rSlash - r/AITA My Roommate Secretly Sleeps Under My Bed

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:08 Under the bed 4:24 Don't understand 8:25 Cooking 10:23 Comment 11:01 Update 14:42 Prank 17:17 Comment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an ad by BetterHelp. What comes to mind when you hear the word gratitude? Maybe it's a daily practice, or maybe it feels hard to be grateful right now. Don't forget to give yourself some thanks by investing in your well-being. BetterHelp is the largest online therapy provider in the world, connecting you to qualified professionals via phone, video, or message chat. Let the gratitude flow. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10%

on your first month. That's betterhelp.com. Welcome to r slash am I the butthole where OP discovers that his roommate is secretly sleeping under his bed. Am I the butthole for being angry that my roommate was sleeping under my bed for months without telling me? Yo, under, sleeping under your bed? You mean like a monster? I'm a 24 year old guy and I've lived with my roommate Carl, who's also 24, for two years. A few months into rooming with him, he told me that he was pansexual.

I said, okay, cool. I'm not interested in that personal information, nor am I judgmental. I just said, alright. A few times over the last year, he asked me if I had ever considered experimenting with other men. I said, nope. Also, I said that I didn't feel comfortable with him asking me such a personal question. It's not like we're close friends.

We're only roommates by happenstance, basically. Anyway, every time I said this, he basically said, we'll see. I was like, what? Anyways, last night, I had a horrifying experience. I heard a noise under my bed. It was movement. At first, I thought that I was imagining things, but then I heard it again. I thought, oh God, is this like a mouse or a rat? My god. This was like 3am. So I got out of my bed and looked under my bed with my phone flashlight.

Now this here was the most startling moment of my life. I guess I'm lucky because I've never before this moment felt true terror and fear as a physical sensation, but I was completely jolted. There under my bed was my roommate staring wide-eyed at me and he screeched when I looked under the bed. I literally thought that I was having a heart attack. I then just started hearing, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. As my roommate crawled out from under the bed, crying, apologizing over and over.

I was so creeped out and afraid that I ran out of my apartment in my pajamas. There was a Dunkin Donuts that was open 24-7 a few blocks away, so I just sat in there with a decaf and a breakfast sandwich with my heart thundering away. My roommate kept texting me asking to talk. I ignored it. In the texts, he found a way to horrify me even further. He confessed that he had been sleeping under my bed a few nights a week for three or four months and that he was... What? And that he was doing it to get closer to me and physically saturate each other. The fuck?

I waited for him to go to work and I ran into the apartment, got my essentials and left. I'm currently crashing with a buddy. Our lease is up in one month. My intention is simply to not renew. This dude is blowing up my phone. And I'm getting texts from other people, some friends of mine, and some bozos who are friends with him. He's going around telling people that I shamed him and that I'm rejecting his apologies.

Some people are claiming that I'm overreacting and invalidating his feelings. Most people agree that he was improper, but think that I should work it out with him and give him a second chance because he's sensitive. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm seriously 20% convinced that I'm experiencing a long, lucid dream of some sort. And I'm wondering if I'm going to wake up or if I'm in a coma or something because this is insane to me. Like not really, but maybe really? I mean what the F?

So am I the butthole or is everyone around me effing nuts? Yo, what I want to know is who are these friends? Who are these people who get on their phone and like tap tap tap, text text text, hey OP I really think you should give the guy who sleeps underneath your bed another chance. Huh? Wha? Who? Why?

OP, this dude sounds like he's going to peel the skin off of you in your sleep and wear you around in some sort of bodysuit. I would never be in the same room as this guy again. You get zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving him, oh geez, I think four out of five buttholes. This is extremely invasive and disturbing behavior. Am I the butthole for telling my sister-in-law that I've had four miscarriages when she

said that I didn't understand her loss? I'm a 34-year-old woman. I'm married and a mother to a one year old daughter. My husband and I actually had a very difficult time becoming parents. I've had four miscarriages before my daughter was born, but I'm honestly just so thankful that we have her. We don't typically speak about my fertility issues, and the only people who know about my miscarriages are my parents, my husband, and my two older

sisters. My husband has a 31 year old sister whom we love dearly, but she tends to play the, WHOA IS ME card and act like no one else is struggling as much as she is. She and her husband recently got pregnant, and about a month ago, she had a miscarriage. She's been open about it on social media and at family events, so I've reached out and expressed my condolences and listened several times. I can tell that she's really struggling with this, and I genuinely feel bad that she's suffering. On Saturday night, we went to my in-law's house for dinner. My sister-in-law was talking about the miscarriage and how hard it's been.

My little girl was sitting on my lap, but she was playing and obviously didn't understand what her aunt was talking about. At one point, my sister-in-law started crying and my daughter noticed and got upset. She wanted to give my sister-in-law a kiss to make it better, which she always does when someone's upset. I told my sister-in-law that my daughter wanted to give her a kiss and my sister-in-law that my daughter wanted to give her a kiss, and my sister-in-law said NO! Pretty harshly and looked annoyed. My daughter was confused and I told her to give me a big kiss instead.

My husband told his sister that she was being rude since our daughter noticed that she was sad and just wanted to make her feel better. My sister-in-law then said that it's just hard that both of her brothers have happy and healthy babies when her child is dead. She said that she loves her niece and is so happy that she's here, but she's sad that she and her husband haven't been blessed with a child yet. This deeply upset me because I can't believe she'd be triggered by her own niece. I've never looked at my sister's kids or my brother-in-law's kids and felt anything

other than joy that they were in the world. My sister-in-law must have noticed that I was uncomfortable because she proceeded to say that we couldn't possibly understand because we haven't ever lost a child. I should have kept my mouth shut, but that comment and assumption was the last straw. I told my sister-in-law that we do understand since I had four miscarriages. I said that it took years of trying before I brought my beautiful girl into the world. My mother-in-law, who's very kind and empathetic, hugged me and said that she was so sorry to hear that I had struggled with that.

My sister-in-law was shocked and asked why we never told anyone. I said that I am private and wanted to process it on my own, and I have a hard time talking about my own hardships because I know everyone else is going through things as well. Anyways, my husband told me that his sister called him and is upset. She said that I was trying to compete with her by saying that I had four miscarriages. She also said that I was trying to make the conversation about me when her wounds were still fresh. She also commented that I was being passive aggressive when I said that everyone is going

through things and that I was minimizing her loss. My husband was laughing when he told me, but I actually feel a bit guilty. Maybe it wasn't appropriate to bring up my miscarriages in that moment, but her comment really got under my skin. Am I the butthole? Meh, OP. Honestly, it sounds like she's the type of person who enjoys attention and creating drama and just, oh, look at me and my struggles and everyone pay attention to me. So she's not upset about your comment. She's upset that you outdramad her because your drama is bigger than her drama, which means no, no one's paying attention to me. So she's not upset about your comment. She's upset that you out-dramad her. Because your drama is bigger than her drama, which means no, no one's paying attention to me.

So I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving her one out of five buttholes. Am I the butthole for refusing to cook after my boyfriend tried to critique my cooking with a literal PowerPoint presentation? So this happened a few days ago, and I'm still trying to process it. For context, I'm a 28 year old woman and I've been with my boyfriend, who's 30, for about two years. We live together, and I've always done most of the cooking because I genuinely enjoy it, and he claims that he can't even boil water without setting off the smoke alarm. The other night, I made one of our favorite meals and while we were eating, he got a weird

smirk on his face. He then says, you know, I've been taking notes. I laughed thinking he was joking, but then he said, no, really, I made a presentation. I still thought that it was a joke until he got up, connected his laptop to the TV and opened a PowerPoint titled Improving Our Home Dining Experience. I was in disbelief as he went slide by slide critiquing my dishes. Slide 1, too much garlic. Slide 2, pasta consistency.

Slide 3, more salt, less sass. The kicker was slide 8, which was just a photo of Gordon Ramsay facepalming with the caption What'd he think? I was stunned. I told him if he had such detailed opinions, he should cook himself. He tried to backtrack, saying that it was all in good fun and that he was just trying to help. But I was not laughing. I haven't cooked since. And now he's been living off of cereal and takeout. He's sulking saying that I overreacted

and I ruined the joke. So Reddit, am I the butthole for refusing to cook after my boyfriend presented me with a PowerPoint critique of my cooking? Alright, I like this top post a lot. If he had time to make a PowerPoint, he has time to learn to cook. Yeah, OP, alternatively, you could make a PowerPoint explaining all the things that he does wrong in bed and what he could do better. Slide one, your dick is too small. Slide two, your balls smell like garlic.

Anyways, OP, I am solidly on your side. Thank you for sharing this. This story absolutely tickled me. I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your boyfriend, what's fair, guys, I'll say two out of five butt holes. I'm giving your boyfriend... what's fair guys? Um, I'll say... two out of five butt holes." Then, three days later, OP posted an update. After reading your comments and taking some time to process what happened, I decided that our relationship needed a serious talk. I sat him down to discuss how his presentation came across as not just unfunny but pretty disrespectful.

You know, typical mature relationship stuff. Well, what does he do? He smirks and goes, oh, I was prepared for this. He actually, no, he actually grabs his laptop, connects it to the TV again and presents me with another PowerPoint titled, How to Take a J a comprehensive guy yes folks he made he made a whole slideshow explaining why I needed to learn to chill out and appreciate humor all right this is kind of winning me over this is kind of funny slide one featured a meme of a clown putting on makeup with my name plastered over it.

Slide 2, a bullet point list titled, Why Your Overreaction is Hilarious. Slide 3 was titled, How I'm Clearly the Comedian in this Relationship. At this point, I was too stunned to speak. But then he pulled out slide 6, Things You Can Do While Not Cooking Because You're Mad. I was too stunned to speak but then he pulled out slide six things you can do while not cooking because you're mad the Audacity right it was as if he really thought that he would win me over with this next level presentation Spoiler alert he did not so So I did what any rational PowerPoint loving person would do I made my own.

I stayed up all night crafting a presentation called, Why It's Time to Move On, a Farewell Guide. It had everything! Flow charts mapping his incompetence in the kitchen, pie charts illustrating my happiness before and after the great presentation debacle, and my personal favorite, slide 9, a gif of Gordon Ramsay yelling, get out! This morning, I sat down my boyfriend and went through my PowerPoint with the same energy he had given me. His reaction was priceless.

He started with that same smirk but lost it somewhere around slide 4. Top 10 reasons you're moving out today. By the time I got to the resources for finding your own apartment slide, he was backing back. Now before anyone worries, yes, he did actually leave. And no, I don't even have to threaten him with slide 12, which was just a photo of me blocking the wifi router. So yeah, we broke up and I'm single, happy and cooking meals for myself without any critique, except for my cat's judgmental stare.

And to those of you in the last post who said that I should make a breakup PowerPoint, just know that your wish has been fulfilled. I still can't believe how all this went down over the course of a single weekend. But now I feel pretty good about myself. Thanks for all your comments and support. Obi, I think this is officially my favorite story of 2024. I'm sorry if my laughter annoyed you guys. This was... This one really got me. I was just imagining the slide. You know how some...

You know how some powerpoints have really stupid animations where things like bounce into the screen and like the pages flip over and they always look really stupid. I was just imagining like, You're a stupid loser! Bounce, bounce, bounce. Buh-bye! And I don't know, it just tickled me. Am I the butthole for being furious with my pregnant wife over a prank? I'm a 31 year old man and I've been with my wife, Lisa, since college

and she's currently 7 months pregnant with our first baby. My wife Lisa is witty and likes to play jokes on me. For example, she likes to pass off fake facts and stories as real and see if I believe them. Lisa was a theater kid, so she's great at acting and selling these stories. I used to fall for her pranks all the time since I'm gullible and she's so convincing. However, now that I've been with her for so many years, I can typically tell when she's messing with me. She's upped the antics over the years, so she can occasionally get me to believe one

of her jokes. Today, when I got home from work, Lisa had tears in her eyes and told me she needed to talk to me about something. I was seriously worried and sat down with her immediately. I asked what was wrong several times and she kept saying that it was hard to talk about and she was terrified that I would leave her. I kept pressing and she told me that she had an affair with her boss several months ago and she wasn't sure if the baby was mine. I asked if she was serious and she said that she was 100% serious and started crying even

harder. I got up and started pacing, just trying to gather my thoughts. After a few minutes, Lisa burst into laughter and said that she was just joking. I was furious! I said that it wasn't funny in the slightest to make jokes about cheating and the child not being mine. Lisa then said that she was a bit offended that I believed that specific prank but not several others. She said she couldn't believe I actually thought

that she would cheat on me. She then got teary and asked why I didn't trust her. I asked why would I trust you after you pulled that prank on me? That you managed to cry telling me about and continued the prank even though I was visibly upset. Lisa said that it was harmless and that I was blowing things way out of proportion. She continued to ask why I didn't trust her and I told her that I needed some space. I ended up going to a speakeasy and I've been away from the house ever since, even though Lisa's called several times. I know it was a prank, but I think this joke went way too far, especially with the tears.

I was also clearly upset, as anyone would be, and she should have stopped as soon as she realized I was actually falling for it. Usually, Lisa's jokes are funny, but this one really got me upset for some reason. Yo OP, what do you mean FOR SOME REASON? This top comment, not the butthole, send her fake divorce papers and let her see how funny it is for her. What's so insidious about this is if I were OP, I would always wonder if what's happening right now is real or just a prank, like I'm constantly in some state of not understanding what reality is or if I'm being lied to, which is just an awful way to live. And then she immediately tried to turn this around

on you and get all teary and say, why can't you trust me? Boo hoo hoo. Man, this is just straight up manipulation. She is a bad woman. OP, I feel sorry for you. OP, you get zero out of five buttholes. Your wife gets three out of five. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.