rSlash - r/AITA My Fiancé is an Evil Gold Digger

Episode Date: March 31, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:11 Gold digger 4:37 Treats 8:42 Wifes affair 14:50 Kicked out Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Am I the Butthole for telling my girlfriend that she's a gold digger after she refused to prenup? I'm a 28-year-old guy and I've been dating my fiancee, who's 26, for five years. We met during college and we've been inseparable ever since. I currently run my own catering business while she works as a financial advisor. During our relationship post-college, I've earned quite a bit more than her and for the most part, I'm completely fine with it.

I pay for all household expenses and didn't really expect her to contribute anything. She wants to go back to college to get her master's, so I've always told her to save up for college and I would take care of the rest. She's genuinely the love of my life. She's smart, charismatic, gorgeous, and is extremely kind and patient with me. From the moment that we started dating, I felt like she was going to be the best I was ever going to get. So regrettably, I started treating her as such.

I bought her lavish gifts, took her on fancy dinners, and the more my business flourished, the more I would spoil her. A month ago, during our trip to New York, I proposed to her. Up to that point, that was the best day of my life. But the devil had other plans for me, I guess. As soon as we came back from our vacation, the shit storm started. She started looking for venues and took the charge in planning our wedding. I was genuinely happy and couldn't wait.

But when I saw the price of our dream wedding, I started to question everything. With the venue and everything- WHAT?! No way! With the venue and everything else, it totaled $400,000! I mean, seriously? Initially, I thought that she would pay for a chunk of it since she had massive savings by now, but when I asked her, she told me it was your duty as a man to pay for the wedding. We got into a huge argument that evening and I went to stay at my parents' house. I told them everything. I know that I earn well, but there was no way that I was spending half a million dollars on a wedding.

My parents were on my side and told me that their friend who plans weddings would give me an offer for a much cheaper wedding. They said that in the meantime, I should ask my fiance for a prenup. My parents told me that they always had suspicions of her being with me because of money. They never told me since, in their words, our precious boy was so happy and it wasn't their place to tell me how to spend my money. I called her that same evening and told her I was getting someone else to plan our wedding. She initially seemed hesitant, but later relented and agreed, and then apologized for planning such an outlandish wedding.

I went home the next day, and I dropped the second bomb on her. I wanted a prenup. At this, she was not so easily defeated. She went into a full-on mental breakdown, calling me emotionally abusive and a manipulative a-hole. I clearly told her that I've been paying for everything and as a result, she has a lot of savings. I told her that her refusing a prenup was a deal breaker for me. I told her that I was blindsided by her behavior all these years because I genuinely loved her to death.

She then told me that I earned much more than her and it was unfair for me to deny her any part of it as my wife. I just called her a gold digger and told her to get out of my house. She's currently staying at her parents. Her mother's been blowing up my phone telling me that I shouldn't have proposed something so selfish to her and that calling her a gold digger really hurt her feelings. She then demanded an apology from me. I haven't bothered responding. To me, this whole situation is insane. Don't get me wrong, I still love my fiance to death, but this whole saga really opened my eyes to how spoiled and entitled I made her. I feel like I enabled her behavior, and maybe I was wrong for blindsiding her with everything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still asking for a prenup, but I feel like I should apologize for dumping everything on her all at once. OP, I don't know how much money you're making as a catering business. I would have to guess north of $100k, but not north of a million dollars because that would have to be a massive catering business. So I don't know how affordable a $400,000 wedding is to you, but dude, that's a house. And she wants to spend all that money on a party? This woman is detached, untethered from reality, floating off in space, in Gaga-lulu land where

nothing makes sense. I think she's revealed her true colors, OP. Just move on. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving her a 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for not wanting to passionately hug my wife after she turned it into a reward punishment system? I think my wife is experiencing the 7 years itch right now. We've been married to each other for 7 years now, and we never had any serious problems

before this. Around the end of 2023, she started offering intercourse for small gestures such as gifts and doing chores. For the last seven years, and since I've been an independent adult, I make sure to handle my share of chores. She gave me mind-blowing intercourse for me doing her part of the chores, which I enjoyed at first. Then, it turned into gifts and gestures. Mind you,

these had all been present in our relationship for the past seven years. Nothing out of the ordinary. This change happened literally overnight. We have a great love life. We both take care of the other party's needs by communicating clearly and respecting their wishes. Even though it was good at first, it turned into a form of reward and punishment later on. Like, you didn't do such and such, so no passionate hugging for you. Or, good, you did this, so now we can passionately hug. I asked her what the deal with this is. She never did this before. She says that she gets turned on and feels emotionally connected when I put extra effort into the relationship. I just rolled my eyes at that. It's been a few months since this started, and I couldn't take it anymore.

I started refusing her advances because it's such a turn-off for me. Yesterday, she came to me and said, You did the chores. I think you deserve a reward. I told her, I don't know where you've seen this, but this is getting out of hand. I'm not Pavlov's dog that you're giving threat or punishment to. Communicate with me if there's something wrong, but this change you had overnight is ridiculous. Do you expect me to beg for it and obey you in every case?

You're making me feel like I haven't contributed anything to chores or didn't show you any gestures before that. Just tell me what's happening, because if we're going to change every good aspect of our relationship because you saw it somewhere else, this relationship will die out faster than a candlestick. She stormed out crying and slept on the couch. I'm getting the cold shoulder now. Did my wife turn into an eight-year-old or what? What's with this sudden change? And am I the butthole for not wanting to passionately hug her and for calling her out on her behavior? Alright, word of advice, OP. Don't compare your wife to an eight-year-old and then in the

very next sentence talk about having intercourse with her. Second word of advice is, I don't think you understand what the 7 years itch is. The 7 year itch is when you've been married for 7 years and you have the itch to cheat. So after that, OP posted an update, and it's actually fairly wholesome. I was planning to talk to my wife today, but surprisingly she came to talk to me in the early morning during breakfast. She apologized and told me the things that I said made her understand that she hurt me, and she felt terrible for that. She told me she took it too far without reading my actions. I also apologized for telling her off like that and losing control of my emotions. I asked her if she thought my gestures were not

enough and if she thought that her portion of the chores was unfair. She says that it's not like that. She's been feeling less confident and adding a new dynamic to our relationship by making me try more made her feel better, just like before we were married. Also, she told me having less things to do allowed her to completely focus on me, which turned her on more. She also told me that she was feeling shy initiating due to her confidence, and this dynamic helped her to initiate. I asked if she was happy with me and our love life. She said that she's more than happy, and that this reward punishment thing has nothing

to do with it. My final question is if this was a kink of hers. She said, maybe. I agree that while it was good in the beginning, turning our entire love life into a reward punishment system and doing it all the time became a problem. I told her I'm okay with that kind of play or any play as long as it's communicated. I'm a freak, so no problem over here. Well, OP, I'm proud of you for resolving this like an adult.

I think you deserve a reward for being a good boy, and I'm sure your wife will be happy to give you that reward. I'm giving everyone here 0 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for not caring about my wife's affair? Me and my wife are both 29. She's been having an affair for 2 years, and I've been aware of it pretty much the whole time. We've been together for 7 years, married for five.

We don't have kids. I've been working from home since COVID hit. For the last three years, she's been a secretary at a large office building. Now, I'm not going to pretend like we had the perfect marriage two years ago, or say, I can't believe that she would do this. I was totally complacent in my life and really wasn't putting much effort into our relationship at all. That doesn't excuse what she did, and she had her own issues with intimacy and communication that led us to where we were then. I just

want to make it clear that I'm not a saint in all of this. I totally understand that we were basically roommates who, on the rare occasion, passionately hugged. Well, I found out right away when the emotional affair started. I'm logged into every device we have, including my work computer. I have synchronized email, text, photo, social media, etc. So I was basically reading her affair as it was going on, including when it became a physical affair about four weeks in. But the strange thing was that I felt nothing about this.

I was totally indifferent, maybe a little embarrassed at worst. When the physical affair started two years ago, I realized the marriage was dead, and that I should just divorce, mostly because I felt nothing. I started looking into lawyers and figured that we could just separate easily and amicably. Well, here's the crazy part. When the emotional affair started, she seemed, uh, I wouldn't say happy, but less sad. Then, the weekend after the physical affair started,

I got the shock of my life. She came into my office that Saturday morning and asked me to take her on a hike and picnic. Initially, I thought that this was the moment to burst her bubble and reveal that I knew. But I didn't, and decided to actually get up and go do this. I kinda thought that she was going to reveal it herself and ask for a divorce. But we had a nice time.

It was a great day, and she never brought up anything. I chalked it up as one more good memory before we end this thing. Then she asked me out again that week. Then we were intimate. I don't know if she felt shame or guilt or what, but she was basically taking the initiative to improve our marriage. After that, she began to open up more about her feelings.

For some reason, that lit a fire under me, and I started to make some effort in our relationship. I started reconnecting with some old friends, and I started working out. Her affair continued, but we kept spending more time together, and everything just seemed better. I decided to just forget about the affair and forget about divorcing her, and just start enjoying my life. I do still love this woman very much. Up until two days ago, we were in a really solid place. We had outings every other weekend, date night Thursday, and regular passionate hugging and communication.

I don't even read their messages anymore, just occasionally check in to see if it's still going on. Two days ago, I noticed that she was having frequent and long conversations with one of her close friends. I asked my wife about it, and it turns out this friend's husband got caught having an affair My wife has been comforting her this wouldn't have been a big deal, but my wife started bashing the husband for cheating I don't know why I said it, but I just blurted out you're one to judge She got super defensive and pressed me for why I said that I initially tried to apologize and move on

But she wouldn't let up, and I eventually spilled that I've known about her affair the entire time. She tried to play dumb, which annoyed me, so I started citing specifics. She got really mad at me, started crying, accusing me of not caring about her. I got pissed and started yelling at her, because I'm not the one having an affair. It got heated, and we went to separate rooms and slept it off. Yesterday morning, she got up extra early and went to work before I got up. I checked their messages and she broke up with her affair partner. He was messaging her constantly on every app and she just kept blocking him.

She came home early yesterday. I went to talk to her and she stopped me, looked at me and asked, how could you let this go on? I replied, because I just didn't care. She then called me a huge butthole and locked herself in our bedroom until she left for work this morning. She came home tonight, said nothing to me and locked herself in again. I can't even imagine in what bizarre a world could I possibly be the butthole in this situation? Is there a perspective out there where I am? Okay, OP, when she calls you the butthole, I think she's just so like, she's got these weird set of emotions because, you know, she's embarrassed that she got caught, she feels shame and guilt, she just dumped her other boyfriend,

which I guess makes her feel some type of way. But also, OP, I gotta say this, you're weird. You are very not normal. I'm not saying this is bad necessarily, but I can't believe your reaction to this entire thing. You're just like, huh, my wife is having an affair but I'm kind of happy about it, so I guess I'll just pretend I don't know anything. So I think a lot of your wife's anger comes from bewilderment, confusion, not understanding what's going on in your head. And she probably does feel like you don't care about her because I mean, well, you did

say you don't really care about the affair. So, uh, Opie, Opie, you're one of the weirdest guys I've ever read about on this subreddit. I don't know what's going through your mind. I have to wonder. Don't take this the wrong way because I realize this is like a really common insult in 2024, but are you a cuckold maybe? Because I just can't really imagine any other scenario where a guy finds out that his wife is sleeping with someone and is like, huh, okay, well, what's for dinner? I guess some part of you must secretly be into it, right? Anyways, OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes.

I think you need therapy, though. I'm giving your wife four out of five buttholes. To have an affair for two years and then yell at you for calling her out on it is ridiculous. Will I be the butthole if I kicked my brother and his family out for telling my daughter that she shouldn't act like a whore? My brother is religious. He was having financial problems, so my wife and I allowed him and his family to stay with us. Obviously, that was a bad idea, but I love them and I couldn't let them and their kids be homeless. Our son is gay and has a boyfriend.

When my brother found out, he wanted me to disown him and kick him out. I told him, no, that's never gonna happen. Not only would my wife kick all of us out and divorce me if I did that, I was also not comfortable doing that to my boy. Obviously, there was nothing my brother could do. Either him and his family become homeless, or they live with us and mind their own business. I told him that he can leave if he wants, but don't tell me how to raise my own son. He didn't like that, but chose to stay. However, when my son brings his boyfriend over, he tells my son that this is haram and that he's disgusting and he shouldn't be doing that in front of his kids. I didn't

find out about this until last week when my son finally told me. Apparently, this has been happening for over four years and my son finally had me. Apparently this has been happening for over four years and my son finally had enough. He was teaching his cousin karate because he has a black belt and his uncle yelled at him to not touch his son because he's gay. My son still hasn't told my wife yet because he knows that she would have my brother sleeping on the street so my son decided to tell me first since he's my brother. And as for the second reason, he tells our daughter to cover up because he has two sons. First it was just him, but now his wife is also making these comments. Yo, come on! By the way, our daughter is 12.

And she wears comfortable clothes because she's at home. And yeah, her clothes may be a little bit revealing, but she's a child and it's her house. I finally had enough when he told me that my daughter keeps acting like a whore, and that she's a bad influence on his daughter, which is ridiculous because my daughter speaks three languages, she's the top of her class, and she's hopefully going to be a top athlete. My wife already wants them gone because of what they say about our daughter, but if I told her about this last thing and about what's happened with our son, I'm sure she'll kick all of them out immediately. But their kids have done nothing wrong, so

I feel very conflicted. Well, a lot of people have asked why they stayed with us for so long. My brother has so much debt that he literally can't afford anything. He made many unfortunate decisions, and a lot of them were beyond his control. Trust me, if they could afford to support their kids and find a place, then I would have kicked him out the moment he tried to tell me to disown my son. In fact, he even tried to do that for me. My son told me that his uncle told him that I hated him for being gay, yo what the f**k, and tried to make him believe that I secretly wanted him gone.

I can't really kick them out because he would never leave without taking his kids with him, and if he did that, CPS would get involved and take his kids away from us. That would be very traumatic for them, so I really don't know what to do. I'm really effing angry at him for trying to turn my son against me, and the fact that he refuses to apologize for what he said to my daughter has me wanting to do something that I might regret. And then OP later updates, okay so they left. I guess I was right.

He did in fact take his kids with him. He would rather his kids be homeless than be raised by sinners. OP, dude, you have no backbone. I cannot believe the amount of abuse your brother was showing towards your family and you're like, well yeah, but I love my brother and I like his kids and I don't want to kick him out. Okay, so you tolerate him abusing your kids for four years? Dude, you're a pushover.

I'm giving your brother 4 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving you 1.5 out of 5 buttholes for not kicking him out 4 years ago. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.