-ass line-up. Oh, that's sick. And there's like 15 like everybody. Like whoever is in town is like on that show. Oh, that's open to home. No, it's like it's like it's really, it's bangers. It's like Margaret Cho, Tiffany Haddish, David Spade.

Bobby Lee. Andrew Santino. Yeah. It's so much. I know is my, I love his comedy. He's so funny. I love Bobby Lee. And he's a nice guy too. I think Bobby Lee is. And Arsenio, Arsenio, Orney Adams.

Bobby, Bobby. Yeah. Can we fucking, we, I'm trying to save this plug. I'm fine. And you're burying it. Arsenio Hall, or are you stop? All right. All right.

Bobcat both weight. No. No, I love Bob. I love you, Bobby. Yeah. Listen. We have red skeleton is coming. Shut up.

The unknown comic. Bobby Lee, I feel like, has made so much, he is so funny right now. He's, he just filmed his special. Finally. Yeah, and he's so funny. Like, when he takes the stage, it's like, it's magical. Yeah. Everybody's just like.

I did a show at the store and he was on before me. And I was like, I was so impressed. I was like, wow, Bobby, you're fucking, you, you really became a solid, solid, solid motherfucking stand-up, you know? I mean, I don't know. And Santino's great, too. He is really good. I want to come out and do the show,

but you've got to make sure, you know, the list, you know, certain people you can't have one on me. Okay, give me your list. I think you know that. I think I know that. I think you know my list. Which I didn't know that before. You've heard my name brought up.

So you do a show with her. Yeah, we do a show. Can I say something about colleges? It's funny because when I came up, colleges is how we made our money. As like up and coming comics, we just go do colleges. Because we couldn't,

We couldn't headline clubs yet. That's still where the money is. Here's the thing about my stand-up career, which is actually weird. I've only been doing stand-up like 11 years. I've been in the business 25. But I was in the closet. So I didn't want to do stand-up because it just felt indigent. Yeah.

We'd make fun of you too. Yeah. And yeah, it was like torture and scary, you know? Was it? Yeah, because I was making money doing film and television. So I was afraid to try to do stand-up because if I'm outed and stand-up, I lose my film and television money. It felt like a very weird climate. Now you say outed, you mean out.

out of the closet. So you thought doing stand-up and you'd be, because you'd have to talk about what you are. Or maybe I didn't, or maybe I did it, or maybe I thought it'd sound gay, or I don't know what, but it was too afraid. Well, it was just hard doing stand-up and not being who you want to be. It was afraid to speak as myself, period. I would speak in interviews or whatever, but I couldn't,

I could do sketch, I could do theater, I could do everything, but I was afraid to talk as myself. And then I started doing storytelling where it was an intimate room where I didn't feel like they'd be, you know. And then I did my first show here at the Players' Theater. Right. Like I did my first big stand-up show. It was called I never really made the kind of money to become a mess.

It was like 2000 and, like, I don't know, like 10, probably, nine or 10. That's when I was born. Sure. I hate him. I hope you get fat and I hope you die. You just throw it all of them. I just keep listening to Ian on the stuff. But yeah, so then after that, that was the way I could really book it quickly, you know?

I mean, he's having, I'm literally enjoying this and then you throw it in. You know rock clubs? You were 400 pounds He's just the minute He's just a fucking I hope it's all taken away I really do I hope you get attacked by a shot

Make a fat Everybody make him I hope your next special Is about losing your legs Losing your legs He'll be less weight That's no no make him fat What

You're gonna rub it on them And what do you got your show Well I host that show So the show is called Horribly Story. It's at the comedy store. That's the show I usually host. The Booker is Greg Agop, and he's the best dude ever. How is the new management at the store?

It's good. How's the new Booker over there? She's great. Yeah, she's pregnant, so she's got to be home because women. You got to stay home. Yeah. You got to raise these kids, man. They need a mom.

But she's great. Everybody knows her. We all already know her, so it's actually. Mommy, I can't sleep. I'm so alone. Please, Mama. Mama. That kind of, you're making them so is.

or something. So funny. Mommy, I don't know you're here. Mommy, where are you? I look on the bed. I thought monster there, but nobody there. Is Indian. That was pretty good.

What, uh, no, I love that you have, you fucking have kids. You have a husband and you're kicking ass in your career, which is great. You know, because when you, I believe, when I, it scared me so bad having a kid because I thought I was going to lose everything. I thought it was going to make me less funny. I thought becoming. having something that I loved and connected with and having a family and having a wife,

that was going to make me less funny. Yeah. It's the gay thing. Well, I always wanted to have kids when I, like, made it, and then I was like, well, this is it happened. I got to have these kids now. I'm getting old. I just found one of my eggs on the floor.

I was like, it's got to happen now or never. I should have a kid. No, you shouldn't. I thought it was all great things. I don't want another one of you around. 35. 35. Oh, yeah.

That was about when I was like, uh-oh, but I'm a woman. You're fine. So what else you get coming up? That's basically it. What's your website? So if you go to Jay Keenan Comedy, I have all, that's where I list everything. It's easier on Instagram. Okay, great.

Yeah. Well, you can go to punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm in Colorado next week. Actually, this week, February 5th, 6th, and 7th, I will be there doing my shows with Danny Braff. Are you at the Comedy Works? We're going to have the comedy works.

We'll be staying in the fucking condo to. The downtown one, though? Yeah, uh, no. Oh, the other one. Oh, the downtown condo's so nice. The south one is great too. Is it? Is it?

Is it? Is it better than downtown, though? It's not as artsy, but it's not artsy, yeah. But it's actually nicer. Oh, it's okay. Yeah, it's like more modern. Downtown is, is an artsy loft. It is for sure.

Yeah, it's for young, stupid people that like homeless people. It is for young, stupid homeless. Fuck you, man. Oh, I hope you die in a plane crash on the way to your next game. I hope that happens just to spite you. I wouldn't have enough. I just keep playing that clip. Bring this clip up.

I would have this podcast with just them on. We just laugh. Right about when we do the eulogy, then Voss calls me. Do not edit it out. When it happens, do not edit it on the podcast. I hope it happens this weekend. Listen, where are you going this weekend? I'm home.

Oh, fuck. I'm in Pennsylvania. All right, so then Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio. Batavia, Illinois, one of the great clubs. They're the comedy vault. And then a Mohegan son, which I love. Go to punchup.org slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm in Austin at the mothership, July 4th, 3rd, and 4th weekend.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's going to... That'll be great. That'll be fun. That'll sell out. I hope you don't die. I hope you live. Go see Bobby.

He's a killer. I hope you live, but everything else fails. That's worse, man. I hope you come up to me in the street right there and go, you don't remember me? Nope. I was on your podcast. The problem is you're just going to skyrocket to fame. I'll have you open.

You can post about it. I wouldn't know. Let me tell you something. You'd have to offer me $30,000. I'll post for you. I'll have you open, but only if you post about it. Hey, guys. Only if you do BTS.

BTS content. I'll be fat again. Danny and you boys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff. And I have shows coming up in the Saratoga area. headlining in February. This is Joe Russell. Check out the cheese show on YouTube.

It's a fun show or I eat cheese with a comic and we ask them questions. What about your wife? My wife's on there too. Wow. Wow. What a dick. Wife is funnier than you, Joe. Yeah, I know.

She has fucking more talent than you'll ever have. Yeah. All right. Well, you guys, do me a favor. If you like the podcast, click subscribe and like and get on those comments. I'm telling you I'm going to get shit for this Italian food. You know, something. And then there's going to be Spanish people.

That's right, Izzy. You haven't tried my mom's lasagna? I got like cases of lasagna. Send it. Send it. I'll fucking eat it. Bring it on, bitches. You got on a journey.

I hate you. Anyways, we'll see you guys next time. We're going to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. We've got some questions for these people. So if you want to ask questions, you want to see the extra episode. And you want the extra extra. Go there and subscribe. subscribe. It's like a half a latte.

It's a small grande at Starbucks, you fucking cheap cocksackers, the ones who are there. I love you so much, ladybugs. We'll see you guys next time on. You know what, dude?