rSlash - r/AITA My Son Beats Me Up

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:06 Abusive men 5:19 Falsely accused 9:28 Taking it back Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Starting point is 00:00:36 Am I the butthole for running away from home because I'm terrified of my husband and also deathly terrified of my son? I'm a 35 year old woman and I have an 18 year old son and a 45 year old husband whom I'm attempting to divorce. I met my husband when I was 16 at the church in my hometown. At 17 he invited me over and I don't remember it well, but we ended up sleeping together. I was supposed to be cleaning his house for some extra pocket change, but I ended up pregnant. I still can't remember everything that happened, but when my parents found out, they confronted
Starting point is 00:01:09 him and made me marry him. I had my son not much longer after that. My husband is a brute. He's always mean to me. I tried my best to make him happy. I'd cook his favorite foods, clean the house extra nice, do childcare work to make a few extra bucks to buy him a treat or two, but if I made one mistake he didn't like, he'd hit me. I used to cry to my father about it, but he would tell me that this is my punishment for
Starting point is 00:01:34 having pre-marital intercourse. I would ask my father what my husband's punishment was and he'd say, His punishment? Yo! His punishment is having to settle for you. Oh, I feel so bad for Opie. I don't think I ever recovered from that. Before anyone asks about my mother, my mother has always been kind of out of it.
Starting point is 00:01:54 She's been on medication since I was a child and she's kind of like a zombie. She doesn't talk much or do much of anything unless my father says so. She was different when I was little, but I hardly remember those days. My husband's abuse got worse, to the point where I wasn't really allowed to leave the house or if I did, I had to wear makeup or else my husband would think that I was trying to get him in trouble because of my bruises. My son grew up watching this. I've heard stories of kids hating their abusive fathers, but my son loved his father more than he loved me. I never wanted my son to hate his father, but he started acting out and eventually he also started laying hands on me. My son started hitting
Starting point is 00:02:36 me when he was 10. It was light hits and I tell him to stop, but as he got older he started beating me. If I ever told him no, he would beat me. If I didn't do something he wanted, he would slap or kick me or even punch me. And my husband would back him up a lot of the times. He'd say, he's just learning to be a man. He'll stop when he's older and has his own wife. Yo, this family is messed up. It got to the point where I was terrified of my baby, the only thing in
Starting point is 00:03:06 this world I ever got to make, and he terrified me. When he was 16, he broke my arm really bad because I showed my husband his report card. My husband claimed that he disciplined him for this, but never told me how. I grew to hate my son so much every day, but I still tried to be good to him and to help him. He just didn't want my help. I couldn't make him want my help. I couldn't sleep or eat without dreaming of my son and husband hurting me. Once my son pinned me on the ground because I'd asked for his help to lift something. I'm frail so I can't lift much.
Starting point is 00:03:40 When he pinned me, he hit me a lot, and I could feel that he was hard. Hurting me aroused him. He hummed me for a few seconds, and then he started screaming at me, saying that it was all my fault, and he locked himself in his room. I didn't tell my husband about this. I should have, but somehow I felt like I would have just gotten hurt worse, either by my son or my husband. He was 17 when this happened,
Starting point is 00:04:05 so it was last year. After his 18th birthday in January, I packed a bag and wandered off into the night. I don't have any friends. My father wouldn't help me even if I told him the situation. I slept on a park bench and went to the library and looked up a woman's shelter. I worked really hard and got a studio apartment. I don't know how, but my son found me. He spent hours at my door knocking and crying for me, calling me mama. He hadn't called me that in years. I was terrified that he would break down the door and drag me back to the house, but my neighbors made him leave.
Starting point is 00:04:38 My son has somehow gotten my phone number and now he, my husband and father, and some of my son's friends are texting me and calling me horrible names. My son says that I'm a bad mother for running away and not loving him the way that he loves me. My husband says that he won't grant me a divorce and that he'll take whatever I have right now and that I failed as a woman. My father says that I'll die alone because I'm a bad woman. My father even got my mother on the phone to speak to me. She's all peeled out though, so I shouldn't take her words to heart, but she says that a woman can never abandon her child no matter how painful it gets. She told me that when my father hurt her, she never left me, so I was a coward and a
Starting point is 00:05:17 failure for leaving my son. She said that she could forgive the divorce, but not for leaving my baby behind. Am I the butthole? Oof. Man, that was depressing. Pretty much every single person in OP's life has fundamentally failed her. Honestly, I think the best thing for OP to do is to just catch a train or a bus to a random location, literally change your name, and start over from scratch.
Starting point is 00:05:43 OP, I'm giving you 0 out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving everyone else in your family 5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for continuing with our divorce after my ex admitted that her psychic friend lied about me having an affair? I met my wife, Rona, when we were together in college. I made the obviously terrible assumption that the fact that she was in post-secondary education meant that she had a modicum of common sense. We started dating our senior year and after job hunting, settled on moving back to her
Starting point is 00:06:13 hometown after graduating. We found an apartment and lived together for two years before getting married. All good so far. At our wedding, I met an old friend of hers, Anna. She offered to read my poems since she was part gypsy. Weird. I'm in construction and I know a few people from that group and they call themselves Roma, but whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Anna only comes to town every once in a while. She lives in New York City so she doesn't have time to visit since she has an exciting life there. She makes costumes for plays and cosplayers. So we see Anna maybe four times over the next two years. Last time she came was Labor Day last year, and that's when things got weird. All of a sudden, Rona starts acting oddly. She starts checking in on me at work, coming by when I'm working late, asking to use my phone because hers
Starting point is 00:07:02 is almost out of power. That sort of thing. She finally comes out and accuses me of having an affair. I thought that she was joking, so I laugh and say that I'm not. This sets her off like a firework because Anna told her that I would laugh it off when Rona came for the truth. But I laughed because it's ridiculous. I barely had time for both a relationship with my wife and my job. I'm home all weekend long. I barely had time for both a relationship with my wife and my job. I'm home all weekend long. Whenever I go golfing, her brother is almost always either in my group or at the club.
Starting point is 00:07:32 And most important of all, I love my wife. I wouldn't do anything to harm her. And yet she takes the word of Anna the psychic seamstress over mine. She asks me to leave our apartment. I say no because I have nowhere else to go. So she leaves and moves back with her parents. They also think that she's nuts. I spent the next few months going to work and trying to convince her that I'm not cheating and that I want her to come home. I didn't get invited
Starting point is 00:08:01 to the family Thanksgiving because it would be awkward. I didn't even stick around for Christmas. I went home to see my own family. My family had been following all this stupidity without commenting, until then. At Christmas, her family had an intervention. They said that my wife was having a break from reality and that she wasn't coming out of it. My dad told me to stop being so monumentally stupid. When I got back, I went to a lawyer and started my divorce. This was in January. Finally, at the beginning of April, Rona calls me to talk. I say that we should talk through lawyers.
Starting point is 00:08:34 She starts to cry, and I agree to meet her in public if she'll allow me to record our conversation so I can give a copy to my lawyer. She eventually agreed. Turns out, she and her parents hired a private detective to find my affair. Six months and a huge bill later, they found zero evidence of an affair. So she finally believes me and wants to come home. I tell her that our lease is ending in July and I already found a job closer to my family. She says that she would come with me. I respectfully declined.
Starting point is 00:09:06 I told her that we just weren't right for each other. But the truth is that I don't want my offspring to share DNA with this dingbat. Anyway, I'm moving ahead with my divorce. I'm gutted that she took the word of her psychic friend over mine. Her family's approached me several times. The last time, her dad offered to front us a 25% down payment on a house if I agree to go to marriage counseling instead of just leaving. I politely declined.
Starting point is 00:09:33 I can't be bought. Rona is now depressed, but I see no way of ever trusting her again. She's young enough that she can marry again and wreck some other guy's life. Yeah, I think you're making the right call, OP. If anything, that psychic friend did you a favor by exposing just how bonker she is. OP, you get 0 out of 5 buttholes. Your wife and your wife's friend both get 2.5 out of 5 buttholes. Am I the butthole for taking back a gift after I learned the birthday person would not be the one using it? My daughter Jenny, who's 13, has a best friend Morgan, who's 12.
Starting point is 00:10:07 The two of them spend a lot of time together at our place. I don't know Morgan's mother very well because Jenny doesn't often go to their house. This is mainly because Morgan's house is a little chaotic. She has four siblings. My kid Jenny is an only child and Morgan has said that she likes the quiet. Morgan's done a lot of stuff with us. I occasionally enter radio or online competitions and I'll win tickets to certain local events. When I won four tickets to a concert last year, Jenny and I brought Morgan along with
Starting point is 00:10:35 one other friend. We all had a blast! Recently, I won another pair of tickets to a concert that I plan to attend with Jenny. A few days later, I was told about a work trip that I have to take that falls on that weekend. Jenny usually comes with me. So Jenny suggested that we give the tickets to Morgan for her birthday. She could either go with another friend or her mom. I checked with Morgan's mom before we mentioned this to Morgan and she said that was fine. Last night, Morgan was at our house and she seemed upset. When I asked why, she said that her mom was taking her brother to the concert because her brother had never been to a concert before. I asked if Morgan's brother even liked the band and Morgan said no but it was the principle of
Starting point is 00:11:15 the matter. Morgan and her three other siblings had been to concerts. The one brother had never been and since they can't afford stuff like this, he gets to go. I found this unfair and honestly a waste of tickets. I called Morgan's mom to double check this story and she confirmed it all, including the fact that her 11 year old son barely knew anything about the band. I said, I'm sorry, but I don't feel right giving these as a birthday gift anymore because they were for Morgan. I said that we had given them to Jenny and Morgan's other friend whom I know likes the band and that we'll get Morgan something else for her birthday. Morgan is fine with this.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Morgan's mom is pissed and says that I'm trying to tell her how to parent. I don't think I am because if a different friend gave Morgan the tickets and it was the same result, then as awful as I would find her mom doing this, I wouldn't say anything because it's not my business. But since I'm the one giving the tickets, I want them to go to Morgan. I'd also maybe feel different if their brother loved the band too, but he doesn't, so I don't want to give him. So I'm left wondering, am I being a butthole here? Uh, maybe someone should teach this woman how to parent because stealing a birthday gift
Starting point is 00:12:25 from one kid to give it to another kid who doesn't even want it is just insanely stupid. How does that make any sense? OP, I think you're completely justified in being upset because effectively you gave someone a birthday gift and then that birthday gift got stolen. So yeah, I'd be upset too. OP, you get zero out of 5 buttholes. I'm giving the other mom 1.5 out of 5 buttholes. That was r slash am I the butthole and if you liked this content be sure to follow my
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