rSlash - r/AITA My Husband has a Secret $100,000 Gambling Debt

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:08 Control issues 5:40 A month 7:54 Sacrifice 12:18 Santa Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to our slash, am I the butthole, where OPs husband has an insane out of control $100,000 gambling addiction. Am I the Butthole for asking my husband to not eat lunch at night? We're a one-income family. We have a 10-year-old and a baby who's under a year old. I can't work due to chronic pain issues. My husband works full-time, usually 35 to 40 hours a week. When I cook dinner, I make enough so my husband has leftovers to take to work the next day. He has the habit of eating what's supposed to be his lunch as a large nighttime snack before bed. We have plenty of stuff that he could snack on or heat up that's not his lunch for the next day. Then he ends up eating out instead and he hates fast food. So every time he does this, he spends 20 to 25 dollars on lunch.

This adds up and makes money tighter for us. I get that it's his income, but it's affecting the entire family. I've asked him not to eat his lunch as a snack, but he says that he loves my cooking and he can't help it. And I should feel complimented that he enjoys it so much. I do appreciate that he likes what I cook so much. But I also like knowing our bills will all be paid and that we can afford gas, groceries, household supplies, and stuff for the kids without being in the red each week.

Yo, this edit! Um, okay, O.F.y added an edit and I was just scanning through it to see if it was worth reading. Yes, you guys, it is worth reading. She says, if I make more for dinner he will either have third or fourth helpings. I do the grocery shopping and I'll try to get everything I can on his snack list and he'll still eat as lunch as a snack. My husband is a recovering gambling addict and currently owes a hundred thousand dollars

in back taxes that I'm trying to also budget to pay towards each month. He currently works in retail making around $40,000 a year. He has a master's in economics and used to make over $200,000. But some bad decisions in life mess that up and he ended up in legal trouble and can no longer work in his former industry. Okay, okay, that completely changes the story. I was about to say, girl, just cook extra.

It's not a big deal. Then he can enjoy your cooking and take the extra leftovers to work the next day. But this guy's eating third and fourth helping. This guy has self-control issues, clearly. This guy eats out and then comes home and eats quadruple health and then on top of that, there's the minor issue of being $100,000 in debt.

Now I will say something doesn't add up here because you said he owes $100,000 in back taxes? In taxes. Okay, I don't gamble. One time when I went to Vegas, I played like $20 on black checks, so I don't fully understand how gambling finances work, but I don't think gambling leads to tax payments, does it? Don't you only pay taxes if you win? So, I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe gambling does cause you to pay taxes? Maybe OP just misspoke, and when she

says back taxes, what she really means is gambling debts. Or there's another possibility that I gotta point out here. Is it possible that the husband is lying to the wife and says that it's taxes when really it's gambling debt? Wait a second. Wait a second. Is it possible that the reason why this guy eats all the leftovers the night before is so that he can say

that he's buying lunch the next day when really he spends 20 to 25 dollars on gambling. Because how else can this guy eat out and then come home and have four dinners? Best case scenario your husband has absolutely zero self control in which case you're not the butthole and he is the butthole. Worst case scenario your husband is lying to you about his gambling debts and he's repeatedly gambling every single day and he's using this lie of what he eats for lunch as an excuse to cover up his gambling debts. And in that case he is a mega butthole.

Wait hold on, hold on, hold on, wait, this doesn't make any sense, master in economics and he used to make 200K, but that led to bad decisions and he got legal trouble and he can no longer work in his former industry. Is an economics degree regulated? Like a doctor can lose his medical license, you can no longer practice medicine. And a lawyer can be disbarred so you can no longer be a lawyer. But can economics majors lose their economics license and no longer be allowed to practice economics?

That doesn't sound right. Even if he can't work in his old industry, couldn't he work in, I don't know, as a CPA, as an accountant somewhere, why does he have to work in retail? Yo, something's not adding up here. The more I think about the story, the fissure it gets. Are there any economics majors listening to this post? Please let me know in the comments. Can you guys be barred from your industry?

Because this sounds, there's no way. Okay, I am now completely convinced that OP is being lied to. She does know the full picture because the story is completely not adding up. And this guy is using his lunch as a smoke screen to cover up his gambling addiction. OP, I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. You're a little, you're a little naive, my dear.

I don't mean this in a derogatory way. I don't mean to be mean. I'm just saying, yo girl, you gotta wake up. Something's fishy here, this is not add up. You have got to figure out what's going on before this guy completely destroys your family's finances even more than he already has. I'm giving this guy anywhere between 1 out of 5

buttholes if lunch really is about lunch. Up to 4.5 out of 5 buttholes if he is secretly destroying their lives and systematically lying to them while he does it. I don't know what you guys think. Am I right on this one or am I completely off the wall? Am I the butthole for laughing at my ex and her husband for asking to have our daughter for another month? For some context, I'm a 46 year old man. I was married to my ex wife Ida, who's 46, for 21 years before she cheated and remarried to her now dick of a husband, Dan.

We have four kids together, Henry, Zach, and Cam who are all in their 20s, and then Rory a 15 year old girl. Thiss, and then Rory a 15-year-old girl. This situation only really involves Rory. Since my boys were teenagers and young adults when we got divorced, they got to choose who they lived with. Rory, on the other hand, didn't. I have Rory most of the time, and I pay for schooling, medical, extracurriculars, etc. Meanwhile, Ida and Dan get Rory every other holiday and don't really pay for stuff.

Well, for the 4th of July, Rory went over to Ida and Dan's, then stayed there until about a week before school started. Rory confided in me that the whole time she was there, she couldn't really do anything fun, and was stuck watching her younger siblings while Dan and Ida went out. She told me that she felt like a babysitter more than a daughter, which hurt my heart for Rory, since she was really excited to see her mother. Rory also told me that she would like to stick with holiday visits again and not staying for a whole month or two. Well, about two nights ago, I got a call from Ida. She seemed happy, and she started talking about Rory and how she liked it there. She continued to ramble for a bit before asking for me to ask Rory about staying another

month. I laughed, which caused Ida to get mad and she hung up. Dan texted me calling me a butthole for laughing at her and my brother said that it was kind of a mean thing to do. Am I the butthole? Oh no! Ida is losing her free, unpaid babysitter. And she surprised that her daughter who's getting no attention, no love, no affection

from her mother doesn't want to be there anymore and wants to go back to her loving father. What? Oh no, I'm shocked. OP, you are not the butthole. This story does a pretty good job of illustrating what kind of person your ex-wife is. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes, I'm giving I to 3 out of 5 buttholes for cheating on a 21 year old marriage, and then another 1 out of 5 buttholes for being a bad mother. Am I the butthole for telling my wife that I'm not going to sacrifice my hobbies just so I can babysit? I'm a 38 year old man, and me and my wife, Jane, who's

34, have been together for 5 years. She also brought a 38 year old man, and me and my wife, Jane, who's 34, have been together for five years. She also brought my nine year old stepdaughter, Emily, into the marriage. We have Emily four days a week, Monday through Thursday, while she's at her dad's Friday through Sunday. From the beginning, Jane told me that Emily doesn't need a second father figure

as she has her dad to fill that role. I was only supposed to be a trusted authority figure in case she ever needed anything. I didn't mind and I tried my best to respect that boundary. She's a sweet kid anyway and she doesn't cause trouble so it's not like I have to discipline her. Her father is also a good dad. Emily's dad recently got married and his wife has two kids of her own who are at their place Wednesday to Saturday and their dad's Sunday to Tuesday. Emily and her new step siblings don't get along at all. They're always fighting and it's pretty toxic.

Emily's dad asked Jane if they could change her custody schedule to match his stepkids to keep the children apart. It's not a big deal in and of itself because we don't live far from each other, so picking up and dropping off is no issue and she can easily be dropped off at school no matter where she stays. The issue is that my wife agreed to it without consulting me. Jane is currently doing a certification course for the next 12 months, and they have classes on Saturdays 9-5 pm. She asked me if I can babysit Emily on Saturdays, but I can't because I play golf with my brother

and sister on Saturday mornings 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. This has been our tradition from before Jane and Emily came into my life, and I told Jane way before this that this is important to me in my siblings. Jane asked me if I can move our golf to another day, but that's not possible either because my siblings also have jobs and families of their own, so Saturday was the best day for us. I told her she can hire a babysitter, but she doesn't want to spend money when I can do it for free.

I told her that wouldn't work for me. She didn't got mad and said that golf is stupid and I should put my stepdaughter over my siblings. That pissed me off, so I told her I'm not going to sacrifice my hobbies just so she can have a free babysitter. For the record, I don't have anything against Emily. I have babysitter before, and she's a good kid. If there was a family emergency or it was an occasional occurrence, then yeah, I would cancel golf for that day to take care of her, but I can't give up something that's important to me for 12 months continuously.

She called me a selfish butthole and slept on the couch last night. So am I the butthole? Opie, your wife is being extremely selfish here. She explicitly told you that she doesn't want you to behave like a father, and then when you don't behave like a father, she gets upset at you. And also, we can really, really easily rank how your wife views priorities in your life. At the top of the list, she has accommodating her ex. We know that's at the top of her list because she did that without even consulting you. Right beneath that, she has her nursing class because clearly she's unwilling to shift around her nursing schedule to accommodate you.

Then beneath that, we have the amount of money that she would have spent on a babysitter. Then, wab beneath that, we have your interest in your priorities as a family. And then, wab beneath that, we have your needs and desires. And it's really, really clear that you're at the bottom of the list here because every single thing above the list has taken priority over what you want. So I absolutely think that you should dig in your heels here OP. This is a fight worth dying over because you're just simply in the right here OP. Your wife wants you to have all the responsibilities of being a father, but none of the perks of being a father. You have to

take care of her, you have to sacrifice your life for her, but you don't even get to call to your daughter. She doesn't get to call you daddy. You're just free unpaid labor. Also, even if Emily was OP's biological daughter and they had a great father-daughter relationship, I still think it's reasonable for OP to go to golf. He said 8-1pm, so that's 5 hours a week that he wants to spend with his family. I don't think that's too unreasonable. Even in that scenario, I think it's justifiable to hire a babysitter as well. So, OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your wife 3 out of 5 buttholes. Super, super selfish. And man, she pulls the move where she sleeps on the couch to make you feel bad,

and then emotionally manipulate you to get her way. Give me a break man. Am I the butthole for telling my overly sheltered niece that Santa isn't real? My 42 year old sister, Ray, was trying to have a kid for a long time, but she struggled with infertility. After years of trying and money spent on fertility clinics, she finally had a miracle baby, Sue, who's currently 12. Since Ray and her husband view Sue's existence as a miracle, they treat her as one. From the time that Sue could vocalize her once, she got everything she wanted.

As a result, Sue is kind of a nightmare. Whenever our family gets together, we have to do whatever Sue wants. We have to eat whatever Sue wants to eat, watch whatever Sue wants to watch, and we can't do anything outside even though the rest of the family loves the outdoors. Because Sue hates nature nature and will literally scream if she gets so much of a speck of dirt on her shoe. We had to stop doing Christmas together because she would throw tantrums if my kids

got something that she wanted. I keep telling Rey that she is only setting Sue up for failure by spoiling her. She has no friends at her school because she doesn't understand that other kids aren't going to get her whatever she wants because they don't see her as a miracle baby the way her parents do. She also has a bunch of mannerisms that other kids that age grew out of years ago. She still picks her nose in public, still winds and whimpers when things don't go her way, still shops at justice, and still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny. Ray won't listen to me and says that I should let kids be kids, ignoring the fact that

Sue will be a teenager soon. Last weekend we were all gathered at my parents house and Sue was writing a letter to Santa like she did every year. Of course, it was pages and pages long with a list of the most outrageous things a 12-year-old can think of. I wasn't planning on saying anything. I never do, but one day, while Rey was away, Sue and my son Finn, whose nine, came running to me. Sue clearly had been crying, and Finn looked rather smug.

They both asked me if Santa was real. Normally, Sue would never ask me to resolve issues, but her parents weren't there, and I wasn't going to cuddle her the way her parents weren't there, and I wasn't going to cuddle her the way her parents did. I said that Santa wasn't real. The minute Ray got home, Sue ran to her crying and screaming that I told her Santa wasn't real. Ray tried to calm her down and told her that of course Santa was real and that I was lying.

When Ray put Sue down for a nap, yes, you read that right. She scolded me. She said that I had no business trying to parent her child. I then told her that she wasn't parenting her child, so someone had to. Maybe the first step to self-awareness for her is learning that Santa isn't real. I was hoping that Rae would wake up and see the reality of the situation, but now she's just ignoring my texts and calls. When I told my husband about everything, he wasn't as supportive as I thought that he would be. He agrees that Sue was unbearable, but it's not my place to fix that, and what I did

probably did more harm than good. Should I have just said that Santa was real and not gotten involved in the situation? You know, this one's kind of complicated, I had to pause this recording and really think about it, because I feel like 12 is really at that age where on the one hand, you have to respect the parent's wishes because she's still a child and the parent has a right to parent the child how they want. But on the other hand, 12 is definitely old enough where she can start really seeking out answers on her own.

So if a 12 year old comes up to an adult and asks them a question, point blank, I think it's reasonable to expect that adult to give them a straight answer. So while I understand why Ray is upset at OP, at the same time, you kind of have to understand that you can't just coddle your kid forever that eventually the world is just going to show the kid the reality, and that's what OP did. Now the problem with OP is I think OP didn't maliciously OP could have said well you'll have to ask your mother or he could have said well me and my son don't believe in Santa Claus Because not everyone believes but if you and your mother believe in Santa Claus That's perfectly fine. There are some diplomatic routes that OP could have taken but clearly

OP is really bitter about the way that her sister raised the kid and so this feels like a little bit of Spite slash vengeance So I think that OP does deserve a butthole score because I think the reason why she did it was just to be mean to her sister So rapid fire ray gets three out of five buttholes for being a bad mom Sue gets 1.5 out of five buttholes for being a nightmare child mostly not her fault OP's son Finn gets one out of five buttholes for spoiling the joy because that's part of the fun of believing in Santa you can't spoil it for other people. And then OP also gets 1 out of 5 buttholes for being a Grinch just for the sake of being

a Grinch. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more on OP's side than anyone else because I think that Sue should know the truth by now is a 12 year old that's kind of crazy that she doesn't, but let's be real guys, it's really obvious from reading this post that OP was being a grinch intentionally. That was our slash of my The Butthole, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.