Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD #659 | Michael Rowland & Louis Katz

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

This week on YKWD Michale Rowland and Louis Katz join the podcast. Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/ykwd Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, baby. We're starting the podcast right now. We're back. You know what dude live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. I started a social media podcast. The fact.

The YKWD podcast. YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day. Where it all started before fun and crazy. This isn't NPR. That's the original. Hey, what's up? It's Robert Kelly.

We're live. Why? What? Why can't? I really just panicked. YKWD, we have another episode for you guys. Thank you for joining. If it's your first time here, welcome.

Do us a favor if you're watching us on YouTube but listening to us anywhere, like it and subscribe. It's a very easy, free thing you can do to support the show and get on those comments, like stuff. If you're not, if you really want to support the show, go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. You get to watch a show live when we do it. You're in the comments.

You get to ask questions to all my guests. and you also go to an extra show that you get to be in the chat with every week. So make sure you go there and check that out. If not, just enjoy yourself right now because we got a good one tonight. One of my favorite shows, which I'm a little behind.

I'm a little behind on, but I love it. And it's kind of a sad story. What? Danny, who do we got on the show tonight? Somebody's here, somebody's late. It's weird. Coming in a little late is going to be Louis Katz

who has a Soho off-Broadway show coming out. But we're here right now from season five of Animal Control It just started camp aired two days ago. We have Michael Rowland in the house. Yeah. Animal Control. Animal Control. A little show that my son found and fell in love with.

I loved it. And I'm a little behind, dude. You know why? Why? My son grew up. And now he doesn't like it anymore. He's just not into shows. Fudge!

We lost one. He doesn't like any... He doesn't watch TV anymore. Did you turn it on and he was like, I don't even like this. Doesn't watch TV with me anymore. What does he watch? Like at night we'll watch like YouTube something, like the outdoor boys just to go to sleep. YouTube's taken over, man.

I mean, I watch a lot of YouTube now. But he doesn't... But yeah, but we used to watch Animal Control, Syke. We used to watch all these shows together. All the great Vancouver shows. I mean, Vancouver. I know. It's weird.

A great shot in Vancouver. Yo, Syke was great, though. I used to watch Syke with my mom. Syke was such a good show. It's so fun. Eight seasons. They do movies. They stopped doing the movies.

I didn't even realize they were doing movies. That does happen. I checked out with Syke. I left the house. I stopped watching it with my mom. Never to return. We stopped watching it. We were fucking in it.

Loving it. He met you. Yeah. He's so excited. And then he became like a little man. How old is he now? He's 45. He's 13.

But a lot, it happens so fast. We lost him at 13. I was hoping you were going to say something like 16. No. But 13 is when the change, it happens. What do you mean? The change. What's the change?

What are you talking about? Are you talking about my son's genitalia right now? No. Wait a minute, dude. What do you mean? Facial hair. What does that mean? Facial hair?

Puberty. Oh, you're talking about my son's junk. I regret bringing this up. Okay, good. I regret bringing this up. Because now that's all I can picture. It does seem like a sort of pre-pubing or it's also for like women in their

women of a certain age that like have a lot of cats no dude I don't want to besmirch the show the show is fucking great and it's silly it's I'm gonna say this it's it's fun just silly entertainment it's just but I don't know I just I just love it because it's it's stupid

it's you know I mean it's not this fucking it's just these you know you have moments on the show, but it always ends with the I love the show. The show, if you haven't seen the show, Animal Control, it's on season five. It's on season five right now. And I watched the premiere, and I was like, oh, it has

gotten, we've gotten funnier and funnier. And whoever was editing, I think one of our editors passed, and we have, like, a new editor. You killed the editor? What do you mean? How do you know the editor passed? How do you know that? A text class was sent out that our editor

editor. What did you write back? Oh, no. Sorry. Wait a man. You've never, you've never, you don't even know the guy. I don't know the guy, but a text was sent out. You wrote, oh, no? Why, oh, no?

Because one of my, I didn't want to be disingenuous. That's so, you, you did not care. Oh, no. It didn't stop you at all. You didn't stop and sit on a bench. No. And feed pigeons. Nope.

You didn't call anybody. Nope. Hey, you know, oh, what's on? I actually thought, like, how much am I supposed to care about this? Couldn't tell you his name. His name's editor. The editor. The editor.

The head editor. The head editor passed away. Yes. Was it the head editor from season one? He was from season one up to like season three. So he's not even your editor anymore. No, I'm saying, I don't want to. I'm just saying whoever's editing it now, they look like they're having a little bit of fun.

It looks like the editing seems a little bit of silly. Jesus. I didn't say that. Well, you should have put the praying hands because that could have been like, oh, the prayer hands are good. That could have been like that's terrible. Or, oh, we got a new. editor that's going to be silly yeah

and then that's not disingenuous no it's but dude when somebody you get into a text thread when somebody and you don't know the person you I've sat there for hours going writing and deleting like I don't know what the fuck to say I stopped

I stopped engaging it feels like a trap I'll get in big text threads and I'm like I have nothing to contribute here and I'll be the mystery guy there's a power in that you respect the mystery guy you're like how are you the mystery guy because you're not saying shit. You're just out of it. You're just out of it. Yeah, because nobody checks

to make sure you put something in there. Exactly. Nobody was like, I mean the cast. They're not thinking like, yo, he's the mystery. Did you see other castmates put stuff in there and you were like obligated? I'm going to be honest, Bobby. I don't remember that well. You don't even know anybody in the fucking thread. I knew people. It was like the producers and the actors.

So they were like, ah, fucking, did they use his name in the thread? Or they write our editor died? Surely they used his name. Shirley they did. Surely they used it. Okay, was his name Shirley? I don't want to look it up. No, don't look it up. It's over. It's in the past.

It's yesterday. We got to move on. Here's the thing. I wrote something and something recently and someone went, oh, that's all you got. I wrote my prayers with you. And they wrote good one. No, they wrote good one. That's tough.

Well, that's nuts. That is. But that's the fear. You say, you think of what you're going to say for a while and you go, hey, man, my thoughts are with you. I'm praying for you guys. And you think somebody's going to send back like, you think this fucking helps? Yeah, but who are you thoughts with?

You don't even know the guy. I know. So he might not have anybody. I'm just saying in another situation where you might know the guy, you're sending that text. The nightmare is somebody sending back a text saying, hey, your words are hollow. That's how they feel to you anyway. How about you say, you know, this guy, when it happened, you could have went like this. Hey, things happen.

I should be like, can I be honest? I didn't know this guy. I got a lot on my plate. You should wrote who? And put an owl. Boy, I hope nobody from the show. No, that's. I mean, look, it's a tough one.

When somebody dies that you really don't know, but as part of something that you do? Yeah, he was out of there. He was doing all of it. Was is the key word. Probably felt close to all the cast in a certain way. He probably, buddy, he made you look good. He did.

He made you look good. He did. Because editors can make you look bad. They're like a real bad. Real bad. That's what they do in fucking reality shows. Yeah, they could edit you the fuck out. Like you're a monster.

Did he make, did he give you good lines? Did he keep you good stuff? They kept in fun stuff. He liked you. you. Yeah. What was his name? I think so.

I don't know. Oh, that's good. What's the new guy's name? Dude, you gotta fucking end this. You gotta end this. You gotta end this. You gotta get the guy's name. And then send him a... Don't send him anything until he dies.

Oh, just at the end of this. No, haven't you heard of giving people their flowers? I got to do it while he's alive. I'm not going to make the same mistake with this out of their that I made with the last. You got to get his name. You got to know him by name. That way if something happens to him, you'd be like, ah, hey, my President with you, Ed and your family.

Ed. Ed. Ed. Ed. Yeah. His name's fucking Ed. You could have put flowers. You could have put the prayer hands and then flowers. Emojis are great in these situations. Emoges are great in these situations.

You could have put the eggplant with water shooting out of it. That would have been funny. That would have been really. Fuck a dick jizzing. Whoa. Right? And then on praying hands? Nope.

Just came on my hands. Yeah. Yeah. You could have done that. That would have been at least funny. He would have got it. Oh, well, appreciate it. it. Oh, you could have put, you know what you could have put? You could have put like a

type of editing thing. Like maybe one of those boards that have the editing things on it for him. Like, the little clapboard. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then a dick jizzing, an eggplant jizzing and then prayer hands. And then prayer hands and then an owl. That's what the Egyptians did. And it would have been who? It would have been like, editor, fucking jizz on him. Who is it? Or it could have been like editor, Eggplant, I know he loved eggplant, and rain, and he loves owls. Also seems like you're casting a spell.

I'm okay. Casting a spell, yeah. That sucks. But the new guy's good. New guy seems good. A little sillier. Isn't it weird that an editor can make a show? Kind of.

I mean, no, truly. Yeah, they can. Well, apparently the way the show works is the director gives one edit and the producers come in. the guys that created the show and then they dictate what the final edit is. Right. They get notes. They get notes. And the editor comes in with

this bang, this is what I came up with, they come in with notes, the director. The network has notes, everybody's got notes. Everybody's got something to fucking say. But you got to know the editor. You got to get in with the editor. It all falls to him. Or her. You know the producer's names. Of course. Bob Robin, Ted. Bob Robin Ted. Ted.

Ted. Tad. Tad. Tad's fucking the best. Yeah. Right? Yes. You know the director's name. There's multiple different directors. But you know their names. I know them all. Give me some.

Brendan Shroff. Brendan Shroff? From the fighter and the kid? I don't think he's capable of directing. Okay. Well, that's a fucking shot. Yeah, it's a shot. It's a shot.

He'll kick my ass. He could. He could rip your head off. He could literally shit on it. And then I'd be able to send you a text message of an eggplant with jizz and praying hands in an apple. Which I would laugh at from my hook. What's up?

We were talking about his show. Have you seen his show? I haven't, but I saw his mic's not on. What is Mike on? Put his mic on. This is embarrassing. You know what? You were punished a little bit for being late. I got before, how come, you know, this is, I think I must be the biggest break between appearances on this show. Why?

I mean, I want to ask you. How come I haven't been back on the show? Last time you were late. No, I don't think that's why. You were late last time. Last time I was on the show. And now it's going to be longer. There was a black president and I had hair.

Holy shit. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding. And now we have a better. America. Yeah, these are really improved since then. Thank God. Really? I don't know why.

Did you have, have you not want to be on the show? Why don't you ask me? I would love to have you on the show. Well, how can you all, why did you all of a sudden think of me after over a decade? Well, I'm going to tell you, because the stand called me up.

And they were like, you know, hey. They were like, hey, man. I know you're, I know you're a seller guy, but this guy, this guy, you gotta cut them off. Fuck them, man. Hey, when fall weather hits, you need a wardrobe that's ready for anything. Thankfully, Quince has you covered.

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I don't know. It's funny that people. because I posted a video where I said they don't book me at the stand That would be why I'm making that joke Thank you for uncovering the magic of comedy Well, what are the people listening? No, you give it context, I know

I'm just rolling with it, I'm sorry Yeah, here it is right here Let's play this clip, this is hilarious First of all, fucking great Look at all these clips Also relatable, here we go, listen Put the volume on, fuck faces Not here because these pricks won't book me

But for that's five weeks I'll be performing here this is off-broadway yeah it was mostly to promote that thing but yeah I don't I mean usually when I'm in New York I perform here or you can see me here or here not here because these pricks won't poke me

that's so funny that you went to the stand while it's running oh there's people eating behind me and I'm doing a take it'd be funny if they walked out like me who me but their comment was pretty funny too though yeah good luck on the show

you gotta give credit for that whoever wrote that it was funny it was funny yeah I mean, I used to work there, and then, you know, things, I don't know what happened. Dude, it happens at clubs all the time. It's like, Rich Voss can't understand that, too. I used to work there all the time.

Yeah, dude, clubs moved the fuck on. Yeah, he's also unlikable. Because his buddy. They, uh, they, they, they, uh, yeah, they, I don't know, man, clubs move the, you know what I mean? There's all, you understand, there's a ton of people underneath us. waiting for you to go on a vacation, waiting for you not to show up. One spot a year.

Then I still work the stand. Every six months, I do one spot. Like I said, they don't like you. That's what I'm saying. They don't like me. So fuck them.

All right. Well, fuck them, man. There's nothing to lose. I feel like after a decade, I run into crazy. He's like, hey, the worst is when I go there

for like an event or a party, he's like, hey, we haven't seen you around. Yeah, maybe if you booked me, you'd see me around. That is the worst. when the club owner's like, dude, where you been? I've been... I'm where I've always been, fuck face.

This is the worst. When they say, give me a call, and then you call, and they don't respond. Oh, yeah. That's my favorite Voss calls. I tell me to call him, and then I called him.

Voss sends mean emails back, though. He sends clubs his avails that don't book him. He'll be like, I'm available. He just sends his avails. I'm available to the 23rd, the 24th. And just so they get the email So they're like Oh this motherfucker

This is the dream come true for me What is? Just getting to be on a mic Watching people shit on Rich Voss I used to listen to Opie and Anthony He'd be like man One day if I could just shit on Rich boss It's like one opiate

Anthony episode where he says his password He says like the password He gave his password to his phone It was his password to Twitter It was 141 oh no it was Comics 630. He just says it. It says it on the air.

And then they took over his fucking... Yeah, he's brilliant. He's a brilliant. He's a brilliant idiot. He was great. There was a season of Last Comic Standing he did. I think it was the first season. It was Ralphie Mae.

He was so fucking funny. I thought he was like the man. And then I listened to Opied Anthony. I was like, people don't seem to respect this guy. Well, here's thing... They do and they don't. They do. I also would be very respectful.

No, you got to respect Voss's. He's one of the funniest guys walking. So good. He was great on the show. But the problem with Voss, and is that he's like I know my weaknesses

Voss doesn't think he has any weaknesses and that's his problem he thinks he's his IQ is 147 he thinks that or it is it's not why would you ask that question

that is the dumbest question I've ever heard your IQ is six listen he took a test on Facebook So I went and found the same test. Guess what my IQ was? What? 147.

It's a scam to make dummies think that we're smart. And then we tell people, dad, I attacked the test. And then other people take the test and they just have all your information, you idiot. The people that took that test were like, this guy's the dumbest guy ever. And the questions are like, you know, one... What's your password? Yeah. I love Voss.

He's super funny. Last time I work with him was in Atlantic City. And I hate those crowds. You got to be clean. I think it was like you have to be clean there where I was now. And like he got up there. Somehow he's still like hardcore but also clean at the same time. I mean, it's just the way he worked the room was beautiful.

Yeah. He sounds like a dirty racist even when he's being clean. Where are you from? Nice shirt. Is that you married a black guy? It's just a question. It just sounds like he uses. the N-word.

Really special skill he has. He does have a special skill. Yeah, dude, I don't know why you. I don't know, but you can come on whenever you want, buddy. Thank you. I've always loved you. I don't know. You disappeared, though, too.

You weren't around. I'm back and forth. I go to L.A. a lot, and I'm back here a lot. So it's my fault. It is your fault. So he's in L.A. a lot. He's bisexual. You're bisexual.

Maybe. I wish. Do you wish? I would have a lot more fun. Yeah. Really? I have to get jealous of bisexual. You don't get a little jealous?

You don't think about that? Everything's on the table. Yeah, I know. A lot of fucking other stuff's on the table, too. Stuff on your chin and your chest, too. I really don't want to partake in. You know what, man? You can't just be a jizzer.

You have to be a taker once in a while. What? I apologize. You're on a fucking family show. I don't know. It's funny. I'll do the people come to see shows that like that show, and then they hear my stand-up, and they go, okay.

Oh, that must suck. Nice to see you. Love you on the show. They say that. That's how you know they didn't like the stand-up. I love you on the show. It must be tough, though, because you live in the acting TV world, which you got, which is, I mean, it's so hard to get in.

You're on season five, which is incredible, right? And you're in that. You don't have to do stand-up. Yeah, you do you? Yeah. Do you get in 50,000 an episode? Are you? No.

But I don't know. What the fuck am I going to do? Just wait for another. acting job? They don't come. I don't know if you notice. I haven't gotten any other work. Really? No! You don't have a movie coming out with Ryan Reynolds? Oh, if only. Oh, you'd be great. I was very briefly in a rom-com where I played the guy that the lady breaks up with to begin her romantic journey.

I'm like her stone or boyfriend in the first 10 minutes. She's like, I can't do this anymore. Really? I'm that guy. And that's it. That's the other work I've got. And it's funny, too, the acting doesn't pay as good as comedy. I mean, not when you get to the right level in comedy for sure. Yeah. You sell tickets. Yeah. But it used to be you had to act to then sell tickets. Yeah.

And that's not it anymore. No. I don't sell tickets off the show, really. I still do like small side rooms. Like small side rooms in clubs. Really? That show doesn't get, pack them out for you? No, not really.

What channel is it on? It's like you still got to play, you still got to play the clip game online to really do it. What is it on? It's on Fox. And then four seasons are on Netflix and that started to help. Wow. But yeah. Isn't that?

The game's changed. Everything so, you know. It's, it's, it's, it's, What people watch is fragmented. How many people don't know this show? There's shows that I've been on like, it's like back for its eighth season, I'm like, I've never heard of this. Yeah. I have no idea what this is.

I guess it's popular. I don't know. Yeah. And you just would never know unless it really catches, unless it's something like the bear. Yes. I just got it to Supernatural. Oh, yeah. That's huge.

It has like so many seasons. Like 18 seasons. Vancouver. It's Vancouver. Everything's in Vancouver, dude. Yeah. And it's like, it's had this resurgence. And people love.

It's like, same thing with suits. It like sort of came back. Yeah. Now everybody knows suits after the fact. I was, what was I on? No, I wasn't on suits. I was on, um, fuck. Monk?

No, I wish. Monk was the best. Monk was the best. Monk was feathered into Sykes. Sike came after Monk. It was using its tailwind. Well, now you know what I'm watching? Because Sike, do you know the show Sike?

I don't know. I'm watching the mentalist. Fun. Fun. It's psych, but serious. Yeah. And I don't know who stole from who, but they do.

the same episodes. I'm pretty sure Sykes stole from mentalists. I hope that's not true. I don't know. I don't know either. But it's weird. It's two guys pretending to be psychics, but they're just super aware. Yeah, they're just very observant. They're just very observant. That's the word I was in before. I said aware. What an asshole.

They're like, I feel weird today. They're very super observant. But I've, it's a show where his father brought him up to be very observant, to be a cop, to be the best cop ever. And then he just became a fuck up and just uses his things to solve crimes that tends to be a psychic solving stuff.

I've actually tried, I've been in diners and sat there and tried to look around and be observant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you try to see if you can do the psych thing. I try to look around. There's six hats and, there's six hats. Where are the hats? No, that's funny. And I always forget, I suck.

I'm not observant at all. If this were 15 years ago, that bit would fucking huge. The idea of you were to diner's six hats. What are you doing in L.A.? My family's out there, so I'm there a lot. My folks need a little help. Oh, yeah? And industry stuff.

Are you from L.A.? I'm from Los Angeles, yeah. I didn't realize that. Yeah. And there's been some work out there lately. You know, I directed Bobby Lee's special like in January. And I was working with him on it for like four months. Dude, that's sick.

Yeah, so there's a lot of work out there all of a sudden. Oh, that's awesome. I love Bobby Lee. Yeah, he's very funny. He's hilarious. He's so like bones funny. He just is funny. Yeah.

Yeah. You've got to let him just do his thing. Yeah. You can't tame it. No, he's untamable. No, because it's raw talent. Yes, yeah. He doesn't even know how to tame it.

And that's why he needs a little help, because he doesn't even know. He's like a savant kind of, but he was so funny. But yeah, it was like a big production, first thing ever directed. And yeah, it was pretty crazy. Fuck yeah. Yeah. That's great. Yeah.

He did a thing with me, the comedy camp thing. I brought him up in the woods for, oh, that's awesome. Five, I mean, you watch this footage. You like, this guy's fucking brilliant. Yeah. I mean, laughing hysterically. And then fucking scared his shit of all the shit that happened. What shit happened?

You'll see. It's coming out. Okay. It's pretty fucked up. Sweet. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. It's fucking great. Took a bunch of comics into the woods? Norton, Yamanika, and Bobby Lee. Into the woods, Old Bay, Canada. Middle of fucking, whoof. What season? We only have, it's a movie.

No, no, no. What season of the year? Oh, it was fucking, it was fall. Oh, yeah. Like, Canada and the fall. cold. It'd be real spooky too. Spooky, oaky.

Yeah. Way more spooky than fucking the cats kills. Where you could just go to Woodstock and get a fucking chicken cotlet in fucking 20 minutes. Dude, Canada, like, you get far enough north. You're like, there's nothing above me. There's no civilization above me. No, it goes dead. This is it.

Yeah. Canada goes to a point where it's like, oh, there's nothing. Yeah. Except things that can kill you. Yeah. Grizzlies. Maybe, no, grisleyslesleses. I think the grizzlesation. What?

Right, they're more to Alaska. More to the West Coast. No, Canada might have grizzlies, I think. They do, but they're up west. Yeah, they have like wolves and shit. They got wolves. I forget about wolves. Cats.

They're a wolves. Yeah. What are you most scared of? A bear, a wolf, or a cat? I think a cat. You won't see them coming. Yeah, there's more footage of mountain lions fucking with people that I've seen online than... You know why I'm afraid of like bobcats anymore?

Because like three dogs, little tiny little shitty dogs, and then you run up a tree. like a pussy. That's a bobcat, but like a fucking cougar, like a mountain lion? Yeah. That's like,

that's like, with the taste for human flesh. What? They get the taste. Wow. I don't know. They taste more. They get the taste.

They go, oh, that's good. Like when you have Indian food for the first time, you go, I'll be back. It really is that.

The first time you have Indian food, you're like, I went, I dated a girl years ago, the only Indian girl I ever been with. And she took me

to one of those places that you kind of sit down on your feet, which I didn't like. Okay. Yeah, I hate eating like that. I hate it. Not comfortable. I hate, just give me a chair.

I don't want to sit on a pillow. That's the worst. Yeah, just fucking, I have to put my legs like. Your foot's falling asleep. Yeah, like Jack Tripper. Just fucking, you know, my knees are hurting 10 minutes in. I've got to just take it. But we sat at this restaurant,

and she walked me through all this fucking Indian food and the little breads and the little popovers and the spicy food. and it was awesome. I love it. Yeah, I never saw her again, though. No. Yeah.

At least you got to have that lovely experience. Well, I shit my pants. Sure. So. It's like the first time you chew tobacco. What? What? You get kind of sick. And then you're like, I think I'm going to have to do this a lot.

Do you chew tobacco? I just remember the first time I dipped as a kid, I was probably like 15. I was in Savannah with my cousins. And yeah, you do it and you just get fucking sick. Yeah. Just get sick. But then after that, you don't get. sick anymore and you're like, no, this is

now I'm still dip zinning. I went to get my mother cigarettes back when I could just go get cigarettes. I was alive. That's how old I am. You could just send you kid to go get cigarettes. I used to get a cigarettes and my grandfather's and I had an apple chewing tobacco like a little square. Yeah. And it said apple

and it had a fucking apple on it. That's for kids. That's for kids like you. I bought it. I bought it and I went out front and I bit it and chewed and swallowed it. You swallowed it. Buddy. Oh, man. I've projectile vomited. Never ever fucking chewed tobacco again in my life. It, it fucking devastated me.

I got hot, I started sweating. I was dizzy. You poisoned yourself. Yeah. But you shouldn't put a fucking apple on it. They made laws against it. Yeah, I agree with those laws. It looked like a fucking awesome little candy bar.

Yeah, yeah. You should say don't chew and swallow. Did you ever see the sandlot? Did you show your son the sandlot? He's not into it. Dude. But you show you, you show it. I don't know fucking shitty, shitty, chitty bang, bang.

He hated it. Well, of course he hated it. It's a tough watch. We talked about this last time. I know, it's a tough watch. I didn't know it didn't hold up. The sand light. That was my favorite movie as a kid.

But we were a different generation where we could sit and watch something because we didn't have TV. We had three channels. We had nothing. We had no video games. We had no phones. I didn't know that the fucking world

was going to come to an end. And this fuck didn't have enough patience to sit to the part where they go, Toot, sweet. Toot, sweet. The flavorful of a play that is so fun to eat. We had this moment last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

None of those movies hold up. No, but the Sandlot holds up. And there's a scene where they all are like, let's shoot a Becko and go on a Ferris wheel, or like a carnival ride, and then they all just end up puking all over the... Yeah, he's not in. My kid won't, he doesn't sit down and watch movies.

Can he sit through any movie? No. That's crazy. But I've heard of this, that kids can't watch movies. I just don't... Even when he was a kid, though, we'd go to movies, and he would fucking be like, he just hated it.

Wow. Yeah. I loved it. He's not a movie guy. He's not a movie guy I say to him all the time I want to go see a movie No

Damn Wow You don't go see a movie And then he went to the movies With these girls Sure And I'm like I tell you You didn't like movies

He goes I don't But they do I'm like What are you gonna put your dick and popcorn Let me teach you a trick You dick's gonna be buttery But it's gonna be right

Hey man You gotta prepare your kid Like What? I don't have kids I don't actually know what I mean I think I bet Hey, don't teach them to do that.

Those days are over. You're putting your dick and popcorn days. Could you imagine that anymore? Can I say something? I think the pendulum swinging back. It's never going back to dick and popcorn. Let's just pause for a second. I think maybe there'll be a day

where chicks are going to get sick of guys being pussies and be like, do you mind if I kiss you? And they're going to be like, just put you dick in popcorn. Let me suck it. How would you feel if your son brought home a gal that was like, yeah, I put my dick at the popcorn and she loved it. I'd be like, does she have a mom? Is she divorced?

What about my mom? I'm playing your son now. Oh. Your mom doesn't even like popcorn. Makes your stomach upset. This bitch is fucking boring. It really does. My wife can't eat.

Every time she gets popcorn, I shouldn't eat it. It makes my uncle. You're fun. Man, you can't go to the movies. with anybody, huh? My wife doesn't go She doesn't want to go to the movies either. Nobody, I'm at the point now

if I go to the movies, I have to go by myself and be that guy. I got over that years ago. Yeah, I'm fine. By yourself is fine. You don't talk. You don't talk. Yeah, but you guys look,

you're still young in the fence. How different do you think you look? Look at me. I'm not saying go to a children's movie. Well, that's the ones I like. I did that once. I wouldn't saw Inside Out alone. Shut your fucking about it.

It's a bad look. You can't do that. I was still much younger. I was like, I was like 24, 25. That's too old to go see Inside Out? Trust me. A sad kids movie? I wept.

I wept alone in the theater with my hoodie. And I put my hoodie up and I didn't realize how creepy I like. You had your dick and popcorn, you were jerking off? No. When I go alone, I just drink water. Really? That's even creepier. Steak in a water bottle.

Dude, the one thing about a movie is that you get to eat shit. That's why I love movies. That's when you can go and get all the, you get the Eminem's, peanut Eminem's, them in the popcorn, butter the thing up, right? You get you a little... Your dick's going to get sticky. I've never put my dick in popcorn. Also, it's...

My dick's going to be so far down in the bucket. By the time she gets to it, she's going to be like, I couldn't eat another bite. How long can you keep it hard? It's just soft. Yeah, I know. You get down there, it's just your balls in the bucket.

She's like, did you put marshmallows in here? No, no, that's my bowl. I don't know all the rest of the place now. But I think honesty is the best policy. Have you ever fooled around in a movie with a girl? I've made out with a girl in the movie. Never beyond making out. Never beyond making out?

No. Now, have you? I don't think so. I've done a lot of things in a lot of places, but never in a movie. I want to watch the movie. I'm like, excuse me, I'm going to watch this movie. That's how I feel. You're an artist.

Yeah, I am an artist. I'm a director. I know. I know. You wait for the credits. I know, Gary, did good job. You see the editor, you're like, I don't know that. I don't know.

But I like waiting to see who the best boy is. Yeah, the best boy grip. Love the best boy. I hate that they, Marvel fucked up the credits for me now because every movie, even like a serious drama, I'm waiting for the, you know, for like some German to come back. You got not to live! You know, they should put, like, the little things at the end of, like,

Schinders list. Yeah, zone of interest. Viva actually just joking. Yeah, Oppenheimer, they just say, Japanese going, ah! Just kidding. I really do that, though. I wait till the end of dramas, like an idiot. I do.

I always wait because I think there might be... This might be something. Because Marvel fucked us up with those stupid... Has it ever paid off on a drama? No. No. No. No.

It says, Maid in Georgia. Okay. Yeah, that's it. I've ever been to it? Like, in Japan, they all sit through the credits. Why?

I don't know, man. They don't. They're also quiet. I saw Godzilla, the new Godzilla in Japan. Were they screaming? No, no.

Is that a horror movie to them? Well, it's a horror movie to everybody. They're like, no, a bomb was dropped. Two bombs were dropped. Do you think we're freaked out about this? Wolverine, the second one, really scared them. That's the one where he was at the, I'm just telling them.

He was in Hiroshima and then the guy went in. I think it was the third one, actually. I think he was the third one. I saw the second one with my grandmother where he has, like, his daughter. You went to a Wolverine movie with your grandmother? My grandmother had gotten very old, and we would go to the movies together, but she had such bad dementia. It got to the point where I would just see what I wanted to see.

You told that you're going to see, like, a drama. Like we went and saw some like it hot once and I was like, okay, one for you. And then I took her to see Wolverine and I wanted to cover her eyes. I was like, this is so brutal. And my grandma was like, what are we what are we watching?

And then you were like, it's some like it hot, we went to see it again. She's like, oh, okay. It's weird when like, I thought my, when older people like violence or like the hardcore shit, like I saw, what was it? Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yeah. But usually I'm down with all the Tarantino violence. In that one, I was even, for some reason, at the

And I was like, this is too much. My mom saw it. She loved it. I was like, you didn't think it was too violent? She's like, they got what they deserve. Oh, because your mom is my generation. Yeah, a little older than you. I felt the same way.

Really? Yeah, they gave us what we wanted. Yes, yeah, the revenge on them. Hippy queers really got it where they deserved. Sorry. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm from the 70s. I am on a network TV on Fox.

I'm sorry. Not those hippie careers. So actually, Fox might be like, nice. It used to be. Not anymore. Yeah, I felt the same way at the end of that movie. That's a trip. When he threw the can at the girl's face.

That made me so happy. And then he lit her on fire in the pool. The lighting on fire in the pool, I was like, oh, geez. Really? Cheapers, creepers. I was saying shit like that. I was like, light her on fire. Lider on fire.

I was great. I love that she was just shooting in the air because she got a can in the face. No, that's the one who's attack by the dawn. And then he like, no, she got the can in the face. He like beats her face in with the can. No, he threw it. She came running at him and then he just threw a can of dog food at her fucking face, which would hurt. Yes.

You know what I mean? No one ever thinks about a can of dog food right in the bridge of your nose. It would fuck you up. Like a fast, that would fuck you up. And then the guy got bit in the junk by the dog. Yeah. And then the other girl got eaten by the dog. You've seen this.

Have you seen it a lot? I watch it all the time. That movie is so good. part. I've seen it so many times. Not that part, specifically. Every time I see a Palestine march, I watch that, just that scene. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Everybody should live. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Everybody should live. Except the Jews. Whoa. Hey, that's what you want. I was doing both sides. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It is. It is. What time is it?

It's a Dude, come on. I'm just, I'm kidding. God bless. Hey, you think I can't, I can roll. You can roll? Yeah, I'm cool. Where do you stand on the, uh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, just let us know where you, how do you feel about it? Did you vote for Trump or did you not? I did not. Oh, you did not, okay. Yeah, of course not. I think I was going to say, of course I did. Of course not. That'd be ballsy, you feel like, oh, my goodness.

Rock and roll. I convinced my mom not too. this last time around. I was very proud of that. You did? How'd you do that? I took it to the movies. I think it's so lame. We just had like a heart to heart and I cried a little bit. You cried? I cried. About what?

I felt like my mom is sort of like the moral base of my life. She doesn't like Trump. She just has voted Republican her whole life and I was like, you have to see that this is tough for all of your kids because we view you as such a moral person, but you support this very a moral person. And it seems like an impeachment on everything that you raised us to believe growing up.

So who she vote for? Nobody. Good. I'll take that. She's like, Mary of the opinion, she's like, I cannot vote for a Democrat.

And I was, actually, I don't know if I should put her business out there. You should. I was like, you actually shouldn't. They're going to attack her now. She does not appreciate that,

I'm sure. But she's a, she's a lovely lady. And yeah, she didn't know. I was like, thank you. My mother's a fucking diehard,

uh, Kennedy liberal. Oh, really? Yeah, Oh, that's why you're saying all this shit. She'll bring in, my stepfather, when he was alive, God rest of soul. He was a Republican. So we would sit in the living room and just start talking about Reagan and, you know, all kinds of Republican stuff.

And she'd be in the middle of a conversation talking to, like, my sister, having a lovely con. And all of a sudden, I'll be right back. And she'd just come in, listen to me. You can't? Let me tell you something. That fucking bad, like, and we'd be like, why are you getting so angry? I'm not angry. Being a little angry.

We would fuck with her all the time. My mom will, she'll find a way to put Trump into anything, though. That's the part where she'll be like, I'm like, yeah, what did you guys do today? I wouldn't got ice cream. Well, you better get as much ice cream as you can because he's taking it away. What? What? He's taking ice cream away?

Yeah, it's going to be, the ice cream's not going to be available because of the cows and the fucking taxes. What? There's taxes on cows? There's one thing Trump doesn't take away. It's ice cream. I know. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha. I, uh, yeah, I still, here's the thing that sucks about movies.

Well. Is that they gave us TVs that are fucking 80 inches and they made them 400 bucks. Yeah. So you have this massive TV in your house. I have an 85 inch TV in my house that I got for $3.99 at $3.99 at $800. Best Buy. They shouldn't have did that. Because now the average dickhead like me has a

85 inch TV in his living room and I can stay in my couch, have my snacks. I don't have to put my dick in popcorn. I can just take it out and put it in my wife's hand. Just rest it on her cheek, limb. She wakes up like, what's that?

You don't have to leave. Yeah, but I'm all for the theater experience. It's like, you know what it is? It's just keeping me focused and off the... It ruins the illusion to not see it in the theater. You need to be focused, lights off, and that's it. I love a theater experience. Come on. Me too.

It's become this thing... The horror movies are doing so well now because I think people feel like it's a communal experience. Yeah. I want to be scared with other people. But you know what they forgot? Comedy's the same fucking way. And people need to realize that that is also a communal experience and they need to see that. Yeah, but they have to stop making pussy comedies.

Yes. They're still trying to make 1990s, early 2000 comedies. Like, stupid goofy things. No, I feel like, no, because they're scared to make... You want like a raunchy comedy, right? Jackass 2 in theaters was... That's not a comedy. It was incredible, though.

Jackass has the most name for your buck of any movie. Like, Boorrat, Borat in theaters? Yeah, it was wild. It was like fucking off the charts. Tropic Thunder? Yeah. Tropic thunder. Oh, fuck, I didn't see in theaters.

I didn't see it. But I'm sure it was fucking delight. Comedy's and Horrors. You can't make, though, you can't. You can do jackass because of what it is. Because it's, you know, it's real shit. these guys are doing these stunts and trying to make each other laugh, right? Pulling the dicks out and fucking nail them to whatever and, you know, all that crazy.

But you can't make a Tropic Thunder now. You can't. Nobody has the balls to make that. Yeah. Yeah, I think it'll come back around. What comedy in the last five years was like, holy shit? The invite or the invitation? Oh, the invite, but it wasn't like a hard, it was a little.

I mean, it was so good. What was it about? Who was in it on TV? Seth Rogan, Edward Norton, Penelope Cruz. and the lady that directed it who... I know I can't. Oh, Olivia Wilde? Yeah.

Yeah. And what was it about? They have a couple who lives upstairs and they kind of invite them. They want their swingers. They find out they're swingers. Wait, but you're, watch it with your wife. No, that's good.

It's great. Seriously. It's a fucking old Pollock from Boston. Is this what you want? You want me to fucking suck the neighbor's cock? Is that what you're into? You fucking weirdo? You fucking stuck your dick in.

popcorn and now this. Suck you dick and popcorn. So, oh, Nirvana, the band, the movie, the show. Yes. What is it? Yes. Yo, that movie was fucking great in theaters. What is it?

I don't know. It was fucking awesome. It was a TV show. It was Nirvana, the band, the show. What is it? What is it about? It's about these two guys that are just trying to play one venue in Toronto. They've been trying for years.

And then by accident, they go back in time to when they were young and still trying to play that venue. It's like a hard comedy. This director is very good. He's Canadian. He directed the Blackberry movie. He also directed the new movie, Tony. You know all these people. You don't know your own editor.

Stop. What the fuck, man. This is wild. You know the whole fucking casting crew. It is truly so funny. The funniest movie I've seen in years, it was very edgy. I don't think you're going to like it as much as he likes. Probably. Why? Because I think it's a generational thing. I don't like it as much as he likes it.

I've heard it's like every young person's like favorite comedy ever. It's like a cult classic already. It's only been out of here. I thought it was good. It didn't blow me away. It was a fun time at the movies. I see a movie with my friend, though, and we're just like down for, we're just down for it. But when was the last time you went to a movie?

And I remember going to movies and laughing my ass off. Yeah. I mean, like fucking cracking up. I saw that. What about Mary? Fucker cracking. Yes, the Fairley Brothers. God damn it.

They're so funny, man. making stuff, didn't they make? They make dramas now. They broke up. Yeah, they broke up. My whole theory is they should, a Fairley brother should team up with a Cohen brother. You know what I mean? Like switch up the brother.

Yeah, yeah. And then you should get their own little invite thing. You should get the sisters from the Matrix and put that in it. That would be a wild movie. But I think that I really think that these people are nervous about having, I think, somebody needs to make a comedy and say, fuck it. And just take the hits. Take the racist.

Take the masagony. But you don't need it. Like the Anchorman wasn't, Anchorman was like playful misogyny. Yeah. It was from the viewpoint of like progressive. But he was a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, but it was like,

Panther Cologne to get pussy. Bras. Sex Pinsor. Yeah, it was great. I love that. It was a bunch of misogynistic pieces of shit. Fucking rock. Who women were stupid and didn't know how to do news.

But then she proves them wrong. Exactly. And he winds up fucking her. That's right. Right. So. But it's not, I don't think. Dodgeball, fucking hilarious.

I don't think it's that people are holding back. I think those movies don't make money. I think that's all it is. And people, people, people think they need to see horror or action in the theaters. So it doesn't make money so they're not making them. That's it. Yeah. But I think people want, but people want comedy.

I think they are making an attempt. This is just what I hear is that. Who do you hear that? Somebody. Because people in the industry. Because you're in the business. If you're talking about the Jews. They want like a hard comedy movie.

No. Hey, hey, hey, not anymore. Some of them are. Don't talk about Jews. Not to him. Some of them are. Stop this. You can talk to Jews about his mom?

Can we cut this stuff about me crying for my mom? It was wild. I know wild. I thought you're judged it. You made your mom, you guilty your mom into voting the way you wanted her to vote. I can't imagine. That's actually against the law. I actually can't imagine saying that an opi and Anthony to rich boss.

You did what? You stupid You stink You stink Guys we're all gonna be back to normal In two years when Mark Rubio's president Is that right? I hope so

He's the shit And you can't fuck with him Because he's from Cuba He's cool Wow Oh Yeah yeah Oh he's a fuck with the ball

You know Spanish I'm talking on it I don't know It's like Even like like Bill Marr to me was always a left-wing liberal guy and now he's like the voice of reason

Bill Marr has always been so fucking annoying you don't like Bill Marr I mean you do I mean just from a purely comedy standpoint watching his show and the smugness he delivers bad jokes with as if he's God's gift that doesn't make the fucking

Boston and you go fucking nuts that doesn't drive you up the fucking wall what past this man man You already got your mom to vote the wrong way. Stop trying to get me to fucking not like Bill. This is what you do. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice guy, but I'm not going to act like he's like some great.

He's probably a big. I don't know he is personally, but I know I think it's funny. I think his thing at the end is pretty funny. No rules. No rule. No loud music on the train. A bunch of sycophants in one room. Suck my dick.

Wow. I mean, you really don't care about this show stuff anymore. Wow. We're going to have to cut all this out. I hope they have you promoting the new season on Bill Maher. They don't let me promote. Why? They don't ask me to promote. Because you're a comic. I guess I don't have a name.

I don't know. Joe promotes. It's because Joel has been in the business for years. Yeah. hilarious. Very funny. Super funny. But knows how to walk the line between actor. Right. And comedian.

And he wouldn't have done what I just did. Never. What do you ever have said, what you just said? All the stuff you've said since you got on the show. The mother, the dick and the popcorn, the editor, the thing about fucking Bill Maher. All this shit. This is wild. This episode's nuts.

Fuck. This is why I don't get other rules. God damn. Well, no, I went through the same shit when I was on that sex drugs thing. They would do have a stoop press. I've talked about this. That I would, we're always trying to make people laugh.

Yeah. And they don't want that. They want, how do you like being, how do you like working with Dennis Leary? He's the best, man. I've always wanted,

I've admired him. And he's so funny and blah, blah, blah. And I'd be like, I don't know, he looks like Jane Lynch. You know what I mean? What guy is?

He's dying? You know what I mean? I don't know what's happening. It'd be nice to other people. He's a fucking dick to me. Yeah. Yeah, it's like living with my fucking stepfather

and my five uncle. fucking yells at me on set. They don't want... They'll laugh. You're almost like killing, but they can't use any of it because it's show business. Because of the clip thing, everyone just wants something outrageous.

They want something that'll pop off. Like how they keep putting fucking Samarrel on morning shows, even though they know what he's going to do. Yeah. He's going to stare into the distance like an autistic guy. No, no. Hey. This is Norman.

Yeah. How did you get into it? I love them too. I'm kidding. No, but you've seen where he goes, he's like, I couldn't do it. But I'm saying they want you to be outrageous now, I think. They want you to say something fucked up because that'll get in the news cycle. It's good for everybody.

Well, the news thing, look it, back when I was doing Torgasm and they had me on all the local news, I would, I slapped the guy once. Really? Yeah, I threw a cake in his face. Jesus. And it got to where every time I went to Boston, I had to do this guy's morning show. and it would just escalate. Every time I had to do something crazier and crazier, and the last time I was on, he cracked me in the face.

He cracked you in the face? He would just smack me. But it was like a thing. You know what I mean? You guys had built a rapport. I went on with Verzi once in Vegas. And I told Verzi, you know, I told Verzzi, you know, I was like, dude,

I was like, dude, here's what I'm going to do. I want to say something and I want to get in an argument with you. I want you to, I want to get really mad at you. And then I want you to, I want to cut you off. and then when I cut you off, I want you to go, hey, crack me in the face and go, what I tell you about talking over me? He's like, dude, I don't know if we're going to. That's great. I don't know if we should do it.

They're going to get it. I go, they're not. But it's going to sell tickets. And people are watching this. And he did it. And I literally, I was like, yeah, but you do that. He goes, crack. He goes, what I tell you about talking over me?

Now, anyways, the people on the show are like, what the fuck is happening? That's awesome. That's great. Yeah. Did you sell tickets? Not one. It didn't work at all. 30 people, I think.

The point is the public humiliation. That's what's important. Well, we could, dude, like, the problem is, is that TV, right? TV lives in a fantasy world of, hi, how are you? They live in this, you know, oh, today. And they can't ever come out of that because people who watch it are watching for that. And if when we start doing what we do, which is really being. funny in the moment, it's

almost like uncomfortable to them. Yeah. And people complain. There'll be people that were, hey, I didn't like the fuck. And they real, that means something. It's like a restaurant. A Google review means the world to a restaurant. We get shit on all the time on our own social

media. It doesn't matter to us. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, yeah. Are you still doing local news? Like, you don't really have, do you do radio when you go to town still? When I, I'm I do, uh, kiss 101 when I go to Boston, because I love those guys, but They, I think radio still moves tickets along. Yeah, when I was in Arizona or Flagstaff or whatever,

they're very, they're very specific about what town you're in. But yeah, they do radio. There's like the morning radio and it like, people were yelling like, we're here from the radio. Yeah, like Calta? Yeah, I'm doing Vasani's this weekend. I'm going in a day earlier. Of course, he's my number one best friend.

But I always used to do radio down. Anywhere I can do radio, I do radio. I'm not like I won't do radio. I just feel like those days are behind us. Because here's why, you ready? The clubs used to have to pay the radio stations to have their comics come in every week. And now with social media,

clubs used to have to pay the papers to put your ad in, right? The clubs used to have to pay radio stations to get their comics on a week. So they have $500 a week or whatever, $2,000 a month, or whatever it is. And then they pay to have your ad in the paper. They don't do that anymore because of your social media

or your social media. It's on us now to promote. It's on us. And I feel it. So they don't have, but some clubs still have radio and radio shows still want, they want us on there. And you're going to see this. So many people trapped in a car going to work, listening.

It's the best place to sell tickets. David Tell taught me that. I remember once in a place I did like seven radios and I was bitching. He's like, no, dude, do as much as you can. I still think that's, I don't know. I don't think everyone, I think the amount of people listening to the radio. I think there's maybe certain markets, especially if you have relationships already,

but I think generally, come on, people listen to podcasts, people listen to Spotify. People in the car are fucking listening to local radio. If it's a talk radio show, like a Calta or like 108 or, you know, certain shows where they're yapping all morning, paying a couple songs and coming back in and yapping, 100%. I mean, I do. I'd rather listen to radio, listen to some fucking podcast. You know what I mean? Really?

You listen to local radio? I do. When I'm in the car, I'll put on radio, yeah. I fucking love radio. You don't love radio? No, I listen to a podcast and I listen to Spotify. I guess it's over. But if they asked me to do radio, I do it because I have not sold enough tickets.

And I'm like, I want to be invited back. I'll do whatever. Yeah, yeah, I'll do whatever. I mean, listen, you're probably right. You're probably right. Some people in fucking Arizona were listening to that fucking radio station. They were like about it. Powerful radio station.

It was a powerful radio. And then there's like this morning show in Portland that a lot of people do. Preston and Stephen Philly? I mean, they sell so many. And the show, going into a radio show with guys like that who know how to really fucking work a comic and get the best out of you. Like, those guys are so good. You go in, it's, you know, they have so many people that are listening to them.

And you go on and they put you over and make you shine. And then, yeah, dude, you sell fucking tickets, but it's the best. I love waking up and doing morning radio. going into a room and fucking killing for even if it's like two segments or one segment or if you get to stay for an hour you always know how good you're doing too but it's like can you stick around

you always know how bad you're doing like my thanks oh that's it oh we're off oh I didn't know that yeah let's get a picture okay you don't want a picture no no no I'll take a if I take a selfie with you guys in the background but yeah I love Ray I love morning radio I missed I miss the fact that everybody listens to us

listens to this shit Do you ever do the regular guys? 96 Rock in Atlanta? I don't know. I probably have over my time, yeah. I just remember driving soda there when I worked the Laughing School. That was like the Morning Radio Spot. Oh, the Laughing Skull.

I remember that. I love the Laughing Skull. Yeah. Still around. Still around. Yeah, that guy's, what's the guy's name? Marshall. Marshall.

I love Marshall. But he no longer runs the venue. Why? What happened? I don't know. I think, you know, he was in that rest of, the vortex and I think upstairs Buffalo Wild Wings took over

that chain and then Why are you, are you, I'm trying to remember Oh, I thought you were trying to get clairvoyant. You're trying to talk to Marsha. Buffalo Wild Wings took over the chain and now he's in Toledo? I think it's, no, it's Texas. He's in

Texas now and he just opened up another club called the Laughing Head. I don't you have to Where did you go? You can't just think with your eyes open What fuck's wrong are you, dude? No, I'm still thinking about all the fucked up shit I said.

You didn't say anything fucked up. It's all in the name of funny. But that's why they don't have you do any of the fucking... Fuck, man. I want to do some press, man. Really? I can do it. I didn't want to for a while.

And now I'm like, let me do one. We're going to do a little test run with you, a little test. Before we're going to wrap up. We're going to go to Patreon. Real quick, I'm going to get their dates up. I want to get their dates up. I want you guys. we need you guys to go see these people.

When you go see them, tell them you came from YKWD. All right, we're going to do a prayer. You're Jimmy Fallon. Okay. Can you do it? A Fallon impression? No, you be your Jimmy Fallon.

You don't have to be Jimmy Fallon. But you're Jimmy, you have a talk show. All right, I have a talk show. All right. What's your show? What do you want to call it? The Louis Show. That's it?

I don't know if you do that. Tonight with Louis. You don't do the Louis show. I think if you Google that, a lot of stuff. Oh, there's already thing. Yeah, right. You're right. Tonight with Louis?

You're right. You're right. I can't use my name anymore. How about this? Lucky Louis. Louis. Which Bobby Kelly was great on. How about?

Oh, my girlfriend. I was coming. And she goes bang bang, bang. Oh, yeah. I go, yeah, bang me. No, he's still. It suits up. I will.

But don't take bang. Not like that. Did you guys invent the phrase? Louis did. I use it all the time. Yeah. It's like, it's cool. Putting a word into the lexicon to me is the next level.

of comedy. Yeah, it's funny, the day we were shooting, when we're just about to shoot, I go, you know there's going to be a thing, right? He goes, I know. Like, he knew that people were going to do, this is going to be a thing.

I can't tell you how many people walk up to me and go bang, bang. And I'm like, yep. When I was fat, it was really bad. Because people were coming to me like, bang, bang, like, you're doing bang, bang. You know what I mean? Hey, bang, bang.

Like, I just did a bang, no, I'm going to die. I'm literally going to, I just had a salad, and I'm trying. So no bang bangs. Okay. What about his last name, though?

Cats. Cats. Catses. Cats. Tats. Try to... Dr. Katz. No, that's already taken.

It's already taken. Cats tonight. Nope. This is not good. Night cats. Night cats. That sounds like a gay cop show. Welcome to Night Cats.

We patrol the streets of Chelsea. Catter-day Night Live. No. That's too simple. a little other way. Okay, okay, okay. Cats out of the bag. Cat talk. Cats, no, because that sounds like a fucking gay guy with a lesbian.

What do you want, man? Throw a fucking suggestion out. That's a bunch of divorced women. Welcome to cat talk. Men are assholes. Cats. Now, let's, forget about the, how about, how about? Late night, late night, Lou.

Late night, Lou. Love that. All right, ready? All right, hey, I'm the producer. Hey, welcome to late night, Lou. Hey, nice to, nice to pleasure to have you. I'm excited to be here, We love the show.

Are you ready? We're going to do the first segment. We're going to go to that and maybe tease. We have a little thing. We're going to tease the show a little bit. So kind of do your thing. Do you have any stories? Shit.

What? You know you're coming on for a month. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have stories. Okay, we've got to kind of help him out with it. Don't say shit again. Do you have a story? Yeah.

Of course I have a story. What about that thing about your mom? Well, you got her not to vote. I heard about that. Is that good? Yeah, I can tell her. Oh, you could tell that story? Yeah, yeah.

Well, you made a cry? No, no, no. I, I, oh, you cried to make her vote the way you wanted to vote. No, just to get my point across. Okay. About how, right, how you. She was making all your kids sad. Taking a morality stance.

Because you looked at her, you looked up to her, but now you don't look up to her. No, no, I still look up to her. But you weren't looking up to her anymore until she voted the way you wanted her to vote. And then when she knew what you wanted it, now you like her again. I still would have loved my mother regardless. All right. But, you know, it was... Yeah, tell that story.

Yeah, do that one. All right, he's got a story. He's going to tell. All right, three, two, one. Bada, bapam, bha, bha. Yapah, muzzle tough. All right, we're back. We're back at Late Night Lou.

Our first get tonight from... Animal Control. God damn it. Animal Control from the hit series that everyone's talking about. Animal Control. I'm in your ear. Season 5.

Season 5 is about to come out on Fox and also some of them on Netflix. please welcome Michael Rowland Hey thank you It's a real pleasure to be here Lou Thanks too bad you didn't dress up for the show Sorry So you know I like a nice relaxed look

So tell me I've heard you I've heard a lot about your mom Yeah my mom's a lovely lady She actually When we all left home She built her own travel agency So now she does a lot of church-based travel

With the Catholic church And she gets to travel around the world I don't bring up a Catholic church You guys get in another direction Don't bring up anything Catholic. So, any crazy stories from Onset? Who's the editor of the show? Oh, you know, his name escapes me.

One just passed away, asked him about that guy. Who's his past one? The editor. Oh, the editor. The editor, yeah, sadly, he died. Actually, I can remember his name. I think it was Alfonso. Alfonso.

Chimmy. Alfonso Chimmy. Yep. What a lovely memory. How do you feel about this bit so much? Yeah, this is horrible. Wow. You can't do it, dude.

You can do it. I'm fucking it up. No, I'm fucking it up. Listen, man, you just got to let the other castes do it. Fine. I'll just do my stand-up. I'll post my clips about stuff. I think you can do it.

Thank you. Thank you late night, Lou. Yeah. Wow. Can I just step in a little bit? I mean, your producer is really just a little overbearing. I thought that was a great argument with your mom. And don't let it bully you into feeling bad about it.

Thank you. Thank you so much late night. Can I be you for a second? Yeah, go ahead. I'm going to be you. I'm going to be like, so now I'm on. You're the producer. Okay. All right, go ahead.

I'm the guest. Ask him about, I'm promoting the animal planet and all that. Ask him about it. Not animal planet, animal. What's it called again? Animal control. Animal control. Ready? Ask him about his opinions about popcorn at the movies.

Okay. Welcome to Late Night Lou. Our first guest tonight is Robert. Kelly playing the role of Michael Roland on, which, are you Michael, which? Animal Control. Who are you? On the show? No, who are you? I'm me, I'm me.

Bobby Kelly, I'm me. You suck at this. Bobby Kelly from Animal Rescue. Bobby. No, Animal Control. That's funny. Buddy, it's all right. Don't worry about it. It's so good to be here. I've wanted to be on the show since I was a teenager. I love, I love it, man. Thank you so much for being on the show. Have me on. Thanks for coming on.

So I heard some interesting stories about going to the movies recently. Yeah, dude. I stuck my dick in popcorn. Okay. And I was like, you can't do this anymore. Okay. But my wife reached in and there was nothing, it was all the way down on the bottom, like bubble gum. And she reached in.

She smelled her hand and she was like, oh, the smells like mustard. Like mustard. And she hates mustard. You know. Yeah. It was wild. It was so wild, man. This is actually really good.

Fuck. You know what to mind. Ask him, ask him what he said next. Then what do you say? I said, yeah, well, fuck. why don't you stick your face in there. And it was funny because we were at this movie called In-N-Out. It's like a kid's movie.

That was the craziest part. All these kids were flipping out. You know what I mean? Lou, correct him and tell them it's inside out. I believe you'd mean the movie Inside Out. No, I was talking about my dick and the popcorn. It was in and out. I kept having to push it in and out.

You know what I mean? Oh, the movie I saw. That movie I saw, it was called Inside Out, yeah. This guy's really quick. Don't try to keep up. The way you pronounce popcorn. Yeah. Really interesting.

Oh, really? What value do you think is that in there? I'm from Boston. We take the eyes out and put them in, you know what I mean? Popcorn, Wicked Pisa, fucking queer. You know what I mean? Ask him about the Catholic Church now. Tell me a little bit about the Catholic Church.

Well, funny thing is, is I was an altar boy back in the day. Really? Never molested. That ugly, huh? I wasn't ugly. I was cute as hell, but I don't know. Maybe I was too cute. You wanted nothing to do with me.

Wow. Yeah. Fuck my friend, though. Really? Yeah. Did he win any money in the settlement? No, he actually's on the, he's on this new show called Animal Control. What's his name?

Ask him if you ever tried to get a priest to eat some popcorn. Whoa. You're a fucking good producer. I think you should be a producer. I think I'm, I think a producer's in my future. Yeah, I don't think you're, I don't think I'm, boy, he's a director. Can I say, I should have been producing? I want to say he's not a good host.

No, I'm not a good host. I'm not a good host I should have been the host of the TV show You should have been a great producer You should have been the producer I should have been the host You could have been the actor You would have way better

And you're good at wrangling Bobby's Yes I know that What? All back city over here That's a fucking sick callback Try to keep up He's a Bobby Wrangler

I feel so much better than About my first time premiering on this show Dude you Let me tell you something You got to check out the show Animal Control I love it It's an adorable

hilarious funny show and you have a show off Broadway. Yes, yeah. Is it comedy? It's stand-up. I've been having trouble selling it this way. It is stand-up, just a little bit elevated

with a little bit of an arc and a little bit of a through line, but I'm not telling the story. There's no speech where I say my thing is just jokes, joke, joke, joke, joke, jokes, but elevated. It's so open-y-ups. What do you mean elevated?

What does that mean? Like, better than me and his? Is that possible? I think he's saying it's better than us. Like, we do stand-up, His is elevated. I would hope so. He's at the Soho Playhouse.

Yeah, it is. It's off Broadway. It's close to Broadway. So it's just stand-up. It's just stand-up and they're coming in. Do they know, are they thinking they're getting a one-man show? Because I thought it was going to be a one-man show. They're coming in thinking they're going to a one-man show.

I'm doing stand-up. It's a little bit awkward. I would love if your fans came and replaced these people that are thinking they're getting a one-man show. So please come see me do stand-up at the So-ho playhouse, but with a narrative arc and a through line. Oh, yeah. I would think people would be very relieved by that. Thank God.

Oh, my God. Thank God a fucking joke. Last thing I saw was Cut that. Cut it. Cut it. Cut that. We're going to beep it.

Cut that. We're beeping it. We're beeping it. We're beeping it. We're beeping it. We're leaving it in for the people. If you want to know who we're talking about, you got to go to Patreon.

I made enemies on this show. Patriot.com slash Robert Kelly. If you want to know that he said, it's two beeps. We're going to do two beeps. Two beeps, but we'll reveal it on the show. Listen, you guys, who's up here? We got your website.

What's your website's name? Michael Rowlandcom. You don't have a... You don't have a punchup. Live yet? No, I use Comey. What? Comey. What is that?

What is that? I use combing. Who do you have a Lincoln? It serves the same purpose. What the fuck is combing? I don't know, man. Who sold you on that? What is Punch Up Live?

Punch Up Live. is, um, it's almost what it, what it is and what it's becoming because it's amazing. It's evolving. It's for comedians. So here's the thing. Do you have a money stake in this thing? I do not. Okay.

Because it sounds like it. But the reason why I love it because I've always loved MySpace. I've loved, I was always into social media and what it can do for you. But the problem is, is that Instagram, Facebook, we work for them. We just, we give them free content. Yeah. We work for not. We work for half a pennies.

thousands of views and you get nothing. Yes. And they get all the data. Uh-huh. I don't know anybody. I don't know who's following me, who's real, who's not, where they're from. I don't get to ever reach out to them. I can put a post up and hope that the algorithm, if some fucking weirdo lets it go through,

I can get to people. But if you can get to people to go to punchup. dot live, Robert slash Robert Kelly, I get your email. So now when I, when I, you can just go there. And when I'm coming to you, it just pops up. It knows when I'm in your area. and also I can send you an email with information about

hey I can just go to Boston when I go to Boston I'm going to put an email in and say Boston I'm coming around here's the ticket link here's everything you need to know if you have you know whatever email list you get the data I know where I'm popular there's a map and says oh dude I didn't know

I have a lot of fans in California I haven't been there in a while but it shows on the map oh you got all these who are the fans that people that sign up for this thing people that go there they just put their email in right they get to watch my special I can put whatever there's no there's no

what's the word I'm looking for, Danny? Algorithm? Nope. I missed it, I don't know. Limit? Nope. There's no restrictions? No rules. Censoring. Censoring. You know, like Instagram and all these people. Sure. So are you posting on there regularly?

You can put whatever you want up there as long as it's a funny, they don't censor anything. So anything you want to put up there, you can put up there. I understand why we would want to use this to explain. better dates, but why are people, people that love stand-up are just going to? So now, you've done, you've done a club. Look, I've done Tampa for a long time, right? And I go there and they go to my punch-up page.

Now, I know how many people in Tampa I have. I have their emails. I can reach out to them. Wait, wait, so everyone who bought a ticket to just see you, their emails are through that? No, they can go to my puncher. Instead of my website, I send them there. Can we talk about this off air? Sure.

We literally just killed this show with your fucking autism. I don't actually think that what I'm using You don't get emails? I have an email list that I've just never deployed. I've never been doing this. I don't. I'm trying to get better about my stand-up. They have an app.

They can fucking, you can actually make ads from Punch Up. Like if you want to do a paid app, you can do it right from their schedule. It's incredible. We'll talk about it after. Yeah, we'll talk about it. I mean, what the fuck, dude. It was a great ending. He did the Bobby Control thing.

Can you cut this part out? What is this line? We got to leave it live it live. I'm getting paid by Punchup. This is a fucking great ad for budget. All right, go to your website. Where are you going to be next? Next, I'm going to be in Los Angeles on a Monday in the belly room during the World Series.

Come out. I'm also going to be in New York City at Sesh Comedy on October 22nd. It's not there. And then after that, Denver in November, Chicago in November, Houston in November, and then nothing until January. All right, we'll make sure you go check him out. Hilarious guy. What do you got coming up? Just come see me at the Soho Playhouse.

That's what I'm doing for the year. And then I have some things, big things coming up later on. But right now it's the Soho Playhouse run until that ends in mid-October. Make sure you go check him out. If you're in New York or any of the boroughs are you coming to New York from anywhere, please go and check him out at the Soho Playhouse. Fucking hilarious. Two hilarious guys.

And make sure on me, December 12th, I'm shooting my special at the Uptown Theater in Rhode Island. I'm going back to New England. I've never shot a special in New England. I'm going back shooting it at the theater. never done a theater special, and I want you guys to come. I'm producing it, paying for it. Everything is, I'm doing.

I got a great crew that's doing it with me. It's going to be awesome, so I want you to be there. If you're a fan of mine, if you're on Punchup, if you're on anything, I want you to go and check it out December 12th. Go to punchup.com.

Live slash Robert Kelly for all my tickets. You know, Boston, I'm coming back to Laughston. I'm going to Lake Charles Lafayette. I'm going to New Orleans for Skank Fest. I'll be at Skank Fest too. Yeah, Skangfest is going to be awesome this year. All kinds of stuff happening,

and more dates coming very soon at PunchUp.Life.combe. Boys, what are you got? Follow me on Instagram at Danny Braff, and you can come see me live headlining in Syracuse, New York, October 3rd, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, October 9th, and Salem, Massachusetts, October 10th. My little boys headlining.

Some real C markets there. Listen, guy, he's just not a headline, you piece of shit. I've never, I've never heard. By the way, it's even worse than that. It's not Syracuse or Portsmouth. It's Dover, New Hampshire. I said Portsmouth because it's the bigger market. The market's smaller than that.

Hell yeah. Good. All right, what do you got? Cody, what do you got? Hey, this is Cody. Follow me on Instagram at Cody the Comic and come see me in Boston on October 16th and 17th opening for Bobby. Oh, yeah.

That's fantastic. What do you got, Joe? This upcoming Wednesday, October 7th, I'm headlining at Uncle Vinnie's. Come out and see Joe Russell. All my little boys are headlining. Wow. Isn't that fucking wild? Beautiful.

I love it. Listen, we'll go to patreon.com. I'm going to find out who he said. We're going to find out that he said. I'm going to stop talking shit. It's really going to bite me in the end. No, no one's going to know, except my Patreon. I've talked a lot.

This is a thing for me. No, it's not. This is good. He trashed the whole club. Nobody cares. You're good. Make sure you check them out. Go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly.

We've got questions from you. We're going to ask them now. And you guys are watching live in the chat. So we'll see you guys next time on. You know what, dude.