rSlash - r/AITA for Refusing to Raise Someone Else's Baby?

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

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son passed away? I'm a woman and me and my partner, a male, were 28 when I found out that I was pregnant. We'd been together for four years. Personally, I didn't want the child. My work was offering potential advances within my position and I was excited for it. But after a lot of talking, we decided to go forward with it. When I was around 20 weeks pregnant, just after finding out the baby's gender, he disappeared. I couldn't contact him and he wouldn't answer the phone or messages. I got worried and messages mother, and I found out that he was back living with her and

was overwhelmed with the situation. He kept paying his part of the bills over to my bank account each month, but I received no contact. I even tried to go over to see him in person, but nothing. By about 27 weeks, I gave up trying, gave up crying, and just got on with what I thought was a future as a single mother. I bought everything needed over the next couple of weeks and set everything up. At 31 weeks, I started having pains, but I put it down to Braxton Hicks. Just before 32 weeks, my water broke. I went into labor

and the baby started coming very quickly. The baby went straight into the neonatal intensive care unit. I messaged and called my ex and his mother, but got no response. Less than a week later, my son passed away due to complications of early birth. I, again, tried to contact my ex and his mother. I left voicemails and messages, nothing. The next few weeks were a blur, but with the help of my mother and father, I arranged for my son's funeral. They also tried to contact my ex and his mother, but still nothing.

I sent more messages, nothing. I'm assuming that we were all probably blocked, but honestly at that point I just didn't care. I was so broken. My Sun's funeral came and went. It was beautiful and horrible. I stopped messaging my ex until my family not to bother after the funeral had passed. I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

Five months after the birth and death of my baby, my ex turned up. He just let himself in. Jesus Christ. Oh my God, okay. I wasn't at home, but when I got back, he was instantly hostile. My apartment was clearly not set up to accommodate a small child. He demanded to see his son. I broke down and told him what happened.

I've never seen him so sad and angry. He stormed out, slamming the door on his way out. Within half an hour, I got a nasty call from his mother followed by messages from siblings and other family. How dare I not let them know something so serious it happened! How could I hide something like that out of petty spite? But I truly didn't, I tried, but I can't keep trying! It's been nearly three weeks now of them being awful.

I was speaking to my sister this weekend, and she said, To be frank, it was a bit of a dick move to not keep trying. They deserved to know. Was it? I tried so hard to let him know, but I was struggling so hard too. I lost my son too. Am I the bad guy? Should I have done more? Triggered, you guys, I'm triggered.

I'm triggered! OP had to be pregnant alone. Give birth alone and bury her child alone. And now she's asking herself, should I have done more? The father, if you can even call him that, ran away to his mommy so she can cook him meals and tell him everything's gonna be alright and just kick back, relax, and just do whatever he wants for like five or six months. In my opinion, OP, this guy lost the right to call himself a father and all the privileges associated with that, the day that he left you in the lurch.

And then to get mad at you, like, what does he expect for you to hire dog, the bounty hunter to track him down, drag you there so you can tell him that his son died? For you to hire one of those planes that drags a sign behind it and just fly through the city that you think that he lives in, hoping he sees it.

But what does he expect you to do? OP, in my opinion, what this guy did to you is completely unforgivable. I'm giving him the rare, full, 5 out of 5 bad guys. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 bad guys. Am I the bad guy for refusing to help with my X dogs vet bills? My X wife wanted a purebred dog as a pet when we were together. I tried to talk her into adopting a mut since they're generally healthier than all the inbred pure dogs. Nope. She had to have a very specific dog breed. This particular breed is famously bad

at breathing. I could afford it so I finally gave in. I got her the dog she wanted. He was never our dog. He was her dog. Unless, of course, it was unpleasant outside. Then I had to walk him. I also paid all the vet bills and the dog-related bills. When we divorced, she took her dog with her. We have no kids. Thank God.

So no child support. No spouse will support either. The dog is not doing well and needs some fairly extensive and expensive surgery. Since he was our dog, she wants me to pay for the operations. I said no thank you. Now she's pissed and is contacting my friends and family trying to get me to change my mind. Some of my friends are starting to take her side. They say that I'm being a butthole for not helping an animal that I used to care about.

I don't think I owe her any help. I thought that buying him was a bad idea. I was repeatedly told that he wasn't mine. Also, she left with a dog, and I haven't seen them in months. Opie, not your wife, not your dog, not your problem. I'm giving you zero out of five bad guys. I'm giving her 1.5 out of five bad guys. Am I the bad guy for telling my sister-in-law that I'll disown her if she gets pregnant?

I'm a 33 year old woman, and I live with my brother who's 32 and his wife 34. Things have been fine to a point, and I definitely appreciate them taking me in during my time of need. That fact is not lost on me. I recognize that they didn't have to help me, and I'm incredibly thankful that they've done that. But my sister-in-law has baby fever, and she's talking about trying to get pregnant. First of all, I know that my brother had this snip after his divorce from his first wife.

He would have to have the procedure reversed and his insurance will not cover it, and to be frank, they can't afford that. Part of why they allowed me to move in is because they're in financial trouble, and I'm contributing quite a lot of money to bills right now. I cover probably two thirds of all the bills because my sister-in-law doesn't work, and my brother pays an ungodly amount of child support to his ex-wife. Also, my sister-in-law can barely take care of herself. She sleeps most of the day, she doesn't clean, she doesn't cook, and she doesn't take care of the kid that she already has. Her daughter is 6 years old, and my sister-in-law doesn't even interact with her unless she has to. This is a totally separate issue, but I've become a live-in maid and nanny on top of working

45 hours or more a week. My sister-in-law lost custody of her other child about two years ago. He's 11 and lives with other family members. I don't know why she lost custody, but according to the 11-year-old, he was abused. She did not fight to get custody. Two days ago, my brother told me that he has an appointment to meet with his doctor to discuss reversing the procedure so that him and my sister-in-law can try for a baby.

I told him that they're out of their minds. Things got explosive, and I finally asked who was going to take care of the baby when my brother works full time, I work full time, and my sister-in-law constantly makes excuses to not even do basic stuff around the house, like take the dog outside. She really had the nerve to tell me, I thought that you could handle them when you get off work before my husband gets home so the load is evenly distributed. I blew up on her. I told her that I'm not going to be a parent to another

one of her kids, and that if they really do this, then I'm totally done and they're on their own. I told my brother that I would always love him and help him if he needs me, but that I would never talk to my sister-in-law and make sure the rest of the family disowns or two. I think that I was probably the bad guy for saying that the way that I did. She started crying and locked herself in the bedroom. My brother is threatening to kick me out, and again, I might be the bad guy for this. I told him that he can't afford to kick me out, and he can't afford a replacement made or nanny like I've been. I told our mom about what happened, and she not only thinks that I'm not the bad guy, but she's now mad at my brother.

Our dad, however, said that I am the bad guy because it isn't my place to say anything about my brother's decisions. So reddit. Am I the bad guy? Okay, so generally speaking, your dad's right, it's not your place to say what your brother can and can't do. However, when your brother's decisions directly affect you because you're literally raising his kids, then yeah, you do have a say in it. When I read the

title about you saying you were going to disown your sister-in-law if she got pregnant, I was all ready to attack you and say that you're a bad person, but after reading this story, I'm on your side OP. Your sister-in-law falls somewhere between a bad mother to a dangerous mother, depending on what happened with the abuse claim. But in any event, she has no business having another kid. O.P., you get zero out of five bad guys. Your sister-in-law gets a minimum of three out of five bad guys, possibly higher considering what happened with the abuse claim. So you think you know sports? Points vet is the sportsbook for you, because we've got the features for true competitors, like live, same game parliades.

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LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert, this trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals. Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. Am I the bad guy for telling my neighbor that my roommates and I aren't babysitters? I'm a 20-year-old woman. I share an apartment with Casey who's 24, Nelly who's 19, Hannah who's 21, and Hannah's 8-month-old daughter.

The issue at hand concerns our neighbors. John who's 30 and his wife Jane who's 25 have a set of twins who are one year old. So sometimes, Hannah will have a play date with the twins. But recently, our neighbors have been using the play dates as a way to dump their kids on Hannah and the rest of us. Sometimes for hours without answering the phone. Now I love kids and I'd be more than happy to babysit them, but we're all either working, in college, or both. So many times, we've either been late to class or work because we can't contact John or

Jane. Yesterday, the four of us were preparing to go out for lunch and get some shopping done. As we were leaving, John stopped us and said that he needed Hannah to watch his kids while he went out to see a movie. I told him that we are not babysitters, and if they left their kids with us again without answering, we'd call social services, to which he called us a bunch of spineless leeches. The other parents in the complex said that we were harsh to new parents and to have more compassion.

Okay, then they can watch the kids. Oh God, this pisses me off and people do this. Then they can watch the kids. And how is this guy calling you a spineless leech when he himself is a spineless leech? He didn't ask you to watch the kids because he had chores to do, he asked you to watch the kids because he wanted to see a movie, man, these people. Also, OP clarifies in an edit that John and Jane left their kids, so they called CPS. Anyways, OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 bad guys. I'm giving your neighbors 2 out of 5 bad guys. Am I the bad guy for telling my sister that I will not be playing dad to her third baby?

I'm a 22 year old woman. My sister Iris, who's 38, has 2 daughters ages 5 and 7. From the time that they were born, I've been helping my sister take care of my nieces. Iris has a husband, David. David doesn't do much in raising his daughters, so I've been helping my sister take care of my nieces. Iris has a husband, David. David doesn't do much in raising his daughters, so I've had to pick up his slacks and both the kids were born. I think it's important to note that he has a regular 9-5 job at a bank, and Iris is a doctor and works double the time that he does. I've had to cancel so many plans, trips, etc. to take care of my nieces when my sister was busy,

but David was available. 90% of the time, my sister would call me over to babysit, and David would be watching sports or out hanging out with his friends. I didn't have the guts to say anything when I was younger, so I just shut up about it. Now my sister is pregnant with her third child. While I'm excited for her, I'm dreading it. Now my sister is pregnant with her third child. While I'm excited for her, I'm dreading it. The two girls are currently at an age now where it's gotten a bit easier for me to look after them alone. But I can't imagine having to take care of three. I told my sister

that she's going to have to tell David to step up now that I have a job and not much free time. She said, what's the point of that comment? I said that I've been doing David's share of parenting for seven years, so she'll need to tell him to do more because I won't be playing that again. She got really mad at me and said that she trust me to look after my nieces because women are naturally better at it than men. I said that while I'm happy to help her, I refuse to be a apparent to her kids. She hasn't spoken to me in a week. Okay, let's start with David because David is super easy. He gets 3 out of 5 bad guys for being an out of touch, uncaring, deadbeat dad. I think I'll also give your sister 3 out of 5 bad guys for the entitlement, but on top

of all that, we have a banker and a doctor. I'm just guessing here, but I have to imagine that combined, those two are making an income north of like $300,000 a year. Just hire a nanny. Clearly they need one since the mother is always working and the father doesn't care. It's not your responsibility to care for their kids, it's their responsibility. Opie, your sister and brother-in-law have been exploiting your good nature, and it's time for that to stop.

You should stop being a free, unpaid, nanny-slash-parent figure and go back to being a cool aunt. Come hang out with them on the weekends, but don't be their free babysitter whenever they need it. OP, you get zero out of five bad guys. Am I the bad guy for telling our nephew why my wife isn't that close to him, knowing very well that it would make him hate his mother, which did happen? My wife is currently 40 years old. When my wife was 17, she and her dad got in a traumatic accident, which ended up fatally

injuring her father and severely injuring her. I can't share every detail, but it ended up causing her to go into a coma for a few years. She's completely healed from the physical injuries, but we're still working on the mental aspect because that aspect is very bad. My wife has a sister, Regina, who's 45, and a brother Calvin, who's 47. Regina had a son two years after my wife woke up from a coma and decided to name him James, the name of my late father-in-law. All of us tried to make her change the name because we knew that it wouldn't end well. Regina didn't listen to us and decided to go ahead with the name.

The end result was not pretty. We now have six other nieces and nephews, and while my wife is very close with all of them, she isn't that close with James, who's now 18. He's noticed this a lot, and he finally asked me the real reason why my wife isn't that close with him. We told him the reason why, and he was mortified. It ended up having a full blow up at their house, and now James is staying with my mother and law.

Regina is upset that I painted her as the villain, and after discussing what happened with my friends, a lot of them think that I shouldn't have told him the truth. Something doesn't make sense here. I feel like I'm missing something. Your wife completely turned her back on James just because they share a name, and when James found out that he was named after his dead grandmother, that made him hate his mother and move out of the house, I can kinda understand the wife having difficulty with connecting with James because of her mental trauma, but why would that make James so upset that he

had to move out of the house just because he's named after his grandfather? Something- something is not adding up in the story. I don't even understand why it's a big deal. If a family member dies tragically, isn't naming a new kid after the dead family member kind of like a normal, reasonable thing to do? Lots of people are named after dead family members. So I think I've been a withhold judgment on this post because I don't know unless I'm missing something this just doesn't make sense to me. Why is it some dark family secret that James is named after his grandfather? Doesn't he know his dead grandfather's name? Can you guys make sense of the story? This story doesn't make any sense to me.

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