rSlash - r/AITA My Brother is a Predator

Episode Date: October 6, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:08 Predator 6:29 Living situation 8:07 DNA test Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to r slash Am I the Butthole where OP discovers that his wife's family is hiding a child predator. Am I the Butthole for telling my pregnant wife that she exposed our daughter to a predator? I'm a 36 year old guy and this has honestly been the most difficult week of my life. Emotions are high and I'm not sure if I'm seeing things clearly. I've been with my wife who's 35 since college. We've been married for almost 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter together. My wife is also around 5 months pregnant right now. I've always thought that my wife's relationship with her family was a bit strange. When we were in college, she asked for her dad's advice and approval on everything!

Even little things like whether she should ask her professor for an extension. Her parents are both intense and controlling at times. And my wife is less influenced by them than when she was younger, now that she's older, has her own family and lives on the other side of the country. But they still get under her skin at times. My wife was also the surprise baby and she has two older brothers who are 9 and 7 years older. Her oldest brother is named Tom. Tom has always been a bit odd to me.

He's married with no kids but is very religious and involved heavily with his church. My wife seems to enjoy seeing him at holidays well enough, but she isn't especially close with him. On Monday, my wife called me from her office sobbing. I asked what was wrong and she told me that Tom was arrested and being charged with possession of… Oh geez. Adult content featuring children.

I was shocked to say the least. My wife ended up leaving work early and asked if I would do the same. When I got home, she told me a bit about the charges and how her parents are doing. I asked if she expected this and she said that she was surprised at first, but looking back she should have seen it coming. I asked what she meant and she proceeded to tell me that when she was in first grade, Tom started coming into her room at night and touching her inappropriately. So I guess Tom would have been about 16 and OP would have been 6 or 7.

She said this lasted for a few years but she doesn't know exactly when it stopped. When she was telling me this, she said it casually like she was reading something off a menu. I, on the other hand, was shocked and furious. I told her that Tom molested her. My wife said that it was uncomfortable, but she never saw it that way because it's normal for kids to experiment with each other. I said it'd be one thing if they were very young and close in age, but this was a 15-year-old boy and a little girl. I also explained that he did this when her parents

went to sleep and told her to keep it between them because he knew that it was wrong at the time. Also, there were some serious sexual acts between them that she should have never been exposed to as a little girl. As I was saying all this, my wife got more and more upset and I could tell that she was having a light bulb moment in realizing the seriousness of the situation. My wife, who was sobbing at this point, told me that she told her parents what happened to her when she was around 16. She wasn't upset with her brother, but was ashamed and thought that she had done something wrong. Her parents basically told her that it was just normal childhood experimentation

and she had nothing to be ashamed of. They also told her not to be upset with her brother because he was also a child at the time and didn't know right from wrong yet. My wife told me that she was young so she took their word for it and just kind of pushed the abuse to the back of her head. I was furious with my in-laws, but tried to focus on comforting my wife and letting her know that none of this was her fault. The last few days have been a nightmare. My wife's family is supporting Tom and are convinced that he was wrongly accused.

They have an elaborate explanation for how the images got on his laptop that I won't get into here. My wife is crying non-stop and is in so much pain. I feel terrible this happened to her, but the one thing I'm upset about is that she let our daughter near this man. If I had known that Tom did this to my wife, I would have never allowed my child in the same room as him. I told my wife that I wish I'd known for our baby's sake and added that while I'm

devastated for her and love her so much, I'm still grappling with the fact that she allowed our little girl to be in the same room as a predator. My wife started sobbing when I said this and told me that she didn't do it on purpose. She told me that she accepted what her parents told her when she was a teenager and put it out of her mind. She said that if she thought about it more deeply as an adult, she probably would have realized that Tom was dangerous. But she truly never stopped to think about it again after her parents told her that it was okay. We agreed that neither of our kids would ever be around Tom again. But she said that she couldn't believe that I thought she had intentionally put our child in harm's way. She also said that she couldn't believe that I was coming down on her after she realized

that she was a victim of child abuse and her family is falling apart. I love my wife and I believe that she trusted her parents and put it in the back of her mind. But I keep thinking about what might have happened if we had continued to allow our daughter near that man. I believe that my wife didn't consider this abuse until we talked and didn't consider that our daughter might be in danger. But I'm still a bit puzzled by all of this. My wife is in so much pain and I'm not sure if I did the right thing by raising this issue while all this is going on. Am I the butthole? OP, you and your wife need major therapy. I mean, you are right that the kids should never be around this

guy, but this is some heavy duty trauma here. It sounds like your wife has been suppressing the trauma and the memories for basically her entire life and now she's finally being forced to confront what happened to her. So you guys need like actual professional help here. Also, OP, you really need to go one step further because if your in-laws allow this to happen to your wife, then presumably they would also allow this to happen to your kids as well. So don't just cut out Tom, cut out the in-laws as well. Am I the butthole for refusing to move out even though my roommate is seven months pregnant? Last week, my roommate Becca

found out that she is not only pregnant, but seven months pregnant. She texted me that we had to talk today, and I assumed that she would be moving out soon for more space when the baby comes. Instead, she told me that I have to move out to make space for the nursery and for her baby daddy to move in. I am on a terrible salary and I can't afford anywhere else to live. Plus, she wants me to move out right now so she can prepare for the baby. Even if I wanted to move out now, the apartment rentals in my area are either too expensive or well below living standards, so I don't want to move. She went absolutely crazy the moment that I told her that I wouldn't move

out because I'm ruining her motherhood experience by not letting her family live together. I pay rent here and my name is on the lease until at least the end of the year. I'm not going to pull out of my lease and I told her that if she wants her little family together then she should move and I'll find someone else to split the cheap rent with. This made her start crying, saying how I just want to ruin her life to the point that her baby daddy had to console her and tell me to get out of their way already. I haven't heard her stop crying since, but I think that I'm totally valid here that I don't want to leave. So am I the butthole? Oh, so she gets to

keep the apartment and the cheap rent, not, even though you're both on the lease. OP, she's literally just trying to bully you to get what she wants. Don't fall for it. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving her 2 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for laughing in my sister-in-law's face when she DNA tested my daughter? I'm a 30 year old guy and I have a daughter who's 6. I'm not biologically related to my daughter at all. There is no blood relation between us. I was friends with her mother

for most of my childhood. We were never involved romantically, we were always just friends. She had a daughter at the age of 23 with her 25 year old husband. However, when their child was 3 months old, both her mother and father were killed. I won't go into too much detail, but it was a workplace shooting. My friend and her husband had worked in the same building, and they were both killed. Both my friend and her husband had grown up with less than ideal families and didn't have any siblings, so there wasn't any next of kin for their daughter to go to. However, because I was close with them, I was able to adopt her. Even though I'd been iffy about the idea of kids, I didn't want their daughter to grow up in foster care around people

who didn't have any connections to her biological parents, so I stepped in. My parents and siblings know that my daughter is not my actual daughter, biologically speaking. My daughter, Lily, also knows that she's adopted. I never really hid the fact that she was adopted. She knows that her parents are dead and that they were killed by a bad man, but I'm saving the details for when she's older. Lily doesn't look like me at all. She looks exactly like her mother and biological dad.

Most people assume that I'm her biological dad and that she just took after her mom. I don't really correct this when and if people assume this because it just seems unnecessary. So my brother has been with his fiance for about two years now. A few weeks ago, we were all meeting up at my parents' house and my sister-in-law saw an old picture of me, my friend and her husband. She pointed to my friend and asked who she was and I explained that that was Lily's mother. My sister-in-law got quiet and stood in front of the picture for a while.

I didn't think much of it. To clarify, my sister-in-law knows that my friend died. But I guess she didn't know that she had been married or that Lily is not my biological daughter. I suppose she assumed that my friend cheated on me with the guy in the picture and had Lily. My sister-in-law got a DNA test done on my daughter behind my back. She used my brother's DNA for the test.

And when it came back that they weren't related, she knew that meant that me and Lily also weren't related. She came up to me with the results and waved them in my face, saying that I was taking care of a dead woman's affair baby. She said this to me in front of my daughter. I just stared at her for a while before bursting out laughing at this. I told her I knew that Lily wasn't my biological daughter and that this thing called adoption exists. Her face went red and she stormed off. My brother is mad that I embarrassed his fiance but I said that she embarrassed herself by DNA

testing a kid that isn't hers and then parading the results up to me. What did she want me to do? What was her goal with this? Did she want me to break down and abandon my daughter? My brother said that she thought she was doing the right thing and called me a butthole. I don't feel like the butthole, especially considering my sister-in-law was the one who stuck her nose where it doesn't belong. So was I the butthole? All right. That is BS.

If she really wanted to help, then the first step is to just talk to her husband, your brother, about the situation. Then if she wanted to do the DNA test, the way to handle that would have been to quietly and peacefully and with love and support show those results to OP. Not to wave them in his face in a taunting manner and potentially out the adoption in front of Lily that would be so traumatizing for that poor little girl. Well before we get too far into this, three days later OP posted an update. My sister-in-law ended up coming to my house and apologizing as well as telling me the full story. My brother put her up to the DNA test. What? When I first adopted Lily, my brother, for some reason, believed that Lily was my biological daughter. He thought that me and Lily's mom were together and we just weren't telling anyone. He believes that when she got

pregnant, Lily told me that Lily was mine and that she was going to just say that it was her husband and I went along with it because I didn't really want kids. My sister-in-law was under the impression that I believed that I was Lily's biological dad. She saw the picture of Lily's mom and I and after asking clarification on who she was, assumed that we were together in it and then got suspicious when she saw the other guy in the picture, Lily's actual biological dad, who looks a lot like Lily. I didn't know my brother had been telling her lies for nearly two years. So she got the DNA test for her own suspicions and my brother helped her with it because he

thought that it would reveal if I was actually Lily's biological dad. He manipulated her into thinking that it would clear the air of suspicion. When really, he was just trying to prove that I was really Lily's biological dad and lying about the reasons for adoption. Well, of course, the results proved that I wasn't Lily's biological dad and that my brother was wrong. My brother felt too embarrassed to confess to his fiance that he had lied about the circumstances, which is why my sister-in-law confronted me with the results. My sister-in-law also apologized for showing me the result in front of my daughter.

She told me that her mom had an affair and cheated on her father, got pregnant with another man's kid, and let her father believe the kid was his. Her father was devastated by this when he found out. And my sister-in-law grew very resentful of women who do that to their spouses. She had wanted to sit me down and talk to me about it with my daughter, but when she saw me with my daughter, she got angry thinking that I was being led on to believe that I was raising my daughter when I was actually raising another man's kid. And she ended up exploding and immediately

waved the results in my face. My sister-in-law does feel very guilty and she's angry at my brother for lying to her. I'm not angry at her for doing the test because she thought that she was doing the right thing. I also forgave her for the way that she told me about the results because clearly affairs are a sensitive subject for her and I can understand why she would have exploded like that. I'm pretty sure she plans to break up with my brother now and I do not blame her. When I called and asked my brother about this, he admitted it. When I asked why he would think this, he said that he couldn't think of a reason why a

man who had been against having kids at the time would willingly adopt a baby without having a blood connection to it. He told my sister-in-law that I was Lily's biological dad and was aware of that fact. He took it a step further and said that me and Lily's mom were together at the time of Lily's conception. Both me and my parents are going low contact with my brother for a while. I know that I'll forgive my brother eventually, but I can't do that right now. He believed that I was low enough to have an affair with a married woman, get her pregnant,

take no responsibility, allow her to pass off the kid as another man's kid and then only take responsibility because her mom died. Okay, I was all ready to blame the sister-in-law and while she did definitely mess up in this story, she was manipulated by her husband and she's dealing with some trauma which, you know, was understandable. So I'm giving the brother 2.5 out of 5 buttholes and I'm giving the sister-in-law 2 out of 5 buttholes. OP, you're in the clear with 0 out of 5 buttholes. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.