Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #648 | Ryan Hamilton & Cipha Sounds

Episode Date: July 19, 2026

This week on YKWD Bobby talks clean comedy w/ Ryan Hamilton and Cipha Sounds and Bobby tries to clean up his act.Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day. Where it all started before fun and crazy. This isn't NPR. That's the original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly with You Know What, Dude.

We're back at the Comedy Cellar Studio. I got a banger tonight. I got two of my favorite people in comedy and in life, in life. I think you're funny or I think you're a good person. A lot of the times those don't combine. Sometimes I just think you're a good person.

Sometimes you're really funny, but you're a dink. He said dink. He said dink. And... Oh, wow. Danny, who do we got? We have straight off of his new Netflix special

This show sent me of Ryan Hamilton in the house Yes And also his new special is on YouTube On Kevin Hart's L.O network Cipher Sounds is here I think Ryan should have got Ryan is here And Cifah Sounds is in the house

Right Right I don't think Ryan should have got in the house Also do mine first Because it's on YouTube And then like yeah And then the Netflix guy You know what I mean?

You deserve the first one In the house And then Ryan is here Yeah We do it in order of who showed up Oh, okay. I was outside. I didn't know you started sharp.

You don't take crap from my producers. Oh, sorry. Shut up. Yeah, there you go. I still don't understand why you get first, even if I'm here first. Because my special is lesser. Okay, let me ask you question. Lesser.

What you're going to show with Jerry Seinfeld? Who goes first? I thought it went the other way. Bingo. So that's what he's saying. But if we're talking about billing in like a movie or something. Right. Who is credited first. Okay.

Okay. I mean, I hate to, I don't really care. I'm glad you're right. your first. No, in billing, you're right. First of all, neither one even been in a movie. So let's just stop that. It was in one movie. I was in a movie. I didn't know. I wanted to be. That's how I bring it up. That's how I get the show going. What movie were you in, Brian? What were you in Seyfer? You were in a movie? I'm in a 25th hour.

Right? Wait a minute. Stop. The 25th hour. Yeah. What is that? That's a Spikely movie with Ed Norton, Phillips Seymour Hoffman, Patrice O'Neill. Oh. A lot of those people are dead. I know. It's funny. It's funny. He's in it. Patrice's scene in the movie is talking about my character. It's the dopeest shit ever. What do you mean? Wow. Because I'm playing a DJ.

First of all, in the movie, I'm a 17-year-old DJ. I was nowhere near a 17-year-old. But I'm playing a DJ. I don't have lying. I'm just DJing. Yeah. But when they go in, they're like, oh, we're going to go see DJ Dusk. Is that your name?

Yeah, DJ Dust. I don't know. I didn't name it. Spike Lee wrote it. You only play it when the sun goes down? Yeah. DJ Dusk is coming out like a vampire. And then Patrice is like, yo, he's a bad,

motherfucker. Sorry, Ryan. He's a bad mama jammer. I'm sorry. Hang on. Let's just take a moment. Yeah. What?

It's okay. No, it's not okay. Because I don't want, I'm going to say it right now. Yeah. This podcast is MF-free. Yeah. And F-free.

Wow. And C-free. Yeah. And B-free and D-free. And S-free. What about L-H-P-free? I don't even know. I want to know what that one is.

That's interesting. Lick her. All right. No. that's free of that. We're free of all that. Okay, okay. All right. Jeez. Come on now. The acronym is dirty. It's nice of you guys to

show me respect like that, but you know, it's okay. It's not okay. Let's try. We'll try. We'll try. We're going to try. We're going to do a podcast finally that I can monetize. Let's keep it fresh. It's going to be fresh. And we're going to use other words

than that. We're going to make up words. I wrote a joke today and went back. and try to take out all the curses. Yeah? I've been trying to, like, get better at it. And then you only have three words left. I had to replace them.

And the. But it wasn't that hard, was it? No, but I just know. I was listening back to some tapes, and I'm like, I curse a lot. Like, not even in the joke, like, just in between the segues. I just curse.

I use it. Look, man. I was at a, one of my first times after a year of sobriety, I went to an all men's meeting. Yeah. And it's men. It's back.

in the day in Boston. We're talking men. Yeah. And I went up and I spoke and the guy came up to me after he goes, hey, he just won the award. You said the most F's in this meeting ever in a five-minute span. Wow. I just say F all the time.

You too. It's just in there. It's like a, it's like a, I don't know. And now my son will swear. And I'll be like, hey, he's like, you say it. Yeah. And I'm like, I do. I do.

But I'm telling you, I'm going to try. I've been thinking about this. I told Danny this yesterday. Did I tell you this, Danny? Yes. You didn't even know what I'm going on? I know you. Magic A ball over there.

Let me just put a check next to Danny. He's got five checks in the night. Then we all get to kick him in the goopies. That's one. Goopies. Four more. It's only a check if I'm wrong. It's only a check if you're wrong.

Right. I'm going to go back. I want to get all my best of, all my jokes from all my... I have four albums. Robert Kelly Live. I have Just the Tip. I have live from the Village Underground.

My favorite. And it's my favorite too. Just The Tip is rocking, though, too, if you check that. And then I have Killbox. Yeah. I want to go back and take all the jokes I can out of all of them. And the ones that can be cleaned up. Yeah.

And clean them up. And do a clean album. But you mean re-record it? Re-record it. No live, record it. But same big. No swearing. No, that's dope.

Why not? I'm going to try to do it. I'm going to try to do it. I think both of you could have, your stuff doesn't come, I mean, super dirty. Like in terms of the content. Sometimes you do. Sometimes. You don't that often.

No, it's not dirty. I have a lot of jokes that are sexual or racial. Okay, one time I, you know, Angela Johnson? Yes. She's a clean comic, right? Is she? Or she doesn't promote it. Promote it, but she's clean.

Yeah. When I first started, me and her were good friends, and she was like, I want you to come open for me, but you got to work clean. And I go, I can take the curse words out, but I'm still talking about vagina. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? So sometimes you are. But I have a lot of jokes. Yeah.

No, of course. Let me say this. Is retard bad? No. I think, I don't know. I'm asking him. Oh, okay. I'm asking non-vagina man.

Wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Is this episode just, we're taking out the curses? Yeah. We're taking out. Okay, I can still call him a retard. No, I said retard as a question. Can I call Ryan a re-z-no? No.

Okay. No, we're doing a Ryan Hamilton. Okay. We're doing an R-H version of the YKW. I'm sorry, Ryan. That's very nice of you. I would say that it's, there are no rules, but it's up to you, what your audience. Well, I want to know one thing.

Yeah. What's the edgiest joke? you've ever had. Yeah. Well, Edge. What do you mean by Edge? Edge isn't necessarily dirty. You know what I mean.

It's your dirtiest joke. My dirtiest? I mean, I don't have any real dirty jokes. In this last special, I have a joke about using marijuana, which really is like something I wouldn't have been able to do 10 years ago. But I think I can do it now because I understand how to present it to my. audience in a way that they will find, and they love that joke. You're a better

comic now. You use marijuana? I did, after my accident. I try. The story is about my mom and I, recovering from my accident, I'm having tons of anxiety. My dad had been through all these health issues, and my siblings and stuff had said, and some doctors, like, why don't you try marijuana to my dad? So my mom and I, as we're leaving

Los Angeles, thought, maybe we should get some marijuana because you can't get that in Idaho. And you might, that might. that might help you. Yeah. So I have this story about going to a dispensary with my mom and buying marijuana. And I had to include that. It's a great story.

But I didn't know how my audience would exactly handle. But they love that story because it's palatable. Well, can I say the ending? Yeah. Somehow it made you more stressed. What? The marijuana. I say.

Somehow, if he, if that was his story, you know, man, and it helped. And somehow I was like, I'll never do it again. You're right. I would say, I would use it to fall asleep, and then I'd bolt up right in the middle of the night and go, Mom, call the lady in California. So that was like the end, you know. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Marijuana for you is not going to end like this. So I smoke marijuana. Right. Right. Yeah. But it doesn't matter.

Did you quit? Yeah. I did it for a short of time. Yeah. For the pain and the anxiety. Yes. Yes. I tried it because I was just desperate. Nothing was working for me.

Right. And I needed, so, but yeah, but I never would have been able to do that or thought about approaching that kind of joke before. But I think there's a way, as long as it's filtered through you and it's authentic, that it works. Okay, but I'm, I'm, I'm a, how do I say this? A dirty, filthy comic. No, that's not, well, okay. Wow. What are we saying?

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I mean, wow. No.

But yes. But no. No, but like my, here's what's happening with me, Rye. Yeah. Is that as you get older and it's probably happening with you too. It's not 20 year old, 30 year old Bobby meeting girls hanging out. You know, even though I don't drink or drug, I still partied with people that did or hung out and did a lot of that nefarious stuff. I was in that nefarious world.

I liked it. Yeah. But as you're older, I go home and I'm just, I'm, I want to. I want to get home. Hey, I'm a dad's home, you know, my life is, is, is, is not that anymore. I couldn't imagine staying out to, to hang out anywhere. So my life is cleaner. Right.

You know what I mean? I mean, my thoughts are still bad. But you're one step at a time. Well, it's, so it's easier for me to look at stuff now and be like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not a piece of crap anymore. I'm a different guy. I'm a father. I'm a husband.

I plant flowers and stupid stuff like that. When I was doing dirtier jokes, I was living in that lifestyle. I remember one of this guy, there was this comedy class I had to take because I lived in Maria Falzoni. I lived in her house. She had a big three family house

and I rented one of her rooms because I had no money. It was like $125 and she forced me to take her comedy class and I was like, but I was there. Right. In the kitchen. Come on. I'm like, ugh.

And I got to a big fight with this guy, Dave, I think his name is Dave Fitzgerald, and he was a clean congress. Back in the early 90s, having clean seven minutes was how you became famous. Tonight Show letter. Zit.

Or evening at the improv or all those shows that were on. And I was like, yeah, but my life isn't clean. All as I think about is stand up and trying to get chicks and have fun and be mean and mess with my friends. So we got in this big fight.

Well, you're never going to make it. I'm never going to make it. Right. You're never going to make it. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm never going to make it. But in a way, I would have been more, I would have made way more money if you're clean.

I would have made way more money. Yeah. The opportunities I had, I would have been able to do way more stuff if I was cleaner. But is that your definition of making it? What, making a lot more money? Yeah. just doing, would you been happy doing clean stuff?

Like, it sounds like you're saying like you almost would have had to force it. No, I wouldn't, I would have, no, I wouldn't have been happier. No, because I wouldn't have been me. I would have been, I would have been, I would have been. Right, I'm Bobby. I think now. Apparently to you, I'm a piece of garbage. I didn't say it.

I like Dirty Filthy Club comedian. Oh, Dirty Filthy Club comedian. That's right. Name of my next album, Dirty Filthy Club Committee. But now you are living a cleaner life. Yeah. So now if you did cleaner stuff, it would be you. Yeah.

This guy was telling you something that wasn't you at the time. But I still have that thing, that Boston, you know. Yeah. Seasucker. You know what I mean? That's in me. Yeah. Do you feel compelled to do comedy that's on the dirtier side because that's what you've always done? No.

But my brain functions. Yeah. Like I get, when somebody cuts me off, the things that come out of my mouth are different than the things that come out of your mouth. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Sure. You've never had a. full-fledged argument with somebody that doesn't exist.

I don't know. Well, if you had an argument in the car and you're out loud, it would be like, well, I think you're wrong. Well, teach is our. Sir. Sir. I think that, you know. I could get angry, but I would feel real guilty.

That's what happens to me. I carry that around. Yeah. But I don't know. But I think you should do, I remember one time we were in Nashville at this comedy festival, you and I. Do you remember this? Just for a moment.

I remember we there. Yeah. And we met at Zanis or something. I was just hanging out. And you go, how was your show? I go, it was great. And you said, man, I just love to not have to talk about all this stuff one day. And that stuck with me.

I was like, do you feel compelled? Like, you have to do that? Or do you feel like it's your audience? Well, you know what sucks about stand-up now is that you have to have an hour. you have, you know, you have to have content. Yeah. Social media stuff. You have to put stuff.

It's a lot. When before it, we were kind of punk rock. Yeah. Now it's this, it's a, it's a commodity. Yeah. And it's like, you know, it's like, I don't know, it's a weird stage of comedy now. And there's so many ways that you can become, you don't have to become funny. You have to become popular.

Yeah. You can be popular and not, it doesn't matter. Yeah, but I don't want that. I fight with people all the time even my reps, managers they're like, no, but you got to do a you got to do a bit, a series on social media and I go, but that takes away from me

writing funny jokes that I like to perform live in front of people. And I get it if you get more popular, your shows are more packed, you get more money, you make you do more shows. It's up and that, but like at the core of it, the reason why I even switch careers

to get into this is because I like doing I don't even want to say traditional. I like doing regular stand-up comedy. I didn't know I had to become a marketer, a video editor, a social media expert. I'm looking at numbers, like views and clicks.

I'm like, I just want to tell jokes. It's not enough that you joke bombs. You know what I mean? Now you've got to go look at your numbers. And then I look at some guy who has no teeth and he sings country songs out of key and he has 400,000 followers. Yeah.

because he's an idiot. You know? I know. It's a weird time we live in. It's a weird, it's a weird time. But, guys, we don't care about our hair loss until we start losing it. That's just the way it is. That's why Hymns offers hair loss treatment plans 100% online.

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Effectiveness or quality prescription required. Individual results may vary. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Going back to the clean stuff, I think that over, over, Over a time I've written a snow tubing bit. Oh, it's great. You know, there's a lot of bits that I've had that I just made. But here's the thing.

I made me. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, right. It's like if I wear a suit on stage, I lose funny. Right. If I dress up on stage, I hear you. I've never been funny with a suit or dressed up. I got to wear something that I'm like, that's me.

Leather jacket or so. It affects all of us. It can make somebody funnier to wear a suit if that's them. Right. You know? This game, we all, and mind you, I look at you guys, is way higher than me, but we all compare ourselves to someone else. It's pointless and irrelevant, man. Your style of comedy is your segment of that show, and that's what it is.

You know what I mean? I agree with you, but there is a financial, if you look at it just business, just fuck, fudge. Fudge the art. Fuddruckers. Fuddruckers. Come on. You guys are so sweet. I love that he laughs clean.

He laughs like he owns a candy store in the 1800s. Now, that is a piece of liquor. That is red licorice and that's black liquor. We have another name for that, but we won't say that now. That's the way he laughs. I, I, what was my point? Oh, my point is money. Money.

There is a financial, there's a financial thing to, they'll play at more places, more people will see it. Yeah. And you'll make more money. You'll be able to do more things. Yeah. You can tour with Nate. Yeah. You can tour with a lot of people.

No, I get opportunities just because I've had that, like I'll do corporate events when they can't find somebody else. They can't get the guy they want and they go, we've never even heard of this guy, but he can do the job. Yeah. Corporate money's big money. Yeah, it's great. You hire, listen, I did a corporate event with Joe Russell a year ago. Wow. I knew I was done when the Brazilian dancers and bikinis on stilts were walking by.

I guess they want me to wrap it up. Yeah. Oh, my. Yeah. Yeah. I feel lucky because it just comes out of me that way. And so I do get, like from the beginning, I had some, you know, ways to crack in and make a little cash in the beginning. So, you know, I hear you.

But I do think, like, you know, you see some of these guys like Dave has some just really whimsical, funny, clean jokes. Dave, Atal. Yeah, Atal. Louis is the same way. You know what I mean? And they, it's just that sometimes they go to another place. Yeah, but if Louis, like Louis's last special, which ridiculous, which I, I love. I feel like he went back to his roots.

Right. When that just came out? One that just came out. I feel like he just, he'll say a joke, but then it will go, it just goes left and then you're like, you're left going, what? Right. Why? Who thinks of that?

Why would you ever say that? Right. But you know what I mean? It's like, and it's crazy stuff, he says. Yeah. And I, but I, if I ever, you know what I mean? Like, if I ever saw him do something else, it wouldn't be, you get. I get afraid of that, but the thing I'm, like, some of my jokes, it's me in there.

Yeah. But if I don't throw an F-bomb or a thing, like, I don't feel like it'll, it might lack something, that thing I have. My sauce that I make, the F-word is in it. Right. You know what I mean? The F. But you know what's funny?

I did radio for years. So I know how not to curse professionally. Right. But when I get on stage to do stand-up, it just blah. Right. And if you told me, like, if I was doing, you know, like, hey, Obama's here. You got to clean it up. I could, I could not curse.

Right. The jokes are still, whatever, but I could not curse. No, it's funny you said that because when I did radio, when we used to do radio all the time, when you do a gig, you do like two or five radio stations. Yeah. If I couldn't, I don't curse in conversation in the studio. Yeah. I could shut it down. Yeah.

And do my bits just as funny with other things. Mm-hmm. But if we were talking between, you know, commercial breaks and we started swearing, I would accidentally swear on air. But my brain would turn it back on. There is a thing. Like when Opie and Anthony used to do, they used to do FM in the morning and then walk over to XM. Right.

So FM, you had to, you couldn't swear. But you could say the same stuff. You could talk about the same stuff. Yeah. And as soon as we went to XM, it was like, ugh. It felt dirty. It was like, this is too much. Too much, yeah.

You know? So there is that. button that you we do know how to I know but I man I listen back to some tapes I'm like what am I cursing just in the middle in the segue like yeah bro relax I don't know it's a crutch

it's like a conversational crutch that I think we use in life yeah but also like I'm from New York like that's just street talk like it's just it's just there I can't use that one that one's a cool one it's street talk you can't do it was just what street you on I'm not on the street you can't he was on a he was on a he was on a

A block. Not a street. A block? I lived next to a pasture. Yeah. Did you really live near a farm? Well, our first house when I was growing up was in town, technically, but it was on the edge of town. So we had a horse pasture next to us with mountains in a pond.

But we lived in town. How many brothers and sisters are? I have one brother, one sister. So are they your age? Or did you play by yourself, like Napoleon Dynamite? Napoleon Dynamite was like, wow, they nailed it. But I had a sister and a brother. Yeah, we were all pretty close.

You were close and you'd hang out together and go feed the horses and stuff? Yeah, we had friends, lots of kids in the neighborhood and whatever. Yeah. Like, did you have a bike? Did you? Oh, yeah. Did you ever have? Like, I know you have.

I know you had that age. I don't know. I'm just wondering where you think he lived. He lived in the country. Yeah, but they have bikes. I know they have bikes, but I'm just wondering what you did as a kid. It felt like I was back in time. Like, you know, it felt like the 50s in a lot of ways.

Well, Trump calls it, make America great again. It was. But did you watch TV and see like a show that was in a city and be like, what's... Oh, I watched A&E's evening at the improv, and that's what made me want to do comedy. Because there was this place. It was more about the place than the comedian. It was like there's this place people go and you don't have to be famous and you can get on stage. I didn't even know where it was.

I didn't realize it was in Hollywood. But it was like, where is, I want to go hang out at this place. Yeah. How did you go from your life to stand-up world? I don't know. I was drawn to it from a young. I wanted to be a newspaper humor columnist. That was like the first thing.

First of all, you should have been. Yeah. I mean, you have. I could just see the black little sketch of you next to your columns. Yeah, I had that. You did? When I was 14, I called the county newspaper and I said, can I have a column? And they said, sure.

You could do that? In Idaho, in rural Idaho at that time, you could call the newspaper and they would go, okay. And they paid me $10 a week. And I did that from like all through high school. I did that. What was your columns? Like, what was your best column? Oh, they were not great.

But it was about, I tried to make it what was going on in high school. That was kind of the angle, and I tried to make it funny. And it was called Husky P-A-U-S-E, because Husky was our mascot. We have a famous dog sled race there. So Husky is our mascot in the winter. And so I called it Husky Paws, and I wrote it every week for years. Like what was one of the things you wrote about? I would just write about it.

No, I would go back and look at them, and they're so short, and I would think in my mind they were longer. It was so hard, you know. when you're 14 to, like, do that every week. And, you know, I would try to put jokes in there, it would be about prom or, like, whatever's going on with the athletics or if some teacher came in or left or stuff like that. I mean... Was it any, like, hard-hitting journalism?

Was there any... I got into journalism later. The NBC station, which was an hour away, the affiliate called me and said, we see that you're interested in journalism. We're a big fan of husky paws? Yeah. And they go, do you want to learn how to shoot stuff, and especially sports? And I go, okay, so they set me up with a huge camera.

And in Idaho, you can drive when you're 14. What? What? Because of the farm kids, you have to be able to drive these big farm trucks. And so you can get your driver's license when you're 14. Wow. That's crazy. I could drive at like 14, 15, and I would, every Friday.

This really was the 1800s. It's still like that. But I could drive so they would assign me a football. or basketball game, and I would go and shoot it, and then I would drive to the station, and we would edit it. And the guy liked to be funny. All white basketball team, right? Yeah.

The most boring basketball game ever. Not intentionally. They would do three throws like this on the hand? I tried to make, this is, I went to it, my high school had about 200 people. I tried to make the basketball team. I couldn't even make it. Really?

Yeah. That's how bad I was at basketball. Did you want? Did you think we were going to be sure? shocked at that? I mean, there's barely enough people to have a basketball team, and they still said no, thank you. I would love

for you to write an article and film it when the black team came in from the next town over. It was 175 to 14. We'd have to, it wouldn't be the next town over. It would be several states, but, um...

Hey, this bus from Seattle broke down the town. We're going to have a basketball game. You guys like jazz? Oh, my God. Yeah, so that's kind of how that happened. Wow. So you were a journalist.

Yeah, I studied journalism. Were you going to be that or were you always going to be a stand? Well, I was interested in comedy. I didn't think about it like a career. But, yeah, I studied journalism and college. Where did you go to college? Brigham Young University. I went to like a junior college before that.

And there was no stand-up there. Were you trying to do stand-up there? I studied broadcast journalism, and I had a little radio show, and some of us were interested in comedy. We'd never been to a comedy show. But we produced some stand-up shows. It's so funny. You both, like, you were a hit DJ.

Yeah. No, my story is the same as his, except with music and DJing. And don't forget. And I lived in New York. Right. Don't forget the black people. There's a lot more black people. It's a lot different.

But it's the same Same story similar Like something I was interested How do you do that? His was quieter nights Way quiet Yeah Way quiet

He was in bed by 930 Yeah It's It's Yeah Because you had this You had this successful life Yeah

And you were like You just It's funny that you get sick of Even though If it's not what you want If it's not what's in your heart You're like I'm out

I'm out Well why I left. Because I still love the job. I didn't like how the music was starting to sound. The music was changing too much. Where like, you know,

90s and 2000s, early 2000s, I would have did my job for free because I just loved the music and I was just happy to be in it. Once the music started changing and I didn't like it as much, I was like, this is a job. I don't like it. I'd rather do it when I had to hash.

And you had to promote people that you didn't like. so you're dishonest now. Yeah. Yeah. So then I was like, that's why I was like, I mean, I didn't just jump from one career until I was a gradual fade.

Yeah. But I was like, I want to do something else where I, where I have that same passion. Wow. You know? What happened to the music? Did it become more commercial or something? It just got, yeah, it's just more,

it's not. Say it. I don't say it. I don't say it. More black. No. It just got, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it.

Like, it just less, had less soul in it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That less soul in it. Well, because when I started first doing hip hop, everybody did it for the love. And then people started making money. Right, yeah.

But later in the 2015 era, that's when I left, it was like, now they know how to make money in this game. So kids were just doing it just for money. Right. Well, it's a comedy right now. Yeah. I mean, comedy is very similar. Very similar because it's, I feel like, like when I did it and you told your parents or somebody, hey, I'm going to try stand up, they're like, are you,

crazy? Yeah. It's like nuts. Don't do that. You know, it's like, oh, good for you. Right. Maybe I'll try too. You know what I mean? Yeah, they get people's moms doing it and shit. I got this guy. Sorry stuff. Social media guy. He's huge on social media. And he also does stand up. And I met him recently and I go, how many, you know, how many nights you get up? He's like, like, four or five? And I was like, oh, good. A week? And he's like, no,

like a month. And I was like, you're not doing stand up. Yeah. You have a lot of fans that come here. You talk. Right. I go, I go up, I fight to go up every night. Yeah, yeah. Every more than one. Like I, I teach stage time very preciously. There's only 365 days a year. We only get, like, if you're at the cell, you get 10 or 15 minutes. Like, you got to stack those up. Yeah. You know, and you can't get good by yourself. I could practice DJing in my bedroom for three hours, and I will get better from the practice. Stand up, you can't practice in your broom. You have to go up.

But there's, you know, it's funny that pandemic thing, I think, really messed up stand-up. Because what happened with that, there was a guy who did stand-up in front of a curtain and then added the laughs. Yeah. And he got popular as a stand-up. Yeah. Not in front of fakeness. Like, it wasn't real. Yeah.

And people were like, you're funny. It's like, what? Yeah. It's like, because I figured it out because what we do is a magic trick. It's magic. Right. It's the same thing as men. And now people figured out how to do magic.

They figured out the tricks. But we worked very hard going up every night to make the illusion seem real. We're professionals. We're like the top tier of magicians on this thing. These people are just doing the trick, and you can kind of see how it's done. Right. I understand they're more famous. Their tricks are not as good.

Well, I watched a bunch of conversations. I watched a bunch of comics last weekend, and I was like, there was only two that really stopped. Like, I was like, he's being, he's being himself right now. Like, he's just talking to me. And I feel like I got lost in it. Yeah. And then everybody else, it was like, oh, I see, I see you doing the trick.

You're saying the word over and over. You're emphasizing that. You're going fast. I saw the segue. I saw the call back. I see the tag. I just see it. You're doing a tag and you're saying.

it. It's like, you're not talking to me right now. You're doing a fudging joke. You're doing a joke. I can see you doing a joke. I can hear you doing a joke. And the audience doesn't know. Right. You're just seeing a magic trick. Right. But as a magician, I'm seeing you. You know, and then there was, like, Shane went up and he did it. I've seen his act.

Yeah. But he's doing a flawless trick where everybody feels like he's just talking. Shane. Yeah. Yeah. But he's being him. Yeah. Yeah, but it's just like a, there's a thing that we do that you don't know that we're doing it.

Yeah. Right. You feel like we just listen. You're just in it. Yeah. And then there's that thing where they're just telling you set up punch, tag, tag, tag, you know, they know how to use the word. They know what word to use. Because it is.

It's words. It's words. It's movements. It's, you know, if you use this word, it's better. If you use that word, it's less. Right. And repeating the thing that you need them to hear. It's, it's, it's, you're, you're, you're psychologically telling them when to laugh.

It's almost hypnotizing. It's, it's, it's, hip, and I feel like that's where comedy is right now. It's, it's, it's, it's, some, some. No, not all, of course, not all. Yeah, like, I just, I, I, this is what I do myself. I, I, I, I touch my penis. No, what I do. Hey, hey, it's a, that's a, um, you can't, clinical word.

No, that's a clinical word. No, you can't, but you can't touch it. You can't, you're right. Sorry. Touch part. Cut at it. Sorry. No, stop.

Saying touch. There's times where, like, it's back in the music industry days, I'm like, this guy's a jerk. He's a bad word. But they're winning. I think it's funny. It's making me more nervous.

They're editing so much. So I was like, I'm going to be. Stop being such a beanhead. I think it's funny. I think we go full clean, Sife. I think we go full clean and we just run.

Rock this world. And we steal all of his gigs. It's making me sick right now. Okay. If I suit up and take all your corporate gigs. Come on over. At the end of you just starts swearing at us. Call us a bunch of Fs.

But they were bad people. And I was like, I'm going to be bad because I want to be successful. I'm going to be bad. I'm going to do all the things they do. And I felt disgusting. Right. And I was like, it's not me. I can't do it.

I'd rather be happy doing me. And that's how I feel right now. I was like, I want to, yeah, this show sucks. There's 30 people here. I'm going to give these people the best show I could give them. This is my life. I like doing it. I wish I was selling out every club and doing these big arenas or whatever.

But I get to do this right now. I love it. And I move on with my life. That's it. And I feel, you know, Dante Niro, you know what I got done? He has this thing where he goes, the ceiling fan at 2 a.m. That's who you really are. When you lay down in your bed and you look up with the ceiling fan,

And can you fall asleep easily? Oh. Or is it like, I hate myself! Well, can I just change that to central air? Yeah. Me and Ryan. I also have central air.

I'm saying that a vaulted season. Whoa. You mean you think you have to click? You mean the recess lighting and skylight? It's an old reference. Wow. When you lie in. bed and the window fan, the square window fan.

The box fan is blowing air. It's a weird thing to get, when you get old in this business and you start to evolve in your personal life and that kind of starts to change your comedy a little bit, your perspective on it. But I used to do spots every night for 25 years, but now I don't. I can't. I want to go home. I like going in and going,

Dad's home. Hey, Dad. Hi, honey. I worked a long time to get, you don't even have that feeling of, you know, putting my keys on the thing and taking my hat off and going, like it's a hard day. Even though I enjoyed the hell out of whatever I did. Yeah. I talked for a long time. My wife's like, yeah, whatever.

I did full loads of laundry. I scrub the bathroom. You're a loser. Just, there's your food, eat and go to bed. I know. But you've gotten so good at using your stage time, which took years. So you don't have to put it in every set like we used to have to do. We had to.

That's the only way to get to where you are, where you can take advantage. But I was thinking, you said stage time is sacred. I was thinking about this the other day. I don't hear that that much anymore. And when I was starting, we talked about that constantly. Constantly. Stage time. Stage time.

And how precious it was. It is. And it's like, I don't hear that that much anymore. I hear it all the time. Like when I tour with, like when I take COVID, or Danny or Joe. Yeah. Yeah, they'll leave during the show to go do a spotted open mic.

Yeah, that's great. It makes me so happy because I love when they come back and they go, I bombed. It's like you just killed in front of a great crowd. And then you went and you put it all in the line. Yeah. You went and you rolled sevens on the first die. You know what I mean? Right.

Yeah, Danny, how many spots did you do in the mothership? 19 in one week. Wow. Yeah. 19 in the mothership? No, no. I wouldn't allow that. Six of the mothership,

19 in Austin. Oh, in Austin, yeah. I love it. I love doing that. Yeah, that's what you got to do. I did that once. I was in Prague with Chappelle. And we had an off night.

We were at a dinner. And I had to excuse myself. I said, hey, I'm going to go do a spot. And he was like, what? Where? I go, I found a spot. He goes, how? I go, Dave, there's this thing called social media.

You find comics. You know what I mean? and he goes, I'm coming. Oh, I go, you knock, whatever, bro. You're in the middle of a very expensive dinner. You're fine. And I go over there, there's like 30 people, and he's texting me.

How many people? How is it? How was going on over there? And he's very, you know, he locks up everyone's phones. So that's why I didn't think he was going to come. He ended up coming. Wow. And he goes, I'm going to do 10 minutes.

He did 45 minutes. Can I just say something? In Chappelle time, that's 10 minutes. Yeah, it was 10 Chappelle. Ten dog years. Yeah, you got to do it. It's different time. Did he lock up everybody's phone?

No, he... So he had his entourage, about seven people, including me. We all had to watch everyone make sure they don't pull out their phones. Yeah, I mean, look, man, you guys both,

you tour with Seinfeld, you tore with Chappelle. You got to admit, it's got to be taxing on some things, right? Where it's like, because you run the road

the way you run the road. Yeah, everybody's... I love... Seeing people's, one of the great things about opening for people is seeing how they work. We talk about this sometimes. I love it. I love Jerry Seinfeld's way. Yeah.

What do you mean? Well, seeing how they behave on the road, what their rhythm is, what their schedule is on the road. It's just really fascinating to, I don't know if it's fascinating to anybody but comics, but it's really fascinating to me. And Jerry's taught me a lot about how to manage that because we have like a regular routine on the road. And it frees up your mind to like enjoy things. You don't have to make decisions. And then you get to be creative and it's fun. It's just like a fun, you know, we'll go to breakfast at 9 in the morning.

Then we go to a movie that's all prearranged. Then we go to lunch. And then we go for a half hour walk. And then we have a little free time. I think he meditates or writes. And then we go to the show and we work on the bits backstage. We get there half hour before. We do the set.

And, you know, out of that. I would hang myself. Really? Why? I like when I go to Like when I go on like when I went on tour If I had to wake up and have breakfast at 9 I'd be like God, I don't want to wake up at 9

I don't like to eat and so on you know And I don't want to go to that place I don't like avocado toast That's not for you then Well I remember when I would tour with Dane You know there was I would wake up and go walk around the city Yeah, find stuff to do

Yeah And I would used to do that Yeah, I like to do that. Yeah, I like to do it. do that. I like to do my little own thing. Yeah. Right? And I would, you know, go find some type of historical thing or something that's

cool in that city and go see it or visit it. We would call it our mission. We would go to the mall. We'd find a place to eat. You know what I mean? I like doing all that stuff. And then coming back and, you know, taking a nap or work it out. And, you know, like, having to do somebody else's road would mess me up. I just think it's great to see it.

to find out what yours is and understand that, like, that's how you make it great. You find this balance, you know, in your life because you can make it great. When I tour with Louis on the last tour I did when we did it in America, even in Europe, I went, I was out in Rome. I was out all day. Yeah, sure. I was going walking around. I was seeing things. I was doing my thing.

Yeah. And then there was a day where he was like, hey, we're going to go here. And I'm like, cool. Yeah. It was always great when Lou was like, hey, we'll go to dinner. Right. Because, you know, you know, I remember one night we went to dinner and all. way or some way, dude.

And he's like, you like caviar? And I was like, yeah. And then he just got two mason jars of caviar. And you're like, I could never ever in my life afford that. It wouldn't even eat yet. They came with like a thing of those little breads. And then we were just like, like savages.

I think it had to be like thousands of dollars worth of caviar. You know? And, you know, I, but I like doing my own thing. but I remember, like, he was cool because we were touring the, like, the Dakotas and all those places. We had to hit a tour bus. And at one point, we were staying in these fancy hotels every night. And I was like, dude, they have, like, these national parks in America, like, Teddy Roosevelt, really, like, saved America's national parks and forests so that we didn't just build stuff, stuff.

Woof. Build ships. Ships. Build ships. In the middle of nowhere. Yeah. But I'll go, they have national parks and we can rent out a spot and pull up to like a campsite. Yeah.

We had this. So I remember like, he was like, well, you know, I love it. Let's do that, you know. And we did it. That's dope. And I know Ronan was bummed because, you know. Who were you with again? I was it Ronon, Hersberg.

Uh-huh. Hersberg? Yeah. I don't know. But this was with Louis. Me, Louis, Ronon. Yeah. But I know.

You know, Ronan's, like, excited about these fancy five-star hotel. And I got us in the middle of the woods. Yeah. We would pull up in this tour bus and park. And I would get out in light of fire. That's great. And I would cook. Yeah.

Yeah, we pulled at one spot. We stopped at this. It just said, like, Mary's meats in this small town in the middle of nowhere. And we went in, and it's like all fresh meat from a farm. We got these pork steaks. Wow. It looked like, you know, remember the pork steaks? It had the bone, the round bone from the cartoons?

Cartoon, yeah. Cartoon steaks, right? And we got all these steaks, and we pulled this bus into this park, and I lit a fire, and we cooked these steaks, and we ate. It was great, and the next morning, I went out, and I walked on the Missouri River, and I was just, it was, like, unbelievable. We, we spent the night in the badlands outside of, outside of, the, uh, the, um, um, the, uh, um, the, uh, um, um, the, uh, um, um, What's the presentage? My brains. Mount Rushmore.

Mount Rushmore. Yeah. And we pulled the bus up to Mount Rushmore. And then we pulled into the park with this big tour bus and we sat out under the stars. It's amazing. I mean, I love, believe it, I love a fancy hotel. Yeah. But it was like, he was cool enough to do that.

Yeah. But if it wasn't, if we were on his schedule, he would have been like every night, do the show, gone. Well, it depends. Like if you're in Rome or you want to do, that's great. I think that's part of the adventure. But it's just nice to find a. balance in your life, you know, and enjoy the road. When you, Chappelle, you've got to

kind of roll where he rolls, right? No, you can do your own thing, but sometimes you're probably out, you're probably out late. Not as late as he used to be, but yeah. I mean, I do my own thing. I go to my own thing. He's, he's super, he doesn't go out as much as he used to because he hates people

coming up to him with the phones. But some people get mad when you don't, when you cut off from their thing. He got a lot of people. Right? He's always got a lot of people. So he doesn't care if you cut out. No, he don't care. But I like to hang with him. Dave's my friend first. Right. You know what I mean? Dave was my friend

before I even was doing comedy. But it depends. If you want to do your own thing, you could do that. Or sometimes he's got to go, like, he left us one night. He's like, I'm going to dinner with Madonna. And we're like, oh, fuck you. But it's all different. Why?

That sounds like the most taxing dinner ever. Hey, James. Bro, any night is some kind of celebrity. in the show. Like, he's a whole other level. But also, if we're doing

smaller shows, like me and him do the Denver Comedy Works, we hang, we go to lunch, go for walks. Right. It's fun. Like San Francisco, he loves San Francisco. We'll walk. We walked 10 miles last time we were there for the Super Bowl.

We walked 10 miles. Just walking around. But out in the street, isn't it like how many people? Yeah, but he's really good at not stopping. And he goes, I'm sorry, man, I'm He's off duty right now. He handles it well. What is he a cop? He's a undercover cop.

That's a good term, though. Off duty. Yeah, he goes, I'm off duty right now. No offense, man, but thank you so much. And they get it. Next time somebody recognizes me, I'm going to, I'm off duty right now. I'm off duty, do you right? But, like, when you travel, like, I want to know the backstage rider.

Oh, at my shows? No. At your shows, I know what it is. It's T. and some type of crumpet. Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely got saltines in there. Yeah.

I said premiums. Why, first of all, what is your writer? Let me hear your writer. Let's hear your writer's first. I have water in aluminum cans. Bananas. For the earth?

I just like, I don't like drinking out of plastic. Okay. I got berries, avocado. What, wait, but avocado? Well, guacamole. Sorry, guacamole. All right, guacamole. That would suck to have to go buy avocado.

They have to get the knife and the spoon. Guacamole. Bananas. I've got these siete chips that I like. Yeah. For the guac. For the guac. I was not going to eat bananas and guack.

Yeah, so I was like, this is he giving to be the bananas? I got hummus. I got salsa. Yeah, but why? Okay. Now, to me, right? Yeah. You're not eating that.

I don't need all of it. No, I've been trying to tell them I don't need all this, but the contract never changes, you know, and everybody's like, you've got to have something. I go, we'll put that stuff on there then. Yeah, just put it on there. So is there anything else? Any sweets?

Your thing sucks, though. Because that's all stuff that has to be refrigerated. So even the people that work there don't get to take it home after. That's true. That's true. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your writer?

My simple. I got water. I have to have Monster Energy because I'm sponsored by Monster Energy. so they always have to have a couple Masta NGC. I like my... I just started really getting into them. Oh, Monsa is the best. Yeah, hook me up.

Then I get a fruit. Pineapple, grapes, and cantaloupe, or some kind of melon. I don't like mango, but pie. I don't like that kind of fruit. And then I get like a, either like a turkey sandwich or like chicken breasts. But I don't, I really eat. I always eat after anyway. So that's just like if I need to nibble on it.

Right. I like to eat outside. Sometimes I'm in there. I'm like, why didn't I put direct? region's on the road. I wish I had something right now. I have, I had for a long time deli meats. Yeah. Because I did a lot of colleges.

And you would go from, I would go to the college and then drive to the next college. Right. Because you just, I mean, night after night, just getting to these. Yeah. So I'd have deli meats. So I could just eat something quick. Yeah. Throw it in my face and get on the road again. Sometimes these kids, they don't know. They just leave it out. It's like, they put it out at three o'clock. You get at eight o'clock. Buddy, I got deli meat. They got me. They got me just

ham one time. And it was in a Ziploc bag and I opened it and it was slimy. And I went, hey, is this my ham? And he goes, yeah, it's on your rider. I go, you take a bite. And he went, I don't want to. I go, no, I want you to eat that. And I remember he took a piece out and his slime.

He goes, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. And I was like, it's okay. And it's so funny, the punchline in Philly anytime I work there because I I guess I just left it on my... Right, yeah. So anytime I play there, there's just a pack of ham on the table.

And the first time I went there, I go, why is that ham? They go, it's on your rider. A pack of ham. It's just a... Is it like Ascomeyer? No, it's like that... From the deli? Freshly cut a half a pound of ham.

And they just do it just to bust my chops. In Nemesh Patel's rider, he asks for a framed picture of Chris Rock with Kobe Bryant in the green room. and so sometimes when you go to clubs, you'll see that frame picture there because they left it from the Nemesh. Why?

That's when the people get a little redid. Yeah, he's being a jerk. Yeah, I do Gatorade Zero now, Barry. I like that. I just got it to that. I like that. I really should start doing monster. Tom, this monster.

I'll look at him. But here's the problem when you get that, too. I'll go in because I'm not Jerry or Chappelle. I'll just see, you know, the MC, the opener, the opener's friend, just guzzling down. They don't even know what a rider is. Because they don't know what a rider is.

They just think that, oh, they got... This is the green room stuff. This is the green room stuff. Right, right, right, yeah. And I hate being like, yo, don't touch this Gatorade Zero. No, say, tell them. I don't like... You bring your own guys, right?

No, sometimes. So you're saying, like, local guys? Local. Yeah, that's there. They just like, hey, man, they spiced up the green room. Yeah, for me. Yo, usually there's nothing in here. Right.

What is the, what is Jerry's rider? I know, by the way. You do. I'll tell you why. Okay. I was, when I was touring with Dane, at one night we had a show in Vegas in the same room he performed in before us. Oh, okay. And I went in, and I was like, oh my God,

Dane's riot is awesome now. Like, something happened. And it was, I believe it was some type of chicken salad, some type of white fish and bagels and I think there was salmon. There was a lot of exotic Jewish fish. I think he changed it.

I don't know. It's pretty simple now. He doesn't even touch it. Dude, it was a bowl of chicken salad. A bowl of white fish. I mean, 75 people could eat off of this. Well, what happens is when you do some of these venues, at least with his, like if you eat between shows,

like the whole staff is eating. So he'll have meals that like, you know, like the whole theater crew is eating from. So he'll have like those like a little buffet and he won't touch it. But in the green room, what has he got? Like peanut butter he eats once in a while, like a fruit tray, a vegetable tray. He's got like a protein shake and a blender sometimes. He has like a bar of soap. He has like a fresh bar of soap that he opens.

He just likes it. Why? I don't know. He wants it to be. fresh. Yeah, I like that. Nobody else touched it. I don't mean why in the bad way. I mean, like, what is? He washes his hands? He just watches his hands after the

set. I like that one. Yeah. I might add that. Yeah. Great. Because you know, you use that pump out stuff on the bathroom, whatever. Cheap. Yeah. But he doesn't touch much of it. And he and sometimes he goes, should we keep no candy? He doesn't have a chip or a candy that he like? No. He told

me that they used to eat like pizza and stuff on the, after the show. Oh, whatever. He was like, we don't do that anymore. But, you know, sometimes he goes, should we keep this? And I go, I don't really need it. He goes, you eat it sometimes, right?

And I go, once in a while. And he goes, we'll keep it. What do you do with it? I use a little bit of it. He means it keeps it on the rider. Keep it on the rider. And the tour manager eats it sometimes. I steal everything after a show.

Jesus. Man. Yeah. Really? Man, my fridge at home is filled with little Fiji waters. And then, Dave Dave always has like

mouthwash and toothpaste and packs of toothbrushes in his room he never uses it I got stacks of toothpaste in my bathroom and on my rider I have Listerine because I always like to have fresh breath

I ask for a travel size Listerine so I can just hit it before I go on a stage they always get the gallon one I just take them I put them in my suitcase I wrap them in shirts

I got like 10 bottles of Listerine in my house I take it Yeah. So what does Dave have backstage? What is he up for food? He is a lot of just some chips. Some, it's the same thing.

Fruit. Some, you know, chicken breasts. Like usually maybe like Mediterranean or, you know, like what do you call it? Kabab. And then he doesn't touch, he never eats that. Never eats anything. No, people go away. It's only for other people.

Yeah. Because he has a lot of people in his green room after the shows. Right. So he has like, he has the liquor he likes and then a stocked fridge of whatever. I'll tell you who is. the best. Shane's was great. The Shane. Because Shane would have chicken fingers. Yeah. Which is

the best. I had that before, but then you eat it every night. Yeah. Every night you do a show. It's like, I'm eating way too many chicken. Yeah, he would have chicken fingers. Those are always safe though. Some type of chip and a sweet, like a sweet thing. Yeah. Right. Dane was because I told him when he was in shape, when he was just really. so he would always have like chicken breast and broccoli and everything but then every but but dain you know dain would always

he's a fatty like me it lives in him you know oh so every once in a while he'd be like chick filet yeah when he would get chick flay it was like 30 sandwiches wow so you just and then i he'd be on stage i'd be just backstage just nugin it yeah and just eating oh that's a bad word huh that's a bad it's not that word i know but he but he but I have no idea with that. I don't either, but it's down. Oh, nuggets. Nuggets.

Nuggett. I nouged it. Oh, nugget. Are you saying nuggets? Yeah, nugget. I'm saying nuggets. No, you're saying nougat? Like a nugget.

I'm nuggetted it. But I said nuggetted it. Okay. Sorry. Nuggett. I just made Ryan real nervous with this conversation. We were doing so good. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, man. This is a great life. If, if you. If you were like as big as Jerry, as big as Chappelle, as big as Shane, as big as, you know, and you were doing like in an arena or something, you know, at the arena tour, what would be the thing on your rider? What would be the thing that you'd be like, I got to have it? I don't know. I can't. I'm always.

I mean, I guess my thing is I like to find things that that city's known for. You know what I mean? Nate does that. Yeah. Nate will do that, which I think is kind of. cool. Like, you know, and he has a lot of people around. Yeah. They'll just, if you get off stage, there's always something different that they found in that

city. That's a good one. That's a great one. Yeah, like, we were in Boston and I did the Garden with Chan. I was like, dude, you got to get roast beef sandwiches for Mike's. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's the type of stuff. And they got the sandwiches. And it sucked because you're supposed to put the sauce on the sandwich. They put on the side

so they just bit a row. I was like, nah. And they're like, it's all right. I'm like, no, you got to put the sauce. They're supposed to sauce. They ordered wrong. I always try to find the best wings in every city I'd tell you what I would I would have electric scooters Oh

Oh you tell you told oh I think it was just food No anything oh I would have electric scooters It depends on the venue though right Or we're talking arenas Arenas yeah I want to go from point A to Port B on a scooters Yeah yeah Zip

Yeah that's good Segways Yeah when I get out of the car I want to go your scooter And then take my scooter I want the guy to have a scooter too I want him to, I want all of us to get on scooters and zip to our dressing rooms. I love that.

That would be this. That would be awesome. That would be great. The 30 most absurd celebrity riders of all time. I mean, first of all, I know one of them. Right, go ahead. Let's go through them real quick. This is nuts.

Oh, Beyonce, the, Beyonce's is, because you know, there's also private jet riders, like with the food you want on the jet? Yeah. Beyonce's is crazy. What is it? I don't, bro. And they never eat it. She never touched it.

It's nuts. And these are the people that are yelling at us. Poor people need your money. No, fly-a-tend. Give them your rider food. Some flight attendants that do private jets. I know them. They're friends of mine.

And they're like, yo, we actually love going shopping for Beyonce because she doesn't touch anything. And then we just, our hotels are just filled with the best food. Everything top of the line. All right. All right. Let's go. What is the top five?

Don't go to All-Tam. What is it? what is it this one's Bieber okay when he first started his career all right uh includes 10 luxury sedans a massage table

pervert and a private jet on standby for any of his travel desires that's like that's that's crazy that's a waste of money yeah because it's your money oh yeah that's what people don't understand

it's their money it's your money here we go uh okay uh Coca-Cola products near queen bay is it bay is it queen bay queen bay all right Sorry, I messed out of. She's in a contract with Pepsi, and drinking anything else would break it.

So she can't have any Coca-Cola near her. That's how I am with Monster. Really? Yeah, if they have another energy drink in there, I smash it. Buddy, I will throw all the other. I'll just drink Monster. You better hook that up. Drinking anything else, but also requests her hospitality route.

Heavily seasoned, baked chicken legs, breast, and wings. Don't forget hot sauce. Wow, this is really racist. No, no, that's from our song. Oh, okay. They're being funny. Oh, sorry. I'm like, this guy's just nuts.

Angriots. Performed in a make her sweat. Beyonce likes the temperature in a dressing room to be 78 degrees at all times. That's not too crazy. No, that's not, that's not, this is a little article. This is not, you got to talk to the people that really. I'll tell you, Eddie Griffin. Let's just, all right, we, yeah.

This singer really hates traffic. Yeah, join the club. Who's ever said I love traffic? So to bypass any of venue She requests a police escort That's pretty ballsy I could do mine with scooters Adding that under no circumstances

The vehicle to be allowed to encounter any delays That's just You're nuts You're nuts That's Dre What's Dre? What? Don't say anything about the penis No Drake Oh, you said Drey

Drake sorry Yeah well you look man I'm not a hip hop DJ guy It's okay It's okay less surprising. A ton of alcohol, including bottles of Hennessy and Carth-

Colossier. All right, thank you. Patron, silver, tequila, gray goose, so he's just an alcohol. No,

that's all true. And nobody drinks that. No, no, no. You think so? His people drink. Okay, okay. No, his people drink.

He doesn't. I'm going to tell you the word. We'll get out of this. The worst one, what is, hang on, I got to read hers now. He keeps bringing them up.

Who's it? Phil Swift? Yeah. Yeah. Orders include one grande, Ice Carmel Latte with two sweeten loaves. That's mine. A Grande iced Americano.

I love it with two sweetenough. That's my drink. Me and this this bee should tour together. Soy milk, I'm out. And a slice of pumpkin milk loaf. What a... Pumpkin? What a little...

That's just Starbucks. Nothing. That's nothing. That's nothing. That's nuts. Eddie Griffin was the worst. I'll say it. He's nuts. He had...

I heard about it. Yeah. Every show, so if he had five shows, he had five pairs of sneakers. Right. White Air Jordans. So was there Air Jordans or Air Force One? Air Force One. Yeah.

White Air Force Ones. Every show. He has the largest collection of Air Force Ones. Silly. Now, here's a problem with that. Yeah. So, yeah, you're getting it. So every, they had a run out.

He had five shows, get five pairs of sneakers. Two shows, two pairs. Yeah. And he would, you know, and he would just take them. So someone had to run out and buy those. Yeah. In his size. Right.

And get them to the venue. but he's paying for it. How? It comes out of the money. Like, it comes out of the budget. Okay, it does, but it doesn't. Because, yes, they're charging him at some point. The employee's time doesn't necessarily come out of it.

It's the, yeah, that doesn't, the having to get them and have them there is nuts. But here's the thing. The problem with it is this. Not that you did it, good for you. God bless you. Whatever you want, crazy rider thing. But you can see your success failure.

as you show up and you have five shows and you have two pairs and then you show up in this just one for five and then you show up in this hey we didn't get the sneakers and we don't care

we're done with your hijinks going on or not you're co-headlining here's one half of one pair yeah yeah hey we got you a pair of new balance 1080s deal with it

all right listen you guys you guys first of all you got a special out right now Yeah. It's on Netflix. Right. And the name of it? This just hit me.

Is this about the car accident? The bus, I got hit by the bus. You know that, right? Yeah. I mean, this guy got, this guy shouldn't be here. You shouldn't. Maybe, yeah. I'm pretty happy with the special.

It's been out for a couple weeks. It got up into the top 10 for a while. That's great. It's all, yeah, it's like nothing I've ever done before. You know, it's so funny that we toured together on this Jeff and Laf's tour. Yes. And everybody I've toured with on that tour got Netflix specials. except a good old Bob.

Really? Yeah. Who else? Eliza, orney. I don't remember everybody on that door. Well, not everybody, but... Yeah. A lot of people.

Yeah, it's okay. It doesn't matter. And you have a Netflix half hour. I have a Netflix half hour. There you go. Yeah. No, I don't. Yes, you do.

The degenerates. Yeah. That's 15 minutes. Oh. Okay. Well, you didn't have to say it like that. I was actually feeling good about it. So you got this next Netflix hour, and a lot of it is about getting hit by the bus?

Yeah, it's probably a 35-minute chunk. I've never done anything like that that's personal and long, and it was cathartic and interesting for me. And I think it's, I like, I don't know, the material was, I'm glad it's done. I had to do it, and it's out there. Well, now that part of that story is done with. Yes, I can move. But that's what I didn't realize. After I put it on tape and finished, I felt this huge relief.

that I didn't expect. Right. Because I realized I didn't have to tell this story every night again. Right. And I didn't know that was going to happen. Like subconsciously in my head, I was like, oh, I've worked through this. But after I put it on tape, I was like, wow, that's interesting. I've never had anything like that.

And the reviews are great. Yeah, there's been some really good reviews. That's great. Thanks, man. And you have a special on YouTube right now. What's your is called? It's called likable. It's 30 minutes.

You are likable. That's for sure. I was saying earlier, I say a lot of wild foul stuff on stage, but no one ever really gets bad at me. So I was like, oh, I'm likable. You are. Great. You're one of the most likable guys in the business.

Absolutely. I can get down if we have to. I know. I got you back. I don't threaten us. No, no, no, you're threatening. I'm backing you up. I know, but you watch your six.

Okay. Oh, you'll watch my six. Watch your six. I thought you were threatening me like, I'll mess you up. No, I'm saying if we ever got into it, I'm there for you. No, but yeah, like, you're one of those guys who, like, from the day I met you, I was like, Like, ah, he's just a good guy.

Yeah. You've always been a solid dude. Yeah, I work on it. I think it's not as hard as people make it. Like, to be honest, we'll be real. Be, you know, vulnerable if you have to. Like, people get caught up, especially where I come from, hip-pop. Everybody's, like, fronting all the time.

But I did this 30-minute thing. It's called Likeable. I shot it with Super Nice Guys, and then Kevin Hart's company bought it. So it's like an extra boost being on L-O-L-L. Did they buy it? Like, did you go to them, or do they see it and come to you? you. I don't, they all did that. I didn't do that. So, the team did that. Yeah, the whole

That's good. That's great. I love it. And, like, I was so nervous. I shot it. It didn't come out for like a year. And I was like, actually, I don't want it to come out. Why? I don't know. I'm a perfectionist. There's a couple little edits in there. I didn't lie. A couple jokes that I kept doing the same jokes. Now the jokes are better. Yeah. And I watch it and I go, oh, I didn't have this part in there. I didn't have this part in there. Me and you were the same. I do the same thing. That's why it takes me so long

to come up with an hour because it's like if I did an hour every two years, in three years or four years, that joke has so much bigger. So much better, I know. It gets, yeah. It's, I added this, I added that. I figured it out and now it's like, damn. There's a whole, there's a whole bunch of tags missing. Yeah. That would kill. You got to just let that go. I was super nervous, but

it's getting, people are loving it, and I'm getting a lot. And then my thing is I just want something for my hip hop fans to see that I'm actually doing this because they look on a flyer and they think I'm DJing for Dave Chappelle. I'm like, no, no, I do stand-up. They're like, what, really? So now I have something out there. That they can see. That's great.

And I just wanted to show that I really care about this art form and I really love it as opposed to like some people that just come in and out and use it or just getting famous without wanting to be funny. You know what I mean? but you guys, you know, I've been at the cellar over 10 years now and you guys, you know, have been big inspirations to me.

So I appreciate it, you know what I mean? Oh, thank you, buddy. Yeah, man. Appreciate it. We ended on a clean, nice. You know. Yeah, Ryan are like, I'd say we're pretty good friends. Like, oddball friends.

That's right. Yeah. Dude, you understand. Me and him, I walked up to him on the comedy cellar boat. I knew we were touring for a month ago, hey, we're going to be friends. Right.

And he was like, okay. And I was like it or not, we're hanging. We're going to be pals. And we did. We did. But that's what I love about comedy. It just could bring all different types of people together. Me and him were a couple for 30 days.

That's great. I mean, every day. Every day. I was the man, by the way. I was the husband. I know. Okay. All right, well, listen, guys.

Thank you for coming on. Make sure you check out their specials. It's available now. Go to their websites. Go. see them live when you can. And if you do, you get near them. I mean, you're not probably going to get near Ryan

because he just takes off because he's going to do his walk in the morning. But if you get near them, let him know you found him here on the YKWD. And go to my, is this site? Those are mine. Those are yours, okay. Winnipeg, Des Moines.

Is that the rainbow flag? Where? On tours. No, it's gold and orange and green. Good for you, dude. Good for you, buddy. Good for you. Sure, let's start that.

All right, tell me where you're... Cincinnati, Des Moines. What do I got? We're launching a big theater tour in a couple weeks, so watch for that, but I got a bunch of club dates this summer. So Omaha, I don't even remember, Irvine.

You know what I found near my house? There's a fly fishing river five minutes away from my house. From your house that you didn't know about? That I just found. How is that possible? I was driving down over to the next town and I saw a dude in full regalia. Wow.

Come up, waiters, everything. I ripped the car over. He got scared. Like, yo, I was like, hey, man. I almost hit him. And I pulled around. I go, yo, where are you fly fishing? And he was like, Bobby Kelly?

Oh, yeah. Wow. And he was like, dude, he told me all. Wow. There's a stocked pond. Really? River. Yeah, they stalk it.

That's amazing. And it's five minutes away from my. minute. And I didn't even know. That's amazing. I'm selling my New Hampshire house. We should go just to experience. Dude, come.

At the end of August, we should go up. Absolutely. And we'll flip right near my house, dude. That'd be great. It's going to be great. All right. You can't come. Fly fishing?

You're not going to fly fish, dude. I don't want to come. I want to be invited. Will you come fly fishing with us? Yeah. We should shoot that if that happened. Oh, if he fly fishing? Yeah, dude.

And all right, Syf, what are you guys? Safe of Sound on PunchUp. Punchup. Punchup. Live slash Seifah Sound. Yep, that's me. Find me there. I got, I'm going to be in Norway. Me and Daniel Simonson for a whole week.

June, I'm sorry, July 27th for a whole week. And then I got, what's the, what's the, in Canada on the West? Vancouver. Yeah. Got Vancouver coming up. I got Philly Punchline coming up soon. I got some good dates.

DC Improv in September. That's a big one. That's a big. D.M. Make sure you check out Saifers Sound and Guys, what do you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff, and you can see me in St. Pete, Florida,

at Sunshine City Comedy Club, August 14th and 15th, and Claude's new comic club in Philly called Claude's on September 10th. Hey, this is Joe Russell. Go to Jokes Russell on Instagram. Give me a follow. Also, it'll be Uncle Vinnie's August 5th and 6th. Oh, do Uncle Vinnie. Hey, this is Cody.

You can follow me on Instagram at Cody the Comic and come to my show at New York Comedy Club in Stamford, Connecticut, on July 23rd. Hey guys, the show's not over right now. I'm going to give my dates, but the show's not. We're going to Patreon right now. We have questions from the fans for these guys.

If you want to ask the people on my show questions, just join patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Number one, it supports the show. Number two, you get to go in the extra show we do every week, and you get to be in the chat and hang out with us. And number three, you get to ask questions to the people on the show, and we ask them live on the show right to their face. So you can go there to check that up.

But if you're on YouTube or listening anywhere, just hit like, subscribe, and leave a thumbs up. Get in there and support the show. It really helps us out when you do that. I'm going to be a punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. This summer, I take the summer off. You know that.

I have one show, the 25th of July. It's in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I got one night, Saturday night, two shows. So if you're in New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Maine, wherever you are, come on down, get your tickets now. And then I'm going to be all over. I'm going to Saratoga Springs. I'm doing the Brooklyn Improids.

for one night. I'm doing Port Charlotte. I'm coming back down. Boston, I'm coming home. I have, I'm shooting my special this year. We're working out, I might be shooting two specials. I'm going to work in Spanish. No, not in Spanish. I'm Irish Italian. That's why it would be interesting. But anyways, you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for listening to the show. Thanks for supporting the show. And we're going to go to patreon.com right now. But you guys are the best fans of the world. We're seeing next week on, you know what? Good.