rSlash - r/AITA for Abandoning My Needy Husband?

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

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Welcome to R-slash, Am I the Butthole, where OP goes full nuclear in a Christmas cookie baking tradition? Am I the Butthole for upstaging my wife in our Christmas cookie baking tradition? I'm a 25 year old guy and my wife is 23. My wife and I have had a tradition every Christmas where we would bake Christmas cookies and frost them with our friends. We then give out the cookies to friends, family, and helpers. Every year, my wife would take on the bulk of the baking duties, insisting that only she knew how to bake them right, and only letting other people help with frosting. She always insisted on doing all the baking, because frosting is a fun part, and it's the only thing people want to do.

Usually, this frosting and baking marathon would start around noon and last until the wee hours of the morning. Well, this year, for reasons that aren't relevant to this post today, my wife wouldn't be available on the day that we normally do all of her baking. She was sad that we wouldn't be able to do our cookie tradition. I said that I was more than capable of baking the cookies. She seemed to think that I was joking and that I could basically never do it myself. Well, I said I'd try, and she wished me a sarcastic good luck. Well, in the run-up to the days of baking and frosting, I started running drills to optimize production. Into testing and tragic mistake montage. I started rearranging the house in various configurations,

running tests on the dough that we were using to see how long it took to bake and making appropriate changes while also running it by taste testers, substituting ingredients for quicker bake times while preserving taste, and making the cookies as thin as possible without compromising frosting ratio, canvas space for creativity, and or compromising structural integrity. Come the day of baking, I have everything down to a science. As friends and family come in, I give them the rundown. After a couple of hours, most of the kings were worked out, and cookies were flowing at a breakneck pace.

Eventually, we started running out of materials, something that never happened under my wife's guidance. We started making runs to the store for necessary raw materials to fuel our mighty cookie forges. By the time that we were exhausted around 2am, we had produced at least five times the amount of cookies that we ever had before. Well, my wife got home a couple of days later and was weirdly upset. She insisted the cookies tasted weird, that we spent too much money and that I was actively trying to make her look bad

by making so much more than her. In truth, I ran blind taste tests to see if anyone could differentiate between our old recipe and mine and no one could. Also, I only spent 40% more money than previous years because I slotted in some cheaper ingredients and bought some stuff in bulk. Also, I had absolutely zero intention of upstaging her. than previous years because I slotted in some cheaper ingredients and bought some stuff in bulk.

Also, I had absolutely zero intention of upstaging her. I simply had the goal of maximizing cookie production. She says that even though I didn't do it on purpose, I should have thought about how it made her look to other people and that I embarrassed her and she actually called me a butthole. She's never called me a butthole in three years of marriage, so I can't help but think that I am. Am I the butthole. She's never called me a butthole in three years of marriage, so I can't help but think that I am. Am I the butthole? Okay, OP, um, the insane enthusiasm that you approach this cookie-baking event kind of makes me think that this is like part of your personality.

Like maybe you're a manager or like a science guy who runs experiments and you're kind of used to these massive projects, like maybe you're a project manager or something. So I have to wonder if when your wife was like, good luck. Should she maybe have seen this coming? Is this like maybe the way you do things in your normal life or your profession and this is just kind of like in your DNA to make things in this way? So if that's the case, she shouldn't have been surprised at all. But if it's not the case, and you just like randomly pull out all the stops and went complete 100% effort when you normally wouldn't, then yeah, her being shocked is really understandable there.

And yeah, you did upstage her, but clearly, by this post, you're just better at making cookies than she is. Absolutely nothing stopped her from putting in this effort and being as good at making cookies as you are. Nothing. So, I mean, yeah, I understand where she's coming from. You did embarrass her, but at the same time, you're just literally better than she is at making cookies. If she wants to not be embarrassed, then maybe she should be better at making cookies. This kind of feels like a no-butt whole situation here because I don't think you did anything wrong. You just gave this project 100% and you're better at it than your wife is.

Also, I can't blame your wife for getting upset because she was embarrassed in front of your family. But it's kind of her fault because she kind of sucks at making cookies if you know what I mean. I think the only thing I'll say is that even though it is reasonable for her to be upset, she shouldn't have called you a butthole. That's not really fair to you. You just enthusiastically baked cookies. So I think I'll give you zero out of five buttholes and give you a Y if 0.5 out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for leaving my husband for a Christmas trip to Hawaii with our kids?

Every year, my family spends our Christmas in Hawaii. We've done it every year since I can remember, and it's a fun family tradition for me. After me and my husband had kids, we had to reorganize our family Christmas plans because his parents wanted to see our kids for Christmas. So we decided that we would celebrate Christmas with his parents on New Year's and go to Hawaii for actual Christmas. This is the system that worked for us until last year. Last year, his dad passed away around this time of the year and it hit him and his mom hard.

For obvious reasons, we didn't go to Hawaii. This year, we planned out what we would do for the holidays early. We do Thanksgiving with his mom and we do Christmas in Hawaii since me and the kids missed out last year. Things were going well until right before our flights. After a week out, he said that he was unsure. He said that he thinks that it might be better that we stay. He said that he really wanted to spend Christmas with his family, and he felt like his mom really needed it. I was unhappy about this. We made a plan we saw our last month and we already had my dad buy our tickets in hotel. So it would be incredibly unfair to me, my dad and our kids for us to not go just for his mom, who we'd see for a few days after we got

back anyways. We got into an argument about it and he proposed that me and the kids go to Hawaii and he can stay there with his mom. He decided to do this, but he was very clearly upset that I wasn't going to forego my family Christmas tradition and seeing my family just for his mom. So now I'm in Hawaii watching and wrangling the kids by myself while he's home alone. He hasn't texted me or responded to me much. When I call him, he only talks for about three minutes before wanting to get out the phone with me to talk to the girls.

Am I the butthole? Okay. Um, there's like a really obvious point here that I'm surprised that OP's missing, so I'm gonna make it for her. OP's husband is devastated because he lost his father. OP has a husband to spin Christmas with her father, who is also the girl's grandfather. So, by that logic, if the husband misses his dead dad so much,

shouldn't he be excited that his kids have the chance to spend time with their grandfather while he's still alive? And like, yeah, I do understand that morning can be incredibly difficult, and I don't begrudge him for changing his mind, because sometimes you make a plan and then later down the road you change your mind, which is fine, that happens. But just because you change your mind doesn't mean OP and the kids change their mind.

It's completely unfair for him to change his mind and then get upset at other people for not changing their mind. But then on the other side of the coin, they made plans to go to Hawaii and the husband changes mind, but OP isn't getting upset at the husband for changing his mind.

So there's just a lot of hypocrisy here. The husband's being very, very selfish, very, very unfair, and he's very deeply like in his own fields where he's obsessed with how he's hurt, how he lost an opportunity, how he lost his father. And like, yeah, that sucks. But there's another father here in the situation.

There's the grandfather. Let Opie spend time with her dad while he's still alive. Come on, man, stop being so selfish. Man, Opie's actually kind of getting dragged through the comments here. There are some people defending her, but there are also some people saying that she's the butthole for not supporting her husband.

But that's the thing. She did support her husband. She supported her husband the previous year by canceling and supporting his grieving process. And like, that sucks, it really does suck, but support goes both ways. OP supported him, so now he has to support her. Support her AND the kids. And his father-in-law too, like he also supported him too. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes.

I'm giving your husband 0 out of 5 buttholes for changing his mind, I think that's perfectly reasonable. However, I'm giving him 2.5 out of 5 buttholes for expecting you to change your mind as well. I'm also really curious to know how old the kids are, because if they're like 4 or 5, then it's less bad for the dad because they don't really have a say in it. But if they're like 15, 16, 17, then they definitely should have a say if they get to go to Hawaii. So expecting them to give up their vacation when they're old enough to say, no, I want to go to Hawaii too, is pretty unfair.

So if the kids are old enough to have their own say, I will add 0.5 to the husband's butthole score for being a little bit too forceful in his opinions. Business notifications getting out of hand, buried under an avalanche of customer emails, texts, and social media messages, keep your edge with thrive small business software and never miss a message again. Thrive offers one solution to communicate,

market, and run your business. But simply, small businesses run better on Thrive. Get Command Center for free today at thrive.ca. That's THR-Y-V dot CA. Terms and conditions apply. Free plans have limited functionality. Am I the butthole for calling my wife ridiculous for saying that she wanted to my family's Christmas

over some stockings? My mom has a tradition for every Christmas. It's to get custom stockings of her grandkids' names and hang those stockings near the fireplace. My wife and I have been together for three years. She has a son, my step-kid from her former marriage. When she found out about the tradition that my mom has, she said that she expects my step-son to get his own stocking and to be hanged along with the other kid's stockings. I asked my mom, and she said that she loves her grandchild, but she doesn't feel comfortable yet

to have a stocking of his name and hang it in her home. Apparently, my wife refused to drop it and chose this as a hill to die on, and she even told me that she won't be attending the Christmas party if my mom doesn't do it. We've been arguing about it for days. I finally blew up and told her that it wasn't reasonable for me or her to dictate how my mom decorates her home and what stocking she hangs. She started crying and called me blind for not seeing how my family was treating my stepson. I said they love him and that some stocking isn't going to prove anything. She said that she wouldn't go then, and I called her ridiculous for not deciding to go over something so trivial. We've been in conflict about it since then, and she's refusing to even speak to me.

Am I the butthole for saying that it's ridiculous for her to decide not to go over some stockings? My steps on is nine, by the way. Okay, let's be super, super clear. Your wife isn't going because of stockings. Your wife isn't going because your family is excluding her son. And she's right, she shouldn't go. She's also right when she called you blind

for not seeing how your family is treating your stepson. Like your mom said, oh, I love my stepchild. I'm just not comfortable with the stocking. Why? If you love your stepchild, what's there to feel uncomfortable about?" And like you're calling out your wife or saying, I don't understand why she's choosing this as a hill to die on. The hill that she's choosing to die on is defending her son. But the hill that you're deciding to die on is that your mom doesn't have to hang a stocking that she doesn't want to.

And like, yeah, it's her home, and if she doesn't want to hang a stocking, she doesn't have to. But the message that sends is that she doesn't really love her stepson, and you're choosing to defend that for some reason. Like for real, three years of marriage, and that's still not enough time for your mom to accept your stepson into her family. Your mom's a real piece of work, OP, and clearly the Apple didn't fall far from the tree. I'm giving your wife zero out of five buttholes. Hopefully she can start her new Christmas tradition,

having Christmas without you or your mom. I'm giving you and your mom two out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for not letting our kids eat my wife's cooking? I'm a 34-year-old male and my wife is 32. We have 2 kids, a 4-year-old girl and a 7-year-old boy. I work as a manager at a care home and my wife owns a bakery with her mom. My wife cooks all the time because she's much better at cooking than I am and I cook sometimes. She's the one who takes care of the house, kids, and chores. Yesterday, when I came back from work, dinner was ready, so I plated it up for everyone while my wife was washing her hands. I was cutting their chicken into pieces, and it looked a bit pink, so I told my wife to

look at it, and she said, it's a little pink, but it's fine. I told her I'm not letting them eat this if it's pink, and she told me to stop being a baby and that it won't kill them. I kept telling her that it's pink in the middle, that they shouldn't eat it, that they can get food poisoning, and that it's dangerous for them. She told me, if you don't want them eating it, then you can cook their dinner. I made them cheese and ham toasties. I also made her one, but she didn't eat it.

She told me that she isn't talking to me if I think you're cooking is horrible. I don't think it is horrible. I just didn't want our kids eating that. I told her to stop thinking she was right. So am I the butthole? Alright, this is kind of like a nuanced post, and down in the comments, clean machine has the best take that I've seen. You're both probably technically right, but there are some other issues at play.

Some cuts of chicken can be a little pink, and the likelihood of catching salmonella from undercooked chicken is really, really small compared to, say, cross contamination. But my question is, why didn't you just cook it a bit longer or offer to help? And why, for God's sake, is she the one who takes care of the kids, houses, and chores if she's also working?

This has very little to do with chicken, and a lot to do with pent-up hostility and resentment. Very well-earned resentment. Yeah, OP, like, why'd you immediately jump to? I am NOT serving this food to my kids. Instead of just, I don't know, microwaving it for like 45 seconds, or throwing it back into the frying pan and just cooking it for a few more minutes like what's the big deal. But like to take such a hard stance and then to undercut your wife by cooking something completely different, I know Blamer for being upset. Like yeah, maybe she did make a mistake.

I'm not looking at the chicken. I don't know how pink it was, but you know, why insult the professional chef about her cooking skills? Of course, she's going to be upset about that. What professional chef wouldn't be upset? I think I'm gonna give the wife zero out of five buttholes because even though yeah, you're not supposed to give people pink chicken,

I kind of just have to give her credit that she's a professional chef, so she probably knows what she's talking about. If she says it's safe, I kind of have to assume that she's right. As for you OP, I'm giving you 1.5 out of 5 buttholes because you just don't seem like a very supportive husband. Yeah, I am kind of on your side about being concerned about giving your kids pink chicken,

but the way that you handled it and the way that you don't show respect to your wife is really troubling. Am I the butthole for skipping Christmas with my parents since they won't treat me like an adult? I'm a 27 year old woman and I've been with my boyfriend, who's 33 for almost two years now. We'll be getting married eventually, but now it's not a priority. My mom won't let us share a bed if we come see them for any reason.

When we came over this last summer, my boyfriend suggested running a hotel so that we could have some privacy and a comfortable bed. It drove my mom nuts that we bypassed her little rules. She wouldn't drop it the entire time that we were there. She made us promise not to do that again. My boyfriend's mom and dad are retired to Mexico and they're really chill, so we made plans to come visit them over Christmas. They're not Christians, so they don't really care when they see their son with regards

to religious holidays. We didn't tell my parents that we weren't coming. My mom asked me at Thanksgiving if I was going to hold to my promise not to stay at a hotel over Christmas. I answered truthfully that I would not stay at a hotel. I'm sitting here on the balcony of my future in-laws condo looking at the Caribbean, waiting for sunrise and enjoying the peace and quiet. I made the mistake of going online yesterday and I saw a bunch of photos from my mom and

sisters about how I was a jerk for lying to them about my plans. I may have been a little tipsy last night because I decided to respond. I said that it was ridiculous of them to try to tell me that I couldn't share a room with my boyfriend. That I was keeping my promise by not staying at a hotel when we were there, and that if they planned on putting everything on Facebook, then I would be avoiding all visits for the foreseeable future. They took down their posts when people started dumping on them for trying to control me, but some people did agree with them. Now they're texting me and calling to say that I was a butthole for making them look bad.

I asked them if they were trying to make me look good with their posts. They stopped for a while, but there were more texts and voicemails this morning. I kinda like the idea of skipping out on the drama from now on, but I miss my dad and he's blaneless in this. Am I the butthole? Alright, obviously the mom is a butthole here because she's being controlling. Like, if she wants to have rules in her own house,

that's completely appropriate. But to enforce those same rules when you're not even living at her house is super controlling. And some people are saying that OP is also the butthole because she should have just said that she was going to her in-laws place, but like, she doesn't owe her mom an explanation.

I agree with OP's point, she's an adult, she's 27. If she wants to knock out to her families for Christmas because they've been harassing her, then that's her right. So like yeah, it would have been polite to tell her parents that she wasn't coming, but the absence of politeness isn't meanness, it's just neutral, it's just neither polite nor mean, so I'm giving OP 0 out of 5 buttholes here. Honestly, if you ask me, the mom kind of deserved to be ghosted. I'm giving OP 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving the mom 2 out of 5 buttholes.

That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Shemaid the Butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day