rSlash - r/AITA I Saved My Son's Life, Then Disowned Him

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:07 Disowned 8:50 Side guys 10:22 Selfish 14:03 Medical procedure 15:54 Comment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ready for you. Welcome to r slash am I the butthole where OP finds a five year old boy abandoned on the side of the road. Am I the butthole for disowning my adoptive son since he chose his people over us? I'm a 44 year old man and my husband is 40. We've been married for 20 years, together for 22,

and our adoptive son is 24. He's black and we're not. I am only mentioning this because it's relevant to the story later. This does not take place in the US. About 19 years ago, me and my husband had been driving on a highway back from a small vacation when, along a particularly long stretch of road that had absolutely no buildings around, only a ton of grass and hills as far as the eye could see, we spotted a little boy just sitting by the side of the road. Like I mentioned,

there was nothing around for miles and no cars close to where the boy was, so we decided to stop and see if everything was okay. When we got closer to the boy, Jason, it was very easy to see that he was dirty and malnourished since the only thing he had on were some diapers. He was so small it didn't look like he could be older than three, but we later found out that he was actually five! We asked him why he was alone and he told us, Mommy and Daddy put me here and told me to wait. There was no cell signal in the area, so we did the sensible thing and brought him back to town to the nearest police station.

To make a long story short, CPS was called. We discovered that his parents were some druggies that were on the run from a felony. The only other relative that Jason had was his grandmother, who was very mentally ill and couldn't take care of him, and we felt bad. He went into foster care soon after, but we felt bad for the kid and kept in touch with his caseworker. I had, and still do have, an extremely well paying job at the time, and I could easily afford a decent lifestyle for a small family. So after a few months of discussion between ourselves, the caseworker, and some bureaucracy,

we formally adopted Jason. Now onto the situation. About three years ago, Jason's parents were released from prison on parole. They contacted him not long after in hopes of reconnecting. Prior to that, they had sent him a few odd letters here or there, but nothing really substantial. At first, he was hesitant to talk to them, but he ended up caving and meeting them for lunch one day. I'll admit that a part of me was a bit jealous and apprehensive of what could happen, but I could see that it really was something that my son wanted to do, so for his sake, I swallowed

my insecurities and supported him through it. It didn't take very long, about three months I think, for him to start pulling away from us. At first, I chalked it up to him being excited to actually talk to his biological parents after so long. You know, talk about what had been going on in his life, spend some time with them, etc. It started to bother me when he would cancel his plans with us last minute because Mom had an emergency, or Dad really needs me to help him with something today, or whatever other excuse he could come up with.

He used to come over to our house at least once a week and call every day or so, but now we were lucky if he came by once a month. Again, I thought that it was just temporary, that he was just excited and soon enough he would start spending some time with us again. We were overjoyed when he invited us over to dinner one night. It was supposed to be a family gathering, us, his biological parents, and his girlfriend. I wasn't exactly keen on meeting people who had left my son for dead on the side of the road, but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe they'd atoned

and changed. Besides, he's our son and we love him. We had to at least try. To say that the dinner was a disaster is an understatement. His biological mom was extremely rude to me and my husband the entire night, making passive aggressive, homophobic and racist remarks every chance she got. His father was much the same. It all came to a head when she straight up called us the F word and threw a glass at my husband. A screaming match followed

and we left soon after. The next day, Jason apologized profusely and promised that they would never do anything like that again. I told him that neither me nor my husband wanted to have anything to do with them and I would appreciate it if he understood that. He seemed to, but he continued to pull away the next few months. And that leads to what happened last week. Jason proposed to his girlfriend about 9 months back, and he's been preparing for the wedding ever since. Of course, we were overjoyed for him.

But a few months went by and no invitation came. Every time we asked Jason, he would say the invitations hadn't been sent out yet, or he would change the subject. Well, last week, my husband saw a twitter post from one of Jason's friends, his groomsmen, that went a few weeks back with the invitation in his hand. We confronted Jason about it the next time he came over, only for him to drop the bomb on us that we hadn't been invited. We asked him why, and he said that his parents didn't want us there and they

wouldn't come if we came. I was effing furious. I asked him how could he choose those pieces of trash over us? Why were they so important? What did we do to deserve this kind of treatment? His answer? They understand me better. They're my people. At this point, my husband was crying, asking how could he do this. I've only ever been truly angry a few times in my life, and this moment managed to top all of them. I threw him out right then and there and told him to never come back. That he wasn't our son anymore.

I spent the rest of the day hugging my husband and trying to calm him down. The next day, I cancelled everything that we'd paid for for the wedding, which was basically everything important, even the ones that we couldn't get a refund on. Of course, Jason had the gall to call me and scream at me asking, how could you do this to me? Where could I find replacement for a wedding that's supposed to happen in only a few months? I told him I didn't give a shit and said maybe you should ask those two leeches you

call parents for help. 19 years. 19 effing years of my god damn life spent raising and loving a kid that I considered my own son, only to be treated like garbage. I gave blood, sweat and tears so that he would have a good life, all the love that we could possibly give, and that's what we get as a reward? As for why I'm asking if I'm the butthole, some people have been calling and messaging us, mostly Jason's friends and a few of our family members, calling us heartless and

monsters for doing what we did to him. And that's honestly got me questioning if I went a bit too far in anger. After all, parents are supposed to love unconditionally, right? But if so, how do we ever get over something like this? How can we deal with this feeling of betrayal? Are we justified in feeling like that? Okay, you know what? The man, the story is crazy. Okay, even if we just remove the whole parent adopting thing from the equation,

at its core this story is, hey, pay for my wedding that you're not invited to. Okay, and that just on its own is bonkers. The entitlement, the selfishness, the hypocrisy out of OP's son is, I can't even comprehend it. Then you add in the fact that they literally saved his life and gave him love for what like 20 years and it makes it so much worse. I mean I don't even know what to say. When the guy said, uh, they understand me, they're my people, I actually kind of agree

with him. It seems like he's also like his mother and father who abandon a family member that they're supposed to love. I don't even understand why he would want to be around them. Like they literally left him for dead to starve on the side of the road or get hit by a car or get picked up by a P word and tortured for the rest of his life. And he's like, hey, I want to come over for Sunday dinner, mom and dad. What do you say? I mean, I don't get it.

Humans are so weird. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. My heart reaches out to you. This is such a sad story. The parents, the biological parents in the story get the full five out of five buttholes. Let's remember they're like druggy people and they're running from the law and they abandon their kid. They could have abandoned their kid at a police station, at a fire station, at least in the city where

someone would have seen him. But no, they intentionally leave him in the middle of nowhere where I guess they expected him to just starve. Why did they do that? I guess they literally wanted him to die, they just didn't have the guts to do it themselves. Oh man, and then I'm giving OP's son 4 out of 5 buttholes. I can understand that he lived a very messed up life and he comes from a lot of trauma

considering what his parents did to him, but what he did, man, I couldn't even do that to my worst enemy. Am I the butthole for leaving a girl when she tells me how many side guys she has? This just happened an hour ago. I went on a second date with a girl that I met through Tinder. The date went well and I got back to her place to watch the movie Spirited Away. It was nice and we began to make out, but her phone was ringing the entire time. So I asked her, is that a friend of yours who's worried or something? She says, no, it's one of my friends with

benefits. So I ask her, huh, how many do you have then? And she says four, depending on what she feels like. So I say, but we're dating, right? She says, yeah, but I thought you weren't staying over, so someone else is coming after you leave. I was kind of shocked. So I grabbed my jacket, wished her good luck, told her not to text me and left. Am I crazy or what? Uh, yo guys, I've been married for like 13 years. I'm deeply out of the dating pool.

Maybe this makes me a little bit more old fashioned than a typical Tinder user, but this is just crazy to me. Now, granted, it sounds like they never had a conversation about exclusivity, but inviting a guy over to finish off what you started, yo, I'd be out of there too, OP. I'd be sprinting for the door. So I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. And I guess I'm also giving her zero out of five buttholes because, I mean, if that's the lifestyle she wants to live, then that's her right.

And she was being honest about it. So I can't really knock her on it. Sounds like other people are knocking her on it. Am I the butthole for flipping out on my mother-in-law and husband for eating all the food before I'd eaten? Ever since I gave birth four months ago, I have four kids total. My mother-in-law has been showing up whenever she wants, and when she's here, she always helps herself to whatever she wants. She has NEVER offered to help me or the baby in any way, shape or form. She's basically here to see her son, and that's it.

Like, about three weeks ago, I made a small pot of coffee. Enough for two cups. I went to go nurse the baby while the coffee brewed, and at some point, my mother-in-law showed up and let herself inside. By the time I came out, she had drank the entire pot of coffee. I had no coffee grounds left. Or another example, she had eaten my leftover straight out of the fridge multiple times. And she's always like, thanks for the food and the coffee. As if I offered it to her when I absolutely didn't because all she's doing is making my life

miserable. I told my husband to speak to her about it and he told me that he did, but I truly don't think so. I spoke up the last time she was here three weeks ago and told her she needed to stop helping herself because she's eating and drinking stuff that I wanted or made for myself. She said, oh, I'm sorry and then stopped coming around for a while. Well today I made four homemade pizzas. I told the kids to come help themselves to dinner and that I had to go get the baby down for a nap real quick and I'd be right back. Well it took me 45 minutes because the baby is fussy.

She just had shots. I came back out and all the pizza was gone and my mother-in-law and husband were sitting there chowing away. I just said, are you f-ing kidding me right now? My husband asked what was going on and I said, you guys couldn't have left me an f-ing slice? Sure, let's feed the f-ing neighborhood before I get to eat. That's so awesome of you guys. Thanks. And I start to walk off. My oldest son, who's 13, comes in and he's like,

Mom, I did leave you out of plate. I put it right on the counter. And then he walks over to grab it, and lo and behold, that's gone too. My mother-in-law said, I thought that that was leftover from dinner. So my son's apologizing to me even though he did nothing wrong, but my mother-in-law and husband are just standing there. They literally aren't saying anything. So I looked at both of them and said, you both need to leave, now. My husband then decides to speak, saying that it was an honest mistake and that no one meant any harm. And he said that I was making a mountain out of a molehill, which honestly just pissed me off further, so I snapped again and said, yeah, except every time your effing mother comes here I end up going without food because she eats or drinks my portion of everything.

But sure, let's defend someone taking food out of my mouth, shall we? His mother just storms out of the house and my husband looks at me like I'm insane so I say, quick, chase her and walk out. My husband thinks that I'm effing mental and that this all could have been resolved if I had just acted like an adult. He won't come back home, but at this point, I don't even want him to come home because it means his mother will stay away. Once upon a time, I myself was a 13-year-old boy, and I say this next sentence with love, keep in mind, but 13-year-old boys are typically clueless and self-obsessed. 13-year-old boys aren't clueless and self-obsessed.

13-year-old boys aren't exactly known as being the most caring, considerate, and thoughtful demographic out there. And yet, this 13-year-old boy is the only person in the household who thought, Hey wait, maybe mom should have some pizza. So OP, I'm on your side. You're completely justified. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your husband and your mother-in-law 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole because I told my sister

that I would not help her leave the state to get a medical procedure that she's actively against until she told her parents? I don't think I need to spell it out, but I'm gonna do so. My 19-year-old sister is a hardcore evangelical. I was also until I got into university. But for my sister, university hasn't opened her eyes at all. Everything is still black and white. She recently discovered that while abstinence is the only guaranteed effective birth control method, you actually have to practice it. She did not.

And since all other forms of birth control are a sin, they didn't use any. F-ing idiots! She came to my apartment to ask for help. My apartment where, according to her, I'm living... What? I'm living in sin and fornicating. Both accurate facts that I take pride in. I asked her if this was going to be a virgin birth. She screamed at me that I was being a butthole for mocking her beliefs.

I said that I was mocking her hypocrisy. Our state just banned abortion, even if the health of the mother or the fetus is in danger, which is ridiculous. I told her that I'd help her out. All she had to do was tell our parents why I had to take time off work and she had to take time off school. She said that they would disown her. Which is maybe true, I don't know for sure.

But they didn't speak to me for a year after I moved in with my boyfriend. I wouldn't actually make her do this. I love her even though she's an idiot. I took her and we came back. She's okay physically, but not so much in her mind. She's having a hard time reconciling what she did. I kinda feel bad about rubbing her beliefs in her face before agreeing to help her. I don't know, OP. Apparently, she didn't have a problem rubbing your beliefs in your face!

Also, I like this top comment from Kristen Peanuts. I've never understood it. If you're going to sin by having pre-marital intercourse, why not sin all the way and use birth control? Seriously, in for a penny, in for a pound. Or perhaps more accurately, in for a penny, in for a pounding. Heheh. That was r slash amythebutthole and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast

because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.