Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #626 | Rich Vos, Bonnie McFarlane, Drew Dunn

Episode Date: February 15, 2026

Rich Vos, Bonnie McFarlane, and Drew Dunn join the pod to discus Rich's eating habits, the big controversy in NY comedy, and Rich gives Bobby a wild gift.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Get 50% off your first month of Green Chef PLUS, then 20% off plusfree shipping for 2 months with code 50ykwd athttp://GreenChef.com/50ykwd Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. We're it all started. It's Robert Kelly. We're here at YKWD. You know what, dude, at the Comedy Cellar Studios. We got a great lineup of comedians. Some of my favorites and some of the.

are my friends and some I hope someday will be. Bonnie, I hope we become friends someday. I was like, how many people are on this podcast? Danny, who do we got? The entire rap state. Let me do it. First of all, we got from Dry Bar special.

It was dry bar. It was huge. Don't Tell Taped Set. Tonight Show with Fallon. Drew Dunn is here. Hey, what's it up? I'm going to say right now, I think he's one of the Seriously, one of the greatest comedy writers of this generation. I'm going to stop.

What I don't have to say was Bonnie's going to say right now. Oh, okay. You hijacked my compliment. He's fantastic. He really is. He's very funny. I don't see it. I was going to say, please let Rich take something.

Physically, he looks like a fucking cab driver from the fucking. No, you don't want to look at it. But very, very, very. He really does. Good listening. He looks like one of those guys at a baseball game who actually writes down every little thing. He has like his own character.

I'm a bobblehead. I do think that about Drew, that you're always scanning. Like, I'm like, it's like he's, he's at the roulette table. Writing down. The first time I saw him, I go. We have, this is crazy credits. I'm not going in order of credits because I'm saying this. A writer for the Golden Globes, the Tonight Show with Fallon,

the writer, the amazing Bonnie McFallin. Oh, thank you. And we have. I was on the, um, I'm in the Epstein Files. Pretty cool. You made it? Yeah, so my daughter texted last night.

She's like, oh, my God, you're in the Epstein Files. And, of course, we, I started in the family text to my family. I made it. Congratulations. I'm the comedy show. Anyone is anyone. It was a show with David Tell, I guess. He used to come to the comedy show.

And the amazing, the legend, legend, who has a special called Rich Voss Anonymous. Why Anonymous? It was an A. I did it at a 12th. But I have better credits than that. There's many reasons why he could call it anonymous. I think me and him and all his friends could have a special called Anonymous. I have way better credits.

First of all, two-time Oscar writer. He got golden glows. I am two-time Oscar's are dead. The Golden Gloves where it's at, all right? Did they do the Oscars? Give him his flowers. No what? Give him his flowers.

First of all, I fucking love that hoodie on you. Yeah. And he's a writer. he's an actor He's a producer I don't know about actor Okay Oh really?

I'm going to take that away Oh quick King of Staten Island Rich Play Lenny Bruce Do you remember in the car You played an old Jew comedian Yeah

I played Lenny He's got a range He's got range He's got a range I like that hat What is that? It's uh... Everett Aqua Sox

That's what he does Yeah He's gonna I know He distract you We're about to slam him He distract you Right Looks he hat

He's also looking down here It's coming No no no No no I have nothing Nothing bad to say about Oh no no That's tense for draw. One of his more clever bits, ladies.

That was a good one. Can I say something? It was. Pretty good. Did you write that for him? If Gary Goldman had said it, I'd still be laughing. But it was just so unexpected. He said it like he just thought of something really good.

Gary would have had timing. I'm kidding. Guy would have said it and then led a parade. Oh, come on. What does that mean? But also, stop. talking. When you get a laugh, just count to 10. Just go, I did it. Let me, let me revel in this count to 10. Be grabbing for more. Always.

They, oh, sorry, you. Sorry. I think you're funny. That's why I'm laughing because of you. What do you talk about? We think you are funny. I don't care. No, man. I'm on borrow time. No, you're not, dude. You're fucking, you're still rocking. Top of your game. Top of your game. I killed at the garden. Buddy, you kill everywhere.

You kill everywhere, dude. And Tampa. You're so amazing. I'm all right. But he says, why don't you compliment me more? And then, because of this phenomenon that happens where you start complimenting him, and he upgrades your compliment. Yeah. So you go, you're an amazing comedian.

I killed at the garden. You know, he's got a like, you're like, you know how nervous I was? Yeah. Oh, at the garden, I was so nervous. And we've all done, well, us three have done really big things. Yeah. And Bonnie. So.

That was good. That one was nervous. I got nervous when I did Shane's gigs too because here's the reason. We've done big gigs in front of people who they were our crowds too. Shane's is a new audience of people. They're younger. They're, you know. So they don't really know who, like, they might know me a little bit, but they don't all know me.

You can tell by when they say names. It's like, you know, hey, but I was, I was shitting my pants before I went out. No, the other ones, first thing. You don't want to bomb on Shane's show. Well, you don't want a bomb in front of fucking 20,000 people. 20,000 people in a historic venue that you've been dying to play your whole life. I did it. I bombed at the garden.

No, you did. I got booed off stage. No. Are you kidding? No. Buddy, I wish there was cell phones at this time. No, it was back when I first started. me, Dane, Jay Hall, and the cell,

we did improv, sketch comedy in front of 14,000 people. Now the story's not as fun at all. After the spin doctors, before fish, they brought us out because we won a local competition. And we went out and did a sketch. I'm about to boo this story. We were so cocky.

We were like, we'll get them. We didn't get them at all. But for a fucking second. They were looking at it. And Dane came up with a stupid idea. we were all wearing different colored shirts because we're improv group and he came to do we should all squat down

and when they introduce us we jump up one by woman turn to the crowd and that was the worst because we looked like oh the wiggles that's no good we look like a band Bobby wasn't this at the Titi Garden no this was at the original Boston Garden

oh the Boston Garden oh the Boston Garden yeah it was bad it was bad they started chanting shan-na-na-na-na oh my god and you guys I saw the guy who started it too I saw him go he went 14-na-na-na-na-na-14-000 people just cattle

you guys we need different suggestion okay we need different suggestion no I said I actually freeze I actually one of my line I gave him Martin Luther King's speech because we were bombing so bad and we were in a freeze thing

like a freeze improv I remember looking at Dane's eye He was frozen on stage. You could hear it happening. And I remember a speed of sweat went like over his opened eye. And he didn't even close it. And I took my shirt off. I go, Boston, we didn't come here to ruin your night.

We know you came here to see the spin doctors. Fish. We want to rock and roll, right? All right, we're going to do that. But give us three things that piss you off. And a shoe went by my head. You, you, and you. The three things that pissed me off.

See, when I do those, like when I did St. Louis with Shane, I walked up, I go, fuck the Rams, those fags went back to L.A. Because they left St. Louis. Yeah, right. So right there, they love me. Yeah, yeah. And then you do your eye. Right.

And then fucking, you know, at the garden, I walk up, I go, fuck the Celtics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then just to get, and I went first at the garden. But we've done, here's the thing in this business. You're saying so. You do hack rock and roll bits? No. Hey, fuck the Celtics.

Right, Knicks fans? It just gets them your attention to pay attention to you. But the thing is in this business, you get rewards for years of hard work and being funny. And you're so fucking nervous during a reward. You know what I'm saying? Like that, you, I mean, not then as an improv group, but stuff you've done is rewards from you being good. and we get nervous. Like you're a fucking wreck.

You walk up, get to first laugh, and it's gone. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because it's a new thing, I think. Any new thing. The things that you want are painful. I thought you were talking about what he just said. Yeah, so I know. I didn't.

First of all, we're not going to do it this time. Every time me and Bonnie and you were on a show. Andrew. Andrew. Every time me, Andrew, you say that we gang up on you. I don't kill what you. And I'm not ganging up on you this time.

I am not. I refuse, Bonnie. Yes. Because first of all, you got a pep talk before the show. I didn't get a pep talk. I got a talking to. Well, you're a woman. I don't want you and Bobby ganging up on me again this time.

It's not going to happen. We have two things I have to cover. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the news? Yeah. Right from our correspondent. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back.

Welcome back to Vos News. What's up? Two things. Okay. One. Has to do with the Jews. No. No.

No. No. No. No, that was my doing stuff. I told you the story. Drew doesn't know. I'll explain you to Drew before I set it up. I'm working in August in Tacoma.

What's the two rooms? Tacoma and the other one. Nate Jackson's? No, you did it. Two rooms. One night, Spokane and Tacoma. In August. Great comedy club.

Great, yeah. Good snacks. So, I don't know where I get to this email. Hey, we see you're coming out here. would you like to do Seattle the night before the night after? I write back and go, let me find out and see if it's okay with the club.

You know, I'm not sure. I asked the club yet, they go, no problem. So I write the guy, I can do, I can do the Thursday night before in Seattle. Must you burp while talking? I got, pause for a second. You don't have your headphones on.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, we have breaking news. What? With our reporter on the streets. Right now, we're going live with Mr. Rich Voss. Because somebody pressed a button for this music. Rich, I'm passing it to you.

So this guy emails me. Thank you for that timely mute. He was like 15 minutes. He had to Google it. I told you. Worst producers in the business. He's like checked three different. That would be better.

You want to keep doing a podcast to get very little listeners. You get these guys. Yes. Are you in the witness protection program? You want it to look good but not be good? You get these guys. Not teaming up against me is the same as interrupting my story. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. This is what I live with. Now you guys see, right? What the fuck, man. It's like... Come on, do some more improvs. Just go ahead. Tell your story.

I'm excited to hear what club fucked you over. No, no, no. Yeah. Oh, this is Seattle. I have a feeling I know where this is gone. No, it's not a club. Club owners are my daddy. I just saw Voss, look at you, with husband rage.

I know, because I'm getting more and more balls. I don't care anymore. He can't hit his way he's... Yeah, it's called falling out of love. Again? Ever since I got my own room. Wild. Smartest movie you ever done.

She gave Voss his own Victorian 17th century room downstairs. Beautiful. It is beautiful. It is beautiful. Stunning. Stunning. I'm taking notes for later. in life.

He means his funeral home. Most of the things he collected, he collected as a boy. Go ahead. So I'm working Tacoma's fine. I get an email. Would you like to do Seattle? Okay. Let me find out.

Then I email the guy, yes. Let's put something together. Hang on one second. Who is it? Hang on one second. Hang on. Hang on. Hello?

Hi. Isabel? Do you know what it is? It's Isabel. Hey. Hey, what's up, Isabel? How are you? I'm good.

I just wanted to call him because I hear Voss finally made it on the show. Oh, he's up right here. He's in the middle of a story. You couldn't have more perfect timing. Oh, God. What story? Don't make us go back to the beginning. We can't go back to the beginning.

Bonnie doesn't want to hear it again. We can just end it right there. Okay. Yeah, why are you calling? Let her talk. She's great, Isabel. I just, you know, I wanted to contribute just what Voss is contributing, which is nothing. Does West Side comedy do music now?

Who's there besides? We got Drew Dunn. We got the amazing Bonnie McFarlane and we got Rich Voss, the legend. Well, this was all Danny. idea. This shouldn't go as planned, huh? What was supposed to happen? I called in when she was here.

Oh, okay. But I only say nice things about Isabel. But do I know Isabel? No one knows Isabel. That's not true. What's Isabelle's last name? Isabel a comedian? Oh, I know her.

She's funny. Very funny. Very funny. First of all, first of all, you're going to stay in character all the way. Why were you calling? No, I called. I didn't know Bobby was doing a podcast. What'd you say?

I have the same character all the way. Well, you can't rat this. When it fails, you're going to stay in it all the way. You can't just bail out of it and throw Danny out of the bus. Why not? Oh, shit. Sorry. No, you can.

He's joking. Of course, I'm joking. All right, I'll talk to you. Thank you for calling in an interrupting ball. Yes, so you're a plug her special. Oh, your special is where? Tell us. Oh, it's on Veeps.

Veeps. So, you know. What's the name of it again? I will Google, I will Google Veeps. Bonnie said she's going to Google Veeps right when she's got it. She's got an amazing special on VEPS right now. If I could figure out how to get it, I would love to watch it. She's very funny.

I'll talk to you later. Thanks. Sorry about the bit dying. What? I don't understand. She did say the line. Fucking dumb Danny. She didn't say the line.

She blew the bit. She blew the bit. Okay. So how is it supposed to do, Danny? Let's go. I'll be her, you be me. Ready? Hello?

Hey, why are you calling? Hey, well, I figured that, you know, Voss called during my episode and interrupted. Maybe I'm going to call it during his episode to interrupt. That's not a good line? Annie wrote it. She said, what was the line? Not a good line. She said, what was the line?

So, Danny, you called her and said, hey, this is going to be good. She's a great comedian. She understands comedy. He wanted to do six comics. because he interrupted two episodes in a row for six comics I thought it'd be funny of all six comics interrupted this episode You know what I would think it'd be funny If you don't try to think what's funny

I think he's already doing that This could ruin Isabelle's career Bobby Bobby can you ask Danny What I told him when he told me about the idea I already told him that Danny asked Joe and Joe said Don't do it

And then he called me and he goes I'm going to do this. And I say, why you just do one? Yeah. So I do have to take some. It could have been, it could have been funny if there'd been something funny. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Well, I think it would have been funny if they had all six. But if the first person blows their cover, it's a rap. You know what I mean? Like, by the fourth one, we're like, okay, I get it. Plus, back to you. So. So Tacoma, Spokane. Seattle calls you.

See, email. Why would you not let him go through the whole thing? No, I'm not going to the whole thing. He wasn't going to. I'm trying to catch everybody up. So I email him. I talk to the guy on the phone. Remember, he emails me,

can you do that? Yes. I talked. So whatever his deal was, I agreed. 80% of the door, no guarantee. Yeah.

Either hotel or no hotel. It didn't matter because I'm going into Tacoma the night before anyhow. Right. I've done out for a second, but now he's like telling complete, like, he's telling about a deal? You need this.

It only matter to him. No, No, this matters for the story. Oh, it does. Sorry, we're back. So I agree to his dumb deal. You know, it's just... I go in.

There's no peanuts. I let it go. I say, okay. He didn't get everything. Go ahead, dear. I love your bracelet. Please don't touch me. Your braces are Gannon.

You guys really do gang up on him. I know. No, thank you. A little bit. I said I love your bracelet. No, he, Drew knows comedy. So I agree to, the guy's deal. He says to me,

you know, what's your history in Seattle? I haven't been there in years. I didn't know. It was my history anywhere. What does that mean? He writes back, now, he writes back, he goes, the team and I, or it leaves me, the team and I decided to

pass. The team. Wait, hold on, the team and I decided to pass, but why don't you try these two clubs? Oh. I wasn't trying. I wasn't going to. I wasn't. It wasn't in my mind to work Seattle. Right, right.

What about the part with the hotel? What about? Remember you said in the details that you couldn't remember if the hotel or not? And you said, oh, it'll come back. It's important to the story. No, no. What's the part of the hotel?

And say, no, was agreeing to his terms. You said it was important part of the story. You said, wait a minute. You laid that pipe for a reason. You said it was an important part of the story and I'm going to get back to it. Yeah, so what? We want to hear that part.

Okay. The hotel part of the deal. Whatever. Yes. Yes. The part of the deal is, you guys get me hotel and 80% of the door. Right.

All right. Tickets were, I think, 25, I said. All right. And it's a small room. But I figured I'm flying anyhow. Right. My room paid for it.

Do it and then go. He writes back. The team and I decided to pass. Did we hear this over? Yeah. But I have the guy's number. I have, you should call them and go, what happened? All right, let me see.

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I hope Isabel. No, let's not do this. I hope Isabel picks up. What? This is, I don't know. Don't call them? No. Why?

It's just so stupid. It's just, it doesn't make you look good in any way. This whole story doesn't make you look good in any way. This is your wife. I mean, it's like, it's another fight with a club owner, which you upset about constantly. But it's not a claim. Why are you always having these fights with these? No, he's not.

They represent your father. Can I say something? You're molested. in a funeral home. Oh. You were molested in a funeral home? That's why we have that room in our house. Oh, he's recreating his molestation.

Yes. Yes. This all makes sense. And then any man in power is his dad. Right, who didn't protect him. Yes. From getting sucked off. Whatever happened.

The Victorian era. Right. Can I show you all my new figurine? If you had a claw foot in here, you'd see a real trigger. You can't say that. What? Trigger? Yeah.

You can say trigger. Oh, I get it. Why? She meant. It's most of a bad word. Yeah, it's most of it. All right, so don't call the part. I don't even think of the other one is a bad word.

I can say that. But isn't that crazy when he says, why don't you try these clubs? You reached out to me. That is a fucking wild move. Whoever you are as a club owner or whatever you are, that's a wild move. Reach out to somebody.

It's because he liked Rich and wanted him. And then the other guys were like, you know, he's actually pretty controversial. I don't think it was... Exactly. And they were like... We're going to get a lot of emails about Rich. Let's talk about it for a second if we could about this guy.

Rich Voss coming in. No, I lived in Seattle for like a chunk of my childhood, dude. It's all... I don't know if it was guys. I think it was... I think there was a couple girls in there. This is Everett, you want to know the hat. That's right outside Seattle.

So, yeah. I'm sure they knew about the Winnipeg stuff. They're like, ah. They googled me and said, no. Yeah, no. Exactly. That's exactly what happened. Did you ask why?

Here in Seattle. No, I never talked to him. He just, he left, he emailed me and said, we're going to pass. Try these clubs. He didn't even call me. So that's why I think that guy liked you. He still felt weird about like, here's some other clubs that might not Google you. He's got a couple of dorks on his, on his board.

No, but it's not a real comedy club. And one by one, they just kept rejecting. And they just kept, like, no, they already called us ahead of time. They kept giving them clubs until he got to the dojo of comedy. This guy in Jersey has a club. Yeah. That's, I agree with you. dude, that's bullshit.

Can I get a tissue? That's bullshit. That is bullshit. The fact that he reached out to you and then rejected you. But then said, why do you try these clubs? That's what drove me nuts. Yeah.

Look, if people pass all the time. It happens, you know. You didn't call them at all. I wasn't planning on working on the Thursday. He should have worked it out with them before he gave him hope. Yeah, it feels like a prank just to make you feel bad. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe it was that. Maybe it was that. Yeah, he was a prank. Yeah, man, he's just fucking with him. you. Yeah. What's the club's name? Maybe they're all... I'm trying to find it. No, he wanted Rich. I'm pretty sure. And then somebody else's...

How do you know? Because I'm a... Because the guy... Because of the way the guy was like nice and then saying like, here, you should... I think we should get to the bottom of it. All right. Fine call. But I... Let's call. Let's call. I'm going to call. Give me his number. I got a picture of it. We're never going to call him. He won't know the number. Who takes a picture of an email? No, a picture of the number, the club. Wasn't it in the email? Wasn't it in the email? Wasn't it in the email? I think I race.

the email. I was so mad. Raced? Yeah. You ran next to it. You got it? Go ahead. Go ahead with the rest of you. I mean, we're just going to do an hour, us too. I guess. I mean, he's going to be looking for it.

Everybody, he spent the whole show looking for it. And right at the end, I go, all right, good night. He found it. You found it? You were not. You were not. You look like an adopted kid on the market. Draltry. Let me see. Roger Dalton is not that good.

You got it? No. Oh. I'll find it. Don't wait. It's here. Is it laugh comedy club? No, it's not a comedy club?

No, it's like a rock club. Hereafter? Hereafter. Tacoma. No, it's Seattle. Tacoma's the guys that like you. Yeah. Right.

Yeah, the hereafter is that like movie theater. Is that it? Was it the movie theater? The alligator lounge. It's like the Red Barn or something. Red barn or something? Red barn. Rock box?

Rock box? Rock box? was that it? Rock box? That's it, isn't it? He'll never remember. Caryoke bar. This is like playing a game with your grandfather.

Was it the rock box? He's not even hearing that. You know what I'm saying? He's like playing the game with your grandfather. That's what you said. I hear everything. I know what goes on around me. I'm very aware.

That's what makes me so good on stage. I'm aware of my surroundings. I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Was it the Vera Project? He's still looking. This is nuts. We shouldn't even talk until he finds it. Do you ever, like, think about your spouse?

We have all the rock plugs up on the screen in Seattle. Do you want to look and tell us which one? They can't do it that way. What's that? He can't do it that way. He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember. What were you saying, Bonnie?

Like, you got to try to remember what you, like, why did I choose him? Like, you know, out of everyone. I think about it. Like, I think you didn't believe in you. I was fully, like, I was fully, like, Yeah. Like, there was no part of me that was like, I don't know. I was like, let's do it.

I play calling. This is the reason why Vosk will never find it. He keeps finding other things that he's wanted to show people. I know. No. I'm calling cancer and a movie coming out. Yeah. That's pretty fun.

That's looks. Voss, you could also search your pictures. If there's a good word or something in there, you can look for that word. Now you're teaching him how to use. Yeah, look for, look for, look for, we pass. Oh, my God. Let me see. It's called the, here.

What's it called? The rabbit. box. Let's see who's working at the rabbit box. Yeah, go to the rabbit box. Rabbit box. I got his number. I got it. This is in Tacoma? I don't know. Where is this? Seattle. I told the story. I know, but

I got confused because the beginning there was like a lot of Tacoma talk. You got it? Who's there? It's a rock. Tonight, open Michael. Here we go. It looks like a nice place. First of all.

If you get them on the phone, which she won't answer. Right. Who's there? Okay, who's there? Who's that? Oh, it's an open mic. Okay, open mic? They probably, he offered me 80%.

And then the other guy goes, we can't pay that problem. Kiss me, Lushy, DJ, Glitters. That could be the other reason. They just really. Len Hendricks. Okay, so it's a lot of bands. Any comments? Scroll down to find a comic.

All right there. Who's that? Who's that? Jonathan Van Halem. Jonathan Van Halen? He's the grandson to a. Yeah, to Van Halen. He changed it from...

It's like Peter Fowler or something. Yeah, he does. That place. All right. There we go. All right. Put your headphones on. Don't say you have me here yet.

Bobby, you should ask for it. Please leave your message before. Tell him to call you back. Mackenzie McIncharditch. Oh, shit. McKenzie McInty. That's why he said call back. Because he pushed me to voicemail when he saw the number.

No, that always happens. Why? Oh. I just called. Every time his name comes up, I get gas. On the shitter. Oh, that high guy. Rich.

Have you just given up? Hello. Hello. Please leave your message. Nope, he's going right to voicemail now. What is that? My face comes up. So he's probably seeing it and being like, oh, shit.

Who's that? Another controversial figure that wants to work our club. Isn't that where all those guys He's Googling you right now? Seattle is, yeah. Seattle's cancel. Maritime and Lewis Gomez were supposed to work a club. Same thing, yeah. They all got emailed sent to the club and shut the whole thing down.

They do that amongst the comedy. Can I say something? They blacklist each other. Someone said an off-colored joke. They get blacklisted through the whole seat. It's crazy. Tell us about the comedy shop thing. Can I say something real quick about?

Yeah, it's your show. I don't think it's, I think it's you are, You have been very controversial with your, you know, you're Jewish. You're very proud of it. You stick up for the Jews. And you have a lot. What? You have, I'm outspoken for Israel.

Right. You're outspoken for Israel. I don't want you to ring this up. Oh, sorry. You don't control things. I know. I know. The Jews do.

But. We're doing well. We're doing well. That's a game. So do you think they went to my Instagram? I thought you meant the podcast is doing well. You're talking about the Jews? Yes, yes.

Okay, I got it. I think that they went to your Instagram and they saw this stuff and was like, this will be for that town? Yeah, Seattle's not cheering for it. Yeah, Seattle. Yeah. I think they did it, they did it for your protection.

Right. If they found out, if they found out you were showing up or your Diamond Star gave it, they would have had to. Yes. The only Jew in Seattle? Yeah, dude. Right.

Listen, I used to work Seattle for the crazy guy. John Fox. No, no. No, the one guy that used to seat the people, host to Rue. Terry. Oh, okay. It was a great room. We worked there together once.

Terry. I met this guy. He does like a casino run now out in the middle one. No, he's dead. Oh, he's dead. I met a different guy. That's what Billy Burke called me up. He goes, this fucking guy.

He's seat in the room. Yeah. And then he's telling me, What to do. And what, yeah, I heard this guy's a dickhead, right?

Yeah, Jeff Guy did a guest spot. He was an open micer when I worked there. Okay. He was an open micer. And I think it was 100% they went, they all go to your Instagram now. And they see how many likes you get,

what your content is. And they probably saw all that stuff. And there's probably like death to all Palestinians and stuff on that. I don't know. I blocked him a long time ago. I don't know what he does. I don't, I don't say anything.

I, Whatever. I'm not going to go into it, but you don't say anything about what? I'm not mean. I just put out facts. Yeah, but two people who hate you is you're mean. Well, then they're... I bet the people...

It's also, it's like... Yeah. I don't know. It's just... Yeah. Complicated. There's just a few states you don't fucking go to right now. Yeah.

You don't go to Minneapolis. You don't go to Seattle right now. You just... Also, I do a TV show that leans to the right once a month. Right. Right. I bet it was all that. It wasn't you. And I'll do that TV show every day if I could.

It was your... They were looking at the venue and they were saying, you know what? We don't have a wheelchair ramp. Oh, I'm old? No, your audience. You just said you leave you. Yeah.

Yeah, you don't need one. Wow. He immediately took that and you are old, by the way. I am old. Yeah. You have an AAP card, right? You don't... Take yours out and look at it.

It's AARP. I knew I said it wrong And I was wishing somebody smart He wouldn't have called me out on it But you were here He probably doesn't even know what we're talking about He puts the RNARP It's not going to be around when he was old

I'll tell you how old I shut up That was too good When I What What was it? Wow Oh I was getting

Medicare Right When I got my Medicare And We were going over the You know You already feel old getting Medicare. Then they go, they were giving me my prescription plan.

And they go, do you want us to take it out of your Social Security? I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. And then they said, do you want us to help you find a plot? That's the joke. I just threw in. They didn't say that. Wow. I hate when people reveal magic tricks.

The cards over here. She heard me talking to the Social Security later the other day. She was so nice to me. Miriam. Me or you guys were going to run away together. Were you hoping? He goes, he went to get a hearing test, and then he told me, he goes, I don't know, I don't know. And then he's talking to her about it.

And she goes, you don't need it. You hear fine, sweetie. He went, what? Yeah. Boss says what more than anything. It's, but that's not because of hearing. It's funny what constitutes flirting. What is it?

I know, I know. You can hear pretty well. Geez, back off, lady. Right when you. I came right when she said that. First nice thing you heard the year. That didn't hurt my feelings.

I'm sorry. So, so, so, so this club, it's not personal. It's just, you don't know, we're, I guarantee it, dude. It was just, they didn't want to bring you and deal with the hassle. I don't think there would have been a hassle. Really? No.

I work everywhere. Seattle is the fucking ground zero of Antifa. Yeah. It takes just a couple to be like, yeah, we're doing this. Yeah, one person. Rich boss, I don't think so. Not in our town. Not on this Capitol Hill.

And that voice, too. Yeah. We're going to march up and down these hills. Good. That'll get some fucking publicity. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. So they get fire bombed.

Yeah. So what? I'll be gone. I think it's the first time the rat box has been firebombed, whatever it was called. The, well, there's another, Bonnie brought it up down the street. What's it called? The comedy shop? Yeah, yeah, just down the street from here.

Which has been open forever. It used to be the Village Lantern. And it was pretty much became the Boston comedy of the Village. Yeah. What Boston Comedy Club was. No, Boston had all headlines. Well, we had better comics. I'm not saying that.

But, you know, not to get to, have I ever been there? It was another, it was. You shot your special there, didn't you? Yes. It used to be called the Village Lantern. That's why I already said that. Yes.

I said that. Okay, but I can never remember which one is which. If you could reiterate that again shortly, that'd be great. These are like little dumpy-do comedy. Well, it's in the basement. It's whatever. It's just a little bit of basement. Now it's like fancy bar in the front.

Oh, that's a little like 60-seat showroom in the bar. I married Joe Russell there. right Joe that is correct yeah so right past the bar Joe's like shut up about that what do you mean you married him well him and Joe the guy who owns are the best friends I think you guys didn't you guys go out this weekend pushy grabbing that's how he met Olivia um I don't know the details of it I read a little bit there's a girl that was trying to get in at the club? Does anybody know?

What she was trying to get in? She was already in there. I saw her post and what she said was like she was trying to get more. She was talking to him about getting more spots or getting a certain thing. And the guy was basically like, well, if you want to get more spots, you know what you got to do, insinuating that. She had the fucking thing. And apparently he went and grabbed there, but she was wearing a coat and grabbed her what? Downstairs or tried to.

But she was wearing the New York fucking white room. He brought her to the old room downstairs. Yeah. So he showed her to the village. Village Lantern. So he literally reached for her crotch. According to her, yes. Yeah, that's what she said on her post.

I wasn't there. So, yeah, that's just what she said. Listen, dude, we're not fucking trying you. Yeah. I don't know what the... What's your opinion? Well, how did you feel when you were watching that? I thought it was fantastic.

I love this guy. So he tried to grab. She apparently walked away, then made the post, and now everyone... Does she use any, like, girl kung fu when he tried to grab? Well, she was wearing one of those like New York City girl long black coats. It's like a sleeping bag. Yeah, exactly. Isn't that called the pussy defender?

When you see that, you just go, I'm not even going to try. Yeah, no, this guy's a fighter. Yeah, that's the bulletproof vest of pussy. Yeah. You have six buttons and three inches of fabric and he still went for it. So we try, he goes, you got to do it. What, what, okay, so let me ask a question. So his, so if you want to get more spots, what do you have to?

have to do. Let me grab your pussy. Well, I think he insinuated that she needed to have a threesome with another comic. There was two, there was another comic there and he's like, you two got a fuck. Oh, two girls? Something like that, yeah. I've never had it so clearly defined as you do this, you'll get this. Do you know what I mean? It's always been just.

But also, like, those are clearly the rules. You just don't say that out loud. Right, right. I got to get a club. One is about to open up right down the street. I heard his clothes. They said it's closing there. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll be available for you. She went online. Yeah, she went online. She went online and made a post. Can we find the post, Danny? She went online and made a post. And the post went viral.

And then I believe some of the more powerful women in comedy got a hold of it. Yes. Amy Schumer. Lori Kilmartin. No. Jessica. Jessica Curson. Curseon.

And they were like, fuck it. We got you. and they made it even more popular. And now everybody's turning. They're on the side of the club owners. Yes. Yes. Of course.

And if we had to do it, you had to do it. Yeah, it's part of the deal. You know what's funny? No one knows the girl's name, but everybody knows the club. Yeah, right, right, right. Well, here's the name right here. What's your name's Danny? Simmon ride.

Cinnamon rye. That's not a real. No, not cinnamon. Cinnamon soup. No, no, no. That's my favorite bread. I was going to say, Tom Poppa's not here. Well, I make a great cinnamon rye. But also, she's so cute.

That's why also, sadly, she looks like Kate. She looks like, Becky. Look at how, yeah. Yeah, Amy and Jessica have been waiting for a cute girl to have this. Like, God, she's got to be exactly right. Yeah. Yeah, it's the nine other girls are coming out.

You know, indistinguishable from others. This is the perfect one. Thank you. You think Judy. gold couldn't pull this off. I'm talking to play it. Put your headphones on so you can listen. I'm a comic in New York City and last night I was sex.

God damn it, so you harassed at the comedy shop. It's spelled PPE. And I'm going to tell you guys why that place should be avoided, especially by women. So I have I have some notes with me. I don't want to be reading off them. I just

if I was a guy, I'd fucking work there all the time. This guy's trying to get pussy. I don't get it. Oh, sorry. I just don't want. It may explain it to me again. Well, if you're a guy comic, the club owner's a misogynist, let's get in there. Let's just take over.

Oh, so all the guy massaginous. Whatever girls do show up, they know what they're getting into. Oh, okay. Keep girls out completely. Yeah. Because if you're grabbing a pussy, that's what you want. Like the none of it around. Like before the 90s.

Walking in is consent. She's a seizure. You have a sign of the door? It's so much easier to squeeze a tit. Wow. No. Just physically? Well, like, you don't have to do all this.

Right. Yeah, just get in there. Like kung fu. Yeah. You can snatch it. Yeah. Bruce Lee was that one inch punch. Let me tell you.

So you're saying if he grabbed her tit and shook it, that would have been more acceptable? Or just easier? Okay, so keep going. I'd never heard this. If I was him, I would have put my thumb in her mouth and went, you know what I have to do. I don't think it's too far off. If you're going to go for it, go for it is all I'm saying. Right, right.

Don't have to ask. If you're going to burn your club to the ground, burn it to the ground. Yeah, right. Bring the matches. He doesn't know. This is the thing that I think. I think men are doing this kind of thing all the time and they're not being honest with themselves. Because you guys are acting like, this seems crazy. No, this is nuts.

That's why we can laugh about it. No, no. It's insane that this would happen. This happens all the fucking time. Wait, wait a minute. And I can't believe. And Rich and I had this conversation last night where he was like, I would never do that. I don't do that kind of shit.

No. I'm sure you've missed red. signals at some point. I don't think you... Do you not want me to talk about this in a realistic way? I wanted to give you a theme song, a little music behind it, because it was a good speech. Uh-oh. Oh.

National anthem, you're standing up for American. Yes, no, when you guys talk, you're just talking. And when I talk, I'm doing a speech. I get it. Rich, grab her pussy. I've been trying to tell you guys something that's real, which is that I think, and I'm giving all kinds of charity by saying this, but I think guys are doing it lot of times without realizing they're doing it. They're misreading signals.

You think right now in 2006, a club owner. That's why I'm saying it because how, why? Whoa. How is it happening still? This guy is a power hungry guy. So that place from my time moving to New York to now has gone through like nine different bookers. So it switched people all the time. Oh, was it the owner of the club or the booker?

So he became his own booker because he wanted to have total control of everything. So he couldn't trust this guy, toss him out. I'm pretty sure Nome did this to just. Yes, I go. Curse on that, now she got the early spots. Jesus. Go ahead and play it. It was all really crazy.

Yeah, let's, so last night I asked the owner of the comedy shop if I could get more stage time in March. We hit pause. Also, if my friend. Yeah. When she said no, did he punch her in the lips? Oh, come on. She has beautiful. It's a very pretty good.

She's a very pretty girl. But they're kind of big. Well, I mean, listen. Is that lip filler? Kylie Jenner changed the whole generation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.

My door. Oh, God. And he responded to me. They covered a lips. They covered a lip. You want more spots for you and your friends. You know what you have to do. Oh, my.

And he, I am not exaggerating. He went and tried to grope me, tried to grope my crotch like this. And he squeezed. And the only reason. and he didn't go all the way down there is because I was wearing a really thick jacket and then he just walked away

so after he, to quote our president, literally grabbed me by the pussy and I was in so much shock I didn't really process it immediately because I was on the midnight show that night which didn't happen anyway so shout out you know you think like if I'm going to get assaulted at least maybe I'll get a spot on a show

but I can't even get that and then today I posted this on my story well, these two things. And I didn't hear back from any of the managers. So I reached out to two of the main managers, and these were their responses. One was super performative, and the other was almost guilty, in my opinion.

I don't know. I can't receive. Very weird. They clearly don't give a shit. I've also dealt with other experiences from the managers. He yelled at me across the bar that I was ran through for sleeping with this other comedian and himself. which both are not true.

And even if it was, that is not his business. And then he pretended, at one point, he pretended to drop a roofie in my drink. And when he was walking away, he was like, oh, no, drink it. It's good. That's a funny bit. Can I say something? I got that from Burke Chrysler.

I swear to go. Bert would walk up to a bar and go, hey, I was seen a little bit. Great bit. It's a great bit. It's a pretty good bit. Timing's important. Yeah, it's true.

This is what you're comedy in hands of amateurs. It's wild to me though. She goes like our president said, I can't believe what the fucking president. Grab him by the pussy. Jesus Christ. The thing is like I showed up like a real comic. I was doing what you need to do to get put up. Apparently not.

I was hanging out. I was not wearing a bra. Well, not whatever. But it doesn't really matter because they don't see you as real people there. Is that what it is? What do you pause it? What do you mean? Like is that why guys do it?

Because they just don't see us as real people? No, we know, no. Like, why does it keep happening? And why? Well, first of all. It feels like all the information that's out there, it's crazy that it happens as often as it happens. It's, first of, I haven't heard of, this is like the first one I've heard. I don't know.

I've never heard. Of men put, like. Well, what is another example? There is just happens all the time. It happens all the time. There was an island of them. I'm just telling you it's happening. It's probably happened to me like, I don't know.

It's like you're just when you're her age and that and you look good, you're moving and jiving all the time for guys. You're like getting out of the way. You solved that problem. Soothing egos. You married the guy. Yes. You married the last one to do it.

Like, I'm sick of it. Enough is enough. I'm just going to marry this one. I'm just saying like, I don't know. It seems crazy that. It's crazy that somebody, a guy who is in that position with somebody, which, social media, too. Social media is crazy that you would do this to this girl.

A female comedian who's obviously willing to talk about things that are uncomfortable for other people. Yeah. And she's a new comedian. We don't know how new. Well, she's, do you know her? I don't know. She's working the lantern or whatever it's called now. That's a new club. You're within your first five years.

It's not going to close by March, is it? Yeah. Well, there goes that weekend. Not if you let him grab your pussy. No, that's what I'm going to do in protest. I'm never going to work the comedy shop ever. I never even walked in. I'm married Joe.

That's the only time I've ever done it. Well, the club is fucking done, but... Well, it can't survive without comics. Like, that bar alone is not going to stop. I don't even think they do food. You can't go there if you're a comic. If you're a comic's going to work... That's what I mean.

There's going to be no shows, and it can't survive just as a bar. No, you can't let a dude fucking act like it's the fucking 70s in the Playboy mansion. It's crazy. Fucking wild. Has this guy responded at all? No, he probably left the country. How viral is this? 500,000 views.

And she went on NBC to talk about it. I'm sorry, say it again? Oh, okay. She went on NBC to talk about it. Is it my crazy brand that I hear me say, Bishu-Quacken, do you want on NBC to talk about it? He did say a little gibberish. I said she went on NBC.

Swallow. What show? The news, whatever it was. And they went to buzzed his apartment and goes, hey, is Ed the owner here? And he goes, I don't know what you're talking about, but it was clearly his voice. Oh, really? So his club's done, but he still owns the bar. But why would that do his club in?

I don't get it. Because comedy's going to, if it happened to you, I wouldn't work the club. Yeah. If you came to me and said, this club did this to me? Right. So he can't get comedian? I would be fucking out. That's heartening because I would, I swear to God, I wouldn't think comedians would stop going to, like,

comedians or? Not that we want it. We have to. We'll get canceled too. Exactly. Well, they will get put on blast. You know what I mean? Every lineup from that place will get thrown online. Look at these pieces of shit. They're supporting this asshole. Yeah.

I mean, look what they did to the people that work, Saudi Arabia. Yeah, no. Yeah, same thing, right? This is worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And in New York City. That's why nobody's doing it. And there's not enough money on the table. New York City.

If comedy shops throwing $12 million around, they'd be a fucking lineup tonight. What if it was Nome? What if it was Nome? You know, but then what would happen? Everybody go, oh, let's stop working in this stuff. I ban the comedy shop, by the way. I don't know if people know this. I will not work there and I have not work there.

I knew before this to ban it. No. You're so smart. I know. Why? No, just because I never worked in anyway. Let me ask you a question. It's like boycotting something you've never used.

If he said, I'll give you, like Saudi Arabia, he was like, I'll give you $200,000. You can work here all the time, but you're going to have to give me, and he grabbed your snatch. Yeah. I'd do it. I'd send a vils. Yeah, guys don't care. I'd do it in five seconds. But what if you were in jail? Yeah.

Okay. Now, this is just a different scenario. You're in jail. And every time you go to go do some or go to the laundry room, I don't know what happens in jail. They don't have a laundry room. I don't have a laundry room. I don't know. They got to go.

They got to the mall. You go to get your nails done. Bonnie, I'm with you. Just get back. Go to the building. You get your Starbucks. You're like walking back to yourself. Now, every time some guy, sometimes it's more than one.

Go ahead. Try to grab you, whatever. And sometimes there's no, there's not even a thing. You mean, you're talking about jail. Yeah. That happens. I think that does happen. That is jail.

Yes, yes. But I'm trying to get you to feel. You got to do this. You got to fuck a fight. Yeah, and people aren't going, I'm not going to stay out of jail. But I'm trying to get you to feel like that. You want me and boss to do? We become a couple. Because in real life, this kind of power dynamic doesn't happen to you.

So that's why it's not as big a deal. If a woman doesn't happen. You like it and it's fine. But if it was a man who... If there was a club owner who was a woman that was grabbing guys' cocks going, you know what you have to do, I would only work that club. Yeah, there'd be a bunch of dudes going, I got nine spots this week. Didn't Mitzi?

That's what I'm trying to get you to get a different... Did Mitzi Shore? Yeah. Mitzi Shore. Well, that was a different time, though. I was back in the 70s, 80s, when everybody was doing blow and guys were fucking guys. And, you know, everybody was fucking back.

They don't do that anymore. No, not anymore. Oh, guess again. No. You should see the documentaries I watch. That's why the guy, that's why the guy canceled Ross at the club. He's like, I'm not sucking you dick.

Yeah. We took a vote. No, I hear you. Look, I get it. It's wrong. And this girl did the right thing by blasting this dude. here because he would have done it. He would have done it. I'm sure he's done it many times.

Yeah. You think there's other girls out there? I'm sure there are still guys, but this is the thing. There's pub owners that are going to watch that and go, what a fucking douchebag? And they do they do it do you think there's girls out there that's what I'm saying like, do they not know they're doing it? Do you think there's girls out there that actually wound up sleeping with the postage? I was like,

I could have just made a video. Oh, God, I'd be touring. I'm not saying. I'd have more followers. I'm not saying that girls slept with them. With Amy and Jessica? What does he look like? She's like an old man? It's like a chubby white older white Oh he's an old guy

Can we see him Danny please? But I'm just saying like I don't think girls slept with him for that But they might have like Allowed it to go on like a little bit longer Than I should of or they might like You know you kind of just I mean I used to just play a game of like

But it's not like they're good shows It's like 12 people at most of those shows It's the ones I ever did there Like yeah you're sucking dick To get on a fucking open mic is crazy Yeah I don't think that's actually happening Yeah I never suck dick to get a spot.

Yeah, to get my house. Our house. Yeah, I had to suck Patrice's dick. Oh, you dug them up? Yeah, it's crazy. It's weird because you're right, this probably happened for years. But now it's social media. That would have just been a rumor.

That would have just been something. Well, it's not even about the social media because it's more about the like the attitude of the people, like even just a few years ago, people would be like, whatever, suck it up, not a big deal. A few years ago, people were getting,

those guy comics were getting fucking slam. Okay, maybe like 10 years ago then. Yeah. Yeah, but I think social media, though, gives you way more power because you could say this, it would have never got to Amy or Jessica. It would have been in her circle, and the people that only worked,

that club would have heard the rumors about this piece of shit. Right, right, right. The fact that social media, you can hit, you can hit the news. Yeah. You hit famous people and they see it and they take up your cause. Is that the owner? Yeah.

Oh, he's cute. No. He should have said if you fix my teeth, I'll give you spots. I need a dental assistant. He probably does it all the time. He's just like in his part of his culture. He doesn't even realize, I think, probably that he's doing it. Especially gets a few drinks in him.

I wonder if he's married. Is he married? I'm not sure. That's going to fuck his life up. Who did that happen to it? The baseball game. Pete Rose. No, at the football game.

I'm thinking about the guy at the concert. The CEO at your concert. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened? The whole Kiss Cam thing, you didn't see any of that? The Coldplay concert. So there was this couple, they weren't a couple. They were doing like the Kiss Cam kind of thing.

We're like, we're going to go look at our couples while we're singing the love song. And then they ducked down and it turned out that it was a CEO who was married and then like some other. executive at the place that was married. What are the odds? But her like she was in the middle of a separation, he was not. So she was worried that her ex, the guy she was getting through a breakup with was going to see it. So that's why

she ducked down. Right. And then he was just fucking cheating. He didn't dunked? Yeah. He was just pure cheating. Well, you know the story that Cameron has saved a guy from going to prison was a documentary. Yeah. Yeah. Just a documentary about it? Yeah. There's a whole movie about it. It's called, what does it call?

How do you know about it? He was there. I just know the stories. I read it somewhere. You didn't read it. How else do I know? I don't know. I saw it or something.

Scrolling? Huh? Scrolling. Yeah. Why, you think you told me about it? No, I don't. Yeah. The documentary was called long-shot.

I just because you didn't know there was a documentary about it. How else would you know about it? Oh, before the documentary. Everybody knows the story. Oh. I didn't. I did. I did.

I saw the documentary about it. What was it called? Long shot. Long shot. Yeah. That's crazy. You know about that? No, no.

Voss, since you know about it, can you tell them about it? I don't know a lot about it. What did that Facebook? What did that book you read about it? Was it like somebody's alibi that they were on the kiss cam kind of thing? Well, no, they arrested this guy for a crime and... He's going to go to prison. This was his last hope.

He went to prison. I think he was going to be... Convicted a murder. Convicted a murder, not killed because it was California. And they went to footage. Larry David, I'd be... believe on a Larry David episode was being filmed at the stadium and he was there wow so at the time of the murder so when he was saying it was his alibi some somebody was like you know they were filming a

and went and got the extra footage wow no shit they cleared and they found him yeah I wonder how much money he got yeah and then the next day he killed someone that's what I would do you got you got to celebrate somehow can't try me for the same crime twice Wow. But you know, I got a Christmas present for you. Oh, come on. Yes. Oh.

I've had it around my. Did you write? You didn't write that. Yeah, I did. No, you didn't. I've had nothing to do with this, by the way. You wrote, I'm going to ask you one time. You wrote to Bobby to share with Norton.

Yes. And you used one, two, three, four, four different colored markers. Yes. Yeah. You did? Oh, I saw the markers. Yes. Very pride-friendly writing there.

That's why I did it. That's nice. And you wrapped it? Yeah. I wrapped it with this because I didn't want to go in the basement and find Christmas paper, but the tissue paper was upstairs. Why did you do it in such different colors? You'll see.

Bobby, hold it up the camera. Don't yell at me, Danny. In front of my guests. Bobby. Hey, Danny, why don't you try to do another bit with a caller? That wasn't his fault. Oh, I hope it's chocolate. No.

I feel bad about that still, Isabel Hagen. This is a... It's so cool. I wanted it. A purple dragon. Fist hammer. Oh, God. You do a lot of work around that. Try it out. Try it out. But Norton doesn't.

Well, he's going to want to borrow it. That was just sitting out. See, it's got the anti-vibration grip. I don't know what I'm sitting on the counter when the house cleaners were there. So I'm going to actually make things with it up in New Hampshire, and Norton's going to fuck things with it. We both build and do stuff. Bobby, would you bring it to Fist Fest?

Isn't it really just for up your ass, or is it really for something else? Yeah, is it for your ass? It is for hammering. Just make sure you use it first. Danny, do you know how much this would kill it Fist Fist Fest? At Fist Fest, they would love this. This has got to be just for shoving up your ass. Fis Fest, I'm trying to go to with Danny.

I want to do a comedy show there. It's a festival where they celebrate fissing each other. Stern already covered it. And I want to go there with a comedy show and bring a bunch of comic. That's great. Yeah, it was on Stern. Dude, I actually like this.

Isn't that cool? That is kind of cool. This would be a good, what do they call those when you leave me in your car? A weapon. Yeah. Yeah, this would be good. Let me see. I like it.

I want to get one myself. Well, you have one. If you want it, you can have it back. No, I don't have one. This was yours. No, no, I got it for you. You bought this for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for Christmas.

You saw it and bought it. Yeah, I go, Bobby would like this. I see, he builds stuff. I do like it. I should leave it here. He got me one, too. No. He got you one like this so he could grab your pussy.

It's an open hand for it. That's what I go to the comedy shop. We should give this to the guy who owns a comedy shop so he doesn't get arrested. No, that's what is this, buddy. What are you doing? Why aren't you touching it? I don't want my prints on. Buddy, why?

Did you hurt somebody? No, in case you do. I'm not going to hurt. I'm not going to use that. cool. That is cool. You want it back. No, I don't. I'll just get another one. I like it. The Purple Dragon. Why do they call? They definitely named it like a dildo.

No, I thought that everything was going to come out flopping. The ad was people hammering. You think no? I think Norwood put this in his ass. God, what are you getting on your Facebook ads that this comes up? Yeah, what are you doing? The Purple Dragon. What exactly are you looking at?

I want to get fist fucked and I want to do chores around the house. It wasn't a specific. I want stuff in my ass and I want to make bird feeders. Yeah. I have a TV to hang. We got the thing for you.

I think I show it as a weapon. Yeah. Well, you can't hit somebody. You hit somebody this. You're going to kill them. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you would just hit him with this part. And I do like it, though. I'm going to try to stick it in my ass before I give it to Norton. I love it has little veins in it. This is a dick. It has veins in it.

Yeah, they like molded a toddler's hand. Yes, exactly. They found these all of EFSI. Everybody got one? We got all the molds. Let's just fill them. It does be like something you would carry in one of those, like, you know, the robes and everything. That's a party favorite.

It's like the baseball bats at hilarities. Well, thank you, man. The only problem is you can't take the nail out. I love that they did the fists. It's actually made to go in some assail. It has that little pointy knuckle. Yeah. This is how you fist.

And the ring. It's not for, it's not a little ring on this. People shove that up their ass. It's metal. This is Voss's... This is Voss's actual hand. There's no pinky ring. They molded this off the...

The only problem is you can't take a nail out. What do you mean? There's no claw. Yeah, it's full your ass. Yeah, there's no nails. He's 100% for your ass. I learned... It's too heavy.

I learned from Devon. You're wrong because... Rich knows everything about putting shit up his ass. If something's meant to go in your asshole, it has to have a flat base because so it won't get stuck and that could get stuck. This has a flat base right here. Flat. Look it up online. See, it's a hammer.

I bet you if you keep looking it up online, you'll find all sorts of uses. Isn't that how you? Look up purple dragon asshole. I'll smell it. It smells like mutts of ball. Isn't it cool? It is cool. You said you got me two gifts.

No, no, no. What was the other gift that you didn't give me that you kept? I gave it to Bonnie today. Really? What was it? I actually did buy her for Bonnie, but then I think, well, she might not be able to use it. I'll give it to Bobby.

But then I saw that on the line. Is it a bigger fist still, though? No. It's an automatic, like. It's an automatic if you're. Tire air thing. Oh, that's a good one, too. But that one, you don't have to plug into anything.

I got you a gift. I didn't bring it, though. You know what it is? I don't know. The one from last year you didn't bring? No, you know what it is? What? It's a, you know, you have battery charges.

the bricks for your phone, they make one that you leave in your car. So if your car if it dies and you need to jump, it's got to charge and you just put it on your, it's a cable on it. And you just hit the button and it automatically jumps your car.

You need cables. A remote. And it comes with the little cables, but it's a, it's like a battery. It's a battery that has a charge. You just keep it charging your car. And if your car, if it dies, like yours did,

it has cables that hook into it. So instead, you can charge your phone off of it, you can charge anything off it, but you can actually jump your car with it. That's cool. You know what else? That's cool. You know what else? I just got like that.

What? It's a solar powered. You crank it. What? It's a solar power. It's a two-way, you know, a ham radio. Yeah. Plus it has inputs for cables, either solar powered or you can crank it.

For what? To get power. But you could get a battery pack with power in it. Not if there's an EMP that goes off, dude. He's in the post. apocalyptic algorithm for his asses. I'm talking about this is what he's going to use when the world ends. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

He's got two fists. He's so scared of dying. Why? I'm not scared of dying? Yeah, you're like constantly trying to figure out ways not to die. And yet it's like, you've hated here more than anywhere in the world. So like, why don't you just die?

That's real nice. Oh, oh, tell me how you got a, you're spiritual, right? I didn't know where you're going. I didn't know either. But the argument led me right there. And I couldn't look away. Tell me what you think about this. You're spiritual.

Yes, I am. Okay. This happened today. Today would have been my brother's birthday, February 10. But your past. Yeah, sorry about that. I text my sister. Yeah.

I go, you know today is Robert's birthday. Right. His name was Robert. Yeah. Oh, that's my name. 30 seconds after that. You got, right text. We still alive.

No. He's in Puerto Rico. He's bad bunny. He's with Epstein. Bad Bunny does look like you in a weird way. 30 seconds later, out of nowhere, my daughter calls Ellen and goes, I'm doing my taxes, and I need certain proof of family. When was Robert born?

Really? 30 seconds yet out of nowhere. Wow. Isn't that kind of weird? Yeah. What do you say? Yeah. I mean, it's weird, but.

It's him saying, don't forget me. Is it really? I don't know. Is this weird? My father passed away November 25th. Then my mother's best friend. No, then my mother's sister passed away, December 25th. Then my mother's best friend passed away.

January 26th. No, it's not weird. Is it a leap year? No, do you think my mother is a killer? that's what I wanted. No, and she's got a cycle. When did your brother die? What day?

She's got February 25th. If it is, she was trying to kill Voss and she got the wrong one. That's a weird story, that. What day did he die on? Oh, really? I don't even know. You don't remember the day your brother died? Are you kidding me?

Who would remember that? You try to forget those things. Well, hopefully a brother would remember. It was spring. Summer fall. It was a summer. How'd he die? What do he die of? He was like diabetic, whatever. He lost a leg. Oh, he was he heavy? Well, he got heavy after he lost a leg. Do you guys want to hear a funny story?

I thought we were. About, no. We were getting to some facts. It is about Rich's brother, Robert. You knew him? Yes, briefly. Right. So he, by the way, Robert at some point, in the very few conversations I ever had with them, he didn't come to our wedding.

He told me that no one in the family liked me. He did, he was able to get that. So he was honest. He died December 11th. Oh. How does Danny now? I googled it. Oh.

I thought you had it in your brain, you autistic. He canceled the show I was opening for him. He grabbed me by my dick. It was 8.57 p.m. 8.57. So we go to the hospital. He's like had a diabetic seizure. He was like laying on his floor for over 24 hours, maybe a couple of days. And then somebody found him and took him to the hospital.

And then Rich and I and Rainer there. And then Nancy, his sister and her husband are there and crying. You know, Nancy's like really, and they come out and they say, okay. so, you know, things are kind of bad, and, you know, he may lose his leg, we're not sure, but we think he might. And Nancy starts going, no, no. And Rich goes, you'll have to build a ramp. And she goes, no, I'm not taking him. It's such a Voss family thing.

I tell you what, though, I had a joke about this. The older you get, the more people start dying, but that's not the problem. because when they die, you get to get back to your shows in a week. Right. You don't want the, they're sick because now they're going to need rides. Oh, right, right, right. That's the worst. When they're like, are you going to take me to fucking stupid dialysis?

Right, right. Did you have to take them dialysis? They have to get people. He took him one day. He took him driving, drove him around for whatever. And when he got back, he was in such bad mood. He was like, he was driving me nuts. He got mad.

I brought him sugar-free ice cream. cream because he was diabetic. Right. Remember? Yeah, he wouldn't, he made us take, leave it outside or in the car. He wouldn't have, that's like bringing somebody a non-alcoholic beer. I mean, I don't know. He asked us to bring him ice cream and something and he was just.

Oh, he wanted. Oh, he wanted. Oh, he wanted. Oh, he wanted. Out of the hospital with one leg because of a diabetic seizure. He's like, how could it get worse? Give me some fucking real ice cream. I know.

Well, that's how he died. He just didn't. He lost leg. And then the funeral, full price. What the fuck? Rich didn't say that time That the guy, right? He didn't really say it

When the guy goes Was telling us about the kids No, I did that bit about it I go I know but I think he really did it that time You would have saved money If you cut the other leg off I'm going to be a kid cat

I say money I said to the funeral director I go can we do three feet Just fold the other leg Under his fucking body No you dig six feet Oh because yeah But why would that be

Can we do three feet Half price Half price But they're flat Anyways Bonnie's on the phone right now. Is that Boston self? That's baseball, right?

It's a red so. It's a red sox. Yeah, maybe. Cool. That's terrible. You know, that was my big fear. And diabetics, my diabetes, what's that? 1020.

What is that? Are you guys going to go? No. Oh, that's 420. What are you talking about? 420 is when they smoke. I know, but that's why I would be showing you my phone. Then why would you show me at 1020?

What does that stand for? It's late. We got to go. We don't have to go. First of all, you don't have to get up tomorrow. He doesn't have my schedule. But really? No, you know, this is what Bonn.

Anytime Bonnie comes on the podcast, we get around 40 minutes. Are you kidding? This has at least been two and a half hours. No, it's only four. Are you kidding me? Exactly. How long have we been doing it? An hour and three minutes.

All right. We can wrap it. You're absolutely right. All right. We're going to do, we're going to go to the Patriots. It hasn't really been a good... Yeah, because I remember last time we wrapped it up, and then it was another hour after that.

No, we got questions for all you guys. Yes, there's... We have questions, and we do that on the Patreon. So if you want to ask questions to the people on the YKWD podcast, all you're going to do is go to the Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. I think it's like five bucks or whatever. You get the extra show at me and Joe every week, and you get to have your questions asked on the air.

Not just one. We pick them all, and we ask them to the people. And you have to go there right now. But can you stop? Oh, I want to see. A minute ago, you were wiping your prints off it. You're so weird. I'm going to go kill a hookah with this right now.

I'm going to kill the girl that the guy grabbed and blame it on boss. I hope he gives you a residency. Who's the girl that the guy grabbed? Are you talking about Nancy Guthrie? No, the girl from the thing. Oh, that girl, okay. Yeah, grabbed your thing. Oh, there's been a great podcast.

What are you talking about laughing? He had great. He had a good line. Bonnie was great. Thank you. Voss. I'm going to say this right now. Voss, you were great.

You're really good. You're really good. I laughed a lot. I left a lot of you, dude. Yeah. I'm going to be all over the place. I go to Batavia, Illinois, February 27th, through the 28th. It's a great club.

And then I'm going to Roadhouse Comedy for the 17th and 18th. You were just there. Love that club. Yeah. I'm going to hilarities. Another fucking great club. The 15th and the 16th. And then in Levittown, I'm going to governors, love governors.

So I got all, go to punchup. dot live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. And if you go there, I'm going to let you know when I'm coming close to you. So there you go. Oh, yes. You can get out of the way. Where's my, uh, oh, I'm in Harrisburg. Is that me?

Yeah, that's you. First of all, this weekend I'm in Dominican Republic, Santa Domingo. For what? Just a club day, you know. You joined ICE just briefly. At the Dominican Republic? I know. I just wanted a reason to come back over the board.

Why does it sound Russian when he says it? At the Dominican Republic? Dominican Republic. I went to the Olympics. Santo Domingo. We're doing, at the end of the month. You want to the Olympics? No, Iced it.

Oh, I'm sorry. At the end of the month, we're doing the roast in New Jersey. This is big. Well, you don't have to plug you. It's already sold out. What is the roast? It's the 28th. Count Basie.

Count Basie and Red Bag. But what is it? Who are you roasting? New Jersey. The state. roasting the state. Right, but also the day is. Yeah.

I mean, Jeff Ross, Joey Diaz, Bonnie. So now roasting is gone. It's beyond roasting each other. No. Now they're going to roast a state. Right. So they took what Billy Bird did with Philly when he roasted Philly.

And they're like, we should do that with a city. Mm-hmm. It's kind of fair. A state. We should do all the states. State, city, whatever. Kimbell's Comedy Club coming up. Just go to Richfoss.com.

I'm booked all the way through whatever. Where are you going to be? I don't know. I'm at the stand most of the time. Yeah. She's writing. She's going to sell a movie. She's going to sell a movie within this year.

Valentine's Day. I'm at the dojo. That's a good show. Yeah, that's good. And it's already almost sold out. So I get your tickets soon. Is it really? Yes.

Awesome. All right. What do you got there? I got a bunch coming up. I'm going through L.A. Irvine, Ontario, California. I'll be in Roe City, American Comedy Co. in San Diego, Brad Garrett's in Vegas,

a bunch of other stuff coming up. Roadhouse, I'll be a Comics Roadhouse, I think, a week after you. We should all get booked at the club that didn't bring him. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I'll be in Seattle at the rap bar. We should bring Voss as our opener. Yeah, you want to feature for me in Seattle. I used to do a college for, what's his name up at, like, Sunni Delhye, right?

Yeah. Remember him? Yeah. He's a great guy. He was the best. He was the best. Hell. So the dean of the school was in the audience, lady.

He goes, whatever you do. And of course, you know, I'm calling her Lesbo, whatever. So I was not allowed back at the school. But he brought me back under a different name. You should call up and say you're somebody else. But they're going to, this is now the time of Google. We can't play games like that. What?

We're in the time of Google. All right, listen, everybody. Danny, what are you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and it would be headlining don't-toe comedy February 20th and 21st in Bimmington, New York and Syracuse, New York. All right.

Well, you're just told. Wow. Love the doad tells. What do you got, Joe? This is Joe Russell. Check out the cheese show on YouTube and also this week, headlining Uncle Vinnie's on Thursday.

Oh, that's a rough one. That's a rough one. That's a rough. this. Whoa. In February. Yeah. Four o'clock.

You know that Beechtown's really hot in February. Yeah. I love Uncle Vinny. He's got to pay him in cash. He doesn't pay me in cash. Yes, you did. No, he doesn't. No, does he?

Yes. Governors, too. Yeah, but you don't even know if it's right. You just take it. Yeah, you just take it. Exactly. Big guy in a suit, hands you cash. You don't count it in front of them.

I'm supposed to do it in July, and I don't even have a deal with them. Yeah. You just say yes. we feel. Yeah. When James calls, it's like, yes, at whatever he needs, I'll do it. I don't have a deal.

Yeah. Because I always take care of you. Don't worry. Yeah, you're fine. All right. All right. All right. We're going to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now to ask your questions.

I have them right here, and I tell you what, there's some good ones in here. So if you want to check it out, go there. If not, we'll see you next time on, you know what, dude.