Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #629 | Drew Lynch, Jon Rudnitsky, & Gary Vider

Episode Date: March 8, 2026

This week on YKWD Drew Lynch and Gary Vider return and SNL's Jon Rudnitsky joins the show for the first time. Drew opens up about his divorce and John tell the story of how he got fired from SNL after 1 season. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, boys? How are we doing? Good to see you, Bobby. It's good to see all of you guys. We're here. We're doing the podcast thing. I don't know if you heard about it. It's taking over. It's where comics sit down and they just go. They just talk. We got, you know, we just fucking talk. It's the most interesting thing ever. Anyways, it makes me sick. Yeah. How easy. Technology, when I did it, you had to learn about sound and mixers. I just have to have a mixer and, you know, what my sure, 58. compared to a blue microphone you gotta do all this shit you don't know how to like upload it to the internet now you just get yourself an autistic Jew and everybody's gonna fuck a podcast I was wondering I think he definitely is very autistic but he's a nice autistic so it's good um you never mean a mean autistic though but he's a nice one

I bet there's mean autistics I bet if you do like touch their ears oh right right right not a purpose I guess but yeah yeah they don't intend to be that they get isn't everybody like that though even Muslims yeah you touch anybody's ear I don't touch a Muslims here. I read the Quran. Yeah. How about Iran, huh? Oh, let's have it.

The thing with, this is the funny thing about all the stuff that's going on. This weekend was so nuts to me, because I'm away in Batavia. And then, of course, the war breaks out, right? Which is crazy. Not in Batavia, though. That's exactly. Not Batavia. But then the Dabbleverse war breaks out with Hattahumia.

and stuttering John. That was fucking... That was more epic to me than the actual Iran shit. Yeah, yeah. And then Louis Gomez was fighting with people on Twitter. There was a lot of wars going on this weekend. Oh, what was Lewis's fight?

I don't know. Somebody said something he didn't like, and then he attacked him. Yeah, yeah. I'll fucking come and beat you up. And then Dave Smith was saying stuff. And Dave Smith was saying all kinds of stuff, and people were like,

you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And then one guy threatened Dave Smith, and then Lewis was like, I'll fucking kill you. That's my Dave. Having Lewis on your side is like having a pet gorilla. Oh yeah. Yeah, you can just let him out of the room.

You know? That's insane. Yeah, he's great. So yeah, a lot of shit going on. What about you guys? You had a lot of shit too, you son of a bitch. Yeah. You almost made me fucking...

I mean, I was like, I was like, is this a bit? Yeah, right. And then I was like, oh my God. Yeah, right. And then I was like, what a fag? And then I was like, oh, my God, again. This is the same reaction, regardless of the video,

I posed. It's always that for you. Oh, I was talking about the stand-up clip you post. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're talking about my late-night. Yeah. Yeah, I was talking about your late-night show. Don't come to my shows. Don't say it out loud. No, man. First of all, how are you doing? How's it going with you? This is the first thing I'm doing today, you know? Really? The first thing all day. You know, I'm trying to do stuff. Dude, don't feel guilty, dude. I love that. That's the way we used to be.

Yeah. I remember when I moved to New York. I didn't do shit I didn't wake up till three Yep And then you would go I would smoke I would get the newspaper And then I would get my coffee

And then I'd get my cigarettes And I would smoke and drink coffee And read the news Yeah I'm so old What is all this stuff Okay a newspaper was a thing They printed it on paper

And what's the other one? The other is a cigarette You take tobacco And chemicals And you put it in your body And you put that I do that Do you smoke?

I do occasionally You do If I take it Well, if I take an adderol, then I need nicotine. They didn't have atiral either. Sometimes I need to focus on the nothing I'm doing, you know. Back when I was a kid, you just had to be stupid and not make it through a book. That's when I was a kid.

And that's how you got Adderall, you're saying? No, there was no Adderall. There was nothing. You were just dumb. Oh, man. Yeah. I'm still bad. I'm just focused on being done.

I was going to say you would get the news and that would just be, then it wouldn't, like, stay with you the rest of the day. Now news just follows you. That news just follows you. That's be honest. I really need the news. Yeah, I know. I got the village voice and I was looking for chicks in the back.

Backstage, another federal edition. Backstage is great. You guys don't know this, but back in the day, if you wanted to hook up with the lady of the night, you just got Village Voice or Backstage or L.A. Weekly, and you would go to the back and flip it, and there'd be a photo of a young lady, and you could call the number and go hook up,

and it was never that young lady. Never. And they knew you weren't going to be like, hey. Hey, you're not Spanish You're an 80-year-old white woman Yeah, that was the beginning of That was like the catfish That was the original

Oh yeah Yeah It was the worst When I used to do that It was the worst This would be at 4 PM or Yeah, yeah He had one cigarette

He's like all right Then he starts flipping the road All right, listen I'm ready to get my dick-sock by an old lady I've had my coffee I think this one's real You guys now Like I worked five jobs

Before I moved to New York And then got here and had no job So it was just doing stand-up at night It was just you know Coming down to the Boston and waiting for your dumb set or the seller And then you'd hang out all night Trying to you know hook up with somebody or make each other laugh And then you'd go home and sleep all day

Now it's like we all have to get up Because we have something to do There's some content we have to film Or some podcast we have to do To sell a show We have to do our own podcast on fucking, you know, I like birds or whatever the fucking thing that nobody's talked about now. It's like, it's good to hear that there's a comic sleeping. Yeah, no, I'm not doing anything.

I just spend the day thinking about all the things that other people are doing. Dude, hold your ground, John. You don't think that's great, though, that you get to just do stand-up? I know, it's fine, but I'm like, I should have a fucking podcast, but it's too late. I can't be another podcast. Yeah, what would you do? I'm doing it right now. Yeah, you can't do it.

Come on yours. You have to do, you have to come up with an angle now. Yeah. Yeah, there's no angles. Let's try to think of one. What could be an angle? What do you like? What are your likes?

That could be the, that's the act right there. That's it. What is John like? No, Paul Verge just did that. Oh, really? Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's been done.

That's taken. That's taken. Sorry. Yeah. It's been done. Trying to figure out what this podcast could be about. That's the idea. You're just finding people to tell me what I should do with my day.

I think, I think. I think there's a podcast on deciding what podcast it should be. I think that exists. I think that also exists. It does exist. We're done. It's a rap. It's a rap.

It's a rap. It's done. All right, let's go, guys. Well, I was going to say, I mean, I mean,

it was audio. Obviously, it's video. I mean, I mean, this is so, I mean, this has been going out forever.

But, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's TV. Everything's just TV in general. It is.

I mean, when I was doing video, like one of the first ones, I had this great dude The producer was Why are you not doing better than you are? Because of my talent And my

My You're first You're like usually if you're first You're like it would take off 100% I have no charisma But you have original ideas There's something

I don't know It's weird Like why Everybody I know is taken off Except for Rich Voss Jim Norton I mean I'm one of the few I'm one of the five

Billy Burr took off Who else took off? Bobby, you still haven't introduced the guests That's okay You could put, like, don't you have like a crime on? We'll do that That could be the podcast You never introduced the guest

No, because that's Danny's part And he wants me to get, Danny, who do we got? Why don't just need to do it? It was a joke, stupid Can you not get sensitive With your fucking dumb autism And just play along? Well, I don't need to do it

He's a mean autistic He's cunty late. I'll tell you why after. But go ahead, Danny. Who do we got? Oh, we have the great Gary Veter from his podcast, number one dad. We have Drew Lynch

from America's Got Talent. And we have John... Well, Gary's from America's Got Talent, too. Drew came ahead of me, though. Well, but just... Don't forget that Gary would have to do. I know, but you did. Gary all in 15th.

You did better than Gary. He did. You did way better. I can't even on there. I can't use it. I didn't even make America's Gotter. I didn't even make. What are you doing here,

nobody even asked me to audition. I would do it. I'm around. Like I said, I'm available. I would do it. Before three, you're unavailable after three. All right, go ahead, Dave. After four, I can audition for America's got talent.

And we have John Rodinsky. Am I pronouncing that right? Not at all. Rutinsky, it's close enough. It's totally fine. By the way, I'm holding this because it's going to fall. Oh, no, it's fine. From Curbrier Enthusiasm and Saturday Night Live.

With Saturday Night Live. Now, I've had Che on this. I've had a few Saturday Night Live people. I had Chey back when he, before S&L, Baxley. I remember... Jay's the only one else you can name. You just get, like...

I had Che and... I had Chee and... Jay was on. And I had Michael. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had Michelle Wolfe. No, she was... I had...

I believe I had... Dan Soder. Yeah. He was in the final round. Yeah. Who did a callback team had? I have Pete Davidson. Call in.

Yeah. I did. I did have Pete Davidson before he was on any of it. Eric Rivera was on. I don't know if you know him. Yeah. And he got on some NBC TV show, some,

some, you know, Spanish or multicultural show that he was on. And it was like a, it was a comics thing. And they were, and overnight he got like 20,000 people on whatever it was,

whatever social media it was. And Pete was yelling at him because he bought followers. And he called in and just cursed him out. How did you get, how did you go from fucking 10 people? to 25,000 in a day.

It's bullshit. And Eric was just freezing because he knew he bought followers. He was like, people, I don't know. It's what you gotta do? It's like, now you're down. And then Pete skyrocketed

a famine. Never came on again. So, SNL. Let me ask you a question. Please. You have to do the, this is what I believe,

and correct me from wrong. You have to audition in front of Lauren with three characters and two originals. It's just five minutes of characters and impressions, so whatever you do in that time, basically. What does that mean? So it could just be, yeah, it could be characters, impressions.

I did, like, I did this dirty dancing thing that I ended up doing on weekend update. I heard that crushed. That one, well, well, you know, the thing is, I didn't think I was going to get SNL. I hadn't been doing stand-up that long, and, but I did this bit of JFL, which was, I come out to the dirty dancing song, and I mimed Jennifer Gray. Mm-hmm. and I do the whole dance up up into the lift and then I drop her

but she's dead and I'm trying to bring her back and I got to get rid of the body and I just did like this little mime act and then from that I got an audition so I did that and then I just cobbled together some impressions what were the impressions?

I did Colonel Bernie Sanders I did John Mayer having a stroke I'm sorry, go back what did you say Colonel Bernie Sanders How does that go? I said it like we would just accept like he didn't think he was going to have to explain You know, John Mayer had a stroke.

John Mayer having a stroke. A former DJ working at Tripoli. What was John Mayer having a stroke? What was it? He's like, Free Father-Tal... That's just John Mayer. I get it.

I get it. I got it. I got it. And then it becomes more chipper as it goes. Help me. Please somebody help me. I'm having a stroke One of the worst thing I ever did as a comedian

You know, busting balls And I've always felt bad about But I thought it was funny Is Steve Byrne Had a audition for S&L And he I was like I'm always like a

I always love technology I always have like the latest and greatest So I had a camera Nobody had one A camera You're the first to have a camera Well the first comic To own his first little 8 millimeter

This is a big shipping day for you You got your podcast equipment You got your camera All in the same day, Bobby. I did. I just had all tech. I love. I always bought the newest thing, right?

And he called me up. He was like, hey, can I borrow your camera? I have to film myself doing these characters. And for us and now, I was like, yeah, of course, dude. He borrowed it, but he gave it back to me with the tape. That's the best. Oh, my Lord. Tammy TRL will never be.

Hi, I'm Tammy TRL, Trial, and we had pigtails. Yeah. I will never. And then he did, who was the guy with the mall? Enrique Inglaces? Enrique Inglades. I'm embarrassed how quickly. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good.

Or whatever. He did him and then he did the Dunkercher and he dunkercher. His character is, I had it on tape. He was so humiliating. You don't have it anymore. I played it on Patrice's roast in front of all the industry. I, I, this is how old it was, excruciating. This is how bad it was.

I had to go to rent a center because, you know, rent TVs. I rented TV with a stand, like in school, and they put it on stage and I went, hey, guys, and I pushed the button. It was like, I don't know. I just heard Billy by going, shut it off, man. This is too mean. Oh, it was terrible. Was he devastated? Yeah, he was, he was over here hosting, and people told him.

It wasn't even there. I feel bad for that. I'm sorry. I still love the tape. He thinks I don't, but I do. So if you fucking talk shit, I will release it. And it will fucking be a mega hit. Tammy TRL.

Tammy, hi, I'm Tammy TRL. I can't even imagine Steve Byrne doing any of that. That's what's crazy. Yeah, right. I like that. I can't. I actually found out I got the audition for S&L when I was opening for Steve Byrne. Really?

Yeah. Oh, no shit. At the mall in New Jersey. I wish I told you. told the story before, you'd be like, listen, Tammy, I have an audition, too, and I'm just wondering. That's why he told me not to do Tammy's URL. Do you have any tips?

I did an audition, I think, for Mad TV in Boston. They had all us five, and it's all bullshit. You ain't getting it. And we, you know, the fact that you got that is... It was insane. It's insane. Yeah. It's insane, because the odds are so...

Dan's soda didn't get SNL. Yeah. And if there's anybody, that would have fucking murdered and had characters. They could do so much shit. It's that guy. And he didn't get it. So it's like you don't know what his vibe is. Like he's looking for something.

Yeah. And they're like, you know, how do you fit into the show? And I didn't know. You know, I was like, I got this dance. Right. Do they never talk to you about it? Like they never say like. No, they want you to figure it out.

Really? They really make it as hard as possible. Yeah, no. They like that. I want you to squirm and be like, oh, I got this. Did you have to do multiple rounds? And I was just terrified the whole time. No.

If they had asked me to do a second audition, I wouldn't have had anything. Yeah. Wow. You got nothing in the can. I had nothing in the can. I was still prepared. I was 25. That first audition that you had, like, what happened before was just JFL and then to that?

It was JFL and they're like, what else you got? And I was like, I'll figure something else out. Oh, okay. I kind of have a John Mayer impression and I threw something together. And I really think it was that one bit that got me the show. Right. and then they were like, do you have anything else? And I was like, no.

How much of the dirty dancing bit is the, of the five minutes? That was like, like a minute of it. Okay, yeah. Yeah, like a minute and a half. It goes on for a while. And you're in an office or you're in the studios? You're in the studio. Yeah.

How many people are you in front of? I was the last of 16. So I was. So how many were in front of? Like in front of like, sorry, standing in front of. Oh, yeah, like 11 people or something like. Eleven. in the big studio

They were laughing a little They were laughing a little Right Which was good I mean I you know I fucking blacked out I blacked out that whole year And then you know

You do these table reads On Tuesday I'd be like You know trying to think of some idea Yeah And I'm like well see if this works For who's ever hosting And it's like you know Amy Poler and Tina Faire

Hosting together or something And then I'm doing a read And I'm eating shit In front of everybody Right That I admire I heard of it. It's ruthless, though.

It's ruthless. Trump hosted when I was there, which was crazy. Right. I can hear the protesting 17 floors below because I was bombing so hard. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Which has made everything else a little easier.

Right. After the fact. Yeah. Speaking of Trump and bombings. Hey. When I auditioned for Mad TV, I had one impression, Christopher Walkin. And I used to do it. Get over it, Bobby.

I used to do it so much that it annoyed my friend. Like to the point where he was like, all right, bro, stop doing it. I was like, why? I like it. He literally would like, fuck off, dude. We waited tables together. I would just do it on, hey, you have any, Gabonara, right? He got so mad at me.

He was a comic too. He was like, dude, he yelled at me, stop doing it. He went in before me, and I go in and I get into my impregor. go, Christopher, and they went, oh, the last guy

before you did it. Oh, that's a fucker. And he got a callback. She goes, oh, the Cabanara. He fucking took it.

And just did it and he still does it as a act today, this piece of shit. God bless Aldo, Benny. Love the day. I thought you're going to be,

I say Steve Byrne. Yeah. They were starting a lot of riffs, you know, a lot of combatants tonight, you know,

you're starting wars with a few comics. That's why this podcast has never made it. Bobby was the first one to ever have a riff with somebody. Yeah, my thing. I'm the riffed-ckel. This podcast...

This podcast used to be ruthless. I mean, it was... I know. You used to have, like, look at what you have in front of you right now. I mean, look at where you are now. I know. I just have a bunch of beta males with fucking hoodies and cashier sweaters. I used to have Keith, fucking...

and Joe Liz, Lewis. Yeah. I used to have eight people on at a time. And to the point where you couldn't hear anybody. Yeah, it was terrible. It was a terrible podcast. It was the worst. I listen to it now.

Yeah. Exactly. But then I went to like one person and it was like terrible too because my interviewing skills just always went back to me. It sucked. So we're back to three guys. Hey, if you're trying to eat clean, you have to check out Green Chef. Green Chef delivers real farm-sourced ingredients with over 40 customizable weekly recipes.

Every Green Chef box comes with certified organic produce and responsibly, responsibly sourced protein and seafood. I love this. I got one waiting for me tonight. It's great for me because my wife and kid are going to be asleep when I get home and there's not going to be anything to eat. I'm going to throw my Green Chef. I'm going to cook it right up.

It's so great, and I'll have a nice, organic, amazing, protein-filled meal. So when I go to bed tonight, I'm going to feel fantastic. Unlike coming home and throwing some stupid slice of pizza or eating chips, I get to eat Green Chef and feel good about myself. Let Green Chef do the research, meal planning, and grocery shopping while you enjoy low-prep, low-mess meals for any lifestyle. Right now, go to greenchev.com slash, 50 YKWD and use code 50 YKWD to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.

That's code 50 YKWD at greencheft.com slash 50 YKWD. Anyways, Drew, you, yeah, you did. We were talking about that a little bit, but you did have a tough weekend. I don't know if you. Yeah. It really, it made me sad, but it was also like, do, what the fuck's going on? Yeah, I think it's just been a tough year, you know? Yeah.

It's just, it's like, I don't know if you guys know, I just, I'm going through a divorce. I just announced, I guess, I just announced it, I guess. And I don't know, it was the only thing that I guess felt, uh, honest because no one was, everyone's always asking about my, about, like, where my wife is. Like, where's your wife? What's going on with where you got? You're not posting anything together. And I don't know.

It felt like, uh, I just felt like I, I needed to probably just, say something. And so, I don't know, man. It's just, it's, I just bombed so hard in, and, and, and, in Rochester. I was doing shows in Rochester because I'm like, ah, now they know, and I know that they know. And I don't know how to, like, address it in a way that feels like, I'm not super sad, but I'm still feeling for the fact that it's happening. So, I don't know, man. It's just been, it's just been a wild year, you know, just friends in and out of the hospital, deaths, you know, dad passing away, like, you know, it's all this stuff. It's like, I don't know how you guys feel, but it's like, I feel. But it's like, I feel.

I feel the best when I feel like I can kind of, you know, take it and use it for whatever the self-expression is, right? For whatever the, whatever you're trying to feel about it, if you can make it funny or you can make it at least to where you can reframe it so it feels good, you know, then that feels good, right? But otherwise, it just feels like it's happening to you and you don't have any, like, control and you're sucking at your art and you're sucking personally. It just sucks, you know? Yeah. Well, plus it's a, you know, you guys were in. separable like you guys did everything together yeah i can't wait to leave my wife i yeah oh it is separation is is i mean not that i mean listen everything's different but like yeah separation i find is

like there's good parts of separation of like being apart but uh every situation is different and you know like i don't know what your situation exactly was but i in my case yeah i feel like being apart helps us when we are like together when we do get back together you know i have to pretend like I'm sad. We actually talked about this before. I remember one time when it was when we were in Vegas one time together. It was like when Skank Fest was going on

in Vegas and you told me you're like whatever you do, just don't tell your wife that you're having fun. That's the biggest mistake. And that always, I mean, it's the truest thing is that you could just say you're just doing stuff but like don't say all the fun stuff. Don't tell her how many naps you're taking.

No. No. Like she's going to call. I call my wife like what's wrong oh man I did this and that I'm running to do this and I you know I just I need a nap I need to just get a well get some sleep when you can't

I'm gonna try I love you listen and then I just put the phone down and fucking take my dick out I'm gonna fucking make love with myself she doesn't listen to this to find out no she doesn't even follow me on fucking social media yeah my wife doesn't she has no no yeah but we also

would be like any type of like hiccup with travel I'll be like I'm stuck on the You have to just be like, it's always with it. It's never stopped. I'm stuck in the lounge. They only have deviled eggs. They don't have the egg bites. Yeah.

I'm going to miss dinner when I go, I'm going to have to order room service. You can never, you can't lead on like too much. You can't have fun. No, you can't let them know that we're having a fucking blast. That's why your wife doesn't listen to your podcast. You're like, I got to do this freaking podcast. Oh, my God, hon. I'm doing it right now.

I'm on the air. I called it before. She's like you're still doing that thing? You're the first one. You were the first podcast. I called it while I was coming to do my show, and she's like, I'm like, hey, what's up? And she's like, what's going on? I'm like, I got to do my show.

I just did the bonfire, two bonfires. I got to go do another show at the podcast after that. I'm not going to be home until tomorrow. Meanwhile, I just had the greatest four hours of radio with Big Jay. We laughed for four hours of silly shit. Then we went for lunch. Then we did it. Then we had a porn star come in.

Right, right. And we were talking to her about evil shit. It was like great. And then I just went and did my show. It was awesome. Now I'm here with you guys having a blast. When I get home tonight, I'm like, when I lie in bed, I'm going to, oh, fuck, I just go out of home.

Brutal day. Just glad. Oh, my God. And everyone's sleeping, too, when I get home. So it's like, it's such an interesting day as, like, I don't know what time you have to leave, but when I leave, but I'm usually leaving, like, in the evening. But I'm with them for most of the day. A couple of my kids are in school now, but.

Yeah. My kid goes to school. I wake up every morning at 6 with him and help the morning, you know, make the coffee, whatever. That's your newspaper. I know about newspaper. You got your... Yeah, cigarettes. Blooms.

No more cigarettes. Zins. I throw Zinn in. And then I walk him to the bus. And then I walk the dog. But even when I come back from the dog, I'm like, it's cold out, man. We walked way up the hill. And I got very good one today.

And then I just... Like, because I go right to the couch. And if I can get my remote, I watch a little TV. I'm out. Yeah. You have to pretend. Because what we do is, first of all, the fight I got into her, one of the greatest fights I ever got into her, and you should never say this.

But she had a job. She was an esthetician, like one of the greatest. I already know where this is going. But I, you know, right? Yeah, I'm getting divorced, of course. You can't do what I do, right? I said, listen, I could go to school and take your dumb class. And in fucking three years, be an aesthetician.

you, you'll never be able to do what I do. That's the difference. And I remember Colin Quinn again, Colin Quinn was like, why would you say that? That's the meanest thing I've ever heard. It's terrible. It's fucking terrible. Hasn't been good sense.

No, well, she shut up. No, but it's, look, you know, it's bullshit. Now, I mean, I can't even, this is so funny too. I don't do the dishes, right? So when I do them, it's a treat. I mean one time I cleaned the apartment And she came in

I cleaned the whole apartment everything She came in She cried It's like that's what you want Yeah set the bar low Set the bar low fellas If you're out there and you're married Set the bar low

Stop doing stuff Well that's the thing Well partly when you When a relationship starts I find it's very important If you do too much Then you're always going to be held to that Right there yeah

Yeah to that standard It's like when I work with juvenile delinquents the guy told me, go in be an asshole. I was like, yeah, but I was in Juveo. This is, I'm glad I'm here to help. He goes, no, it's easier to lighten up than it is to harden up. Same fucking thing. It's easier to do the dishes once in a while than to do them all the fucking time.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I've, you know, like, whatever, I'm usually the last out of bed. So I always have to make the bed, but I have to make it the way that she wants me to make it. It's like she's very, like, OCD in that sense. It's like I've gone to, like, live with that. but I'll never make it the way that an OCD person wants it. It's impossible.

She'll just be like, and she'll just redo it. I'm like, whatever. If I just have to pin up with that, that's like. Yeah, see, I would have the fight with the new do it. Yeah, yeah, no, I do get that. I'll be like, yeah, just go ahead and do it. I had a fight with my wife. This is terror.

I'm a bad person. I had a fight with her one time because she was shrinking my shirts. All my T-shirts were being shrunk. I go, you're going to stop drying them. Stop. She goes, if you want to do your shirts, do them yourself. I go, no, I'll pay some Asian lady to do them the way I want them. I don't do fucking shirts.

You put that on a shirt. But what she said after, she goes, did I shrink the bed in the car too, Fatso? I was like, that is the funniest thing in the world. It turns out you can do what I do. She's actually really good. You should take beauty school. I don't know if you did this with your girl. I don't know if you do it, your wife.

You married? You have a girlfriend? New girlfriend. All right, new girl. So you're not doing it with her because that's, weird. But I run all my shit by my wife because she knows funny. She'll tell me that it's not good. Oh, she'll be like

that's good. If I make her laugh, I know it's going in the act. You know what I mean? Did you do that with you girl? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, always running at first. You know, first draft. It's like, you know, I think you feel most comfortable about that. What about you, Gary? Yeah, I mean, a lot of it comes with... Sorry, I asked the guy who just got a divorce. Yeah, yeah. I should say, did you do that? Yeah, yeah.

I used to do it. I used to. I was really good. Drew's like, I'm going to toss this one up to Gary. Yeah. You see how quickly I passed that off you. What about, what don't we talk to the guy who's got one? Donald to John before you talk to me.

And that was great. That worked for you. When you threw that audible. Dude, 2025, you were so good. I don't know, every single bit. It was like you ran it before you, I saw it. Yeah.

Would you have a writing team? Yeah. I am a real thicket. I really saw his eyes well up. Gary, what do you think? I'll change it over to me, but, a lot of when

if I come up with a bit if it's like wife related it's more so if like it's a conversation that we're having I'll be like and usually it's because

she's mad at me for something and then I'll be able to twist it by saying something or she'll say something that makes no sense and I'm like that's funny and then like I'm like that's something and like that kind of gets me out of

right because now I'm like oh we have a bit it could make some money yeah we got money you can't do yeah exactly you can't do

that thing you just said to me I could turn that into something I can't believe my wife is with me there's so many times she should have fucking dumped me Yeah Yeah

It's a But she could put up with you It's weird Like yeah Well she can put up with me But it's like Like Like you probably

It sucks that you went Through a hard year And then this happens But it's also good That you guys know That it's not working out Yeah And that you guys know

You like each other Enough Yeah To not bury it And burn it Yeah Until you hate each other Yeah

That's the thing Is we've It's like I said we've always just had like such a great friendship. I mean, it sounds like give a good friendship with your wife. I do. Like, that's the foundation of what it is, I think. So it's just, I think when you just see that it's not working, I think that's what makes it, like, it makes it hard, but it makes it almost that much more crucial that you stop whatever the thing is so before it gets worse.

Right. So, you know, she's a good person and like that that's what also sucks. It's just like if something's still good, if a person is good, but it's just not working. then it's just, you know, and it forces you to like look at yourself too. So, you know, that becomes the next thing. It's like in the solitude of this moment, what can I reflect on to see what I did

that contributed to it not working. Right. And this sucks for a comic because we have to go through it to get out of it and to bring it up on stage. Like right now, on stage, it's going to be fucking weird and uncomfortable. It's too raw.

But everybody else just has to live it. So that's the good news. What do you mean? Like everyone else has to... Like a regular person. A regular person just gets divorced or their friend dies. Yeah. And they're just live with it.

Right. And we're like, well, maybe there'll be something here in a year that I can channel this into and I can have some sort of outlet. And then all the other people will laugh at it and make me feel all right about it. Right. And the good thing is, too, you don't have kids. You don't have a house together. Yeah.

You don't have all this shit that you got to divide. Dude, I have friends that had a divide you. shit and kids and stuff, that's when it's like fucked up. You know, that's when it's like, God damn it, we got to, I got to go find a place to live. I know, yeah, a whole new place to live. Yeah, like, I had friends that were in, like, beautiful house, like, a, like, my dream house, like, mid-century contempt. And I remember going over there, and the kids, and then the, we have with dinner, and you're

like, this is fucking, wow, man, this is great. And then now, you know, the dude's living in a two-bedroom, you know? I just had a friend of my. Another friend has a place. They're doing well. Well, huh? It seems like anybody you're near just gets divorced, Bobby. Yeah, yeah.

Everything you touched just hurts the shit. A lot of people. Two bedrooms, not bad. Another friend of mine just got divorced too, and he had to find out. And the hardest part is like when you, if you saw it off, the arm off, it hurts more. Yeah. If you just cut it off, it seems like you did that. It's better because you can get away.

And you never know, dude. You never know there might be a time where... What do you mean? That made no sense. You're sewing it or you're cutting it. You're still getting rid of the arm. Yeah, but you've got to get rid of the arm. The arm is the wife.

If you saw... If you saw... If you saw it... Who is the saw? You're going to feel... You're the saw. On the saw. She's the arm.

You've got to cut the arm off. With scissors? Well, if use scissors, it's going to hurt. But if you use a saw, you're going to use all the tendons. but if you just fucking lop it off. What are you suggesting with? I'm saying a fucking hatchet. Okay.

That's what you did. You went, we're done. Go over there, right? Clean. Clean cut. Oh, clean cut. Clean cut, you fucking piece of shit. You didn't know that.

I did. That was the fucking analogy. I'm the analogy king. Saw the arm or cut the arm. Either if you're cutting the arm, it could you cut it off cleanly too. This takes a while. Yeah, either it's going to take a while and hurt. Oh, you're saying cut it.

Cut it off. Sever. Oh, so. I mean, I'm sorry. I mean, do you have fucking autism and OCD too? I mean, they got it. He got it. The listeners might have got it.

The listener. Two. Actually, it was eight. Sawing their arms off. They're sawing the ears off. More pain the better. God damn, I'm trying to help you. And I get fucking attacked by this piece of shit.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is that it's, you did it, quickly and definitively, you made the decision. And you never know. Dude, I tell you, me and my wife, we met, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I broke up with her move to New York, got back together. She moved to L.A. And that was the, I was like, this is the end. You moved to L.A. We're done.

You're going to meet somebody out there. You're too good of a person. You're going to find somebody. And it sucked. And then I wound up booking a gig out there, staying with her as friends. And then we wound up, like, moving in together. And then we moved to New York as a couple. and then we almost,

we had some shit go on in New York years ago. I was a piece of shit where she was like, I'm out. If you don't get your shit together, I'm out. And I got my shit together. And now,

you know, like all these phases of it's going to end or it did end, and now we're together, you know? So you never know what the fuck's going to happen. It's true. You could,

in a year or so, get back together. Yeah. You know. But for right now, it's just like, just make the decision for, like,

just do what it is that you can see that's in front of, you. And it's like I can't see much past whatever the light is on the ground, but that's the only ways I'm just going to navigate to, I guess. Right. My question for you would be, why is it that you're, like, what did you say to your wife at the time to have her move back to New York from L.A.?

I actually went up to her. It's a funny thing. We were living in L.A. together as a couple. But we really, it's like we, it was out of necessity at first. Like I was staying with her. I booked the pilot. Her roommate moved out, so I kind of moved in, and then we got a place together. So it was like we were just kind of being together And then all of a sudden we were just a couple And I was there and I wasn't getting on I wasn't doing spots It was the laugh factory

You know, it sucked I was just in L.A. And I was, I started watching cooking shows Like I was up late making pies It was weird. I was just like learning how to bake You know, L.A. will suck the life out of you If you have nothing going on.

And it just, and then Patrice stayed with us and I cooked him barbecue chicken on the grill. And he took one bite and he went, Bobby, you got to leave. You got to go back to New York. And I was like, why? He goes, this is the best barbecue chicken I've ever had. You're not a comic anymore.

You're a cook. And I moved two months later. I told her, I go, I'm going back to New York. If you want to come at me, you can come. If not, I'm out. I got to go. I got to go do stand-up. And she's like, I'll come.

And she came. Wow. And then, you know, does that before, to orgasm? that was before Tourgaire, way before Tourga this was when I was doing colleges

Oh, you know, and, you know, I was on the road a little bit, but this was before, I was still making no money.

She was working, a wearst on job and an esthetician. Yeah. She was paying the bills. Okay. More than me. I was getting,

I remember one time I went gambling and, and I put money on black. It came up like 11 times, so I kept putting money on red. And I spent all the money I had in the bank on, came up 18 times black of some weird shit.

And I just remember my agent was there and I heard me, he heard me go, no! And I was just by a fountain crying. I was like, I have no more money. He was like, I'll get you a gig, dude. Relax. Matt Frost, I'll be with him for the rest of my life because of that. I remember he put his hand on my shoulder. He goes, I'll get you a gig.

And on the way home to New York from Foxwoods, he got me like some college gig for all the money I lost. That's good. And I was like, thank you God. That's what it takes to get your agent to get you. You have to lose it all. I wish I fucking knew that. Agents are fucking, and you, it sucks for you because you went to fucking fame quick. Yeah.

Yeah, I went to the top of the mountain and fell off pretty immediately. Right. You went to the top of the mountain and every agent in the world was probably up your ass telling you how much they loved you. I was with Matt Frost. You with Madi. I was at Ari, mostly Ari, but I was at CIA. Oh, you with Ari and Matt. Yeah, yeah.

Ari who? Ari Levin. Ari Levin, yeah. Yeah, I remember they were like popping champagne to me. Really? You know, and then, yeah. Did they go to the first night? They came to the first night.

They came to a lot of shows. Yeah. They came to a lot of shows. Yeah. But it's the best thing that ever happened. Matt hasn't seen you stand up in 13 years. No, I'm kidding. But it was the best thing that ever happened for me as a stand-up.

Because if I think if I got that success at 25, I would have been like, oh, I don't, it's fucking easy, you know? Yeah. Instead, I got the thing and then got headlining gigs because of that. Right. But then because I didn't stay on the show. my headlining gigs were really bad. Yeah. And they're still bad, by the way.

So, you know, so I had to get good at doing bad shows. Yeah. I spent the last 10 years, like, just performing in shitholes. Yep. For like half empty rooms and trying to earn the respect of people who don't know who I am. Yep. And it's made me. And I'm actually, now I'm grateful for looking back, you know.

But at the time, you're like, man, I wish it didn't go like this. Buddy, it was, I mean, I've had that a couple times in my career. Yeah. Where you get something and you're doing these holy shit event. Yeah. And people, I had the head of Lionsgate walk up to me at one of Dane's premieres. And I was just did an improv thing in the movie at the end. And I was in it.

And he walked up and he goes, your next kid. What's your movie going to be? And I was like, oh, my God. I suck your dick. I've never seen him again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get to this. That's what, I think Patrice said it.

He said, it's like a roller coaster. You wait in line forever to get on the ride. And then you do it and it's over. And you're like, fuck. But the thing is you get to get back on the ride quicker than you waited. You get to get back on. Yeah. So you just got to, it won't be as long as you did that first time.

You just got to come up with that next thing. And then when you do that a few times, you start to realize this is what it is. Yeah. You know, that first time, you're like, oh, that was it. And I fucked it. Yeah. And then, you know, but I felt like a fraud because in a way I was. I had this one bid.

I hadn't been doing stand up that long. Yeah. And I was like, they can tell. We could. Yeah, we could. Yeah, we could. You should... And then now you're like, you know, now I'm like,

do a good show for 12 people in Tulsa. Yeah. I'm like, in some ways that feels great. And I'm like, yeah, I can do this. Yeah, I can do that, you know, you feel better in a way. Yeah, you should re-edition for SNL to be like, do you guys want...

I got two minutes now. I call every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm ready. Yeah, but you're right, though. That's where you may... I think that's where comics are made in the trenches. We're not made...

We're made in the bad times of the business. in the good, like, there's a very rare breed that get it and stay there. It's a very small percentage. I think that's what's getting lost now is, you know, because you could get, like, fame off of social media right off the bat without actually being in a club. Yep. And then they, you know, they're performing, which is great.

You know, you can make money and stuff, but you're never going to get good unless you're constantly performing. It's not just sort of media. For people who don't know who you are. Yeah, for people who don't know who you are. Exactly. It's going to completely change your act. Well, you can see that when people do.

do guest spots and people don't know them or aren't there to see them. And then people that are there to just see good comedy. And then, you know, those guys, you know, those guys, those people that are grinding it out go up and fucking murder and that famous person goes up and is okay. Right. But at the same time, it might also help stand up because now whoever is watching these people and like, oh, this person isn't that great, but they like comedy, they're going to find somebody else who they will like. you know, they'll just, they're just, oh yeah, when somebody becomes famous, it helps us.

It helps all of us because people get into comedy again. They want to go see a show. So now they're walking by this thing. Oh, there's a comedy club right here. We went and saw that guy in an arena. Let's go here. And then they go in and they see, you know, maybe you doing stand-up or whatever, want anyone. And they're like, oh, that was fucking great too.

And they become fans of stand-up. Almost like, stand-up, I think, has become at like music now as far as attendance. People go into arenas to see shows. crazy which is nuts and i love comics because i remember watching shane go out in front of an arena and he goes he's just watching him he's backstage he's in the t-shirt and jeans throws his in his backpog you know and they in this arena goes nuts and he walks out in a t-shirt and jeans there's no outfit right there's no sound check there's no he just goes out and does his jokes for an hour and an arena is dying It's like this is the best.

It's crazy. It's the best. It's the best. I remember Louis did one of his specials and he had a stain on his shirt. I was like, that's fucking such a comic, cool thing. You know, he didn't give a fuck. Just let's go. I'm telling jokes.

Fuck off. You know, if you're looking at the stain, then I'm not funny. Right. If that's bugging you, you're a fucking maniac, you know? Who are some of the people that you said that they made it and then they stayed? Who were some of the people that come down to do that? I think Chappelle made it. I think that, you know, Burr, Burr, you know, it's always kind of been, he hustled.

I mean, he did his time. Yeah. But Burr is a guy who, you know, kind of did this. You know, he's always been good. And people knew it. I think they knew he was good from the get-go. He's always been on something. You know, guys like that, I think, Louis.

I mean, Louis was a writer for a long time, you know, and then he started doing stand-up. But there's always a progression. There's always a moment of, there's always a turn when somebody becomes great. You know, I saw Billy become great. Do you remember the distinction of like, this is when he wasn't, this is when he was? When he did that Philly show. Yeah. I remember him going out, we were all doing our best because it was a rowdy crowd.

They are fucking, the ONA crowd was just the worst. They came, the best and the worst. They came at. Natterman go right before him or something? No. Nattyman was not. He was on it, though, right? It was, it was, who's the Italian guy?

Pete Correale? No, no, no, no, no, no. There's so many. He's from Philly. He's an older guy. My brain's fucking freezing. Think about it, or whatever. What was it?

I don't know. What's his name? Think about it. That could be anybody still. Forget about it. That guy. Oh, man, this is getting broader as your time. What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? No, not that. Just so you could do your Christopher Walkin again? No. He's a legend and I'm fucking blanking and I feel terrible about it. He's from Philly, Italian comic from Philly.

God damn it. Don Irera, sorry. He's not my rarer. He's a fucking legend. He's one of the funniest guys ever. He's been famous forever and he went on at Philly and Baum. They booed him. And he's from Philly.

It was just a fucking shit show. We were all shitting our pants. Voss, Patrice. But we were going out. But Billy, I remember backstage, because I'm not fucking I got jokes that I like, and I'm not fucking catering to these fucking assholes. And I was like, what?

I'm like, do you do those hits? And he was like, no, I'm doing what I want to do. And he went out and they boot him. And then he attacked them. And he fucking, he let his comic, it's almost like, he let his comic, the thing that's in us come out and deal with them.

And he fucking, fuck them, fuck all you. I'm funny. This is what I do. I'm a trash. you a fucking city in front of your face and he turned the whole crowd with comedy and his pure fucking talent of what Billy is, you know? And I seen Patrice do it. I saw Louis do it. I saw Louis. I

always thought Louis was funny, but at Just for Laughs, we did the nasty show all week. And then he did his one-man show. He did his hour. Yeah. And I remember watching it and I was like, oh my God, this is different than anything he's ever done. And he murdered. And I just remember every, everybody at JFL was just like, what the fuck? We're all in the stairs. All the comics sat in the stairwell with like bad view and just watched Louis fucking murder with these insane Louie jokes.

Right. And I was like, wow, this is it. And it was, you know, he went from there. But you were watching him in the clubs before that and just whatever, a week before, two weeks before. Well, not two weeks before, but it was, you know, he would come down to the cellar and do his jokes. And he was funny, but it wasn't that.

Yeah. It was something else. I think he was getting a yeah And I remember it's funny you get in a divorce But I remember Louis He had his kids and his wife And he was like He's one of the reasons why I was like

I can get married If this piece of shit can do it I can do it And then I got married And then he got divorced right away I was like fuck Fuck Yeah yeah

You know But you know But getting divorce is not the worst thing Even with him You know it was actually You know He had kids Yeah

But it was great He was still a great dad You know It's just tough man You said you went through like separation sometimes? You mean the act of just being in a different place? No, I was like, well, we did have a thing, but I'll tell you, I just meant in general,

like when I come back from being away from a gig, it's like that, that time apart is good. But we did have stuff also. Like Bobby was saying, you know, like he did it, he did it too, where we were going to break up and then we didn't. Like, I even got my own place. Like, this is when we were married. So we were separated for like three weeks and then, like, we got back together. But it's also like we were going through.

a lot of stuff also at the same time. So just a whole bunch of, you know, life stuff. And it just takes a, it takes a certain person to, like, be like, all right, I need to work on myself. And then hopefully they also do too. And then you, like, you go to marriage counseling. And then hopefully that works out. But, I mean, there's, you just have to go through so much as a couple and then hopefully

you could overcome that. But I was thought that if I, if I got married, I would be less funny. It would take away from. I thought that, I thought that, I thought that, I thought when I had a kid, if I had a kid, I'm going to be less funny. I'm going to lose that thing. So I think that fucks you up, especially early on in a marriage,

especially as a comic, because you have an identity before you're married and you don't want that identity to change. So when you feel that changing, and now this person and how it's going to adapt is going to take on, and I felt that was a very hard struggle, at least in the beginning of our marriage,

but on my end. But, you know, and then, you know, she had her own stuff with, like, how I was and things like that. Well, if I change and get healthier, I'll be, I'm not gonna be funny. Yeah, exactly. My dysfunction is what makes me funny.

Right. You can't change. You can change like a little bit. But it's the exact opposite. Right. It makes you funnier. Because now you're happier. I thought happiness would fuck me up.

But it made me better. It actually made me funnier on stage, more, I would say, like, intimate on stage. I was more vulnerable on stage now. I could say anything on stage now. because I had heard of going on. We were, like, I don't know, it was like, everything's going to be all right. Yeah.

We've already been through. We already slept on a floor together. I can, it's fine. It's fine. I don't, you know, whatever the fuck gets taken away, like, people, places and things, what, as long as we're together and we're happy, I'm fine.

Right. You know what I mean? We're good. And that's what we kind of realized, you know, same deal. It's like, when we were away, we're like, oh, this isn't great, but we realized that,

like when we were apart from each other, we realized that wasn't good, but then we got back together. Like that's, you know, we needed each other. Well, it was like, once you start affecting my career, then I'm out. Yeah, yeah. My brain. So once you fuck with this, this is my dream.

Right. This is my love. You make me feel good. Don't make me feel happy and content. You're going to fuck everything else. Yeah, if I, if I, if I, exactly, if I feel good and happy, then I won't, I won't have the desire or the fear or the doubt and the insecurity to push everything forward. You know what I mean?

It was the exact opposite. Yeah. It's like, I got out of it. It's like, oh, I can enjoy my life. I can be grateful for what I have today instead of looking yesterday and tomorrow and other people. I don't give a shit about that.

People come up to me like, dude, why aren't you more of this? It's like, I'm fine. Dude, I love my fucking, you're crazy. I tell dick jokes for a living and I have a house. I'm good, dude. Fuck, I got a family.

Now the only thing I'm doing is trying to get back to them. Right. It's all, I'm like, I'm like, get the fuck back to them so I can spend a couple days and then leave. Of course, get that.

Get the fuck out of there. I need to jerk off in silence. By the way, I broke off an engagement once. Oh, there you go. Not a full divorce. No, but that's a serious relationship. It ended up being, you know, absolutely for the best. And she turned out to be, she ended up being gay.

So it really worked out. Oh, no. Not just to say you're, anyway. But like Bobby said, you know, like, you never know what the future is going to hold. Like, you know, you guys can get back together. Like, who knows? I mean, things happen. I don't know.

We don't know like your exact situation. but like it things you know you never know what the future is going to yeah good we don't even know what the fuck happened either yeah i mean she might have walked in and i'm sucking a guy's car i know that's what i'm thinking is that what happened happened well what's two what's one or two no just one just the one you can do one at a time right one of well you can do two at a time but not you have to have this probably was the first to suck two guys he was the first one he's why he got the camera i have the video steve burn is there too i call it tammy t ral No, it is a, it's a, it's a, it's a, you still live in New York too, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I, I moved to L.A. after S&L. And then, yeah. And then got engaged, they broke off the engagement, came back to New York. What agent told you that to move to L.A.? No.

That frost, and you didn't give him his money back either. Well, actually, I was living in L.A. because I went to college out there. I lived in L.A. started doing stand-up more so in L.A. Right. And I started in high school in New York, but then L.A. And then got S&L. Came to New York. Got fired.

And was like. I'm not going to stay here because it felt like a breakup. Well, I'm only living here for her. Right. So I went back to L.A. And I did get engaged. Brok off the engagement came back to New York. Every time something blows up, I switch coast.

That's good. You just check in. Yeah, because I see you every few years. Yeah, yeah. What is that question? You're going to ask a good question. I was going to ask, how do they fire you in SNL? Well, Lauren calls you to hire you, but he does not call you to fire you.

I told my agents that I got SNL. And my agents told me that I lost SNL. So they call them. Yeah. Really? Damn. Do you pop champagne on that too? Hey man, listen.

We're going to let you go. This is not champagne. This is actually an apple cider. Oh, man. It was fucking brutal. It was really tough. Did you have a feeling that was going to happen? I thought it might.

Yeah. I felt I bombed a lot at those. I heard that you feel that the whole time you're there, even people who don't get fired. And I just, yeah, I mean, I've got to be walking on eggs. I hope. I hope that, like, oh, maybe. next year they'll give me a shot. Right.

But did you have something that was like, oh my God, I killed it and everybody was up your ass? It was a dirty dancing thing. I did an update, but they're like, they knew that that was an audition piece. They knew I didn't really have anything else. Anything else. So that killed. And they need to know, you know, like I think, you know, they're Tracy Morgan, like somebody figured out his voice and wrote for him.

There are people that not come in with a lot of ideas. We're like, oh, I know what you are. I can, you're going to thrive here. Right. But no one can really figure that out for me. And I didn't know. Who was your people that were. helping you. Mikey Day was one of them.

Mickey Day and Streeter Seidel, and they would write for me. Right. It was mostly them, honestly. I did a pirate sketch with them that when Chris Hemsworth hosted, I had like three sketches on. The first week I was there, Miley Cyrus hosted, and I had an idea for her, and I pitched

it to Mikey. What was it? It was like Greece, like a Greece style dance, like I'm a Danny Zucco guy, and she's like the new girl in school. And this was when she was doing wrecking ball and like licking everything. And so I'm like, who's the new girl? And then she you like tore off her dress and then started licking my face and started rapping about popping Molly and I was like I don't know this is a little too much for me

and they're like yeah we'll write that and then they're like come back in a few hours I come back it's written the song's written Miley's and I are rehearsing it really well first up at a table first up at dress first up on the show I'm like oh show's fucking great they said it's hard and then I didn't get anything on for weeks so you got that on I got that on the first week and it was amazing what's the race between like I'm writing and I'm in it. Are you always writing for you? Or can you write for other people on the in the cast?

You can write for other people in the cast, but you wanna pop in some way. Big mistake I made was I tried to be the lead and everything because I was like, I need to break. And when you're the new guy, you're not gonna get your own sketch a lot. So I should have tried to write more for everyone else, but I also just didn't know what I was doing.

Like a group sketch you're saying? Yeah, but you give yourself something good, but you have to go around to all the writers and be like, I have an idea and they're like, yeah, maybe we have time for that. We'll see. Oh, so there's writers that, you're not writing it. They're writing it for you.

No, you have to write yourself to it, or you write with them, or you end up writing on your own if they don't have time for you. So a lot of times I would be writing on my own. Sounds like they have endless resources. Yeah, and also, it's like, yeah, exactly. It sounds like it's pretty difficult to get fired there. Yeah, there's 16 cast members. There's like six sketches.

You're fucked. You're really fucked, you know? And you know Keenan's going to get on. Did you have to get on? Did you have to give you a computer back? They sent me like a box of like four things. It was so sad. Oh, really?

Would they send you? I don't remember. You do get a box though? Yeah. What was crazy is they put me in like the guest green room like for like like the guest of the host and because they didn't have room for me there. So the one thing I saved was like, you know, my weekend update thing and I put it, the cleaning ladies cleared it out.

Oh, you know. I really have nothing from that time. Wow. Oh my God. Yeah. I also missed a cue on. You did? What was it? It was Space Pants with Peter Dinklage.

Yeah, I was... I love Space Pants. You know, that's such a... That's like a fucking crazy... If you rewatch... That's a hit. I'm missing from it for the first 30 seconds. So that probably did me in, for sure.

You weren't... You were supposed to be there and you weren't. Yeah. Why? I was standing by the studio door. I didn't hear my name called and I thought they were going a commercial break. Ooh.

Yeah, pretty bad. What's the sketch? I haven't seen it. Oh, pull up Space Pants on SNL. It's fucking great. He saved you in that because he could, if you just, I was hoping that just showed you there, that would have been fucking worse. I mean, he saved you.

Oh, I mean, barely. I mean, I, yeah, that kind of sealed the deal. Like, I already was struggling. Wow. Oh, that's. And they didn't even come to you and go, hey, man, you can't do that again. No, it was just like, just no eye contact. You just felt it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I went up to Lauren that night and he just kind of was like, didn't say much to me. But he doesn't say much anyway. Right. You know. He talks to Pete a lot. He likes Pete. Yeah, it seems like they're talking all the time.

Yeah, it seems like that. See, once he likes you. Once he likes you. But I didn't earn, I didn't earn Lauren's respect. Well, you got the credit, dude. I got the first credit. Was it one year or two? One.

One year on SNL. It's so cool, though. And you're fucking on SNL. And now you're doing standard, which is fantastic. Yeah. I mean, you got kicked off SNL. You're getting a divorce. You're you?

No, I know. It's not great. I'm not successful. I'm not successful. But we're still on us, this is the saddest YWD I've ever done. Become therapy. Yeah.

Well, I got, this is funny. I got a thing that we got to, I got to do, this blows me away. This blows me away. Because somebody on this panel has a gift. A gift.

It's not me. Not you. It can't be me. Drew. Yep. I have no gifts Can almost On any celebrity's birthday

Oh, Danny Get it right Listen to me This is fucking nuts That you can do this Almost can guess it to the day A couple days I just

Listen We're all gonna pick a break I want to see if this is I said bullshit I say fuck you Danny told me this I'm like That's that's fucking magic bullshit

He's in the magic That's bullshit Does no way a celebrity? You name a celebrity. He'll tell you the birthday within a couple days, if not on it. Kind of. I mean, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. What do you got? I mean, just ones I know. I mean, based off of my... I hope it's one you know. Okay. It's a celebrity. That's the key word. You can't just say... Ben Affleck. You can't say my uncle Gary. Ben Affleck is August 9th. It's close. Let's see if he's right. It's August 15th. Wow. That's good.

But it's still close. Okay. Ready? Go ahead. You got one? Will Smith. She said Lauren Michael. Will Smith is... In a TRL. Will Smith is September 25th? Nailed it.

No way. On the money. Pull it. No way. On the money. I actually knew that one, too. You did? Yeah, because it's my mom's birthday and I...

All right. I got one you're not going to get. Okay. Robert Duval. Robert Deval? Yeah. December... No way.

30th. January 5th close close within days that's fucking within that's nuts it was it's insane did you memorize it or you just I just see it one time

and then it just kind of like it's always like it's always within like two or three days I'm not doing great now all right one more Bobby Kelly oh man oh celebrities I'm sorry

yeah yeah I apologize who is that who is that you don't know could you go R Kelly oh yeah January January

I want to say I want to say 7th That's fucking nuts Okay I'm not We're probably not good Can we do Jean Claude Van Dam

We just pulled up a fucking guy who fuck kids Hey P Diddy Jeffrey Epstein I'm going to No let's know I don't like this game Harvey Weinstein I just nail all these Charles Manson

Now we're getting closer to my Could you do Jean-Claude Van Dam? I mean, not that's a... I mean, now... Yeah, actually. I think it's... I think it's October 8th. That's mine.

That's mine. October 18th. Yeah. You had the 8th. You had my birthday. Oh, that's what I was in. Yeah, you'll never forget it now. Also, Cody just told him his birthday was October 8th before the show.

So that... Or 18th. What? Never mind. Nice talking to you, Danny. Thanks for ruining the business. anyways uh well listen man this has been a very therapeutic but i like that shit yeah that's great i think that uh it seemed like this really helps you well no i like when comics fucking you know that's he's

gonna air you're going through some real shit well i didn't mean to like i didn't want to like usurp any of the any of the energy i don't know what usurp means but you yeah you usurped it you served it usurped it. Usurped it. This guy can guess the fucking age. The birthdays I don't even know what

usurp means. I would say that means my thing is I can guess maybe what a word means. That's my thing. Give me a word. I can be close to it. Usurp means

take over. There you go. Okay. Give me a word. Fuck. Oh, I can't think of a single word. No, that's a good one. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, fornicating under King's consent. Oscillate. Oscillate to spin. This game's way more fun. This is great. What do you got, Vita?

I don't even know what we're talking about. Okay, nice talking to you. Don't know what are you talking about. What are we talking about? You know, I just found it where the middle finger came from. Do you know where it comes from? No, what is it? The hand.

It was like a pluck thing. What? I forget. I saw it. Somebody do it. I mean, listen, don't jump in and ruin it. Okay. Go ahead, go ahead.

You know what it is. Is that what he's? Well, the French were fighting the England, and the French said they're going to cut the fingers off all the bow, off the arrow archers. Once we beat you, we're taking all your middle fingers off so you can't ever draw a bow again. And they beat the French, and as they were leaving the field, they went, fuck you, we still got our fingers. Oh, that's awesome. That's where fuck you come from. That's so cool.

There you go. That's badass. I still got my fingers, baby. Oh, my bad. All right, listen. What are you got coming up? Doing Zanis in Chicago, end of the month. Zanis, Chicago.

Which one? Downtown or Rosemont. Downtown. Great club. Great club. Don't work it, but great club. Love those guys. Yeah.

I do. I put it in a good word. No, you don't have it. It's a small little, it's a small little club, but I like it. It's a great. It's a great friend of mine. Yeah. I love, I love.

Oh, the Zanis guy. Oh, like, yeah. The owners, the brothers there. Just two of my favorite. people in the business. I just don't work there. I don't know why. Last time I worked Zanis in Nashville, I was bombing so bad.

It's a tough club. I wasn't selling at the time. It was like in that one of those down periods. And I remember. Did you look at me when you said that? I don't want to look at him. It's mine's coming. Mine's coming.

So I, sorry, you really did go down period. Like, you know. I didn't mean you used. I, I, uh, I, uh, and I remember I was, I was doing my dirty fucking dumb, fucking New York, Boston

bullshit. And they weren't they weren't buying it at all. Right, right. And I go, what the fuck? I blame them. I go, what the fuck? We're in the Bible belt? And the lady went, you're on the buckle. And I was like, oh. And then I

screamed at a lady for being on her phone and she went, she was like, one the only person that bought a ticket to see me. And she was, I'm like, get off your fucking phone, you moron. And she goes, Bobby, my daughter just got into a car accident. I'm so sorry. And I was like, I'm sorry, too. You take the phone call.

And then she left. It's just me. So I don't blame those guys. You're going to be in Zanis, the 27th, the 28th. Go to Punchup. You're on Punchup, right? Yeah, punch up.

All right, what's your punchup page? Tell people you punch up, I don't know. Nope, punchup. Dot live slash Gary Vita. You're fucking, you don't even, come up. I don't know. Well, it's right there. I'm so bad at this too.

I'm so bad at this. Are you, what do you got going on? Punchup. Live also. Your last name. Your name. John Renitsky. There it is right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

We're doing Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Oh, that's a great festival. It's so fun. I love it. I'm at Philly Helium at the end of the month. Another good club. Funny Farm, which I don't know if that is. It's actually in the basement of a Mexican restaurant.

Where is Funny Farm? In Austin. Ohio. Ohio. Youngstown. I think I work that club. I think it's all right. I don't think the club exists anymore.

They just called the Funny Farm, and it just happens in different places around. All right. All right. All right. Well, listen, go see him. Drew, where are you going to be? I'm in, uh, I'm in,

San Diego and, uh, North Carolina. Jesus Christ. Look at all the dates he's got. No wonder where you're getting divorced. Yeah, no shit, dude. You can tell. I mean, what the fuck, man? It says support Drew's divorce.

Somewhere on the side. Alimony. He says, I am in Ali. Give me your money. Do you have to pay alimony? Yeah. That came out. I mean, spousal support, but yeah.

I'd have to go to a spot right now. All right, buddy. Sorry, guys. Thanks. All right, Drew, thanks for coming in. God bless you, buddy. I appreciate you. You're coming on the show.

I love you, man. I love you guys. Here for you. Thanks, buddy. Appreciate you. Yeah, make sure you go see Drew. One of the funniest motherfuckers out there. Hilarious comic.

And he needs to pay alimony right now. So, um, I, uh, this is a weird ending. Uh, ha, ha, ha, ha. We go in the hallways. He's crying. I didn't have to go. I don't have any spots. I canceled all my tours.

No, it sucks, man. I felt so bad I watched. He did a thing on Instagram, and I was like, what the fuck is going on? I didn't, I didn't even know about this. Well, he's so, he's always so funny and happy.

I've never seen the guy, and they were always together. But he kind of had to let it out, and he did, and it was crazy. I didn't realize how many people knew about him and his wife, obviously, like he has fans that are all the best in there.

Oh, his wife's great. Yeah. His wife's great. I wonder how many people got divorced because of him. You know, I bet there are a lot of fans of his. What? You know what I mean? That were like, you know, that like look to them.

It's like, they're doing well. You know, they're doing good. Yeah. And then, oh, they broke up. Then we shouldn't, you know. So glad he's not here for this. I wonder if it was like a domino effect. I wonder if there are residual divorces because of it.

I mean, it's possible. I mean, I think that means he's an inspiration. I don't think it's necessarily bad thing. The comic, the Scottish comic Daniel Sloss advertises that he's broken up more couples than any other comic. Yeah, right. You know, people are very influenced. You don't know what the... You think that was way out of line.

No, not at all. I thought it was hilarious, but I have to pretend like it was out of line. So if he sees this, he knows that I was defending him. I said it in support of him. Like, he's inspiring people. That's why we go through things.

To inspire people to take things. Just saw it off. I saw it off. Yeah, I know. Yeah, just... Saw it off. All right, guys. Listen, we're going to go over to Patreon right now. YKWD people.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Your dates. Oh, yeah. I got dates, too. Shit. I'm going to be in Somerville, New Jersey. That's Danny's date. That's why he wants to plug it.

I'm doing his lovely room. It's a very small. How many seats? 44. There's 44 seats. I actually had a blast last time I was there. It's very intimate. It's in the bottom of a French restaurant.

And I had a blast last time, but I'm doing it for the pizza. We're going to the pizza place. What's the pizza place called? Delucious. We'll go to Delucious. I heard that's great. What? I already had someone who's a regular show.

You plugged Delucesians on the podcast last month? Yeah. And then they said that they're going to go get pizza beforehand. Oh, they're coming before. Just a fan. Because you're plugging the pizza, now the fans know that if they want to see you eat. All right, well, they're going to see me eat that goddamn pizza. I think Christine's coming.

Jay's girl's coming, too. Oh, really? We got to get a couple seats. Oh, yeah. We need a table. I love the pizza. And then I'm going to be in Comics Roadhouse on the 17th and 18th. Fantastic Club.

And then I'm Point Pleasant at Uncle Vinnie's on the 24th and 25th. And then Cleveland, Ohio at Lairities, which I love. and then I'm doing a little run. New Orleans now. I just went down to you for Skank Fest, and I'm expecting you guys to buy these tickets up. I want to do a little run, and I'm going down to New Orleans at the Howland Wolf.

I've done that. Great rule. And then I'm doing Mobile Alabama at the Crescent Theater on the 23rd. So get those tickets, man. Stop waiting to the week of and making me panic and shit. Go get these tickets. And of course, I'm going to be in governors and Austin. I'm going to be at the mothership during Fourth of July weekend. Go get your tickets for that now if you're going to come see me

because that place just sells out, which is great. So punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly. And Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff, and I'll be headlining at McGrawbox Bruin Company in McGrath, New York on March 27th and New Berlin, New York on March 28th. And Cody, what do you got?

You can follow me on Instagram at Cody the Comic, and I'll be opening for Bobby, April 17th and 18th at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. That's right. Cody is a brand new producer on the show. Very funny comedian that's doing the show. Great job today, Cody, on the website stuff and producing. Good job. I got a piss real bad. Is that possible? I'm just waiting for Cody to respond. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay, great. Yeah, you can go Pete. We're going to go to patreon.com right now for your fan of the show for the you guys are listening. Thank you for listening. If you're watching it on YouTube for nothing, God bless. But make sure you subscribe. to the show and get in those comments. Tell us who you want on the show,

what shows you love, what shows you want to see, and we'll get that happening for you. So make sure you do that. But if you really want to support the show, we're going right now to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. And that's where all you guys get to ask your questions

of all these people I have on the show. I'm the only one left. Huh? I'm the only one left. No, he's coming back. I don't think he's coming back. But if he comes back, he doesn't come back,

because Drew heard what he said, and he kills him. He knows all serial killers birthdays to a tea. We're going to go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. These guys are going to answer these questions. And we do an extra show, me and Joe Russell, every week for you guys, with the fans in the chat. So you get to be part of the show.

So if you want to support the show, it's very cheap, and it's on there. It's like five bucks or some shit like that. If not, we'll see you guys next time on. You know what, dude?