rSlash - r/AITA My Addict Sister is Stealing From Me

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

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Welcome to R-Slash, am I the bad guy where a wedding proposal goes horribly wrong? Will I be the bad guy if I tell my friend that her boyfriend is planning to propose? I'm a 27 year old woman, and my best friend has been dating her boyfriend, who's 26 for over 5 years. A while back, he reached out to me to help figure out her ring size and to help set up so that he can make this the most magical day for her. Having known my friend for over 20 years, I know exactly how she wants her proposal to go and who she wants to be there. So I relayed all this information to her boyfriend months ago via text and over the phone. I even took the time to covertly find out which ring she would love the most.

So a little background, my friend is incredibly family and friend oriented, and in the past has expressed to me on multiple occasions that in the five years they've been together, he hasn't really made much of an effort to indoctrinate himself into her family or friendships the way that she has for him. While I do generally like him, I've always felt that he's incredibly self-serving and self-focused. Recently, through a mutual friend, I found out that he started a group text between his. Info says on his, friends and his family to set up a time and date of the proposal.

He has not only excluded myself, but he's also completely excluded her family and other close friends from the event. Despite the fact that, according to the screenshots I've seen, he's doing everything verbatim that I suggested he do. He's planning on only having his boys and family present for the occasion. And knowing my friend, this would ultimately break her heart not being able to share this moment with her loved ones. I got heated and called him.

At first he was dodging my questions. Then he just outright said, this is my proposal and I've spent enough time in money to choose how I do it. Just be happy for your friend, it's not like you're not coming to the wedding. This infuriated me and to make matters worse, I ran into her mom and dad at the grocery store and suddenly asked if they knew of any possibility that she was getting engaged. They were unaware, and I know for a fact that my friend is told him that he needs to ask her parents for their blessing. She's somewhat traditional. My friend wears her heart in her sleeve, and I can predict how this event will go

down when she sees all of his close friends and family and none of her. Considering her previous sentiments about his lack of interest in her family and life, she will 100% see this as being hurtful and selfish, and I know that she'll cry. To make matters worse, the location of the proposal is a whopping 30 minutes from her parents home. I don't want to get involved in a fight or reveal the surprise, but on the other hand, I feel that I owe it to my lifelong friend to help her avoid being hurt and disappointed. Maybe even helping her rethink what her future would look like with someone who just doesn't really appreciate what she values in life. So am I the bad guy if I tell my friend that her boyfriend is going to propose? Opie, so I understand that you're coming

from a place of love and concern, but at the end of the day, this is not your proposal. It's his proposal and it's her proposal. So it's his proposal to mess up or to get correct, you know, whatever. So just, please don't meddle, don't meddle, man. It's not your relationship. Even if you are right, which you might be

based on my understanding of your friend, it's just not your place to metal. So take a step back and hey, look at it this way. If you're right, then your friend will be probably enraged that he doesn't care about her and then dump them and then, hey, you'll be right. Or if you're wrong, then you shouldn't metal anyways because you know, you're wrong and she'll be happy and tearful and, uh, I'm so happy. So in both scenarios, OP, you're better off just not saying anything.

Oh, we have an update. Nine days later, OP posted an update. To everyone who told me to keep my mouth shut, thank you. So on Saturday, the day of the proposal, I got a call from her boyfriend. He was screaming at me, blaming me for not showing up, even though I was uninvited to the proposal with her parents, because she was upset they weren't there. I was, wait, what? Blaming me for not showing up to the proposal with her parents because she was upset they weren't there. Buddy, you didn't

invite them. What did you expect? I was effing slack-jawed. I told him I knew this would happen and he says verbatim. You just admitted you knew this would happen, so if you knew the whole time and you actually cared about her, then you would have invited them. Yo, what? I was gobsmacked and hung up on them. Not even an hour later, I got a call from her asking me to come to her parents. According to her, this is how the situation played out. He popped the question, she said yes, and the people he invited popped out of hiding. She was bombarded by four of his guy friends, his mom, dad, older brother, and his sister-in-law. His parents were holding a sign that read, welcome to the family misses his last name. And this is where things go downhill.

I didn't know this before, but my friend doesn't want to change her last name and she's told him that repeatedly since they got together. Oh my God. The tea. She's an only child from a Ukrainian family and with everything going on with Ukraine

in the last year, she's doubled down. When she saw the sign, she joked, Mrs. Your last name? I think you mean Mrs. My last name. Everyone went silent until his mom said, Well, the ring is already engraved, and no changing it now. She takes off the ring and sees Mrs. his last name engraved on the band. Then she asked if her parents were coming and he gave every excuse. He didn't have

their number, there were too many people there, he wanted to keep it private and eventually he said, this was my proposal to you and now my family is your family. We can just send your parents the pictures later. Oh jeez. She took off the ring and left. That's when I'm assuming I got the call from him. She went straight to her parents. She asked them about the engagement and they were clueless. She then asked me if I knew anything. I asked her if she was in a safe place and she said that she was. So I told her that I would answer any question she had, rather than just info dumping on her. She was upset, but thanked me.

She was furious when I told her about the call from him earlier and said, does he really think that I'm that shallow? She said that it was never about having a perfect proposal or her parents there. It was about him making the whole thing about himself as always and she was done feeling ignored and belittled, so this was her breaking point. She's currently staying with her parents and she's been receiving text from him. The worst one so far is him telling her that she has to pay him back for the ring and for ruining his life.

Right now, all I can do is be here for her and whatever decision she makes I will fully support because as you've all helped me realize this isn't about me it's about her. Not my monkey, not my circus. Oh man, oh man, okay. Opie I just gotta say what did you say here I will fully support her because as you've all helped me realize this isn't about me, it's about her. If only her fiance, well her ex-boyfriend I should say, had realized that exact same lesson. It's not about him, it's about her.

That guy is incredibly self-obsessed, Opie. You're right in the first post. It sounds like she dodged a bullet by recognizing the red flags and it sounds like you dodged a bullet by not getting caught up in that drama. More than likely if you had said something to your friend, then even if you would have been right, you would have either hidden the red flags so they would have popped up later. Or you would have been blamed for the drama because if something went wrong, it would have been your fault.

Man, I can't believe this guy has been dating her for what, five years and he says, but I don't know your parents' number. I don't know how to contact them. Wow, okay, this is a... This guy's a douchebag. Opie, I'm giving you a rock solid zero out of five buttholes. You've been a concerned caring friend who wisely listened to the internet's advice. I'm giving the ex boyfriend 2.5 out of five bad guys.

Am I the bad guy for removing my daughter's bedroom door because she won't stop slamming it? I'm a 40 year old woman and I have three kids. Maggie, a 14 year old girl, Levi, a 12 year old boy, and Charlie, a 10 year old boy. Levi and Charlie share a bedroom, and Maggie has her own room as the oldest and also the only girl. Maggie's a great kid. She does her homework, helps with chores without too much complain,

and she doesn't bug her little brothers too much. The issue is that she will not stop slamming her bedroom door. When she gets up in the morning or goes to bed at night, she slams it. Pretty much anytime she enters or exits her room, the door gets slammed. And she only does it with her bedroom door, not with any of the other doors in the house.

It shakes the walls, and frequently wakes up everyone else in the house. Her brother's room shares a wall with her, and our bedroom is directly above theirs. We've talked to her about it, and asked her very politely to please be more mindful about it, because it's disturbing the rest of us, but it's in one ear and out the other. We've tried being more forceful about it, saying that if she continues to slam her door, there will start to be consequences. Still, nothing's changed.

It all came to a head the other night when she got up to use the bathroom and all four of us were woken up by the slamming. I have to be up at 5 a.m. for work and I've had enough of the broken sleep and came downstairs and knocked on her door. She opened it and said, what? With such attitude that it took a lot of self control to not start yelling. I told her as calmly as I could that if she slammed that door one more time, she was going to come home and find it gone. She proceeded to yell at me to leave her alone and then slammed it five times as hard as she could. Well the next day, Friday,

she went to school and my husband and I both had the day off. So we took the door off the frame and installed a curtain rod with a nice heavy curtain over for the door instead. She came home and completely freaked out. She said that we're being emotionally abusive and taking away her right to privacy. She soaked all weekend and won't talk to us now. My mother says that I'm the bad guy because I overreacted, but my mom doesn't have to deal with the house shaking. OP, as I was reading this story, I was all ready to get the commentary. Well OP, I'm definitely on your side, but a 14 year old girl needs her privacy in a room with two younger brothers.

So while I do agree that she needs consequences, it's probably not the best idea to take the door off of a 14 year old girl's room, but then the curtain idea is so good OP. Brilliant, genius! Because then you still punish her. You teach her that actions have consequences, but you don't steal the very important privacy for a 14 year old girl who has two younger brothers who are going through puberty. So this is just round of applause, OP. The way you and your husband handle this is, in my opinion, perfect.

Absolutely flawless. You get an easy, effortless, rock solid, zero out of five bad guys for me. I'm going to give your daughter, let's say, one out of five bad guys because yeah, it's rude, but she's a 14 year old girl. What can you expect out of a 14 year old girl except drama and entitlements? That's just kind of how 14 year olds are. And to all my 14 year old listeners out there, I love each and every one of you. It's just, come on, you got to understand 14 year olds are a little dramatic. I would say though, the one thing you have to do extra is figure out why she's slamming the door. Is it just because she wants to be rebellious? It's her like little

act of, well, I can do what I want to do. Or is it because she thinks it's cool or she wants to wake people up? Like, you need to find the root cause, you can actually address that, OP. Am I the bad guy for calling my sister a co-core? I'm an 18 year old girl. I live with my parents and my sister, Joanne, who's 23. Joanne has a cocaine habit, and she claimed it's normal in her job, and it's just the lifestyle of shefing, yada yada. Hold up, what?

I've never in my life heard of this. Are shefs out there coked out of their minds? My parents seem to be ignoring it since Joanne pays her rent on time and keeps to herself when she's in the house and doesn't cause many problems. I'm a college student on a government grant and I'm in college Monday to Friday up until 5-6pm. Working isn't really an option for me right now so I don't go out that much and I'm in college Monday to Friday up until 5 to 6 p.m. Working isn't really an option for me right now, so I don't go out that much

and I spend all my money on college supplies. Joanne doesn't really seem to understand this and is always asking to borrow money and whatnot. I always say no because it works out that I only have 40 euros every week to spend on college stuff and travel to college. I got a Christmas bonus on my grant and I ended up deciding to book tickets for a small local gig next week. I booked two tickets,

one for me and one for my best friend because her birthday is the same day, and she loves this type of music. It was meant to be a surprise for her. I told Joanne about this on one of her good days because I was genuinely excited to finally do something and live the college student lifestyle for one night. The tickets were digital on an account shared with my parents. Joanne asked them for the login, telling them she wanted to book tickets for something, but she was lying and used it to sell my tickets for drug money. I didn't find out until I'd gotten the email to confirm the tickets were sent to someone else and I was really confused

at first. I checked and they were sent to someone that I know Joanne knows. I went straight to her when she got home and asked what the F she did and she tried lying but I showed her proof that it went to someone she knows and I told her that I want my money back then and there. She told me that it was gone already. I lost my mind and started yelling at her because it wasn't fair. My mom had just gotten in from work and I was

screaming at my sister who was crying at that point saying she was sorry and she didn't know that it would upset me this much. My mom got involved and told me to keep my voice down and we'll talk about it and I told her to shut up and stay out of it. I ended up saying something like, why is it fair that you get to do this to me when I've never even drank alcohol or smoked weed? Why does this co-core get to be the golden child but not me? My mom stepped in and put a stop to it then and there. My sister started screaming back at me for what I called her.

My mom said that was out of line and she just made a mistake. I told my mom that her mistake cost me the only night out that I'll ever be able to have all year. So she should hear what I have to say about it. My mom thinks that I was in the wrong for what I said and my sister won't even look at me even though it's been three days and I've tried apologizing.

Am I the bad guy? Okay, OP, you said Joanne has a cocaine habits. Um, I think this is more like a cocaine addiction. I was thinking, as I was reading this, I was thinking, okay, she does cocaine, let's not get too judgmental, maybe she has it under control, as long as she's not stealing from family, I think things are okay. And then, inevitably, she steals from family. Personally, I think that's a sign that you've gone are okay. And then, inevitably, she steals from family. Personally, I think that's a sign that you've gone too far. And more than likely OP, this is just the beginning, because she got away with it once, and her

mom backed her up, so what's stopping her from doing it again? Anyways OP, um, Joanne is a thief, and she has a problem, which I hope she's able to get worked out. But considering how her mom is enabling her, I'd be surprised if that happens. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 bad guys. I will agree that your response was pretty harsh, but considering that she just stole your money essentially and spent it on drugs, I think yelling at her is pretty fitting to be honest. It's a bit extreme, but I'm not going to blame you for it, so you get 0 out of 5 bad guys.

Joanne gets 2.5 out of 5 bad guys for the theft, and your mom also gets 2.5 out of 5 bad guys for enabling her daughter's drug addiction. Am I the bad guy for calling him an effing embarrassment? I've been seeing my fiance for 4 years now, and I came into the relationship with 2 boys. My boys are now 12 and 9. Once a year, me and the boys go to my family's vacation home with the entire family, and up until this year, my fiance didn't attend. But now we're engaged in merging families, so the family asked that he come too. They all get along great with him anyways. I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family my kids do not have a bedtime.

We do a lot of nighttime activities such as night swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, nightly strolls through the neighborhood, etc. So during this week my kids absolutely do not have a bedtime and that's how it's always been. I made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this is vacation and time with family and I'm not going to make my kids miss out on the nightly activities. I also explain that due to this, some nights they're up until easily 11pm to midnight. It's once a year, it's no big deal. So my fiance was fully aware, and please note, this is the only time that I've seen this side of him. We get here the first night,

and I can tell that he's already uncomfortable with the boy staying up past their bedtime. He was stressing out because the boys were still in the pool at 10pm, and he felt they should already be in bed. I reminded him at least twice that we're not enforcing a bedtime here and he let it go the first night. On the second night, 9pm rolls around and the boys were still up and my fiance was dropping comments like, you're lucky you're even still awake right now, you should be in bed. He set that right in front of my mom, who looked mortified that he had such an attitude. I told him to cut it out, in private. He said this

is messed up and that it's going to be terrible trying to get them back onto their schedule, even though that's never been an issue in the year's prior. I stood firm and told him to knock it off and let it go. But then, last night, my fiance starts angry-sying. Every single time he looks at my kids still awake. And I finally pulled him aside and told him that he was an effing embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgmental glances my way. I warned him prior to coming here that if he had an issue that he can't control for a week, then he needs to leave because he's ruining our trade with his passive aggressive

BS surrounding bedtime. He told me that I'm the bad guy for making him feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule because it's best for them. Am I the bad guy? Okay, so reading this story, I kind of have to ask myself, what's really the problem here? Is the problem that the kids aren't going to bid on time or is the problem that he's losing control? My guess is that he's really upset about losing control. People in the comments are saying that his mask is slipping and yeah, that kind of might be what's going on here.

People are saying this is a red flag and Yeah, what we're seeing here is problematic behavior. It's just I don't know if what we're seeing here quite crosses the line into like Not marrying this guy territory. It's definitely a red flag It's just as far as the terrible behavior that I see on this subreddit. This is relatively tame So I'm gonna get this guy 1.5 out of 5 bad guys because you're getting all huffy over no reason. I mean what's the big deal? The kids stay up on vacation, so? I'm giving you 0 out of 5 bad guys OP. I think the way you handled the situation is pretty much perfect. I just want to add OP. You might want to re-evaluate some things and keep

an eye on this guy. That was our slash of my D. Myda and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.