Ron Dunn Podcast - The Family - Parents and Children

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

The greatest need today is a standard of normalicy. The only standard for normalicy in the home is found in the word of God. A Message from Ephesians 6.

Would you open your Bibles now to the book of Ephesians, chapter 6. The book of Ephesians, chapter 6. When I was a youngster, there was an expression going around. I believe it came out of the army. It's probably one of the few expressions that came out of the army that I can speak in a public place. But it was the word snafu. I don't suppose that word is in vogue anymore, but I would like to be the chairman of a committee to bring that term back into vogue. SNAFU, S-N-A-F-U, stands for Situation Normal All Fouled Up. Situation Normal All Fouled Up.

And that's a very handy word to have in your vocabulary today, I'll tell you for sure. Because just about everywhere you look, you can say snafu. Situation normal, all fouled up. It seems to me the greatest need today is a standard of normalcy. We don't know anymore what normal is. Somebody says, man, this is a great church. As compared to what? Somebody says, how's everything going?

He said, I'm doing great. As compared to what? Somebody says, this is a great country. As compared to what? Somebody says, this is a great country, as compared to what? I mean, who is to stand in the midst today and say, now this is the standard of normalcy? I mean, who's normal? How can you say this person is normal or abnormal

because where is your standard of normalcy? And so I suggest that all of us learn to use this expression snafu because everywhere you look, situation normal is all fouled up. As a matter of fact, situation normal has completely submerged and is out of sight.

And I think if anybody could bring to us today a dependable and consistent standard of normalcy, it would be one of the greatest gifts that civilization could ever have. Now, the amazing thing is that in the midst of all of this snafu that's going on, there is a dependable standard of normalcy, and we've just overlooked it. Someone said years ago, Christianity has never worked. And the answer came back, Christianity has never been tried. Now, there are a lot of places today that you could apply this expression snafu to. You could apply it to a lot of churches, to most churches. You could apply it to every country in the world today. But I think perhaps you could also apply it to the home situation. Man, you could just go through Irving and all of Dallas County today and

perhaps not write Ichabod over the door of that home, but right snafu over it. Situation normal, all fouled up. Now what God wants us to have is situation normal, everything right. And you'll only find the standard of normalcy for the home in the Word of God. And that's what we've been preaching. That's what we've been studying these last few Sundays out of the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and chapter 6. Now, the amazing thing is this, that God always starts in the right place. And when God wants to bring things back to normal, now I'm talking about God's standard of normalcy, not yours, not mine, not some psychologist, but God's standard of normalcy. And after all, his standard is the one by which all of us are judged by,

even now and also in the future. And God starts on the inside and works to the outside. It's like throwing a rock in the middle of a pond and it sends little ripples to its outer edges. And that's exactly what God does. In Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 18. He starts on the inside and he says, Be not drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit. And then everything that follows in chapter 5 and chapter 6

is a result of man coming back to God's normalcy on the inside. And it's important, imperative for us to understand that God's standard of normalcy for every person is to be filled with the Spirit. And where we have missed it today is we have tried to start the ripples on the outward edges of the pond, and we've tried to send it back to the center. That is not the way it operates. God always starts on the inside. And I'll tell you, if you get right on the inside, you'll get right on the outside. And if a person is filled with the Spirit of God and returns to God's standard of normalcy, then this Spirit-filled normalcy will extend itself to the outermost reaches of that individual's life.

Your business life will become what it ought to become. Your school life, your home life, your church life. The starting place is when a person gets right on the inside and he recognizes that God's norm is a Spirit-filled life. Then when a person is Spirit-filled, he can be the kind of husband he ought to be, and she can be the kind of wife she ought to be, and you can be the kind of child you ought to be,

and I can be the kind of father I ought to be. Now we come this morning to talk again about the Spirit-filled relationship between parents and children. So let's read the first four verses of Ephesians chapter 6. The first four verses of Ephesians chapter 6. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, verses 20 and 21. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Now God always starts with those who are in submission first and then works His way up to those who are in authority and who have the greater responsibility. You'll notice this is the way He did it with wife and husband in Ephesians chapter 5. First of all, He said, Wife, submit yourself to your husband. And then He dealt with the husband who has the greater responsibility. This is the way God always starts.

And so in this passage, when God deals with parent-child relationship, he starts with the child who is supposed to be in submission and subjection. Then he works his way up to the parents who, as I've already said, have the greater responsibility and according to James 3.1, will have the more severe judgment and condemnation. So I'm going to divide this message up into two halves. First of all, we will see what the child owes to his parents, and then we will see what the parent owes to his child. First of all, what does the child owe his parent in the Spirit-filled home, or in any home for that matter, because God is laying down principles that can never be broken. I say that this is a

Spirit-filled home because these principles can be obeyed only when the person is no longer controlled by self, but is controlled by the Spirit of God. You will never be the child you're supposed to be. You lack the capacity to be the parent you ought to be until, first of all, spirit-filled replaces self-filled life. Now, whether you're spirit-filled or lost or carnal or whatever category you fall into this morning, these things still apply to you, but you need to understand you can only obey them fully and perfectly when the Spirit of God has control and possesses you completely.

All right, what does the child owe his parent? It can be summed up in two statements. He owes them, first of all, the duty of obedience. The duty of obedience. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Now, disobedience to parents is a mark of a pagan society. Now, we talk a great deal about America being a Christian nation. Now, here again, what is the standard of normalcy? As compared to what is America a Christian nation? Well, when you compare it to Christianity, it falls far short.

And I repeat that disobedience to parents is a mark of a pagan, godless society. Listen to what the Apostle Paul says in Romans, the first chapter in verse 30. And in this passage, Paul is describing the characteristics of a pagan society, a society so godless that God finally gave them up and absolutely abandoned them. Notice what he says in verse 30 as he describes a pagan society. He says they are backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents. Now we're making full cycle in the history of the human race, if you weren't aware of

it. We're coming back making full cycle in the history of the human race, if you weren't aware of it. We're coming back to the full cycle. And so 2 Timothy chapter 3 says, This know also that in the last days perilous times shall come, for men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents. And so the mark of a pagan society is disobedience to parents. The mark of the last days when sin is running rampant is disobedience to parents. And so when God sets up His standard of normalcy, what does a child owe a parent?

First of all, He owes them the duty of obedience. Now this is a great word. This Greek word obey means a readiness to listen and a quickness to obey. A readiness to listen. It means to give an attentive ear to what your parents, and when they say it, to obey it without question, without hesitancy. Now, Paul says that this obedience has two characteristics. First of all, it is right. It is right. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

It's just flat right for a child to obey his parents. It is right in itself. Now, I want you to underscore this because it is so important. It is a thing right within itself. It does not depend upon the character of the parent nor the wisdom of the command. A lot of children say, well, if my folks were what they ought to be, then I would obey them. That has not a thing to do with it. Some children say, my parents may not have enough wisdom to give me the right command. That doesn't have anything to do with it. The principle of a child obeying his

parent, this is right in and of itself. It is right regardless of the character, the worthiness of the parent, or regardless of the wisdom of the command. A child is supposed to obey his parent, Paul says in Colossians 3.20, in all things. For this is right. And by the way, it's the same word translated righteous. This is righteous. And that child who does not obey his parent is not righteous. A teacher of young people came to me quite a while ago and said, Pastor, do you believe that teenagers can be filled with the Spirit?

I answered, I believe that they can and should be. Every child, every Christian ought to be filled with the Spirit. But I'll tell you why most teenagers cannot be filled with the Spirit and remain filled. It's because they do not want to give obedience, unquestioning obedience to their parents in all things. And you can go to summer camp and you can pray, God, fill me with the Spirit. You can come to this altar and weep tears of sorrow and repentance, but the very moment that your attitude is not one of unquestioning obedience, the Spirit of God is not in control. You see, it all boils down to what we've been talking about,

this idea of delegated authority. All authority resides with God, and He delegates this authority. And for me to be disobedient to delegated authority is the same thing as being disobedient to God Himself. First of all, obedience is right. But second, obedience is redemptive. It is redemptive. Now, don't miss this. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Now, I want you to look at verse 4. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Now what do those two expressions, children obey your parents in the Lord and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, what do they mean? When it says that a father is supposed to bring up his child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, what that means is this, and please don't miss this, teenagers, if you miss everything else.

The Lord himself nurtures the child through the parents. It is the Lord who is doing the nurturing and the admonishing. But he does it through the agency of the parent. You get that? The source is the Lord. The instrument of means is the parent. It is really the Lord who is nurturing. The Lord doesn't come down and take you in hand and say,

all right, now I personally am going to raise you up, escort you from infancy to maturity. God doesn't work that way. He works through delegated authority. And so he sets the father in the home, the parents in the home, and he says, all right, now I am going to train up that child, but I'm going to do it through you. And so when a child is obedient to his parents, that obedience is not only right, it is redemptive because it is allowing God to do in your life what God wants to do. And if you are disobedient to your parents, you are quenching the power of God from operating in your life. Now, let's go back to that word obey. The word obey means to give an ear to listen, readiness to listen, and eagerness to obey. Neither force nor explanation is necessary. You know, there are some children who demand an

explanation for every command. Now, parents, I don't know if you're aware of it or not, but let me tell you something that authority never argues or explains or defends itself. Teenagers, children, any time your parent gives you an explanation, a reason for the command, that is pure grace. They do not owe you an explanation

and you do not need one. You are to be obedient without knowing why. If a parent wants to give you an explanation, that's their business, that's grace. They do not owe you one. And I want to say to you parents, you are harming the spiritual growth of your child

when you give them a reason and an explanation for every command. I'll tell you why. God is nurturing that child for salvation through your parenthood. And if that child grows up demanding and getting an explanation for every command, he will carry that same attitude over into his spiritual life, and every command of God will have to have with it an explanation or he will not obey. Amen? A child learns from his parents, you obey without reason, without explanation.

And when a child has been brought up just to obey, just because dad said it, no explanation, no reason needed, then it's easy for him, now listen, it is easy for him then to come to the Word of God, and God says, all right, I want you to do this. Yes, sir. Yes, Lord. But you're training your child, and you're instilling in that child attitudes,

and if you yield and you bow down to the demands of that child for a reason, well, why should I do this? And you say, all right, I'll try to explain it to you. And you do that, then what you're doing is making it more difficult for that child to be obedient to God. You see, God says, parent, I want you to teach your children to be obedient to me. So obedience to a child, a child to his parent is not only right, it is redemptive. And child, you ought to obey your parent because God is working out his purpose through the commands of your parent. You say, what about when my parent gives me a wrong command?

Doesn't make any difference. God will work it out. God will work it out. That's not your responsibility. I promise you this, if you will be obedient to your parents, God's going to see that you don't miss anything. God's going to work it out. But not only does the child always parent the duty of obedience, he also owes him the disposition of honor. He owes him the disposition of honor. He says in verse 2,

Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. And that word first means it's chief, it's primary, of primary importance. One of the most important commands is this, honor thy father and mother. Now, what is the difference between honoring your parents and obeying your parents? Well, honor has the idea of respect and love. You can obey your parents without honoring them, but you cannot honor them without obeying them. You see, you can obey your child.

You can obey your parent if he threatens you, threatens to spank you, threatens to whip you, forces you. Then you can obey, but you have not fulfilled the God-given right that you have as a child. You're supposed to honor that parent, and that means to obey without force or explanation, to respect, to honor thy father and mother. And by the way, let's just put this in. How long is your father and mother your father and mother? When do you cease to become their child? You never cease to become their child. In all the days that they're alive, you are to honor them. All right. That is what a child owes his parent. He owes his parent obedience and honor. Now, let's come to what the parent

owes the child. What does a parent owe his child in the Spirit-filled home? Well, Paul puts it, first of all, negatively and then positively. Now, some of you kids that have been trying not to listen, now you perk up and listen and know what your parents are supposed to give you. He states it two ways, negatively and positively. First of all, he states it negatively in verse 4. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. Let's read again in Colossians 3.21. Fathers, provoke not not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. And I want to say that more than likely, parents break this command more frequently than any other. One translator says, fathers, don't exasperate your children.

Don't irritate them to the point of outbursts of anger. How do you do that? Let me just briefly dispense with this by saying, we provoke our children to wrath and discourage them when we make too many unnecessary demands upon them. And we're all the time putting too strict discipline upon them and are forever finding fault and making obedience so difficult the child becomes discouraged

and he says, I can never do anything right. Nothing I do ever pleases my parents. So he comes to the place, it's useless to try, and you've broken his spirit. Bingle said that the blight of youth today is they have a broken spirit. Now, a parent is supposed to break the will of the child, but not the spirit. And when a parent makes obedience difficult and has too many restrictions upon that child and is forever finding faults and putting them down, then he is provoking them to wrath and is breaking the law of God.

The law of God. You know, a wise parent, and I speak to myself as I speak to you, will make them. That's what a father owes. And let me just mention this, that when we get to what a parent owes the child, do you notice he doesn't say anything about the mother? Now, he's not slighting the mother, but he is emphasizing that the father is the responsible one in the home. And let me just insert this,

that one of the greatest sins in our homes today is that it's the mothers who are having to show the responsibility instead of the fathers, and that is a sin against God, and you have no right to blame your children when they don't grow up right if you have not exercised the place God has given you to exercise. A father has no right to blame his children for growing up rebellious if he leaves all of the training and discipline to the mother, it is his responsibility.

He singles them out. He says, and you fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Negatively, don't provoke them to wrath. Positively, two things. The father owes his child. First of all, he owes him discipline. Bring them up in the nurture.

By the way, that Greek word translated bring up means to escort them from infancy to maturity. It means to develop their character. And we are to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. That word nurture means discipline. Now, this word discipline has two ideas behind it. First of all, it means control. A father is supposed to control his child. That has in it the idea of restraint. A father who never learns to say no is going to reap a lot of heartache in his life. Let me read Proverbs 29, 15.

Now listen to this. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Now the New American Standard translates that correctly like this. But a child who gets his own way brings his mother shame. If a father is going to give discipline

to his child, then he must learn to say no. It has in it the idea of control, of restraining them. I mentioned in another message about God judging Eli. The Bible says Eli's sons did evil in the sight of the Lord, and Eli restrained them not. And father, you are supposed to control your child. And you are supposed to restrain them. You say, they'll rebel.

That isn't your problem. God just says, you obey me. Their response to that, God will take care of that. You know, God doesn't have any spoiled children. He has some rebell that. You know God doesn't have any spoiled children. He has some rebellious ones, but he doesn't have any spoiled children. God knows how to say no. And God knows how to restrain. And God never has any spoiled children.

He has a lot of rebellious ones. And listen, you may have some rebellious ones, but you ought not to have any spoiled ones. Learn to say no. Control sometimes, just say no for no sake. Just to teach them to be under the control of the authority of God. All right? Not only does it mean control, but it also means correction, discipline. That means corporal punishment or lieutenant punishment or whatever you want to call it. Now, let's read a few verses. Proverbs chapter 13, verse 24. He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him. King James says, be kind.

That means promptly and diligently. Would you let that soak in? He that spares his rod hates his son. Now, you know, I know some parents who say, well, I never spank my children. I deal with them in love. Friend, you don't know what love is. Now, I want you to listen to me carefully. Some of your teenagers whom you never restrain, you let them have your way, and you never discipline them, they feel unloved. They've told me that.

They feel unloved. now I don't understand it and no teenager here today will admit it but discipline is a teenager's security blanket they have an unconscious desire to be punished that's the way God made them. God made us all that way. You say, well, I love my child. I'm going to deal with them in love. You don't love them. You're sentimental towards them and you love the easy way out and you want to be popular, but you don't love them. The Word of God says you don't, because you know what love is? Real love is

when you give yourself to accomplish the highest good for another person. The Bible says, for God stole over the world. What did that mean? That meant that God wanted me to have the best and he sacrificed himself to bring me the best. And a father who loves his child is going to want that child to be the best and you'll never be the best without discipline. And that father, the Bible says, who withholds chastening hates his son. What does that mean? That means he withholds the best from that child.

You're not loving your child when you refuse to discipline them. You're hating them. God says so. And I promise you they feel unloved when you don't discipline. And I will challenge anybody on that stage.

You owe that child discipline. Now, it's always redemptive. It's never for your selfish motives. You owe that child discipline. Now it's always redemptive. It's never for your selfish motives. You ought to ask God and your children to forgive you when you punish them out of anger just because you are irritated. It is to be redemptive. Now listen, parents, when you do not discipline your children promptly and diligently,

you're making it harder for that child to be saved. Did you hear me? When that little child comes into your home and you do not give diligent and prompt discipline, chastisement to that child, you're making it harder for that child to be saved. You see, you know what that child to be saved. You see, you know what's wrong with a man? You know what's wrong with human nature?

Will. Will. My will opposed to God's will. God is Lord and I am to be submissive to Him. And nobody can ever be saved until first of all their will has been broken and

they have submitted their will to the will of God. Nobody can be saved without that. Call it what you want to, that's what it is. Now, where does a child learn to give up his will? He learns it in the home. And the moment that child comes into your home, you're not to let them have their way, you're to restrain them, you comes into your home, you're not to let them have their way. You're to restrain them. You're to correct them. You're to break that will. You're to cause them to submit. Now listen, if that child learns in your home that he is to be submissive to a higher authority, the authority of mom and dad, then when he gets old enough to be saved, it will be easier for him to transfer that submission over to God.

You see, he will have gotten in the habit of submitting his will. But if that parent, under the guise of a sick, false love and tolerance and broad-mindedness and diabolical spockism, says, I'm going to let my child do what he wants to express himself and I'm not going to discipline him, that child will never have learned to be submissive to authority. When the gospel is preached to him, he will take that same rebellion to the gospel. It will be hard for him to submit to the authority of God.

It will be hard for him to submit to the authority of the teacher. It will be hard for him to submit to the authority of the teacher. It will be hard for him to submit to the authority of the government, and he'll run off to Canada. Parents, you're making it harder for your children to be saved if you do not discipline Now, I like what the writer of Proverbs says. Chapter 23 and verse 13, Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Oh, my. Mama, you're killing me. Daddy, you're killing me. Daddy, you're killing me.

And there's some parents, you know, all of us. No loving parent ever gets pleasure out of spanking his children. Sometimes we think they want to die. But the opposite is true. They'll die if you don't do it. Oh, listen to me, parent. Under God, they'll die and go to hell if you don't do it. Oh, listen to me, parent. Under God, they'll die and go to hell if you don't do it. Listen to what he says.

Withhold not correction from thy child, for if thou beatest him with a rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with a rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Parent owes his child discipline. Now listen to me. It is the gift of love from a parent. But he not only owes him discipline.

Let me quickly finish. He owes him direction. Bring him up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. The word admonition has to do with the mind, instructing the mind. Now listen, fathers. Here again, he says fathers. Father, I want to ask you a question. Now listen to me, Father.

Do you ever teach your kids anything about the Lord? Two ways you can teach them. Number one, by example. Number two, by explanation. Now, Father, I want to ask you a question this morning. In your home life, I don't care what you are at church. I don't care if you're a deacon, a Sunday school teacher, a preacher, what. I am not the least interested in that.

I want to ask you this morning, in your home, by your example, the way you treat your wife and the way you treat your children, the way you respond to problems in the home, your general attitude in the home, are you an example of godliness to your child? But not only that, also explanation. Do you ever read your Bible to your children, huh? Or do you let your wife do it? Is your wife the one that has to say,

Honey, why don't we have Bible reading tonight? I'll tell you what's wrong with American homes is American husbands and fathers. You owe them direction. Let me just read two or three verses read Deuteronomy 6. There is a new book coming out. The name of it is Religion May Be Hazardous to Your Health. It is written by a man who may be a competent psychologist, but doesn't know anything about the Word of God. I wish people that don't know Jesus personally would stop trying to teach us about Jesus.

And he says, I feel that all preschool religious education is to be deplored. What he's saying is that until a child gets six or seven years old, you ought not to give them any kind of religious training. Tell you what, I'll make a deal. I'll make a deal with the devil. Devil, if you won't give them any training until they're six years old, I won't either. Catholics used to say, I guess they still say it, you give me a child until he is six years old and he will always be a Catholic. I cannot understand the ignorance of some men who are supposed to be educated. Anybody

that knows anything knows that the most formative years in a child's life are from the ages of one to six. But no religious training until they're six years old. Well, by that time, friend, it is well nigh too late. I promise you one thing, father and mother, you may not be giving your child any religious instruction, but boy, they're being instructed by somebody somewhere. And every day they live, as they watch television, as they move in and out among their friends, they are being brainwashed by the devil. They're being taught rebellion and they're being taught sinfulness. So he says in Deuteronomy chapter 6, and these words which I command thee this day shall be in

thine heart and thou shall teach them diligently unto thy children. Are you doing that? And you say, well, I bring them to Sunday school. That will not do it. And you are a slacker mom and dad if you leave this church sitting on this corner to do all of the religious training. We don't have them but one hour on Sunday morning. And how in the world can that counteract 167 other hours of other kind of instruction?

If you don't do it somehow by example and explanation in the home, you are being unkind and unloving to your children. Don't think that you are giving your children religious instruction because you bring them to Sunday school every Sunday. You're not doing it. Thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children. Now listen to this.

And shalt talk of them when thou settest in thine house. You ever talk about the Lord in your house? And when thou settest in thy house and when thou walkest by the ways you're traveling on your vacation and when thou liest down before you, you're traveling on your vacation. And when thou liest down, before you go to bed, when you rise up. Now, mother, you can't do that in church.

He's not talking about coming to church unless you want to live here at church every day. That's home life. Thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thy hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the post of thy house and on thy gates. You know what he's saying? He's saying, folks, just soak your home in the gospel. Just flood it. Put it everywhere.

Every room that that child walks into ought to be met with some kind of religious instruction. That's what he's saying. Now let's read just a few more. Deuteronomy chapter 11, verse 18 and following. Therefore shall you lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand that they may be as frontlets between your eyes, and ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou settest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

You see, in the same sermon, Moses repeated himself. In the same book of Deuteronomy, he's saying it twice. Why? Because it's so important. Father, I'm not talking to the mothers. Fathers, that's who God's talking to. Fathers, you bring your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That's what you owe your child. You owe your child that. I don't care if you let them drive around in a Rolls Royce and they have the biggest house in Irving, Texas and they have clothes better than anybody else. You are not providing for your child that way.

You're not providing for your child that way. You owe your child two things. You owe them discipline and you owe them direction. And I want to know this morning if you're giving it to them.