Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - YKWJL

Episode Date: February 3, 2014

Robert is joined by Mike Vecchione, Taylor Ketchum, Sean Donnelly, Joe List, Kelly Fastuca and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Activa es lúnico. Porque a diferencia de otros, Activa ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. ¡WOW! Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva. Activa. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por uno en medianas a domicidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? tres por uno, tres por uno, oh no no no. ¡Dominos!

Pizza. ¿Suéñas con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de post-grazo en el extranjero, de la Fundación La Caixa. Puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate veca en fundación lacaixa.org. You don't want to let me tell you something, Chris Scopo? What's up? Fucking amateur comedian, almost. Little above it.

I've seen you. Hi, man. I tell you, these razors, it's crazy. They got them behind. Now when you go to buy razors at CVS, they have them behind like this plastic vault. Yeah, then you gotta add some to get them. Yeah, because people steal them

because they're so expensive. They, it's ridiculous how much eight razors cost to shave your face. And I have to, I have to get more because I use, I shave my face and my head. So it's even more expensive to me. And these, these huge companies are out there taking $10 out of every razor they sell

and giving it to some millionaire athlete. And they're trying to make the stuff look crazy and cool, but who cares about that? You know, the guy's out there that know about shaving. We just wanna shave our faces. We don't wanna have to spend $30 every other week because we're trying to look presentable. Okay?

You wanna see what I'm saying? I feel you, Bobby, I shave. I mean, ask yourself, do you need some of these over muscle millionaire athletes telling you how you're supposed to shave? I don't. That's why I made the switch. I made the switch my friend and this makes my life happier It makes it easier and I don't have to worry about getting razor bumps or because my wife used my razor because I or I ran out of

Raysers I made the switch to dollar shave club dot com dollar shave club dot com sends Amazing quality razors and other cool bathroom, not just other cool bathroom stuff right to my house. That's it, right to my door for a couple bucks a month. I mean, it really, it's not easier than that. I don't have to worry about not having a razor. I don't have to worry about not having shave cream. It comes to my door for a couple bucks a month.

All right, isn't that crazy? Yeah, now that you're up in Westchester too, you know. Yeah, shaved right to your door. Still not to go out. Doll, dollarshaveclub.com doesn't waste their money on gazillionaire athletes so they can charge me a fraction of what those big shave companies charge. They save their money and they let me get the savings

They're not way they're not doing these big commercials Then I given their money away to some athlete that's gonna be arrested for murdering somebody and fuck a week and a half Okay, they let me get the savings which I love you know what? I think dollar shave club comm the blades are actually better They're better than the friggin' $30 friggin' for eight things behind a vault in CVS and an alarm goes off. And signing up couldn't be easier. That's the great part.

It's easy to get it. You just go to DollarShaveClub.com and pick a razor, plan that you want. You're going to figure out how many you think you'll use. And they have three to choose from, which is great. It's not just one thing that you pay me this much. You can pick your plan. And then every month, like clockwork, you get a package in the mail with Dollar Shave Club Blades.

Okay, and they've got other great stuff. Like Dr. Carver's Easy Shave Butter, which is great. One wipes, Charlie, they get all kinds of peppermint-infused butt wipes. How great are those? I need one of those today so bad. Oh my God. I want the bathroom and my wife got cheap toilet paper. God, I need one of those. It's the worst. So thanks to DollarShaveClub.com. you'll never forget to buy Blade, you'll never be stuck. You'll always have him, you won't have to think about it, you'll never get nicked up from squeezing one too many shaves out of that expensive blade in your pack.

Unbelievable, I love this thing, DollarShaveCl Club. It's so easy. It's brilliant. So say no to the big shave companies, million, millionaire athletes and ridiculous prices. Join me and the folks at you know what, with Robert Kelly, myself, and the hundreds and thousands of guys who've upgraded to the smarter way to shave. Visit DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly today. Shave time, shave money. Go to DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. That's DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. Go right now.

I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? It's rubber Kelly. You know what this is? It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly.

It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. It's rubber Kelly. I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone?

I'm sure I've already said should I record this? It's rubber killing. You know what dude? You know what dude? I know what! I guess... I'm right in the cast of my cast of the crowd. I'm tied!

I'm tied! I'm tied! I'm tied! It's... So, we're going to be in the air! Let's go! Alright, what's up everybody? Looking to your cameras and say hi to all the fucking... Wow. ...for people watching live from their cubes somewhere at Comedy Central.

Did. This isn't Billy Bird dead, but it's just as good sometimes when Dan Souted does voices. Bobby, Bobby. What's up? What's up, baby? What's up? What's up, Kelly? I know that was May Bane day Kelly. Why would you wear tighter things?

I had a sweater I Rissus hot balls. Yeah, no choice Here's a thing Kelly. I this is coming from a fat guy the fat do you get the loose of things you wear You understand and the blacker you wore white are you fucking nuts? Fucking fat ballsie are you but there's black underneath That makes it like fucking like ham like brajuto Being imported over to America from Spain. I'm really happy First of all

Sorry I'm in a room for the oil paintings. I'm sorry That was pretty funny. I don't think I get it. I don't know either, but I just like it. Like, it works so hard, that's what she's saying. I would've said, how beautiful. I would've said, merchant marines.

Yeah. I don't say, well, maybe I would've said... Did someone say merch? I could tell my mother. I got seedings. Sorry. Bony's gonna sell them. Huts that. Hot star.

All right, so what I'm saying is that, look, I've been where you're at. I think you look good this way. It's really nice for you. When you get thin, it freaks me out because I know that you were fat. I know this stuff hanging and there's loose things. I'd rather have you a little chunky because you seem happier, you seem fuller,

everything stretched to where it should be. I'm a happy fat girl. Yeah, you got big tits. Your face looks better. You stand those tits. Come on, be fun. I don't want to see you tits. It's cool.

One day, Joe. You don't want to see your tits? I really don't. She's like a sister to me. Oh, well. Well, she's like a cousin to me. So I want to see her tits. She's not a sister to me. Oh, well, well, well, well, she's like a cousin to me. So I want to see her, too. She's not a sister to the rest of us.

So, tits out now. When you least expected, Jay, you were telling me that I'm a sister to tits, I think. Really? You would be into it? I'm just kidding. I'm just going to see her. I'm just going to see her. All right, so let's go around the room.

Let's go over to the couch first and introduce the brand new guys to the show. What's happening? I'm fucking great voice. That is a great voice. We'll think about it. Look out, Sodor. Yeah, Jesus Christ, I wish you face match that voice. No, no. I mean, you're a good looking guy, unconventionally. No, I'm a shit. No, you don't. You're absolutely no. You're unconventionally good looking. You could be like a dad or a guy who runs a

militia. Well, yeah, that, but not the head guy, like the second guy that wants to take over and that loses control. I think it's clear that Bobby's afraid of Taylor. No, I'm not afraid of him. I'm attractive. Yeah, that's not attractive.

I've heard that in a while, so thank you. I said unconventionally good looking. Yeah, I think that's what's meant. There you say that Bobby's scared of somebody. And I really want to underline the unconventional part And I want to highlight it and I want to capitalize every letter No, I mean any rate. Thank you. It means a lot. You're not a bad-looking guy now. We go to the next guy now Here we go. Now look just regular good looking

You should be saving a princess I'm just regular good looking. You are fucking. You should be saving a princess. 11 other guys. Lizard, what's your name? I just met you today. Yeah, Taylor Ketchum. Taylor Ketchum.

Good to be. Where are you from, buddy? I grew up in a Los Angeles area. Oh, shit. And what brought you to New York? Comedy, just that. That's crazy. Usually L.A. comics don't come here for a little Irish affair

did it recently uh... it's a horrible place to start that's why you don't mean for your formative years so that's why i came to New York at that your act out so great though you're the most an install in l.a. comics not yet it took a second you're the most un-l.a. l.a. comic of ever no people can't surprise by the person i've ever met yeah well i don't know it people get surprised when I tell them I'm from Los Angeles. I look like somebody that grew up around a lot of trees or something.

Or in Brooklyn collecting records. No. Is that the vibe you get from me? That I'm like, that I'm like a second guy? Well, you know, you get your pants are rolled. Yeah. You are drinking a PBR. I have a drink in a little bit.'t drank a word video so that doesn't roll

I thought I could fool the listeners. You're a PBR. We've been fooling the listeners for years I am no you don't look like you go you look you could be hipster you got a beard You said fuck it with the balding. I'm just gonna roll with it, which I wish I wish I want I think I'm gonna do that You can see it coming though like oh, I've been bald for a while, but I shave it so I can you know how long ago were you at where I'm at? Well, this is funny and this is gonna be a segue Let me introduce you before I give you this answer because I'm Sean. What's up? What's your last name buddy? And where you from bro? I'm from Long Island, but I live in Brooklyn. Oh no shit Yeah, I'm from my bud Queens and how long you been doing comedy man?

Seven years seven years. Okay, and where do you was your main club? Main club stand up New York and the stand I guess did it. I'll pull that mic up eat that mic a little bit so we can hear you Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay great Um, and then we got of course my one of my favorites Mike the hammer Vekky own Thank you for having me back and making me sound like a pro wrestler Not always funny, but he always tries. No, I really do. I really throw it out there and then whatever comes back, I'm glad.

We get Joe the truth. And that was short. I love it. That was short. Wait, wait, wait, wait, it just grays right over me. Well, you're a regular. I don't know these. I just met you guys for the first time. Now, I probably ran India a couple of times,

but we've never been on the show before, so I wanted to give them a little extra time. I thought we were talking about me, Bobby. Here's the thing, Joe List, and then we get Kelly. Yep, say it. Do it. Yeah, that's time to mic. Well listen, here's the deal, you don't get no time,

you're the whole show is your time. I just did that because they knew that's it. We know where you're from. You're from Boston, and you're from parts unknown. Yeah, I'm just, Joe, I'm like Boston, where's Waldo right now? The show is upset you didn't notice these new glasses I noticed in the other night Yeah, you're a fucking instigator with a fat-titted

I hang on we got beef I gotta I'm gonna I gotta segue I'm coming back to I just gonna do is we got Chris gopah producing the whole fucking show and of course the fucking dead. I'm here The when I first we were talking about Taylor right down beef by the way I got beef Taylor We're talking about baldness the first time I realized I was going ball when I was auditioning for a last comic standing years ago, the second year, I wouldn't do it the first year,

which was probably stupid. Was it like with the 2002 or something like that? The first year was when they just, I probably would have gone on. They'd boss and everybody was, and then the second year I did it, because I didn't wanna do it, but they were like, you should do it, you should do it. And I was like, I then the second year I did it, because I didn't wanna do it, but they were like, you should do it, you should do it.

And I was like, I don't wanna be judged. These people never liked me. And I told my, I knew I was going bald, I knew I was making hair, I was praying that it wasn't windy out. You know what I mean? I'd be on a date with a broad and be like, I'd wake up the next day

and have to leave early, you know, if she didn't have the right hairspray in the house. And so I just said, fuck it and I shaved my head. I told my manager, Matt Frost, I go, you can shave my head if I don't make it. And I know I was gonna make it. So he shaved my head then, I just kept it that way. It was intense.

But I think I might let it go. Now that I'm a dad and I'm 43, who do you think? Well, I just thought, I mean, do you have like the ring or do you have like a, you know what I mean? Like the difference. Let me see the top of your head. I believe the term is male patterned. Yeah, I got what, I mean, do you have like the ring or do you have like a, you know what I mean? Like the difference. I believe the term is male patterned. Yeah, I got what you got patterned. Yeah, I got what you got.

I got, you look like a Hulk Hogan haircut. Who was just long. And like a mullet in the back. It goes curly though, if it went straight. You look like a mid-level Aryan. I am. I let it sit there. I'm nesting this right.

Do you do me a favor, can you get him a Snickers bar? Because apparently he's a cunt when he's hungry. Yeah. I'm unfun right. You do me a favor. Can you get him a Snickers bar because apparently he's a cunt when he's hungry? I'm funny cunt. No, I have the same hair as you except a little curly. And a few, I got a couple more years before I have to just embrace it and go shaved head for the rest of the world. I think it looks great like that, dude. I'll tell you why.

Especially in this business, you can do a lot more things character wise, audition wise, you can play a lot more roles. I'm playing a fucking tough guy. Every role I get is Spanish or a police guy. No, I kind of have that, like when I shave my head, I look like a high school football coach, two bunch, you know? So this kind of, I don't know, makes me more, maybe you see more palatable, sweeter, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Well, you're a little more gentle, but you look like you could turn into like a werewolf. If you've had... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need me. It used to be a bit of one. I don't know. Figuratively. So, anyway, show...

I guess that fucking callback went nowhere. I saved that for the end. Last comic standing, nobody... We were all talking about it before, whatever. Joe, what's your beef? I've been on with you in six months Every time I come here that's a lot every time I come here is someone else's hosting And these two fucking jackals they don't even tell me they're like hey

Do you want to do Bobby's show at three o'clock and I show up and fucking Irish affair and Janice popus? Oh, and I've been stepped over for the hosting seat. How does Janice get shot at me? Oh, you were over me. Okay, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you. Great host, I host my own podcast called Tuesdays with Stories. Yeah, I know.

I know. 20,000 fucking bad, but fucking fake downloads. And listen, you have three people that follow you on Twitter. You have 20,000 people in there. No, I'm kidding, it's a great podcast. I've heard it a couple times. Um, I wasn't even, it's part of the great podcast.

I joke, I wasn't joking. I was, they laugh. Yes, good. We talk, I said, did you listen? Do you listen to the show? Which episode? What were we talking about? I laughed, I laughed, I listened to six.

Bobby said he's gonna do it more times than I am. You give me a date, I'm in February 25th live I'm out. I'm not in town There's a whole thing Why didn't I get to host what y'all? Dan because he likes to like cuz he looks like a fucking ghost he hosts the TV show and so he gets to host this show I have to do it right here. I host the Joe listen friends Here's a deal the reason why I don't the strip. I hosted Joe Liston friends.

Here's a deal. The reason why I don't have you host, and I had Janice. Janice was leaving. He's never in town. And Ari Schaffer was going back to LA for a while. So I wanted them to do it before they left. And Ari wanted to be on the show.

I wasn't doing a show. We were gonna bail on the show. I said, you know what, why don't you just host it. Right. And he was like, great. I would love to have you host the YKWD. I can host today. Here's my bit, no.

Here's my, You think you're planning about what you're planning about? You go home early. Oh my god. Here's the problem. Oh my god. Here's the problem with you hosting. Oh boy.

You're hosting? Now listen. No, here's the problem. The next comic, great guy. Looks like he works on a doc. All right, let's start over. guy looks like he works on a doc Let's start over let's start the fuck over right now. All right. Don't touch anything. All right We're gonna go back right now. We're gonna start to show your host in today great. How's that sound? I'll keep you keep just keep this rolling. I'm gonna everybody just give me quiet for a second. We're going back

Okay, all right. You ready? Yeah, I'm born ready, Jack. Hang on now. One, two, hang. We're all going to welcome you to the onions podcast on the planet Earth. That was trying to keep it like a comic, can. I have a bunch of guys on it. It's just us sitting down. And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense.

No topics of direction. But I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone? I'm sure I've already said to their group rap. It's rubber killing. You know what dude? You know what dude?

I know what! I guessed. Unblade cast a girl. I can't do it. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. What's up?

Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome to You Know What, dude! Are you recording? Are we live? I feel I don't trust you. I feel like you're doing some shit right now to make my voice sound gay. It's coming across like a... like a pig. Are we live? I feel I don't trust you. I feel like you're doing some shit right now to make my voice sound gay It's coming across like a like a pig

All right everybody first off welcome to you know what dude everybody would you a special guest host Joe List First of all one of apologize for the intro. This is not the funniest podcast in America. This is very close second funniest podcast. Behind, of course, WTF with Mark Marin. And in 19th place with 25,000 views a week, Tuesdays with stories. I'm here with... So, George Shit!

We got a great crew. Oh, I tell you to do so We got a great crew. We got Chris barely ever says anything, but when he does its mediocre soap We got Kelly her tips have never been fatter Tostuca Mike Vecchion You were scared to say something about my god. I should all over Mike. He's got a small dick in his game And we got Taylor catcher mishon donnelly the tag team champions of WWE

Wrestling and of course what would be as always oh boy? He's the he's the tech guy and Oh boy, he's the tech guy and go ahead. Oh, it's Robert Patrick Kelly. Straight to me back on the show. I really, I really appreciate having me back on. Man, of course, man, anytime. Thanks. I call Kelly, but she didn't call me back for a couple of weeks. She's dumb and not good at her job.

Okay. But we love having you on because you're one of the funniest guys I know. Oh, thanks man. Appreciate you losing weight and you look handsome and thank you. I'm just thrilled to have you Thank you for having me on the you know what dude podcast with Joe list today is a special day Today is guest get to choose what we want to talk about what what would you like to talk about? I'd like to talk about it with last comic standing is coming back on that show really yeah They edited me off I did it with Mike Becky

They cut me out of the show. They didn't cut me out now Mike is in there Mike you are on the show I was on the show can I ask a question? Yeah I jack as part how much longer you gonna go on with this I'm gonna go the whole episode the whole three and a half hours at this show usually runs I think no you you actually made the show I did. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in 2010. It was a monumental year for me. Yeah, it was. I remember that year. I remember the year you make the three years after that too. It's called getting better. It's called finding yourself. By the way, I forgot to introduce him, but Dan Stutter is in the room. He did that whistling. Dan is strictly voices. Totally doing voices. I do a great shondolling pressure, but nobody knows who shondolling.

Can we hear it? Yeah, do it anyway. This is Angela Satch's Sack! That's what I'm doing. I knew how fat would have killed. Good old and anybody knew who it was. And of course, a lot of people, we've been getting a lot of tweets. People want to hear the host of the show doing the Jetsons vehicle.

Let's hear it. Very popular. Did you guys just do a shirt? You have a new shirt on that, right? I don't think so. Just you and your little mouth mate with little bubbles coming on. Somebody treated something good today. Can I look at my phone for a second?

Yeah, I'm sure the host. Why would you ask me? That's a good point. It's your fucking show. Why would you want to get on your phone during a show? Yeah. If you do it, your show, go ahead. Bobby, when you use the host's show, you're the host, why would you ask me? That's a good point. It's your fucking show. Why would you want to get on your phone during a show? Yeah. If you do, it's your show, go ahead. Bobby, when you used to host a show,

you'd always be on the phone. If it was my show, I'd be fucking violently angry at you right now, being on your fucking phone. But do what you want. Fucking cock, son. Well, it's going to pay off. It's a big laugh. Yeah, it's really big.

If I didn't keep talking, you'd be laughing. You're the best host ever. Let's all quiet now. Yeah. He wrote some guy, some guy named Ray wrote, chill list mouth. Looks like a healing ear piercing. Pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's very specific. Specifics always funnier. So anyway, it's really contrary to one part of your face. Well, that's the big that's the big joke here is my mouth evidently Yeah, we had to get an extra big microphone First, sorry, I made the wrong one extra small microphone. I fucked up I went the wrong way on that job. So I don't know when he gets the bomb and they got him not the host

Yeah, well as the host you're gonna do an already lang impression. So, well, hey, we're a bummy. Oh, I can't really do it, but you sure is a good impression. That's a good impression. I might have Mike Vecchi on back on next week, because you're a cox. Well, I got these two fucking sailors to me. I don't know whether I should get a blow-druck or an anchor tattoo.

That's good. I wish the real Audi would be like, what's here? Every week. No, how long have you guys been related for? The game has sentenced. Now, have you beaten the dragon and gotten the gold back? We met up last night just to hang out and we were wearing the exact same outfit. I'm just so glad that this outfit this look is actually

Now with those robots winning the Grammys I hope that look comes in and the beer that goes out and then every starts looking like robots Yeah, yeah, no, it's always it's good for this look as in be for fat guys because I get to wear as many clothes as I want It's a weird this this was not in for the long time. But these guys, I don't think are doing it because it's in, that's who they are. No, I have just pigs. I have facial hair because it makes me look less gross and fat.

That's the, it gives me an illusion of a jawline. Yeah, I've been saying that for years. It's a whole thing. I'll never, I'll never go back. That's exactly what I did. I looked like a jerk off. Why won't Joe grow a beard in a mustache then? I have a beard.

You just can't grow the full thing. Yeah, I miss thing going on the neck. He's a pre-pubescent. When I grow, it looks like an eighth grader who's dad wasn't around to teach him to shave. It's just everywhere. Is there a bandana for wordiness? It's a really long bandana like a magician's bandana.

Sorry, I have a lot of good words. By the way, you guys look similar to the face, but you're not dressed up. You have a hoodie, you look like a, and I'm telling you, I'm pretty nice. You got a sweater in a. Yeah, but it's just put a sweater over his plaid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've had to class it up a little. Right. Winter is winter is my time to shine when it comes to fashion. Right, I mean, I better and win. I need a place. Winter everybody looks homeless. Yeah, it's nice. If you have a good Because winter everybody looks homeless. It's good to know. It's nice.

If you have a good jacket, you know, nothing on that. Really? I liked it. Everybody looks homeless. My time to shine. I kind of went with what he said. I kind of, Kelly's just like an overweight mime. Kelly looks like somebody who didn't get the Jane

fond of workout in time. But she did get the outfit. I'll be that guy I'm like you look great. Thank you. I just came from a workout dude. I just came from a workout You know he's basically wearing what I'm wearing. He just a bearer No, I cuz he's suicidal look at him. He hasn't been on TV since the 90s 59 years old It makes a levy K. I mean, I got a levy K. A levy K.

A levy K. If you weren't the fucking host, I would really take a swing. You're on the way up. I can shoot on you. He's done. I'm finished. I'm high-bernating. You're not high-bernating.

You're right there. You're almost finished. You got a couple months left. Dude, someone's going to hire you to write for them. The guy's from the duck dynasty. Yeah. He looks like he's on the show, but he looks like he's the brother that doesn't want to be in the country. He does the financing.

You guys look like you should be passing fish to each other. In Seattle. Yeah. He does the financing. You guys look like you should be passing fish to each other. Ah, yeah. In Seattle. Yeah, and I was gonna say in Seattle, but I wasn't sure if it was weird. No, it's good. I liked it. And you look like the guy who does the books for them. Wow.

Did he just go say that? I just said that about him. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, you're fucking hack. I had a fucking... You're the quickest hack ever. You steal immediately. No, you said the brother that doesn't want to be on the show.

It does the books. Did you say the books? I didn't hear the books either. It was a blind. It was a blind. I said books. I'll go back. Not that it's my show.

If it was my show, I would go back. I feel like Bobby and Taylor are going to kiss at some point in the show. Very complimentary. Stop it with your fantasies is tail of the big one I'm the one nearest you and nearest yeah, I said you should know these guys these are two of the best I'm listening listen to me first of all that's why they're on the show I'm very excited to have them on the show and now I'm getting a guest I would love to have you on my show.

When I get a show, I'm thinking about doing a show. What's your show called? It's called, uh... Visiting hours are over. Dude. Yeah. It's called Tuesdays with stories. It's called...

It's called Aboo. It's called Hour with Colonel Kurtz. What's that? It's called We Both Now Forget. Let's not get me. That's something that's gonna be hurtful. Jesus Christ. It's called we both know forget it. Let's not get me. That's something that's gonna be hurtful. Jesus Christ.

What's gonna be, it really was gonna be hurtful. I took it back, I spit the break saw. I know, but now we wanna hear it. Now we don't, a bugger came out and hurt. Like it's like, hmm. Boy. It's a very dry, I don't know if you guys know this, because you all have apartments, right?

You guys all, you know, the house I'm renting. Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um,

Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um,

Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um,

Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Trilling like lives in a home. Hey, for elderly people You're gonna be sad when Dan leaves and gets like a nice big apartment with him in this girl. No, he's not gonna do that He would never leave. Oh, he didn't tell you got a good fucking. We got a good system going What's this is so do we married before the end of the year? So I'm gonna move in with you then dude, I there's plenty of comics in a story that I can move in. Why don't you let Kelly? Don't fucking threaten me look Kelly moving. Hey, look at me let Kelly move in I would love to have sex Oh my god, I'm a decent looking guy. Why are you shitting on it?

I'm a decent looking on a statin island six. That's all you have the matter of fact I just don't you need to your skin always looks like you're holding your breath on your face though Why cuz I have intensity and women fear that I do like a lot of my gear with anything Micro-road anything. I do like a sound like my cool bag died that kind of turns me on a bit Yeah, but I'm not from Boston You sound like you are you sound sexy. I Don't I'm moving with you because that's like doesn't start as a windowless room. It's great. You'll be out of there by then. It'll be our love. It'll be our love nest.

You'll start saying one room. It'll be a love nest slash sit-up room for Mike. Because after he fucks, he likes to do 100 sit-ups straight. One, two, three, four, 100 set up straight one two three four keep you honest keep you motivated he'll go with anything I love him so who if you don't mind if I ask a question oh go ahead you really you really high jackpot fodder out it's a free-lant show it's a free-open lant show

lant about to say open my free-open lant show and if you guys named lant it's like a party what did you have to say? that's the question. Heisting, Jay. Yeah, excellent host. Well, you guys, who you said you are auditioned

for last-com extending, right? No, I did not say that at all. Who the fuck said that? Oh, you can't say that. Did you say that? I'm going through this year, I don't know. Oh, can you talk about it? Or you all I know is going to LA to audition for you?

So you're deflying you out there? They fly you out there, yeah. That's pretty fucking nuts. So this is really big and if they're flying you out that means you're gonna be on the show At least in the audition process I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I got to love to L.A. and performed in a theater and got put up for four days I did the six days of shooting. Joe, you do meditations, right? You need to let it go. I didn't believe that But we're talking about it. Breathe out for God's sake. I can talk about it right in my phone. I don't know. I don't know if you haven't done anything yet.

Yeah, I know. Show yet. But just because you do a thing doesn't mean you're gonna be on the show. It seems really sweet to you though because they're not doing any open calls and they're only choosing like between 7,100 comics that are going through managers and stuff. Right. I don't know. I don't want to put the car wash on it but I don't know if you can talk about it. What? I don't want to get into it. We're not going to get into the details of it. But here's the deal. Look, look, I don't want you in trouble. People have gone in trouble talking about shit on the sh**.

Well, I don't know much about it. Anyways, there's Lewis is going, a lot of people are going out there. Lewis Gomez is going out there. I don't want to get you in trouble, but guess the other people that are doing it. You want to get him in trouble. You know how much I would love if this fucking ruined his chances.

If somebody by chance heard this and they're like, you can't. I was going to ask for something. Bobby, tell me what to do. I'll make it happen. But I think, you know, there's always been this controversy with glass comic standing. Judging comedy. How could you fucking do? How can other comics fucking sit there and judge a joke? You know what I mean?

Right. So the show is about though. Yeah, but comedy should never be about that. Comedy isn't, it's not a band, it's not a painting. I mean, how the fuck do you judge that shit? You might like Van Gogh, I like fucking Monet. You know what I mean? How is it, how is it, how is it, how is it? It's I mean how the fuck do you judge that shit? You might like Van Gogh. I like fucking Monet But in in some comment David tell is the funniest motherfucker on the planet live

But if you saw him on NBC, he wouldn't be David tell he'd be something else does that make him less funny It's not really a competition more so than it is a reality show I believe I wish they would present it like that i think would i would guess with this one i think they're trying to change that i think they're trying to get more comedy oriented more about the comedy that not so much a shit show i don't know like where they have like that like the american idol people embarrass themselves right they're kind of getting away they're kind of getting away from that i think they're not judging comedy they want to find a new star that's what happens to the who want i don't know who won the last one fully believe it as far as yeah that was a few star. So that's why it's not to be a star. Well, what happened to the who, I don't even know who won the last one.

Philippe is a far as a far as a yeah. That was a few years ago. Yeah. What's he doing? He's touring. He's touring around. Yeah. And it was that the one you were on.

Yeah. I was on to. Well, that's the one that you were on. That was the last one. I was in the last one. I didn't help you Mike. Did it help you? Yeah, it helped me get on the road.

It helped me get on the road. It helped me draw. And it started, I don't know if it started it, but it helped a domino effect of good things more TV. That was like the first thing for you. No, I did. The Russell Simmons Comedy Central thing was the first thing and then that and then a couple of other things that will happen. Who's your manager then? Steinberg. Is that your manager now? Who's your manager now?

Apostle. Really? No, you just signed with him Yeah, so and they got that's so you're not doing you you can't do it I don't know if I can do it. I put it out there that if I can do it. I need to do it You need to do it. I need to do it. Why that's because I got a I got a work man I got a I got to figure it out like I have to work any opportunity I can take I have to take and then if I get shit on it and it doesn't work out for me then I just have to take it Dude if you you can't go on the show because if you don't get if you are on the show and then you go on this time

You don't get picked. That's that's bad. That's that's is it. I don't know that's counterproductive No, I don't look at it that way. Okay, so I look at it like I got to take a shot here like I don't know what you get you know I agree. I got a fucking fight. Yeah, he's 57 years old First he's bringing up my age. I'm not that old Joe and you want to have a push-up contest right now By a fucking elderly man. I think I might be able to beat you You will never beat me into any kind of anaerobic anything. I'm in great shape right now I will fucking murder you anaerobic. I bet I could run whatever Just because you went to a hockey game doesn't make you an athlete

I could run further than you. There's no possible way. Maybe you're faster because that's athleticism, but there's no way you can run further than me. What do you mean I run every day? I do yoga. I don't meditate. He's a wrestler though, that we're dude.

They have weird little skills. They have like done. Run, distance. What's the longest you've ever run? Dude, I do 40 minutes, four miles on the regular. That's easy. Is it? Yeah, I do that while, four miles on the regular. That's easy. Is it? Yeah, I do that while I'm drinking. You don't drink anymore.

I masturbate so much that it's exercised. You have a girlfriend. I masturbate on her. Jesus. He's a girl masturbate. Isn't that counterproductive? That's counterproductive. What I'm saying is...

You're not masturbating and then running? You never spend any time to go to school. Okay, can we end the quit marathon for one You never spend any time to go to bed. Okay, fine. Can we end the quip marathon for one second? Sorry. I just want to go to the phones. Listen, I think that if you go on, you, you, how far did you get in the last? Semi's.

Semi's. Which is what I have now. I'm talking to a different chef. I'm talking to him. Go back to the quip marathon. Sorry. Now, now you go back on and you don't make it, that's fucking crazy, don't you think? They're gonna hurt.

They're gonna layer off. But you know they're gonna have to use that and production, he made it last time but he didn't make it this way. Like if you don't, if you go back on and you don't make it past the semays, I don't know why I can't say semays. I love it, get these go French. Yeah, yeah. You just worked, what did I say? Sinep. I Love it. Get these go French. Yeah I

Can It's a curiously this is a little while ago. Could you name a third painter? Yeah, really? Yeah, go again. I want to I went to you know, you don't like go again I can't go again. Yeah, did I went to To look all try not to it. I thought that was the funniest thing you've ever said Because it's like okay, I get you no, I went to I was gonna be an art teacher jackfuck really? Really? Wow the bookie hope for Painting drawing oh my dude. I was transferring to mass culture. Is that what was Robin Williams teaching there?

I I know he was. I'm with Mike on this one. And I said this to a bunch of people. I gave a big Rudy speech to how everyone should go up for last comic and then I didn't get picked. But anyways, it's a chance to do comedy on a network television in prime time. It's worth the gamble. I mean, you can make your career. And even if they show for a minute one joke of mics and the producer idiot fucking industry goes no

We're passing, you know because you're short and ugly and old I can't do that At least the fans got to see the joke your hair is exactly the same length as it was four years ago when you're on the show I mean if they measured it I need to the centimeter. I had cut it aggressively I mean, if they measured it, I need to deced a meter. I cut it aggressively. Here's an aggressive schedule. I can get lawn trimmers in a Mexican. But all you have to do is get one joke on there and then you can get a thousand fans.

Yeah, okay, but what I'm saying is, you go on the show, he was successful last time, I did a lot for him. He should try to get on the show somewhere else, maybe interviewing as one of the alum. You're an alum. You're on the show.

Yeah, but I mean, we don't get to pick our, I don't think we get to pick our part. How far is the semi's? You know, it's a 40, 40 people. And then they limited that down to 10. So you were one of the, you were 30. Yeah. You cut you one of the 30 that got kicked off.

And then they went to 10. Yeah, wow. So I don't know. I mean, maybe you could go back. That's the case. If it was you were in of the 30 that got kicked off, and then they went to 10. Yeah, wow. So, I don't know. I mean, maybe you could go back, if that's the case, if it was you were in the top 10, and you went back on, and you got rejected, that's fucked up. Like the top 40, I guess you can go.

I don't know how to remember that. Anyway, this is a whole new one. It's about being on NBC. It doesn't matter about, they would make them remember, because they'd be like, hey, remember this guy, and they'd show you fucking killing it, and now it didn't even, and then remember this guy? And they'd show you fucking killing it.

And now he didn't even, and then it won't, wow, they'd see you bill Bixby walking like your backpack out to the parking lot because you didn't even make it pass the fucking line. But that's cool. Maybe I'll get books more off of that. You know, they're not booking me that like, you know, that's what clubs want. Guy who didn't make it on the last comic stand.

But we're in a spot that we're fucking. They don't, it doesn't matter. They don't want me now. That says you were worse than you were four years ago. They don't want me now. That says you were. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. They don't want me now. What's the difference?

Exactly. The club, anything, it's like, you know, it's hard to get these bookings on the road. It's hard to get in. It's hard for you. Because you got to compete with people that are on MTV and you've voiced. You got to compete with other people who are on TV.

They don't even have to draw. They just have to be perceived as drawing. Here's a a deal I look at the schedules of these clubs and I can't sit there and pick and choose like oh this guy stinks that guy cuz I don't really fucking watch these people right I don't know who's really good or not but I'm like that guy's been in the business for fucking ten seconds right and he's already headlining this club right and I don't give a fuck who you are. And then you hear the clubs are all bitching that this guy didn't sell.

Well of course you didn't fucking sell. You were sold to Bill of fucking goods because he's on the show. But that doesn't mean he's choice show dude. I'm sorry. Am I talking too much? Well even as a host I don't want to be rude. All right, go ahead. This seems backwards to me and didn't use to be this way.

All right, wait a second before you get this. Pass that to him. Hold an elephant, sometimes that helps. Oh, really? It's like a Buddhist elephant. It means good luck when the trunks out. Oh, it's one of the trunks out. Maybe it will make sense to you now.

Do they have a good luck once from the trunks out? No, I'm saying the business, that seems like a new-ish thing in the last five or 10 years where it used to be it should be the comedy clubs Job is to bring people in and they bring in a funny guy right who entertains the people that they bring in right you get the people You're the comedy if I'm a draw what happened? I'll do my own vent here in a theater you now it goes are you really the club you didn't draw you should draw fuck you you're the clubs this is what the clubs want you to do not only do they want you to come in and kill it they also want you to promote for them it's bringers show they will they want

to promote on a fucking huge level right are you gonna tweet about it can Robert tweet can Robert uh... facebook i take my i i take my own ads out on facebook because it actually helps. It helps a lot. You can pinpoint a demographic. I can pinpoint a fucking age group, my fans in a certain town in a certain myoradius. Okay. And it's cheap too.

It's like $20. Well, I do a little more. I have a house. But just being funny doesn't work anymore. Here have a house. But it's fun. I have a house. It's an art spot. But just being funny doesn't work anymore. Here's a deal, you're absolutely right, Joe. They want you to not only fuck it.

They want you to promote the fuck it. I've done clubs that don't do radio. And then they penalize me for not selling well because I didn't fucking promote it. So, and then I'll go in and I'll put the money And I'll go on on air. I'll do my and then I sell it out not only do you you got nothing. It's all fucking me I just went and fucking promoted the fuck out of it on my radio connections on my my podcast with fucking 60,000 listeners

60,000 listeners. I'm one of the two's. That is my ass. Yeah, legitimate. I'll show you fucking stats on that. I'll show you stats on mine. I'm kidding. They're fake stats. Listen.

You're fake stat. You should get bonuses. You've been when that happens. Yeah. Well, you can get other bonuses or, but here's the thing. You'll never know. You have to put in your contract comp or sold. Because they'll say, oh, dude, we gave away. I'm at one time I sold the place out. There's a line out the fucking door and I was like did I

Did I did I do what we did good? No, dude I gave I gave away 150 tickets. I was like first of all I never told you you could give away 150 tickets second of all Fuck you and then I had a guy come in dude I was coming down to see I had 20 people they called me up and gave me 20 tickets for my birthday I was gonna pay. I'm like now so you have to put Comptor sold so you can count every head in that fucking room. They keep some on us Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, but then you have to go and count the fucking you have to go and literally count every head

So I have to go as a comic and sit there and go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, one, two, three, four. And then that just sucks, man. It just sucks. Because that's not what it's supposed to be. It just sucks. And then you can go, hey, dude, I counted this. Well, we counted this. I don't give a fuck.

I mean, Norton is fuck, he's got a, he hires Kenny. Kenny is the best on the planet. If I could afford to have Kenny with me or a Kenny, I would have him at every show. He counts the room, he goes on the internet and a lot of these clubs, what they'll do is they'll charge. I'm not a $25 ticket, okay. I'm a $15 fucking ticket. But then they'll go in and they'll charge 20 bucks. Okay, I'll take that special engagement. But then they'll let another five on top of that. You know what I mean? Fulton taxes and it's all bullshit.

Kenny will go in and find that shit and go fuck you. You're not doing that. Take that off. Make it, make it this, because Norton wants a ticket price specifically this and that's it. You got to be real careful. I mean, look, I only work thank God clubs I love now. I really do.

All the clubs that I've worked in the last year have been amazing, really cool. But still, it's money. Whenever there's money to be made, you get fucking whacked in some way. You gotta be really careful. But Joe, it's amazing to me, social media, social media because of the dang cook in my space,

bullshit. You can have five people. People people forget that they don't know he had a big my space following absolutely i see him put his i i i i i it's the messenger on remember that fucking thing and a screen would fill up and within within a minute right the screen would just go brrrr and it would be full with messages

sure with the jetzons car? The Skikis John. I love you. Funny it's got in the room. It's true, but the bottom line is, I think the Joe's trying to say is like, you just go ahead if you want to go. No, no, Mike. I just want to hit you.

OK, but you just have to work, like I know this sounds whatever, but you just have to put your head down as guys who like all we are right here. You have to put your head down work as hard as you can, and then any opportunity that comes, you have to take. I agree. I just feel like you have to take it to get,

to get it something you might have free. And then if it does, up with the hands, you freaking me out. You can feel it. And then if it's like, so take it to the limit. If it's some weird person's hands. If you can't use the hands, he's gonna punch Kelly. You should try to get friends. Looks like he's doing some weird kung fu.

You want to live with me now, don't you? I don't know. They have to take every opportunity. And then if it doesn't work out, then you just re-tool, man. And it's like, you can only beat a dog so much. He's just going to get, it just makes them, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. I don't know for offending the heat of people.

But you can't, we'll tell you that Justin Silver. Can I only beat a dog so much bobbing? You gotta have a male. Oh! Um, that's my take on it. Yeah, that's the thing. I agree completely. And like, it's like a thing.

The industry even says agents will even tell you, funny doesn't work anymore. That's not enough anymore. You gotta have a fucking fan. But as guys, as like, I consider us here purest, you know. When you get that, it's funny, it's not enough anymore. You're like, okay, fuck it, then I'll just get funnier. It's not that I'm gonna do all this networking stuff. I'm not doing that.

I'm just gonna get funnier. I think that's a great idea. I think when fans come up who see me two years ago or last year and they're like, dude, I've seen you three times in your funnier than you were. That will, I think, supersede all the bullshit. Because they're going to bring people, I just did Long Island. I've done the best I've ever done. And it's purely on the last time I was there, the first time I was funny, second time

I was funny, last time I, now this show is the best show ever. Because that's based on what's real. It's not all this interconnected, like the web, and it's marketing str show ever because that's based on what's real right it's It's not all this interconnected like the web and it's marketing strike that's not real at the end of the day It's not real a lot of that's based on them getting in on the ground floor of that and figuring out the formula on how to get all those Followers on those things can you put the mic down? Just a little sorry. Yeah, I'm not sitting on it I think it's amazing. It's a great thing But I'm just talking about like what he's talking about is real That's why we're in it. You can incrementally get better. It's improved your career

But here's the thing too with that you're never gonna get you the chances of you Becoming holy shit successful and selling out theaters and just doing your thing I'm not gonna see you. I don't want to a number, but it's gonna be a lot harder. It would be way easier if you go on the TV show and gave you that pop, you know that. But, you know, I walked into our editions and they're looking at their phones, and I'm like, guys, what are you doing?

And they're checking my Twitter followers to see how many I have. And here's the weird thing now too, you can buy Twitter followers, you can buy Facebook likes, you can also buy listens on podcasts. That's not what we do. I'm not saying anything, we have money, we don't have any money. You actually do that, you can buy listens on a podcast.

You can buy listens, reviews, and likes on a podcast. You go to eBay, you can go on eBay right now for $20 and get fucking thousands of listens. So it can look like your podcast is killing it and it will just be a number but if you if you're if you're looking for company goes in they're gonna want to see your back end they're gonna want to go into your website and they'll see what you really have but I mean they're not just giving away money for people say I have you know if you have one million flare followers my mic is

right what is that? It's good now. It's good now. Okay. So it's coming in. Yeah. It's, um, I haven't signed it. I got in trouble because I'll buy YouTube use for their film clips for like, um, the on saying stuff for movies, uh, for music, for music. Yeah. Cause they're like 11 million and then we went through it. And all of a sudden, people like me and I went down to like five. That's just like that. I'm radio. What was that radio scam from back in the day? Payola Payola

Payola was when record record companies were paying DJ's cash to play their records You know what I mean? But this is it but that's that kind of even makes more so this is even like dirtier and close and tackier You know, I mean if you have one million Twitter followers But and you get like two likes in a retweet then something's up right? Yeah, that's how they figure that shit. Yeah, I mean Absolutely, it all does go together the math does add up if you do it I know somebody who bought a 10,000 views on a YouTube on a page I don't and then you let him guess host the show

She's it just cuz he's going to Miami. I did get more specific And it is it is fucking weird. It's awful. It's weird and awful But people do it because it matters it matters to these fucking corporations It matters to the industry. Yeah, how many follow follow as you have and it's technically doing their work for them That's basically what you're doing to the industry. How many followers you have. And it's technically doing their work for them. That's basically what you're doing. Yeah, I don't want to learn how to do all this shit. Like this is why I like,

this is why I like stand up comedy. You get to go and be with your hangout with your friends and do comedy and be a comedian. I don't want to like have to take classes and read books on Twitter followers for dummies and all this whole shit. I don't want to read that in a way. I'm like with Mike, like I like that whole lot.

You're trying to focus on the, it's hard enough to focus on the job. If I don't want to read that. I'm like with Mike, like I like that whole lot. You're trying to focus on the, it's hard enough to focus on the, if I don't think it's like that anymore though. What does it mean? You've got to learn all that stuff now that it comes together. Maybe there will be like a, maybe there'll be like a revolt or something.

Maybe there'll be some kind of like, you know, some kind of movement. No, because if you do all that and then people go to see you and that you're not funny, then they'll just never come back. Right. I mean, that's the way it'll get, that's it'll get panned out that way. That's why, I think with Mike and all of us, I guess, is that if you get on last coming standing and you do get a thing, now you have a fan base, now you got some heat, then you go to see you, you got 90 minutes of jokes that are fucking as good as anybody's.

Right. And so it's there and you're ready. And at the very, and maybe fucking, we never pop and we both, you know, I'm bugger somewhere here. And maybe we make fucking $40,000. But at least we fucking, we had a monster act and everyone went back to the app. Okay. Yeah, well, like I was talking to, um, uh, I had a lot of fun on the way. I forget who it was, but here's the, I was talking to somebody about this.

It's like, um, yeah, you can be funny. You can go out there and just fucking just be funny, but it's up to, I always put it the responsibility back on your fans, because it's like, okay, you can listen to this podcast, but if you don't tell all the people about it, if you don't go see us live, like I would, you know, now these people are starting to come out this weekend. I can't tell how many podcasts fans came out to the show and said, I listen to the big fan of the podcast, that's your responsibility as a fan.

Because we need you to show the fuck up. It doesn't matter how many TV credits I get, if I haven't been on TV for years, if I sell out the room and I make these assholes money Then the conversation's over conversations over go fuck yourself pay me you look it Can I just say something to you want the clubs to I want you clubs to make money? Yeah, if I'm making this much you're making this much, right? And I'm good go ahead that's your fucking money I don't need that for I don't need all the money, right?

You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's it's the big stars that fucking kill these guys They they pay all this money for this guy and then he doesn't sell well and they take hits And then they got guys like us coming in who are really funny Like you said the guy comes in he's supposed to sell out or he fucking stinks or he doesn't sell out His clubs are taking the hit who's getting that you're getting fucking smacked with that right Mike Vekki I'm not fucking taking a chance. I'll pay him this much, right and you're like dude fuck you. You're done, right? Busch has content grates Bluetooth TV is the service of streaming gratuito with more than 120 channels dedicated to movies series

Grimner realities and content infantil Bluetooth TV. Ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. It doesn't matter how funny you are dedicated to movies, series, crime and reality, and content in fantasy. Plutato TV, come and see it without paying it. It doesn't matter how funny you are. It doesn't matter who you are. But in the end, like you've been doing this a long time, like in the, haven't you found that the people that are the, like the most successful this

are the people that just obsess on their act and don't think about the bullshit and just keep progeny on. Absolutely. Well, it's That remains successful, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like everyone that's like, where we wanna go, you know what I mean? Right, yeah. Yeah, Louis C.K. said that to me one day.

He was doing something and he was like, I was like, you fucking, you doing, oh my God, what are you doing? You're right in that right now, you're doing this and he goes, yeah, that's my fucking job. Oh, yeah, this is a job. I forgot about that. Oh, I have to carry a job. I forgot about that. I have to carry a notebook around because I'm not that smart.

I have to write a joke when I think of something funny. Hey, dummy, write it down because enough of those might trail into something really good that will fucking pay your mortgage someday. You know what I mean? But I also think that you, I mean, for a comic, you have to take acting classes. I think so. Well, that's not along the line of self-improvement. Yeah, I think I, I mean, there's a little...

When there's nothing back in the day where that didn't have to be a thing. Like back in the boom days, that wasn't a thing. Yeah, it wasn't a thing, but I mean, you're talking Richard Pryor, George Collin, they both stunk at acting. Right. You know what I mean? The only one that was good was Eddie Murphy. But that's still like, that's still, like, it's not, that's not learning how to be on Twitter.

That's just learning how to be a better, or... Yeah, just learning how to be a better yeah, you're trying to better yourself Yeah, you're trying to better yourself legitimately. Yeah, but I think to look Twitter. I hate fucking Twitter But I but I love it. I really do I have this I have this fucked up like the gram of these gram is the other night I was watching them here's here's why Twitter is great and why it's off on the same thing I'm sitting there. I'm like fucking I'm gonna want. I want to do a little some writes some jokes. So you write a couple things you come up with some stuff you throw it out there. Bam you get 37 read tweets you know 40 likes what whatever right? So do you pay for those? You know you can. Hey Kelly. Alright back from the wars of the real pearl and then you get you get into it and you're like you know it's on you know it's

a it's a fun little exercise a writing exercise but then stupid iPhone miss spells Satan with satin and now I have to deal with a bunch of fucking puns yeah it's like it's a third edit for 20 minutes well it's like a dude it's certain it's it's like I's a third edit for 20 minutes. It's the world's like, dude, it's sad and it's sad. It's like, I know what the fuck I'm in. I just gave you two gold fucking jokes for nothing, you're a sitting there watching the stupid thing, you're a fat cunt with nothing.

You have your stupid wife and you dumb two kids. Not, I give you two fucking, you went, I made you a... free and the fuck I get fucked for the set really, and I'm gonna deal with that, it's like fuck you, it's the worst. That's another one of the things that happens the world of commenters, that's every type of every type of media thing, YouTube commenters and everything. Everything is new. But everything is new.

But everything is new. But everything is new. Everything is new. Everything is new. Everything is new. Everything is new. Everything is no, but here's a piece. Here's where it's great though. I did this morning. I wake up on Facebook I love Facebook because you can go off on it more than 140 characters. I woke up this morning I was just like fuck it. I think I could be a great folk singer and I wrote a dumb folk song Just some dumb stuff. I just stoop it. Yeah, I mean just literally fucking and and then they all and I go You finished the rest and these fucking it is wrote these hilarious Versus of this stupid song and it made me laugh, but then there's one guy

I'd rather listen to this thing you're fucking stupid podcast It's like dude, that's not even funny Yeah, if you had any any funny at all into it's just vicious Yeah, it is and now it is and they're looking for some way to get it out Yeah, it's like okay Why are you following me first of all? Why do you even get my shit? You hunt the fucking cuteness? And then now I got a bang you now you gone and now I'm gonna get a letter from you Or you're gonna hate me say Bob coo you couldn't take the shit. Yeah, I couldn't I don't I know I'm fucking Dishing it out here and I can't take it, but yeah, fuck you I can't

Maybe he thinks he's your friend and he's just like busting balls because he listens to the show all the time and I know I'm fucking dishing it out here, and I can't take it, but yeah, fuck you, I can't. Maybe he thinks he's your friend, and he's just like, bustin' balls, cause he listens to the show all the time, and he has that kind of relationship. It's not that you can't take it. It's that there's no reason behind it, besides just vicious,

that it has nothing to do with you. It's like guys, girl, but make the link we need the right way. Oh, sorry to break the food. Also, it's not, it's not like, it's not like, it's not like, it's coming through. It's not a you can't take it, it's like I don't want to take it. I don't really enjoy being called.

Yeah, you faggot and you're like, all right, well, I don't really enjoy it. It's 9.30 in the morning. You know what I mean? I got my apartment, I don't want to be told. Here's the thing though, if you're gonna try to be one of us, make it funny, because at least we try to do that.

Right, right. At least I'm trying. Yes, I misspelled Satan with satin, satin, or whatever the fuck, but I didn't do it, it was stupid iPhone, and I was trying, I waspelled Satan with satin satin or whatever the fuck but I didn't do it It was stupid iPhone and I was try I was too into it And I'm a fucking eager asshole for accolades Saturn then you are an asshole No, it was satin

That's it So that's like if you ever see a YouTube clip of about like a social issue like gay marriage or something and you read the comments beneath it It's not war between the people who it becomes a crazy debate. Yeah. Yeah. This is a stand-up comedy clip. It's a fucking joke. Yeah. It's ridiculous.

Yeah, I've gone to like watch like a Patrice clip on YouTube or something and then it turns into like a racial. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. The Apollo has a great joke about that. He goes, the political commentary on like political things. It always starts off. He's like, well, you know, Obama is a free spending liberal that he goes that the political the commentary on like political things that always starts off he's like well uh you know Obama is a free spending liberal

and he like well he inherited two wars and uh from Bush and he goes yeah well your sister's a silver back ape who takes it in the ass from the New York Knicks every night I wish Nick was here Me too. I really do. You're fucking your mother's country. I wish Nick was here too, but he's not like, is this my show now? It's already, the already laying show. So low. Yeah, it's a my screen.

Joey, let's control. I like a control. I think, I, look, I mean, we've talked about this before. I mean, there is a certain amount of, I mean, you can't really look at this stuff and take it personal. I mean, I, I, I, I imagine having five million fucking followers and saying something fucked up.

These guys say something fucked up. It's immediately, they're on CNN. Imagine fucking up on CNN. Imagine me on CNN. Robert Kelly spelled a satan instead of Satan. I thought it sucked. You know what, Anderson? I can't do it.

You know what, well, put it on there. Yeah, I fucking... I got mad at Lenny Marcus, you know, I fucking... This is another thing, too. I hit when people go, you know, what book are you reading? Just out of the blue. Like, go fucking, nobody reads books. Stop hit when people go you know what book are you reading just out of the blue like oh fucking nobody reads books Fucking college you fucking asshole. Yeah, we read books once in a while if a new Harry Potter comes out

Surely you read a book at bunking Hill when you're studying guys. I mean like books. We'll talk about books Guys what's going on? What's happening? Where are you going? You can't you just pissed. That was the other one. Okay, sorry. I can't. I should have won one sweater. It's funny because you guys look just like. You guys look like the Mr. Potato and package behind you. You're mask on. Hold that up to the camera. That's what you got My god, that's really true. You guys have the same body and everything facial hair. That's Taylor. That's me

Oh my god, but um, what was I saying? I'm not sure. I was a comment It was funny. I was saying with the comments. I was saying before I'm sorry Any more He walks up there's a book on the table. I don't know who left it there wasn't me some fucking thin book with an interesting cover Yeah, he walked up. Oh my god. You're reading a book like like you would never like he just saw his grandfather taking Taikwondo Like oh my god, you're Buffy doing Taikwondo It's amazing. You ever get that or when you actually are reading a book and they come and they go,

what book are you reading and you tell them, and they go, oh, that's a fun one. That's what they'll do. Oh, fuck you, it's not high level. You know, you should read, you know, you should read, don't worry, you should read, I'm always down to reading, it's one, that's a finish it. Yeah, right, I said World War Z, I was reading World War Z,

they go, oh, that's a fun book. Like, it's a coloring book. Fuckin' look, I'm reading. Here's the thing with all these people that correct me and Their fucking geniuses and little grammar genius. I wrote a book. I'm a published author. I'm in the writers guild So go fuck yourself. That's how America works America works like this. Fuck you. I'm in the guild for writing You fucking nothing and you're just home reading another thick book. Are you yelling at me? No, I mean, nothing.

The camera is stupid. Oh, what's that? It's a light. Did it just show? You don't know this camera's there? I didn't set them up. It's good to use Joe as the motivation for anger. Yeah, really is. Look at Joe and you get furious. Really doing it just fucking snap his headphones on his ear. Fucking glasses don't help. I would never do that. It's so condescending with the glasses that the glasses they look great i heard i got a heck of twice with i love your glasses really what's downstairs in the all-sane

and i have a here the comedy seller the all-sane i can't know if that's against the beard thing because i have two u-assles here right now no seriously i understand because i'm two of you assholes here. Sorry, yeah. No, seriously. What do you say that's not because of the... I understand because I'm looking at you

right now, I do understand. But there is a, the whole bearded thing is, I think it's, has it been, is this something that I'm imagining or has it been around forever and I'm just thinking that. No, Beards came out in like 2001, I think. Okay.

So it's not that. No, no, no, no, but I mean in our community, like, because I know we always go full circle. I think it honestly kind of came along with just people being fat. I really, that's, I have friends with Beards almost I have, like all my friends with Beard's almost, it's cause they're fatsoes. Okay, pull your mic up, dude.

Talk it to your mic. Yeah, you, I'm good now. It's gotta go through that fucking bush of a hair into the microphone. There's a lot in here. It's like Beard's talking through a fucking old lady's condom. Just like it. Yeah, you gotta talk, you gotta eat the microphone.

That's good. That's perfect. Oh, now I'm like kissing this thing. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm trying to shape my beard and when I do people like get upset at me. Well, what do you shave the bottom part?

I don't understand. No, that's just laziness. That's lazy. I just haven't gotten to it. Look, I don't give a fuck what you do. I don't care if you have a beard, but it seems like it's a uniform. It seems like the whole outfit, the whole hipster thing is a uniform.

And the beard is somehow make you a part of that army. Do you understand what I'm saying? Where when I came up, everybody was kind of different. Patrice was different than Burr and Burr was different than me. And Dane, we all had our own style. We all hung out together, but we were not from the same cloth. It seems like now. You didn't work, you didn't work like Kooji and Fubu?

No, I'm not. I'm a trace. I didn't wear fucking Kentucky fried chicken fats and fats. But you know what I'm saying? I remember like I'd have a leather jacket on, Burr would have like a fucking corduroy blue fucking coat with anchor buttons Dad the fucking buttons dude who gives a fuck it's a coat I guess want to be warm in the wind

I didn't give a fuck about god fuck yourself. Well you fucking biking leather jacket But um it seems like now I mean I could be wrong but it seems like the beard is almost like a uniform. Like I belong to these guys. I'm done with it then. You're gonna shave it? Yeah, I'm not gonna. No, no, no, no. No, I don't think those guys,

I know what you're talking about, but I don't think they're part of that community. I don't, but I'm gonna make it miss the one of you and hipsters. No, no, no. You're not right. That's right. Tanya Lee can't shave it off,

because you look too much like Tim Curry. You look like that. You look like Tim Curry. I get a private pile and full mill jacket. Really? You know what? I get Vincent to know for you all the time. Yeah, no, I get Tim Curry. I get a private pile and full meal jacket. Really? You know what? I get Vincent Tanoffery all the time. That's like one I get.

I would hire both of you guys. Listen, I'm not saying you feel, I like the facial. I would hire both of you guys to be in, to be furniture. To be furniture. To be furniture. I couldn't, I tried to get it out to fix your pipes. I tried to get it out.

I want to know what you think. I have a, I'm skilled at. Like what? I would hire, I tried to get it out. It's a extra pipe. I tried to get it out. I want to know what you think. I have a, I'm skilled at like, what, I would hire, I would work. I would have, I would hire. I would hire both of you guys to be in something if I was filming something, you know, based on your, your fucking look, like, you know, like those spaghetti westerns,

they always had fucking crazy looking people. I love that in a film when they, it's not the stereotypical fucking American good looking oh my god people when there's weird people. You just insulted them. You just basically said they weren't good looking. I'm still floating around from his compliment. You were high or as well. I'm like a ugly guy. Like a ugly guy. Like on the water front, we make some fucking kind of ugly and weird and dumb.

You know, if I had like a retarded movie where they're taught, people would have. But neither of these guys are hipsters. And both great, great, I was a brilliant, which is ridiculous. Great. I mean, I'm really, I'll leave it there. Oh my god. This is brilliant comedy. comedy. I thought you were such a great host

I think that's where the difference is if you have guys who grow beards for no reason they're like good looking dudes or they're skinny and whatever It is that's when it becomes a problem, but for us I literally have it. I've said this a million times I have it so I don't look like Bobby from King of the Hill That's exactly why I have this bit so exactly like it so do you but am I wrong in saying that am I is it a new form is also we can play about to I think you're right I think you're right I think you're right I think it isn't but we were just not the two guys I don't walk I don't go into Williamsburg and go like this feels right I feel right home here yeah

Joe DeRosa take your take your bike helmet on gum. This is it By George Carlin album again After you get tattoos that no one knows what they mean. You had to get mean. Huh? Yeah, I mean Yeah, well don't be mean the tattoo thing was a fucking was it? What was it? There was a sad situation He's had a mental laugh. I feel bad because tattoos. Listen man, tattoos.

Do you have anybody have tattoos? I got a rast of a tattoo. You have a tattoo? What is it? I got my, I'm so embarrassed to say this. It's a hipster for life, I'm not. No, no, no. I got my, I got my initials on my triceps.

You have saras, saras, one of the easier ones on your ass. Your initials? I got my initials on each tricer Sarah Sarah Sarah's on your ass Your initials? I got my initials on each tricep when I was I was like a big jock and played football in college You think you're gonna forget each time? Are you kidding me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Shut up. It's my show. I mean, Joe show, but let me talk. I was just like a meathead person for many years Yeah, where is this again? Where'd you go up again?

Something California, so you have you is it the initial I had my full name is William Taylor ketchup I have the W here and then a K here. It's the stupidest thing I've ever done. I wish it was a WTF Turned into a detective. I got pulled I got pulled over by a cop in LA years ago, and he's like a I had a suspended license and I had like a chicken shit warrant for something Yeah, and he pulls me out of the car and they have to do like the the gang tattoo thing You know and they like you got any tattoos are you affiliated with anything and then I show my tattoo and any any I'm like yeah, I have these stupid tattoos and he's like what's that stand for white kingdom? them. You know, he build a Nazi. White. Yeah, I was like, can we please just us right in this room? Can we start a new white

supremacist called white kingdom? Yeah, well, we don't hate black people. They can hang with us, but just not on the weekend. Like the weekend is for us. White kingdom. What have you named the episode white kingdom? we get like a hundred and fifty thousand They're all neo-nazi They all look like them You said that was the worst thing you ever done getting that tattooed. I think that's the worst thing you ever done No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was not the worst thing we're done It's just it's just like an embarrassing. What's the worst thing you just go into like a horrible bit? Oh, I don't this I was You have four years to hear about it. Yeah, stop stop. What can I just that? Well, there was a serial rapist

What was the worst thing you've ever done? I was I was just addicted to drugs for a long time and it did like a lot of you know Stole shit, and so is that what happened after high school for that? Is that how you became went from a jock to this? So yeah, that's a very, and what this I mean comedy. Very abbreviated. Yeah, I got home from college and I went through a a few years where my life was really out of control

and then I started doing stand-up. I got clean. That's good. I've been sober for 20, 28 years. Yeah, yeah, I know so I mean, we know about each other. All right. Good. All right. Good friend of us. So we're 23 years today What happened? Oh Yeah, yeah, we should make a fun. I think how we're talking like we're in the mafia friend of ours

Friend of the white kingdom, but oh, that's great though, but Blessings all around. All right so what don't it stop 26. I'm almost 20. It's 28. You are 35. I got so much 15 I'm 40 43. Oh I look oh a million times better than you Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and like Well, he I forget the No, I remember what a voice she's about to tell her he was oh Taylor's been so with the seven years No, she goes no, I I listen to it and she goes Joe's like a Taylor ketchup. She's like yeah, he was a heroin addict I

The not no not we have show together He talks about on stage. I don't show them my scars I'm literally gonna throw up What the fuck is going on? That's why I mentioned it because I think we get down a shutting together and you're like showing me like old abs and scars when when you had like the asking about them I don't do this I don't do this unsolicited

I was like really scars serious scars All right, the very I'm getting uncomfortable hold on no I'm not getting uncomfortable I just I I don't do this unsolicited. I was like a really scar. It's serious scar. All right All right, this is a very Very honest. Bobby's getting uncomfortable. Hold on. No, I'm not getting uncomfortable I just I think it you were I mean you brought it up. I mean you were a heron addict. Yes, so you were addicted to heroin. Yeah for how long four years Four fucking great. It feels like not casual user I'm always I'm always interested in that because I never did heroin. It was it was Yeah, it was after me. Bop, bop, bop, bop.

Chicken. I would have did it. It just wasn't available. It wasn't. You're from Boston, so you kind of have to. I think they give it to you at birth. It was Coke at the time. It was the 80s when I was doing it.

It was Coke. It was a mask acid drinking. Drinking was a big thing. I learned to drink a lot as a kid I was 13 I could put away a pint of schnapps and a racquetalls and A couple joints and so it's a tall I thought it was like a barbitch with like two and all You know the tall Budweiser a It's just six, six, six, tall boys.

But, you know, if Harron was around, I'm thank God, I would have fucking done it in a second. But I'm always interested in that drug because it's the hardest one, one of the hardest things to quit, right? Well, I think they're all hard in their own way, but there's this physically, yeah. Physically, it's fucking, we do.

And I saw this thing where you can, they actually take you, I don't know where the fuck it is. I think it's I figure what island it is It's out of the country and they give you this other drug Suboxone or it's a no it's like a fucking leaf and they you drink it and you go into hallucinations and you get really sick I have some hippie bullshit, you know, I mean But it's probably but it don't everybody here is nobody fucking goes back to heroin afterwards. That's not I don't Think so it gets you off heroin. That's what they're saying heroin after that's not I don't Think so it gets you off heroin. That's what they're saying. Yeah, no, I don't know I it actually does so much better than

It fucking gets you so fucked up I like to put you on crocodile killing this by the way. I'm this this I'm not I'm so not I am so misinformed about this drug, but it's gonna tea. I think I'm gonna hurt it It's not it might be a tea or something. It's a drink you drink it and then you get really fucked up And for a couple days they have to watch over you and you puke and you hallucinate and then when you come out of it You're done. It sounds like it's make it they make it more horrifying and awful, you know Can they can they actually put you into a coma? Yes

But it costs like 15,000 dollars, so explain that to me if you can they can they actually put you into a coma and yes But it costs it costs like 15 thousand dollars. So explain that to me if you can they They they put you to sleep. Yeah, right and then they they pump they pump Medicine into you that that makes it that kicks it out of your system Right, so it's like rapid instead you go through because if you don't do that what the process is just unbearable physically correct Yeah, it's it's really awful But so so then they just they put you to sleep and then you do it in like 24 hours They you wake up and supposedly you just feel like you have a hangover. How did you do it? You mind me asking? I just I just did it you fucking stopped you grew up here. I went to a detox and then I

Geared and didn't did it did a set it to happen That's a macolade some other beers That's a macolade, some other pears. Dude, I love that honesty about your hair. Can you show me your scars? I'm done. That's good. That's mentally strong. Is that...

I like that. From a defensive coordinator standpoint? That's mentally strong. What, so you just quit? Well, that's the... You were done. No, I had a lot of help. but I mean, I went, you know, I went to treatment and detox and all that shit, you know.

And then I started doing stand-up like really soon after that, and then, yeah, I'm okay now. That's great, man. Sorry to bump everybody up. No, but that's the thing you can do. Wait a minute, that doesn't bump anybody yet. No, no, no, no. That doesn't bump anybody.

I'm not done, Lickally cuz now you guys are separated Mike and I for like two weeks Unless you could fucking Trump a heroin addiction. What do you got white Kit Katz? What do you got out by no I shoot pure grain alcohol into my veins that word? I have nothing about I'm not more interested in this guy. No, it's not. I dropped my knees, what's up with my babysitting, and I dropped her.

What's up? What's up, I ate a booger at a red light and the cops saw me and I was like, my dude's like, oh shit. And then I stepped on it. And then I was like, he talks. I remember, I was writing about detox last night. I was writing about my, I went to a place called the road back

It was for a year 20 25 road backs. They got 25 So funny on the show you can't get anything else without fucking Hunt one is Fucking whipping out quips We get it But yeah, it was it was fucking the most petrifying thing I've ever done in my life. To be a way, for a kid, I was 15. 15, that's the youngest.

So when, to be in a room full of 25 other guys or from nine to 18, and know that you're gonna live there for a year, you can't call home, you can't, you know, you can't get chicks, you can't, you're just there. I only heard the nine yearyear-old had to say him And his you know the kid I'll tell you what the kid in the nine-year-old was a It was really freaky. He was this very almost a androgynous-looking kid started fucking when I was two

You know he was a punk a punk guy He's a punk guy and he got a special underwear on he had to go in he was I caught him one day in these underwear Apparently he was in a mosh pit and he got severely kicked in the nuts by these people. They really abused him and hurt him, really bad. To where they fucking, I think almost mutilated his testicles. Oh my God. Yeah, it was fucked up, man.

There was a lot of crazy shit. I remember the fat priest was the overnight guy. And I remember, oh, it was weird. He used to fucking just, I'd wake up to go to the bathroom and he'd be talking to like that little kid and certain guys late at night. And I didn't like any of that shit. That was not good.

Hi, Rob. And it's like, that's what bugs me about priests who are gay when they're just like, hello, hi, Robert. He's the person who I love to. It's like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, Lamarachi priests? Yeah, it's like, I love you. It's like, are you fucking kidding me? I'm limbracci priest. Yeah, it's like dude, you know, Robert Jesus is here.

Hi. All right, so hey Robert, if you wanna come down late at night, I'm always here all night long. It just come on down and you're tidy, why is it? See, pre-steven. Your description of that place reminds me of that, I keep thinking about the movie sleepers What do you want from me a blowjob

Kevin Bacon that's my favorite role he ever played was braiding it. Yeah, how about you? I Wasn't like that at all it was it, you know, I think it was, it was a huge, that fucking huge New England home, you know, that fucking four floors and, and- Say Agatha's home for boys. It was just a house in a neighborhood.

They called it normalization, where they would put a house in a neighborhood with, you know, you would live next door, you wouldn't even know we were there. We were very quiet, and there was 25 kids in there the most at any time. And you know, they had bunk beds. Like the attic was just fucking loaded with bunk beds.

And then they had rooms on the third floor. And that's when you graduated where you would get like a room with three other dudes in bunk beds. And then they had like a room with two. And that's where the like the motherfuckers who had been there the longest. But we wake up, do groups all fucking day And then maybe go to we go to a meeting at night, and then we maybe go to a mall once in a while I remember I was fucking ecstatic cuz someone gave me the new Janet Jackson tape What control control rhythm nation? Oh?

Was it what was the first one control? Yeah, it was control Was it what was the first one control it was control with her on the Yeah, that was when tapes are fucking tapes were fucking awesome So what if you wanted to leave and just be out they would you yeah you can walk to fuck up But I would get arrested because I was there on a, I was there on, I was a war to the state. Right. When you, what they do is they make you a war to the state when you're a juvenile. That way you get in trouble anywhere.

What'd you do? A war to the, what's the word you say to me? War, war, war. What's that? Responsible. That was a war. Meaning they owned you. The state of Massachusetts owned me.

So if I got in trouble, I just didn't go to court. I didn't go wherever the fuck I was. They just shittin' me back to Boston and threw me in Juveal They're your parents the government. They're my parents and then they would you'd go from jail bad jail to better jail to Halfway house or foster home or a rehab. Yeah, yeah, so I was in rehab and it was that process every time every fucking time Wow every single time now we've got all of treat cafe Bobby can't leave tree cafe. Bobby can't leave it. You can do sets and you can eat and you can do the podcast up here. He has to raise his kid by Skype. He's a

bunk bed in the second floor. I was actually excited when I went to jail for the first time because it was the first time I had a bunk bed. I was. I got the top bunk. I was like, does he that bad? We got top bunk. No, it's better that way that that that the parents don't have control. They're adjudicated so you're dealing with the court system. Hey, it'll be racist against Jewish people. No, so if anything goes down, the parents can't complain. It's good that way.

You have an adjudicated. What? I'm trying to host the show. You have an interesting perspective because you've worked with these idiots on the other side. Right, I've worked with the judicated kids and it's always better to deal with the system, the judge, the criminal justice system versus the parents.

Because then the parents are, you know, the kids are there for a reason. I'm not blaming the parents, but they have something to do with it. If you have the answers, but they have their own problems. Yeah, they have their own problems. So it's like, you guys just do what you do. If you're at home and you don't know what judicated means,

it means you're Jewish and then they cure you from being Jewish. They sort of convert you. So never was worth it, you know. I thought it was worth it. It's a big laugh. It's a big laugh. It's rolling into a big laugh now. Yeah.

Show us a tit and shut up. Chocolate is a kid. Chocolate remains. I'll do. I can see your tits through your shirt. I think that's why you sit with your arms folded. I think that's how. You got bashful.

Yeah. Hello. I think that, yeah, rehab was a motherfucker. And then you know it was worse, but it was really worse when I got out of rehab. And I remember the night I thought I was going to die because I, you know, you, there was just all, you wake up, you eat, you go. You program.

You program. When you're out, all of a sudden, I'm back in malden mass, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah, yeah. And I was petrified. I thought I was just dead. It wasn't gonna, I was just gonna go back to what I was doing. And I could, I actually thought I thought I was gonna die.

I thought I was gonna die. That's all I could see is I'm not, I couldn't, for the first time in my actually thought I thought I was gonna die. I thought I was gonna die. That's all I could see is I'm not, I couldn't for the first time in my life I couldn't see beyond today. Like I was like I'm gonna job. You go back with your folks or did you go? I'm gonna back with my folks which was bad because my mother still treated me like a drug addict. Yeah, yeah.

So but what I, the best advice I got and if anybody's out there and you know having problems with substances or alcohol, go to a meeting and don't get a ride home and make sure it was far enough away you couldn't walk. Because that made me, and I did that, I got a ride to the meeting way the fuck away. And I made sure it was a young people's meeting too, so those kids my age. And then I said, don't pick me up. And that made, I had to ask somebody. The first guy asked, said, no, and I fucking hate him to this day. I said don't pick me up and that made I had to ask somebody. The first guy asked said no and I fucking hate him to this day.

I still like to present. I really hope he drank. I hope he's fucking shooting up in an alley. I really hope he didn't die from shooting. I probably still shooting up in his last dick vein. But no, I was mad at him. But then the other guy that I asked one of my great friends to this day, Mark Caesar, he was the coolest

guy ever. And I went up hanging out and I hop with him until two in the morning that night. And then I went home and my mother was like, what the fuck, what the fuck were you doing? She thought I was drinking. I'm like, I was at a meeting talking about higher powers, you fucking asshole. The fuck off me. And then I left my house, Shirley. So discouraging.

Well, no, I can't blame her. I was a fucking psychopath. Yeah, it's that she's doing what she's been trained to do. Fuck yeah, I fucking grabbed me too. Anytime I came home at two in the morning before that, I was fucked on something or I just robbed something and did something stupid. Well, I'm glad you didn't die, Bob,

because my Twitter followers would be so much lower. Well, you could always go to your listeners on your podcast, because those are way too much higher. I think I know why they're so high. We'll talk about it on it. It's because the show is great. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Ah! Ah! I love! Ah! That was the worst. All right, well, we're going to do a quick read. Where is it? Where is it?

We're going to pay some bills. Well, not a bill. We're actually going to pay for a candy bar if anybody wants one. I can buy one with none. I'm joking. You guys want to go to the bathroom? You're more than welcome. Yeah, I'm the guy who's right.

I'll go after you. So this podcast, we'll be back in two seconds on the we're going to be live on the video. We're going to just turn the volume down. So stay tuned. And on the show, we're going to do a couple reads and we'll be back after these commercial messages. Okay, first of all, check it out. I want to thank everybody who has donated on PayPal to the podcast.

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Code word dude. That's it. We're back to the show right now Maybe you 18,000 back. Hey word dude that's it we're back to the show right now maybe you eighteen thousand back hey welcome back to you know what joe list with the host joe list with me of course is always my sidekick mike vecky own i can't even be the sidekick on the show yeah special guest nuts and uh... and now we got we're going to great crew with us here today shondon elite tailor catch him bobby kelly

it's a great group and uh... and we got so we got so fancy to we have a we have fans in the studio today kelly stuka and uh... and uh... robby robby burnstein uh... christopo christopo i can't use the two uh... christopo is here best hair in the business he's very quiet but god day is he's hilarious he should see him on stage

yeah and uh... kelly is also here and uh... and uh... still gets good to see i haven't seen you have been away have you been on the show since you go back to most really have but i wasn't there not i've been out of your way but i did bring you back to look at my boots been on the show since you got back from us, really? I have, but I- I wasn't there. No, I- but you were away. But I did bring you back, so I'm looking at my boobs. What are you doing there?

I brought you back a present from Australia. Is my mic on? Oh. Anyone hear me? I can hear you. I can hear you. Yeah. I want to be loud.

I brought you a gift in Australia, Joe. I would love a gift. Would you like a gift? Fuck yeah, I want a gift. I feel like she's going to punch you in the face right now. No. I brought everyone a gift that's normally regular. I'm sorry, guys.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're not regular. I brought you this, Joe, because you in the face right now. I bought everyone a gift that's normally regular. I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry, we're not regular. I bought you this Joe because you hold the best barbecue slash get together slash Central Park meetings ever. I bought you a Frisbee. Hey. All right. All right. A cheap piece of plastic.

Thank you. I appreciate it. It's very sweet. I love a Frisbee freak. I love Frisbee. Yeah. I love Australia. I'm sure I It's very sweet. It shows a Frisbee freak. I love Frisbee. Yeah. I love Australia.

I'm sure I would if I ever went to Australia. I know. Where did you go? Where did you go recently? I went to Norway. How was that? I loved it. I had a great time.

You played Frisbee while you were there? I did not. But I didn't tell jokes. I had a lot of fun. Was it the Oslo comedy festival? And if I give out some other presents? He is. Give out presents give out some other presents? Yeah, but he's give out presents. So you're kidding me?

So, for, and you just mentioned that Chris has the best hair in the room. I bought Chris a green and gold headband to wear. Oh! Oh! That's a thing wouldn't fit on his dick. Thank you, Kelly. Can you put that on? Of course I'll put that on.

Right now. And, uh, and for Bobby, because it it's called that and is to cover up his head But you're not a little straight cap. I want to I'll never wear Did you buy this with gum? There's a hat Hold these gifts though. You got them on St. Mark's place. They came out of a cereal box He's giving us the whole you got him on St. Mark's place. If it came out of a cereal box. But I'm like,

I'm fat. Wow. Their heads are smaller in Australia. I'm like Beverly Hills Ninja with that thing. I can literally feel my eye pushing out of a socket. It looks like special Olympics. You said that twice, right? No, one time.

Oh, I think I've learned my lesson. Can I trade that not actually? We're time. Oh, I think. One time. I bomb one time, I learn my lesson. I do that out there. Can I trade that not actually? Why are you gonna have votes as gifts? We're both like Axel Rose style. There you go. Oh man, now you got the only one.

Look at him now. That looks good. Now you cut in it. Yeah, yeah, you look good. What is that character, Kelly? It's like my rap kind of black guy. Is that the thing? How can I get my mic turned off and kicked off the show?

Character? I have Kelly rapping actually if you want to check that out. Bobby, look at you showed up in a wheelchair. Hi. He's got me retarded without being politically incorrect. Oh boy. It's my show. Why a wheelchair, by the way?

I don't know, you just look like an idiot. What I look like I got no car accident and got my legs broken. I don't like what you're leading me. I can tell this is trying to go somewhere. I know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna be like this. Yeah, and then you're like,

well, someone who was in a car accident donated $100 to the show and her name is me. I'm gonna look like a dick and be hate to me. That's what I'm saying. You said, you look like somebody that would be because showed up in a wheelchair. Why is that, what does that mean? He's saying,

it's another version of Mike's special in which the work is done. Which, which not. But we thought that people don't use wheelchairs. They walk. Some of them don't. Some of them don't use multiple problems. No.

There's like a fucking small percent of the retarded people that have wheelchairs. They would never have a limpix. I look like Tata, we know thatairs. They would never have Olympics. I look a tattoo in other things. That would just be like fucking, the most retarded people, mentally handicapped retarded. Thank you. How long does it take?

Mentally handicapped people. You said mentally handicapped retarded. You started up like to be like, okay, but I was mentally handicapped retarded. African American black, Hollywood. I don't know which one, but let's just put them all together. handicapped retarded African American black I don't know which one but let's just put them all together. Bentley handicapped retarded, Mongoloid.

I love that word, Mongoloid. It's weird. Well, I mean, they don't, they're not wheelchairs. No, that's true. People who wheelch- He meant handicapped, that's what he was thinking. Yeah, you look a lot of those people, you look capable.

Handy-candy people. Handy-candy people. I can feel my pulse in my ear right now. I can't, oh. Yeah, it look a lot of those people. You look shapeable. Handy, candy, candy, candy. I can feel my pulse in my ear right now. Yeah, it does look like it hurts. It does hurt. Yeah, it does hurt. Yeah, you look like you're like an arm wrestling competition. I have to wait. It's over the top. It's sweet. Yeah, you look like one of the guys from over the top. Bobby, do you want Lewis's gift? You're going to turn the hat around though. What's Lewis's gift? A guy even like a little something that make noise. Oh, don't give Lewis a No, it's good. Yeah, that's good. Give Lewis shit to fuck up the show even more To leave forever him him dropping the gong and getting on his phone every five minutes doesn't fuck up the show

Yeah, give him this fucking thing Like sounds like you're vagina on a windy day Use it you get mad. Kick windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day.

I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're vagina on a windy day. I was like, you're made hat ever. Yeah, it was $2. I don't know. You pay for it or you got to free with the newspapers. Yeah, I got to pay for the newspapers.

It's made out of kangaroo. And this is actually the New Zealand flag, by the way. No. You get offended with it. You don't like that, right? Australians don't like that. No, New Zealand is the most kind of. Hey, guy, that feels like a real holler.

Yeah. Yeah, that was way better. Yeah, they're only being confused. Hey guy, that feels like a real holler. That was way better. Yeah, maybe I could do shows where you got two shows now. You want that in the old colony scene, man? You'd be so. I would be if I just kept it down so you couldn't see my eyes and I told my jokes like this, yeah, so my mother did molest me. I don't know.

That's bad. Yeah, but I tell you what, we had a good time. Maybe with that silly hat you can do shows where you guys do shows. On the late show with David Letterman. Now who put on Letterman? You were on Letterman. Yeah. Like that. They will say nothing. Well, it's not this exact outfit. I wasn't wearing the hats, but yeah, I was there. Really? Yeah. No, I wore a suit for it. How old people were shocked that I wore a suit? How old are you? It was August. I hold them. I'm 35. They're putting a lot of young people a lot of younger about that young, but I mean they're putting a lot of ever since that hold the Bacco with Eddie, uh, bruh, Eddie bro. They're really putting yeah, they're really putting a bunch of

younger really putting yeah they're really putting a bunch of younger comedians up stick into their no women policy though I've noticed no they had the end they had what's your name that we have on the show that girl I love Carmen Adrian Apollucci Adrian she was great she was great on the show you know they have Taylor

they have a lot of women in a few women on the show yeah they're not really sticking to that. Adam Newman. And to have Adrian. I really, I just, this hat makes me look fatter. How is that possible? It makes you look like you work for a living. Is that a minute work reference?

No, it wasn't even as supposed to be a zinger, but it looks like a blue collar meshed fucking hat. The, yeah, David Letterman, I've, it used to be a, I think a prestigious, no, it's the wrong word, not prestigious. Not prestigious, thanks a lot. No, no, no, no, I was a hair nutter, I was a worst hair nutter, I did Letterman, it's not important anymore.

I know, I'm gonna go do heroin. What am I gonna say? You're gonna say, it used to be a thing where once you did Letterman, it made your career. You were fucking because now you've got a TV deal. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no guys, and then nothing happened, no work came in, nothing. Yeah, that just did late night. It was a multiple, like anything that happens is off of multiple things. It was a good Facebook day though. It was a great Facebook day, like a thousand likes

on Facebook. But it's a thousand little things now. Yeah, yeah, it's a little time. But Letterman, even when he was on NBC, was never like that. It hasn't been like that for 30 years. That was all for the time. 30 years. 30 years. The Carson all through the test. That's true.

30 days. In the Carson 80s. That's what it was like. But even Letterman NBC, if you did it, you didn't just have a career now. Yeah, but whoever did the show was a big name comic. They had big name comics on the show. Now they're having no names, no offense.

I don't mean that as in the show. No, I get you. But they're having no name, no offense. I don't mean that. No, I get you, but they're having no name, younger comics that, okay, I mean, do you tour and do an hour? Is that how you make your living? I started, I just started getting headlining rights. Okay. So you're just becoming a headline, right?

Right. Okay. You're talking back in the day, they would have headline touring, comedian who made a fucking living, paid their mortgage off of their standout. Like Brian Riggins, and it like 25 times. The fucking show. Now, you got Adrian and you, and they're opening it up to younger comedians that maybe look,

maybe don't have an hour of, can't go out and headline right now, but. But they killed a late night set. Yeah, kill it for four minutes because first of all, I don't know if I think it's good, but I mean, I missed the days of seeing a fucking pro like a Louis CK do a letterman set. I think you said up though.

Yeah, but if it's breaking, if it was breaking new guys, breaking new guys is always good. The shame of it is, then after they break the guy the guy goes nowhere or the guy, you know what I mean, it's up to him to make the next, like Joe said, series of moves in order to climb.

Like it doesn't just break you anymore. It's under the guys that it breaks you and it's all good, but it doesn't really break you the way that it is. But it helps. It all helps, yeah. It all helps. It's better off doing it than not doing it. It's a win. Nobody watches it, then you just tell them you did it and they're like oh, okay, yeah

But it got you here. They got me here No, that's the first thing that happened after my life that did not get you here the host of the show got you here Show list yeah, no I didn't say much Sean. Oh, shit. I would not recommend Sean The beer to be I didn't say anything about Sean. Oh, shit. I would not recommend Sean to the show. I mean, the beard. I appreciate the photocomphalism. And I'm not too thrilled about Mike being here to be honest. Well, it's because I'm speaking some truths.

You don't care for it. You're not speaking some truth. Listen, if you do like five minutes, I think the thing they do is for a letterman, if you do, or any of these shows, you do four minutes. And then for the last minute, you just give your Twitter, and you just basically advertise. No, what you should do is fucking take your dick out and slap it off your leg and then for the last minute, you just give your Twitter, and you just basically advertise your chart. No, what you should do is fucking take your dick out

and slap it off your leg and then throw an egg up and catch it with your forehead, and then you'll give a million. When they're talking about America's Got Talent. Right, the different show. That really would work though. If you said your Twitter handle on national TV, and then did a cartwheel,

and then did a cartwheel later. Something which changed your name to that cat come out play piano push over the drum kit and call letterman a Nazi I really I think that you're right though Joe it is a million little things I think it's the Twitter and the Facebook and the I know it is but it is you you look I don't I don't use those things as much as other people using but when I do use them it does you know all a sudden, my likes go up on a, you get, I get 20,000 likes on Facebook. What?

So here's the thing though, that, you know what that means to me? That when I do a club in a certain town, now I can, people come and see my comedy, which is what I, I don't give a fuck about Facebook. I don't really care about social media but I do care about you coming to my show and since the club isn't gonna promote me it's not gonna fucking help me in any ways whatsoever and the only way that I'm gonna get you to my show is by doing social media. I'll do it. I'll put out these things and I have to there's a balance. You got to make sure you don't over promote because then they'll fucking hate you for that. But I think it's a great thing to be able to advertise.

It's that, it's Twitter, but it when it comes down to to keep these people is what you do at the show. Right. Now I've had, at this weekend, people see me four times. If I sucked after that first time, you're not going to get that. Right. Right. You know, if you're mediocre the second time, you're not gonna get that. You know, that's why like guys like Louie and Burr and,

you know, these guys who are fucking annihilating it, even the Apollo is always writing shit. So when you go and see him, you're always getting a great show. Right. I think that's the important, that's how you keep them, that's how they stick. It's also like a million little things

But it's also if you have the nations all of the nations 12 year old girls who like you then you're I do that Look a vine like front of mind a vine stupidest vines you've ever seen 50,000 all young girls Yeah, this is just him. I went on and he's like I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat What is he saying? What is he saying? I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. What is he saying? What is he saying? I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. Six seconds. That's my cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat.

What is he saying? I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. What is he saying? I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. I'm a cat. He just, my beard is moving. But it's not funny. And he's not lying on stage. And I'm a dude. Fifty thousand. He's like, yeah, look at the comments. It's all like is your cat motor He'd have to draw he draw it like a mall like it's just a different It's he has to figure out now how to draw at a mall

Girls are the fuck it. What about right dude the guy right doing we have a million you know, he's got over a million now But that guy's got a lot of my good in that guy He does he does stand up. He does stand up. And I started after the vine. He started. That's why he started. We started off the thing.

But now he goes on as his character. He's like a Janus pompous thing. So we go on as his characters. And does like an hour? No, no, I don't think he does an hour. He's working it out. But here's the thing. A six second video.

This stupid ad came out. Now one guy who nobody knows can just go, hey, I'm gonna be here and 5,000 people show. Do you know fucking how much monetary value that is? It's priceless. My buddy, a comedian from the mind. Yeah, comedian was one of the worst flat tires in the history of the show.

Is that the bottom down? What did you say? The same thing before, no fucking stuff. A in front of mine, a good buddy of mine, his ex-girlfriend is the second highest vine person in the Britney Ferlin. I know who that is. Yeah, and... She's on vine, right?

She's like three and a half million followers. Okay. She's making money from her videos now because people are paying her to just be an advertisement for her. She's like, she has a career, like take away all this, like I wanna get in clubs and I gotta get on the road. She just goes, it's for six seconds.

And then it's handed in. She's holding up on me. But that's different, getting in clubs and getting on the roads is all getting better at standup. No, of course, of course. I'm not saying it's true the same thing. Yeah, we're fucking... But it's because of the time that you started. You started before all this happened.

So did I, actually. Yeah, but it's not even that though. I know guys on Vine that are older than me with the more followers and they just, they really put the effort into doing these vines. And I have a son, you're looking. They did, they did, you make up. But all of a sudden, he at you make up, but he all of a sudden He's got fucking Verizon Yeah, he's taking over Verizon's account for the day. That's a lot of money. I have to admit

Yeah, there's also what happens That's what they get there isn't just that's why my friends right like the stand-up is pure like for the most part As long as you get better stand-up stop Hang on dude, I need to fix your microphone. Oh, it's that man. It's just a fucking how's that now? Yeah little body a little lower No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a favor, sit on a pillow. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Can you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, illusion. No, just don't. Well, here's your go. Well, it's an optical illusion. Oh, like, that's how you want it. The ventriloquist and Sean is his puppet. Oh, I was that better?

That's perfect. Oh, sorry. You're fine. I'm good, right? Yeah, you're good. That works. All right, go ahead. Welcome back to You Know What Showlist.

All right. How do you use your microphone? What was your point? What was your point? Oh, my point was, hold on. The way those guys get that way on vine isn't just oh my god People are liking these vines liking and the people are thinking they're funny. They there's a strategy They use they got the good they follow people and then unfollow them and then they like retweet other people

It's like it's a very political thing Say that again. What is that? There's a strategy that's used to get that amount of follow a vine Okay, you follow a bunch of people then you unfollow the people that don't follow you then you follow a bunch of people. Then you unfollow the people that don't follow you. Then you follow a bunch of people. Then you unfollow all the people. You do that in your whole fucking life. So that you can have a few million people watch your six second bullshit. They're all day liking it unlikely.

I don't want to do that's why Facebook is fun. But Twitter's like this thing where it's like, well she didn't follow me back. And now we're not friends anymore. Facebook is just yet as that whole other element to it that it's like well she didn't follow me back and now we're not friends anymore I That whole like other element to it that it's yeah Really Twitter does have that purse like if I look and you're not following me I do get like what the yeah, I'm immediately on

This person this fucking person above Slowly snap and smash the table snapped and smashed the table. And then it's fucking busted out a kit. I thought it was his iPhone, but it was a heroin kit. That's a potty. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It's not based on like, oh my god, this guy is so funny, word of mouth, you got to follow him. But you're more than thing. What is that thumb thing you do?

It's that liking something. Oh, yeah. It's a buzzer. It's more for you having a stroke. Sean had a stroke. I more for you having a stroke It's my Obama impression that's what I'm doing whatever the fuck that was I would do the phone bullshit I would do all that shit though because then I could I was getting paid to like, you know I thought I'm a bad fucking shit. I love what Chris well Kelly's not I knew you're gonna say that I fucking knew I love him Kelly's not talking Chris will never go to just her shot

I know I knew you're gonna fucking say transition to a three shot. Hey, he will never give Kelly a fucking I fucking I hit the buttons. I was like oh someone's gonna talk over her in two seconds So I was like let me just let me just get get a go What I was like someone's definitely gonna talk over her. I see like, someone's definitely good at talking over her. I see some stupid about what she's saying. I got it. It's like a chess match. That's not gonna happen.

Go ahead, Kelly, go ahead. No, but my point was that. I mean, it is. No, go ahead, Kelly, go ahead. But I would like, that would be where I get my money from, so that I could concentrate on my stand-up and get better at my stand-up in the meantime while I was getting paid for these stupid vinyls. But when you're spending all day like he was saying following people you don't have time to write standup. You have to get you have to first well first here's the technique first you got to download Tweepy

so you can make sure that you unfollow the people. No I was at stop stop what is that Tweepy? Somebody like somebody tried to like school me on Twitter man They like you realize I did heroin Whatever I get it like it was and he's like he's like you got it download you got to get on Tweepy So I was like what's that and then he shows who it is and it's a dwarf is me It's Twitter for dwarves. No, it's Twitter for Indians.

Twinsies. Yeah, it makes... That was a stretch, but once I got it, I looked it up. It tells you it tells you. I'm sorry, guys. You guys already know what it is, right? Basically. Not a Bobby, though.

It's just a program or an app that tells you who followed you and who's It's like a way to like really keep track of who's given you fucking attention on I can honestly say this I have the sixty six thousand followers that I have on Twitter. I've never tried to get followers I've never done a thing. No, but no, but that's not a lot, dude. For For the guys. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These guys. I know most guys. I know have over 300,000 a trillion thousand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really at the bottom fucking level of where I think I would like to be, but I mean, it's just those are my fans. But then I would take around, I take over half of them and say they're really not my fans.

Because if I had 66,000 people that were really my fans, I wouldn't have a problem selling any show I went to in this country. Right. Because I'm not, I'm playing 300 CDers at the most. Well, it depends on where they're from. They all live in Detroit. That's the problem. Imagine that if I really was just a fucking, oh my god, Detroit.

Yeah, I would kill it. You're like Brian Reagan in Utah. I would just funny. Is that a thing? Brian Reagan in Utah? Yeah, yeah, you talk about on-pock. It's like a joke to him. That's fine.

Because he's clean, so. I would buy the old Ford factory and make it into an awesome apartment. The entire thing. Yeah, it's definitely a weird, it's just a weird age, man, where, you know, back, and there's more comics now too, though. I mean, there's way more comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is on TV, I think hasn't changed,

it's always monologue safe humor. Yeah. I think it's getting a little more edgy on like, Letterman, they're letting you go with a little more than they used to, but, you know, it is basically the same shit. It's four minutes of monologue material. It's jokes, right? You know what I mean? So But there's a lot more comedians out there now. There's a ton more comedians back in the day when you did a show You had an hour you had an hour you were a touring comedian

Seinfeld Roseanne all those people with touring comedians, they made their living doing comic. Now, you have somebody who has, literally, 30 minutes of material will go on a show, and then they're forced out on the road because of that. And then they can't, you have to be very specific of what they do and where they plan, who's up before them and, you know. I don't think they necessarily get on the road because of that.

Really? Yeah, I just think it's gotta be other stuff., you know, I don't think they necessarily get on the road because of that. Really? Yeah. I just think it's gotta be other stuff if you have a late night and then maybe a Chelsea lately and you have some other things, then maybe you get on the road and you have somebody pushing you. But just that credit,

I don't think that gets you on the road. Not just that, no. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I did vine for a minute and I just couldn't do it anymore. Well, there's a lot to complain about about Twitter and the internet and all that

and the age we live in. But it also has, it helps a lot of people because now you don't have to like, you know, if you have a funny idea and it blows up, then all of a sudden you can get back to it. Yeah, it is. It is the best time to be doing comedy, I think. That's existing. No time like the present. Yeah.

Really? For sure. Comedy I think that's existing no time like the present. Yeah really for sure You don't think the like the earth the 80s or the early 90s was a fucking great time 80s it got I think it is great time, but it got so watered down I think I think that comedy I think the stand-up comedy has gotten better because it's evolved and it's less I agree with that Silly I think it's the best comedy and you can sort of circumvent the industry now look at you know Yannis and podcasts you can just of circumvent the industry now look at you know, Janice and podcasts You can just we can just put out whatever we want and then you can do YouTube videos web series You can say that are Janice anymore. By the way, he's pretty much corporate Janice

But but whatever it is I mean We can we can do whatever we want you can produce our own albums You can you can tweet to 60,000 people you can retweet it You can get it out there to all these people before you needed the tonight show right now you don't need to ever do Now the lady ladies gentlemen ladies gentlemen serious show everybody Hey Welcome to the show series show as the host of the show it's speaking of these things I'd love to talk about Mike's got an album coming out. Yes, we should start fucking talk about this now

It's gonna be great city like one of the best comics be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it.

It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it.

It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. It's gonna be great to see it. Where did you court record it Mike? I recorded it at the stand. Oh, the stand right here in New York City. Right here in New York City. To the two sticks. 21st Street and 3rd Avenue.

Yes. Around 80. So why did you have to do that, Bobby? I'm a guy trying to come up. You know my struggles and you took every opportunity to shit on me. You're not even the host. And he counseled Jewish drug addicts at one point. What?

Mazel Topp. You're a match What so what so it'll be coming out in the spring and I did it through new wave so it'll be a good hopefully a good new wave What's the record company? Yes, that's the record company. Yes, that's the company. It'll be on iTunes It'll be on iTunes. It'll be available in iTunes. Where can they buy it where you get the most money off your website? Yeah, I'll have something on my website for yes Let's really push this because Mike I mean this guy is struggling for God's sake. I'm not struggling I keep you had to compliment me and they pump me and then shit on me to bring me back down Joe I'm saying friends do he's great, but he has a job at subway right now and

You work at subway. Yeah, that's part that's actually my podcast. Where is it? What's it called? It's actually in a story of Queens really so you work at the subway. Yeah, and how is that? It's great. I don't work at the subway I'm waiting for me to fail I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm waiting for me to fail. I'm like, I'm like, I'm trying to be like a soter improv saying, like, can I just say something though? That was so real and scary for him that I had to, yeah, I don't fucking, that's a real possibility.

He's right there. He's right there. I don't mean to say that you're struggling, but we're trying to move up a level here for God's sake. Oh, you include yourself in it now. We're both trying to, I think we're in the same spot, we know it. We're always trying to grind and we're always trying to move up and get better

But whatever happens happens. It's my meditation I would say we're in the same spot minus five TV credits for me. What are you gonna call the album? I don't have a name for you subway Almost made it Just call it white kingdom. Can you just do that? Can you call it I was right there? What do you even think that I was right there? You know what you get? At the flow. How about this?

Dan Soto's roommate. That way you can have Dan's name in it. You could actually cross promote. I'm up to number 2010. How about I was never a heronatic, but I'm funny. I was a wrestler who stayed in good position. That's my heroine. What is the name of the album? I don't have it yet What now that you should call it that I don't have the name

I don't have it as well. Well, I know Mike's being sensitive today, but he's one of the best comics. He's great. He's very handsome Yeah, thank you You're like really I just say You can't promote a fucking new album if you don't have the name, and it's not out. But it's my guy, you know, I'm gonna go get my name. First of all,

people have to do with this digital age as Google, Mike Vecchio. Yeah. Yeah, first of all, Bobby, it's my show. Second of all, I'm trying to get a little buzz for our buddy who is the fucking set. Yeah, but I tell you something about promoting Joe, which we've been talking about for the last 45 minutes, right?

Yep. You don't promote something before it's time. Because now you busted it out. Now people are gonna go look for it. They can't find it, because they're really not listening to the show. They're listening to pieces of it. They're gonna go Google him.

It's not gonna be out. There's no name. It's not there. So then when the time comes, they're gonna be like, I got fucking it. Listen, I agree that nobody's listening to the show. But I'm trying to get a little buzz for God's sake. He gave you the web trap.

Mike, I'm sorry, I brought up your album. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. And that's good for web traffic. I think you should do this, Mike. You should say you got an album coming out soon. Go to my website, join my Twitter, and when it comes out, you'll be the first to know.

Yeah, I would do that, but I didn't think we were plugging things yet so I didn't want to jump. Well, it's not my show. It's not my show. In my show you'd plug at the end but apparently when you have nothing to fucking forward the conversation you go to plugs and hope something comes out. I thought a fountain of conversation would come from it but Mike's giving me all these yes-no answers like fucking. Oh now it's my fault Joe. It is your fault.

I don't think it is. I think you threw me one you gave me some love I tried to roll with it and now we're all under scrutiny for some reason I'm trying everything I can and I just say Sean's been on Letterman you got an album coming out Kelly beat me to the punch that fucking tailor had some problems earlier that was any credit it's bad hair product you know what if you put on TV? No, never. No. How long have you been in the business going on six years? So yeah, not forever. That's great Thank you I mean

intervention are you are you? That was good. That was give that credit. Yeah, you know, we also say that credit. We fucking laugh just laugh I thought that was good. No, I liked it because people were gonna pass over it. And I want to make sure that people knew it was good. You were chocolate, you were giving it what a fucking deserved, dude. You were giving it what it deserved. I'm gonna pass over. Thanks Mike, I'm gonna buy your album from your site.

When it's available, if you can find it, what it's called. Anyways, this spring, what do you want to do, bro? What is your thing? What do you want to be on? You want to do what he What do you want to do, bro? What is your thing? What do you want to be on? You want to do what he did? You want to do Letterman? I'd like to eventually get on the road and just headline and do something.

You want to be a headline comic. Yeah. So you want to be a, what's it called? The Club comic. You want to go on the road? Yeah, for sure. Really, and just do stand up.

That's great. I haven't heard a fucking comic say that in years by the way The last person I heard to say that was Bill Burr. I just want to go and do comedy. I want to do clubs and fucking I want to do it. I want to ask me I feel like that's most good. I'm definitely never asked. No, everybody's got I want to be I want to be on TV I want to get on this. I want to get man-goed. I want to I want to Seriously, no, but you want to show man-goed, I want to, I want to, seriously. No, but you want to show, like a lot of guys, I want to show in order to go on the road,

in order to go on the road and not have to struggle. Yeah, I want to just put some people that like my shit and come out there. I don't think, I think you're right though, you don't really need that. I think you can just do become funny and have other comics go, Joe List was one of those guys. Joe List didn't have shit but the buzz

still doesn't very little but the we have your own podcast man and a nice way to broadcast but the thing I remember hearing about Joe from Nick and other people funny fucking guy Joe list is a funny fucking guy that's why I started using him that's why I used it my Boston gig because they gave me I go what they were like who do you want to open? I was like, what about that kid Joe list? I hear nothing but funny things about these the best. I mean, then he performed and I was like,

what the fuck are they talking about? Oh, wow. How what? But, you know, I think you're right. That is a way. You don't have to get on some fucking weird show to do it. You can do it.

It makes it easier. I think I might have the greatest disparity in level of respect to career and the history of comedy. You think? I think I do. I think he does. I think the guy that he does, he does a little bit of Facebook will explain. I got you on a magic.

I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic. I got you on a magic gigs. That's your credit. You have no manager, no agent.

It'll change the network, no money. It could change in a flash, though. One thing happens, because you got the goods. One thing happens, you can change in a flash. You hear that Kelly? Take a tittle. I will, no it will change in a flash, I think. Thanks Mike.

I love you. You're my favorite comedian and person in front of the room, I think. Thanks, Mike. I love you. You're my favorite comedian and person in front of the room. I think it'll happen. What about me? Number two, that's a fucking great number. Where am I at? Some of these people aren't even on the list. Scopo.

Oh, I don't really want to be on Joe's list. Hey, that's what I feel in your camera. And Scopo is mean. Scopo can mean. Yeah. Scopo can't help but say things aggressively mean. By the way, all the work I have is because of Mike Veku, in this city. That's not true.

That's not true. It's not fucking true. Hey, that's not true. Mike got me in at the strip at Stand Up New York. Yeah. Now that's in a kiss. And how many people here you on the show, Stand up New York. Yeah. Now that's in a kiss. How many people hear you on the show? Other clubs and then they let and they hear how funny you are.

You get a lot of fans on this show. I got all my fans from the show. Yeah, 100% literally all so fucking who's number one now? Appenetta is someone was like where's Joe list? Yeah, that's sweet. One person. I had someone come up to me in Australia. I tell me that they bought Joe Lissalum. What? All the way to Australia. Take a tin out.

Come on. Yeah, I'll speak it to Wich. Thanks Mike for reflecting the question back towards me. I have an album out called So Far No Good. There we go. It's been out for 11 days. There we go. It came out in 1987 on vinyl.

It was sold 128 copies. And the back of the trunk. Sure, there's a lot of new listeners out there that haven't bought it. What do you think, then, Bobby? You look effective. Bobby hates me. I love you. I don't hate you. I love you. You hate Sean, though. No, Sean, people hate you.

I really hate you. Nobody hates you. Nobody's interested. Who might be the most popular guy in New York City? I've heard through the grapevine that people are afraid to do this show. Really? Yeah. And people are afraid to do the show.

These fat fucking idiots did it? Now I'm scared. See what I did? I think that, you know, I just, you know, I like when new people come on, I always tell scopo that, I love new guys on, because people, this is a fast-paced show. We do fuck around with each other, but it's it's never in a malicious way It's never in a mean serious way It's always in a fucking let's have fun way and I and I bugs me too

But sometimes you can tell when people come on with this defense like fuck you and it's like relax Does that happen? Well, it's in a while. Wow. I haven't feel haily the first time I came on He was just attacking me because one of you assholes gave him a pep talk before the show. It helps you know the guy. It takes about a half hour as just as a guest. It takes like 30 minutes to start enjoying it. You know, just like, you guys are all friends and like, what am I supposed to do? Like walk in here and just go like, hey cool shirt, you know what I mean?

I just met you Hey guys, how I Had to mention you a heroin because I knew that we get to the end of the episode We mean two hours and 40 minutes in and you would have said about heroin and Bobby would go what the fuck man Why don't you talk about it earlier?? So how'd it sneak it in? It comes up on every podcast, don't worry. Well, I hope we didn't fucking dwell on it too much,

but here's what I love about this show. I don't know if you'll tell us sleep and he wasn't on heroin. This is what I love about the show though, is I do have regular guys at Iran, you know, friends of mine, like Mike, and what happened? Like you didn't mean that at all.

Like Michael? But, you know, when I have new guys on too, I love that it does take a couple minutes, but once you wear comics. Right. So once, if you're a comic, you can fucking sit down with anybody anywhere and fucking debate and joke and buzz balls

and fucking philosophize. So I love when new guys come on this show. It weirds me out because there is this, we have two, I have a lot of guys on the show. I have a lot of funny fucking people on the show. I don't just do a one-on-one horse shit interview so you are in heroin when they go into that. So where I can set myself up to be the funniest guy in the fucking room,

because it's just me and you and you're uncomfortable for the first hour, because it's my show. I say fucking fill the seats. Let's all just talk about shit. If it, and my job, I try to steer the ship so we'd all fucking talk over each other, but you know, I like that. Some people complain about that. Some people hate that I have too many comics on the show. Too many people fucking yapping.

I think it's fun. I think it's fun too. It's fun for us here, which, you know, if you don't get it out there, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I just love how much you care about my show. I mean, it's really sweet of you. I do care about this show.

I love it. But I bothers me that some, there is a thing out there where certain people are afraid to come on the show. They think it's just a mean fuck. It's like, go fuck yourself. Just, you know what, seriously. That's just horseshit. You know, that's bullshit.

It hasn't been mean at all. Well, I could see people coming on and expecting something different and therefore getting defensive, like they're gonna be attacked, but if you're just, but they, I don't people come on coming on and expecting something different and therefore getting defensive like they're gonna be attacked But if you're just but they I don't think they know you they don't think they know you as a person Yeah, well, it's it's a weird thing It's it almost it almost makes me mad like it's like you're you're you're judging some shit You know, it's like you're the people that tell us not to judge a book by its cover to have acceptance to you know

Let people be with the, and then here you are doing the same fucking thing to me. Right. And my show and the people I have on my show, you're fucking throwing me and then saying shit to other people, it's like, let's just fucking have fun. We're chill to fuck out. Let's smile and fucking, you know, that's all I like to do here. Right.

So I'm glad when you guys come on that, you know, and's all I like to do here. Right. So I'm glad when you guys come on, that, you know, and that's pretty honest to say, it takes around a half hour to get into it. But I mean, you, yeah, I swear to God, I thought you had a bunny in your back pocket. No, it's not that nice. It's your mittens. My girlfriend left them here. You have a girlfriend? Yeah.

I'm kidding. Well, hey, we guys, it's another story. No, I don't want to get into that too much, but it's heroin. He wants to keep the girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. What? I went to someone says I don't want to get into that too much. No, I just been, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I okay, you're good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're working it out. You have a girlfriend? I have a wife married.

You have fucking married? I married, yeah. This is married sex! I'm married! How long have you been married? Two and a half years. Can we put a disclaimer out to watch Sean's comedy before you listen to the episode?

I'm gonna have that voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm really mad at you. I'm so mad. I'm so mad man, I'm not, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even,

I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even,

I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm not even,

I'm not even, I'm not even, I'm mean? But I love I love when I'm at a club and I do see a guy said I don't I don't regularly see or I love that I love recently I was at the county so the Bobby's going after me and he didn't even come down till after I was done Well number one you fucking ran out as quick as you could and when I stepped on the stage I had another set. Oh fucking a tell was on you'd sit all fucking all fucking for you twats would be in the background going oh my god did you get that one oh my god he's so quick why he said omesh why do you feel that way I don't know you resent Dave or I love Dave I think he's great but I'm saying you don't sit down and give it you don't like my comedy Joe did you know this

we've talked about it before you never I'm gonna bring don't sit down and give it you don't like my comedy Joe. Did you know this we've talked about it But you never bring it in I'm gonna bring it in my comedy You're a fucking asshole if you bring up my sticker again. I swear to god I'm fucking you off you off. I'm gonna fucking sticky your face kid. I had you your sticker Yeah, which is very embarrassing that you have stickers. I had your sticker on my first comedy notebook You're faggot and I had a I had your sticker on my first comedy notebook, you faggot. And I had a picture of you. Whoa.

Yeah. This way. You just went duck dynasty. And you just went duck dynasty. And I've sent you a picture of your album amongst my family photos. Your album is at my house. You sent me a video of kids going yuck, boo.

And then they threw it away. On Christmas. Yeah, I did. It was still in the house though. It was your husband. I did. I did. It was still in the house. It was so Christmas. They get it full Christmas. I got you a Christmas gift. And my niece goes, boo.

And my nephew goes, I don't like this. And then my niece goes, Robert Kelly stinks. I got your album. Do you have no fuck you now? I got your album. And you stick it on my notebook. You fucking out. I'm not your album. And you're sticker on my notebook. You fucking asshole. Right on the notebook.

Listen, you've never watched my set. I watch you set. You do the thing with the farts and the girls and the boys and the thing. And the same thing. You never heard any of this stuff about the kid. The food I've seen your presents. You never see it times.

You never see this stuff with the kid. The new stuff. I haven't seen you. You've been on the road. I've been gone. I've been here, but I'm on it 330 in the morning downstairs. You're on it 6. I can't show up 9 hours only.

They make me sweep up after this. You have to eat with the kitchen staff eats. I think you're great. I think you're great. I think you know, I think you're one of the top five comics. I'm just wrong. There's only five, Jesus. All right, listen, here's the deal. I want to thank you guys for coming on.

Thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm going to. I want to thank you too. Thank you. We want to thank you. Joe, list. Joe, Joe, can we close? I have to show. Yes, I'd love to close it close up close up. I want to thanks everybody Uh, you want to do good. Thank you everybody. Can I for stuka Chris scope?

I'm gonna do I know what I'm doing okay, sorry at Taylor catch him Sean Donnelly Mike Becky Hey, let's hear where everybody is at. Let's get some plugs going here. Hi. Everyone just shout them out at the same time. No. I would do that if I was you. Mike, what do you got coming up? What do you got? What's your Twitter? My Twitter is at Comic Mike V and I have a podcast at PA pod.

And you know what, the last time I was on the show, I got a lot of good tweets. So thank you to the fans. That's what the show's all about. It's all, I know, I really did get some really good tweets about like being on the show whatever I'll give my talk is Mike has that like that inner dad rage that he went and talks with these pistols You was trying not to act We call it village vigilante rage

Where he won't attack people who don't deserve it, but he'll he'll fucking kill it like the leader of a gang Like just snap his head off. Like a real Bronson rage. To make a comic, and maybe that's the name of my album, Street Justice. Yeah, I'm just kicking it around. Right, Staten Island Six. Yeah.

Thanks, thanks for being here, Mike. You're a great friend. And if you ever get all through a breakup, Mike's a great guy to talk to. Right, and comic, Mike V. Mike's one of these guys. Just fuck her. You're gonna take the pain

And let it eat you and work and don't fucking call it Right, that sounds great. It sounds like that won't fucking catch up to you later Oh, shit. Oh, you're fucking asshole. So do looks terrible Shot godly where you at baby Shawnee Shawi-time at Seani-time. At Seani-time, SEAN-Y-T-I-M-E, and I have a podcast with a comic Dan Saint-R-Main called My Dumb Friends. He has a beer too. He does have a beer. Yeah.

The fucking beer does a uniform. Okay. Can I be on the show without a beer? You can be on the show whenever you want. Really? But the beer without a beer, what do I want to do? I have to. Dan Saint-R-Main main do I like him I'm you should he's funny is a funny guy yeah why don't we have him on the show you should have a

eyes it all right let's organize it all right cool I like what the fuck does he not like the show I was making a face and shaking my head no but you never looked over so now just a little asshole. I'll do this thing and you're gonna do it. We're gonna have a bit, but now just as I hate Saint Germain. I got Taylor Ketchum. What's your Twitter?

Where you at? At Taylor Ketchum, K-E-T-C-H-U-M, and I have a podcast called The Dreaded Hour with Paul Hooper that will never come out. What the fuck? What the fuck? You have an amazing radio voice. He doesn't have a great voice. We've just been talking about the fucking podcast

for like a year and a half. What is your favorite thing in the world? Movies, comic books, what's your favorite thing? Heroin, that's heroin. You have something? Comic books? I don't know. Do you like anything other than comedy?

I don't have a whole lot of hobbies outside of this. No. Alright, I want you to get one. Yeah. I'm going to get you a little knife. I would love to. I've been meaning to start tapping into the outdoors more. You know what I mean?

Just becoming like. Want to go fly fishing with me? Are you really doing that? I'm serious. That'll be awesome. As soon as the spring comes, I'm going to go fly fishing with me? That we are you do you really do that serious? Yeah, that will be awesome I'm gonna go as soon as the spring comes I'm gonna go fly fishing up in Ross go to New York You have to be the shit you'll come with me. Yeah, let's do it. Why can I go because you Have so many I want to see you fucking waiters get filled well we're up to our knees and you're just drowning You can actually catch fish with your hands

No, do you want to come? I'll go to you. Yeah, but do you fly fish though? I fish. I fish. I've run through it. I want, yeah, I'm a big fly fisher. Really? No, not at all. But I like fishing, but he can cut down a tree and whittle a place for you guys to stay together. I'm skipping you for the moment. You got a big list of the other works here. Chris Scopo, give us a tweet, give us a something, where are you at? I'm going to go to my Twitter at Chris Scopo. I'll be at Portland University, February 9th. You can check me out there.

That's about it so far. We'll be at LOL together tonight. Yes tonight will be a We will be there too when you guys coming out. Oh nice We're playing dice in the green room and Kelly great to see you welcome back Sweetie. I got a good one Exuding walks. Yeah, Kelly for stucco, right? It is and our website kelpstuga calm as well Where can we see you doing stand up forget the show where you do the business? Let's what we can we see you do comedy? see you in standard forget the show where you do the business. That's what we can see you do comedy. We're Jackie Mason with the fucking.

I have any rights to have going on. I've got a sort of New York stuff happening. Sorry, but you're doing a lot too. Billy Crystal's starting to look like Jackie Mason. Did anybody notice that? Oh my God, that's good. Does that's happening with his neck? And his forehead.

His forehead looks like it's made out of paper mache. And Bobby, we can, the kids find you. Well, I would, I would like for you to go to my website at robbercallylive.com that should be up, but it's not because fucking Chris Guapo can never get it, right? So after we're in tent. robbercallylive.com, I had a sticker promoting that website.

Yeah. 14 years ago, we're just shouting out in this stupid fucking God for sick and business. All right, here we go. I'm gonna be at the, where am I gonna be? This is coming out in February 6, 7, 8. You're gonna be at the comedy club on state and Madison Wisconsin. Oh, that's the best club!

Is it really? You're never been? You've never been. You've been treated like a king, it's a great club. You're even a great club. Fucking good, you're just a murder. If you guys are going to this show, make sure you promote the fuck out of it. Go out and tell all your friends, get all your people.

If you get more than 10 people, I'll get you one free ticket. Two free tickets. I'll get you two free tickets. That club is the best. And you can have a third run. I'll get you a post. Great, great city, great club.

I good. You got 13, 14 and 15. You're gonna be at the improv in Atlanta, Georgia. Yes, yes, I am. That's a makeup. That's a makeup for when I hurt my eye. Oh, that was hilarious. I scratched my That was your eye poker bit 21st and 22nd you be the comedy connection in Providence, Rhode Island with Lewis J Gomez Fucking son dude. Oh, you got to hit a fucking titty box. Lewis J is on the

Lewis J is on the row with you. I take him on the row with my god Well, he got last time I have his fucking spots now if yeah, I think I might start taking you Joe That would be great cuz I'm 28 years in and I would love to We can have some fun we can go fly fishing what I'm We can go fly fishing. What are the fuck you're talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Joe, I will take you. I will definitely do that. Can we go somewhere exotic?

What do you want to go? Why? I'm a fucking that's San Diego. I'm on a Ruba. A Ruba? A Ruba? I'm on a Ruba. I'm on a Ruba. I'm on a Ruba.

I'm on a Ruba. I would have sex with Kelly to go to a Ruba. That's not bad. I want to go. Two wins. Fuck you. I know that Joe's killing it on a show right at the end. It's not a big deal. Literally. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. Fucking hell that Joe's killing it on a show right at the end Literally extra fucking holding a microphone chord looking at it from most of the show and at the end

He just gets whipped up. Would you have a candy bar? Some of us fucking concerned when you start shitting on John's fucking dream Come true and make it for his drug addiction and Mike's just general sadness I did not I said it was great. Yeah, that doesn't matter. It used to be great comics on there Now they put a stop stop stop. That's did not I said it was great that doesn't matter used to be great comics on this Now they put a Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop They given new they used to give the word I used was wrong and I corrected myself They used to use veteran comedians now. They're letting younger comedians have the spotlight which I think is good Yeah, like what's Adrian Adrian Adrian I killed it She was on the show that I saw her I'm man and I was like damn was happy you I'm gonna go watch your clip

He's not someone He was great jaws I'm gonna go watch your clip. He's not someone who had written jaws. He was, first of all, in my interest, if they made up, Richard Dreyfus. If he was that, they would have had to made the shark bigger. When they said, I think we're gonna need a big a boat, it would have been for him, not the shark.

Because he's fat, didn't? Jesus. Well, I'm sad, I can say it. Oh, I got you. You can't. A lot of people told me not to do this fucking show, and I came all the way. He's fat. Get it? Jesus. Well I'm fat. I can say it. Oh I got you. You can't. A lot of people told me not to do this fucking show and I came all day.

Name names. I'm kidding. I know. I just- By the way, Kelly has made me laugh out loud three times. She has tripled the amount of time she's maybe laughed before. That means the world is going to end tonight. It's really cold outside.

It's like zero to grace. So, yeah, I really do agree with you. I appreciate you guys coming on. I hope you had fun. I'm so excited to be here. So yeah, I really do agree. I appreciate you guys coming on. I hope you had fun. I'm glad to have a blast. Thank you. And come back again. I want you guys on again.

Thank you so much. I'll do more of this. And now go to robbercallylive.com. You want to check out all my dates. It's up there. Get my award-winning app for iPhone on the iTunes store, which gives you the podcast for free. All my dates and a bunch of other

horse shit. You can email me right from the app and make sure you go to riotcast.com and listen to all the amazing shows, the glory hole, hammer fisting, a news horror, why you suck in bed, Nick the Apollo, Jim Forrantine, my wife hates me, the Bailey J show, who's fucking mad at me for some reason, mad scientist party hour then the Jersey jerks, and of course, Dr. Steve's weird medicine. It's one of the best podcast networks on the East Coast. Make sure you check it out and you guys are the best. Thanks for listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

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