rSlash - r/AITA for Calling Out My Abusive Parents?
Episode Date: April 27, 20260:00 Intro 0:07 Cheater 6:00 So much money 8:04 Paying 10:57 Bully 13:27 Cooking Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
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Welcome to R-slash-M-I-the-butthole, where O.P. gets neglected by her parents.
Am I the butthole for telling my parents that they neglected me because of my brother's illness?
So I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I have an older brother who's 20, and he moved out about two months ago.
My brother has misophonia.
I don't know everything about the illness, and I don't want to say anything wrong, but it's basically being triggered by certain sounds.
He was diagnosed at 7 when I was 4, and he has a very strong version of the illness, I think.
Me and my brother used to get along okay, but it got worse after that.
Funnily enough, all of his triggers were connected to me.
My laughing, my walking, my eating, everything seemed to trigger him.
I remembered my father yelling at me when I was like six because I laughed while my brother was also in the car.
I wasn't allowed to eat dinner with him.
My parents would eat with him, and when he was finished, he could leave and then I could get my food.
I didn't even really understand what was going on because I was a little kid.
I was often alone because I couldn't go anywhere with them and would trigger him
and when we did something together it didn't feel the same
because even alone I was always scared to do something wrong and get yelled at.
Even in school I would barely talk or laugh.
I was never very close with my family and spent most time alone in my room or with friends outside.
Since my brother moved out, my parents are trying to get me to connect with them more.
This morning, my mom asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with her, and I was already in a bad mood, because I was stressed due to exams.
So I just sort of snapped at her and told her I didn't want to and to stop trying to fix things with me,
because it was ruined and she couldn't fix the neglect they put me through simply by watching a movie with me.
She then yelled back at me and told me to stop being jealous of my brother and that they were doing the best they could,
and that they didn't want to neglect me and just tried to take care of my brother.
I just left after that, and both of my parents have been ignoring me all day, and now I feel kind of bad.
I still really love them. Am I the butthole?
Ooh, this line from Camamil Cat down in the comments, just because he needed more doesn't mean you deserved less.
True, very, very true.
O.P., you get zero out of five buttholes. Your family sucks!
All right, down in the comments, O.P. shares a story, and we can see how bad this really was.
Someone asks, not the butthole, and your parents handled this weird. Why not use noise-canceling
headphones at dinner? Why not use therapy? O.P. replies, he was in therapy for years, but it didn't
help, and he did wear headphones around the house. But even seeing me do these things would trigger him.
I used to love whistling a lot, and it triggered him, and once I wanted to test something,
and while he was in the garden, I watched him through a window. And basically, I made a whistling movement
to pretend I was whistling to see how he'd react.
And he stormed inside and told me to stop whistling.
Yeah, I don't know, man.
That's starting to sound less and less like misophonia.
Not that I know much about it.
And starting to sound more like just being a jerk.
Am I the butthole for telling my coworker that she also has thin hair?
I'm a 25-year-old woman who works at a very small startup.
By very small, I mean there are only five employees in total, including me.
Because of the small size, getting along with my co-worker,
has been easy. We've all grown really close since we see each other every day, and we even go out to bars
together after work. Late last week, I wore my hair in two braids to work. I wanted to try a new
style and felt really cute with them. When I arrived, my 27-year-old coworker Annie looked at me and said,
Wow, I never realized how thin your hair is. When she said that comment, I wasn't hurt or offended.
I've always had thin hair. It's just how I was born. I replied back, smiling saying,
Yeah, you too. Twins. Her reaction after I made the comment completely took me by surprise and shocked me because she immediately said,
Go to hell. I was confused because Annie also has thin hair. She then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the shift.
Fast forward to today. Annie still has been completely avoiding me and seems to be trying to get the rest of the office to turn against me.
Because we're such a small team, my coworkers have been filling me in on what she's saying about me behind my
back. I even learned that once our boss returns from vacation, she plans to report me for
workplace bullying. My coworkers aren't into taking sides, and I'm not asking them to because this
issue is between Annie and me. However, one of them approached me today, advising me to apologize,
but I'm not sure if I should. I don't feel bad for anything I did, so that's why I turned to this
forum to see if I'm the butthole. I'm looking for advice on whether I should apologize, or if there's a
better way to handle this. I like this top comment from K&T Serpian. Annie has thin skin to match
her thin air. This story is like someone saying, hey, screw you buddy. And the other guy saying,
oh yeah, well screw you back. And the first guy going, I can't believe you said screw you to me.
I mean, come on. O.P posted an update, which shows that Annie is basically a loser.
Last Friday, my boss called Annie and me into his office for a meeting. I came
prepared with documents. It consisted of two emails showing I tried five times to resolve
things with her, a document that had our full interaction typed out word for word, and a
coworker statement saying Annie had been avoiding me, and not doing some work tasks because of me,
and leaving work early three times to avoid closing with me, and speaking negatively about me.
At the meeting, my boss let Annie speak first. She claimed she tried to start a friendly
conversation about hair. I then made a random rule.
comment about her thinning hair which angered her. Annie then said that her go-to-heel comment was out of anger
and she didn't mean it. When it was my turn, I showed my boss the document that outlined me and
Annie's entire conversation from that day. I turned to Annie and explained that I meant no harm
and it was a misunderstanding. My boss slid the document to Annie after reading it. As Annie read it,
she got emotional and started crying. She explained she was very insecure about her hair due to bleach
damage and wears extensions to make her hair appear fuller but hasn't worn them the past month because
she can't keep them up. Annie then stepped out to the bathroom to fix herself. During that time,
I showed my boss the rest of the documents. When Annie returned, he asked why she ignored my attempts
to resolve things. And she said she wasn't comfortable being alone with me. He then brought up the
coworker statement and showed her the documents. Annie read it and denied most of it explaining how
she always does her work. She said she couldn't really remember not doing her work because she always
does it. My boss ended the meeting by saying workplace conflict like this shouldn't escalate,
especially over something personal. He gave Annie a written warning for not completing work,
speaking poorly about a coworker to others and leaving early multiple times. My boss gave her the choice
of leaving early and she left. Afterward, my boss asked me to stay so he could speak with me.
He explained he had been considering me for a leadership role, but now has dead.
doubts because I didn't resolve the issue. I explained to him, I tried, but he wasn't having it
and told me he already knows everything about the situation. At the end, he clarified I wouldn't
be punished and said he's being hard on me because he sees leadership potential. He then offered to let
me leave early and I went home. Yo, what does this guy expect you to do? Handcuff you to her to
solve this issue? If she's avoiding you, there's not much you can do about it, especially since you're
not her boss and you have no authority to force her to do anything. I actually think the boss is worse than
Annie here because Annie just had an emotional insecure reaction. That's, that's kind of typical and
understandable. It's still bad, but it's not, you know, it happens. But criticizing you for handling this
pretty much perfectly and not forcing it, like tying her down and forcing you to talk it out is really,
really stupid. Ironic that this guy is saying you're bad leadership material when he himself is even
worse leadership material. Am I the butthole for not quieting down at a Renaissance fair and walking
way after my boyfriend sighted with a stranger? I'm a 23-year-old woman, and I went to a Renaissance
fair with my boyfriend, who's 26 and my sister. My sister and I go to events like this regularly,
but it was my boyfriend's first time. At these events, people dress up, interact with performers,
and cheer loudly during shows. I was acting how I normally do, engaging with the environment,
and cheering during performances. During a jazz,
I was cheering along with the crowd. Nothing inappropriate, just typical cheering. A man sitting in front of me
turned around and said that I was scaring his child and asked me to stop. Before I could respond,
my boyfriend told me I should quiet down a little. That upset me, especially since the event
itself encourages loud crowd participation. Another person nearby even commented that the man was out
line. I felt embarrassed and unsupported, so I got up and walked away to calm down. My sister came with
me. We'd already planned to split up after the joust, so I didn't think it was a big deal to take some
space. A few hours later, my boyfriend found us and was upset, saying I'd abandoned him at an
unfamiliar event. He also said that if a child is scared, people should adjust their behavior regardless
of the setting. I disagreed and felt like I shouldn't have to change normal behavior in that kind of
environment. We ended up arguing, and it escalated more than it should have. Opie, hold on. You guys
were watching a joust? The thing where people ride horses and charge each other with sharp pointed lances?
And this guy was concerned about scaring his child? What? How is some woman going, yeah, go, get them.
Scarier than people fighting to the death. I mean, I know they're not fighting, but how would a kid know?
If the guy wants a nice, calm, relaxing place for his child, maybe he shouldn't go to a Renaissance
fair. Opie, I am solidly on your side here. You get zero out of five buttholes. The man and your
boyfriend get one out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for refusing to take off my engagement
ring during a wedding? I'm meant to be attending the wedding of Tilly and Peter next month.
They're friends of my fiance, and we've hung out plenty of times over the past few years.
They got engaged around 18 months ago, and we got engaged three months.
ago. My engagement ring is a light blue sapphire. In photographs, however, it looks a lot darker.
We met up with Tilly and Peter last weekend, which incidentally was the first time seeing them in person
since we got engaged. When they asked to see the ring, Tilly noted that it was much lighter
than the photos we'd shared. Peter agreed, and a little while later, after the conversation had
turned to something else, Tilly asked if we remembered that the bridesmaid dress color was a very pale blue.
My fiancé is a groomsman, so he knew this, as he was wearing a matching tie.
Peter said that they were hoping that only the wedding party was going to wear that color,
which was included on the invites.
He said that having a ring in that shade was no excuse to break the rules.
This was said humorously, so my fiance and I both laughed,
and I assured them that I'm most likely wearing something darker and not blue anyway.
Tilly then said that Peter was talking around the issue,
and that I wouldn't be able to wear my engagement ring
at their wedding because it was too close to their shade of blue.
She said that she'd already had to make sure that a family member wasn't going to wear a necklace with a similar gemstone for the same reason.
A discussion ensued, as both my partner and I said that it seemed quite strong to be asking me to not wear my ring.
Outside of sleeping and bathing, I've barely taken it off since the proposal.
Tilly and Peter were insistent that I'd be creating drama by wearing it.
And if anything, it suggested that I was trying to steal focus away from them and the wedding party.
I made it clear that I had zero intention of doing that.
But also, the ring was not going to distract from a bride and groom at the end of the aisle.
At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline.
We got engaged on our seven-year anniversary during the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime holiday,
so I'm sure it was not just to detract from the friends getting married.
We left it at a stalemate and anticipate that either just me or both of us will be de-invited,
which is no issue to me at this stage.
I do want to know if I'm the butthole, though,
as especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade,
and it would hurt him if he misses his friends getting married over something so trivial.
Well, gee, what are they going to do if someone comes to the wedding with blue eyes?
hand them a fork and say, please gouge out your eyes, I guess.
What are they going to do if the sky's blue?
Call off the wedding?
O.P., this is very weirdly controlling behavior out of these friends.
And I also wouldn't be surprised if you got disinvited.
That being said, it is their wedding, so technically if they want to make stupid controlling requests of all
their guests, then they're allowed to do that.
That doesn't really forgive them, though.
So I'm on your side, O.P., you get zero out of five buttholes.
That was R-slash-M-I-the-butthole.
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