Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #631 | Modi, Brendan Sagalow, & Mike Albanese

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

After Rachel Feinstein couldn't make it Modi and Brendan Sagalow join Mike Albanese on the pod as surprise guests and things get wild.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized,affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/YKWD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started the social media podcast. The fact. The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Where it all started.

What's up, everybody? We're back at the comedy seller compound. Let's call it a compound. Comedy seller studios above the world famous comedy seller with another episode of YKWD. You know what, dude. The hardest podcast. podcast in the world to remember. It's St. Patty's Day, and you know what?

We're going to play some... Happy Irish Day, huh? Bobby, yes, it's going to be a problem. Can't play that. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Jenny. Is that going to be a problem? That's going to be a problem? That's going to be a problem? It's going to be a problem. Can you beep it out? 30 seconds. Well, you know, no, no. Oh, no. We'll be fine for the four seconds we just play. Okay, great. Anyway, life sucks on the internet.

It does. Go on. Go ahead. Do you know that the Melania movie, they gave all those music was free for them to use? Of course it was. Because they all were trying to get into bed. With Melania? So what music were they used? Every hit song on Earth is in that movie and they didn't pay a dime for any of it.

Oh. Well, I can't use five seconds of a no-name Irish band. But we can do this. Bound-a-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-a-da. Can't do that. Can't even do that singing it? I just broke my headphones. I'm sorry.

You fucking monkey paws. Alvinays is fucking doesn't know he big he is. It just snaps the table and ass. Everybody, Danny, who do we got today? We have Mike Albanyes, and with a little bit of weight gain, we have Rachel Feinstein. Funny. That's what happens when the producers are hilarious, huh? Here's the deal.

I got a little offended. Me too. He was going to call you just you fat. I know. I was like, God, did he noticed? I thought he looked the same. I literally weighed myself today, and I had a moment of like, oh, I'm going to be. Going back up. You gotta stop. You gotta stop one of those.

I was, why do you point to me? I bought new jeans. I'm a 38, 34. Couldn't even get the button close. Oh, God. Not even like almost 40. I think I went from 30 to 42. Well, I went down 20. I got good. You went down 20 pounds. I went down 20. Not 20 sizes in jeans. No, no. I went down 20, yeah, 20 pounds.

And I kind of got relaxed. And then I just started kind of, you know, and then the road. of course. Yeah, the road. There's no healthy food anywhere on the world except your house. So now I went up five, so I'm down 15. Was it all natural? You're doing any of the jabs?

Can I say something? Eating salads. Can I say something? Fat guy math is my favorite math of all time. Dude, I went up, then I went up five, but now, so 15, I'm doing good. Yeah, yeah.

It still kind of is, but I got to get back on the horse. The horse, don't get on the horse. You'll kill it. I got to get back on the pig, A.K. my wife. Congratulations on your marriage, by the way. You didn't get married? No, no, I didn't get married.

I can't wait, though. I can't wait to call her a pig all the time. It's fun. Yeah, it's fun. I love it. I love it. She hopes she's not listening. She's not.

Trust me. No, she's listening to a true crime podcast right now, of anything. Yeah, my wife isn't listening to anything I do. What's up, buddy? When West Chappers first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things

stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at WestJet.com slash 30 years. Paco, everybody. What? Can you

Do you think? Hi, Modi. Hi, Moody. Look at this. We got fucking Modi up here. We're rocking now. Do you think if you walked out of the house without that hat on, people would not know your Irish because you like exude Irish. Today I do.

Yeah, yeah. Listen, listen, every St. Patty's Day, I wear some green or some type of shamrock because I'm very proud to be Irish. Unlike you, Mike. Not proud to be Irish. You're not. You hate your Irish side. You're Irish? What's your last name? Do you know that I'm actually half Irish? Yes. Half Irish. I'm only a quarter Italian. Yeah, I know that. I know you're me. I'm a quarter of Italian and 75%

Irish or some other horseshit. And I'm proud, I'm 50% proud of I'm 100% What? This fucking island is a great country Great people They help build this country Which one?

All of them North and regular I don't know I don't get detailed Real geographic Don't you love being Irish? I've never been I didn't grow up with it

I didn't grow up with any Irish You got it in you dude Okay Put this hat on Yeah put the hat on Take your hipster hat off It's gonna be like the mask Hipster this is a baseball hat

Yeah but it's a hipster logo on it Look, you got Irish hair You got picky blind of hair Yeah Are you not good? You look like alpha How does that look? You look fantastic

Well that looks great Let's ask Moby Does it though? Hang on with Ooh Moody just recovered from Yeah I have the same wallet

He's bleeding What's up buddy? I have the same idea Who am I? I'm about to blow all of your Irish stories away First of all Danny Tell everybody who we got

Now we have Modi Brendan Sagel Mike Albiz. Hey, Bell. There you go. How are you? What's up, guys?

Why are you going to blow all... How are you... A Jewish man are going to blow our Irish stories out of the fucking water? Wait, wait, hold on, let me guess. Can I guess first? Yeah. Because the Jews first owned Ireland?

Oh, okay. Did they? No, Sagalo. It was an Israel drove. No, that's the UK. I don't know. I have no idea. And you know what?

All these pedophiles have cooked the books. How? Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it. We're going to ruin the SEO. He begins with pedophiles. I don't understand what he's doing. All these like, you know, Epstein and Maxwell and all of them.

I don't know what I'm talking about. But I heard that they wrote a lot of the textbooks, man. What, man? Oh, yeah. They own McGrathill. Yes. I saw that video. Yes.

And I believe it. They're in on it. Listen, you dumb, dumb, dumb. They didn't. They cooked the books. Who knows if what about his trees. They've been teaching us propaganda since we were kids. Her family owns McGraw Hill.

There's no propaganda. There's good people and good-hearted people and bad-hearted people. And then there's dumb people. There's three types of people. There's stupid people. There's bad people and there's good people. And it's in your heart. It's who you are.

All right? That's all. That's a part of the Passover Seder. Did you know the three sons, the wise son, the one that doesn't know how to act? Of course I did. Mazel Toff. That's it. Oh, it's coming up too, right?

I'm going to get this back to me. I'm going to stretch it out. I can already feel it. I think you're gonna, I don't want you to be mad. This thing fits on my head like I'm a little boy. I feel like I was wearing like, tell us your Irish story. There's no way you have a better Irish story than me.

You ready? Yes. My husband just got his Irish passport. Why? Why? Because his mother was born. His mother was born in Ireland. I thought,

in Belfast. You know, my, oh wow. I held all that stuff. I heard it was your grandmother too. Is the mother? I don't know. He would have,

he found some lawyer. We did it and he just, boom. I think it's great there. An Irish passport just showed up. I think it's grandparents. My grandmother was born in Massachusetts. I can't do it. I don't know, no, no, no, no, no.

And I also follow this website about hotels and the Catskills that used to be, and I had no idea, but there was one Irish hotel up there. Really? Yeah, there was one Irish hotel, and it was... I miss when we were segregated. I know, wasn't that, right? I miss it. Everybody had their own...

There was the Villa Roma. All the, have you worked there? No, but I know what you're talking about. The Catskills wasn't just Jewish? No. Wow. This is actually blown my mind. It was, it was, there was one hotel that was Irish.

There was one hotel that was... They gave us one each. There was one hotel. I bet you I know who owned it. The Villa Roan. And the Jews ended up burning it down. They made it kosher for Passover one time, and they ended up burning the kitchen.

It was a whole thing. Sounds like a true story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. I, yeah, I miss... When I grew up in ball, Austin, it was segregated. But not by force.

You know, the Italians lived in this section. The Irish lived in this section. Blacks lived in this section. The Puerto Ricans lived in that section. And we all kind of got along. And we went into our sections every once in a while and tried their food, got in a couple of fights, talked a couple of the chicks. And then we went back over to this section.

That sounds awesome, dude. That's the Bronx tale. Can I say something? I didn't meet Jewish people until I was in jail. Oh, good. A lawyer? No, he was my counselor. Ken Lazarus.

First, real, like first when I understood. Bobby, you're never going to get out of here? That's not. That was his mother. Did he pronounce it Bubola? He called me Bubola. Probably. He called me a bubble.

You're going to jail for a very long time, bubble. But I wound up, when I finally got out of rehab, he was my counselor in jail. Got out of rehab. I couldn't live with my mother. He was still a foster father, so he took me in. He's like, just come live with me. The state will pay. So I live with this guy

So nice. Three years. And he taught me like all Jewish culture. Like I had to go to Passover dinner with the coloring book. I had to learn the emotia. Leninga Horitz.

I had to eat Kefalta fish. I worked at a Jewish camp for a summer. I did all, I went to Florida. You got yelled up. You're a Booger Raton. That was Booger Raton. Yeah, Bougar atone.

Yeah. You don't eat that, do you? What? Gefelta fish don't eat that. That's just for like, tourists. I know, no, we eat it. Is it very thin? Is it like that?

I'm going to tell you this, Modi. I did for a whole two years. Me, I had, it was called Lunch with Lenny. Lenny Marcus. Why be two and a half years? Maybe two years, maybe a year and a half. Maybe something more than that. All right.

We would go to, after therapy, I would meet him at a Jewish deli on 72nd Street. And he would introduce me to a new Jewish food every Tuesday. Whoa. I called the Lunch with Lenny. We had a song. and Keith Robinson and Colin Quinn and Jim Norton hated it. They tried to ruin my lunch with Letty.

And then when, what's her name? Took Lenny away from me? What's her name? Who he's towards him? Oh, Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones stole Lenny from me and stole my Jewish friend. And lunch with Lenny ended. And now it's lunch with Lenny.

Oh, shit. What's up, sad daddy? Sorry, I mean that. So he, but he would, years later, I tried gefelter fish again because I tried it with But you gotta try good good filter It's a big, you can go bad.

We went to the Jewish-Jewish place. Second Avenue Delhi. We know the one up top, up on the west side. You know that one Jewish daily in the upper west side. Zabars? Zabars?

No, Samutskis and Shulians. Oh, no. It's so many. Shulian Shmendix. Nothing's better than Second Avenue deli. I used to love going to second ab. I used to date a chick who worked there, waitress. No, you did.

Fuck, I used to live. Barney's Greengrass? She used to. Barney Greengrass, yeah. But that's sturgeon, that's locks. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't say that, but I am going to take the credit for that. That was Danny in the back.

But was it Bernie's Brock? What was it called? You were close. Bernie's. Bernie's Brockhouser? I don't know what that is. I don't know. I didn't know.

Yeah, no. There's nothing better than a real Jewish deli. Oh, and by the way, and Barney Greengrass, the owner, Gary, is the funniest guy dry, and he's so funny. He tells one of my favorite Jewish jokes. Usually only Jews get it. There's two guys on a boat,

and they're on the lifeboat, and they're in bad waters, and it's just waves smashing against him. They know they're going to tip. They know it's going to, and they're hugging each other, And one guy turns out and goes, Marvin, can you float alone? This is no time to discuss business.

That's great. I think Jewish. Only Jews use the term float alone. Yeah. At the NBA programs of Harvard, they don't talk about float alone. It's sad that it's when two Jews, when you know the money to come in and you're floating alone. That was four years ago, only Jews know that. Now everybody knows.

Everybody knows that. I love the Jewish, like, bar jokes and shit. They're so dry. They're, like, the driest ones. Let me tell you something. I had a Jewish foster father for three years, and I was, and then, of course, I came here and got in at the cellar. Which is my college of Jewishness.

And I, I love the Jewish people. Yeah. I'll say it. I'll say it right to the camera. I love everybody. Cut this out. I love the Jewish people. Cut this out.

Is this a freer consideration? The Oscars were last night, pal. That doesn't matter anymore. You're going to like Palestine to get an Oscar now. That guy was the worst. This Oscar shit, I am so fucking sick. Wait, what happened? I didn't watch the Oscar.

That's why I love you, dude. I watched, I love you, touch me. This is why I love you. I love you because you just don't know. I know there's stuff going on and I know there's a war in the Middle East. And all that stuff. Let's get your news. But I don't know anything else.

I don't know, I don't know. I don't like talking about it because my, my sister's very, you know, obviously pro-Palestine, all that stuff. Why is that obvious? Why is that obvious? Why is it obvious? Yeah. I don't know. She's like, you know, she's like this liberally lady, you know, she's very liberal and all that stuff. Okay. She's a bleeding heart, you know what I mean? So, very, you know. Far left. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we all are. I don't want anybody to die. My dad's Jewish, so they, you know, they go at it all the time.

So I have a, I don't want to talk about this. I want to know about this because it's literally my family fighting each other. Yeah. So, you know, my sister drone strikes my dad the other day. I like that your sister and dad don't get along. You're like, fuck it, I'm not going to know anything. Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to.

No, I'm trying to be less nihilist, you know what I mean? You're a nihilist? Trying to get into the politics a little bit more. Get your hair back with Hems. Hems offers a wide range of prescription hair loss treatments, including chews, oral medications, and sprays. You can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in less than six, three to six months. Hems connects you with an online medical provider giving you the flexibility to find care around your schedule.

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which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary, based on the study of topical and oral monocidil and finastasdride. Oh, you know what, Jewish joke I love.

A waiter walks up to a table of Jewish women and goes, is anything okay? Good one. Good one. I got a good one. Jewish kid asks his dad for $20. He says, $10, what do you need $5 for? Funny.

Your jokes are the best. I'm going to say, I'm going to give a compliment to our host here, by the way. Yeah, what's up, buddy? Have you seen on FX or Hulu, whatever, it's on a love story, the JFK and Carolyn Bissette story? You know, Ryan Murphy does all those, it's just so gay, I guess. Nobody watches. I know it exists. I mean, you say Carolyn?

A friend of mine is in it, so that's who I know. Oh, really? Okay, so it's called a love story. Carolyn Bissette and John F. Kennedy Jr., and they, I mean, this is a guy's cast as John F. Kennedy, Jr. He is stunning. And then it's this whole like revival of that look from him is coming back. How's the chick?

The chick's beautiful. She's beautiful. Okay. Not stunning. But Callan Bissette was like next level. You remember that. And I'm going to give you a massive compliment. Okay.

We were looking at it and I said, he has Robert Kelly's eyes. Oh. Look at Google it. Take those things on. Someone here or whatever. They know how to Google that stuff. Yeah, put it on the TV.

Yeah. Put him on the TV. Yes. Wow. Look at this. So give me the, yes, Robert Kelly eyes. Wow. Hold on.

That's it. Let me look. Let me look. Now look at me. Now look at me, Mike. I'm going to say something right now. Yeah. Bobby's got gorgeous eyes.

I had no idea until I saw the American Loves' GARY poster. Guys, that's why I hide them. It's a little more. Yeah, because you'd be out of just stealing women. It's a little more Robert Kelly's 90s eyes, but, but, but, yeah, I guess. But you see. I mean, you don't have to take away from a minute.

You can just stop right now. Stop right now. Right away, I said that. And Carolyn Kennedy's tits. If I would have gotten that out. That hurts. I said a good one. It's a good one.

There's the bomb band, band, down. Take that one. I'm going to tell you my Jonathan Kennedy, Carolyn Beset's story. So I was 25 years old. My friends took me to dinner at this posh restaurant in Chelsea. And we were like six people. And they were at the point where they were saying happy birthday to me. It was like, oh, you know, when your friends come with,

the cake. Yeah. Yeah. So, and there was a table for two next to us, right? And while they were

singing happy birthday, John F. Kennedy Jr. And Calumberset, oh, sit down. As, you know,

and of course, the whole restaurant's looking. And my dumb friends, like, happy birthday. And they sit down, and I just go, I said,

don't invite them. My one story. That's a great story. It's a great story. Now, I think he was killed by the Clint's. There you go.

Oh, you do? Wow. Why would we end up there? I'll tell you, because she was supposed to, she wanted that spot, he was going to get it, he was going to be another president. Think of all the Kennedys that have been assassinated

or killed, right? Yeah. Think about John F.K. Think about the ones now that you want to assassinate. Think about, yeah. I like him. It's just voice, I can't tell you. All right, dude, clear it.

You're a Kennedy, get it fixed. Yeah, that sucks. Dude, being, because he's good looking as an old guy. No, he's not. He's not good looking as an old guy. As a Kennedy. Not as good as that. No.

Kennedy didn't all age well. Ted Kennedy was a hot mess. Yeah, really? It looked like a melted candle. You don't think that Robert Kennedy Jr. No, he's got that like his blood wants to burst out of his body. Have you seen his body? Yeah, I have.

I mean, obviously, I'm not going to look any better. I'm going to look way worse than him. So let's get that out of the way for sure. Add two more ways. The goodness is, but for me, way. You aren't going to make it to that age. you don't have to worry about it. Hell yeah.

I'm going to die young. 18 years old. Look at that. Look at that body, dude. All right, all right. You know what? I take it back a little bit. He's a good looking old guy.

He does have a good body. He looks good. But he has an old... They airbrushed my buddy from underneath the other guy. Huh? What? The other guy is doing a sit-up or a push-up

whatever the hell he's doing. That's Kid Rock. Looks like Steve Buscemi. First of all, Kid Rock looks like he's flexing. He's flexing. Thanks. There's like a

RFK looks like if a Lego work. You know Kid Rock's not in shape because he covered his... A Lego work. He covered his... He's got a big square head. That was good. That was good.

I gotta call you more. Kid Rock, I'll give you his number. Kid Rock is covering his stomach with a towel. That is a fat guy move. Yeah, he's covering his fucking gut with a towel.

And you know he grabbed that. And look at Robert Kennedy. He is fucking shredded. He's got a body. Working out. Gene sucks. His face isn't that bad. He's got the cum gutters also. Yeah, he's a cum-gutter. What is it?

That's a cum-gutter? I'm going to throw up. Is that what they're called? I thought you're talking about here. No, no, it's where you give you stashers at all. That's called the cum stasher. That's in case of the apocalypse. You hide cum and you're trapped. I'm sure to keep my french fries.

Do you come and just slides down? I'm going to throw up. Listen, that's where the cum. The cum doesn't slide down when I jerk off. It just stays on my stomach. It just a glob. I have to I find come later like a chipmunk.

I always refer to one of your jokes of one of the funniest jokes about like that you used to come a lot and then now it's like a baby sneezing. It's one of the funniest jokes. I used to come like a Nickelodeon award. It's green. Thank you very much.

Yeah. Appreciate that. I want to thank my agent. I tell you what, though. I've been doing tea lately. Same. I'm not afraid. I'm gonna say, because this guy's my age who your tea goes down.

Yeah. I got my tea up to a nice little level, not too crazy. And my ropes. Oh, interesting. Completely. No. Oh, no. My jizz is fucking rocking.

Really? Yeah. What's the consistency? It's, uh, oh, it comes out like yellow, jello gelatin. Oh, my God. I actually can hear like, you hear this. I'm on tea, but my jizz sounds like when it hits the ground. Hollow.

That's great, though, dude. So what do you do? You inject that, or how do you take tea? Micro processes. Computer chips. I injected twice a week. And here in America, no tickey, no laundry. I micro-injected twice a week.

What's micro-injected? Instead of doing one big needle in your ass, I do little needles a little bit in my stomach. Are they like the... Oh, no, no, no, no. Now, to really do, you have to get the one that goes into the muscle. No, you put it, you know, you know, look it up. You're telling a gay guy about testosterone.

Lift your shirts up, let's see who's doing it right. Well, I guess I'll be doing it in my ass. Get your pose. If that's the, take your shirt up, I'm out. You wear. No, it's like the, I take it with a big needle and it goes in my butt. You do it. Yeah, I do it.

Worry about hitting a vein or something? You know, why is it? It's a muscle back there. Oh, not mine. Why is that a gay thing? If I did it in my butt, it would hit my spine. I gotta do more swats. Why is testosterone a gay thing?

I don't understand. A gay man keep on top of their stuff. Oh, because it gets you, I don't know anything about this stuff. I thought he's quit coffee when he said that. Your testosterone drops when you get older, so you start taking it. And then you got to keep an eye on it because there's like this free testosterone and there's a whole bunch of testosterone stuff. You know, there's like this free testosterone.

You have a testosterone level and there's free testosterone, which is I have a great way to explain it. It's like when you have a... He loves the free. Right. It's like when you have a trust fund, right? You have all this. I don't know. Right, right?

But whatever's available to you from the trust fund. Like, let's say you have a trust fund with billions of dollars in it, but you only get $30,000 a month, right? That's your, that's like the free testosterone. So even though you have that testosterone, it's like, it's, that's what's. Is that like the lowest amount you could come up with? I just took round numbers. That was more of a rich guy thing.

Yeah. So I have a ton of testosterone, but taking injectables gives me access to the, is that we're talking about? A little bit, but you, yes, but yes. But you have to be careful because if it fucks with your, what's the girl test, what's the hormone? Estrogen. Estrogen. Yeah. So if it gives you, it might release more estrogen, which gives you tits.

Oh, shit. Is that the side effect? Or it takes away your estrogen. If you have a good doctor, they put something that's against that in the testosterone. So my testosterone comes from a compound lab. Right. My car pharmacy, it's like this compounding. I use game day.

I don't know what that is. It's a company that does everything for you. That sponsors this podcast. It sounds like. Is your tea down? Bring your tea back up with game day. Yeah. In Stanford,

soon to come to White Plains. And you can bet on the Giants at the same time. I love that a testosterone company has to sound like sports. Welcome to football smash testosterone. It is funny. When you walk in, it's all sports themed. But,

and they had this smoking, smoking hot girls that take the, sure you don't want to double in jail? Well, they take the blonde. Right? Right? And they also... This is crazy. They also...

There was one thing they were talking about because they do peptides. They do everything. Yeah. And they take your blood and they do check it and they really work with you because you have to... You can't just take testosterone. You have to have a doctor.

Somebody involved. Because, you know, you can really get fucked up. So, but they had this thing. It was like an electric. So I had tennis elbow. And they take this... It looks like a... Almost like a steel dildo.

And they cream up your arm and they rub it on your arm and it shoots like a electrodes into it and it loosens it up. No, it fixed my tennis elbow. Whoa. But then they offered... In one shot. Then it was good. One shot it was good. And then they had a thing where they do it to your penis to give you more blood falling your penis. Okay. I heard about it. I'm listening. So I was like, they were like, yeah, we do this thing too. And I was like, yeah, did you want to try it? Some hot chick just fucking rub some dildo on your cock? I don't think it was a real thing. Bobby goes, hey, can you put that dildo fucking thing on my collar? It's a real thing. Did you do it?

Actually, she didn't put on my cock. Let's just get real. Well, I was going to do it, but they made it very clinical. Like, you know, I was like, today, you know, the hot chick, she actually left. So is this older Russian woman? She was like, I do it for you now. And I was like, no, I'm good. No, no, it's okay.

But you don't want to get hard when that's going on. Who are you? You're not married for 18 years. I want to get hard when anything. I want to get hard right now. Oh, my God. And that's the thing, too. get your piece back.

I get like... And is it? Electric? That's what they do. The testosterone gives you... Testosterone gives you... Oh, you get some heart on. It's like you're in high school.

Whoa. Is there an opposite that? Because I'm sick of them. I'm just praying that they go away. Yeah. It's killing me. Really? What do you mean?

I can't... It's like... Do you walk around and you got your heart? No, but I just... I can't stop being horny. Yeah. How old are you? 42?

Yeah, dude. That never goes away, right? Really? No, no. The horn. Like horny for. Buddy. You mean not just horny for your wife.

You mean like horny for everything. I'm only horny for my wife. Is that my camera? That's your camera right there. No, I just like... That goes away? Yeah. Oh, thank God.

It goes away when your wife goes through menopause and dries up and she fucking turns red all the time and hate you. It goes away. I'm pretty sure I catch my wife. When your wife goes to blow you and she goes, yeah. But do you feel like no sexual... Not when you take testosterone. It does go away.

Your sex drive goes away. With testosterone? No, when you take it, it comes back. And I took a peptide too that actually helps that. I take a peptide, Sarah something. Sarah Lieberwitz. Sarah Lieberwoods. She's like, your dick is mine.

She's compliment my dick. I love you. What happened to Lenny lunches? Lunch with Lenny. He's my pal. Lunch with Lenny. I forget the rest. Damn.

And your friends really didn't like that. I hated it. Your friends hated that you were going towards another guy. They hated that me and Lenny every Tuesday would go for lunch and we would try a new little potato pancake or... How about a Jewish Jews are there? To do it every day, once a week for two years? We did it.

We would go to that Jewish family. And then we ventured out to get the best bagel and locks. And we would go out. Yeah, it was a fun time. I mean, I used to hate... When I worked at the Jewish camp, look, I'm Irish-Italian from Boston. all of a sudden having locks on Saturday with a bagel. I was like, you people are fucking gross.

You're eating fish at breakfast. It's cereal, pancakes, French toast, and they put a fish in front of me. I was like, slimy fish. I don't get why. Then I ate it, and it was a fucking delicious. You come from, you're not Jewish unless your mom is Jewish, right? Yeah, that's. Well, why is that?

That sucks. You should see what my dad looks like. 200 years. My dad is so Jewish. Really? And your mom isn't? My mom's not. What's your mom? Irish.

Irish. Yeah. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Hey. Hey. No, my dad is so Jewish. I don't get it. I don't get everybody's like, you know, why is that?

Get my dad's socks wet. See what happens. What is that means? He'll be like, oh, my socks is so wet and it's cold in here. And I go, I came from that guy. I'm Jewish. Oh, wow. Yeah, but you don't practice.

No. No, you never practice anything. I practice No I don't I haven't practiced The goddamn thing But you believe in God

No you believe in some I don't know I think I believe in maybe a higher power Some shit I don't know I just don't know And I'll find out When I get there I guess

Or I won't I hope it's what you believe On earth is where you go And I hope you go nowhere And you have wet socks on It's my purgatory You're an atheist too right No

No Agnostic Agnostic What do I explain to me what agnostic Atheists are sure that there isn't anything there I'm not sure But I'm sure that All the books floating around aren't it

You believe none of the books are real How could they be? Well I mean they're books You tell a story that happened two days ago You're going to get half the facts wrong Hundreds of years later you're going to write a book And be like no this is 100% accurate Run your life

You take the lesson of the story Sure. Not the, not the, you don't. Right. Yeah, you take the lesson. And I can take the lessons from all those books, but when it comes to people living their lives to the letter. Well, you know, some people are doing that. That's where I'm, we didn't ask you about them. We're asking about you. Don't you? I'm telling you do stand-up, no? Yeah. Okay, so when you're- Wonderful. Glad to know that people know I do. No, I'm- Mike was a very fine stand-up comedian. It was a-clip that, but it was a, it was a question, like, just to sit it up. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So when you're killing and the whole room is laughing, right? I'll let you know when that happens.

What do you call that energy? I don't know, killing? Good energy, greater? Can I tell you what I call it? A fluke. You know what I call it? Can I tell you what I call it? What do you call it?

I call me God. I'm your God. I call it Messiah energy, messianic energy. It's like a one-ness is God. So right now, this is a godly thing happening too. Sure, I believe that. We're getting along, vibing, stories coming, blah, blah,

whatever. But, you know, and when you're at comedy, for sure, and you see a whole room, a whole theater just amazing, popping together in unity. Can you make it a club? Can you just make it a club so I can be Relatives? When you're at a bar show.

When you're doing 10 minutes at a don't tell in Delaware, make it feel like I'm involved. Anybody listening to this, on April 23rd and 30th, it will be happening at Radio City Musical. You? Who you open it for? Can I say that? Congratulations.

Give me that back. I do. There you go. Let me ask you a question. You're doing a, you? Is it a Jewish holiday? It's right after Passover. Okay.

After Passover, yeah. Because can I say something to you? What you did was very smart. Thank you. Is there was a point, we all came up together. I came up with you at a seller. And there was a point where you went into, put your phone down, you, you're listening.

I'm opening up the thing for you. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I thought you were getting on your phone. You're distracted. No, no, no, no. I'm trying to get here. So.

How cute my husband? Look at this. Modi and the Radio City. It's great. Modi and this... Let me ask you a question. Can I get a couple tickets for a friend? You, uh...

Yeah. You really went into the Jewish community and started doing a lot of Jewish stuff, like in that community, and you built up a fan base that really supported you, right? Yeah, so it's funny. I talk about this now in my...

I just talked about it in the special I just shot. So I grew... I came up here in 94 S he passed me. I consider April 94, SD pass me. I consider that my beginning of, even though I was doing sets before. Right. So I was doing the comedy clubs.

And then I was clean and I had this, when my voice began to develop, because at first, I remember I was this over-the-top? Oh, my God. You remember I was to scream and yell. You used to scream. And then your voice developed. It became a great voice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a fucking screamer. So yeah. Mark Maren hated us. Why? Mark Maren hated God. Cody. I'm so happy you said that.

For screaming. Buddy, I remember he was in the hallway one time. It was either, I think it was Godfrey or him. Oh my God. We were all in the show that. I was just like, fuck it. And Bob was in the hallway. Why do you have to yell?

Can you not yell? Can you just say the joke? And I went, it's okay, Mark. You're going to do fine. He's like, can't just be introspective and sit down? It's so funny. Like, I did his podcast and I was like, I always thought about, you know,

we were coming up. He was like the guy. Yeah. It was on every show. They put him on everything, but he was great. Doing his podcast was so amazing after all those years. But yeah, when the voice developed, it became a Jewish voice and clean. I never cursed on stage.

So I did all the synagogues would hire you. And if you do well at one of those events, four events come out. That's why I tell all my opening act, wear a suit. Oh, they say Yamika. I thought that too. That's funny if all of us start wearing yarmacas, And we're doing Radio City next year. A jar of jellied fish.

At all of those events, there's somebody else hiring for another event. Right. Right. So if you're in some synagogue, there's a woman there who belongs to a Jewish organization. You say be clean. Clean's good, yeah. So you clean and wear a suit. And they're like, you know what, that could be good for our event.

Let's hire him. If I wear a suit, I become less funny, Modi. Do you? 100%. Why do you think that is? Because I'm not supposed to be in a suit. I swear to God, anytime I've ever... Can I tell you a funny Jay O'Cerson story?

Yeah. We were just for laughs, right? I can see what a suit with a pants like all the way down. No, we were in the elevator and we were taping.

He's got a suit with one leg up. Was that touch with meadow? You could cut the mittens off of leather, leather mittens? We were taping that night in Montreal and so you had to bring what you were wearing so they can see it against the backdrop. Yeah.

So I have a suit and the whole thing and it's colored and the whole, and then Jay O'Kerson comes next to me with his, half a glove and chains and whistles and whatever he's got with him. Whistles. Whatever he's hanging all over. His vest and leather. And he goes,

wow, Morty, you and I really have a different approach to comedy, don't we? Well, I said this, I told the story before, but my first gala, my fucking agent was like, dude, wear a suit. Gave me that advice. Dude, but you know, I did the nasty show a week. I had a blast and I'm doing the gala. Wear a suit, wear a suit. And I went out and I took all my money I made from the stupid festival and I bought,

I had a custom-made suit from the mall. Not the best place. We're in the mall. One of the fucking kiosk. It was just a suit store in the mall. I was like, can you get me a suit by tomorrow? He's like, yeah. And so Kevin Hart is on before me.

They're telling me you've got to be clean. You got to be clean. You can't say this. So all week I'm working. I went from the nasty show having a blast, killing. Yeah. And I'm now doing this clean. I'm cutting all the stuff out.

I'm being clean. And then I get the suit. And I show up and fucking Kevin Hart goes out in front of me. and goes out in jeans with a fucking t-shirt and just looks badass. He's like, ah, my kid's shit. I shit, everybody's shit and shit, and then there's more shit. And murders with shit jokes and kills it.

And he walks right by me, people the fuck. I walk out with my dumb suit. Oh, my God. And I bomb like you couldn't fucking believe. There was one joke where I have to, I walked to the back and then I have to walk. But as I'm walking to the back, people are laughing. If they're not laughing, I have to walk all the way from the back to the front. And your fucking shoes click clacking on the stage.

And it definitely wasn't hemmed well. It definitely was horrible. But you have to keep in mind, don't forget, when I began doing comedy, I was still an investment banking. So I would come from work in a suit. Right. I would be doing spotty hosting here. In a suit. In a suit because I was coming from the bank straight here.

Right. Yeah. Nice. I just opened a Roth IRA yesterday. Congratulations. Thank you very much. How much you put in it? I'm putting $6,000

and I'm doing a 60-40 thing where I put 60 of it into like SMPs and shit like that and then 40 into bonds. Wow, you really just fucking became an adult in front of it. Wow. That's his Jewish dad just popped up out of it.

I was waiting for the bit. Wait, so what's the amount you could put into an IRA now? It used to be 2000. I think you could put whatever you want. It's probably an S-R-S-E-T. Well, because I have a Morgan Stanley account, but I want to do the investment stuff myself. If anybody else

was talking about this, it would be not fun. Watching. And I'm like him. I have a thing. Watching Sag Daddy go, I have an IRA. I'm splitting at 6040. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really don't know that's as much as I'm talking about. I'm learning a hoodie with flames. I'm learning a hoodie with flames on the sleeves.

That says boys in the hood. My hoodie says boys in the hood. And I'm like, yeah, I'm thinking about putting in some SMP mutual funds. The QQQQQ has really been before. You've been good at that for a while. You got money. You got to manage that stuff properly.

You got money. I don't have money. You got money. We organize it. On you? You got money. So I was telling you before, before you come up, so I was working here and I was doing all those, I was working the clubs. And then I toured.

You remember with stuttering John and all that, that whole crew. And then. That fell off, huh? Two years, a great two years we had. It was a great two years. I'm saying he fell off. Go ahead. I don't know.

No, he's doing good. He's doing his own thing. I don't know. No, he's doing fine. Okay. Yeah. And I was picking up all these gigs and the cat skills. The cat skills was still open. Yeah. I caught the tail end of that cat skill. Really?

So there were like five, six hotels still left and I was performing up there a lot. A lot. You guys didn't even know that. That was a part of my stuff. You kept it secret, your little plan. I was going up there and doing these shows, you know, and I was doing 10, 15-minute spots here. And I'm going up there and doing an hour, hour and 10 with a band behind me. Wow. So in a tucks. Really?

In a tuck. Whoa. Like Bernie Mac. Would you wear it under your suit, the clothes you would put here and then just take it off? No, no, no. It was a drive up there. It was a moment. But that's the money I bought my first apartment with.

Would you sit in the champagne tub by yourself? The champagne. You just jerk off. I'm doing it. No, the hotels were gross. Of course. They were so vile. And so I would just do the show and drive back.

Because I was already high. It's only an hour and a half drive back. Right. I'm at night. So I'm going to sleep in a night. those disgusting hotel. Right. They were so gross by the time.

Yeah, I stayed in one where it had its own pool and a champagne tub. Oh, that's the second floor. That's the polonos, no? Yeah, that's the pocanos. It's like a heart shape. Oh, is that different? A room with a pool. Did they have, was that Jewish too, right?

No. What was that? It's trash Philadelphia. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. And bring. Jersey scum that goes. So the cat skills were Jewish and the Poconos were white people?

White trash. Well, Goyish is what they call. I was just there this weekend. Wait, what was the... Were you? What was the name of that? What was the name of that? Mount beautiful Mount Airy Lodge.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to bring is your love for everything. That was the jingle for, what's it called? The Mount Air Lodge. Which is in Poconos, yeah. I've been to the Poconos. I thought that was the Jewish place. No, no, no, no, no, completely.

Quite the opposite. So the cat skills is north of New York City, right? Right. Right. And so, and because the highway goes a little bit up, the Jews call it the Catskill Mountains. Right. By any going, it would be a hill. But for the Jews, it's mountains. We're going to the mountains. We'll go into the mountains. We'll go. You're close. What are you showing me the storm weather here? Poconos are right next to the Catskills. So geographically, Bobby, you were right. It's right there. But I go camping up in the Catskills. I do like the overnight camping up in the Catskills. What do you like about camping so much? I'm like a,

hotel guy. I'll tell you what. You live where? You live I have New Hampshire. I have a house in New Hampshire. I have land. I have two plots of land in New Hampshire. I have where my tiny house is and then I have another plot that is part of an association. What's in there? On the land, it's just land.

It's land but it gives me rights to go. There's a beautiful beach. There's like boat moorings. There's a boat launch. There's a basketball courts. It's like 38 houses that have land, but it's like my house is here. The beach is like there.

I couldn't go there. You have to be a part of the association. But my uncle's part of it. So I'd have to ask him. So I said, fuck that. We'd have to go to the other beach, which is over this way. He called us townies. Sure.

Yeah. So he was right. So I went and I bought land over here. So I was part of the association. The first day we were on the beach, I had shirts that said townies plus on MaxMe and Dawn. Yeah, because it's right. It's so beautiful. But why do I like camping?

Why do I like being outside? side? Yeah. Because there's something that happens to you when you don't have a phone, you don't have internet, you don't have electricity, and you just are out there.

You have to sit with your own head and have your own thoughts, and you are a conversation, and that's all you got. It brings you back to a simpler fucking time, and then what you're eating doesn't matter. You're just going to eat so you can have sustenance. You're going to drink because you kind of have to.

It's not, you know what I mean? And then when the sun goes down, it gets creepy and scary, but you have to, you have to get over it. Right. There's no way out of it. Right.

You have to deal with it. So all that fear, there's like, you know, two hours to the car in the night to get there. Right. You gotta, when I brought Paul Verzi out there, to see him finally relax and be like,

all right, dude, you know, and all of a sudden we were just talking. The fire was crackling. That's so cool. There's nothing, nowhere. There's no, there's no sounds of,

cars, there's no sounds of people. It's just sounds in the wood that you're going to get over. Do you have your phone and you turn it off or where do you put it? Your phone doesn't work. It doesn't work. Doesn't even work out there. So you can get lost and then what? No, because it's a trail. I know the trail. But if you get off of the trail... I know

the trail. But if you get off of the trail, like I've been watching this show called I shouldn't be alive. It's on YouTube. Is that what you avoid? Is that the voice in your head? It's called his dreams. I hate it would beat me too. I've been watching the show. It's called my head says...

FaceTiming with my mom. And it's a lot of stuff about people that... It's the Ridgewallis. It's gonna fucking ADHD. It can't fucking stop. No, no, no, it's not a great... No, no, I don't know. I'm just filling the time here.

No, it's a suicide pack. No, it's looking at his wallet. No, never mind. Oh, come on, Sagg alone. No. No, okay. All right, but when we start recording, you guys are really going to have to be into my stories.

Okay, go ahead. No, I've just been watching this show. And it's like, I always think about you because there's a lot of people that have no fucking idea what it's like to be out in the woods and do it. Have no experience. And then they get lost for like two weeks, three weeks and like the jungle and shit. Now, that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. I know, I plan out my trips.

I know the trail. I know where we're going. I know. I stay in things called primitive campsites. It's not a, you're where I have like 50 GPS is on you. I didn't know you did this. All the time. Really?

And you, like, you go to a primitive campsite. There's regular campsites of K-O-A. But these, like, you'll hike up on a lot of trails. If you look, they have primitive campsites. And it will be like a little site that other campers made. And there'll be, I got it. And there's, um, and they'll have like a little fireplace that they made with rocks and maybe some like stone chairs that other campers who stay there. Air condition bathrooms.

But I, I usually have a hammock. I have no bathrooms. A hammock. Um, a hammock. I got a really nice hammock. I watched one where I got a, like a one person tent. Bring, bring all the shit up with you. What's the biggest 10 you slept in?

When I went with, I'm going to do a solo trip this summer by myself. That sounds fun. You're like that guy, that guy Luke who has videos. He's like a bushcraft guy and he's always like digging holes and living in the holes, you know? I'm going to go out this summer, but I'm going to do it in New Hampshire and I'm going to bring my 9mm with me. Oh, Jesus. One bullet.

Well, we show have different ways of spinning our off. Yeah, I want to go to like the Ritz car. and, like, get a massage and shit. I don't want to go, like, buy trees and hang out with blood. Will you come camping with me this summer? Maybe. I'm going to bring you up to the Catskills. I know the perfect height.

Me, you, and your 9mm? No, you can't have a gun in New York. Two bullets. We'll go up, and up at the top, there's actually... It's, uh, Varuni Kill Falls. So there's four waterfalls. And the first waterfall goes into a big... It's called a swimming pool.

Like, uh... And it's, it's like you go... It's almost like a man-made swimming pool. You can walk out on these rocks, these granite rocks, and just go in. The water's like black because it's like, you know, it's deep. Yeah. And you go in and it's beautiful. You can swim out to the falls.

You can jump off the falls. And we'll camp right by it. And we'll spend the night. And we'll have great food. I'll bring food like steaks and stuff up there. Oh, that's sick. And you'll have a tent for you. You stay in the tent.

Okay. And you'll, look, you're not going to sleep like at a fucking hotel. Yeah. Your sleep's good. But you're going to, when you go to bed at night and, you're in the middle of the dark and there's no nothing and you start hearing things, you overcome your brain. Your brain has to start working.

There's not enough Xanax to get me to that. Yeah. Where is this with Joe? I had no idea this is what you do. You guys, you know. Oh my God. I took Jim Norton, Yamanika, and Bobby Lee up in the mountains of Canada. And you guys filmed it, right?

Yeah. It's coming out. It's coming out in October. That's sick. That's great. It's called Comedy Camp. And I want it. That's amazing.

I wanted to be a show where I'd like take you three out. Right. And we go up. All right, fine. Let's do it. That was commitment. Yes. Well, hold on.

At night when you need to put your, your moisturizing routine. Yeah, what do you do then? Where do you put your serave? You can't put moisture. The bugs will attack your face. You can't have none of that.

Dad, I got eggs in. We were in Frankfurt and I'm traveling with my husband. And we get, like, it's a 5 a.m. We're going through their security together. on this flight, and he has a lot of, like, facial stuff, you know, product. I bet he does, right? The woman opens up all this.

It's just too much. And he goes, this doesn't just happen. He goes, it doesn't just happen. I'm sure she liked that. Yeah, he's... That's nice. He has a good-looking guy. He has my cat and my girlfriend.

I got my son That's nice What do you got in the bag on Batman? My wife. At a gay wedding That's all you need I'm not trying to You know

Oh yeah You got a pander There it is Very nice We were told to wear lace and sheer Yeah We got everything we need What are we chasing?

What do you mean? What are we chasing? What am I chasing? You know you're chasing yourself That's what you're doing? I don't run too fast these tattoos on your hands? So this is a lighthouse.

I love that Sagoe just opened up and fucking Modi's ADHD. What are these tattoos are you hearing? Classic Jewish stuff. He went, what are we chasing? And we were about to talk to him about it, and he went, he goes, what are you got in your hands over there? This could definitely be a part of the clue of what he's chasing. If you look at his other wrist, you'll find out what he's really chasing.

Blinkman 82 tickets. I was looking at the jewelry, but. What's punk? You really do dress like a young slut in the 80s. Just the boy slut from fucking 57th Street. Punks is the lead singer of Green Day has this tattoo. When I was 18, I got it. A lot of these are mistakes.

This is the inception thing. Sagalo got those bracelets from guys he sucked off when he needed money. Yeah, Voss told you. Boss is a king dick, Nick Suggler. Yeah, he's got built-in spit. When his teeth come out. When his teeth come out. When his teeth come out.

boss gives great ed I was hanging with boss you the night I'm sorry he's great don't mustard I'll put mustard on my burgers yeah I don't know what I'm chasing I saw him snap at a water burger in Fort Walton Beach after we did a

Is that what you call him Is that what you call them? It's where's the burger This fucking water burger was giving me a hard time I didn't know what you were talking about. He's so funny, man. Yeah, he is. One of the funniest.

He calls me for radio. What do you mean? When he's driving home from a gig, like the other night he did Foxwoods with Joey Diaz. Yeah. And he calls me a fucking 8.30 in the morning on, I think it was Sunday morning.

And he goes, I'm driving back. And they took a helicopter. Joey got a helicopter. from Jersey, but he took his openers and him didn't tell Voss. So Voss had a drive to fucking Foxwoods. He goes, last night, after the show, they just jumped in the helicopter

and went back to Jersey. And I got to drive back. Why didn't he bring him in the helicopter? And I'm his radio on his way home. Hilarious. He had traffic and he called me just to talk. Wait, Joey Diaz is in helicopter territory? That's crazy.

Joey Diaz is so funny. Yeah, he's killing it. He's killing it. It's weird how, like, like we look at, you know what I mean? It's like, he's in helicopter. Like, to us that's like, really? Like, I didn't know he's in helicopter.

And I guess any of us. You know expensive a helicopter ride? Like, let's go to Blade. It's only fucking 800 bucks. Yeah. Let's go to Blade. Foxwoods to Jersey. I'm down with the expensive helicopter.

Yeah. Expensive. It's not expensive. Go to Blade. We'll see how long, how much it is. Because he invested. I don't know. One day I'll take a helicopter to fucking.

I'll take one. Tim Dillon's house for some shit. This is Joey D. I got up in my app. Yeah. I love Joey. Joey's the most naturally funny. He's the most naturally funny motherfucker.

He just gets up and talks and he's funny. You know what I hate when people are like, oh, they're just, they're so nice. But Joey's so fucking nice. He is. He's like, it's annoying how, like, kind and sweet of a man is. Yeah, he'll call you up and just to say, I'm just calling to see how you're doing, kiddo. You're like, I'm doing good. All right.

Take care. You never call. I never was in his world. I never met him, really. No, he was an L.A. guy. Yeah, so I never. But I recently was in, I had a gig in Vegas. On the Moon.

In Vegas. And then that snowstorm came. I had a private gig in New York, and they canceled my flight. And then the next day we got, they booked me like five different flights in case. And they were all getting delayed and canceled and all that. And it was a very private, private event. And the guy was like, when my management told them, like, look, we've been Mory on these flights. We're hoping they don't get killed.

They're like, are you guys kidding me? Mori's not in New York? Where is he? The guy opened up his phone, according to my, from levity. And he's just like, he ordered a plane like he was ordering DoorDash. Yeah. He goes, whoa. Tell Marie tomorrow morning 5 a.m.

Tail number 3,25, blah, do, do, do, do. And he was right there. And we flew. And it was next level. It was Leo's first. I saw you on a private jet That post It was

Whoa But aren't they like Canceling flights and shit Because of safety And all that stuff They No it was one of those They're not funding the TSA

Right So they got enough workers I'm gonna start working synagogue Damn it I'm gonna turn Jewish Yeah And gay I just have to turn one

The guy part Like with no With no I'm so close to one That's what the boarders it in Yeah, those gigs come once in a while Thank you God How can I say something

This was weird about it Because you were You got into the Jewish community Doing shows Yeah But when did you When are they fine with Like being gay?

Yeah Is it the Catholic religion That is the one? The Jews kind of always knew I was gay but they didn't like I didn't bring you know And I never spoke about it on stage Never

Well you went with chicks I used to see you with chicks Yeah, back and forth. Did you have to do it just for... No, I was, you know... You saw the chicks I brought around. You brought us some chicks. Insane girls.

But when you have... Were you with the chicks? You're like, ugh. No. You liked it. No, I was great... Huge clits, though? Yeah.

I don't discuss that, but that's... I don't discuss that. He's a clean comment. Because they were asses. I apologize from now. No, you did. You had... Anyway, can I open for you?

I was back and forth between that. But, you know, and, but I began talking about gay. When I was married when I was married. And I... It's not talking about my gay. I'm talking about being married to a millennial. My husband's 22 years younger than me. I'll talk about that more than it's just like a gay thing.

Right. But they just, they don't care. They don't care because they know I'm going to deliver a clean show. Can I tell you a crazy story that just happened? Yeah. So I did a theater in Detroit. All right, we get it. So I was doing the Taj Mahal.

This guy just ordered a plane for me like it was butter. I did this gig in Detroit. and uh... 17,000 seats oh yeah, 1200 and there was a woman in the audience that has hired me for her synagogue

for her event in May and she was in the show and she called up UT my touring agent and said there were two jokes that he did I prefer he doesn't do at our event it was this uh the puncher it was Joseph Mangala who was a Nazi doctor

and then this other thing was about Trump and so she says our community is very divided and we're honoring a Holocaust. I said, okay, Michael, give me her number. I'll talk to her and just, I'll just know. So a day goes by and then we call her on Thursday. I go, hi,

it's Modi. He goes, Modi, you're watching what's happening, right? Is that what you're calling? I called her an hour after the guy drove into the synagogue where I'm performing. Really? Did he drive into it because he saw your poster up front? No.

But I was like, oh my God. You're like, absolutely I was. Absolutely, I'm calling our hearts are with you. Our hearts are with you. For the current incident that is unfolding. Looking forward to coming in May to bring levity and all of that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

We had no idea. Right. An hour after, we put this, we were in the hotel. We put the news on it. It's just all you see, every channel is just police cars around the synagogue that a guy drove in and just burst into flames. Is your name on the front of the sink? I said, watch now you're going to be a big poster.

Coming May. The comedic styles. In some picture that was not approved by my team. And I'll drive a truck through there. That's why you're calling. I saw it on the news, wrong pick. How many pictures have I had that hasn't been approved? I hate it.

I was standing at a club. And I'm standing there and there's my old sexy photo. And now, at this time I was 360. I'm sitting there smoking a cigar out front and these three hot young chicks walk up and they go, oh my God, I'm standing in front of it and they go, oh my God, he's so cute

we got to come back and see him. I just went like this. Good luck. Yeah, yeah, he's dead. He's been long dead. Do your comedy compsill today uses a photo, the first photo I ever took like the second day I did stand up.

They found that one and that's the one that's the one that's the end up to stand top of your photo. Downstairs is four different versions. I need four different weights. There's four different persons and me downstairs. That happened to me at the cellar too. My sexy one down the bottom.

Sure. The Caesar haircut when I had, I was standing there one night just sweating. I just got offstage and these girls are like, he's cute. And I'm like just sitting there. Nice. My head shots here.

They go, excuse me, miss. We want a better look at this photo. He's so fat. I was a lesbian. Yeah, I mean, the picture behind you is a completely different guy. Is it? That doesn't look like,

that's not you anymore. That was the first gang fest right there. Yeah. Because you could get the beard. I got the beard. You got the beard. You lost weight. Yeah.

Thank you for adding that. Well, you know, when people want to say. He just said, I had facial hair. That's why I'm different, you asshole.

That looks like somebody AI'd you. Modi, don't put me in your fucking category. Don't judge me in your judging. Judge me in Sagalow's judging. Yeah. Judge him if,

uh, if the world's just around him on me. don't have any cum gutters. I'm sorry. I have come catchers. I've come alleys. I will listen, man. That's, we're going to, we're, uh, I appreciate you guys coming on. Uh, thank you for fucking, I haven't seen you.

You haven't been a while. I'm so glad. It's been a while, yeah. Rachel was supposed to be here, but she, she should get fucked up the thing and something came up. But, uh, who's is this? Whose dates of these? These are mine.

Go ahead. He's their, yeah. They're Modi's dates. Modi. Yeah. Look at all these. It's all theaters. He's playing Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this whole city, not just a theater, just the city.

I'm in Boston. I have two shows in Boston. Yeah, it's made right there. At the Wilbur, two shows in Boston. There's tickets available for the 26th. Then we're doing Milwaukee, and then we're doing the Funny Bone and Radio City, two shows. Oh, Atlantic City, people, that's my only play in New Jersey until the end of the year. So that Atlantic City in New Jersey, there's still tickets available and probably going to sell out.

What's the website, Modi? Modi Live.com. M-O-D-I-L-I-V-E dot com. And don't just get tickets for yourself. If you're buying tickets, buy an extra pair and extra four, be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show. That creates Mesh Energy. Bring laughter into your friends live.

This guy's good. I love that. He's so good. I do love that. That's why we suck because we don't promote. We just like, I'm going to be here. Please come. Please come.

Thank you, God. But my biggest problem is that my audience has just want, like, massive amounts of things. tickets. It's a group event. It's like a family, three generations sitting there. I just got two guys like me. I have one person. It's just me

looking back at me in the front row. They got my merch on. What's up, dude? My shows are just not even in my face. It's just comedy show on the poster. Fuck. Every time I go up, they're like, all right, you're getting your checks now. Who's this right here? That's me.

Saggy babes. Punchup.com.com.com.com. I will be in Richmond, Virginia next week for a one-nighter. Then I'm doing good nights in North Carolina, May 8th, May 7th through the 9th. And also I will be at the Helium Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia for five shows as well in May. So please come out to that. Tickets are available at punchup. com.

You just mumbled all over however to get tickets. You're punt out of the... Go to... Thank you. That's a good note. Go to punchup. dot live slash

Brendan Sagalo you can get all tickets to all the shows I'm doing out there and tell them to bring groups of people and bring groups of people for Muschuganas

or Ms. Splendez Mesh N.J. And bring Mechamburgers and uh Bring up Mike's dates for you. Well yeah,

good luck finding them. Uh, I'll just tell you, I'll be at, uh, I will be at the Princeton, New Jersey. Don't tell this Friday,

whatever that date is. I'm not supposed to tell. I know, I'm sorry. You asshole. The whole thing is don't tell. Oh, shit. And this comes out on Sunday the 22nd. Well, then you missed me because I was just at the don't tell in Princeton and then Saturday in Rojoie Fish Beach.

All right. I'm going to be at the Roadhouse Comics on the 17th and 18th. I'm actually bringing Paco's going to be with me. Cody Marino's going to be with me. It's going to be a fun time. And then I'm going to... Paco, don't sign that wall, man. He signed the wall as an opener

And they took it There was tons of openers on that wall They asked me to sign that wall There was tons of signatures on that wall He was a opener at the comics And he signed the wall And they erased They painted over it

You know he's the book of me He bought it I know I'll never work there Unfortunately All right, I got to learn to plug my dates Point Pleasant On the 25th

24th and 25th And then Cleveland at Hilaries The 15th The 16th and then I'm going to be in Stanford. On May 21st, I'm doing one night in Stanford, Connecticut, get those tickets, Connecticut, and I'm going to be all over the place.

So make sure you check out all my dates. I'm doing down in New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama. I'm doing a little quick run down there for the weekend, and then I'll be at Levittown governors, which I love. And I'm doing the mothership July 4th weekend. So make sure you go down for that. I want you to buy tickets for that. Bring all your friends.

You guys in Austin, Texas. come down and see me because I want to fill it up with my fans first because that place sells out and I want to make sure you guys get the tickets first. And bring all your chutzpah

and messianic energy. Messianic energy when you're all right in the same. Bring Masonic energy. Messianic. Messianic. Satanic energy. What are you saying?

Messianic energy. Not macy. Do me a favor. Buy more than we. Bring your friends. Yeah. Do everything you can do. Buy as many tickets

as you can afford. Please. Don't say that. Just buy as many tickets. Just buy them all. No. Go into debt for Bobby tickets. Just buy extra two tickets.

By the time the show comes, you'll say, hey, I got tickets to a comedy show. You want to come? People go, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I do. It's not when you buy Broadway show tickets. And you want to see a Broadway show? No.

Right. Who doesn't want to see a Broadway show? Do you know how hard is to see Broadway show? Do you know how small those chairs are? Oh, you're telling me. So miserable. You go a lot, right? I go all the time.

We went to one, right? Yeah, what do we see? Book of Mormon, maybe? No, no. Do we stand up at one? No, no. What the hell was it? We had a good time. Oh, it was the play that falls apart.

The play that goes wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've brought every girlfriend I've ever had to that since then, by the way. I brought a lot of women of that show. It's a good show. It's a great show. If any guys listen to this, the best thing you could do with your dates and your girls is bring them to a comedy show. It's the best thing you can do.

They love it. They laugh for an hour and a half. You get all the credit. It literally is. Literally, it's what it is. you make them laugh, right? We make them laugh. They turn to their boyfriend.

They connect with it. Yeah. Yeah. Motta just sent the private jet for me to get home tonight. Nice. Cetona. We drive by Cotonna every time.

We have a place in Connecticut. In Connecticut. Stop by. You can come by too. You too. Was that his address? Is that where you live? Commit with me.

You'll go camping with me this summer. Yeah, maybe. I can't commit. I have, you know. We're going to do it on a week night. Damn, just us. You and me? We're going to go Thursday to Friday.

Okay, maybe, yeah. No, say you're going to do it with me. Look at me. I will go with you. You'll thank me. He's looking into his glad with his little Colin Quinn eyes. Looking into his sunglasses. He really does have wooden puppet eyes.

All right, guys, we're going to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly right now. We're going to ask these people questions from you, the fans. We're just going to transit. So if you remember, just stay tuned. You're going to go right into it. If not, you can sign up at Robert Kelly, Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You get in the chat.

You get an extra episode each week and you get to ask questions to the people on my show directly from you with your name. So make sure you sign up for that. It helps support the show and get your friends to sign up too. Right? Is that good? We'll see you guys.

Oh, guys, Danny, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff and I'm going to be headlining at McGrawbox Brewing Company in McGrath, New York, March 27th, and in New Berlin, New York on March 28th. Come check it out. Okay, is Paco still here?

Paco left, but follow Paco on Instagram. Okay, we'll see you guys next time. On, you know what, dude?