Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWD Live from the Village Underground

Episode Date: November 2, 2015

It's a special live edition recorded at the Village Underground Lounge! We have Dan Soder, Joe List, and two very special guests! Who? You'll have to tune in to find out. This is an absolute classic. Huge thanks to Noam, Liz, and Mike from the Comedy Cellar for making all this possible. Enjoy!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? You know what, dude. On the RiotCast Network. RiotCast.com.

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to start the show? I can't hear you. Are you ready to start the show! I can't hear you! Are you ready to start the show? Tonight's live episode of YKWD is brought to you by DraftKings.com. Your season-long fantasy football team may be going strong, but you don't have to wait until week 16 to get paid. Put your fantasy skills to the test every week this season at DraftKings.com America's

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grand, enter Kelly for free entry now, only at Drat Kings.com. That's DraftKings.com. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight the village underground in the heart of Granners Village right between the Bum with Hepatitis and the Woman with the Penis is proud to present the you know what do you Podcast live and now here's your host, but doing himself Robert Kelly The Mike asshole, I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic or? No! That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yeah.

And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's... And no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Side to the coin! That's how it all holds the... I wanted to do you think my podcast is popular enough? I might affect something's guys you motherfuckers. You want a day you think my podcast is popular enough where I might affect something's life? You never know?

It's what would kill you if you knew what to podcast on whitecast.com What's up fuckers? How you doing, alright? Ha ha! What's up fuckers how you doing alright? That was a fucking long intro right? Kind of fucked you up a little, got you applauding too many times. Recrowed everybody to the beautiful famous Rick Chrome. Thank you Bobby. You're welcome Ricky. How could you, Now that was...

Ha ha ha! That was the longest fucking ad ever. I mean, imagine me doing it though. That was a sucked. At least we had your beautiful Draft Kings dot com. Look at them. And the... And the ad.

So thank you for coming out tonight. Who's been to one of these live the YKW's live anybody's been Great I don't know if that's a good thing. Do we get more popular or do we lose a lot of people what the fuck happened So we get a fucking crazy show tonight. We got special guests that I hope you guys love and we have some special guests that I hope you guys love and we have some regulars you know It's gonna be a great night. We're just gonna get into it And I want to thank first of all the comedy seller who and the village on the ground Liz right over there That's the manager of all these fucking places

She's short, but she's fucking at a huge dick and she's not afraid to use it We have show them the dick dick, no I'm kidding. Not that one, don't put that down, don't touch that. What are you out of your mind? Don't ever touch a random dick on a fucking fireplace mantle. Go wash. That's my dick.

And I want to thank Noam and Tony. They fucking let us use this space. And this is yet another awesome space that the comedy seller has that usually for karaoke, you know, fat dudes singing Pat Penetar, hit me with your best shot, but tonight we're gonna have a lot of fun. And I want to give it up for Mike too, Mike helped us out. Yes. All right. This is going to be a great show. So let's fucking let's just get it started

Let me give a nice little intro to my crew who helps me make this happen every week give it up for Chris go for everybody He is fat assing self look at that fat ass His fat ass himself, look at that fat ass. What's up, baby? Let's go, both. I got people up in the DJ booth. My favorite is a Indian. We got sexy Kelly, the new Lauren over here with those ditties. God damn it, I want a fucking fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We, ha ha ha. We, ha ha ha. We actually had a talk. I think someone asked me, what does Lauren do? I was like, I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. Be hot. Be hot. She's fucking. She's hot, but she's attainable. She's attainable hot. Don't take, that's good. That's like, who the fuck is that?

Get the fuck outta here. the fuck out of here? You're such an idiot. You're such a fucking ham. I told him to wait in the FFK. You know what? Fucking let's eat you do we had a whole thing fucking worked out You know how it is to get him to do a cue And then you fucking up you fucking ham. We did this 17 times 17 times You fucking up you fucking ham. We did this 17 times 17 times 17 times. Let's introduce fucking Monster voice AKA dance soda give it up But dance. Oh, everybody dance. Oh, There he is take your backpack off give it to the beautiful girl

Look at that we got An soda everybody you sitting here doing what you have to would you ruin the fucking intro for dude? Blame this asshole There's like y'all go through the fat black pussy cat. That's what I did I walk through and then I don't say go through I say go through that and decide to come in Read the text go through the fat decide to come in. No. Read the text. Go through the fat.

Time to fucking do dick core. Work it out. When you get here, go to the fat black pussycat. You are the dumbest. That's what you get to is go in there. Laura's supposed to meet him. You need to be specific. You need to fucking tell him to wait.

To wait. I thought Laura was going to be there. Shame, shame, shame, shame. No, no, no, no, wait. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Fix that fucking hell. I'm not fixing it. I'm not fixing it.

I always knew Deepu had shitty DJ face. Ha, ha, ha. Fucking Bollywood Vegas DJ. Ha, ha, ha. Does he look good up here? That should be. let the beat drop Fucking Russell Russell Peters. Yeah, he's doing a fucking stadium in Kuala Lumpur How the fuck did you get that out? I watch CNN when I'm high

Fuck you that's a new bit you have. No, I'm not shopping for that. That beat drops the bit, yeah. Well, you know, that could be. Did you get taller? I did, I'm taking genetic hormones. I'm taking HGA. That was just like if you were a real giant.

Her barber, I'm going to die by 34. I have dried down to his own. I actually met you, you were only fucking nine. I was like jack with Robin Williams. I'm ancient, you get seven times the rape, Robert. Well listen, we had a big intro, you were gonna come in. Hit the music. No, we already hit the fucking...

Tell him to hit buttons. What was the music? The music you came out to. I didn't hear it. Bannannannann. Play it again. What the fuck is this? That's your music. What was the music? The music you came out to? I didn't hear it. Play it again. What the fuck is this? That's your music.

We couldn't get the song you wanted. You want the car ad music? No. That's your new, that's if I think... The original car ad music. If I think of you with a backpack and your big head, walk it down with your metrop... It's a ventures waterhead!

I specifically asked for Queens of the Stone Age of the Rose. You could know what those songs. You couldn't get those songs. I'm not Rogan, alright? I can't afford it. Oh, you have to license these? The Queen of the Stone Age? I don't know, I have to license these. They have fucking algorithms now. That's what Deepu said. Fucking night just played music. They have fucking algorithms now. That's what Deepu said.

Fucking night school theme music. Do you want to get a degree in nursing? No, no, no, no, no, no. I like that. Did you have a kid way too young? Yeah. Well, you could sell that to school. Even though you were a raging horn early 20s.

Yeah. I thought it was kind of fun though. Yeah, I T T T action We actually go to his little girl that's bouncing. Oh, yeah, well, he's got I T T face and brain Skull book from out of bucket I see you see you see you're brother. That's just complicated the online shit is not my thing dude I made a bookshelf and I dropped the fuck out. Yeah, where's the book?

Man, Dan, is someone's gonna bomb. No way, man. Someone asked to go get the book. What do you mean no way? It's not today. This is too special. Everyone's coming through and going. Well, do we have the other guys?

Listen, let's introduce. What the fuck? Let's see. We got another very special guest that I love to death. I first met him in Boston doing shows, and then he came on on my show here. He got sober, and he became way funnier and nicer. Let's give it up for the Truth AKA Joe List, everybody. Joe List, everybody. Joe List! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That song was better than your song. Dude, it was way better than my song. That song was too rockin'. Kelly looks amazing. First of all. Kelly.

She's just. You might have been an enemy with L.I. I don't know. Smoking Kelly. That's an audience member. Audience shut up. What a great audience. Not the way I say audience.

Bobby, we met in New York, dumb dumb. Caroline's, dude. Yeah, I don't care. I was just saying, I was trying to give you a good, do we really meet in New York? We met in New York at Caroline. No, you didn't. You helped me. You opened for me in Boston.

You fucking stuck. I opened for you in New York, at Caroline's. You first? Yes. You called DiP Apollo to be like and this is this guy good or whatever and the Apollo said Gay and I have a small dick good We got you. Thank you. You're everybody. Yeah. Thanks everybody. What is happening? There you go. Joe. I'm like Joe's I'm like Joe's pit We we we we we met we met in Boston. I'm sorry. I mean you are yeah, you know, it's weird That was all weird. That was the first time I met you too and Boston he no, I care lines in New York

I met you at Caroline he was opening for you and he's like come by and I was terrified of you Why cuz you had that like bottom loses laugh? I love that list. No exactly why cuz you're terrifying Because you're terrifying. I'm not terrifying. I'm the nicest guy in the fucking world. You're still terrifying. Did you even have this high to explain it? First of all, go fuck yourselves.

Oh, there we are. That's real boring on the game. Bobby doesn't think he's a bully, which is hilarious. I'm not a fucking bully. You're a nerd bully. I'm either of those things. You're a nerd. That's what bully's doing.

No. No, the fucking new nerd throws you around bully Which is either of those things you're in call the minute that's what bully's No the fucking new the new nerd throws around bully make fucking guys like me blue collar guys feel bad What do you brew spring steam both first of all you both in your late 20s with backpacks get over it I'm 32 and I got a backpack because I'm Get over it. I'm 32 and I got a backpack cuz I'm Tigger what the fuck is that what it arms respected? Who's a fucking angry scary guy now? You're gonna front pack That's bullshit man Lauren Lauren you Lauren you said I look good. Huh?

You look like a mafia boss and Lauren's your wife because you threatened to kill her brother. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, we have, we have in the reserve chair over there, I would like to say hi to a very famous person. Give it up for Keith, the cop everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! Keith the cop!

Yeah! On his face, look at him, there he is. No, Anthony Cooomie everybody, give it up for him! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, come to me! It's like Disney's fucking, what was that, Adventurer's Club in here. Welcome to the spooky ride, of you know what to do.

You're lucky Dan helped you with that one huh? Yeah, thank God right? I'll see you in November. Shut up bully. I'm not a fucking bully! You fucking people throw that word around. As he's yelling at the crowd. First of all fuck you.

I'll bully you. People really throw that fucking word around that word bully. The B word? As he's yelling at the crowd first fuck you. I'll bully you People really throw that fucking word around that word bully the B word It the B word and to a fucking guy like me a blue collar guy for boss I like the idea that you can't be a blue collar and bully Those are two different things. I was bullied when I was a kid. I was I was bullied That's what happens to people that were bullied they become bullets. That's not a fact That's yeah, no, but it's pretty close to a fact First of all name one time I bullied you. Oh God. There's been so many terrifies

Name one I can I also Well this this evening I had a paid comedy spot Well this evening I had a paid comedy spot This is a huge old and I was paid spot. Yeah, an additional This pays more. I called Robert Patrick Kelly and said hey, it's Donlin Kelly for sag what I was like is it is what time will be done because I went I got another set and then Bobby was like you better fucking cancel it You fucking douche I'll cut your dick off and shove it in your eye That is first of all that's fucking fabrication. That sounds almost work for work

You even on the fucking phone now, but Joe told me right after I made up the part about shoving the dick in the eye But the rest is true all the okay. I tell Joe and Dan I say I got this big live event We're gonna do yeah, I say you guys in yeah, and I make event we're going to do. I say, you guys in. Yeah. And I make sure that you two, out of all the people, that you two could fucking be there, right? Because I want to do the understand that these two guys, especially Dan and then Joe,

became the regulars on my show. It was us for a long time. And I wanted you guys to be on it. And then you call me today, you two fucking, just I gotta do nine spots a night. Well, we're blue collar. So, we're the workin' men of comedy. Just to jeans, call his hands.

I hear first of all, yeah. This is fucking my show. Well, and now you call me a bully. You're not calling you a bully. You're just, you wear the white construction hat. You're the foreman. We're yellow hat guys. I'll take fucking, yeah, but that's a different thing than bully.

And I didn't say that to you. I said, you call me, I gotta another spot. What times this thing done? I didn't say like that. Then he was like this. Then he goes like this. Fatso. What times this thing done? I didn't say like this. Then he goes like this. Fatso. What? You said that?

That was, I said it under my breath. I'm not a fucking bully, okay? That's bullshit. And speaking of the people that we've had on the show for a long time, I brought somebody else. We have a very special guest that came in for the show. So let's give it up right now for the first special guest of the evening, Kelly for Stuka.

Kelly for Stuka. Oh. Oh. Everybody rise, please, for the National national anthem of Australia. That's a criminal song please upstand. Anthony you can stay down. Anthony I'm with you. God bless America. I don't know the words. Where a place.

It's cool, just under the sun We like things, like people race All is a card alley Gallic is still here, everybody Galli Piscuit everybody. Galli Piscuit behind my back. Give it up for Kelly Piscuit up. Who wants a Australian chocolate anybody? Yes. For the later.

Hi Kelly. Oh, these are so good. For the later. That was mine for later Fucking chunky guys snagged out of the ill like a seal in front of the skinny white dutch kid We think wow Reflexes he's looking that way felt chocolate in the air Snacks it up Vampire reflexes what the fuck was that?

Do you hear that? What's up for stoop? Hi mate, how you doing? That was a shit, it hit me. I put on a little... Yeah, you got old black lady turt too. And... I love it! I only wanted them the good ones, so don't worry, it's fine.

They're both great. Oh yeah, one of your breasts is bigger than the other one, right? That's all Picasso too. It's all the... All women have one breast larger than... Yeah, but hers are really... I loved it. That wasn't me, that's too mean.

Yeah, that one's way bigger than that one, right? I think you look great. Yeah, I think so. Have you ever seen it titties? No. What? You're not on your own, Stan. No he hasn't.

No he hasn't. You're good buddy. Hey mate. Have you seen them? I've got you got. There's some heavy drinking years there. You've seen Kelly's. No he hasn't.

Then no I haven't. You didn't. Kelly fuck you. No you got my stuff. All right now looking. Here's what that. I did it. Kelly, fuck you. You got my stuff. All right, now look at me. Here's what that? I put lipstick on the other side. I knew it.

I'm the fight. I just put the photos. Hey guys. All right, listen, now you're looking. You're in Australia. You're not on the show anymore. You know, sexy, Kelly, fuck you. Joe, Joe, do you just change pump?

I'm a bitch. I'm stretching. What guys on the show did you bang? Nobody. I've never fucked a comic, Bobby. Yes, she is. Don't let me scup other. Oh my God.

Jesus. I'm kidding. Jesus. I'm kidding. Jesus. I feel bad. I'm zinging him into the booker here. Where's there a booker?

There's no booker here. I know. I'm kidding. I'm zinging them into the booker here. Where's there a booker? There's no bookers here. I know. You guys never hooked up. We made out drunk and we drunkly made out. You guys made out the cabin bar. We're at the cat with a club. I was looking at the show before and he definitely got some like I have a sweater action. Yeah. You see, you did.

I was blown up in my leave-us. You did it. You did it. You did it. You did it. Danny Zuko. I was blown up in my leave You did a Danny Zuko I was like You took her in a bag I'm a fucking boy. I'm not a bully. I am central So you took Kelly you you started making out with Kelly. Yeah, who made who made the first No, very good when he's drunk at closing the deal You know very good when he's drunk at closing the deal Kelly So who made the first move?

I can't remember I was the Hammond you made the first move on Kelly now what you moving you start kissing? Yeah, dude, what's your move? Do you want me to fucking read you diaries? Do you move on me? There was a missy evening I had had seven seven shots of Jameson in about 15 Bud Lights. I approached from the four o'clock, knowing I could stun her and do a deep-tun kiss. I think you did a voice for me. I think you looked good. Yeah, that's how I get involved. I just like, oh, God.

And it happened. So, it looks showy, showy voices. It's a bit... Oh, oh, oh. Who may put me inside you? Show me show me boys Let me put me inside you I miss this I forgot how supportive provide So so you you start kissing. Yeah. God, I just want to know.

I probably start doing this. You guys told me when you guys were together, we were like a family. And you guys never told me, now this is me finding out that you guys actually fucked around. We didn't fuck around, we made out, slopily made out. And grabbed the titty. And I grabbed the titty and I think I did like an air hump, like dogs do when they're trying to fuck a human. You tried to use your dick on the outside, the air went, I was like,

I'm like, what are you doing? I'm like, what is he doing? You definitely know that we really try to, we really try to fuck you with clothes on. To get you, like think that's gonna get you pussy. Yeah, you're just like, it's really nice. It works.

Is it work? It's time to jumping in with a australian logic. Oh yeah, not dinghy gets some sagan wet. Rub your We call it a pole hugging. That's a great, sweet performance. Oh my god, I missed that. Telly. Telly. So you really get turned on when a dude fucks like a drunkard. When he rubs his hard penis, you're...

Yeah, because you guys get hotter, we get wet out, and then he just try and... Only if he's doing it as Randy Savage. Yeah, he'll both do it a little more. Yeah. Do you guys get sore the way we get sore when we dry help? Oh, yeah, you can get like a rachi. Like your dick gets rubbed against the zipper? Like a chafee bit.

Exactly, Joe. We get a chafee bit, definitely. It's like I've had guys sometimes trying to help me to hide with Jane's on because they're just ridiculous. They don't know what they're doing, right? OK. But like it's just terrible. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not gonna say anything, I'm not gonna say anything. So so your vagina gets rubbed raw. Yeah, yeah, it's so like Now when he was doing it, he just did one pump and that thing but I wasn't connecting I think I fell over over a gutter because he's so tall over a gutter like I

Didn't fall over there. Yeah, he just called it He was probably gutter trash No, no, because I he was I'm pretty sure he was like a down the step and I was on top of the step because it was too tall And then both drunk just like I come up with we probably thought was charming. Yeah, we're like look, I'll stand down Bobby Bobby That our other special guest had to cancel oh no really he just texted me Shit really well, let's pack it up everybody well we had

Denys slurry was gonna come in That Straight It's a real He's throwing out me to Jesus. He's throwing out me to Jesus. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold.

Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. Someone shove it in gold. He's wearing a legion of Skatech shirt, either real ass dance, I'm gonna stop the damn podcast! Oh, oh, yeah! I'm happy for the sausage issue fucking savage!

Oh, look at that! I Lest jay Gomez everybody give it up for the real last dude God, I really really hope he canceled I was so fucking pumped The mask I don't think the mask off. No, I don't take it off. No, I don't think the mask off. It'll make Robbie so furious if I don't take this mask off. That is all your work. I have a lot of good ideas.

I have a very special surprise for you, Lewis. You're right. And you're returned to the podcast. There you go, Lewis. That's for you. Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude Why would you send this fucking gorgeous girl to come meet me? It took me everything not to finger her on the walkover here. Everything.

Wait, hold on. Why do you think that's just an option? You're like, I mean, where were walking? I'm out of help. I could toss you a knuckle fuck. Why can't you dry hump her and fall down a fucking ladder? Like him and Pellet. That's my bare minimum.

That's my going in for a kiss. That's our finger. And by the way, they fucking made me a meat and cheese necklace with fishing wire so my neck is sliced up You fucking jerk off so like so blue, man. That's for you. It's a good easy to look like you love fucking meat and cheese I don't I don't care he was Dennis Leary she got so excited. Oh, that's why she's. That's all she's all fancyed up. I did his Leary's gonna hear me on the podcast. She's gonna be like, move here. I can't Dennis Leary.

Then Lewis walked in, she's like, fuck. Oh man. She is as crazy. You know famous people. Well, you guys, you guys, are you guys seeing each other? Have you been on the show since you were on my show together? I bumped into her.

Yeah. I'm sorry not to. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I was scripted as first 10 lines. I can't find. I can't find.

He's like an NFL officer coordinator. I had Zach and me go writing my jokes for this. Yeah. No, we bumped into each other. And a comedy show. It's been plus. Um, no, we bumped into it. Yeah. And a comedy show, and it's been plus. You can't even tell the rehearsals. Really, it's been nice.

It's been nice. Why wouldn't it be? I don't know, because you fucking hated each other for years on my show. Yeah, like legitimate palpable hate. Yeah. Literally, the first 40 minutes of every podcast you were on was what a fucking asshole she was. I quit smoking cigarettes to stop here in Kelly Bitch about you.

That's not truly. No, that's completely true. I quit smoking cigarettes to stop here in Kelly bitch about you That's not truly Completely true. I don't wait my hands now smell like meat It's probably over did this bit Let the meats yeah, no, it was really good. I don't know why that's a problem. It's not a problem to me I'd love to smell your hands right now Are you and Kelly given nice fucking hug and kiss? Come here, Kelly. Come on.

Get a real kiss. Get a real kiss. He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. Yeah, come on, come on. Just give me a kiss. We're real. This makes you look like you're making the substitute teacher hug the most dangerous student. Thank you.

As I walk through the belly, you push that away. Yeah, I want you to go over there, dangerous minds, real quick, Kelly. That was great. All right, don't touch a boot. All right, here we go. Here we go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, fucking kiss, just kiss regular. Kiss regular. Did you bring Kelly's stunt bubble for the front row? What is this? It's more like a stunt triple. Not you Your

He's an excellent lover I He's an excellent lover. I am an excellent lover. Oh man, you're just like my neck. Lewis is looking good, man. Thanks, man. Well, don't you guys all look fucking, you know, the same. Thank you. I find consistency to be a very flattering thing.

Well, this is weird. We all used to be on the show together for a long fucking time. And you guys, you got famous. What? You pretty much. You want a billboard? He has a billboard. He has a digital one that changes every five seconds.

That's not really good. Do you know what, no, that's great. He don't strain. He's like giving you paper for him. You can end land when you're on a billboard. Dude, you get your own show on serious satellite radio. Yeah. Some people here don't anymore.

Oh. Listen, I'm going to go. Who would have thought that? What he doesn't know is I was dressed as a black woman that night. Just waiting for an opportunity, like a coiled snake. Remember this voice? I killed your mother, Nady! I just thought you were in Roger Rabbit.

I was a small jerk. I took well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, give me Anthony and Marguerke because he wants to say something. Yeah, I like it. Oh, hold on. Hey Keith, you hold on to it for him. Well, well, yeah, you're doing fucking fantastic. You got show, you got movies.

No, what, no. You did a fucking movie. Yeah, a really bad one. If anyone ever sees it, I'm done. Dude, I did a movie. I did a last night. That's not a kitchen. It's a fucking restaurant.

You were super sexy in it, though. That was last night at Eddie's. Yeah, that kissing? Yeah, at the end. You want me to redo it? I love to. All right, ready? Are you asking me to do it?

No, I'm going to do it to you. You'll do the girl. I'll be the guy. You got my cow. Ready? Welcome to every day dream I've had for the last three years. Oh, you get it. Look at me, ready?

Look at me. This is a dance hotel girl on the show original. Yeah. It's a casting couch me, right? Look at me. This is a dance hotel girl on the show original. Yeah. It's a casting couch podcast. The episode you never heard called Scared Waiter. Right? Did you? I'm in it.

What's my motivation besides catching this dream? The motivation is I left. I fucking left you last time you love me But I took off on my motorcycle, but now I'm back. I damn right? Now it's like you know you but you left last time. Well, how can I trust you? Okay? You left last time. You say that you say that you left last time. How can I trust you? Oh shit? Allison I trust you? Oh shit Allison I love you And I always will you should probably go

I get it. Oh my God. I get it. That was longer than Al-Kiss. What are you doing? Wow, Dan showed his little whiskers fucking get your dick hard. I'm not fucking. I'm not fucking.

I was like, I never got it before. It was like being embraced by a cloud of seduction. That was made of skin and pure desire. Yeah, if I did that with Joe, would've missed and hit his cheek. It's very silent. Because he's got a small mouth, get it?

His little baby. That was a terrible terrible sight. Tell you what them gay kiss before you kiss me on the mouth. Yeah. And then it's bullshit. I'm 40 times hotter than Kelly right now. This is ridiculous. I don't know.

I don't know. It's good fat. What? I mean, I don't know what's happening. 40 times hotter than Kelly right now this ridiculous What I mean I don't know what's up in the info I think Kelly good looks good with wait on I Do I think you look I think you look great and you know, and it doesn't matter like I don't you know the main like I mean I appreciate I've had more people who text me about Or write to me about Lewis now that he's single because they're like, finally, you guys can fuck. Yeah? Because it's always a always a potential tension. It wasn't, but anyway.

So. I think you're what I think you want. I think you want. I think you're absolutely sexual sexual. I think you want. Like me and Dan's, it's over now. Yeah, that was too scary. We just let it go.

I wanted to fuck this twink since I met him. That's why I used to put Wiggle every time I come in the studio. Now I don't have to be a... Now I don't have to bully you anymore. Yeah, now we're going to just be friends. It's all out of the way. Yeah, the way. It was like, you know, like the Ghost Whisperer

when they set Ghost Free, that was like a gay whisperer. I'm not adding this out of the video. This is live streaming right now too. Cool. I'm going to ruin your career. Why would it, it's not the 20s. He was caught kissing a man. I can't ruin you career. Why would it, it's not the 20s. He was caught kissing a man. I can't work in Hollywood.

Should've never had a gay man worse. You should've done that before his first SNL audition. That would've got him on the show. Oh, you're right, man. Yeah, thank you. Wait a break. Wait a break it up that I didn't get it twice. Oh, my God.

Geez. Well, you auditioned fast enough twice. Yeah. And you didn't get it twice. Yeah. my God. Oh, my God. Jesus, sorry. Well, you auditioned fast enough twice. Yeah. And you didn't get it twice. Yeah. Pretty back. But you're here. Yeah.

Fuck you. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm live from New York. It's Monday night. Oh, the truth. The truth in the back. Snipin' hell.

That's fun. I mean, that's fucked up that you did a twit. I did it once too. I sent in a tape. I never got, are you gotten in front of Lauren? Yeah. Yeah, I never did that. I didn't even get past the person that looks at the tapes to pass them to the person that looks at the tapes. You did what everyone could do. Yeah. Anybody in the room could do what you did Bobby meld the tape to the GE building Dad give this to Lauren dead What impressions did you do Bobby? Oh, yeah, cuz you got to do three. Yeah, all right. I want to know more

He told us this this will be good. I did. He did the bully radio host. I did. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. King Kong Bundy. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. And Brando from Apocalypse Now. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts. It's pretty good. It's cock suckles. I could tell he wanted an honorable day Soldiers day these guys don't even know On a joint Anthony Kumi of he is fucking co-host Two fucking five white guys talking about black dudes All right, if who caught no, what's his name already lying? I did

Okay, ready? Yeah, you put some simple water, like you're gonna buy me a nail this. I did, you have to do originals. And you have to do, when you audition for us now, you have to do three originals, three celebrity impressions. It was two celebrity impressions when I did. Well, you know, times are harder now.

So I did, for my celebrity impressions, I did Joe Pesci. Okay. The fuck kind of people are like, when I was a little more like a little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little Like it took helium? Then I did Christopher Walken. Oh, original. It was fucking 15 years ago. You and every dentist. So I'm just a question I think I could pick it up. You did shitty impressions. Hang on, that's what I did good. I threw it. Bobby. Why? All right. I'm gonna stop you there, Robert. No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not buying.

All right, so then I had original ones. The only one I can remember, and this is, yes. I just went to go, this is the only one I can remember. It was, uh, I'm gonna stop you there, Robert. No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not buying. All right, so then I had original ones. The only one I can remember, and this is, yes. I just met a guy, this is the only one I can remember.

He was, oh, I don't know if I should do this. Yes, you absolutely. I don't know if I can do it. You just met that with Dan, you should do it. I mean, we're high on love. It's really bad. This is going to hurt me. Who went?

Wow, what a great audience. You see this, you heard about this? He says audience, just like Jimmy from South Park. You know what else is known as that? I fucking don't know, I say. Wow, what a great audience. I say, oh he is. What's the answer to you, you heard about this?

I'm ready. I did. I'm like, Dan's on fire tonight. It's trying to. I wait for the live. He hasn't been on it for like 10 months. like dance on fire tonight and trying them. I wait for the live here. He hasn't been on in fucking ten months. He's on fire. Yeah, I've just been like a beautiful mind in a fucking shed.

Lewis didn't go coke tonight, so he's just quiet. Can we get him a drink, please? Can I have some coke, please? He's got some. Yeah, let's fuck up. He's going to smack her in the head with a sausage. You walked on and just went, hey. All right, here we go. ready? Yeah. This is my original character. One of them. The only one I remember is Helga Sockwater

from Chelsea, Massachusetts. Oh, nice. I'm gonna do it. Blabby. Blabby, these fucking clock suckers are coming here. I don't know where. I live in Chelsea. You live in Everett. You don't come to my town and go fishing in my pot of the river and get your mullet fish.

It's the cousin of the Kaffelta. That's where they stop the tape. And then threw it out of Firah. First of all, it's Jesse Jeff in Fresh Burns. Your first words were fucking quacksaka. You're not saying anything to NBC. You know this is our network tone. You're fucking cunt.

You're fucking classless cunt. I didn't say I tried. What the fuck? What was you do? What was your original character? I did dumb characters. I got it without a flat face. Buzz Zing. I like that Lewis is clearly never sad at this angle.

It's unbelievable dude, it looks like a book. You know what a book looks like? I think you're just giving up here, but you're a literal. Ah Joe is waiting for that. Somebody had a son. That was the best alley you've ever seen. Oh, poor. Evidence, it looks like a picture book.

This one had a son. Shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's not posting pictures Instagrams of your son. What do I do? What you get your fucking every day you cute? You're fucking illegal getting more followers through your son's cuteness. That's bullshit, Bobby I'll just say this. I feel like I'm really a part of James's life Ever you you too many photos of your son. I read a thing that says people only post pictures of what they love That's Lewis a serial killer ability

You're gonna fucking you gonna find that was his buffalo bill like you might help him to get this car Oh, bro, brook my arm. Who do you size 38? Dude, I get why Dan left this show. He is great. He really is. He should be on fucking serious satellite radio. He should be on SNL, what the fuck happened? I wasn't cute enough.

What's his celebrity impression? I only hear that from the press. I did Sam Elliott. I did Sam Elliott doing like a who was your celebrity And by the way, this is why he's already better than you. He put a celebrity impression Who said he's better than me? He's better than you. I never said that Question I'll tell you why why he's putting a celebrity into a situation as opposed to just fucking the fucking normal I did mine. I did this situation

I was just fucking, ah, the fucking normal. I did mine, I did the situation. It was no situation, dude. That was it. Joe Pashy was ordering ice cream. No fucking, I got no fucking cherry ice cream. You were ordering ice cream, man. And then you Joe Pashy, a question happened to come into the Vex.

Yeah, that was in a situation. It was a situation. There was no cherry ice cream, he likes. The fucking cherry ice cream. That's my Paul Verzi, too. What the fuck? I still think you're swearing too Verzi too. What the fuck? I still fucking swearin' too much. What, in the show?

For NBC. I didn't swear in the thing. I did it clean. Yeah, I'm doin' it now. Just to bump it up. Yeah. So let me hear the same Elliot. It was like, it was about,

it was a coolers light commercial for transgender surgery. Wow. Why did you come up with that? Yeah. If you're ever, if you're on the surf and you feel like, for transgender surgery. Wow. Why did you come up with that? Yeah. If you're ever, if you're on this earth and you feel like that gave you the wrong parts, well, you can go to Trinidad, Colorado. We're up there.

They turn innings into outies and outies and winnings. Fucking what? Shit, what? It was like that. See it, fucking higher you. Oh my god. Fuck. I wish you were out there while I was the next one. I did a Javier Bardem talking about who the fuck does him.

Avi Orbor name is a actor. And I say that the reason my voice is a solo My penis is so big It points my vocal course Making my voice very deep What's the table what the fuck the beat David What the fuck to be David? That's a fucking mind. That's a fucking mind.

Funny you should ask that, Lewis. You just smoked a joint high five one, Michael. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm fucking cool. Come on, O'Pete. I saw a set. It was good. What was it?

What was the third one you did? I did, um, I did matriman explaining stand your ground. What? What? What? So well-thought out, man. Yeah. Fucking hell.

Baby, your pressure's fucking stink. Yeah. Do it stink. First of all, that's what I'm saying. First of all, I tried. You didn't even fucking try. I'll try, I won't try after this. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You'll be an astronaut. Do it right, I won't try after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being us in that world. Do it right now. I want to get this one. I want to get this one. It is really good shit. Thank you. What is it? Tell me.

What do you want to do it? I had the Supreme Court definition of it memorized. Because it was for Florida, I was. Anthony? Yeah. Who me? What do you got? Oh, shit. because it was like... Oh my God, Joe. Any person, yeah, I'm talking about any person.

May just defyably, yeah, within the means of the law. Have a right for self-defense. Yeah, I'm talking about anything, an old bowl of chair. Ah, yeah. Oh, my God. And over for soap, yeah, I can't find it. You can't do the finger. Keep going, you can't. I forgot what it was, I'm looking forward.

Was that another character? No. And then I did another one, an original character I did was a 1960s Alabama football recruiter who's too honest. All right, go ahead. Trying to get a blast. I know what's heckin' it. I think you should love this one too. Not too honest. All right, go ahead. Trying to get a blast. I know what's heckin' it.

Tryin' to get a blast too. You should love this one too. Not that honest. Yeah. But it was just like, now, you come to the University of Alabama and we are gonna win some titles. That being said, there are gonna be a lot of people that do not like you.

You are gonna have to run more so off the field than on the field. How the fuck did you not get this? What the fuck? What did they want? They stole these hands and look at me. You're really, really talented. I mean, thanks. This is kind of making up for my dad being dead,

but... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Louis, yeah, dad, I know. He's dead. But you got muscles. What?

I try to make him feel better. Because he has muscles. His dad died and he was like, my gift to you is a body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then Louis was like, I can feel it. Daddy, I'm good a naughty. I'm not a naughty. But then Lewis was like, I can feel it. Daddy, I'm good and stronger.

And that's how he became regular-sized Lewis. It's like Pokemon. You went from big Lewis to like a dad. You look great. Thanks, Bill. You do look great. I'm sorry your father's dead. Sorry, your mother's dead, too. Hey, bud.

You know, I thought about this. If he was alive, I probably wouldn't be on the stage here right now. You know, you put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back.

You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. You put a fly back. I told you I go in. My father's a beater from Southern California. Why is it his father, Carlos Mence? You guys want to get inside my mind?

You don't want that fuckers! So the question was not a Puerto Rican man from New Jersey. I have my weaknesses, these coastlattinas. I'm capable of replicating those speech patterns. It's fun to do it in the Mexican, that's what we're gonna do. Show low gomas.

Hey, Lewis. It's me, your dad, Sleepy Gomez. Hey, Vato, make me some eggs. It was up, it's Big Joker. That's my boy, that's my boy. That guy can stab people. La Balba. How is your life?

Hey, Joe, are you getting paid for the little words as possible on this show? He only says like one word every eight minute in his hilarious. And then followed by a huge laugh. What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah.

Are you doing the exact opposite? I'm doing it. You've had nothing but flat tires. That's a big one. What about SNF? SNL. He's selling fucking the looney tunes, douche. Looney, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, that's all.

What are you doing? At least the matter of words with huge punchlines. I was trying to compliment him. That's how fucked up that was. Oh, sorry. You look great. Wow, fuck you, man. I want to compliment you.

That bit about your dad being dead is hilarious. That Bob and Dan did. I want to compliment you that bit about your dad being dead is hilarious That Bob and Dan did Oh This is gonna be fun. I didn't know this could be this much I know with Kelly around No, it's high to know with Kelly around Jay don't look at me like that Go you'll find your parents just still alive. Yeah, but dad is a mustache and everything dude It's great your dad's also awesome at pool. How about he's very good at pool

We told you before though, but the story with Lewis and my parents is really what is it? It's great. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Hey, hold on a scuffle. Would you shut up? I don't know I don't know it. Oh, yeah, hold on a scuffle. Would you shut up? Please fix that thing. No, give me just do the hair just put them with the rest By the way That was good. That was big. He's right. Yeah, DJ He's Deepos running the video from up there we're live streaming right on the cameras over there over there. This is going on the internet I cannot leave command control If I do

I really should have been like a mouse head to where oh That would have been like that If I do, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I kidding, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm going to beat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, that's no he owns everything and he's the one who let us do this here tonight How you doing now owner of everything? Yeah, this is yeah, uh-huh All right turn the flashlight off back to the chat. He's a he's a numbers guy. Yeah, now we know why you own it

They go you don't perform Yeah, no, we we were talking money. That's all They go, you don't perform at it. What? I'm doing a money on this in the vibe. Oh, yeah. No, we were talking money. That's all. We know we've got a lot of great gnome of you stop by to go, this is very profitable. Yes. Where's the books?

Two days with stories folks. Yeah. We got Anthony Cooomy, you could do his show here. That made you stop in your trash, you know. Ha, ha, ha. Wow. I don't know if I need that press. Lewis can work outside as a bouncer.

Yeah. He's very good. Yeah. I'm going to. Can I do that? I really broke all the way down to the kitchen. Look at it. Just to Good. Good. Done? I really broke all the way down to the next look at it. Just to look at it. Just to look at it.

Really? Okay, buddy. Well, thank you, everybody. Give it up for the honor of all. Thank you, no. I can help. What else we got in the chat, Deepoom? Randy Oswald says, what's up with Bobby's Mr. Roger sweater?

Ha ha ha. You're trying to be less intimidating. All black and I'm wearing a sweater. I got five foot seven and 280 pounds. Nobody's afraid of you. Oh, Louis apparently, and maybe you'll be on my side of this, these two fucking nerds called me a bully. I am afraid of Bobby.

He's afraid of me. Oh, you're a bully, but you're still five foot seven or two hundred and eighty pounds. Wow. You know who says that? That's bully on bully action. I bet when you guys came here tonight, you didn't think you were gonna see bully on bully action.

My favorite category of porn. Yeah. You're stupid, you're stupid. Well, she got in the chat room. Oh, fuck me. You're still suck my dick, and I won't make you do my homework. Yeah. You're stupid.

I guarantee you when I ask him, what was that thing he said? I was practicing on that one piece of hair in front of my face. What do you got, Depot? Georgeus902 says, did Kelly eat an ever-lapsed, ever-lusting gobstopper? Good reference. That was good. I like that one. just 902 says did Kelly eat an ever-lapsed everlasting gobs topper good reference that was good I don't get it I look at I got big too so I you know Kelly got a little more way but I think it looks good on you I don't know I'm fine with that what a gobs topper he's

got Tyson Frazier says Kelly wants to suck soda so bad Again, did you think I wrote that guy wrote that one wearing a robe? That guy like had it a little of jazzy rubbing on it. He's like What do you make two of them fuck by typing it? That's incorrect. I think that's most things to attention between main low or the main den. Oh, there you go. Yeah, could you guys have any of our own? Yeah, there's already times.

When you first got on the show, you're making a... First of all, Lewis, they've only kissed one time. They fucked and they sucked a bunch. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why didn't we eat those? These are live people. It's true. They do not fuck, they kiss.

They fuck and they suck the bunch. You did not fuck they guess. They fucked and they sucked the past. What did you do? What the fuck you were talking about? Dan, did you not fuck in suck, Kelly? Did I not fucking so hurt me? You're a pretty good question. I didn't not.

He repeated the question. I've watched cops shows before. Where's Bob going? Bob is going to get wins. Bob, come back. We need you. Don't let Lewis direct any conversation. Stop on him.

We watch you. I mean, need is a big word. I think watch. Why the fuck? Did you say that? The truth? It's not the truth. Did you not, did you not fucking suck Kelly?

I did not, why are you keep saying it like this? Why do you have to say suck? What are you keep saying it like that? Why don't you do? You suck, what? We get the rest. I'm saying it like a hooker and Amsterdam. Yeah, you want fucking suck? Fucking suck, you want me fucking suck? No, I didn't.

You guys kissed, that's it. Yes, we kissed. Look at me. We kissed too. Look at him. Oh my, you went just as far with Bobby Kelly that you want with Kelly. Boom, I'm working my way down the line. If you watch this guy's special,

you know I've already had my hand in his butt. Did it kind of feel the same when you put your arms around them? Oh, Jesus, Liz. Whatever. They let go and all, they want Kelly's fat. I stand by it. Kelly's fat, you stand by it. Kelly's fat you stand by it.

This is mean. That's not like an opinion. By life. The fact you're right. Lewis, you may be walking to that one. I just want to step back and I want to thank Kelly for bringing chocolates. Fucking corporate Dan. I hate.

Chocolate and enthusiasm. Kelly, I hate him. Ah, love it. Chocolate's an enthusiasm. I love chocolate. Kelly, you moving back here or not? Yeah, I'm here to lend you the ear. I don't think that's a question for her as much as it is the US government. Yeah. I talk about it.

Gosh, gosh, I'm ready to come back. I think if you make zero dollars, they don't notice. I'm hate to Christmas, yes. I think if you make zero dollars, they don't notice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You can unveil it? Yeah. Cause the shittiest unveiling of a surprise ever. Yeah. Casually in conversation under your breath. Number two is you taking that mask off. What? Tell us all over. Fucking hell. Fucking this come from the job.

No, I'm rice man. I posted on Facebook to watch your shitty special. Go fuck yourself. It's a great special. I watched it this morning. I gotta watch it. But it's probably good. It's really good.

Yeah, your special was on last night, right? Saturday night. Yeah. Saturday night, your special half hour. It's really good. Yeah, you're specials on last night, right? Saturday night. Yeah. Saturday night, you're special half hour? Yeah. Is that, well, yeah. Yeah. And for the night, go.

Thank you, those two. Can you download it on iTunes? I don't know. I think you might be able to. Yeah, I don't know. Hi, I'm Dan Sutter. And obviously they're not interested in watching. Joe Liss, new manager.

I wish when I first met you, I was your manager. Oh, man, that would have been great. Yeah, that would have been, I would have made so much more money in the last few years. You would have been more in the last few years. Class, what do you want from Sonnet Live? I'm on TV, I am on TV. Well, I got to bring that up, get for Suga.

He should have got it, he should have got it. I thought we had an unspoken rule. I don't bring up the weight, you don't bring up SNL fucking denying me. Sorry. I honest to God, the fact that you didn't get SNL on those three characters is ridiculous to me. That's all right.

Ridiculous. I mean, you should have got it. Thanks, man. Did you do another one you told me about? Yeah, I did it. Oh, yeah, that was this year. I didn't bother audition. What was that one?

He wore a t-shirt with no pants. Yeah. I did, uh... That doesn't kill I have no idea. That was amazing. I mean, that's... I loved it. I'm not gonna talk on these spokes.

They're enjoying it. Yeah, that's true. Well, thank you, sir. What was it? I'm holding it all my laughter for Joe Liss jokes for the rest of the show. Should. Yeah. What was it?

Oh, it was, I did Winnie the Pooh at AA. Can I hear it? Because here's the thing. I have a kid now, and he watches Winnie the Pooh at AA. Can I hear it? Because here's the thing. I have a kid now and he watches Winnie the Pooh all the time. My name is Winford and I'm addicted to honey. He sounds like Edgar. I've been down some dark roads. Last time I saw Christopher Rubin, I was outside of his house in a shirt he said he said go home you silly old bear

what an amazing Oh my god Fuck did you not get SNL I didn't play the guitar I don't know who that's against but it's somebody yeah, I didn't go How do you fucking know? Okay, I'm trying to. Yeah, I like you. He's like a cameraman who was there. He's got key grip energy. He's got young gold prospect face.

Oh, Chambers have gold in him. What's that? Are you really good for you? Oh, jerk off. Was that an offer? You saw what I'm willing to do with Robert. Never mind him. If you can get me in front of Lauren, I'll trick you off.

Yeah, dude, that's ridiculous that you can get on. I'm fucking believable. And it's ridiculous how talented you've become. Yeah, I was a real hunk of shit when you first took me home. Well, you have funny, but you weren't as funny as you are now. Yeah, I mean, you were funny, but not... I killed a feature in Orlando and took all of his jokes. What if that was real?

Wait, it's still not perfect. Yeah, nice, Joe. It's funny how all of you... Most of you... ...have really stepped up your game since I'm since I met you. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because I'll be, stop trying to take credit for our success. Is this the bullying, Jerry? I wasn't going to say because I'm afraid of him, but thank you Kelly. And by the way, he cannot be talking about Kelly. She moved to another country. Sorry.

I know. I'm serious. Like you, Joe, have really gotten better. It's a little... The honest is doing big things. He honest. Who is you've gotten good? And I opened for Louis this weekend.

Same? We're open What Yeah, what's down per kimchi? What club? laugh it up comedy club laugh it up. They left it up. I'll tell you that right now We're out. Wait was that a insult or a compliment? No, I was good. We didn't well No, I was good. We didn't well. Oh, Skull Ball. Yeah.

Fucking, it's like the pressure of just being pointed out. And me like, thanks. I'm totally trying to help you. I know. And you snub a few disinterest up from me right now. Yeah. God, no. That was fucking put me in the shower.

Oh, did they laugh it up? Did they? That was like a colon Quinn, but not ironic. They laughed it up. And you're like, how so? I just genuinely think I'd laugh a little bit. Everyone had great sets, you know, they really laughed it up. That was being real.

It's good. Still a great hair though. You and Scopo have the same hair with different hairstyles. Yeah. Good. Thank you. I love that you're swinging. I'm trying guys. Hey, so you're in Pekipsi, you had a good show? We're good shows. Yeah. That's good, man.

You're from Pekipsi area, right? Nope. I'm not. Nope. No, I'm not. We're from Naya. I'm from West Avershore. Where? It's like 20 minutes from Naya. How far from Pukipsy? Like an hour and 20 minutes. This sounds like an old, tiny joke. How do you get from Pukipsy to NIAC? I'll tell you this. I don't know. You laugh it up. Yeah, all right. Yeah.

I worked laughing all the way this weekend. Yeah. That's what I made up. I love jokes. I love jokes when it takes a minute to get it. Yeah. Because then he looks at you and his fucking chin goes away. It jumps onto yours.

Yeah. Fucking Joe. Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Joe's on fire. Wow. That was a highlight life. He's bullying you. Ha ha ha. No, but it is true that you guys, I mean, I met you when you did, you waited tables, you

were fucking alcoholic, you were a fat guy in a coat. Dude, that's the best trick for a loser. Louis would scare the shit out of me. I'm not making you. He lived, I lived on 47 between 19th and 10th, which is a tree line building, all brown stones, nice apartments, and then from 10 to 11th, it's hell. It's just apartments with crooked windows

from the building leaning. Lewis, yeah. You know what I mean? And that's where Lewis was. It was like a car garage is. Yep. And finally a taxi stand. Yep. And then like three or four abandoned buildings. You stop gripping the mic like you drop in an R&B album.

You're fucking... BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM Scariest fucking place after look like a minimal security presence. Yes, it did it looked like a juvenile lockup It's like for violent children. Yeah, violent not like like and then and then he had a door that They went to a kitchen went to a kitchen that a bathroom that another guy Another guy and then door and then one day I'm in my my my my two dogs Silky terrier shit to mix One day, I'm out with my two dogs, Silky Terrier, shit to mix. Calbee and Diva. And I'm outside, I see this fucking animal

around what, 40, 50 pounds heavier. No, no, I was shredded at this time. Oh, okay, that was when you first dropped weight. So then shirtless, fucking, not running, but fucking Puerto Rican, often. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So 104 degrees. Down the street, he's gonna murder somebody. I'm like, what, you were gonna kill your roommate, right?ican, often. So 104 degrees. Down the street, he's gonna murder somebody.

I'm like, what, you were gonna kill your roommate, right? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I was like, I was like, dude, I'm gonna go fuck up beat up my roommate right now. It's like, dude, don't do it, you're gonna go to jail. I'm like, I'm not going to jail. Where'd you go, jail? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's the reason I have trouble getting into Canada. Yeah, but I'll tell you this that roommate is a sweet guy He was the worst it was a fucking Philly cunt. I like them. What does a Philly cunt mean? People from Philly just in general You guys be cool Jesus guys you like Philly Guys this is Why don't you like Philly This is Baltimore versus Philly

This is Baltimore vs. Philly. That's a real... Oh. Dude, what church did you go to? How did you turn out like this? This sounds like... Dude, it was a church of Satan. This sounds like a shitty city council meeting in Delaware. You're going to be like, nah, those cock suckers.

You're mad at the holes. Hold down because of a fucking pastor's son. The son, not the pastor. It goes a little bit beyond that, but yeah, pretty much the pastor's son. Where are you going? My story's not- I was gonna get a spilly friend to beat the guy up. I guess I am a bully. I just scared the shit out of the guy in the fucking Sesame Street hoodie.

You gave him a bladder infection by yelling at him. I scanned him so bad he called the bathroom a washroom. I'm headed to the Lou, please. I am going to the washroom. What the fuck is a washroom? Something that you scare people into say. Yeah. I believe it's a bathroom, but that's how they say it in like, Canada and Europe.

Thanks for the input. What's that? I don't have it. We don't, someone forgot to bring it over. But that's like, he's like 27 or 28. Yeah, you can't fuck with it. That wasn't a, it wasn't a, it was a non-joke. That's why I was. He could never take a bomb either, OK? No, you can't fuck it. It wasn't it was a non-joke. That's why I was he can never take a bomb

either okay, no doesn't take bombs. Joe how does it fucking feel? Guys I feel like all this energy turned negative Fucking relief picture screaming at everybody over there Can you stop talking? He's not on the podcast! I'm sorry, he's a nice guy, but fuck! I got Jack penis by the way. Yeah! That first step really?

Jail again! Look, look, look. I'm fucking trolling the guy on the face. I was fucking loving it, we got it on video. Fuck it, love it. I'd sell it to the Kumi in network James would have to go moving with Nate Actually, I'm actually fucking hit him

James James we get a house in Nashville Instead of the projects and fucking I've been there. It's gorgeous Yeah, Brady what do you say something something? Are you a comic? No, are you are you trying to be a comic? Are you a musician? What do you play? The skin flute

You're so happy about that, Lou. Oh, Jesus. Louis was like, Lou felt that one inside. He's like, I feel warm and bubbly. I feel like a bottle of champagne. I want to kick him out just so we can all kick him out. Don't make me happy. Wouldn't it just a fucking boot? No, him.

Just get two big black guys that tosses fucking trendy beard, fuckface right out the door. Yeah, that's up here. Yeah, I'm an asshole. Nobody wants to hear from you. two big black guys that tosses fucking trendy beard fuck face right out the door. You're not up here, you're up an asshole. Nobody wants to hear from you. Nobody wants to hear from you. Who wants them out? KKM out.

KKM out. KKM out. KKM out. Black probably kill everyone. Now, he'll be good. I'll take that he's Bobby Kelly from the chocolate bar Like reading again Lewis. It's not bad. He'll be good No, he's fine. No, he's fine. He's fine. He's fine. I'm doing that's what he's playing around. We're just playing a shut up You fucking idiot shut the fuck up

Shut the fuck up Look at one last line out. All right. Go ahead Get the fuck out Boy I Boy we were kidding I just imagine him looking at like a set list Where did he go First of all he kicked himself out now, I'm gonna make them self out. Is that your friend? I'm gonna get fucking bottled when I leave now. Oh, he's not gonna work.

Well, uh. Let's start. Yeah. No, no. Oh man. Oh man. He was like, if Lewis was ever an audience member, that's what Lewis would be like.

I've never seen somebody kick themselves out of a fucking show. I like that guy. I like them too. He was spicy. He was one of those beers. I like that guy. I like him too. He was spicy. He was one of those beers that looked like that magnet thing you played with with a kid was I like blank face. He looked like he had his own whiskey. It's actually not hard to make your own gin.

Yeah. Me and my brother have our own soap company in Brooklyn. I just took out my YouTube videos. That's not what he sounded like, damn. Yeah, that's not. That's not what he sounded like, damn. Hi, that's not. That's how I interpreted it. He was terrifying. Are we getting back, I feel, I'm seriously,

I feel like, is we want to know the Heineken bottle. He kicked himself out. That's what scared me about. He actually got up and left. Nobody said, I said, get them out. Well, the whole thing, we all did chant, took them out. Don't say nobody. But we would get.

There's a hundred people chanting, take them out. And then a black balancer started walking toward give. There's a hundred people chanting. I don't know what else. That's when a black balancer started walking toward him. And he was poking his pocket. Everybody's gonna walk out and do this. Oh, that was the definition of mixed signals. Sometimes you don't sound like you can. You should leave.

You should don't. What are you doing? Don't. Hey, can we make you the big black eyes on my side over here? Bobby's gonna get his score to do his car like a pop singer. Hey, just tell me anyone touch me. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Well, you know, the reason why I put this whole thing together with you guys is we did a lot together. We got a U-Sick.

That's what I'm supposed to say. Oh my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I can't, I can't, I can't be, I'm either a bully or just a diviner. I can't win, I can't fucking win. If you have cancer, you don't call me, you tell me in front of these fucking. I don't have people. I don't have, yeah, so it could be an episode title. Stage three. I don't, and you know it.

It's a little thick for stage three. All right. I know. I do. All right, get back to the sentiment talent. I want to do interview shows from now on. You should do famous people. I'm sick of this.

What I'm saying is, first of all, congratulations. Prankney. Oh, thank God. Oh, congratulations. Well, there was a pause, and I was like, oh no. Why? I'm here, my Bobby Kelly costume. How did Kelly get over there?

Congratulations. She's pregnant. How did you just pull that out of nowhere? Because I'm looking at her. So you just scanned the crowd like Terminator? You look to be with child. Are you with child? Are you with child?

Well, maybe someday when you have a child. Oh, that's not gonna, I spoke way too much weed. So, jeet doesn't matter. People who smoke weed can have kids. Yes, we can. Yeah, you're putting it on the board. Yeah. I, the flat putting it on the board. The flat face thing got a fucking laugh joke, okay?

Kidding. Yeah, but then Joe's got a way bigger laugh. Yeah. It's called, finally, Dan got one bomb. Thank God. Now there are three people I thought. My energy was low. It was still low.

And you fucking suns bitches, you can't call non jokes bombs What do you you you can't just do the job joke when it bombs? It didn't it wasn't a joke He said I was I don't know what he said, but it wasn't a joke. What did you say? What's a checks? Oh? Over here Hey, man, kick him out! Kick him out! No one talks in the kingdom of rumors! Scopo just had the line of the night, and he missed it. Yeah, what was it?

What was it? He was right over me. What was it? I said, I'll say go over from here, guys. I don't know, I don't know. Kick him out! No, no, no, no! This fucking dumbass you think, right over that wall.

I want Scopo off the stage. I want him out. Get him out. Fuck you, Joe's on my side. He thought I was good, but you're gonna let me repeat it you dumb dumb Who's the bully now? You just want to get it off this bully rap. Well, I'm not a fucking bully here. Here's a thing though Can I go back to my point on my fucking child? I just was nervous you were dying I mean he is putting on a cancer

dying. I mean, he is putting on a cancer. I knew why you'd laugh at that. That's mean. Thank you for an old thing. Part disease. You guys get it. Come on. I'm a stabbing. That's how Lewis's dad died. He's that stabbed. You guys bring Gary up and I'm gonna lose my shit. You look dead, Dodd, from natural causes, right? Yeah, if natural causes is drinking a bottle of Bacardi a day. Can you die of alcoholism? Yeah, being super fun. Yeah, there's Bacardi, like a fucking college chick. He's a Buffett fan.

Yeah, he died of parodedism. Yeah, he did. All right, get to the sentimental part. I'm excited about that. I'm saying that, you know, we were on the show for a long time together for over a year. I think all of us, me, you, Kelly Scopo and Lewis did the show every Monday or Tuesday, for a couple hours a week for for all these fucking assholes that listened and, you know, I, you got you guys of all went on to do your own thing. You did, you're doing movies and you're doing your comedy

and headlining and Kelly moved back to Australia to do the festivals and Lewis did nine other podcasts. Guys, you can check out in November 19th, the premiere of my brand new show with Michael Bisman, UFC fighter and series. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm just kidding. Presented by the Shuckleburn. Yeah, damn soda in the bonfire was the end of Legion of Skanks, so I've moved on now as well. Oh, is that possible? Is Legion of Skanks over? No, emotionally. Why not?

Is it really fucking kidding? Oh, okay. We're gonna give you Will's lamp just to compensate. That's Will's Sylvanza's lamp- lamp- lamp for the show. Okay. It's nice, is it? I haven't been on the show in four months. I don't know that joke. I know.

I built it all up for this. It wasn't worth it. I should've just had you on earlier. The mask was cool, but then you took it off and went, where? So what happened to you? You used to be fucking edgier. The mask was cool, but then you took it off and went, where? So what happened to you? You used to be fucking edgier.

Yeah, I'm trying to, if I start fucking... He called 70 people fat tonight. What do you want from that? Yeah. Thank you, Scopo. Yeah. And become my co-cali fat, everyone's a girl, why is he doing that?

I'm like, all right, dude, I guess she's really fat. She's a fat shaming. That's the difference, dude. In 2013, when we started doing the show, I called her fat, left and right, and she was half as fat as she is now. It's unbelievable. No, no, because when you would make the fat jokes, I was really skinny.

So it was a joke. That was a point of having her. Your arms were ridiculously fat, but your body was okay. Is that heavy enough for you fucking people? No, no, no. Her body's quite hot. What's in him? I don't know if it's just edge, it's more rounded.

I love you, Joe. Well, what I'm saying is, I'm very proud of you guys. I wanted to do one show. We're going to do this live, and you're the crew I wanted on. Before you guys get too big and you're never going to come back. Oh, shit. Well, you. What? And I'll have my assistant on.

LAUGHTER So Louis stays. Nice. I want to throw it up to the audience. If anybody has a question they want to ask, anybody up here, you guys can just raise your hand and come up to the front right here and use my microphone. And you guys have any questions. You want to ask any one of these guys or myself. Raise your hand right now. I don't see you guys. Thank you for coming. You don't have any fucking questions. By the way, the Armenian guy that we just kicked out would have like

a hundred questions right now. Most notably, where do you live? What's up? They said they want to live back in. Oh, really? I'll get him back. Go get him. Oh, see? His bouncer energy, we got to back.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can you keep Lewis out now, too? What the do? Lewis, can you not live back in? It's like taking. Oh, shit, sorry. What's up, dude? What's up, paste?

Coming back on, brother. Maybe we should send someone that somebody from here would recognize. Oh shit, get up here! Yeah! I'm gonna take my brother. Oh shit. What's your name?

No, no, when you kiss Dan Soder, what did Opie's ass taste like? Ah! I haven't been on the show in weeks, and you know it. And by the way, it tastes like a butter scotch. First of all, he's most notably an earthy flavor. Tastes like Jim Norton's cock. Ah!

Ah! Yay! I'm never getting on that show. That made up for the 50 bombs you had. Now do something to make up for the other 50. Yeah! Anthony, you walked up like the fucking drunk guy at the fucking Christmas party.

I got a question. What is that, old Jesus? Fuck the boss. How do you fucking fun looks like? Shit! He's got a point. Yeah, it looks like a blast. Uh, shitties he back? He's back.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey. You guys may go next door and drink, because they wouldn't let me in the fucking borrow me here cuz you guys all right Can you get him out again, please? I fucked up just when you're right back in they pull you out Can you hold on I wanted to confirm the power that I have how easy was it for me to get you back in Yeah, just cuz they're afraid of him doesn't mean they know who he is Good to know I just got back in here. I don't know. Now it's interesting like a shitty smell I just like hearing a talk. It's like when you pick your belly button lint and smell it Yeah, yeah, oh the back of Voss's ear

Yeah, but you if you smell that you're really putting a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a He looks like we last that stain power. That was fucking weird. Even he wants this over. I think we're really cooking here. I thought it was great. Yeah, this is the most fun these people have ever had in their lives. No, no, no, it's great. I think we should fucking spring steam this thing. Take it to the kiln in the morning.

No, I can't do that. Liz will fucking whizz, Liz. Yeah, Liz will fucking kill me. Wrap it up. No, I have to wrap up already. It will fucking whizz, Liz. Yeah, Liz will fucking kill me wrap it up. Ah, no, we got a wrap up already I have to it's been no more questions. No, we're not wrapping up yet. Are you kidding me? What are you talking about? My fucking night was wasted for like 45 minutes on a podcast. No, no, no, it takes you around a half hour to wrap up Oh, it's a it's a white kid. I mean, I asked if they have any questions. They looked at me like fucking Scientologists

You don't have any fucking question For Joe list oh god, yeah hold on Mike machete is gonna ask her question How you said you were afraid of Bobby he've also said before you were afraid of Lewis who you're more afraid of Great question Lewis definitely I can reason with Bobby Don't know he can give him chocolate reasons the candy That was good No

That was good Buddy, what do you want me to do? Hey, it was all right buddy Bobby is not the same people at every show you do What do you want me to do? Hey, it was all right, buddy. Bobby, look, it's not the same people at every show you do. It's a different one. Yeah, these aren't the fucking nine go mites. These are actually different people.

Hey, it was good, but it wasn't like that. I laughed out loud. We all, Lewis. Dude, I laughed out loud. The next one you're headlining. It was pretty okay. Lewis! They're gonna turn into one giant bald thing. It's like station in bogus journey.

It's not the journey of match to get. I smelled that tooth in the back. No, I got it pulled out. You got it pulled out? Oh, God! That was horrific. Oh! I think they pulled the wrong one.

Yikes. That was my first Puerto Rican hole. By the way, I think you're okay, and I'll tell you why. Why? It wasn't in like for a bit that you kissed in. You just kissed in. Me? It was like you were like literally like, no dude,

I can't kiss a fucking guy. Yeah, because dude, first of all, your Dan softly pulled me in. Okay. You aggressively grabbed my jawbone. And manipulated me into your face while grabbing my cock very hard. Hold on, hold on. What is a jawbone? Manable, right here. And that, you know, I'm an alpha male too.

I don't know, that's not the way I roll. And as a lower bottom, I'm just willing to take it. Hold on, how was I going to get you to kiss me? That was ridiculous. You fucking don't alpha male me. Slow down. You want me to be the beta? Yeah, I want you to be me. You fucking don't out for mail me, slow down. You want me to leave me the beta? Yeah, I want you to be a little gentle and fucking, you know. You feel protected when you're the beta?

A mastabata. It's alright, Joe. And somebody makes your Anthony still awake. Begin your mastabata joke more than my reason joke. That's ridiculous. Yeah, but it was a good joke. No, it was a fucking phenomenal joke. If you, you know what phenomenal you know it is that's a one way they don't want to laugh at me that's gonna be it with one laugh at Joe they've been laughing master beta

better than a good joke first stop one second you're you're reason whatever the fuck reason chocolate reason dragon reasons it was good but but it wasn't fucking great really good I'll ask somebody right now. Liz, was this guy volunteering for the past few years? I'll ask you, tell me. I heard it, but he was covering the mic. Ah! Stop doing that fucking, it's my mic's poop shit. Yeah, I feel like that.

Right, so you heard it, but it didn't come across, because of his technique. Also, I think it's not that popular at candy. Yeah, that's like old people candy. Yeah, nobody knows. Bobby's 52. I'm forwarding something. He's talking about your way size.

You know what, fuck you. Lewis is right. That's Bocey. No, I've had one for good one. That was like this whole thing bullshit! No, that was a good one. I mean, that was like this whole thing was set up for that. That was fucking hilarious. No questions?

What are you crazy? All right, what's your question? Oh, can I come to your wedding? Oh, I'm not going to question you. No. I can't. No, I'm saying it. No, you weirdo. I can't come to your wedding? Oh No, I can't know the I'm saying it. No you know Women that are more attractive than my wife there What don't even fucking call me?

Well, you can leave it in but don't show the girl because then she'll be like I'm more attractive than we have a whole thing That's the name of the show women more attractive than Joe's wife Why do you think Joe's hot? Do you want to go to the wedding? I'm gonna get a phone call for a test. All right here we go. Here we go ready right now I want you to fucking pick stop you fuck you from top to bottom Kelly included who would you fuck? From first.

In order? Go. Dan Lewis. Oh, Jesus Christ. Go, Kelly. Where the fuck am I? Oh, Kelly. Oh, Kelly.

Oh, Kelly. Oh, Kelly. Oh, Kelly. Oh, Kelly. Oh, Kelly. How fast the fuck you, Kelly? You fuck the Fat Kelly Australian woman The same Bobby with the same

I'm a least same I'm not on the list Anthony you can't see her face, but it looks like she's not budget. Where where am I on the list? Thank you. That's a lie. That's a lie. I wouldn't even fuck me before Dan. Come on. I would. We've kissed. Oh shit. Here we go again. I know what you're capable of. I believe. That's fucked up. What about you? Yeah. What's up girl? Smart. Scope!

What? I'm not going to let you Don't let you like white people Am I too white? She likes it three dimensional head He's what? I'm pretty. Yeah. I like this. I feel pretty. I feel Also pretty. There's a pretty. That's what I like. I feel pretty.

I feel so pretty. There's a pretty. I like this. I feel pretty I feel also There's a pretty My teeth are all screwed up That's not a good one body want Bobby you think you have better teeth for me. I've waited you just showed Also, you guys know this is what chimps do to each other in a zoo. Yeah Anonymous careful careful Anthony got fired for tweeting that

Oh my god. Holy shit, they got Andy. He's been four of the fucking best ones all night. Fuckin' Andy had a fucking goddamn sweat hog hair. Holy shit. What? It's currently really good. Thank you. Now you know that his joke is really... sweat hog hair? No, that fucking brilliant joke that Joe just did My feelings aren't even heard anymore that was so good I was gonna fucking beat you up out for the show You know I can't choke like that

Oh my god No, I can't choke like that. Oh my God. Did I make Joe think that I was mad at him for like a week and a half? Because I was the best man at Gary Vieter's wedding. Yeah. And it was my job to write a wedding speech. Yeah. I heard about that.

I kind of did a shitty job. I mean, it was the most piece of shit wedding speech in history. No way. You know what? I was a... Terrific. No, it wasn't that bad. Can I tell you how he started it? Yes, he said wait

Shit now I forget. Well, how'd you start it? First of all he talked about show business 100% of the time That is true all showbiz at this best man's speech and a wedding I was I was really speaking to the 10 comics of the wedding. What did you say? How did you start it? I have the speech Yeah, can you please read it for the love of everything that's whole- Let me put it on. Oh, your hot intern has my phone. Can you, your hot married intern?

Sexy Kelly, come up here. She's married? Yeah. Hey, those were husband, is he here? Come up here. I don't know. I think he's here. Is he here?

Thank God. It's probably cheating on your man. When I first heard about Sexy Kelly, I was like, I was like, oh, I'm not. Sexy Kelly, are you kidding me? And then I met her, and I see like the side boom and how she is I was like yeah she's fucking sexy Kelly was a major understatement she's very hot like fucking what she's wearing like I can see her boobies I'm like so what she's like Kelly yeah Kelly's really

Kelly see her boobies I like it I can see it banks babies. I like it. I can see it, bags are found. Yeah, stop regular Kelly. And leave sex with Kelly. Or I'm fucking muscle tone. Yeah, she's hot. How else can you work out? She's who cares? Leave her alone. She's mine.

She's someone else's. That's the whole problem. She's my Kelly. She's my, she works on the show now. That's like fucking four or five upgrades above Kelly. I mean, yeah, and Scope up. Kelly's like fucking four or five upgrades above Kelly. I mean, yeah, and scope up. Kelly's like the original like Mac, and like she's like, the iPhone 6, she's the Mac classic.

She's the Mac classic. She's the Vimper, she's the Cher, this is the Mac air. Fucking you, yeah, shut up, dick. She has a solid state drive. Oh God, thousand fat jokes. Tell us jokes tell you dumb fucking speech idiot. Yes I wanted I wanted I you ruined someone's big day. Let's go. I got a love Kelly What did I ask him to do the what are the best man Kelly because I was the best man Kelly. Chula is better ones Kelly. Julie's better ones. I feel like that was accidentally Kelly's best line. I love you though. It's not so great. Come on.

We're just gonna wait while he goes through his phone. We know there's no jokes on there. Got to shut this where I cross. These are all the people I'm gonna beat up. His, his my application to Home Depot. He's really mad. There's that highway marker where I know guys give head. What are you looking for, a little penis? Can I get another maker's rocks? Can we get you another drink?

Can I get a wavy? Is the speech that bad? It wasn't good. This is my second chance to deliver this speech. It is. Here we go. All right, hold on. You guys ready for this?

Keep in mind there's 200 people there and six of them are comedians. Not only that. Let me paint the scene a little better. The wife's side, the bride's side, just fucking smashed. Like the maid of honor. Like killed. Oh, just, she had the greatest speech. It was heartfelt.

Yeah, she cried. She cried, the maid. Really? The bride's brother came speech. It was heartfelt. Yeah, she cried. She cried the really cried The brides brother came out. It was like following Kevin Hart It was murder Grandmothers in a wheelchair. She got up did a cartwheel That literally happened It was on 9-11 and the speech was so good people forgot It was on 9-11 and the speech was so good people forgot. Where's your somebody? They literally, they booked it on 9-11 to save the money.

How do you, he was there? Actually, it actually was. Why are you not on regular TV? What? No, I'm left. How do you, man? He left. He's gone.

No, I said, don't tell him. All right. All right, no, so wait. We got to put, all right. You're the wife. You're the wife. Yep. I know what I said, don't tell him. All right. All right, so we got to put, all right, you're. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Alright, first of all, I want to thank Sherry and Richard. I'm too happy to end with your shit. I'm too people who share the other things. That's just fucking hurtful.

I'm never going to get skinny with that attitude. I think you are. You don't want to go fucking skinny, dude. You should have seen the gleam in his eye, but as I did, fucking Leary told me I could eat. He wants me to be fast and chill. Oh, dude. Oh, it was pure happiness.

This is all part of the speech by the way I'm not fucking I hurry up I gotta I gotta chunky again the back from a sleep stop roast stop here what's up roast first of all I want to thank Jerry andperture and Richard Matthew Amperture for not only putting together this fantastic event, but for raising two of the kindest and most loyal people that

I know. Okay, so I thought it was my good. So I thought it was my good. Thank you, that was fucking the way the audience should have reacted right there. Yeah, one person clapping. Did you have that shirt on? It blazed around. Did you have that shirt on? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I didn't mean to carry it. I make Gary only five or six years ago on the trenches of the New York City Comedy scene. The trenches.

Oh, you mean the shitty clubs that you still work? Too mean, too mean, too mean, too mean. Too mean, I'm sorry. Honest to God, it's not bad yet. Thank you, Kelly. You fine? Thank you, Kelly. Bobby, it's pronounced book, the shitty clubsy books.

Thank you for saving me, Joe. That was a good good. Go ahead. I would have remembered the date had I known Gary would have asked me to be his best man. All right, little charming. It's a little joke, you know. This team in Tony's way is soft. Gary Timidley back. A little unsure of himself. too loud way too abrasive way too arrogant talking about himself Gary and I weren't supposed to be friends. It's a weird thing. There's a thing in the comedy scene In the comedy

their friendship is in a Montreal address All right keep going about your friendship with Gary at his wife's wedding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha myself and my relationship playing it all back in his head. I'm gonna pretend these chocolates are the wedding cake. Oh, I can go. Bobby, don't do it, please. I just heard somebody go, no sugar, no grain. Oh, you're a fucking, you're an asshole. You had to waste it. I had it in my mouth.

I could have gone away with it. Yeah, fuck it. All right, keep going. Oh my god, that's so good. That does aided it. There's a weird thing in comedy. We all come from different backgrounds and social upbringings. We all have different stories, but we all end up Oh my god, that's so good. That's just a- There's a weird thing in comedy. We all come from different backgrounds and social upbringings.

We all have different stories, but we all end up in the same place. Oh boy. What fucking stand up New York? True. To a clock on the Thursday. Shut up. Your friends from- Your friends from before you became a comic start to slowly disappear.

You start to talk- you start talking to you. That's damn good careers. Time out. This should also be addressed that Gary had a table of all of his high school friends. So he didn't. No, he had two friends there. Four, two.

All right, well, I made a joke about it. Some people lied to you. Go ahead. You start talking to your best friend from high school a little less. First once a week, then once a month, then maybe just on Facebook or a card on the holidays. This is really sad. I know it is.

It's a one minute, then people start dying. That's first it's quick stuff, like car accidents. And then you get older and it starts turning into a sad or longer stuff. There's heritage. Bone cancer. Suicide. Then your friends kids start dying. And then your dog gets cancer.

And then you're staring at a tiny casket and realize, I haven't talked to Jason in over 10 years. Oh man. God. Gary should have been close to one of these guys. Oh man. Gary should have been close to one of these guys. Oh fuck me dude. Oh shit. Finish telling a bunch of people how comedy works. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I want to eat this chocolate so good Eat it, you deserve it Eat it

Fine No, that was the problem Ah You just swallowed it like an aspirin There's another half of it Get on with it Oh my god, so fucking good Just good

K, K, now Alright, sorry Man, sexy horn is like crazy sexy She's out of control, dude You're not fucking there I know, I'm not She's very loud. I'm just not the union marriage.

How long have you been married? You don't respect her. Two years. Don't think I'm not going to roll around in a hotel bed and pretend that, okay. Right? Wait, you roll around in a hotel bed when you jerk off? No, but like, you don't roll around naked to bone up.

No, I don't roll around. I lie there like a man. Oh, I'm sorry. The kick stills up with thought. What? I use thought. Okay, we'll take your undies off. I'm like, I'm like a man. I'm sorry There's we're in a hot sexual relationship that also can go violent. That was our first fight. Go ahead dumb dumb. It's a one-man show and not too many people can understand why we obsess over our careers the way we do. That is why Gary and I became so close. Gary like I didn't have an easy path and life or in comedy. No, I'm gonna Gary anything

A month ago he was handing out flyers in front of a bar So people would come in and listen to him tell some jokes By the way, not true the Irish X it's done well on itself for the past That's not true. He's been fucking fine. He's so flyers. Let's get real. Okay. The month ago he was on America's got talent Let's make note that Ali the bride has not been mentioned once No, she was that she would be left alone because Gary would be chasing after him. He's fucking lying mentions He's mentioned three open mics, but zero brides I don't know. I want to be on your side. I do want to be on your side

But so far you're only really doing really nearly Is it big finish? I'm a winning, I'm not letting you Today he stands here living his dream with the woman of his dream Hey there she is Okay She had a cameo You know there was a fucking eight assholes interrupting every fucking sense of you there

Oh you mean punching it up? Yeah Making it entertaining and fun At least 200 people Fabulous It's not an A-meaning spice it up. Now too many people can understand why we submerge ourselves so deeply and passionately into our art. Come, not be more condescending.

Did you just call what you do art? It's more like a fart. Because it stinks. Oh, yeah. You got curry. Okay, hey, twoop. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Ehh, Go ahead finish it. I got it my Liz is gonna fucking kill me was just to wrap up a half hour ago in what we do There's a sense of brotherhood because no one else does what we do. Oh Fucking brutal is that by the way. There's fire the way here anyone can do what we do

You just have to go to a comedy club and go do an open mic. That's that that helps That's not sure not anybody can fuck it if you're not funny, you can't go be funny. You know that. Oh Well Kelly can go to open mics. Yeah, but she can't be funny at them. Jesus Right, right. Yikes. I go home with your funny speech here we go. There's a large fraternity of comics here and to be honest Gary doesn't have just one best man here today. Gary I'm just one best man here today. Gary, I'm just one. Oh, the audience is fucking bellowing you. Before you even go on. They fucking hate you fucking cheesiness.

Dude, you guys react better. My god, then the audience hit the wedding. I think audience hit the wedding. All you heard was like three sniffles in a fork you'd play. I think I heard fucking, Charles and Charles say the same fucking thing. Oh, God. But that's stunk.

No, but I like, I started on Charles and Charles. No. Charles and Charles said, No. Charles and Charles said, Jesus. Al Bama, my own, you don't need to say what after I did it. I'm on more chocolate.

No, you're lashing out at yourself. Come on. We're in an industry. We're in an industry. Industry, you mentioned the bride's name, what? How many times? chocolate no you're lashing out at yourself come on we're in an industry industry industry industry you mentioned the bride's name what how many times did you say industry can you imagine the fuck it using the word industry in a I'm so disconnected. Fuck it, huh? I did. Go ahead, go ahead. We're in an industry. We have to live your career.

What? We're not in a business. We're in a lifestyle. Oh, wow. You basically tell in the wild. Are you selling condos in Tampa? Who the fuck says that? We're not selling you an apartment.

We're selling you a lifestyle. By the way, this is like a $300,000 wedding. It's just like a countenance. Countens, doctors, just completely condescending. The greatest food I a $300,000 wedding. It's just like a countenance. Doctors just completely condescending. The greatest food I've ever ate, my love. You guys don't know what it's like to be comedians. People that have saved lives.

Pretty hard. We get up a noon. It's a whole thing. Something that you guys don't get relationships and friendships. You fucking rich married long island people. Oh shit, it was a long island rich wedding. It's all the more, it's like red hook, it's fucking insane. It was like $2,000 a wedding.

Hey guy, guy, guy. Tell him more how to live. I do a whole lot. Tell him what life's all about, Lou. Hey guy, dude, right. I love funny stuff. You're the worst person I've ever been. I mean, he was reading it too.

This is not like a transcription. You didn't memorize it? He was reading it too. This is not like a transcription. You didn't memorize it? No, you're reading it off paper. Yeah. I printed it. You see. And that's good. That's good that you printed.

There we go. You guys are in your skyscrapers eating your caviar. We're down on the streets. And the church is in the fire. It's just' our stories. You have to pick your name out of a bucket to get on. You want money, but they give you drink tickets. All right, finish up.

Yeah, I finish up. Come on, let's go. If Anthony's gonna fire me after this. I'm gonna go. Oh, please. Now join us for a walk away. Yeah. I'm going to go to hell, dude. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy.

I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy.

I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy.

I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. I know you want to slow down, boy. only live that life with him, but someone who can inspire him and push him to be the best that he can be. But also someone at the same time who can make him forget about his worries and someone who can make him laugh for a change. Ali, we all love you for that. I think I'm the dad. That's the dad, go.

Let me tell you this paragraph. At this point in the speech, I'm contemplating drinking again. Yeah. At this point in the speech, I'm contemplating drinking again. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken.

I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken.

I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. I'm definitely mad at the chicken. What the fuck? Hold on, he was on America's Got Talent. He was on? Yeah. That was a solid fuck, that joke killed. It did.

It killed with the wedding. I know it was fucking. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding.

It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the wedding. It killed with the, you didn't say the line.

I'm saying like maybe it's here. Let's go, let's go. Allie. Yeah. Bobby just... Bobby, he's... Bobby's having a stroke. Bobby just spinning straight down.

You okay? No, because I've been seeing you act so good in your life. You went out. Like she was really there. Oh, you fucking sticked in. Louis, can I move? You can act once. No, I can't.

Go ahead, man. Allie. What the fuck, why is that? You've never acted that good in your life. Your rock star. Thank you. You have my boy's heart, and I will tell you wholeheartedly that you, that you, that you're writing. You have my boys heart and I will tell you wholeheartedly that you that you're writing.

You wrote it. No, but this isn't somebody else's. You know, I'm gonna tell you wholeheartedly that you that he truly that he loves you truly and deeply. What an amazing end to this story. No matter what happens on Tuesday, which was the finals of the final, Gary and time. Gary and Allie, you both win, because you have each other. I was about to... That's a fucking... You could have started at speech from like the last quarter of it, it would have been perfect. Also, he called the marriage the end of the story. Really? Stakes.

The last, if you learned to hold things. Have you ever been a best man? Yes, I have. Really? And your speech was better Fucking yes, how many times did you mention the industry not once why because I'm not an asshole Oh, that makes sense. I've been a bride. I've been a major of honor. I know I've done a speech I never mentioned a major of owner. Why not in Australia?

Whatever they call it. Tell you what right on tree. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you. I think that's the whole thing. You shouldn't be in the speech. I think the little insightful as to how we think. We're comedians. We're a little bit narcissistic. No, that was you telling at the world that was just a speech you gave to them. You were telling people how you feel inside

about this business. It was a cloudy day on April 1st. Louis J. Gomez was born. Yeah. It should have been about him and the girl. It should have been about what he was about to embark on. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, barely no Gary. That's hilarious. That's what I was just going to say.

The reason it was is you really did talk about what you do. I'm really going to talk about what you do. Hang out with those chick once. You know, I don't really know why you chose me. Really? Really? That's really. You should have said that. No, I'm just kidding in Casey Lesons, but yeah. But the good news is, the good news is that, yes, there was a go and stuff at the beginning of it, but the last few lines were beautiful, so there is a capacity for Lewis to be a beautiful normal person.

What are you, a promote board here? Is that what that hair is for? I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think we can show that this incarceration, Is that what that haircuts for? How are you? I'll explain. Tell me the expert on capacity. We can show that he's in incarceration. Here's the actual change. You go on and stamp your paper, sonny boy. I can't do the accent, but I know Shasheng pretty well. That's because you're both too small to do accents.

That hurt my feelings, Bobby. He has the capacity to be better, which is good. It's great. I think we all do. Yes. You do me one of the favorite. Can you just fix your tit real quick? Please don't.

I'll be in to it. All right, we'll listen, man. Since you guys don't have any questions, you guys, thank you for coming on. We're going to wrap this up. Lewis Gomez. Lewis J. Gomez. Lewis, Jay Gomez. Lewis, Jay Gomez.

I didn't have this one. It's good to have you back on, buddy. Thanks a lot. And I'm glad you got your own show on Sirius, which is what you should be doing. He's talking MMA, which is great. So, that's a backhand and compliment, thank you. Honestly, I was a full handed and say why. I know. That's a backhand and compliment. Thank you. I know.

Honestly, I was just handed it. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. You did fucking a ton of podcasts. You stretching yourself all over the fucking place. What you know is MMA. What you love is MMA. You love comedy.

And you love doing podcasts. You should focus on that one fucking thing. And go become famous doing that. Go get on TV with it, become an analyst. I can't. Why? Because I've said the N-word and faggot too much on podcasts, and they won't hire me at Fox or UFC.

Well, you know, when you're doing local MMA, that don't work. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You should be fighting. You should be fighting Fury Championship at Atlantic City. Hey, you should do it. What's up? Welcome back to backyard fighting.

We're in Anthony Cooomy's pool area. He's asleep so I think I can get this fight off. We're going to use his drone to film this. We're going to have three of his chicks do the Grink card girls. I listened. They're their two younger count, so they don't know not her. Oh, is she holding up the rounder her age? Oh.

You did it! You did it! That was big. So I'm very happy for you, man. Chris Scopo, you're my man. You got the piece so bad. Scopo could have done my man. You got the piece so bad. All right. Scopo could have done everything he said tonight on Twitter.

On Twitter. Yeah. I've had a piece since Joe came out. Kelly, if you're still good, you're here till Christmas. I am. You're coming back for a little bit? Yeah, I've got to go home.

I've got Perth, Adelaide, and Melbourne Festivals to do, and then we're back here around May. Thanks, yeah, but I'm here to end of the year to work. And it's great. Everything's going really great. I'm very happy. Everything's good. For Sturker, thanks coming back on the May. I'm here to end of the year to work and it's great. Everything's going really great. I'm very happy. Everything's good. For Sturkey, thanks for coming back on the show.

You're a lot of baby, anything for you. The show wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You're true. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I know that. It's one of the things. Bobby births Kelly. Well, thank you.

I love you, buddy. Thank you so much. Joe Liss, what do you got, buddy? Perpies in the tiny mouth. Ha ha ha ha! Here it is! You got one! Ha ha! Louis fires off two at the end. Ha ha ha ha!

That's even when they call the round in boxing and they throw like three bunches extra. They call it two little two late, but I'm here. It has normal lives, though. Alright, what do you got, Joe? Uh, you can feel it in the New York City. I feel weird plugging a show at a different club. Why? You're not at a club. We're at a lounge. Follow me York City. I feel weird plugging a show at a different club. Why?

You're not at a club. We're at a lounge. Follow me on Twitter and I'll tweet about my show at Caroline's November 4th and 5th. Yeah! A bedlining there. And I'm downstairs a bunch. What about you special? That was two days ago.

Is it uncomfortable? Maybe it's on. Probably on the app, I think. I'm not good at this. Oh, God, show you. What do you mean mean the business? Yeah, well, I just learned a lot about the business from Lewis's wedding speech, so I got to get in the trenches You guys wouldn't get it

You fucking peasants that work 50 hours a week You don't know you wouldn't understand god damn it tired for us You were not a doctor? You were not a stand. God damn it. It's hard for us. It's hard for us, dick joke tellers. But yeah, my specials on comedy, somewhere on comedy, Central League.

It's on comedy, Central League. Google is fucking, search his name on there, and his special comes up. He's one of the fucking funniest guys. I just did a show with him Friday night, and he fucking annihilated in front of me. So that's the last time he's gonna work with me. But Chris Scopo from now on

I'm not to have fun. I'm gonna stop roast Rose and Dan what do you got besides everything what you got a fucking million things going on I got the bonfire with big jokers in on Monday's the win.. Comedy Central Radio. Comedy Central Radio Anthony, I want that to be known. Yeah, that role is that role. And then December 3rd in Philadelphia, we're gonna release tickets soon, but I'm taping my hour special for Comedy Central. Yeah.

All right. Truckadero Theater. Where? Philadelphia, December 3rd. Philly! Philly! Sorry. Oh, he's gone. Philly! He's just beating a person from Philly outside.

And then I'll be on the new Showtime Show Billion starting in January. I love it how he says, you got a bunch of stuff. He goes, I got nothing going on. He names off nine things. Ends with a Showtime Show. You're on Showtime? Yeah. I'm like a small. It's a pay channel Showtime yeah rate done of in showtime. Yeah rate done of in showtime The fucking that's pretty huge man. Yeah, it's I play like a dickhead. So I don't know

Good. I'm gonna. Hey great man. That's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being on brother I see you guys. Thank you for coming out you guys have a good time We're gonna start doing these more lives Thank you for being on, brother. That's you. You guys, thank you for coming out. You guys have a good time. Woo! Woo! Woo! We're going to start doing these more lives. We guys appreciate you guys coming out. You guys. Yeah, you guys rule. Thank you for listening to The You Know What, Dude,

Podcast. Thank you for supporting all of us at our shows. And that's about it, man. You guys, what's that? We're going to take a real quick picture. We're going to do a selfie with all you guys in it. And then we got these beautiful posters outside the Jason Chat feel made.

Yeah. He's the name of that. He's unbelievable. I don't know where they are. Do we have them? Yeah, okay. She's gonna bring them down. We're gonna be out there silent them

and silent them if you wanna grab one on the way out. If you wanna come and just get a photo and say thanks or whatever, you come over and do that too. Let's take a photo real quick. You got it? Let's do this. You guys, just stay there and waving it, right? Yeah.

Yeah. You got it? Yeah. Here we go. Ready? Here we go. Everybody. Yay.

Yay. Why is your phone broken? Ha. Everybody That's our scope oh What? Oh, they're out. I'm going to go through a video. Yeah. You don't want to come and have to eat the fucking food, you know? Yeah. Ready? Here we go. One, two, three. Say, you know what, dude? You want to eat it?

I want to eat it. I want to eat it. I want to eat it. Just keep it going. Yeah. I want to eat it. What? Fuck it, asshole.

You're gonna do it. Yeah, you're gonna go ahead and do it. What? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Can we turn the lights up a little bit? Let me hide them. Ready?

You ready? Where? I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Okay, grab that finger. Ready? Ready? One, two, wait. Hey, what are you doing?

One, two, hang on with me. Or take the time, huh? Someone in chat asks, if you use the selfie stick to wash yourself. Boom! One, two, go! New York! New York! New York! New York! New York!

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