Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - You Don't Dude the Dude!

Episode Date: January 23, 2012

Kurt Metzger sits in with Robert, Joe and Dan as things get ugly on YKWD. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? You know what, dude. On the RiotCast Network, riotcast.com. I got a special announcement for all you New York City fans of the You Know What To podcast Wednesday February 8th at 9.30 p.m. presented by last button live.

We will be live. That got them comedy club. You know what, dude, podcast goes live hosted by me Robert Kelly along with Joe DeRosa and special guest Bonnie McFallon from the My White Hadesme podcast and more so come down and watch us do a stand-up and then do the you know what podcast where Gotham Comedy Club when Wednesday February 8th what time 9 30 p.m. doors open at.30 to get tickets go to Gotham Comedy Club dot com You know what we need. You know what we need. You know what we need. You know what we need. You know what we need. You know what we need.

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So, but here's a deal is that we're, we can pretend like we're live. All right. I had no, I was, I had nothing. You went, A U. Do we have to watch our mouths? Mouths, no. You have to watch your mouth. Watch your mouth.

I'm alive. I've heard my host. I've got some fucking, you know, fucking goddamn sound problems with this thing. You have to wear headphones. You guys don't have to wear headphones, but I have to wear headphones to make sure everything's, can you hear everything?

Can I hear everything? Yeah, can you hear things? Yeah, I'm sitting a, what do you mean? I don't understand. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping.

I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping.

I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-taping. I'm doing a cross-t this is what I'm playing. I'm not gonna

Is what they're like? I got scared. Did you think I was gonna edit it to edit have a new beginning? Hey, everybody welcome to you. No, what do you but dad's current men's care film of a game? Most of us. I got you. D dangerous. They're a fuck you. Of course. I'm not. I'm just making sure that we keep our original vision in sight here. We ensure that we keep our original vision inside here. We don't have. As we enter what is technically the second season, we want to make sure that the students don't start changing everything. It's your second season. It's my third season.

You got following? Yeah, we get. But I was a great addition to this show. This is like when they added Richie Cunningham. You can't do this. No, he was there from the beginning. It's like when they added Chauchy. This is like when they got rid of all the brother.

No, you're actually like when they added Pinkie Tuscadero to the show for a couple of episodes. No, actually, Leverning Shirley. Hello, Leverning. Hello. You look like Squiggy and Lenny. So anyways, we're here with Kurt Metzger. Is that he like it's said? Yeah. So you Yeah, that's how you say it. And if you guys you don't know Kurt, Joe, I got nothing.

We're phrase that. We're phrase that. For everybody in the world that doesn't know who Kurt is. Yeah. Yeah. You can Google, no wait, you can't. If you Google other people's shows, no, Kurt is actually, and I'm not saying

that it's just because you're here, one of my favorite comics to watch. Honestly got, fucking hilarious, edgy. You're just like, dangerous? Not, you're not dangerous, Joe. There's only one dangerous guy in this podcast. I'm trying to get the dangerous. You're gonna have to get shoes off of eBay.

The, what? Oh, is that a joke about my eBay clothes? I don't think the audience knows what you're talking about. Oh, all right. I never discussed that on the air. Well, that, yeah, we haven't, but we're about to. That was my segue. Okay.

I actually, we discussed it last night at the seller, but you weren't there. Oh, I got dope shit, dude. You do. From old eBay. Oh my god. Your shoes. I get it new.

I mean, it's your shoes. I told them your shoes are like when Count Dracula wants to walk around the regular people and he has to wear those fancy shoes that a cobbler made just for him. Those shoes are fucking gorgeous. Oh god, your shoes. You just stoop and they don't stink. You know that shoes, the shoe, right when they went from cowboy boots to shoes, that was the interim shoe. Yeah, boardwalk and buy a shoe, is what he's telling me.

That is a classic handmade shoe. You're the other, you're the one, they first came up with cars, the shoe, that's a car shoe. Well, this is he went from a horseshoe to a car shoe. This is the problem. This is the problem is I can, I can dress like an adult. You still dress like you're in college at 40. You need, you're wearing a hoodie right now, you fucking idiot.

Because it's during the day, we're bumping around. You'll wear that out tonight. You'll wear that crusty t-shirt, okay, and then you'll go on stage. I'll tell you why, you know why? Because I can go on stage, you know why? Because I'm funny. I'm gonna wear clown suit and people wouldn't notice it. They'd be like, oh, Holy shit. Did you funny? You have to look Appropriate to compensate for the lack of fucking niceness really mean

Yeah, are you fucking joking? All right. Okay. I can do it. I really need that you actually expose my careness I do care for you Joe. Yeah, I know you do It makes me sad to bring it out. I'd love to stab you on neck right now Actually, yeah listen to me. I'm we are we are there. It's a podcast. I like to dress like a gentleman when I go out on the town And oh that only listen and somebody gave me look my first manager I ever had in this business gave me great advice He goes What was his name? His name is your current manager? Shut the fucking podcast down shut up. Yeah shut it down shut down. You shut it down

Joe's fucking laugh shuts down the podcast really? Yep, really just maybe back up a little that's his Really? Yep, really. Just maybe back up a little. It's his, it's not my current man. You're a high, hang on, stop one second. You're a high pitched laugh. Shuts down the fucking show, Joe. I'm actually like, so flattered by that. So flattered. So I can scream and it wouldn't shut this down.

That's why I'm impressed. You're a fucking little girl laugh. Ends the show. Oh, come on, man. Just like a man in laugh, like fucking little girl laugh ends the show. Oh, come on, man. Dress like a man and laugh like a little girl. Yeah. I mean, man clothes girl voice.

Dangerous Joe. These shoes are for the new automobile. Someday, it will be in everybody's driveway. Well, let's clap for sure. Not everybody has a horse anymore. You don't need those boots. Drive and get these new car shoes. Dude, I got a Joe's Direct in Talkies now. Yeah.

I, let me clarify. It's not Kurtz, I was just making a joke about that. It's not Kurtz Cart Manager. I don't want Kurtz Cart Manager to think I was making a joke about him. I was just making a joke. Do you not like to mention managers on the show? You do whatever you want. Just making a joke. I don't know what your manager manager to think I was making a joke about him. I was just making a joke Do we not are you not allowed to mention managers on the show? Whatever you want. I'm just making a joke I don't know what your manager's name doesn't matter

Apparently, I don't want to say who is no, I just didn't I just was making a joke It was just a joke anyway. The point is this is that you left very hard at it Because I thought Bobby was grit and really enjoy that bit and then he didn't I did enjoy it I'm still I just get a shock when you shut the show down with your voice. Shocked by last. I don't know my own strength. Yeah, you see, that'd be your superhero power.

Yeah. There's a fucking X-Men that has that power. What's laughing? No, she goes, ah, like that and it makes shit shit. To dude. Yeah, fucking awesome. Yeah, that's not awesome. If you're an X-Men, that was an X-Men.

Yeah, you X-Men. You would actually be. You would be that senator that turned into a jellyfish and slid through the balls. I was, they'd use your body to pick a lock. If I would, we need to get into this building. Joe! If I was an X-Menbad I would have Wolverine's personality with Professor X's body. I just be a miserable cripple. Professor X is right. I just be, but I wouldn't be awe-inspiring. I would just be miserable. The fuck away from me asshole. Give me a fucking beer. Well, let's, I mean, I don't even know if we should talk about it. I mean, the Eddie Brogott fired, man. Is that public knowledge? Wow, it will be by next Monday when this comes out.

Probably. I feel like I never had a shot of being on Letterman, so I never gave a shit that he was in charge of that. Like, it did bother me. Yeah. And he never gave me that, you know, I guess an article he gives on solicited advice to come, mix or something is the... what do you get fired for?

I mean, you have the article, you bring the article up on your phone, Joe. You have it, right? Yeah, bring the article up. I don't have it, because I read it. Okay, I must have just skimmed it, because I read, I was like, I don't understand what he said that's so bad or anybody else said that was so bad. And then, uh, listen, in a very, in a very gender sensitive climate, he made remarks about female comics saying the, and he made a generalizing comic

And that's the problem. I'm not saying he was wrong. I'm not saying probably the female comment. I'm not saying he should have gotten I'm not saying any of that what I'm saying is if you wanted to find what the problem was or what happened That was the problem. He made a generalizing comment about female comics and he got fired Wait, do people know do we said do people know that he was the guy book in Letterman? Oh no, I guess you should have said that. Well, yeah, he's the guy that booked Letterman. If you're a comic and you wanted to get, he started out as the warm up guy

and all talk shows except for Carson Daly and that's why they're not a fucking talk show anymore. Thank God. Seriously, the only show, every show, every, when you see a recording or comedy central taping, every show has a warm-up guy that goes out and literally gets the crowd into a frenzy, gets them in the mood to laugh.

At the middle laugh, sometimes they do too good of a job where you're like, anything you say, they're cracking up and they'll fuck, like my first premium blend, they would crowd was so good at fucked with my timing. Right, yeah. That's what Drew was like though. He was like a great world guy, but he get them like too good. So I'm like, I'm like, I had no game.

If I was doing like, why you guys like all this? I actually dropped a punchline because I got the punchline laugh. The big laugh on the like first setup thing. They laughed at the setup and I dropped the punchline because I was so nervous anyways that when I said that, the setup laughed or whatever I said, it went bam and I was like, that's it and I moved on to the next joke. Because you have that tempo in your head, like,

bing, bing, bing, and then the tags and you know the laughs it should get. I was getting way too big laughs for how funny I really was. And then when you watched it later, was it like, that's when it really flattens out and you're like. TV is the great equalizer, man. It will take great comics and make them okay. It will take shit comics and make them good.

Yeah, that's what it's like, yeah, well, I did something that you write to Joe. That's what, well, that's when they like, monologue guys on TV, because monologue guys are great on TV. It's like, you know, I mean, my acting teacher told me that, you know, when you can't act like play, you can't do theater in a movie because you'll look like an idiot

because the screen is huge. Life, your head is this big. When you see it on TV or in a movie, it's fucking, you know, 10 feet tall. So any little moment, a movie you look like a shittick. So you have to bring everything down. And on TV comedy I think is the same way. The last time I did Carson Daly, I go,

so who's on the show today? Is it a good show? And the girl goes, oh my God, it's a great show. You know, who's the fuck, Fiona Apple? Because you know Fiona Apple, I go, yeah. She goes, well, she has come out of hiatus and she is doing her first performance in three years here tonight.

And the entire audience are her fan. So dude, they did a double fucking taping of fion apple. Then they brought out John Favreau and then they brought out some actors on some fucking TV show, and then I had to go out and do stand up. And I was just like, could you have made this? But any worse. But here's the problem.

It's okay, listen, if there was a warm-up guy, like the Letterman and the Tonight Show, he would go out and get them focused, and get their brains doing what they need to do, focusing that, here comes a comic, you got it, and he'd get them focused and get them, get their brains doing what they need to do. Focus in that. Here comes a comic you got and he get them laughing. So he's almost like an opener for you. So at the time you go out, you got that four and a half minutes just rocking.

So it's a little easier. And going on Carson, they did that all the time. First of all, you had to sit there as far. I like Carson daily, really fucking cool dude. Yeah, he's very cool. Really, out of all the talk shows, very nice guy. But his interviews were fucking death. Well, they're boring, dude.

I'm in Rob Drydeck, the who's the guy that does that ridiculousness on MTV? I mean, that guy is just charisma free. It's a, do you see the common on videos? But it's just like three unfunny MTV fucks talking about? Like, oh man, that was crazy. And like, and he also has fake eyes, his eyes on blue.

Who? Carson? I don't know, because I think he has contacts, fake contacts. Wasn't he banging a long time ago, that girl from a party of five, who's a, yeah, hew it.

Yeah, and then, yeah, he fucked Terry, he fucked Terry, he read, yeah, he went yeah, and then yeah, I don't know. Fuck Terry. Fuck Terry read. Yeah, he fucked every I could have fucked Terry read. Really? Before the before the lopsided. I was at I was at the Hard Rock Casino. When me and me and I had to do that. Uh, Beachers manhouse, which was one of the craziest gigs ever. Oh, he's a great guy. I like beaches a fucking night. I know, people don't like it, but I like him. He's always been nice to me. And he, I'd go on Wednesday for a Saturday night gig

and leave Monday. It was like, the closest to drinking in my sobriety that I ever got, like partying. Wow. I was just crazy. I was in every night there was a party and chicks and nude and tits and sh- fucked up shit going on.

Like fucked up. It was like the 60s. You know what I hate? It was nuts. And I remember it else. It was a, it was a, Beachers Comedy Madhouse. And I went down, they always gave us the VIP bar booth downstairs at the nightclub

that was packed and she was there and I was talking to her and she we were she was at the show and we were worst burn and we were so close to each other and you can see she had this dress on and why don't you do it chuck noblock from the Yankees showed up he no no block Yeah, he no block now he I no block myself dude because I was like I'm a Red Sox fan Oh you want to be close to him No, he came over because dude you hilarious and he started talking to me. I was like fuck no block And I just guide out and I was like dude I fucking I'm a Red Sox fan We started he started telling me like cool shit about and I was like oh my and then I look She was pissed and then she left I was like oh and me and no block

Look at either I'm a real man's man or I'm a fucking post-wack either one She's suck a cock. It's a tough call dude. Yeah, it's a tough call But anyways back to the the the thing did you bring up the article? Yeah There's a block posting that he's been released on the New York Times website. Well, your time's like, here's an article. Bottom now he's got. Show replaces. It's longtime comedy booker. I don't want to read the whole thing, but Eddie Brawl longtime gay keeper for rising standups at the late show at David Letterman will no longer be booker at the CBS series, ending the tenure of a respected and contentious figure in the stand-up comedy world, CBS spokesperson Decline.

What are you talking about? Eddie Brill. He's a contentious and respected figure. Yeah, Eddie, spokesperson will be declined to comment. People liked him. Yeah, I was okay with that. I didn't have a deep feeling. And a person, Joe put his long finger up,

don't ever fucking disrespect. On this podcast podcast you don't disrespect your finger go to danger Vingo I'm sorry, but a person with direct knowledge of operations at late show So the program was reverting to a system used before mr. Bro was given wider latitude to choose stand-up performance I just love I love the horshirt. It's like we all know what fucking happened guys Wait a minute You fucking picked them out. Here's a deal you know when you're reading and we cut in to make a joke and then you shut us up With the finger you don't get to cut off keep reading pushwack finish it

That was the I felt like that was The other one that came before it. He segwitted his funny joke. He shut us right the fuck up. No, I'm saying one finger. That's a long, long finger. It was warm up finger. Here's the difference between my comments and your comments.

Your comments. Coming from you. No, you're like, Kat, you just start talking about something else. You're going to make finger jokes. It's like, let's talk about this thing and stay on it Someone's gonna spice up that article who's boring. Well, do you think these are about it? I mean, it's like Eddie's life story like a old movie like that newspaper spins up. Let him in book everybody Hey, let him in book a fire

Hey, it's it's it's fucking crazy man. This is business pretty big says yeah, it says now a fucking crazy man, this is, this is pretty big. It says, it says now a, the restored system, somebody from the show. That's interesting. What do you mean? The LHO staffer will scout comedians now. They're not gonna have like, I guess, an official booker and then they'll bring people to the producers,

the producers will decide, wow, that's interesting. That's actually cool, because the producers of that show are fucking cool. I don't know. So why then? What? Say it. Say it. What's interesting, because I already answered this.

Hang on, this is Joe's interesting face. I love it. I know Eddie, and he's a friend of mine. We've had conversations about the show. The commentary I always heard was, hey man, it's not just my decision, it's like, I gotta bring you to the producers. A bunch of people got to say yes to this.

Now, this is saying, no, he had more latitude. Now that he's gone, we will revert to the system that I always understood what it was, which was a staff member will bring comedians to the producers. You think they just dumping that on him, or do you think he was actually more power than he said? And he was like, you know, it's one of the two.

Either way, it's very interesting, because somebody, something doesn't add up there, right? If you do math, and I don't, but... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... You know what, if it even doesn't add up, what the fuck your shoes are talking? Listen, you fucker. I think, I think it's, I like that they're not giring some other fucking jack off to, some other comic or comedy guy to step in and say,

I'm nobody, nobody, that's good. Have somebody who's not tainted by the comedy world, actually, actually step in and leave it to the producers to go, yeah, we like him. I think you should have stepped in. Because I'd like to see less of you doing comedy. And more of you find a desk. That's your opinion?

And you're entitled to it. I want to take one of your shoes and hit you with it. You won't hurt, because the new car shoes. The automobile shoe, you can step on the brake and the clutch at the same time. They're so long. You only wear things with a print of a lion head on the shoulder or some sort of cheney zipper thing hanging off of the jet. It's like, you can't. I mean, come on, dude.

You dress like you're trying out for limp biscuit all the time. He's a dang. Nothing? Bobby, because you didn't get it. You didn't get it with the fucking chain and the lion head. And then you still can't. I admire you didn't get it with the fucking chain and the lion head and then you still can I I admire you Staying with it, but then you dude you left it hanging and he got a funny something in his head Yeah, but cuz he's the thing I realized Bobby Bobby really is

Aside from getting a little heavy Bobby's a former hot guy Bobby was like I remember yeah like right when I got here Was before you started plumpin up to I remember I remember hair Bobby. I don here, was before you started plumping up to, I remember hair bobbing. I don't know if I like the word plump, but you had hair, okay? You nice had a hair, and I was there, yeah. And you look like a hot Mexican or something, or Latino or something.

You look like a, so you're coming from that perspective and Joe's coming from perspective of like, you know, never be, I think Joe's like, he has to dress in a certain way to get these. I think he has, because you pick up, so what you're saying is Joe's never been hot. No, I mean, that's, he wouldn't tell you that, he wouldn't know. I would say I'm not a hot guy.

I think I'm gonna track some fellow who's gonna dress up for a lady. You have good eyes, Joe. I'll say that. He does have a baby soft. The face is at this table, all right. I'm the best looking guy here Well, you got a factor in that you guys could be brothers You know what I mean you guys could be brothers

There was a time when you were the best looking guy here And I love that you just tried to rest on your laurels and you just ballooned up. I'm looking I just love First of all, how's this I just lost in the last week 15 pounds 15 pounds yep Joe looks like he's a little disturbed. I think it's great. No absolutely. I'm gonna make a joke because I think it's great I'm serious. Here's what I did. Here's what I did. Here's what I did. I reached and I grabbed shit out of my my stomach I went on the South Beach and the South Beach for me, everybody's different. The South Beach for me. You know what I think? I'm like, you're like a cat on a window

cell that just are a mouse. If I could just get myself down to the size of South Beach. Did you ha ha ha. Did you read that off Twitter? No. Did you tweet that? No, somebody. I was really excited. Did you tweet it the same thing you just said?

I think I read that before. Here's a deal. It's right there. That's the joke. It's no carbs, no sugars for two, three, I'm doing three weeks, but it's two weeks. And then you ease back in. But here you have to cook.

You have to have a wife or girlfriend that will cook this shit for you because I wake up there's a fucking meal I have lunch there's a meal dinner it's cooked I don't fuck around I don't have to and I'm not away did that I only works if you're a massage Massage this dude Now what my 1940s shoes to match your 1940s mentality that's fucking Lucky for Joe Joe is his own wife and girlfriend How he dresses a girl and picked that out Joe picked that out for I do like the shop you realize martini Joe realize the shop like a homo to track girls. It's an old an old skill It's an old skill you've heard about Having the taste of a moe instead of just working out Joe shops like a single woman in the 20s though

Like like when it was bad for women to be single. I love cats even. Dude, I'm like literally almost at a point where I would be like, say it. Like I would get excited about something like. I get excited about a nice day. I get excited about a nice day. Like a man throwing some track pants on it. Like a man.

I used to be care about you clothes. I was fucking smoking. But here's a deal. I can always go back. I've been back. I was fucking smoking, but here's a deal. I can always go back. I've been back. I was back two years ago. I mean, I've been back. You've seen me come back.

You've seen me. I never seen come back to what I remember the former. I'm not gonna hair, but I've been back physically to where if I took off my, I'm like, okay, cool. I'm thin again, but I'm on my way back now, but I'm not gonna get back to, oh my God, I'll just get back to two bills. You know, I'm not gonna try to get fucking abs again.

I'd like to get back to cheating weight, that's what I'm- Yeah, I wanna get back to where the chicks in Jersey, they don't just wanna photo and leave. I want them to go he's saying here Well you were a Jersey Prince When you were at your when you were at your peak you could have ran Jersey. I love fucking Jersey. I know It's great. God do I love fucking Jersey. I don't know why Jersey Jersey is fucking amazing the women in Jersey They're fucking noses and faces and big eyes and tight asses and they love sex and they

Declose and the Dungery jackets and the fucking bracelets and the guests in game of Jersey is she a Wopper a Jew or Mexican? I can't tell like Wopper Junos. You know that's why I got it. That's why I got it really. Is this bitch Greek? What a God bless you, Jersey. Oh, is it gonna be hairy down there? I've been told if you go to LA, you could really clean up on like Jersey big nose girl because there's so many like, you know, tall blondes and the girls that would be like hot data kind of like go by the wayside so you could scoop them up at like a good discount. Oh, thank God your phone buzzed.

I like the fucking wordy Whatever the fuck you would you saying yeah? What was that was that a tyrant? I'm gonna issue with my dog. Oh, you're right. You gotta go. No, I don't know if you dog. Okay He can't be left alone or some shit. It's unfuckin real like I have to have somebody babysit with him. Why? He's like a rescue dog or something and I think he says the bulldog. No, he's dead That one's dog's dead My ex my ex with the Sicilian features that you love just was feedin Parmesan cheese and shit and like

Like she's sprinkling his food. Yeah, he's only like six. He died at cheese. He died from cheese He was fat. He was a bull. They don't live that long anyway, but I think I think she was feeding him wrong me, you know Kurt let me just just some dog advice He was a bull they don't live that long anyway, but I think I think I think she was feeding them wrong me, you know Kurt let me just just some dog advice. I don't think a man that lives like a dog should be allowed to look after her dog No, I don't know if you live like a dog. You know Kurt lives now Kurt's the only man in his 30s is those of a box spring on his bed. It's a mattress I don't have no no no, I live on my My dad on the box spring you got a frame. I get a friend you have a stylistic aesthetic choice No, I just as a mattress on the ground. He called me listen

I swear to god we were 30 years old. He called me. I was his birthday. I called him I go happy birthday card. He goes like how's it going? He goes does great best birthday ever dude. I got a bed today Like a little fuck I live on my team, huh? I live on my girl now. I live on my girl now, dude. That was like, your single card doesn't do well. Listen, single card would never shop as well. A single Joe DeRose. That's what I do.

What is that right there? Is that the crease in your stump? You have a girdle on it? What is your stomach? It's a stomach fat. Oh, okay. I thought you had something. What do you thought I had?

I thought you had a thing, like a dumb Halloween medal. Dude, I watched a show on TV yesterday called Cloning Your Dog. I saw it too, with me and Jail fucking nuts is that. This dumb bitch spent a hundred grand to clone her big dog, beautiful dog. Beautiful, beautiful, big dog, blue gray eyes, black. Was this the Italian one that you got tight?, so this girl then she gets arrested okay? For fucking running guns over the state line. She gets 10 years the dog's lifespan She gets a dog cloned in Korea. They send the puppy back. It's the exact fucking dog that she loves But she's gonna do she has to do 10 years.

The dog's lifespan is eight. So she's not gonna see the fucking dog. She doesn't get the fucking see this one either. This one's gonna fucking die. She's gonna have to clone another one. Fucking idiot. Did you ever see the this American life episode where they clone the bull?

No, but the dogs dude are fucking nuts these people This woman sleeps with her dogs ashes. Yeah, she's from Staten Island. Yeah, smoking hot. I'm talking that hot. She looks like she used to be hot. She's that fucking dude. She's jerseys. We're talking about that That's exactly what's in the big nose. kid. They grow into a nice butter face eventually, which is respectable to Elizabeth. Dude, let me tell you something, no problem with butter face. I love that look.

I love that fucking mob-wife fucking. Yeah, that kind of like hot-to-can kind of, yeah. Though that fucking chicken mob-wives, the thin one. Oh, yeah. Some fucking, God, that's my, that's my kryptonite dude. Jared, this weekend in Jersey, these bras that came up after the show, two little bras. And if you're listening, you son of a bitch's, you send me that photo you took. I need it. I need it. They fucking,

they hang on. They fucking, they came up after the show, dude. I, two little fucking little fat asses in those tie. One of those shiny tights they wear, the shiny rock and roll pants they wear. Yeah. They little fucking no little panties on it, little sweaty twats from sitting for an hour and a half. Oh yeah.

Little shirts and they come up, we love you, we get a picture and I was shaking, shaking. Yeah. Fucking, I was like, ugh, I was like, oh fucking married, I wanted to bite my finger off and choke my own letter ring Just take the ring off just no just bite the finger and the ring and choke on it Shaking dude I didn't realize I was drawing these rapy feelings would come on me as I got all over like

We understand rape Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, would I be fired from my letterman position for say? Yes, I really get race. You have to be careful. This podcast is actually popular now. Every time I don't think about getting serious, I'm like, I don't think I can do it, dude. Why? Joe does some numbers now.

I don't know, I like. I just have phases, dude. One day I want to be serious. Yeah, the other day I go, I want to be serious. Yeah, but Joe gets pussy like money ball. I just have phases dude one day I want to be serious the other day Yeah, but Joe gets pussy like money ball like he's He's trying to get on base and that's right. We're trying to get on it He's just trying to get on first base. If you get to home, that's fine He's getting a chick home to touch his cock. That's it

What are you talking about Joe's number? I've watched Joe's Joe's game from when he got here you you pull a lot more to jump A lot of tail now I'm not blowing the guys fucking entire spot on the goddamn podcast well Anybody's listening. I don't know the exact numbers. I know you do a lot better At least you do better with the ladies then when you got here. Yeah, you you have yeah, I look I do all right I can't you why do you need a girlfriend? You already have you like I say you're addressing like a girl's dressing You already got you place decorated all sweet Tastes like a patch lipad I like dressing up got a real Tony Randall. It just crossed a lot of money man Just call Tony Randall. Oh my god. You really do. I was thinking either that. Oh, it was a guy wanted to be a fish

Don I can picture you, Joe. Joe on the Hudson one night crying after a night of rejection. I wish I was a fish. No, no. Did you ever see Jerry and Tom? No, was that a movie? Never buy it. It would be funny.

There was a Don Nott. There's a Don Nott scene. It's really fun. I want to talk about Eddie. I really want to get back to this. We're fucking all over the place. The chemistry is off. It's a Don Notsie. It's really fun. No, I want to talk about Eddie. Yeah, I really want to get back to this. We're fucking all over the place. The chemistry is off. It's good to be in a good way today.

It's good. It's a good way. I want to get back to this Eddie shit. Oh, yeah. The bowl cloning thing. I never even got to tell you that. Bowl cloning, it's like. Dude, it's super fast.

Go ahead. It's just, they did an episode of this American Life. Years ago, when this cloning shit was really coming into it's whatever, this family had a pet bull American Life years ago when this cloning shit was really coming into it's whatever. This family had a pet bull. It used to be in movies and shit. It was one of those animals. The fucking thing was like, gentle as a puppy.

Like it never attacked anybody. It was fine. They loved it. It would come in the house and shit. It was crazy. Right. When it was going to die, they were so devastated. They had it cloned.

And it was literally like a movie. They cl it the clone looked exactly like it had acted exactly like it and all of a sudden when it was three It started like attacking people and it was like that fucking movie with the near where they cloned the kid And they're like once he passes the year that he died like the clone turns evil You know what I'm saying? the clone turns evil. You know what I'm saying? Like it was like fucking nuts. It was for real. Like the guy ended up in the hospital because the bone like fucking stabbed the both stabbed them with its horn. Really? It was crazy. So you think this dog, these dogs are going to fucking wind up attacking the owner of any dog like there's a lot of dogs don't have that in them. I don't know what kind of dog it was. I'm just saying it was just a weird fuck. It was just crazy. So what you're

saying is that the dog doesn't even, I mean, the animals don't get the same, the personality, it's not the same soul. See, that's where religion fucks, I'm saying. This is where the shit goes into fucking, the ninth dimension for me where I get, it's like your brain can literally implode from thinking about it.

It's like the soul of the fucking bull that was so kind and gentle, they recreated this fucking with DNA, the same exact DNA. It's the same physical thing, physically, through cells and everything, but it's a different soul. What the fuck is different, what if it's not different soul. What the fuck is different? What if it's not different? What's different?

What made it attack? What who came back? Is it reincarnation? Is it another assault? It's the early stages. I mean, people act like this cloning shit is like, it's like cell phones, dude. It's the early stages of a new science.

It's like, of course, there's good problems. What made, but if it's the early stages of a new science. It's like, of course, it's there's What made but it's the shape chose got a clone body that's the This guy on the fire No, he has an unfinished clone the one that's still hanging in the fucking thing that Come out after yeah, right at the end of the movie when they cuts all the Bags open and they flop on the ground This is not that this is not we're not in a perfected stage with this yet. People still, sorry, and Tissue, still don't fully understand nature versus nurture. They don't understand it fully.

Okay, but here's the thing though, okay. In that show that we watched, okay, not the bull on the dog one. They had a dog whisperer. Come. He just like was a, he was like a dog psychic, right? And he talked to the dog. Yeah. He, no, okay, fuck, fuck, not believing in it.

Biggest racket of all time. Okay, yeah. Okay. I'll entertain it. Well, do you see the way the guy is? Take your jose back. Come on, this is the way the guy did it. I thought like Justin silver dog whispers

where he calms your fucking dog down. This dude's talking, he's standing over here from my distance from Bobby's dog over there, right? He's like, he's saying that your wife made some necklace out of a toenail clippings and she couldn't figure out why she did that. And like, like, psychic, dog psychic shit. It's like what fucking John Edwards does, dude. He goes out before the show and he has information gathered and then he comes out live

it goes, your father, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and people go, oh my god, but it's like they find all this out through pre-interviews and shit. They just do it in a manipulative way where people don't know that the people that they, what are you going? I'll just keep going guys. I'm just, they, where people don't understand what was, what the information that was taken away from them and then, and then then attain it back to them and they go

Oh my god, how'd you know that I can't really take a fucking dog is able to tell somebody your wife made toenail clippings into a necklace No, why would that be no? That's what I'm saying. Isn't that what you were just saying? No, that was on the show Yeah, but that's what he's trying to say he wasn't a dog whisperer. He wasn't like Caesar Milan He was like a dog psychic but he was going under He was whispering with his mind and see your line play the Joker on the Batman TV series. No, that's a rare. I'm sorry. Who was not a dog whisperer? No, but he was not even shaved his mustache to be the checker. I like how comic books were so disrespected back then. It's like it's like the Joker is now an Oscar award-winning role.

And back then, he's like, I'm not shaving my mustache for this, or shit. I put the pain on my face, but I'm not shaving my fucking mustache. Here's the thing, man, is that that guy that came in though actually said shit that was like, what the fuck? You're like, when he said the dog, he said the dog,

he's looking at the dog and he's like, he said that the dog, she actually cut one of his toenails off and made a piece of jewelry out of it. And the dog goes, she did. Yeah, probably it's fake. I, listen dude, I'm not saying it's fake or real, but take that, take that info, that's the same dog like the dog died They took the DNA. Yeah, they remade the fucking dog self for sell. That's the dog DNA

And now this guy's talking to the dog right and the dog saying dude, it's me. I'm telling you I Okay The dog's not saying wait. Just let me finish. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all right. Just follow me. All right. The dog saying, dude, it's me, man. It's me, I'm here, okay?

Okay, so that dog, the soul, what is that that makes that dog the same dog? Is it the soul? Is it, cause that, the body's dead physically, so you don't believe in religion, right? You don't believe, you believe you die, and you fucking, that's it. I believe most likely, that's probably what happens

other than your body becoming some kind of energy. Okay, so then what happens to, but there's no consciousness. Okay, right now we clone you, right? And they're like, why? And we have to beg them to do it. They're like, this is just stupid to clone this DNA. It's terrible DNA.

It immediately comes out like the fourth clone in multiplicity. He's just, he's eating toothpaste. And poking himself in the eye. Right. So you clone me and then we clone you. Do you come back, Joe? This fucking grumpy, anxiety,

country, fucking well-dressed, fucking bag, come back? No, I really, sorry. Speaking of dog cloning, my ghost thing, my dog to the fucking vet right now, like he's like shaking and crying, and she can't figure out what's wrong with him. Like, oh, she didn't hit him.

No, he might have ate something. I'm gonna have to clone this dog. You have to go, dude't hit him no, I he might have ate something I like I'm gonna clone this dog You have to go dude no, no, I don't want dude. I love my shit. Who's that fucking stupid? No, it's not it is Jesus hello Yeah, we're doing a podcast man. I'm sorry Don't let a bit don't a bit stupid God damn it. You really are losing your edge all you cock suckers You get old and you're not mean and fun anymore the shit you would have done to me back in the day Yeah, but you cried

To my voice on the fucking shit. Most of voice took a finger in his coat made me you made a change I'm so angry about it what I'm so so I think I was watching guys like you and Kate Just let people off easy now But is he in the house Joe? I don't know Bob is he in the house? Who is he Joe take this oh good? Good good Bobby didn't let Dan and good keep him standing there Keep them standing there

Shit, I have standard dad when I was in your shoes. I wouldn't dare talk to an older comedian like that show a little respect here. Dan is your age Yeah, the intercom shut off stupid Come in, dummy. I can't walk in here. Use your mouth. Oh, God. He's so dumb. Oh, Jesus. I love it. Good.

Make him stand there. Just stand outside the door for a minute. How great is it? He was just threatening your life. Hey, what's going on? Hey, stupid. Everybody, monster voices here. Hang on a second.

We're going to take a little pause here because of... The Kurtz dog was fucking gonna die. Emergency call from like, oh, the gears, I think my girl's freak. You've had to show your dogs before you realized how much you need to cause. I have my doggy to fucking chuck a chocolate. I mean, literally literally he'll die. Yeah, chocolate, they just die. I stuck my finger all the way down until it's asshole

and it just puked up the ball of chocolate. Oh, Jesus, yeah, you panic. But, you know, I'm a man. That's love. The fucking man does. It's like how you stop a tiger from eating it. Let me, this is, I don't want to stop working if a tiger was eating it. This is how I want to stop working. If a tiger was eating you, if he just...

Yeah, you punches, they automatically have to gag whatever, whatever. As I'm a pen and teller, a lie show, which one is a lie, I gotta tag my tiger and he punch it and like, because they don't chew their food good, so their throat's designed to make them fucking like gag it out the second. So it was really so, so you make them gag

and they drop you. So you punch the back of their throat He put his fucking hand in the back of the Tigers throat and hit it and you know whatever I don't know whatever. Yeah, it sucks. You get to keep doing it though They're pretty fast once they let you go. They can just grab you again. They look very scary on video Yeah, it's not it's not worth it to work with tigers. I just let you guys know Dan soda a.k Monster voice. Monster voice. Yeah just let you guys know Dan Soda, aka monster voice. Monster voice? I don't know if we're changing it to corporate Dan yet.

Not yet, but we are. It's monster voice now, definitely. It's not that I'm hearing again. Yeah. Monster voice just stepped in from his corporate train ride, corporate Connecticut. Yeah, it was really a corporate train ride. And he's joining the pocket.

So your dog's okay. I don't know, we'll find out. Well, we was really a corporate turnaround. And he's joining the pocket. So your dog's okay. I don't know, we'll find out. Well, we're talking about cloning dogs. And I was trying to get to the root of, I was trying to, I don't fucking know about cloning. I don't know the first thing, but I don't know if they cloned the exact, every cell,

I don't know, it could be wrong, but if they cloned these dogs, and they come back physically the same exact dog But I'm like is it the same soul like and Joe's brought up this thing with with a bowl that they clone and it was the same thing And then at a certain age it said fuck you and just started killing people. It just flipped out I thought I'm talking to the microphone. We're not at the fucking Starbucks idiot first Well, I don't tell I don't like corporate Danny's out of it. He gets corporate one day and he forgets how to do the fuck Let's show can we please

I'm like in that daddy brill honestly, listen white no, it's not first of all I was pining I mean are you you believe in a soul off like the Bible because animals don't have a soul in the Bible I don't know if you know nobody has a soul. It's ridiculous But even but let's say you get one from like just your memories with but but before even say some sort like let's say you get one from just your memories. But before you even say some sorry, like let's just say to your memories, I'm not saying it, he would be a blank animal that has the same maybe personality traits and then it's really just a brother,

like a twin brother of the dog, it's not the same dog. It's genetically the same dog. Yeah, but like a twin is genetically the same. Once again, a twin's a clone that you make in your body. But it's not, is it the same DNA? But a twin has a exact same DNA. But one, I'm pretty sure, I can roll.

Once again, nature versus nurture. You clone the same. And again, I'll break one of your fingers. Well, it's true. And if you make the globe with your hands, your fingers like you just did, I should be allowed to break one. You're shoes, shoes I wear, demand certain hand gestures.

Do you wear shoes? No, I'm not gonna do that. one. Shoes I wear demand certain hand. We said we said Joe shoes when they first went from horse to car those are automobile shoes. You know need to wear cowboy boots. Nobody's driving. The red bottom ones that you show me the picture. The driver shoes. They're driving shoes. They're driving shoes. They're just six shoes. Anyway listen and you know anyway listen. They make us look sick shoes. Anyway, listen and you know Anyway, listen to make us Here's the thing if you took photos back in the western days his eyes look all dead like they're the black and white Pissons. What's the shoes you bury a man is? Task shoes

Mike you I did usually get it to the. Usually I'm overmodulating on the podcast. I'm over it. Oh, awesome. Because you have shit voice. It's not shit voice. Go ahead. If you would do, if you look at nature and nurture, obviously the brain can be similar or identical at birth

because you cloned it or whatever, but the environment is gonna cause things to, is gonna cause the brain to react and develop in different ways. And it's gonna splinter off in different directions. So maybe one incident, first of all, that thing that you cloned is not going through the same life and same incidents that you went through, that the host went through.

That's a huge factor in the way it's gonna be, hey, let's talk about it, he, bro. Listen, let's talk about the fucking tension between monster voice. You wanna know what we really's talk about Eddie Pearl. Listen, let's talk about the fucking tension between monster voice. You wanna know what we really should talk about? What's that? Fucking Joe DeRosa and monster voice. They, you walked in, I mean, jokes and jokes,

but you got this and fucking tension. This is what it is, and this is what I take issue with. And, and, where's it now? Joe's using two fingers right now. I'm gonna let you know. It's a voice, let old school shoes tell you how to get it back in the day.

Here's the thing. This is what it is. All right. Here is what it is. It's a power play. That's all it is. Because Dan told me we called Dan yesterday. It was your idea to call him.

You called me and said, let's call him. You dial him on your phone. We both trashed him. You were leading the fucking charge of the trash. Yes, sir. He hangs up the phone and says to his roommate, I understand why you wanted to punch Deroce at that time. He's a dick and he was only mad at me.

Now, let me tell you what a fucking Deroce at that. Hold on, let me finish. Let me tell you what a weasel fucking power play. You can do that shit. All you guys want. Let me tell you where we just stop. We just stop and notice I just want the people listening that you both have thin Your index fingers but your index fingers should both fucking cast spells, okay Let me tell you let me finish let me tell you what a shit power play that is he can't be mad at you now

Technically, I brought this kid on more fucking gigs than you have true I've hooked him up more than you have you wouldn't even fucking know him if it wasn't for me. Derozes mad. When you called me and said, I need an opener for that college, who should I call, I go, call this kid. You didn't even know who the fuck he was. You asked you to tell me to do you a favor. Yeah. When you said, when you said, let me finish. When you said, when you said, when you said when you said when you said when you said when you said when you said

When you said you're out of town You ready yeah, I'm right when you when you called me and you said you're not around Joe this week the podcast Yeah, who do you think it could be good? I, call fucking Dan Soder up. You don't swear. He'd be great. Watch the language. I have fucking hooked him crazy. Now, here's the weasel shit power play that he does. He can't be mad at you,

because you're farther along in the business than I am, and it's your podcast, and your potential bread and fucking butter right now. And I'm not. So he hangs up the phone and goes, deroses a fucking dick. Were you there? Was that the one that I stopped?

Stop, stop, stop, stop. You didn't even let me finish the story. I said, you know. You said, no. I was mad at the phone and goes, deros is a fucking dick. Were you there? Was that the guy that I stopped? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You didn't even let me finish the story. And after you, I said, you know, you made it him and you said, no. I was mad about it. No, it's happening. And then Bobby called me back and talked to me. I was waiting for your call.

Usually when you slamming hard, and you had the fucking best zings out of everything. And I fucking, and it wasn't like just hung up on it. I hate Jill. I can't be mad at Bobby. I knew Bobby was doing this the whole time. He was, boy, he fucking brought you in, so I got double stomped.

I knew it was Bobby. Bobby was doing this move where he was pushing me as much as possible and then trying to and then But he called me it was like, you know, hey, we're just slamming you and whatever and then that's what and I didn't say that It was just you there was a dick. I told my roommate that both of you were dick. Hey, whoa, whoa You don't call me a dick. You know Talk to me, you little dick. You're being a dick. He's farther along in this business than you are. Yes, I've fucked out of my house. And let me tell you, you don't need him.

Let me tell you why now, man. First of all, don't look at me in the eyes when you talk to me. Let me tell you why I'm mad at you now. Okay? Because this is typical. This is like when a family has four kids. And the youngest one is going, dad let me me off easy and I'm the fucking older brother Go what the fuck beat the shit out of me when I did that this motherfucker him and bur one night to sell her

Trash me so hard and we're calling a loser and saying they didn't want to be my friend anymore that was a joke They got in the cab and they left and you know what happened? Bobby called me to apologize and then I later found out through Billy that the apology was a joke. He was calling me to make a whole new apology. We were supposed to all hang out. They left me at the cellars. The meanest fucking thing ever.

He is never once said I'm sorry for that. He screamed at me. Oh, what was that? For six hours straight into car, because I didn't return maddies. That's the story you told me. And he never once goes, dude, I'm sorry. I really hit you hard on that.

But now, old, old married Bob, I got married on a beach and I'm fucking cute now, because I got a surprise party for my 40th birthday. You fucking softy. You weakling, you're going easy on the kid now. I don't like my mother. My mother wouldn't let me fucking do anything. She fucking came down on me for everything.

I, my bail was $10. She wouldn't bail me the fuck out of jail. Would you be a bail co-star mother? And then my little brother, he can smoke weed in the house with my mom, okay? And I told my mom, if you did this with me, we would have been pals. I wouldn't have went to fucking jail. We'd be hanging out. I'd just stay home and hang with my cool mom. But you treat him way nicer than you treat me. And you know what? Dan, first of all, it's just...

What town did it in you? And a better person. And visually, I just like him better. And my wife likes him better. We all like, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm just a rose, not you. I'll tell you, I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

Just remember, who got you, who got Bob? You just remember, just remember this. Before you say anything else. Just remember this, that's right. Who got you, Christmas present, Bob? Did Dan get you one? What's up, Dan? What's up, Dan? A free thing from Guinness that he didn't pay for.

Who went to the store and picked out things he thought you would really like, Bob? Bob, let me tell you about the things he got made me. You got me Salami. I got you Salami and the cheese. I got you Salami and the cheese. Salami. I'm not to be a dick. We had to throw it out.

Why? It was bad. It was bad. Like, the Salami wasn't good. It went bad Yeah, it wasn't good. Well, that's not my fault. Well, it is you could have looked at the fucking date before you bought it I bought it at the fucking store. Yeah, I know That's when you buy something to store you look at the date and go You also left in there for two weeks for you aiding. No, I didn't. Oh, did it set that dude last week when I was here Which was well over a week after I gave it to you. It was still in the package that day. I started do it. Dude, last week when I was here, which was well over a week after I gave it to you, it was still in the package.

That day, I started eating it. Well, you know, look, it doesn't matter. Here's the point. Who went to the store and bought you things you thought you'd like? Who gave you something on your birthday? Yeah. Yeah. And return.

What'd you give me? I gave you the fucking free birthday this year. You could do your acting. Goddamn, $1,200 on leather jacket. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Don't act like you, I initiated giving shit on birthdays with you. Okay.

I gave you the first fucking gift. So don't come at me like you're just giving, giving, I've been giving up all the you fucking off. Exactly. Exactly. And who gave back, Bob? Not Dan. You're good buddy.

Joe gave back. Bob, Bob, when's this time? What's the last time Dan said come over for dinner? I'll cook for it. I'm going to window this room. Who want to come to Queens for me to order? Just offer. First of all, offer what, Joe? You're acting like we're at, oh, God. He usually turns me down. I still offer. Here's this beautiful apartment. Two blocks away. To thought there. What thought They know what this is this is this is Who's who's ever the rose effect because they're talking about the Mike Vecchion story when Mike wanted punch Joe

We're getting for jays fucking Latin wedding which didn't fit in for tuxie's with pink shirts and shit and So Joe's trashin' you trashin' his car, right? Yeah, and that was another, now. So was I, and by the way, we were all bashing Vecchio and about his car. I didn't even have a problem with his car. I was just jumping on, but Vecchio

and focused on Deroza as the source. Because Joe has that kind of face, and he wears that kind of shoes, I mean, the whole thing's gonna happen. He don't like his fucking face and his finger going like this. And he's not even at fault. I mean, it's clearly Bobby, but he's like,

well, here's the thing, is that when I've learned from smashing guys like you, okay, and Jay, and you've come to me and said, yeah, come on, man. And I've learned through you that, you know what? It's, some of the shit is a little harsh. And, you know, and I've lightened up on you too. Don't act like I'm still treating you that way. Or I still fuck with you.

I lightened up on you too. So, and I lightened up on you first. He stepped in. He has it a little easier, but fucking stupid. I put my foot in your ass the other day. He fucked up and he did some stupid shit. He yelled at me on Friday. The first thing I did, I called them up,

and I was like, you fucking... He screamed at me. Dude, I was pissed. I was pissed. And you said that when Bobby gets angry, it's like a little, it's very unsettling. Yeah, it's not fun. Yeah, he called me on the phone and it was not...

But you haven't seen that. Joe's seen the worst, but here what I got to update I think my dog eat weed is what they think happened. That's awesome. What'll happen to him? He's gonna get stoned and fucking shit. Hopefully he'll be given away to responsible owners. You've never heard of that happening. Why don't you, one first of all teach it not to eat weed first of all And I think I'm gonna leave the we work can eat it. Yeah, how much weed? He must have gone on I couldn't not pound I think you got into my grow room. I put the fucking phones down. It's the Twitter question. Oh, sorry You don't answer the question. Here's a deal. Here's the fucking deal with you to honest to God you to look it Dan You know I I I I think you two do have something up

between you. There's a little fight in this between you. And I think it's, look, you guys give a shit about each other. Dan, like we said last night, nobody likes okay, Dan. Nobody likes corporate Dan. Everybody, you know who we like? I didn't know he was doing this well. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we do you think I feel? I'm not happy. Dan, we like waiter, poor, no food. Dan, who needs a hand up.

We don't like Dan. Who doesn't need anything? He's got money in the bank. He's got a MacBook Pro. He's got Chixie, that like him. He's doing a gig. He's doing a tour. Oh my goodness.

Here's what's happening. I could tell you exactly what's happening. I could tell you exactly what's happening. It's the same thing. Can you do it in a fucking, not an NPR voice? Cause I like, you know, you're fucking boring. That's, it's a tone that wiles up. Like Boston, Bostonites, they want to murder.

Here's what happened. Or he's happening. And it's the same thing that happened between you and me. What? Bobby and me. What? We got into it the other night, the other week of the seller about this. Me? Me and you.

Okay. When I left and you were going to beat it. And then a couple weeks ago, when I remember when I was in here a couple weeks ago, it was before Christmas. I haven't been at the seller for two months. It was before Christmas. Well, those say it was last week, Joe. Holy fuck.

Two months ago, I was like a month and a half ago. It's two months. I had been at the cell. All right. Listen, we were at the cellar. You, I was fucking with you about something. You got mad at me and you go beat it.

Get the, and I was like, I'm fucking leaving, dude. You're being a dick and you got really mad at me and you were like, beat it. And I went outside with Keith and I was like, what the fuck, man? We're all breaking balls. Why is he coming at me? And then later you told me, you said, dude, listen to me. I wasn't man that you were breaking my balls. What I was mad about was you were acting a certain way with me,

but I felt that you were acting another way with everybody else and it bothered you. And then I had a- Are we getting real on this? No, no, no, no, no. Is this getting fucking real? Cause I can get real. I'm fucking around with you too.

It's a good joke. But you want to make this real. Let's fucking make your album tell you that was that what's going down. Why are you yelling at me? Is that what's going down? Is that what's going down? That's a weirdness between me and I'm fucking kidding. Do you see the derives of it?

Your friends stupid. I'm telling you. I didn't know you're going to fucking turn into a lifetime fucking black cat. Why are you getting mad about it? Because you're making it into like some real stuff We're just talking But you're bringing up fucking-

It's a science you're watching It's nothing to add It's healthy It's the hell in rage If you bring up regular shit Bobby, you just made up with a cloned bowl right now Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So I'm so upset because it's not floating. This is typical fucking derosa. You're not dealing with hang on. Let me finish.

You're not dealing with the situation that's in front of you right now. I hang on. You're bringing up some shit from a while. I'm just deal with that. I'm not. I'm saying it's the same thing that

happened between you and me a couple weeks ago that we worked through. Get to it. I'm just speed up to it. Just say we did this. Me and you would do the same shit a couple weeks ago. We get it. Now the audience doesn't get it. Get to it. Just speed up to it. Just say we did this. Me and you went through the same shit a couple of weeks ago. We get it. Now the audience doesn't get it.

It needs to be explained. This is fucking, no they don't. They get speeded up. It's like, fucking NPR. It's not like NPR. It's like, we've been last week when we were at the seller and then we went and you never did it. I was sorry.

It's not like hundred deviations about Everybody just talking I'm trying to fucking explain something audience understands where I'm from Biggie don't have a theory of glasses down in anger on this fuck You like I have a theory of glasses down in the anger of this podcast. It was np.org. You'd be like, snap it at me. All I was trying to do was say, you and me went through this because you were paralleling you and me to me and Dan. And I was going, yeah, like a couple weeks ago, we got in this argument and I understood

where you were coming from. A couple months ago. Well, it's like you're yelling at me for like, just telling you like, yeah, dude, I'm agreeing. I'm not going, hey, Bobby, you did this. I'm saying like, you pointed something out to me and I went, oh, yeah. Yeah, but what, what, what, the point is is that, if you didn't to me and I went, oh yeah. Yeah, but what did the point is is that if you didn't finish,

you would have made perfect sense. Yeah, but it takes so fucking long. The point is is that you and Dan have some fucking shit. It's fucking, it's bullshit. It's goofy shit. We're bustin' fucking shit, Dick's voice, because he's doing well, but we're really happy for you, dummy. We have to work.

We're the ones who helped you get here. And you're gonna say we weren't. There's just two dance of it. Yeah. And Joe's done nothing but I don't even know. I'm almost as happy about how I'm sorry that I... Dude, there was nothing toxic. I was gonna draw a simple parallel, but I'm a fucking asshole.

Because all I wanted to do was make fun of Dan for being corporate Dan and you've drawn parallels. Jesus, man. And throwing your glasses on the table. You're right. I'm an asshole. make fun of Dan for being corporate Dan and you've drawn parallels. Jesus man, I was just... And throwing your glasses on the table. Alright, alright, alright. You're right, I'm an asshole. You're right. John, I wanna know the...

I wanna know. Now, forget it, we can't have a fucking moment of real. I thought this was the whole thing, we just talk and we just... If you don't think this is real, I don't know what is. Dude, if you don't think this is... If you don't think this is real, don't fucking do me. No, you're dude and me. Don't fucking do to dude.

Oh my God. What'd you put? Do you're do'd me. You fucking do'd to do. Oh my God. What you put, do put his microwave? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? It's stupid because you're doing what you said you didn't do the job. Do you take the microwave, Joe? Is that what you did?

Jesus fuck. Are you really just took the microwave? Take this, relax. Relax. I don't like when you jump at me like that, when I was just trying to explain something and you started, you were, listen to me, you were insinuating, you were angry for a second, dude.

And you're going, you're trying to make this real because you thought I was bringing our shit up and I was watching. No, because you're fucking, you're making, I just want to bust shit monster voices balls for being corporate shit dick and right. And there's something about you two. And then all of a sudden you go,

this is what it's about. And I'm like, okay, where we going? And you went down like real road, like I'm like, oh my God, you're really trying to make this, this is really something. You asked the question and I answered it. But I don't want, that's not, say that. Then go, I'm just fucking.

I did, I went, want you making this real and you wait, why? You asked a real question you said there's a weirdness here and I go, I'll dress it. But yeah, but I didn't think you were going to a fucking dress. I didn't know there was something really going down. Like I really didn't know. You said it in a very serious way.

And I said it's no big thing. I'll just tell you what it is. Look how calm Dan is because Dan was the one pissed I believe initially that's corporate Dan and corporate Dan doesn't fucking get involved in this because Guinness Munchel I'm gonna fire him from the fucking There's a fucking thing. Nothing. Yeah, let's say don't say any fucking neutral Dan. Yeah, we're gonna be talking about April in a minute So you might want to stand on that one. Oh, I'll go downstairs. Uh-huh. This is what the weird tension was about

You pointed some shit out to me a couple weeks ago,, I'll go downstairs. Uh huh. Go ahead. This is what the weird tension was about. You pointed some shit out to me a couple of weeks ago and I realized like, oh wait, I do months ago. I do, I do kind of do that. And I got mad at Dan today, right, because I felt like he was being like, I can talk, I'll snap back at you, Joe. And I'll hit back at you, Joe. But not at Bobby because I don't know Bobby well enough

And I don't know from from me and Daniel Sure, that's how it's done. I know it is it is honest. God though. That is how it's done. That's done That's how it it's done. I agree with that. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, Joe I'm not sitting there going. You know what? That's the right way to do things and but he he feels more comfortable With you you've been and over the years you've done so much shit for me That's the right way to do things. But he feels more comfortable with you as friends. And over the years, you've done so much shit for me. I mean, I remember you've given me cab fare, you fucking bought me lunch.

Who's done more? It's a pull. Who's done more? Think very carefully. Don't look at Bobby. And then that's how I take, I have to take quality. He's not quantity. Not quality.

Not quantity. I mean, Joe, was there, Joe, Joe, Joe, I'm gonna have to go, because Joe introduced me to you. Okay, you can't add that I can I can't why can I because we're talking about things that he's done for you who's done more for you and quality and Quantity it's you could have now think about the the Last couple weeks. What would you rather have the things that I've done for you? Oh the things he's done for that's not I got it of course it is because it's funny

It's funny It's unfair. It's unfair because it's funny Stop trying to fucking make it. Well, I can't go for who gives you that's and that's why I got upset just That's funny Bob yelling you were yelling yelling at me. were serious that's funny Bob because you you took it you took it all right hang on Okay, bad to me that I didn't understand that you were joking hang on hanging hang on here's a thing when you see me Then we said somebody said something funny Kurt I apologize as the greatest did I had no idea this happened every time. No, usually not. Well, this happened.

This is the most non-issue, by the way. Like just the amount of emotions. This is such an issue that he didn't let him in and he was mad. And Joe was like, put a parallel to time with another thing that doesn't matter. And you're mad. I didn't even see you getting mad. It was like a lot of twists and turns. Well, here's the thing.

It's like, I'm just trying to fucking fuck with this asshole. That's all I want. I want Dan to get fucking the smashing that he deserves for the flat fucking corporate face that he is. I'm not happy that this powdered toast man face. So. I got it.

I'm not all happy for what he's doing as well. I know that you can't. You know, who's done more for you, me or him? I know it's, you can't sit there and go, well, Joe, I'm not asking for your real choice. I'm asking for you as a comic and a funny person to go, of course you, Bobby. And then we laugh. And then the guy in his fucking cube who hates his job laughs too. Do you get it? Yeah, exactly. It's time before I suck on every interview I do. Because that thing you were saying about people ask you questions.

You answer them seriously. Like you're like you think you're supposed to answer these stupid fucking questions. Right. And then like meanwhile, they're just fucking with you Well, here's the deal Here's a deal okay First of all Joe the fact that you three glasses off I was really fucking mad dude Well, and the fact that you're using me a doing like some the mirroring and I wasn't all right

Look and maybe you weren't doing that But I wasn't I the the you understand you you brought you all of a sudden we were in Realville and I didn't want to and I was like what the fuck Dan is a fucking shit dick Listen, I get it. No, I wanted to try it. Dan it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it.

Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it.

Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. See that's exactly what you want to trash him more than me today and we started talking about the dynamic of the three of us

So the conversation was there I hang out pause cuz he's on the phone in the background and it's fucking everything up So much dog Jesus, all right, is he gonna die or not? I mean it's getting fucking Digged out. Yeah, you know what are we back on we're back on let me be the first say fuck hurts dog I don't give a shit if it fucking died. Why do you know what, are we back on? We're back on. Let me be the first to say fuck Kurtz dog. I don't give a shit if it fucking dies. Why do you want to why people turn on you? I am. I am tired.

I am tired. You're awfully silly. I know, I'm joking. Well, I'm happy. Ha ha ha. Listen, listen, the fact is that Dan, Dan's on the up. Dan's on the up. Okay, and I don't know why it's fucking with me and you Joe

It shouldn't get between us because you know who's gonna be here. You know who's gonna be here doing this podcast for the people you and when Got you there. Yeah, it's really just gonna be me one day So I should get me going welcome You know man, I went to the max store It's fucking crazy man dude the max store dude Dan soda is a fucking first world. He's not you know. He's always happy. It's always nice It's not real. It's not fucking real. It's no no. He's a fuck cut. He is a fucking real dark side turns into a little baby Interest if he's hungry and he wants to watch a football game Clams the fuck up what are you in what way we walked in first of all? I want to thank the dudes I think his name was Matthew and fucking

There's a card over there don't know this is an apple card over there Matthew there's two of them Matthew what's the name? Matthew and Greg all right the those. Matthew, what's the name? Matthew and Greg. Matthew and Greg, all right? Those guys, we walk into the Apple Store. I told you, Joe, you know me. There's nothing gets my dick harder when I walk into a Mac store and I look at a cluster of blue shirts

and one guy goes, Bob Kelly, and they know me because I'm a fucking secret nerd. I'm a Mac snob. I love the Mac store. I love Apple Store. And if there's dudes who know me. I'm a max knob. I love the max store. I love Apple store. And if there's dudes who know me, I fucking love those guys. There's a couple of the 58 street that take care of me. Fucking, oh, and A fans are great.

And these guys, we walk in. They know me. Two fans. It's packed. You can't even see the floor. There's so many people in there. Okay. And they took me and got me every fucking thing I needed for my shit.

And he sat there and they knew him. They knew him. I said, I go this is Dan Soda, monster voice. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Fans of the podcast. They're listening right now, okay? He sat there, didn't say a fucking word miserable. They, I don't know if they, I think you're, you're overselling that they knew me. That's my story. Cause they're like, yeah, well, that's not really what happened. They're overselling, he's overselling that they knew him.

Yeah. I think you're looking, and they're like, and they go, and I hear all I heard them goes, yeah, we listen, we hear you on ONA. And I'm standing there like a goon, and what am I supposed to do? He's trying to buy something,

I'm supposed to wedge my way in about, but you're overselling that they even want to hear Dan say something. Nobody was disappointed that Dan shut the fuck up, right? What did you want him to do? I don't quite understand what the point of the story is. Bobby Artifuqua Dan basically. You're gonna do some people you didn't want to know. Dan was like, now you do the rest. They're like, oh, thanks, Arnie.

You please explain that. Arnie, the host at this seller, or he's a high energy host. He's actually my favorite host, by the way, of all time. He's my least favorite host. You know why I love it? Because you could trash him for like,

if I don't have material, which is a lot now. I just trashed Arnie for like five minutes. He's cool, he sits in the room while you make fun of him. And he did something ridiculous if they laughed at for no reason. So they're like, oh yeah, why were we laughing at him taking my scarf and wearing it? And he's like a club promoter.

And so he's always got a trailer like, how white girls are, you know, like, but they're like, dippy-clothes. Like it was once it do like a dumb, whore walk on the cobblestones and then you're packing this ring and you're like, ee, you just like, you should fall over. And then he knows all of them.

All the girls you wish herpes on in your life. And I think he brings them over to you. You just, right when you're in the middle of a conversation when it's getting good, like a pant or he springs out of nowhere and then rubs it with like three assholes that you don't want to meet. And he goes, this curd is really funny, comic. And I'm just like, you know, like,

like, I don't feel like saying shit to any of you. I don't, I never wanted to meet you or know anything about your lives. And he walks away and leaves you with him. And you got he did the other night with this Mary, a drunk married couple. He introduces after the fucking show. And then I'm even like, now I feel obligated. Like, I was like, oh, you were there. That get me bitch in her fucking. And this girl, I go, I'm just trying to think of things to say to these boys and people.

That's a memorable monster voices. Yeah, I was like, two days ago. I was like, two days ago. I was with this voice, that's why. Well, that's fine. What you're saying is a totally different scenario. What this twat did, okay, and I did say, I go, this is Dan Soda monster voice from the podcast.

The guy goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, he knew what you were talking about. It doesn't matter. This is why he was mad. This is why he was sulking. This is why he didn't say anything. He was sulking like that. He was, he was hungry.

And the San Francisco 49er game was on. Oh, wait, that's why you have a 49er? Wait, that would stop, stop. We then we finally go back to the hotel. We order a room service, $100 worth of room service. And this kid, all of a sudden, he was back to the games on. He's got a whole pizza to himself and wings. And he's like, woo, and he's friendly fucking day.

I'm actually going to get Dan's back a little bit on this one. Of course you are, because you're a fucking douchebag. Yeah, listen, you know what, can I just tell you something? Side note really quick, I had planned tonight with a friend of mine, and she just canceled. And this is what a girl I am. I'm literally got excited. I was like, oh, I can go shopping now.

You know what I had that happened? I went on my phone like you were married by the way. Joe's name is Samantha, I'm changing his name to him. I'm married! Who's gonna be Carrie? Why do you want to be Carrie's S.J.P? I want to be Carrie's. His name is Samantha that I'm changing his name to carry Why do you want to be carries that's J.P. I want to just turn this whole thing and talking about Broadway or something You'd have no problem

We get Rick Chrono on the phone Kids bats over here He fucking he lit up there lit up what he lit up the pizza. Yeah listen here I'll get the ends back a little bit on on something here, but I'm also gonna give you smack on not a smack But this is the thing I don't like the Joe is like a fucking you're an analyst today. I just better have funny in it That's all I'm saying. She puts a chain like a chain on his glasses Where I think you put some cheese on those glasses. And where, Andrew, Nick? Hold on, let me, I'm gonna take both sides of this.

I have two aspects. On the one hand, look, I'm just now, it passed a 10-year mark in my career, right? Getting funny? That's the fucking asshole. I'm just now getting to that point in my career where like I'm getting a little recognition and I'm not to tag along anymore. I go and do my own shows and whatever and I'm trying to get to where you guys are at.

Right, right. Don't get to where Bobby is at. Whatever you do. Avoid it at all. You don't want to be married, happy with your own apartment. Let's make a career. I mean career. Oh. I don't want to be married, happy with your own apartment. Um, let's, so I mean career. Oh, I don't want to compare lives to you. I'm not.

Holy shit. So the point is, is that like, like I understand now what it's like to be in that position where you can kind of go someplace and actually be the guy they care about versus just one of the other guys, right? Exactly. So on the one hand, I've been there, bro, and I've been there way more recently than Bobby has. So I remember more clearly, yeah, that sucks.

Being the shadow. However, you also gotta learn the spot you're in in this business, like, we'll talk to you. I'll call you and you'll be like, what are you doing today? And I'll be like, I gotta fly to fucking Marko. I don't come before it's hot, yeah. And then you'll go, you'll go, oh really? Well, I gotta fly to fucking Marco. I don't come before it's all, yeah. And then you'll go, you'll go, oh really? Well, I gotta go fucking do this.

And I go, shut up, Stu. That's what you should be doing right now. You're not where I'm at. You know what I mean? You're in a different state. So you gotta accept where you're at, but you also. Say it, Kurt. What?

I hate Joe's speech to Dan right now. I'm just kidding. It's something about it is like, I feel you're the anger that you got had well up it's like you feel it but I'm I want to cycle like I want to get to the bottom of what it is that's so annoying like it's like a tone it's like a tone dog whistle it's like no push the mic away again Three glasses on the table. I've had no when this became there were never allowed to be at all I'm joking you can with just but it's also it's not it's also that you can be funny whenever you want podcasts

Yeah, I know I'm trying to I'm trying to further the discussion It's, it's not explaining it now. Just, I don't know. It's just, it's just, don't further the discussion. It's because, it's becoming like, it's becoming like that tough crowdy thing where like, it's not every time somebody's making a point, it's gotta be like, shut up, FATSO in the middle of it.

It's not, no, he's calling you FATSO. But you know what, I mean, it's good. It's like, let's just fuck it. And we, we're like, this was like, let's just fuck it. And we're good. This was actually going to be an interesting discussion, I thought. It is. We're just, we're spicy. We're adding some pepper to it.

Stop getting sensitive, man. I'm not gonna tell you what. We're not. We're just laughing, dude. Did I ever play with you like that? Joe, Joe, you fine, dude. You're good. Dude, just keep going.

Don't listen to us. It's so hard. It's not hard today. You do you usually Usually I've been on the phone with you with FX you're good at just barrel and through when you get in slam by me a bill Stop you know what Joey's gonna you got upset genuinely for a second and it's throwing your whole just go into like Go done I thought you would have like an agreement or a disagreement with what I said, but I thought that was a valid point.

I had a stage where he's starting to get shit. So he thinks he thinks like fuck, I don't want to be the guy just sitting here, but at the same time you got to just be the guy sitting there. Do you know what I mean? That's all comfortable being the guy sitting there. Look, the first of all, Dan Soda, everybody loves Dan. I've heard not I'm gonna say this. Everybody.

SD's, I told you last night, SD thanked me. Yeah, he was really trying to drive Joe to the edge. He was really trying to drive Joe to the edge. I really, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, me, I'm not, I'm not saying, look, thank me for introducing her.

To Dan. To Dan. To better derose it. She said, I was at a good point. She went, she goes, where will you this weekend? I go, I was out with Dan Soda. She's all Robert. I want to thank you.

For Dan, he is so good. I love humble, nice, so funny. It's a good asking. Did I tell you? Yeah, you told me that last night. I've told you that, right? I've so I appreciate it. You were like working the club. Love it. Right. Yeah. So you're going to take you, you're still going to say that Joe's done more for you. You've done more, Bobby. Thank you. you're still gonna say that Joe's done more for you. You've done more, Bobby. Thank you.

Hiya. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Listen Joe wanted to introduce you to SD. It's just that. You know what one time I got mad like that it was you and Jay we were eating I was with my ex when we were having dinner somewhere a diner and I had like I wasn't booked anywhere I mean you guys will be like spa yeah, you know they were like ragged and dude like I was like boiling I want to fucking physically attack Joe and Jay Jay, because I was so mad in those positive areas. Oh, you never know when, look at, man, we take a lot of shit from each other. But we all give a shit about each other. But here's the thing, you never know when you're not gonna have,

you're not gonna have your force field. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? Joe's forced underbell. Joe, your force field today was down. It's down a little bit. You put it down, and then you got hit. It's down a little bit down and then you got hit It's down a little bit because I think because it's the second week in a row where I was trying to like talk seriously

You took a hot last week, dude, and it was fine I laughed my balls up, but it was the second week in a row where I was trying to talk seriously about something and I'm just getting Fuck I'm just like dude. I don't care that I'm getting slammed. I just want to like actually have the discussion We did we will have the discussion. We will have the discussion. Joe, but you have to understand too that there's no rules and regulations. This isn't a talk show. This isn't a, this is what it is.

And yet there's going to be fucking arguments. It's going to be fights. You're going to miss out on your force field. It's going to be down. People are going to get angry. People are going to, but people are going to attack you when you're fucking down, dude. I mean, yesterday my force field was down

when I was on the phone with you guys and that was one of the worst beatings I've taken. Don't ever interrupt me again. I felt bad. We're gonna have to get fucking. I gotta be real honest with you. Why? Why it was really fun.

You had some great ones. I just tell you it was mad and I was like, this isn't fun because he's mad. What were you doing? He's upset. And I remember being there. I remember like, I remember being there. Yeah, but I don't fucking smat.

Look at you, you went through what I went through. We went through some fucking digs, man, okay? You mean in comedy or like that? Yeah, just fucking around, man. You too, you've come up. You got some shit. We used to make fun of you. Eyebrows all the time.

Remember when you drew the picture of me? Oh, man. It was like the most unflagged or ever. And and he he passed through the cellar and like the way the job is to the witches. We're across the room pointing at it. I don't remember that thing. I got so mad I stormed out Steve burn that happened brought me on the road the next night. He felt so bad. I had no idea that he fucking stormed out through his glasses down and his and and push them Michael. I just found one.

I want to see you. They want to. She is this. Really through a very final pair of shoes on the telephone wire. I was. Yeah. I look. You never know when you're going to fucking have your force feels down. But what are you doing?

Your dog's growling. Why? I don't know because you have a monster voice Yeah, he's be scrolling at your fucking voice Listen here's the thing is that it happens so but here you're a fucking You're a fucking asshole. Yeah, yeah But you're doing you're doing the same thing that you said you were doing when you said that you're fucking he's fucking with you Not fucking with me now you're fucking with me because Keith's not here

Last week you just took it like a man this week you get an all sensitive and not taking that's not true I know I just said that I just said that I figured I just got a couple really I just make sure you fucking foistra, we're back up. You pussy. We all want to feel above Dancer. And it hurts when you don't feel like that. It hurts me to even know he's doing this. But you know what, you're right.

You're right, you're right. My shields were down for a minute of sorry. And I'm really, the real crime here is not a man getting a little sensitive. The real crime here is we could have spent all this time smashing corporate bands dumb faced Oh, I was with a fucking Guinness jacket and a bag from Guinness. Oh my god. I guess bag That plan Hollywood jacket every jacket take the jacket out There's a gift from the corporation Wow, oh my god, and he said that's not do they know how much you like Hitler yet?

Dude don't say that It's gonna go above and beyond I know that you have a fucking let's just tear the whole fucking building down because I made up that thing That jacket. Yeah, that's a fucking great jacket. If you sell paint at Ace Hardware. I swear to God, I'm not excited. If there was a knife here, I would have stabbed the jack. I just got a whole new set of coloring.

Talk me in nice. Try it out. If you stab his jacket, I swear to God, he's going to hit you. You're going to hit me. I don't know. Dude, he's stab his jacket I swear to God he's gonna hit you He's not his jacket. It's yours. He brought it for you cuz he's just he didn't bring that for me, dude Yes, he did I said when he asked that that jacket really is from me. I said no I just brought it to piss off Joe. It's his jacket. Do you look at his face dude? If I took that jacket right now He'd be sad. He go home and go fuck. I missed out on my chest This is really your he has to wear that on stage. I wouldn't stab it if you had to wear the jacket when you Don't wear it when I'm on tour. Yeah, you're corporate Dan. Yeah

Pretty Rent paid finally you stop saying that you would have done it anyways as the rest of us did with comedy You can have anything from the company store that you want Yeah, you know what here's another thing. I'm fucking sick I Wanted fucking MPR Joe. I want it. I tried to be fucking, you know, you know why you're getting angry Joe now because I did drop my guard and I tried to be nice and go damn I understand what you're coming from and that cocksucker did nothing to get my back

when you guys smashed me for. Newtrooper. Newtrooper. Go. When did I? And what was this supposed to go? Thank you, Joe. Here's what you remember what it was like.

Let's say, yeah, that is what you said. Oh, I was sitting on this. No, I'm just sitting on the old dude. We're supposed to think this cocksucker struggled because he served for heaters until, it is it a good I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm I'm sorry I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm I'm I'm I'm sorry I'm I'm I'm sorry I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry Are they gonna show you how they make a burn? Dan are they gonna show you how they make me? Dan you're crossing your line. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Listen, you fucking, this, this, this, this, I'm fucking shit going on. This is audio shit happening. You two fucking apparently fucking are mad at each other. Oh, I'm not mad. Are you mad? Joe's mad that I have an opportunity.

Joe, I'm mad at myself. Joe likes it. He, this is what I've tired. I'm tired of him sitting here talking about his struggles of comic. He safely waited tables and spent all his money on booze. Like a fucking, you. Fine.

Hey, don't, he's not, but he's not saying you didn't do it. Yeah, you're saying all your money You're making you like yeah, like I was a lunch waiter at a Mexican restaurant. Yeah, but yeah But so what I was one of the Italian restaurants Great and you yeah, but yeah, but no, I was doing comedy at night I was doing comedy banging broads and fucking having fun You know I said the same thing But yeah, I had a lot of money. Stop acting like you got a boat from another country.

I'm not acting like an African dishwasher. I'm not sitting here going, I don't know what DC's for people. I don't have opportunity. What? You live. You are a waiter and you lived in Queens. Yeah. Yes, what?

Yes, you lives in Queens, homeless people and waiters. That's all that lives out of there. I believe it. The cost of living is quite affordable. Covered Dan has to. Well, excuse me. Corporate Dan interjecting here. Out of your masters, you fucking.

And you know what? And you fuck you. Fuck you. All right. All right. Listen, what we're going to get to this. I want to get Jocelyn's. You're not going to be on the podcast for the next couple of weeks, right? Good. Maybe one more episode.

Wait, are you going to do Monday? Oh, Tuesday. You'll leave in Monday. I'll leave in my ass. for the next couple of weeks, right? Good. Maybe one more episode. Wait, are you, when are you gonna do Monday? Oh, Tuesday, you'll leave in Monday. I don't leave in my ass shit. Yes, you're done. I thought we were doing one more this week. I don't know, we might. Um.

Cause I want to get Joe his stud studded cut off gloves for showing his dangerous chill. Hey, listen, listen, listen, listen, here's a deal. We got some questions I want to get to. We're gonna take care of this next time. We need to let the we need to let this calm down All right, we need to let it just We're right the fucking meat of it right now You're absolutely right get that pussy

Why you back it off? I'm not gonna go off to you. God stop you're the old guy on the heist You're the old guy on the heist. You're the old guy on the Heist. What happened to you? This dog's gonna die. Oh, dude. I'm worried about Kurt's dog. I'm very worried about this. I don't know what you guys are whining about. Listen, I'm gonna take care of probably.

We fucking years by point. He waited table. I told him that I was struggling. He waited tables. He made a nice wage wage. How did you know how much I spent all this money on booze and y'all broke and then he got a corporate tour Dropped into his lap, but he's like hey, I know what it's all about to struggle on this bitch Did I know really really Joe? Made You understand that I would love to have a job You understand that I would have loved that job I'm so pretty good. I saw porn in a basement. I just sit the basement and no

I don't mean in the fun like hey here are our dildos here are pocket poses way I sat in a basement and had to call places and go Smoking around me in a warehouse What was your job then He walked in and you hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Okay, here's what I did when I got fired what you do? I'm doing a fire Jay Oggerson said to me who I was living the time he goes He goes dude you're fucking comic stop looking for jobs just be a comic and I had No, dude you couldn't even you couldn't I couldn't even buy booze dude. I was so fucking yeah

You know much college loans I have and other stuff Me too. That's right. I was getting. I'm sorry that I'm economically responsible and I kept the job That's right. I was getting worried. I'm sorry that I'm economically responsible and I kept the job until I had a house to do the leave. I mean, that's not strong already. I put myself in credit card debt. Dan, I had to live off girlfriends.

I had to do it. I was like, you know what I'm saying? We're not doing it. We're waiting tables is not fucking, waiting tables is not that bad of a job. You get to meet chicks, you get food, you get food. The place I worked that was really shitty and they wouldn't give you food.

They give you like staff mail, which is like shit. It was like shit. Doesn't matter, you still get the food, okay? You get food, you get cash in hand, and you get the fucking pretty much chicks. You get to do your comedy advice. And you get to the beginning, you mean chicks. You mean a ton of chicks.

Yeah, so fuck you, it's not like you were in a prison working a cafeteria, making mac and cheese for fucking inmates every day. You were in Times Square. Where were you? Where were you? Don't put me that low on the toilet and pull. Where were you?

As a midtown east. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck you, Dan. Here's your hair. Here's your hair. I hope you a fucking tour goes down. You do?

I hope it does. I hope you You do? I hope it does. I hope you're fucking, I hope you'll on the Guinness Corporation. Whoa, for picking him. I don't, I hope, I hope it's such a rigorous tour schedule that he's got to take a little puddle jumper plane during a Blizzard, Blizzard,

and it crashes and you're the richy valence of comedy. Yeah, you, wow. You know what? I'm not gonna lie. If that happens, I'm gonna haunt Joe The rest of his body like La bomba he just bomb with me the bomba listen

Now is true or false that you once said that Guinness is a lot like Satan because it's both black and Irish I love Guinness, and I love them very much. She's hurt, we're joking, trying to get him up and hurt. Really, I was going for the wrong. Well, they believe that he said these things, if I say this, I'm going to put it in. I didn't say it, I love it. Listen, here's the thing, is yeah, did you watch,

did you watch the news? Oh, any real? Any real just got fired, fired for saying some shit, that probably was taken out of context or the truth and he got five I said nothing you know, what it's not really is you really just handling this in a John Cassavetti's dirty You really put a Franco I saw it all the way So the end with telly's a balless want to cut that I never saw it all the way. I only saw the angry telly's of Wallace wanted to cut that shit.

Yeah. Joe and Bobby are going to be good ribbing and Curtis goes right for the throat. Listen, we don't think that. No, seriously, bringing it back to Eddie Brill. I mean, he's fucking fired. He's gone. Because the girl day, you think it's because the female comics would be mad. Well, I think it was the whole thing.

And the guy who wrote the article, man, wow, that's fucking scary power. That's scary power. But don't all journalists journalists have that if they write feature pieces like that that's scared well here's a deal to any interview any real did that audit i think he had to be into it he thought he was new time finally some recognition for me any real this guy had a heart on for any clearly now might have been because he wrote the intro to the article after any said things he like but the in intro

Paragraph the fucking article he talks about Eddie go out at going out at UCB I'm bombing in front of the hipster thing to do like to work on his letterman set and go yeah, and he writes the joke and then he goes Few left. He also called him big headed right no well good nature big It's like meeting literally like he's got a big head like he's like you'll notice this physical big head And as a man with a big head, when you're putting him next to Reggie Watts, with that in the article, he's like, Reggie Watts has a big head, big head.

It's just like next to Eddie, there's two big way of wild things or is coming at you. And put that one. We need Kurt on the podcast. Dad's funny the whole time. He's the only one that's constantly getting funny.

Try to eat a kid in her rabbits. I it's just unfuckable. I mean, look, nobody does. Everybody likes Eddie. I think all new comics are female comics. And then they, you know, then you earned a right to be considered a male Right like even Joe still has some of his female comic years coming out And that's like every of them migraines a female comic. It's like like all beep. Oh, you know

Don't be a bit. He's also now female and then something happens. They turn male in the womb. Yeah Yeah, that's how comics are Yeah, the vagina lips turn into balls every Every comic and his way got from doing. I tend to do this. Well, this is a guy from the Laf house was being like a white guy there. That's like starting out as a girl comic in this black room. Because we're like, oh, great. What's this?

You think you're a bitch? You don't want to hear what you're saying? Let's just get something clear here. I've, I've, I've sympathy for what women go through in this business. But being a white comic at a black club is so much fucking harder. They're being a girls, they won't heckle the girl just because she's a girl in most clubs. They won't girl boasting, and this motherfucker off the stage.

They won't, they do that to the white comics, dude. That's fucking brutal. Yeah, that's it. Like, be a white, just a white guy comic in an all, and not in like, even New New York dude is is better black crowds like Philly is you're getting a real dumbass crowd like the guys were just the beard the Philly beard and they failed a lot of all that bullshit. The Jbeard just said the Jbeard but what's the Jbe Oh, is that what's called huh? What's the Jbeard the pencil beer beer Jay's got the Philly Fruit the fruit the Rick Ross It's about the Philly Longbeards. Yeah, the long beer no

I respect Joe for trying to get a fucking a big J slamming Go ahead. That was funny. He's got the he's got Jay look Jay's Jersey man. Hey, Jay is Jersey Here's the thing here's the you know what actually I take it back is Jersey bad. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is.

Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is.

Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. Jay is. hilarious. Wait, who, what, who are we saying now? These are ones you think they're treated rough? I just, I always want to talk to about my dog. Like what, what, um, your class is, they're not getting a fair shake.

No, no, what I'm saying is, is what I'm saying is I, I, I'm, I'm reneging on what I said about. I don't even raise this. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll be like, shut up hot bitch. Like, I do have that in my head. And I'm not talking about like two of them. Yeah, like the hot ones I'm like you should shut and I have that break because they're hot You know, it's not getting I get it But here's the thing is I'm taking back what I said about I oh they go through sure they don't go to struggles because here's here's what female

Comics I have that no that no this isn't it They know what their comic has is just the truth if you're a female comic and you're cute and cuddly and kind of clever, whatever, you can always go to the downtown scene and get a nice warm reception because they love cute and clever. And they don't do that with guys. Like you have to be fucking funny if you're doing it.

There's a whole industry of alternative guys being cutesy little bitches. Like of course, you go with guys. They don't cuddle them the same way they do with the girls There's a real like there's a real like old school Shivalry down there's also a point of your career too when none of the shit really matters. Yeah, I mean honestly Where the three of us are at it doesn't matter then you're gonna have to Yeah, I'm still there really is at the point though where he's at the be it's either in the middle of your career this shit matters

Right kind of on the beginning in the end it really doesn't matter Yeah, on the other end you just like fuck it. I'm I make my money. I'm not in competition with anybody Nothing stands in my way except for myself and I'm doing fine But when you try to get that next ladder and the next one you see people pass you and and then you get it But then it goes away and then it comes back. That's when you start going at that this and these people suck, but then that just goes away one day when you can look at your bank account and go, I'm okay.

Right, I'm all right, I can pay my rent, I'm fine. I don't give a fuck. You can recognize that these things go on. Yeah, but I have to be angry. There's Eddie Brill back to Eddie Brill. Here's the fucking point is that he fucking went out there and look man, people wonder why baseball players and they give these stock in just trying to do my best.

You know corporate Dan answers, corporate Dan answers, right? Right. You got to because you'll fucking they will they will fucking take you down that you will get fucking ruined. You're going, I mean this guy look, I don't care if you don't like it, he'll, okay, you're talking about a guy in his 50s who now has to find something else to do. Yeah. Who had rent in a certain way of life.

That's like getting divorced, a woman being married to a rich guy and getting divorced. You didn't go to college, you took care of the kids, you took care of this guy. Well, now you're out. Now, if you don't have, if he has a fucking, if you don't get half of that shit, you're, you're gonna live a different life. Well, you know what? Thank God he's got that great act of fallback. You know what this is really like. Let's run with you. I'll tell you what this is really like, dude. This is like, I love him. I fucking, I'm hilarious. But he's just so fucking raw and nervous.

This is like, they just threw it. You don't care. They just threw this guy out with the wolves now. This is like when the peasants stormed Marie Antoinette's fucking palace. It's like, he was, he was, he was, he was, I really didn't, I really didn't, I was still like, no that Joe right for using Antoinette. I know why you'd hate Joe I mean, I'm saying it. I'm saying it references a fucking violently angry. This article comes out makes all these comments

Everybody. No, you're a why you said I'm not I'm just saying like this article comes and he makes all these comments publicly He's gonna more people are gonna be pissed off the people that are already pissed off is now he doesn't have the protection of the shiny Joe you chose your ever zone podcast today. You're really a hot man Today I got chatty catty you really have a lot of issues that you want to get to and I'm a I want to make my points today. You really do man You just fucking sit Marie Antoinette fuck you Joe Bob that's not that smart of a reference on this podcast. It is I got Trash and let them be cake. It's that lady. I like it. I like her. You're right

I should I should know that It's good ideas It's a good plan. Here's a thing Joe I think I think I just think it's sad that I's the thing, Joe. I think it's sad. I mean, it's whatever. I said it's sad. Look, he might have fucked up and not been, and you know what? Maybe it's, who's gonna, what's gonna happen now?

Where is he gonna go? I don't know. It's sad. You give a guy a chance to say he's sorry and then he fucked up and they didn't give him that chance and after all those years You don't get that chance and you don't get that chance in show business when you're making money and it's corporate fucking money You don't get that fucking chance. You fuck up. You're a done out You don't get a second chance and he's about warm up for the show. Yeah, don't forget is he still doing warm up now?

No, besides yeah, there these these fuckers now This is how this corporate shit works. They will cut the ties. They turn their fucking How do you let me you have no idea? You're not corporate. I absolutely ask corporate dance. That's a good point I don't know how does it work. I Appreciate everything that this company's done for me. I Appreciate the opportunity to travel and to reach new people and I want to thank all of you for everything You've said how long see I don't mind sabotaging my career when I hear Dan How fucking long wait till we get a call from Dan and he goes listen

They heard the podcast with Kurt and the Hitler jokes. I can't do the podcast for the duration of the tour I can't I'm just not allowed to do it. You how long before that fucking have a second right now? He's already made. He already made that man. It's mine. I'm already doing damage control. I've only said it out. I mean, how do you make that choice between your your money and doing a podcast? Well, we were first of all this podcast would do more for his career than this. Tori's going on. I think you're I think you're right. In lot of people know who he monster voices That is true cuz you what are you gonna go in front of a drunk crowd in Seattle? Hey, who's that fucking big headed shit? With a fucking Guinness code on do you mean me people at stop being on the stern show like just out and like holy shit like it just sad

Listen, we're gonna wrap this up listen This is an hour and fucking 40 minute podcast. It's ridiculous. This went all over the fucking place It was out of control. I blame me. I lost the reins at some point and I fucking it just went everywhere There's no range baby Fucking that's rat pack Joe you don't know him. Oh, fucking that's rat pack Joe. You don't know him. Oh, I met rat pack Joe. Here's a deal. You got any questions from Twitter?

Yeah, one of those. Ask a couple. We got to do two or three questions. Joe, did you really want to seal the deal? You get the fucking phone out, thumbs up. I usually get you to remember. I especially get you phone out and read the fucking. And read the names.

From Jim S. Once in a, At Jim S. No, it's at J.R. 671. That's a good part, dummy. All right, stupid. You want to know? Shut up.

You want to know if you really want to seal the deal with Bailey J. Hashtag 3-some-any-one. Yes, I do. Like, but, but, but, but, like I say that respectfully to her husband. I'm not saying I would, I'm trying to. She's married, but if, if, if ever there was a deal where they were all cold with it, apps are fucking

loo-ly. Wait, what would you say? Theoretically, yes, absolutely. Sealed the deal how? Like she would penetrate through since they both have dicks. We've talked about this. It's such a length. Yeah, I'm going back to it.

Alright, another question from the Veele chop. He wants to know, have you ever thrown or smashed a video game controller in a rage? Apps are fucking. It's so wide and wind. I snapped one and a half. Will we when? I snapped one and a half. Will we play? I snapped one and a half. Go!

You fucking love a fucker. Well, you really, because I've tried to do that, and there's no edge. At night, I can't, because I live with my wife, and on my apartment, it's like, you know, there's upstairs downstairs, the whole bedroom and everything is downstairs. So I can't fucking, I can't scream.

Right. I can't yell and get it out. She's sleeping. That's a lot. I've literally gone fucking you know, are you fucking mother fucker? You suck and I've literally gone fucking got in the snap. And throw the funniest video game free got I ever saw my life was my cousin John. We were kids. We're like 13.

We're playing. I forget blades of steel or some shit. He got so mad at the Nintendo. Nintendo, he punched it, right? And the game popped out, you know what that would happen? Yeah, he just took it out, and he opened his bedroom window and went, and it fucking skipped across his grass into the street. I brought two knuckles playing,

Major League MLB baseball with Matt Frost. He bet me, he bet me this. He goes, we're gonna bet every inning, trips to the store, Gatorade, cigarettes, and every fucking point or whatever. He, cause he plays all day, every day when he gets home from work. He beat me so bad.

I smashed, I just smashed his wooden table. I punched it, broke my my knuckles and then he goes Can you go to the store and get me a gatorade and a pack of American spirit yellows and I had to go that was like the deal Now it was wood I broke my now it's fucking solid. Oh What's in the money out with another question. This is a good one from Lewis J Gomez from the Hammer Fisting podcast. Lewis J Gomez says, who did his voice? Dan Soder. How did it feel when J.R.

from the comic strip told him he sounded too much like at Kurt Madskirt? We talked about that. Good. Joe. I did. If you know, uh, it was honored. Yeah. Well, don't listen to this.

Of course, why you shouldn't be. I don't want to tell you why. And not because what he was doing, because he said this also to Lewis, Jay Gomez, his friend, Dave Smith, another comic. Dave does sound like you though. Dan is not anything like. Because what JR did was just rewarm his same critique of a guy. Right. And just like, oh, you both got the voice you're kind of tall.

And he just like threw out another another critique and didn't really You know, I mean like it wasn't like did it make you feel as bad as when S.D. said I really love Dan Well, that's it that made me feel great Like you Something something fucking Lewis Jay Gomez will know me. Congratulations Jay our somebody has finally mentioned your name Why the comic strip who's J. I like J. I like J. I don't I like J. I can't know it. No, it'll be for J. I Know I'm trapped in so I really like Thank you so thank you so much. Fuck. Fuck about Dan. He's moving on. Yeah, it's right

I wasn't tragic Dave Smith. I'm just saying his voice sounds like you Yeah, it's right. No, by the way, I wasn't trashin Dave Smith I'm just saying his voice sounds like you got a These Ryan Olson at Finnegan666 says why is dangerous Joe so angry these days seems like ever since Bailey J He is angry. Maybe he is confused. Yeah, maybe I confuse. He's very clear He wants to have sex with a transexual. Why are you so angry Joe? You know, man. I'm just a guy trying to figure it all out You know, man, I'm just a guy trying to figure it all out. And finally, Pogo Joe, 2011, at Pogo Joe, 2011, says, will your podcast be back on the

O&H channel like Barney and Vosses? Hashtag, hashtag horse teeth. Hashtag horse teeth. Yeah, yes, it will be. It will be on the on the network. Can you get that? Really? You see how corporate Dan almost went for the phone. I'm gonna say, because you've heard it today. Uh, this, it is fucking bitch. A lot of stuff went down. It's a goddamn game. They just buy it all.

Oh, my God. I mean, the phones will be ringing. Hey and Joe Bobby. I'm in the scene. Louis and the multi with the giddity the goddamn And I can't hold over the plate of holes of ringing everybody got their force fields down I'm in jolt and tempered slather Controling given quips and all kind of stuff. It's a goddamn game Curned-tuning, given quips and all kind of stuff. It's a goddamn Gator Fie. You got a damn Gator Fie. That's a nice, that's a nice, nice Guinness jacket

you got there, Dan. That's not said thick materials. You could wear that to get it to a goddamn Gator Fie. There it is. Welcome back, everybody. All right, let's say, fuck this podcast. This is a fucking disaster. Listen, it's a gator Fie.

You're going to call it that. That's the title of the disaster. It's a fucking disaster. Dan, you're gone. You're fucking history. You're you're gone. When are you coming back, buddy? Beginning February. Alright, so we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Dan at Dan Soda. You can see him if you like Guinness. Yeah, actually, you should go. Where is San Francisco? Keep going. January 26th 7th and 8th Los Angeles February 2nd 3rd and 4th and Denver Yep February They'll be some show and in all honesty just want to really give you a push in these things

They are cool shows these doing and he's got no chair each of their portion And he's gonna go up and do a set which is. And then after he puts on a little half shirt and brings Sam. Listen man, seriously though, ah, really go. Go. If you see this Guinness tour, go check them out. Support all of us, man. We fuck with each other. But I don't, I don't want this to be like I want you I want you people listen to this to fucking go and support all of us Joe. Where you gonna be? When's this come out next Monday? Yeah, I'm I'm around New York doing spots and then I'll be in Philly University of Delaware and the Laugh House in February check my Joe to Rosa comedy dot com current. What are you gonna be? She's I don't even remember next road date dude, but Ugly Americans is coming back on Comedy. And you can tell people that.

Oh, yeah, I'm in the zombie on it. So if you watch Ugly Americans, we're still watching. Can you do the voice? It's just my voice. I know. I just do my voice. Kurt walked in for a zombie cartoon and just went, what do you guys want me to read?

They go nothing. You know, literally that's what happened. I didn't even do the lines. I just thought I would talk in AK zombie voices. We have lost the voice in zombie voice. I guess it's not. Yeah. Well, he really is a Halloween horror.

I'm telling you this guy. And this fucking show is a wrap. Thanks for listening. Make sure you go get the app. Robert Kelly app on iTunes. It's free. And make sure you donate and make sure you spread the word about this fucking podcast. You know what, dude, podcast, review it, subscribe on iTunes and go to riotcast.com, mother fuckers.

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