rSlash - r/AITA for Stealing a Family Heirloom?

Episode Date: December 31, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:07 Hair issues 8:22 Heirloom 13:21 Wedding day Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to our slash Am I the butthole where O.P. discovers that her daughter's best friend is being neglected? Am I the butthole for brushing my daughter's friends? Extremely mad at hair out so she could avoid a drastic cut? My daughter has a friend April who's 13. April's been going through some health issues that I don't want to put here. April's mom passed away when she was little, so it's just her and her dad. Since her dad has started dating his girlfriend, Kathy, April's needs have been pushed to the side a little, and her dad just hasn't noticed that April's been struggling. She's doing better now after getting the help that she needed. However, April's hair has been extremely matted, as it hasn't been brushed for months. April's been hiding her hair under hats and hoods at home

and trying to disguise it at school in Buns. April stayed over at our place on the weekend and I only found out about our hair when they came downstairs after getting a comb stuck in April's hair trying to fix it. I comforted April as she was ashamed about our hair but she had hoped that she and my daughter could fix it.

My daughter convinced her to tell me about it because she had been scared to say anything to anyone because she thought that she would be judged because her dad's girlfriend had made comments about her appearance when she was going through her health issues. When April was going through her health issues, I made it clear to her and my daughter that our home is a judgment-free zone. And if she ever wanted to come to me or my husband for help, then she would get it. April then asked for help detangling her hair, so that's what I did. We put on some films and I worked on detangling April's hair.

It took hours, but it was doable. When April went home on Sunday, her hair was completely detangled and neatly braided into two Dutch braids. She was happy and thanked me for helping with her hair. Then on Monday, I got an angry phone call from Kathy because she intended to take April to get her haircut due to how mad at her hair was. Apparently, Kathy and April's dad had noticed how bad it was and Kathy had told me that she would get it sorted out.

Kathy is mad because the salon they were going to a charge-share cancellation fee for canceling the day of the appointment. Kathy wants me to pay her back for the cancellation fee because it's my fault for fixing April's hair when they were going to get it cut out. I told her that I wouldn't be paying it. I just did the right thing by April instead of going to the extreme option right away. Kathy then said that April was no longer allowed to be friends with my daughter and they- They would sue me for the cancellation fee. The fee was 60 pounds by the way. Half the cost of the haircuts. My daughter told me that April knew about Kathy. I'm sorry. This is so dumb.

I'm just imagining the judge is sitting up on his bench and he's like, okay, what's the next case? And this huffy Karen walks up to the post and is like, you're honor. I'm suing. I'm suing that woman over there for 60 pounds because I wanted to cut off my daughter's hair because I completely neglected her and that evil woman over there brushed out my daughter's hair Meaning I could no longer shave her head bald So I had to cancel and and they charged me a cancellation fee and I went her to pay it like yo

What is it? What would go through the judges? Like what? I'm sorry what you let your daughter's hair get so mad It that it was like a rat's nest and you're blaming someone else for fixing it, huh? I'm sorry, what? You let your daughter's hair get so matted that it was like a rat's nest and you're blaming someone else for fixing it, huh? I'm sorry, this is really funny to me. Okay, my daughter told me that April knew about Kathy wanting to cut her hair and April didn't want the hair cut, which is why she went to my daughter for help. April, just like my own daughter, has long hair. So cutting the matted hair out would have meant her losing well over half of her length of her hair.

So am I the butthole for brushing out April's hair so she avoided getting a drastic cuts? Man, there's so much wrong with this post. This is, this is so dumb. Okay, so first off, we'll start with the easy one, neglect. Maybe April's dad and April's stepmom should stop neglecting their own daughter. Huh? How about that? That's an easy one, right?

Secondly, maybe April's dad and April's stepmom should stop being such judgemental jerks that their own daughter doesn't feel safe coming to them for help. Instead, she has to go to her friend's parents because they're more trustworthy than her own parents are. And then, oh my god. Yo, okay, how about this? This one's pretty easy. If a 13-year-old girl, quite possibly the most vulnerable person for body images that you could possibly come up with, a 13-year-old girl, is going through major health issues, maybe don't body shame them, okay? Maybe show them some sympathy because they're going through health issues, so don't be like, you're looking pretty ugly today, sweetie. Have you tried putting on makeup? What's so weird to

me about this? This is the really weird thing. Is brushing a young girl's hair is such an amazing opportunity for bonding. It's such a sweet bonding moment. So if Kathy really cared about her step daughter, just comb her hair. Put on some music, put on some TV, chat about your day, you know, comb her hair. I have a two-year-old daughter. I love running my fingers through her hair and playing with her hair and combing her hair. It's just so sweet, it's sweet.

So, Opie, I hope they see you. I would love to see how that goes in court, man. That's so funny. Opie posted an update. Let's see where this goes. April's dad, James, came around earlier because he wanted to talk to me. April and Kathy had gotten into a shouting match yesterday because of the canceled appointment. Kathy had told April that she wasn't allowed to see my daughter anymore until I paid the

money that I owed. This was news to James. And April told Kathy that she was going to continue seeing her friend. April also told Kathy that she hated her. And that if anyone was going to take the place of her mom, it would be me because I actually care about April as a person, not just her appearance. James wanted to know what happened with April and why I owed Kathy money. I explained everything to James, and he was horrified to learn that Kathy was going to cut April's

hair short instead of helping her. He had been under the impression that the appointment had been to get her hair detangled, and he wouldn't have consented to April getting a big chop. He hadn't realized how focused Kathy had become on April's appearance with her hair. He told me that he wasn't going to stop April coming around because he knows how important my family is to her. When her mom died and he fell apart, we provided the stability they both needed. I told James that April is always welcome here and she knows it, but it's her dad that she needs. Ugh, I'm getting a little choked up, you guys. She needs him to be there for her and to support her through whatever she's going through.

Having her dad will mean more to her than having me there. James agreed to this, and that he knows that he's not been the dad that she needs, and he's going to try to be better for her. He asked if I could recommend a family therapist who could help them, and I gave him a few names. Since April started going through her issues, James has stepped up. He's not the same dad that he was when they started, but he does still have a long way to go to be the dad of the year. Since speaking with James, I've gotten angry texts from Kathy, furious that I went behind her back and spoke with James when she was dealing with the issue. In the string of angry text she sent me, she said horrible things about me, April, and

my daughter. I'm not engaging with her anymore. She's a walking red flag. I screen-shoted the messages before blocking Kathy and sending them to James' phone. My daughter's been messaging April making sure that she's okay, and she'll be coming to stay at the weekend because she doesn't want to be home when Kathy collects her stuff. I'm not sure what's going on with that relationship. Nor do I want to know, but it does sound like James is finally putting April first. Okay, it looks like we have a mostly happy ending here. Opie, you get an easy peasy zero out

of five buttholes. Kathy gets 2.5 out of five buttholes. Kadi gets 2.5 out of five buttholes. And even though James is trying to turn over a new leaf, I can't really overlook the neglect and the fact that he let his girlfriend bully his daughter, so I'm giving him two out of five buttholes. Hopefully after he works on his relationship with his daughter, he can knock it down to zero out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for not passing on an heirloom to my daughter-in-law? I'm a 48 year old woman and my oldest child is 22. He's been with this fiance, the daughter-in-law

in this story since they were 20, and he wants to marry her. I had always liked her. She's a smart girl, she fits in well with the family, she's driven, and she makes my son happy. Everything was all roses, until they got engaged. Now, since I was little, I was fascinated with jewelry. When I was older and married and had my own income, I started to collect rings. I used to design rings myself. I would design them myself and save up my disposable income towards whatever ring I wanted. I wasn't buying a new ring every year, but over time, I got a nice collection of rings. My favorites are a sapphire with a halo of diamonds, an emerald in a trilogy with one-carat diamonds

on either side and a ruby set in a pave band. After my son got engaged and we invited him and my daughter-in-law to dinner at home, my daughter-in-law asked to speak to me. She said that she's been admiring my emerald ring over the years, and she's always one at one. She pointed out that I wear that ring least often, which is true. And she demanded that I gift it to her as an heirloom engagement ring. This is in addition to other wedding gifts and expenses that we discuss as a family during dinner. This includes gold to the value of approximately 6,000 pounds, which is honestly more than

my entire wedding cost, and which I still think is a significant amount. This rubbed me the wrong way, and I admit I accused her of trying to pick through my estate before I'm even dead. I told her the ring is mine, and I can even sell it on my deathbed if I want to. She has no right to expect it and she's being a rude brat by demanding it. She held it me that something like this can't just be sold, it should be an heirloom and it's normal for heirlooms to be passed on while the wearer is still alive. I told her to leave if she's just in my home to demand my property and she stormed

out taking my son with her. Now she's mad at me and my son says that I should have just passed the ring to her since I have others and it would be a nice gesture to welcome her to the family. He says that it's no different than his sister occasionally borrowing some of my pieces. My husband and my daughter are on my side but this is the first time my son has shut me out like this. So am I the butthole? Okay, down in the comments everyone is saying not the butthole and for the most part I agree, it is your rank so you can do what you want with it and if you don't want to give it to

her then you know that's your choice. However, just like the escalation of this story makes me feel like something is missing. Because yeah, it was presumptuous and entitled of the daughter-in-law to ask OP for the ring. But it's not like insanely outlandish. It's not like she was asking OP to hand over her house or something. You know, if I were in OP shoes and they asked me that question, I would understand the logic behind it because, you know, some people like the idea of having an heirloom and I've got this ring, so like, it does kind of make sense.

But what's so weird about this story is OP immediately jumped to accusing her of being a, like, a gold digger? What did she say? She said that she accused the daughter-in-law of trying to pick through the estate before I'm even dead, which is a huge escalation. So, I feel like I'm missing the story here. I feel like there's some animosity here, or I just, I don't understand why OP is so defensive. Because the normal reaction would be to say, oh, no, I don't wanna do that.

This is my ring, and I don't wanna give it away as an heirloom. Not, I can't believe you would suggest that. Are you trying to steal from me? I'm not even dead yet, sweetie. Hold your horses before you start gold digging. Like, whoa, okay, calm down. What's going on here?

So, I guess I'll say that the daughter-in-law gets like, one out of five buttholes are being presumptuous and entitled, but I don't know if I can give OP zero out of five buttholes because I feel like something's missing here. Her reaction was just too harsh, too extreme, too quickly, so I don't know, something's going on here.

Why the drama? Also, I think there might be some possible cultural misunderstandings here because OP mentioned pounds as like money, so that would imply they're in the UK. But they said that they gave gold as a wedding gift, and I think Indians give gold as wedding gifts really, really commonly. And in the comments, she said that she's Muslim, and she mentioned giving this thing called a tola.

I don't know what a tola is. A tola is a traditional, ancient Indian and South Asian unit of mass. So she's giving a certain amount of tolas of gold. So I have to wonder if maybe there's some multicultural conflict here where the daughter-in-law has some cultural assumptions that OP doesn't also have. So I don't know.

Am I off the mark here, guys? I just feel like the story doesn't quite add up. Am I the butthole for refusing to make my half-sister look better on her wedding day by showing up? My half-sister and I share a mom. She's nine years older than me. I'm a 17-year-old girl.

My half-sister's dad died when she was five. And then, three years later, my mom remarried to my dad and got pregnant with me straight away. Up until I was 10, I thought that my sister was the best person ever, and I wanted us to have a relationship like my friends had with their siblings. But she's rejected me as not being her real sister from day one. She also rejects my dad as anything other than my mother's F buddy, and she called him that to his face and in front of other people. My dad always lets it slide, and my mom will tell her that we're a family, to which my

half-sister will say that she and my mom are family, but my dad and I are not. When I was six years old, my mother had a six-month pregnancy and with a stillborn. She had my grandma come over to watch my half-sister in me while she was in the hospital, and we were told something happened to our brother. I was really upset because I'd been so excited and I wanted comfort from my half sister. She told me to grow the F up and to stay away from her. She also told me that it was a shame the same thing didn't happen when mom was expecting me.

Grandma was horrified and told her that she would regret saying that, but my half-sister told her that she wouldn't regret saying that about someone that she didn't love. The breaking point was that Christmas when I was 10. She decided to stay with a different family member for Christmas, but did she up to our grandparents for Christmas Day celebrations? I was excited to see her, and I thought the fact that she showed up meant that she might like me now. But after I tried talking to her, she turned on me and said that she didn't give an

f about me or my life, and she didn't want me to know anything about her life. She called me pathetic and asked why would she care about someone like me. She told me that if she could turn back time, she would have begged my mom to have an abou-ing with me because I was disgusting. I think this is when I hit the point where I was like, you know what, fine. Over the last seven years, I've seen her maybe three times. She avoids being wherever I'm going to be, and she's made it clear to mom that if mom wants to see her, dad and I are not welcome, and we are not invited into her life.

Except now, she's getting married, and she invited me and she wants me at the wedding because apparently people are asking questions. Mom was so happy when my half sister told me that she really wanted me there. My mom was so eager to tell me. My half sister even showed up to invite me personally, but I told her that I won't go. She explained that she needed me and why, and I told her that I'm not going to make her look better by showing up. I said she wants me dead, and I don't want her in my life, so it's as simple as that. Mom cried, saying that we're siblings, and I told my mom that I lost my only sibling when my brother was still born. That he would have been my only sibling because my half sister sure as shit wasn't a sibling for me. She made it clear many times over

that she didn't want to be my sister. My half sister and my mom both feel like I'm really in the wrong. Am I the butthole? Yeah, okay, I was shocked reading this story. At first I was like, okay, sibling rivalry, bullying even, but yo, is your sister an actual clinical psychopath? Is there something wrong with her brain? Does she not have empathy? What is wrong with her? I've got two half brothers, I'm not super close to them because they're like 10 years older than me so we didn't grow up together, but you know, they're nice people, they're fine, we're friendly with each other whenever we meet where did all this hatred and

animosity come from and then she's gonna bully you for your entire life tell you that she wishes you were dead and they're turned around and expect you to do her a Favorite give me a break. Oh, P. I'm giving you zero out of five buttles. I'm giving your sister 3.5 out of five buttles I'm also giving your mom 3.5 out of 5 buttholes because the fact that she allowed your sister to bully you like this for your entire life is awful. It's basically child abuse. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.