rSlash - r/AITA for Refusing to Give My Sister $250,000?

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:07 Selling the house 2:35 Bullied 5:41 Funny comment 7:06 Ending childcare agreement 9:30 Inheritance 12:26 Another inheritance story Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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See you after details. with those you love. Their iconic festive special includes the famous quarter chicken dinner. Now with cranberry sauce, stuffing, lindor chocolates, plus a scratch and wind card, where everyone's a winner. Grab your loved ones and hurry to swish Shalei today. Visit swishshalei.ca for contest details while supplies last. Welcome to R-Slash, am I the butthole, where OPs secretly sells his house without telling his wife about it? Am I the butthole for selling our house without informing my wife? My wife and I have been married for many years, but before we got married, I had built up a substantial wealth.

When we got married, I opted for a pre-nuptial agreement and complete separation of assets. She also has significant pre-marital wealth. Besides the house we currently live in, I still own a beautiful apartment in the same city that I usually rent out, but it's currently vacant. Over the past two years, we've had many discussions about moving to a smaller town and getting a house near the beach. Two months ago, we bought the house for our upcoming move. We've already made the renovations we wanted, bought furniture, and we'll be moving into a new house soon.

Since we won't be living in this city anymore, I didn't see a reason to keep the house we currently live in, and I sold it without notifying my wife. Considering that it's solely my asset, I don't see the need to inform her in advance. Plus, selling and buying property is always a stressful process. On the day I finalized the sale, I told her I'd sold the house, and she was furious with me for not letting her know. She mentioned that she still needs a residence in the city and intends to come here frequently. I explained to her that I still have the apartment, which we can use whenever we need to be in the city so there shouldn't be an issue. She remains

upset with me, claiming that I didn't treat her like a wife by not involving her in such an important decision. On the other hand, I didn't exactly leave her without an address in the city, and the house was always exclusively my asset just as she has her own wealth. She argues that it's a completely different situation because it's the house that we've been living in and we're moving in the next few days. Am I the butthole? Opie, I'm on your wife's side on this one.

This has nothing to do with the fact that this is your house or the fact that you have a right to sell the house, what you do, by the way. This is just like, why didn't you even tell her? Why would you hide that information from your wife the person you live with just, surprise, we have to move out because we don't own this house anymore. It's such a weirdly huge and important thing to not communicate. If my partner did that to me and we were living in a house that she owned and she just sold it out of the blue I'd be like wow she can keep these kinds of secrets on me. What other secrets is she keeping? I'd feel betrayed, hurt, even though she has the right to it's just it's just weird OP so I'm on side, I'm giving her 0 out of 5 buttholes, I think her reaction's totally normal.

I'm giving you 2 out of 5 buttholes. Even though you had the right to do what you did, it was still really inconsiderate and cold. Am I the butthole for telling my sister that it's her fault that her son is being bullied? I'm a 26 year old woman, and my 33 year old sister has two sons, Bracken, who's 13, and Neville, who's 11. My husband and I went to a basket raffle at our local library this past weekend with my sister, Bracken, Neville, Bracken's girlfriend, who's 13, and my sister's husband.

This raffle is held every year, and it has many local businesses and organizations donate baskets to help raise funds for the library. There are all sorts of baskets, from free massages, to gift cards, to sports jerseys, and so much more. Bracken got some tickets for all the sports related ones. He plays baseball and he's done this every year, and he's been pretty successful in the past. Bracken then walked around with his girlfriend. I was hanging out with my husband, sister, and the rest of the family while looking at the baskets, when Bracken and his girlfriend came back to us. Shortly after this, we saw some science-related baskets with projects and books for kids

and adults. Neville likes this kind of stuff, and it was going fine until that section. They also had a few baskets that were aimed at girls interested in STEM. When Neville saw the baskets, he called them stupid and started making some pretty awful comments about how girls are too dumb for science and that's why they needed special baskets. He made some more comments like, this is why Robotics Club is all boys. My husband and I just dismissed it and we could see a few people giving us looks and Bracken made a comment telling Neville to shut his mouth.

The raffle happened. Bracken won a lot, but the rest of us didn't. On the car ride home, my husband and I were wondering where Neville could have learned that type of language, and we were stumped. Last night I got a call from my sister, and she seemed stressed. She was telling me about how horrible Neville's first month of middle school was. She was telling me that he was being targeted and bullied. I asked her to explain what happened and she was just crying.

So I asked if she could give the phone to someone else. She gave the phone to Bracken who told us that his mom was not telling the truth. He said that kids were mocking Neville for what he said at the raffle. Bracken admitted to telling his friends about the incident, who then spread the information around to the other six graders. Some of the kids in Neville's grade were calling him creepy and weird, and were doing it to his friends as well, who defended his comments. My sister quickly grabbed the phone from Bracken.

After she calmed down, she asked me what to do. I told her this was on her, and it was her fault for not correcting Neville's behavior. She said that she didn't know why he said it, and said that she can't just take away his phone or friends when I mention both as a possible source. She just doubled down and said that she needed to teach Bracken and his friends not to gossip. I told her she was being ridiculous and hung up. She tried to call back, but I didn't pick up. Then I got angry texts.

Am I the butthole? Okay, I wasn't going to mention this because I didn't want to unnecessarily call out Bracken, but I scroll down to the comments. And the first post is exactly what I was thinking. Air of Ravenclaw says, I thought this was going to be about bullying because she named her son Bracken Lowell. Man, I had the exact same thought. I'm with you, man.

So anyways, OP, I think I am actually gonna give you a butthole score, but not for the reason you think. I think pretty much everyone in this story, except for Bracken deserves a butthole score. All Bracken did was tell the truth. I guess he shouldn't have gossiped about his brother, but really, as a 13-year-old could he have expected or like foreseen that outcome, he didn't really do anything wrong, he was just a dumb 13-year-old. As for you and your sister, OP, you both saw bad behavior out of Neville, and you both just allowed it. You ignored that bad behavior. Your contribution to being a parent

figure to Neville was to talk about it with your husband afterwards and have no actual conversation with your sister. Obviously your sister is more responsible because she's the actual parent, but the fact that all four adults, you and your husband and your sister and her husband didn't say anything during that incident, pretty much tells Neville that what he said and what he thinks is okay. Which is stupid because what he's saying isn't really true. They don't have girl science baskets because girls are dumb.

They do it because girls are underrepresented in STEM and they're trying to attract and lure girls over with science stuff. So Neville gets 1.5 out of 5 but holes are being a stupid kid. OP, you get 2 out of 5 but holes are being a bad aunt and his mom gets 2.5 out of 5 but holes are being a bad mom. Am I the butthole for ending my child care agreement with my sister because I don't want to care for her future stepkids, whom I've never met, I'm a 27 year old woman, and I'm a stay at home mom to my 2 little boys, ages 5 and 1.

I also take care of my sister's 2 kids, ages 8 and 6 after school and during summer break. My sister sends snacks for all the kids and pays me a small amount of money. I never asked for a lot because it was never a big deal to me and I enjoy seeing my niece and nephew. But now things have changed. My sister is engaged and her future husband lives out of state with his two kids. My sister already told me that they were hoping I would take care of their kids. I asked when I would be meeting these kids and she said that they fly in just before the wedding and I would start right away. I told her that I'd like to get to know the kids

first and she said they want to start out on the right path with being a blended family and that means treating the kids the same. She said they want them to have that after school time together. I told her I understood, but I wouldn't be comfortable taking care of the kids for extended periods of time when I don't know them, and I will have met them only one or two times before they'd be placed in my care, so I wouldn't be comfortable.

My sister asked why I can't just embrace a big change and throw myself in. I told her I would if she'd be willing to give me some time to get to know the kids, but she said no. So I told her firmly that she would need to find someone else to take care of the kids. My sister told me that I was really showing that I only consider family those who are related by blood. But I would feel the same way if my brother came back home after several years and asked me to watch his kids who I've never met and they are blood related.

For me, this is just a position that requires a close existing relationship for me to be okay with it. Am I the butthole? Okay, so you've got two kids, your sister has two kids, and then your sister's husband has two kids. So that means you're watching six children, which is a lot. That's a lot to handle. And you're doing this basically for free. Yes, she's paying you, but you never ask for the money. And your only request for this cheap babysitting is you get a chance to know

the kids first. And she says, no, that is not good enough. OP, clearly your sister is taking you for granted here. I think the boundary that you said here is completely reasonable. So I'm on your side OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving your sister 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for refusing to share my half of the inheritance with my nieces and nephews? I'm a 34 year old man. Me and my sister, who's 40, recently lost our last remaining parent. We're both devastated, but regardless, the logistics all need to be worked out. Our parents were very clear in their will that our inheritance and all property are split evenly between the two of us.

It's to the tune of around $1 million. Here's where the problem starts. I'm gay and I live with my partner, who I'm not married to across the country from the rest of my family. My sister and her husband have three small kids under the age of 11. My sister said that since it's highly unlikely I'll ever have kids, which remains to be seen. I haven't decided that yet.

And because I live a comfortable life currently, that I should take at least one quarter of my inheritance money and open bank accounts for her kids. Instead of using her own money to do that, she wants to buy a mcmanchin to get out of their smaller cramped house, basically implying that her and her family need the money more than I do since they're married with kids and I'm not. She thinks that my parents were unfair when they created the will and that I should do the right thing and make up for their mistake.

Our entire family is split on the issue. My brother-in-law is obviously on my sister's side and said that I'm being greedy and don't care about my nieces and nephews' future. Our aunts, uncles, and cousins all have differing opinions, with the more homophobic side of the family saying that I'm being a greedy butthole. It's causing a major rift and I'm worried that eventually she'll cut me off and won't let me have a relationship with the kids anymore. Part of me thinks that maybe they do need the money more than me. Maybe I should just let

the money go. Am I the butthole? In the comments, people are overwhelmingly saying that OP is not the butthole which I completely agree with, especially since she got 500k so if she wants to spend money on the kids then spend it out of your 500k. But then OP posted an update. I talked to my sister and told her that giving her kids a quarter of my inheritance is off the table. No ifs, ands, or butts about it. I told her that the most I'm willing to do is leave her kids as the heirstomias state if I don't end up having kids of my own.

But if she wants to set up accounts for them right now, then it's gonna have to come out of her money. She was salty about it, but begrudgingly agreed. I think that showing her this threat also helped. She's not going to cut me off from her kids, and she said that I was crazy to think that she would ever do that. Thank you guys for helping me gain the confidence to stay in my ground. Crisis averted. So I guess all's well that ends well, but still the Butthole scores is 0 out of 5 Buttholes for OP, and let's say 2.5 out of 5 Buttholes

for the sister, because her expecting him to just give up $125,000 is ridiculous. Insane, not so, super selfish. Am I the butthole for expecting my daughters to share their grandmas inheritance 50-50, regardless of the will? I have two daughters that were my late mother and laws only grandchildren, Elise, who's 22 and Rhea, who's 21.

She always favored Elise because Elise wanted to follow in her footsteps and be just like her. She spent so much time with Elise, teaching her her profession and using her connections to get her set up in her field. When my mother-in-law went into senior care, she had to disperse her assets to pay for it. This created yet another opportunity for her to favor Elise by making sure that she alone

got her tools and a small amount of land that she used to set up her greenhouse. She passed a little over a year ago, and we got a letter in the mail about a trust that she had set up about a decade ago. There isn't much, about $30,000. The trust states that it's supposed to be shared equally between her grandkids, and can only be fully dispersed when the youngest is 21. The only two grandkids are my daughters, Elise and Reya, and Reya just turned 21. We asked about it, and got the answer that, unfortunately, only Elise is eligible to withdraw money from the trust. My mother-in-law set up a clause that anyone who had a child before the minimum age to inherit is automatically disqualify.

In short, if one of the grandkids has a baby before the age of 21, they get $0 and their portion goes to the other heirs. Raya has a 2 year old son and at least doesn't have any kids, so according to the terms, at least gets 100% of the money. I'm pissed! My wife wants to just let it go and pretend that it never happened, just like the land. I don't. My mother-in-law never treated Ria like a real grandchild.

She never spent real time with her or gave her the same opportunities. Also, Elise had to undergo a hysterectomy. My mother-in-law set up that clause so that Ria could fail and she would have an excuse to get a dig in one last time. I ignored the land thing because at least that helped out Elise's career. I think that Elise is obligated to do the right thing and split this with her sister. Elise thinks that we shouldn't fight the will and my wife is trying to stay neutral. Also, OP conveniently left out a relevant detail that Elise is the biological grandchild

of the mother-in-law, but Rhea isn't. Opie, I understand why you're upset because you're apparent to these two girls and you want to treat them equally, but as a parent, it's your responsibility to treat your kids equally. It's not everyone else's responsibility to treat your kids equally. The simple fact of the matter is that your mother-in-law can spend her money however she wants. If she favors one of her grandkids and wants to leave all the money to her, then that's fully her prerogative. Also, the fact that you're so up in arms about this,

when the money isn't even coming from your side of the family, is a bit troubling. If it was your mother who was leaving the inheritance, then I could understand the frustration a lot more even though you'd still be wrong. But this is your mom's mother, not your mother, so maybe you should mind your own business here. So I have to give you a butthole score. I do think you're coming from this from a well intentioned place, it's just you're not morally right here.

I'm giving you 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving everyone else 0 out of 5 buttholes. I do wish the grandmother had been more balanced in her relationship with the two granddaughters, but without the context of knowing what their relationship was like, it's kinda hard to say. You know, you see Elise spent a lot of time with her grandmother, so does that mean that Reya avoided her grandmother? Because that's pretty relevant context. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

relevant context. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.