rSlash - r/AITA I'm Divorcing My Wife over a Massage?

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:05 Divorce 5:08 Tight 7:31 Family matters 11:45 Voluntold Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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by pharmacists and physicians. It's the unskippable SPF for your unstoppable day. New Umbrella Daily UP Moisturizer, now available online or at your local retailer. Welcome to r slash am I the butthole where OP gets a divorce over a massage. Am I the butthole for divorcing my wife over getting a massage? My soon to be ex-wife and I are both in our late 30s. We've been together for 12 years, married for 10. We have a dead bedroom situation. It was totally dead for the 6 months prior to filing for divorce.

It was on life support for the 5-6 years before that. We both wanted younger parents and we both wanted two kids. We conceived our daughter almost immediately after getting married. When she was 6 months old, we started trying to have the second child, but it never happened. After 3 years, we started seeing fertility specialists and found out that we both have pretty serious reproductive issues. The doctor told us that our daughter was nothing short of a miracle and said that it was against all odds that we not only conceived but carried to term.

It was after this that our love life began to seriously decline. Initially I thought that this was caused by the pain of finding out and knowing that we wouldn't be able to afford the fertility options and I figured that it would get better over time. But it never did. It only got worse. 5 years ago, I would say that we had intercourse 15-20 times that year. And in 2023, we had intercourse 3 times. I've tried everything to improve this, spicing things up, talking, and I've suggested counseling. I more than pull my weight around the house. We both work

and work basically the same hours. I'm sharing this because the usual stuff I read on reddit is about how the wife does everything which isn't even close to true here. Over time, I've grown more and more resentful. The thing that makes me the most resentful is that she knows that I have a high libido and she just doesn't care. I, the other hand know that she loves to be rubbed on and massaged and I never took that from her. I probably give her a massage like 325 times a year. Almost every single night I'll rub her calves, shins, ankles and feet. Four to five nights a month I'll go big and do neck, shoulder, back, butt, hamstring,

quads, shins, calves, ankles and feet. I noticed that doing the big massages was the best way to get intercourse as she was more likely to allow me to do foreplay things that I know work on her if I had already done this prep work. I did them more often a few years ago, but now not so much. The success rate was never that great anyway, maybe like 20% of the time, but in the last two years we are definitely down to the single digits. After four months of absolutely no intercourse, I decided that I was never massaging her again. It only took her three days for her to notice and she asked me to massage her.

I told her no and I got angry. I said, why should I when you don't give an F about what I want? Obviously, it wasn't my finest moment and a huge argument followed. Things got ice cold at home, but I wasn't giving in. I was tired of all of it. A few weeks ago she told me, fine, I'll just start seeing a professional masseuse. I said, then I'll start seeing prostitutes. She said that was cheating.

I said, fine, I won't, but YOU won't get a massage from anyone else. That's also cheating. She said that I was being ridiculous and I said, no, it's being touched in an intimate way by another. If I can't have that, neither can you. And I swear to effing God, if you do, I will file for divorce that day. The following weekend she went to get her nails done and I know how long it takes for her to get her nails done.

She came back almost an hour and a half later than I expected. She didn't say anything, just acted normal. I got on her credit card app on my phone and sure enough, there was a $95 charge to the effing massage person in the same strip mall as the nail place. I lost it and when I did, so did she. I think we both let out years of frustration on each other. True to my word though, I called a divorce lawyer on Monday.

The only part that upset me was my lawyer said that based on these circumstances, I couldn't list infidelity as the reason for divorce, and I had to go with irreconcilable differences. Anyways, she's been telling people that we're divorcing because she got a massage. Since then, I've had a number of family members and friends call me saying that I'm a butthole. Some of them, even when I tell them my real reasons, think that I'm a butthole and that my reasons aren't good enough. Personally, I think that getting a massage butthole and that my reasons aren't good enough. Personally,

I think that getting a massage when told not to is plenty of reasoning. So am I the butthole here? So this is a perfect example of the straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah, it was the massage straw that broke the back, but there's a lot of other stuff going on here that led to the divorce. Your wife is just not a nice person. I can't believe that she expects daily massages and won't give you, I don't know, a BJ more than twice a year. Your wife sounds unbelievably selfish. Honestly, OP, I'm amazed that you lasted this long.

I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your selfish wife 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your selfish wife 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my girlfriend that my ex-wife was tighter? I'm a 39 year old guy and I hate it when people make fun of others. I mean, I know that people can gossip and talk amongst friends about other people and I'm guilty of that too sometimes. But I got very upset when my girlfriend, who's 32, started talking about my ex-wife, who's 42. I understand that disliking an ex isn't abnormal or anything, but my girlfriend is obsessed with my ex-wife and always tries to make bad remarks about her. When it's just me,

I don't care because, again, people gossip and talk trash about others in the privacy of their own homes. But this time, it happened at a restaurant with some of her girlfriends and spouses. Somehow, the discussion shifted to my ex-wife's lady parts. Yeah, don't ask me how, but they were discussing childbirth and body changes and my ex got dragged. My girlfriend was a bit drunk and she was talking loudly. I hated it and asked her to stop talking. Whenever I get upset, she doubles down because she starts thinking, why do you care? Why don't you want me to talk trash about your ex? She's told me that before. So she started talking about how my ex-wife must

have a huge one. Me and my ex-wife have two kids together. My girlfriend's friends started laughing and saying, EWWW. I yelled at them to stop but they ignored me. Then my girlfriend said, Why are you so agitated? Did we hit a nerve? I said, Actually, no. My ex-wife was the tightest woman I've ever had. I don't know how she managed it, but she's very tight. They became silent and my girlfriend started crying. Then her friends started yelling at me and calling me a butthole

and the women's spouses were between amused and scared. Then one of the men there said, Yeah, I don't think childbirth really affects this. I haven't noticed a difference with women that I've dated. I felt gratitude for that guy, but I was still being yelled at and my girlfriend hasn't called or answered me since Saturday. So, yeah, you're kinda like returning energy so I can't really blame you too much because

she kinda deserved it. But I don't even know why you're dating her because there's a lot of animosity and competition and just negative vibes here so maybe just move on the both of you. I'll give you 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'll give your girlfriend 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for not doing anything for my stepchildren anymore after being called names and filing for a divorce from my husband after he didn't back me up? I'm a 30 year old woman and I've been married to my husband who's 36 for 6 years. He has twins, a boy and a girl who are 16 right now. When we started dating and got married, we went to family therapy and I made it clear

that I wasn't trying to be their mother or replace their mother. Their mother hasn't been in their life since they were about 8. Things have been great with us these past 6 years. They even started calling me mom when they were around 12 or 13. Recently, their biological mother came back into their lives and they were really excited. Things were great for about 6 months and then they started to call me by my real name. That hurt, but it's what they chose to do and I never questioned it. Recently though, they've been getting very disrespectful.

They don't follow curfew rules, they're not cleaning up after themselves, they're talking back to me, telling me I'm not the real mom, that I'm the reason she left, which is not true. I didn't meet my husband until almost a year and a half after she left. And that now that she's back, they don't need me anymore. Three weeks ago, there was a big blow up where my stepson called me a b-word. I took his phone and told him to go to his room until his dad came back, but instead he ran out and went to his mom's place. She came over and it was a big argument. She tried to hit me and I pushed her out of my house. My stepdaughter told me that if I ever put my hands on her mom again, then she'd kick

my butt. They both went to their mom's place. After that, I wasn't very involved in their lives. I usually take them to sports and activities. I stopped waking them up for school, so they've been late a few times. I told them they have their mom to wake them up and take them to practice. We were supposed to go to Disney World for their spring break this week, but I cancelled everything.

I told them and my husband that I was going to cancel, but I guess they thought that I was bluffing. We were supposed to leave Thursday night, and when I didn't start the usual vacation roundup, they were shocked. They started saying that I was jealous that their mom came back in their lives, that I'm a horrible person, I'm selfish, and there was some name calling, and my husband was silent. I asked him if he was going to step in, and he said that I was wrong for cancelling. I left and went to stay in a hotel.

My husband's been blowing up my phone asking me to come back, and yesterday he told me that their mother disappeared again and they've been calling me crying and apologizing. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't feel like I'm part of their family and they can't just cry and come back now that she's disappeared. I told my husband that I want a divorce and I'll be back over this week to get my things but that we have nothing to talk about. Yes, I know their mother was manipulating them.

I never said otherwise. Yeah, they're 16, but that doesn't give them the right to treat me this way. Being 16 doesn't mean that you get to be disrespectful and threaten me. I've always been in their corner. I know their feelings matter in this, but I'm also a person with feelings. I'm not only considering our moving forward with this divorce based on how the kids acted, but it's also because my husband didn't back me up on this. If I can't count on him to help me navigate this tough situation that we're going through, then why should I stay? That doesn't mean that I should be treated the

way that I was treated. This is not normal behavior for a 16-year-old to threaten me, to call me bad names. I just need some time for myself, and I don't want an apology just because their biological mother ran out on them again. I want an apology because they really mean it and I don't believe anyone can be truly sorry two days after their mother vanished again. OP, you should divorce your husband. Not because of the biological mom manipulating the kids, not because the kids are calling you names, but because he's just not being a good husband. His kids are threatening to beat you up and calling you vile names

and he just sits there and lets it happen. The kids being toxic are another reason on top of that, but really, in a divorce, the only thing that really matters is how your husband treats you and he's just not treating you well. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving your husband 3 out of 5 buttholes and your kids 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for telling my wife to never volunteer me to help her family again? I'm a 39 year old guy and my wife is 38. We've been married for 8 years and have a 4 year old son. My wife's younger brother, Joe, and his girlfriend are moving into an apartment together

at the beginning of June. But the girlfriend's lease is up at the end of April, so she needed to move out of her place. However, Joe currently lives in a studio apartment, so he doesn't have room for all of her stuff. So they're going to move all of the girlfriend's stuff into a storage unit for one month until they get their new place together. A little over a month ago, Joe asked my wife if we'd be able to help them move the girlfriend's stuff and she agreed.

My mother-in-law was supposed to watch our son so that we could both help, but she got sick so she had to cancel. My wife suggested trying to get a babysitter for that day, but I didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a babysitter to help someone move. That's just dumb. And bringing a four year old along with us wouldn't be helpful to anyone. This turned into an argument between us because she said that I should help them move while she watches our son since I'm stronger than she is and I know how to drive our truck with a trailer. I told her that

she should help them and have them rent a U-Haul for the day. We compromised by telling her brother Joe that I would help them but that they need to get a U-Haul instead of using our truck and trailer. Then, the morning of the move, my wife told me that a friend of hers got sweet tickets through work to a hockey game for that day and invited them. Yeah, sweet tickets to a playoff hockey game. She said that she would be bringing our son since her friend was bringing her kid too. Great! So not only do I get stuck helping someone move, but my wife and son get to go have an amazing experience together that I miss out on. And yes, this was my son's first major sporting event and I was missing it. And wouldn't you know it, Joe never got a U-Haul. And his

girlfriend wasn't even close to packed up and ready when I got there. I spent 7-8 hours and multiple trips back and forth helping them move. All the while, my wife is sending pictures to our family group chat of how much fun they're having at this hockey game. When everyone was home that night, my wife was surprised that I wasn't in a good mood. She said that I acted like I barely cared when our son was telling us about the hockey game and how much fun it was. I asked her if she was seriously confused about why I was upset and she told me to tell her. So I started rattling off all the reasons I had to be pissed off. She volunteered me to help.

She got to spend the day doing something very special with our son that I missed out on. Her brother and his girlfriend were not prepared and I had to spend the entire day doing manual labor. I ended my little rant by telling her that she is never going to volunteer me to help her family ever again. She told me that I was overreacting and I can't hold it against her that her friend invited them to the game. She said that I'm not being fair by blaming her for Joe and his girlfriend.

OP, reading this story I am angry on your behalf. It's just such a sucky situation that's so unfair to you. OP, when you showed up and they weren't even packed you should have been like, yo, when you guys get everything in boxes I'll help you out but I'm gonna go to the hockey game, call me when you guys are ready and then once the hockey game is over I'll come back and help you guys out but I'm not gonna sit around and stuff junk into boxes and tape up boxes because you're not ready. Nah, I'm out of here, man. And your wife is so selfish, unbelievably selfish. I cannot believe that she accepted that invitation. She gives you a day of unpaid manual labor and she gets to go have a vacation

day with your son. Man, that is so unfair. OP, you should be mad. I'm mad for you. Everyone should be mad for OP. OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your wife 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. I can't believe that she doesn't even understand that you'd be upset. Are you like, what? Even if it was your brother and you wanted to help because it's your brother, then couldn't anyone understand why you'd be in a bad mood at the end of the day because moving boxes sucks. It's hard and heavy and it makes your muscles hurt and it's exhausting. And she's like, I don't understand. Why are you so, why are you so grumpy after eight hours of lifting boxes? Yo, are you stupid? Also, people down in the comments are

throwing around the term, volun-told, as in I'm telling you that you're volunteered. I have never heard that term before, but I love it because it perfectly describes the situation. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.