Rotten Mango - #163: Horrors Inside Aston Hall Mental Hospital (Child Experiments)

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

Truth serum. It has quite a dark history. The CIA tested the heavy sedative on suspected criminals, murderers, and terrorists. They hoped it would even the smartest spies to - well, tell the truth. It would be hard to imagine a world where truth serum was tested on children on a large scale. But it happened. In Aston Hall Mental Hospital a sick, twisted, depraved doctor hand-picked young girls to experiment on. He would have them admitted to his hospital where he pumped them full of truth serum and violently assaulted them. He filmed it all. And the truth took a very long time to come out. Full Source Notes: rottenmangopodcast.com To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome to this week's main episode of Rotten Mango. I'm your host Stephanie Sue. And don't you wish you could just tell when someone was lying to you. I mean, I feel like that's my, right, if you had one wish from a genie, this would be it. No, probably not. Okay, there's a lot of other things I would prioritize, but you get what I'm saying. Sure, you can watch those countless former FBI agent videos on YouTube.

Oh, if they look to this side or that side, or if they fidget or they can't maintain eye contact, they're lying to you. These aren't really foolproof. You don't know someone's baseline that well, someone could just be fidgety, anxious, maybe they have something in their contacts. But what if there was a definitive way to make sure someone told you the truth? Have you heard of truth, serum?

This sounds like a dystopian ad. Truth, serum only costs your firstborn side effects include divorce, crime and heartbreak. Truth, serum. It sounds almost childish, but I'm serious. Many cause your firstborn side effects include divorce crime and heartbreak. True Sira. It sounds almost childish, but I'm serious. Imagine you could give it to your parents to ask them, no really. Which one of us do you like more? Maybe you injected into your partner to see if they're really cheating on you. Maybe you give it to all your friends to find out what they really think about you.

This sounds like a Pandora box of problems that just could open and unleash show world of pain, but it's not just something that exists in movies. True Steam is a real thing. In fact, it was considered such an effective drug that the US experimented with it. They would inject it into potential spies, terrorists, and the likes in hope of getting information. You're like, okay, make sense. The CIA does some batched crazy things. Nothing unbelievable here. Even when it's used in movies like Ant-Man, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, there's just something so fascinating.

Somebody who, in otherwise any other situation, would never tell you the truth, but you inject them with this and they start spilling their deepest, darkest secrets, unwillingly amazing. What's unbelievable is that in the UK there was a mental hospital called Aston Hall and there was a sick twisted doctor there. He would go out and handpicked girls from correctional facilities. They were

like 12 to 14 years old. He would have them transferred over to his hospital to quote-unquote treat them. The treatment involved tying the chosen victim to a rubber mattress in a dark room where Dr. Milner would then drug them with true serums, sedatives, and the likes, and then he would violently assault them while filming the entire thing. Why does he and he truth serum? That's the fascinating thing. Well, not fascinating, but that's the weird thing. So let's talk about what really happened at Aston Hall.

As always, full show notes are available at RottenMangoPotCast.com, but there is a book with two books, the first one, The Hospital. How I Survive the Secret Child Experiments at Aston Hall, by Barbara O'Hare, which I don't even know if there's words to describe how touching her story is. The book is so immersive that you almost feel trapped inside Aston Hall with Barbara. You feel her fear. You feel her uncertainty.

If this was a horror movie, you would leave the theater so unnerved that maybe you would walk out of there constantly soothing yourself. It's OK. It's just a movie. Like things don't happen like this in the real life. Except this was real life. This was Barbara's life.

The story just lingers with you for such a long time after you've read it. It's haunting, devastating, depressing, and horrifying. It's almost unbelievable. It's like a Pandora's box of tragedy after tragedy, and it just keeps giving until the very last second until the very last moment where you were left

with the tiniest, tiniest semblance of a happy ending, just enough so you don't cry yourself to sleep. Listen, this book is incredible and this podcast, I hope, gets more people talking about this case, but in no way will it ever compare to Barbara's book, so please go read it. As well as The Asylum by Carol Minto. It's just as incredible, just as hard to get through as Barbara's book. It makes you question humanity. There are so many emotions when you read it, sadness, anxiety, fear, disgust, and honestly, gratefulness that you didn't experience it. It's a really humbling and empowering story. So please, whatever you do this week, pick up both these books.

So let's get into true serum. Is there really something out there that can just be injected into you and you just start blabbing about all the questionable things you've done? Well, yes and no. True serum started with a glass of wine. I'm serious. In Latin, there is a saying that says, in wine, there is truth. So over centuries, a lot of people would be forced to gobble down some wine and everyone

waited on the side to hear the truth, but then times got a little bit more advanced. And a drug called scopalamine, I think I'm saying that's so wrong. Originally, it was used as an anesthetic for women during childbirth. And you're like, okay, that makes sense. But it doesn't, because if you're knocked out,

which typically is what happens under anesthesia, why would you tell the truth? You're not even talking, you're knocked out, which typically is what happens under anesthesia, why would you tell the truth? You're not even talking, you're knocked out in Texas and OBGYN was delivering a baby. The mom was knocked out She got this drug and he's like, oh shit husband Can you make yourself useful for once and pass the scale to away the baby because you haven't done shit, right? And the husband couldn't find it. Of course he couldn't. But the wife, the wife, the woman who just gave birth, the woman that was under anesthesia, gave precise directions to the scale's location

for her husband. Okay, so what does that mean? The OBGYN was shocked. He thought, wait a minute, wait a minute. Instead of just knocking someone out, ironically it seems like this drug retrieves memories. Even if she was conscious and in this amount of pain, it would have been very hard for her to be like, hey, babe, it's behind the curtain, come on, get it

together. But this, this was weird. She remembered where the scale had been when she was in the room before going under. This is kind of the shortened version of how truth serums came to be. And from there, a list of alleged true serums just grew and grew and grew. Some of the most notable ones are forms of barbituits, which were really popular back in the day as the sleep aid. Marilyn Monroe famously died of a barbituite overdose. And when you take it, or this type of sedative is forced upon you, you don't necessarily just start listing off your whole life.

You're not chapter one. Oh, chapter two. Oh, now chapter three is where it gets wild. This is where I killed someone. Like you're not doing that. It's it's almost like this twilight zone. It puts you in this hyper relaxed state and sometimes at high doses you can even enter a hypnotic state. The premise of true serums are not magical. It's not that you suddenly forget how to lie or you can't lie, but rather you're so relaxed that your central nervous system is so suppressed, it's hard for you to take that extra mental effort in order to lie. That makes so much sense.

Yeah, and even make the lie believable. You can try to lie, but you're going to sound like a little goofy goof. So basically your brain doesn't sense maybe danger? Yes. So it's like, why bother to come up with something? That's what they said. They said the easy way out is just tell the truth in that state. Cause you're like, uh, whatever.

This is the easy, just give them an answer. And the truth is the easiest answer. So I'm just going to go with it. Okay. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. You're in this weekend state. It's almost like you're floating between consciousness and unconsciousness, a lot of sense. You're in this weakened state. It's almost like you're floating between consciousness

and unconsciousness, a twilight zone. Your thinking process is slowed down. Everything is slower. And for some reason, most people experience a chattyness. So that's why it's kind of like that with general anesthesia. You know, when you're getting put under and you start talking to the nurse, you're like, I'm not even an extrovert,

but I want to tell you about my life real quick. That's the wisdom tooth. Yes, yes. Situation. Yes. And a lot of the times, you don't even remember what you divulged in during that time. So since you're talking already,

you can easily be led to talk about very specific things. Now, the problem is, in this weekend state, you can also be easily manipulated by the interrogator or the questioner. They can plant memories, suggest that certain events took place, and because your brain isn't working as normally, you're like, you know what I do confess. I can see myself. Maybe that did happen. Maybe I did dress up as a giant yellow duck and just went down to the local whole foods and started flashing people. It's not entirely impossible. It sounds like I do like the color yellow.

It sounds like something I would do. I mean, it's so controversial, a lot of people think true serums goes against the Fifth Amendment, which is supposed to protect us from testifying against ourselves. And your Miranda rights, the right to remain silent, well that's kind of hard to do when you've been pumped full of true serum and you're going to get a little bit chatty and you can't really prevent yourself Some say it's a form of torture to have someone go against themselves like that to reveal things They otherwise wouldn't or to even suggest them into changing their memory

But studies have shown that patients under the influence of true serum. They can and do tell lies They do or sometimes the truth is a combination of fact and fiction Also sometimes the patient will just agree with whatever the interview is saying and repeat it like it's the truth. So you're like, okay, why did the CIA say they're gonna be testing truth to your homes back in the day? Sometimes it leads you down a different path. Maybe you were interrogating someone that had something to do with a crime. And they bring up, oh yeah, so then I went into the little black box and I put the keys in there and maybe you weren't thinking about a black box. Maybe it was never on your list of supposed evidence, but now it is.

So you start looking at different things. You just never take things for face value. Side note, imagine everyone just gets a few shipments a month to use on themselves and every time you lose your keys, you just inject yourself and you're like, where are my keys? You know, I feel like that could be the most useful. So is it used now? As recently as 2001 after 9-11, true serum was used by the CIA allegedly to interrogate people.

They thought it was a less harsh alternative to their usual house blend of sleep deprivation, small space confinement, stress poses, and waterboarding. They're like, this seems easier, stress poses, and waterboarding. They're like, this seems easier, less stressful for both parties. It's just unlikely that in terms of crime and the justice system, that true serum can be used as evidence. But, get this, it came up in 2013 and it caused a huge stir. The Aurora Shooter, the movie theater shooter, was approved by a judge to essentially use true serum. Not to determine if he was guilty, but to see if he truly was insane like he claimed.

So the judge approved the use of this true serum, but there is no record that's public as if it happened or not. If they did use it or not. So anyways, that's my little spiel about true serum. Keep this in mind because the plays are really big role in today's story. Now fast forward and across the Atlantic Sea to the UK we go. This was during the time of Ian Brady and Myra Hinley's Rain of Terror. Remember the Moores murders? We did a podcast episode on the two. The couple liked to kidnap children and sexually assault them before viciously murdering them.

Everyone was on edge. Every missing child, more was on the line. There was this edge of hysteria everywhere. In this type of climate, Barbara and her little brother Stephen, they go missing. And immediately, when they reported missing, their faces are everywhere all over the news. Nobody said it. But they're thinking, oh my god. Does this have something to do with the other children going missing? A few days later, the kids are found. Oh, thank god. They were just walking down the street. The officer hurries them into the cop car, drives them home.

There's like a hoard of social workers, police officers, reporters, surrounding their house, and the kids fast up. We ran away. I mean, that changed everything. The police, the reporters, they're curious. What could be so bad at home that you would rather go out into the unknown, with predators, kidnappers, murderers, serial killers all over the news, all on the loose? Why did you want to leave?

Let's start with Barbara. Barbara's mom left her and her dad when she was just one years old. I think that in itself is traumatic and sad, but to make things worse, Barbara's dad, we're going to call him John. John blamed one-year-old Barbara for this. He wouldn't even tell her her own mother's name. The only thing that he said about her birth mom was, she's got this really bright red hair. It's almost like a fiery red hair. And your mother is an Irish insert slur. And you're her daughter, so that makes you an insert slur. He actually called her this slur more than he called her her own name.

Now John was a depressed man, and honestly an evil man. He turned to alcohol after his wife left, and the guy just started dating the most questionable woman back to back, the type of woman that loved to abuse children, I guess. John would let them take it out on his child. I don't understand. What's crazy is that John got a lot of the ladies because everyone said he looked just like Elvis Presley. And he acted just as Rich's Elvis was.

There was barely enough money to put food on the table, but somehow he always saw the extra cash to splurge on these women to take them out to fancy dinner dates. Barbara remembers a revolving door of strange abusive woman, but there was one that stayed longer than the rest. Her name was Marion. Oh, Marion, she is an evil woman. I'm gonna be honest with you. Marion came into the picture when Barbara was four and the main thing was, she was one of those women. I just want to spend more time with John and you're his pesky little daughter and you're getting in the way of my time with your father. So with enough convincing from her, you know, John, John agreed. Barbara was going to stay

in her room pretty much all day. You're like, okay, that's miserable, but it's not the worst childhood. She can use the restroom, right? She's got food. Maybe she has toys to entertain herself with. No, she wasn't even allowed to use the restroom, right? She's got food. Maybe she has toys to entertain herself with. No, she wasn't even allowed to use the restroom which was right down the hall. Mary unwanted bar bread, a pee, and poop into an empty egg carton. Egg carton, what?

Yeah, I don't even think, because they leak. Think it, really. Yeah. She said, if you need to use the toilet, use this. That way you don't go skipping around the place, making a commotion, flushing all the time. And don't go near the windows or the curtains. We don't want the neighbors knowing our business. AKA, we don't want the neighbors calling CPS on us.

And to seal the deal, Mary and dragged Barbara out of her room and pointed at the attic door. So this attic door was all the way open, meaning the attic was now just this big rectangular black hole in the ceiling, right in front of Barbara's bedroom door. She said, you see that, Barbara? That's where the monster lives. If you come out of that room, when me and your daddy are out, he's gonna jump down and gobble you up. Barbara was scared she's four. She's so scared she booked it back into her room, and Maryann followed her in with her most condescending, motherly, maternal voice.

But don't worry, Barbara. As long as you stay inside your room and be a good girl, he won't hear you, or kill you. Do you understand? Good. Now, don't forget to eat the meal of the day, and Mary unhanded over a milk bottle, but it was filled with water, not milk, and two hard boiled eggs. That was it.

That was her day. And without the evil stepmom scurried off downstairs to smoke, drink, and play music with her John. Barbara was completely alone with her thoughts of the attic monster. She remembers being so scared the first night that she wet the bed. And briefly, while the urine was still warm, she felt a little bit better. She said that she had felt so lonely,

even the warmth of her urine brought her some comfort. And for the next few weeks, Barbara would endure sleepless nights. I mean, she's just thinking about this attic monster that dwells right outside her door, waiting for her to come out. She pictured what the monster would look like. How big is the attic upstairs? She's never been up there. What if he sneaks down? The hole is wide open. It's not like she can lock her bedroom door. Who's to say he won't just come in and trap her? This goes on for weeks. Barbara, this little five-year-old child now, is straight up sleep deprived because she's terrified of the attic monster.

She's got these dark circles. Marian notices one day and is like, aw, Barbara, what's wrong? It's just, it's the monster, I'm so scared. He's still up in the attic. Marian smiled, sat down with her and said, but Barbara, the monster, he doesn't just live in the attic. It's just one of the places he likes. He also lives in your closet.

What? You didn't say that. What do you mean he lives in my closet? Oh yeah! Barbara, he's everywhere. He's always watching you to make sure you behave yourself. Barbara starts sobbing and Marion tries to comfort her by telling her, do you wanna know how to tell if the monsters in your closet or any closet? You see, look over there.

The black marks on the wardrobe. So Marion was tracing her finger along the dark wooden grains of the wardrobe because it's made out of wood. That's how you know the monsters inside. Because those are his long nails that he scraped down the wardrobe, trying to get out. Marian was now satisfied with the horror on Barbara's face and pranced out of the room. And for the next nine months Barbara lived in fear. During the day it was okay.

She would try to get a few moments of rest here and there, but at night it was the worst. Sometimes she would be home alone, yeah at 5 years old, okay, do you really put it past these people? She didn't even have a single light bulb in her room. John wanted to save money so she was stuck in complete darkness every single night just terrified of this monster. She's alone with her thoughts, of course, the only thing giving her hope and strength is her birth mom. She imagined her beautiful on the top of a hill, red hair flowing in the wind. Barbara knew deep down that there was no way her mom abandoned her on purpose. There had to have been a good reason.

She wanted to believe that her mom was out there somewhere, thinking of her, missing her just as much as she missed her mom. And one day they were going to be reunited. Her mom was going to save her from John and his girlfriends. Barbara would eventually find her birth mom. And it would just be another tragedy in her life. Now one day, Maryanne shows up with a little baby in her arms. This is Barbara's new half-brother Steven, and the parents are really quick to make it clear

that they love Steven more than they love her. She's not even allowed to go anywhere near him. They didn't even want her to look at her new baby brother. One time Barbara was caught by her dad, looking at Steven while he was asleep in his little crib, and he screamed, I told you not to do that. You're not supposed to be near the baby. Sorry, I just, what are you? What are you?

Barbara was confused, but eventually she got it. I'm a insert slur. Yes, yes you are, and what are you? Huh? What are you? Barbara was confused, but eventually she got it. I'm a insert slur. Yes, yes you are, and what are they? They're fucking useless, and that's what they are. So what does that make you? I'm useless. Yeah, so fucking go away and stay away from Stephen. Eventually, John got a job working at the oil rigs, and it was good money, but he was never

home. So Marion and Stephen, they move in with Marion's sister, Lorraine. She lived down the street. And Barbara was in this weird position of living at her dad's empty house and also staying with Lorraine and her kids and Marion. She would just go back and forth. John paid Marion and Lorraine every week for food and clothes for the two kids, but really it was just for the two girls to spend money on new clothes for themselves.

Barbara was fed a deadly diet of only, for weeks and months at a time, only sugar sandwiches. Two pieces of highly processed white bread with cane sugar in between. Not toasted, just straight up. Wow. I think just the two pieces of white bread

would have suffice to why I add the sugar, I don't know, okay? Maybe there's some energy input. Oh, maybe. Oh yeah, calorie intake. There was no cream cheese, I don't know, okay. Maybe there's some energy input. Oh yeah, calorie intake. There was no cream cheese, there was no vegetable. It was really hard to eat because it was so dry and it was the only food that Barbara would get. This is a really deadly diet.

I mean, there's barely any nutritional value in this. If any at all, it ruins the kids' teeth. They become sugar addicted. It's something that lasts for a lifetime. And in this case where this is all you eat Sure, it's better than nothing But Marion was getting money. She could feed Barbara a nice diet of veggies and real food and still have money left over to do her shopping But she chose not to Barbara was so severely malnourished her limbs her arms were rake thin and her stomach was hard and bloated

Her limbs, her arms were rake thin, and her stomach was hard and bloated. So this is what happens when you're protein deficient. It causes you to hold a ton of liquid in your bloodstream, and the water will drain into your stomach, which is why starving children typically have distended stomachs. It's not because they're full or they ate something. Barbara didn't even know that she was malnourished. All she knew was, I don't look like the neighborhood kids,

I don't look normal, I don't even look like Lorraine's kids. What's wrong with me? Something is wrong with me. She had no idea it was these sugar sandwiches. This belief was only further cemented because none of the other kids wanted to play with her. So Barbara sat around all day bored out of her mind. She wasn't even allowed to sit on any furniture. Maryann had new rules and she would scream at her, I don't want a dirty Insert slur sitting on my couch. You can sit on the floor where you belong The only good thing that came out of this new setup was Mary and was over being a mom remember in the beginning She don't want Barbara anywhere near her precious son

Right, well now she's like Barbara watch Stephen. I'm going shopping and it's just crazy How there can be so much evil in one family shopping and it's just crazy how there can be so much evil in one family. Lorraine, Marianne's sister, well she had kids and they would be like step cousins to Barbara. They were evil. There was this one little son of a bitch, literally speaking and he was named Peter. He was four years older than Barbara and he just hated her. He did her for no reason at all. One time he gets a new pair of boots, probably with the money that the two women are supposed to be using to feed Barbara, something other than sugar sandwiches, well he gets gets new pair of boots, probably with the money that the two women are supposed to be using to feed Barbara, something other than sugar sandwiches, we get such new pair of boots. Walks up to Barbara who's sitting on the floor as usual, and he says, I want

to test out my new boots. And he stomps on Barbara's fingers and puts all of his weight into that one foot on these new boots. And she's screaming out in pain. Lorraine rushes into the room. She sees what's going on. I mean Peter's foot is still on Barbara's hand. Lorraine takes it all in, scoops up Steven who is also in the room and says, Jesus, what's wrong with you Barbara? Shut up! Do you hear me? I said shut up! God making so much noise. Barbara did not stop crying. Her fingers were throbbing in pain. Barbara did not stop crying her fingers were throbbing in pain. Marian and Lorraine decided to punish her by sending her back to her dad's house completely alone. Alone with the attic monster, no food, no water, no bathroom, just alone in her room for 24 hours.

Right after that, this is the confusing part for Little Barbara. Right after her solitary confinement punishment, Lorraine and Marian had a surprise for her. They wanted to wash her hair for once. Barbara was confused, I mean they would never do something like this. In fact, she was bullied for having matted hair all the time. She wanted to wash her hair. They didn't want her to waste water. So they washed her hair for her, curled her hair, into pretty little curls, gave her this beautiful new dress to wear. They put ribbons in her hair in her dress. For the first time ever, Barbara felt so special. She felt pretty. And when the transformation was complete, Lorraine and Marian brought out some cardboard angel wings that they pinned to the back of her dress. They sat

there, oh, Barbara, you look like an angel. She looked at them with like a twinkle in her eyes, and the two women they were laughing for some reason, but she didn't know. Now Barbara, why don't you walk up and down the street and your pretty new dress so everyone can see your new wings? Barbara was honestly just excited to get out of the house. And she felt pretty. So she starts walking down the street but as adults passed her, they would turn and look at her in horror.

She didn't get it. Maybe she was a real angel. Maybe they thought, oh my gosh, am I seeing things right now? But the more people she passed, something was wrong. She took off her wings, she tried to read the message, there was something writing there. She couldn't read, but it would later say, she may look like an angel, but she's the devil. Don't play with her. What's wrong with these people? Holy cow. What's wrong with these people? But also, what's wrong with the neighbors? Like, if I saw a kid running around our neighborhood street by herself wearing angel wings that said that

Listen, I'm calling someone. I'm calling CPS because even if she's getting bullied It needs to be looked into and if it's her parents, let's even worse It's like you're not just gonna pass and be like oh my god. Did you see that little girl? Like what? Why would you break into these apartments? For money for drugs whatever was in there What? Why would you break into these apartments? For money, for drugs, whatever was in there? Why aren't you afraid of getting caught at doing this? No, who's gonna catch us?

What a police! It was the height of the crack era and instead of locking up drug dealers, some New York City cops had become them. I would suit up in my uniform and we're going to want some drug dealers and I know how to do it really well. This is the inside story of the biggest police corruption scandal in NYPD history and the investigation that uncovered it all. Did you consider yourself a rat?

100% I saved my soul just like everybody else does. Listen to and follow the set, an Odyssey Originals documentary podcast series, available now in the Odyssey app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your shows. I'm not a big guy man, but I love being a dirty mother f***er. Anytime John came to visit, he didn't care to hang out with Barbara his eyes would just light up around Stephen and nobody else he didn't even care that his kids were incredibly malnourished he brought some caramel toffee for Stephen and nothing for Barbara and he puts this caramel toffee on top of the fireplace

but Barbara realized oh shoot the toffee's gonna melt I need to move it she went to go pick it up, move it somewhere safe. John saw this and just assumed Barbara was stealing her little brother's candy. She tried to defend herself like, no, I swear, Dad, you have to believe me. I would never do that to my brother. I love my brother. He's like the only person I love. John didn't care. He dragged Barbara like a little ragdoll through the living room and threw her down the stairs. She hit her head and had this nasty bruise taking up the entire side of her face and nobody did a single thing about it.

And then one day, Marian took Stephen and they left. John sat her down and broke the news to Barbara. Marian's leaving and she's taken Stephen with her. It's all your fault. Everyone leaves you. Now tell me what you are. Barbara sat there with her head hung. all your fault. Everyone leaves you. Now tell me what you are. Barbara sat there with her head hung. I'm a dirty insert slur.

She's taken him, my baby boy, and it's your fault. And he started beating Barbara. He forced her into the bathtub and said, don't stop scrubbing until you get the dirty insert slur out of you. Barbara scrubbed and scrubbed until she was bleeding. After this, Lorraine would still look after Barbara since John was paying her, and she was still only fed sugar sandwiches.

It went on like that until John hired foster parents for Barbara. They were an older couple named Liam and Edna. John was paying them to look after Barbara. They were even being paid by the state for fostering a child, so it's super illegal stuff I tell you. Anyway, Barbara got no heads up. Just a random couple walks into the house one day. Hi, we're your new parents! Barbara was obviously scared, but they seemed friendly enough. Besides, it can't be worse than Lorraine and Marianne, right? She was wrong.

It could be much worse. And it would be. At first, Edna was sweet. She took it upon herself to clean Barbara up. Her hair was unwashed, matted, knotted, her clothes were filthy. They even took her to buy all new clothes. It was the first time Barbara wrote a bus. The first time she was able to pick out and buy brand new socks.

She would scream seven pairs of socks. She had a doll that she could play with for once. This was her first toy ever. She never had a toy. Barbara was finally receiving proper care and attention for the first time in her six-year-old life, and it felt good, but Edna only saw Barbara as her moneymaker. This week Grandma, yeah she was old, was actually a sadistic vile person. Every little thing that she did for Barbara, she would sit her down and say, look what

I've done for you. Now what do you say? And at first Barbara didn't get it. She thought she was being punished. She was trained to think that way so she would say, I'm nothing but a dirty and I'd know is horrified. She said, No sweetie, you say thank you. And I felt so bad. She bought Barbara another porcelain doll and told her, You have to look after this doll, okay? It costs quite a bit of money.

They bought a brand new dress for her and to show her gratitude, six-year-old Barbara wanted to do something for Edna. She went out to find a blackberry bush in the neighborhood. And she thought, oh, if I pick some wild juicy berries and give them to Edna as a gift, she's gonna love me more. She used her dress as like a basket. I mean, I've done this before when I was a kid.

Just kinda lift it up, fold it so you can put little rocks in there and little goodies in there. And she plucked the juiciest ripus berries. It took her so long. And of course, it stained her dress. Barbara made a mess, but she's six and that's what six year olds do. And this is honestly a sweet moment that you would try to Instagram because it's like that cute.

But Edna was pissed. She grabbed a wire coat hanger and whipped Barbara's bear legs as punishment. This would be the first of many beatings for Medna. She was a grandma but she had stamina. She would beat Barbara and only stop when she herself was exhausted from hitting a little girl. And remember that porcelain doll? Well, you can take a guess. Nothing good is going to come out of this story, right? Barbara was so obsessed with her only friend and her prized possession, this porcelain doll. She brought it to school with her, and this little boy with anger issues. Kima Taren said, Hey Barbara, does your doll fly?

Um, no. Sure does, and he picked it up and flung it across the playground. The doll was ruined. Barbara was devastated. She went home to tell Edna what happened and Edna sat there listening listening and at the end she said, I told you to look after it. And she beat her until she was exhausted. She said, you're fucking backward. I don't know why I bothered in getting you something nice because you don't deserve it. And then one day, Marion stopped by. Through Stephen into Edna's arms and left. Stephen was now a

virtual stranger to Barbara. Sure, half-brother, but they hadn't been around for a long time. I guess John was paying for his care so Edna took him in, because she loves money, stuck the two kids in a room together, and Barbara made it work. She told herself even though she's so jealous of the love that Stephen gets. Over her, from both sides, she just wants to be on the same side as him. She wants to protect him from Edna and whatever else happens in this world. At the end of the day, this is her little brother. She can't let jealousy come over her. It wasn't even his fault.

So Christmas rolls around and Edna promised to get the kids whatever gifts that they wanted. Here, pick it from this catalog. Barbara was shocked. She had never gotten a gift. She was so excited. But it shocked she had never gotten a gift she was so excited but it all came down crashing with a grape. Yeah a grape. Barbara gets home from school. She's starving she knows she's not supposed to eat before dinner but there's this bowl of grapes on the kitchen and it just looks amazing. She looked over one shoulder and the next and the coast was clear. She's taking one grape just one so she plexed it off and pops it into her mouth and Edna walks into the kitchen doorway

at that exact moment. She calmly says, hungry are you? She walks over, opens the fridge and Barbara's thinking, oh is she gonna give me a snack? And she turns around and smashes something on Barbara's face. It was a raw egg. And she said, you fucking insert slur. Go to your room. Barbara was so shocked, and she was shocked even more an hour later when Edna called her name lovingly. Barbara, come down, will you? I need you to stop by the store for some bread,

but don't go to the shop on the corner. That's the closest. Go to the other one. The one that you have to, yeah, the one that you have to pass the bridge. Yes, mm-hmm. But why don't you stay near the bridge for a second, overlooking the canal and just play there? We don't need dinner for a while. Just hang out there. Besides you're full from the grape aren't you? But you can't move from the bridge do you understand?

You gotta stay there at least 30 minutes. You have to stay near the bridge. Got it? Okay. Got it. She skipped all the way to the bridge, she was ecstatic. But while she was overlooking the canal on the bridge, she saw something in the water, all the gifts she picked out for Christmas. Why you were? So Edna had gone and bought it and threw them into the canal and wanted her to see. What in the world? So she runs back home and this girl is so confused Barbara is saying, Edna, my toys, I don't

know how, but they're in the water. And I looked at her and said, you did what? No, no, I didn't. I didn't put them in the water. I would never do that. They were just there when I was crossing the bridge. Edna slapped her across the face.

After everything I did for you, you threw your toys in the water and she starts punching and slapping Barbara until she was a shivering wreck on the floor and in that moment Barbara realized it was Edna who threw the toys in the canal all over a single grape. One fucking grape. The next morning, Edna was still pissed during breakfast. She grabbed Barbara's plate of eggs, sausage, beans, bacon, and smashed it onto Barbara's face. Barbara went to school with her entire face black and blue with bruising.

Her teacher asked her, oh my god what happened! And just like Edna rehearsed with her, she said, oh, I have a tooth infection and I'm swollen. The teacher freaking bought the story. I don't know how, but she did. I don't understand, I don't understand. Side note, one time Barbara was sent on an errand to the store for Edna, and she ran into this man on the street. They made brief eye contact, and a shiver went down Barbara's back.

She was so terrified, her whole body was stiff with anxiety and fear, and it's like, she just knew that this man was bad. She ran all the way home, distressed, to the point where Edna and Liam thought that she had run into some sort of kidnapper, some sort of creep. Maybe whoever was killing the kids around here. It was only later that Barbara realized, wait, I ran into someone I knew. She knew that the face was familiar.

She couldn't play some until now. It was her dad. What? She ran into her dad. So John had traumatized her so much that just by seeing his face in a setting where she wasn't supposed to be seeing him She sent her into a panic attack. That's what she had was like a full blown panic attack at six years old But when you're six, you don't know that's what you're doing. That's what's happening now back to Edna and her mood swings

Sometimes she would grab a bottle of vodka, sit the kids down and she would start off by saying you guys are so lucky have me. I have done nothing but show you both kindness. Your mom doesn't even want you, but I saved you guys. You know, I punish you so you can learn. I'm helping you, do you understand? And then five minutes later, she was beating them while yelling at them for being a burden. Like, ma'am, you're getting paid to watch them, it's not free babysitting. The only thing that could have stopped this was, well, other than John, but he's evil, was maybe Liam, Edna's husband.

He was a good man, but he was never home. Edna made sure to never beat the kids when he was there because he didn't like it. So anyways, we're getting to the part where the kids run away, and the whole thing was instigated by a neighborhood bully. He was bullying Steven into giving him the allowance Liam would give them for the weekend. In fact, they even beat him for not giving up his points, coins. All Barbara could do was watch. She didn't have the physical strength to stop them. She watched her little brother get beat up. And remember that vow Barbara made to protect her younger brother? Well, she wasn't going

to go back on it now. She decides to skip church on Sunday, and in her best dress. She gathers up the biggest rock she could find. Went to the bullies house, climbed a tree with her little green satchel of rocks, waited till the bullie came out, and started pelting him with rocks. He was screaming in pain, he grabbed some rocks through them back up at her, she somehow managed to escape this tree, and ran back home. Her dress was ruined, she had a nasty wound on her head, and when Edna found out that she was throwing rocks at boys, instead of thinking, why is this little girl so scared of a boy, she's throwing rocks at boys instead of thinking. Why is this little girl so scared of a boy? She's throwing rocks at him.

Why does she feel like she needs to do this? Oh my god, no, she's being bullied. Let's get the full story before I discipline her. Edna thought, what a little slut. Skipping church to be with a boy? She screamed at her, you dirty little whore. What were you doing in the trees with boys? You should have been at church.

I need to know, I'm gonna find out. Edna dragged Barbara to her room. Liam was home by the way. Edna closed the master bedroom door and started screaming, you little whore. She threw her on the bed, ripped off her pants, and her underwear. And Barbara was completely exposed down there. And Edna was yelling, open your legs, open them. Barbara had no idea what was going on.

All she knew was she felt terrified and humiliated. And in that moment, Edna shoved a silver spoon in her private part. And it was painful. Barbara was screaming, and Edna is just saying, what are you doing with the boys in the tree? What are you doing with the boys in the tree? Listen, I don't know what Adna was doing.

I can't in a million years think of a reason why this would make logical sense for anyone to do. This is straight up sexual assault, but it seemed like maybe she was using this boon as some sort of mirror. So she could see into her vagina, see if her hymen was intact. I don't know, okay? Which can you even tell like that?

Probably not. This is sexual assault. That's all I know. It was cruel, disgusting. It made no sense. So Liam ran into the room and put his stop to everything. He screamed at Edna, enough is enough. You stop this, or I'm gonna leave.

She's a child for Christ's sake. Look at what you're doing. You're sick, woman, sick. And this is what made Barbara and Steven run away from home. The kids ran away, and when they get back, word has gotten out that Edna is an abusive woman. She started getting hate mail, honestly honestly I'm not mad at it. She was also getting sent razor blades through the post to end her own life.

That part is a bit questionable. I wish though that this is the part where I tell you. Yeah, the government intervenes and everything gets better for the kids. But it wasn't. You know it wasn't. Steven was sent to live with his dad, and Barbara, 11 year old Barbara was sent to a children's home. But she kept running away. Barbara was on a mission to find her mom. I mean, she's 11, she has no idea where to

even start, so she's just roaming around on the street looking for anyone with red hair. This middle-aged woman stops her and this is where it gets so sad. This woman brings her to her house, gives her orange juice and cake, and they just talk. Barbara tells her about her life, really opens up. This woman was childless and really wanted a child. She really wanted a daughter. She would have been more than happy to adopt Barbara. She would have given her so much love, so much attention, nutrition,

everything that she could have ever asked for for a happy, healthy, stable childhood. This woman could have provided, but Barbara wasn't up for adoption. And the woman felt like she had to do the right childhood, this woman could have provided. But Barbara wasn't up for adoption, and the woman felt like she had to do the right thing, which was to call the police and send Barbara to the proper care. Barbara was running away so often and causing so much trouble that she was shipped off from the children's home to Cedar's Romant home from girls.

This is like a correctional facility. It was in this tall, intense, older Victorian building, and it's nothing like the children's home She just came from this is more like a prison for kids Someone is always watching you acting out is not tolerated. They treat you like little inmates Knowing serious. They strip searched all the kids. They all wore the same uniforms Barbara hated it one week into her stay a Faculty member tells her the doctor wants to see you She's so confused. She already had a checkup when she arrived.

They checked for Lice and all these other things. That was barely a week ago. I already had my checkup. No, this is another doctor. Dr. Milner, he's very important doctors to be on your best behavior. Barbara walked into the room and Dr. Milner, maybe 45, 50 years old, but to 11 year Barbara,

I mean, he was ancient, he was practically dead. During the exam, Dr. Milner picked up both of her hands in his, and it was strange. He wasn't examining her hands. He was just slowly stroking them. It was odd, strangely intimate, and he told her, oh, I'm just trying to see your fingernails. Oh, my Barbara, looks like you've been biting them. Your very nervous aren't you? Your poor child.

Barbara was so confused, she's like, uh, no, I don't ever bite my nails. Yes, you have. You poor poor child. Obviously you suffer with your nerves. Would you like to come to my hospital so I can help you? I can take care of you there. Barbara didn't feel sick. Hospital means you're sick, right? She's 11. That's how she's thinking. She doesn't need to go to the hospital, but at the same time, her vision of hospitals has always been large hospital beds, giant TVs in the room. There's always these happy nurses looking after you. I mean, it sounds better than prison. And if she gets to go to the hospital, when she feels better, they're going to let her out. And she can look for her mom. So she says, yeah, Dr. Milner, I would like to go to the hospital.

Okay, but then you have to do this favor for me. Here, take this. It was two giant white pills. Take it right now, and I want you to take two of these three times a day. Two after breakfast, two after dinner, and two again after tea. It's very important that you take them. It's so you stop biting your nails and you can come to the hospital. Barbara had no idea what he was talking about. I mean, she just took the tablets. Maybe it's a vitamin.

Maybe it's, I mean, you're 11. You're not thinking about, oh oh what drugs could this be? Barbara never found out for sure what these men were, but it was safe to assume that they were some sort of sedative. So who the hell is Dr. Milner? There's not much on his personal life, but this man is pure evil in actual monster. He would go to cedars and other girls' correctional facilities, find 12 to 14 year old girls that he fancied, have them transferred over to Aston Hall Mental Hospital where he was the lead physician. He said that they were being transferred over

for mental health treatment. He handpicked his victims for treatment. So what's the treatment, you ask? The victims, these little girls, were bound to rubber mattresses in a dark hospital room, drugged with all different sorts of drugs. Dr. Millner liked to experiment. Then he would violently assault the young girls

while recording the entire thing. Where those photos and videos went will likely never be public knowledge. But it's hard to imagine it was just for him. It's hard to imagine that nobody else saw them but him. Barbara couldn't wait to go to Aston Hall. I mean, it felt like it couldn't come soon enough. Finally, two social workers show up.

They escort her away to the hospital. She's jumping with joy. But as soon as they pull up to the hospital building, her anxiety starts peaking. She realizes, this is just another prison. The social worker is holding Barbara's hand all the way inside, not as a maternal comforting gesture, but more to keep her from running, which was exactly what Barbara's gut was telling her to do. Every single door that they went through inside, I'm not talking exterior doors to the outside. I'm talking Hallway doors. A nurse was escorting them and had a key to unlock every single door.

Barbara's like, why do you guys need to do that? Oh, because we don't want people getting out and hurting themselves. We have some very, very, very sick people in here. Barbara was unnerved, like, I'm not that sick. I'm not sick at all, actually. I don't even know why I'm here. I thought it was gonna be better than there. I thought it was gonna be better than Seeders. Barbara was escorted to her bunk, which was a bed in a room full of bunk beds,

and a little locker to store all her personal belongings. The nurse said, okay, now if you'll follow me, let me show you to one of the common rooms. Barbara was relieved to finally see some girls of her own age. There was a TV, it felt nice, but when she walked in, something was strange. She said it felt like a horror movie. None of the girls turned around. It's like they were zombies.

They were so quiet, they moved slowly, and if they were talking, it was in such inaudible whispers. It was nothing like how you would imagine a group of young 12-year-old girls to be like. The nurse came back to give Barbara her medicine, which was the same white pill she took at Cedars and some brown syrup. Immediately, she starts feeling drowsy and it wasn't normal. Barbara was having a hard time even keeping her eyes open. She said she felt her body swaying and she didn't know how to stop it.

And after being drugged up, Barbara was taken in for her first treatment. She was taken to the bathroom by a nurse who forced her to strip down in shower in front of her. She was forced to wear this, just gray hospital gown with a slit in the back, the nurse didn't even let her put on underwear, and she just felt so exposed. Why do I even have to wear this thing? Because Dr. Milner said so. Now follow me. Barbara was led down this cold dark hallway. She was ushered into this dark tiny room with only a small window in the corner that had its shade strong. There was this rubber mattress on the ground and it was strange.

There was no pillows, no sheets. It looked nothing like a hospital room or a hospital bed. Lie down. Barbara laid there and the nurse went outside, wielding this little trolley of needles and medications. She picked up a bandage and started wrapping or rather tying Barbara's arms together by her wrist. She was tying her up and Barbara's getting confused

and panicked and she's saying, wait is this about my nails? Please you have to believe me. I've never bitten my nails and I'm never gonna bite them. You don't have to tie me up. I swear I don't bite my nails. Please just don't tie my hands up. Shh, the doctor will hear you. You don't wanna upset him, do you?'t tie my hands up. Shhh. The doctor will hear you.

You don't wanna upset him, do you? Barbara wanted to scream, but she's starting to feel weak, and she doesn't know what's happening to her body. She's most likely drugged. And once she was all tied up, the nurse brought out another syringe, and the panic came back. Please, I'm not sick, just send me back to cedars. I just wanna go back to cedars, please. Calm down, or else we'll have to give you electric shock treatment.

You don't want that. Barbara was injected with true serum and a whole lot of it. The max dosage that was used for adults was about 1 gram since it was super addictive and could be potentially lethal. Barbara on multiple occasions which is injected with 120 grams. Wait, wait, wait, normal is how much? 1 gram for an adult. They give her 120 gram? Yeah. What are they trying to do? Well, assault her. So the nurse left as Dr. Milner walked in,

and Barbara remembered him carrying three floor cushions since there was no chairs in the room. The rubber mattresses on the ground, and he made this little makeshift bed next to Barbara. And he lied down. She could feel his breath against her skin, and she felt so gross, but she couldn't move. And he placed this white cloth,

most likely some sort of medical gauze over her mouth, and she felt this strange sensation of dripping, something dripping onto the white cloth, and then slowly dripping into her mouth. She later found out that it was ether, not to be confused with Ethereum. It was an anesthetic that was used back in the day. Not so much anymore because of how explosive and filamable it is,

but the anesthetic numbs the patient. But it leaves them conscious. So they're aware awake of what's happening and what's going on. So that coupled with the sedative, the true serum, it's almost like you can't really feel anything from your head down. You're completely numb, but you're kind of there kind of not. You're like in a twilight zone of going in and out of consciousness, but you're feeling a little bit chatty. It's weird. It's almost like you're floating out of your body, and you don't really remember it much.

So he want them to be conscious. Yeah. Wow, this guy's sick. Dr. Milner started to ask her questions. What's your name? How old are you? How old is your brother? And Barbara answered them. But more and more, slowly, she felt herself fading out of consciousness. When she briefly woke up, she realized her body had shifted

and she was on her side facing a wall now. Then the next time she woke up, she was on her back and Dr. Milner was gone. There was another man in the room and he had a camera and he was taking pictures of her. Barbara was panicked, but only in her head, her physical body was not responding to any of her panic. She knew that her nightgown was pulled up and she was completely exposed down there, and the sky was taking pictures of her. The sad part is, nobody ever bothered to take pictures of Barbara when she was young. This was likely the first time anyone photographed young

Barbara, and it was like this. Barbara never found out where those photos went. She fell back into the dark and when she woke up again, they were injecting her with a shot in the butt. She blacked out and she woke up. God knows how much later, she had been moved back to the dorms and she woke up in her bed. There was this shooting pain in her wrist, they were bruised and sprained. And when she tried to sit up, she felt this unfamiliar, foreign, searing pain between her legs. There was this dampness on the bed, and she thought she wet herself, but she looked, and it wasn't urine, it was blood. She limped to the bathroom, and her private parts were so swollen, and her stomach had

a cramp below the belly button that she just had never experienced, and she could not describe. She tried to tell the nurse about it, but she was brushed off. Honestly more like gaslit. The nurse was like, stop, you're not bleeding. Besides, the blood on the bed is not from you. It's a stain from a long time ago that we just couldn't wash off. It's not your blood, don't be dramatic. The nurse had to help Barbara get dressed since her wrists were so sore.

And after that, she was escorted to the common room where they did a head count. Now later on Barbara meets a little girl named Christine. Well I guess not little, they were the same age around 14 so both of them are little and they instantly bonded. Christine filled her on on what happens here. Every day Dr. Milner pulls up in the parking lot except Sundays. I don't know why, maybe he's a family man, maybe he goes to church, all very scary thoughts to have. He would choose a girl. The nurse comes into the common room, yells to church, all very scary thoughts to have. He would choose a girl. The nurse comes into the common room, yells her name, you're going in for treatment.

Barbara froze. She realized in that moment that every single girl in the room had been, quote, treated. And that was a terrifying thought. Christine said she's had it about seven times. She, too, came from Cedars and Derby. Christine explained that they had to listen because the nurses would threaten electric shock treatment if they didn't.

No, I never got it. Christine said that there were rumors though. They put this metal hat on your head and connected to electricity. That's what the nurses say. They put electric shocks into your brain. And the nurses said they'll do it over and over until your behavior improves. And they'll even shave your head for some reason. I think it's the static.

I heard that the girls that had it, they had burn marks on their head forever. Well, what happens after that? Oh, I don't know. The nurses say the girls go crazy. I don't know if that's true, but they said that you can never talk again. And the rest of your life, you'll be in a wheelchair and you'll never stop hearing this buzzing sound of electricity in your ears. Oh, and they said you lose all your memories and your mouth is going to hang open and you're just going to be drooling the whole time. Oh, and you'll never speak again. It's like a horror movie. Yeah, you know, the nurses are definitely trying to scare these girls.

Barbara decided Dr. Milner's treatment was horrible, but this sounded worse, so it was in her best interest to not quote unquote, act up. Barbara was shocked, and the two of them sat there talking about their former lives, but before Aston Hall. They talked about how happy they were and how nice their parents were and how much they missed being a kid and all the magnificent toys that they had. They both knew that they were both lying. They both knew if their parents cared about them they wouldn't be here, but it was just

a comfort thing. And they would make up these fantastical stories of their lives before. Christine even gave Barbara a valuable advice. She said the only successful way to avoid treatment is to pretend you have your period, even if you don't have it yet. Once a month, you need to. For a few days, go up to a nurse and ask for sanitary towels because you're bleeding. You open up the towel, roll it up in toilet paper, throw it in the trash can, make it seem used, and if you have treatment that coincides with your bleeding time, run to the girls' bathroom,

pull out someone else's used pad with the blood on there from the trash can and put it in your pants. Illa, that's disgusting. It's the only way. Dr. Melner doesn't like treating girls on their period. Barbara was 12. This was her first period talk. She didn't even know what sex was.

Christine explained to her, and that was the first time she could put a name to what Dr. Milner had done to her. And that was the reason her private area was so sore. Honestly, it didn't make things better now that she knew. In fact, it made things worse. Barbara felt disgusted. In Barbara's book, she talks about all the other girls that she ran into during her stay at Aston Hall,

even girls that she had altercations with. But there was another girl that was at Aston Hall, and one that was there a lot longer than Barbara. Her name was Carol Minto and she wrote a book about her experience as well called The Asylum. Carol was sent there when she was just 15 years old. She stayed for three years and she endured over 31 separate treatments. She was assaulted and all recorded by the doctor. Carol's story and experience is vastly different from Barbara's, but it's equally devastating. So Carol's life was honestly on track to be normal and healthy.

Her dad was a military dad. He wasn't home, but he cared deeply about his kids. Carol's mom Rose was loving and attentive. She stayed home with all three kids, and Rose was managing really well. She would take the kids to visit her parents on the farm, they would run around, make friends, everything was normal. Except for Carol's old discipling in. He was just this weird kid.

I mean, honestly, he was disturbed. I know that sounds mean, but he was a disturbed child. He just loved to bully everyone, including his own siblings. And it wasn't just he, he, your ugly, give me a toy. He would push Carol into a freezing cold lake during the peak of winter, where the water was almost freezing at the top like there's a little layer of ice.

He would turn around and blame Carol. He would go with his head hung. Mother, I tried my best, but she ran into the water and I had to save her. I thought my little sister was gonna die, it was terrifying. I don't know what's wrong with her. And Rose would believe him. Carol would get into trouble for something she never did.

Another time Ian beat up a neighborhood kid and blamed it on Carol. Rose believed him and Carol got another beating. Ian would sit Carol down and show her the cool daddy long legs spiders that he caught and slowly he would pull out each of their legs in front of Carol. And she would scream and cheer terror because she, like everybody else, even though she hates spiders, that's sadistic and evil and psychopathic command. Sometimes Ian would come over and silently start flinging Carol's beloved dolls at the wall, and Carol being stubborn and honestly a bad miss never wanted him to see her upset because that's what he wanted. So she would stand up, look him in the eye and start flinging her dolls at the wall.

He would get bored, and he would leave, and the minute that he left, she would have tears in her eyes, and she would run over, and apologize over and over to her dolls. Her only friends. But regardless, Carol felt like she could handle it, you know? But what she couldn't handle was that her dad was never home. And when he did come home, it was only for a brief time, and it seemed like the only thing that he did was have sex with his wife, because her mom was never home. And when he did come home, it was only for a brief time and it seemed like the only thing that he did was have sex with his wife because her mom was pregnant

and was popping out kid after kid after kid. She would have a total of seven children. Back to back. And with each kid rose seemed less and less interested in parenting. She would sneak out during the day leaving the eldest to fend for themselves and take care of the younger ones. She would sneak out to go play Bingo.

Carol felt like she had no choice but to step up and start making breakfast, washing the clothes, getting them to school. She was only 8 years old when she started doing this. 8 years old. Carol had to work with what they had, which was honestly just bread, most of the time just bread. And it wasn't even a lot of bread. The kids would fight to the death over a single extra slice of bread. They were all malnourished, they were hungry. Carol did the sweeping around the house, she mopped the floors, she tried to wash their

clothes because they were getting made fun of at school for being stinky. I mean it was depressing. Instead of being a kid, Carol was helping raise her siblings and honestly herself. Sometimes she would explode at her mom. Why can't you just get up and make breakfast? Why can't you just take a little ones to school? They're your kids and not mine. Rose couldn't care less.

Later, Carol wondered if her mom had an extreme case of postpartum. So Carol turns 11. She's trying to find the upside to life. She's getting in the hang of the household chores. She's excited to start high school. She was, she was optimistic for once. Then came a truly defining moment in Carol's life. The youngest babies were asleep.

Rose was out doing god knows what, probably playing bingo. The rest of the kids were outside playing, and Carol was resting for once. Then she's like, oh shoot, the laundry. She did a load and started carrying it upstairs. Her brother Anne jumps out of his room and drags Carol in. Let go of what you want!

And she was annoyed. She dropped all the clothes and now she had this mess and now she's got to clean it up. What's your deal? It was probably one of his annoying pranks, right? Well Ian clamped his hand over her mouth and threw her onto the bed. He got on top of her, pinned her down and she realized this is not a usual prank. She knew it was pointless to scream and all the siblings were outside and even if they

were inside she didn't want them to be stressed out. It's not like they could stand up to Ian, he was the scariest of them all, scarier than mom. Ian took off Carol's underwear and told her, if you scream you'll get it twice as bad. Just stay still. Carol said Ian seemed almost enthusiastic like he was excited about what was about to go down. She was confused and then she felt it.

There was a sharp pain in between her legs and she looked up and he was smiling down at her. He pulled out from under her, or rather inside of her, a spoon from the kitchen, then he pulled out a spatula from his pocket, and one by one he assaulted Carol with kitchen utensils, while threatening her to keep quiet. And he would laugh whenever she tensed and horror or contorted her face,

and she just hoped that it was over, but it wasn't. Ian unzipped his pants and forced Carol to perform Felatio. She said the smell made her gag and he was so rough she thought her neck was gonna snap, and it felt like it lasted forever, but in reality it was amended her too. And when he was done he threatened her once more and threw her off the bed. Carol ran into the bathroom and she scrubbed her skin until it was raw. She didn't even have a toothbrush. Her parents never bought any of them a toothbrush.

She just wanted to wash her mouth. So she found a cleaning brush in the house and started scraping. She grabbed rubbing alcohol from the cabinet and started rinsing her mouth with it. It stung bad, it made her throw up, but it was better than before. By the time she was done, she was bleeding from the skin and the tongue and she was traumatized. But her siblings were calling for her. She went on autopilot mood and started cooking dinner for them. She said it was traumatic, it was surreal. One minute she was being assaulted with the kitchen utensils and now she was cooking dinner with it. But at least it was over. Unfortunately it was just the beginning. A few days later Ian ambushed Carol

again and jiracked her into the room. And he had the spread of utensils on the bed, like some sort of doctor, like the spoon, the ladle, the fork, the knife. Carol was 11. She didn't even know what sex was. She didn't even know what Ian was doing to her, but she knew as disgusting, humiliating, and painful, and she hated it. But what could she do? She tried to tell her mom, at one point, before she could even finish telling her mom what was going on, she got yelled at. Enough! Nonsense!

You would never do such a thing. There's actually a whole family structure and roles that are found in these types of abusive households. It's called narcissistic family roles. So you have one of the parents, which is the narcissist, in this case, rose. She expects praise for normal parental duties. Attention always has to be on her. Then the other parent is typically the enabler. They will excuse their behavior, and this is probably the dad who's never around, in

this case. Then you have the golden child. The narcissistic parent will project their best qualities onto the child, and this child gets whatever they want. Whenever they want it, the narcissist also vicariously lives through them. This would be it. Then you have the lost children,

which are the ones that are barely in the frame. They're essentially invisible. Then you have the scapegoat, which is Carol in this case. She's the one that verbalizes the family problems, and the narcissist will project all their shame and rage onto this child. And because Carol's mom shut her down, Carol was too scared to confide in anyone else

about the assault. She just thought if my mom won't believe me, who else will? Carol thought about running away, but she knew that he would just move on to the younger siblings. So Carol took the abuse silently, about two to three times a week. She was actually pretty studious up until this point, but she stopped caring about her grades because all she could think about was when the next abuse would be. She was terrified.

Carol even convinced herself that she was the problem. Maybe she had encouraged her brother in some way. Tad insults injury in high school, Carol was only bullied more, because she was, her hair was matted, her clothes were dirty, everyone called her to her face, dirty Carol, she's got the plague. Carol was 12 now and wedding the bed every single night since the start of the sexual abuse. She shared a bed with her sisters and they would just hurl insults at her because they woke up soaked in urine.

Rose, the mom, she didn't even care. She would look at the sheets and she never stopped to wonder why a 12 year old girl was wedding the bed constantly. Or the fact that Carol bit her nails to the point where she had to get antibiotics to treat a nasty infection, her mom didn't care at all. I mean, I guess the doctors didn't care either, because nobody questioned why a 12 year old girl had so much anxiety that she bit her nails off. Even when Carol started getting nervous twitches, nobody asked a single question, not her

teachers, not her neighbors, not her mom, nobody! Carol had wake up soaked in urine and sweat, she was having nightmares of the assaults. Ian continued the abuse for three years and it only got more violent. He started relishing in the idea of leaving bruises and pinch marks all over her. And by now, Carol was 15. She knew what was happening to her, it made her feel so gross, so disgusting. It made her feel dirty and imperfect and she felt like she couldn't tell anyone because they would be disgusted with her, and one day she couldn't take it anymore. Without any plan planning or preparations, she walked out of the house and kept walking

until she reached a bus station. It wasn't planned. She never thought she could ever leave her siblings, but it was all too much. At the bus station, coincidentally, she runs into a social worker. Miss Clark, aka Miss Bitch Clark, whatever you want to call her. She insisted on taking Carol back home, and she lectured the little girl and all the dangers of running away, and like, how is your mom going to think she's so stressed? No, Miss Clark, I'm fine.

My mom started upset that I'm running away. She doesn't even care that my brother sexually assaults me. I'm safer here than I'm at home. Miss Clark dragged Carol back to her car, drove her home. Carol thought, okay, maybe this woman is gonna give Rose a piece of her mind. But as soon as Miss Clark got in contact with Rose, she said, your daughter is a fan assist. She claims that her brother is abusing her, and I know she's lying. She's got clear issues with anger, she's exhibiting neurotic behavior, and if she continues to run

away, we will take her into care, we will have no choice. What? Carol was understandably pissed, she started yelling at the social worker, fuck off, just fuck off! Honestly, I couldn't have said it better myself. The next time Carol tried to run away, she found herself at Seeders, and she hated it. So they took her and then sent her there? Yeah, now, there, one of the girls told told her hey, you know some of the girls here

They get to go to a place called Aston Hall. What's that? I don't know. I think it's like a hotel or something It sounds pretty posh, doesn't it? Some of the girls get to go some stay here Honestly, it sounded quite nice to Carol and soon enough Carol's name was called she packed her things ready to be transferred She would stay in Aston Hall for a very long time, three years until she turned 18. Carol said during her treatment she was taken into the same dark room with a small window, with a shade stront, very similar to Barbara. There, the nurse would put her in something like a cross between a straight jacket and a padded hospital gown. She couldn't move. She was essentially tied up. She felt immobilized. Dr. Milner would appear in the room and he talked to her while preparing a syringe

He would always talk like this now Carol Mackie little Carol Mackie Here and you would inject her with the true serum. Tell me why you ran away Carol Carol said she did not want to talk about it But before she knew she blurted out about her her brother was assaulting her for years How he used kitchen utensils, everything. She couldn't help herself from talking. She couldn't help the tears from streaming down her cheeks. And when they dripped onto her shoulders, she realized she was numb from the neck down.

Dr. Milner told her, it's not good to tell Lise Carol not good at all. Carol was shocked. Just another person that didn't believe her and it was a doctor. But at this point, she had no will to argue with him. She felt drained she just wanted to go to sleep. Carol would wake up later in the hospital ward feeling sore and damp in between her legs and every treatment session was as bad as the last but Carol said nothing was as bad as those dreaded moments where all the girls were huddled together in a common room dreading the next, the desperate hope that your name wouldn't be called.

As bad as it sounds, Carol said the boredom was almost as bad as the abuse. She felt like a caged animal, and she witnessed one of the girls being so bored and so understimulated she started pulling out fistfuls of her hair. She said three girls formed a lesbian love triangle and were constantly arguing. Carol witnessed girls trying to escape using steak knives. The worst part is no visits were allowed in Austin Hall. Carol hated this. Sure, her mom would never visit her, but she had hoped that her dad would come.

Her dad genuinely loved her. Once she saw his car pull up in the parking lot and a nurse yelled at him, visits are not allowed. If you don't leave, we will call the police. Carol watched as her dad had no choice but to leave. Which is interesting. And I think maybe he was only turned away because he would do something about the abuse. The parents that would believe their kids, they would never allow to visit.

But the nurses had no problem letting Barbara's dad visit. Not that he did often, he just came like once or twice. And Barbara thought that this was her chance to tell him everything. He would not only break her free from this hellhole, but he would beat up Dr. Milner, because that's what Dots' dads do, right? She even proudly told Inverse, my dad is going to knock out Dr. Milner, with just one punch, just you wait and see. Well, Barbara's dad finally came, and she was ecstatic.

She thought about how she was going to finally leave this place. John was allowed to take Barbara out for lunch, and immediately when she gets into the car, she starts spilling everything. Listen dad, they're injecting me with needles, they're taking me to these side rooms, stripping me naked, they're putting a mask on my face and you have to help me dad, you have to help me before they give me electric shock treatment. John, shift to the car, put it in reverse towards the hospital entrance. What are you doing?

Why are you going back to the hospital? Listen, you're a liar. You've always been a liar. You can't escape from this place. Is that what it is? You're nothing but a dirty little and a liar. This place is going to straighten you out. I'm not going to drive.

I didn't drive all the way over here to listen to your lies. Don't ever try that shit on me again. I'm sick and tired of you. We finally found a place that you can't run away from. So now you're sitting here just saying anything to get out of it Well, I'm not falling for it and you're staying here Barbara's eyes filled with tears and she stopped talking Her dad took her to lunch and pretended like everything was normal and he was a great dad

He even introduced Barbara to his new girlfriend Janice when John drove her back she pleaded again Please I'd rather die than go back there. He didn't listen He dropped her right off at the entrance where she was escorted back in by a nurse. During Barbara's next treatment she asked the nurse, why are you doing this to me? It's for your own good. She started fighting back and she said, well wait till I tell my dad about this, you're a horrible woman and you're a f***ing horrible person. The nurse laughed at her and said, calm down Barbara, you're gonna get the treatment no matter what, you might as well make it easier on yourself. And you know, your dad doesn't care. I know that, you know that. If he did, he wouldn't be here. He can come get you anytime he wants, but he doesn't care too, because he doesn't want you. Just like your mother.

So stay still. I mean, this is- this place is run by the government, so they have the records. Do you want me to lock you in here and get Dr. Milner to give you the injection? Or do you want to behave and let me do it? Barbara felt defeated. The words felt like a knife in her heart and she slumped down in late still. Dr. Milner came in and Barbara tried to focus on what she thought was a mouse in the room. The slight squeaking noises she felt for once believed this mouse could be a witness to everything going on in the room. Even if she doesn't remember exactly what happened, she knew it was wrong, she knew she was being assaulted and that mouse knew too. It doesn't remember exactly what happened, she knew it was wrong, she knew she was being assaulted and that mouse knew too.

So she tried to focus on that. Dr. Milner would ask questions like, is your brother a naughty boy? You like that, don't you? Oh, you poor child. Tell me about your friends. She woke up and saw Milner on top of her and she was on her back. The last thing she heard was Milner whispering, good girl in her ear. Milner recorded everything and as the tape wheel spun, they squeaked.

Maybe there was no mouse. Maybe it was just his recorder. But regardless, Barbara never gave up on that mouse. That mouse gave her hope. During another treatment, Barbara got the same horrible nurse. And she asked, do you have a daughter? That's not your business. Well, I have a mother, and everyone says she's bad, but I don't really know her.

But I do know that she will never be as bad as you. Now this one Barbara doesn't remember the whole incident, but she was carried out by Dr. Milner to a black van of sorts, and she said she looked at at one point and saw that they were approaching this big building, perhaps a big house, and she couldn't remember much else. The next thing she knew, she woke up in Aston Hall dorms. Barbara would always wonder where she was taking that night. What did Dr. Milner do to her that night?

That was so horrible that he couldn't do it at Aston Hall. And that's a terrible thought. Carol turned 17 in Aston Hall. She said birthdays were something to look forward to at least. You get a cake and all the girls use this chance to sing the rudest version of Happy Birthday as possible. I don't know what that means if it's like Happy F**king Birthday, used to be bitch. I don't know, but that's what Carol said. Also side note there were boys that asked in hall two. There was a girls ward and a boys ward and a few different

departments. On top of that all the kids would eventually go to quote school. And they were just taught basic math, English, and music. It would not meet the curriculum of public school. It was not great, but everyone liked it nonetheless. It was a nice change of pace. That same year, Carol had to get all of her teeth removed. She never had a toothbrush, she never owned one, and with the poor diet that she grew up on, her gums were not doing well. She said it was painful, she hated wearing dentures, it took her a long time to get used

to it. She was released when she turned 18 and guess who came to pick her up. Miss bitch Clark. The same social worker. She was shocked. She's like, I don't understand why can't I go home? I'm 18. I'm an adult. I can be free now. Nail Carol, you're a sexual deviant. That's why you were an asked-in-haw to begin with. You're being transferred to another facility called Craigmore. This is another facility that Dr. Milner was a head doctor at. Carol felt like it was just the next step on the conveyor belt.

She saw other girls from Aston Hall there. Luckily there were no more treatments or any other drugs, but they were told, if you step out of line, even just a little, you're going to be sent back to Aston Hall. It seems like they're conditioning them so when they do go out into the real world, they don't reveal what happened. Carol would not let that happen. She followed all the rules. She was even allowed to visit her family, but she hated it.

Her mom told everyone Carol was dangerous and had gone mad. Carol would stay at Craigmore for another year or so. Which side note, she was allowed to work during her time there, so she got a job. And once Rose found that out, she started visiting her daughter. She stood down in the visiting room and said, Carol, we have no money! There's no money to feed your little sisters. Can you help them? Or will you be a cold-mean person? Carol was speechless, and Rose was escorted out with no money. Soon enough Carol was released. She went with her dad but it was a tough adjustment.

Her parents didn't want to hear anything about what happened. Her dad would always say, I don't think we need to talk about that. That's all behind us now. Rose would just yell at her. I don't want to hear it. I would love to say that Carol's life magically becomes happy after this, but it didn't. There was so much tension, rose demanded all of Carol's paychecks for the kids. Carol ended up losing her virginity.

Yeah, because when you raped it doesn't count. She chose to lose her virginity to a guy from work and she ended up falling pregnant. Her parents urged her to get an abortion, but she kept the baby. She told her coworker, the guy that got her pregnant about it, and turns out he's married, and he was so pissed that she was keeping the baby, he was worried that his wife might find out, so right then and there, in broad daylight, on the street, outside their workplace, he starts beating her. He starts screaming, you little whore, stop telling everyone it's my kid, my wife's gonna find out, keep your fucking mouth shut. There were passerby's, cars driving by, nobody stopped to help.

Luckily when Carol told her dad, he called the police and they arrested the guy. He was thrown in prison for 18 months, and I hope his wife found out why. Carol gave birth to baby Jasmine, alone in the delivery room. None of her friends and her family came. Unfortunately, her own mother called CPS and told them Carol was unfit. Jasmine was taken away from Carol before she was even discharged from the hospital. So now she hit rock bottom, and she resolved to turn her life around. She got a job at the very bus station she ran off two years ago, and without her family

around she started thriving. She married a guy named Sunny. Sunny was the first person in her life to believe her about what happened at Aston Halls. He wanted to support her anyway that he could. He always had her back. She at Aston Halls. He wanted to support her anyway that he could. He always had her back. She couldn't get Jasmine back. She ended up having a son with Sonny and they bought a house together,

and then he died of terminal kidney cancer. And she was so devastated, she was scared of losing everything that she had worked so hard for, but her son and her sister really helped her through it. Coincidentally, Carol found Jasmine a few years later, working at a coffee station, and they built a strong relationship, she even calls Carol Mum.

But just when she thought everything was getting better, Carol ran into Ian, her older brother. They hadn't seen each other in 40 years, and Carol froze, and Ian taunted her and said, what's wrong? Aren't you gonna say hello to your big brother? Carol ran out of the store into a taxi straight home, and Carol's son, who was a lot older now, realized that she was distressed, and he kept kept asking her just tell me what it is mom and she opened up about everything. Ian's abuse, the hospital everything and hand in hand he walked her to the police station. There was there a really good officer that day. He sat with her and said,

I want to listen to you and I've got all day. Honestly as long as it takes let's start with the reason that you're here today. He really was one of the good ones. And she opened up to him and Ian was charged with sexual abuse. Carol's family was pissed. Yeah, I hate her family. They said, why are you telling lies? Why are you bringing up the past? You're really going to drag your own brother to court for what? What are people going to think of our family? Just let it go. Carol didn't care what they said anymore. They weren't her family as far as she was concerned. Ian plied guilty in the end, but he would only ultimately serve two and a half years. Thankfully he died shortly after his release.

And after this conviction, Carol had a lot of strength, and she used it to file a formal complaint against Aston Holland Dr. Milner. She recovered files from the hospital, even though it was shut down now. There wasn't much record, but some of it did show she was indeed sedated, silenced, and abused. She was on sedatives 24-7 while she was there, and it was the type that can easily comatose a patient. And through Facebook, Carol connected with other girls she remembered from Aston Hall, one of which she is best friends with to this day. And in 2019, with this formal complaint, Carol was awarded about $30,000 from the government. The payout was pitiful, not just because the amount was insulting, which it was, compared

to the trauma that she endured, but Carol mainly wanted public awareness for this case. She wanted what happened to hundreds of girls in Austin halls, their stories to be heard. This was a government-owned hospital. Dr. Milner was paid by the government. Is he still around her or is's dead? He's dead. Carol is now in her late 60s. She suffers with Bell's palsy. She has some left-sided paralysis, but she says it doesn't hold her back, and she is done with people walking all over her. Barbara's life went in a completely different direction as well. The only reason she got out was because

Janice, her dad's new girlfriend, had heard about her and being assaulted. And she thought, okay, well, it might really be the only functional adult in Barbara's life, like the kids don't just say stuff like this. She begged John to do something about it, and he did. He got her out not for Barbara, but he was trying to impress his girlfriend. And if you think her story gets better here, you're mistaken. Barbara gets shipped off to a Catholic boarding school, which was run by very sadistic nuns. I mean, yeah, it's better than being sedated and assaulted, but it was rough. It was rough for Barbara to go in there with severe untreated PTSD and expected to behave normally.

She had intense anxiety, panic attacks, her body was always in fight or flight mode. She tried to take her own life here. Thankfully, it didn't work. Barbara tried to run away multiple times, and there, a letter came, a letter from her birth mother saying, Hello Barbara, hope you are well. Signed, you're ever loving mother. Barbara was jumping up and down, she decided to find the return address and track her mom down. She told staff she would just be gone for a day, she wanted to go find her mom. This is another sad part of the story. Barbara went to go see her mom and you guessed it. She was not the woman that Barbara imagined.

Not the woman that she had dreamed of for so long. Barbara learned that she had a ton of brothers and sisters, but she stayed with her mom for a while. Her mom would beat her if she didn't clean the van well enough. Her new stepdad also demanded head massages, which was just really awkward and intimate. It wasn't long before Barbara ran away again. And in 2000, Barbara started suffering from pain in her private parts. She had issues with her cervix that if it was left untreated, it could potentially turn cancerous. But Barbara was so terrified of doctors.

That for 11 years, she didn't go, even though she needed to. It did turn to cancer. And she said she just wanted cancer to take her way, to kill her. She was overlife anyway. Her biological uncle that she had met when she went to see her mom was like the only family member she was close to. And he encouraged her to fight.

He told her, you're going to fight this. You're strong, and I know you can do it. You can go to the hospital. You can get help. Or else I'll just drag you there. So with that, an uncle's support, Barbara saw a gynecologist. She was diagnosed with stage two cervical cancer. It would take four long years, but Barbara would make it out on the end.

And she was determined. She was angry now. She was angry to expose Dr. Milner and Aston Hall. She went on Facebook found other Aston Hall survivors. They made a Facebook group and more members started coming forward. They were successful at getting enough media attention to have some of the records exposed. Most of Dr. Milner's research papers were burned after his death. Including the fact that girls were injected with true serums was exposed. Barbara found out Milner used the girls for other medical experiments too.

To make things more infuriating, Milner was paid by a department of the British government. So thankfully, Asden Hall was closed by now, but Barbara wondered if some of the medication she was subjected to caused long-term issues. Her daughter had an unexplainable heart condition. Her son was born a, what they call a grunting baby, I don't know what that is, but with bowel problems, she doesn't know for sure, but it's just food for thought, how extensive this trauma is. It's hard to find out because nobody even knows exactly what she was on during her stay. And unfortunately, that's it. There's no satisfying end of justice.

So far, it seems to be that the victim count is a little over 130 different patients that were abused at Aston Hall. Dr. Milner is already dead at this point. And in 2019, the victims received an apology from the Secretary of State for Health. He also agreed to a financial settlement to the victims, but we don't know how much, or if the victims were eventually paid out. But I mean think about it. Let's say the victims were around 14 when it happened in the 70s. Today, they'd be in their 60s and 70s. They have lived their entire lives before the world even finally believed them.

How much money could the government have to pay to make this right? The same government that signed all of Dr. Milner's checks like how much? I don't think that there is a number big enough, honestly, because you cannot give someone their life back. And that is the story of what happened at Austin Hall. And of course, you're going to have people that don't believe their stories because the records were all burned. But how disturbing is that? Is that a doctor can just get away with it and burn the records and nobody will believe the patients because they were young and they were in a quote-unquote mental hospital. I highly recommend go checking out both books this week if you have time. It's just have your boxes of tissues ready.

And I will see you guys on Sunday for the mini-sode. Bye. Bye.