Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - You Know What Dad!

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

It’s a dad heavy episode with Bobby and fellow fathers Dave Landau and Brandon Collins! We talk good dads, bad dads, dead dads and what makes a real dad on this weeks YKWD! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com All right, check it out. Damn, damn, damn, damn, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went back, you know, it's back live. Real quick, I want to thank this company called SciCop. That's a new bag company that just sent me these beautiful bags to check out and test them.

Literally, it's a CY-COP-slashlife.com. It's a bag company, but I have to give me two bags that I use for the last month on the road This is the sling that goes over your tits Goes over the front of your body. This thing is awesome and this this thing's almost like a little duffle bag and it squeezes down and You can put your computer in there. I mean, it carries three days, four days worth of stuff. So I don't have to have a wheelie bag. I hate wheelie bags. I feel like a salesman.

Like I'm selling a vacuum cleaner, there's a coffee when I'm on the road. I might as well have a suit jacket that the stuitist can I take your jacket, sir? I make or take my wrinkled up puffy coat, it really bugs them. But yeah, this thing is awesome. I, this comes out, look how big that is.

And it's got one, two, three, I mean a million pockets, and then I use this for all my gadgets and all my stuff and my iPad. And I put that, I hooked that right on the seat in front of me. This is the sling, this is the day pack, it's side cop. If you are a traveler, if you go on the road and you want to look classy and you want to have enough room, this thing's expandable. That's why I like it. It shrinks down and then gets big. You can fit a basketball in here or two of my stomachs. Right here. So, so you can talk guys. I mean, you can talk. You don't have to shut up. I mean, I say something.

I said you had to do that. No, I do. But you have to do that. But you're here. I mean, just I didn't want you guys while I'm, you can talk. You don't have to shut up. I mean, I say something. So you had to do that. I do. But you have to do that. But you're here. I mean, just, I didn't want you guys while I'm doing the ads. Go. So anyway, what are you doing over on the Kumi? I never got to do this. I was thinking to do in this podcast. You think that would be interesting? Yeah. Well, me and Mike don't hang out that much anymore. David, I just came in. You were young. I like Napoleon. I know what to do. Wow. That's very alarming. That's what you say. That's all your anger into with those bags. Well, I'm not, see, this is the funny part. Oh, so, um, yeah, there you go.

Psychop. Psychop slash life.com. Check them out. Here's a problem with you too. You don't run anything. Correct. You just do shit. Yes.

Yeah. So I have to, I, this is from scratch. So when you show up and not, and people aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing. What are you supposed to do? No, you know, you know, I didn't yell you never saw me I'm sure a fletch of leadership there starting yelling is too different than people of fans of this podcast. No, we're not you That's yelling Shut the fuck that's fuck this hey, you supposed to do you do that's not young I kinda like the yelling more I'm more afraid when you're being direct. Yeah, why I don't know cuz your lips get a little juicy lip

You know you look like you're in my cuz I'm yelling That's not you yelling. Yeah He's also looking down. He can't make eye contact with you. I was everybody in this room shook He looks like a dog. Why is this camera so high in my way of my guest? What the fuck this is what happens? We're redoing the studio. I got you. We we've been through a many different incarnations Or is that a flower? We we've been through many the studio now going through another one. We're redoing it. We're getting brand new high-deaf holy shit cameras and you know, we're redoing everything in here. So when they do that

They get a rip everything I've built for the last two years where I got a perfect almost now It's all up in the air. So this camera is eight feet tall in front of his face Now if that was any other guest, I'd be happy, but I haven't seen him, what's your name again? What's your name? Brandon, man. Brandon, haven't seen him in a long time. Apparently.

And I miss him. Brandon Frazier, right? Yeah. Come on, Bob, you texted me out to my assurge, right? That's what I do, I know. But anyways, we're back. What are we gonna do, Mike? Talk to me.

Well, the computer's not working, but let's talk about laughable. The computer's not working. We're getting the highest speed internet. What's the internet we're getting, Zach? It's a stealth. Stealth! Dude, this is government shit we're getting.

Stealth? Stealth? Wi-Fi. Isn't the government shut down? Yeah, it's breaking down. No, the government's back open. What are you, an idiot? Yeah, another 15 years.

Two more weeks, right? Yeah. That's the fact. Yeah, actually, I'm more on it. Yeah, I didn't know. It was end of conversation. It explains why I was flying so well this week, as opposed to the last couple.

Anyways, we got laughable.com. If you like podcast, you got to go laugh. Well, it's the only app to have on your phone. It's just what the the functionality of it. It just makes you when Dave's on show a brand and brand is on the I love you. You know, I love you. I'm fucking kidding with you.

I love Brandon. Not as good without Mike, but listen, if they had no, I'm getting Brandon. Actually, I like your bad. Don't tell him. If he's on the show, you can see all of the podcasts he did. It's a great app. You got to check it out and they're adding new stuff. So comics have shows.

They're going to add ticketing. They're going to add merch. So you can like a podcast and then get everything with that podcast. People right in the app. laughable.com download it now. What else do we got? Michael? Seller Vegas. Seller Vegas. I'm there when you're going to be there in May, aren't you? I don't know. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I have your dates up right now. Don't yell. No, not yell, he doesn't have the answer. You're going to have about May 22nd through the 22nd to the 26th. I'm there with Vos Robinson Keith KW are superstar or a K a K.

We are super star. Okay, Robins on, you know, I can't stand you. I've never called him that. No, what's the comedy? What's his comedy? Remember the I get the yelling. Remember the other comedy express. Yeah. Thank you. Sorry. Wow. You're you're a shit sidekick. But it makes him even better because if he was good, it would just be like another talk show. Anyways, I got the mush.

That's at the mush for a sidekick. Who is it? Ha Keith KWR. So anyways, we got him and Rich Voss, of course, in Vegas, which I'm very excited about. We also have what are we have this week I'm in Albany. I mean Albany funny bone this week last week I was at the stress factory in Bridgeport. And I had a little anxiety about it, to be honest with you. A little anxiety. It's in Bridgeport. It's, you know, I was

GVTN. No, I mean, it's pretty, you know, it's it's it's a little bit. The Walmart had a guard. Not a guard, a SWAT officer. Did they have like the bullet proof vest on? Dude, everything. Yeah, that happened when I was in Wichita, Kansas. What? Yeah, I know. I didn't want to be there. But yeah, apparently somebody had been grabbing knives and stabbing people at the store. And I was like, so you got the bulletproof fest. He's like, I don't know. It's better than that. It's better than a spook of polisher.

Yeah. But they make, they make Trattle Jackets that are, that are slice proof. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah maybe lock the knives. Of course we have Dave Landau. The, I mean, what a great show today. I'm very excited about this show. You and Brandon. Yep. Brand the counts or uh, who is what every one of you. I'm just like I know you're not a while. First of all, Dave's more black than you. I'm not.

I specifically wore this urban hoodie. so you wouldn't say they like. Is it a fubu? What is it? It's a Levi. It's a Mark Ecclec. You want Levi? Really? Justin Timberlake collection, too. Is it terrible? Oh, well, this is a terrible thing for me.

I would have thought Mark Eccle, but I'm proud of you. That's how erwin you get. You're a cop, it's a me day if I appreciate it. Yeah, dude, but the club was amazing. Yeah. Club was great. Greenroom was great. Food was great.

Crowds were great. Yeah, standing up. Standing up. Cool. I was second weekend. I was standing up. It's pretty getting uncomfortable. I know.

It's getting a lot of work. It's getting a lot of work. I usually get one when I walk on the stage. Yeah, and then after no No, I've been my comedy's killing for so long. I'm just God Anyways, oh Mike it was fuck I don't know if you saw my answer story I'm sitting there Mike's in the green room. I look in this like a he's got his head on and there's like a fucking tough to hair sticking out and I'm like

What happened and he goes I was shaving my head and my the battery and my razor died So I go take it out off He looked like he did nine rounds of chemo I mean It was so it was almost sad. It looked like his insurance ran out halfway into his hands or treating him. Yeah, yeah.

It was fucking mind-bogglingly funny. I was, it was so just, just skids of hair. We was just trying to quickly get it done before, here it was, yeah. You have to do a comb over with hair that's real. We had to go we had to go to the Walgreens at fucking midnight. It's a double way better isn't shit.

Yeah, we had a bottom eraser when we and then I trimmed it in I trimmed it at a gas station. Two ball guys. Look over just KKK about the fucking to a rally in New York. Let's get ready at the doorknob. I didn't shave my head. We'll take care of it at the gas station I can't be a skinhead of work man once we get there. Yeah

Dude, I need this hair But yeah, great weekend over there. Thanks for coming out fans. What else? Well the rest of your dates. Oh, yeah, all but of you this weekend if you listen to live. Next week, Joker's cruise. Yeah, practical Joker's cruise next week. I have jury duty on Monday, and I have to leave for the cruise on Tuesday. Anybody can help me. You gotta just go guiltier.

Yeah, just say it right away. Yeah. Are you going to like the selection or are you already been chosen for? I just might go with blood on my shirt. Yeah, you should just be crazy. Yeah, that'll that'll you might see the peanut butter and Ask thing where like you know you pick it up. You like put your hand of pants and then you just go wrestling move Just let them know you're insane. I did see that at what that lucha was that wrestling the Spanish wrestling lucha Yeah, lucha Libre and

The Spanish guy right here, and I knew I got the juice. I literally go to the whittest, I go to the chick with hay here. Hey, what's that Spanish thing? Lucha, labor, I, Ola. Ola, salada,

because I'm white, and I know everything about culture. I'm woke, fucking Spanish guy, I didn't even speak Spanish. And who made the case idea? Who knows? Anyways, yeah, he was called,

his move is finishing move, was he stick his, he came out with a diaper. And he would stick his hand in his pants. And I guess he had a, like a chocolate bar up there when it was melted. So he would just wipe it in the guy's face. And it looked like shit. This is the same lead that the wrestler thinks plays in and shit. Yeah, I think so. Mickey works in the guy's face and it look like shit. This is the same lead that the wrestler takes place in and

shit. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Mickey works in the audience. Like, this has got to be fixed at some point. I mean, I can't see his face at some point, you know, in my life, I would like to see my guest. It's got to be backyard wrestling. Yeah, right? So you can't be that legit.

No, it was sold out. Peter, it was a sold out there. It was so fun. You go and they have comics through the commentating so they just smash Yeah, yeah, and then The it's all fucking crazy Mexican wrestling. It's hilarious. It's it's it's it's it's a show Yeah, they're on the masks and the mask some of them a mask some of them don't something have little outfits One of the things you one of the guys was really sexy like a Barbie doll doll and you would oil up. And I remember there was a whole rose.

It said CAA. It said CAA. So they got these front row seats. Right. Because they're CAA. And I remember I'm kind of annoyed. And they were on their phones. They're black, black barriers at the time.

Fucking annoying, fucking agents with black barriers of the, just using their thumbs. And they give it. They're gonna be attention to show them. All of a sudden, the guy with the oils, oiled his oil butt and threw the oil on the crowd and it just fucking all over their fucking shoes. They're blackberries.

It was all low and they were like, oh, and everybody laughed at him. They had, they left. It was the best. You want front row? You got front row. You morons. It's like front row of a Gallagher fucking show Front row with a porn fucking shoe

When you're pro rowing a musical you sometimes could spit on I learned that the hard way at the book of Mormon Yeah, my show you do too Fuckin I spit more than fucking anybody I've spit on many a crowd member. I spit piece a piece of meat I've spent on many a crowd member. I spit piece a piece of meat In a chick's eye Yeah, she was so polite. She's wiped it and kept it all like what kind of meat was it? It was a standing Shwama a little swarm of me. It wasn't my meat. It came out of the microphone So I to smell too. Oh god. I went like that as a joke Oh, and it went in that you had been a

I went Yeah, and I spit the meat out was somebody else is That makes it worse you think because you I mean that's a double burn. Yeah, it was terrible. Oh, man Yeah, thank God it didn't have a taste to it. You know what I mean like whoever ate it chewed all the taste out of it All the garlic out of that swarm There was just regular meat at that point like Any who what else we got well You're gonna be at the Winchester Theater outside of Cleveland. Yeah, I'm doing Cleveland one night

Winchester Theater and then the next night. You're doing a Pittsburgh Pittsburgh. Yeah Two shows. What's the place called? That is the burning bridges burning bridges Yeah, and then we got a big show Ron Bennington Jim Florentine Rich Vlas in myself Doing making making comedy great again tour March 8th. We're gonna have hats They're gonna be rainbow though Yeah March when March 8th. Yeah, and then I'm at levity live the second Yeah, March when March 8th. Yeah, and then I'm at levity live the second

fourth and third and fourth I'm a dyslexic douchebag level like you know, the robocale live.com There you go. And patreon.com killing it this week. You dad's episode was great. Yeah, David Bryan. Yeah, it was great. It's great.

The fans in the patreon love it. So become a member. Yeah, you remember mine? Yeah, well, I'm not for you. I have no money. Oh, just in general. Oh, I thought you said Patreon's got mine is. I'm shining.

Oh, just in general. I'm glad that yours a little bit. I like flirted with signing up. Flirted. You know, you put the like become a Patreon, you're like looking at the different tiers. Yeah, maybe one tier would you like to choose? The exclusive one. Oh,, you want to have one time

Are you Bobby? I you got it, man. Well right here. I'm like it is creepy because like I know you can't create me out No, you can't you can't create me out. No, I agree. Yeah, you can't create me out. There's nothing you could do to creep me out I mean if you took out your little weiner right now, okay, okay, and put it in your hand. Okay, and then Dave grabbed it, and then touched the tip of it, and Jiz stretched off of it. Okay. And then he swirled it around his finger, and wiped it as a Jiz mustache.

Yeah. And then came over here and fucking kissed me. I was wondering, you were gonna be part of that story. Well, of course, I'm gonna wait to the end. Well, he's not doing anything gay. Yeah, of course I'm gonna wait to the end Pay your not com slash rubber Kelly, please go to a joint if you're a fan of this podcast You should be a fan of that page go join right now and don't do the one dollar

One dollar talk me into that shit do one dollar Fucking everybody does five. It's a cup of coffee. I'll buy you a cup of coffee someday if you see me Imagine if they did that everybody and then I literally just I just became clean like it was just They just showed up every week Yeah, I want to get around 700 followers on that. So let's get that going. What else we got? Well, you guys right here. We got Brad and Collins and Dave Landau. Hello. Hello. So I mean, I'm excited to have you guys back. I've had you on in a while. I haven't had you on in a while It's been a while. Yeah, I know you're over at the Kumi and network. How's that going? It's great, man I love it. Yeah, now you what is it four days a week, right? Four days a week Monday through Thursday Compa on media.com 4 to 6 p.m. There you go. Great. How's Aunt doing?

He's great, man. I'm coming on today. I know. I'm really excited to have you back. It's been way too long since you've been on. Well, it's hard. It's, you know, it's hard to do. The only show that I, I, I, I really could do is, is Bennington, because it's like that perfect time.

Right. To come in. Right, right. Like Jim and Sam's hard because I, when I'm home, I like to, I walk my kid to that boss every morning. I have breakfast with them. We talk we It's my time with my kid before he goes to school. I 100% so it's yeah What a asshole. Why would you call there? You know I'm on the fucking air Anything bugs me somebody who knows I'm doing this, is like watching this and then they call me. Like, I want to go, oh no, it's you.

Every day, four to six people that listen will call me. It's like you fucking know what I'm doing. To be fair, we're doing it at every time this week. No, I'm pretty sure he's watching. Oh, okay. To be fair. Who's side of you on? I don't want you to lose a friendship over this'm gonna lose. You're gonna lose one. I'm gonna say Mike lose a job too This guy I'm not yelling at him. You're right. You're right. That's yelling my Michael. What's your name? I'm not yelling In 1989 What's 1989 my house as a kid? Oh shit? 1989 What's 1989 my house as a kid oh shit

Nobody knows your backstory I know it just it's figured it. I'm sorry. I'm it was helicopter sounds to me. I'm I'm working on my I've actually did really good this week with my anger because everybody knows him a fucking it I mean, it's just the way I grew up. I mean you fucking yelled at each other She stayed I rationed from Boston I wish Italian and I'm Irish to talent as well Exactly so you fucking that's just the way to deal with shit and then you moved to New York and there's a bunch of fluffin others I think passive aggressive cocksucker smirking motherfuckers like that kid. No kidding First time I met you. We had a long talk about how we weren't allowed to reveal a motion as a child. Yeah

Well, you can't look at my house if something happened you forgot about it You got yelled at about it and then you moved on you just didn't talk for 20 minutes and then someone goes What's em cereal like you? I mean yeah, you know some tragic shit would happen. And then you'd be sitting there in silence. Won't watch the game. All right. Even my older relatives, they were like,

if somebody died who they loved, they just took their picture off the wall and just never discussed it ever again. Well, I mean, that's a little fucking second. I don't know. My family. You said I mean, the older people, not like my parents, but like my grandparents. Well, it's funny. I was late family. I mean, the older people, not like my parents, but like my grandparents.

Well, it's funny. I was late today because I literally had checks and I had to go back and get all these things. 20 minutes, 25 minutes back to where I was. But I literally made it here on time. As I'm pulling out, my mom called. And I answered it. And of course, my mom answered it.

But she, you know, my father passed. I stepped that past. Sorry to hear that. It's okay. No, I feel bad because every time I say it, I feel like I'm saying it like my dad's dead. And you guys said, I'm so sorry.

But yeah, I get you. Mine's dead too, so thanks for bringing that. I'm not even mine's dead. The week of my wedding. So yeah, your dad's dead, the week you're wedding. No, I found out he, I've never met my dad. Mario White girl. I'm saying who's that?

No, I live jib phone. I only two days before my wife and I got married because we were gonna our marriage license. They required me to have my dad's legal name. Yeah, so they find out for my mom shoot my wife with them up and he's like a real like revered Oregon specialist at the University of Michigan and he died in the playing crash transporting a Oregon to an emergency

Patient in New York City. He's a statue in his name and shit. He's a doctor. Yeah, he's a doctor. Everything like it was so fucking weird to find out I'm a father. You never knew him. I never knew him. I never knew anything about him never met him. Wow You kind of wish he was a piece of shit. That's exactly exactly I have a whole bit about this. I have a couple five minute bit Yeah, I was gonna say hang on one second. Holy wait do it now. Good everybody Branding solid You know get me on that she did that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard best things ever We had to do fucking five minutes on the patreon cuz I was on a for that episode Well, we're trying to get all the old episodes out. I'm trying to get those but yeah That's crazy donated after the wreck ironically?

I have no idea. I didn't go that deep into the article. Nobody wants a smush liver. Oh, I mean, what if it's barbecued livers? Yeah, you know what, and they've been burned, that's very true. Hey, we got a half a kidney. If we put these two together, what's left of them? They're meaning three fingers.

Sorry. That's fine. I don't know. I'm sorry. This is fucking shady. Well, why was he shate? Can I ask you a question? Why would you? He's a surgeon, correct? So he had a lot of money.

Yeah, from like what I'm gathered. Why would your mother? Was she with him ever as a husband or she? No, no, they were together and when they were in college, she was like a year younger. Like from what I put together from like everything just read about his violence were together and when they were in college, she was like a year younger. From what I put together, from like everything just being about as violence though, he was clearly in bed school

and she was like an undergrad. And they hooked up whether or not she, like he was with some other chick or what have you, but he has a whole other family. Like I have two steps sibling, like half siblings. You know them? No, I've been thinking about like reaching out

to one of them on Facebook. Why would you? Because I was like, I don't want to turn her life into a fucking Tyler Perry movie You're not gonna turn a life and I'm gonna tell you what you're gonna do. She's gonna be like holy shit And she's gonna know her back story ever fucking bad What here's the thing about the father is that he is like this like also like this huge Christian man And like was very much involved in the church and shit

So that's another reason why if I reach out to her she might might be like, no, my father was a good Christian man. He would never step out of my mom. Well, you father jizzed in my mom and never fucking married. Or so God bless you. Yeah. How's that? I was gonna say. And that's why he died. God.

I mean, I believe he was. I always wanted to be a Lord. They should believe in DNA proven testing. Yeah. Like that's fucked up. Well, it's crazy because my father's legal name is Haitian. And when I did 23 in me, like it's said I had like all this like a fucking Haitian blood and shit.

I was like, what the fuck is that about? I only know my mom's side of family. Right. And then your mom, did your mom remarry? No, no, my mom's been single my whole life. Single mom. Now what does your mom do? Uh, right now she works for Amazon. Probably shouldn't have said that on the book as, but yeah. Yeah, what does your mom do? Right now she works for Amazon.

Probably shouldn't have said that on the back as but yeah, you're an asshole. But you could just but she's but she was supposed to say you know that giant company that ships everything. And two days business. Shaking over the world. Two days. She's a prime girl. She works for a shipping company. Yeah, that's big.

No, yeah, vague enough so that people don't hunt his mom down. Why are there shitty people to listen to our radio show not this one Don't say space oh I forgot who I'm associate I Hey listen, so that here's what's weird is that your mom I mean did you ever talk to her about like I mean She could have been married to a fucking brain surgeon. What it was the organ surgeon. I mean, that's a lot of that's a lot of money That's a different life. I mean to be fairly. I still grew up

Decently that's why I'm an asshole and shit. I still grew up in the suburbs and spoil it, but. But you would have been different. I would have been a different person. I would have been Christian. You would have been Christian. You would have been really into Jesus. I probably would have be fucking a Malibu right now. You wouldn't be talking podcasting comedy.

No, you never said that. No, you never said that. You got money, but fuck that. You'd have money. You might have just OD'd on a boat, though. Who's that? I mean, that's what I mean. I might have died of the play crash. Yeah, I know.

I'm a way to fire festivals. Your own plane. Yeah, going to Burning Man, you end up one. Yeah, you and your dad were the playingful of hookers. Yeah, they would have just found your fucking crucifu- your diamond gold crucifixes. I think of a rapper. Shit.

Ah, shit, man, that's crazy. My father's a fucking crazy. Well, I call my mom and she started talking about she's seeing my dad, like having conversations with him, which is, I'm cool with that because it's healing and they're good conversations. How long have they been separated or divorced or? You mean he's dead? Oh, I thought she might there's another one now. Now, because you said step dead.

My mom's a whore. No, I'm not. No, no, no. Oh, she's mean having conversations with her. It is a third husband. Oh, she's got him a hub. But you mean she's having conversations with the deceased? The deceased one. That was a tricky one. you mean she's having conversations with the disease. The disease.

That was what they got. That was the tricky one. See, the other one would just be normal. Right. But the tricky, the whoop part. Sorry, I went the normal direction. Yeah, yeah. I'm just, I mean, why would I bring that up?

And my mom talks to my, her, her, her other husband. Yeah, but he's the phone. Interesting podcast by Bob Kelly. Come in next week when we talk about, well, you can go to McDonald's and get a hamburger. Yeah, did you know that? He was together. He was a surgeon. He separated by a faulty engine. Oh My god, he was no He died in a plane crash

Waiting for a liver. Why is my hand sticky? That would be some like different like crash and We're all these stories that to one. It's got to be a butterfly effect. Oh yeah. Yeah, she was kind of conversations with him. Which I'm fine with it, but I was like, in my hand, I'm like, I gotta go. Oh, like I, you can't just be like,

my I gotta go. That was good. Nice talking to dad Thomas. I, you know, I got crazy. What, how long were they together? They were 30 something. Yeah, I mean, my my grandparents my grandfather did the same thing with my grandma passed My great-grandmother did the same the only thing you need to worry about is when they started like making food and shit and putting that out for the person Because that's when it's like I go to the house and there's a whole bowl of spaghetti and

Meatball made and she's like I didn't make that dad did or It's like it's for dad like this bulls for dad, then you should be like, uh-uh. But what if he's there? What if, if she says he made it, that's the biggest problem? But what if he did? Like what if, what if, what if, I mean, I'm, I didn't question it at all.

I wasn't like, my, I was like, good, and makes, I'm happy that you're, she's getting closure from these moments that she's having with him. Like she's having these real moments with him Where she sees him and she talks to him and he's telling her you know, I'm okay Had to had to go had you know and she's I'm cool with that. I'm fine with that. I have no problem with that No relatives that have had dreams like that. And then my mom would set the table for my dad

after he passed. I think that's just sort of part of closure. I don't think that's that weird. I couldn't imagine, like I have my family now, and I couldn't, I mean, I know it's coming. It's like that great Louis bit, where he's like, it doesn't matter how happy you are. Doesn't matter how great the best dog and blah, blah, blah.

And then you met your and she's a sweetheart from high and you found him been together for a shield die someday and your dog will be dead and you'll be alone. I feel like I'm gonna die before any of them though like that's the benefit. You think? Yeah. That's a benefit. No it is a benefit. I mean I don't want to lose people. I love my brother me. Die. Yeah, I'm only a child. I'm selfish man. I hate any kind of it could be it's I get that yeah, well, I'd rather inconvenience them with my life insurance Well, that's a thing is when people die people you know, that's why I have that bit in my act about fuck you wedding

Don't have a wedding save all that money for your funeral funeral. Like take that money that they're gonna give, just a lope, get it all with, and try to stay together as long as you can. And just have a party at your house. Have a party. That's all it is as a party. Let's stoop it. It's dumb, but a funeral costs 20 Gs.

I mean, it really costs a lot of money. And even if you got a burn, you know. If you're cremated, if you don't have like decent insurance, it's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. We get coverage on it. So you're talking 8,000, everybody should put money away. So when you die, that no, they don't have to do a fucking internal family go fund me, you know, which is a lot of it now because a lot of people just don't prepare for it. Like Kevin Barney, a community that just passed away, like, there's a lot of it now because a lot of people just don't prepare for it Like Kevin Barnett a community that just passed away like there's a huge go for me for him because he's 32 and he died suddenly

Yeah, yeah, the guy in Detroit Kool-Aid had cancer and he I know I I feel weird that I said you mean the guy with the Kool-Aid logo The big red guy. Yeah No, he had a he had a logo that said Kool-Aid on don't he might of yeah, yeah, that sounds big fat guy No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I remember a big fact I take my political Patrick. There's two cool it's cool No, there's another cool a to my right still in jail. There's a lot of guys called cool a But you all look like what you described. Yeah, there's a lot of fat guys called cool a Oh, in the earth and it's Antonio right. Yeah, well, he's a biggest now But yeah, he's more theid. Oh, and the Earth and Margot. There's one in San Antonio, right? Yeah.

Well, he's one of the Vegas now, but yeah. He's more of the legit Kool-Aid, because he had been on Lake Comic View in Def Jam. Right? So, yeah, he's the original. Yours or mine? Uh, which one? The one that I'm talking about.

This is the one that I'm talking about. Mine. So, your thin Kool-Aid, is the original Kool-Aid. The mine looks more like a Kool-Aid. Like he would burst your eyes. Yours is the Kool-Aid, man. What's the Kool-Aid guy saying?

Oh, yeah.? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm trying to ruin your parents' house. I do that when I fuck my wife. Right when I come I go, oh yeah. Very matcha manish right there. Oh was it? Yeah, thanks my wife does matcha man.

Whatever she is. Oh yeah. You stole my bit and made it better. Thanks for helping David, Jackass. Why you think I hired him? Just oh yeah You stole my bit and made it better Thanks for thanks for helping David Jack asked why you can't hire him Oh, aunt aunt hide him cuz his other fucking was a herald addict. Yeah, no choice The only one that would do it is that fucking loser from Detroit right there That's why you hired him. He's the only guy with, I mean it's not not true. Yeah, he's a funny guy. He could find wasn't doing fucking drugs and drinking it. Well, I found me 10 years ago.

I would have been fucked, but he found me at the right time. I found that 10 years ago. You did find me 10 years. You helped me get sober. 10 years ago. I know. So glad you did. Yeah, he was, uh, he was, uh, drink drink when I met him. He was a fucking. I mean just a fat hunk of garbage. I was yeah I remember the first guy asked was if we wanted to have a drink and he's like it's 11 30 Yeah, it's like what the fuck in the morning? This fun. Yeah, I know it's really not Now when you're doing it to stop shaking now when you have to blow your Chevy to get it started Oh, that was a second time That was once I got soap. I like oh, I see sober

Little hand to God intervened one of my I mean like if I think back one of my most proud people that I'm proud of is you Thank you that you did such a great job. Thank you. Yeah, it was funny We would have never known how funny you really are if you kept drinking. No, I was a complete fucking disaster. You're a fucking disaster. So when I worked with you I was borderline just dead. I mean really the first time because that's when I ended up getting the DUI that got the breathalyzer put in my car and I had a tether on my leg. You were on the phone with Colin Quinn and you're like, Hey, this motherfucker's blowing into its car and he won't put his cigarette out. What the fuck? Bad. How bad did it get me? Well, I was arrested 13 times, but I was, what 12, I was under the age of 21.

So I kind of didn't get put in like Wayne County lock up in Detroit. Like I got more. You grew up in Michigan. That's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my peas, myters and possessions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, seven of them were. I gave those out like, you guys, yeah, all that shit. So are you from Michigan?

I'm from Ann Arbor. So you get it. Yeah, you get me now, right? Yes, absolutely. Well, what does this weird shit that just happened? Yeah, what you get me now? We get each other. We don't.

What's going on here? Fucking out. There's nothing to do. There's like nothing to do in Michigan. You drink, you get high. Like that's all you get. That's what I love. I love that you guys say there's nothing to do when there's a million things to do.

Not a Michigan, man. No, you actin' like you're in the fucking Amazon jungle. You had a fucking start of fire every night to get dinner. There's a lot of joy in the late 90s. I was in the Amazon jungle. Yeah, yeah. Detroit, fucking night. And Arbor's fucking college town, that's a nerd town. There's a bunch of shit to do

But I have family and ham traffic so I would go every weekend to ham traffic Yeah, which is like Leonardo capital into the fucking department. Yeah, yeah, we're yeah, it's just rats together. I got it Doing this doesn't make it Just want to start doing my hands That's a black Con stupid talk when I hate Emphasize the punch lad You have the same hoodie my aunt Dottie has that hoodie. Yeah, our daddy got style, but hey, man She's gonna leave on

Daddy got them 501 Five of ones is stretchy right. Yeah, they're a little bit stretchy. I like them I like a loose I got stretchy rank you I get these new stretchy Wranglers dude you were the Wranglers stretchy Wranglers stretchy Wranglers the outdoor Brand you do a lot of dorshan how though don't you I? I'm starting to in the last couple years. Yeah, like you're doing camping and I'm buying a truck Are you really? Yeah, I'm gonna get a Ford the new Ford Ranger. I'm gonna get a pickup truck. It's a nice ass truck,

actually. It is. And how do you know? I loved cars. I love trucks. I'm from Detroit. We make them. First of all, you don't make them. You're acting like you grew up near the plant. No, your uncle's worked at the Ford. That was a lot of it. Yeah, really? Yeah. My grandfather worked at a plant, GM. Really? Yeah, 30 years. What else do you think they make in Michigan?

I'm sure. Attics. Fat chicks. They make that as well. A bunch of tubby bitches. Can I say that girl? They do have nice titties, though. Girls, can I say that?

These are my two woke people. If I say anything wrong, they look at me weird. She is taking notes, right? When you said that one. They look at me like the twins in the shining You said something wrong Robert. We have to cut that out Well, it is a nice truck. They're basically shutting down everything that Ford makes car-wise and just sticking with the trucks like the Ranger the F-150 all that stuff Right, the Broncos coming out. The Broncos gonna be awesome. Well, I love the car the edge. I've had the edge for two years It's a great car. I mean this conversation is just the most boring thing It really is, I'm a lot of... I mean, at least you're looking at guys who should have a pickup truck when my mom was growing up

My grandfather because he had a big house in Atlanta that needed a lot of yard work. He bought a car from my mom, but it was a pickup truck. And every morning, my black mom was dropping me off at school in a pickup truck. And it's just like, people were like, what the fuck are you like? It sounds like a great movie. It sounds like some type of Steven Spielberg movie.

Some black lady with her little black son in a pickup truck and Michigan. If I'm lucky, Brett Ratner is the right time. My life story. pick up truck and Michigan if I'm lucky Brett right next to my life story That's about it. It's good. I'm like Didn't you like get like fire from the Oscars? Yeah, these are right in this brand accounts by opening up He really tries to make it look like he's not racist mom and pick up trucks. That's no sense Wow, and your father's dead. Yes. Yeah, what do you do when I was teenager? Yeah, brain cancer. Oh gosh. Yeah, how did you deal with that drugs and alcohol? No, I mean

It's funny when you met me it's sort of the effect I mean is I know you did drugs and I know you got fucked up You met me. It's sort of the effect of that. I mean, it's got it. I know you did drugs. I know you got fucked up. But how did you? How did like at the moment of what was going on? You had to have some type of connection to do it. How did that? How old were you? 17. Oh, fuck. That's a tough age. Because he got sick when I was 13.

And he fought it for a long time. And he ended up going, we lived in Boston briefly because Harvard Hospital there in Cambridge had a really, really great neurosurgeon. So he was able to go there. We lived in Cambridge for a little while. Well my family did. I lived in Michigan with my aunt. And she was watching us, like not We lived in Cambridge for a little while. Well my family did. I lived in Michigan with my aunt. And she was watching us, like not a real aunt, but a family friend.

And then she killed herself actually when I was living with her. What? Yeah, it turned out she had been, I remember one time, like I mentioned, smoking pot and she went fucking off on me, like ballistic. Like me, like the way I am? Yeah, like at him. But more calm. And she went off on me. and what, she was a nurse,

she was an ER nurse, and what had happened was, was she had been stealing pain pills and stuff for a long time, and it was addicted. So at the time, I think it was more benzodiazepine valium, you know, kind of more basic stuff than is out there now, but they were gonna come and arrest her, so she, you know, killed herself. How'd she kill herself there now, but they were gonna come and arrest her so she you know killed herself How'd she kill herself?

Took all the pills took a bunch of pills. Just took the pills. Yeah Who's on there? She went home to do it. I was at my house and then she just didn't come home. So what what what did you do? I mean who was there with you? I ended up going to move and living with my aunt for another year. You're real wild. I'll real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why is she just going to the real answer first? This she had watched me like my whole life from a time I was a little kid. So my parents trusted her. So it was just that kind of thing where she was always a good

person. And they're with my family. But nobody had bad instincts. But hey, we're going to leave you with the drug at it. The fuck. I'm gonna say it was the best baby's that I was able to look worse and throw parties. But my grandma was worse. Well, how was your grandma the worse than somebody who's a pill partner that kills themselves on babysitting duty watch? Well, if you go, literally, she's on the job,

but she's like, I'm going to kill myself. Well, she doesn't even tell the kids. She's like, I'll be back. I'll see y'all later. Hey, guys, there's some quiz nose on the table. I'll be right back. I just got to go to the store. She's sitting there crushing up hills with a spoon. I'll see y'all later. Hey guys, oh my there's some quiz nose on the table. I'll be right back I just In there crushing up hills with a spoon. I'm gonna have my dinner. You have the one There's gonna be a knock at the door and they might knock it down. Don't be scared

Are you open a door if you can are you making a valium milkshake? Yeah, yeah, just don't answer the door There's gonna be some guys in here. Hey, if Ihake? Yeah, yeah, just don't answer the door. Yeah, don't. There's going to be some guys in the jacket. Hey, if I turn blue, listen, I'm just playing a game. She's called my name. I might not answer. It's OK. If I shittin' piss on the floor right now in my sundress, I just know.

Just know. I love you guys. Have you ever, do've never think about that like Dude people that kill themselves do they think about what they're wearing before they do it from my experience? I'm pretty sure that They're not like I hope I look nice. No, they're ready. They have the gun on the mouth. They're ready to put Hey, can you get my shoes the red ones? Yeah, no, I just want to put this on. You want to make sure you have a nice straight and tie before you blow your brains Yeah, you want to make sure you have clean panties. Yeah, you want to at least look together when they find your body

Because they know you weren't emotionally together She's a jee string on so when she shitter pants it split it down the middle like a wise and just shot up both sides of her ass She was a prankster and she wanted to leave us with what she called a good one in her But my grandma was a she was recovering alky really yeah, she was fine. She was a pillhead though and like super abuse also never On to your family though. Um yeah. Oh yeah, it's like Because I would have a diet of heart attack. My mom would be like you know, oh his heart's just so big God wanted him in heaven too when I was like really because it seems he died very prematurely. And your father? No, no, my dad never used drugs. I don't call.

Okay. Who else died? Oh, my uncle. Your uncle or did Jesus Christ? It's definitely. No, my dad came from an Irish family. The Donalds, he changed his name to landah. Buddy, that's my mother's made a name.

Is it really? Yeah, that's our real last name. I'm not gonna say real last, but yeah, it's my real name too. Max's middle name is Max Max. Maximus Donlin Kelly. That's my mom's family name from Boston. That's ours from Detroit. Crazy. I wonder if we're related. We might be we Well, we have the addiction gene don't we do that's from my father's side. I think that that's just from Ireland Yeah, nobody in my family is an addict except for me really? Yeah Yeah. Even on your Irish side? My father was a drug addict.

He came back from Vietnam and fucked up and he was kind of recovered. That's how my uncle was who OD'd actually. He got started getting fucked up in Vietnam. Really? Yeah. My dad actually had to bring him after he was court martial to the airport.

Shit. Because he was caught with heroin on a base. Wow. Yeah, my dad got fucked up. My dad told the story. I don't know. He goes my first. He goes, my dad got fucked up. My dad told the story. He goes my first, he goes, I was all fucked up. I goes my first night in, it was, it was, we're in, they're like, they're like, you got to go watch the perimeter. So he's in a fox hall and they're like,

they're definitely coming. Charlie is definitely coming. And they're in the area. They'll, they will be here. So he's watching the tree line. They're the jungle and then it started raining out and the sun went down and you couldn't see you couldn't hear first night and you feel like freedom should be playing right. If I had a fucking real producer would be it's not working. It's not working. Okay. It's just so interesting. You want to hear you know. Yeah, it was it was it. It's not working. Okay. Ah. It's just so interesting. I wanna hear, you know. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, it's not working. Fuck off. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I And better Mike things are up before he even fucking look you calling better Mike and Oh, what are you? I'm sorry. What do we fucking snowflakes? He's better than a mother computer We do fucking coddle him

He sits over there. That's his mic over there. That's what mushy mic says he's named mushy mic for her reason Killed this weekend, by the way, thank you That takes the herd away It does For comics it does Yeah, no you're not even that you say about me. Do you great joke? Oh, yeah, you must have compliment their act you can just dismember them verbally in any other way I just saw five guys banging your mother in the parking lot. She's a whore what to great new joke That's so that's crazy your dad your dad done as a brain cancer

So you knew he had it for four years, three years, three years? Years, yeah. Well, because he would go into remission. And then he would have, he also had a halo put in, which was like, it's just a thing drilled into your head that keeps your spine up. And he was a fucking tough dude, not like me able to cried the whole time.

He would go golfing and shit. But I remember the first time I saw it, I was tripping my balls off on LSD. I came home and I just like walk in the room and I'm like What the fuck like I'm like how are you doing that right now? And he's like what is wrong with you and I'm like I he's like are you are you he's not drunk Is you're not in some weed? Hmm he goes are you tripping? I was like what the fuck fuck? And he's like, yeah, you're an acid, aren't you? Like, no, he's like your mushrooms.

Did he give telepathic powers? No, you're literally freaking me out of rest now. I asked him the next day how he knew, and he was a medic in Vietnam. So, the people that he would mainly deal with would be people freaking out on an acid and LSD, and he learned that you could smell from a distance pot and you know alcohol. So really if they were if their pupils were a certain way he could identify if you were on a psychedelic and that's why he was able to call me out right when I walked in tripping. Right.

So it was really fucking freaky though when you're on acid and your dad's got a fucking metal halo in it his face is melting and he's telling you you're on acid. You know I just went upstairs like what? I'm like, it's the world is broken. Yeah, it's just so fucking freaky man. But yeah, that's the next day he explained it and he was not gonna dull with me because I mean, I would get so fucked up that I would see people that weren't there.

Like my DTs would be so bad that I would wake up and see like a room of people in my house that weren't even there and my dad would be like, that I would wake up and see like a room of people in my house that weren't even there and my dad would be like Dude that's delusionary trimmings and explain it all to me and like he he really tried to help me get sober and did everything that he could But how much can you do when you're in the hospital like he had more days in than out by a landslide? Did you do you regret that too? I mean very much. I mean that the last few years of your dad's life you weren't connected to him as a hundred percent immensely Fuck every day. Yeah, I mean it's like I was He was in a hospital near me and I was drunk and having a party and there was this girl there and I was

I was she was really hot and I was fucking her when I heard my mom scream. I didn't even know my mom was home And like right then I was fucking her when I heard my mom scream. I didn't even know my mom was home. And like, right then, I was like, oh fuck, I think my dad died while I'm like in this girl that I wanted to. It was like the shittiest, because it was, I was the worst person too, because we were both high on drugs.

I was fucking drunk. I thought my mom was at the hospital and I got into my Mustang, drove drunk to the hospital to say, buy to my dad. And like, he had already died And I mean I saw him a couple days before but he seemed fine But he was always good at playing any sort of cards. He was a tough dude from Detroit. I didn't know that he Was gonna die. It didn't seem that way. You know, so it's like when I found out

I was at like my shittiest point and I cleaned up a little bit in the sense of where I thought I was in control or at least I tried to but I could never fully get sober. How do you how are you? Because that's with you. How are you getting rid of that? I mean what are you doing to get rid of that? How? Because you can't walk around with that. No you can't.

Um well my mom passed a couple years ago. Jesus. And uh that. So you have nobody. I have a twin brother. Well, my mom passed a couple years ago. Jesus. And that- Do you have nobody? I have a twin brother. And he went through a lot of that, too. Exactly. No, we are fraternal.

He's taller and, you know, he didn't start smoking weed when he was 13. Right. So, yeah, he grew up like a man would and didn't stunt in eighth grade like this fella. So, yeah, no, we do not we do not look alike. He's like six feet and I'm five, five and a half. I doctor said a half during the last physical.

I'm nine year old boy. But yeah, no, I'm the way that I deal with it. I mean, I go to therapy, I go to meetings. I try to be the best father I can possibly fucking be it affects with my son Because my dad was an excellent dad my dad combined Detroit and gross point and formed a baby with little league teams There's Tom land a field in gross point Michigan like he was a dude who was an amazing man like I then how did it happen? That he got the cancer. No, how did you this is what I'm worried about being a father. Okay. Okay.

And maybe you're worried about it too. Yeah. Is that Becky, where are you going? I'm just getting my camera. No, I'm kidding. Um, just trying to keep the theme of dictator ball. You can't bet to the Mike real quick. My back is sweating, but not the whole back, just the, just the back back straps like the side meat.

I get my lower back like it's a sweat tramp stamp. Yeah. Yeah. You sweat like a shitty karate instructor. So you're eating a lot today. It's warm again. I So you're you can a lot today It's warm again. Here's what I worry about is that okay, I'm a great dad to you are okay, you're a great dad You father you're saying he's a great dad was

But you were already a fucked up kid Way be like I'm so nervous that no matter what I do that my little son is going to go down the path of fucked upness. And God forbid, I just don't want him to go through what I went through. He's not though because he knows you love him. You don't have a son. I do actually I'm kidding A foster son right? I was just kidding about that. You still I hate when you do a mean joke and and nobody laughs. That's like having an energetic joke and then the silence I was totally on his side and then I was also just gonna make a terrible foster joke anyway We're like to be a good foster parent. You just have to not fuck them Wow, that is big for that taxer.

That's a bucketster. It's all yours, please. Thank you. But I think that's true. Yeah, I really, I really think that when they give you the kid, that's one of the things they said, okay, so you're going to feed him three times a day and not fuck them, correct? Can you sign right here?

Yeah, they didn't have a sign. It was crazy. They barely asked us any questions. Because this is my wife's God kids. Okay. And so they abruptly, like, they've been with us in early December. Yeah. And they like barely asked us any questions.

It was so weird about it. Okay, so what were you going to say? I'm sorry for if you're not sure. Oh, no, no, I'm just going to say, like, I'm doing like this last minute parenting thing too. And obviously it's different than you guys because it's through your actual children. Yeah, because we actually, we had them, we made them,

we've been with them since they were small and we're, we have loved them and like they're not, like they're not gonna ever feel abandoned by you. Where's these kids? These your kids will, as you, you know, they have to beat it and fucking six years. We're leaving in a few weeks. So it's like they feel already this weird like,

what's going on? Why won't we with mom? Like it's what happened to mom? Nothing. She had one bad like episode at the shelter that she's living in and then they removed the kids. To be really. Instead of shelter,

she's been in a shelter for a year. What? She's she's one the worst. She's got it. She's the kind of person that makes black people want to be Republicans because they're just like people that feed off the system Think this shit like it's supposed to like, you know save them and fix the problems And it's not happening hasn't happened for eight years. These kids have a lot of issues man

It's like it breaks my heart. So that's a whole but that's true though I mean that's a good point about abandonment issues because I had that because when you're young and you're 13 and your parents could Second they move off and stuff you get those issues because you're selfish. You're still young I mean you are selfish, but your parents moved off for your father correct, so they didn't take you with them It doesn't change an emotion. Oh, no, I'm just asking 13. Yeah, so you're saying I'm trying to I'm trying to find out What happened to fuck you up because you're saying you have a great dad a great mom and a great life I had a great dad. I had a great mom, but I had a mom who's mentally ill She was man-expressive and bipolar who came from abuse so her abuse to me was less severe. What was it?

Oh physical and mental so she hit you. Oh, yeah, okay, so you were hit. Okay, so that's where it's I mean to the point where it wouldn't be when my dad was home, like my mom was two people. She never would seek help because my mom was a nurse. She started. She actually was a doctor, but she didn't believe that was a woman's place. So she stayed being a nurse. She's right. Yeah. I mean, I agree. It's why she also cooked dinner. It's called nurse Jackie for a reason. Yeah, exactly. Graze anatomy, poof.

Yeah, whenever a woman doctor walks in, I'm like, can you get me a doctor? Yeah, I got a file to a woman pilot. I'm, get me off the plane. Exactly, yeah. I'm a Asian woman pilot. I'm never flying again. Woman director, oh, this should be good.

Yeah. Yeah, great movie. That's about a war. Yeah. Yeah, Robin Hood directed by a woman. I'll see that yeah, the arrows have hearts in them God yeah, but she was and she wasn't a bad person I see male Godzilla She's lays eggs and people eat

Whatever good No, I'm just agreeing with all that No, when she was young she was a candy striper when she was like 13. Yeah, I'm about 1960 so Her idea of mental illness was you admit that and then you know You're getting hit with fucking electroshock there put a home, and like, anybody who is like, I'm depressed, they're like, I guess we should try to kill him, you know? Let's make some milk through brains.

Yeah, yeah, let's do that. The kids, Juvees too. I remember when, before I, thank God, when I got to Juvee, they, they changed it. There was people that decided to change you, because before that, I was just one house, they threw every kid in for whatever the fuck it was.

And you're in this big dormitory just getting raped because you stole a gumball, you know, yeah, yeah, absolutely. That was how it was. I mean, they basically, yeah, all the guards were fucking pedophiles. Look at the movie sleepers. I mean, that's a real story. Why am I filling up right now? That's weird.

I'm a fun, full man. It was kind of big. I think my jeans just ripped. Yeah, it was like I can play it blowing Kevin Bacon in the basement. Nobody knows. Yeah, what's that? Keep your trap shot the worst dick ever got. Yeah Nice nice two-color dick not real too vany stop it. Yeah, nice. I mean it's a dick of a dancer. Yeah Couldn't rob it to fall. Listen, fuck nobody wants that dick wants to fall dick of a dancer. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't rob it to fall. Listen, fuck, nobody wants that dick. Nobody wants to fall, dick. The dick of a dancer. Ah!

Yeah, he was in footloos. He blew the guy in footloos. Let's see what. Him and Chris Penn, who did not die with the body of a dancer. What if it's her? No, he didn't. Be funny if there was a pedophile just made a, just a really horny gait kid. Is that cancel it out?

I think it does. Where he's just like, hey, I'm fine. I'm good. No, I'm fine. I haven't wanted to blow that guard for a long time. If that's open my horizons, I wasn't even into authority figures. I think it was illegal. I just thought my prayers were answered.

I've been jerking off to that 40 year old guy for fucking two months. He finally came into my cell. I thought, I actually thank Jesus. What if he turned out the patrol man? That's how he knew he was a pedophile. Oh yeah, the kid made him gay. Yeah. He was taunting him with that sweet little ass. Yeah, he's just picking up stuff when he walks by.

He's wife wasn't given any. He's taking a feel bad. His wife just got fatter and fatter. Yeah, he's like rubbing his shoulders through the bars. He's like, you deserve more than that. He's giving you. He pulls away the first time. No, stop. Listen. We can't do this. Well, okay. I'm sorry. He leaned back in. We're gonna get taken out for this one.

What's weird is if we made this movie, it would probably win an Oscar that day. If it was a woman directed. Of course. If Gabby directed it, it was. How you, at the very least, the Golden Globe. How Golden Globe? Would you be interested in directing sleepers too?

A hundred percent. Back in the habit. Turn the beat around sleepers to you can't make it you can never do a sequel to that to those movies yeah they did just kill them in a restaurant that's literally no part two so it's a long build up for that too they're just like all guys, we're getting back together after so many years. It is kind of funny to tell this story

because like you could just go, the guy molested us, we're gonna shoot him in the face, movie over, but then they have the two hours of brutal sexuality. Crazy. But then you're like, yeah, he really deserves it. Kill him. So, so I was, I mean, it now, it kind of makes sense. Because you say, when you say, like, that's my biggest fear is that look I'm going to do everything I can for my kid.

And I'm just so scared that that's not going to be enough and that might be the case because who he is is who he is and I can't predict his future who he's gonna run into, who he, who he, who he's gonna be, but you know, you can only love him. All I can do is what I can do. And he has a great mom, great dad, and great life, and I'm hoping that that's enough. And you too, oh, sorry. No, no, please. No, it's gonna talk to your kids about your additions though. Yes, one of those.

Cause I feel like that's something like my family didn't do. My grandfather never talked to us about his alcoholism. And so when I started doing this, it was really, it was really, started doing this, did the white women? Yeah, my mom wrote. I love that white woman. Gotta get some. I'm really like it.

He did totally. You gotta get some pecklewood ladies. I like a chick, the color of ham. Why do you look at my grandpa's when we were once? It's going up. It's going up. I like pork meat skin. I don't even know if I should be like Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was like, how far is all of it? I know, I did that. I just said, Tom Hanks did it. Basically, we just made Tom and Jerry's lady a man.

Yeah. Loss. Yeah, I stopped with your offended stuff. They took her out. They edited her out. They put in a white lady's legs. Do they really? Yeah.

Oh, what? Tom and Jerry cartoons. Really? They're still playing those? Not anymore. But like, after they stopped showing them the last time, they would take out the Black Lady's legs and just put on a white lady's legs. So they replaced the race with not the violence.

Yeah. Right. Well, also, once you would jump up dice and switch blades wouldn't fall out of her dress. So did they keep the voice? Because that would be amazing. They changed the voice. Just wait.

What did you grant Father Say? I will redo your grandfather. What happened? I forgot what your grandfather. What happened? I forgot what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you. Oh, if you were gonna talk about our addictions. Oh yeah, I just want to know like, I did.

Because my grandfather was an alcoholic and he never talked about it. And so I've had talked to my mom like, you know, sometimes I drink and I like, it gets out of hand, like is there anything like about that? And she's like, I don't know. I'm like, yeah, our grandfather literally had to be hospitalized because of his,

because he was killing his kidneys because he was drinking so much That's bad. That's why we finally as a family talked about some of the issues. Yeah, I was I remember I was strapped to a Gurney getting my stomach pumped and it was after I just got in the shit kicked out of me by cops and My dad came and it was the hardest I had ever seen my dad cry honestly like. Like, even shout it's here. And then we talked about it afterwards. Like, look, I came from a family of alcoholics. My dad abandoned me. I never met him.

He was a drunken. I learned more about how he had this gene. And the reason why he didn't drink was because he's like, I knew I was born in alcohol. Because he'd come home from school. His mom would be unconscious. All his uncles, he'd like, hair ear up to bed like he just saw that you know which is really easy to fuck your mom when she's unconscious but i don't know how to say bar

your mom not mine no my mom and my mom's a fighter and my mom was not a my mom herself was not a drink either so i didn't grow up with either parents having addiction issues so i've been thought about rebelling as the idea of being a drunk not realizing what my parents had been through that i can find new oh oh, my mom's brothers, oh, did on heroin or my, you know what I mean? Like it was all a lie. It was all a matter. You had all that shit where your dad, your dad had all that stuff. And then he had to sit there and watch his son become this fucking just shitty addict. Yeah. And you, and he's dying. Yeah, only is he fucking sad

That is he's not gonna see his son maybe. Yeah, he's gonna lose his son. He lost his son twice Yeah, which must have killed him. Yeah I'm saying a whole new level onto my pain well you should just call you know what do not you know what dad? I'm gonna do what are we doing I think I'm gonna No, I the one benefit Drinking beer no You know, you have to do the all of the drink you do. No, no This is no Convertation I haven't had in my head or with a therapist. Well, I'm saying to you is that that being a dad manual real dads

Here's my one mom. I yeah, here's my one black isn't No, not a six month dad. Yeah but We tries to relate no I'm fostering a kid for three days, but I want to tell you guys, this is what you get to do. No, that's great that you're doing that. It's terrible. He kind of forced to do it. You had no choice. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, this in-person prowls, but join the improv. Well, it was comedy, though.

Guys, give me three things to piss you off. Oh, please. Yeah, I was like, Dad wants three things you don't like. He's like, uh, cancer, cancer. Yeah, and drug addiction. You breaking my heart. You cancer, though, my fucking view. My bipolar wife.

Yeah, absolutely. My Buick Regal, you wrapped around a tree. Oh, shit. So, okay,al, you're after him. Around a train. Oh, shit. So, okay. So, second city saved your life. No, but it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was a movie.

He knew that I was going into something where he was actually proud of me that I was trying to go after a dream because I like Loved S and Alan Conber. I just didn't know I wanted to be a standup. Right. And he told me that. That was one of the last things he said to me was,

he saw that I was going in a direction. So, where I have a little bit of comfort is the fact that I'm doing that I mean, I'm not saying it. I'm able to joke him, but it really I feel sad. It makes me really sad to think about that because that I mean as As a dad you think I mean When I see shitty parents when I see shitty dads, I'm just like, what are you doing? It's disgusting. I was at the park Sunday with Max.

And look, I don't wanna run around, I don't wanna fight, my kid's an only kid, you know what I mean? So, I, you know, he's like, dad, let's go, come in my spaceship, I gotta stand up, go into this thing that's not a spaceship, and push buttons and take off and fly through the air, then run over to another thing and then do another game. I mean, we were there for an hour and a half, maybe two hours running around. And I'm looking around on these dads just on their phone.

Literally, one of the dads was on his dumb phone with his skinny jeans and his little beard with gray tint to it and stupid European tight jacket. And his on his phone is kid fell off of the fucking, the jungle gym. Yeah, there was like Robin Hood Mary Men boot shoes. Yeah, I fucking hate him. I know the dads you're talking about. And he said that it was fun.

The kid fell off the thing. Little he heard, the kid fell. The dad didn't even look up. And the kid looked at the dad like, and he just went, and he got himself up. And I'm like, what the dad like And he just went and he got himself up and I'm like what the fuck and you know I was like if if I had could said yeah, I had to go Bobby It's not your business because I was gonna go up to him and throw his phone in the fucking street Yeah, and kick him in the nuts. I was so fucking angry at this guy. It's like what are you you're raising?

You're raising a shit kid, you're raising another shit you. Your responsibility is to raise, to raise some, some a human that has empathy, that gives a shit, isn't touch with their fucking emotions and their heart, and has the ability to have values and to care about things, other than themselves and themselves. You're just raising a kid who's gonna shut down and not give a fuck because you're on your phone, you're at a fucking park. And cats and it is cats in the cradle.

Like you do see that. Don't know what that means. I'm not gonna grab the dog. I'm not gonna talk about it. Well, I mean, it's just a song that explains like, you know, singing who grew up just now. If we had, if Mike's here, we had, if better Michael would be like cats

in the cradle in the seal of a moon. Oh, I thought she didn't know. Skipping the doob, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, and I don't know where, I'm about to dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab, but it's the same as raising a kid on electronics. Like, I leave my phone, like, we have a park

right across the street from where I live and I go there and I play with them. And we, the same thing. Why, I have a I go there and I play with them and what do you live? Same thing. I have a place in Michigan and I have one place here. Okay, so Michigan. We have a are you home not during the week? I am not home during the so your kids don't see you doing the week. They see me every night when I read them a bedtime story on FaceTime spend all weekend or they fly in on face that so you're just basically your dad in the hospital in Boston. Good job My god So you're just basically your dad and the hospital in Boston. Good job, buddy. Great. No. Oh my God, it's just tearing him apart. Good job, Dave.

Well, little minus the cancer, I'm doing this for selfish reasons. This is completely because I feel I'm more valuable than his life. No, he's like, I hope Arty gets a nose and comes back. I feel I'm more valuable than his life. No Like I hope already gets a nose and comes back You're the one with the real addiction Yeah, already would be a great dad. I Already Lang would be you mean amazing dad I'm telling totally shit would he be a great dad? I think yeah If he had just been a father instead of

Man if he had a if he had a kid I don't know if it would change him but he would be a hard leg would be at awesome dad. There's it's everything that I live for. I mean there's no and that's I mean like I said when we go play like my phone's off I don't bring it with me and 100% with him when I'm with him. I want to know that he's the most valuable person in my world you know and he's in day care all day so it's like he he needs that that, you know, and he needs, and you also know like when you send that kid fell, you know when your kids faking for attention,

and you know when your kids actually hurt. And you as a dad knows that too, even if you don't know the kid, you know that like knows when a kid's hurt. And I see that with those dads, like your kids fucking sure. I'm away, I'm away on weekends too. Yeah, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

but I'm always home Sunday, unless they pay me a ton of money, but yeah, I I love hanging with my kid. I mean, it's it's hard too because My instinct is to go, you know knock it the fuck off You know what he does shit. Hey shit head stop. Stop it. Yeah, because that's what was done to me. That's how old that's where I think that's the difference. And I don't think it's that bad to go, Hey, listen, numb nuts. Stop it. You're gonna fuck it. Stop being a I would have died for that. What? Like dad called me numb nuts and he fuck off. You didn't have any of that. Yeah. You had a mom going, honey. Do you want some more biscuits?

Did you want to eat? She English. No, but she just took me to the KFC. Well, I didn't want to. If I said that, it'd be a problem. You say it. Fine. Did you really go to KFC? Oh, yeah.

And there's also a local chicken joint that I go to. It's called Murray's. It's an an Arbraco there every time I go. I love Fried love for I check You're a very gentle guy. You're a very sweet guy and you do it Let me tell you something. I am so happy that my kid spends a lot of time with my wife. I mean because my wife He's with me enough to have that side. I believe you need both.

If you don't have both, you can do it. It's fine, but I believe you need a man and a woman figure in a house because both people bring a bunch of different shit that the other one doesn't bring. I think especially for a male child, even more than a female child. I think a female child needs that too, because a female needs to see that

there are good men. Yeah, there's a lot of people. What a real man is. And that way she'll seek that. She'll seek that. But she has a bad dad, then that's. That's not easy, yeah. They're gonna get a chicken. It blows really good

Oh, I would always find the girl without the dad. Oh, yeah That's the best sexual ever had. Yeah, yeah, you don't have to meet anybody. Yeah, he just honking their driveway Where they come limping out Out of a top floor window she rolls off a roofed into a bush You just have to go to a Claire's and go to the cashier. Yeah. What are you doing tomorrow, Nate? Yeah, she's got to send us a nice night out

not getting a black eye. Oh, she's just good. Oh, that was the... I mean, the one you want to marry, dad mom. The one you want to have sex with most of your life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You're a chick with just a mom that doesn't care. Yeah, I think... A mom with a... A meth habit. Yes. You want to believe before the movie you're after? Yeah, you want the kind of, the kind of mom where you can get a blowjob in the back seat while she drives.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you blowing him again? Put his packer away. Stop it. Wait till you get home. You're just a basement. Yeah.

You got a nice piece, though, Henry. Oh, it's very good. You're the basement. Yeah, you got a nice piece though, Henry. Oh, it's very good. Give it to mom. I think though it's important that you have both. I do. We have a strong, a strong man, a strong woman. And especially now when a young guy needs to learn empathy and stuff like that where our generation was not going to get that from our fathers. It just was not that's what bugs me about like all this shit that you know guys are this guys are that yeah It's not our fault We we were taught to be disconnected from our emotions We were taught all that shit. It's not it's not something you're born with you taught that So you had these generations of men that would just taught this is is what it was. And then one day you're like,

well, you guys are fucking pieces of shit. Change. And it's like, you can't. You have to do that now. Like, you had to do that with the younger generation and raise them with different values, with different ways of looking at things. And that's what's happened. Yes.

And it's kind of gone a little too far if you ask me. Well, now you have a bunch of kids, a bunch of males that aren't men. They're like scared and fucked up and and and and freak it out. And it's like, you don't want that either. The pendulum swung way too far from, you know, going from don't show any emotion to that like born in the 90s generation of like fucking cry about everything. And that was just like the, that was the turn point

of like, you know, the therapy of like, get all your emotions out. And there's now you're not dealing with anything though. You know what I mean? You're not dealing with it that way. And I think masculinity to some degree does help you deal with it and make you move on while being able to cope with which your mom and dad. Max fell, he falls and and I'm like shake it off dookie I go can you shake it

off like try to shake it off and if he can't I'll fucking grab him and hug him and do give him whatever he needs but it's like dookie because I don't want him to every time he fucking falls Cuz you're fucked in life That's what it is a point where you can fall and you can be like Dude can you shake it off and you know, you know, yeah, I'm good. I'm that's that's a quality you need in life And that's the same I do to my son where you know when he's faking You know he's trying to get attention you know when something didn't hurt that bad And it's like I don't think that's just a guy thing either I think it's if I had a girl I'd probably do the same thing. Oh, I have a need

I mean, oh the person like the other people that feel like the mom if the mom's overprotective It's the like my mom my grandfather tried to like, you know Make me harden a little bit like that and then my grandparents my grandma my mom will like no you're too hard on them Because I remember what time I I was crying because I fucked up watching the car is it hold up hands I just held the button at least slapped the rear of my grandmother's a huge dude I just like the impact of that just like broke me and just like kept bawling He's and then my grandma's like you're never fucking being around him again. Oh, he's the auto worker. Yeah. Oh, yeah I'm still reverting. I'm just glad it wasn't as big

Hold this for 10 seconds Yeah, I'm glad he yelled at us for making him that way. And then when he did him, he's like, hold out your hands. He did the same character. He would hold out. Well, I'm not as good. You're a better actor. My grandfather's really a tropical thunter.

Hold out your hands. He's Mr. T. You did Mr. T. I did who? Hey woman. Hey woman. He's Robert Downey Jr. playing a black guy. Let me lay my piece in your paw. Yeah, like. Yes. You never go full blow job.

You never go full black guy. No, in front of a black guy. Are you crazy? That's all PC we've gotten like I remember when that movie came out black people weren't even that mad about the black face Yeah, and then everyone was like alright black people are mad about this became a controversy about that So let's talk about the full retard line. Yeah, I've been still got so much shit for that But it's like no, it's like true. If you look at like the stats of like Oscar But they're making fun of the irony of the fucking people they're using to. Yeah, it's a parody of how Hollywood doesn't give black people good roles. And also it was ripping on method actors.

You know, it's a great character. It's crazy. Yeah. How they didn't get what the fuck they were trying to do. It was and Brandon T. Jackson was the dude and who basically bounced every line off of him You know, so I mean the whole every scene was hilarious because well pretty much you're gonna make a movie soon We're like in the 19 they're gonna have like 1930s some black. I just walk into a diner and just smack a white woman in the face Move bitch. Give me some fucking eggs. I think it's called jingle on chain

He did come out on top Fucking eggs! I think it did. It's called Django on Chain. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're all going okay. Yeah, okay, especially when you're yelling that you're in agreement with what decaprio That is science Well, it's funny how he threw in Mandingo wrestling and shit which nobody had done in movies before and that was real like He actually took never knew about yeah, the people actually did that would like no movie had ever talked about which I think is great Yeah, well, it's it is fucked up how they, they are making movies that it's like they're just jamming the way we are today and movies about our history. And it's like, that's not how shit was. You're just trying to make everybody happy. Go fuck yourself. That's exactly it. I'm not gonna watch it, because I'm out. You're trying to get everybody to like it,

which is not possible with a heart. That's not what I mean, you can't do it. You're supposed to make some people go, what the fuck? Right, that's what's a good movie, isn't it? I get the neapro like diversity. I think that's really important, especially like the change of society,

but I played Red Dead Redemption 2, right? There are multiple black characters. And this is a prick with it. The first one, I'm like, this makes no goddamn sense. Okay, but I don't care about in a video game because that's just fantasy. And that's living your life thing because it's one of the best video games. But I want it so bad. And I talk to Lazlo, who the guy rock star.

And I, I want to, I love love, he's the best. He's just smart guy really great and rock star It was just fucking great. Oh yeah, and red dead one is my favorite video game of times of all time And it came out and I was like I want to get this so bad, but I can't My wife my wife won't let me get Like I can't go buy the Xbox for me to go spend 500 on an Xbox she would fucking murder me like I was I don't know how to get it Like I wanted to maybe give somebody the money and tell them to buy it and send it as a gift for Christmas

Like I See the money come out. She she yeah, I was able to get the switch because there's not a lot of violence on it. What is it? The Nintendo switch. Max is getting that. Yeah, like that's there's not a lot of violent games. That's why my wife is cool if I bought that one. She let me get Minecraft on my iPad. Yeah, but I just I'm addicted. I love it. Really? Dude, I've been mining for diamonds for the last three years. I get to fucking diamonds, gold, red rock. I mean, I'm fucking, I got a house. Dude, I got a house for the pool. What? Oh, it's so much. Minecraft is weird. My like, uh, my godson, he just watches YouTube videos of people playing Minecraft.

That's just weird. Dude, kids are like that too, or they're like, watch kids play with Paw Patrol toys. Like, isn't the richest person in the world right now a kid who just opens gifts on fucking line. Yep Not the rich person the world, but I mean like I'm pretty sure Yeah, the dude owns Amazon a little Starbucks. Well, for now it was of course might prove you're wrong But yeah, oh what a hot one It's a shit one. Yeah, don't divorce me. She'd be sad She's all I get

This is all the worth this oh my was a fatso just live here We'll just stay in the fucking the music room dummy cuz I can't afford it Whether you just up your insurance and keep eating Yeah, it's more bacon You want the juice you want more bacon juice on your eggs? Yeah, you mean fat? Pure fat made your wilted salad. Do you ever see people do that? There's this big fat family used to live in Michigan and they made wilted salad and they took the bacon grease and would use it as the dressing My friends had three heart attacks. He's 36.

That sounds so. Michigan's got some other shit, man, sometimes. Oh, dude, they are. You guys keep trying to bring it back to Michigan. I won't allow it. Yeah, we're starting to talk to. It's called Michigan Boys. Yeah, good to it. I mean, I just, from the mint.

B-O-Y-Z. You guys are going to sell out and land. Probably not. Yeah, but the red dead is that game is so fucking amazing. That's great. Because you can get lost. I still people. The reason why that game is so great is the environment is real. Like I don't know if I can explain this but when you're on a horse, if like they

have these transport things that you can go in to get to another part of the map, but if you don't use that, you will travel in real time through the desert, through the mountains and his bears and lions and robbers and the night and fucking owls and and and and you know on a horse and you can't run your horse to That's the one thing about movies you see the guy go get the sheriff in a 70 miles away And it's just just guy on a horse the horse would die 20 minutes into that run Oh, yeah, like you have to give him hay and water every every every fucking couple hours. You can't just run a horse. Horses are dying all the time in such a park and they walk. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. What? The horses in such a park that they die. Yeah. Oh, god. Yeah, just from sad. They hide that shit, though. New York is really going to hide how many horses die here.

Oh my god. Yeah. Fucking turn that to the hot dogs over the in the car. If horses could use a gun, there would be no. Yeah, horses could be a gun. There would be no. Yeah, for sure. It's gonna be like, you're aunt. You only want to be a nurse and not just

scary people. Do you think horses decide what they want to wear before they kill themselves? It's probably not a buggy. Yeah, it's not a buggy with three fattos from Michigan. Say one more time around. So, but yeah, that game is you can go, that's why you get lost in it.

You feel like you're really a cowboy in the woods at night, having a light of fire. And then you hear somebody coming, you're like you like fuck it is the craziest environment the biggest world and the and the I want to get it so bad but I just don't know how to do it like I'm gonna have to I don't know how it's gonna have to be some type of funagaling you should give like a system and you can take it on the road with you like what like get it Xbox or something like sin it's a refuse to travel with a fucking Xbox. I You the comics you do that. I really just think you're fucking morons Just of gaming system. What if you're going to the same town, you know, you want to like what if you go to the same town for gigs or something like that

You mean the same like every week. No, I've just made every every few months or something You know who does don't know. Who does that? Once a year. Do you do? I'm very selective. Oh, is that what you got selected comedy? And the booking industry is left with me as well. It's a tip for that. That's how it works. You know this, Bobby. Did you know this?

What are you talking about? That's how it works. Nick how the industry is. You know this, Bobby. Did you know this? What am I talking about? Oh, you made my bell buckle. My first five years of silence. My bell buckle.

They heard of that. Oh, my bell buckle. Oh, I was digging. It was killing me. I know when I unlucin it, and it fucking comes onto my fat, and it hurts. I know it was real bad. Oh, suck it, Dick.

Well, all right. What? Yeah. It's a, yeah, what's fucking crazy? Well, I feel I feel that like even my kid plays video games now He has an iPad and he would get them an Nintendo switch. He's earning it though He has all these he has like a whole checklist. He has to do every wake up get dressed make your bed brush it That's what we're starting as well. He has to do every wake up, get dressed, make your bad brush. He's breakfast. That's what we're starting with.

He's like, well, yeah, you have to pick up toys. You have to do certain things, have responsibilities. Oh, my wife fucking slipped the other day on one of his Nerf gun ammo. Yeah, the air thing with the things going in the cartridge. Oh, we just stand there. I was just sort of funk. And I turned around my wife. We just don't have butt in our back.

She went, oh! And I was like, what happened? And I was kind of laughing, because you know what I mean? I guess she was just right out. She hit her fucking tit and her side. What? Her tit, she's swept or something happened.

No, no, no, no, no. The tit hit the side of a table, which is in that our side and the amount of. The amount of toys a kid can have now is fucking astonishing. And if yours isn't only child, do all the relatives just spoil the shit out of them? We do.

And it's getting sick. Yeah, we've tried, we've slowed down, but we can't stop the relatives. I mean, he has a Corvette and a Jeep. He's three. Yeah, mine has a Kia and this other crazy thing Dante got him. He has so much shit, dude, but you know what? I don't give a fuck. I don't, you know what I mean? I don't know if it's good or bad. That's like you said, though, by it being apparent. I don't know.

I think making him earn shit like big things. He can't. That's what we do. Yeah. Making him earn something is a way to do it because you're teaching him that he's not just getting it. You have to do this, this, this, this for a long. It's two months he's got to do get this checklist to get this Nintendo switch and we're going to get it to him before we go to a rubah. So he's going to have it for the plane ride. If he fucking makes it the hard part is if he doesn't

I'm gonna have to not I'm gonna have to not get it That's the hard part about being a parent like he got punished the other day Will come home from the park He was great all day and then he fucked up He was walked out in front of a car wasn't listening and I was like your your movies gone and your book is gone So you go right to bed at eight o'clock, you go to bed, nothing. And then we're in the car and he go, he's quiet. And he goes, uh, dad, maybe you should, maybe you should punish me for two days. And I went, let's make it three.

And I did that game. Yeah. And I shouldn't have did that. I should have ignored them and just be like, max stop or whatever. Right. Because because there is a point where he goes, yeah, make it four. And then I'm just go five. I should have ignored them and just be like max stop or whatever right because There is a point where he goes yeah make it for and then I'm just go five Fucking 20's I don't give a shit and then I lose and then you get and you have to buckle at day two because you want him out of his room

They've been there. Yeah, you have to be careful as a parent because there is a point where he'll go yeah, okay cool I don't give a shit Because there is a point where he'll go yeah, okay cool. I don't give a shit You know what I mean it's like I'm gonna count to five and then what and they're waiting for you to come back and give a shit Which you will yeah, there's nothing after five I go I'm gonna count to five and it works like a charm There's nothing after five. He's has after five. There's nothing. There's literally nothing I can't hit him after five with my mom was a fucking good crack. Oh my god, after five was a belt, and then I'm looking at my son like four and a half four and three quarters. Yeah.

Please move. Yeah. I'm I was too lazy to count. She just would win. Oh really? She's saying occasionally. I was a, I was a, not the best kid. You?

What do you mean not the best kid? What did you do? I was a kid. I was a kid. I was a kid? What did you do? I was just afraid to mean him. We were both in Juve. Yeah, we're both drug addicts in Juve by 10. Basel's death. I should have been in Juve too. What did you do?

You burned your fucking Darth Vader head off. Temperature is actually that. Temperature! I beat my mom up. We fought one day. Me and my mom fought at 13. I remember her just grabbing me and fucking starting to punch me. We were going at it on the ground. I remember throwing a baseball glove at 13. I remember her just grabbing me and fucking starting to punch me will go and add it on the ground I remember throwing a baseball glove at her

And my mama your mom Which time well you had a 10 to 10 to 10 temperatures. That's all was where I got bad grades That's what I'm gonna get my ass with How I never I went to high school for five years all I had was I would get a D and it was like thank fucking guy Dude I was in the rubber rooms. I was in the room in the basement with a waypage and snakes. Yeah Yeah, just staring at like drawing pictures. Yeah, we got credit for kickball. Yeah That's how if I went to like what was it? The room where you studied. Yeah, remember what the fucking called

They'd be happy that I just showed up They ended up doing a thing called community school where they took the bad kids from both the nearby schools and made them learn together Which just meant like you drank in your car and smoke with kids from others. Oh my god. Yeah, I did all that shit. Yeah, so stupid Yeah, that's what I'm so scared of man. It's that no matter what we do as dads But you can really only control you though That's way that it looks it in that help me with sobriety only have control over what you can really only control you though. That's the way that it looks at it and that helped me with sobriety. Only have control over what you can do

to be the best father. Nothing else plays out itself. I know, but that's the scary part. It is, yeah. At one point, I might be looking at my kid fucked up and on drugs and I'm just hoping that all the stuff, all the love we give him, it has the effect and it just keeps them out of that.

I mean, I don't care if he has a couple beers or drinks, we don't drink, do drugs at all, but I don't care if he would have all that shit, but I just don't want him to be out. I think there's going to be limited though. I mean, with all the cameras and the phones and everything and ways to track them and stuff Like you're gonna be more present than our parents even had the opportunity to be I'm sure they'll figure out ways around it Because they understand technology probably better than I'd Michael. Would you micro trip your kid? Maybe yeah, I mean I'm sure when writing his neck right now. Yeah, yeah I mean just so I'd be like no, you're not at that house. I'm coming over well I don't know if I do that of course I would I inspire my life not at that house. I'm coming over. Well, I don't know if I'd do that. Of course I would. I would inspire my wife.

I try to hide. I have these two Arlo cameras and I try to hide one just in the living room. I'm just trying to fucking catch my wife. I know she's doing something. I put up that no, I'll fire alarm. Oh, you did. Oh, I can see. Can't do they know? She does now. Oh, she's not big. She's just listen to this podcast. This is anything I've done in 10 years. I Yeah, but if she was a big fan of mine, you have a nook. What what the fuck? Yeah, I had one

Yeah, I have one and then I just got cameras for the outside not too long ago. So you can see inside your living room I can your monitoring everything. Yeah. Yeah Yep, all right. I know what's up. What would you do? So you saw something where you're like, oh, she comes in with like his big dude and just spray paints it like a bank robbery. With his deck. Yeah. Just jizzes on the lens. Yeah, I don't see the first part. I can't rewind it, but I look at it just because like somebody put ice cream on it. It looks like looks like a cinnamon was mushed on the camera lens. It looks like it looks like a cinnamon was mushed on the camera lens

They see the outline of a twice last week of a fucking boxing new ports on the fucking table. I can see his four feet Anyways, I want to talk about this because when this comes out it's Sunday and I believe the the the Super Bowl will be over or just about almost maybe an hour left or so This Sunday Super Bowl, baby. Are you a town you guys out of town? You should come down to come to the seller. Oh, I got I got plans, man, but I appreciate it Where you go you're ready to get a sternum midtown my best friend is having a party really our last time we get hang out We'll probably close dad Well, you just give this crazy backstory because he making me nervous sometimes

I gave these people don't look at you in the eye You know what he's talking about now very fucking close to all these people everybody does yeah, yeah nuts you guys are abused Grandfather hit you once you fucking Fucking powder puff Yours did too. That's how you know how to weaponize that Fuck you left So we've all is this uh is this week the pattern and again With the Rams that explains how Carter's blazer on my show yesterday

Oh with the Patriots all Patriots. Yeah, I love Tom Carter. He's a good dude. Yeah. It's, it's, um, yeah. I mean, it's, it's amazing. And let's, let's be honest. I would rather have the Saints in than the fucking Rams. Yeah. The LA Rams. Really LA? You're really that into football? Two years in. Yeah.

A bunch of fans fuck off. I'd like to see the lions. I'm just going to go ahead and say, uh, don't do that. Don't do that. I don't really get there. I remember everything's giving that Detroit Lions play and growing up my families. I was like, they're going to win this year. They're going to finally win.

And then they always Detroit. Their teams are just all fucking garbage. I went for years to the Thanksgiving game. And it was eventually just like, why am I doing this? I even performed for the lions. I went for years to the Thanksgiving game and it was eventually just like why am I doing this? I even performed for the lions like them all this people It just didn't want to be like thanks for nothing Well, the other pistons for a minute We had the bad boy era. Yeah, the bad boy

And then of course we had the wings when it was like eyes are men and you know the Russians, but yeah now we're all shit Yeah, it was hit a miss in the 90s and two two thousands of now, now we're all shit. Yeah, it's hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him.

It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him.

It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. It was hit him. and Michigan were like, let's break this curse. And now it's like, all right guys, if you got enough fucking winning. I mean, the paths are just ridiculous. Oh, yeah, well, I mean, they're like the Yankees to baseball.

They are America's team essentially. But this is the last year they're all together, right? But everybody, every year they do that. The only people, let me just tell you all you need. Yeah, balochic braids. That's all you need. But aren't they beefy right now? Like, don't they have a strange relationship?

I feel like I've read that all year. Yeah, because the media hates the Patriots the media wants the past out If you look at any fucking commercial and the logos of the teams the past are never in it The past are never on the wall behind anything. It's always every other fucking Third place foot plays team It's never the past the Patriot logo is it should be the fucking Patriot logo Should be the number one fucking logo every NFL commercial every ESPN anytime they have a football thing It should be the Patriots bang and then maybe the call oh the cut you know other teams that are fun But the Patriots been and then never in it. They don't like the Patriots.

That's it. They just don't like them. They want them out. They've been trying to take them out for fucking years and it doesn't matter. And every year all the assistant coaches go their head coaches and they're going and Bell check replaces them and teaches the new coaches and finds talent. And and it's just it receivers remember West Walker yeah yeah now we have Edelman so it doesn't matter yeah it doesn't matter who the fuck that who you know I mean they'll replace them and find a way

to win that's why they do it so the patcher in it again Brady's done nine nine super balls half his career half his career and Half his career. And the fact is, and his wife's the breadwinner. Yeah. The fact that the fact that he has nine subo balls, half his career, and he's and people still debate whether he's the goat because oh, he's the greatest quarterback of all time. I mean, he really is. That's who I it's how who else was Montana because he did is. That's who I, it's how, who else was Montana? Because he did four. Well, Michael Vick was pretty good. Michael Vick was a little bit of a hiccup in his career.

I didn't know that. It was a little speed bump. Yeah, little speed bump. Michael Vick wasn't even fucking close to being any, he was a great quarterback. He wasn't one of the best. I think he's the best football player connected to dog fighting. I think we know a great quarterback. He wasn't one of the best. I think he's the best ball foot best football player connected to dog fighting. I think we know.

Yes, because the best celebrity is DMX. Yes, it's I will for sure. I mean, he's getting out really. Really? I can't wait. He's gonna do a concert. It's gonna be fucking nuts. DMX is out. Archelle. He goes in. You hold. They got a switch.

DMX is way more likeable though. Oh fuck yeah. It's way more like movies. Yeah. That depends more watchable. Um, I just I think the fucking patch are amazing and no, man, who wants to see the fucking Rams win? I like Matthew Stafford the best. It's my son of ball. So Matthew Stafford. Oh fucking. Well, he did. So I like him. That son a ball. So Matthew staffer. Oh fucking well he did

So I like him. That's a cute. Fuck your Brady What if Brady sends you a ball I'd like him Big fan uses the fucking mushy asshole. I am just want a free shit for your son. Yes Whatever son I just I can't believe I mean I'm saying that when we're doing a big part here at the county so. So it's kind of last year suck because we were in the soup bowl. But you know here's the thing when they lost I don't get I don't when they lost to the giants the first time is when I stopped being that fanatical about sports. I love sports. I love watching it, but I'm not investing my fucking emotions into it. I've been watching fan

reactions to the KC game, the Falcons game, the Seahawks game, all the, I mean, most every subwoofer they've ever won is down to the wire except for one Most of them they shouldn't have won but they did and a lot of the playoff games same shit down to the wire a feel goal And they win with four seconds left That's just the way the Patriots win. So if you think it's easy being a Patriot fan because we win all the time It's not it's a heart attack every fucking game It's a fucking it's a heart attack You're beginning of the seasons are off and like always like well Pat's aren't gonna do it exactly and then you guys end up coming around

Yes, at the opposite of the myths. Yeah, yeah, or the lions the first three games are like they're gonna. Oh fuck Yeah, so I mean it's You know it's hard it's hard being a past fan to be honest even though they win every year It's fucking crazy because the pressure but I don't do that shit anymore where I get mad if they lose Because I've been watching those fan reactions and it these people it's always Anytime the head when they show the final touchdown the person's hand goes on their head It's either people like this with their hands on something or they bend over and they have the final touchdown. The person's hand goes on their head. It's either people like this with their hands on something or they bend over and they have to bend over

and then go to the ground. And you always hear a baby crying in the background. There's always somebody not watching a kid. Just whaaat! Just some hungry kid, just some kid that fell because somebody dropped him. And in any Boston home, it's just a woman flying through a table Win or lose yeah

At least you guys win though. I mean, that's a nice thing. I think well who you think it's gonna win I I think the pets personally. Yeah, I was gonna bet money. I wouldn't you god damn right? Yeah, I just didn't realize it was a Sunday already All right, I made gonna bet money. I wouldn't you goddamn right I just didn't realize it was a Sunday already All right, I'm a place to bet Is this Sunday will place a bet right now with me 20 on what the Rams winning no, Patriots I'm the you can't you bet you bet Rams can't tell me to put the game right all right fine. Well, I'll do Rams you do Rams Yeah, all right 20 bucks There we go boom now I got a watch for the Rams and I'm gonna watch for the rams and I'm gonna watch for the bums. Why?

Why you dressed like a doctor in 1972? I've been awaiting since the moment you walked in. Yeah, you look like a rip on my outfit. You look like a Sesame Street character. I always look like a Sesame Street character. Let's stand up. Have you watched abducted and plain sight on the left? Yeah, you look like a, you look like a boy.

Oh, it's a dickies jumpsuit. That's pretty awesome. You look like a boy. Yeah. Like a gas station attendant. Are you transitioning? Yeah. Um.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is waterproof, okay? What is waterproof? The jumpsuit. It's also fucking taste proof. It's like a winter blue.

It's kind of fun. It's not sassy. It's not sassy at all. It was a collar. Yeah, some collar action Yeah, it's a good way to not get hit on and I think thank you so much for noticing. Yeah, by men Well, yeah, that's every lesbos on these villages gonna try to fucking figure fuck you on the trip You're gonna hear a lot of doc Martins clunk in your way. Yeah a lot of a lot of leather jackas was fucking spurs on them Hey, where you going Your outfit is ridiculous. It always says yeah Did you have to pay?

Well, dude, I think we made a bet on the pay he took the ramps. I made him take the ramps I took the patch you want to bet I hate it Pat's huh? What do you mean you hate LA the city or city? Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, I live there and there was like now Why do we hate it so much? People the people yes, it's not the weather. It's not the ocean. It's the people. Yeah, what's up with the people? What are they phony? Oh, they're absolutely are they too nice? Is the niceness think about living like it's like Williamsburg people yeah, but they don't actually know like they don't read like they

You know like Williamsburg people they actually do read books. Yeah, and LA. I feel like everyone just talks But they say absolutely nothing. Yeah, really it's just like why why am I Some of the worst people everyone's just trying to be something. Like everyone in New York is just that themselves. Yeah. Everyone needs to just give a fuck. Like they have too much going on to like, in New York, it's all about the hustle.

Like you don't have time to worry about anyone else. And LA, it's like, let me tell you about what I'm doing and see if you can help me. And it's like a bad tweet trying to get likes for someone to fight. And then they don't hear anything. It's get likes personal life and then they don't hear anything that you say like I all the time I lived in a land like I don't think I've had one conversation since I've moved here it's just people talking at you about what they have you know it's I just don't I did not like it at all yeah I don't I didn't I never I mean I don't mind it as much now that I'm older and I kind of get it.

When I live there, I just had him move. I was just Jesus Christ. I can't have the same conversation with somebody. Somebody comics him out there now though. Yeah, because there's a lot of shik going on out there for cops. But when you look at the importance of family and stuff, you're one of the people that was like staying destroyed for your sobriety. Wait till something comes, you know, like do do what's right for you. You

know and you were one of the few people when everybody else is like no you got to go out to LA stay at the store get in the click get involved like only people who really care earlier like look do what's right for you figure out your own way. Be happy now. It's actually. Don't be happy 10 years from now. And that's what I do. I'm gonna go I'm gonna gonna go LA get this do this get a career Have people like me and make a lot of money and be famous and then I'll be happy. Oh, yeah But what about your kids not gonna be happy you wife's not gonna me no one's gonna be fucking happy You're not gonna be happy because how many stars do we know that are just fucking peachy all the time?

I'm just like it's like why not why waste 10 years or five years just be just go and be happy right now Right this one guy. I now goes it takes three years to like LA I'm like why would I wait three years to like where I live till that traffic Those prices fuck though takes three years Three years. Yeah, and then you get it Look if you if you had a move to LA where I've gone out there for work, fine. I know, you know, I'm working and I'm going home. I'm not worried about, I don't have to do the scene.

You know, the scene here is a little, I don't know, it's just a little, I don't know. I don't know if the word is honest or just transparent, you know, here. It also requires you to be funny here where there is more like how long you wait or who you know or What do you have going on? Yeah, like I had nobody has anything going on here. No, it's great though because when they do they go they go to LA None of us have anything try why didn't like it when I was we should all go to LA I probably didn't like it when I was so we should all go to LA Yeah, we need to go and all of us need to go to LA for three years. Yeah, it's weird the month where you're doing a television show You're like I kind of like it. Yeah, you have fucking 30G a month throwing in there As soon as you walk into the improv and the comedy still like mr. Kelly. Yeah, come here mister

Yeah, what yeah, we just painted your name on the wall. Oh, what it's right between two door guys yeah yeah and as soon as your shows can't we're erased yeah what's stop roast house this as soon as your fat head gets off your dumb sitcom god when I was out when I was on sex and drugs I should have just spent all that time in LA just making making my inroads I didn't do shit I would go to LA for like up front and just stay in my hotel. Didn't you tape here though or was it an LA show? We taped here but we did a lot of up front. Life does change. Especially with FX. Yeah, there is that. Yeah. And you were like nah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

Wow. Yeah. We'll be back. I'll be back. That's the one thing, too. Well people Something a threat. It is a threat. I think I think I don't know what's in it. May it may be first. I'm not really the one I think just reliving your childhood. But when you said it was more hopeful, I'll be back I'm angry. Yeah, you just like I'm gonna be back. Everything about me is angry. Who do I represent your grandpa? Why is this me? I think it's you. All right, we're gonna wrap it up guys. You have a show, we have to go. I do, yes, we have a show today.

We have to go. I'm gonna go through Becky, what do you got? Hey, I'm at Human Places on Instagram that use a three. I mean, the most, I can't not like Becky. An angel. I mean, I've never met a human being like you. There's gotta be something about you that's bad Is there anything do you have any secrets?

Dude, I mean do you do bondage doing your husband do weird shit sexually in your camper? Is there something going on with you? Yeah, you know the nicest human being I've ever met thanks. I like you too. I love I can fucking fucking love her. I feel like what you're thinking in her head is not nice I just want to see a notebook with fat bob Kelly just knives in my neck just different pictures Yeah, all terrible and more graphic as I Anytime Gabby sees like is Becky. Yes, whatever Becky wants. Isn't that my response? Yeah, Becky wants Is Becky? Yes, whatever Becky wants. Isn't that my response? Yeah, I'm Becky wants. Ah, Gabs, what do you got besides the shittiest outfit? I've ever seen a woman wear.

Thank you. Oh my god, even fucking lady Gaga would throw up on that. 100 proof, but it's waterproof. So what I... I'm at Gaby is Brian on Instagram. I have a month ago. He does, yeah, good parents. Everything is positive.

No, but it is waterproof. I'm going. So you know, what do you got? At Gaby is Brian on Instagram. I have a month. You does yet good parents. Everything is positive. No, but it is waterproof. Good. So you know, what do you got? At Gabby is Brian on Instagram. I have a monthly show at the Way Station in Brooklyn. It's first Wednesday of every month. Yeah. And opening up for you tonight.

Tonight. At the fat black. Fat black. We're hosting. Yeah. You're hosting. You're the host tonight. That's right.

And yeah, that's it. All right. All right That's right and Yeah, that's all right. Oh Right, I think we're gonna do Skankfest live ykwd That's awesome. Oh, when I have a dickie sponsorship. So if you just send me do you really? Are you send send Gabby dickies? And also send her dickie pics No, don't do that last time I did that on the podcast. I got fucking 3,000 dick pics. Oh, why didn't I get it? I got so many. I want can we see them? Let's make a dick pic collage We can't see that it's a dick. We'll just make my pieces of it

Yeah, just you get like a bunch of photos and you can make a face or make a dick No, we make puzzles those online puzzles. We'll make Gabby's face smiling and we're fucking dicky, which is all dick. Send thousands. What's your email? Y-A-W-D, please. Sorry. No.

At ridecast.com. All right, Mikey, what do you get? On Instagram, at Mike Buswores, this Saturday, I'll be at the Yacht County Club. If you want to come see me there. Oh yeah, Yonkers. Yeah. I told him about you and you. I told him about both you guys.

Oh, sweet. I'll have a lot of fun. Yeah, you should hook up with that guy. He's great. That's good. You're going to be right in my house. Where the fuck am I? All the Albany Albany.

I have this my agent, Mad Frost, super agent, fucking my agent. Literally my whole career. I've never left my I think I'm the only guy No, that's never dumped as agent. I mean he's the best over 20 years. Who's he with? See, no, see, yeah, yeah, no, no, see I just forgot see it because he's been with every he said He's been with every he said is also I'm sorry No, no, I'll ask that You know cameo you give any Rats you know the app cameo

Yeah, where you famous people get paid money to say whatever you want to say to you Yeah, so he's been see for my dates He's been paying for these cameos to all these people So I put him up. It's like I don't know who the fucking last guy was, his bodybuilder. What was his name? He's just like, fan name. Well, I got Paris Hilton to do one. He got really?

Yeah, that's the next one coming out. It's coming out today. He got Paris Hilton to plug my Albany dates, but they all read Albany as Albany. So they're like, have fun in Albany. It's like No, well you go to my robbercat. What is it? Robert K. Live? Well, you have it on on the YKWD one. Oh, so YKWD the Paris Hilton month not yet tomorrow Paris out yet tomorrow, but anyways go there Mike. What do you got what else get yonkers? What else? That's it for right now. That's a city round with you a little bit around the city lantern

Dave you got it these two guys? You guys are my favorite one. Seriously on my podcast, but these people too. Fucking great to have you on and you're fucking hilarious. Thank you. Great comics. You got to go see them live. Listen to their podcasts. Sign up for the kumi. I think you have your own podcast too. No, just on just just Anthony show. Good. And you got your podcast.

Yeah, medium popcorn, they go spoil movies were officially riding tomato certified. So good for you. Really? Yeah. So our reviews actually count towards the tomato meter. That's great, man. Dude, one of my favorites, buddy. I really missed having you on. I'm glad you came back in. And you asked me to do one of your shows, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. We got the comedy outliers show coming back with Mike Brown. I love Mike. February 23rd. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

Yep. At the bellhouse, uh, merikandcolleons.com, particulates. Is it in my, in my, I, I, I, I, I, I love to have you on, but I still stuck a second text. What night is that? Saturday February 23rd. I won't be able to do it because I'm, I'm a way every week. I'm on the road every week.

I got soda on there. Dude, I'd love to fucking do it. I really would. I'm fucking sorry. That's the right. The 23rd, am I around the 23rd. We got soda on there. Dude, I'd love to fucking do it. I really would. I'm fucking sorry. That's the right. The 23rd, am I around the 23rd? No. OK, thanks.

What do you got? What do you got, dude? Just a county ally of show coming back Saturday, February 23rd. It's going to be a dope show at the boss. And then the night before, Friday, February 22nd, drunk black history at the Creek and the Cave at 8 p.m. It's going to be a lot of fun with doing our own version of that.

That shit gonna get fucked up and talk about Black historians. That should be fun. That sounds like a good night. AmericanCons.com, yeah. Jackin out. What do you got, Dave? February 8 through 10, you can see me at the comedy bar in Chicago, Willa Noi, and February 14 through 16, Dr. Green's Comedy Club and Grand Rapids, Michigan. All right, buddy.

It was good. That was a good podcast. I enjoyed it. Thanks for having me. Yeah, well, we talked about, I mean, fathers, we talked about fathers being who we talked about people, suicide and death. Everybody's dad is dad. Dave is pending relapse.

Yeah, Dave, Dave's gonna go back to just because he fucking really didn't do it as a son. I just grandpa, probably the cancer came back because of him. Because his dad's negative thoughts. Partially. I mean, we talked about everything. So nothing crashing a car into a tree helped him. No, of course not. Yeah, help him calm down as red blood cells.

Um, they say cancer will be cured in a year. By the way, from now, I'm sorry, dad's a little late on this. They did. They said, you got 20 years. No, how much you got to pay for that though? I mean, I don't think that's gonna cover all this. I'm not. I'm not kidding. They said they came out with it today. It's just when they're up her middle class with the wealthies known for years. No, Gabby, I appreciate your crew response. Oh, and that's not it. Slack notification.

You cock sucker. How do you read it? Savannah, all this shit. I'm trying to get my wife's email. Where is she? She sent me this today right here, Cancer article. It says, I'm just going to read that on Forbes.com. Israel is really scientist claims they're on the path to care cure cancer

Of course in the year And then there's a picture of a tit with cancer Is Rayleigh science yeah, that's a ploy to get some some chemicals over here and focus up Broke chemical warfare with those guys right now. Oh, you. Yes. Is is rent. We're gonna war everybody, man. With Israel. Yeah. Are you out of your mind?

Because of the whole cultural help with the the fucking place. The embassy or whatever. Yeah. I think they're trying to hurt us. Yeah, I get what I don't trust anybody. I know. Well, maybe you guys should both have dads. Show me your hands.

Yeah. Well, show me your hands. Well, I still say that after I tried that once and it didn't trust anybody. I know. Okay. Maybe you guys should both have dads. Show me your hands. Yeah. Well, show me your hands. Well, I still see that after I tried that once and it didn't work out so well. Did it. You guys, man, Zach, what do you got? Zach, the new guy. We're going to get his mic.

Make sure you go to patreon.com. Sash Robert Kelly, become a member. Support the show. Support me over there. We support the show, be support me over there. We've got a lot of new stuff going over there. Full review of side pack, the daisling, and the backpack is going up there. Check that out, side pack, dash, life.com. Check out those bags, they're great.

And I also have the Paul Verzy thing I'm editing right now. The Paul Verzy bushcraft, which I lost all the footage and I found it and I'm re-editing it right now. I know, I'm fucking sick to my stomach because you had it. Gabby was you were supposed to edit it first and you fucking blew me off. I didn't have time for that one.

I don't even know what that means, but I'm editing it now. It's so LA, isn't it? I don't have time for that one. I don't even know what that means. But I'm editing it now. It's so LA, isn't it? I don't have time for that one. I'm editing a shit for free is so LA. I was paying. I was gonna pay you for that. Yes, I was.

That's what I did now. No, you can't tell me what I was going to do. It's gonna be something. I was gonna pay you for that. I pay you for that. This is some high-end. I'm gonna go shit. Yes, you think I was just gonna do it for that. I pay you for that. This is some high-end stuff. I'm gonna go shit. Yes, you think I was just gonna do it for nothing?

I'm uncomfortable. Yeah. No. This is like a good word. I'm gonna be edit a fucking. Oh, cool. Send it to me. I'll do it.

No, not now. I'll do it. I'll do it. No. I was just back in Michigan. No. You want to do it? Huh?

I wish I would play on a work of regular. You're regular fee, right? Sure. I wish you'd have a stool. Yeah, I'll fuck your pay. I'll make you do that in an hour show. I did. I did. I'd rather watch my dad in this most painful moment than this. You guys, oh, I'm just telling you something.

Whisper no way to this awkwardness You're audience is going to be like, there's so many things happening to my ears. What is this? Why is he over talking with his dad's dad? If he's dad's dad, God bless you. If your dad's still alive, go give him a big hug, give him a kiss. Tell me a lot of people.

Unless you don't know, find him and try to get some money off him. To our white listeners, if you don't know, find him and try to get some money off To our white listeners if you have a dad still To you to our black listeners Give you a single mom's hug They need it and don't let them don't let them take it a KFC all the time. Be sure to go up your overall. Alright. You know why, so... Checkoutryocast.com For all the best podcasts on the internet And they're all free And they're all free Sorry

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fui, parás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.