rSlash - r/AITA Boyfriend is a Controlling Psycho

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:13 Promotion 11:00 Fancy soap 13:22 Comment 13:43 Ruin my lawn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Heads up, I had a minor audio issue that's affecting about seven videos and this is one of them. Back to normal soon. Welcome to r slash am i the butthole where Reddit slowly convinces OP that she's being abused. This next post, I'm guessing is highly controversial. It has 10,000 comments generated over just four days. And for context, another post with a similar number of upvotes has 1,000 comments over 21 days. So not even 10 times as many comments. Am I the butthole for wanting to accept a promotion even though my boyfriend says it's

not the kind of life he wants? I'm a 25 year old woman and I just got offered a pretty huge promotion at work. From being a coordinator for one business unit to becoming a global coordinator. Oh wow. It's a big jump, both in responsibilities and salary. I've been promoted every year since I started here. It's been three years. And this role is honestly something I never thought that I'd reach this soon.

It would be a big deal financially and career-wise. The only catch is it involves some travel. The company is actually trying to reduce travel costs, so it wouldn't be constant. We have four business units in different parts of the world, Europe, Asia, and South America, and I'd probably go to each once a year, for about a week each. So in total, like four weeks a year. My boyfriend, who's 32, is not really okay with that. He didn't give me a direct ultimatum, but when I brought it up again after he already

told me how he feels, he basically said that if I keep pushing for something he's clearly not comfortable with, then I must know what I truly want, and that I should just pack my bags and leave. It really hurt to hear that. I get where he's coming from though. He wants a stable life, someone more family focused, and he's been upfront about that since the beginning. But so have I about not wanting kids until 30. The thing is, I've started to care more about those values too since being with him.

But at the same time, I've always dreamed of having a successful career. I've worked my butt off for this. And honestly, if teenage me could see where I could head towards now, doing work I love, getting recognition, making good money, and even getting to travel, she'd be amazed by the opportunity. I don't want to choose between love and ambition. I really care about him, and I don't want to lose what we have. But I also don't want to say no to something I've wanted for so long and then spend years wondering, what if? Then OP posts an update. I tried to talk to him and find some kind of middle ground. I explained that I only travel for 4 weeks per year abroad, and that I already spoke

to my manager to make sure the traveling won't exceed 10% of my working time. But now it seems like this isn't enough either. He's starting to bring up other issues, not just the traveling. He doesn't like that I might need to adjust my working hours to match other time zones. While that's partly true, I would still only work 8 hours a day, just maybe on a different schedule once a week. He's also worried about the people I might meet, especially the men. He doesn't like the idea of me going to dinners with clients, or sleeping in hotel rooms alone, because he might not be able to join me on

each work trip. Also, he told me he won't accept me going on dinners while he waits for me in the hotel room. He doesn't like me talking to coworkers during breaks, which is why he insists I call him on every break I get. He gets annoyed if I don't reply to his texts right away, or if it takes me 30 minutes to answer. He wants me to send him

jeez. He wants me to send him my calendar daily so he knows exactly when I have meetings. And if I don't let him know about every single work-related conversation with men, whether it's with co-workers, suppliers, or trainers, he gets upset and says that I'm hiding things. He has very strong boundaries when it comes to my work. No becoming friends with male co-workers, which I accepted without issues. Cause anyways, I don't socialize at work at all. No casual or funny tone in messages or emails. No emojis. No hanging out after work. No sharing personal numbers with male colleagues unless he agrees with it.

Two weeks ago, I went on a three-day training in another city. I had to commute four hours every day because he didn't want me to sleep at a hotel. On the last day, one of the participants suggested making a group chat so that we could keep in touch professionally. I forgot to mention it right away and when I told him the next day, he got mad and made me get up at 1am to show him the chats. He's just very jealous when it comes to my professional life. All this because before I met him, one of my coworkers, a man, became a good friend. I had to cut contact and block that person once we got together, and I've never given him any reason to doubt me.

Sometimes I feel like giving up everything and just getting a basic job, like working in a supermarket. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I mean quitting the career I love just so he will finally stop trying to control me. But then I remember how much I love what I do and how lucky I am to have found something that I'm passionate about. Then OP posted another update. I never thought that I would say this, but you guys made me realize how messed up my life is. Looking back, here's the stuff that happened. At first, everything felt amazing, but even in the first couple of months, I noticed he

was kind of possessive. But then I thought that he was sweet and caring, especially coming from a relationship with a distant, cold, and indifferent boyfriend. I've always had more of an avoid and attachment style, so his need for closeness felt like a lot, but I tried to adjust. He quickly started pushing me away from all my guy friends. Within six months, I'd blocked literally all of them. We moved in together, and he slowly started micromanaging my whole life. When he was at work, 13 hours without his phone, he expected me to write him down in our Insta conversation everything I did. Like

when I left my house, went to the store, had an appointment, got home so he could basically see a full timeline of my day. He got in between me and my family too, suggested I only visit them while he was working so I wouldn't waste any of our time together. I had to go everywhere with him, even if it meant sitting in silence while he hung out with a bunch of dudes talking about stuff that I had no connection to. He started giving opinions on how I looked, told me I lost too much weight, then told me I gained weight. After surgery and a long recovery, he pressured me for three months straight to get back in shape,

wanted us to become a gym couple like him. In the first year, I wasn't even allowed to go to the gym unless it was with him. He checked and validated my outfits before I left the house. And I dressed super modest, more like an old nanny, not at all revealing. But he would still say certain clothes were too transparent or not appropriate if light hit them a certain way. Told me I'm too pale, I should go to a tanning

salon. Told me I dress better at work than at home. And that it bothered him when I got cozy whenever I got home. Then he started getting way too involved in my job. Asked me to share my daily meeting calendar, text him constantly throughout the day, explain why I go on site instead of working from home. Told me to only take home office days when he was home. Give him way too much information about who such and such is. Why do I have to work with him? Why is anything part of my job? And so on. He read my emails, checked my work messages, my work phone, my gallery, my contacts, and the same on my personal phone.

Always fixated on conversations with guys, never with girls. Slowly he took over all my time. It felt like my entire day belonged to him. I loved him twice, packed my stuff, went back to my parents, and I came back both times. I've had health issues every couple of months since moving in with him the first time. Before him, I was almost never sick. I've struggled with irritable bowel syndrome, acne, hair loss, two warts, an abscessed hair follicle, and had to be operated on three times.

Ear infections, gluten intolerance, gingivitis, candidiasis twice, ovarian cyst infections, and weekly migraines. Honestly, I think my body started screaming what my brain wasn't ready to accept. Get the f out! I'm hurting! I know some of you might judge me more after reading all this, but please believe me when I say I really didn't realize what was happening. I thought I was exaggerating. I thought that this was just what relationships are like. I thought that he would change. That he'd see how much it hurt me and try harder. That he'd start appreciating all the compromises. I never imagined someone could manipulate you this deeply while yelling at you, punching walls, and throwing water on you. Yes, these did happen.

And yeah, I made a lot of mistakes too. I wasn't honest with him at many times, because I knew his reaction would be explosive. So I hid stuff. I went to the gym without telling him. I vaped and didn't tell him because he banned me from vaping, alcohol, and clubbing. I lied and said that I had in-person meetings at work just to get a break from the house that he was in and leave. I even told him I had a car payment just to avoid explaining where

my money for vapes and helping my parents went. And I believe that I deserved all of this because of the lies. I still kind of do. But I know that I want to break this cycle. I want to get better. I want to deserve someone better someday because I haven't and I still don't. So thank you to everyone who's been messaging me. I haven't read every single comment, but 99.9% of the ones I did hit me like a slap in the face. In a good way. Each one opened my eyes a little more. So thank you.

No matter how manipulated you are by a narcissist, when 10,000 strangers tell you to wake up, you do. Now I see things clearer. Tomorrow I have a session with my therapist, the same one we saw on couples therapy. She knows our dynamic. We're going to work out a safe exit plan. I'm scared, but I know this has to end. Yeah, when OP started by saying she has to travel for work,

I was imagining something like a stewardess, you know, who's out constantly, or someone who has to go out for months at a time. But four weeks out of the year is not that big of a deal, especially with OP being promoted to a global lead. I'm just guessing, but that sounds to me like a six-figure income. Plus you gotta keep in mind that if OP's been promoted every year for three consecutive years,

then who knows where this could lead. If OP keeps this up, she could end up in an executive level position, bringing in the big bucks. And to think OP almost quit and bagged groceries for a guy who honestly just sucks. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm glad you're escaping this.

I'm giving your boyfriend What's fair? I guess three point five maybe four out of five buttholes Am I the butthole for not respecting the fancy soap policy in our bathroom and Accidentally starting a soap based arms race. So my 30 year old wife bought this absurdly expensive soap from some little shop 30 year old wife bought this absurdly expensive soap from some little shop. It came in a tiny frosted glass bottle wrapped in twine with ridiculous branding like hints of pine, regret, and artisanal disappointment or something like that. She placed it on the bathroom counter and told me, this is for guests.

We don't have guests. Ever. Okay, maybe once every two months. I told her that, but apparently the idea of a guest potentially seeing that we use commoner soap is too horrifying to bear. So the fancy soap was enshrined like the Mona Lisa. Untouched. Fast forward. I ran out of my regular cheapo soap, which came in a cracked plastic bottle with a pump that wheezed like a dying guinea pig. So in a moment of desperation and dirty hands, I dared to touch the holy grail. I was halfway through using a single pump of the fancy soap when my wife walked in

looking at me as if I was defiling the sacred artifact or at me as if I was defiling the sacred artifact or microwaving a Fabergé egg. She said that I was wasting it and that it's not for everyday hands. I was pissed. Then I did the unthinkable. I went out and bought my own fancy soap. 30 bucks, grapefruit and cedar, smells like if a lumberjack went to therapy. I put it proudly on my side of the sink. I declared that this is my new soap and only I have the right to use it. Suddenly, it's Cold War Soap Edition. That evening, I saw over her shoulder she was searching more soap bottles on Etsy. Like she wanted revenge.

At this point, I now want to invite some guests over to make sure they use my fancy soap and not hers Now she's mad. I'm mocking her and says I'm turning cleanliness into a competition I told her she started the soap cast system I just refused to be born into the lower class She hasn't spoken to me in two days, but I smell amazing. Am I the butthole? Well at the very least Opie you amazing. Am I the butthole? Well, at the very least, Opie, you don't smell like a butthole. This top post from OhThatOneGuy.

It's always heartwarming to see two psychopaths find each other and fall in love. Godspeed to both of you. So as for the post itself, Opie, you're basically just playing her own game. She literally started it and you, you know, followed it to the post itself, OP, you're basically just playing her own game. She literally started it, and you, you know, followed it to the obvious conclusion, which is if she can ban you from soap, then you can ban her from soap. Am I the butthole for not letting my neighbor's kid ruin my lawn in the name of imagination? I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood with your standard backyard, some grass, a few

old trees, a weathered shed. Nothing fancy, but I try to keep it tidy. I'm on polite, but not close terms with most neighbors. We wave, sometimes chat about the weather, and that's about it. There's a family two doors down with a boy who's maybe nine or ten. Lately he's gone full pirate mode. I mean, fully committed. Eye patch, cardboard sword, yelling

ye be cursed at squirrels. Honestly, pretty wholesome. At first. Then I started noticing small holes in my yard. Just little ones near the fence. I assumed it was raccoons. But then, the holes got bigger. One morning, I went out and found the ground behind my shed completely torn up, with clumps of grass tossed around and a map pinned to the tree with a stick. Eventually, I caught him out there mid-dig. I asked him what he was doing and he straight up said, I'm hiding my treasure. No one must know. This is the perfect hiding spot. I told him calmly, hey, this is my yard, you can't dig here. He got a little huffy but ran off. I figured that was the end of it. Nope. Next

day there's a new hole, bigger, a tin lunchbox half buried behind the shed. I dig it up and it's full of Pokemon cards, fake jewels, toy coins, and a few crumpled five dollar bills. I bring it to his mom and explain what's going on. She immediately gets defensive. No apology, just a heavy sigh and a, well, he's just using his imagination. I think it's sweet. I told her, I don't mind the creativity, just not in my yard.

She rolled her eyes and said, can't you just let him have this? It's not like your grass is that nice anyways. That one actually stunned me. I said as politely as possible that I didn't want holes being dug on my property by someone else's kid. I handed over the box and left. That night she sends a long text telling me I humiliated her son, crushed his imagination, and created

an environment where children can't feel safe being children. She said he cried for over an hour and now thinks that I'm the villain in his story. Her words. I didn't reply. I get it, he's a kid. I didn't yell, I didn't shame him, and I even gave this stuff back. But I'm not thrilled about my yard getting turned into a sandbox and getting insulted for not being okay with it So am I the butthole for drawing a line and not entertaining a pirate storyline that involved my yard getting wrecked?

Really obvious question here. Why can't the kid dig up his own backyard? Probably also a really obvious answer, which is that the mom doesn't want him to, so she sends him off to be somewhere else. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving the kid, I think, 0 out of 5 buttholes and the mom 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.