rSlash - r/AITA My Deadbeat Mom Came Back After 10 Years

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:10 Tattoo 3:14 Mother 8:26 No more 12:03 No help Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. welcome to r slash am i the butthole where opi's girlfriend gets a tattoo of his dead brother not her dead brother opi's dead brother am i the butthole for telling my fiance that her tattoo of my dead brother

makes me uncomfortable wait my dead brother does opi mean his dead brother or does he mean her dead brother my older brother was 30 and i'm 29 my older brother passed away three years ago in a motorcycle accident. This messed me up severely. Still does. He was my best friend, and we'd been inseparable since we knew each other. Even if he was older, he was never the stereotypical older brother bully sort, and I loved him for that. Anyways, my fiancé, Bella, who's 28, met my older brother only a few times, but always said that she admired our bond as she has no real siblings of her own. A few weeks ago, Bella surprised me with an effing tattoo that she got in memory. of my brother. It's this pretty effing big, realistic gray scale tattoo of his face with a little

snoopy icon beside it on her upper arm, with his nickname that we use, and his birth and death dates underneath. When I saw this, I was effing stunned. She said she did it as a tribute to him, and to support me because she knows how much I still struggle with grief. I honestly didn't know what to say at first, but the more I sat with it, the more it bothered me. I told her gently, as much as I could, to be honest, that I appreciated the gesture, but found the tattoo really uncomfortable. Like, it's unsettling to see his face on my fiance's body. Like, it's too much, especially since they barely knew each other. She got upset and said that I was being weird about a nice gesture and making her regret doing something beautiful, her words. Now she's distant,

And my mom thinks I should just be thankful someone loved my brother enough to memorialize him. But first off, I didn't ask her to do this. Now I'm stuck with a fiancé that won't even talk to me properly. And my brother's perfectly black and gray eyes staring at me when I'm laying beside her. And honestly, I don't even want to think of how horrifying intercourse would be with that on her arm. Am I being unreasonable, butt-holeish? Is it in my right to ask her to get it covered up or like zoinged off? My fiancé and I both have tattoos and many of them. I have smaller ones and she has bigger ones.

To my knowledge, neither one of us is mentally ill in any capacity and we aren't on medication. And ever since my reaction, she's been wearing longer sleeve shirts in the daytime. At work she has to anyways, but that's for home too. It's only during bedtime that I really see it with her wearing tank tops and it physically hurts, lull. Opie, this is unhinged. I don't know what your girlfriend's. was thinking. This is bonkers. I'm giving you a really easy zero out of five butholes. I'd be pretty grossed out in the situation. I don't know if she deserves a butthole score. This isn't really

butthole behavior so much as it is just unhinged, completely untethered from reality. So I'm giving her three out of five on the whack job scale. Am I the butthole for refusing to have anything to do with my mother after she abandoned me for 10 years? Then came back and spitefully said that my dad wasn't my dad after letting him raise me solo? I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my parents were young when they dated, and my mother got pregnant with me. They broke up during the pregnancy, and my mother called dad to the hospital, and she left me with him, and said that she wasn't interested in parenting, and since he was, he could do it. She did nothing for me for the next 10 years. There was no contact, no child support, no nothing. And yes, my dad did pursue child support. My dad did. My dad

did it all. He was on his own and committed to raising me. There were times I asked him about my mother, and he tried to stay neutral with a slightly positive leaning on her, just because he didn't want me to hate myself for being half her. He wanted to nurture confidence and security in me, and as much as I hate her today, I appreciate him doing it because I was sort of fragile as a kid emotionally, and I think the insecurity and self-loathing would have been bad if I had known just how awful she was. A few weeks after I turned 10, my mother shows up and acts like she can just start playing supermom. She told Dad she wanted to take me and raise me now and didn't want to fight over it. She told me I was going to move in with her and I fought back and said, I wanted to stay with Dad and

that she was a stranger. Then, when she wasn't getting her way, she told us that Dad wasn't my real dad anyway, and I was someone else's biological kids, so I didn't belong with him. She said, said it out of pure spites, but also because she thought that dad would dump me on the spots. Until we got the DNA test, I was in pieces over that. I felt guilty because dad raised me not knowing. I didn't want to have a different dad or lose him. He spent ages reassuring me that he would be my dad no matter what, and I was his son no matter what, and he loved me. But I was expecting someone to come between us the rest of the time. I was so sure that my mom would find the actual guy and he would take me away or they both would. But a DNA test proved that I was my dad's

kid. He paid for it privately just because he wanted me to be comforted and deep down he believed that I was his, even if he was sick at the thought of my mother telling the truth. We don't know if she had doubts about who my father was. But she was 100% wrong about my dad not being my dad. She disappeared again after the DNA results and she was pissed. She acted like I was supposed to jump into her arms and run away with her even though she was a stranger. And even the way she talked to me showed that she would have been a terrible mother. It was only two and a half months ago that she showed up again. She moved to town with her husband and his two little kids. They made a point of stopping by my and my dad's house and introducing him to the kids. They said that

the kid's mom died and my mother was going to be their mom now and we'd be siblings and we should be a family. I told them I wanted nothing to do with her or any of them. And I told her after what she did, she had the audacity to come back and act like I'd ever want anything to do with her. She argued that it was 10 years ago and she's grown. I said she could F off and die in a hole because she was a spiteful B word and unworthy of being called a mom. Dad told them they needed to leave. My mother's husband was willing to go because he didn't like our attitude, apparently. But she acted offended and was trying to linger. She approached me a few times since, and I've ignored her completely. She told me I should hear her out and give her a chance.

Her husband was there one of those times, and he was talking trash about me, about how much of a monster I am for the F off and die in a whole comment, because I want his kids to lose two mothers and be motherless twice before they're five. I ignored them still, but the comments bothered me a little because I want to scream that they should move away if they don't like it. But I know that I can't make them leave. And I know that I haven't heard her side. I don't want to hear it. I don't want a relationship or anything to do with her ever.

But does that make me the butthole? And you know, I was the same age my parents were when I was born. I feel too young for kids. But I would never screw my kid over the way that she did me. She was 30 when she did that. Like, what the hell? She wasn't a kid anymore. She just didn't care about what it did to me. She didn't care about what it did to dad, even though he was on his own with me and had zero support from her.

She's a disgusting human being. She wants to not be a mom whenever it suits her, and she wants to be a mom whenever it suits her. You can't just pick and choose like that. My guess is that the only reason why she's trying to talk to you now is that she wants to play the good, loving mommy figure for her new husband. Have her start by paying 18 years of back child support, then maybe have a conversation with her, or at least make her think that much. O.P., I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving her 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for not sleeping with my wife after she accused me of R-wording her? For context, me and my wife have been married for 7 years and dated for 4 years prior. We've told each other everything there is to be told. She knows that I was molested as a child by my older brother, and I know that she went through something similar.

When we first started dating, she told me her ex used to R-word her, and that really pissed me off, so much so that I found his work through his Facebook, found what time he got to work, and even found what bus he took to and from work. I really was ready to go to prison over this. Thankfully, a chance call from my wife stopped me from doing something I would now regret. Now with that out of the way, you can understand. my feelings going forward. Last week, while me and my wife were cuddled up post alone time, she says to me, you know, technically you are worded me. Naturally, I was both shocked and confused

by this statement, so I asked her what she meant, and she told me, well, I didn't actually want intercourse. I only did that because I knew you wanted it. This one sentence has me questioning our whole relationship. How many times has she done something like this in the past where she felt pressured into doing it with me without even realizing it. Was she confusing romantic frustration with work frustration? Was I not being kind enough to her for her to think this way? Was this what she meant when she said her ex R-worded her? Was I really willing to go to prison all those years ago over something like this? Over a misunderstanding? I've had a lot of questions these last few days, and every time my partner goes to initiate intercourse, all I can think about was that night.

Will she accuse me of R-wording her again? Have I been moodyer than normal? Why is she doing this? Is it actually because she wants it? Or is it just another case of doing it because she thinks this is what I want? I have mentioned my concerns to her and told her I don't feel comfortable doing that with her at the moment after her accusations. But she tells me that I'm overreacting and I should just take what's being offered.

So am I overreacting and being a butthole or are these feelings valid? This is a really sticky topic. It's kind of dangerous for me to even comment on it, but I'm going to do my best. I think there's a difference between consenting and wanting to do something. You know, before YouTube, I had an office job, and I didn't want to go into the office to work. But I did it because, you know, I got money and you got to pay bills. So I consented to going to work. I agreed I allowed.

I didn't like it, though. Your wife seems to think that wanting it slash liking it is like the part. that matters, but I think the consent part is what matters. Her saying, yes, we can do this, and her like initiating, that's where the consent comes from. So, I don't know, you guys may disagree with me in the comments. I may get blasted for this, but I think your wife doesn't super understand the concept of our wording, or at least she disagrees with my stance on it. In any event, I think it's very understandable for O.P. to be cautious about this, because

I don't know how he can ever feel. safe and trusted with her, because how can he know that she actually wants to do it, considering she's lied about it in the past? And it's doubly disturbing that O.P. basically said, no, I don't want to do this. I don't want to, you know, do the act with you. And she's saying, well, do it anyways. So, okay, there's like a, there's like a major consent problem here with O.P.'s wife. O.P., I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your wife, she's, I don't know. I guess two out of five? Am I the butthole for not wanting to help my mom and her fiance with his disabled child? I'm a 20-year-old guy, and I moved out of my mom's house a couple of years ago when I went to college.

Until 10 months ago, I had my own room there, but her fiance, who's 45, and his two kids, a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl, moved in with my mom. The four-year-old has a host of disabilities. I know she has a seizure disorder and a condition called osteogenesis imperfecta, but I believe there's another one involving paralysis or spasms of the stomach and esophagus. My mom took classes for over two months before her fiancé moved in so she would know how to take care of his daughter. Her fiance's ex is totally out of the picture, so mom decided she would need to step up completely, which I get. I have been back twice since mom's fiance moved in with his kids. The first time was at Christmas, and I stayed with my grandparents because my old room went to the four-year-old and there was no spare

room for me. My mom was disappointed, but I pointed out that it would stop me getting in the way of their routine, too. The second time was late June, early July. I was home for a few weeks and again, stayed with my grandparents. Mom offered to buy a pull-out bid for me, but I said that I was good with my grandparents. When I was home and whenever I went to moms, I was asked if I looked into taking the same class as mom had, or if I'd like them to set me up with them. I said no and asked why I'd need to take them. Mom said she hoped that I would, want to help them. She said that it would mean I could step in if an emergency came up and I told my mom that she'd be better off finding someone professional for that because I was not taking on that

responsibility. Her fiance asked if I'm just never going to stay at the house and I said, yeah, I told them I would have zero privacy if I slept there and it wouldn't benefit any of us. I pointed out how they'd be so busy anyway that I wouldn't have time with mom that much and I'd get just as much staying somewhere else and planning ahead of time to visit when she's not super busy. Her fiancé said it sounded like I didn't want to learn how to care for his daughter and planned to be limitedly involved with him and his kids. I said that I'll see them when I see Mom, but I won't be signing up for babysitting or future caregiver responsibilities. Mom and I went for a walk together after I said that,

and she told me she got it, but that she hoped that I'd be willing. She said it's a lot to ask, and I don't even live that close anymore. So it would never be all the time. But she asked me if I was really that unwilling to even give them a few hours off when I would visit. She said it would be so helpful. I told her I would visit and want to spend time with her, but babysitting her future stepkids was not my plans. And especially not one so medically complex and in need of specific care.

She was upset, but let it go. Her fiancé is holding a grudge about it. He brought it up to my grandparents when Christmas was brought up. They said they got the feeling that he was also annoyed that they gave me a place to stay during my visits. Because it gives me an excuse not to get closer to his kids and therefore be more willing to learn how to take care of his daughter. Am I the butthole? This one's pretty straightforward. You are not responsible for your parents' choices, especially now that you're an adult.

If your mom wants to take care of the kid, that's her choice. That doesn't mean it's your choice. O.P., I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom and her fiancee one out of five. buttholes for their entitlements. That was our slash am I the butthole. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.