rSlash - r/AITA My Boyfriend Left Me to Die

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:12 Nanny 7:54 Comment 9:16 Too broke 13:21 Break up worthy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to r slash Am I the Butthole where it really looks like OP's husband has been secretly controlling her life, ruining her dreams and messing with her medication for years. Am I the Butthole for refusing to fire my nanny and telling my husband I would rather divorce him than fire her? I'm a 26 year old woman and my husband John, who's 40! Wow, that is a 14 year age gap, have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We have 3 kids, ages 4, 2, and 3 months old. We met when I was still in college, working part time as a nanny for his friend's family. We crossed paths a few times at my nanny family's functions, and my nanny family gave him my number and encouraged me to go out

with him. Initially, I only did this because I didn't want to offend them, but we ended up hitting it off really well. I accidentally got pregnant with my oldest about a year into seeing him. I was on three kinds of birth control, and I still got pregnant. What are the chances? At first, I was devastated because I was just about to graduate and had already been offered an amazing internship in my field. The internship would require me to

move across the country, so I was already planning to leave my current job and break up with John so I could pursue my dream job. So my initial plan was to terminate the pregnancy. However, long story short, I ended up staying with John and having my oldest, but under the agreement that I would start working ASAP and John would pay for childcare so I didn't have to be a stay-at-home mom. And so I didn't have to permanently walk away from career goals that I had worked very hard towards for basically my whole life. As soon as my son was born, I fell instantly in love with my child, and the few resentments

I had about the way things turned out completely disappeared. While I did stay at home for the first year, because I couldn't stand to leave my baby for more than a few hours, I was open with John about my plans to find a job in my field as soon as I could, and he was always on board and never expressed any issue with it. John and I got married when my oldest child was one. And John started pushing me to have more kids, but I refused because I felt ready to start working. I ended up getting a really great job offer at the company that I'm still with today.

I started looking for nannies and I was put in contact with our current nanny, Sarah, who's 21. Honestly, Sarah has been a godsend. She's the sole reason that I made it through being apart from my baby, and she does such an amazing job that I honestly can't imagine my life without her. Shortly after I started my job, I accidentally got pregnant again. Another baby while I was on birth control. And my husband tried to talk me into staying home with the kids again after my second baby

was born, but I was too happy with my job. My job offered to let me work from home part time, which worked out perfectly. My husband wanted to cut back Sarah's hours because I would be home a lot more, but I refused because while I'd be able to breastfeed and help take care of my newborn, I still wanted her there to help with our rambunctious toddler while I was working. Our arrangement worked out really well, and recently I did the same with our third baby while Sarah watches the older two during the days when I'm working. Sarah and I get along great.

We have a lot in common, and I see her as a friend as much as an employee. My kids love her very much and ask about her whenever she isn't there. Since I was also a nanny, I'm able to work with her effectively and I have so much respect and admiration for the job that she does with my kids. Because she's even more patient and hands on than I ever was with my nanny family's kids. Even though we pay her a lot, I honestly think that she's worth even more than that and I tip her as lot, I honestly think that she's worth even more than that and I tip her as

much as I can. For some reason, my husband does not feel the same way. He's very critical of her. Not to her face. He has very little interactions with her because most days she leaves before he gets home. To me, he's always nitpicking about how she does things. Like if a few toys get left out in the playroom, if she used too much gas in the car, if she got fast food for the kids instead of cooking them a meal, etc. He tells me that she's not worth what we're paying her and that

she's doing an easy job that I was fine doing for free. This irritates me like nothing else because while yes, I don't find looking after my kids particularly difficult, I wouldn't call it remotely easy. And it's much different when it comes to dedicating most of your free time to looking after someone else's kids. Last week, my husband confronted me with some footage from our security cameras of Sarah neglecting our kids. The whole thing was completely ridiculous.

There was one video where she left my two-year-old in her high chair crying for five minutes while taking my four-year-old to the bathroom three feet away. There was one where she let them stay up past bedtime to finish a movie while she worked on schoolwork. It was all relatively innocuous things like that, which I couldn't care less about. The worst of it was a video of her texting on her phone for like 30 minutes while my kids were playing. And yeah, we have asked her to not be on the phone while playing with the kids. But even though she technically did something wrong, she's a human being. She's not going to be perfect 100% of the time.

Once he was done showing me, I asked him, is the neglect in the room with us right now? And that made him really mad. He accused me of not caring about our kids' well-being because if I did, I would agree with him that we need to fire her. I told him that we're firing her over my dead body and if it wasn't for her, our kids would actually be neglected because we both work full time. He told me that Sarah was trying to take over my role as a mother in my children's eyes, and she was coming between me and our family.

And if I cared about our family, I would want to fire her too. I laughed in his face and told him I would rather divorce him and pay for her myself than fire her and quit my job. He stormed out and hasn't spoken to me since. Am I the butthole? Well, OP seems to think that the problem here is whether or not to fire the nanny, but to me, the real problem is why is the husband so fixated on controlling his wife and why is it that OP gets pregnant every single time she's about to leave the home? Pregnant through three kinds of birth control?

What has this guy got? Super sperm? This is fishy. Hold on. There's an edit. I do stress about the accidental pregnancies because it makes me feel out of control of my own life and my body. On that note, however, a lot of people have pointed out the possibility of my husband

tampering with my birth control. Yes, that's what I was wondering. This has me really shaken up. I'm not going to lie. The scariest thing about this is that he's a medical professional and started writing my prescriptions for birth control after we got married? No! And he often recommends and prescribes me supplements and things for my health.

He convinced me that IUDs were dangerous and ineffective and that it's not uncommon to get pregnant on birth control if you're extremely fertile. I don't even want to think about the implications of him having messed with something to get me pregnant. Okay, I'm not a doctor. I don't know if that's true. If a woman can be so fertile that she overcomes her birth control, it sounds fake.

This sounds like a lie. Uh, this is super fishy. It sounds to me like this doctor found himself a very, very young girlfriend and baby-trapped her with basically tic-tacs that he convinced her is birth control. That's what it sounds like. I don't have proof. Okay, hold on. I gotta check OP's post history. I gotta see if she posted an update here. Oh man. Okay, I'm gonna read this exchange.

Um, this guy writes, your husband wants to keep you pregnant and at home as his wife. Keep your career and make sure you have a fund set aside in case you need to make a quick exit. Also, does anyone else think that he tampered with the birth control? And OP replies, is that possible? I take the pill every day. And someone replies, uh, okay, I'm not gonna, okay, I'm not gonna read this because I don't want to publish this information. But a guy describes a way to easily tamper with birth control pills to make them ineffective.

And OP replies, oh my god. Yeah, this man, I'm with everyone else. This sounds, the timing is too convenient. She's about to move across the country, she gets pregnant. She's about to rejoin the workforce, she gets pregnant. You know, it's just either this doctor is intentionally tampering with her birth control or he's incredibly incompetent. Anyways, OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes and your husband either gets 1 out of 5 buttholes

for controlling behavior, which is a little bit troubling, or as much as like 4 out of 5 buttholes if he intentionally baby-trapped you and oh geez, it's worse than that because that would mean that he violated his medical code, his oath by messing up her prescriptions. That is super unethical and wrong. So that would be probably five out of five buttholes. Man, I hope OP posts an update on this story. Am I the butthole for telling my husband that he's too broke to be so sexist? So my husband comes from a traditional family. His mom is a stay at home mom and his father was a sole provider. I come from the opposite.

My mother pretty much forbade me from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on. My husband worked hard to unlearn the values that he saw replicated at home. He more often than not pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner. The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family. I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.

My in-laws are staying with us for two weeks. Our usual method is I prep breakfast, we all eat lunch at work or school and my husband makes dinner. We have a cleaner, but she's on holidays so in the meantime we're doing all the cleaning ourselves. For the most part everyone just keeps their own spaces clean and we all help keep the common spaces clean. This is how we've always done it and it works. My in-laws hate that I'm one of those modern women. They hate that I work, they hate that I don't find my purpose in being a wife and a mother, and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home. We spoke pretty frankly early

on where I established my boundaries and told them that I will not be chastised about how I live my life in my home. When I'm a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and I play the daughter-in-law that they wish that I was. They have, for the most part, respected this. I got home yesterday after work tired and starving. I typically get home at like 6.30 and we eat at 7. I gave quick hellos and I ran upstairs for a pre-dinner shower. When I came downstairs, I went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and I found nothing ready.

I asked my husband about it, but he wouldn't look at me, and his mother answered that he hadn't cooked anything. She told me that I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My coward of a husband still wasn't looking at me. I just walked off and ordered takeout. I dished up plates for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat. My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us. My mother-in-law was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said that his mother had a point and it wouldn't hurt to act more like a proper woman and take better care of your home and children." He said that tradition was a tradition for a reason, and it was kind of insulting that

I thought that I was too good for how he was raised. This is where I might be the butthole. I told him that tradition won't allow a man making $35,000 a year to support a family of five and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I'm busting my butt to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me. Am I the butthole? You know what's weird about this is yes, he is right that in the traditional model,

women are supposed to cook, but also in the traditional model, men are supposed to protect their wives. And that's also like way, way, way more important than who cooks dinner. I mean, he's what? He's hiding behind his mommy and letting his mommy fight his fights for him. How was that supposed to be traditional masculinity? Arrrrrr! Oh boo hoo!

My wife was mean to me and wouldn't cook my dinner boo hoo! OB, I gave you an easy zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your in-laws two out of five buttholes and your husband three out of five buttholes. To be clear, if I were in your husband's position and my parents said that to my wife, I would instantly kick them out of my home. And if they ever wanted to step foot in my home again or see my daughter again, they would have to write you a written apology, whatever sort of apology you demanded, and until you accepted that apology, they would not be back. Am I the butthole for breaking up with my boyfriend because he ignored my medical emergency and didn't visit me in the hospital?

I'm a 25 year old woman and I've been dating my 27 year old boyfriend for two years. He's been my first ever boyfriend because not a lot of guys seem interested in me. Overall, our relationship has been good, but something happened recently that made me question everything. About two months ago, I started feeling severe abdominal pain while we were at his apartment. The pain became so intense that I could hardly move or speak. I told my boyfriend that I needed to go to the hospital because something was very wrong. He dismissed my concerns, saying that I was overreacting and that it was probably just

something I ate. Despite my pleas, he refused to take me to the hospital or even call an ambulance. Instead, he suggested that I lie down and wait it out. The pain kept getting worse and I was scared, throwing up and crying. After an hour of begging him to help me, I finally managed to call a friend, who immediately came over and took me to the emergency room. It turns out that I had pancreatitis, which requires immediate medical attention. The doctor said that it could have been life threatening if I had waited any longer.

My friend stayed with me the entire time, but my boyfriend didn't even check in to see how I was doing until the next day. He sent a brief text saying that he hoped that I was feeling better. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and he didn't even bother to come see me. When I confronted him about his lack of support and concern, he got defensive and said that I was being dramatic and that he didn't think that it was serious. He accused me of making him look bad in front of my friends for something that wasn't a big deal. I decided to break up with him because I can't be with someone who doesn't take my health seriously or support me

in an emergency. Now, after we've been apart for a few weeks, some of our mutual friends are saying that I overreacted and that he just made a mistake. They think I should give him another chance. That he was busy and it wasn't as big of a deal as I made it out to be. Am I the butthole? Okay, well here's the thing. OP said that she was in the hospital for three weeks. So three weeks times seven days is 21 days. So one could argue that OP gave her boyfriend not just a second chance but 21 second chances. Also, just out of curiosity, I looked up pancreatitis, which is swelling of the pancreas, and it is literally lethal. So I'm not exactly sure how OP could have possibly been over-exaggerating it because,

I mean, dying is dying, it makes you dead. It doesn't get much worse than that. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your scummy boyfriend gets 3 out of 5 buttholes. One butthole for each week he ignored you.