rSlash - r/AITA My Husband Says "Alphas Don't Wipe"

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:08 Dirty butt 1:29 Diet pills 4:25 Prank 7:02 One up 10:03 Kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Welcome to rslash Am I the Butthole where OP's husband is an alpha male who refuses

to wipe his butthole where OP's husband is an alpha male who refuses to wipe his butthole? Am I the butthole if I divorce my husband for not wiping his butt? Yeah, this is pretty much the title. My husband recently started saying that he's not going to wipe his butt anymore after using the restroom. He got it into his head that alpha males don't wipe, therefore he's no longer doing it. He's been for the past few days walking around everywhere we go telling guys, alphas don't wipe. He's very serious about not wiping and he's not listening to reasoning.

I don't know what to do and I fear this might be the start of the end of our marriage. How do I convince him to wipe? Okay, hold on. I can't believe that not wiping your butt is the smaller problem in this post. The bigger problem is this guy's just really walking up to random guys you meet like his his his waiter and saying by the way, alphas don't wipe their butt or he goes to Starbucks. Hey, I'd like a you know, chai tea and by the way, alphas don't wipe their butt or he goes to Starbucks. Hey, I'd like a, you know, chai tea. And by the way, alphas don't wipe their butt.

Huh? Opie, the best advice I can give is get a bidet. Hopefully that may fix the problem because then he might use it. Plus people should just have a bidet anyways. They're objectively better in every single way. Anyways, you get zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your husband one extremely stinky but get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your husband 1 EXTREMELY STINKY butthole out of 5. Am I the butthole for laughing my butt off at my sister's reply to my parents sending

her diet pill recommendations? I am a 19 year old woman and my parents are estranged to a certain degree from all four of their kids, which besides me are a 30 year old man, a 28 year old woman and a 25 year old woman. This post is in response to my 25 year old sister, Melissa, responding to my parents' text. So PCOS runs in our family, which if you don't know causes cysts on ovaries. My mom knows this as many women from her side have had struggles with fertility, insulin resistance, or even just hair growth, like for me, in areas where women typically don't grow hair.

My mom and our dad would constantly criticize us for having oily hair, another symptom of PCOS, as well as struggles with sugar cravings and weight. My parents kicked my sister off their health insurance when she was my age, saying she can work part-time and pay for college and food and medical as long as she worked smart and was humble. But she eventually got into real estate and pay for college and food and medical as long as she worked smart and was humble. But she eventually got into real estate and did pretty well for herself enough to get good doctors. I mention this because before getting a doctor who understood, she'd respond to the insecurities

my parents imposed about her weight. Where they would pinch her fat, buy her aspirational sizes that didn't fit her, and tell her to always eat a quarter of any portion of what she's given at the most no matter what. And as a result, she basically stopped eating. When she got light-headed, my mom would tell her to drink water to fill her stomach instead of eating lunch. So despite PCOS, she did become very thin because again, she was maybe eating three crackers and a bite of cheese for breakfast and lunch and would skip dinner. She finally began gaining weight and is now at a healthy weight without needing to break

her spirit and energy to maintain it. But she recently made the mistake of friending my parents on Facebook and they decided that she's the type who gains weight in her stomach first, meaning even at a healthy weight, 5'6", 120 pounds, it still makes her look obese. So my dad reached out to her, exchanged pleasantries, and then sent her a few diet pill recommendations that he said she can get at Walmart. Minutes pass, and she sends back a link to a nursing home.

It has 2.3 stars on Google, and on Yelp it's even lower. Even though if you calculate the reviews, it should be lower than that, so they must pay Yelp to make them look better. It's the worst rated one in our area. My parents were in an uproar, and my mom tearfully said that she was just concerned about my sister's health. But I started laughing hysterically and said that it was objectively funny, but don't think that Melissa would pay for a nursing home. My mom then tried to make it about me lacking accountability for my own weight. Am I the butthole? Now they're blocked by Melissa. Nah, sounds like Melissa's got her life together. I'm giving Melissa and you 0 out of 5 buttholes,

and the parents 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for taking my brother-in-law to small claims court for a prank? I recently took my brother-in-law to small claims court over a prank he pulled on me and now my wife and her family are furious. I need to know if I'm in the wrong here. A few months ago, we were at a family barbecue. I had way too many beers and fell asleep in a hammock with my shirt off. My brother-in-law, who was completely sober, thought that it would be hilarious to fill my belly button with super glue.

At some point, I must have touched it because when I woke up, I had glue partially dried in my belly button and on my finger. We tried to remove it, but it was stuck. The glue had adhered to my skin, and when we attempted to peel it off, it caused some tearing around the edges. Unfortunately, my job's insurance has a $1,000 emergency room copay, but I had no choice. I had to go to the ER. They used a solvent and an ointment to remove the glue, and after everything, I was left with a medical bill of $2,253. I asked my brother-in-law to cover the cost since he caused the situation.

He refused. After trying to resolve it privately, I took him to small claims court and I won. However, he still hasn't paid. This has caused a major rift in my family. My wife is upset and her family thinks that I overreacted. Also OP posts an update. The reason my wife was upset is because her brother was going through a divorce and between jobs.

Everyone knew he did it, he even admitted it. He blames his ADHD. I don't want to garnish his pay. The reason I didn't try more to clean the glue off of me was because I have scars in my navel from gallbladder surgery about 3 years ago. My mother-in-law has offered to pay the bill, but she's on a fixed income and I would feel like a turd for taking her money. Of course, I'm the villain and only my sister-in-law is on speaking terms with me.

My wife is only barely on my side. It was her that took me to the ER not thinking that it would cost that much. I figure blood is thicker than water. Let's be clear, OP. This wasn't a prank. This was an inflicted injury. If you were wrong, and the brother-in-law was right, then why did the court side with you? The most shocking thing about this is why the hell is your wife mad at you? I can't believe your wife doesn't have your back in this situation. Sounds like your wife and brother-in-law are cut from the same cloth. I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your brother-in-law and your wife 2 out of 5 buttholes.

Am I the butthole for telling my sister-in-law to get over herself and stop trying to one-up us? I'm a 29 year old guy and my wife is 27. My wife's sister, who's 30, got pregnant around the same time as we did. The babies are the first of a new generation on their side of the family, so everyone was excited. My sister-in-law was further along, but my wife ended up giving birth on week 32. For those who don't know, week 32 is way early for a birth. Plus, she had some complications that had her hospitalized. My nephew was born two weeks later at full term. Apparently, my sister-in-law was resenting having her thunder stolen and felt like she and her new baby weren't getting enough attention. She keeps making these comments like she's trying to one-up us.

First, she was saying how sorry she was that my wife missed the golden hour because they had to take our son to the NICU. This upset my wife since during her hospitalization she was often too sick to visit the NICU and she's already feeling bad about missing skin-to-skin contact on those first few weeks. After we started to bring our son to family gatherings, my sister-in-law started comparing the two boys, saying how much bigger and more alert her son looks compared to ours and how he hit more milestones. Last week we had lunch at my in-laws.

My wife and I were excited to tell everyone that our son laughed for the first time earlier that day. He's five and a half months old, but if he hadn't been born prematurely, he'd be three and a half months old. My mother-in-law and father-in-law were having a good time watching the video when my sister-in-law made another comment about how her son did that a month ago. I don't know why that was the last straw, but I just about had it. I told my sister-in-law that she's pathetic for trying to one-up a freaking baby, that her full-term son wasn't special for being more developed than a preemie, that she should get the F over not giving birth to the first grandbaby. Needless to say,

this ruined lunch and my wife's family is pissed. I admit that I was harsh with my words and tone, and this was the first time I've confronted her family like this. Up until now, we've each handled our own relatives. But these comments upset my wife and pissed me off. So am I the butthole for being so harsh and not staying in my lane? There's definitely no doubt here that the sister-in-law is a butthole because trying to make a new mom feel bad about her premature baby is kinda psychopath behavior to be honest. As for you OP, I appreciate that you're standing up for your wife.

However, since you and your wife have this dynamic of your wife deals with her family, I think you might actually be a butthole. Don't get me wrong, I'm on your side. I do think you're justified and I appreciate you're trying to be a good husband here, but I think you maybe crossed a barrier here and you probably should have let your wife deal with it. Probably. I'm giving you like a super soft 0.5 out of 5 buttholes. Your sister-in-law gets 1.5 out of 5. Am I the butthole for telling my sister that she chose to have kids and now she has to deal with the consequences and to stop complaining? I'm a 24 year old

woman and my sister is 29 and she started having children right out of high school. She got pregnant at 18 and our parents and her boyfriend's parents insisted they get married. They now have 5 kids ages 11, 6, 3, 2, and 1. My sister and I are both close with our parents and we have family dinners together often. I'm kind of to the point where I'm over it. My sister has never had a job before. She has no college degree. Her husband barely makes any money. My sister complains that she can never do anything for herself. No one will watch her kids. She has no money.

Her body is ruined and she can't afford corrective abdominal surgery. She is so annoying to be around and her feral kids are annoying too. Her husband is never around either because he can't stand her at this point. Our parents gave us the talk at 16 and access to contraceptives. They encourage us to get an education before settling down. My parents are pretty liberal aside from the fact that they don't think children should be born outside of wedlock. My sister chose to have all these kids. She could have gotten an abortion at 18, but she wanted a baby. Recently at

Christmas she was going on her normal, whoa is me rant and I finally just told her to shut up. That I'm tired of hearing her complain all the time. She then went on a rant about how I wouldn't get it because I have a degree and a good job and my boyfriend and I don't have any children. And I can afford to go to the gym and do whatever I want and she can't. I told her point blank that she put herself in the position she's in because she's a complete moron and no one feels sorry for her. Our brother laughed and our parents are staying

out of it, but they complain about her too in secret. She thinks I'm a complete butthole and she's been crying on Facebook making sad TikToks about how society hates mothers and wears her village and it's hard when even your family doesn't care about you. Oh, and she's pregnant again, apparently. I blocked her on socials, and my plan is to ignore her, but am I the butthole? OP, you're around someone who constantly complains, then you call them out, and what is her response?

It's to constantly complain. What did you expect? Some people in this world are just big whiners. There's not much to do except just ignore them. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving your sister 1 out of 5 buttholes, not for her life decisions, but for constantly whining about them afterwards. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you liked this content, be sure to follow

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