rSlash - r/AITA If I Change My Son's Name, He Will Inherit MILLIONS $$$

Episode Date: September 9, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:08 Name change 7:34 Sharing inheritance 11:38 Respect 13:49 Bad joke Visit BetterHelp.com/RSLASH today to get 10% off your first month Go to HelloFresh.com/50rslash and use code 50rslash for 50% off plus free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable cottage mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. Welcome to R-Slash. Am I the butthole where OP's son can inherit millions of dollars if she simply changes her son's last name? Will I be the butthole if I don't change my son's name even though it may cause him to

lose an inheritance? I'm a 24 year old woman and I got pregnant while I was taking a gap year traveling. I met an older guy. Nothing gross. I was 19, he was 23. We had fun. I was working in a bar to make money while I explored his city. When I got pregnant, he lost interest really quickly.

I understood, but I chose not to terminate. I went home and had my son. I also made sure to get child support. He could afford it. He did fight it though. I had to prove paternity and everything. Because I had to prove paternity, his parents found out. His parents are well off. They've met my son, and they truly do seem to love him. They've provided gifts for his birthday and Christmas.

They helped me with extra money so that I could complete my university without going into debts. They've taken us on vacation with them so they could spend time with them. They aren't the biggest fans of me, but we are cordial to each other. Three months ago, my son's father passed away. He got drunk at his bachelor party, tripped on the sidewalk, and hit his head, and that was all she wrote. My son and I attended the funeral.

We spent a week in that city so his grandparents could see him. They approached me with an offer. They had no other children or grandchildren. Their son was only 28, so he had lots of time to provide them legitimate kids, so they never thought about my son's name. They said that if I legally changed his surname to theirs, then they would make him their primary heir. I think this is dumb. He's their only grandchild, and they would deny him an inheritance because of his last name. I said I would consider it to be polite and have left it at that.

I actually have a pretty good life as it is. My family has been very supportive. And because of the whole court thing, my son's father had to have life insurance with him as the beneficiary. Would it be nice for my kid to get a big sum of money? Yes. Do I want him to have the surname of a man who didn't want him, see him, or love him? No. I've been talking to my family about it, and a few of them think that I'm being the

butthole for giving up this kind of money for my son. It's generational wealth, and I'm making the decision based on emotion. I think they're the buttholes for thinking money is the only thing that matters. I think I'll tell my son's grandparents that they can talk to him about it when he's 16. He'll be old enough to understand the implications, but young enough not to be tied professionally to his last name. So this kind of feels like a no butthole situation and more just like a difference of opinion because fundamentally OP and the grandparents are both making the exact same stance.

They're saying, I care more about a name than I do about millions of dollars. And you know, if the grandparents don't want to give their grandson the inheritance because of the last name, then they're completely in their right to do so it's their money, they can give their money to anyone for any reason including no reason. It sucks I wish that they would put their love for their grandkids higher than their pride over their own name, but they're not doing that. And the same goes for OP because OP is the primary caregiver, so if she wants to give her son her name, then that's completely within her right to do so.

Again, I wish that she would put her love for her son above the pride for her last name. So even though everyone here technically has a right to take the stance that they're taking, I am firmly on the grandparent side. In general, people agree that OP should take the money and change the name because a name just isn't worth that much, but I scroll down fairly far and I saw that some people are kind of wary because they think that this is just the beginning, there's going to be a lot of emotional blackmail and first they're going to ask about the name, then they ask that they move, and so on and so forth.

And yes, that's possible. However, the fact that the grandparents have been freely giving all this money to OP, just because they want to spend time with their grandson is to me a green flag. Let me remind you that my grandfather literally changed his name to get a job. I shouldn't be daveny-bale, I should be daveny-still-larsec, but people wouldn't that my grandfather literally changed his name to get a job. I shouldn't be Dabney Bailey, I should be Dabney Stelarsik, but people wouldn't hire my grandfather because he thought he was German during World War II and so he changed his name to Bailey. So to me personally changing a name to make some money easiest decision on my life,

especially if you could change it back later like who cares. You know, I got a friend of mine, his name is Corey. But Corey's his middle name. His first name is Robert. But his whole family called him Corey his entire life. And then when he was like a teenager, his parents told him that his first name was Robert and he didn't believe them. He's like, no, it's not my name's Corey. And they're like, no, yeah,

let me show you the birth certificate. Robert, your first name, Corey's your middle name. We just have been calling you Corey your entire life. You know, you could just pick your own name people. It's just such a dumb thing to get upset about. Take the money, I take the money. Every single day, 10 times out of 10, I take the money. You know, I'm trying to look at this

from the kids perspective. You know, I could grow up, I'm either Dabney Smith or Dabney Jones. But if I'm Dabney Jones, I'm also a multi-millionaire. You know, most kids don't really care what their name is. They're gonna prefer whatever name they grew up with because they grew up with it, but it's completely arbitrary. So by the time OP's son gets to the age of 16, he's just gonna prefer what that name was.

So looking at it from the kids perspective, if I'm 16, me being named Dabney Smith or Dabney Jones makes no real difference to my life? What does make a difference to my life is millions and millions of dollars, so I would hope, sincerely hope, that my mom would pick that for me. And while I can respect that OP is letting his son make that choice, the only problem is that's 11 years away. The grandparents could die in that time and if they do, then those millions of dollars just vanish.

So, technically speaking, OP, if you really truly want your son to be able to make his own choice, then what you should do is change his name to the grandparents name. That way they change their will and if they die, then like it automatically happens. Otherwise if you keep his name the way it is and they die before he gets to be 16, then you've made that choice for him. You've robbed him of the chance of making that decision, because he never got the chance. Or I feel like a really easy compromise

is to hyphenate the name, so his name is Dabney Smith-Jones, and then you can ask your grandparents to have a clause in their will that if they want their grandson to inherit, he has to get rid of one of the hyphenations that feels like the most balanced response to me. You know what, I'm gonna retract my no-butt whole score here, because even though everyone has a right to take the stance that they have, everyone is putting their own pride above

the interests of this child, and that's just stupid, it's scummy. Everyone needs to please put your feelings aside, think about what's best for the kid, and just love the kid, man. Who cares what his name is, just love the kid, let him have his money, and hope he has a good life, man. Who cares what his name is? Just love the kid. Let him have his money and hope he has a good life man. So for everyone's pride and selfishness and obsession with their own name because my name is the best. I'm giving everyone except the kid in this story two out of five buttles. You know thinking about it I wonder if I'm really biased about this because because you know because of my grandfather I don't have a huge attachment

to my last name because it's made up and dad me is kind of a weird name, I've been teased about it a couple times growing up so I don't like have strong feelings about it. So my whole name is just like eh, you know, dadmys belly, it's into the okay name I guess. So I really truly 100% struggle identifying with people who are like, my name is the best. The Smith family name shall be passed down for generations. It just sounds like a bunch of master-britory self-love. Oh, I'm so cool. She sounds dumb to me, man. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production.

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19 plus and physically located in Ontario, Camlin Tom called 1865312600 or visit connect Ontario. See ya. Am I the butthole for not sharing my inheritance with the rest of my family? My family situation is messy. I'm a 25 year old woman, and I was engaged four years ago to my high school sweetheart.

My fiance cheated on me with my sister who's three years older than me. We had never had a good relationship, even as kids. So after I found out, I went scorched earth with both of them. She was so in love with my fiance, but he dumped her within two weeks and was back trying to get me to forgive him.

I didn't. My parents were initially on my side, but my sister had a nervous breakdown after she was dumped and was hospitalized. So they changed their tune to, it's over now, and you can't be mad forever. So I dumped my parents too, and I went to grad school on the other side of the country. My grandfather was livid with the whole thing. He disowned my sister and chewed out my parents. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one who was on my side and understood.

I was able to get my job to let me work remotely and move back to take care of him when he got sick last fall. And I was devastated when he passed a couple of months ago. It turns out, my grandfather left me virtually everything. He left enough for my father to cover a dead and some token stuff for a couple of other relatives. But he wrote letters for everyone and did a videotape with his attorneys explaining what his intentions were. I knew that he had done well for himself, but he lived a pretty simple lifestyle, so I

didn't realize how much money and assets he really had. I would give up all of it to have my pop-all back, but even after taxes, it is set for life money. My parents are pretty mad about it. One of the reasons my grandfather stated for cutting them out was how disappointed my grandfather was with how they treated me growing up versus my sister and over the finance debacle. There were other reasons but that's what they fixated on. My grandfather's will is pretty airtight apparently so my parents want me to do the right thing and share it equally between me, them, and

my sister. Their argument is that I don't need it. I make more than both of them combined and this would allow them to retire. My sister is not doing great and can't hold a job, so this would ensure that she is something for when my parents pass. But I don't want to. My grandfather's wishes were crystal clear, and I also kinda don't feel like doing more than the minimum for any of them. They've been telling me that I'm being vindictive because of a mistake made years ago. I can't deny that there might be a little vindictiveness here.

I didn't want them to suffer necessarily, but I also don't feel like they deserve my help. So, legally speaking, this is super, super easy. Your grandfather can give his money to whoever he wants. He gave the money to you, so case closed. Morally, you're also in the clear. Even if you remove the context of your sister cheated on you and your parents kind of abandoned you, even then, I mean, it's your money. If you don't want to give your money to your family, then you don't have to. When you add in the context, you're super justified because, if you're family, man, your family is super toxic. I don't know how you and your grandfather became such nice, caring people when everyone else in your family is so awful. Also, I have to wonder,

if the situation were reversed and your sister inherited all the money, what do you think the odds are that the sister would benevolently share the money with OP? I'm guessing 0%, which coincidentally is also OP's butthole score. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your grandfather 0 out of 5 buttholes as well. Your parents and your sister all get 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. I was also reading down through OP's comments, and for some clarifying details, OP's grandfather frequently gave money to OP's father to bail him out of his terrible financial situations. It actually happened so often that the Grandfather straight up told his son that he was not

going to get an inheritance. So it seems like pretty much the entire family burned bridges with the Grandfather, with the exception of OP who spent her time building the bridge instead of burning the bridge. Am I the butthole for demanding respect for my daughter-in-law, and if she can't then to get the F out? I'm a young mother-in-law at only 39 years old. I had my kids pretty young, and I'm very lucky that my husband makes a lot of money so I don't have to work. I was a stay-at-home mom for a long time, and once our kids started to spread their wings, then instead of going to work, my husband and I decided that I would be a homemaker and be active in the community.

That's what I've been up to, and I try to make our community a better place. Now my oldest son is 22 and married, and I was really excited until I met her. In general, she's a very business focused person who's very blunt. I actively dislike her, but I try to be polite for my son's sake. Here's a few examples of why I don't like her. I handed her her wedding gift saying that it was for me and my husband. She responded by saying that it was just for my husband since I know it was a year money that paid for it. I know that you're volunteering, but that's not a real job

since it doesn't make money. It's passive-aggressive, and yeah, I've talked to my son about it, and even once with her to try to clear the air. We had a get together last night, and I made a homemade meal. When I was plating everything, she came up and made the comment. No wonder you could make a home cooked meal. You don't do anything else with your day. I lost it, and told her she needs to respect me or get the f out of my house. She was shocked and then started to cry. Why

did you kick me out? My son is pissed and we had a huge argument and he called me a huge butthole. I need an outside opinion. Yeah, this is super super straight forward. You can't come into someone else's house where they have cooked you a homemade meal and then start throwing your own insult and get upset when they kick you out You have every right to stand up for yourself OP the stupid thing is she says she's got this business focus mentality But in most businesses if you act like this away around clients or customers or your boss You'll lose your job in a heartbeat. So she's not really a business focused personality, she just has another B word personality. Opie, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving her 2 out of

5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for how I reacted to my 17 year old son coming out to me? I'm a 37 year old man. I've always known that my son had an interest in men. He was slow on the pickup of incognito mode, and from the searches he made, I figured that he was at least bicarious. If that's a proper term for it ever since he hit puberty. Well last year he started bringing a boy around, and it was obvious they were dating, to the point that I figured that he knew that I knew, and it wasn't a big deal to anyone. Well apparently I was wrong. After school yesterday, he and his boyfriend came up to me and said there was something

really important they needed to tell me. My son said they were dating and had been for a year. Well I was surprised that he wasn't aware that I knew, and I was a bit thrown off. My mouth moved faster than my brain and I said, well that's pretty fucking gay. Now I thought this was Pete Comedy since it is, in fact, gay. However, I understand that using the word gay in that way gives it a very negative undertone, hence the mouth faster than the brain comments. Now my son and I are usually pretty edgy with our humor, this being fairly tame for the stuff we joke about.

While probably not appropriate for the situation, it wasn't our norm for a conversation between us. However, he and his boyfriend were very, very upset and left. I'm probably the butthole, but I thought I would check and see if y'all had some advice on what I can say to fix it. He currently won't respond to my texts or calls. Hey, um, OP, so judging by your age, it sounds like you and I are in the same generation, and I remember back in high school, the word gay was used that way a lot,

just to mean something was bad or not good, like, oh, we got homework that's so gay. And luckily it phased out. I haven't heard people talk that way in literal decades. I will admit much to my shame that I used that word in that way when I was in middle school or high school and I'm not proud of it. I don't use it anymore. I actually remember once I got to college making an effort to stop using that word in that way. So I just feel like we as a society all agreed to stop talking that way more than a decade ago and I don't know why you're talking that way now OP. Very uncool of you. Especially since your son specifically preps it by saying, Dad, I need to have a serious

conversation with you. So your response to a serious conversation was to immediately start cracking jokes. I mean, you actually did the meme OP. Dad, I'm gay. Hello gay, I'm dad. OP, I'm giving you 3 out of 5 buttholes for being extremely insensitive at a terrible time to be insensitive. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

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