rSlash - r/AITA My Step-Dad Starves Me

Episode Date: January 7, 2023

ww.youtube.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tis the season for making memories with family and friends, so celebrate with Swiss Shalai's festive special, their famous quarter chicken dinner, now with cranberry sauce, stuffing, linda chocolates, plus a scratch and win card, or everyone's a winner. It's a tradition truly worth sharing. The festive special, only at Swiss Shalai, visit SwissShalai.ca for contest details, while supplies last. Welcome to R-slash, Amai the Butthole, where we have two people on opposite sides of an R-slash Amai the Butthole story posting their own version of the story. So in a very rare case, we get to hear both sides of the story and see who truly is the butthole.

Am I the butthole for not going to my mom's house for Christmas and refusing to make my little sister go to? I'm 17 and my little sister is 15. Our dad died about 10 years ago. It was sudden and devastating. One day he kissed and hugged me and my sister and told us he loved us and then we never heard from him again. At the time, I couldn't fully grasp why he chose to stay away even though mom tried

to explain it to us. I am missed him and I thought that I did something wrong to make Dad mad. I repeatedly called his phone hoping he would answer but it always went directly to his voicemail. At his funeral, I realized I would never see him again, and I broke down. I don't remember much from that day, except that Uncle David helped me the entire time. He held me throughout the funeral, during the drive home, and as I fell asleep that night. Uncle Alan did the same thing with my sister.

It wasn't easy growing up with just my mom and my sister, but not as tough as it could have been because the two uncles were always a phone call away. Whenever we needed help with school, one of the uncles was there to tutor us. One of them was always in the front row of every school performance in game. Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night missing dad, I would call uncle David to know that he would always pick up. My mom eventually remarried to Bob. I never liked Bob because he always had to be in control and place us on a strict schedule. Dinner was at 7 o'clock every day, no matter what.

If we came home late and dinner was over, we weren't allowed to eat that night. Whenever our uncles gave me and my sister money, we had to give it to Bob and he divided the money equally. What? A couple of months ago my sister and I were eating with uncle David and his family. Our dinner conversation eventually led to where I wanted to go to college and how to pay for it. Uncle David told me that the uncles decided long ago that they were going to pay for me

and my sister's tuition and the cost of living on campus. I cried when I heard that and laughed when he jokingly said that I hope I don't get into medical school because that's going to cost him a fortune. I went home and excitedly told mom and Bob that my uncles were going to pay for our colleges. Instead of being happy, they both looked furious and Bob started screaming about how unfair it was for our step siblings and half sister that we were getting a free ride through college. He wanted me to tell our uncles to divide the college funds equally among the kids, but I refused. The next day, he kept on screaming at us, so my sister and I packed our bags to go to

Uncle David's house. He kept on screaming and even followed us out to my car. My sister and I have been living with Uncle David and his family ever since. This feels more like home than it ever did at our house. Mom's been asking us to come home for Christmas for a month now and I've been refusing. Today's the 24th and she's been calling all morning, crying and saying how we need to spend Christmas with family. Am I wrong for not spending Christmas with mom?

Okay, OP. So early on in the story, you were saying that every time you got money from your uncles, your stepfather took it and divided it evenly. And I was like, what's the point of that? Like OP gets a hundred bucks, her sister gets a hundred bucks. What's the point of taking the money and then distributing the hundred dollars

to each person equally? I don't get it. But then we learned that OP has step siblings, which means OP gets 100 bucks, her sister gets 100 bucks, and then the stepfather distributes $50 to OP, $50 to the sister, and then $50 to the two other step siblings. So the stepfather is literally stealing money from OP to give to his kids, all under the guise of fairness. I have to wonder, you think that when the stepfather's parents give money to the step

siblings, that the father redistributes the money to OP and OP sister? Do you think that he conveniently forgets to do that? Because I have a sneaking suspicion he forgets. Anyways OP, you are not the butthole. Your stepfather is mega toxic, and your mom is equally as toxic for allowing it to happen under her roof. Like your mom keeps saying, come home and spin Christmas with family, but you are. You're spinning Christmas with your uncles who are more your parents than your own mother and stepfather are. O.P., the best thing you can do is stay out of that household and keep your sister out of that household too.

I'm giving you zero out of five buttholes. I'm giving your mom and your stepdad three out of five buttholes. Interesting. Interesting. Down in the comments, someone linked to a story that's from R-slash Amai the butthole, and it looks like this was actually written by the mother in this story. And people are giving her not the buttholes. Let's give this a read, because we actually get two sides of the story. Ooh, I'm excited. Am I the butthole telling my husband that I'm not going to tell my ex-brother-in-law to stop spoiling our daughters? I'm a 44-year-old woman, and my ex and I divorced when our daughters, Stacey, 17, and Emily, 14 were young. About a year after the divorce, he passed away.

My ex was paying child support, but that stopped the day that he died. The girls inherited their father's estate, but since he was fresh into his career, it wasn't much. Things could have been rough as a single mother, but his brother stepped into his shoes. Wow, I think this is the mom! They took the girls on weekends and basically bought the girls anything they needed from clothing to school supplies and bought our groceries. They also indulged the girls every whim.

Stacey loved horses when she was little, so Uncle John paid for her lessons in writing fees. Emily thought that she wanted to play the piano, so Uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there, ready to indulge them. I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls, but they said their nieces needed to explore their own interests and these explorations would help their brain developments.

I disagree, but I wasn't in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls. I was basically only responsible for the rent. I later remarried a wonderful man who brought two kids into the family. We had one more kid together, and things were good for the most part. However, kids are smart, so my daughter's step and half siblings started to notice that their sisters had more experiences and things than they did. My husband didn't like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids' colleges, as in Stacey and her step-brother Rick, who's 18.

Both are good students, and while they haven't gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt that they'll get into good schools. My husband and I make enough money to live a middle-class life-slide with five kids, but not enough to put them through college. The reality is, they'll have to take out school loans. We talked to both of them about loans, and this is when I found out that Stacey had already talked to her uncles, and they're paying for tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go. This floored us and made my husband extremely mad.

He got red in the face and started to scream how it's not fair that Stacey and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans. Meanwhile our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans. Man, hold on. I gotta stop this story right here. Why is this guy so uptight about the fairness involving money? But he doesn't seem to be bothered about the unfairness that these girls are growing up without their father, because their father is dead!

Oh, well, it's not fair that they get extra money. You know what's really not fair? That their dad's dead. You doofus? Sorry, man. This guy's pissing me off. Okay, back to the story. My husband wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls.

On one hand, I agree 100% with my husband that it's not fair to my other kids. But on the other hand, I can't hold my daughters back from something so wonderful. These side marios all you can eat is all you can maja soup, salad, and garlic home though. Oh my god, me! And I'm gonna move out of here! In the end, I told my husband that I'm not going to tell my ex-brother-in-law to stop spoiling our daughters.

Was I wrong to tell him that? Then OP posted an update. I was at work, and without my knowledge, my husband called John and yelled at him to mind his own business and told him that we don't want their money and to stay out of their lives. My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags and left for their uncles. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the cops to report them as runaways, but I talked them out of it. I went over to John's house, and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried. Oh my god, the story's getting to me, you guys. For a minute, I pictured

their father holding them. Stacey and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked past me on their way upstairs to their room. John and I had a long, oh they've got their own room too at their uncle's place. Ah, these uncles! John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me that he's doing what his brother couldn't, and both me and my husband can go to hell if we don't like it. He said the girl should stay with him and his family until things calm down, and I agreed. So, this is where we are for now. And to answer some questions, my husband makes

less money than I do, so he's been unable to save up for college tuition. His ex is still in the picture and she has visitation rights. She makes even less money than he does, so they have nothing saved up, much less tuition. Okay, um, okay. People are saying that OP is not the butthole, but that's strictly because OP said, was I wrong to tell my husband that I'm not going to stop the uncles from spoiling the kids? And like, no, she's not wrong for that. But what she is the butthole for is for introducing

this toxic man into these girls' lives. Like this guy's so obsessed about the fairness of money, but for some reason it's completely fair for him to scream at these two kids and for him to deny them dinner if they come home late. Also, I kind of get the feeling that OP is in giving the full story here because, in the other story, the daughter specifically said that his mom also got mad about this. So, I really think that OP is intentionally painting herself in a nice light here. OP, yeah, you're the butthole. I'm giving you three out of five buttholes for marrying a douchebag. Honest to God, if I were in your situation, I would be relieved that my daughters

were with their uncle instead of with me and my toxic partner. I don't want my kids to get yelled at and get financially abused and controlled and mismeal just because they show up late. Who wants that for their own kids? Honestly, OP, your kids are better off with your brother-in-laws because your brother-in-laws, quite frankly, are better men with your brother-in-laws because your brother-in-laws quite frankly are better men than your husband is. Also, we can agree, this has to be the same story, right? They're posted one month apart. The stories are identical. Yeah, so down in the comments, one user, homeowner 238 sees through OPs BS.

You're the butthole for marrying a grown man who has meltdowns because he's jealous of your kids. Are we really supposed to believe that he's been treating them well all this time? I'd say grow as spine, but at their age, it's too late. Plan on your kids going low contact with you once they're in college. Am I the butthole for calling every morning? My son is a 20-month-old toddler and my wife is a stay-at-home mom. I work six days a week and I'm usually gone for 12 hours a day. I always

check in on my son remotely via our nursery cam app and he's always awake in the mornings around 8 a.m. He has a great sleep routine. Our wind down time starts at the same time every evening. We clean up toys, read a book, and when I lay him down he's still awake. He falls asleep on his own and sleeps all night for at least 12 hours. It's usually after 9 a.m. before I have a chance to check the camera. This morning when I checked it was 9.12 and some mornings I checked closer to 10. Every time I look though, he's awake in the dark and standing in his crib, just waiting. When I see this, I immediately turn on the brightest nightlight the camera has

and speak to him through the camera app. I always tell him good morning and I love him and he usually laughs and says, Dad Dad! Then I leave the app and call my wife to wake her up. I usually have to call three to four times and when she finally answers, it's obvious that she just woke up and only because I called her. I tell her that our son is awake waiting for her and that she needs to get up to start their day. This morning, while on the phone, I asked her if she was going to get him after using the bathroom and she said no, she was going to go to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast and then she'd get him.

I asked her to get him after going to the bathroom so that he could go to the kitchen with her and she flipped out. She told me that it pisses her off that I call every morning to tell her how to be a mom and that she has a routine. I retorted with, well, your routine sucks because he's been awake for an hour and you'd still be asleep if I hadn't called. It just bothers me that he has to wait so long. He needs a diaper change. He's probably thirsty, hungry, and just wants to play. Am I wrong though? Do I need to stop?

Please be completely honest with your answer. Okay, the comments on this one are kind of all over the place. They kind of lean towards OP's the butthole, but I do see some not the butthole ratings here as well, and the post is tagged as OP's the butthole. I'm actually going to take a more balanced stance here and say that I see no buttholes in the situation. It's kind of funny because this is almost exactly my situation because my daughter is about 20 months old and I do all the work in the family and my wife is a stay-at-home mom, so like I really understand both sides of the coin here. Obviously the dad just misses his family. I mean he has an insane work schedule. He barely gets

to see his son. He barely gets to see his wife for that matter, so he misses them. He talks to his son through the camera app. And like that sucks because he wants to be there, but he can't, so he feels his impulse to like, oh, I want to help. I want to be involved. And that's manifesting by calling his wife. So like people are calling him controlling and micromanaging, and I don't think that's the case at all. I don't think he's malicious, I don't think he's mean, I don't think he's controlling. I think he just wants to be involved. And since he's a way at work, working, what, six times 12, 70 hour weeks, this is really

the only way that he can is by calling and saying, hey, have you done this? Have you done that? Yeah, it's a bit like, meddlesome. It's like annoying, I will admit, but I don't think this is coming from a place of malice at all. I think he just loves his family. I will say though, he should probably tone it down. It's gotten to the point where it's not really like

loving and like concerned. It's more like, you know, pestering. And like, as for the wife, I will say, taking care of a kid is exhausting. I don't blame the wife at all for wanting to sleep in because I know what my wife goes through when she watches the kid while I'm working, and it's super exhausting. So, if she's exhausted at the end of the day and she needs extra sleep, I don't blame her at all. Also, it's possible that the wife in this story could have postpartum, which would make her extra sleepy. Now, I will say though that if she's sleeping until 10 a.m. and the baby is awake for hours on end,

then she should probably adjust her sleep cycle. O.P. said the baby sleeps for 12 hours, which means that the wife would have to put the baby to bed at like 9. And if the wife just went to bed immediately right after she put the baby to bed, then she would get 12 hours of sleep, which should be more than enough. And. I know some of you are saying, R-slash, I can't believe that you would say that wife would have to go to sleep at 9pm just so she could sleep enough. Like doesn't she get any time to herself after a long exhausting day? And like yeah, it'd be nice, but like let me tell you, when you have a 20 month old, sometimes free time just isn't an option.

Sometimes you just have to put the baby to bed and you're so exhausted, you just have to go to sleep right then and there. It sucks because you don't get to watch shows, you don't get to scroll TikTok, you just have to go to bed and sleep because you owe it to your body and you owe it to your baby to be there for him the next day. So yeah, I'm not giving anyone a butthole score. What I see in this story is a very concerned, loving, and caring father who's meddling a bit, but it's coming from a place of love, coming from a place of wanting to be there.

And we also have a mom who's exhausted and worn out and is doing her best trying to raise the baby by herself because her husband's off working 70 hour weeks. And like, yeah, she's exhausted, but the baby's not in danger and she blew up and it's probably not the best way to respond to the phone call, but also it's understandable because he pesters her. So like, you see where I'm coming from here? This feels like a no butthole situation.

These are just two parents who are trying to do their best and who are each struggling with their own problems. A heavy work schedule for the dad and exhaustion for the mom. It's funny I get this story today because literally last night, our baby woke up screaming at 2 a.m. crying. Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. I think she had a bad dream probably because she was screaming in terror and my wife went

in to go comfort her and like, it feels bad as a dad that she naturally goes to the mom first. And of course she would because my wife is around her all day, so naturally she would prefer my wife for comfort over me. But still it sucks man. I'm contributing to the family too by making money, but it means sometimes I'm number two in the whole parenting hierarchy in my daughter's eyes. And it makes you want to get involved, it makes you want to do extra and compensate

for being away from the kid. So I completely understand where the husband's coming from here. Man, I'm blown away by these comments. Some people are calling OP like a controlling, manipulating douchebag. People are calling the wife neglectful. Guys, calm down, calm down. This is literally just a dad who misses his family and

a mom who's exhausted relax people I give everyone in the story zero out of five but holes oh my god I've got people down in the comments saying that op is spying on his son guys it's a nanny cam it's a nanny cam it's not a spy cam that was our slash amide the but hole and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day Is that a spy cam?