rSlash - r/AITA for Evicting a Grieving Widow?

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:06 Eviction 2:31 Jewish 6:35 Bday gift 8:51 Vacation 12:22 Restaurant Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to R-S-M-I-The-But-Hole, where someone believes that they own O-P's house. Am I the butthole for evicting my deceased brother's fiancé? My brother passed away recently, and he had a live-in partner-slash-fiance. Both of my parents have passed, and so did my sister. So that leaves me, being his next of kin. The house my brother lived in was my grandparents' house. He purchased it in 2021 after they passed away. We grew up in that house, and I have a massive connection to that home.

It's the only thing I have left of my family. I'm the only one left. Since I'm the next of kin, I inherited the house. I offered his partner, Steve, that he could continue to live there if he paid the mortgage and the property taxes, similar to renting. Steve said he couldn't afford it, asked me to sell instead. He requested information on the kind of profits that he'd be receiving and inheriting from the house. I told him, even if he wasn't living there, I inherited the house. I won't be selling and he won't be inheriting any money from it. He demanded that I sell and that he would take me to court over inheritance. I pleaded to his sensibilities that this was my family home. He was my only connection to my brother left and he refused.

So I offered to pay for an apartment for him for a year, since I'm also my brother's name life insurance beneficiary. Steve demanded everything, including the life insurance, despite me telling him that I'm named. I told him he wasn't getting anything, and needed to leave my family house after he threatened to take me to court a second time. He refused, so I filed for eviction. Am I the butthole? For context, he and my brother were together for six years, engaged for two prior to his death. My brother and I had talked a few months before his death about how, sure, they were engaged, but he was probably never going to get married. One year prior to my brother's death, he got a new job and named me as his life insurance beneficiary. After they were

already engaged. Common law doesn't exist in my state, and Steve never paid into the house at all. My brother paid all their bills. Wow, Steve is really doing everything he can within his power to utterly destroy his relationship with O.P., so I don't see why O.P. has any obligation to try to save that relationship. O.P., I think you're totally justified. You get zero out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my sister she's not Jewish? My wife and I, ages 39 and 43, traveled across the country to see my parents. We live in the Pacific Northwest, and my parents live in New England, specifically northeast coastal Massachusetts.

My parents wanted to take us out to dinner and have my sister, and her husband come too. My sister and I aren't particularly close, but we've had a fine enough adult relationship. We were closer before I moved to the West Coast. My mom's been researching family history for a few years. She submitted her DNA to one of those websites that track ancestry and genealogy. Through matching DNA, she even found a long lost brother who had been put up for adoption. She also learned that one of her grandparents was an Ashkenazi Jew. So, according to the DNA results, my mother is a quarter Ashkenazi Jewish. This would make my sister and me roughly 12% Ashkenazi Jewish. We didn't grow up religious at all. My immediate family didn't attend any

church or religious meetings. My dad grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school, and attended Mass every Sunday until he moved out to go to college. After that, he was done. My mom grew up in a non-religious household. She did have a King James Bible in her nightstand, but I never saw her open. At dinner, my sister and mom were at one end of the table talking, and somehow our Jewish ancestry was mentioned. Both my sister and mom said to the table, we're Jewish. I responded by saying, I'm sorry, but Judaism is a religion, and you have to be practicing to call yourself Jewish. My sister said, well, don't tell that to my son. This is really important to him. I responded by explaining that it was cool to embrace family history, but that they shouldn't call us Jewish when we've

never practiced, been to temple, or followed any of the laws or rituals. She called me ignorant. So I asked her, would you claim to be Jewish in a room full of Jews or at a temple? She didn't answer the question and continued arguing about how I should be less ignorant and asked if I thought Jesus was a Jew. By this point, everyone seemed uncomfortable, so I thought that it was best to be quiet and let them change the conversation. Am I the butthole for telling my sister that she's not Jewish? Okay, to be clear, I am not Jewish. I'm going to try to comment on this without putting my foot in my mouth. My understanding of Jewishness is that it's kind of this very unique position of being both a culture and a

religion and an ethnicity. So you could be all three or you could be just one of them and not the others. So it seems to me that O.P.'s sister is saying she's Jewish ethnically, while O.P. is saying, no, you're not Jewish religiously, which are not exactly the same thing, I think. Also, my understanding of the Jewish faith is that they have a rule that you are Jewish if your mother was Jewish. So, depending on how their family tree works, if O.P.'s' mom's mom was also Jewish and her mom was also Jewish, then I think that makes them qualify as Jewish. I could be wrong. I don't know. I'm sure someone in the comments will drop some wisdom on me. Like I said, I'm not a Jewish person, so I'm speaking as an outsider here. Man, I got to look this up.

Are you Jewish if your mother is Jewish? Yes, you are considered Jewish according to traditional Jewish law, which is called Halachah, regardless of whether you were raised in the faith or practice it. Huh, interesting. This is an irrevocable status. In traditional law, a person born to a Jewish mother is Jewish forever, even if they become secular or adopt another religion. Interesting. Also, this kind of begs the question, what percentage of an ethnicity do you have to be

in order to be able to say that you are, that ethnicity. You know, if you're 50% Irish, yeah, you could probably say you're Irish. If you're 25% Irish, can you say you're Irish? If you're 12% can you say you're Irish? I don't know the answer to that. I don't know if anyone really knows the answer to that. In my opinion, personally, I think if you're even 1% Ashkenzi Jew or Chinese or Irish or whatever, then you can't say, yeah, I am technically that a little bit. Will I be the butthole if I told my nephew his father is the reason? It looks like I got him nothing for his birthday. I'm a 38, year old woman, and my nephew turned 16 today. Months ago, I asked my 39-year-old brother if I could get my

nephew concert tickets for his birthday. He approved and said yes. His mother only sees him once a month, and he sometimes doesn't even go. She doesn't have custody, so I didn't bother asking her. I got tickets for a band that my nephew likes after I got his dad's approval. Since it was his first concert, I wanted it to be special, and I bought really good seats. The tickets cost $500. $500. I got these tickets back during spring break. The concert was going to be in July. Anyways, about a month ago, my mom tells me my nephew is going on vacation with his mother for two weeks during the time of the concert, and my brother approved him going away with her.

He'll be gone for two weeks with his mother, which has never happened before. I think it's a good thing that he'll spend time with his mom, but my brother approved me taking him to the concert before his mom even asked about taking him on vacation. The system will not let me resell the tickets. I didn't get the insurance because I didn't think that I would need it. And now, I'm out 500 bucks because I can't resell and I don't want to go to this concert. It's a band that my nephew likes, not me. Also, I'm not made of money, so I haven't been able to get my nephew anything else for his birthday.

I simply can't afford it now. I always go all out for my nephew. When I see him today and only hand him a little cash, I know he's going to be. to be disappointed. Will I be the butthole if I told him about the concert situation? I don't want to get him upset, but I also want him to know I do care about his birthday, but his dad screwed me over on this. O.P., I would definitely tell my nephew in this situation. Someone else screws over my thoughtful gift and makes me look bad. Nah, man, ain't happening. In general, it's always safe and a good idea to go with the truth, and this is no exception. O.P., you get zero out of five bucks.

buttholes if you take this action. I'm giving your brother 1.5 out of five buttholes. What I think you should do is just give him the tickets anyway and let him and his parents sort this out. Am I the butthole for refusing to go on a full week of my wife's family vacation after we had agreed not to repeat it? For years, my wife, our two kids and I went to the same beach town for a week with part of my wife's family, her brother, sister-in-law, their kids, and her mom. We originally did this because another sibling's family lived there, so it was a chance for all the cousins to be together. The issue is that the trip became extremely repetitive and rigid. Same beach, same street, same basic schedule, same restaurants and meals on the same days,

strict quiet times, bedtimes, very little flexibility. My wife's family is very routine-driven and frugal. My family is structured too, but on vacation we like variety, activities, and some flexibility. When the other siblings' family still lived there, there was more balance. Once they stopped going, it became just us and the routine-driven side of the family. The last couple of years were miserable. The houses got smaller while the kids got bigger. The routine became more rigid, our kids were bored and stir crazy,

and I ended up trying to take them out to do things just to break up the week. That caused tension because I was going outside the plan. My wife was also stressed, admitted afterward that the trip was no longer enjoyable. After the last trip, my wife and I had a long conversation and agreed that we would not do the same vacation again. We talked about trying something different, mountain, lake, different beach, really anything else. Recently, my wife handed me her phone and asked which vacation house was nicer. It was the same beach, same street, basically the same exact trip again. I was angry because I thought that we had already agreed this was done.

Her explanation is that her mom said this location is sentimental to her, and that she wanted all the grandkids together there. Her brother's family agreed immediately. My wife says it was this or nothing. So she chose this because getting grandma and the grandkids together was important to her. She'd already fully committed herself and our kids to going for the full week, and she assumed I would eventually just agree and go too. My issue is that I feel like her mom and brother made the decision, my wife, except for her. accepted it and I was informed after the fact. I told her I felt betrayed and isolated because we'd already agreed as a couple not to repeat this trip. She kept circling back to,

this is important to me, why won't you just do it for me? We've been fighting for a solid week about it, so I offered a compromise. I said that because it's become so important to her, I'd come for the last two nights. She's committed herself and the kids for the full week. Now, she says that since she knows I don't want to be there, I've ruined it. and ask why I have to act like this. She's also brought it up around the kids, so now they know there's conflict. I'm not trying to stop the kids from seeing their grandmother.

I'm not saying no to them going. I'm saying no to spending a full week of my vacation time repeating the exact trip we already agreed was bad for our family. O.P., your wife sucks. She's using some pretty scummy manipulation tactics that's really not fair to you at all, or the kids for that matter. She keeps falling back on,

this is important to me, but it's important to you too. It's important to your kids, too. How come what's important to her trumps what's important to everyone else? O.P., you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your wife 2.5 out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole because my mom changed my aunt's birthday dinner to a restaurant she preferred, and I called her out? Yesterday, my mom invited me, a 25-year-old woman, to a Thai restaurant for my aunt's 73rd birthday. It was my aunt's actual birthday. When I arrived, there were about eight other family members there, but my aunt, the birthday girl, was nowhere to be found. We called her and found out she was sitting at a completely different Thai restaurant.

She came right over when she realized everyone was waiting at the other place. When she walked in, she looked disappointed and sad, which honestly made me feel bad. Later that day, at my son's tee ball game, I was talking with my husband, and I was joking that someone was bound to end up at the wrong Thai restaurant because the names were similar. That's what my mom said, well, my sister and I were discussing where to go for her birthday, but she wanted to go to the other Thai restaurant because it's her favorite. I didn't want to go there because they switched owners,

and I don't think the food is good anymore. I was shocked and said, Mom, if my aunt wanted to go to that restaurant and was sitting there waiting for us all to show up, then that's on you for telling everyone to go somewhere else just because you don't like it. I told her that my aunt looked disappointed and sad when she arrived because she didn't get to celebrate her birthday at her favorite restaurant. My mom responded, I don't care.

If I'm paying for a meal, I want to enjoy it. I'm not giving my money to a restaurant I don't like. I invited you and your cousin, and if you invite someone to dinner, you have to pay for them. She also told me that I didn't really have a right to say anything because she paid for my meal since she invited me. And while I am genuinely grateful that she paid for my dinner, I don't think that means I have to ignore the fact that my aunt

didn't get to spend her birthday at a restaurant she had chosen and that she was actually sitting and waiting for everyone. But here's the thing. My mom didn't even pay for my aunt's meal, despite it being her birthday, and despite being the one who organized the dinner. So her argument that she should get to choose because she was paying didn't really make sense to me. She continued defending herself and genuinely

believe she did nothing wrong. Eventually, I said, I don't want to talk about this anymore because it's making me frustrated. My husband heard the entire conversation and agreed with me that the birthday person should have gotten to chose the restaurant, especially since my mom knew beforehand which restaurant my aunt wanted. I think what's bothering me the most is that my mom still doesn't see anything wrong with what she did. I'm frustrated because this is a pattern with her. She often puts her own preferences first and then acts like everyone else is unreasonable for being upset. O.P., obviously not the butthole. When it's your mom's birthday, you should take her to some restaurant she hates and when she inevitably complains about it, hit her with, oh, but I'm paying, so you don't have a right to

complain. Suck it up, mom. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom 1.5 out of five buttholes. That was our slash am I the butthole. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.