Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #652 | Adam Ferrara, Eric Neumann, & Jon Laster

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

This week on YKWD, Bobby, Adam and Jon try to turn Eric Neumann into a man after he made a video crying when the Knicks won Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day. Where it all started before fun and crazy. This isn't NPR. That's the original. What's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly.

We're back at the Comedy Cellar Studios doing YKWD. We have a great show tonight, but before all that, make sure if you're watching on YouTube, hit subscribe, comment, like, all that stuff, and share the social media stuff. If you want to support the show, though, you can go to YouTube. No, you can't. You can't. You got to go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and get all the episodes with all the dirty words. And you get an extra episode every week. Right now, me and Joe are doing the extra extra live from my drive back, and I almost died last night doing the show.

would have got that on video for all you people who hate me. Uh, you would have got that. And all the people that love me, it would have been a sad moment. And sadness is what makes the world go around. Sadness is the pathway to peace. You would have had that. So go there at patreon.com slash Robert Kelly to become a member of that and support the show extra, extra. Joe, who do we got? Well, Bobby, we have some very special guests today. From Top Gear and Rescue Me, we have Adam Ferrara. Bam, old friend, old friend. Thank you. Good to see you, baby. And He's got a new special called Call Your Mom, and it's on Roku.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have Eric Newman. And who else do we have? We have from the Comedy Cellar, legendary host, John Laster. He's late. The late John Laster. And you'll see. God will be missed. Sadness is the pathway to peace.

You'll see why when he shows up. Hit the bell. Also, he's used to coming on time at a specific time every single night. Yep. Yep. And as a host, you have to be. Yeah, but I'm not Esty. You're not going to get a... Can't be Esty, man.

You're not going to be late. I should have said Esty's on the show. Esty rolled her eyes at me the other night, and I've been thinking about it for 72 hours straight, man. Oh, yeah. I swear to God, I'm not even fucking around. Yeah. She got mad at me for whatever.

For what? What did you do? I don't know what I did. I've been doing promoting the special, so I've been going on all these TV shows with my mom, morning shows or whatever, and she... You know, you come in, you go, I've already... I understand SD's way.

I know I'm not going to get, like, praised, obviously. But I figured, like, oh, hey, congrats. You're talking about it. She praised a lot of comics. Yeah, I know, not me. Not me. Right? I don't know if you've ever seen Shankham in.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that's not. She loves Keith. I mean, she loves everybody. Yeah, I know, I know. But you? Is that what you're saying? I don't know.

So what'd she do? I don't know. She just was like, she's made a comment about, like, she didn't like my TV appearances. Really? something along those lines and I was like, you've been thinking about this for 72 hours? You don't know what it is?

How am I ever going to know exactly how would it? But what did she say to you? What were the words? Yuck? I think that would have been a, I would have been a, I would have loved Yuck. I would have done anything to get Yuck. It was the eye roll.

Dude, it was, yeah, it was everywhere. It was the subtleness. She hated my existence. She hated that I was born. I don't know what it was. Well, you work at the club. She doesn't hate you. No, no, I don't know.

She just doesn't care for you. Yeah. What I have to settle for I guess I have to settle for that Look, she's You know Maybe you try too hard Maybe it was that

Maybe when you show up you You got the Like hey Hey Listen I'm gonna go out on a limb here Being a comic Maybe you got a need for approval You ever

That's not me man It's not you We're all here monetizing our pain Bob you remember a couple weeks Two weeks ago You sat down and you brought up the Well like you said You remember you sat down at the table

And you brought up the crime video Remember the crime Yeah, just let me give you a little context. When the Nets, the NICS, sorry. Don't fucking mix that up. Never mix that up. Sorry. When the Nix won the championship, but two weeks before when I believe they

got into the, to go to the championship, he did an emotional video on his phone. So at this moment, he felt emotional and started crying and filmed it. It was him. It wasn't like a spontaneous thing where

somebody was there. He actually went, let me get this. Yeah. And he's, he made a video, but chose not to post it. Okay. The better of him

chose not to post it. Right. And then when they won the championship, he's like, I need to post this. And he posted it. But it looked like to most people

that he was crying that they won. Right. But it was actually when they just got into the... When they got in. When they got in, which made it worse to me. For me, that made it worse.

Because now it becomes inauthent. But you had the funniest line. Do you remember what you said to me? Yuck. No. You gave me the SDI roll and then you, he said, you know what that two week waiting period was? It was your manhood trying to push it down saying, I don't think this was a good idea. Yeah.

Yeah, it was your father and you going, don't do this, son. And your mother took over and went, do it. It's got to get a shell emotion. You've got to get it out. Don't keep it inside. My dad lost another fight, ma'am. My dad lost another. Oh, my God.

What? Dad's still around? He's dead, man. He's dead. Are you glad he wasn't alive to see that? No, he is. Yeah. He's fucking fantastic.

And if he's not, that would have done it. He's... Oh, that would have fucking give me a part of that. If I saw my son... If I saw my son crying on social media about the Celtics winning another championship, I would fucking... I hated that fucking tone, he just said. What?

What? The Celtics winning another championship. Well, they won a lot. Here he is. Come over here. Come over here, brother. What up, Johnny? I mean, I don't need to tell you this, but you'll late.

100% late. 100%. And we went over it. Newman actually... Sorry. No, I just got handed a... Oh, it's okay. A communique.

Newman, Eric actually just said communicat. That you host and you're never late for hosting. But for this, you are. You know what, man. I told you he was going to talk on the microphone. I told you that.

He's going to come in, not talking to the microphone. and then sit down and now here we go let me see all right let me see if I was right my other prediction go ahead what is it yo I got jammed up on a meeting that wouldn't end I was trying to shake the guy but I needed to be on the meeting it was a meeting for business money meeting it was a blood meeting man you could have made a lot of money in money meaning baby yeah money meeting yeah so it wasn't

a black thing it was a green thing investor yeah it's a green thing an investor that you're your your I have shit going on energy right now is making all of us sick to our stomach Except for Eric. He's like, what do you got? Can I get involved? Yeah. Listen.

You're in New York. Where did you grow up, brother? In Denver. In Denver? Yeah, I'm from Denver. Yeah. You're from Denver? Denver, like Dan's Soda, Denver?

Yeah, dance from Aurora. Oh, he's from like the trashy white. Yeah. Yeah. And I was from the hood black part. You're from, is there a hood black part in Denver? Not anymore. Oh, God.

Yeah. Where does everybody gone? New York? You know what? I don't even know, to be honest with you. Five people? When I come home, like the projects I grew up and they bulldozed them. They bulldozed my elementary school.

They bulldozed the hospital that was behind us. So it's all gone. What's there now? White people, yeah. White people. Yeah. It's, you know, I mean. I guess somebody's booking a flight to Denver.

Have you got a real estate person? No, I'm kidding. That's what the meeting was about. I literally just went on chat GPT. John Lasseter's school? I actually, I ask, I go, where's good places to invest right now? in real estate and Denver Denver came up actually

Denver's cooking Denver came up oh yeah they're one of those like Tampa Denver Dallas Dallas yeah they're just they're putting a lot of money recently into Denver's getting really expensive Nashville's getting expensive and what's screwing them up is they didn't count all these people coming there so those roads are really narrow so like because everyone's coming in all the money's coming in

yeah I guess the music industry went to Nashville I can't fuck with Nashville dude everyone's in a band yeah yeah when you go there everyone's in a band Every chick has a guitar. Thank God I'm married. If I had to hook up with girls from, oh, if I went to Nashville and met a chick, hey, you want to hear this new song? I guess.

You would do it. Dude, I've done it. I've done it so many times. I went on Long Island. I was stating this girl who was a, she was a modern jazz interpreter as dancer. So, you know what I mean? I used to go and like, you were the best one in your row. 100%.

Dude, I told Dane his song was good when it came out. Dude, this reminds me of a funny Bobby story. Dude, I was coming back from the Hamptons with my. my ex, I don't know if you remember this. It was about three, four years ago. We're walking down the street. We're running to Louis and Bobby together. So we kind of joined them on like their walk, walking down the street.

I was my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend at the time. And I go, I go, yeah, you know, we've been staying in a lot because she's been really sick. And he goes, if I was dating this girl, I would never leave the house. You remember this? Yeah, this time. She was horrified. He walks her way. She goes, what the fuck?

I was like, you haven't been in comedy long ago. Yeah, and that's a compliment. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. 100%. She was hot. You lost her, huh? Yeah, I lost her.

You got a girlfriend now? Dating someone now. You are? And she saw the, we were talking about about his crying video in the next one. Oh, yeah. She withholds sex for me

for about a good week, solid week. Not because she wanted to. Because her pussy dried up. Yeah. We can't. Yeah. See, this is all the shit that made me want to absolutely keep it on.

I saw that video, my pussy dried up. I actually, you transitioned. I actually got a pussy. My dick became a pussy when I saw that video. It ran in. You've never had a dick, Bobby.

You've never had a dick, Bobby. I actually got a nice piece. Well, yeah. Where do you keep it? I keep it inside. It stays in my body. It's an in any.

It's an any. I get really good hard on to when my wife's not home. You're like, oh, it is working. It does work after all. It's there. Oh, look, six more weeks of winter. It's out. Six.

Yeah, we were talking about this video, how it made me, I just don't understand. Look, I know that you like the Knicks. I like them. Okay. Say it how it is, man. Obsessed. You're obsessed with the team.

Okay. You love the team. I've got this in three different colors. Okay. But here's the thing. Yeah. I've... It should be hard as a man to get the tears. You know what I mean?

Dude, when they won Mike Breen goes, Nick fans, go ahead and cry. I was like, I already did that. Yeah, he didn't mean it. Yeah, it was casual conversation. Yeah, what if he said, Nick fans, go ahead, invest. Here's the link. You're going to send the money in?

What are you doing? Nick fans, blow your friend right now. Dude, I walked into the cellar. If you have a friend that's crying, he wanted you to suck his thing. Dude, a week before I saw you, I walked into the cellar and I go, hi, Esty, how are you? And she goes, Eric, why are you crying on the internet? Yeah, everybody saw that. Are you a Nick fan?

You know what, man, I'm not. You know, but I wish I was. Why? Because, you know, Tracy's got court side. Okay. This year against the Troy, I remember. I know, I did. But if I would have pretended to be a Nick fan, I could have went to some of those games.

He wanted to give me the seats, but he was like, bro, you're not a Nick fan. Yeah. You know what I mean? Tracey's a Nick fan. This is why he threw up courtside. Yeah. Remember that? He went, and not even just a little.

And then came back. And then I would have never come back. Buddy, that's a Knicks fan. He doesn't give a fuck. That's a Nick fan. And he also. cried. Did he cry? Great cry. Yeah. Yes, they saw. Can I say something about

Okay, I saw a couple of people cry. But there's a way I'm, please don't take this a bad way. There's a way a man can cry. You know what I mean? And there's a way that a child should cry and there's a way a woman should cry. You did like a combo. You did a hybrid.

You did a 12 year old girl. You did it like a childish woman. Yeah, that's what you did. There's no man involved. No. Like, you know you're weeping. Yeah, I know. Do you know Ricky Veles? Let me tell him. I love Ricky. Good friend of mine. Dude, Ricky fucking shared. He became, he had an episode. He had a manic episode over this. Do you see this? No. He must have, he texted me. He goes, Eric, what you posted is my favorite thing on the internet of all time. He goes, I've shared it no less than 30 times already.

Dude, you go to his Instagram. His story would be like me crying, something unrelated. Me crying. He was having an episode. Literally. He's like, he's like, we're getting this to a million views. He goes, my therapist keeps asking me why I'm bringing it up all the time. So it's becoming a problem. It struck a court. I caused issues, emotional issues. I'm fine. Look, dude, I cry in therapy.

I have a rule. You can't bring up. See, that's more pussy to me. No. That's courage. I don't think it was a problem that you were crying. It was the posting. I think that's what people took issues with.

You could have cried in your own time. You think crying in therapy, and I have a rule. You can't bring up anything emotional. with 10 or five minutes left. Like, I'm not walking out. During the beginning. I'm not walking out of the room with tears. Okay.

Yeah, because it's usually a comic. I don't want to walk bump into Gary. It wasn't my fault. I don't want to do that. Okay. You're that therapist that all the comics? I'm also, yeah. Okay.

I'm also, I'm also crying about stuff that happened to me as a child. Like, and I'm crying about, like, stuff, like, I'm crying about, like, things that, like, like, to me. Look, I'm not saying the Knicks don't matter. But they don't You're not personally connected Yeah You mean that is childhood

That is my childhood That's associated with everything else Your father used to take you to the games I went with my dad to a game But it was about One a game One game He was in an out of mental hospitals

He didn't have really There it is That's all coming through Now I'm gonna cry right now Get me started on my dad I'll fucking cry right now Your dad was in a mental institution Often very often

What happened He was bipolar schizophrenic Oh no shit Did he talk to himself and stuff All the time Did you think he was talking to you At some point What, Dad? No, I don't like ice fishing.

It's the summer. Well, that's why I give Kanye a pass on a lot of this shit. Really? Why? Is he your dad? Jewish? Well, it's just that he's mentally, he's got issues. You give him a pass on having a Super Bowl ad,

and when people want it to link, it's a swast sticker. Yeah. That's a tough one. That's a hard one. You know why? My father talked to himself. Well, I just think it's mental. Poland belongs to us.

You give him a pass on Nazi propaganda shirts during the Super Bowl? I just think my dad thought he was an auntie. I'm going to the studio and making song. Yeah. Yeah. Can you have a whole? That would have been nice if your dad would have done that. Yeah. It would have done the t-shirts together if my dad was alive, I think.

You would have helped him with-cash-in. Your dad would have had a tour. You'd stop crying. Your dad had a tour at the end of it that makes millions. Sean, happy birthday. And I already bought you the t-shirt. I think that's another reason. We don't bend our knees in this house when we walk.

I think that's another reason people have a tough time, though. like when you're crying about something like that, even though I get it because it was so long for the Knicks, so there's history with that. But it's like you are crying for guys who are worth $200 million apiece. You cry for them, you're crying for the meaning they have in your life. That's what I mean.

Not even that. That's what I mean. Hold on us again. And especially after all those years. Here's my issue with what you just said, Johnny. You're going to tell any athlete, no matter how rich they are, you're going to tell them that it's not as meaningful

to go the distance. because of how rich they are. Like, they don't give a fuck once they get to that level of those. I played sports at the, at a very, very, very high level. I get it. I'm glad you said it up at the end.

What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you said the highest, and you went very high level. Very high level. The highest is what the Knicks did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's, you ever hear Mike Yard?

What? You ever hear Mike Yard talking about his stuff? What? I want every championship in the world. I'm like, Mike. What did you play? Middle school base. I play basketball.

You play basketball? Yeah. at a very high level. Very, yeah. So, I mean, I played in the Big Ten. Everybody was somebody on all of our teams was going to, at least two people were going to the NBA. No shit.

Oh, yeah, at least. Did you cry? Did you cry when you didn't get in? Yeah. You cried? Yeah. Newman. It wasn't social media back then.

Yeah, exactly. Did you Newman cry? There was no Instagram. Yeah. Yeah, I probably did Instagram cry. You did? Yeah. Let's go, baby.

Yeah, but that was for me. You're trying to post you. You did it for Ricky Valise. Oh, yeah. You did it so Belize could have content. Did it for me. Ricky loving it so much was more of a reason to take it down than my girlfriend not wanting to have sex with me. Like I literally was like, Ricky likes this.

I better, I better. No, I mean, I understand why Ricky like it because it's a male comic showing emotion. Vulnerability. I understand the vulnerability part. But you had to have known. You had to have known. For sure. I don't care about getting shit.

It doesn't bother. Well, that's the beauty of it. I don't care. Bobby, remember last time I was on your podcast? I've done a lot of mean things to you. No, you have. No, you have. There is nobody.

Bobby, Bobby, as mean as you are to me. And I love you. I think you're a sweetheart. Nobody was more brutal to me. My entire life so far, I've been on this earth for 39 years than when Liz and I were on your podcast four years ago. Do you remember this? It was one of my favorite.

Liz. Joe, were you here for that? Oh, my God. Dude, Liz was merciless. Literally, Bobby goes. Bobby, he goes, nobody's ever been this mean on this podcast. Bobby Kelly said that. I want you to look at it.

I have the signatures of the people. The meanest people in comedy have been on the show. And that episode, if you want to go back and look at it. No, no, we're not. No, please go. He's going to cry again. Watch him cry and then watch that video and then understand Liz's motive. Liz knew something we didn't.

Oh, that was a fucking mean one, dude. Woof, man. Because this is what it is, Eric. Yeah. you were gums is that you're you you you you you put yourself out there

here's the problem I have with it yeah is that it was it wasn't for the championship it was for them getting to the championship that you cried yeah but we just somehow stop saying we nobody on the team knows you exist I'm pretty sure the

actually I'm sure they do because they saw the video and you're like don't let him in in it yeah somebody on the team saw that video yeah for sure oh my god yeah I was So your issue is it was an inauthentic moment.

I don't think, no, no, no. It was authentic moment posted. It wasn't inoffensive. I thought 100% you're a pussy. There's no question about that. No question about what a fucking. But is that you were, you picked up your phone. And I understand that.

You're like, I want to share this moment with fucking 40 people. I want to do that. But you did it the, it was not for the championship. Yeah. That's what I meant by the finals. I waited. I waited. But you didn't have that moment for the chit.

Yeah. When they won it all. I did. Are you kidding me? Yeah, but I didn't see that video. You had another moment. I had another moment, but that was somebody filming me just like when it happened or whatever. And were you crying then?

I've been crying the whole fucking run, dude. The whole run. He's like, I've been crying all summer. Shit. But that was the thing where it's like you released the video. So that I thought you released it when they won. I released it when they were up three one. going back to San Antonio.

Yeah, it was over. It was like, it was like we can't. It was over. We're not dropping this one. You know what I prayed for? What? For them to lose. I just wanted to see a real cry.

I wanted to see you cry both versions. I wanted to see the happy one. The joy and the pain. And then the pain one. I think the pain one would have been so much better. But all one second, right? You're in therapy, you know, there's no real difference between the joy and the pain.

Yes, there is. It's all fucking interlace. Yes, there is. It's all sick. One, it's all. Joy. Joy crying is way gayer than pain crying. But you're still...

Pain crying, I can be like, yeah, man. You don't get to choose exactly where the tears come from. It's all fucking... If you cry because your dad dies, I get it. Yeah. If you cry because you just booked JFL, I'm going to fucking... I'm going to punch you in a head. I'm going to cry because I've never booked JFL, so I'm going to cry about that.

Can you cry? Can you... Is anyone had a cry on camera? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you had a cry in, like, in a show or something? Yeah, you know, I went to Esper.

So I did two years in a conservatory. Yeah, I spent a lot of time in that basement crying. Yeah. You cried? Yeah. For what? Scenes. Yeah.

Oh, you cried in a... Oh, yeah, I cried. I cried on Louis. Yeah, yeah. I've cried. Yeah. You can cry as a... But you're not thinking of something happy to get there.

No. Think about the Knicks winning the championship. That's it. That's the movie... And then the director goes cut, too big. Too much. Bring it down. That episode with you and Louie where you do the two meals back-to-back, what's the phrase you keep using?

It was called the bang bang bang. Bang bang. Yeah. I'll fucking love that. But, no, I can cry. I mean, listen. To act, I can cry. But that was, that was a real moment in your room by yourself.

And they weren't even the champs yet. And then you. But was it the amount of time that it took them to win? To win the chip? Yeah, dude, I've been fucking Knicks fan since I'm, you know, for 20. You really are a Knicks fan. Five years. Your father and you used to watch the games all the time.

Let's get some context. Okay. Maybe did your dad used to say. My dad wasn't, I didn't come. from a sports family at all. I discovered the Knicks myself when I was 13 years old. Because you didn't have anybody. I had a father.

But he was... So I discovered the Knicks. But I don't like any other teams or any other sports, really. I'm not like a Yankees fan. So you're a... You're a basketball. This is it for you. Nick's your...

Do you watch every game? I didn't watch every single regular season game because I'm doing shows and stuff. But I was a Jews? I took off... What about Jews? Oh, I thought you said because of the Jews. What did you say? Because of what?

Everything's because of the Jews's been in bad. Well, Kanye, yeah. Yeah. Your father's favorite guy. Jews are going to hate me for that one. Can we cut that? Can we cut that? I'll post the crying video, but let's cut that.

People watch every game. My brother watches every single Broncos game. Like, every single one. First of all, that's one, hold on. That's also football. It's also one a week. I can't, I got to be doing shows. But I will say, I took off every single game for the finals,

did not work a single finals night. How happy was Esty? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, thank God he's watching the Nidix. He's like, go. No, Knicks. I hope the Knicks will go all the way.

All the way. Anyway, can we start next year now? As soon as the season was over, Estes started crying. She came over. She goes, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but please keep it down, we have guests. Because in the Olive Tree, they were showing

on the big screen. Oh, my God. Oh, you flip it out? Nuts, dude. Oh, my God, nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good time. That was great.

Remember that? That was game two in San Antonio, dude. That was insane. I got to give you that. Yeah, that was insane. Yeah. in that game. Wow.

Yeah. That was bonkers. Watch that in there. And then when the series added, everybody ran out into the middle of McDougal. Yeah. It was insane. I went to Times Square after they won. Oh, you went to Times Square?

Wow. You wanted to take it in? Dude, first of all, dangerous. Yeah. Actually dangerous. Why? People were drunk. Acting crazy.

I get there. There's a line of 10 school buses on 42nd between 7th and 8th. Just 10 buses. And I go to the cops. There's just cops watching it. People jumping. on the buses, trying to push it over, trying to light them. I go to the cops. I go, are these like buses

that were provided by the city? He goes, these were buses that were provided to take people from Times Square to the Meadowlands for the soccer match for Portugal or whatever. And on their way back into the city, the Knicks won the championship. And people just started jumping on the buses. So the fuck, the bus drivers

just exited, just left, and just left the buses. And people were jumping out. This is what I don't get. And I've been through this with Boston fans when we won, you know, 2004 and I get we went on the streets and some girl lost their eye and the fucking you know the cop shot it with a rubber bullet and the fucking I just don't get flipping out that much to where you're going to burn something down I stopped being a fan uh the year the we lost to the

giants in the Super Bowl perfect season 18 and oh I went to the super helmet that was a helmet that helmet helmet that helmet helmet came David Tyra Patriots. I'm not a football guy. Patriots lost to the Giants. Patriots lost to the Giants. The guy caught a fucking, on his hair. And then he wrote a book, God, the catch that God made. Like, God, God watches fucking football, and he's a Giants fan. Really? He's a fucking Eli fan, not his brother, the other fucking Manning.

The talented one. Really? He's not Peyton. God's not Payton. God gave all the talented Peyton. But he likes Eli. Really? Yeah. Fuck it. And I was in the... I'm in my mother's house

in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Everybody's wearing the Patriots thing. And then I remember one of my brother's friend was punching a wall. Everybody... What the fuck?

Flipping out. I left. I got into my car and left before the game was over because I knew it was over. And I got into my car and I'm driving. Nobody's on the road.

And I'm just like, what the fuck? How does... To myself. And then I heard car doors slamming. All of a sudden, everybody that was at parties was leaving the, I'm in like a funeral procession on the road of all angry. And then I'm like, I'm in a cult. I'm in a fucking cult. My life sucks enough without being mad that this fucking dummy caught a pass on his helmet

and my team. I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not. Here's a thing though. They're like Times Square was filled with Eric's, right? Eric's? White people? No, no, no. I mean, I mean people who really... Emotional Jews? A bunch of emotional Jews.

People who really love the Knicks. And then there's just like virgins who just go out in the mix, too. That just get caught in the energy. Nothing to do with it. Yeah. And those are the people... They get caught in the energy, and they're the ones flipping. That are out there really, yeah.

They're coming out there to wild out. They're setting the buses on fire and whatever. They get mixed in. Yeah. It's a mob mentality. It's their moment to be like... It's a mob mentality. A hundred percent right.

And also, you know, people are like... I always say, I'm like, I'm the biggest Knicks fan in the world while still having sex. Yes. Like, like, I'm the biggest Knicks fan you can possibly get while still getting laid. Except after the video. Dude, we're out there on McDougal. This guy comes running out of a bar. He was like, we should all fuck.

That had nothing to do with the Knicks, bro. That has nothing. Nothing. How do I care shit on this? What does that have to do with any of this? That was... But there was Keith Robinson. That had nothing to do with the celebration.

Can I say something? I would be happy with everybody fucking burning shit down, ripping shit, I don't like that. I hate when they climb shit. And I get nervous because I'm like, you're going to fall. You're going to fall? It's our city. It's anxiety.

When the Eagles won the Super Bowl, some guy ate horse shit. That's right. That's right. I ate fucking horses. That's Philly, though. That's true. That's true. It's the cold.

man. It's like a cheese steak and horseshit. Fair enough. That's what the delicacy is. I understand what Philly fans. You know what I mean? That's the late night cheesecake. This is why gentlemen, this is why I will never have this problem. I'm a Jets fan. I am not in any danger of winning

anything. No, but you could now. That's the whole thing. This whole Knicks thing, like my buddy who's a Buffalo Bill's fan, he hasn't had a championship either his whole life. And I'm like, bro, anything now. Look at the Sixers. Bro. That city's about to... Been in a hole for a long time. He knows. Who knows the Sixers? Let's be honest, though, Buffalo's never winnings.

God hates Buffalo. And I'm not talking the team, the place. I went there, I took a 10-hour Amtrak to go see Paul McCartney perform in November at Buffalo because he wouldn't come to, he wasn't around here. He just hadn't done Buffalo in 10 years or something. So I went there. It was a fucking tough place. And the Jets steak, too.

Harry Fenton loves Buffalo. The Johnson family. He would cry. The baby powder causes cancer. You really think they can get a left tackle? Yeah, but here's the problem with the jet. is they share a fucking stadium with the giant. They've always been.

This is so stupid to me that a team that makes millions upon millions of millions of dollars, if not billion, two of them share a stadium. But they don't. They don't. What are you talking about? Seemingly they do, but they don't. Yeah, a lot of these teams that aren't doing good don't make that much money. They can make money on the sale of the team, but the teams at the time aren't making it.

The owners are making the money. they're not putting it back in. They're making their money. They're making their profit margin. But not like you think. I'll give you an example. I went to a next game because I wanted to see Wemby during the season, right? And I think that ticket was 500 bucks.

Somebody told me he's like, oh, we should have went and saw them in Memphis, right? Not joking. We look up the tickets in Memphis. They were $11. $11 ticket. Dude, you can get courtside for $500. You can get court side for $500 in Memphis. So the gap between a team that's winning and a team that's not winning.

Have you been to Memphis? Yeah. Rough. Airfare to Memphis is $11. You can buy a building for $11. No, but it's fucking crazy. Dude, so Nick's finals tickets, okay? Yeah.

Which, by the way, Kat, I told you about this, right? I'm friends with Carl Anthony Townes' sister, and so Kat himself tried to get me tickets at face value, not a freebie. Face value for $1,800. They wouldn't allow him to have one single ticket outside of his original allotment. Okay? That's how crazy this was.

Nick's finals. Nick's finals tickets, some people spend 100 grand to go court side. You go to San Antonio, six grand, four grand. Four grand. Court side. Your court side. So the gap is huge with some of these. A huge amount of money.

Yeah, but it's also New York City. It's also, it's New York. I mean, yeah, you're paying every, dude, I'm up in New Hampshire. I can feed four people for 68 bucks at a restaurant. You come down to New York City. If I, if people start ordering drinks, I get nervous. The drink tab is going to be $400. It's a different game.

That's why being a Knicks fan, call me a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit. Thank you. That's why being a Knicks fan, I think, is the most genuine love in sports. Because you're in the best city in the world, and you're choosing to be into anything. You could spend your time on anything in New York, and when you're choosing to be a Knicks fan, you're choosing out of a variety of options, unlike fucking Buffalo where it's like, what else you go?

Yeah, but you know what? I thought the Knicks. They got meth. Unlike the jets and the giants, the Jets and the Giants and the Yankees and the Mets. Yeah. The Nets, like in Brooklyn, they don't really count yet. So the Knicks kind of brought the city together. There was no opposing.

Yeah, you're right. Nets went to Brooklyn. There was a window. Yeah. It's closed. It's closed. Why people don't like the Nets? They're just not, you know, if you go to a Nets game and I'm not, I'm not shitting on the Nets,

well, I'm about to. shit on the Nets a little bit. It's really, if you go watch the Nicks and the Nets play, there's more Nix fans in Brooklyn. So they don't really have their own... Can I tell you something? I forgot the Nets exist. Yeah. That's what I mean. I forgot. Because the state, first of all,

it sucks, too. The seats that you can't even see... No, the place isn't that bad. Well, if you go to a hockey game, it was made for basketball. It was not made for any other sport. Yeah, if you go there, it's not that bad. But I, I live in Brooklyn, bro, and I forget the nets of there. Yeah. You know what I mean? They also had a weird

start to moving to Brooklyn. Like, they just tried to get star power. They had KD and Chris. They just missed. They just missed. They didn't, yeah. But dude, when I was in fucking high school, there was four Knicks fans. Can I ask you a question that's going to matter to all this? Do you play basketball? I played a little in high school. Oh, fuck off. Not really. I'm not good. You know, did you play? Do you play now? I love it. No. I mean, I mean, you know, whatever. It's good. It's connected with you. It's connected to your childhood. You're watching games.

Your father's like, I'm Napoleon. All right. You played in high school? I played in high school, yeah, yeah. I'm not good. I'm not competitive, you know, but I enjoy it. But, yeah, what, that has to be, I have to fucking be a good ball player.

No, I don't think so. Well, to cry. To cry. I'm remembering all my personal shots. To girl kid cry? Yeah. Girl kid cry. I mean, it was, I'm telling you, if you posted that,

if that was when they won and you posted it, I would not have a, I wouldn't have a fucking problem with it. Okay, but Bobby, here's the thing. Yep. When you didn't post it, why didn't you post it? Oh, that's good. Why? Because I was a little scared.

And that was the fucking instinct that God gave you. Yeah, but fuck that instinct, dude. Wait a second. The point is to fear, to just, even if you are scared, to just fucking do it. Who cares? Do you know how? I do. He does.

He does. Hey, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Everybody does. Everybody, Esty does. Yeah. This already snatched my soul last time I was on this podcast.

So anything else now is just, you know, again, I don't feel it. Eric, you're a fucking. Bobby, let me ask you. If he would have said, they want it, he would have said, this is what, I didn't post. If he would have told you what it was from, would you still have this reaction? I think you did, didn't you? You wrote it. Did you text it?

Did you text? You put in the text? You put in the comments, but you didn't put it in the video. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did a caption or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I would love to sit down at the old school. Dude, it's so funny. It's like, because, you know, I opened for Modi for, like, 10 years or whatever,

Moni's a good friend of mine. But it's so funny with Modi, like, I only knew Modi. I didn't know the seller. So all the things, Modi would be like, shut up. Like, all those like old school, like 90, like, you know, Bobby, when you were at the table and the, you know, 25 years ago, whatever it was. Like, I would love to sit at the table with like Patrice. No, no, no, no, hold on.

That video? Yep. I want to sit. I wish we can go back in time and I walk in the day after the video. I sit down there, it's Bobby. It's Colin. It's Keith. It's who could talk at that time.

It's Patrice. Whoa. Yeah. Was alive at the time. That was hilarious on the roast. They did that fun. That was so funny. That he was dead.

Oh, Keith? Yeah. Oh, that was great. So funny. That was big Jay's idea. It was great. It was so good. It was so good.

They played it. And here's the thing. A couple of weeks, like a month later, Keith posted, scared the shit of me. He posted on his Instagram a black and white photo. Uh-huh. That's always scary. In remembrance. But it was for his tour.

He was doing a show. I was like, dude, you had two strokes and you're old. You can't be black boy. That's always scary. I was like, ah, shit, he's gone. Don was like, why? My wife was like, whoo, I go, I think Keith passed. And I looked, oh, oh, he's just got a gig.

You can't, you can't do. You can't. Black and white or your graduation photo? Yeah, you can't have fog around you in the back. In remembrance. Your photos have to be color and up to date with some people. And moving. You need a live shot.

Yeah, you need something, man. You can't just be a black. a black and wife photo. I was like, you can't be Artie when you're always fucked up. Everybody's waiting for that photo.

Everybody's going to have it on their Instagram like the Black Lives Matter black box. Oh, shit. All right, listen, dude. Yeah. You're a fucking...

I'm glad you. Thanks, I know. I appreciate it. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah. You're going to him here by me? I'm glad you hear to take this pounding that you should have taken

by everybody you know. That's the problem is that you posted it and then you're just taking it, which bugs me too. Well, that was the thing. Well, everybody around was giving me shit for it. And then I went like, I'm definitely keeping it. I checked with chat, GBT, and I go. And it said, you are gay. I go, yeah.

You should sleep with men. Your girlfriend was right. I go, Chad. You should move to St. Pete. I go, Chad. There's a majority of me that's proud of it and then a little percentage that it's really hurting me right now that everybody's giving me someone shit. And I go, I think I'm going to keep it.

And chat goes, I think that's a good idea. Chat cheap? You talk to chat cheap a T? Yeah. That's your father in you. What the fuck you do? Crying's the least of your problems. What are you doing?

I won't fucking ask you. Oh, God. What do we ask? Do you use it? Do you use it? I just got a text from Liz. No, you did not. Yeah, I swear.

Is she listening to it? She went, Eric Newman, question mark, really? Right now? No, you did not. Let me see. Let me see. All right. She wants to play that game?

Oh, Emilio. Okay, Liz, Liz's listening. Dude, Emilio, so Emilio's my manager, Emilio Savon.

Hang on, come on. I just want to see what she has to say. Let's see if she picks up. She's probably a hot yoga right now. She's not picking up. What did you manage you say? That Liz was proud of me

from my new special. on the press run. And I text her. I go, I go, Liz, I heard something about you. And she goes, what? I go, I heard you said you're proud of me. And she goes, I never said that. I go admit it. And she goes, fine. Now, shut up. That's funny. That's funny. You knew special. Let's do some plugs real quick.

What's your new special? It's called Call Your Mom. It's like a special documentary hybrid. I call my mom. I'm sorry. That was rude. No, it was not rude. It was an actual real laugh because we're talking about what a fucking little fat. And then you're like, it's a good, it's a good lead to that promotion. No, that's good. What is it

about? I call my mom on stage. She's like, why would you post that? Take it down. You're embarrassing. No, my mom would not like that. Hang on real quick. Liz, I'm alive on the podcast right now. And we're talking about him crying and how he's laughing my ear, dude. And I just want to publicly say thank you to

Ricky Veles for posting it probably daily on Instagram. I miss you, lose. I didn't want to... I don't miss you. I wanted to post it. I wanted to post it, but I don't want to lose any more followers. I mean, it's also, can we discuss that he posted that not when the Knicks won?

Yes. Yes. And let's also discuss the fact that it was posted in the morning, the day after. So not only did he have time to like process the wins and like be like, oh, I love my Knicks. He waited until 12 hours later and then cried again. You know, his dad was sick, right? I mean, listen, I love his mother. His mother's the best person in the world.

But again, he cried the next day on social media. It's great. It's great. And it's the gift that keeps on giving. It really is. I actually watch it every once in a while when I'm like, oh, today's a rainy sad day. Oh, let me check this out.

And then I have a fucking, I'm not. I just wanted to... And I'm in the next... And my next one. And then I... I'm so proud of that. I'm in a one-bedroom. Farming by my...

Yeah. And then the sun's out, and I'm crying during the day. Who cries in the day? Yeah. And videos it and records it. And then says, no, no, I'll post this. This is something smart to do. Yeah.

I'm fucking... He's a little sensitive guy. He's a little sensitive guy. He's a little sensitive. I guess. He's a little sensitive. He's mad now because Esty gave him the eyebrows. I know.

Estes not having it. She's mad at me. Not having it. Yeah. And the more you try to get in, the more you get out. That's true. You got to fucking, you got to be cool. We got to teach Eric how to be cool.

Maybe that's what. It's impossible. We don't have that time. I think I got the crew here today that can teach him how to be cool. I mean, they could try. It would be like a work and. progress. You should probably revisit it quarterly and just see where we're at. I think

me, John, and Adam can try to make him cool. Sure. I think we'll got... First thing we're going to do is take away your social media. That's the first thing we're going to do. It's definitely an uphill battle. And the second thing we're going to do, we're going to get one of those hand grippers so his fingers can get stronger.

You don't know my fingers are strong? No, you have the fingers of my aunt. Yeah, he has a little lady hands. They're beautiful. They're beautiful. They're really? They're really that. Are they really that Oh my God, they're very beautiful. Pointy. Little lady hands.

That's good, yeah. Little lady fingers. His hands are made to wipe tears away. Yeah. I have to admit, this is the most unexpected part of the whole thing so far. I knew I was going to get shit. I didn't think my hands would come up.

Oh, your hands. We're going to rip apart everything. We're going to make you a man, Eric. Good luck. I love you, bye. I love you, bye. You have anything else to say to Eric before you hang up? Do you miss me?

His mother is really fucking amazing. Bobby, like, you need to meet her. She is so. funny and I love her and I just wanted to say that. Oh, I'd love to. She's the best part of Eric. The best part of Eric is his mom. Yes.

I bet her hands are stronger. Yeah, I'm sure they are. I'll talk to Atlanta. Bye. All right. I love you. Oh, fuck. I don't think there's anything more that Liz like to do than the fuck with you. So was she listening? Is that what happened or she just found out? I don't. I didn't get

into it. I didn't investigate it. But I don't think she's listening. I think she just found out who was on the show today. Yeah, what can we do to fucking man him up? I mean, look, you got... First of all, I'm going with Laster over YouTube. I think I'm picking you over this black dude who grew up in the projects in Denver?

You think I'm going to be like, oh, let me go to Bobby Kelly to fucking make me tough. No, I hang out. I have a number of black friends that I would go to before you. And none of them said, don't post that? None of the brothers said,

this is not a good idea. I don't disagree with that. I would go to Laster. I don't think any of them. of them do. I think they would have. I would go to last year. But what I'm saying is, you got,

you got an Italian, fucking original Italian motherfucker. Right here, his father was a carpenter. Grew up as a man. He knows how to, he knows cars. He knows chicks. He knows all kinds of things. He was a fun. He's been a superstar on the business for years.

Then you got me, listen, stupid. You got me. I'm from Boston. I'm bigoted. You need a little of it. You know, right? Am I right? Oh, my hatred.

If you're going to be a white guy, you've got to sprinkle a little, not racist, a little, a little, a little, bigotty. We're all kind of equal. Yeah. Yeah, we're all, you're all, you're going to sprinkle a little of that in there. A little bit. Yeah, you know, when last of the show, I got a lot of black friends. Yeah, I got black friends. They're going to be late for a podcast, but I got them.

A little sprinkle. A little sprinkled. You know what I mean? That's the problem. You don't got, you don't got the manly Italian, fucking old. school man. You don't got a little bigoted. You got to add it in. Let's find out right now.

Let's see. How many black friends do you have? Okay. You want to name them all right now? I want you to name them all. Okay. Close, like really close. But I don't want you to look at him. I want you to look at me. Stop looking at him for approval. Can you send me some black names? No, all right. I'm friends with Godfrey. I'm friends with Ethan Simmons-Patterson.

Okay. Those are cool black dudes. Those are cool black dudes. Those are cool black dudes. I'm talking. Can we, listen. What? Let's talk. Let's go black. Black? How much blacker can I go? Miles Davis, black? Yeah, yeah. I'm talking black. How is that not black?

It's black, but let's go black. Who do you got black? Who's blacker than Godfrey and Ethan's Metsupon? Those guys are pretty black. They're pretty black. That's two Chicago black dudes. What's blacker than a Chicago black dude? Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I told you, I got a little bigger in me. I don't know the black thing. I think the black council says pretty black. All right. Okay, there you got. That's it. See, we're BC approved. Yeah, BC approved.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got, all right, you're good. So you got enough black friends. Okay, what else do you? How many Italian friends do you? Ooh, that's a good question. You don't have a lot. I consider Adam a friend.

I count you as a friend. Thanks, Adam. You're a friend. That's it, just Adam? No, Terrikanis-Stracy is a friend. That's a sweetheart. She's got a bigger dick than you. Don't count.

I got massageness, too. You're going to sprinkle of that in there. Women don't count. That's why you're crying on your fucking Instagram. You got fucking her and your fucking thing as Italian. Just because she knows about chuch, what the word chuch. means.

Fuck, she's Italian, you fucking asshole. As spet. As spit. I consider Liz Fiorati your friend. I listen,

that's a lot of man. That's a lot of man. Liz is fucking too. Yeah, forget about the black. You could go to Liz and hang out with her. You'll get real manly.

Liz is no joke. I mean, she should have a side dick. If Liz one day, if I saw her naked and a fucking fat Italian hog popped out, I'd be like, it makes sense. I love Liz.

I love. Liz is every woman in my That's Liz. Your fantasy? No, my family. Is Liz every woman in your family? Fantasy. No.

Is Liz every woman in your family? Yeah. Wow. Liz's. Every woman in his family is a cunt. That's a... Oh, God. Just a pure cunt.

There's no filter. No, no filter. Oh, that's funny. All right. So listen, you got him and then you got me. Listen, the first thing you get... Whenever you ever taking me under your wings to try to make me a man?

You talk shit and you're not fucking helping me at all. I'm trying to help you now. That's the thing. See, you're always a victim. We've got to get the victim out of you. Even you win and you're a victim. Just take the win. Entitled Boston fan.

Listen. Complete entitlement from fucking Boston. Championship time. Don't see... If the Jets won the Super Bowl, I wouldn't believe it. And you wouldn't cry. That's a, because you're a man. What a beaten Jets fan I am.

If you cry, let me tell you something. If the Jets win the Super Bowl and you cry, I'm going to fucking sock you right in your nuts next time I see you. Please. First of what, it's never going to happen. No, you wouldn't cry. You don't cry when people die. I did cry when, I think it was the last time ago. My dad died and my brother died.

Yeah, you cry when a man dies. Yeah. When a woman dies, you go ahead, good for you. Let me, when you, so here we're going to do. I'm trying to help you now. I appreciate it. All right. Thank you.

We've got to give you some, some, give him some black stuff. Strip clubs. Really? You think I should go to strip? I don't like strip clubs, man. Matt, Richard.

Explain to me. Matt, Richard. Explain to me. Okay, hold on. Don't look at me. Hold on. Hold on. And this is why I don't understand him.

This is why I don't understand him. Because I know how much pussy John gets, okay? I'm very well aware of how much pussy John. No, he does. I hope none of it's watching. You fucking piece of shit. Definitely not watching.

Explain to me why strip clubs are appealing to people who already get laid. If you don't get late, I completely understand. I'll tell you, can I take this one? You could take it. It's naked tits and you're throwing a dollar at it. Why am I paying, on principle, why am I paying

money to see your tits when I can get your tits? Because they're tits. There's a place on earth where you can just go see tits and have a fucking ginger ale. Bad investment. I would rather say my money to invest in Blah. I'm going to give my money to blab. All my titty money and my pussy money goes to blah.

You know what he's going to do with that money? Go see tits. That's it. Because he's a man. He's a man. You're sponsoring manhood. We need you to participate in it. We're trying.

Listen. All right, you got to, listen. You got to go to, listen. It's a good hang. It's a good hang. It's a good hang. But I'm around too many losers. Like there's going to be too many losers.

Who? Who? Who? You think the coolest people going to. Go to strip clubs, dude? Listen, it's like, you're not going there to fucking build a community, you fucking asshole. You're going there to sit. You're, listen, when you walk in a strip club, right?

Yeah. You're going on me. Us three. We're going in. We're all walking in. We get a little spot. The lady comes over. The waitress who's hot, but she doesn't take her titties out because she had like five kids.

Probably used to do, but now she's moved over to. But she's going to, hey, God. She's going to make you feel like she likes you, but she doesn't, but she's going to make you feel good, right? Yeah, yeah. She's going to come over and shoot. the shit, talk to you and me, hey, yeah, all yeah. And then you get your drinks, you come over, then the girls are going to see you. Then they're going to come over.

Then they're going to walk her. One's going to sit on your lap. Hey, how are you? What's your name? And she's going to be, you want to dance? Sure, I'm going to give you 20 bucks. She's going to grind, give her a little dance moves, stupid little moves. And then she's going to put a little teeth.

And you're going to be talking to me. And we're going to be laughing. And you know what's going to happen? Then some other girl is going to see her dancing on you and be like, hey, who's you know what's happening to your self-esteem? Bo. And you want to know, why is that better than just taking a girl out one-on-one,

paying her a couple drinks, flirting with her. Watch this, ready? Watch this, ready? Watch this, ready? We're on a date. I'm the girl, all right? So, hey, oh, this place is real nice.

Thanks for taking me, John. Thanks for taking you where? To the restaurant, I appreciate it. You're the guy. I'm the girl. Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ, you're really bad at acting. One of you had to fucking come up with an app.

I need another career choice. Tell him in the crying scene. This is what. This is, I'm going to show you the difference. Now, you know the strip club, the chick's titty's grinding, other girls, who's, oh, my God, you're so good. Oh, it's nice to me. All that. Now, this is your date night.

Ready? Go ahead. John, thanks to taking me on the date. Oh, yeah. You know what? Thanks for coming out. And take care of yourself. What?

He's ending the day. He's out. He's out. He's going to the strip club. Because I got a strip club. I'm out of here. Fucking titty. Wait.

I got a share tisies with Bobby Kelly. And then I'm texting. Matt Richards. Yo, are you in Shotgun Willie's? I'm leaving red lobster now. What a pain in the air she was. I would go for the hang. Yo, it's a great hang.

You roast me like as I'm going to roast you. It's a great hang. I'm going to give you a couple fucking doubleberries to get your fucking dick up. Okay, do you want to go? I'll go. Tell me right now we'll go. I'm married man. I would never do that. I'm a fuck, go you crazy?

I'm done. I'm not going to nuts it on a podcast. He's been. You know nothing about being a man? You understand what you just did? We're live on a show. My wife is going to, what are you nuts? She just texted me.

Why don't she text me? Can you resend me yoga? I like yoga, though, man. I know you do. I love yoga. Of course you do. And you don't love it because there's a bunch of asses in front of you. You love the workout.

It is the workout, bro. Buddy, I went to yoga. I had to fucking think about dead babies. Because the whole time it was like 20 smoking hot girls. It's crazy. And yoga pants. And his old fat Bob trying to keep his shirt tucked in so his tits don't come out. Trying to keep up with whatever fucking move.

they're doing. And I'm just like, look at that asshole. Wait, when did you go? Because imagining you and yoga is one of my favorite. I went to hot yoga in Cleveland. Joe Liss friend. I almost died. I almost fucking died. But you know what? Good move to be in Cleveland. That way nobody. Nobody's crazy.

And you didn't post anything about it. That's what makes it smart. My career, I could have went to fucking yoga in Boston. Nobody would recognize me. He's doing downward facing masculinity. He's fucked. Yeah, I know. He's the only one that they're going, that's, they're getting compliment when he's done.

man. Rule one. Keep your mouth shut. All right, I, right. All right, yeah. Keep your mouth shut. Yeah. Let them do all the talking, right? You fucking hang out. Let it just listen. Be an ear, not a mouth. All right? But I guarantee you're

a mouth on a date. I actually don't really talk on dates as much anymore. Why not? Because you don't get them anymore after that video. Was there an incident? Because it's all about you crying. Are you the guy that cried? Listen. I don't talk anymore. Why? Because it's admitted into evidence. Listen, he's giving it.

giving you some good Italian advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the black advice. Go to a strip club that's going to man you up. You got my advice. Be a little raisin. When a black guy gives you advice, question it. You know what I mean?

Question it. Right? When you see a group of black kids walking down the street, go on the other side. Man school. Yeah, man school. Or when you're on the subway, put your back up. I bet you stand on the subway on your phone just at the edge. looking for the, like this.

You're going to go to the subway. You're going to stick your back up against the wall and you'll look at everybody like you're an undercover cop, right? And you don't, I bet you smile on the subway, don't you? You smile. Strangers, why not? You're supposed to put that energy out there, Bob. You smile in New Hampshire.

Yeah. You don't smile in a subway. Yeah, you're smiling a fucking little town in New Hampshire. You don't smile in New York. You're not a New Yorker. I've been here longer than you. How long you've been here? 30 years.

I'm 39, baby. Yeah. Well, you've been here nine years, but those first years, you were just, duh, bad, mom, mom, where's dad? He's coming home in a month. No, I'm sorry. I apologize. Never came home.

We never came home, you dick. Jesus. Never came fucking home. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't have a dad either. Mine of his shit together, too. He could have came home.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Mine's worse. Wind's really ill. Bobby. I'm glad. I didn't have a dad either. Of course. The only one is the guinea.

The guineas always have a dad. They always have a dad. And they come home angry. They come home. Doesn't matter. They just come home angry. At least they came home. You know why?

This is my house. You can leave whenever you want. He just came home in a van with a little spinny hat on the top. Up, he's got his day slippers on. Oh, it's so sad. All right. So what have you learned so far to be a man? We're going to go to the strip club after that.

Not you, Bob, because you're married, but John and I are going to... And Adam's going to come as well. I got a wife. I'm not going. I can't go. He's married. Hold on a second. So wives have a huge issue with the strip-book?

No, you don't just announce it on a show, Dick, Wye. You fucking say, hey, I got to go do this show. You understand? This is not being a man. You got to lie. You got to let men lie. No, that's not being a man. Men, listen to me.

It's not a lie. It's not a lie that's putting people in danger. It's a wife lie. A wife lie is different. And by the way, you're never going to get away with it. They know. Yeah, they're going to know. He comes home with glitter on his.

Where were you? was riding a bike. There was a problem with the reflector. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. They don't care. You think my wife gives a fuck? My wife, no, they know everything.

I have a secret stash of money. I have two of them. I have three of them. I have a little stash, a bigger stash, and then a big stash. You got mad to me for bringing up strip gloves, and now he's revealing every fucking detail. I love it.

My wife just revealed to me. I go, you don't know my stashes? She goes, yeah, I don't. And then she goes, it's Bing, Bing. I go, you know? I'm like, fuck! I had to hide it again. Which money?

which has more money in it, which does. The secret secret stash. The double secret. The secret, if you, if you piss me off stash, the bill, I call it the Bill Bixby stash. That's right. I just hit the road and washed dishes and try not to get angry. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing.

So listen, you're going to go, you got to go to a strip club. You got to stop smiling. Look, I want to see your cool face. What's up, Eric? How you doing? What up, Bobby? How you doing? Chilling, bro.

All right. Do you go into, no offense, black. You want to stay white. That's pretty white. That's white. Fuck, really? Yeah, yeah. That's not, that's not BC approved.

I thought you were looking to me like, damn, this motherfucker. He could almost say the N-word. I thought that's what you were thinking. Absolutely, no. Can I tell you what? That was gentrified. Can I say something, though, for Boston? It was black.

That's true. Yeah, yeah. That's not Brooklyn black. Don't move. Don't move your head. Yeah. It's funny though because just being a New Yorker, like you go to other places in this country, and I feel uncomfortable with how white it is.

All right. Here's it. I'm another tip. Stop using your hands so much. I'm a New Yorker. Yeah. No, no, you're, listen. Look, even for an Italian, you're talking too much.

Stop using these little feminine hands so much, right? Yeah, dude, it looks like you're doing like a wish. It looks like close up magic. Yeah. Got jazz, hand. Yeah. You got jazz. Yeah, you want to hide those.

Next win. strip club You're going to My own They're going to take it off Coming off Let's get Liz back on the phone Listen

We're helping you We're helping you be a man All right Listen Men don't do men don't do that Look at Put your hands now Stop using your hands

You're getting nervous Don't show your nerves Look we're all nervous But we don't show it Through our hands How are you feeling? You don't You don't

Look at me You drink in the morning like a real man. Get up. I can't face it. You jerk off. Dude, I quit porn three years ago. Oh, fuck. You're cool.

He's helpless. We're not going to. You quit born? You're porn. No porn three years, baby. That's impressive. I'm telling you, it's fucking... Is that impressive?

You know, father just put us back? It's called discipline, Bobby. Discipline. It's not called discipline. What was your porn genre, by the way? I bet it was something silly. I liked cuck porn. Oh, God.

Oh, boy. There you go. That's why you're kissing up the Lasseter. You want to suck his dick in front of your girlfriend. Look at. This guy's, he, he, he's shaking his head. He just fucking, add him to the leg anymore. Honestly, the only category I didn't like was lesbian porn.

That's what we're all watching. What's the matter with you? That's weird. That's weird. You know, what's weird about it? What's weird about it? There's no dicks in it? Nah, that's whack.

Are you serious? Nah, that's whack. Wow. He doesn't like it because there's no dick. Isn't it? He wants to see a ball. He needs a ball sack in a video to come. Lesbian porn's whack you know. Lesbian porn is the way. I'm not saying it's the best, but you got to, you got to have it in the fucking roll. The best you take lesbian porn over any porn? Over any porn. Why? Yeah, I'm not, I don't

think I watch. You feel weird about the dick on this? Is that what it is? No, man. I just, I like women that like women. Interesting. But like in relationships too, like, like if you're dating somebody like a woman and see, I don't like that. Yeah. I got to agree with Eric on that. if my wife was into pussy I'd be like yeah you're slut dude that's how I but that's how I I hate that I feel that but I do feel that a little yeah because she is

I've never close as I came to him at the same time her mother came home early that was it that was it that's my genre never had this is what I don't get about like a lot of black like okay eagle for example another black friend eagle eagle wit good friend of mine

he like doesn't care if like his girl is like like open shit and stuff. Like I think of black men generally is like the most like alpha dudes but so many black dudes I know they're just like yeah, I don't care if my girl like like if we have an open relationship

I don't care if she's with two women I don't care it's like whatever but me I'm just like nah like my girl's all mine like what's the philosophy behind that? Ah man I think that like You don't talking about you? I like when you said alpha black guys

are the most alpha people I checked out. Why? You don't believe that? No I'm sorry. I generally said because I don't believe that. I think it's stages, man. Like, after you, anybody you know that's, that's, that's had a, had a lot, a lot, a lot.

Yeah. You start looking some other places for it. Okay, okay. So you think it's just like, okay, I got it. Yeah. It's just like, oh, more, more, let's keep doing new things. Yeah. Okay, that's what it is.

Yeah. But you know, you could also keep just staying single and banging a bunch of different women. But can I say something to you? Yeah, sure. I Thanks for asking so politely. I wanted, it's the only way to get through to you

if you're polite and smile. If I, I wanted a family, right? Yeah, yeah. But I did a lot of fucking crazy stuff in my teens and 20s and 30s. Were you in the threesomes? I was in a lot of stuff.

But I'm saying, were you into it though? Yeah, I've done it. Because some people are just not into it. I got into it a few times. It was fun. I mean, I laughed. It never happened. That's what pisses me off.

The desire was there. What am I doing wrong? Yeah. You don't have enough black friends? Let me ask you this, John. If the wife is allowed to do this, does it give you permission to do what you want to do? No. No.

Okay. No. Yeah, because most women are like, I don't want you. We can fuck somebody. But you can't be. Because then you'll just go do whatever you want to. Yeah. So most women.

I ain't got any of it. I looked at, I went, that's mine. Yeah. I just threw off my shoulder to brought him back to my case. Yeah, because you're a Guinea. That's what Guinea. he's do. That's what we do. And he's like, that's mine. Bang, let's go. Build the house. But it's also because... But it's also because...

But it's also because you get to experience the other woman also. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And plus not to mention, I mean, my history, I just think that like me and one other person, to me, that was, that was always like a death nail. Let me ask you a question. We're going to wrap this up soon. Uh, why... Why? Why did you quit porn? Honestly, that was a problem, man What was it a problem? I was really unfaithful in some past relationship. Do you think jerking off is a is unfaithful?

No, no, I don't think jerking off is unfaithful. It just led you to other stuff. Yeah. It's a gateway, it's a gateway. It was like an addiction. You say gayway or gay? I was leaving brunches. I would, a gay way.

It was a gay way. It was my way into the gay. It was a gay way. I wound up being gay. Touch the hands. I would go to brunch and then I would watch war. I would go to yoga to the class and the exercise. I'd finish the nails.

I do like jerking off, though, because it makes me feel like a woman's doing. You know what I'm saying? It makes me feel like a woman's. That it planes the hands. I would let you jerk me off. I just feel like it was a problem. I like have like, yeah, I was like leaving in the middle of brunches to go jerk off and watch porn. I mean, that is nuts.

That's a good reason to stop. Yeah. Guys, I'll be right back. And I'm not even, I'm not even tempted. Like, I don't, like, I'm on my laptop. The first, like, few months I was on my laptop. and I was like, oh, like, I would have, like, now I'm like, I...

If it was that, if it went that far, then yeah, that's cool. Yeah, dude, I don't, I don't hold any... I mean, that's fine. I don't, I don't masturbate if anybody's around. And we're grateful for that. Thank you. I was afraid something was going to break out. Why did I come here today, dude?

What type of MTA comment was that? Oh, yeah. On Patreon, I don't want to be here. Speaking of Patreon. All right, before we go, what did you learn about being a... man. I learned that

I don't know if I learned anything, man. You gotta go to some strip clubs. Strip clubs. You got to. Stop crying. Stop. Well, that voice,

don't post it. What, the crying voice? Cry, you can cry. Men cry. You didn't like the high... I don't like that you made it an influence thing. Keep it,

tears are for yourself. Okay, sorry about that. Right? Tears it for you. I apologize, Bobby. And what else? Keep your mouth shut. Keep your mouth shut, right?

Keep your energy in. Don't look to be defined by the outside. I mean, it's defined by the inside out. Don't be, don't be afraid to be a little racist. Is that what makes a man? A little bit. A white man.

Okay. She's saying the only way it could be a true man if I go out there and start. And the black man. Black man, you don't think he's a little racist. He has an app called Blap. It's not just an app for everybody. It's just for black people. Yeah.

A lot of white women on Blap. A lot of white women on Blap. God damn, right. Is that the, who is this? That's me. Adam Farrar, where are you going to be, Adam? I am going to be, where I'm going to be? I'm looking right now.

Oh, I'm going to be back at Soul Joe. Just let you soul Joe. I'll be there in September. Potsdown. I'm going to be back in Bobby's Massachusetts. I'll be at Roar at Springfield. Then I'm going to go back to Strong Island where I am from Levitown. And then I'm down in Florida at Vassani's Port Charlotte.

Love that. I'm there. I love that clip. And what's your website? Adamfarrar.com. Adamfrar.com. There's also Uncisfisville's a bunch of time. All right, here we go.

Who's this? me this is you what are you going to be what are you going to be giving a seminar yeah where are you going to be a new hope Pennsylvania I'm holding off on the road right now I'm doing a lot of promo for a couple of months

you got to go check out Eric's news first of all Liz does not like Eric like in her bones but she said this special is amazing and she loved the special and you got to go check out a special right now it's on YouTube and what is it on YouTube Bobby where is it on the Roku channel

Roku channel Roku. That's right. My first time, I'm the flagship. I'm the flagship. Oh, that's great. We got a nice billboard on Roku City. You know, if you don't touch the thing and the street paper comes up.

Yeah. Rick Newman, call your mom passing by. That's right. Call your mom. Don't touch the thing. And I've done all the, I've done a lot of press this week. Get a lot of press, man, on TV all the time. I posted about it.

Thanks, John. We're going to post about it. Thanks, Bob. It makes you very funny guy. Sure. And a real nice guy. Thanks. We're going to harden you up a little.

Harden you up just a little bit. And John, where are you going to be? What are you got to promote? Would you follow me first, motherfucker? Almost 50, Johnny. I'm almost 50,000. We don't follow you? No, you don't fucking follow.

This is Paco. This is Paco's account. That's Paco. Oh, okay. I follow you and Bobby follows you. Yeah, we follow you. I like that Leslie video, by the way, John. But I'll follow you from Paco's account anyway.

Yeah, follow. Thank you, man. I'm downstairs. Come see me downstairs. I'm back out in Vegas, but not until a lot for a couple months. All right. All right. Make sure you check him out.

What's your handle up there? He was funny. He was funny. Check him out. And make sure you check me out, Robert Kelly, punchup.com. Live slash Robert Kelly, all my dates. I'm coming up.

I'm all over the fucking place. I can't read there because it's like fucking 10. There you go. You need an adult font too. Yeah, I do. Saratoga. I'm at the Brooklyn Improv. Make sure you get tickets for that one night.

Port Charlotte and then going back to Boston. I'm all over the place. Make sure you check out punchup. dot live slash Robert Kelly. We're going to Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. We're going to be asking these guys questions from you. So make sure you go over there. If you want to be in the chat, be asked the people on the show questions and support the show. Go over there right now. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You

guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next time on. You know what, dude.