Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD Live from Boston

Episode Date: September 17, 2018

Live from Laugh Boston with Jimmy Dunn, Tony V and Will Norman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Zippercruder.com slash what dude? Zippercruder. The smarter way to hire. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Laf Boston and you know what dude zip recruiter the smarter way to hire Ladies and gentlemen welcome to laugh Boston and you know what dude live makes a noise for Robert Kelly What's up everybody, how are we doing good? What's up dudes? Give it up for my blue duel. If you guys don't know what the hell's going on, some of you have the face. Like this isn't comedy. It is.

It's just not stand up. It's a live podcast with some of the greatest Boston comedians. And this guy, I don't know him. And Will. And then Will. And yeah, no, I'm kidding. You guys know I'm from Boston.

I'm going to do a little podcast. We got Jimmy Dunn. That's where you applaud Hello everybody Tony V Will Noonin hi and Gabby you guys who know my podcast is on every week All right settle down settle down Guys you should never go. Whoo don't ever do that Do you understand what I'm saying? Look at me. Do you understand?

You have a salmon shirt on. Let's just chill out. It is salmon. You have a fucking weird that I know that. I love salmon on my Caesar salad with hot wing sauce. So, yeah, it's fucking right. Is that good? Oh, it's the best thing ever. It's the only way to make a fucking Caesar salmon salad good.

Get the hot wing sauce on the side. Fat tips for you guys. Or, or, or, or rapid and bacon. Rapid and bacon? Yeah. No, I don't like me. You're not making anything in bacon and dilated. I don't like mixing meats, but I will do bacon with chocolate.

Have you done that? Yes, I have. No. It's a fucking hard attack. It's fit, it's fit. It's almost as good as chocolate potato chips. Well, chocolate... Yeah, all right.

What do you mean, all right? It's fucking the boom, my God. Why is it... Hi, how are you? That's why you're just fucking some hot chicken, the front row, and then you alone. It's like a fucking dating app. Hi, sir. How are you?

Are you a fan? Or did you show up? Were you with the nerds? I'm like, I have nothing to do. I'm a fucker with nerds and like I have nothing to do You knew to what sitting the world Oh fucking good for you thanks for coming dude. That was really creepy the way you said that But I'm thank you for getting out of your comfort zone

All right, good. Thank you very much. Nice. What the fuck are you laughing at? Now we're all uncomfortable. Was there a metal detector? No, there's not. He doesn't have a gun.

All right. He'll fucking take your Facebook page down. I know. You're not a nerd. I heard it. Stereotype. And you're stereotyping. You're not a nerd. I heard it stereotype and you're stereotyping. You're watching the calculator. Who the fuck I'm stereotyping? He's checking his heart right now. So anyways, I've never done my podcast live in Boston. I've always done it in New York or at festivals and

stuff and then they asked me to do it here I was a little fucking nervous Because I have I've been in New York for almost 20 years now But there's something about when you're a Boston comedian. Yeah, you're always a fucking Boston Absolutely. Yeah, you never you never leave. I don't understand. I mean, I understand it But it's like people say people go like to where you from I'm like I'm New York, I understand it, but it's like people say, people go like, what are you from? I'm New York, but I'm originally from Boston. You know, like I can't, and you can't, people from California, anyway, all I live in New York,

it's like you've been there for three weeks, and they'll fucking throw their state out the window. You know what I mean? No, Boston's in you. Yeah, what is that? It's the hard scrapbook working class mentality that doesn't exist anymore, but we hang on to it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you know, Irish immigrants and Italians. We came over and we worked for everything we had. And then that's what you identify with. Just because you go to some snowden in New York and become a Yankees fan, doesn't mean you can't. I fuck off, I didn't become a Yankees. Did I say that? Taking it too far, Vee.

Listen, but here's the thing comics from Boston. We're known outside of For the best comedians. No, no question. Yeah, because of the nobody fucking questions that because of the guys before us Who are the guys before us, Dennis, those guys that would gav, gav, those guys that would do Swainy, Stel, Stor, Docs, Lions, yeah, those guys that would just, they had this boom boom boom boom. And when we watched, we, we, we, we wanted to be them. Right. So now when we go and we leave Boston, and they go, oh, it's guys from Boston, you know, we turn it up. It's a weird thing that you don't understand that The Boston comedy is you you tell jokes a lot of them for the whole time you're up there Right like I've done shows with people walk up like oh you were funny the whole time

Like they stay literally saw comics that were funny for a minute And then they were funny and And at the end, they were really funny. Well, because when you break in, you're going on after the guys we just mentioned. And you know, because that's the way it worked here. I routinely, when I started, got bumped by Lenny and Swini, and Gavin, they got to do a show. And then you got to go on after them,

and you're at the occasion. to do a show. And then you got to go on after them, and you're dick or you rise to the occasion. And I'm no stranger to it. Well, the night before. Yeah. Well, it is a thing, because I came up with, this is my, you guys would be for us. But I came up with Burr, Billy Burr, Patriso Niel, Dane Cook, Bob Marley, Gary Gullman.

All hitters too. Same thing. Yeah, we were all the open-minded. That's kind of, Bob Marley, Gary Gullman. All hitters too, same thing. Yeah, we were all the open-minded. That's kind of, to my generation, we're looking up to you guys and people. What's your name again? My name is Will. That's what we'll do to you.

We look up to you, like, the guys that book me still talk about you and Patrice and Bill Burl like you guys just walked out the door five minutes ago. Like, when we won't do something like Patrice would do it. We're Bobby would do it. Right, right, right. So brag about you guys and tell all the old stories. So it's like everyone's kind of looking up to the

top of the story. I remember that we would be at Nick's comedy stop. I was just going to say, you guys held court at Nick's man. And what we would be going up on like Noxie show and on the weekend, it would be Sweeney Gavin or you guys would go in. But you guys would fucking murder. Like you understand, you go to comedy shows and people, ha, ha, ha, ha, but these guys,

the roof would fucking shake. Like the fucking, the place would rumble. Like people would be falling the fuck over and it was so, and then they'd be like, are you doing five? Right, in the middle of this. So suck a dick, I don't want a fuck to go Right. And you're like, in the middle of this. So suck a dick. I don't want to fuck you go up. And if you bomb, you didn't come back.

No. No, you had to do it. That's what we're saying. You would drive to that. We chased more national headlighteners out of this city. You know, like I can remember times, you know, Richard Lewis in a heap, like weeping in the back. And then guys would come in this headlighteners and by like Friday night, they'd be the MC Richard Lewis in a heap, like weeping in the back.

And then guys would come in his headliners and buy Friday night, they'd be the MC because they didn't want to have to deal with it. It's a fucked up thing because one of my best friends in the world is Colin Quinn. I mean, I love him. But I was at Nick's one night before I knew Colin Quinn was. I knew him from the shows and TV, he was famous. And he rolled in the Nick's one night.

There was 500 people there, sold the fuck out, and a bunch of you fucking douchebags went on for him and murdered, like fucking murdered. I think Sweeney went up too. And then Joey and Eddie was there, and Quinn went up and ate his dick. I've never seen somebody fucking bomb. He was there, and Quinn went up and ate his dick. I've never seen somebody fucking bomb. The people were leaving, I heard.

It was fucking whistling that fucking song. And then one guy threatened his life, and Joe had to fucking go get him. Joe had to go up and go, I'm from East Boston. Listen. He's staying with me. I'm Italian. I'm from East Boston. Listen. He's staying with me. I'm Italian.

I'm from East Boston. He's with me. He's going to walk, he had to walk, went up through the kitchen. Right. But not only he bought twice, he bought that night, and then the fucking next night, who bombs that bad twice?

I mean, tell a dick joke, do something. And I remember that. He bombed. He fucking, you guys would just go up and level the place. We do it all, we would pride ourselves on it. Yeah, and then the best part was, whereas they walked down that long staircase at Nix, we all go, thanks for coming.

Thanks. We'll be enjoying yourself. That's fucking brutal. But you guys did it too. Comedy now though, because she's part of the new generation, gaps. You guys away, I mean, you guys did it too. How many now though, because she's part of the new generation gaps? Yeah. You guys are way, I mean, you guys are very supportive of each other.

Yeah, it's very like, oh great set. I loved your set. Oh, I love your outfit and your set. I've never heard great set from one of my friends. I've never had Jim Norengo do good stuff. Literally, I would look out, I've looked out into the hallway of the seller while I'm really doing well, feeling good about myself and see Jim Norman going. And myself, I see, sucked out. Yeah, we've never done that. We were just so

many doing jobs. Yeah. Well, it made you better. Did it make me better? Sure it did. You're good. I'm alright. But you think supporting me would have made me more successful. You think I would be doing a podcast here on a Thursday. I'd be doing a sold out show and get fucking 30 G. If only we had good set. You think that's what it is. You think that's the thing holding you back. That somebody didn't say good said. Maybe. Maybe you stick to that story.

Here is a funny thing though, is that, I mean, no joke, you guys are funny. I don't know your comedy, but I heard you funny. But as far as you guys, we've worked together before. No, they vouch for you. I'm not funny. Oh, he's a funny thing. Oh, he knows what he's doing.

Yeah, let's settle down. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. It's trying to try to make it better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, thanks guys. You should. That was a good sent. Good. Yeah. You're doing great. Thanks, everybody. Hair looks awesome. Oh, man. Thank you guys. Do you lose weight? That's I'm gonna be funny if that worked. You were thinking, next week, we'd all be complimenting. Hey, man, you look like you lost some weight, do I? But it is a thing.

We've all had success. We've all had success. Well, you've had success. You still do. But to be as funny as you are, to have people say you're funny, oh you're hilarious, to be revered as you guys are, right? And then, but you never left Boston, you're here, but you left, you had a TV show. But the only reason I left was because I went to an audition right here in Boston for a sitcom

in LA, only because it was about Boston and they said, this guy's perfect and they flew me out to LA. I wasn't out there beating the... Why does some guys say fuck it and get out and some guys say, no, I'm not doing that. Well, because they're smart and they got this dream and they wanna chase it and you can get stuck here,

as well. I mean, Bill Burr has, we've mentioned him a couple of times Credits me with given him the best advice he ever got which was get the fuck out of town. No shit Yeah, you're young, you know, you got something going we can see that and you're gonna get you know As you just mentioned you're gonna get stacked up behind us Just we're not giving up what we started. Yeah, you know you the stand, that this comes from a place where there was nothing in Boston. There was no comedy. There was no clubs.

We started that. You know what I mean? Somebody had an idea to bring street comedy inside, so you're not beating the doors down at a T-stop, and then a group from there. And the comics built this. It wasn't like, oh, we'll give you 25 bucks to work our room. It's like, we were shareholders in every room that started.

So, you know, so we were making decent money from the beginning and it was the first place you could ever make a decent living. Right. And at one time, we had over 130 comics living here because you could make a living at what you do without being discovered without having the industry step in. Right. And the industry fucked everything up when they started coming, plucking people like Stephen Wright and Bobcat Goldthwaite and Lenny to a certain degree, that's when everyone just

went, oh, what the fuck, it's not our little club anymore. There's a bigger thing. But they always come calling, don't they? They'll find you eventually, yeah. They always fucking come in to grab something or to take it and dangle that shit in front of you. Oh yeah, and fuck up what you think is a good thing. Did that bother you when they,

let me ask you a question, does it bother you back then to create something? Because that's fucking nuts to me that there was nothing here and you guys made that. Because comics were selfish individuals. It's a saying you'll pursue. Yes. Yes.

And you have to have a self-esteem, but you also have to have an ego that runs parallel to that. You don't be a fucking dickhead. But you have to walk on stage in front of a group full of people that we don't know and go, I'm fucking what's up. And keep them into tank. Keep them into tank, you have to have that. But now these people come in, right?

And take that one and that one and that one and not you. What does that do to you? You start the question yourself a little bit, but then you realize, everybody wants to say, especially show business, it's not fair, but. You know what I mean? There's no but, it's just not fucking fair. You know what I mean?

There's no, nothing comes after the but. You know what I mean? It's just the way it is. And you know, we've all had our turns at bat and you're write for some things and not for others, and you've got to keep that party ego in check or you go nuts. It's like, I like it this way. We're like long haul truckers with really light loads. You know what I mean? You drive somewhere, you're unload 20 minutes of comedy, you get back and you're trucking, you go home.

And that's what it's like. Well, it's fun. For me, I moved out of Boston. I got the fuck out. I was the last one to leave. I think Dane left, of course. The industry just fucking took it. And then, and then Billy.

But you were part of a trope first, right? I was, well, we didn't have to bring that up Still talked about to this day still Alan the monkey Legendary we were legendary you guys in support each other you weren't after like you did great out there Not in the prom the comics hated us Commit hated yeah, we did why do you mean we did I didn't say you I didn't know you ate it Did you know I don't hate anybody well a lot of comics because we we me Dane Aldebeddie in the sky Jay Hall from he's Boston it wasn't even a comic he was just had long beautiful hair and he was hilarious because he lived in the

projects yeah he was this barrelchested Irish kid with this beautiful, far-fawcett hair. And he would just have a broon's jacket on. And, but he had just confidence. He was just hilarious. He would do anything. And we did these skits. We rode skits, and we did improv. But our improv, we went to Tufts University.

He had an improv group called Cheapsawks. We went and watched them one night. And we stole it. But he was called Cheapsawks. S-O-X, by the way called Cheapsawks. We went and watched them one day. And we stole. Wait, wait, wait, it was called The Sox? The Sox? The Sox? The Sox, or Sox. Yeah, it was like a boss.

And we sat in the audience and watched them and stole all the improv games. And then we would do improv. And if something really worked, we would just keep it. That's not improv. That's not improv. That's not improv. That's called comedy. That's called the sketch.

The second time you do it. It's not improv anymore. You have a nobody know. Right. We were fucking, we were great, but we just were bad. But we would come in and do these shows and blow out the fucking room. Then we started doing stand-up, so we'd do 10 minutes each of stand-up. Cross it with stand-up and then do like 40 minutes

of this or shit. You know, scats, we had, I remember Dane was in charge, Dane cooked this fucking guy's a gazillionaire now. He was in charge of props. So we had a prop bag. And I knew Al and the monkeys were over when he forgot the peanut butter, one night. I'm like, dude, where forgot the peanut butter one night.

I'm like, where's the peanut butter? He goes, I forgot it. I'm like, you can't forget, we had a bit, the first bit you could never do now in this night. It was so, so fucking Boston. We were two Chinese guys and I had peanut butter. He had a chocolate bar and they would be off stage going, tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt t the hackiest, hackiest fucking sketch ever, but it went murder. It was fucking murder.

And I remember, I told the story before, they was at BCN Mark Perentau, comedy riot. They had it, we won the comedy riot, which everybody hated. Because it was the comedy group never won it. We weren't supposed to win it. Mark Perentau really liked us. We know why now. I think the long mane of hair might have had something to do with it. Mark Brantto really liked us. We know why now. I think the long mane of hair might have had something to do with it.

I think it came from his buzz. Yeah, the barrel chested. It was yours. Yeah, I think Dan. That guy never met a nephew he didn't need. Yeah, you guys don't even know who he is. No, he was a big time jock. I mean, when radio was king, the BCN doesn't even exist anymore.

Doesn't even exist anymore. This guy would bring us in. He had the fun. He's at five. Funnies at five. And we went in and he fucking rigged the whole system. We wound up women winning. They go, hey, you want to do the rock of Boston show?

We were like, great. 14,000 people, Boston Garden, in between fish and the spin doctors, they had us do improv and sketches. An enviable, or did you bring the peanut butter? But we all use, we did. Yeah, we did. Yeah, man.

That night, you made damn sure that night you had the peanut butter. But we all, big night, don't forget the fucking peanut butter. Get the extra big jar. We're at the garden. They gotta see it. They gotta see it up. No chunkies. I've been through them. I'm warning. Get the big jar. They were at the garden. They got to see it. They got to see it up. No junkies.

I've been through them. I'm going to get the big one. Go to Costco and get the big one. We all wore different colored shirts. We all had like, I had purple, Dane had blue, and just before about to go, her dango's, dude, we should squat down. And then when they announce us, we jump up and spin and land.

And we're all like, fuck yeah. That's fucking great. And we had microphones. We didn't have cordless mics. So we're all holding mics. So we're all holding mics. We jump up, we spin around, and they go, let's jump it out in the monkeys.

They thought we were a boy band. This is when new kids in the block So they thought we were a new boy band from fucking Dorchester I Worst fucking band I've ever seen What the fuck is that? Worst fucking band I've ever seen. Well, because they're all high and fucked up, a lot of fish fans.

So they're like, for a cup, they gave us like five minutes, like, this is fuck. These shunnies guys are hilarious. That's right. I remember they started, they started, you could hear the crowd turning. You could hear people go, do what the fuck's happening? Where the fuck is fish? What's going on? You could hear the crowd turn it. You could hear people go, do what the fuck's happened?

Where the fuck is fish? What's going on? You could hear conversations buzzing. And then all of a sudden, just a lighter fucking went by. And then there was a shoe. And then I remember they started fucking flipping out. And I took my, it was bad, because we were in the middle of it. We went into a freeze improv.

And I remember I went freeze. And I remember Dane freezing. But I remember his face was petrified. Because he had a freeze with the fear in his eyes of what was happening. And you could hear the crowd and the speed of sweat went. I remember when over his eyeball, because you didn't even shut it.

It just, I've never seen anything like it. And then they turned it. I grabbed the mic and I've seen so many rock concerts that I knew how to get a crowd. I was like, guys, I remember I took my shirt off. I was hot back then. I was fucking smoking. I wouldn't do it in the fucking terrible now.

People was not fucking throwing things at me. But I took my shirt off and I was like, guys, I know you came here to see fucking rock and roll. Place where, whoa. Fuck, I'm, I think I put my fucking foot up. And I, I did a fucking pearl jam. Yeah, I did a little Eddie Vetter. And I was like, you guys, you can't see spin doctors. Whoa, fish, wee Yeah, I have a little Eddie Vetter. And I was like, you guys see, you can't even see spin doctors.

Baaah! Fish, wee! And I had him, and I go, all right, we didn't get mad at, we made it, we came with a man who laughed motherfuckers. Whoa, and I said, give us four things to piss you off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Besides, and that's with the shoe key. And we fucking left.

Yeah, Adam and you let him go. Yeah, he should have just broke out in the sun. We should have done something. Dude, there's the funny part. We had 15 minutes left. We prepared a fucking 20 minutes set to do in front of 40,000 people. We got three minutes in. Three minutes in. It's not a forgiving town.

By the way, this fucking town, the one thing I say about this crowd here is that if people, oh, it's smart comedy. Oh, it's this, if it's funny, it's funny here. Yeah. If it's not funny, go fuck yourself. I don't care how dirty it is, how smart it is. If you's not funny, go fuck yourself. Yeah. I don't care. Dirty. It is how smart it is. If you're not funny, fuck off. Get off stage. That's why I love performing in Boston. Because they laugh if it's funny. But if you're not, boom, see you later. Yeah. Yeah.

The other thing we do around, we did around here and it's changed a little bit. It was very localized. Yeah. You know what I mean? We do 20 minutes on the dinosaur on Rwond. Right. You know what I mean? We'd do 20 minutes on the dinosaur on Route 1. You know what I mean? He tried to buy it by the way. I did. I did. I tried to buy it. It was an office sale.

And I said why? He goes, because it's the fucking dinosaur on Route 1. I was like, no sense. You got to have the dinosaur. Right. So yeah, and we do shows of jokes about the hilltop or this motel or, you know, the honey baked ham store or whatever.

Which is very localized. And you can't do them everywhere else. So that's when people start going on the road, they would realize like, ah, there's something bigger than us. Yeah, you know. They don't know the dinosaur. They don't know.

Yep, then when you got to explain the dinosaur. Thanks too much. No, when I moved to New York, I remember when I moved to New York, I remember when I moved to New York, I was doing certain bits and I couldn't do them anymore. I literally had to lose them out of it. I had a bit about Saga's. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, that was like about the, remember you got, you laughing, but you remember that silly bit? Saga's, I was like, it was just a hacky bit. I recently did a show about the Burlington coat factory. Right, but that's everywhere. But is it?

Yes, it's everywhere. You can't do that. No, you can't. It's in New York. It's fucking everywhere. See, I'll keep the big thing. That's like Marshall's. Yeah, you keep the big thing.

I was gonna throw it away. No, you can keep that big. Because the point is, you know, they changed their name from Burlington to the coat factory to now it's just Burlington. Yeah. They go, that's a city. Yeah. So then they go, you know, where'd you get your clothes? Burlington, the code factory, to now it's just Burlington. Yeah. I go, that's a city. Yeah.

So then they go, you know, where'd you get your clothes? Burlington. Yeah. Yeah, what store? And now you're doing who's on first. Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You can still do that. I could do that. Yeah. They'll just make it into Burlington, Missouri. Yeah. We assume everyone's got a Burlington. Everybody. Yeah, everybody has everything.

It's like, yeah. When I lived here, I didn't understand this. And that I didn't understand that there was a world beyond us. I knew that they existed. But when you live in Boston, it seems like this is it. This is where everybody goes. Yeah, geographically this is. Yeah, this fuck off.

You go to Hampton Beach for some of us. Especially, especially, especially if you have a little money in your asshole. Right? Depending on how far you want to go down, yeah? Right. Right. Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha. That was funny. Thank you. Yeah, I got him both. I didn't. Ha-ha-ha. But yeah, I mean, when I moved to New York, I was like, holy shit. And then I started going outside, you know, because you have to, once you, like I got an agent,

they started booking you outside places. And I had to lose a lot of my act because it was so for these people. Because you can do it and murder and just keep evolving here in this this thing. And this yeah and yeah and make as I said make a living or at least lay the groundwork for you know a career. Right. You know what I mean. And it's and this is the funny thing too is that Boston I mean four comics like I've seen you in a bunch of shit. Yep. You're always in a, especially the, what's those guys?

They always put you in the movie. The fucking fart. They're really gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They always put you in stuff. Yeah. And, but have you ever been like, I want to get the fuck out of here?

I want to go and- I've gotten the fuck out of here and come back. Where did you go? I had an apartment in New York for many years. I was first avenue in ninth when in the late 80s into the early 90s. And then I moved out to LA for a time. I was kept my house here. I always had my digs here.

But then I was working pretty steadily in the late 90s. I was doing a thing on FX with Bobcat Goat, they called the Big Ass Show, which was FX's first, self-produced show. And I was working on that for three years and I did a bunch of guest spots on sitcoms and had a pilot here or a pilot there. And then I just got sick of it and started

stopping the music. Would you get sick of? I got sick of it and started to stop. Would you get sick of? I got sick of, you know, just chasing these little, you know, it never seemed like it was gonna get to the place where I was gonna have a Maserati in a house in the hills and that kind of thing. And I didn't wanna, you know, dump my whole life to chase that. So I just got, and I've been working more since I got back

to Boston, you know, I did a series for showtime called Brotherhood, which I was on for three years. And that was all local and a bunch of the movies that come through. So it keeps you going. And I tell you, it's weird when you make the decision to be happy. How successful. It's so fucking fraying. It just comes's so frame. It's we it's fucking crazy I don't know what that is. I don't know if you believe in God or the universe or whatever that is What it's I think it's like when you're single and you're looking for women you have that look like you're like you're hungry I just say God and spirituality

Bring it away He's good looking. He's always looking. It's like when you're looking at these chill cigarettes, right? You don't think that woman in the front row came here to say us. She can't be. No, she didn't. She didn't. She's a fan. That's just my fan badge.

Hey, Sam and hot chicks. I got guys that look like me and hot chicks. And then I'm gonna put on these guys that look like you Sometimes the one you're single you can't get a girl and then you finally get a girl and it seems like every woman You meet wants to go out or hang out because now you're not that you're not You're not desperate anymore. I mean I know what you're saying, but it's totally different We'll talk about being happy Well, that'll make you happy. Well, not really.

Sometimes. Temperar only. Temperar. Every time I got laid, it was pretty stressful after. After. After. Yeah. I never wear a rubber.

I'm always coming side vagina. More exciting than ever. It's my gift to you. Let's play some roulette. I am. Does my giz work? That's the game. Gapes.

Gapes and excite. Oh, well. That's my giz work. It's my giz work. That's the game. Gapes. Gapes and excite. Oh, well, where are you on your period? That's my giz work. Name that circle. Oh, this guy has to look at his girl every time we say something creepy. That's a pot sucker. Let's enjoy your life.

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when you play at Bet DSI. Right, I really feel like that you have to, at some point, I really feel like that you have to, at some point, like, I look at my life right now. I've had, you've had it, we've all had it, except for you. But you will have it someday. Gabby's going to have it. Yeah. Where the success happens. But there's certain people that get this Maserati that get the fucking not all the shit

But but to me it's all relative you know because I'm sitting there going I'm I've always I've been around Dane I've been around Billy and all these successful people that had it You know Patrice with should have had it never did right? But and he probably would have had it But there's certain things that I know so many funny guys that don't get that, but they find that happiness. Like, and I'm kind of there now. Like, I look around, I'm like, I have a house.

I got my kid, I got my wife, I get, we go on vacations, I do comedy, I have cool fans, not a lot, but some, I should have way more than this fuck suckers. Spread the word, get the fuck on it. I swear to God, you should have way more than this. Fuck suckers. Spread the word, get the fuck on it. I swear to God, you up another YouTube motherfucker. Sell this place out, I'll murder all of you. I'll come to your houses.

Fuckin'. But, so what you're saying is, my RAV4 is the equivalent of a Maserati. You think of a RAV4? Yes. What do you want, Lesbian? And I love it. And I love it. The fuck is a rap form? Yes. What do you have a lesbian? And I love it. And I love it.

The fuck is a rap? The best car. The best car I've ever owned. Yeah, if you have fucking two adopted dogs in a mullet, how I just cut my hair with my dog to have it. What the fuck? A rap form. What are you doing?

The panda boob. I got a Honda. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very a Honda. Very, very, very, very, It's cars of me. Cars of us. I got a Honda. I got a very reliable Honda. I also have a 67 Ford Bronco in the garage that hasn't been out in four years.

But I'm going to fix it up when I get the next show. That is a thing. You always get a, you sit there. Once you get the taste of it, man. We were talking about, what we call it, the, having, when you get a show. Yeah. I had one a couple years ago a year and a half ago You had one a year and a half ago. Yeah, you've been on shows. I've seen shows you're a fan of show watch a lot of shows No, you were on a show in Germany. That's true. Yeah, you had monster

He's a big hit in German German. Yeah, it's huge big hit in German. He was on a German soap opera. German soap opera? Yeah, the Katy Ford is the name of it. Really? Yeah, you speak German? No, they dub, they dub me like Schwarzenegger and the old man. Like my fucking skit with Down the Muckies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they just dub it in.

Really? And you popular? A little, like not really. Why would you come back? They, uh, they film in here in Boston. You film in here? Yeah, yeah. So you have famous in Germany?

Yeah, I got every like once or twice a year, a German person will like speak German in the industry. Do you go there and do shows? No, I want to, that was gonna go over there and do a late night appearance. And they can think, I was wanted to, they canceled it, they just said, really?

Probably wouldn't be that good. I don't speak German. What the hell, you? Dutch, not for stand up, no. So they would have like German, the German. German, German, late night shows are big too. All those people over there, they don't, they don't get sarcasm. No, exactly, they're not.

Exactly what they said, the director, I'm not, both of you, that was the words I was about, he goes, we just got sarcasm. Yeah, they don't get sarcasm, I swear to God, you try to be sarcastic with the Dutch, he's like, is this possible? Yeah, they don't, no, you fucking idiot. No, they don't do you fucking idiot. I'm gonna get through that, you dumb dumb. I got a rubum twice a year. Those fucking dumb dumb stuff. Try to fuck with a waiter, is this possible? Now just get the cream.

Get the cheese in the cream. All right. They don't do anything like that. They had a scene where a guy grabbed a girl by the breasts and I was like, oh, second base, you know? And they were like, second base. Like, what is second base? And I was like, oh, and you're probably taking a shit

on your chest in Germany, but in here in America. Then he gets that. I don't know if I get that. He really is. He's not getting our examples. Just like shit on a chest, Bobby. You know what I mean? You squat, you get it done, you leave.

That's how it goes, yeah. They're not you, you know what I about your name. You change your dress. Do you want to switch seats? No, I'd like to. Maybe you want to switch seats. She says that now, but in an hour, she'll be getting his number.

Just like this. That's how new and it works. Creep him out and then I say that. That's exactly her type too, just a little dirty. Yeah, still a little dirty. Yeah, just shit on her chest. Still a little dirty. I don't mean dirty like that, I mean, physically. He looks like a ghost hunter Just shit on her chest. A little dirty. I don't mean dirty like that.

I mean physically like a ghost hunter. That's right. Hold on. I hear something. I can feel a presence in the room. Let me ask you. It's cold. Did your attitude change when you had kids?

I thought you were going to say when I booked a show. No. Because I swear to God, my first pilot I have a book today. This is what a piece of shit I am. Just a shallow hunk of garbage. My first show I booked. I was filming the pilot. Pilot. I was walking around the mall and I put my hat down.

And I was walking because I didn't want to get recognized. It was a pilot. That didn't air. Nobody saw it. The only person that could have recognized me is somebody from the crew. I was literally practicing being, it was a fucking moron. I was the exact opposite. I was sitting in the back of the pickup and my truck in LA underneath the billboard with my picture on it. I swear to God, hey, how you doing? Yeah, yeah, I'm a dumb guy. Fucking great, though. I mean, that is great.

I was one of the bad guys. I didn't get a billboard on Sunset Strip, man. I sat and looked at it for days. When I had a kid, when I knew my wife was pregnant, it was hard because I didn't understand, we never wanted kids. We would look at, we would go on vacation and see people with kids and go, fuck it. I mean, you go to Rubo for 20 years now, we're going and we go just these fucking sweaty looking people holding shit. And we'd be like, fuck it. We used to stay at literally hotels that didn't

allow children. Yeah, you'd see it here and move over there. And we just be like, fuck them. And then one year of change, I was like, you want to have a kid? She was like, yeah, I do. I was like, all right, so we tried and tried. And then when she was pregnant, and then when the kid came, I literally faked happiness when the kid came out. I'll make explain before you get...

I have a question. Please do. Please do. Before all the people who don't have children get offended. And have no idea what you're talking about, let me explain. It's so overwhelmed. It's this fucking thing that shot...

I was in shock. I didn't know what was, there's no word for it. A life just came out of my wife that I was responsible for, forever, and I was in shock. So I had to pretend you can hear it in my voice. I was like, oh my God, oh my, I was the worst acting job. If it was an audition, I wouldn't have booked it. Like act like a happy father. I mean, act like you have a soul. Yeah.

I really believed that, and I could be wrong about this. I think that women, as soon as that baby come out, it's connected to it. I mean, just love it. I think men, yeah. Gradually, it breaks down and you're like, you become really connected to the child. I think that's true. Yeah, and let's be honest, babies don't need men for a long time.

Really don't. You know what I mean? Until they can pick up a ball, they're useless to us. Jesus Christ, what are you him now? I am. Until they jerk off the porn on magazines. You're not doing that right? Until they can go down on the dirt road.

What does he need me for? Son, you go to the road. That's not what you do by the way, Sam and just, I don't wanna fucking teach him the wrong thing. Sam is, you know, wrapped in hot sauce. Next girl he pays for. What are you doing? Relax, fucking, says a lips.

Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, it's changed. It's changed everything because now, look at, I'm in love with my family. I love when I get home. There's a fine line though because when I was hungry, when I was fucking single, comedy, I was in love with my wife, my mistress, my lover.

I fucked comedy. It was it. Comedy number one, everything else. Where do you want me to go? I don't give a fuck if there is a stage and a mic, let me do it. And now, you can go too far the other way. Because I love, man, I wake up in the morning,

me and my kid go in my hammock and sit there for two hours. And then we'll go in and fuck around play and then we'll go to the mall. I can spend all day with this kid. And nine o'clock, I'm wiped like him. I want to go to bed. I got to go in the shed and write something, or think of something, or go to a show.

It's hard to, you have to fucking fight. You have to fight being happy with your family all the time. You got to go back to this fucked up thing that we did. Yeah, you got to, you have to keep some type of love with that. And I think it goes away at the beginning, but it does come back after. Yeah, it's like anything else. Once you learn how to navigate both situations,

you can turn it on and on. But do you think that when your kids get older, it's easier? Oh, much easier. I just dropped my youngest. I have two kids. I got a son who's a junior somewhere. And what? And my daughter, we just dropped off in New York City.

She didn't get in anywhere. We're just open for the best. LAUGHTER She needs a�. She needs a�. She's resourceful. She's resourceful. I'm sure she'll find a call that'll take her.

No, she's down in Greenwich Village, so. Is she at NYU? Yeah, she said, the new school. The new school? The new school. Is she slow? What is the new school? No, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, got in, she's got a, she'll be famous in another country. Right, right.

David Gray goes, David an awesome ghost hunt program. Take the Germans, sit cup 101. Dad, I'm huge and chilly. But you know, that was my identity. You know, I get up in the morning, make a breakfast, take it to school, drive wherever you want. Now, like today was the first day she would have been going back to her school.

And I woke up at 620 going, all right. I got nothing to fucking do. con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Aumurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. because we're home all day. All day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And that was the other thing that made me stay in Boston is where I wanted to raise my kids, and I wanted to have an active part of their life.

I spent as much time with them as my wife or anybody else, and you can't, you know, if that's what you want out of life, it's more worth more than anything else. And you appreciate it more when you go on the road and then you come home. To your family, you appreciate it more. you go on the road and then you come home to your family. You appreciate it more, but then a few weeks later you go, I gotta get fucked out of here. I gotta get back on the road.

I think guilt is good. Yeah, I really do. I believe guilt is very important part of being a good dad and a husband because when you go, when you feel that guilt and when you go home you spend you absorb them right you know when you don't have when you don't have that guilt when you don't feel shitty about it like you should go away and like oh thank God right and you lie to your wife oh you're like in two days of

like God thank God and all of a sudden that that thing starts setting in and you want to go home and see it yeah I mean, I do a lot of my, I never tell her how he, I never tell her, you know, I just got room service, I took a nap. Right, right, fuck that. Fucking horrible kid. Oh, I, I, I, I, she's like, how's it going on? The fucking thing and fucking, yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's the word. And then you never know. I made the worst mistake in my life and I brought my wife and my daughter to the gig in a rubah. Because before that, I could always say, ah, it's, you know, it's just another gig. And then you bring them there and it's fucking paradise. It's paradise.

And they go, ah, you've been lying to us. So, yeah, it's pretty fucking sweet here. I gotta work half hour a night. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Literally, when you walk, the room is here. You're gonna walk down the hallway to that door. Don't even take an elevator, right? There's no elevator.

You go where you do 20 minutes. Yeah, and that's it. And then you go smoke a cigar, right? Yeah, and that's it. And they go, really? Yeah, hit a room, but yeah. They go, you really can't tell us this is work. Yeah, no.

I always get, I get shit when I say, hey, I gotta go to work. Shit, always don't call it that. Well, I actually took care of my wife, which was a little fucking crazy. I took care of my wife for, she got some surgery done. I had to do her job. Right.

I can't believe how much shit she picks up. Like, just, Oh, you mean around the house? Just a fucking... One day... Right. I was fucking losing my mind. I'm like, I just the shit that she has to pick up after me and him. I'm just like, we make this much of a fucking mess.

Like, there's napkins and socks and dirt and fucking crumbs and fucking toys and remote batteries and doors are left open. And she, I never even noticed it. She just walks behind us and going, put that thing up. Okay, shut that up, okay, move that up, put that away. And never says a fucking bird. Never mind grocery shopping, doing all the other shit,

making sure we don't die. You know, shit like that. But you made it a whole day after her surgery. I made it one day, but this fucking couple called up. I can't go on to this thing. He wants to take Max. And my wife was like, because he's five, she's like, I don't know.

I go, apps are fucking little. You take this fucking kid. She goes, when do you need him back? I go Saturday. I can't. I can't. My kid just started getting a guy and now he's I felt finally the ability to get work done again because he's gone from nine to three and I

sat in my office for the first time because he's usually home right and he comes home and he wants to be with me and And I don't want to not be with him. I know, and it was really, I couldn't do it for the last, literally for the last three years, since he could fuck and fuck with me. I couldn't, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do both. But I finally started, like, I wrote for the first time

the other day on Tuesday. And I actually did something where I went from here to here without somebody coming in and interrupting. So it's like, I feel like I'm getting back to that normalcy. Yeah, at the end of your time freeze up and then you find your way back. Yeah, you find your way back. But I feel like for me, I always feel like if I move back to Boston, because I feel bad for my wife, because her friends are here, her families here, my

families here, we have nobody. Like we have all these fucking, you know, everybody out there that we know has family. So it's like, oh, we're going away for the weekend just us. Well, who's watching the kids? Oh, our mother. Your her mother's gone. My mother's back here. I don't know if I leave my kid with my mother, but that's another thing. So it's like, if I come, I always in the back of my head, like maybe I should go back. It's always there. Like I should go back to, I love all the comics in Boston.

They're fucking hilarious. They're all my friends. My family's there, but in my head I'm like, if I do it, it's like that guy from Cosby. All these fucking people, everybody that, God, Bobby's fucking done. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's their perspective.

I know. Yeah, I know. But it scares me like even in the business, because the business will be here, done. Yeah. Like the industry would be like, oh, he moved back to Boston, he's finished. I know comics like Nate Purgatsy, he moved back

to Nashville, he fucking didn't tell anybody. It just went. No, because if back to Nashville, he fucking didn't tell anybody. It just went. No, because if he felt like if he told the industry that they would say he's done these days, yeah, yeah, yeah, he quit. So it's like a, it's like a, It's a weird thing though, that like if you have a New York or an LA address, right? Yeah. But you're on the road three weeks out of the month.

Yeah. Are you really living there? You know what I mean? Are you doing a handful of auditions, maybe more than you would be here, but now with all this self-tape stuff, if you have a real agent and they're getting you realize it's harder. It's a little bit harder, but it can be done. But it can be done and it's a lot more comics are moving out of L.A. If you follow comics, you know, national comics that live in L.A.

This is their week. On Wednesday, they're on Twitter, on the airline. Thursday, they're saying where they're gonna be. Friday, they're on a morning radio show. Friday night, they're doing two shows. Saturday night, they're doing two shows. Sunday, they're on the plane bitching about the airline again. Right.

And then now they're back home, right? So really, if they're doing that every week. How much are you there? How much are you in LA? Yeah. You know what I mean? And what's the benefit of that? Is it just to have that LA address or to be down the street if something comes up? I don't know man. I don't fucking know. I spent a lot of time in LA in the winter because that's when

you know the real stuff's going on. How old are your kids? My kids are grown up and gone now so. I should have fucked when I was I should have banged. You went you went it too long to decide. Yeah, that's wrong. That's not a solid business. He's not even a see me. Like his 30s. I'm just I'm dead. I'm gone. I got to teach him everything. The time he's 20. I'm going to lose weight now. I am going to take this opportunity to leave now. Yes. Tony V has to go. He has a show. We got to open a new club over in some of them. Let's show you. And this is an iconic place. Yeah, the comedy studio got thrown out of Harvard Square.

Did it? And they were opening up a new club in Union Square at some of them. And I did their first show at the old club, and I'm doing their show. What was that how many years ago? 20 years ago. Shit.

And I was fucking old then. Yeah. Well dude, you're a fucking legend then. Thanks for having me this guy. You want to find these guys walking the planet. Thanks. Shit talk. Thanks so much.

Move over to the big seat. Well, come on over, Will. Now let's talk about pussy, Will. Yeah. Let's talk about shit. Yeah, let's talk about shit and not people. Yeah. You know, you know, it've all about what you eat before.

That's the key. Clean foods. A lot of salads. I couldn't even imagine shit. It's like to get that far into some sex thing where you're like, listen, how do you even approach that with a girl? You listen to that. You have to get that Thai food.

Let me, yeah. When I fart, do you like it? Why did you take me Do you have to get paid? That Thai food, let me ask. When I fart, do you like it? Why did you take me to Indian food three nights ago? I was waiting for you to poop your pants, I'm gonna fucking scoot on the... I always heard Stallone like that. That was a rumor, like an urban legend about Stallone. Too funny, they say that about everything.

That was the name for it. Do you like Stallone? But it's always Stallone, too. It's always Stallone. No, I heard, what's the name thing? It's always still on. No, I heard on. What's the name thing? It's always still on. Jeff Goblum, did you hear that?

Jeff Goblum likes to be pooped on too. Which is ridiculous. What is it about those two guys? Like, it's like they're both just... Also, our president, I believe, did something like that, didn't he? Or people who like to show you how to do that? Like, you see?

Oh! Damn, there you go, libyoozee. Oh! Hey, take it! Oh, there you go, liberals, there you go. Hey, take it. Call up fucking pig. Why don't you move over? Are you really scared of him? You see in the green room, she moved her chair all the way across the land.

Don't do that, don't fuck it open your legs to the savage. Fucking bad decision. Bad decision. That's a bad plan. Well, it's it's it is it's weird to me Because you know being on TV with Taco you guys don't understand when you're on I was on sex drugs and rock and roll Which is a legitimate holy shit like they does a fantastic show. I'm not just saying it cuz I'm sitting next to you I love that it was a great show and I'm not just saying it because I'm sitting next to you. I love that show. It was a great show. It was a great show. And Dennis and his crew, those shows, that whatever they do, it's gold, man.

Yeah, I've done a lot of stuff with them. They're fucking... They're the great guys. A Paul Jim Cerepico, Tom Celetti, Dennis Liri, they're fucking the best. They make great TV, but you were on a fucking... You were on a real deal. Networks, they're called. There's a difference between FX and network.

Network money is stupid. It is stupid, especially if you can get a couple seasons out of it. I got one. But you want two. I got just enough, just a, one more I would have been in Maui. I'm not kidding. I was making plans to get the fuck out of here.

But fucking Charlie Sheen had to go bat shit crazy and tank the show in front of us. Did that what he did? He went crazy then they brought in Ash to Coocher and the numbers went down huge. And that eventually did us. And we had 8 million people watching a week and that's not enough.

8 million. Is that crazy? It's crazy because we had I think 800,000 effects. That's a lot. Yeah. For cable channel. But here's the problem with having with us. TV went from where people watched it to they recorded it. Yeah. To use to have overnight. So they would know the numbers the next day if your show was good or not yeah we had now they had three day bump seven day bump night day bump people didn't watch TV anymore they would record the fucking episodes and in three months

watch your show yeah oh to buy then I was already at the Bangor Elks Club telling jokes right I mean I'm not even exaggerating that literally what happened but here's the bangor holyating that literally what happened, but here's Bangor holy shit. What happened? Bangor Jesus Christ. I just booked one there. I'm like scared. It's in two months I remember I did Bangor man these two. Oh, it's fucking just a terrible place to do comedy I've been really they have a month with a potato month with a the whole school, the whole town, the kids get to fucking week off of school to go pick potatoes. Yeah, I swear to God, it's like fucking the old, it's like 1820. It's in Maine. But I remember doing a gift

there. I literally was so angry at the guy who booked me on the way home, I carved his name into the door of his car and I wrote socks with a knife with a prisoner. Were you in his car? He had a fucking grand terino. Any were riding with him? Yeah, we were riding and I was so fucking, but on the way back his engine failed. We had to go get his car fixed.

It took four, oh, and I was just in the car. I wrote fucking Robstein's socks on. That's the guy I still hates right now. That's the guy who booked me in Bangalore. That's the guy who makes it. And I was saying, I drive back from there, and I'm like, I curse steam. He probably curse whoever he worked for.

It's the same fucking guy. I like Robstein, but I do too. I still do. He would do 45 years even. I can't fucking stand Robstein. Just for the record, I think he's like, I lost it. He actually owes me like, he's like a lost with a douchebag. Anyway, just for the record. I think he's like He owes me like he's a closet. Who's back anyway? Just for the record. I mean, you know, I don't fucking like I'm either

I was just trying to be politically correct. I'll be at his club New Year's Eve He opened with fucking he do 45 from you of this horse shit, and then he would do fire sticks Yeah Literally fire stick at the end and I remember one night he lit the stage on fire and then he would do fire sticks. Yeah. Literally fire sticks at the end. Yeah. And I remember one night he lit the stage on fire and then brought me up. And that's not metaphorical. Like he didn't light the crowd on fire.

He literally let it on fire. He could never light an audience on fire because he's not funny. But he still does the 45. I can't stand him so. Well, that's funny, because our next guest, we're gonna close out this podcast with the fucking demigrant of you is here. He had fire sticks and he just funny.

It's funny, that's literally cursing him on my way here. I'm like, man, I gotta figure out this money. He's one of those guys, so he was on the Letterman show. Yeah. On... Murdered. He did didn't know he did stupid human trick yeah but he killed it well he put a he put a stool on his chin oh you really hate him don't you no yes I do but he put a stool on his chin

was it a shit like his stool that would that would be more artistic if he could go callback medical callback if he could shit on his own chin I would say all right That is a stupid human trick But he took a bar stool he put on his chin and you know Dave did a couple things or whatever and then he goes on for For 25 years saying as seen on the letterman show. Okay, you were on the letterman show But when you're selling a comedy show as seen I mean this does that not piss you off as a guy who was on letterman I never did let him you didn't do let mean, does that not piss you off as a guy who was on Letterman?

I never did Letterman. You didn't do Letterman? Wow, that pisses me off. I'm not. Anyway, please walk the Bronx, dude. I did the tonight show. All right, so same thing. If somebody was on a tonight show.

Now I don't give a fuck. You don't have a problem with that. Here's why, because it was under the fucking guidelines of stupid human. Right, but you know what it says? There was a comedy poster and then you go see the guy and he goes, hey, you're doing anything like to stage on fire and you go, this guy's not fucking funny.

Yeah, he's not, I mean, yeah, he's not the funny. He prints the thing, no? Yeah, well, he really did. You know what, I remember he had me work a sausage factory. I'm not even kidding you. There was a sausage factory somewhere in Maine and it was in the back room, the employee fucking bar.

And I just remember sitting there, every gig I did with him, I would be terrified. Because it was just an awful fucking gig. It's my life right now, we're talking about that. I still do that. I mean, I still work for him. Because he was honest to God. He was the first guy to give me closing gigs.

So I got practice to do 45 on his, you know, in the mid, out of way from everyone, I'm in these like trailer parks and the game show. But that makes you, to me, doing all these fucked up gigs with him and all these like, dicked already,

fucking wherever the fuck it was, made me a better comic. So when I went to New York and I was the new guy, that's the one thing that, like comics who live in New York, they're fucked. Because they get to see them grow. Oh yeah.

I went in as a new guy, I learned how to, I made my bones and the fucking Brockton and Maine and in the middle of fucking Lawrence, Mass, Doing Shows, In Front of Fond, Puerto Ricans, who are gonna kill you, you know what I mean? And then when you get into like a good club with the good crowd,

the boardhole pub in front of fucking three old people eating clam chowder. It was a fucking nightmare. I remember that kid. Oh, the boardhole pub? Oh God. Oh, fucking crap. I remember there was some magic guy that used to bring,

he used to book us all the time. He'd have his, I remember he had a magic on the fucking stage. I don't know who he had a satin jacket with a production come. It was a fucking nightmare. What's way out in Massachusetts at the end? What's that called? The Berkshires. Oh, the other end. Try doing a fucking show on the Berkshires on a Thursday. It's fucking nightmare. But those shows made me a monster. Because when I finally did shows in New York, it was in front of a crack I was like this is nothing. No, it's true. Fuckin' nothing. Yeah, you're not afraid of anything and we went up after when I would I went from going on after

Kevin Tony, you know all these fuck Steve Sweeney Billy Patrice that you we had to follow each other which was nuts Bob Molly would come into murder So when I went to New York and it was J. Moore, Dave Chappelle, Jim Norton, you know, Louis CK, whoops, did I say it, relax. Please welcome Louis C. Nope, nope, nope. That's not what I was just a silhouette. He enjoys it. He enjoys a good German film, Louis.

Look at the girl' thing, relax. He's not in. It's okay to say space, it's okay. Lock the doors. Lock the doors, okay. That is, I mean, not you guys, you guys have fucking been great. But crowds have changed, man. Yeah, oh yeah.

I'm telling you, it's fucking freaking me out because even in Vegas this weekend, people are sitting there and they're coming not to laugh. They're coming to judge. They're coming to go like this. They're looking to be offended. And I remember I was looking at these two girls and this dude and you'd say a joke and they would laugh

and all of a sudden you said something and they'd be like, yeah it's joke to joke. No, no you don't get the fucking dude. Laugh or shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Like one lady says, like starting y'all, it's like this isn't a dialogue. Someone attacked Apollo like a couple of weeks ago,

they waiting through his whole show and then hit him in the face. I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah. He ruffles some feathers from time to time. That's not new. Punch him in the face. I've seen more people throw punches at Nick Depalo than I think I have seen like professional

box. You know what I mean? That's just what he does. I love your nigs, but he's favorite. I love him. I love him. He just loves dick dick. He's waiting for fucking chill.

You mouth open, you can't. I can't do it. It's a what? People. What the fuck I can't talk. It's a what? People... What the fuck I can hear you chillin' for me? You fucking twat. It's it.

Yeah, your boyfriend's a faggot. What's good? What? Relax. Chill out, dude. But it's almost... I swear to God, you have to... You have to double down now it's like I

see people not laughing at fucked up shit I say I'm either you fucking start doing horse shit comedy to me that everybody loves or you fucking double down and you usually usually break that you break them out of it you almost snap them out of it where it's like oh yeah yeah, I can laugh at fucked up shit. This isn't real. This is a comedy show. It's an exaggeration of the truth. It's something you think of maybe even in the back of your head

that you'd never say, but I just said it so you can laugh at it. I'm sorry. And this is a safe space. Like people want safe space comedy. Comedy clubs are a safe space where we get to talk about anything and we can chuckle at it. And some, that was fucking good. That really did deserve a deposit.

Articulate. I really, as I was saying it, I was looking at is that Camry good? Cut that out of the that on the internet. That was good. That was good. I was fucking inspired right now. I feel like Rogan.

Yeah. Get some on it. I wish I fucking looked like him. Took some alpha brain today, man. That's good. But I think the people couldn't have a dialogue. It's going to be hard to follow that, but I'm gonna go, I am.

And no, I'm gonna take a shot at it. I'm not the kid to do it. I'm gonna thank you. I'll step in it. No, back in the day, there was no dialogue. There was no, you couldn't get offended at a joke and go home and tweet. I was offended at this joke and actually have a pipeline to you.

Like if somebody was offended by one of your jokes and they tweeted at you, you're going to see it, right? Now it becomes a thing and then they try and turn it into a, you know, it's not, we're not looking for a feedback. Can I say something though? It's a weird thing because we have changed as humans have changed. The rules have changed. We've evolved.

We were forced to evolve. And things are not the same way it was 15 years ago. Right. Everything has changed. It really is. And a lot of it's for the good, even though as we're stuck in the past and the future. That's why it's hard for us.

Like, you know, whenever that happens, younger comics, my son isn't gonna have a hard time dealing with the way things are right now. The way women want to be treated. The way, you know, people, you know, he goes to a multicultural school with everybody. He's not looking at a bunch of just white kids his whole life and then you go to a multicultural school with everybody. He's not looking at a bunch of just white kids his whole life and then you go to a fucking

south-east game and go, well who are those? You know what I mean? Who are those? Who are those? Is the black-eye laugh over here? Yeah. I got you. Chase Able.

He'll be tweeting that one. But, you know what I'm saying? Like, not really not. Not really not. I know it plows on that one. But, you know what I'm saying? Like, not really, not. Not really, no. I know it plows on that one, huh? Yeah. Even in Boston. I'm just saying, you know, it is a good thing,

but if we fucking, if you can't, if you go to a comedy club and us up here, like I said at the beginning, we need our confidence, we need that ego, and we also need to be able to say whatever the fuck we want. As a professional, you gotta let me try to find the funny in something that's fucked up or something that's beautiful or whatever. You know what I mean?

Because if we're up here, if I'm up here and I look out and I see a table of girls and I don't wanna piss them off and I cater my shit to them, I'm fucked. Yeah, we're all fucked. We're all fucked, because then this is gonna suck. For all the best comics for thinking that way. They wouldn't have been the best.

You know what I mean? All the guys like Richard. If Richard Pryor was thinking about like offending people in the crowd, he wouldn't have said half the shit he ever said. Right. Well, I mean, it's funny because everybody brings up Richard Pryor, but even, I mean, pretty much every comment. Now people say clean comedy, clean comedy.

I mean, clean comedy is, just not saying fuck, we're talking about banging. But even they do talk about banging, they just do it in a radio way. We're using words like, you know, her, you know, her, you know, her, down. Who ha? Netherriesies. Uh, who ha, her front hole. Um, special place.

Front hole is the fucking grossest thing ever. That's worse than vagina, isn't it? Yeah. That is so creepy. Frontole. That is, that's, that's worse than that. We were trying to come up with that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That really is. That really is creepy. How if I spit in your front hole? Yeah, say, yeah. When was the last time you got your front hole blood? Are we pregnant? You want a napkin or a baby wipe for your front hole? Start tweeting this offense me. I enjoy that podcast very much until the front hole conversation.

Hashtag no front hole. Don't be such a front hole about it. We have the name for the podcast. I but mute hashtag no front hall. Don't be such a front hall about it We have the name for the podcast Fuck a frowning the title Well, I remember Colin Quinn we used to talk about political correctness back if you look back on tough proud of what's for the whole show. It's the same shit we're going through right now. It's the same stuff we're going through right now. And it seems like this comes up every once in a while where we have to fight it.

You have to fight it. You have to, you have to, you can't, I think this young generation of comics come, we used to see comics me in Norton and Keith would sit at the table and the younger comics would be sitting there talking about comedy and it's in art and we'd be like, ugh. What are you doing? What are you talking about? Oh, I'm like, you know this and that.

We'll shut the fuck up. But talk about his jacket. I know. His jacket has stripes. Fucking make fun of it. But they just, it is a different way now. I will say sometimes like we're making fun of each other. It feels like we're trying to be like you guys sometimes.

Like is this fake or what? Is it forced or not? I think it's not there anymore, dude. If you look at a comedy seller table now, it's it's it's not it's not what it was It's not what it was a table for billionaires. We bust balls and the comics are really fuck well familiar Well, I mean like to will a fucker you know, I mean like a z's in a amy are there there There's two and then there's nine fucking thousandaires Kevin Brennan hasn't why can't I though you're still doing better? Kevin Brennan's a hundred air

Kevin Brennan hasn't been working up though. You're still doing better. Kevin Brennan's 100 air. He has. He has 40, but I mean Lully, Aziz, Amy are there quite a day of Chappelle, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld. Kevin Brennan is a homeless internet person. He's literally going, give me money. Give me. What are you fucking? No, but I mean the comedy-seller, the people who aren't in New York, up here We just think of that as like that's the end of that's like the car that's like the tonight showed a lot of people But it's changed though comics are nicer to each other now young comics are nice to do the very more supportive of each other

The crowds are the crowds. I've been to crowds hot again, man It's a they set up crowds. I can Brooklyn of their people that would like that stuff and You when you go to like And when you go into the city, the sellers are different animal. But these other rooms, very supportive. Very supportive. And you can get away with stuff. Like we used to do rooms where if you weren't funny, they'd throw a fucking sausage at you.

You know what I mean? Oh, you know, that doesn't exist anymore. It's a different mentalality. No, no, steam's still working back here. Yeah, as they say, there's still rooms like that. But I do know, when you do those alt-e kind of rooms, it does feel like you could just talk forever and still get last.

Yeah, they're sensitive, too. They're like, if you say pussy, people get... Yeah, but it's a little weird to me that if you say pussy, people get one. Yeah, but that's what it's a little weird to me that if you say pussy, people get fucked up. I actually said, I had a joke, I said, in Vegas, I said, I have a joke where I'm like, I hate this woman's face and their kids suck. I hope their kids die.

And people went, oh, what? Like I really wanted children to die. Yeah. Like they can't, they hear trigger words. and oh, like I really wanted children to die. Like they can't, they hear trigger words and they emotionally react to it. I'm telling you, it's a fact. One night, Voss was on stage, me and Keith went down there and everything he said,

we went, oh, the whole crowd started hating him. Everything he said, and he wasn't even that dirty, but he would say something and be like, to the point where this table of girls, one girl, and go, she literally turned to the waitress, what's going on? Nikki Glazer was on before him, talking about sucking dick,

love getting banged out, swallowing jizz, having like a dick in your mouth, like a feeder, just hilarious jokes. I'm not a kid, she's fuckin' hilarious. I mean, fuckin' great dick jokes. She was talkin' about a gang bang where the woman comes out and she's like a princess at the beginning of a gang

They're carrying her out But by the end it's just she's being abused. There's just there's always that one random dick like the One dude who know like the run to the litter dick. We just doesn't know what he has no halls So he just puts it on her shoulder Murdering before him Boston and they didn't say shit, they were just like, real! He goes up this old Jewish guy with a dumb hat,

and we, oh, they fucking hated him. Fucking weird, yeah. It's weird, I think, but we have to keep going. Yeah, I think all you, like Sam Morrell, Morrell, I never know how to say it, but I think he's a guy who's like doing it, like he had a clip come out today and I was like, he's doing good jokes. I mean, not a lot of the people who are blowing up and getting famous right now, like aren't doing jokes, like good fucking fast-following jokes.

Well, look at man, jokes, I mean, look, everybody has jokes. I mean, there's so many different styles of comedy though. I mean, there's guys that tell stories, there's guys who are full. Patrice was a philosopher with jokes hidden inside who acted stuff out. You have Burr who's up there ranting and going off on these things,

but then he does characters that you don't even know fucking that he does. And then the philosophies in there is opinions in there, based on an opinion, and a conversation comes his joke. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah. Hey, these people blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

and then you got guys who write jokes, just fucking Ryan Hamilton, joke writer storytelling, but you guys who just fucking jokes, Mark Norman, fucking Bingbie's a joke robot. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, got a joke, hey, hey, hey. You don't need me? No, absolutely, absolutely.

I just think all those guys you mentioned how they make you feel good. Like when you walk out, you feel like tired. Here's the thing, all funny guys. Yeah, all funny. Yeah, it's like, funny is funny. It's like good music. You know it, or you know when you see it, you're like, I felt good listening to that. Yeah, it's like, funny is funny. It's like good music. You know it or you know when you see it,

you're like, I felt good listening to that, I liked it. And that's how you can break that shit when you're having a good set. And you make people laugh at shit, they don't even want to laugh at. Now you broke the spell of kind of like political correctness at the wrong. Yeah, this political, we have,

we can't let it fucking win. You can't, you can't, because we'll be fucked. Because then we're all be up here talking the same shit. That's the problem. That's the problem. And then it's gonna be so lousy that people will go, ah, comedy's done. That's it.

You know, because we're all doing the same stuff that doesn't upset anybody. Yeah, you need, yeah. You gotta upset some people. If everybody likes it by definition, it's just it becomes like that. But that's what I think, right? Even at the improv, Tony improv Tony was doing with that error. And I what came out of that what came out of like all this clean comedy fucking Eddie Murphy just

shoots out. You know what I mean? And he's like fucking then dice just came out of fucking all this fucking the same. Sanis and I get saturated you guys see the same fucking. Yeah, can't, it's an error. Let me get saturated. You guys see the same fucking people, and you don't even know that you're laughing at the same fucking shit because you're just laughing. Laughing is a formula. It's literally set up punch tag. And you can make anybody can learn.

You can teach that to my fucking grandma. She just fucking told him that. Yeah. No, she's nothing to worry about with him or him. Or maybe. We will. But, you know, it becomes that and that's when somebody goes, fuck that, suck my dick, I'm doing this.

That's the right thing. Hickory, dickory. You can't let people and their agenda, you can't let them get angry and dictate what we're gonna do. I really feel like when they start policing comedy clubs and tweeting what was said in a comedy club and people get angry at that, you want to go, well you know this guy in a comedy club, you know, it was in a comedy club. That's where we're allowed to say that. I wish fucking people would, if you don't like something, just leave. Yeah. I literally, if I happen in movies, I just get up and left.

I've went to like jazz things, and I'm like, I'm out. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not into this fucking trio. I just get up and I didn't sit there and go, you boo! Yeah. What the fuck? That's not fucking Bajove! Bam, bam, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

Sorry, I forgot about her. Fuck you, I've liked them before you. Her dad's in Bajovey. Shut up. I'm kidding, he's not. He is Bajovey. He is Bajovey, yeah. I'm kidding. He is Bon Jovi. He is Bon Jovi. Yeah. Bring him out.

That'd be great. But yeah, it's like just fucking leave. Why do we have to say something? Why do you have to leave? Because we have that Twitter and people feel like. You could get retweeted a lot on a criticism. Yeah, and it's on what? Like you could criticize someone and that get in on it.

But this guys who make a living and kissing people off Exactly, like this guys who say fucked up shit To get people to react short to get this These fucking guys go yeah fuck them and these girls go you're a fucking asshole And then they get elevated and they have to live in that Fucked upness. I mean I don't I don't have that a I just want to fucking be funny on stage. I don't have that ability to go piss people off intentionally to get attention.

Well it's become a business plan a lot a lot of people are pissing people off online to get them to come to the club so that they can and they're talking to the they're you know they're doing their politics on stage, hidden as comedy. And it's, it's, it's not good. Well, fuck it. Fuck it. I'm here Friday to show. Saturday to show. And if you don't bring more people, I literally, I, you, there's terrible human beings. Not you guys. You guys did fine. There's a group at U2 better bring, I know you have fucking friends, dungeon and dragons of Call of Duty, you, you know, you come with him.

I want U2 to become friends. And she's gonna drive you around. It's like a threesome, not that kind, relax. Anyways, well, if I move back to Boston, you probably hate me, huh? No, we'd love you now Love you come on. We hate him if I move back Star because I take some back gigs. Yeah, I'm definitely living a lot of gigs. Yeah, we got gigs I'm gonna move the Hampton Beach. We come on up. That'd be great. Are you living Hampton Beach? You do?

Are you Dutch? You do? Are you Dutch? Little Dutch. Just the best. So a long time ago when you first started. Oh, shit. And you were hanging, you and, you and Dane. And I was running.

The guy named Dane Cook, he was a comedian. Yeah, he was in an improv troupe with peanut butter and... Yeah. Anyway, you guys... He hasn't talked to Mrs. Agada Kid. Anyway. He likes to date those, I hear. And yeah, anyway, you guys he hasn't talked to Mrs. I got a kid He likes to date those I hear That was will Will known in will

At will known in the street doesn't fuck us I mean I'm gonna say something. It's not really it's not a disc really. Yeah, I mean he's fucking Anyway, the 45 banging a night in your own I'm banging a forty three roll from every Shovel ass One tits bigger than the other one, all right No, I love my and I like a small ass on a girl, by the way. That's a whole thing with this fucking Me Too movement. That's how I got my wife. I did, I took my dick out and fucking marble head on a rock.

She was like, no, I'm like, come on. Taylor's all this time. And then she was like, I hate him. like, come on. Tail is all this time. And then she was like, all right, I'm there. A massive cheeseless love story. Now she's got a house in the kid. I mean, it works out sometimes, ladies. Couple minutes of being a whole, like, get your house. Did Louis teach you that trick?

Oh, did Louis teach you that trick? But no, I got a head that didn't jerk off. I'm fucking weirdo. Come on. I knew when I had to say that twice. It was over. So what did I do to the day? Would you catch me blowin' up? This one ain't be funny now.

I saw you blowing dain and a fucking holiday and express. You were on a rock going, come on. No, so you guys came up and I had an open mic thing going where they they guy gave me 50 dollars a week Yeah And so we had it basically an open mic and whoever was the funniest yeah It's the 50 bucks right any audience had decided right so you guys came up and and Dan Dan was kind of new but he was already just so damn funny Yeah

And you guys came in and you guys were like what's it deal?? You know, you were sizing me up, going with 50 bucks. So who decides, oh, the audience, okay. All right. And so of course, Dane goes up and destroys. And the fucking, he had a bit about a robot and he did all the, you know, what was it? Fucking, the terminator, no, the robot cop.

Robocop, look up Dane Cook's robot cockpit. He literally wrote it before he did comedy. He did this, and the gun came, fuh, shoo, fuh, fuh, wow, whew, whew, whew, whew, whew. Fucking murdered. Murdered, right? Absolutely murdered. And then I went up and I talked about my dick. Right. And there were only like, I mean, there were maybe 15. Yeah, that's about how it went. And there were about 15 people in the crowd or whatever. And I had to pay the kid who was doing the flyers.

I had to pay him 10 bucks. And I didn't have it. So I only had 40 dollars. So when day in one, I go, look, I got 40 bucks. And you turn all of a sudden turn into his fucking business manager going, I don't know about that, dude. And you were like, you were seismic going, when are we getting it? And I go, next time I see it, next or whatever.

And you were 10 bucks and you were like, do you ever give it to him? No, so. Yeah. I'm the shit. Wait. So he takes off for LA like shortly thereafter. Two years later, I see him up at the Montreal Comedy

Festival. He's a millionaire by now. Yeah, yeah. I see him. I go, hey dude I got that ten bucks. No he goes, no he goes, you're right. You're right now. Really? Yeah. It didn't take the ten bucks. But you didn't trust me for the ten bucks. Why would I? You didn't give it to him. You waited till he was a five. It's a good point. You're at the point. I didn't think we're right. He's a hundred percent. You're right.

He waited till he was famous and had an end. If they never made it and needed that 10 bucks, this ass I would have never gave it to him. He was using a hey dude, he had you 10 bucks. You get a part on the show. What do you got a pool? Why would I size you up here a monster? No, you were.

I'm positive. I was a little cocky. You did what you got back then. You guys, were, and he was, but together, forget it. And then when Patrice was with you, and you guys were in the back of Nix, and if somebody went up on stage and had a bad set, and they had to do that walk by you by the three of you guys, forget,

you just like, yeah. We'd be, Patrice, you do this with his fingers. Mm-hmm. Oh, man! And... Ha! Ha! But, have it the best in front of Patrice is the worst. Oh, it was so much fun though to watch.

I think other guys do it. Oh, the best. I met, but having a good set in front of him, when someone bombs after him is the best. Yeah. We were in Amsterdam together, and they had a show called The Bounce. It was a black show, but it was Dutch black, not American black, so they're pretty much just white people.

And Dutch black is disposable. Yes. Yes. But I remember, thanks black guy. I, Boston hasn't changed much. Two black guys are at the show. Good for you. No one brown person.

20%. OK, good. Listen, huh? Where's the Mexicans? So she said right there, where? Are you Mexican dude? What's up, Jose? How you doing?

Hola. Yeah, you can come back. You'd fit right back in. What? You can do giggles. All right, Lizzie man. Lizzie, we're at the bounce, and I remember the girl didn't show up. The girl was supposed to show up. I forget what she was.

She forgot it. She fucked up her passport, right? And they needed somebody to do the show, but they needed a black comic. And Patrice and Keith were like, just let, tell me, do it. He does black night at the Boston every. Kills in front of black crowds. And the guy in the front, a Dutch guy, oh, no, no,

this is possible. And finally, it was like, I fucking do it. Patrice goes out. I have to go after Patrice, right? Patrice goes out fucking, of course, murders, that fucking asshole just gifted fucking hunk of shit. Oh, I'm gonna be funny, man. You're so funny.

Just stop eating doughnut, you fucking ass. The funniest guy in the world, man. I mean, seriously, funny. Funny, the more all of them. I've seen him live. I never met him. I'm so unbelievable. The fucking, he goes out and murders.

I go out, now mind you, I went, one of the biggest trashings I've ever gotten in my life was that night, because I bought, I bought an outfit for that night for the theater. And that's when black, remember black polyester shirts, and they had black pants, like slacks, black slack pants. You know, you would wear them with a cool belt,

and some nice shoes, you know, they're like the shine, little Puerto Rican fence climbers. Getting, getting, boom. That's the thing you can think in the fence. I'm leaving him alone. He's already moved on. Right, in seconds. I said, Puerto Rican, not you guys.

You guys don't like walls, offenses. I, uh, woo. Wow. That was a good joke. I, uh, we... It's a fan's run. We, uh... So I remember, I came out of the hotel,

and but I, there were bell bottoms. I fucked up, I didn't know there were bell-bottom slacks. So I had a black shirt, black slacks that went out, so it looked like I was wearing an evening gown. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I walked out of the hotel and Patrice is in the van, just here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 45 minutes, they smash me. We go to this gig, now Patrice murders,

I'm going in front of an all black crowd in an evening guy. I fucking, I wind up fucking killing. I murder, like I've never killed, they were chanting my name, but Keith had to go up after me. Patrice was fucking with Keith so bad. He literally, when I got off stage, Keith was shat. You know what a comics nervous?

They start doing this shit. Keith was doing push ups, trying to get his energy up. Like fuck that motherfucker. I walk off stage and go, blah, blah, blah, blah that dutch out, bobb, bobb, bobb. Right? Keith walks up to go, hey, how you doing? Patrice went, stay away from him.

Get away from him. Don't touch my client. And he grabs me. And he's like, Mr. Kelly, that was a great set. Then I push his Keith back. Keith went, oh, fuck it took a nice hot one. Ah. Patrice was just going, ha!

Ah! That's what I miss. Yeah. I know the young comics are supportive, but watching a comic, your friend die. That's still happening. So we still love that. One of the best things in the-

And then the two-hour ride in the car just walks all along. There's nothing funnier than seeing your friend bomb. Oh yeah. In front of a fucking hot crowd. The best. And everybody, and just go and fucking you stink. Fuck you. This is what they walk off you fucking blow.

What happened still bad? Ah! Donald didn't get me. Now you stink. It was the cheques, the cheques went out. What are you? That was a great crowd. We all fucking murdered.

You stink. All right, we got to wrap this up. I want to thank you guys. Swear to God. You know what, dude, fans, my fans. Thank you for coming out to this. I thought it was just going to be these two motherfuckers. I mean, it would have been good, but you guys are great.

Please give it up from Tony Vee, everybody. Tony Vee, Jimmy Dunn, and Will Noonan. Thank you very much. And give it up, Gabby, who fucking helped me out, do all this shit, always on the show. One of the new comments coming up, she'll be doing guest spots this weekend. You guys are the best fans in the world.

We'll see you next time on You Know What Dead! You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Free, shine, flow, flow, flow