rSlash - r/AITA My Family Secretly Hates Me

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:07 Bad word 9:25 Step family 12:03 Leaving 14:38 Comment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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a sports book worth a slam dunk and authorized gaming partner of the NBA that MGM dot com for terms and conditions must be 19 years of age or older to wager Ontario only please play responsibly if you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you please contact Connix Welcome to r slash mi the butthole where OP discovers that his sister and her husband hate his guts. Am I the butthole for refusing to take care of my niece after she called me a slur?

I'm a 29 year old man, and I have a 30 year old wife. We have two kids, a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old boy. My wife works a full time office job, while I work from home with extremely flexible hours. My sister Barb and her husband Nick, ages 26 and 30, live nearby and work full-time jobs. They have a 5-year-old daughter, Tracy. Because of my comfortable work schedule, when our kids started going to daycare, we basically decided that I'll be dropping off and picking up my niece from daycare alongside my own

kids. I didn't really mind, and I thought that it was great for my kids to spend time with their cousin. I get along with Tracy well, and I always thought that I was her cool uncle. She's a sweet kid and usually well behaved. A few days ago, the kids were watching Bluey on TV, and I was preparing snacks with my three-year-old, and I suddenly heard yelling. I rushed over to see what was up, and my son was yelling at her cousin that, my dad is not a girl.

While my niece yells back, he is, he's an F slur, that's like a girl. I was kind of in shock at first, but I turned off the TV, sat the cousin down and began explaining that this was a very bad word and we shouldn't be calling people that and that regardless, I'm not a girl. And because this is a bad word,

she should apologize to me because we don't act mean to each other in this family. And if I hear that word again, I'm going to talk to her parents and she's going to get in trouble. She said that she won't get in trouble because that's what her dad called me and he's not in trouble. I was stunned. I told her that regardless of what her dad said, it's a very bad word and she's not

to use it with me or in my presence, and that she should apologize regardless because it hurt my feelings, which she did because she's a really good kid. We talked some more and I prodded her about other things her parents said, and from what I gather, Nick, my brother-in-law, told my sister in his daughter's presence that men shouldn't be sitting at home all day and doing childcare, that cooking is a woman's duty as is cleaning and really most of the things that I do around my house, and that I'm a girl because I do housework and my wife earns more money than me. I explained to Tracy the best I could that men and women could work from an office or

from home and that my wife or Barb working long hours from the office doesn't make that men and women could work from an office or from home and that my wife or Barb working long hours from the office doesn't make them men and vice versa. But I didn't dwell on it since it's really not her fault. I called my sister and told her what happened, and she said that it's just a word and that I'm blowing it out of proportion and obviously Nick doesn't dislike me. I said, I don't care whether he does or doesn't dislike me. He's talking trash about me behind my back to my niece and my sister. And my sister is apparently very chill about this rather than standing up for me. She said that's just how Nick was and I should stop being a drama

queen. I told her to f off and if that's how she felt, she could pick up her own kids from daycare and I hung up. I know that it was really short notice and rude, but I really felt like I was being disrespected by people that I did so much for over the years and were my family. My wife said that she understood and that I shouldn't back down until I at least get a proper apology. The next two days were a weekend and there wasn't daycare. I assumed that I would be getting calls or texts from my sister, but there was nothing. In fact, the suspicious lack of any messages or calls made me think that she didn't take my words seriously, and this actually got me even more angry.

The calls did come when it was time to pick up Tracy for daycare, and I obviously didn't come. I dropped my own kids off and then didn't answer my phone. I know that it was petty, but I had been stewing for two days and I figured letting Barb stew for a few hours seemed really appropriate and felt really good. Around noon when she called me again, I did pick up. I was going to smugly tell her that I was ready for my apology and we would put this behind us, but I didn't get to. Instead, she went off on me about how I was irresponsible and I flaked and she was so

late for work because of me, to which I just said, I told you I wasn't going to pick her up. You had two days to make arrangements. She kept yelling at me, so I just hung up again. She kept calling and sending me texts about picking Tracy up from daycare, to which I said that I wouldn't, then I stopped replying. When I came to pick my kids up, Tracy was expecting me to pick her up as well, and I didn't, which was very rough on me and her both.

Like I know it's not her fault, and she's just five, and she suddenly doesn't get to go over to our place and play and have snacks, but at the same time, I didn't want to just let this thing go. I felt like I deserved an apology, so I explained that me and her mom were fighting, but I'll pick her up again once we work it out. She obviously didn't take it well, but I apologized, took my kids, and left. Well a bit later, I got a call from my mom. My sister roped my mom into picking up Tracy, but my mom is disabled, so she was having

a really hard time with Tracy. And my mom asked me why I was being mean to Barb. I told her everything, expecting my mom to take my side, but instead she pulled a, you know how Nick is. To which I replied that the more I realize how Nick is, the less I like him, and if he thinks all this stuff about me specifically, I sure as hell am not going to be doing free labor for him. She said that I was blowing this all out of proportion, and I told her that I wasn't the one doing it because all I asked for was an apology, and everyone else seemed to prefer all this garbage instead of just apologizing to me.

My mom said that I should just be the bigger man and not let it get to me, to which I said that I was done and to have fun with Tracy. That evening, I got a call from Nick himself, which I was hesitant about, but I chose to answer on the off chance that I was actually going to get an apology. Nope! Apparently, my behavior is causing Barb great distress, and we're family and how can I do this to my own sister? I told him that since we're family, how can he talk trash about me to his kid, which

I take care of daily? And he said that he was only joking and it was all in good fun. I told him it was neither good nor fun for me, and I want my apology. He blew up on me, telling me I was an F-sler and I couldn't take a joke, and he called me a hysterical little girl. I told him to F off and that I was done with him and hung up. This led to a bunch of calls from Barb and my mom, which I didn't answer. Barb texted me that it wasn't fair for Tracy to pay the price of me being

petty, and I told her that it wasn't fair for Tracy to pay the price of her parents being ungrateful pieces of garbage, to which she just text yelled at me a bunch about how she was going to lose her job and I was being cruel to her and to mom. I told her that I was done, and unless her next message was an apology, I'll be blocking her number and it wasn't so now I blocked her. The past few days, mom's been picking up Tracy. And it's been really rough seeing Tracy in daycare and explaining that grandma is going to pick her up, which she hates.

And she tells me that she isn't having fun with grandma and she wants to come over to our place and it's breaking my heart. But at the same time, I never got a single apology from anyone except the five-year-old. And I feel like letting this go would just be telling my family that it's okay to ignore my boundaries. But at the same time, I do love my niece and I don't want to traumatize her or have her resent me. She is a good kid and none of it is her fault. So am I the butthole? Then OP posted an update, which is really long OP loves to type so I'm just gonna summarize it because it's not super juicy.

First OP talked to his mom, explained his side of the story in more detail, and she eventually apologized for not backing up her son. Then OP confronted his sister and his brother-in-law face to face, and it turns out that Opie has actually been paying for family outings and family vacations. As part of his terms, Opie said, I was no longer going to be paying for family outings and family vacations. It's a man's job to support his family, so good luck with that Nick. The exception is Tracy, who's always welcome. After giving the rest of his terms, so good luck with that Nick! The exception is Tracy, who's always welcome. After giving the rest of his terms, which were basically either respect me or start paying me,

Nick got so upset about this that the sister had to actually take him outside to talk to him without me. But they did eventually agree to it and I got my half-hearted apology. OP writes, There were no tears and no warm hugs, but I did get to walk away with what I wanted, giving them some payback without me having to give up my time with Tracy. Okay, now I'm starting to wonder if Nick just, you know, doesn't like people who stay at home or if he's putting down OP as a way to make himself feel better because OP is, you know, being a provider, literally providing goods and services and money, so he's gonna, you know, dump on OP to make himself feel like more

of a man. Anyways, OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm honestly surprised that you caved on this one because your sister and brother-in-law are pretty toxic. I'm giving both of them 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for losing it on my wife after she told my son to get out of the picture at my stepdaughter's birthday? I've been married to my wife for 8 years, and on the whole, we've had a good relationship. She has 4 kids, 2 daughters and 2 sons between the ages of 11 and 16 from a previous relationship, and I have one son who's 10.

Since day one, I've treated her kids as my own and I've done my best to support the family. Financially, it's a big load, but I'm happy to do it. We live together in a five bedroom house where each of her daughters has their own room, her oldest son has his own, and her youngest son shares a room with my son. The main issue, and what's tearing me apart, is how she treats my son. She barely acknowledges him, rarely asks how he's doing, and generally acts like he's invisible.

Tonight, it hit a breaking point. We were celebrating her daughter's 11th birthday, and everyone was gathered to sing and take pictures. I told my son to get in with the group for a picture, which seemed fine. But then, right after the group photo, my wife looked at my son and told him, Get out of the picture! Move to the side! I want one with just my kids!

I felt like my heart shattered in that moment. I completely lost it. I told her that we're supposed to be a blended family and that my son deserves to be treated like one of her own. I feel like she's drawing lines between her kids and my son, and it just doesn't sit right with me. For context, my son's biological mom passed away two years ago, supposedly from COVID complications, though she has a history of drug problems that may have worsened things.

My son only has my wife now as a mother figure. I am terrified that this rejection from her is going to hurt him deeply and cause psychological damage. Am I asking too much for her to treat him like part of the family? I don't want to be overreacting, but the way she flat out ignores him is painful to witness. Am I the butthole for expecting her to step up and include him? Oh, OP, I gotta be real with you.

Eight years of this abuse and now you want to step up? Eight years? Yeah, you are the butthole. Your wife has been abusing your son and you've just been looking the other way this whole time. Oh, it bothers me and today it finally hit a breaking point. Okay, you think it bothers you? Imagine how much it bothers your son and the psychological and emotional damage that she's inflicting on him every single day.

If she treats him this badly when you're around, imagine what she does when you're not around. OP, you're pathetic. I'm giving you and your wife 3.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for leaving my husband after years of him putting his friends and family above me and finding out that he might not even want our baby? Hi, Evan, since I know that you might see this. I know that you'll probably say that I'm overreacting, but by the time you read this, it's too late. I've already left and made arrangements with the lawyer.

I'm a 31-year-old woman married to Evan, a 34-year-old guy, for five years. We've been together for about eight years. For the first couple of years, I honestly thought that I'd hit the jackpot. He was attentive, thoughtful, and supportive. Or so I thought. But as time went on, he slowly became more and more absent, putting his friends and family before me in every way possible. Evan has this group of friends that he's known since high school. They hang out constantly,

and he's made it clear that they come first, even when it interferes with our life together. We would have plans, and he would cancel last minute because they needed him for some urgent video game session or to help out. I didn't think much of it at first, but it got to the point where I realized that I was always taking a back seat. Then there's his mom, who's difficult to put it lightly. She's never liked me, and Evan has never defended me or put up any boundaries. When she told me that I wasn't good enough for her son at our engagement party, he laughed it off. At our wedding, she accidentally got into a fight with me over a small detail about our ceremony and has constantly undermined me since then. I'm currently six months pregnant with our first

child. Recently, Evan sat me down to tell me he's not sure he's ready for the responsibility of a baby. When I told him it was a little too late for second thoughts, he got defensive, saying he wasn't convinced this was the right time and I was putting too much pressure on him. He mentioned he'd talked it over with his friends and they all agreed that he was just being honest. That's when I realized that, in his mind, their opinion and the opinion of his family mattered more than us. The last straw came a week ago.

I had a small health scare, and he didn't even show up because he was busy with his friends. That night, I realized that I couldn't rely on him, and I didn't want my child growing up in an environment where the father wasn't present and prioritize everyone else over them. So, I packed my bags and left. I'm staying with a friend for now, and I've made arrangements to file for divorce. I'm ready to build a life on my own for me and my baby, even if it hurts like hell.

Down in the comments we have this story from Cat A Lotta Fat which might provide some help. My cousin was like your husband. If his friends needed anything, he would ditch his significant other in a heartbeat. He had a great girlfriend that we all loved, but his friends told him to dump her since she called them out on their BS. She dumped him because according to her, she wanted an adult, not a child. Then what happened was, all the friends got married in the group and the group broke up because the biggest jerk of the group stood up for their girlfriend.

Now, my cousin realizes how toxic this friend group was. His ex met someone else and they've been married for eight years. To this day, he regrets listening to his old friends. It's been over twelve years. Yeah, it'd be nice if the husband in OP's story realizes he's made a mistake, but it's probably going to be too little, too late. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving Evan 3 out of 5 buttholes. That was r slash mi the butthole, and if you like this content,

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