Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD Goes Hollywood

Episode Date: December 31, 2012

A special New Year's Eve episode of YKWD, with 'American Idol's Ace Young, 'Boardwalk Empire's Adam Mucci and Mike Lawrence. (@iamaceyoung, @mooch59, @themikelawrence)  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de little bit of a fan.

Madrid. caz.com boom Lewis shut the fuck up. I'm doing a promo and I was here you in the background Hey everybody what's going on? This is Chris Tinkle from the Hammer Fisting podcast And there is a gun right head right now, and I have to tell you that my podcast co-host Lewis J go man real ass dude Lewis J go mess real ass dude Lewis J go mess will be headlining Caroline's comedy club on Tuesday, January 8th at 730 everybody. And the best part tickets are only five bucks, right?

When you use, when you use the promo code. Break out, break out. When you use the promo code, break out at Caroline's.com, Christy Tinkle. I try my best. All right, Merry Christmas and happy new year. YKWD fans, it's the new year's episode. We have a very special lineup today. A-shung from American Idol, good friend of mine.

Adam Mochie. He was in Boroughac Empire. He's been in a bunch of shit, but he was in Bronx War with me. He's one of those actors. You're like, oh, what's that guy's name? Oh, yeah, well, I fucking know you. You're in, yeah, that guy. Adam Moochie, talented actor, funny motherfucker, good friend of mine on the show today. We have, of course, Lewis J. Gomez, Kelly Fat Fistuka, and a new guy to the show, Mike Lawrence, never met him, had him jump in, fill in for Joe Lisk, and uh, fucking made me laugh, he came out swinging, settled into his own, and uh, it's a uh, good, good fucking one-liners. Uh, very fun show, I really like this show, I hope you guys do too. It's the last show of this year, 2012.

Just to let you know too, I'm going to a bunch of dates coming up. Of course, tonight I'm at McGubbies and January 11th and the 12th. Bananas and Jersey hasbrook Heights, one of my favorite clubs. And the 18th and 19th, I'll be up in Albany doing a date that I had to cancel back in the day. So I'm also going Gotham this month. So make sure you go to my website, robbikelylive.com, brand new website I got for you, cock suckers. Check out my dates, get my app, get the Riotcast app, listen to all the shows on Riotcast.

You guys are the shit, thanks for supporting us, thanks for the donations, thanks for supporting our sponsors and enjoy this fucking episode, because I did. So, happy new year. YKW Defense. We'll see you next year. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton, this is Dennis Leary.

This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Stayin' cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? I know what dude! Ify bippy bbya ify bippy boo. Dippy dippy diyah yabba dabba do.

Dude! This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what we need? Okay, we we are fucking live everybody Oh, your head is on you get it? What's your name on Twitter? It's Mooch 59 spell it moc 69 why 59 I don't even know you over there. You're ready breaking my balls No, they're just hang low. Oh boy. All right, listen, we got a crazy this first of all this our new year's Eve special Podcast for the fans so happy new year's Eve the world didn't then they were wrong for the fans. So happy New Year's Eve, the world didn't end. Hey, they were wrong.

It looked like we made it. Yeah. If you don't like spoilers, I hope you bought Christmas presents. Um, that's it. I'm like, who Jackson. The mind is also is my go Jack. I'm sorry, I stepped all over that.

What you think's wrong. Yeah. Oh, put your headphones on. That's why you didn't hear me talking to Jack S. Put your headphones on, everybody get the headphones on? Yeah. Okay, here we go. M-O-O. What the fuck is it?

Mooch. Mooch, you love saying you're last name. Kelly, why don't you use our guess this week, please? Okay, so you're gonna introduce you to as well? You as well? No, I think they got that. Okay, they got that. Okay.

They had to search my name on it. They got to get the podcast. All right, so to the far right of me, he's got his girls about to pop out of baby. Any minute, wish you'd do yesterday? She was doing the 18th, which was two weeks ago, Kelly. Oh my God, so the baby's dying. The baby is actually eating her from the inside out now.

She's my girl's day. As a true Puerto Rican baby They eat their way out. You know that RuPaul a voice. You know my kid's a Puerto Rican. You know my kids are Puerto Rican Are they absolutely? Yeah, you're saying what? Well, baby's already come out pregnant That's pretty good. Do I look like I have Puerto Rican children? You might, I don't know.

You fucking have a Puerto Rican man. I don't know. Someone else has a Puerto Rican man. Listen to me. All right, Kelly, we bonded. Everybody shut your faces. Listen to me, Kelly. You introduce people.

You got to take 30 fucking minutes. Just introduce the fucking people. And into the Rod and me, very, very funny comic. Kelly, does it matter where they're sitting in relation to you, though? This is my introduction. That was my moment and you talked over I was so trying to give him some light and shade Introduced the fucking My girlfriend just had a miscarriage to say

And I have it with me Puerto Ricans don't know how to miss carry. That's the problem. That'd be a great joke. If you would grow out of miscarriage, you brought it with you on stage. This happened this weekend. All right. I'm doing my introductions.

Go ahead. OK, and now two newbies in this studio. Did it lose this guy? Nobody heard it. Did it hit my Lawrence? Nobody heard it. I'm sorry, Mike. Has Perusion.

Mike Lawrence, he's great. No, Laura Stump deliver it. Howdy spatties spells last name? Lawrence W. I say it slowed at home. I'm gonna be the one she just said Lawrence W. I Lauren Crikey. I don't know how to spell knives Thank you. That's a shitty dance soda Too easy to do it. I fuck you. I'm doing it. I listen to my left. No, I'm kidding.

So how good it feels? We have another special guest, a very good friend of mine. I've been friends with you for a long time. Ace Young from American Idol. Yes, sir. Season five. Season five. And the guy who won, Taylor Hicks.

Taylor Hicks. I'm great. I'm great. Didn't you win last year? You're on the voice this year, weren't you? Season five and the guy who won Taylor Hicks Taylor Hicks Didn't you win last year you're on the voice this year, weren't you? Hey now and then we have another great another great friend of mine who I just met this year who I've actually known Because he's an actor and I've seen his dumb I've actually hated you in movies. Yeah, thank you very much I fucking hated your face What was the most the Dylan Jouon public enemy public enemy? He was in public enemy I hated you in movies. Thank you very much. I fucking hated your face. I'm a wife. What was the deal in your one? Public enemy.

Public enemy. He was in public enemy. I said to my wife, I go, that guy's face. I want to punch it when you were on film. And then we actually did my pilot together. And I became friends with you. And I love you to death. I just saw you play, which is,

let's kill grandma, this Christmas. And it's at the theater on 46th Street. What's the name of the theater? The St. Clements Theater at the church. And when's it running to? The 30th. The 30th. When people listen to this, it will be over. No, this is coming out new years. Yeah. Yeah. So it'll be all the 30th. Oh, so you better have seen it. I thought it was going to the sixth. It was. You want to know the problem? It's a Christmas play. Well, no one wants to hear about Christmas Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You look like the the things in the pool. Oh, I don't got nothing. He's 12 inches per degree.

This bandana is this is called the bomb bandana. He looks like Michael Rappaport with less confidence. Oh, no. Wow, this guy's gonna come at me hard. I can tell. He said you saw Joe Liz with less funny jokes. You look like the minor from the Rudolph the Red Nose Rain deer. I'm sure you get that.

He's not a minor. He's whatever. Come on. Get a red. I'm a husky dog. I heard you do. Ranking bad. Yeah, mooch. Mooch. It looks like the dude that picked on Mike Lawrence is an entire fucking life. We all attention. We all look like the guy Nick Don Michael all your eyes are just clicking the word faggot We've like the guy who knows more code Here with the ham radio every night. I named it after my dead wife Diane Morris. You wife time I named it after my dead wife Diane Morrison. Your wife died?

Hi, I'm okay. That's the face I had. During the miscreage. Well, first of all, we got, we, I wanna talk to Ace a little bit, now I'm gonna talk to you. You've been one of my favorite actors. You're the guy who, what's that guy's name?

The guy, what the, and now I know. It's Adam fucking moochie. Yeah. It's fucking Adam moochie. And on Twitter, it's Moots 59. At Moots 59. I just figured that out just now. Ha ha ha ha ha.

But Ais, you, you, me and you, how the fuck did me and you meet? I forget. I don't remember the first. Actually, where were you here at the comedy seller? I don't remember. Why the fuck are we friends? I have no idea. Like how?

Because look at this guy. If you look at him, he's fine. He's young, one of the sexiest motherfuckers ever to be on idle. I remember when they were promoing you, when you on the show, you used to be a construction worker, a roofer. And he had them with the long curly hair and no shirt on a roof. Who the hammer? And I was like, go! You're wife-loved me.

And you ain't it on. No, my wife likes fat guys. I swear. Yeah, she does. I better start eating. She kinda has to, I guess. She has no choice. Just like your wife likes food and a beard.

And who knows what else? I like smelling my own pussy three days later. Yeah. No, the funny thing is, is they do their own production thing. Every time you get on the show. Yes. And when they produce you, how they want you to be produced, I had been in LA for almost six years at that point. I was the only white guy torn with with Brian McNite opening up for he and new edition.

All over what the West Coast. And when I got on American Idol, they said, just came from Colorado. I was like, wait, no, no, I've been in LA. They're like, oh, he's new on the, on the prow and call, and from Colorado and he did construction. I did, I built homes for two years. But I didn't do the actual like,

and made it kind of, I drove, I drove one of those huge ass scrapers that levels the ground for the houses. So it's like, it looks like a semi with the, so you did no physical labor whatsoever. I didn't use a hammer. So you didn't get the abs by climbing a roof and, no, and pampering it.

But like this, how fat Bobby is, he thinks you can get abs from climbing a ladder. Yeah, but if you, no, no, here's the thing. When I actually, when I saw you do your first stand-up, yes. We were talking about the beached whale bit. Remember when he said, this is gonna hurt. He said she just, yeah, yeah, you're fine.

No, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, he had lost a lot of weight at that moment. And he said I can't even do my fat bit anymore because I'm not fat. And you had said your wife after having sex, she did this movement with her leg. That you felt very ashamed of because it was like she was getting off of me.

She used to dismount me like she was getting off a dirty bicycle. And then the make it worse. I was like, Don't have an unfunny my job. Hold on, then the make it worse. She would come back and give you a wet rag. What's that?

And then the make it worse. She'd come back and give you a wet rag to clean up. Yeah. See it enough to get up. So, no, so Jesus. Hold on. No, I remember everything. So, the way I got the abs.

God, you're good with it. I wasn't on the bottom. You weren't on the bottom. He was fucking your wife from top. No. Was that a setup to a fucking joke? Listen to me, dude. Stick to fucking notes.

You get the abs from working it out. to me dude. Just can't lay down for explanation you're in the deconstruction I'm working I'm trying to see the problem is if I if I actually speak like myself all the idle fans will run away Really, oh dude totally that's that much. This is what's so this was great about being all the idle fans don't remember season five Oh, they do they do I promise you Jesus Christ Scary who are you I wish they didn't listen. I wish I could reinvent myself and I wish they didn't I know you weren't like a Fucking jail where you come in hard it's easy to like not come in easy and hard enough but settle down All right, it's a good friend of mine and he's not a comic

You're coming at him these These two guys are actors. They're gonna fucking call their agents after the show. Alright, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I have people that care about him. Who's that about him after them? When you said, I looked like I was in a jail. I was like, actually, I worked at a McDonald's for seven years. Did you really?

Yeah. Because I don't know when you're lying. I thought you were gonna miscarriage. I felt bad for you. He did, that's how we've bonded. I up separate McDonald's before really have you have now you worked That was you worked at it really worked at a McDonald's for seven like looking like this did you have a beard? Yeah, you had that beard at times Really, yeah, I can I ask you I want to add I'm honestly God. I'm walking up a guy like me I got my family and my friends and I'm walking up. How would you?

Say what's up? what's going on? And how would you deal with me as a customer? As a McDonald's employee. Do you not know how customers serve us? I give face, I want to know how he'd do it. I would say, hello, welcome to McDonald's and you'd be amazed that I spoke English. You would actually say that at the end and you'd be amazed I spoke English.

Anyways, so I mean, it is, I mean, has, You would actually say that at the end and you'd be amazed that's Anyways, so I mean it is I mean has this is the tough part about this business and and mooch You've been up up and down too. You've been at the point where it's like oh my god. Oh, I'm next to fucking Johnny depth dude I Keep in my brain this moment that I had where we're shooting this scene where When I'm coming out of my at the end with the gun and the end of the public and the public enemies. Yeah, and I got Johnny Depp on one side. I got Christian Bell and the other Michael man there and Steven Lang from Avatar and we're talking about the scene and like who's the fucking odd man out here? First of all, how do you pay attention with a

giant boner at that point? That's what I'm not. But no, you know, it's truthfully, yeah, I've been there and I and I actually took stock in my brain. I said, you know what? I got to remember this moment for the time when I know I'm going to be back down on the fucking bottom. You're here right now. You got back there.

Welcome to the mic. Welcome back, buddy. You said, you got to go back. John, that's up and. Chris, you on his side. Hang on. Your next to Lewis, Jay Gomez, Kelly, the who, who for stupa. Robert Kelly and you concordiniliates.

If I ask you about Michael, man, is it true that you had to do, is he like 45 takes on everything? We did a lot of takes. There's the one scene where I beat the crap out of Mary and Kotiard. Actually, I got a really crazy story about that actually She just won the Oscar She literally flies in to shoot the scene with me and Michael's like, you know be careful. You know she's she's just won the Oscar

She's you know really talented be careful right so what's how do you other? Fragile? I think you know I'm a big dude You can basically kick me in the head. You could beat the shit out of Kelly fucking up and down the street left and right. So he's like, I want you to kick the chair, come in, grab her face. So I come in, I'm like, I'm like, where the fuck is he? And I kick the chair, and she's handcuffed to the chair, and I knock the leg out of the chair. And she goes, she's going flat on her face about to break her fucking nose.

I caught her right before she hit the ground. Really? He's like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like, I mean, I'm working with a Academy Award winner. And I almost broke her nose. Wow, no one's been fucking a wha- but a story if you did. Yes, he would have been harder to take too though.

Yeah, but they do it as well. He does do a lot of takes. And especially for scenes where he wants a lot of tension like we probably did that take like 25 30 times. Jesus, man, and you weren't even supposed to play that role. You wouldn't do something else. Yes, you know, hang on one second. Lewis, this is acting. What he does is they pretend at the highest level. Bob, you're going way too fast. What I love is that, when he's doing a job. And when someone gives you a job, he's doing the dog faces.

When you talk to a dog. When Mooch said that he was in the room with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale Lewis, it was like, oh, did you get a boner? And then when he said he was with Marion Coltier for 30s takes, he never wants that. He got a boner. That's because.

And then I got to physically grab her. No boner, right? Can I tell you why? That's because Lewis is gay. And his brother, he can sound that hasn't been born yet, is gay in the belly. Coming out gay. But he can dance. It comes out with one diamond earring on the side. But he can dance.

He can dance. He's the next American idol. So Lewis's gay son. So here's a deal. Now you have been at, you're in New York. You get a lot of work. You hustle. I do. You hustle.

You've been on board work empire. You're on men in black. Three. You're in lawn order. You've been in the piano. You're on Sherlock Holmes. You can be on a movie. Be in a movie on a TV show, Bob. Come on, bro.

You know what I'm saying? Um, when did you get that shirt? Spanish Harlem? It looks like Ricky Riccata. Really? Oh, Ricky! I was planning the door. Listen.

Sorry, is that Bob? You get a lot of work in New York City. You hustle, but you've been in a lot of stuff. What is your ultimate fantasy? If I could give you your dream gig right now, what do you want to be in a series? You want to be in a beta one hour drama about my dad? That's never ever going to happen.

But it's something famous had a show that you could be. That's like, thank you for the vote of Confident. I'm beginning appreciate it. I'm kidding. Tell it. No, this isn't going to get a pass you for the vote of confidence. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Tell it. No, this isn't going to get a pass. Tell me about it here. Just FYI, we're not NPR.

But no. So you wrote a one. Yeah, my dad was a bookie and a cop at the same time. No shit. Yeah. So in the early 80s and actually in New York, in in in Hudson County, New Jersey, but we changed a lot of it. Really? So it's, he was on but we changed a lot of it. Really?

So, he was on both sides of the Lola. Yeah, actually, these best customers were the cops. No shit. And here you go. So you wrote a one-man show, and this is what you want. No, it's a one-hour drama for TV. It's a one-man show. Oh, so it's gonna do.

But I'd like to do a one-man show about my dad, because my dad was a really interesting cat. Why don't you, why is everybody using the word cat again? What did this come about? It's the second podcast in a week. Yeah, man you, why is everybody using the word cat again? What did this come back to? It's the second podcast in a week. Yeah, man, this cat is cool. What the fuck? I don't know.

All right, Lenny Bruce. Listen. No, no, no, please don't laugh. Just snap your fingers. So why wouldn't you do it as a one man play? I mean, yeah, no, I mean, maybe, but right now we wrote it as a one hour drama and it's getting pitched and you know Well, here's the thing cuz I was talking to Ace. I was talking to you today and I mean you were you were a star in Greece on theater

Did you know that? Danny Zuko brought Kinniki because everybody knew I was nice Yeah, I actually went and saw you don't have to end up like Jeff Conway So I was like, yeah, I actually went and saw it. Hopefully you don't end up like Jeff Conway. Yeah, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? And your show, I thought it was gonna be the big Broadway, but it was kind of a low budget. Oh, totally. Like the car.

They put it on us. Yeah, they put it, I mean, the actors really had to work your ass off to keep us going, because there was no, like the car came out and it looked like you guys made it that afternoon. I think half the steam machine worked when it came out, too. It was like, like, yeah, like the props, you can see the guy behind the, they're just dressed in black.

You know what I mean? It was almost, it was not, you know, like you know the, like in a movie with a high school, the rich high school has a great play, which is way. To the other one. It's that, it's, no, it's like you guys were a rich high school. It wasn't Broadway.

Like it was dangerous too, because when I had to do, when I actually had to come out and do the number with the car, I'm doing Greaslight and I had to jump from the car and all over the car and the car, I never knew where it was going to end up when they were spinning it in the 360. Oh, come on, Spider-Man relapse. Dude, it wasn't that dangerous. No, it was dangerous.

Turn off the door. You got to go out. And when you go off the stage, there's a fall that's about 14 feet. Yeah, dude. This is- So you got to be careful. Like, and I jumped from the hood of the car 14 feet forward, there's a fall that's about 14 feet. Yeah, dude. So you got to be careful. And I jumped from the hood of the car 14 feet forward, landing in a dance number. So I'm sitting there.

I'm the fifth boy. I have four older brothers that make me look short. I'm six one and short. My brother's a six seven, six four, six four, six five. I'm a V8. What am I? You're tiny. You're like a dwarf. I'm a woman.

And you'd be a wife. Instantly, when I even thought a Broadway, I thought of tights. And I was like, I can't do Broadway. And they go, no, no, no, no, this is different. You're gonna be, you get to pick the part. So I pick Kinniki. You get to wear jeans, like you're not,

you're not gonna be doing anything stupid. And that's why when I did hair, I just got butt naked. I was burger. So I was butt naked in the revival of hair. And that's how I met my fiance Diana because she got naked with me and she was Sheila. That was years ago. You both were naked on stage. We had naked in the revival of hair. And that's how I met my fiance Diana, because she got naked with me and she was Sheila. That was a few years ago.

You both were naked on stage. We had balls in the wind. Why did she didn't? You had your balls on? Oh, dude, everything. You dick? Yeah. You showed your dick.

I didn't. I was trying to get you to come see the show, but it would have been that much more fun. See, I know that. I'm telling you, he has a big dick, because nobody with a small dick would ever show his same thing. Ever.

Did you see? You see the guys in the gym, like walking around, dude. because nobody with a small dick will ever show the same thing ever You see the guys in the gym like walking around dude you don't That's my Why we don't even go to the gym no, but the old guys in the shower Let me tell you something dude these fucking guys with their big fucking they just wait So I lock them and then there's me with a towel around my waist taking my underwear off underneath my towel Because I don't want anyone to see my flabby ass in tiny I had 15 100 people eight shows a week. Yeah, I would I actually go into the toilet into the stall And I play the guitar on my dick get it hard I get it half full and then I come out with my dick out in the gym I my dick out in the gym. You fluff it up a little. Yeah, I actually had my dick pop back inside in the gym

and a guy, a fan, a fan, walk by and go, like right at the moment, Bubby, and I went, and I literally just spun around. I jumped and spun around, and I tried to pull my dick, like get my dick half hard, so I could turn back around. And you know if you do the flow. it's still less played than talking about being in Paris. Everybody knows that you fluffed because as it gets harder, it starts pointing at you.

It's like you got it all. It doesn't go up. Now, if it's a little hard, you can make it move. You can make it a little jump. You give it a little jump. I don't get this. How do you... So you saw your girl naked before you guys had to?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the same day. Yeah, pretty much. The same day you had sex. Pretty close. Nice. Yeah, we started dating instantly. Yeah, you just fuck on stage.

Yeah, the guys in the back is like, bro, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't see. Can I guy, good looking people like you, they fuck instantly. Ugly people, it takes us weeks to figure out like Do I alright how much money does it take to So so here so you how do you how do you take you junk out on stage and not like this? I look

pussy Now funny what a movie I get dick out. I've done naked stand up before There's naked comedy I did it 20 times. Yeah, but that's how you had to get on stage. Yeah I'm actually funny You've done fucking bring a sandwich comedy Disproven me. I just see you as my dad Gonna write a one hour play. What did that see, naked? My father never saw me naked.

I never got to be naked for my father. Show me what you got. Show me what I gave you. Face me father, you gave me this. That was actually the best moment because my parents came to see the show. It was the best moment ever for me because who's gonna be more awkward

than you. I'm gonna be like, That was excellent. That was actually the best moment because my parents, when my parents came to see the show, it was the best moment ever for me because who's gonna be more awkward than the people that gave me my dick? That's my boy. It was like, you created this. Did you make eye contact with your mom the whole time? Wait a minute, yeah.

No, I actually invited my mom up on stage because every show... Hold on! Hold on! Yeah, right. So I invited her up because every show in the opening, I come out with jeans on and a vest and then I do a monologue and I go down to a sash and I wear just a sash for the whole first act. If you're attractive, you can bring your mom up on stage while you're naked. That's what

those people were. You're more like an angel. She didn't think she was going to be invited up because normally I'll say, oh, my mom's here and at that point. She didn't think she was gonna be invited up because normally I'll say, oh, my mom's here and I pick up myself. Because she didn't think her son was a freak. She knows now. So wait, I need to ask you this question. Your dick is, your dick is, your naked. Like your dick is out.

You're dick and pubes. Like they can see how you trim your voice. The heat doesn't have pubes. Come on, I actually do. I did especially for the show because I've already grew up back. Cause you got to be a hippie't have pews. Come on. I actually do. I did, especially for the show, because I've already grew up back out. Yeah, because you got to be a hippie. We had to be hippies going against me.

All right, so your shit is out. And then you grab your mom while you're naked. I just had the sash with my mom. So you didn't have your cock out when your mom was there. No. But your mom did see your cock. Yeah. Dude, I don't know who you are.

That's what you are. I'm one of your best friends. That's what you say Adam That's what you say I'm a fucking y'all Out Adam, only a guy named Adam Adam could show his mom his dick Adam, yes

Adam, is your name really Ace first of all? It's my nickname off my middle name Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, I'll tell you why My great grandfather's name was Aisa He went by Aisha's whole life. I'm the fifth boy, so they really didn't care what my name was. They just said name him, that was it.

Thankfully, I like sports, they named me Brett. Who is they by the way? Are you one of, okay, parents? Yeah, Aisha Young sounds like a pilot from the 1930s. So, hold on, so my parents named me Brett after George Brett, and then Aisha was off of Aisha, but I always went by Aisha my whole life. I met George Brett when I was 13, and then Ace was off of Ace, but I always went by Ace my whole life. I met George Brett when I was 13,

and I was sitting there with him, and I said, it's kind of weird that they named me Brett after your last name for my first name, and then I thought about it. My initials would have been gay, if they named me George Ace. Young. So I was like, I was sitting there talking to him,

and he just lost it. He started laughing. And I literally called my parents and I said, did you think about it? And they said, yeah, we actually did. They wanted me to be Bay. Everybody spells something. Bay.

Yeah. But I never knew I know. I know. Your arm. My initials are arm. Because you're hung like an arm. You know what mine is? Mine's,

er, er, er, mine's a legit. You know, they say if your initials spell something or you're gay you'll always have money really yes That's my grandfather because nobody forgets it right my initial spell money He just danced to name my kid Malcolm Otis

Nigel needs everything. Irvin. I was going to say Chris Oscar Kelly. I was going to say the rock. I was going to use the wrong end word. No, but here's the message. Julius Elliott Weinberg. It's due for sure.

The messed up thing out of everything is that I didn't know my name was Brett and I didn't even know my middle name was Asa until the six. I was reading my birth certificate and I said, mom who's this, I thought they lost the kid because there's five of us already. So she goes, that's you. And I was like, okay, and I went on about my day. I was ace since I was one.

Can I just explain something to how much more famous Aces than Mucci or any of us? Oh yeah. Because I asked you a question, but then I just went back to you for a second and you have this great, you've been on the fucking interview couch so many times because you were like, you have this great story

about your fucking name, 20 minutes later, and Mucci's looking at you like, woo. I admire this thing. I'm actually working to get into TV and film now. And that's all I wanna do. I wanna get into that. I wanna get into a hardcore and I really wanna do it.

I'm really, like, I'm gonna get on film quick I went into like shameless auditions and all that stuff, but I had long hair and they said you're either you or we need a Stoner or a rocker and that's why I shaved my head. I'd give all my hair to locks of love and I shaved my head two months ago He is he really is. It's good that they don't stereotype in our industry that was good. I love that he's so He's so fucking perfect Hollywood He went I our industry. That was good. I love that he's so, he's so fucking perfect. Hollywood, he went, I shaved my head, gave it to Locke's, a load. Yeah, that's good.

It's like, come on, nobody gives a fuck about that. No, okay, prove it. I did, I did. I wanna see the fucking kid. I wanna see the, I wanna see the ball kid that looks like age young. I do too, I actually asked if I could and they said they wouldn't tell me.

I don't think they give it to just one person though, all your hair, right? Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. do it takes like three people What do you think that a fairly straight Asian hair and then curly hair on one side of the kids head? It's so funny if you just call the kid you're fucking this up all right You're not wearing it the right way Even though a conditioner is back

That's another reason why I shaved it. I started having to treat hair. I grew it out because I didn't care. And then the moment I had to start caring about it, I was like, oh, are you kidding? You're looking at three guys now who want to kill you. They want to murder. And Mark has had. He has done a lot of interviews.

I like him. And I had a beard last year. Ace has done a lot of interviews. Because he can talk about anything. Hey, what about your teeth? I had braces for six months. Six months. Hey, a soul patch isn't a beard, all right?

No, no, no, dude. I grew a straight on beard just like you're as full and I did a performance and when I did it, Did somebody yell out, Faggot? No, they didn't even know it was me. I've done a performance, 20 people's a performance, right?

I did it. I did it on a hallmark, a Hollywood Christmas day parade. Hang on, watch Hollywood Christmas day parade. Hang on. I want to know this is still on my brand You brought up this naked comedy show. Yeah, what did you talk? I want to know what this is explain where this is what it is And why the fuck would you get naked? With how you said it man without the meanness about me not being funny I came you're very. So far he came. Thank you, Dad. I got to explain it. No, you know, I came to New York with nothing and you know, it's one of the only places that book anybody. So I did it. And I mean, what, what, what, why, the

why? No, why do they have to have you naked? But like, the host of the show has the smallest dick I've ever seen. It's ridiculous. It's like a tiny little button. And me, Big J and Metzger went to go watch the show. Just went out to be funnily to watch it. Right. And we came in when the host was already on stage for like six, seven minutes. Yeah.

So everyone had been over how tiny his dick was, right. But we came in late and we just We don't know hack until you see naked hat You know what someone does the exact set someone he's like you're on in 10 you go outside like all right Nine and a half and then you walk back in and you know exactly what he's saying There was the first time that I did this show. I remember this guy was like, hey man, you got a cigarette. I was like, I don't smoke. He's like, can you try to get me one?

I go to the theater and I get a cigarette for him. He comes out with sunglasses on his dick and the cigarette glued to his balls. And it's like, hey guys, it's Joe Campbell. That's awesome. And he comes back and goes, works every time. But was there puffs of smoke coming out of his ball? You got to do that, Joe Campbell, you bet you're on air.

I was a girl on the show that night. I don't remember the name. I actually, I met her again. She's a comic. She's cute. Check it. She came out and she was really uncomfortable, dude. So what she did was she's naked and she goes, hold on.

I forgot my set. And then she unfolds a piece of paper and ends up being a huge piece of paper. She covered herself up with it. That was a funny gag. But then she put it to the side and then just uncomfortably went through the rest of her set. And I've never felt more rapy than staring at this girl in the worst moment of her life. When you looked at Ray, she didn't feel more rapy than when I was naked in front of

a bunch of people. I just want to know another time in your life you felt rapier He's a Puerto Rican Down the straight catchin bus But the Puerto Rican's come out they have to hold them back from raping their own mom His defense their school so teacher matters fell the work This is my question is where do you Where do you do you walk out naked? Or do you go out there and have to take your stuff off like a UFC fighter like

At a weigh-in? Some of the shows I've done are so fucking humiliating and degrading like what? I mean just some of the shitty shows that you do for any show you do where they charge money and you don't get paid as way more humiliating than being naked in front of a bunch of people. Wow. You got paid real, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, Jesus Christ, dude. You got paid for that show. Uh, yeah. Okay. You hear that? He's Mill Comedy Club. Is that where they, where do they do this naked show? They did it. They don't, they don't do it anymore. At least here. It started in Boston and then they brought it to you. People's in broad theater, right? Fucking dude. Here's an idea. We're gonna fucking take our clothes off. They don't they don't do it anymore at least here. It started in Boston and then they brought it to your

Dude, here's an idea. We're gonna fucking take our clothes off. No, right? You fucking close off Seats that very liberal women who bring their men to show them how liberal they are Old gay guys who come up to you afterwards and go that was great And I'm like, oh what jokes did you like? Everything you know, I like staring at your mushroom. Yeah, yeah, human snaggle, or snaggle, pop. Did you imagine if Ace went down there and took us close off? Yeah. Oh, I would be fucking stampeding to suck his talk out to the show. Nudist, and Nudist, you were allowed to be naked in the audience if you wanted. Really? They were the worst audience members. Oh, dude, I

would hate to have to clean the white. Why is there nobody who? Okay, first of all there's no women hot women really who are noticed and there's no hot women who are into Really just being dirt balls and just sucking dick Instances where New York has to prove how New York it is Like look how different we are. Why don't they pick a warmer climate? I mean, they don't obviously don't know guys. I want to say thank you.

Thank you. It's really quick to our beautiful, there's a mic show right there. Step up to that baby. Linda. Linda. For taking the photos. How you doing, sweetie? Hi.

You're so adorable. Linda keeps looking at you with your little photography outfit on. Linda keeps me from being racist every time she's here. Yeah. She keeps us all up. And why are they absorbing all the races that we give towards you? Exactly.

So Adam Mochi, you did this play the other night, and I walk in a little way. The theater is, he's been asking me to go, and I was kind of crazy whatever I was on vacation, and I come back. The theater is behind my house. I mean, I could jump off of my roof onto the roof of the theater and he didn't come.

But I wanted to come in now. You should go. You should go tonight. Okay. You should go this week and bring your girl. You guys really come. Here's a deal. It's a beautiful little theater.

It's in a church. 46th Street between 9th and 10th. I'm wondering where Bobby Kelly lives. It's a block over. Yeah, but you don't know either side. Forty four. Now you do. He's not 47. He's gonna be trolling up and down. It doesn't stop a stalker.

Really? Who's stalking me? I can't forget people to listen to this fucking show. Don't be there on the 31st, you're good. Yeah, I come into the thing in the theater and it all of a sudden it was impact and all of a sudden it fills up. Really, right at show time people just started coming in. And it was like fuck me, you know, because then it got packed because I'm a little heavy and those theater seats weren't made. They were made for 60th century guys. They're packed because I'm a little heavy and those theater seats weren't made they were made for 60 Third century guys. I'm not I'm not good in them either and it starts out and it it it

It's starting I didn't know I first I didn't know as a comedy. Oh, okay, because the the main guy Brett yeah, he's a little he comes up to that he comes up really quick little he comes up to that he comes up really quick really yeah yeah yeah he stays there and you're like I don't know you know to me because comedy is up and down up and down and anger and it's notes you know what I mean sure and he comes up and stay there so we were like what the fuck right what are we to but when you come out dude you play a brother that was in the war and had a head injury brother We had a brother like a black guy? No, a black guy.

I play a guy like a black guy. This guy really? Let him tie. Let him tie. I play a soldier that was in the Afghanistan who was paralyzed and has a metal plate in his head. Comedy. Then here, this is the pure cast.

You are typecast. Yeah. Well, this is the thing is that he, if you look at his fucking crazy face, he's always played a dick, he's always played an asshole, he's got that fucking, I smell dog shit, but I don't know where it is face. You know what I mean? He's like a fucking from the bully from, what's it called, back to the future. Tom Wilson.

Yeah. No, he's the guy from, Biff, he looks like the guy from fucking public enemy which he is asshole Stop it. I'm the guy. He's actually a guy. He don't say he looks like an actor that was in some shit along He's an act that was trying to articulate what he looks like Yeah, he looks like the asshole from the fucking movie stupid public enemy or don't tell him to look at another movie To see what he kind of looks like Or a struggling little decoge either one more. I actually am a struggling little decoge Yeah, yeah, you don't get pizza

I stream at the kids I really do they do get beer spit in their face There's no crying and I try to fall and I will finger fuck one of your mothers. I'd so then head butter with this metal plate. How did you know that? So he comes out. He's in a wheelchair. He's got this wrapped around his head. And you play such a lovable fucking idiot. Can you please do the voice for me? Sure. When you come on, he comes out. I didn't know what you were in this thing. And then you come out in a wheelchair. And it's like literally the movie,

I mean, the play, like, it's funny, but it's not killing yet. And then you come out and this, you come out and do the voice. Merry Christmas everybody. I'm crippled. Don't make a big thing of it. That's pretty much the way it That's pretty much like my Lawrence.

I'll get naked for stage time. To play that in the play for as long as you do and not make it fucking the stereotypical retard voice and not make it you know like a vegetable You pulled it off you were like in between normal like you had you're okay And you're a little fucked up and it was fucking the mother comes in and then the whole thing goes not grandmother Yeah, the grandmother comes in and she's fucking brilliant. Yeah, she's fun. No, she's grandmother in the play She's the grandmother to these other two girls. He brought his grandmother on stage I can relate and he was was naked while he did it.

I can relate to. Thank you, man. It was really funny, man. And it was, I love seeing, and it's running until yesterday. That was exactly, by this time it comes out it's out. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, we're gonna get people,

we're gonna tweet about it tonight and get everybody to go, try to get some people to go, but fucking hilarious. And then what happened in it uh uh uh uh a vase this is what I love happen in in theater one of the vases fell off the fireplace you were there that then it smashed on the floor and it i was like everybody was like oh shit and glasses everywhere and then nobody has shoes on in the play right so i'm like uh someone's getting a nice fucking hot blood foot.

And they're trying to sell act through it. They're like, but the, I have your emotion. I have your emotion. The one of the actors though, he had to do something and he kind of just tried to sweep it up and make it into his action.

He took his coat off and threw it on the ground. He did it in character. Yeah, he did. He cleaned up in character. Oh shit, it's a war movie. He's like, you. Yeah, he did, he did. He cleaned up in character. Oh shit. It's a war movie. He's like, you know what?

There's maybe a war torn village, but we're not gonna let people throw vases on the floor. But it was very good, man. It was, it was, it was, it was intermission. It was long two hours. It's a two hour.

Yeah, it's a no, yeah, it's no joke. It's not, uh, most plays are two hours, Bob. I don't know. Some of us shorter than that. Not really. Yeah, a lot of one, I, I've, I've been to a some are shorter than that. Not really. Yeah, a lot of one act. I've been to a lot of one act shows.

Call it. Maybe a P break though. What's that? Maybe a little P break. I don't get up because I don't feel like jamming myself back into that fucking seat. That seats rough. Because you'd have to tear the seat out of the ground

in order to get up. Now, is this weird? Hang on one second. Give me the bomb close. Just give me the fucking bomb close. There you go. Take the fucking bandaniac. I like seeing plays, but I hate being around people

who are talking about them as they're going on. Oh, dude, it's very strange. What do you mean? Everyone who's like, you know, a theater major, play, oh, the humanity and, you know, mythos that they are showing in this. Oh, this place, this play has none of that. These, these, these then jack pretty much everybody's a douchebag, but me in the play Yeah, pretty much which is ironic because he's the only douchebag in life that was in the play

Yeah, you're exactly right. No, he really is you're a lovable fucking asshole in this play It's just so sweet and and I've never seen you play Lovable but in this play you're fucking lovable and the thing that the thing that's Funny to me is that this play is two hours long ass fucking play, but it does once it picks up and once it goes, but I, this is what I hate about going to play is that like after the scene when the lights go down, you applaud. Yeah. You fucking applaud. And people don't fucking applaud. I don't care.

The only thing I've ever seen on Broadway that my wife took me to was a musical that a friend did called Stealing Time. And I did. I did. I did. He wants it back. I said to my wife, I go, if this musical,

if the opening song goes, Stealing Time, it's the great design. I go if I that's the and this bitch comes Time it's the great she said the same shit. I said no way look it they come out and they went walking and it was one of those Singing but talking things where it's like I'm walking down the street. I went in to Dwayne weed I bought myself some cup of coffee. Whatever the fun. It's like You just sing a sentence. Bob, you know I was in plays in high school, right? I was in theater Yeah, but they had to do that in Juby Hall just Yeah, what were you in street made desire it's the only time an actual Puerto Rican was in Westside story

That was in anything goes I was. Did you go white face? daily. They're the funny thing. So you got agents and stuff have to speak for you. No, all my friends are black. We don't have anyone to kiss. You say all your friends are black, you are the worst. All my friends in LA when I first got there, were. We're all black. They weren't until you killed them in a racist murdering

spray. I don't kill people. I hire people for that. Let me ask you, seriously though, this is what bug me is that at the end of a scene, you know that when the scene's done, you thought that audience that you were in with Bob was probably one of our worst audiences.

Usually people clap like crazy at the end of the scene. Right, like people laughing too. Did I was cracking up and I was applauding. I started every applause that you heard. Yeah, I went to my wife. I go, these people, I applauded. And then once once you applaud everybody starts applauding. You have to start at the and it's like Fuck me you guys. I mean you watching what I'm watching look. I don't care if it's not the best player It's not lame is these this is fucking funny. This is good shit everybody's hitting their mark

And I'm taking away. I'm not, you know, I had one problem with the lead guy. The lead guy. Other than that, he's going to be listening to this. No, I'm kidding. No, it's okay. He's the greatest actor. He was good.

But it's not his acting. He's character. You don't like him as much as the other people. Even the shitty girl I liked for some reason. Well, because she was almost naked on stage, that probably is some smoke and hot. She was on American Idol. Yeah.

Can you ever? Yeah, that's Katie Weber. Yeah, I don't know, I don't watch American Idol. I never watched American Idol either, but I know she's doing it. I watch her, you on. Thank you. I did.

I really did. I swear to God, I remember you on a fucking roof. Look at your ass. Yeah, you actually did it on my back. I think I fucking have. I had preaches come did. I swear to God, I remember you on a fucking roof. Look at your ass. I actually did it on my I think I'm fucking I had preaches come on. I watched also. Yeah. That's a Dottree season. Yeah. Yeah. I did. But here. So yeah, like he'll catch up. He kind of like he was a He stayed. He wouldn't. Yeah. Well, it's like you had these moments. I think his character. Your character had these screaming moments and angry moments and then light moments and so comedy to me is up and down to tempo.

When you go up and you just one, la la la la la la la la. It was kind of mammary. It was a little mammate, you know what I mean? It was just, and it was like, I wanted to laugh at some of his jokes, but it's well written. I mean, the right's talented guy.

It's funny and it touched on the gun issue at the end with the grandmother. Yeah, I was like, I believe come on walk this line motherfucker. Yeah, and we do. Yeah, you do. No, you do great. Yeah, you're right there. Like, you know, this is I got a gun. And then I'm like, bitch, wait a minute. Don't start shooting. I'll talk about the rights of arms and shit right on the wall. So actually the funny thing the funny thing about the show is it's it's not liberal and it's not conservative. She kind of pisses on everybody. Yeah, she's very much. I liked her a lot. The grandmother was great man.

She was a fucking great cunt. Yeah, it made just a great cunt. From the second she walks on the wall, she's second she walks in. It's a second to the great Gatsby, the great cunt. Lewis set a funny joke. Lewis set a funny joke. Lewis set a funny joke. Who to the great Gatsby, the great comment. Louis Setta funny joke. Louis Setta funny joke. Louis Setta funny joke. Who taught you great Gatsby?

Nice. Look at you. Look at you making funny jokes. But you were on, I mean, you were on Greece. And they, I mean, those crowds, though, just trained. And they chuckle at everything. Yeah, and it's, and you, I mean, you had to sit outside after the fucking thing and sign shit.

They had one exit door Yeah, I didn't have anything else plus you look like that. So you had all these I remember I walked by one day He's just signing autographs and I walk a nice tonight. Please have a signature. That's all fat women And they they were so they were so mad at me Fat all they have cute kids. Yeah, yeah, they were really mad at me. Huh? They were mad at me your fans They were like, yes, and no yes enough. Yeah, they have cute kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were really mad at me. They were mad at me, your fans. They were like, who are you? Yes and no. Yeah, they get mad.

But the funny thing is, you actually fucked by a lot. It was like right at the one time, especially the man-nays, like that was when you were just doing rounds. I was welcome by you. So literally, he would fuck with me every time. And there would be times when you did that, you'd be like, hey, yeah, no, I'll see you later at the important spot where we're meeting.

And everybody would be like, oh, I hate him. And then they'd want to know who he was. And then they'd want to try to find the backstory to where the hell we're gonna meet. Yo he visto que después era el importante del spot donde nos meti, y a todos los que se han dicho, yo he dicho, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se han dicho que era, y luego se, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Volotea. Parifa sujeta a esa disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Es terrible. ¡Maman! ¡Samos de aquí, yo, yo no es f***in' a joven. ¡Ya no pido la otra! ¡Es terrible! ¡Aquí es un gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran gran She asked me by new people coming. Yes! Dude! That's awesome. No, that was the year after. Our tour was huge though.

We did 60 sold out arenas in beat Madonna that summer. Like, we were, it was just... No, they just beat the shit out of her. They jumped in the parking lot. Seriously. No, it was... It was on... It was that bandana.

It was around my leg. Grab around your mouth. It was unreal. So, it was the first... This cocksack had just did a corny. They actually beat Madonna up. What is this? Fuck it wrapped it around the thing.

I want to know with that shitty bandanarist. What was his face right now? You were so sad. You, you wrote, that's his new thing he does. When I yell at him on the show, he puts a sad face on. You know why? He's hanging out with Justin Silva too much. He's been telling him how to teach dogs how to do tricks.

And now he's getting that same dog face. He's being telling him how to teach dogs how to do tricks. And now he's gonna get that same dog face. Will you be told off like? Ooh. I wish he was a dog. I wish he could yell your name and you'd run over and lie and show me your belly. I get your big red rocket, I see. You wrote a, you wrote a, you wrote a very famous song.

I wrote Dotswi's first song. Yeah. I wrote it's not over. Can you sing it? I could. A little bit. I don't want him to feel bad. Let me hear it.

Can I sing it? Just give a little here. I was already in the comp position with I don't want to sing about it it's not over yeah yeah I try to do it right this time around it's not over try to do it right this time around it's not over oh yeah try to do it right this time around it's not' me, but you're the only one. It's not over. Killin' me, that's the only one. It's not over. That was good. No, he and I are such good friends.

It was actually a lot of fun to be able to even create the song together. Because we want to shot. We absolutely not funny because Lewis and Robert look like earlier prototypes of the dot tree mall right that's awesome

no i promise them i promise christ that i would never sing his complete song ever when i got on stage because i didn't write the whole thing it actually was a song that uh... two other writers wrote the Verses and they pitched it for like two years right and Chris was trying to come up with the hook right and when he played it for me I sang that and we wrote the hook in ten minutes and Chris is great everyone that says that any great song there was like I just took ten minutes to write

I'm just writing songs isn't that hard I've never heard of a song that took a fucking month and a half to write like a joke that takes like three years. Well, I mean, it takes a long time to come up with shit. And sometimes it's just the good stuff just happened. The simplest is the easiest to, uh, two. No, but you know what I'm saying? You always hear like the good old fucking Lauren Hillaback. Oh, yeah, I wrote that whole album in the car on the way to the studio.

That's a guy. No, even, uh, Tommy Shaw, he wrote Renegade for Sticks. Mm-hmm. And I've become a dear friend of his. And when he wrote Renegade, he was in the back of literally like a compressed VW van Right and he was sitting in the back when they were torn and they weren't making a lot of money and he wrote renegade on a three hour drive Oh, sure. This thing crazy. And it's one of the best songs ever favorite TV shows renegade Who wrote mr. Roboto?

They actually want to do that's a D. Y. That's only Dennis D It was yeah, yeah, he does all the theatrical songs. And he's not there. Yeah. Oh, look who's serious now. Look at Blum. Look at Blum.

You get weirded out. You have to get. Blum still perform sailing away. Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with me. Bobby, you want us going towards singers? Good.

I'll tell you a story. It's very bold singers. A buddy of mine loved Mr. Rab story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story.

A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story.

A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. A story. So anyway, we go to this bar and it's all like old dudes and and and we're young at the time So he just plays mr. Robato on the on the jukebox like 30 times in a row

And and like people keep getting pissed off and unplugged it and then when he goes back It puts another 20 bucks in and keeps playing mr. Robato over and over again They're totally pissed off dude So he's a huge sticks fan. He goes to see sticks and then they don't play mr. Robato Yeah, they don't fucking like fuck sticks. I'll never fucking go see them again watch them again One of the best live performances I've ever seen because because they he's no longer a guy Yeah, he's no longer with the band so even the keyboard guy right yeah They have another guy who actually plays keyboards and people actually think it's him because they do the same stuff

Yeah, but he sounds the same. How much is Mike Lawrence know about sticks? Can I say something though? They they know a lot about everything. They both wear vests. That's why they both wear vests and they're awesome. They'll play the piano backwards and it spins around there. But it's like the filipino who pretends to be Steve Perry. Oh, he's got the moment. All right. I believe it. One of the best live shows I've ever seen. I mean, it's better than it's better than the album. I watched them on H.E. Net. They have those live concerts and they are really fucking good. Yeah. They did it with the One of the best live shows I've ever seen. I mean, it's better than the album. I watched them on HDNet. They have those live concerts and they are really fucking good.

Yeah. They did it with the orchestra. They're so solid. Really fucking great. They're actually what I don't think we have anymore is back in the day, everybody in the band was good at what they did. They were musicians.

I mean, the drummer was crazy. The bassist was crazy. The bassist was crazy. The guitarist was one of the best guitarists on the planet. The singer was great. They all could play instruments. They were all musicians. Now, you get a guy that can kind of play drums. You can exchange anybody the fuck you want. It's really the lead singer. And honestly, the lead singer. And how is it even that good? And I'll finish my point when you're done. There's a reason for that. And while you you fucking just yap over you I say something that's good that makes you say the same fucking

What the fuck just let me say you do say something that makes me the same thing You can I just say this yeah serious rolling stone everybody did rolling stones way better than the beatles way better go Huh and still performing rolling stones. I love the rolling stones that no No, he runs five miles. No, they're not every show. He runs on a treadmill three miles before the show starts who Rolling stone make Jacka don't oh make other runs five miles every But he needs to eat something. Oh, have you seen him? He's on something. I mean he goes He's I mean I give him credit for that. He's he's got some energy. That's right. He's kind of unforgivable But he's got the moves

More creative man like the the from 64 to 70 like that's pretty much their entire catalog I don't think they came in that six years. I don't think it's even fair Yeah, I mean you know Ozzy Osborne wrote most of the Beatles albums now you like I don't think it's even fair to compare And the first time I right now here and that going going blast for me and he's wearing a pop-a-roach shirt The first time I heard an immigrant song Led Zeppelin immigrant song. I thought it was Aussie Yeah, right and then I became literally a fan of both. I was a fan of Led Zeppelin I

Didn't Led Zeppelin gotten a lot of trouble though because a lot of their songs sound like a lot of other songs that came out I don't even know how does that sound like anything? I think another big thing with Led Zeppelin is if he played their song with other people's songs that were made before that song came out but what are the songs? They're, I'll find fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun You can't make that statement and not pop it

Now why people created rock music with them white people made it better We didn't say we made it better Yeah, like houses No, whenever you write a song here. Here's the sad thing about writing music Whenever you write a song you'll get lawsuits from people that will write similar songs and say they have to come a knowledge that like there's actually a whole catalog that lets them sing. I've never heard of it. Never heard of it. I've never heard of it. Oh, readable. There's just some guys like look, I rhymed you with do first. That was made exactly. Exactly. That's fine. Yeah, I mean, you've never been in a musical. No, you can't

sing. I'm terrible. Are you really terrible? Really? Hold on out when when is the last I was in a musical in high school? There was a while ago. I was in a funny girl. I was in the lead I was Fanny Bryce funny girl I love you know the name I was in sugar some like it hot I I love that you know the name. I was in sugar, some like it hot. I was in guys and dolls and that was it. What did you play in guys and dolls?

I was in the chorus, I was a freshman then. Oh really? I was in Canaberry Tales and I walked out the show night to go do a comedy show. You're so sweet of God. I played, I figured I wanted some some asshole they gave me some shit part It wasn't even a good part and the night it the night it came out You're under study I walk the fuck out the back door because we had a comedy gig we booked a gig

And I was like and I'm in the back of my you were doing you were on the comedy in high school. I was new at college Oh college yeah So you were in a play in high school? I was new at college. I was in college. Yeah. So you were in a play in college. I was in a couple plays. That's where I got into acting and that's where I got into comedy. I took an acting class as an elective. I was taking fine arts as a, it was going to be an art teacher. And I took this acting class. And then I got into a bunch of plays in college. And then what happened, you walked out of the game. I did, no, they did a talent show. They did a talent show.

We had some improv class, we were acting class, we were taking. So me and these, me, Al Dhabenny, and these other two guys, and then we got Dane Cook, who was a friend of Al Dhabenny's. We actually did improv, and we wrote sketches for this talent show and we won this talent. I'll tell you, our improv was this.

If it worked the week before, we just swung it back in next week. We'd ask the crowd, give us things that piss you off. Not that. No, not that. That's good. That's good. We like that. Every improv comedy show looks like a picnic I'm not invited to.

It's, it was, we were terrible too. We were funny, we were funny, charismatic wise and, and we could be, we had stage presence. Dane was fucking hilarious. Me, I was fucking hilarious. We used to fight for laughs on stage, but we did, we got to this improv group and we won the challenge. I remember this, I felt so bad. This girl comes out, this fat girl in like an amish dress

Some fucking oh just shitty dress. She comes out and she lays out this opera song that was fucking Beautiful Everything she physically wasn't in boy welcome to your college. I'm not even kidding dude this bitch came out and went Welcome to your college. I'm not even kidding dude. This bitch came out and went oh Did you cry and then you won you heard something as soon as she ended her song soon as she ended her song you heard one guy go She started crying She started crying and then we won

shitty Hot guys Because you were just hot guys and that's what And Rob Roberts like in that night I fucked her with my eyes closed And she sang the whole time You both said savages? I would just put pillows around her body She blows me You didn't need any flower on that one Yeah, we yeah, so then we got We started getting gigs and I remember we got our first gig tonight

And three of us were in this play And one of us was like a lead. It just walked out and we I went we got it go. I go do you want to do fake show business? Or do you want to do real shows? Was it a one night show? What do you mean? Was the show only on for one night? Yeah, it was college. Dude. Yeah, we fucked up dude. By the way, it was some shit fucking bar show. Wasn't it a good show that you went to I bet no was fucking a person did kill some because of it, but that's because he was gay I would love to say I would like to get get in the ward I'd like to thank my gay acting teacher that nobody knows this gay, but we thought he was gay

I know that's why I was saying it unfortunately I saw the one explain my jokes again I'll see if I know that's why I was saying it unfortunately I saw the one explain my jokes again. I'm nice. Next I'll see if I know it. All right, this one is about your torso. You made a cry. I didn't make a cry. Some dude in the thing when she was done. I was in awe. I was like, oh, this bitch just won.

He went and you heard him. It was just some punk kid in community college just cracking up with a fat bitch singing good. Bobby went to day in and fucking out. There was like, dude, we got to bring it. Did you see what she just did? Yeah. So funny. You are so funny.

So funny. You are so fucking funny. Here right, I was like, dude, we got to do this. You see what the fuck she's doing up there? We're doing it all beatbox. You know that guy? Beautiful, man. Put your hands in

The things we can't change the things we can mother fuck off We're gonna be together forever like I laughed at it up marrying her You know, it's just like I just wanted to bring herself a steam down to me So funny what's your number now you How long you been doing you have another business too, right? Yeah, yeah, I have an Italian market. It's great Dream Food me to Jesus Kelly look at Kelly and Adam are gonna My wife my wife I just ruined it. I was gonna

He runs a pizza ria that doesn't have any pictures of blacks Literally is gonna hook it up and you go my wife you're fucking cock block So unless he's into that now when you see Italian deli yeah, yeah When you say Italian deli I mean it's a meat hangin off the thing. Yes, can I get a multidella sandwich? Yes, can I get suprasada we We sell Iron Cheenie. Do you have the black hoof pick? No. You don't have the black hoof pick? I have the biggest vine on now. Oh my god. We do. Where is it?

Is it a bonding on it? It's in New Jersey. What do you do? Look. It's in my hometown in Saddlebrook, where I live with my family. Sounds like he's going to fight you. What do you know? No, no, no. That's just, we make our own mozzarella. Oh, no, no. We make our own mozzarella. We make our own sauce. I make the mozzarella.

Really? Me. You can tell that he's really Italian and he does this because he calls it mozzarella. But the rest of us assos go, you have mozzarella. You have mozzarella that's amazing. I hate when people do that.

When people talk with a normal accent and they're like, so we're gonna go and have some motodala. You don't have a normal accent between a restaurant and a restaurant is $20 yeah that's like me what I'm what I'm what I'm out of a time restaurant oh school let me uh so almost felt chante school's excuse it school's it school's it school's it go pray go ask us to spell

chante and I go chow when they leave chowau. Then you go to say an American word to you, like a excuse a prego at Pepsi Cola. You know, when I talk to people that have an accent a lot of the time, what happens is I start talking with an accent to the... You're an actor. Yeah, it's terrible. And you're a phony.

But like, a Spanish person, I think they're gonna understand me better if I start talking with them. Like how? Like, um... I mean, you take out certain way. I don't you know like how like um, I made you take out Sir, I know what you're talking about I want to hear an accent. It's not even in really an accent. It's just you Simplify I could you do it if it's like a chick who speaks from my country you're like like I do you do it you go over here and you get okay you understand okay you go he talked to them like they're fucking anything. I thought it was gonna be like Like my own Louisiana you talk to them like a thick black Fucking hot what I do is I imitate their accent. It's kind of weird

You know like stupid people. Yeah, I want what he just been like this stop what's that he just went you? Come to my house and cut the bushes. Bushes, you fucking dumb people that are on this. Who does me? What the fuck are you doing? You don't imitate their accent. You talk to them like their dogs. It's wrong with you.

Oh, wow, she is so sad. Yeah. What the hell is that really cool? The cool thing that you come to my house are you That's a restaurant. Is it like a deli? It's a deli. It's like you come in you buy you know what Yeah, I brought you some meat Kelly You know Listen to me listen listen listen listen listen listen listen listen listen listen listen this fat fucking Australian broad Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob.

Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob.

Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob.

Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. Let's do it, Bob. You do Why don't you bring a thing food? You bring a city food Who has a restaurant? You have to have the on again and I'll bring you some you bring some stuff in yes, I will bring a lot of food I'm gonna be on forever now if I bring the food. That's how you get rebooked See you need to get naked that whole time. I just bring some fucking food so

So you plays over now now that you're done, here's a problem that Ace was talking about me today, and this is the sad part, is that when you, look, we all have that when we come into the business, you wanna be, you do it for the art, you do it for the, you know, but then there's a point in your life when you, look, I need money.

I need to pay bills. I got a wedding to pay for. Are you getting married? June, come on in. You said it's worth. Well, so here's a deal. You're at the point. You're coming. Am I? You better be. Where is it?

LA. It's not happening. It's not happening. You're saying we're getting married during a matinee performance of beauty in the beans. Nobody, nobody likes weddings where you have to fucking spend $800 on fucking a ticket to get to. It'll be 400.

I'm not. Where am I flying jet blue? Yes. Southwest. First of all, I would love to come to get to. It'll be 400. I'm not, where am I flying jet blue? Yes. Southwest. First of all, I would love to come to you waiting. If I'm a valentine, I'd love to go. You are invited. But here's a deal.

You said it today, you're walking down the street where you're like, you're like, I need a job. And I'm like, what about the fucking art? And you're like, fuck the art, dude. I need a job. And we forget that this becomes a fucking job where this is where this is where I mean I look I love doing comedy, but if I gotta go here and do these shows

I hate when that happens man. I hate I used to love I remember doing comedy to be funny and to get pussy and now You got pussy. I got it's pregnant, but I guess I don't know technically's pussy, but I don't know if you can fuck it You already did. Oh, yes you can She said to me the other day I go I go so you're after your pregnant how long can before I can fuck you six weeks Six weeks she goes six weeks ago, so when that six weeks can I go to massage ball look and give me a pass She goes we haven't banged in 12 weeks already No fuck face she goes, we haven't banged in 12 weeks already. No, fuckface. But now you can not inside of her all day long.

I know, come right in my kid's ear. Eggnog, come on. There's no, tell you something. What they say is for natural induction, they want you to come inside of her because the seamen naturally opens up the cervix when it's ready to come, dude. And the seamen actually helps with morning sickness,

because. And it tastes great. It does. So the kid, yeah, if you eat your own salmon, your wife won't throw up in the morning. Oh, Bob, have you ever tasted your own salmon? Are you really? Are you? I blew a guy for a steak. First great. You don't think I tried to suck my own dick. That's why I need to bring mate here. I can blow him guys a steak. I'm not blowing this steak was covered in his own mozzarella. I'm not blowing this ginger for a steak.

She really is right about your eyebrows. And Rob, why are you using so much teeth? You know what? But that's it, you take the job. And you lose the art in a lot of shows because a lot of shows perfectly on a suck. And we fight to get on these things. And a lot of them aren't that good to be. To comics, I think that's literally, I think that's almost like the goal.

You're like, oh, dude, I want to get on a letterman and write out every joke I've ever done and have you tell me what to change and what to take in take out. That's like, that's what we do. You know, comedy, it's a little different. Like when you get to the highest level, you have to be edited by these people. Yeah. Well, it's such a different vibe to us so lucky as comics because they can nobody can ever take it away.

As long as you're funny and you're willing to get naked if you have to tell some jokes seriously. I would let you look at my pun. Well, I had something that was the exact opposite. But you guys, but my real quick, you guys don't, actor as an actor you don't get that you can't just book a Giga's gig as an actor you can't just there's no open mic for acting our biggest thing is act the part and if it's Believer, but we did our job. First of all Adam's really the actor you know the singer listen I'm working. I was killed on bones. Hey, I'm working. I respect the hell out of you for everything you're doing

I respect you. I can't sing a lick I don't respect either of these assholes. The difference between actors and comedians, because they're like, no, I understand the struggle you're going through. So they will both get to California. We're just like, man, that last joke he did was better than mine. Fuck, I'm going to die. Well, we can always go on stages.

Always an open mic. There's always a place you can go to get it out, to get it out and get the accolade or the feeling of, I am right, this is what I'm supposed to do. Well, that's also comfortable letting to do it for free and they're not. Yeah, but here's the thing is that you, we've got things for free.

Yeah, they do it for free. I mean, I did stuff for free for a certain period and then there was a day where I said, I won't do anything for free anymore. Because the day you were at them, fucking moochie. It's the day you opened up as Italian meat market. He's like, you know what, I'm not doing shit for free. Well, you want to know what's funny about how I open that.

There's been a fun. No, it's not really funny. I have Mooch 15. That's ironic, is what it is. At Mooch 59. Yeah. I bought the store and then I started getting a lot of acting work, like a lot of acting work. So it's almost like the store and then I started getting a lot of acting work like a lot of acting work

So so it's almost like the store is I tell you what I tell people this all the time You want to get successful in this business? You want something to happen in your career plan a fucking two-week vacation Oh absolutely plan a vacation where you're like fuck it. I don't care. I'm going to have fun And all of a sudden you're following yeah, they want you on the show. It starts next week. Oh fuck me honey Have fun with your friend in fucking Florida when I got public enemies. It's funny I was I went I auditioned for it and I was getting on a plane to go to Dominican Republic that night So I get on the plane to go to Dominican Republic I found out that I got the job while I was laying on the beach. It was fucking awesome

So your wife was finally the the preparations for your wife that you bought was ready, you can go pick her up. Two bucks and nothing. Not three bucks. On the wife you go to the, shut up, wow. I got the band-aid in my head. You didn't get it?

Come on, he was going to the fucking Dominican Republic. By the way, I thought of the same joke and I said, ask, it's not fun. Yeah, dude, wow. Yeah, we knew you think of the same 10 seconds of explanation. You had to wear with all to not say it. But he usually doesn't.

I usually do. I know. No, my head hurts right now. But we do a lot of stuff for free and actually a couple weeks ago I did a... You do. No, I'm kidding. No, we do. But especially funny stuff. After the show he goes, no, dude, I really did buy my wife.

That's why it wasn't that funny. And of course I thought I told her on the QT. I did a charity event two weeks ago. Of course you did. Hold on, hold on, I'm gonna go back. But I did a charity event and they said, will you please you and Diana do a, please show your dick.

No, opposite. We donated a few. Shut up and show your dick. Will you do a medley of hair songs for all these a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit.

We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. We're gonna show you a little bit. And I was wearing jeans and I had just jeans on no shirt. And I was getting ready to go on stage. And the two hosts for the show came over right before I walked on.

And they said, you're going to wear a shirt, right? I was like, what? They go, well, people paid thousands of dollars for this. And I said, well, people paid thousands of dollars to see me in Broadway, but I was naked. You want me to take my pants off? And they go, no, no, no, you're gonna wear a shirt, right? And I was like, listen, you asked me to do a show

about being a stoner, and I'm in character. I'm going on in 10 seconds, and you're worried about my wardrobe right now. That's such a hot guy. Look at his, he's like, dude, I'm not going out. Unless I have my shirt on. You're not denying me my right to have naked on snag. This was a good, this was a good, this was a good,

I wanna pull my big fucking dong out, and you're not letting me. This was for the arts for kids that wanted to be on Broadway. And you know where we were, sure. But here's a deal though. And I wanted to show them what Broadway was, and literally like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute, this is a long, good Broadway.

Hold on, hold on. Go ahead, I'm gonna take it. I don't know, man, I'm getting freaked out in between the two of these guys. I just gotta say that. I'm getting freaked out being between With your jazz My shirt on and I go out and I act like a stoner and it makes no sense Because I look like a guy that just lost his job and instead of a guy that that lost to you know Look at the suit and tie shirt on I pretty much was dressed up Yeah, really and it was the dumbest thing ever. I felt I felt totally I felt totally out of care

You're comparing that to Kelly Fasuga's open my career. Are you in your fucking mind? Yeah, no where I've been As long as you want Mootch is me No, I don't you really are gone for doing Psychie you don't mess with somebody psyche Spard during the Super Bowl I prefer going to sports bar during the Super Bowl Super Bowl with Super Bowl the last the one where the rapist one

Can you do me a favor right now maybe what kind of huge favor? I just want to see this it's Bob playing dick. I want to see can you I want to see can you take you sure it off? I want to see how she read it you are there's one girl two girls in here Yeah, and so it doesn't first of all there's two girls in here. Yeah. And four girls in here. So, first of all, there's two girls in here, and then there's fucking three-do girls. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. If Moch does it too, I'll do it.

Moch, you do it. Rooch! I fucking love Moch. All right, ready? Here we go. Look at Moch's fucking one belt loop that's broken. Yeah. Yeah.

Public enemy money. This is perfect because the before always goes before the after. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, We're just showing off some of the cheese that he sells Totally gay then now mooch and hair shirt But that's perfectly okay Boyer mooch has mozzarella pigment. Hey dude if you want to stay in this podcast you're gonna take it close off We did that mean big Jane dancemith did a naked podcast with just dudes in the room God Look at butt naked we did that mean big Jane dancemith did a naked podcast with just dudes in the room There's a big boy. Oh God. He's why I mean No, you have a lot of homosexual tenders That's what

That's coming from a guy without a shirt on next to a fucking another guy who's a 10 without his shirt on. Mootch is a four and a half right now. Yeah, I do. I play oki-koki in high school. Mootch is a 20s killing a. Mootch's body looks like the Vietnam War. He's in character. This is the regular guy. Oh my gosh. He looks like when you went into the war and Moosh looks like when you came back with no legs around 12 months after.

That's why I'm in the play. I didn't know. That was wrong. If I have to look at the two of these guys, and you would ask me to choose. You'd choose Moosh. Oh, would you? I know why you'd choose Moosh.

Because you look like you could beat you. Because you're going to look like in around six months when you come back to Australia Hey guess which one was I'm curious why you would choose me I don't like skinny guys. There you go. You know lately skinny one second. I want you. I love you I fucking love you ugly hang on I love you do your body. You, if you had a choice right now, he's beautiful. Hey, fat Kelly. Look at me. If you had a choice right now between this guy, look at him. He's fixing the mic.

He's stunningly beautiful, by the way. Standingly. I'm in ten. He's got some of my balls. Good talk. you even hit your chest hair is choreographed. Yeah. He really did. I told you I'm hairy man. I grew a full beard. Yeah, but it's shaved perfectly.

It's trimmed. It's trimmed. It's trimmed. I'm shins. Chest hair looks like it's having a flash mob right now. My chest hair looks like they had hair juice and spilled it on my body. I think that thing on his stomach where there's no fat at all on his six bags

So he's like he's just got skin that's like on one end of the year Ace is shredded What do you like about Adam mooch? Which is nipples of the same color? What do you like about mozzarella? Wet much Wet much So that's facts that I can get all the free mates and chases that I want.

Mates! Mates! Ever since you got that wrestler? Mutes, Mutes literally looks like every wrestler that never had their own entrance theme. He looks like Barry Horowitz. And he's like, I'm like, ho-co-good and iron my shirt. Mutes, you're like, cuddly, my shirt. Oh, it's a myth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Munchie, Munchie like, cuddly, like he would,

he would swallow you with a hug. But you look too pointy. I hate his way too pointy. I would hurt you. Yeah. And then if you fucked me, like, when you were in a movie, you were like, I just tell you what it is.

I just tell you what it is. I hate you. I hate you. And then literally wouldn't be there when he's done. Yeah. Munch would be there, but like, one gets from me, can't you? You want some out of the round?

Munch would roll over with a fucking sandwich and be like, you hungry baby. I just got one of those bodies man. I almost just fucking you. He's like, you said you were gonna come to my play. It's right across the street. I just got one of those bodies where he's so fit and tight that if he fucked me too much, like it would be pain.

Like you, I had to put an ice pack on my pussy because it was just like, just muscle, just like, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb. Wait a minute, stop a secondbleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleblebleble brother. What's wrong with that? There's bodies and says which of these is going to encourage me to do comedy more. Which one won't leave me if I get fat again? We're doing naked comedy downstairs after this, right? Nobody's doing naked comedy near you and your big hair. Are you sure it's back on now? No. I can't.

Lewis, what's wrong with you? I'm gay. What? Lewis is gay. Lewis is happy. New year. I love how Adam never... You just realized how much it's going to cost him to take care of a child.

I don't know what I am. I don't know what I am. I never met Lewis before ever. I never listened to the podcast as well. No. And then like five minutes ago Just goes Lewis is coming off really Running gag of every episode is

Here's a problem though. Here's a problem is that you brought up that you did a comedy show with you and your friends Circles are coming naked comedy show with just you guys in a room podcasts Yeah, just a naked podcast. So you decided to do a show, naked with other guys. Yeah. What would that get you? Hilariously hard. Wow. That was funny, dude.

It was fucking funny. It made everybody uncomfortable. What would, why did you do that? What was the outcome of that? We just laughed a lot. Why did you laugh a lot? Because it was, when we drew straws to see how to get naked first.

What's your drug cocks in your mouth? Because I would always be the short cocks. I'd pick Jays a short cocks, isn't it? Yeah, Big Jays a tiny dick. I'd probably, um, Dave Smith. Now Dave Smith is hung like a fucking animal. Dude, it's unbelievable. Heavy, what was the line?

Heavy thick dick. Heavy thick Jewish dick. What is that, Dave Smith? Uncircumcised? No, it's circumcised. Yeah, Jewish you're Italian right what I'm everything I'm Italian German Swedish English and Irish really you got no Jewish in you though, right? No, no Jewish. Thank God We're in a fucking You what are you what are you besides American? I'm German Irish and then just mutt really you know, I mean fucking you don't have me fucking god in you

You just wanted to be like I I'm just ace, that's who I am. And then he jumps out the window. Watch me fly. And my kids are also Puerto Rican, Hungarian, and Dutch. You got to marry a Puerto Rican wife? Yes. That's sexy. I wanted a Puerto Rican.

I always thought I was going to get a Puerto Rican dude. Because I always had chemistry with Puerto Rican girls. It's. Cuz I always had chemistry with Puerto Rican girls. Best sex ever. I was with Puerto Rican girls. I always thought I was gonna be with Mario Puerto Rican. I want to marry in a fucking pollock from Everett Mass. Because you love her. I do love her. She's awesome.

She's a great wife to the other night. She's very nice. Yeah, she had a great time too. And then he saw you at there. I was a good one. No, I'm trying. I'm trying. That was a good one.

I'm trying. It's hard to be with you. I man, I'm trying. Give us a thing. That was good. I'm trying. It's hard to be with you. I'm not. Give him the bomb. It's hard to make jokes. That's good. You finally got it.

It's true. No, I learned it. You feel about comedy the way we feel about our bodies right now. I just got it. When you shit's back on. Hold on. I just figured out, I figured out what making jokes is. You just have to be an asshole.

Wait a second. No, you don't have to be a Apparently you can't help apparently you're keeping that Bear you like the band-in you want to tie you want to tie it around your leg so you can be in character You know I wrote Chris Dottry's first 10 minutes I don't like how Ace tied the band-in a cool around his microphone First of all Ace is not human. Okay.

I'm not even here. I'm not even here. Hey, Sally, I called you belly. Belly. I'm staring at Adam. I called you belly. I'm staring at Adam. I called you belly.

And you know what I heard figure out? That was my neck that I'm growing up. Everyone called me belly. It was belly. It was belly. Why do you go fat? I go fuck on it. No way. Listen to me, shit. I want to know? All right go fuck away listen to me shit

I want to know something. Why is it making you uncomfortable that these guys are topless? It's not like they have their cocks out. It's just Tom. Why is it making you unconscious? Why doesn't make you uncomfortable that mooch only has three underarm hairs But he has four nipples Wait a minute stop It looks like a 13-year-old No, that's not so much I think it's like a 13 year old. That's awesome. Mooch, mooch.

See, that's what I have trims here, because from Saddle broke New Jersey, where you had approximately 2, 16 miles. Can I just say something, Mooch, you have the exact nipples I like on a woman. Those are my favorite nipples on a girl. Nice man. Just pink, little round ones. Kelly, why does it make you uncomfortable with these guys? You're not nipples are wearing breast cancer. You're not the first person

to make fun of my nipples. I'm okay with that. I like the nipples. I would prefer them on a woman but I do like them. You have nice pink round nipples for a man. He's fucking mooch. I just want to love you. You know you you don't give a fuck You're that's what makes you sexy to me. I'd fuck you more than I do without without the rest to go without the rest Oh, he keeps the rest The restaurant's part of the day You see six in real life, but the restaurant adds two points. You'd fuck Moose more because you're gonna imagine yourself saying, I deserve this while it's happening.

That's what God gave me. And you know you're getting deserve it. Kelly, are you really uncomfortable with them topless? No, it's alright. I'm just thinking that maybe they feel awkward because they're sitting there. So you're worried about them being awkward. Yeah, do you think ACE is awkward right now? No, do you think he this what he wants everybody?

He's sitting there to woman's with the tickets to get right over me Lewis just talk right the fuck over me Could you use your headphones once on the show just one fucking time? Not fucking talk over me Bob do not disrespect me in front of me. There you go turn you right the fuck off It was really just like a port in the weekend. Joan Rivers. I never did Can we talk yeah? It's just the asshole that steps over everything listen. I'm gonna get you bigger headphones Um, what's funny when he said though? Yeah, how do you know what my said was it?

What I was gonna say that I forgot now wasn't gonna be funny because I got his Raspi boys talking over me every fucking five seconds. Hey Lewis is a Denny's waitress. Yeah, seriously a smoking Jewish grandmother I love that Lewis Adam keeps looking around like what the fuck am I doing I'm an actor I need to talk like this guy This guy is Twitter as a photo of him with Robert De Niro and Al Pacino and now he's sitting on your couch with his shirt on. I was doing it for him. Like, A's once again, he's dick out. That's totally cool, man. I respect it. This isn't the room for my dick. I just caught myself staring at his dick.

This really isn't the room for my dick. There it is. Don't fucking do long listen to her. She's gonna pull out his dick. This is her. Well, you put one of my fucking, you know what dude? Mike flags on your cock and then Lewis suck it. Can you put the band-in on your nose? Only if I can get Robert De Niro's photo buddy on it.

Don't fucking, you could fucking, you guys need to hook up. I think, Adam, I'm totally down. You guys need to become friends, because Ace is one of the nicest guys I've ever met in the business. And, yeah. and you call me a douchebag all the time. You're a douchebag face Moose body looks like what happened to Robert De Niro's career Adam's one of my you I want my new favorite people on the business. Thank you, man I love the I'm you love what you do I'm a I was a fan of yours before I knew you then what you did on the pilot was fucking awesome. Oh, we had fun.

Fucking awesome. He played the dick on the pilot. But I hope so if it gets picked up. Me too, man. Because the plots they were talking about me and you, we're supposed to be nemesis on the show where he's kind of the dick and I fight with him all the time. And then they talked about one show where we meet up, because we'reatties and we love food and we we want to be in at the same

place one night sneak in fat food we just we become like fat lovers we hate each other at work but we meet each other and we see really become friends I got you an apple fritter you got you a jelly filled dude you got to meet me over the fun. You're the real barbecue place. Have you been to B&W bakery and had the grump cake? That's great. It's in Jersey. Dude, you got to get meat bread over in Brooklyn. No, I'm totally down.

And the things I want to do is I want to make fun of everything that everybody knows before because it's truly not who I am or what I stand for. So put your shirt back on then. And I also, I want to do a lot of acting things that it's unexpected I want to do roles that people don't don't think I'm gonna do so they don't see me as What do you say you do once aware different types of makeup? Here's what you do you need to chip your teeth do that. I do it for the role No, you wouldn't tell me what no, you don't really have makeup you jagged

You know it's acting right? You know Brad Pitt didn't really get his wife's head cut off in seven. In the box. You know, it was in the box. There was a chocolate bunny in the box. Jim Perry did chip his front tooth for dumb and dumb already chip. He already had it and already chip. It's the only thing he did it have the back in. Chloe said that he really did blow that dude in blue bunny though. That's brown bunny dumb dumb and she did blow Vince what is she did? Brown bunny I watch it on Listen to me. I took off to that scene 15 times

I've done 5k remember the color of the wait a minute you jerked off to a girl blowing a guy. Yeah, awesome Stop the fucking show. She was learning technique. You understand how fucking sexy that is So you watching a real actress suck a real actor. There's something hot about that. Really. Turns you on. They really did. That's the only one I like watching. 16s from real movies.

That's right. No, I've. I've. Google that specifically. I was in that place for just a serial killer. Fucking you just staring at Kelly. Like the fucking bugs, buddy. Staring.

Staring at the fucking. Do you have to ask to ask Rick Re Rick real for a dream scene on the loop? Nobody likes you know likes asked to ask Bailey J loves asked to mouth What like dick in the ass into the mouth fucker in what the fuck in the ass. That's what the fuck in the ass. And then she likes to suck it. You put the girls with something. I'll make a girl's ass.

It's not bad if you take care of your asshole, which most people who like to get fucked in the asshole do. You can't take care of the inside of your asshole. Yeah, you can. You got a shit a bunch. Did I fuck girls in the ass plenty of times? They have to shit before hand. Wait, was girls in that zone?

Just that zone of Chipotle forever. Couldn't you find it? Was girl? Hang on, give him the band-aid. Chipotle forever? And you're fine was girl hang on give them the band-in No, no, it was a guy named Johnny girls give him that band-in I'm just what I know I deserve this The double snout. Well, you like was girl? Did the word girls was that in the sentence when you said I fucked girls in the air? Yeah, it's a bunch of times okay girls all right. What do you know? I'm gonna take a leak to talk about it Yeah, sure guys wait a minute. You're gonna take your dick this way because you thin

Yeah, sure, guys, wait a minute, you're gonna take your dick this way because you thin So you you don't like it a girl if you fucking girl in the ass and then she sucks the dick afterwards What's that so wrong with the girl? Wait, wait, how so wrong? No, but how is that wrong from a girl sucking a dick after spending her? It's been no because it's shit. It would it would turn me off. I would I would not this so you would let me ask you question You wouldn't suck a dick if a girl Someone fucked you in the ass You wouldn't suck a dick if a girl, someone fucked you in the ass. You wouldn't suck that dick after. Wait, what? Is this a trick question?

I would do it. No. I won't do that. Oh no. I'm kidding, I would. No, you know what it is? Dude, I have a, I mean, one time I was fucking shit. Adam, if you want to put your shirt back on you can.

Yeah. I was going to ask. Yeah, please, yeah, please. I was like, you didn't need to take it. I was like, you know what I'm doing? I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm kidding I would You know what it is like I did I have a I'm a one time as fucking Adam if you want to put your shirt back on you can I was gonna ask yeah, please yeah, it's please. I was I do you didn't need to take it off in the first place I wanted to you're a fucking goddamn man, dude You're a pale issue real. I'm dude real. I do do you need a flash for taking pictures for Adam right now

They're all gonna come out white screen They're actually gonna see your spleen Adam can you send next to me so she doesn't need to use the flesh Disciples are just gonna have red eyes and Adam is is is I'm fatter than him Question like that bitch just went like this Fucking asshole you didn't have to answer it. I said it. That was a question mark. I know wait I didn't it wasn't a question mark. It was a statement. You didn't have to answer it. I said it. That was a question mark. I know wait. I didn't it wasn't a question mark It was a statement. You didn't have to say it was reiterate it was an understatement Rolex Hey, come on Lewis just made an intelligent funny. I was a solid joke

He said it was a state I know I a guarantee a guarantee a she's went in the bathroom and found a hair out of place on his nipple and that's what he just Oh my god, I can't believe they saw that I'm such an idiot I'm so I'm firing this bitch. I've got a hair emergency No, I jerked off real quick. That was really fast. Yeah, you come You do you still do you still crank them out even I, being this good looking in a relationship, I don't. He's the only person who jerks off to his own head. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I had to say something. Please say something.

In a relationship you don't. I don't. You don't jerk off. I haven't. I hope Mochis Jules ace in the mouth right now. Let Moch, good. Go for it. I gotta be honest.

Please. I'm married 11 years. I'm together three. Not married. I gotta be honest. Please. I'm married 11 years. I'm together three, not married. I'm getting married in June. I'm coming. I'm 14 and I jerk off. Maybe in 14 years, I'll jerk off. You will jerk off. I think I jerk off.

You know what I think I'm not. I jerk, I always jerk off. I think Ace is lying. I'm not. I don't like you. I love you. No, but I'm telling you. I love your body.

I love your face. This just told you that. I think that you are lying. I think that this girl Yeah, would be mad if she knew that he was still jerked off with her. She's crazy hot Yeah, she's probably a little fucking crazy. You're actually both wrong. Oh, I'm one person buddy Dude, I don't even have if you do a search. I wish I brought my computer if you do a search I don't even have we have we what do you think we're fucking my computer so you can see my history I don't even have porn or anything on that can I just animals? Well, I mean, my computer, so you can see my history. I don't even have a porno or anything on that.

Can I just say something? Can I say something to everybody here? I delete my history. I agree. First of all, you're gonna understand. We're coming from a very self-deprecating. I don't think he's come from the same fucked up in our heads about ourselves.

He has a very good outlook on him. His brothers, his brothers very positive and outlook on each other. They help each other. Good family. He's been stable with what he looks like and the people. So I agree, I don't think he does. I get to say jerking off is an escape for us.

It's something to do. It's a connection we have with another human being because we don't have it with our wife or our girl or whatever at the time. We jerk off to connect with something. I don't agree with that. Absolutely. I don't know. What do you jerk off to? I jerk off because I get a boner and my girls that work.

Right. And you want to connect when you think about it. I want to jerk off so I can breathe. Really? Truthfully. Like sometimes I have to jerk off because I don't need something. I agree with that because I don't want to walk around with the ball all day with a ball jerk off and then I feel better. Yeah, it's like high anxiety Where were you? I totally I seriously I went to town since I was like an 11 year old kid

Say I don't believe you never jerked off in your life. No, dude No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me smell your finger, let me smell your finger. You don't have to jerk off when someone always wants to touch your dick. No, listen, I totally went through the phases of doing it, but when I'm in a relationship, I totally agree with the freedom that frees you up.

You can breathe. But I want her to have that too, so we just hook up all the time. Yeah, but this is why I agree with him, because I think that jerking off masturbating is fuck, I don't think it's a natural thing. Look, my girl is so selfish. And I made Wittlitz first of all,

we're not made to jerk off. We're made to fuck another person. Of course. So jerking off is a selfish thing. It's to feel the feeling of an orgasm. It's to connect to something. It's to feel something. I'll say that to connect to something. It's to feel something. I'll say that.

I think jerking off is to feel something. It's something to do. Sometimes it's something to fucking do, to feel a good feeling, like eating a piece of cake. It's the best feeling. You know what I mean? I don't think this cocksucker cares about cake is what I'm saying.

I don't think he cares about it. See, I don't understand that. Exactly. The mean you eat the same. You know, we'll cares about it. See, I don't understand that. Exactly, Luke, the man you eat the same, you know, we'll eat because it makes you feel better. Oh, yeah. Okay, we'll fuck because it makes you feel better. We'll do dirty fucking shit on the internet

because it's like that evil hunt makes you feel better. Without the consequences of going and fucking a real she-mail, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Again, again, and it's not the picture. She lied. She looks like my uncle. Well, do, do, do, do a weekend in like any of that ones.

We sing it. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do. And that's the other. No, I'm serious. If I wasn't around here all the time, if you weren't so good, I totally understand it,

but we're always together. We're that one couple that everybody hates because we're always together. We even said we're traveling. She's here. I'm here because she's doing a show. I'm always with my wife, dude. It's not that. I guarantee you, I'm always with my wife.

I'm always around her. I've been with her for a month straight. But Road Jerk Officer, the best man, when you're liking an iconolive. I'm gonna say this, I jerked off on vacation with my wife to a fucking other girl in a lounge chair. I hid behind a curtain In my room actually totally here's how creepy I am I went out I went outside to look through just to make sure What they saw so I know that because you're saying that on the podcast and she's saying that at a support group And she's saying that it a support group

That was I must it. I don't know I literally even know my name I fucking was jerking off On vacation with my wife and I had and I'm sitting there and this fucking smoking broth and it allows you and I cranked one out I can I didn't even I didn't even fucking get it out my I don't know. And I didn't even, I didn't even fucking get it up. I remember I pulled the muscle in my side. I've done that. Yeah, trying to just, it wasn't, I was just, and then I pulled it up.

I just imagine the girl looking at you, like don't mind me, I'm just a curtain. You know what I'm saying? I heard my ironing tempo. That's why I went out and back in. Just make sure you can't see it. This is Bobby hiding behind a skinny tree. You just put that cardboard cut out of you in different hotels. Like, did the eyes just move? Are you all falfer? Spank it. That's amazing.

I mean, look, you can be like real good. If you're a creep, if you're a creep, you're still gonna find time to fucking crack. I'm not. No, but I'm still, I'm totally, my brain's totally twisted and there's nothing that can shock me anymore. No, have you ever fucked a chick with another dude in the room and high five and giggled? No. Oh, well, dude, we're not even in the same fuck. I can't even talk to this kid anymore.

Yeah. So, have you ever got a chick blow, two chicks blow you? Yeah. Yes. Wait, first of all, he didn't even answer. He looked at me like, come on, son. Come on. I'm done asking you guys. He's just responsible. He's just responsible for 20 million people on TV and we all just cried.

It's no. And we're all like, and that's why I jerk off. That's awesome. No, I'll let you know. We'll be buddies. I'll let you know in 14 years. Please. Have you ever jerked off to watching a guy jerk off while the hotel maid comes in the room?

No. What? Adam, it's going to be so funny when you get a text 14 years from now from a number. You don't know. I just jerked off. No, that happens. I'll just put a picture. You'll get a picture. I'll be smiling.

That's just a fat ace. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it.

I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it.

I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I've never seen role. I hope you, you're gonna say in New York, you're gonna be an ally. You're gonna try to get an ally, right? I live in ally, so I'm by coastal, but I'm here till the- Don't say buy around Lewis, please. Yeah, it's like, I'm coastal.

He'll sniff out a buy, dude. Have you ever jerked off dressed in a Mr. Incredible costume? Only when I wore you in a Mr. Incredible costume. You really do look like the dad. I know, oh my God. Yeah. You have a, he looks like the dad from the Incred look like the dad. I know oh my god. Yeah He looks at the dad from the Incredibles the cartoon more like Craig T. Nelson who voiced the dad, but yeah close He doesn't look like that guy. I look like mr. Incredible. He looks like mr. Incredible

You had to joke yourself off. I'm glad you kept the bandana. I really I really didn't That was me trying to be if you oh my god This Kelly where things are going well here My suspension of just belay frozen strong enough for I'm like flipping out of the connection Adam and Kelly having right now It's really because I hope that's good. Should we show up every week with a meat platter I love a fat Kelly again. That would make me happy. I'd love to see Adam. Are you fat Kelly? Yeah, she was fat. How fat? Not that fat Her tits were way bigger if you took her tits out right now. It would look like Google maps got stepped on I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, she used to be

My nickname fat Kelly fat Kelly really or sandwich bag titties. You look great though. I appreciate that. Oh stretch mark hips. Yeah No, she used to be... It's horrible. It's my nickname, Fat Kelly. Fat Kelly, really? Really? Sandwich bag titties. You look great, though. Parachute, that? Oh, stretch mark hips. Yeah. Parachute, parachute tips.

Oh, bloody asshole. I hope Katie. Catching tongue. Two eats, they're on. So, if you guys hook up, that'd be fantastic. I'd love to see him, because he's Italian. He'd abuse you. I'll let you know, don't tell his wife, though.

Like, Carlo and the Godfather? Yeah, yeah. She'll show up with a black eye I made the Puerto Ricans mad Lewis what do I do after I got the black guy he put me on it well we this was the new year special show me and I really appreciate you guys coming on we had a couple people actually canceled today. So thank you for filling in, bro. You were fucking great. Thanks. It's hilarious. Yeah, I hope you had a good time. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, but be it. How long did it take to grow out that bit? Three months. That's awesome. Yeah, dude, you were really good on the show today. Appreciate you coming down the show. Notice where you come back again. Yeah, definitely. Awesome. What's your Twitter and Facebook? What's your info? Mike Lawrence comedy and

The Mike Lawrence. The Mike Lawrence on Twitter. Yeah, on Twitter. Okay. Great. Um Louis J Gomez and Louis J Gomez on Twitter and also guys also guys on headlining carolines January 8th. Bam. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Buckle. You heard me your headlining headlining. Now we got breakout series January 8th 730 show go to carolines.com 730 and headlining cancel itself out Yeah, especially when it's a All right guys, I'm gonna be begging for changels out of carol No 730 show that person bring a requirement 730 show 10 person bring a requirement Where do we get this?

Like I'm so good. Gary Veter's featuring Miguel de Males hosting really fucking fun guys great guys It's $5 tickets if you go to Caroline's calm and use the the fucking the promo code Lewis is a homosexual not a breakout break out as the promo code so go go to go to carolines.com. Buy your tickets five bucks is cheap. Five bucks dude. Use the code breakout. Break out. Break out. Make sure you guys do that.

Everybody who lives in New Jersey, New York, the tri-barrows, I don't even know if that exists. That's a bridge of that. Can you guys say Lewis, if you live in one of the five boroughs place? Yes. Come see us. Come on.

I love the, I would try boroughs and I looked at Moji, but not does. Yeah. You put the five boroughs in it's a tri state. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anybody in the tri state area. In Georgia, actually, anyway, that's terrible.

It's one more than by. Make sure you go check out Lewis, man. He's headlining. It's very important. You guys, you guys you guys I hope you know this that when you show up at our shows it makes us look good And that's the way we that's the way we get gigs the more times you guys it's great if you love us I love the support love the followers blah blah blah blah if you don't come see the main thing that we do

Which is stand-up comedy live and five bucks is pretty cheap. Go support Lewis, five bucks, even if you don't like him, you should go. I mean, I know you look personal. Don't worry, really funny. So, okay, when is this, there are where you're reek and show them starving that knee. I'm gonna go. Mooch is gonna go. Mooch is gonna be there. When is it again? January 8th, 730 show. You'll leave in the six, right? He's gonna say in town just for my fucking show I boom a season a she going right? What night is it? It's a Tuesday Tuesday. Yes. All right. If you go I'll go I'm going I'll go up mooch

Boom Bobby's going Kelly you going? I'm gonna be in Australia So don't fuck yourself Kelly. I hope you're playing crashes boom The boom the back I'm a real ass dude. I don't take what I say back you are real Yeah, it's like watching your set just don't want to mess up movie about a plane crashing All right, it's ace ace. What's going on with you? What's happening? Planning a wedding doing a duet's album partner with Jimmy Buffett. Oh planning a wedding doing a duet's album partner with Jimmy Buffett Oh, you're married?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, let him get in. You're talking to Jimmy Buffett? You gotta stop talking to all the people, bro. Don't have a talk over Ace. I'm a headliner. No, you're not. You're a fucking mid-afternooner. So we are, I partnered with Jimmy Buffett.

We're just getting all of these together. The Jimmy Buffett? Yes, sir. The fucking millionaire. Yeah, the best song owner. Margueriteville. Yeah. He's got a restaurant, too. I heard he's just really a little better than mine.

He's a really nice guy. He's super nice, yeah. Really? What song did you have? How'd you become friends with him? I actually was looking for a distribution when Diana was on Young and the Restless. We wrote an original country song for her character. We liked the song enough to actually make a music video

and release it called Good Goodbye. And I was looking for distribution and they're really tied in well with iTunes. So I just called them. I had lunch with their whole team and asked what they would wanna do in exchange for distributing and once you heard the music, he said,

Ace, I'll do any artist you wanna put out, I'll put it out on iTunes through my label. Really? So now you're gonna do Wet with Jimmy Buffett. Are you gonna tour them? And I'll put it out on iTunes through my label. Really? So now you're going to do a duet with Jimmy Buffett. Are you going to tour them? I'm doing a whole duet album with Diana. Right. We just want to be together.

We just want to hang out and travel around in the food. And be happy. Yeah. Fucking all the life is about. That's it. Fucking great. Good for you. And you're available for acting.

I am available for acting. And the more disturbed the role, the better because I would love to catch her. You got to shake off the American auto image. I'm totally down. Someone's going to be like I have a role for you and just give you $10,000 to jerk off. Like see it's good. If Quentin Tarantino gave it to me, I'd be. I'd let him shoot me jerking off for 10 grand in any race.

Yeah. Because I know at least it's going to get to the eyes of the world. I'll be super creative. I'll chip my teeth. Oh, Jesus. I love that's the worst image. I don't super creative. I'll chip my teeth. Jesus. I love that's the worst image. I don't want that image you would chip teeth jerking off. I like it.

I like it. I like it. It's so good. Blow something up. Kill something. What's your Twitter? Twitter is I am Ace Young. And Facebook is just Ace Young.

All right, Ace Young. And Adam, it's friends with you and it's friends with Mooch 59. Good, good. And you'd be friends with the podcast too. And Mooch, what's going on, man? I'm finishing the play. Well, the play's already finished by the time. The play's already finished, right?

And then after that, I'm hoping that you and I are shooting Bronx war. Oh, God, well no. You know, I gotta be sorry. I gotta tell you a little thing that I got. You want it? Yeah. They've got the script.

And after the holidays they're gonna let us know. Now that, no, well that could be a, either way, man. Either that's, we don't want to fuck up your Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. half-hour fucking FX pilot. It's like let me do a fight. If you're the, yeah, if you're the, if you're the head of the F-Action, it takes you a week and a half to read a fucking 22-inch script to something wrong. Hey, let me tell you, man, he's fucking great in it. You are too. And I love everybody's great. Nadine, the writer, yeah. And look at man, to be on fucking FX is,

God, it's a fucking, I want this more than I want it, anything in my life. I'd love to be on that fucking network. And by the way, he fucked a guy for a stick, so... I didn't fuck him. I sucked him. Dick Lewis, and I was before I knew what penis was. He really wanted that stick, is my point. Look, I didn't know it was gay at the time.

I just thought it was a thing that was like a foot, except softer. That's how you suck this. Um, so, yeah, hopefully, man, hopefully. But what else you got, anything else? Um, little like James. Yeah, actually baseball starting up with You know, and what can make kids you got? I got to a boy and a girl You actually coached a little league. I actually do. Oh my god

That's great. I love them. I coach football too. I coach football too And what was the biggest role you had is it is? I mean, I mean, I mean, that in boardwalk empire. What were you? What you playing boardwalk? I figured out like deputy Ray Haller. Yes. Right. I did like 13 episodes. Well, season one, right? One and two. One and two. You want to check out Adam Mochi boardwalk empire. He's fucking awesome. Enemy, um, public enemy. He's the fucking asshole that hated,

that's what I'm fucking hated you. But he's great, please check out his stuff because you get residual. Check him out and hopefully we'll be on a show together soon. That would be, I'd love to work you all the time. Then we get ACE is the fucking hot new cop. Make him jerk off.

I mean, I would just fuck with him. Yeah, we got great. You can do everything that you don't want me to do and I'll probably, I'm yeah, yeah. It's great. You can do everything that you don't want me to do, and I'll probably, I'm gonna rape you. It's acting. Not for me. Not for me.

I don't know how mad. I don't know how much you know that these guys are pretty mythic. Yeah, they're mythic. Like, what is my answer, huh? Kelly for Stuka, you're going, this is, all you guys are gonna be sad out there. Kelly for Stuka is gone.

How long? Just for like a little month. A little month? Yeah, just under a month. How long? Three weeks? Yeah, three weeks. I'm going home. She will not be on the show for two weeks. Yeah, I think, right? Yeah, I'm going to go home and see my family and my new nephew that haven't met and have a birthday, do some shows. Australia. What are you going to do shows in Australia? Yeah, I'm, I wasn't it true that you're when you're Funnier in Australia. I am funny in Australia. I feel like I am yeah The silence goes counter clock One of the actual bands I work with is from Australia. Yeah, then they're called London cries and Toby was on

Voice supernova whatever it was another voice thing. The different one Toby was on voice supernova, whatever it was, another voice thing, no different one. It's called supernova or something. But he's already has a- He's the one that nobody watches. He has two hits already in Australia and then they were called something else and we were getting ready to release him now. They're really good.

But a hit in Australia doesn't mean shit. Kelly's a hit in Australia. Kelly's the Ellen DeGeneres of Australia. Yes. One thing I didn't talk about today that I will be talking about in the next couple weeks. I'm actually going to get Matt from the laugh button live on here. They did the top 10 albums of the year for 2012 and Patrice Honeo was number two. You're furious.

I was mad, man. I look. First of all, I love Matt. I love Crisellus. I love those guys that laugh button laugh. They do nothing but support this show, me individually and everybody on this fucking show, they've given, they've helped and got behind and they get behind every comic out there.

They're truly fans of the art of comedy. And I know top 10s are subjective and personal but you know I got I got I look at the top number one was John Mulaney which I love John Mulaney John Mulaney is fucking hysterical really fucking funny very funny but one of the nicest guys ever met I love him but it's just it was Patrice on the always number two and it's just like dude just throw even if you don't There's no unless John Melaney is that much fun here than them Then you got to give it to Patrice because Patrice in my eyes, you know the festival time dude

Yeah, he was our Prior he was our column. He died Before he was supposed to he got made Patrice to be funny on stage, on a bus and a plane in front of fucking thousands of people telling jokes. He was made from fucking the hand of God to be funny, to make us laugh. Not just at jokes, but at the shit we do, the things that we have in the back of our heads,

all the crazy shit that we think that we don't know how to say Patrice would walk on stage without a piece of paper without a notebook and talk. And it would come out and form into this holy shit. Wow. Fucking unbelievable thought provoking laughter that you'd remember. You'd walk out. It wasn't a set up puncher tag. It was this unremarkable fucking experience

that you had when you listened to him. His pauses, his ups and down, his tempos. And I just think that, and he's dead. He made one album and we'll never get another one from him. And it came out this year and he passed away. He should have been number one. In my eyes, I look, I'm not saying that he's better. I'm saying that he's better than I would, I think Patrice is out with the best.

So, you know, he's number one. And look man, yeah, well it's what we think. And yeah, but if you're fan of comedy, I don't think you should have thought more. You know what I mean? This is wrong. I think it's wrong. Yeah, look, I don't think you should have thought more. You know what I mean? This is wrong. Yeah. I think it's wrong. Yeah, look, I'm with you, man.

I think Patrice is the best of all time and fucking. Yeah. I think John Mulaney's unbelievably funny. I think everybody on their list is funny. And I, you know, I talked him a little bit. He was like, look, everybody could have been number one. I know, but you picked the number one. And Patrice was number two.

I would have been happier if he was number five. It would have made me, at least I know that you don't think he's- He wasn't close. That close to being number one and Patrice was number two. I would have been happier if he was number five. It would have made me at least I know that you don't think he's that close to being number one. When he's that close to being number one, if it's that much of a hard decision, give it to him. Fuck, there's not a heart. Let him have it because that's it. John's gonna make it on the CD. Let him have that one thing. And it's just because I respect them so much. And I care about that company so much, because they care about us so much that it was a come on guys. It's like when somebody really respect

says something you don't agree with or they do something, you're like, what the fuck is that? It was like, I know it doesn't affect Patrice's legacy. It doesn't affect anything. It's just, to me, I'm very protective of that, and I think that he deserves number one all around the fucking board. Look, if it's the Grammys, all right, I get it.

You know what I mean? It goes for ticket sales, it goes, it goes into all this other shit. But when it comes to these awesome websites, like laugh button and laugh spin, and you know, these people that just Said I want to promote comedy I don't know where they went and they produced these websites and these these got these people together and they they're all They're the whole objective to make money to support their lives is to support us and get our our stuff out there

I think that's amazing. I love these guys. Crinchumer, love it. I love these guys. That's like a couple of weeks ago when I fucked with the stand and I said that. I love the stand. I love those guys because what they represent, they represent helping comics become better,

exposing people that should be exposed and then getting the people that they love and they love their comedy that are exposed into their place so everybody can fucking Prosper from doing what we love and what they love to see I love that I love those guys It's like the seller same thing. They love us. They give us a table. They make us special. They you know I love those people and I love laugh putting live. They're fucking awesome So it really affected me when I was like what the fuck come on? You know, he should be number one I so I want to have I I'd like to hear your thoughts on that email me at ykwd at ryecast calm

Let me know. I mean look I talked to Maddie made some he made some good points I'm gonna try to have him on the show. He's a sweetest guy ever, too. He's such a fucking mat. I just wanna bite his cheeks. He's a big dude like me, and he's just a lovable guy. He's got a great laugh, and him and Chris Ellis. So maybe he'll have him on. It's a good, I think it's a good debate to have. It's something, because comedy is personal,

especially comedy. It's very personal, but I just think that was a no-brainer. You know, because of, he's dead. We don't get to see him again. We don't, and give it to him. Let him have that. And also, what he does, it's not fucking jokes. What he did was like, like, he reinvented it.

We on the rose, he comes out, and he later, I'm not gonna find any notes. How many times did something happen this year? And you were like, man, I wish I could hear what Patrice has to say about this. Cause he gave us this perspective that no one else would think about. But that's what I wish Patrice was alive now.

Cause if he was, I wouldn't care. I'd call him up and go, ah ha, John Malini's better than you. And I'd actually agree with him. But I think this show, and I don't know, Patrice is super well, but I hung out with him a few times. And this show, in my opinion, is a continuation

on what Patrice is like philosophy was Which is to just fucking bus balls? You're in the room with some dudes that you fucking care about Chris the fuck and Patrice had a fucking podcast. Oh my god. Oh my god. Would it be fucking the best? Because he he knew how to Philosophize comedy. It's just and and people have tried, you know, but he knows how to philosophize comedy He knew how to just be funny and it's he's just his he knew what he thought about something immediately in a funny way Like something had happened in the news and he had an opinion on it and Immediately instantaneously in a funny way and we get to the root of how he truly felt about what side he was on and why

in a funny way instantaneously. And that what else is comedy? I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about. It's also like a fucking lack of fear. That's like advice that Big J gave me that Patrice gave to him, which is like you can't be afraid. Never ever, ever quote Big J. V. Just pro Patrice. You have a quote that fucking mint and wear an ass all time. I swear to God. I'll dump this whole show

I'll delete this fucking episode Listen so anyways, we're gonna have those fucker guys We're gonna have those assholes a man on the show whatever but again. Thank you so much happy new year everybody's alive Happy new year Where are glasses? Where's my glasses? Yeah, no, those aren't mine. Where are my glasses? Yeah, pink ones. So go on green ones? I don't care. I wanted the other ones. We're the American ones. I knew the American ones. Those are the real-life dude ones.

Yeah, you take those. Give those to Lewis. Here, take those. Moochie needs some. Yeah, the pink ones. All right, there you go. I don't have any. Actually, you should have the pink ones, Lewis. Oh, Mo'm moochie Oh Three pairs just three how much were they? It was like 10 for three 10 for three get to

You get what the fuck Kelly You know In five seconds. Oh god Kelly you really are She's a goddamn fucking nickel chaser. I mean, we have six people on this show. We have so many nickels. Say, asshole, you really are just you ruined Christmas. And New Year's.

I'm glad you, I hope you're playing Dust Dumb Kitting. How homicating you're kidding. I hope it doesn't. I don't know. Plains full. You guys are great. Thank you so much for supporting us. Thank you. For for having us.

For this, this podcast has become crazy over the way. I used to do this on my iPhone by myself. And now we do this. We have over 40,000 listeners a week. Awesome. And it's getting bigger and bigger. And it's getting bigger because of you assholes out there promoting it. So keep promoting.

And tell your friends. Keep listening. And happy new year, Cox suckers. Do you want to go to January or Carol? All right. What'd you say? How do you ruin? I mean, literally. Tell your friends, keep listening, and happy new year, cock suckers. Who's your gonna January a carol? What'd you say? How do you ruin, I mean literally, just the, really, I just the fucking Spanish asshole. I mean, I literally fucking,

what a beautiful ending to a show, and you're in it, I'm general. And nobody is not even worth the plug, cause nobody heard it. They heard it. Just say it again. Guys, tweet at me. No, you're gonna cut me off, motherfucker.

Say it. Go ahead, say it. On January 8th, it's at 30. Please go. Please go. Just bring a bunch of other Puerto Ricans I'm stuck in the bottom of the bottom You know what I'm getting I'm just stuck in the bottom of the bottom You know what I'm getting Really dude, really, really, really You know what I'm getting Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.

Don't stop.