Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Zac Amico, Jaye McBride, Tara Cannistraci | "Witch Fingers"

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

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promo code YKWD. What's going on? It's Robert Kelly here and I want you to join my Patreon. I got this. Why is Andrew Schultz sitting like a lesbian I got that Take a look This too, oh what's in the box? Oh

Whoa, I've been waiting months for this. Check this out. Oh No, all right. We have a special guest coming in get background for this. Check this out. Oh no. All right, we have a special guest coming in. Get background. What is that? Hold on a second. Somebody's teasing me. Hold on a second.

That's not my fault. OK, sorry. This is on there. I think we definitely have powered Joe. We gave Joe's a template for how to nail each other. And this? Less to be true. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Did you break your fence? No, man! I think that's it. Nope, you get this too. There, there, there, there, there. That's it. It's always been fun to be friends with you, doing stand-up comedy all these years. Yeah baby, we're starting the podcast right now.

We're back. You know what, too live. to live welcome everybody to the show Started the social media podcast Why can't we these back again? We're all starting before them all Podcasts is so fun and crazy Why can't I use this podcast is so fun and crazy and there's no rules Shut up you all who in this Work the ball damn it man

I'm sorry it's a comedy podcast This is an NPR That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original Original And we're back You know what, dude?

It's back We're back. You know what, dude? Is back. We're back in the studio live. I mean, 10 million episodes before anybody on the East Coast even thought of this shit. I was doing it, and I've slowly progressed. And it's slow. I'm still in it, baby. I want to welcome all the people, the patriarch and people watching live in the chat right

now. I love you guys for supporting my channel. What else? Yes, I want to make sure we have, we got all these questions going on tonight from you guys. We have an extra guest that popped in that I'm doing a show with tomorrow. And we got three of the keys turn the fan a little bit, fucking like 900, I feel like I'm John Travolta kissing a guy in an airport. Just turn it, just turn it down a little bit, Joe.

Anyways, let's introduce the guests. New Nikki, I make you do it because you hate it. I do, you're right. You hate she hates talking to her microphone so much. She just wants to sit back there and fucking make sure the show looks good, make sure everything's right, and do all the functionality of it. She does, when I make her talk to that microphone,

you can hear it. She sounds like she's in the basement trapped. And like I fucking captured her after school. She's been in my basement just producing podcasts. No, that's the Lewis. Go ahead. Well, we have Jay McBride here. Yay, what's up Jay?

Not much, thank you so much, keeper by the way. Anyone, any podcast producer that doesn't want to be a comedian is a keeper. Oh, I've learned that the hard way. Right. Every fucking, every producer I've ever had was a goddamn stupid comedian. You need to hate comedy. You need to cancel your Netflix and then you're hired. A pod campers?

Producer doesn't want to be on fucking mic. I wish you were a considerate sex out. Yeah, she's the best. She's the best. They all want to be fucking stars except for new Nikki. New Nikki. Are you gonna have to turn that thing off? It's fucking nuts. Do you have headphones? No, you don't. I got slim Joe. Just turned it off Joe. Yeah, what is that? No, you'll be turning it on in about five minutes. So the AC just rumbling. Yeah, all right. Turn the fan back on. Turn the AC off.

Turn it off. Turn it off. All right, AC low fan media. Yeah, low AC. Now we're still working the kinks out 17 years later. Do you just have a giant palm leaf? You could like, wafed back and forth for us. All right, Joe, low.

It's just loud. It's because she's over there. She should be over here. That microphone is picking that up. Oh, right. All right, Joe, listen to me. Not big enough to block. Joe, that mic goes over here. She moves over there.

I'll turn your mic this way. Go closer to him. I know it's scary. I know it's scary. Anyway, I don't even care. You're gonna have... He's gonna put me in the bathroom in a minute. No, it's all right. Listen. It's been doing this longer than anybody else. It's longer than anybody else.

And we still fucking here Nobody only I hear to go get get got got got there's a fucking Volkswagen breaking down in the background and these two nubs Go's right I took the stairs Joe what are you doing stop? He's trying to unplug it move the fucking microphone Just shut that mic off. I'm plug it. Watch. I'm plug it. And it's gone.

I mean, I am stupid. You'll be. Anyways, here we go. We're back. We're live. I'm sorry, Jo, for yelling at you. I'm sorry. No, just leave it there. Just get a mic over here. Anyways, we have Zach Amiko. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Nunecki. Jo Panix. Just get a mic over here. Anyways, we have Zach Amico.

Thanks for having me. Thank you, New Nikki. Joe Panix, here's the problem with Joe. Joe, I love you. You know that. You're awesome. Funny guy. Really funny, unique comic. He is awesome at editing.

Nobody better. A little slow, but nobody better. And then it drops off a cliff. He knows nothing after that. He knows breakfast and buffalo. We're to get a good wing. And then a mo-pets. He knows nothing after that. He knows breakfast in Buffalo. We're to get a good wing. And then a mo-pets. He knows about mo-pets.

And then he's out. So he has a perfect skill set to be a comedian. Yeah, he has a piece. No, Joe is a no-bob. You know about mo-pets. Joe is a comedian. Joe's very funny. Here we go.

All right, so we got Zach Amiga. Who else? And we have Tara Kanna-Straisey. Nope Nope. Yes. Is it I didn't know you last name We got Tara where we're doing a show tomorrow. Where are we doing a show? Young men's LICium Oh sounds kinky right what is LICium man? Tell me about this school I believe great for school, I believe. It's an all-man, and all men's cool.

Move that mic up to you. It's where like boys wrestle nude, right? I mean back in the day they used to read right now, they play pool. What was it back? Because this place is an old building in Tarry Town, like really old. They have bowling alley in there, they have pools.

It's weird. It's like back in the day, this was the ultimate place to go for young men. Right. That's where testosterone started. A bathhouse and everything. They have a bathhouse? Oh, I'm so excited you got it. I did. I love bathhouse. Welcome to the LICM. Pick up your young boy. Young men's LICM right? But it's all the loser-ass-the-feed-bob's-bob grapes.

The, if I fucking joke on it He's never eating the grapes so why would you say I love grapes grapes is You know my favorite grape is Cotton candy chocolate covered cotton candy grapes are fucking stupid But I won't eat them because I don't know they made that all right are fucking stupid, but I won't eat them because I don't know how they made that. All right. Which fingers? Which fingers?

All right. No, to which finger? No. No. It's a boss thing. Jesus Christ. What? What?

No, hold on that, right? For. Which, which fingers you're an asshole? Which, she just looked at her hands. Those are which fingers. I've talked about it many times. Nobody knows about this grape. Nobody, it tastes like drinking grape juice.

That's how good they are. They're fucking nuts. And you can put them in your bum. They slide right in your bum. Nice, nice. Yeah, they slide right in there. And then you pop them out, you shoot them out. Need them later for a snack if you're getting trouble.

I don't think it's like a pull cord. Yeah. Oh yeah. He could come. As soon as you come, you rip him all out. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah The LICY of men's LICY. So the LICY is a place, it's a men's club. It's a men's club. But only men go there still. Women didn't fucking ruin that. I've ruined it. There wasn't a group of women gone. This is, men shouldn't have their own things.

And then there I came. And then you came here. I showed up. You're there. I performed. You performed and now you're a member. No, I'm an honor. Yeah, you and now and and now some dudes gonna go well she's a member. Why can't fucking Kathy be a member?

Right now Kathy his wife and now is fucking just like a fucking golf country clubs Yeah, just like comedy shows exactly what next they'll allow people of color They said Americans said about right. They said Americans said about. Let's not. Now you know you go in Terry Town. Well, unfortunately there are no people of color in Terry Town. No, Terry Towns woke to oh really? Oh, Terry Towns fucking woke. Terry Town is all fucking except for the young men's license. Yeah, but there's one spot. Terry Town is all a little restaurants. It is all the Chelsea people. The music hall and all that.

Moves up to Terry Town and God, all that. The music hall, all the restaurant. Yeah, it's fucking well. Totally ruined it. I mean, no, I mean, look, I lived in Hell's Kitchen and Gays made that better. The woke, the woke artists made Hell's kitchen awesome, you know. And then usually the rich people, rich young couples

with kids were ruined it. We'll come right in, like buy all that shit that they made for millions of dollars. And then they gotta go up to fucking Terry Town. You know, Terry Town is great. Trains right there. Every town along the Hudson is kind of cool like that. You know, it's kind of woke the Hudson is kind of cool like that.

It's kind of woke. It's kind of a cool place. You could always get like a cool like bistro type thing. You know, shit like that. What is that dog's ferry? Yeah. The dog's ferry is kind of though. Dog's ferry is kind of taken over by the rich young couples

with kids now. So it's yeah. But most of them, it's like you see these great restaurants and like pretty much all along the Hudson until he gets all All-beny's shit that's the end of it. That's the end of it. Yeah, Albany has some places, but it is fucked up Zach, what are you doing? I don't travel. I'm garbage. Why don't you travel? I mean, I do the road But I don't really you don't go out when you go on the road Barely no, I'm a hotel guy. Why what does that mean? I don't want to leave. I want to stay in my room and read

I don't want to leave. I want to stay in my room and read I don't want to see things really yeah, so like okay I'm so excited. I'm going on tour with Louis to Europe I'm like fucking flipping out like I don't know what I want to do like all this shit I'm gonna go to the call of see him. I want to do I want to go and see the fucking cysteine chapel the young men's Coliseum I'm gonna go suck some young men's Coliseum I'm gonna do some weird shit over there. I'm gonna get pick pocketed. Take a dick pick by the Leaning Tower pizza.

Jeff, right. Can't take it. I can't take dick picks anymore. You're going everywhere in Europe. Yeah. I'm gonna look up that tour. It's insane. It's insane.

Like if you went there, you would. No, I would do that. Why wouldn't you do it in here in America? I don't know anywhere like that. Because you hate America. I don't even think America's fucking suppressing you. You hate America. Okay, I was just in Chicago.

Where should I have gone? In Chicago? Yeah. The bean? Yeah. The sear's tower. And you know what I did in Chicago. Well, I got a chocolate cake shake from Portilla.

There you go. So that was my thing, guys. There you go. So that was my thing. There you go. Perfect. They have a awesome cigar place there. I'm not going to have to fight. You think cigars are gay? That's funny.

Is man who smokes a car is gay? No, just douchey. You think it's douchey? No, not you. No, you can say it. No, no, no. Okay. I am holding off that.

It's okay. Like you've kind of your grandfather. I'd rather be douchey. Yeah. I'm just kind of your grandfather. I'd rather be douchey. Yeah. I mean, like when comic was that I'd rather be doing in their late like late 20s take photos of them smoking cigars. It's out of the comedy club. Yes. Oh, it's like, oh, bug. You're trying. Oh, right. Is it a man? Oh, man thing. Like I'm a chore guy. Yeah, yeah. You have a house and a family. I'm that guy now. I am not you deserve a cigar. Yeah, it's okay. I am that guy, but I

Chicago does have you're right. I think Chicago's I mean, it has places to go out of the museum there. They have a German sub. You're not gonna do that shit, right? Go to the museum. No, I did the the mooder in Philly. That was really good. Yeah. Philly's got a lot of shit like that. It was a medical oddities museum. That was really fun. Oh, nice. She's like weird shit. Yeah. Anything like that. I'll do. Right. That sounds awesome. Austin, I did the museum with a weird. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. No, go ahead. There was, I never got a chance to see it. But I was in San Diego. There's a museum of all these torture devices from the Spanish Inquisition.

I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that.

I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that.

I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. that you fucked up childhood. That one adult, Sith male looks at you listening, your threaten. I'm already flinching. I'm already halfway under the table. I was literally like, I wanted to hear more. What the fuck?

It felt like the acquisition. I'm sorry. Maybe I was into it. A Catholic. I took a course on fucking listening. That type of shit is weird to me, like when they used to fucking just rip people apart and just kill torture people,

but it was in the name of God. Yeah, and like the sick shit too. It's not just like, all right, we'll just slowly stab you. No, no, it's like this insane. Like tell me what, I don't know a lot about it. I've seen it in movies.

There's always that basement and the fucking thing with the one guy's like, there's one where they slowly lower you onto a pyramid ass hole first. It's very second. Yeah. Can we go this? You have to let your way like spring and half eventually they slowly drop you into stress.

It's like, all right, there's, but I wait a minute. Stop. I'm just a whew. So a blacksmith is to make this pyramid, or is it out of wood? Oh, it's a cleat. Is it out of wood? Is it out of wood?

Do they bother cleaning? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know one. What can we get? I'll buy you one for your birthday. Instead of the bidet, that's what I have. So what happens?

They low you down on your asshole. So you must be tied up. Yeah, and that they pull you down until this triangle slowly splits you. There's one called the pair, which is like even more bizarre. It's like it looks like a ball, but it has like four little leaves that form it, and then you unscrew it. It slowly opens up.

So each of the four leaves opens inside you. Yeah, you either put it in your mouth, your asshole, your vagina, and then they crank it and open it further and further until you're just skull shatters or there it is, there it is. Oh, wait a minute. It's insane, it's insane.

The pair of anguish, which it's a lovely name though. I mean, that was Bobby's nickname in college. That's what he calls every pair that he has to eat. That would take a minute. My favorite thing I've heard is, I've heard of getting keel hold. No, can you show me that again? Bring that, keep that back up. What's keel hold?

It's what pirates used to do. So when boats were covered in barnacles at the bottom, look at your way of hold. Cast somebody aside and drag them on the underside of the boat over and over again, on the barnacles until it killed them. So it would like scrape them to death. Why, it's so funny, bring up the triangle of death. What is it called? The asshole of death?

Yes. Pyramid of assholes. Bring up torture devices. I want to see some more. Inquisition torture. Just bring up Inquisition torture devices and we'll go through them. Yeah, that seed.

By the way, is anyone else as turned on as I am right now? That's a hundred percent. You're definitely. Why? You want to put that in your fucking asshole? What do you mean going to? I was just saying, is there right now? It doesn't look like it would do much to be honest with you.

Yeah, eventually it just shatters your skull. Yeah, but that was in my asshole. You get owl out of me. Well, I mean imagine. Oh wow Sorry, we let me tell you the past codes. We lost another pair Thank you another one That's fucking crazy are you a fun get bring out the pyramid Well, she's gonna bring up more devices. I don't know. She's as slow as mush tonight That's fucking crazy. Are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, through the images bring up the images I just want to see the images. All right. Look at the one guy that like that wood block thing at the top like top in the middle of them actually pushing them into that. Yeah, I've I've here we go put

that. Break that. What the fuck? What they saw in somebody in half by the crunch. Oh my fucker. What's that one? What's it's like what's the point like at that point? It's like how the wheel what is the wheel? What is the wheel? You said it like you know it's your or something like that Yeah, they basically like hammer your oh there it is there there it is Oh, so it's not it's just a little pyramid. It's not the whole I thought I was thinking a whole big So this is not a fancy one. I barely had one spilled by slaves. But you know they had ornate ones too. Like the king was like, I want my bearman to be gold

with rubies at the bottom. If they reach the rubies, they can live. I would just like it if you looked from the top and it was just like a smiley face. You know, like you looked at it. Like it's like a giant nose and a smile. Wow. He's like crosses like, yeah, there's a,

no, the wheel they like hammer your arms until they're broken To fit up to the wheel and then they I don't know what they do. I think they did you there? What's the one with the girls bending in half and then down yeah right there. What is that? They just break her back What the fuck What the fuck? And what are they pouring down her throat? I mean, it's like jizz this pouring fucking other prisoners jizz They have a room like that at the young men's lacing

Smart night. That's how you got in. This is the water we used that was your that was your back I got my key fob right there They're putting the key fobs down my throat right now. It's so funny too. They're torturing her but they also can't help with their guys. They have to take her tits out. It's like this isn't enough. Let me just take your tits out and shake them before you. What a piece of shit. Men are garbage. Why are they bothered to support her head? Hey, I think something down. It's sad. They're putting a- Yeah, I think they're forcing the-

They're forcing the- A funnel of a tube. Yeah, like a fucking jaw feeder. Like a goose. Good fudge. You know, the treadmill in Patay. Young whore Patay. Wow.

When was this? When did we do all this? What century was that? What was like 13th, 14th? Now that was actually as later than that. It was, uh, when was the? When did we do all this? What century was that? What was like 13th, 14th? Now that was actually as later than that. What was the Spanish thing? Was this... He gave it an Indian accent,

the Prince during the Spanish acquisition. Was it 17th century? I don't know. I don't know nothing. I know nothing. We can Google it. We have literally a massive computer that was, when was the Spanish thing?

Watch this. When was the Spanish acquisition? And boom. when was it? Oh, okay. 1478 to 18. It was that Jesus Christ. What's a fuck? They were just killing people for that many years.

Wow. We were savages. I would have guessed 20 years. I mean, we were fucking garbage. I would have thought it was like a summer. It was like a COVID summer. Or they're like, oh, can you believe we did that shit? 400 fucking years.

We can't even last one pandemic for two years. We were a bunch of sissy's. I just want to know when they unveiled the new, like, is there like a big unveiling of the new torture devices? Like an ex-bow? Yeah, an ex-bow. Come on, Daniel. Come down to London. Yeah, I got a nice face. Yeah, an ex-bow. Come on, Dan. Come down to London.

London, the new triangle. It's all gold. There's a guy in the turtle net comes out. You would not, the next pyramid fits in your pocket. I want to see like a sham wow guy. Like, are you tired of waiting hours for your, for your tortured victims to die? Now available, the pocket pair.

Take your pair with you. You're never knowing you have to torture somebody. Kids acting up in the car. You don't know what to do. Pocket pair. Stick in its mouth and crank it once twice three times. They'll never talk again. You'll chip their teeth. You catch your wife fooling around with the neighbor. Sticker on the pair. I did not think he was gonna say neighbor This is the right network we don't do that over here. This is left button from the law right now All right I think you spelled it with an end

Anywho yeah, we don't torture. I mean, what are we torture now? We do waterboarding. We don't even do that anymore. Yeah, not like the good old days. No, we can't do that anymore. I bet we do some real shit behind closed doors. Of course they do, of course they do.

Some secario shit. Yeah, but can I ask you a question? Like, when I see that stuff in movies, I like it. I like when they torture bad people. I don't know if you like it. Oh, I'm all for it if they're bad people. I don't know how good we are at catching the right. You know, it doesn't do any good though.

They prove like torture does nothing. It's like, it's just like, I mean, it's more for us. Yeah, I mean, like, like, if you were to say, I don't like what people say, they like the CIA or whatever. All right. Yeah. I'm, like, if you were to do this, just say, I don't like what people say, vague, like the CIA or whatever. All right. Yeah. I'm reporting that. By the exact, when Zach tortures someone, it doesn't, like, they still, oh, he does call

his wife. I'm, I'm, we're having sex tonight. We're doing the triangle. The pair on top of the triangle. It's like, it's like the, it's like the chair again this Sunday. Uh, not, but torture doesn't really, isn't effective. If you're like, for information, but torture doesn't really, isn't effective. If you're looking for information, they'll just say shit, whatever.

Like the best, supposedly one of the best tortures to quote unquote torture to get information is sleep deprivation. Fuck yeah, sleep deprivation. And probably food too, right? Didn't we used to have drugs? Didn't back in the 60s, we used to fuck with their brands and just inject them with drugs and LSD or whatever. And sodium pentathol? Yeah, some weird shit. Yeah,

what happened to that stuff? Yeah, I don't know. Why don't we why didn't we invent some fucking crazy drug? Like if there was a drug that would just make you start telling the truth, would that scare you the one you guys? I have that drug. It's called whiskey. I wish they would put that in the water system. That would be fucking amazing. Imagine everyone just like telling the truth all the time. That would not be good for my marriage. I feel fine with it. That's a lie.

You'd be fine with it? What are you hiding? What are you hiding? You guys, both of you guys are the most honest people I know. I mean, literally the most honest people walking the earth that I know. I mean, the most honest people walking the earth that I know. One of us is walking along with the other. I'm walking with the pair of English in my asshole.

How could I not be honest? I, uh, yeah, tortured me. I've always like in a movie. I'm like, if I was a secario one at the end When like when when he goes in he kills the family I mean he killed the kids in front of the guy that murdered But then they always have to set it up. It's like fucked up porn for me I can watch fucked up porn if they give me like scenario like at the end of it Those are fucked up points that I loved,

called the red tape. It was on Torgasm and I passed it to all my friends. It was like awesome. But the reason why I liked it because it was really bad scenarios that you probably shouldn't watch. But at the end of it, they were like, hello, this is my husband Gary. And you know, we've always wanted to do this fantasy and I'm glad we had a safe place to do it and fulfill our sexual desires. And I'm like, oh, good, it's not real. You got turned on by the fact that it wasn't real. I needed that to not feel like a piece of shit because if I just watch that video I'm not bad but at the end of like it's alright we were just friends it's my husband. I mean you know he already he already came before all that but then he

started at the end he's like well it was, all right. It was a happy ending. It was too late to take it back. The Genie's out of the blue. He needs to have the ending to have a happy ending. I would have to fight watching that again. You know what I mean? But because of that ending, I kept that tape. I like, I've had guys asked me to do fucked up shit. And like, and I always think like, I wonder how far they would go. Like, you know, like, like there are guys who are into having their balls stepped on.

Like, isn't that torture? I know those guys that want their balls with nails. Yeah, put them in the mouth. Look at you. I've seen it, yes. I've seen it. You've seen it. Yeah.

What do you mean you've seen it? I used to go to fetish clubs and I've seen some weird shit. You have the most adorable small nose. Thank you. You're welcome. It's how small is it? The adorable tiny little nose is a fetish for small noses. Too nice. I'm out. You're out. So you saw people getting their balls hammered with nails and I saw some weird like a lot of like a lot of like SNM club stuff

because you'll go to the regular club and then for like another fifty dollars there's another room upstairs for like the wild people like what tell me what's wild I seem to use it like contraptions on their balls and compare yeah no like like way in them down like tugging their balls off. You do that though. I've had a Dom's hang weights off my Prince Albert. Yeah, yeah, you do that. Oh, yeah. So you, so you, you see that was more about control though,

because I got to jerk off at the end. So that was more about like what I can withstand. Right. I wouldn't let anyone jerk off if I were the Dom and A. Why? I don't know. She's a rassol. She's the only, because she's probably a better one. One guy just, he was like,

it was so weird. He's just like, I just want you to constantly meet me and make you know, it wasn't we, I don't want to say it's weird. I don't want to like, I don't want to kink shame all this stuff. Was it Jeff Ross? But then he's like, you know, I want you like, like, like, but he's just like, I deserve to suffer. I always want to, I never met this guy in person or all. I mean, like that. It was just like, was it on the phone? It was on a dating app.

And no, I've never done holy fans like, only near sighted fans. Only, um, years I did pay. Um, that's my, do you know what he's just, just like, like, I, I just wanted, I need to suffer. And I was just like, oh, just, I was just at that point, like, well, I guess he wants it. So I said, all right, go buy a chest to your device. I don't ever want you to take it off as long as you live. And he's just like, yes, mistress. And I'm like, I got to a point. I'm like, all right, I'm not getting anything out of this.

Right. So I was like, yeah, you seem like you'd right, I'm not getting anything out of this. Right, so I was like, all right. Yeah, you seem like you'd give up like in the middle of Dominique, so it's like, yeah, I'm like, I gotta spot, like I gotta go. It's like, I don't understand, yeah. Have you ever been to that stuff? No.

Wow. I think it's common though. Oh yeah, a lot of people are. Now, like, with the fans, I'm like, I pray to Jesus, be like, no, I'm not now. And if I have a kid, I keep it. No, with trans people,

like that's what they want with trans people. They want to be, like. And if I have a kid, I keep it. No, with trans people, that's what they want with trans people. They want to be, like, they want to have a trans woman top them. But I feel like that's not uncommon. Like, I'm never been into it, but I feel like that's the thing. The thing is. It's not uncommon. Guys just think it's, guys just say it is and help. Right, I feel like that's the thing.

People want to be abused. That's with the whole thing. What do you mean, abused? People want, they want that. They want to be conquered. That's the thing. You mean men? abuse people want they want that they want to be conquered That's the thing you mean men yeah All right there you go lost every dude when they're like dude if I was a chick I'd make so much fucking money Off taking advantage of dudes and then a lot when people transition They're like hey, I'm gonna make a lot of money. You take it advantage of dudes. Oh really in my experience

Well, I was taking advantage. In my friends. It's what they want. You're giving them what they want. Yeah, I wouldn't say taking advantage, but I mean, taking advantage of a situation made me, but it's not like the guys get out what they want. Yeah. So it's get it in what they want.

Right. Yeah, I mean, I know a lot of trans women who just like do a lot of sex work. What do you mean? What do you talk like with men? Yeah, like straight like straight straight men Like one of my friends like she would have a gentleman caller let's say

She would have left guys come over They would just be like yeah, I'm trying to be polite And she's like chip Yeah, that's all they want. They just want to be a bottom. They the entire time and they want like, so will be like no loob. So will be like, I want every, I want to like, yeah.

Like everything like what? Like basically they just want, I talk to a friend of mine who's, but they're usually made a lot of them are married and like a lot of them are quote unquote straight. They have kids, but this is just like their thing. It's their fantasy, they go to her and that's it. And that's the end of it.

They don't want a relationship with her. All they want is this. So why shouldn't she? Yeah, I have no problem with that. I have a, but I know like Bailey J. Right. And she, she wants to be treated like a woman. Right.

She doesn't want to be the, because that's basically being the dude. Right. But you treated like a woman. She doesn't want to be the, because that's basically being the dude. But you look like a woman. You're a woman being the alfuck you, you know what I mean? And they just want to be. Well, that's why I don't do any of that, because I don't want that. You want to be the woman.

Right, if I wanted to fuck guys, I would be a gay man. You know, it would be a- Well, that's what she says when she doesn't take her home and she turns into a fact. She just wants to suck dick. But when she's doing everything she just wants, you know, be a woman.

She wants, yeah. That's so funny. That's fucked up. I mean, it's not fucked up, but it's funny that guys just can't be out with that. Yes. It sucks that a guy can't be like, look honey, I don't want you to,

I love you Tara, you're my wife. I don't want you to, I love you Tara, you're my wife. I don't want you to fuck me in the ass, but I want to go get fucked in the ass on Tuesdays. Or they don't care, they just want to be fucked in the ass, but they're ashamed to tell their wife about it. Yeah, it's more barricade. Yeah. Well, there's lots of cultures that prohibit it. I know a lot of my friends that do sex work

have said that a lot of hot seeds coming in and out of the dungeon. I'm sure. Of course. Of course. And they're not allowed to, they take their come home in a tissue. Because they're not allowed to spill their seed on the floor. I'm never gonna fucking use a napkin. That's how COVID started up in Westchester.

Who brought, who stepped in the compound, guys? So they come in a napkin It's something. Yeah, there's a quote in the Bible. It's like better in the belly of a whore than on the ground or something like that Actually, I think Lewis said that I think that's a Lewis quote that's not a that's how he was conceived Bad dude That's how he was conceived. Ha ha ha. Better than the belly of the world. That's a bad dude. Oh, better than the belly of the world.

That can't be really, that can't be from scriptures. It's really something bad in the belly of the world. Can you, can you go to that? I gotta read that in the belly of the power of raising. I am definitely a power of raising. Yeah, home. So, so they come into a napkin and have to, what do they do?

I think they put it in a bag and take it home. And what do they do when they go home? I think they can throw it out at home. They can't come somewhere else. They put it in the mashed potatoes. Yeah, they can't have mashed potatoes. Did you not know how lockers are made, Bob? No.

Oh, that's a, yeah, that's weird religion, religion really. It's like a lot of the priests that wind up banging kids. Oh, how do I say that? If you just let them have sex with guys, they probably just have sex with dudes. If you let gay priests be gay, or have sex at all, they might get married, and they might just not fuck kids.

But, I don't know. I don't know. You're a man. You want a woman, or if you want a man, you're not gonna be like, you know, fuck it, I'll just take a kid. But you have to have a preference. Yeah, they have female. or if you want a man, you're not gonna be like, you know, fuck it I'll just take a kid Female if you can't have anybody no right and you're around all these little kids all the time He's fucking teases I mean around other priests just fuck that. Yeah, I'm not saying my theory

Those pounding with those powders. I don't think you're gonna fight me on it The other priest you can yeah, let them fuck each other. Yes. Let them fucking none. Let them fuck what they want. We great if we just let them stop banging. They just like fucking animal house at a factory. Just priest getting ahead from nuns.

I mean, you're out of, you got a smile. Yeah, old school. You can't land on the gas. You're getting area like me, right? I am from the, yeah. Back in the day, I think when some kid was coming up, yeah, like around 12, 13 and then I think for some of the guy, they would kind of start

pushing them towards the priesthood. Yeah. Yeah. Is that why they, which means the priest. Yeah, I think they called, you can call it around that age usually. Yeah, that's weird. It's a weird thing. I feel bad.

I don't hate religions like people, comics, certain people, I fuck religions. I don't, I think religions's a weird thing. I feel bad. I don't hate religions, like people comics, certain people. I fuck religions. I don't, I think religions are a good thing. I think it's a positive perspective on life. It gives people guidance how to treat other people because a lot of people, a lot of us don't know how to, we need guidance, we need help. We need somebody keeping us on a path of righteousness.

And religion at its core does that. And yes, it fucking always goes off in the shitty ways and I'm not getting into that. No, 100%. Religion at its core is supposed to be a good thing. Yeah, it really is. But it's just like these bastardizations. Yeah, they just, they want to torture people

because the fucking God said so. Well, I don't mind that. It drown the bitch because she fucking eats herbs. She can reach astrology. She can reach. She likes cats. Ban her. There's actually a priest, St. Bridget, who they made a saint. But it was like, if you read the story now,

and they're like, hold on a second. And like, like, people think, make bride. They think it's based on bride. But it's actually hold on a second. And like people think, make bride, they think it's based on bride, but it's actually based on Bridget. But anyway, one of her miracles, she joined the convent because she didn't want a male suitor, quote unquote, and ended up sharing a bed with another sister and not for lack of beds.

Like she was obviously a lesbian, but at the time, they were just oblivious. One of her miracles was actually making a pregnancy disappear, literally an abortion. With what a stick. The Patriot saying of hangers. So which hazel is a stick? But you think of how far a lesbian abortion provider was a saint back in the 5th century. And now it's like, it's you know, it's just, it's crazy.

Yeah, the, it is weird. I mean, it's all, the whole, the whole abortion thing is religion based too. Right. 100%. You know, that's the part where it's like to just relax. You know, we got enough people in the world anyways. If somebody wants to take a couple out, you know,

and anybody wants to get into abortion, that kind of shit people, anyways, I mean, she fucks them dude, let her dump her. If they don't, if they don't, do we need another one of them around? You know what I mean?

Fucking, just fucking losers dumping in each other. I'm sorry, I fucked up. What'd you do? It came in you. I didn't know. You didn't really fucking Tony. Better in the belly of the whore than in the pussy.

Yeah. Better in your mouth. Spit it out. Don't you do that. Why don't you stop fucking letting guys gizzin' you. I couldn't imagine that. Just letting the guy come in your mouth. I can't imagine that. Just that guy coming to your mental home. I can't imagine that.

It's weird. No, like having somebody orgasm in your, in your in you, that's just nuts. Like they must feel, do you feel it? That's why we're all here. Yeah, but do you feel, no, I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying the feel, you hear what I'm saying.

The feeling of it, like feeling somebody come in your vagina. Can you feel it? You don't feel it. You don't. You just feel it come out of you, like drip on you. Maybe a wolf.

Like somebody dropped a milkshake on your asshole. So you don't feel it. I didn't know that. You don't know if a guy came in you or not. Really? I mean, you know, I would have dumped it a lot more girls when I was younger. If you didn't know, you knew, I always thought you knew.

I don't, you feel a pulse. I've never raw dogged it, so I don't know. Really? No. No, I don't feel it. I feel a pulse after. A pulse. Oh, the little heartbeat.

Yeah, the heartbeat. The heartbeat. When he's squirting the gun a couple times. Like when you're dry, he's putting them in. Right. I mean, sex is such a weird thing if you think about it. Think about like, okay, we have sex to make life. You're supposed to stick a penis in a vagina.

You pump. Kid salad comes out, shoots in the vagina, makes its way up to your dumb egg, and then you, hopefully, it gets in there and have a baby. And then everything else is just weird. Hopefully for who? Not for you, you fucking dirty selfish. To have an adult.

Just want to tight vagina your whole life. Selfish. This one's runnin' around and do set. My poor wife has to tie it for Johnny, your whole life. Selfish. This is what I'm going to do, Seth. My poor wife has to do kegels, because I wanted a son. I'm. But think about blow jobs. I want to stop.

That's some of the big head. What is a blow job? This is so unnecessary. It's like I was trying to think about how all these other things came up. You know, like, okay, anal sex, I get. That had to be religious. I thought not just an oops. No, I think it was a religious thing. I was thinking, you know, there was definitely cavemen fucking each other before there was religion. Really? There was a wet hole and you put your cock in it.

There was some animals blowing chowder sometimes. Moose, Moose lick pussy. Did you know that? Some animals blowing chowder sometimes moose moose lick pussy. Did you know that of? Course, no, I didn't yes, I swear to God moose Well of male moose will lick a female supposed to be for crazy, right? A monkey just went to another monkey's We go went down like eight eight Eight box eight box what is it? I'm real in front of kids and everything really? Wow Was it was the other was the mom girl monkey doing? A box what is it? And the box is new in front of kids and everything. Really? Wow.

What was the other, what was the girl monkey doing? She was on her phone. She was texting. She was texting. Herons were. She was holding his nose. She was fucking monkey pussy smells like bananas and piss. I was at the San Diego Zoo and this giraffe started just pissing.

And almost immediately another giraffe came running out of nowhere and started putting its head down and started licking. It was the weirdest shit I've ever seen in my life. That's a true friend. Zach has done that to me. He helped me out of the comments. I can't see my dick. He comes over and licks it while I'm pissing,

so it's nice and clean. There's a reason Bob and I don't have eight-foot long necks. That's right. That's right. There was a thank you. I saw a dog. I can't see it. Can you tell me what's going on down there?

There was a dog pissing and it put his head down and was like drinking its own piss. All right. Weird. There's a good video of a monkey using a frog like a flashlight that's fucking brutal. Oh, no, I gotta see. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, please don't bring that up.

Oh, don't look. I was telling you when I have to see that. All right, go ahead. There was also like the frog's mouth. Oh, the frog's mouth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's wrong with that? with that the frogs find yeah, of course the frog dead What do you think? Is the frog died did the frog die?

It's just a little monkey. It was I don't want anybody fucking something to death. It's not dead It just it just talked to its parents anymore My god, there's one of a there's a video of a ceiling My god, there's one of the there's a video of the Sealed maybe timing of you have no timing to call I mean just bring it up Internet everywhere. I'm trying to find it just bring it up. I bet I bet monkey fucking frog What's that I bet monkey fucking frog? I mean literally monkey fucking frog should it should just come up Why are you going on the dark web? Are you afraid? chimpanzee rapes for all by? Yes, that's it. That's it. You don't have to look at it.

Let's just see it. Can we play this on where? They're all like taken down. I'm still looking. I apologize. Goddamn pro frog agenda, the liberal liberal media taking down this shit Fucking cancel culture. Oh, we found it. I'm Tifa assholes Can't walk in woke up Mary. You can't even watch a monkey fucking a frog came watch a mug fuck what? This is a gift. Oh my god, you know, it's so funny. That's not the video I was thinking That is a separate incidence. That's the same again. No, it's a different monkey. It's the word must have got out.

It's the frog. It's a scripture better in the frog's mouth than on the floor. Jesus Christ. Wow, man. It's like those guys in college who will like, what happens if you cut a hole in the cannel open and microwave it You know, it feels like a vagina when I was in rehab There was a guy that would he had a problem masturbating

He would have to masturbate like four or five six seven times a day He would always leave group Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was just he had a thing and he would always leave group and we'd be like Little we literally going to jerk off. Everything we did, he'd be like, I'll be right back and he would just, he would have, he'd have dip, he'd spit and then go jerk off in the bathroom and then he'd come back. And so we had these different jobs in the house. So I'm going to clean the upstairs. It was a home, a huge house in Nath, and 23 boys from the age of 9 to 18 lived in this house. And so we all had different jobs. And his job, he was kitchen duty one year, one week, I mean, one week he was in the kitchen.

So he had to prepare food and stuff like that. And Cisco would give us free food. Like Cisco is that big shit company that just murders fucking fat people with mayonnaise and shit, you know. And that's a terrible food. And it would give us all this free stuff that it would have extra, or it would be going on there. So it gave us I think it was baloney or

Multadella was salami, but it was big. It was a huge thing you'd see in the show We have to and he stuck a knife and he fucked it He was fucking our deli meat and we were so it's because we never get meat We never got deli meat We're so we're having like Italian sandwiches all week. And then they caught a fuck in the other half. Who has to masturbate six times a day? Like why do you have to masturbate six times a day?

That's a different type of addiction. Obviously he's in there for addiction. I don't. It's a different type of addiction. Clearly it's not solved. Yeah, he had some problems though. He had some problems. I don't even like masturbating anymore.

It's such a pain he asked to me. I don't like cleaning up. It's like a process. I feel like an old hen. I gotta wait till everybody's gone. I gotta look on the maps. I gotta look on, I track my wife. She doesn't know that.

And I gotta look on the maps. See where her car really is. Hopefully she's at some guy's house blowing them, some firefighter, some real man from the Lissium Club. Better in a comic's wife's mouth. I gotta get the toilet paper, I take my pants off, I gotta make the door, it's shut, but a little open because my dog won't come in if it's shut,

but if it's shut it, they'll claw on it. And then I got to find the things that I like and then I jerk off. As soon as I'm doing masturbating, I feel like fucking terrible. And then I clean up and then a British couple comes on and says, this is my husband. This is my wife. I like, I really like row play, man. I love row play. I gotta go buy another Mordedella.

I like it. I mean, six to seven times a day, and he was a kid. He was like 15. I don't want to like, state the obvious, but usually that's like a child that was molested. So when something like that. I joined the fucking class. Somebody started him, yeah. Yeah, you had to be started, young.

It's like a vicious cycle, like it. Someone molested child, the child molested more to Dell. But kids now, we grew up with fucked up sex. Italian meat. That's it, right. Oh, cool. We grew up in sandwich.

We grew up fucked up, I think. We weren't taught about sex. We were left on our own devices. Nobody told us about what a penis of a vagina, and nobody told us that stuff came out of your penis and what's right, what's wrong. And then when you found out a shit, you're a fag, that's your fag and you know, all this bullshit

and it fucked you up for your life. Now kids, no, my kid knows about sex. He knows about trans people, he knows about gay people. But it doesn't know about sex, sex. He doesn't know about fucking. I knew about fucking when I was his age. When I was nine, I was watching porn on HBO, Lady Chatterleys. You know what I mean?

I didn't understand it, but I watched it. When I was 10, I fucked for the first time. A year from now. He's 10? Yeah, I had a fortune-year, I fucked for the first time. A year from now. 10? Yeah, I had a 14 year old, fuck me. Holy shit. And, you know, and I had sexual things before that too, that I felt, I remember one night, like this girl,

I've talked about this before. It was actually in Rich's body's documentary, they animated this whole story, but. First grade, this fucking whore chick in the neighborhood called the blouse, big round chick and her friend. They all my guy friends that were older than me, do go take Bobby, take Bobby. And they she took me into the fucking bushes, took my penis out and like played with it and then made me play with her breasts and made me play with their

friends breasts. And then she like blew me, but I had a little tiny, I had a little tiny first grade of dick. I mean, think about, it was maybe second grade. I had been second grade. Second and a third, in between there. And it was terrible. I went home and cried.

I was brought up religious. I thought God was gonna burn me. I thought I was going to hell. My mother came up. She was like, what's wrong I thought I was going to hell. My mother came up, she was like, what's wrong and I couldn't tell her. That was like the first, just shut it down and just bury it.

And it fucking killed me. For years that shit bothered me. And the next week, I was back sucking a titties with a friend of mine. Like I got my friend, I was like, dude, come here. I was like, can we suck your titties? And I didn't know any better. I knew that I was back sucking her titties with a friend of mine. Like I got my friend, I was like, dude, come here. I was like, can we suck your titties? And I didn't know any better.

I knew that I was crying like shit. Next week was me and her in the addicts of Tufts University in the sports center, where his father ran the whole thing. There was all these jocks doing track downstairs and we're up in the addict just sucking this fat chick's tits. And it bothered me again.

I was like, I did it again and it was crazy. Like the generation now isn't going through that. As a parent, don't you feel that that makes you think different? Like do you remember that when you like teaching your son things or you protect him, shield him from things you feel? Yeah, fuck yeah, there's no, we don't see any dirty shit.

I remember, I went up to my uncle's house up in the Hampshire and I had this key chain. It was all playboy chicks, naked. Well then anything crazy, it was just, you know. And it must have fell off and his daughters found it. And he fucking, I've never seen him that mad at me. Like you fucking mother, he was, he wanted to hit like fight me. And I just took it, you know what I mean?

I took it because I was like fuck. I exposed his girls to this before it was time. Cause I'm a fucking idiot. Cause I wanted a stupid keychain of naked chicks. I felt always felt terrible. You mean you expected the fall? I didn't expect the fall. And plus I was gonna use it to jerk off that night.

So I needed it back. I was looking for it. It's like, where'd that go? But yeah. I didn't even have a car. Just had a keychain. I had a motorcycle. Oh, thanks.

Like that. What I taught sex ed, I was like, I think it was like ninth or 10th grade, but it was like our gym teacher. You know, they hire the least fuckable people in your life. Well, he's not good about sex. No, this guy was pretty fuckable, but nobody was just like, you tell he's just like, like half the class is giggling every time he says penis.

You know, he's just like, here we fucking go. And he's like, look, I could be watching him and hitting the other the fucking dodgeball. For us, it was the female gym teacher. The picture of femininity. Dude, the female, my female gym teacher was so smoke and fucking hot. And my friend, my uncle's friend was dating her. And we'd be all, we'd be in the gym.

Dude, she was out of grease. Tight little t-shirt, a blonde hair, titties. She used to do it with a tight little red gym trunks. You know what I mean? Like from the 50s, it was nuts. All of us had fucking boners doing jumping jacks. And my uncle's friend would come in and be like, hey, what's up, bubbo.

And I'd be like, hey, and he'd go into the office with her. Years later, I found out I was like, dude, you a fucker. He goes, I was banging the fuck out of you idiot 12 doing jumping jacks playing dodgeball. She was sucking my dick and I had a bent over the desk. Look it out the window at you fucking idiots. I was like, oh, God, that made me hard. We're all pieces of shit.

You had a much different gym class to me. Our teacher was our wrestling coach, Mr. B. He was an old man that would get completely naked after practice. Where? In his office. But it was one of those offices with the glass all around. And he would sit naked and read the paper. That's incredible.

But it was like it was glass on the top and wall on the bottom. You want to, you have nine different looks. So at the end, every freshman year when you went to go wrestle, they would pick one freshman each week and go, hey, listen, after practice, Mr. B. Notishia, you know, you're really improving. Go talk to him after practice. He's going to be waiting in the office. And you would go coach and he would just be there dick out. Go whoa never caught on. I watched you for four years, ten kids a year, never put up his. Dude you can't do that now.

So it all days. He wants. Can it a licey of tomorrow night? Eight o'clock. What they got food there? They have food lots of food. What do you mean lots of food? Lots of food. What do you mean lots of food? Lots of food. What do you mean? You're saying like you've done this before? It's a lot of food. How do you know you've never done it? Because they sent me the menu.

What's the menu? I don't remember, but it was like a long list of things. They got wings. It's just, wings. It's can't do it. Oh, candle like wings, dude. Like chicken, like chicken, like wings. They got wings, the whole wing.

They don't cut it in half. So it's the wing and the fucking, I really thought you were gonna eat wings by can't the wing. I was just gonna die. I thought it was a can't let that happen. I guess that's the romance. Me, you and Joe. Joe Russell.

Joe, cheese, cheese, Joe. Cheese show. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait too. It's 10 minutes from my house. I'm so excited. I'll smoke wait. I can't wait to it's right. It's 10 minutes from my house. I'm so excited. I'll smoke a cigar after yeah. If it's cool. Yeah. Wait, do you smoke cigars? Well, the show is smokes and jokes. So we're doing it's a cigar. Yeah, this is old school. You can smoke indoor at the lithium. What do you

want to do? You are too. No, I'm not gonna smoke a cigar. She's not smoke a cigar. But is your husband coming? Yeah, he'll be smoking a cigar.. Oh yeah, he's great. They have a restaurant. What's the restaurant's name? Albarrio. Albarrio. It's fucking great. Like you know when people like, do we own a restaurant,

you should come by and you can buy a gala's gaba's. It's fucking that your restaurant's really good. Thank you. And they do a comedy show there. Yes. Fucking unbelievable show. Thank you. Wait, your husband owns a restaurant?

Yes. You guys own the restaurant. He's like, he's like the chef there or something? He can't boil water. We know he just we. You guys just run the restaurant. Oh, okay. We do a comedy night there. Oh, okay, but the show is not your restaurant.

Yeah, it is. Oh, it is. Not tomorrow night. No, the show is at the lithium. LICYM? LICYM. Young men's LICYM is on a Terry town. In Scar's, that is the other show.

Oh gosh. Once a month. I'm a tarot at a cigar night comedy show. I don't very rarely do I do shows outside of, you know, but are they paying cash? Very rarely I do shows, but you pay me cash. I need, I have a, I have a fucking, a secret stash of my wife. And I can say this because I don't even listen

to this podcast. Polos, snowballs, twigs. I, no, I don't have a secret food stash you caught. I have, I have money stash and I do these gigs. She doesn't know about, she's not getting about the Lissium Club. I'll tell her, fuck 300 bucks. She has no idea.

I'll take that cash and I hide it. And I have so much money saved up. I have two funds. I have my stash that she, where's your stash? It's in my sock drum. Like that, right? A few hundred bucks in there. I just keep it so she finds it.

I found your stash, but the other stash, she don't fucking know about. Nobody knows about. It's hidden. You gonna tell us on the fucking? She's not, she would not know. I'm not gonna tell you that. But, anyways, there's a fucking trap.

If you go near it, you're a fucking hammer get a lot off. I'm gonna come on with the internet. You got the pair, right there, and you put your hand in it. But here's the thing, is this what I'm doing with the money. I hide it from her. She knows nothing about it. I have it in case of emergency.

If she, if something, though, the fucking asteroid hits, you know, if the Jews take over, if the fags get out of line, if the, no, I'm just talking. No, if the world, you know, if red dawn happens in fucking Russia and China are parachuting into Manhattan, yeah, do you really think money's gonna be,

yeah, what's the money for then? Huh? What's the money gonna do? I'm gonna use that money. Everyone's gonna be like you get what? Everyone's gonna be like yeah, we don't use money anyway. No, then I can't do that. No, then I can do that. Should I change it to gold? I guess I don't know when we change the seeds go fuck yourself. Don't ruin my fucking story. I Just don't mean money. Tell me about your secrets. Anyways, it's not really I thought there's in case angry dawn happens Tell me about your secrets. Anyways, it's not really. I thought there was a case angry dawn happens.

Invest in potatoes. If I need it, but I'm gonna take it in Italy. I'm gonna take, this is what I'm really saving it for. In a year or two, I'm gonna take her max to Italy for 10 days, 10 to 15 days. And do all of Italy, because that's what she's wanted to do. Our whole marriage, she's wanted to go to Italy. And I said to her one day, I go,

we'll go this weekend. She's like, you can't go to fucking Italy for two days. No. I'm like, why not? I'll get a ticket right now. We'll get cheap tickets. We'll fly coach. We'll get a cheap hotel.

We'll walk around. We'll go to the court. We'll do all the shit in one day. We'll do a shit in three days in Italy. We'll come back Monday. No,'ll do all the shit and one day we'll do shit now three days in Italy. We'll come back Monday No, you need 15 10 15 Why do women fucking say this because you do because it takes forever to get there? You're on it takes six hours. No, it doesn't how long to take

8 to 10 with travel Hey Siri how long to take to get to Italy? I'm going to see next month that's gonna take Hey Siri, how long does it take to get to Italy? I'm going to Sicily next month. It's going to take 12 hours. 12 hours? Doesn't take 12 hours. It's going to be designed to direct flight to Sicily. It's going to take me a long, it's 18 hours in travel. Okay. Sicily.

Yeah, but I'm not going this. I'm going business. What are you taking a bus? I'm going first class. Eight hours, five minutes. It's eight hours taddily Yeah, I said eight to 12 sitting on where you're going I said eight to 12 in Sicily it takes me to take me 18 hours There's no direct flight. I would have I'm going to Rome all right, so Rome nonstop eight and a half hour gotta get to the airport two hours before you sound like my fucking wife

You're saying that you lose the day You're losing a whole day in travel you're gonna go to Rome for a day You don't lose a day in travel We get there hang on ornamental. Mm-hmm. Don. Yeah You're back in her up you know you're right. No, I'm in the middle. I want it. I'm playing both sides I hope it'll get swallowed up by the the Mediterranean. Why I don't know this whole I like that I don't want anyone's ever I like that Russian China was invading and he's like I'm gonna go to Italy. She's gonna call me can you cut that out?

I'm trying to get on the bill Mar show Can you cut Zax? Can you put Zach on the other side? Can you put that Gini? Can you make it sound like I stood up to him and said something? That sat there just like yeah, okay Dubbing in Jamie prime clearly disagreeing with this the end word Nobody said that what are you doing? I'm fucking shit unmonetized No, we said that. What are you doing? You're my fucking shit unmonetized. I'm not doing, I'm, okay, so I'm, look.

Okay, go ahead. Talk it out. The flights are gonna be at night. Okay, flights at night. We go there. Six o'clock, right? Six, six o'clock. So let's just, right. Okay. So then it's four o'clock, you gotta be there. Okay.

I'm only gonna take you to the airport, about an hour. Oh, yeah. Okay, so three o'clock. Okay, three o'clock. Now you flights eight hours. Yep. So you get into Italy, two in the morning, your time. Two in the morning, my time, what can I do? Eight in the morning, their time. Right, we get o'clock. Okay, three flights eight hours. Yep. So you get into Italy two in the morning your time Two in the morning my time work and eight in the morning their time. Great. We get the whole day. You're exhausted

I'm not exhausted. I'm going to get you the Conch and then no, but then it's and then you gotta go back So when you go back now you're leaving Italy. So we wave it stop here. Oh, we leave it really Let me finish. Oh god It's just like I really want to see you two drive to the fly team tomorrow. I'm like, no, first you got it. No, we got to leave it one. Then we got to go to the guest.

OK, leave. OK, here's the deal. You leave it three o'clock. You get there at eight o'clock. You take off at eight o'clock. You get there at eight in the morning, right? You're there. You get to the hotel.

You drop your bags. You fucking go. Go to the call. See him. This is a Friday night you left, right? You said the long weekend. So let's just. This is a Friday night you left, right? You said long weekend. So let's just give me the days, Friday night you left, right? I will leave on Thursday.

Thursday. No, you said long weekend. I'm saying it Thursday. You're not even Monday, so I'm gonna play with you. I'm saying Thursday. Well, that's like you also, you lose hours because of the time. Right.

Right. And that's what it takes. But way back. No, there's anything. No, but you can't even get back. No, it's even worse because then you got to leave There are 12 o'clock just to get back here at seven o'clock at night. I'm like you're back at seven When you leave there Fuck it. We're going for 10 days going for 10

I'm giving you a nice dinner every somebody called on But Liz Liz who used to who lived there the GM for him, you, one of my best friends in the world. I didn't know she lived there. Where? In fucking Rome. She went to college there. Yeah, her in Matteo talked like. Yeah, Matteo was like, are you gonna,

he wants to meet me in Rome. Oh God, I hope he meets me in a fucking nice pasta place and then try to crush on my steam room. Gonna make let's make Mal Vesuvius erupt baby What your mouth with it It's the bomb and Dana. Yeah, you have that keep that You have no that this does nothing for you. You have no, you have nothing with you. If it would make my trick happy, I would do it.

You would. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think I do that. But this is why my wife sucks. I go, what do you want from Mother's Day? A deck. Fuck off, a deck. Yeah.

What? Yes. What do you mean, yeah. Oh, what? Anything else, stuff. Really? Would you want a deck? No, no, a deck, no. If me and you would date and then I said, what do you want? Really? Would you want a deck? No, no, a deck, no.

If me and you were dating and I said, what do you want? What would you do? A news. A pyramid. Zach, if me and you were dating and I said baby, baby girl, because you know I call you baby girl. You're a daddy? Yeah, baby girl. What do you want besides besides the brick that's tied to your Prince Albert?

Baby girl, what do you what do you want? What do you want? For your birthday. I'm getting you whatever you want, baby. Nice steakhouse. A steakhouse. Nice. Real nice night.

When I get back from Italy, I'm taking you to, you're taking you, baby girl. Keens steakhouse. That's where I took my wife around a verse here. That's where I'm taking my, my side wife. You guys, I'm gonna take you to a fucking shit, right? Get you a mutton chop. You have to have the mutton chop.

Yep. Ooh. You know what a mutton chop. You have the mutton chop. Yep. Oh You know the mutton chop is yeah, it's like a like an old grizzled lamb that they cook Mutton Keith a mutton chop Yeah, we'll go we'll give steaks. Oh anyways, maybe my wife. She took her there for I took her there for anniversary Yeah, and she's such garbage. She went, I feel like a princess. No shit, she's Brooklyn. That makes her garbage? It was that no one had ever taken her somewhere nice before. Oh.

And I've been with her for eight years. That's kind of on me. The one time I cleaned the apartment dog cried, because I never cleaned. She came out and cleaned the whole place. She's like, you cleaned the whole place? I was like, it's all done. She was like, oh my God.

I was like, yeah. Yes, the bar is low. Yeah. You set that bar low. I hate guys who do the dishes every night. Like, she'll cook and I got the dishes on. Nah, do that shit once in a while. Do that on Thanksgiving.

You know what I mean? Do it once in a while. Just do it like, you know, every six, six years. Like going down on it. I'll go down on my wife. I don't wanna stay down there too. I gotta sit and go, it's not my sister. It's not my sister.

No kidding. I, you know, it's my therapist, don't do it. No, I don't, I don't, I don't fucking, I don't do shit that much. I do, it's like when she goes out with the kids, like when she leaves me with Max, when he was a baby, and she would come home, how was it? It was great, awesome.

Meanwhile, I wanted to fucking murder him and myself. I wanted to hang myself, I wanted to end both of us. I just wanted to nap, and this little fucker wanted to just crawl around. And you can't just nap when kids are two, because they'll die. You know what I mean? Yeah, does your husband do dishes? No. that a lot. I mean we don't do you does that bother you that isn't doing

No, I just because I'm like OCD crazy like I've got something else to do Drive me every show That sounds awesome for every occasion unless you're traveling to Italy Yeah, I don't do shift my life, but she likes it that way. And then when I do it like tomorrow, Thursday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I'm in the backyard. She'll be like, it's 1955. I'm like, I have to go now.

I'm talking. Hey. Hey, I'm talking. Hi. Sorry. Should you be making muffin, butchaps? Can I say something now? Sorry, Doctor. My wife is very 50s. I'm fucking. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I a job, you get the shoveling, get the fuck out there. She doesn't want any of that.

Get the fuck out there, shovel my cook, get everything nice. She wants me to fill her tank, make it sure it's full. This cheese from the 50s. My wife is very old school. Her grandmother, her very close, her mother, same shit. I'm very much like her dad. Like her dad was the same way I am. You know, likes a fucking weathen a little snack at night. Like the flip through the channels have socks in underwear on a chair, you know what I mean? I go to the mail amount the way

I don't give a fuck. Anyways, why you don't like 50s guys? Are you a- No, am I a what? Am I a what? You said it and then are you a... No, am I a what? Am I a what? You said it and then you gave me a look. Am I a what? You know what I was gonna say. Feminist? Feminist?

Yeah, of course you're a feminist. We're all feminists. You're a feminist. We all believe in that. We all believe in that. Right, Jack, you're a feminist. I'm trying to be better. Now that DoorDash new breeds has flowers on it. If I'm on the road for more than a couple days, I always send flowers to be better. Now that DoorDash and Uber Eats has flowers on it,

if I'm on the road for more than a couple of days, I always send flowers to the house. Fuck, now I gotta send flowers to the house. Because when you do flowers, they like jack it up and they charge for the delivery. I'm just sending some trainees guy on Uber Eats and it's fucking like 60 bucks. And then ping me through at the door,

so you're like, okay. Ah, right. Yeah, loosen up. I brought you to loosen up. You know, fucking, that's why everything's not, let's see him club not as fucking bullshit like tomorrow. I'm a member of that fucking cigar club up in my house. It gets, it gets alpha sometimes. Fucking alpha, where I'm like, I gotta go.

It's like two, two, there's not the 50s, it's like the 20s. Hey, see, I'm just, I've got the fuck outta here. Let a guy do what he does. Got another smack in the mouth? Yeah. No, you feel that, it's so weird you feel the hit winner. Yeah. It used to be a husband could not rape their wife.

That wasn't a crime. Oh no shit. Yeah. Until like the 90s. It wasn't even, yeah, insane. Yeah, you can, you can, yeah, like if you watch those old movies, they used to just slap a chicken in the face. Right. Supposing that's what rule of thumb is. Like, can't get your like if you watch those old movies they used to just slap a chick on the face right supposed That's what rule of thumb is like you can't get your wife or anything thicker than your thumb of course

I just what do you think me and Bobby I said fat folks? I just watched once upon a time in America that movie of you great movie, but have you watched it recently? No, I haven't the amount of rapes in this movie was... Oh man. And I'm not getting that. It's ruined a classic. No, but I always... Fucking James was in the theater.

I said if I have the knitted dog, I'm gonna name him Noodles. There's something because I loved the movie so much. And then I watched it and I was like, I don't... I don't think this is okay anymore. Yeah, what does other movies like that too? What's the other movie that I... It's blogging me. Did you ever see one of the fans in America?

Oh, a Clint Eastwoods movie. Like four Alan Wolfs. High planes drifter. I believe it's high planes drifter where he comes into the town. He's supposed to be the devil and he comes into the town and he just just chicks down yelling at him.

Who do you think you are? But then he just grabs her, throws her in the barn, throws her in hay, it raps her. At the end, she's like, and she's like, she but she liked it. Like she thinks she's like, where you going? It's like what? And then literally, like 20 minutes later,

the movie doesn't do another check. Just throws her in the barn and they're like, oh, are you gonna stay? Are you gonna help us? Yeah, weird. Movies, but. Well, last time I went Paris, like Marlon Brando really did stick a finger in her ass or something like that.

What? He's a fucking chicken, the ass with a stick of butter and when more recently that actress has been like, yeah, he kind of improved a lot of that sexiness. Cause he was Brando and he was that famous that they just kind of let him. Yeah, and she was supposed to like 15 at the time or something like that, it was insane.

I thought Brando put a finger in my ass back then. How about now? How about now? I can push what are your roads back in? I'm dare. I can pull up. Finds cancer, he saves your life. I can't. polyp. It finds cancer, saves your life.

I think it doesn't go well. There's a nugget. I think there's a cancer in your house. All these polyps, where is this a fidget spinner? You might want to get this checked out as a dark. I'm going to give you a diagnosis to get refused. Yeah, you have a polyp came out on my finger now. Oh, I don't mind nail you nail you my wish you get this by you shit of my finger on my daughter's wedding

I put butter in your ass. I never wanted this for you. Hey leave the butter take the fuck take the polo That was my finger brought to you by Bobby Kelly. Did you guys see the new show, The Offer? No. Oh, you got this. Oh, wait, somebody just saw me on Paramount. It's like, based on the Godfather. So it's based on the producer of the Godfather,

who actually literally had this other job and then went into, went into the picture show, this is back when Hollywood was Hollywood. Went into the picture show, they were like, whatever, he went, what else? And then he pitched Hogan's heroes, just went, fuck it, there's a, and this is still like Jewish haul. This guy's like a, the head of the studio there was a Jewish guy.

He's like, there's Nazis like what? And then he just starts killing it in the room. He sells Hogan's heroes. It's a hit. He leaves Hogan's heroes in the middle because he wants to make films. And he goes to Bob Evans, kind of hunt some down. And the guy gives him a shot.

Like, all right, kid, come on in, that type of shit. And his first movie is The Godfather, to make this movie. And all the shit he had to go through to make this movie, to get Marlon Brando. First of all, he had to get Puzzo. And then they got Coppola. And Puzo and Coppola got along really well. He needed Coppola because Puzo couldn't,

he was like, I'm gonna have Puzo write the screenplay. And he's like, you'll never, Bob, I was like, you don't ever get the writer of the book to write the screenplay. It's never been done. You always gotta, and he goes, I'm gonna do it. He's gonna do it. And he winds up going over like a month in

and Puzo's just eating fucking Z He winds up going over like a month in and Puzzo is just eating fucking zity off his stomach in a pool. He's like, I can't do it, I don't know how to do it. So, I just as fat fuck couldn't do it. And that's pretty universal. Like the best way to make a Stephen King movie is don't let Stephen King fucking near it. Right.

Because they take their source material too seriously. I heard the story about Godfather too, where someone, like apparently the mafia was, they're like, we don't want to look, be shown in a bad light. So then, I don't know if there's a screenwriter or someone, like I don't know where I heard the stories that said, like, oh, here, I'll give you the screenplay,

you can read it. And if you don't like it, of course, they never write it. There's like, where are we that? No, it's actually in this show. Oh, nice. So he gets Copp they never write it. There's like, where are we that's actually in this show. Oh nice. So he gets Coppola to do it. They get the mob Frank Sinatra was the one.

Frank Sinatra hated it. Cause the singer in that, he thought it was him and he's like, fuck you and Sinatra had pulled. Like I didn't know Sinatra had this, he was with like, Colombo, I think Colombo crime family. He just called them up, he's like, fucking, I don't want this movie, take care of it. So they started the Italian-American...

Defamation, he's like... Defamation League. I think it was a Gambino Colombo, I forget it, who it was, somebody will know in the chat. Tell me who it is when they find out. He started that against this movie and he got all these people You know was a 200,000 Italians joined and he all this power in this movie this fucking book First of all is a book and then they were gonna make it the movie like they got all these Italians against it

This this guy went and met that mob guy and he was was like, listen, I'm not going to insult you guys at all. It's a movie about family. It's a movie about struggle. It's a movie about immigrants. It's a movie about America. And he put the script on the table. It wasn't a finished version. He took a bunch of other shit papers and put it in the script and like towards the end.

And he goes, here, read it. And he grabbed the end and he goes here, read it. And he grabbed the script and he was like, yeah, all right, you know what? Yeah, all right, I trust you. He literally was like, I trust you, you're good. You're similar to him on his guy. You can make the movie. He goes, but one thing,

you have to take the word mafia out. Mafia, the word mafia cannot be in there. So they just went through the script. Who was the noose, John? Took out the word mafia out of the whole script. And then, yeah, Frank Sinatra assaulted for a compuzzo in a restaurant. It was crazy.

The way they got Malam Brando, they went to his house. Puzzo sent him, sent him an email. A letter, a letter, not an email.. I let out the email one of my fucking ass Oh a letter. He read the letter said he wants me. He's interested. They went to his house and he goes You know the real reason I want to do this movie is Frank Sinatra. He hated what I sang in guys and dogs And I heard he was really against this movie. So I want to do it to piss him off.

That's it. Oh, really? Yeah. He wanted to do the crazy fucking very subtle fucking mom and Brenda, by the way. Yeah, it started out better than it finished. But yeah, it's pretty good. I got it secure.

Yeah. I don't think I was best proud to try that. Fucking stirring face. So not your eyes, that's not as being in the mafia though, or being affiliated. It's even in his documentaries, it's not. He knew, he knew. Yeah, no, 100%. He knew the mob, and he had influence over it

because they love, fuck yeah. This show is awesome. If you got a chance to check it out. Oh yeah. It's fucking great. So far it's great. But have to get a new streaming service for it. I think it's paramount, right?

Come on. It's paramount Plus. But Paramount Plus is the one you should have, because that's Yellowstone, that's 1883, that's the new, it's all the cool, it's Taylor Sharon. It's 1883. It's a year of month.

Yeah. So. 1883 a month, anyways. All right, guys, listen, we have, where are you gonna be? I just want to promote my movies, is that okay? Fuckin' dude, let's promote it. Cool hashtag Shakespeare Shits to him.

Doing screenings all over, just did two weeks in New York City, premiered at the Momi, Museum of Moving Image, 500 Seaths. So without it, yep. Dude, I'm sorry, so you're gonna be a star, like an underground star. Are you in the movie. Yeah, man Is it your movie? I a assistant directed it and co-wrote it. Uh, yes Yes, so you are your it's your movie with somebody with other people. Yeah, do you make money? No, why that was just you know kind of contract player

Really so who makes the money on this the company it's I've been with them for 11 years they're called trauma entertainment yeah I know that hard movies yeah I know there yeah no shit you know you know you want points on the movie oh god no but you know it's film school it's you learn how to make movies and you learn or all you shit I got two more movies coming out after this I'm excited are you gonna ever make what's that James gun was with trauma yeah he had my I got two more movies coming out after this. I'm excited. You're gonna have them make them. What's that? James Gunn was with trauma.

Yeah, he had my old job, social director. Okay, so you will, you're gonna flower into that some days. That's the goal, yeah. No shit, good for you. I watched a documentary on Divine. Yep. And that seems like similar to that, like what he was doing. Yeah.

Very much so. Right? I just did a movie with my friend, Bebet Bombshell, who's a drag queen. Yeah. And she was hired by Devine's estate to portray her. Oh, really? Also, she actually has memorized being divine. She can go into it in and out. It's really, really cool.

She hangs out with John Waters. They go to trials and shit together. I mean, John Waters and what they did back in the day was pretty wild. It's cinematic terrorism. John Waters has this great story. I'm so real quick. Yeah. We're shooting a movie and the scene was divine, picks up a naked male prostitute on the side of the road in her car. They're on like farmland, farmer's season, calls a cops, all these cops cars pile in and arrest everybody. The only people who got away were divine

and the naked guy in the front seat. It's my favorite. And just cruising down the highway. And then they saw the cops and I'd fuck it and just went out. I guess we're done shooting today. It's fucking weird. I mean, he told her to eat dog shit and she did.

Ugh. Yeah, that's a top one. It's a top one, but she did it. Fuck him. Well, gross. You got to see this documentary, it's on Netflix. They had to follow the dog around all day too, because it wouldn't shit. It wouldn't shit.

Yeah. So they just burned films following the dog around like assholes. Yeah, and the shit wasn't good shit. No. It was like bad shit. It wasn't like a nice fluffy dog shit, right? Yeah, what an interesting John Waters is fucking very divine to well, that's good man And where can we see this movie? It's gonna be coming out on Blu-ray soon

Just finish it up a few more months of screening. So just keep an eye out for it Hashtag Shakespeare shitsthorm and my podcast, Zach Miko's Midnight's Book Show, Realized Podcast and Bye Guys. Can you say that? Catalyst wrestling. Okay. Wrestler, too.

He does everything. Do you know what was that? No, I mean, I know. It's a totally different world than you're from. What is the world am I from? You're from Westchester. You're from my work. I'm from the Bronx. I'm not from Westchester. You're from. What is the word am I from? You're from Westchester. You're from my work. I'm not from Westchester. You're from Boston. You're from the Bronx, but you're you you how long have you been in Westchester? 10 years. You're from Westchester. You've done

you've been. You're always from the car. What kind of car do you have? Anacura. Yeah. I've been gone. Exactly. That's like the Bronx car. Huh? It's the Bronx car. Exactly that's like the Bronx car. Huh? It's the Bronx car Would you bleed for your work for your art? Yeah, you would yeah physically bleed. Mm-hmm. All right. Maybe you are the same person Would you ever tie something to your husband's balls? If you wanted me to you I don't want him going to Jay's friend You wouldn't do weird shit with your husband But how do you know I don't do weird shit with my husband? No way you do.

Because you're an Italian girl from the Bronx. No, that's the mentality. That's why I'm not. That's why I'm a comic. You do weird shit? I'm not saying whether I do or don't, but that don't count me out. Let me smell that finger.

I want it up as good as I ask. Smells like peppermint and mustard. What do you got? Well, this weekend I'm with Chelsea Handler and... I was asked. Smells like peppermint and mustard. So. What do you got? Well, this weekend I'm with Chelsea Handler and no shit. Yeah, a few places. How'd you hook up with that? She actually reached out through my website. I saw it, it didn't matter yet.

Oh, good. I'm so happy you're fucking, you're kicking it. Yeah, great. Everybody talks great about you. I feel like I was the first one to know. You were? Yeah, I think so. I think so eight years ago We did eight Dixon and Duffle bag

Remember that That was that was neither the podcast. I still remember it. Yeah Let's see, but it June was at the world with Bailey with Bailey and then the If you yeah, well the crazy girl with the fake Russian accent. Yeah, it was Bailey J. J. and then I don't know, I forget her name. Sue something. Sue, yes, Sue something. I remember that.

I remember that. But she faked the Russian accent the whole set of episode. Yeah, she wasn't even like, we're just like, wait, are you Russian? Like, yes. the whole set of the like we're just like wait a Russian like yes I come from literal that's like where

um yes I live in right I'm not Russian I live in Brighton Beach and that's how I talk what the fuck are you talking about?

We're all like what the fuck is going on? Being trans isn't enough right? You got a fucking a Russia and you, it was fucking wild. Then we found out she

wasn't right. Right. And then we found it like deep wound up on a date and her going out with her. Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Deep would like to first. I was like, I was so proud of my little deep was into, you know, a trans girl. And then I guess you saw her penis and it was a little

weird. And he didn't like it. And I was like, all right, well, we got chased. He backed out. He backed out because our helmet was weird. Yeah. That's the most chick thing I've ever heard. Also, see, June 2nd, I'm in on Concret Maine. June 1st. I'm in Provincetown for Pride. That's great. So that's it. Provincetown.

I've never been. Yeah, you're not missing anything. I thought it was nice. I guess you need to be like an older gay couple to enjoy it, I think. I only get a little bit of clam chowder and bikes. I'm gonna fly a kite and then I'll suck your cock. You need to be like a well off ritual. You need to be like a rich white gay couple.

Let's go walk the dog and see if there's anybody blowing anybody in the dunes. My buddy does bear weekend every year in Vegas. It's called bigger Vegas. And they have to have security guards with mag flashlights just to break up blow jobs all night. Of course, he sent me pictures. I was just the saddest security guards on earth like 50 year old dudes with their heads in their heads

This guy's just shredded doing steroids working out of the time. They're just breaking up blow jobs They're probably not my guess is they're not exactly in shape But I'd be like who the fuck cares fine? not exactly in shape, but I'd be like, who the fuck cares, fine, come on. I can't just let people blow everybody. He just opened the room, it just smells like common heat. Just fucking, it sounds like a fucking farm. No, no, no, no.

Like just, I remember when they had the sex club here, the vault, back in the day, you go in. It was just fine. Obviously, you see all these guys, shirtless guys, around somebody, there was a cock fight going on. Some good ones. Yeah, no, it's just some chick sucking. One girl will go down and blow a guy and then all these other guys will come up

with their dicks out and she just touched sucking and the security would have to break it up. They knock it off. They knock it off. One dick at a time. One dick at a time. One dick at a time. I wish I never got into that stuff. Patrice used to go to swing clubs.

You ever been to a swing club? Well, for swingers or like that? It's not that. Now I know how weird you are. Fuck it. I'm not like, there's a problem I could never let somebody fuck my wife because I'll just like,

all right. P2 is not good. Oh, she'll make like one noise you've never heard. Yeah. What the fuck was that? My guy settled down in there. I'll eat you pussy toe, relax. The fuck, the girl I'm with,

be like, well, it's just focus on me because I can't. That fucking sluts in there, fucking doing weird shit you never did with me. I'll take a finger in the bum. You've been to swing clubs. You don't have to mess with you swing. It's fettish. You you with really? 100% am I wrong? Am I lying? I don't know your life. Don't try to be like the side plums. You don't have to. You won't recognize that

ball. You watch. You come watch. You've done that. I didn't know that. Last time I met you, we talked, we just mentioned it. I was like, the guard. When you had that cigar in your mouth, it was like, what, what? You see the likes, I'm not doing it anywhere, it should. So you can watch, I'm patraceous to go with his girl. I'm just, yeah, me and my, me and Donald

just giggled too much. I don't think I'd go with my husband. Why? Why? Why? He probably wouldn't. Yeah. Your husband's too manly. Is he?

Yeah, he's not gonna fuck. He'd be like, what the fuck, let's go. I know, yeah, husband. He doesn't even talk like that. To me, he does. No. He does. All right, we're doing the balls and the thing.

All right, let's go. Come on, let's get the fuck outta here. Not at all. Yeah, all right, listen. we're gonna go on to overtime right now. I got a questions for you, fucking mother fuckers. And then I'll let you go. There's been a fun one. This was a chill one. But very interesting. You three weirdos make me happy. I really have this, Bobby. I fucking love having you on

Zach, you come on anytime. You can walk up. It's difficult, but thank you. Yeah. You guys definitely call on the call and see if there's an availability, but you know, I'm kidding. I think once a year's about right for me, you know, I love having you on. You know that. You're fucking always right. I think for your fans. I think they're all like, hmm, do they give you shit? Well, last time I did one of your things, someone's like, Bobby, I love your podcast. It was like, no, it's when you were doing that radio show with, and I was looking at the comments.

The first one's like, yeah, I love your show, but this just wasn't my cup of tea. It was like, what do you mean? It's like, it wasn't like, Trady Trady Dick Dick, you know, it's just like, regular fucking discussion. So I was like, all right, whatever. Yeah, people, I don't even look at him anymore, you know, it's just like a regular fucking discussion. So I was like, all right, whatever. Yeah, people I don't even look at him anymore, you know, but I just listen,

I don't look at comments anymore either. I used to I remember when we did the regs every I would get told you fuck Lewis every week. Now those same people are fucking will carry him through a fucking arena. You know, they mean it's like relax. No, I don't fucking read any of that shit anymore. That's it's good. Then I like it.

Unless it's complimentary. Yeah, if it has a little smiley face right over it. You really want to get me if you want my fucking trolls. You just put about your smiley faces and then put you fat fucking cunt next to it. Hope you choke on yourself. Do you sleep apnea mask? Nope. Oh man.

You should. Yep. Why don't you go get a sleep study? It looks like a nightmare. I just use affron in that, I'm fine. Really? Yeah, affron helps a lot. Okay. You're not supposed to use that every day.

No, I know. Okay, great. Thanks. All right, so we're going to go to... You all right? Yeah, I'm good. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not looking at you, lady.

You look at me. You look at me. You're looking at me weird. Come see me live. Go to robbercadelive.com. I'm going on tour. This week I have Uncle Vinnie's Friday and Saturday night. And the next show I have is Just For Lapse. And then I am in all of August.

I am in the White Mountains in the Hampshire. I'll be doing this show. We'll have guest hosts. You want to guest host? Sure. We'll have guest hosts. You want to guest host? Sure. You want to guest host? They always have you on the nasty show at the AFL, don't they?

I do. Yeah, that was the first show I ever did. That's why people always bitch about it. I never fucking go to festivals. They never picked me. They didn't pick me for seven years. Any festival. I auditioned every year.

All my friends went and I never got picked and I never gave a fuck. Yes, did it hurt a little bit inside fuck. Yeah, but I never really gave a fuck. And then they finally picked me a Robbie Pra and I think Suzanne Zoe, you know, they finally, Robbie Pra was actually the guy who picked me. He was like, yeah, and they tried to fuck me out of that. I went up to Lucien at the strip was the club. Sella was not the club by the way. The Sella was good doing better, but not the club. The actual club was the strip.

That's why people like, dude, I can't get in the cellar. Relax, you might be able to. Don't send me that shit there on the show, asshole. Fucking distract me. Cucksuck is sending me videos. Anyways, I went up there, they had, I'm ready to, I'm with my man agent, I told Maddie Frost, super agent Maddie Frost,

I go, I'm never doing this again. If I don't get this, don't ask me to, I'm sick of doing these things, and I'm not gonna get picked, so fuck it. I don't get this, don't ask me to fuck. I'm sick of doing these things, and I'm not gonna get picked, so fuck it. I don't care. And I looked in the schedule, they had Gerald Kelly. It's a black dude, a blue eyes.

Beautiful, beautiful eyes. They were fucking stunning. They had him, and they had me, they put, Lucien had put me on the 12 o'clock show when they weren't seeing people. So took my spot gave it to his client And put me on the next show and I was like I'm out fuck this Well who's on the next show? I'm out fuck it Robbie Prokhim over and was like I'm here for Robert Kelly

I don't know who fucking Gerald Kelly is put him on now And he stuck his fucking they made me go up after him I don't know who fucking Gerald Kelly is. Put him on now. And he stuck his fucking, they made me go up after him, Gerald Kelly, but at that point I was like, fuck it, you ain't nobody's for you. I'll fucking murder, fuck everybody. It was so competitive at that point. I just went up and murdered.

And then they gave me just filafes. They gave me the nasty show. David's out, Louis CK, Nick DePaul and Jim Jeffries. It was fucking awesome. It's the greatest thing ever. And we were there a week before everybody. So it was just us for a whole week. And I remember that's when I first started

to hang out with Louis. He took me, we went for a walk. He bought apricots. He gave it to have an apricot. And I was like, oh, I guess I should. That was like, I was like, what's the fruit? Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at two of them.

I, I, so, so I remember, I remember he gave me, one and a half. That one and a half. I, I told my, I went to school for art. He gave me a watercolor kit. I painted him a watercolor of club soda that said the nasty show. And I gave.

And I did a gay-ass person on the show. And I did. Fuck you. Damn. I'll always on the gay-ass person on the show. And I gave it to him. And I remember years later, I was like, you have that photo,

and he goes, yeah, I threw that out. I threw it out a piece of art. That I made from my heart. You called it art? I'm made from my heart. It was fucking watercolor painting. Fuck you. So glad I'm not married to a fucking guinea from the Bronx. Anyways, there you go. No, it's awesome. And like, wait, we had to go ahead and say it.

I was like, a lot of times I was like, especially with fucking comedy. It's like, people just get so fixated on these gatekeepers, you know, and all these people who like, it's like, fucking, there are so many different ways to have a career in comedy. You don't need to like, like, it used to be like, well, because everybody's trying to have the same career. Yeah. As Billy Burr or Joe Rogan or Chelsea or whoever the fuck is the, I want, we got to do it. We got to do that. It's like no, you know it right you can be fucking happy as shit

Doing your thing like I know like I started I used to be obsessed with like late night I used to think I need to do late night so now it's like who the fuck cares? Who the fuck? No one even watches late night anymore You you have more you you'd like have more people watch your set on TikTok possibly. You know what I mean? So it's almost like, like, you know, it's just like, it's all shit. And don't worry about what happened.

I apps are fucking lily. Just stop trying to follow the path of somebody else and do your shit. Yeah, apps are fucking. I'm just kidding. Why? I'm just kidding. Tell me.

So I'm using I did morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning.

I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning.

I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just in the morning. I'm just bell on it. Yeah, I was so happy today in my backyard. I'm sitting there smoking a cigar at my dogs there. I'm fucking looking around. I'm like, I was just like, this is the best ever.

What the fuck and somebody left a comment. I don't know where it was. Dude, fucking, why don't you be doing this? I'm doing it. You fucking idiot. I was in jail. At 13 you, I'm doing everything. I've ever wanted to do. I do stand up. I have fans. I make money.

It's like if you don't make millions, if you're not, if you're not selling out fucking the garden, you didn't make it. This fucking dude does everything he loves. That's why I love this guy. He does everything he loves. He did a movie that I got paid for the day. Because he loves fucking the movies. He loves horror movies.

He loves, that's why I love him. That's why he's the fucking successful, 100% and look at him. He's fucking, he's mentally ill. He's serious. He's like, I mean, he looks like a cabbage patch kid. It's fucking nuts. Look like the beast in cabbage patch kid. Yeah, I mean, look at this, these are my friends.

You guys are my, I mean, you guys. Look at me get look at me Yeah, what the fuck am I talking about? Who's gonna write home? Look at me look at me. I'm a fucking dumpy bald fucking side clear from Boston I got a lot of explain that the losy Anyways, all right, we're gonna go to a patreon tomorrow night. What else you got? I'm gonna go to Patreon tomorrow night. What else you got? Some of my, some of my,

I know Bobby Kelly. I got a microplated but anyway. It's my fault. I got microplated. What's that mean? It's, it means they fucking caught you and then put die in them. Wow.

It's part of the massacre thing. All right, no. I'm with Bobby Kelly. Yes. Tomorrow at the Young Men's bathhouse. We stop saying the bathhouse. It's not a bathhouse. and then I'm back in Canada uh

Niagara Winnipeg All the cool places. What are you doing a winner? What are you with? Are you doing yourself doing y'all gucks? Oh, yeah, that's really and Niagara That's good Do you want to Winnipeg Thunder Bay said Barry? Oh, oh yeah, I know. Another hustler, doesn't,

I mean, just creates your own fucking waves, which I love, doesn't own shit. All right, you fucking, I'll just make my own shows. I love that. And very funny too. So there you go, check them all out when you can. You see their shows live and support them.

And support us, subscribe right now. Just push the button if you're watching this. Subscribe and like and comment. And then go to all of us, that's how you support us. If you really want to support me and support the shit that I do, you can become a Patreon member at patreon.com. So that's Robert Kelly,

that's where we're gonna go right now. We have questions, we have topics. I wanna talk about the Amber Hurt thing in the overtime There's a normal Donald fucking documentary dropping I want to talk about and then we have questions for Zach and If you have any questions for you Tara please type them in the chat right now. We'll see you guys next week on you know what the Stick around it's not over yet this episode of YKWD is continuing now exclusively on patreon.com slash a rubber kelly. See you there.

Alright listen we gotta get the fuck out here. Any more Fatara? Uh that's it. I think there's some salmon. Some burger. Sammon. Alright, we got reads at the end. I want to thank you. You have to go. You can take off. We're going to take a photo real quick if you don't mind. Of course. We're going to wrap this up.

Do I have stuff to do? Names. Names. All right, read these names real quick. Ready, Zach? Let me see them. All right. Good.

Go. Slippy Willis, Brian Beach will as a wrestling promoter. Okay. Coming to the ring. Slippy Willis and his partner, Brian Beach. Will Hogan, Patrick Pister, Jacob C. Colby, Steve, Jordan Tucker, James Norville, Mellie P, Aliseusanne, Dan Baxter, and from parts unknown. Christopher Young. Dan Baxter and from parts unknown Christopher

Zach check him out plug real quick mama catalyst wrestling Zach Amica's midnight spook show Bye guys with Ian finance and the real-ass podcast with me and Luis J. Gomez Carot Tara go ahead just find me at Tara jokes Jay Gomez. Carol Tara. Go ahead. Just find me at Tara jokes. Tara jokes. Tara jokes. Very funny comedian.

Me and her tomorrow night, fucking kicking at the Lissium club with Joe Kressel, with Joe Kressel from the cheese show, from the cheese show. Check out Joe's show and the cheese show YouTube. We're going to see you guys next week. I'm going away. We're going to have guest hosts.

I'm going to be doing it from the road on StreamYard. So bear with me for three weeks. My favorite thing about you going away. You're going, I want to say this really quick. You're going, I looked it up, Rome, Stockholm, like a shit ton of places in Europe. And then when you called me because we had a reschedule like egg, you like yeah, I have to we schedule this and long Island Like that's like you were you We care about cans like egg you're going on in three weeks. I know, but I care about long You cared I care about my gigs, but that's that's something that people should know

I love thank you, but I do I care about the long Island gig the gig we were gonna do in Pennsylvania Which we're still gonna do because people you know was set to go but looks at it is what it is I'm going to be a fucking Milan go fuck yourself on island All right, there we go and of course check out Jamick bride. She's on tour. Where are you gonna be? June 2nd on Gonquat main June 4th province town this weekend I'll be in let's see Monc clear New Jersey yeah. Huntington yeah and hergy. There you go listen my podcast does one thing and does one thing very well. Introduce you into the world of comedy and new comics that you should know about and these three you

should know about if you're on there. No know, you know Zach, Jay, Tara, if you don't go check them out when they're around, support their comedy, support their social media and support live comedy. So I want to thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys next week. You know what? The Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Friparás! Vuelas desde Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

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